To hope my Ladybits recover? :(

(95 Posts)
Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:00:01

It's been nearly 9 weeks since I had my baby - I had a second degree tear and stitches. Am doing pelvic floor exercises because my GP said the internal wall of my vagina is quite weak.

DH and I had sex for the first time post-birth the other day. I am very very loose, not really enjoyable for either of us. TMI sorry - It was only enjoyable for him (or me) a bit more from behind (and annoyingly, that position is most ouchy on my stitches).

The term "vagine like sleeve of wizard" comes to mind. sad

Does it get better!?! Will it get tighter over time? I seriously did not expect to be this loose - my baby was inly 7lb 4oz!

FFS for the next one I want a c-section sad

AIBU unreasonable to hope my fanny recovers? sad What timeframe for improvement should I expect? I was thinking if after a year it wasn't better I'd very seriously look into reconstructive surgery.

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:01:48

I meant I'm doing pelvic floor exercises LIKE MAD because the internal wall is weak - I know everyone should do them generally after a baby!!!

BahSaidPaschaHumbug Thu 27-Dec-12 19:02:33

It'll get better. Nine weeks is nothing. Nine months is more like it, though after four or five you should start seeing an improvement. Keep doing the pelvic floor exercises, its the best thing to tone it all up again.

StNiChaolas Thu 27-Dec-12 19:02:34

I kniw very little about this, but I am shock that people would consider a section for this reason.

Am I naive?

Nine weeks isn't long at all, really! You're doing the right thing in persevering with the exercises, I am really glad now (5 DCs aged between 22 and 6) that I did mine all these years as they have definitely made a difference.

It sounds like its too early for you to havery sex, sore and stitches. Ouch.
I had a third degree tear, weak pelvic floor even two years on. Keep up the exercises.

aprilrain Thu 27-Dec-12 19:04:30

Well I didn't even think about attempting sex that early post partum - I think it was more like 6 months for us. And even then, I didn't feel quite right inside - painful more than anything.

But after a year or so I felt completely normal again.

Have had 2 babies now and all is normal down there.

McChristmasPants2012 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:04:54

I got a battery powered pelvic floor trainer, so I knew I was working the right muscles.

I didn't have any stitches so I would check if pelvic floor trainers are safe

MsElleTow Thu 27-Dec-12 19:07:59

No StNiChaolas, if you are naive I am too!

Really, you want major surgery next time rather than having a flappy fanny for a few weeks?hmm.

It will tighten up! Nine weeks is nothing! Keep doing your exercises, you aren't expecting your stomach to ping back are you? Well your bits need a bit of time too!

Allonsy Thu 27-Dec-12 19:09:42

You definitely need to give it more time I was exactly the same after ds1 it did go completely back in time, with ds2 it was shocking for a while got much better now but not completely the same 1 year after still time tho 'hopeful'

McChristmasPants2012 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:10:24

Actually it wasn't battery powered

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:14:04

Thanks all . <sigh> ok so by the sounds of things I should see an improvement at 6 months ish, and definitely by a year? That seems like a very long time sad machine could be interesting, saw it discussed on MN previously.

This sucks because I'm super-horny ( and have been since 2 weeks post-partum) and we didn't have much sex during pregnancy.

stnick I would have been shock myself at the idea before having my baby. Sorry but it's dreadful, really. I am not prepared to live the rest of my life with a vagina this loose. The tearing hurt like fucking hell (an inch in either direction according to DH) even with an epidural and it was very sore recovery. I am now firmly of the belief that any woman should have a c-section if she wants one (even though I know that's not financially possible). Natural birth can go fuck off, and when it gets there it can fuck off some more. angry

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:15:39

Sorry to sound so ranty, I am just feeling really down about crappy sex with DH sad

Bobyan Thu 27-Dec-12 19:17:53

C-sections come with their own problems...

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:22:01

Yes boby I know. Have had friends with really rubbish recoveries, overhanging/pinched looking scars etc! Couldn't pick up older DCs for ages etc. Ouch!

But my induced labour and birth were pretty traumatic. Although c-section is major surgery (I definitely did NOT want one pre-baby), I'd now say pick your poison, really...

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Thu 27-Dec-12 19:24:34

By a pelvic toner and use it like its going out of fashion.

Also it would be worth going to a gynie to check you were stitched up properly, and see if they can shed any light on the issue.

LovesBeingAtHomeForChristmas Thu 27-Dec-12 19:25:31

It will get better, your fanjo has done an amazing thing and to be fair even at 7+ pounds it's a lot to get out grin

Make sure you are doing them properly otherwise it won't help. At 12 months if you think there is still a problem then see your gp.

