To think the lyrics of this song suggest an abusive relationship?

(48 Posts)
BlatantRedhead Thu 13-Dec-12 10:34:03

Now maybe I'm overly conscious of possible references to the issue due to abuse in previous relationships but I've thought this about this song every time I've heard it for a while now. Recently the subject came up at work so I said what I thought. I was immediately rubbished by all my colleagues who all appear to think its perfectly ordinary for a girl to think her partner is a monster and be 'scared to death' by him hmm. I pointed out these lyrics and they said she's scared to death by how in love she is. I work in a mainly female office.

Am I interpreting it wrong? It's not a big deal, its just annoyed me a bit how they all jumped to tell me it I shouldn't read abuse into it. Perhaps I am just damaged eh!

Cybbo Thu 13-Dec-12 10:35:08

This songs been out for ages and you're not the first person to say how horrendous it is. Not sure what they're thinking tbh

BlatantRedhead Thu 13-Dec-12 10:48:09

Ah, I haven't seen any other threads about it, sorry if I'm rehashing a point already made - I was just irritated by the attitude I was met with at the mention that it could be considered to be about abuse...

FriendlyLadybird Thu 13-Dec-12 10:51:10

I don't think you're 'reading' abuse into it -- I think that's what it's about. It doesn't make it a bad song or 'horrendous' though. That's what art is for (and I know pop songs aren't high art but they still count): to explore things like this. Won't go into a long dissertation, but I think it's good to release provocative songs like this. Too bad your colleagues don't get it though.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 13-Dec-12 10:53:44

How can that song not be about abuse? confused

saulaboutme Thu 13-Dec-12 10:53:51

Yep totally agree. My daughtetr was singing it which was my cue for a rant about what you've just said. She doesn't play it anymore and I've turned into my mum (arggghh). The latest one is K$sha or whatever her name is. It's called 'Die Young' or something. Our friends baby nephew had just passed away so this really got under my skin + it's not cool. I know it's not about that but its like not what I want to hear.

takataka Thu 13-Dec-12 10:56:49

its definitely about abuse confused

if it was about being scared at how uch in love she is, she wouldnt describe him as a monster

FrootLoops Thu 13-Dec-12 11:00:51

I definitely agree with you that its about an abusive relationship. I quite like to hear songs like this though, humming along to them and then the lyrics catch me by surprise the first time I hear them and it always gives me pause and makes me think. The same thing happens with can't remember the name of song My name is Luca. Always make me cry.

I think your colleagues were being a bit dense - the song is about an abusive relationship and if they think that is perfectly 'normal' maybe you should worry about them not yourself. I would not give it too much further thought, people are happy simply to sing mindlessly to a catchy tune and perhaps when you demonstrated some actually awareness of the lyrics, a deeper understanding, then that made your colleagues go on the defensive in order to undermine your perceived superiority.

In other words it's all about them grin

BlatantRedhead Thu 13-Dec-12 11:02:41

So glad it's not just me that thinks this! I honestly can't see how they could all think its not about abuse.. I'm not going to bring the subject up again, but its a bit uncomfortable now when it comes on, since they all think I'm just interpreting it that way...

BlatantRedhead Thu 13-Dec-12 11:04:12

We have a radio in the office, will keep it on a talk show for a while!

Cybbo Thu 13-Dec-12 11:05:44

Blatant, I haven't see it discussed anywhere else but twitter tbh. But I find the content of the song really off colour too

PostBellumBugsy Thu 13-Dec-12 11:07:25

Think there was a thread about this when the song first came out. Lots of people saying it sent a crap message to young girls.

HaphazardTophat Thu 13-Dec-12 11:12:06

Never heard this song before, but having just looked at the lyrics I can't see how it is about anything other than an abusive relationship.

Right from the first line about "breaking me" to the "naming hurts more......", I would say 100% you are right and not over-sensitive or deliberately interpreting the song this way.

Your colleagues are being dense, or maybe they are the type of people who listen to music without ever really hearing lyrics, just a nice tune. Either way UANBU.

