To be pissed off with school over this? Nativity show related.

(66 Posts)
bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Thu 13-Dec-12 14:40:06

DD is 7 and in P3. P1-P3 are the groups who are all involved in the nativity show, with P1 in main roles. P2/P3 usually do the narration or backing choir. P3 is split over 2 composite classes - P3/2 and P4/3. DD is in P4/3. News letter was in DD's bag on friday last week to confirm P1-P3 are involved in the nativity show, and this is a ticketed event. No note in DD's bag with option of a ticket on Friday, nor Mon/Tues/Wed. I work Tues/Wed so couldn't get into speak to office staff or teacher as I drop DD off early and then she goes to after school care. I went to the office this morning to ask about tickets as I hadn't had anything in DD's bag, and wanted to attend (DD wants me or her gran to attend, as she always wants someone to make an effort and see her, no matter how tiny her involvement is). I was told by office staff that only parents of classes 1/2/3 were offered tickets, and P4/3 were not as 'they are only in the choir'. DD is gutted. I'm pissed off - basically P3 kids, as long as they are in P3/2, get the option of having their parent attend, but parents of kids in P4/3 don't get given the choice, yet have the same role to play as P3/2.

So, AIBU to be really pissed off at this? DD was clearly upset at the thought I won't be there to see her, nor will he gran tomorrow (I wasn't even looking for 2 tickets, just one to let one of us 'show face' for DD's sake).

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Thu 13-Dec-12 14:45:19

eh? Too many P' s. YANBU?

Hobbitation Thu 13-Dec-12 14:53:37

Hasn't DD had a bigger role in previous years and you have then been able to watch? DD1 is in Y3 and only Year R - 2 do the nativity at all at her school.

So ALL the children are taking part in the play in some way - even if only choir but the parents of those in the choir are not allowed tickets to see them.

DD would be gutted at that.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Thu 13-Dec-12 15:03:01

She was an angel in P1, part of the choir/backing percussion in P2, and is in the choir in P3. I'm not suggesting she's got a major part and that I should have a ticket for that reason - I'm pissed off that P3's parents (part of P3/2) have been given the chance of a ticket (like P3 parents have every other year) yet this year, they have excluded the parents of P3 who are part of the P4/3 class, even though both composite P3 classes are doing the same thing. Apologies for the number of 'P's. Can't really explain it without all those 'P's!

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru Thu 13-Dec-12 15:03:06

Y2 is the equivalent of P3. Its a bit crap if your dd is in P3 but the parents of the P3 in the P3/4 composite class are not allowed to attend. I would complain (and see if you can get other parents from her class to complain too)

Festivedidi Thu 13-Dec-12 15:03:12

If she is in the play then somebody should be allowed to come and watch. Dd1's primary school always made sure that each family had the chance of 2 tickets if they wanted them. That meant putting on more shows but they did it anyway.

YDdraigGoch Thu 13-Dec-12 15:04:12

what a confusing post! smile
I guess that the school has a limited capacity for the audience, so they have to draw the line somewhere - I'm sure you'll get your turn another year, if you haven't had one in previous years.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Thu 13-Dec-12 15:04:38

Some parents of those in the choir have been given the chance of a ticket - those whose kids are in P3/2 (DD was in P2 last year i.e. the whole class was together, they were only split up for P3).

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Thu 13-Dec-12 15:07:07

Yes, I know it's confusing, but I can't really explain it any other way! It's my DD who was expecting me or her gran to see her in the choir as she's been practising for weeks, and she's gutted that neither of us can now attend as I wasn't given the option to have a ticket.

MonaLotte Thu 13-Dec-12 15:07:55

I understand what you mean and I think it is unfair!

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru Thu 13-Dec-12 15:08:40

she wont get a chance next year though as her dd will then be in P4 and not part of the nativity at all. It should be all of P3 or none of them rather than dividing them up depending on whether they are a composite class with P2 or P4 - not fair

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Thu 13-Dec-12 15:13:00

dish, that's right, and I think that's why I'm more pissed off as this is the last year she'll be part of the show. It's 2 shows over 2 days, so 2 chances for either myself or my mum to attend, just to 'show face' for DD's sake as she wanted one of us to see her singing. She's gutted. I'm pissed off.