Allonsy Thu 27-Dec-12 19:26:02

Honestly at 12 weeks post partum with ds2 dh and I done it and I felt nothing! I freaked out for weeks especially because I didn't have that problem after ds1 but it slowly improved just give it time

margarethamilton Thu 27-Dec-12 19:28:18

Had DD four months ago. First time for us was about nine or ten weeks afterwards and I felt exactly the same. But subsequently things have got much better (been doing Davina DVD and there's a pelvic floor bit in that). It does get better honestly.

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:33:09

puds my GP said to go to a gynae at 3 months if I saw no improvement, that's why I'm freaked out! Ie the idea it should be better at 3 months.

The senior house officer who did the stitching took an hour to do it so I bloody hope she did it right. confused

This and breastfeeding failure (no post-natal support, baby wouldn't latch) makes me feel like my body is useless upstairs and downstairs sad sad

EMS23 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:38:30

My gynaecologist physio said 2 years for complete recovery to the tissues.

Funnily enough I've always been very horny 2 weeks post birth! Not like me at all at any other time!!!

MyLittleAprilSunshine Thu 27-Dec-12 19:42:38

grin I do hope it goes back to normal.

I am due beginning of April and having a forever lose vjay sounds pretty traumatic.

I too am a pretty randy person and that would leave me gutted. But at least the baby is healthy, that's the important thing.

LadyWidmerpool Thu 27-Dec-12 19:42:52

I would give it a bit longer. Bank some sleep!

abigboydidit Thu 27-Dec-12 19:45:39

Was just about to say that I had a failed induction leading to an EMCS and didn't even attempt anything till 12 weeks or so & although nothing should have changed it was still pretty uncomfortable & we waited a while before trying again. 6 months doesn't sound unreasonable TBH. Know that isn't what you want to hear but I had a straightforward recovery & it still doesn't mean a magic wand (possibly not the best expression actually..) when it comes to post-baby sex.

StiffyByng Thu 27-Dec-12 19:48:38

My six weeks' effort was extremely similar and I also freaked out. I can't remember how long it took to feel 'normal' again but definitely less than six months. Doing the PF exercises will really speed things up too. Remember though that pelvic floor damage is done by pregnancy itself as well as birth, so a C section isn't necessarily going to mean you don't have any other problems with a second baby.

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:48:51

Thanks EMS I am a bit shock of course to read that - but honesty is good! Ok, 2 years to reconstructive surgery....

You lot are great, I googled the problem and got stupid BabyCentre threads saying "ohhhhh I was tighter and it felt better than ever at 3 weeks"! Bah. And WTF aren't many women still bleeding heavily at 3 weeks?? I only stopped bleeding at 7 weeks.... Then got my period a week later. Fuck you biology...

IAmNotAReindeer Thu 27-Dec-12 19:58:10

Don't be so hard on yourself. It takes quite a while to recover from a tear like that plus I am sure what your doctor meant by improvement isn't anywhere near as high as the bar you are setting yourself.
If you are worried at the 9 week mark pop along to your doctors and find out what else you can be doing to help recovery.

as far as C-sections go I was very lucky to have had 2. That sounds strange but I count myself lucky in that the first was a horrendous crash section under a general anesthetic and it left me with no sensation in my genitals at all. I would experience the physical sensation of orgasm, the contractions of muscle but had absolutely no warning it was approaching as I had no feelings of arousal whatsoever. Believe me when I say that lack of arousal can kill anyones sex life scarily easily.

My second section is where the luck comes in. It was a blessing in disguise for my sex life as afterwards somehow all the familliar sensations where restored but I count my blessings that it could have made the situation a whole lot worse.

You are feeling low right now and unsupported and setting yourself impossile goals will make you feel worse. Relax and take things slowly work on intimacy and worry about mechanics later.

It does get better. Eventually. I had a 4th degree tear with firstborn and the students all got a go at practicing stitches on my poor nether regions. They sewed me up too tight so sex hurt for a year afterwards. But it did eventually improve. Hopefully yours won't take so long because it really put us off sex....

BunFagFreddie Thu 27-Dec-12 20:38:18

"a C section isn't necessarily going to mean you don't have any other problems with a second baby. "

My midwife told me the same, and she also told me to do my PF from our first meeting. In fact, she said all women should do them every day, as even childless women can end up weeing when they cough or having vagine like sleeve of wizard. DP has confirmed this and there are indeed childless women he has slept with who have flappy vagines.

It took about a year for my vagine to get back to normal. You should do your PF exercises as much as possible and many times a day.

Are you sure it's actually looser, or just a bit numb and desensitised? The latter was certainly true for me

HoneyMurcott Thu 27-Dec-12 20:48:08

Zara, don't worry, honey, it will get better. Time heals all (fanjo) wounds. Had second degree tear and stitches too. It will be OK.