MerryChristmasEverybody Thu 13-Dec-12 11:18:25

Haha I knew it was going be this song before I even opened the thread.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman Thu 13-Dec-12 11:30:53

But I find the content of the song really off colour too

Why? Abuse is part of so many peoples lives when I. The middle of it. You often do think 'he is the best I ever had'.

but often if see it from the outside it makes you realise how awful it is. Perhaps one woman has left her bastard because that song summed up her feelings.
Music is about art, and art often reflects life.

EssexGurl Thu 13-Dec-12 13:00:57

They have been open in all interviews about the message behind the song and the fact it happened to one of them (IIRC - song has been out for ages and ages). Surely all music and lyrics are a reflection of somone's life. We like the ones about love and romance but are anti-ones about more depressing stuff. In a way, I think it is good to get that sort of message out to younger girls.

ToffeeCaramel Thu 13-Dec-12 13:07:29

Your colleagues are wrong. It is about physical abuse. The line about sticks and stones refers to the playground rhyme "Sticks and stones will break my bones."

takataka Thu 13-Dec-12 13:15:16

yy essex i was thinking along those lines...I dont see it as inappropriate/glorifying DV; quite the can reach out to young people experiencing the same and make them know they are not alone

TandB Thu 13-Dec-12 13:24:10

I can't bear this song. "I'm in an abusive relationship, tee hee hee."

I can't see anything in it that suggests that it is remotely intended to raise awareness of domestic abuse. It is a twee, cutesy, upbeat song about the old chesnut- everyone likes a bad boy. It's not exactly Luka/Luca, however you spell it - that was a clear condemnation of abuse.

I spoke about this song to two police officers in the DV team when I was at court with them on a case. They both loathe it and think that it is a clear promotion of the idea that a bad boy is something a bit exciting and sexy and that it sends a dreadful message to young girls.

TandB Thu 13-Dec-12 13:25:13

Just seen Essexgirl's post. I haven't seen any interviews about this - I'm rather shocked to be honest. I would have thought it would have a very different treatment if one of them had actually experienced abuse.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 13-Dec-12 13:29:51

Well then, opinions may differ on whether the song sends a good or bad message, but if the band themselves say it's about an abusive relationship I don't think the OP's colleagues have much of a case to claim it isn't.

takataka Thu 13-Dec-12 13:30:10

kuungfu i have been in an abusive relationship, I connectd with the song.

TBH though...i havent read or heard all the lyrics...just the 2 lines..

Alonglongway Thu 13-Dec-12 13:34:26

To add to it, this is a group who are promoted by playing in schools - my then yr 7 came home with Stooshe freebie merchandise - think this song came out later but nonetheless.....

MamaMary Thu 13-Dec-12 13:35:02

Songs like this normalise misogyny and domestic violence.

They are not innocuous 'art', sorry.

If you have teenage DDs, tell them to watch out for lyrics like this. The music industry has an agenda, increasingly, to normalise DV. Just look at Rhinanna.

And your colleagues are dim

MamaMary Thu 13-Dec-12 13:36:56

Yes, the group may have done interviews explaining it. But that's not good enough.

You have probably not heard the interview, the tune is catchy, the lyrics get into your head, it becomes 'normal'.

catgirl1976geesealaying Thu 13-Dec-12 13:41:49

That Ke$sha one annoyed me too saula

I lost my cousin this year and she had two little girls

Not sure why "dying young" is a cool thing to do.

The "Black Heart" one make me hmm

Perhaps I am getting old

MamaMary Thu 13-Dec-12 13:45:08

Again, 'dying young' is glamorised and promoted by the music industry. Many singers have died at the age of 27, the latest being Amy Winehouse.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman Thu 13-Dec-12 13:46:09

Songs like this normalise misogyny and domestic violence.

Not in my opinion. It brings into everyday discussion. Here we are discussing months after it came out.

EnjoyResponsibly Thu 13-Dec-12 13:46:22

I've heard this "band" interviewed, not a word about personal experience in relation to the lyric.

As I hear the lyric it's all about loving a person who be it physically or emotionally is bad for you, but the bias is that because you love him that's OK.

So, if this is based on a personal experience I worry a great deal about the writer.

MamaMary Thu 13-Dec-12 13:49:31

Yes, I worry about the writer too - they are likely vulnerable and exploited at the hands of a powerful industry that tells them women being abused by men is normal. Watch a few music videos to see how many women are being chained, tied up, have half their faces blotted out.