Hobbitation Thu 13-Dec-12 15:14:27

I agree it's unfair then.

urbanturban Thu 13-Dec-12 15:37:57


As you say, if ALL P3 pupils are performing in the Nativity play, then ALL P3 parents should be offered the chance to attend - NOT just the P3s who have been split into the composite class with the younger pupils..........I would definitely be complaining to the school - I don't understand why they thought they could get away with it! confused

Groovee Thu 13-Dec-12 15:40:48

In our school P1 act the nativity, P2 narrate and P3 are choir and due to numbers P3 partake in the carol concert and so Parents only come to the Carol Concert.

It should be all or none with regards to P3.

Poledra Thu 13-Dec-12 15:42:47

Definitely unfair. It's either all of the Yr3 children can get tickets or none of them, not some can and some can't.

Your pore ol' DD - my DD would be just like yours, wanting someone from the family to be there to smile at her.

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas Thu 13-Dec-12 15:46:03

I understand what you mean and YANBU

If the parents of P3 children who are in the P3/P2 composite class can attend the the parents of P3 children who are in the P4/P3 composite class should also be able to attend. Complain to the school, why should your DD and the other children in her class miss out on having their parents attend.

BerryChristmas Thu 13-Dec-12 15:52:56

I got lost in the first 2 sentences!

cloutiedumpling Thu 13-Dec-12 15:53:11

I understand what you mean and you are not unreasonable. It should be all or nothing as far as the P3s are concerned. All too often kids in composite classes seem to miss out because they are neither one year nor the other.

ENormaSnob Thu 13-Dec-12 15:55:36

I get what you mean. Year 3 is split the same in my school.


It's not fair at all.

thefirstmrsrochester Thu 13-Dec-12 15:58:26

I'd be pissed off too. All the kids participating should be offered tickets. I appreciate that there may indeed be issues with capacity but surely there would have been other ways of resolving the issue than excluding the composited p3 kids ie limiting the number of tickets per child or having an extra performance.
I would certainly complain.

ProtegeMoi Thu 13-Dec-12 16:00:07

Sounds disappointing and perhaps not the fairest way to do things. If numbers / space is limited they may have no other option however.

Have the school explained why it has changed this year?

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Thu 13-Dec-12 16:04:34

The only explanation given was that DD was 'only in the choir' completely ignoring previous years arrangements, and the fact that the other P3s 'only in the choir' were given the option of having someone attend over one of the 2 days. I sent an email earlier asking why the decision was made to exclude P4/3 parents from having the chance to attend, and so far not had a reply. I sent it early, on the off chance they'd realise how unfair this was, and that if there was a chance of a spare ticket either today or tomorrow, then I'd have time to collect it, and get it to my mum. It's too late now, so I doubt my email will even be acknowledged. No doubt I've got myself the label of 'difficult' now. hmm

sleepyhead Thu 13-Dec-12 16:05:13

What a stupid rule. If the P3s from one class get tickets for parents then the P3s from the other should too.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Thu 13-Dec-12 16:06:39

Yes if the P3s are in it their parents should all be offered tickets not just some. It's unfair otherwise. I'd ring school and say how disappointed your DD is and see if you can wrangle a single ticket.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Thu 13-Dec-12 16:09:51

X-post but I'd give them a ring now and see if they can organise a ticket for you. The office is probably still open.

LoopsInHoops Thu 13-Dec-12 16:10:34

Totally unfair.

SantasBigBaubles Thu 13-Dec-12 16:11:08

is this during school hours? Are you suposed to come pick her up and drop off out of school hours but not stay and watch?

youarewinning Thu 13-Dec-12 16:11:11


Your DD is part of P3 whichever of the 2 classes she's been placed in. She didn't chose which class she was in and should have the same priviliedges as the other P3's.

nannyl Thu 13-Dec-12 16:12:50

I also under stand


So the school is teaching the children that some roles are more rewarding of praise(parents attending) than others. That's a horrible thing to teach, all roles are and should be treated as equal.

Is seating allocated? If not I would turn up on the night and loudly explain I'm here to see my DC perform and although the school has prevented me from showing her everyone in a team is important, I would like to teach her that all the children are equal and should recieve the same reward.

cloutiedumpling Thu 13-Dec-12 21:29:30

I bet you that there was no intention to exclude parents and the p3/4 class just wasn't considered.

EuphemiaInExcelsis Thu 13-Dec-12 21:36:08

Kick up a fuss and they'll find a ticket for you.

badguider Thu 13-Dec-12 21:38:51

I agree it's unfair but they probably just didn't think - and didn't think that it would mean so much to the P3s in the 3/4 class to have a parent attend.

I grew up attending a small school with composite classes and I think it's very important to be hyper-vigilant about things like this to ensure the class are treated equally and fairly throughout no matter which composite half they are in each year.