DIddled Thu 27-Dec-12 20:48:37

Don't worry I felt like I had a bucket biff early doors, it does improve with time - and I only had a 5 pounder! Keep up with the sqeeeeeeeezes and it will all come right ( if you pardon the innuendo! smile )

DIddled Thu 27-Dec-12 20:49:38

Btw Wizards sleeve- always made me laugh!!!!!

BinksToEnlightenment Thu 27-Dec-12 20:49:42

Yes it does get better. Much, much better. Mine got noticeably better after my periods started again and my hormones were back to normal - pregnancy and breastfeeding softens your ligaments, which makes things generally looser.

The pelvic floor is full of muscles. You can definitely work to build them back up. That's science fact!

dizzy77 Thu 27-Dec-12 20:55:59

It is rubbish op but it does get better - pf exercises all the way. Like you I also had trouble bf. I did a post natal course and at about 10 weeks, was handed a outline drawing of a woman and was asked to mark my feelings about my body graphically on it. I drew a tunnel in the fanjo area and two big crosses over the boobs plus a saggy tummy, massive eye bags and crazy hair. Things really did improve.

BinksToEnlightenment Thu 27-Dec-12 21:06:25

Actually, I was just thinking about this. Mine IS better than it used to be.

The first few months, I wanted to run outside and collapse to my knees, screaming I'm ruined!!! Ruined!!!!!!!

But I wouldn't swap back to my old lady area if you paid me.

Fairylea Thu 27-Dec-12 21:11:15

Ermm a c section for whatever reason is fine if that reason is causing you enough discomfort or worry.... I think people are being a bit harsh about that aspect of your post. However, yes it is early days and things will improve.

But... just to add my own story I had a terrible first birth and had a 3 day labour ending in an episiotomy and ventouse delivery. A lot of women might think that was quite ok but for me the whole thing was absolutely traumatic and I suffered with awful pnd and ptsd because of it all. To this day I hate the scar of my episiotomy and I had sensitivity along the scar for a long time. Sex also felt very different and reminded me of the whole birth experience.

9 years later (7 months ago) for all those reasons I chose to have an elective c section on the nhs with dc number 2. The experience for me personally was amazing and I found the recovery both mentally and physically much easier thanmy first birth.

I would opt for a c section again without hesitation.

bigkidsdidit Thu 27-Dec-12 21:12:07

I had an 8-13er and second degree tear with stitches also and felt exactly the same. I hated it. Did t want to have sex at all for ages.

I don't really do my pf exercises often blush only when I remember, but two years later it is all back to normal AND I've started being able to have orgasms at the drop of a hat shock

I'm pg again so I promise it does all get better!

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 21:16:15

shock flyingspaghetti that must have been dreadful, all those students having a go! My confidence was not improved by the fact that they wouldn't let DH look downstairs during stitching in case he fainted (he passed out in shock when DS was having CPR performed on the baby table 2 mins after birth). I was like errr what on earth does it look like down there!

dizzy that drawing sounds like what I'd sketch right now...!

macaroni it's definitely looser. I can't really feel DH and he told me its way way looser. He's being very supportive though and went with me to buy exercise clothes that fit me yesterday so I can start trying to get the rest of my body looking better and my confidence up even if my insides are like a bucket for a while confused

It's hard to feel excited about sex when you know the main course is going to be flappy confused time to get inventive I suppose!

LOL my DS looked beautiful from the moment he was born. People all commented how nice it was that his head wasn't squished and I yelled at them all "MY FANNY LOOKS LIKE IT'S HAD A GOLF DRIVEN THROUGH IT!!!"

Feeling better now for my poor worn out fanjo...

Elkieb Thu 27-Dec-12 21:21:14

I've been seeing a physio who deals with pelvic floor exercises to help me. It's hard to explain, but try to pull your rectum towards your bladder for 10 quick squeezes as quickly as you can. And, then pull it in as hard as you can and hold it for up to 10 seconds. Repeat this at least 4 times a day forever, and you will feel tighter and hopefully you won't end up peeing yourself when you laugh/sneeze. I'm off for corrective surgery but that's a whole new thread!

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 21:25:14

fairylea a friend of mine had an elective for her second and said it was marvellous. Yeah I don't get why people are so judgey about sections, if you don't like one don't have one.

If I get gestational hypertension or are suggested an induction next time I'm requesting a section, DH and I are in agreement.

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 21:27:20

Thanks elkie that does make sense.... Going to do a set of those now as I burp DS!!!