ToffeeCaramel Thu 13-Dec-12 14:18:46

The lines "I love him like mad
Momma, he's the best I ever had" worry me.

BlatantRedhead Thu 13-Dec-12 17:32:07

mamamary agree completely... Am very sad to find I'm the only one in a team full of women who sees it this way sad

It reminds me of the poem Pursuit, by Sylvia Plath. And whilst I don't like Monster, I do like Pursuit. smile

I hate this song for they very reason. It encourages young women to think having a 'monster' for a boyfriend is sexy. I switch it off when it comes on the radio

squoosh Thu 13-Dec-12 17:57:38

It reminds me of The Crystals 'He Hit Me And It Felt Like A Kiss' although that was the early 60's.

GoingBackToSchool Thu 13-Dec-12 18:00:07

The lyrics obviously show that she knows that it's an abuse relationship. The way I see it is that she doesn't want to love him, but finds it hard not too. Something which I'm sure some people can relate to unfortunately sad

kerstina Thu 13-Dec-12 18:00:21

I really dislike kiesha's music. The lyrics are pure rubbish promoting very loose morals!

SueFawley Thu 13-Dec-12 18:08:49

The Crystals. I've never heard that song but Phil Spector was their producer I believe. He claimed the woman he murdered hadd 'kissed the gun'.

SueFawley Thu 13-Dec-12 18:09:40

Back to the original song, I haven't heard it for several weeks but every time it came on the radio I had to turn it off. I thought the lyrics were awful.

crypes Thu 13-Dec-12 18:11:09

I thought it was a bit racist. I immediately thought it was a black woman singing about a black man who was a bad'un. I thought thats a bit dusturbing .

BumsyClugger Thu 13-Dec-12 18:16:10

GoingBackToSchool that's how I interpreted it too.

I can remember telling my friends and mum how, yes he had hit me (they didn't know the full extent of the abuse) and yes, he said some nasty things, but it's OK, 'cause I love him and he can be nice. It reminds of that time, it is exactly how I felt. If I had heard it back then I'd have thought twice about being the fool like she is in the song IYSWIM.

In fact reading those lyrics made me cry blush

FriendlyLadybird Fri 14-Dec-12 11:17:07

Just to say, I didn't say I thought it was 'innocuous' art. I don't think art should be innocuous: I think it should be provocative. And I think this song is -- definitely not 'normalising DV'.

MamaMary Fri 14-Dec-12 11:26:00

Friendly, fair point - you didn't use the word innocuous.

I still disagree with you though. I strongly believe that songs like this not only normalise DV, but in many cases are actually designed to do so. Most people will not think too deeply about the lyrics in the sense of analysing poetry. They simply catch the drift, hum along and the lyrics are imbibed. They are not questioned.

I would also dispute that this kind of music be classed as 'art', though perhaps that's for another discussion.

squeakytoy Fri 14-Dec-12 11:32:00

I agree with Brady and others.

The lyrics do not "normalise" anything or even suggest that it is ok.

DV does happen. Girls do get involved with the wrong men and find it difficult to escape the relationship.

The song is not going to encourage a girl to have a relationship with someone who is violent or treats them badly.

Chandon Fri 14-Dec-12 11:35:36

Do you remeber the song Jeannie, by Falco, back in the bad old 80s?

It is a song by a man who rapes and kills a young girl.

It was on all the radio stations when I was 13. It is so menacing and scary!

Or was that song not big in the UK?

I have had doubts about Black Heart too. and even more about Rihanna's song Russian Roulette. It is quite disturbing, but then the songs are good so you hum along....

squeakytoy Fri 14-Dec-12 11:52:37

I remember that song, it was a big hit in the UK too. I liked Falco anyway.

I can also think of other songs like the Nick Cave & Kylie one. (He kills her by drowning)

Delilah by Tom Jones.. (stabbing)

Papa Dont Preach - (teen sex and pregnancy)

If you want to you can find issue with many songs.. it doesnt mean that you are going to live your life or have it influenced by the words in a song though.

Even nursery rhymes had violence and murder in them..

WildWorld2004 Fri 14-Dec-12 11:53:00

Iv been in abusive relationships. I also like the stoosche song. The song doesnt say that it is ok to be in an abusive relationship. It is just a song about being in love with someone who is abusive. Which happens.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now