GW297 Thu 13-Dec-12 22:16:21

That's unfair. You should complain.

mam29 Thu 13-Dec-12 22:18:03

turn up tommorow and demand to be let in.

glad dds new school has no limits on numbers and ticket nonsence. ring school 1st thing tommorow surprised other parents in same position not complained.

CabbageLeaves Thu 13-Dec-12 22:18:41

More performance... more places ?

gymmummy64 Fri 14-Dec-12 00:04:22

Our primary is split classes so I know exactly what you mean and this would never happen at our school (there would be absolute uproar!). Either all P3s or none, regardless of whether it's the bottom split or the top split. I would complain loudly!

SellotapeInMyHairExtensions Fri 14-Dec-12 00:28:23

It's a very long shot, but my dd is performing in her Nativity tomorrow with P1-P3. I have 3 tickets, 2 are spare now (they were for the grannies but they're both sick sad ) you never know, they say its a small world ... grin

It's crap, all the children performing should get an equal chance to have a parent/carer attend, regardless of the part they are playing.

There was a similar thing at my DDs school last year, only it was school trip related.

AmIthatTinselly Fri 14-Dec-12 00:41:07

I understand your post too. I can't imagine how any school could think that fair. DD spent her p2 year in a p1/2 composite, where there were only 8 of them compared to 30 in the straight p2. If she or I had been excluded from anything I would have been straight to HT and if not satisfied then onto the Council

Rachel130690 Fri 14-Dec-12 00:53:23

Yabu even just for saying P4/3, it should of been p3/4. I couldn't read post properly as it irritated me. Sorry

LookingForNewName Fri 14-Dec-12 01:16:55

Stupid rule, pull her out and have a nice day out. On the other hand she won't be the only one in class with no one in the audience. I would definitely be tempted to pull her out though just to make a stance and save her from disappointment.

EuphemiaInExcelsis Fri 14-Dec-12 06:36:10

Rachel P4/3 means that there are more P4 children in the class than P3s; a P3/4 class would have more P3s than P4s.

EuphemiaInExcelsis Fri 14-Dec-12 06:38:10

Rachel Also, it's should have, not should of.


Can't believe the rudeness of those people who posted to say they couldn't understand it or be bothered to read it. Why comment then?

OP, YANBU. Presume only a handful of P3 children are in the P4/3 composite, so I think the school should have squeezed in an extra row of seats for their parents.

And, Euphemia - my thoughts exactly.

EuphemiaInExcelsis Fri 14-Dec-12 07:50:14

Indeed, Agent - I start reading many threads where I can't follow the OP, so I go and read something else instead. Some people just like to make snarky remarks to put other people down.

SellotapeInMyHairExtensions Fri 14-Dec-12 07:50:23

I think it depends on the school. My DD is in P3/2 and there are more P2 children than P3 children. My other DD is in P2/1 and again there are more P1 children.

But I agree, what a ridiculous point to pick up on.

roughtyping Fri 14-Dec-12 07:53:14

That is rotten sad I would speak to the HT. Not fair at all.

EuphemiaInExcelsis Fri 14-Dec-12 07:54:48

Sellotape Give me the school's number and I'll phone them to tell them they're doing it wrong. grin

WeAreEternal Fri 14-Dec-12 07:56:32

I would either,
Go to the office this morning and demand a ticket, it is completely unfair that they are allowing one class's parents but not the other.
I would speak to other parents in the playground about how unfair it is, to parents and the children, and see if you can rally enough parents to form a mob and turn up at the show and demand to be let in.

You would probably get further with the first option, you could even ask to see the head and explain how upset your dd was.
I would be gutted if I couldn't have seen DS's nativity, he was 'only in the choir' but he was still great.

PorkyScratching Fri 14-Dec-12 08:01:17

Totally unfair! Our school have the same system, parts in the nativity until P3, and I would have been gutted to miss my DDs last nativity role sad

Usually I dislike the composite classes, but it did work in our faour once, usually only P4 and older have swimming lessons, but my DD got them in P3 as she was in a P4/3 class. Couldn't moan at an extra year of swimming lessons!

YANBU, thats terrible!

Why shouldn't every parent who wants to watch be given the opportunity? I went to my DDs play twice (in my defence, due to one being daytime and one being evening where you couldn't bring dcs as young as her ds, she didn't want to go to school at night alone as she was a bit nervous, she is only 5 though).

Not sure how on earth they are allowed to sideline one groups involvement over the rest.