BinksToEnlightenment Thu 27-Dec-12 21:30:49

Bigkids - that's the reason why I won't swap back!

I don't know if it's a common thing because I haven't asked around. But it's like someone knocked my house down - but then built me my dream home in its place.

Allonsy Thu 27-Dec-12 21:32:48

Op ignore baby centre I read those posts to when I was freaking out at 12 weeks post partum I was convinced it wasn't going to get better and id need surgery and never enjoy sex again I kept saying to dh it's been 3 months!! But honestly all in time, ds is 15 months now and all is fine

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 21:36:39

Am feeling encouraged binks and bigkids in particular by your posts!!! A friend said the same but that her clitoris felt (terrifyingly) like it had vanished for a few months after birth...! shock

I swear to god if men had babies you'd get pelvic exercise machines and elective reconstructive surgety free on the NHS...

Fakebook Thu 27-Dec-12 21:39:37

9 weeks?! Holy crap. First baby I didn't have sex for 10 months. That was with a 2nd degree tear and stitches. Second baby (another 2nd degree tear), we did it once after 4 months and then started having regular sex after 6 months. It'll definitely get better. Just keep doing the exercises for a few months.

IAmNotAReindeer Thu 27-Dec-12 21:41:55

I'm not against C-sections. I have had both natural deliveries and sections just wanted you to be aware that both can have their drawbacks. That said I have a friend who hade a 3rd degree tear who is now having the same problems I had with my first section, so I suppose it can happen to anyone no matter which option you go with.

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 21:53:45

Definitely reindeer - that's why, as I said I reckon it's not a case I think of natural birth vs section - rather "pick your poison, both options suck.."

I didn't even post about my saggy deflated boobs... I hope they get better too! confused

Iatemyskinnyperson Thu 27-Dec-12 21:54:50

Don't you get free fanjo physio in France after childbirth?

I was in bits after ds1...episiotomy, ventouse etc. Scar was agony for a year. Ds2 was better, even tho I had 3rd degree tear, fanjo to bum. shock All told, it's like a patchwork quilt down there...

Anyway, recovery after ds2 was much easier, and I'm definately not left with residual looseness. Upshot is- take heart!! Things will improve!!

bigkidsdidit Thu 27-Dec-12 21:56:08

Binks - I think it is fairly common. Not unusual, anyway!

I bet this baby pushes it all back to the way it was hmm

Good luck OP. just keep on doing the exercises and relax about it.

Elkieb Thu 27-Dec-12 22:01:37

What my physio said was that you should do them without doing anything else, so you can concentrate. Apparently when I was doing it whilst driving was bad for driving and my pelvic floor! grin Oh, and after a set my fanjo, ahem, aches! That's when I know I've done it right...

chandellina Thu 27-Dec-12 22:02:51

Just wait and see, it should get better. I had the opposite problem, stitched too tight and needed surgery to remove scar tissue. Happily that put me totally back to normal and I had a wonderful ELCS second time around. Highly recommended! Best wishes on your recovery, and congratulations.

FeltyPants Thu 27-Dec-12 22:07:02

Having a baby is a massive deal body wise - however it gets out it changes things!! None of us have a crystal ball and we can minimise potential risks but truthly we just don't know how it will go! But it's normal to feel differently about your body afterwards and it's ok to feel really upset about it.

My mums a physio and has always said (since I was about 8!) 'if you don't want to end up smelling of wee and scared to ever have fun then do your pelvic floors!!' And I do - all the time!! I've had two 10lb babies and after the second one things did feel different but honestly looking back now that was the least of my worries. It was more body confidence and change of role/identity etc.

5 years on my sex life is better than it was pre kids but that's probably more to do with getting my body confidence back and not giving a shit about being fatter and having masses of stretch marks.

Be kind to yourself and get squeezing.

BinksToEnlightenment Thu 27-Dec-12 22:07:46

I'm glad to hear it's common. Though I would be very happy even if I was the odd one out.

I felt like I'd had a dimmer switch for a long time. Rubbish orgasms for months. Then bang - one day I'm suddenly gifted with a new talent!

Keep the faith, 84!

It may be worth asking for a referral to a women's health physio to check you're doing the exercises properly.

I had to see one after having a 4th degree treat and two other vaginal tears during the birth of my DS. She really helped. She pointed out that squeezing all the time eat going to have any real benefit - you have to be sure you're doing the right exercises and doing them properly.

Treat? I meant tear!!

foreverondiet Thu 27-Dec-12 23:39:00

PF exercises good as they encourage blood flow to area, I actually bought a kegel 8 battery powered machine, and think that helped too. Takes several months.


