Yes I know IABU and ungrateful but need to vent

(47 Posts)
GreatBallsofFluff Thu 27-Dec-12 18:59:21

Big family Christmas, extended family as well. I put thought into the presents I bought everyone, trying to ensure that they would like them or use them. I came out with £140 worth of next vouchers.

To be fair I'll balance it up and say that I get up early to go to the Next sale every year, but thay's mainly to buy DD clothes as I love their children's clothes but not too keen on the adult clothes. I did go to the sale yesterday and spent £80 but most was spent on DD. I just wish I had one present that I could genuinely say "how thoughtful" for.

I have always felt the black sheep of the family

Maybe you are one of those people that are hard to buy for.

What sort of gift would you have liked?

whois Thu 27-Dec-12 19:01:32

I've never been that keen on Next but popped in a few weeks ago and came out with 2x jumpers, 2x bras, a pair of slippers and 2x pair of pretty fflat shoes... So you might surprise yourself and enjoy the vouchers smile

ViperInTheManger Thu 27-Dec-12 19:03:49

It is hard when you feel like this. I sympathise as ILs ask me each year if I would like something and, no matter what I tell them, I get a cheque.

If you can afford to I would pay for DDs stuff with the vouchers and refund yourself the money in your account that you would have spent on her otherwise to buy what you want.

JustFabulous Thu 27-Dec-12 19:03:49

Is the amount not enough? Did you spend more? Or is it the fact it is vouchers plus vouchers for a shop you say you don't like to buy your clothes from? People will assume you are buying for yourself if you go to the sale each year.

Shellywelly1973 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:05:26

I got a £100 of Next vouchers & i only ever buy clothes for dc from Next.

I didn't think anything of it,just presumed the people that gave them to me couldn't think of anything else to give me.

marjproops Thu 27-Dec-12 19:07:26

I prefer vouchers any day, Im like Rachel from 'friends' if i get something iffy ill try and exchande them, not trying to sound ungrateful but if its people who know me and know my tastes theyd get me something appropriate wouldnt they?

And Im like you OP i get to know people and what they like and always put a lot of thought into gifts, but as Im financially strapped i really appreciate vouchers, especially supermarket ones, not romantic i know but practical.

a very kind friend sent me a tesco one for £50.00. it was like winning the lottery to me.

GreatBallsofFluff Thu 27-Dec-12 19:08:30

Comedy I guess I am hard to buy for, it's just that my two step-siblings bought some for me, my only full sibling bought some, my step-dad bought some and my mum, so basically my entire family (there is no one else). Not one person thought "rather than vouchers, what top would she like", or "hey i know she wants this dvd".

Whols thank you I definitely will look.

fatlazymummy Thu 27-Dec-12 19:11:29

If you can't find anything for yourself in Next, then buy your children's clothes with the vouchers [in bigger sizes for next year even] and use the money you have saved in shops that you like for things for yourself. In effect you will be selling the vouchers to your kids and freeing up cash to spend on yourself.

Sanjifair Thu 27-Dec-12 19:14:20

I think it was a thoughtful present. They know you get up early to go to the next sale every year. So they thought, she likes Next, lets get her Next vouchers.

That sounds thoughtful to me...they thought of something that you had mentioned you liked.


marjproops Thu 27-Dec-12 19:16:05

speaking of which, someone gave me a debenhams voucher. dont know the amount but i never shop there so dont know why i got it.

anyone know if theyd give me the cash for it or another shops voucher in exchange?

simplesusan Thu 27-Dec-12 19:17:30

I suppose if you tell everyone that you shop in the Next sales then they feel that buying you something at full price may be a waste of money iyswim?
Personally I appreciate well thought out, special gifts but not everyone thinks the same.
Buy your dcs something with it.
At least you have a large amount to spend I have a £20 gift voucher for Next and I don't shop there so am stuck with a fairly useless gift.

FromEsme Thu 27-Dec-12 19:19:22

I really doubt it marjproops

Best bet is to ebay it, you can normally get something approaching the full value of it.

peaceandlovebunny Thu 27-Dec-12 19:20:36

i hate present fascism. why would i know what other people want? why is it up to me to fucking guess? do your rellies a favour and tell them. don't make them guess. life is too short.

LovesBeingAtHomeForChristmas Thu 27-Dec-12 19:22:04

You would have bought those for dd anyway so pay yourself back in cash and spend it!

thebody Thu 27-Dec-12 19:26:14

Ok. I don't actually care a crap what people get me and am grateful for the usual smellies.