Is you DD in a set due to SEN? If so that's even worse and total discrimination.

CwtchesAndCuddles Fri 14-Dec-12 09:18:20

That is unfair - it should be the same for all P3 parents, I would be complaining about that!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 14-Dec-12 09:39:34

Did you get anywhere with the school OP?

SellotapeInMyHairExtensions Fri 14-Dec-12 09:59:34

grin Euphemia grin

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Fri 14-Dec-12 12:00:07

Well, I'm even more confused! Update for those interested.

Got no reply to email. Picked DD up from after school care and asked her how the show went - she knew nothing about the show (which was definitely over yesterday and today). Checked the news letter from last week, and it definitely said P1-P3 doing the nativity show. No further details or clarification, and nothing to say P4/3 not involved.

Phoned the school earlier, and asked the person I spoke to yesterday if the show was on today and if so, was my DD involved. I was then told P4/3 not involved in the nativity, only the carol singing next week. No explanation as to why P4/3 excluded, given that the news letter clearly states P1-P3 (which my DD is still part of by virtue of being P3 albeit as part of a composite class).

So, I've been made to look like a complete twat, and DD (and her P3 classmates) are excluded from the nativity show which, from previous years, has always included all P3s.

My DD thought she was involved in the show as she has been part of the rehearsals (looks like it's been carol singing she's been rehearsing but that has been alonside the nativity show rehearsals). She was expecting me and her gran to come along and see her, and was disappointed that we wouldn't. It now turns out she was wrong, I was wrong, and the news letter misled us both into thinking she was involved (when clearly she isn't).


I still want to know why P4/3 have been excluded, especially as DD thought she was a part of it (clearly confused about what she has been rehearsing for) and she also wanted to be part of the show. Not sure I'll get the courtesy of a response from the HT, as she has 'form' for ignoring emails. Tried to speak to her on the phone earlier but she's 'busy'.

Go to LEA that is disgraceful, especially with the HTs ignorance on top

EuphemiaInExcelsis Fri 14-Dec-12 16:07:56

Buncha If the P3s were taken out of P4/3 for nativity rehearsals, there would have been no teacher to supervise them. Adding them to P3 would presumably make that cohort go over its legal limit, which is why there's a composite class in the first place.

I do agree that the school could have made things clearer!

nannyl Fri 14-Dec-12 16:41:11

I cant see why they would be over legal limit

I assume the rules are the same for nurserys, and the staff being in the building (but not the room) mean they are still legal even when staff are not physically present.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots, i think you should inform the school of your confusion and ensure they clarift things more clearly in future.

it seems unfair that due to the class she was chosen to be in (i guess by the teaches) that she has missed out, (and so have you missed out on seeing her sad)

you cant change the past, but can make sure the same mistake is not made again.

AmIthatTinselly Fri 14-Dec-12 23:20:05

I just wanted to say that I am presuming that the OP is in Scotland.

For those moaning that they didn't understand the OP's post - I have read posts going on about reception, Year 3,4 etc, and also KS 1, 2 whatever, all of which are totally alien to me.

However, I managed to work out what they meant. The OP's post wasn't difficult to work out. Nae need for the negative comments.

OP - I would bypass the teacher and bring this up with the HT or their manager in the local authority. It is totally not on to discriminate. If you're P3, then you should participate.

I am bolshy though. I always go straight to the HT and whine on about equalities and inclusion and they have always accommodated me.

And I am sure there are peripatetic music teachers and some classroom assistants around that could get around the supervision ratio issue.

roughtyping Sun 16-Dec-12 08:29:34

Well said Tinselly.

YouCanBe Sun 16-Dec-12 08:43:45

(Yes I understood it, it wasn't even slightly challenging.)

I think they have been unfair too. What a shame they didn't think it through properly.

FannyFifer Sun 16-Dec-12 08:45:49

Sounds exactly like DS school, he is also in p4/3.
I viewed missing the nativity as a lucky escape, other folks kids, yawn!

Will prob go to the carol service during the week though.

SunflowersSmile Sun 16-Dec-12 08:51:32

Sounds like the school needs to communicate better with parents AND children.
In fact perhaps you take up issue on those terms- poor school communication.
It is a valid reason to be cross about and the school should pull its socks up re how it conveys information.

LynetteScavo Sun 16-Dec-12 08:56:47


I have similar communication problems as I use before/after school club. I can see how something similar would happen to me.

And yes, your DD should be performing, and you should have tickets, as she is in P3.

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