FWIW I suffered trauma like you describe after DC1 but nothing further (ie no tears or anything even bruising after DC2 and DC3) - both times seemed to be back to "normal" within a few (3-4) weeks - although yes a different normal than before giving birth.

Spuddybean Thu 27-Dec-12 23:50:15

I was actually going to post something similar to this OP. DS is 4 months now and we have attempted sex 3 times and all efforts have been fucking awful - agony for me and absolutely no stimulation for DP. All 3 times we had to stop half way as there really was no point for either of us continuing.

I had a bad 3rd degree tear and have a lot of hard scar tissue. I was double incontinent when i left the hospital, but have got control over that now.

I honestly cannot imagine ever enjoying sex again. The sad thing is neither of us seem to even miss it!

Zara1984 Fri 28-Dec-12 00:06:21

Thanks for the link forever - going to do some research on these.

wednesday I am going to google and see if there's a women's physio near me. No point squeezing your fanny if it does nowt!

spuddy it's rubbish, eh? DH and I were apart for most of December (I'm on holiday for 2 months with baby in my home country) and we were soooo looking forward to sexy time when he got here. Erm, not so much anymore. Have you been to a gynae to check out your issues/get a recovery plan?

Does anyone remember that Guardian article a wee while ago that said female gynae/obs usually have elective sections?!

Zara1984 Fri 28-Dec-12 00:08:53

Wondering about hard scar tissue as spuddy mentions - does anyone know if there are there any exercises you can do at home for this? Massage with oils etc!

Wheresmypopcorn Fri 28-Dec-12 00:19:25

Yep, hope to have your stomach muscles gone - that's crazy.

TheDetective Fri 28-Dec-12 00:40:17

Zara I am in a similar situation. My second baby is 5 weeks old. He was born by forceps. I was dead set against having a section, having had one first time around. I had a very long and difficult recovery from it.

And now I am having a long and difficult recovery from a vaginal birth too.

I feel quite fucked off with the whole thing to be honest!

I had a HUUUUUUUUGE episiotomy. Right in to my arse cheek. It has been stitched badly, hurts all the time. The pain is different and in different places - it is difficult to even describe. It is like a constant low level ache. On maximum doses of diclofenic, paracetomol, and now added codeine to the mix. I had less analgesia in the first couple of days after birth! Walking is the worst pain, standing gives the same discomfort too. Sitting gives a different pain. My knickers rub the area of the epis which is on my arse. No knickers is just as painful, as pants go up arse crack, and again rub the fucking epis site.

Inside is as bad as out. It is lumpy and tight, and has dragging type pains.

It is a fucking mess.

I am devastated that I will have to live like this for 6 months before I can be considered for a fentons procedure (re-cut and repair). I will be back at work then!! (How, I don't know with the pain). I also have very little bladder control, and can't feel to do pelvic floors. Am unable to stop the flow of urine. I feel like I always have a full bladder, even if I don't. So as a result I end up either weeing too often so the bladder doesn't get used normally, or getting too full and could be causing damage by over filling.

Sex is the least of my thoughts to be honest sad

But I just wanted you to know, you aren't alone. But I still don't want a section - given I had a crap recovery for other reasons, and really should of had reconstructive surgery on my scar after that - but haven't for a few reasons.

I don't think I will have any more children now. Even though I would like one more.

VestaCurry Fri 28-Dec-12 01:15:09

As many posters have said, things will get better. It does all need more time and the pf exercises (boring but really worth it).

As c sections have been mentioned, I agree with the view that they bring their own problems. A close friend had a planned c section after deciding against trying a vbac with her dc2. She has to go back for further surgery in 12 months. Plastic surgery that is. She showed me her abdomen, 4 weeks post the section. I was horrified. She said, 'it feels like I have been butchered'. And I'm afraid it looked like it too sad. It looked how I could only imaging a botched tummy tuck would look, due to the length of the scar (I have my own to compare) and the way the skin just doesn't seem to have been stitched back together properly. She can't believe this was done to her in a hospital in the UK. She wasn't up to visits from close friends for a while, and had been re admitted a week after discharge with a very serious infection in the wound.

Personally I think anyone's very traumatic birth whether it be vaginal or cs delivery, will have it's own particular awful aspects relating to that specific experience.

apostrophethesnowman Fri 28-Dec-12 01:25:32

Things do get better, they really do. It's early days yet. You just need to have a little patience.

The Detective I had an emergency forceps delivery with my first due to foetal distress- very large episiotomy like yours up to my arse cheeks and also tearing inside. Many stitches. I couldn't sit on a hard chair, had to lift one cheek of my bum at a time onto the bed, was agony to pee, was terrified having a bowel movement, couldn't walk for long etc. Took months to recover, but I did eventually.