However I actually give no thought into families gifts( apart from kids) as think adults need to just be grateful and move on.

Seriously your vouchers sound lovely.. Christmas gifts are for kids.. For adults it's about time off work.

elizaregina Thu 27-Dec-12 19:27:09

I was in Next later on Boxing Day and saw someone spending vouchers and I thought what a good present for someone who comes in to next on boxing day to get some bargins!

Isnt there a voucher exchange site somewhere >

redwellybluewelly Thu 27-Dec-12 19:27:57

I'll swap your useful next vouchers for a herd of goats if you like?

AngryFeet Thu 27-Dec-12 19:29:13

£140 in vouchers?! Fuck me I would be very happy with that!

I got £25 in Lakeland vouchers and was delirious ;)

Already spent them smile

lopsided Thu 27-Dec-12 19:30:32

People are so weird on here about presents. My PILs got me chutney and sil socks. I'm not famed for my love of chutney.
You know what though, chutney is quite nice and socks are very useful.
Get a grip 140 quid of vouchers is very generous. They thought you'd like them as you go to the sale every year. Just save the rest and buy presents cards and gift-wrap. You can also spend online on home stuff and brands other than next.

Bananapickle Thu 27-Dec-12 19:36:09

I've been in this position before and as I had already budgeted to spend the money in Next for my DD I used the vouchers and then spent the money I'd put aside on something else I wanted from another shop. YANBU, however, wanting people to put a little bit more thought into your present if vouchers aren't your thing.

Busyoldfool Thu 27-Dec-12 19:40:29

I agree with many on here. The vouchers are thoughtful and they made sure that you had enough so that you weren't stuck with a present that you couldn't use unless you paid out some of your own cash.

peaceandlovebunny - I'm with you. I also get pretty pissed off with people saying how thoughtful they have been when they genuinely don't know whether their present is appreciated as we're all too polite to tell someone that they have given us crap. IMO often the thoughtful presents are the worst - and people so smug about them.

Now I sound like a miserable old cow - sorry - I'm just bad at presents..

Maybe have a look at their house stuff? Next sell more than just clothes.

FromEsme Thu 27-Dec-12 19:42:35

At least you can always use vouchers and they don't take up space. £140 is a LOT of money.

I'm grateful for anything I get really, but I can't really use most toiletries as I have sensitive skin and can only use unscented stuff. Everyone knows this but I still get them: I just give them to someone else or sell them on.

There's really no need to get upset about, it's not like anyone HAS to give you presents.

clam Thu 27-Dec-12 19:45:22

I too would be pissed off in your shoes. Yes, £140 is a nice sum, but I always avoid giving vouchers (unless it's for teenagers who I know would prefer them).
Every year I end up putting effort into thinking what I'm going to get for everyone else, and then have to field phone calls from everyone else, asking me to tell them what they can get for me, dh and the DCs. And my db doesn't even do that, he bungs a cheque in the post to me telling me to get the kids something - choose it, buy it, wrap it and even write the bloody label.

cees Thu 27-Dec-12 19:47:15


Present shopping is bloody hard, well done you for all the effort but I can see why I people would take the easy option and give vouchers.

clam Thu 27-Dec-12 19:48:04

And, despite me being a teacher and being blessed with many boxes of chocolates at the end of the Christmas term, my dm always turns up at Christmas with yet more. I'm sorry but there's a distinct lack of awareness going on there.

Busyoldfool Thu 27-Dec-12 19:58:42

I saw an old lady standing in despair in front of a rack of computer games last year randomly asking strangers which game would be good for a fourteen year old boy. Sorry - but the guessing games are just mad. And if you get it wrong you are believed to be uncaring or lacking in thoughtfulness. A bad guess is a bad guess, a thoughtful present can be a wrong present too.

Wheresmypopcorn Thu 27-Dec-12 20:50:42

140 is quite a lot of money. Next time you need clothes for the kids and are going to spend 50 pounds, spend 50 of next vouchers and set aside the 50 pounds cash to keep to buy something for yourself smile

dayshiftdoris Thu 27-Dec-12 21:18:16

I'll have them!

Swap you for a box of winegums that I got from my family.

outtolunchagain Fri 28-Dec-12 10:20:54

I understand what you mean , it feels thoughtless , but it sounds as if it isn't really . I got vouchers for my parents plus a small present for each of them to open on day .Gloves for dad and a much wanted book for mum. That way it was a mixture.