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla Fri 28-Dec-12 01:25:36

Echo that it does get better. I had sex too early after dc2 (I think it was about two weeks) and was horrified. I barely felt anything, thought I was ruined. But it does come back.

After dc1 I did actually feel tighter once I had recovered but this time around, not so much. Sex is good again though. Hoorah!

sad and shock at some of these stories. The damage childbirth can do to you always seems to get played down and I've only realised the half of it from what I have read on here.

VenusRising Fri 28-Dec-12 01:25:43

Well done on your baby!
Why don't you see a physiotherapist who specialises in post natal pelvic recovery, and read Naomi Wolfe's book Vagina. It's very interesting read about how the nerves are affected by trauma and how the trauma on the nerves can limit enjoyment of sex.

Most women do their pelvic exercises all wrong according to my physio. She maintaines that women mostly just clench, but they don't fully release, and to learn how to relax all the pelvic muscles is essential, not just clench the perineum muscles. It's well worth being assessed anyway by a qualified post natal physiotherapist.
There are many different layers of muscles in the lower abdomen - the pelvic girdle- and a c section cuts nerves and muscles as badly as any vag tearing does... There's no easy way out of childbirth I'm afraid.

Good luck!

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 28-Dec-12 01:51:42

This pelvic toner is available via your gp on a NHS prescription

Should you have any issues with your gp not being aware that you can have it, print this off and show her/ him

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 28-Dec-12 01:52:55

Sorry this bit

Part IXA-Appliances

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 28-Dec-12 01:53:13

Ahhhhhhhhhh try again

Part IXA-Appliances

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 28-Dec-12 01:56:28

Don't know why that wont work but if you type part IXA- appliances into the search section it brings you up the page showing its available on the NHS

Zara1984 Fri 28-Dec-12 08:12:35

Thanks Sock!!

Need to get onto the Pilates too - DH said his Pilates instructor reckoned certain exercise really helped her wrecked pelvic floor!

Jamdoughnutfiend Fri 28-Dec-12 08:45:55

Late to the thread as usual, but just wanted to say I was the same after DD1 - had a natural birth but tore (bad 2nd degree tear) and the numbing jabs didnt take on one side of my foo, so when the midwife was stiching me could feel the needle going in, but not out and unsuprisingly was roaring my head off - was worse than the birth!

So the midwife said am going to have to stop as you are bleeding too much and you are getting too distressed (funny that) and didn't finish stitching properly - it was a car crash fanjo.

I was really upset, a bit traumatised and sad at the state of my bits and it took 9 months and a lot of clenching but it did get better and settle back to a new normal - But the first time we had sex i cried because it was like throwing a sausage into a top hat sad DH was very supportive and lovely about it, but i was so unhappy.

2nd time round when I met with the midwife and said I was worried about tearing etc I was pretty much dismissed so i was quite scared anout the 2nd birth. As it was, had a crash c-section and was up dancing/driving/shopping after 2 weeks - honestly was so much easier to recover from the section birth - if we have DC 3 I am having a section.

Also found Pilates really good after the 2nd birth

elizaregina Fri 28-Dec-12 08:46:16

I had a planned section for a variety of reasons and one of the most pleasant other side effects has been - the retained strentgh of pelvic floor because five years on - with loads of exercise it was still weak from my so called - normal text book birth - with one small tear and no stiches - 23 mins pushing - 6 hours labour.

it took about 4 years for my body to feel anything like nealry normal again - however my section scar is nealry invisible already - and simply being able to be immedialty in contol of my bladder - being able to wee without pain - and still feel " intact" down below was a huge huge relief....a section comes with its own sets of problems but even though I had surgery its left me more intact than the so called VB.

Zara1984 Fri 28-Dec-12 08:53:59

eliza that's one of the reasons I think I'd want a section next time - more intact downstairs from the get-go.

I was horrified for the first week that I did not have a lot of control over my wees - I sat on the loo and just started urinating, no conscious effort to start the flow.

They really need to be more honest about all of this in antenatal class rather than all this "your body knows what to do" bollox. Just like I snapped at my MIL when she said she didn't know why I was having problems bf because it's "natural" - so is cancer.

Ahhhcrap Fri 28-Dec-12 09:06:40

9 weeks is nothing, I had internal and external stitches after having DD who was only 5.8lbs confused

Keep up with the exercises! Mine looks like a badly packed kebab now but feels ok in the sex dept. it's only when I jump up and down whilst dancing I piss myself now wink

BunFagFreddie Fri 28-Dec-12 10:38:43

The thing is with PF exercises, it's like working out the rest of your body. It takes time and commitment to see results, so don't get disheartened! You need to be dedicated.

elizaregina Fri 28-Dec-12 11:11:15

Yep. it wasnt pleasant not being able to sit up properly having to shuffle forward etc...but i wasnt in any pain really - and it really was great for ME being able to just go to the loo.

with VD i was dreading the loo every single time - crying wailing in pain - scared to shower do no 2's etc....for a good ten days of intense pain = lesser thereafter....

splashymcsplash Fri 28-Dec-12 11:58:22

Hi op. It's tough but wanted to be another voice to reassure you that it will get better, just needs time. Also this is no reason to have a c section - they come with a whole host of problems that also take a lot of time to resolve. At least you are mobile currently!

9 weeks is very early. Be easy on yourself!

katkit1 Fri 28-Dec-12 17:06:45

dizzy - spot on re: drawing

smile4me Fri 28-Dec-12 19:19:32

Hi, jumping in late here but totally having the same issues! Cant complain about birth at all, but I'm quite small and had 9lb baby after 3.5 hrs of hard pushing... so pelvic floor totally wrecked, episiotomy and 2nd degree tear, along with cervix prolapsed, cystocoele and rectocoele. Discovered the prolapse at about 1 week postpartum once the swelling had gone down enough to tell what was what and was absolutely mortified, then discovered cystocoele about 2 weeks later (explained why I couldn't pee properly!). Midwife did a fantastic job of stitching (although I was the same as you Jamdoughnutfiend as the local anaesthetic hardly worked and it hurt a dam site more than the birth!, but she admitted at last check up that my anatomy wasn't quite perfect anymore! I was quite paranoid about having sex for the first time as not only do I have 'vagine like sleeve of wizard' but also other organs poking into fanjo at the front and back blush but DH assured me (faithfully promised) it didn't feel any different! smile TBH even worse has been that when I bend over I appear to suck air blush blush which will be very embarassing at some point in future I'm sure!

MW told me that should be much better by 3 months or to ask for referral to specialist... now just 3 months and things have improved a lot (in that cervix is now back inside body and doesn't feel like my guts are going to fall out when I run!) but still pretty terrible otherwise. MW also said things just get worse with each pregnancy and that it's the first one that does the damage! Can't decide whether to see specialist or not... can't have surgery until finished having DCs so only option is PF exercises! I had been doing PF squeezes by mad and even tried some Ben Wa balls (did nothing, probably because prolapsing bladder held them in rather than PF!) and thought i'd 'check' to see how good I was getting... gutted to discover that even my best squeeze was only just feelable!

Anyway, sorry for long post and that I can't provide any reassurance that it will get back to normal 9although definitely has improved), but I keep telling myself that it was worth it all for the DD (most of the time anyway). I have also seen some very disgusting infected caesarean wounds so that's not very appealing either!

smile4me Fri 28-Dec-12 19:21:55

Ha just had another thought, maybe someone should tell all the teenage girls at school that this happens after birth... may reduce the teen pregnancy rate? smile

drizzlecake Fri 28-Dec-12 19:24:21

Not sure what a second degree tear is but had stitches with all 3 DCs and 16 stitches with third. But things recovered over time(a year of so?) . I think walking(or running) helps with those pelvic muscles, I meant to do PF exercises but didn't really.

Elkieb Fri 28-Dec-12 19:28:48

Smile- please go and see the specialist. I am having surgery for stress incontinence and prolapse after a 9lb 13oz baby- and I can have more children through CS. They can help you, don't sit and suffer hmm

TartyMcTart Fri 28-Dec-12 19:33:30

We had sex after a few weeks (I wanted to have done it before my 6 week check in case there were any problems - on the advice of my mother!) and TBH I didnt feel much at all. OH seemed happy though so I can't have been too baggy!

Like everyone says though, it will all get better with time!

MummytoMog Fri 28-Dec-12 20:36:52

Hmm. We were back at it after six weeks following my forceps delivery - felt a bit odd the first couple of times according to DH but fine after that. Was much better after my second delivery, back to normal within six weeks or so. Didn't bother with exercises, but Pilates is generally good for this sort of thing, and I do that religiously every week (but only for an hour). Might be worth doing some gentle pilates? Btw my friend who had a section had terrible trouble with vaginismus afterwards, so it's no guarantee of a lovely honeymoon fresh fanny.

Zara1984 Fri 28-Dec-12 21:23:42

smile I totally agree that teenage girls should be told about this!

Researching pelvic toners and Pilates classes right now.

I had a quite fast delivery (after second prostin gel my waters broke spontaneously, howled the place down for an epidural, dilated from 1-10cm in 90 minutes, they allowed 1 hour for head to descend, then I pushed for 55 minutes. DH said the shocked look on the midwife's face when I tore as DS crowned makes him think she wasn't expecting me to tear (and I told her to go ahead and do an episiotomy if necessary, she didn't need to ask!). So I'm terrified another potentially longer vaginal delivery would make things worse!