Rather vouchers than my MIL though who is a great believer in 'stuff'. Every year we get expensive white elephant items which they can ill afford and which make me feel appallingly guilty because I know she has spent money they can't afford and I know the present will just go in the loft.

Before anyone says 'can't you find a use for them, you are being mean'Last years present to DH was a hand crafted , specially made shepherd crook with a horn handle and some specially chosen wood for the staff. DH has a desk job and we live in a part of the country with no sheep in a house with a moderate sized garden!This year he had a mounted part of an engine from a famous vehicle , it is huge , we have a modern house without much storage , filled to the brim with three teens/ Tweens ...., it will go in the loft .

I had three ( yes three !) custom made handbags from vintage materials. One is quite nice to look at but has lots of velvet ribbon, is not washable and the handle is a useless length so whilst I will put in my drawer as theoretically it's usable in reality I doubt I will but I will feel guilty every time I open the drawer.The other is a Victorian style evening purse , has a sewn on loop not a handle and I cannot think of one event I have been to in the past decade where it would be suitable, looks very formal .Loft again I think.

Last year I felt so guilty , that this year I let dh have a carefully thought out list of modestly priced useful items ( she rings everyday from Sept to Nov for ideas for the children ) but no .

Vouchers would be wonderful!

GambasAndCava Fri 28-Dec-12 15:05:38

OP YANBU. If you don't like Next, £140 of vouchers is nothing but a chore.

This year someone has given us a gift voucher for a popular chain restaurant.

I hate chain restaurants with their processed factory shite food. I can't understand why anyone would eat in Bella Italia for example when there usually isn't a shortage of nice independant family italian restaurants around.

The same person once gave us a voucher for WH Smith! I don't understand how WH Smith is still in business when their stores are such a mess and everything costs so much more than amazon/supermarkets/wilkinsons etc.

I would ebay the voucher - you will probably come out with over £100 after ebay/paypal fees and buy something I actually wanted (that amount would buy you a kindle and some books if you don't have one and like reading).

orangerex Fri 28-Dec-12 16:49:40

£140 Next vouchers would have been a considerable improvement on mine...

carpetsw33per Fri 28-Dec-12 16:55:36

I can only just bear to say this but I was given a box of mould by my new in-laws. It WAS a dried flower bouquet but must have got damp. I had to pretend it was lovely and wrapped it up quickly again while saying thank you and DD was whining 'Whats the smell urghhhhhh?"

Want to swap? blush

SminkoPinko Fri 28-Dec-12 16:57:20

lolololol @the shepherd's crook gift. Would you rather have had that. OP?

bryonywhisker Fri 28-Dec-12 16:58:38

YABU be grateful you have family who can spend that much on you. I got a small gift off my mum and dh. That's it. No other family. Don't buy for friends as everyone has enough on their plates.

KitCat26 Fri 28-Dec-12 17:10:13

Wow that's a really generous present. Not great if you won't spend the money on yourself though - can you swap?

I got a Christmas scratchcard from my dad which I thought was a brilliant idea especially as I won £40 quid.

I can understand feeling a bit depressed that five separate people all bought you the same present. Opening those envelopes must have been fun! I had a similar problem. My repeated presents were sellotape dispensers though ...

But maybe they're each looking at the thoughtful present that you bought them and thinking "well, I know she tried hard, but it's just not me, and where on earth am I going to put it? I wish she'd take the hint and get me vouchers".

<Snort> at the shepherd's crook and the mould though.


simplesusan Sat 29-Dec-12 00:15:57

The shepherd's crook is hillarious.


ChestnutsRoastingonaWitchesTit Sat 29-Dec-12 00:22:34

Buy their presents for next Christmas with the vouchers? Then spend the cash you would have spent on them, on yourself.

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding Sat 29-Dec-12 00:23:14

£140?!! You are lucky, enjoy your next shopsmile yabu

BrusselSproutsFartyPants Sat 29-Dec-12 00:31:30

Could be worse my 64 year old DM got a Miss Selfridge gift card grin

stifnstav Sat 29-Dec-12 00:50:21

At least you can spend them. I got a £20 voucher for a shop where the cheapest item I like is at least £50. And I am skint.

stifnstav Sat 29-Dec-12 00:56:55

And to get to this shop would cost me about £15 in petrol, so my gift would cost £45 if I bought the one item I like.


yousmell Sat 29-Dec-12 08:44:44

get yourself an amazon wish list and email it out next year.

This year buy all your kids clothes at next. Then buy yourself a gift work 140 separatly.

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