Went for a jog this morning and it didn't feel like the bottom was going to fall out of my pelvic area... So the gapeyness is maybe the key issue.

I adore my DS and yes he was worth it.... But I am not prepared to live my life with a flappy fanny. Hell no! I would eventually get reconstructive surgery if it didn't improve to an acceptable level in the long term after having kids.

If through time and exercise I can't get my boobs a bit less sad and deflated a boob job once I've finished having kids is DEFINITELY on the list...

smile4me Sat 29-Dec-12 04:13:52

Has anyone used the pelvic toner (the one you can get on the NHS)? any success? Was thinking that could be the nest thing to try!

Zara I had no idea you could get fanny tightening surgery... maybe up for that one too grin and i've also heard that boobsshrink to less than pre-preggo size after breast feeding, so will probably be signing up for a boob job too! Maybe a surgery holiday to Thailand coming up in a few years time smile

festivelyfocussed Sat 29-Dec-12 08:11:46

It will improve. Keep doing your exercises and ask your GP for a gyanae referral if you're having trouble such as bladder control I the next w weeks.
Fwiw, a c section might often be considered by an obstetrician after a difficult birth to avoid further pelvic floor damage.

RainbowSpiral Sat 29-Dec-12 17:55:21

Keep doing the exercises and you may as well go back for the referral, but for me things got better on their own after 3-6 months. I had forceps delivery and lots of stitches. I've had two kids now and all is fine with no medical intervention.

However when they asked if a student could stitch me after 3 days in labour I said "NO!!"

OverWintered Sat 29-Dec-12 18:12:40

zara do NOT jog. do NOT jog......

I jogged too early. I thought I would be OK 12 weeks after birth. Built up slowly over a few weeks. Felt quite pleased with myself. Carried on, few weeks later gave myself a prolapse.

Give your self many, many months before you attempt high-impact exercise, especially after tear and stitches.

Eeebygum Sat 29-Dec-12 18:46:46

Not read all the thread, but just thought I would add my experience.

First child, 6lber, I had an Episiotomy and Ventouse delivery. Took about 4/5 months to enjoy sex fully again.

Second child, 9 1/2lber, I he a second degree tear, and also wasn't stitched up quite well :/ ended up with an infection, and walked like I was riding an horse for weeks upon weeks. It was about 4 months again after, when we tried to have sex. It wasn't enjoyable at all. I ended up going back to the gp, who said to give it till 8 months and if not improved, then I will be referred. Was told to do loads of pelvic floor exercises too (which I ALWAYS forgot to do).

Never needed to go back about it grin things got back to normal a month or two later. Don't worry, and just wait it out. Chances are, things will go back to normal in their own time. But if they don't, there are things they can do to help you so it won't last forever.

Spuddybean Sat 29-Dec-12 18:56:02

Can anyone advise on exercises to do?

I went to the physio and she told me to do 'exercises' and come back for check up app. it wasn't till i got home i realised she hadn't actually told me what exercises to do. She checked i was squeezing right, but that was it. So should i hold? do reps?

Zara1984 Sat 29-Dec-12 21:32:30

Eeeek overwintered!!! Thank you for warning me shock I was about to get really stuck in to building back up to 10k as I used to run every day pre-preg. Fuck. Going to stick to swimming and the gym for now. Really really need to see a physio and get proper advice (bloody Christmas, everything closed!) - GP said I was good to exercise as per normal from 6 weeks but I didn't specify I preferred doing high impact stuff.

Even though DS is sleeping through the night DH and I haven't attempted sex again yet since that one time last week....

smile4me Sat 29-Dec-12 22:42:20

Thanks overwintered I was just about to start running again too, so will def take it easy and build up slowly!

Kinda looks like most GPs know FA about women's postpartum issues!

Rainbow good on you for saying no to the student stitcher! It's not the sort of area you want novice handiworksmile

spuddybean everyone seems to get different advice, so can you call and ask your physio? My hospital advice was squeeze and hold for 2 breaths, repeat x3 to start then increase gradually to x12. also do some 'rapid fire' squeezes (quick squeeze release squeeze etc). Do three times a day.

Ha all this talk of exercises is making me squeeze like mad grin

OverWintered Sat 29-Dec-12 23:52:06

pelvic floor exercises are dull, dull, dull, but they do help and are so important.

I remember shedding a few tears after the first time I had sex postpartum. It was so sad, was this it? ruined? I could hardly feel a thing.

It does get so,so much better, but it takes time.

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