to think smart trousers are a suitable alternative to a dress?

(49 Posts)
freddiefrog Tue 11-Dec-12 20:39:27

We're going to a friend's wedding just after Christmas, so have been on the hunt for outfits for my girls. It's a late afternoon wedding, quite relaxed and informal.

DD2 (7) loves geting dressed up and the flouncier the dress, the happier she is, so her outfit has been easy to sort out.

DD1 on the other hand absolutely hates dresses or skirts, and usually lives in jeans, trousers or shorts, so I've bought her some smart trousers, with a little jacket to wear.

Upon chatting with other friends it would seem that we're committing some sort of wedding fashion faux pas, its disrespectful as 'girls should wear dresses'

I don't see that I should force her into a dress and make her feel uncomfortable and self-conscious for a day

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Tue 11-Dec-12 20:42:35

I don't think you should force her into a dress, but I agree with your friends that women should wear dresses for formal occasions. I presume your dd is a child and not a women though, so it wouldn't apply to her. As long as it is smart and somehow Weddingy, it will be fine.

Bue Tue 11-Dec-12 20:42:37

Nobody cares what children wear to weddings. Nice trousers and jacket will be fine!

thebody Tue 11-Dec-12 20:42:59

Rubbish. Sounds fine. Tell your friends to butt out.

SantaFi Tue 11-Dec-12 20:43:19

She'll be fine in the trousers. I've worn trousers to a wedding before so there's no need for a child to not to grin Her outfit sounds lovely - when my sister got married, my dd2 wore a tunicy type thing with some leggings. She was a flowergirl for an hour then the dancing clothes came out.

mamalovesmojitos Tue 11-Dec-12 20:44:04

YANBU of course girls and women can wear pants to weddings!

pointysettia Tue 11-Dec-12 20:45:21

I've worn smart trousers to weddings, and the wedding where I was last Saturday had women in lovely trouser outfits too.

'Women should wear dresses to a wedding' - in what century, the 19th?

freddiefrog Tue 11-Dec-12 20:45:24

Sorry, she's 11, I meant to put it in the OP.

Celticlassie Tue 11-Dec-12 20:45:42

My friend always wears trousers to weddings - smart ones with a pretty top.

No pants though. wink

freddiefrog Tue 11-Dec-12 20:49:09

I think friends think I'm pandering to her by letting her wear trousers, rather than making her wear a dress, like I shouldn't give her a choice over her own clothes.

She knew it had to be smart and wedding appropriate and chose accordingly.

Trousers suit her much better anyway. She just doesn't do dresses unless they're fairly casual

ecuse Tue 11-Dec-12 20:54:05

YANBU. Your girl can look appropriate and smart wearing stuff that doesn't make her feel awkward. And anyway (no offense, but) who'll be looking at her anyway? All eyes on the bride, surely?

44SoStartingOver Tue 11-Dec-12 20:57:12

Trousers are always an appropriate option to dresses. Except at sandhurst passing out parades Apparantly.

I take exception to this and maintain you are absolutely correct.

upstart68 Tue 11-Dec-12 21:00:12

YANBU I've been to quite a few weddings recently where teenagers wear trousers. No problem at all.

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas Tue 11-Dec-12 21:04:19

YANBU whoever said it was disrespectful is being ridiculous.

freddiefrog Tue 11-Dec-12 21:11:28

I'm not sure how wearing a dress to a wedding shows respect really.

She's not going to rock up in her jeans and vans

Most of my friends have younger DDs, my eldest is the eldest by quite a long way, I think some of them forget she's not a little girl anymore

GroupieGirl Tue 11-Dec-12 21:14:15

Would anyone force their sons to wear a dress? Then I fail to see how this is any different.

Downandoutnumbered Tue 11-Dec-12 21:15:45

YANBU. I go to weddings in smart trousers! You would BVU to force your daughter to wear clothes that didn't feel like 'her', given that she's perfectly willing to dress up for the occasion.

Mandy2003 Tue 11-Dec-12 21:16:49

44 - women can't go for a meal as a guest to Millbank barracks wearing smart trousers either grin

LRDtheFeministDude Tue 11-Dec-12 21:17:05


How odd. I've been to a wedding where the bride wore trousers.

Surely in this day and age it is well known women are allowed to wear trousers without the Lord smiting them with thunderbolts for Immodest Conduct?

parakeet Tue 11-Dec-12 21:17:36

"Women should wear dresses for formal occasions"...what, to make sure they don't reveal a glimpse of their ankles?

Great Caesars ghost. My time machine works.

Chewbecca Tue 11-Dec-12 21:28:52

Who on earth have you been speaking to? Queen Victoria's lady in waiting?

MoetEtPantsOn Tue 11-Dec-12 21:30:17

I think it's fine for kids. I saw some wedding photos recently where the groom's 45 year old sister was wearing trousers at a black tie wedding because "she doesn't do dresses". I thought that was a bit childish, to be honest. It looked silly in the family photo. I'm sure the top was smart in real life but looked like a t-shirt in the photo.

Fine for an 11 year old though. The last thing you want is her sulky and uncomfortable.

Softlysoftly Tue 11-Dec-12 21:33:34

Wow both my sisters and I wore trouser suits to eldest sisters wedding, maybe that's why they are now divorced confused

freddiefrog Tue 11-Dec-12 21:36:49

Lol, seems like it

I think I'm generally frowned upon for opting out of her wardrobe choices - unless it's age/weather/occasion inappropriate, my only input is the debit card.

She should be made to wear what she's told, and that should be a party frock at a wedding.

I'd rather respect my daughter's wishes than get into WW3 over a poxy dress

freddiefrog Tue 11-Dec-12 21:40:22

Moet. Exactly! I force her into a dress, she'll be self conscious and stroppy all day although that'll give them another chance to criticise my parenting I suppose - a far worse look for a wedding than letting her wear trousers and be relaxed and happy

Hobbitation Tue 11-Dec-12 21:42:19

Smart trousers and jacket sounds good. I would probably have wanted to wear the same at that age, having just discovered I could wear trousers without people thinking I was a boy hmm

cardibach Tue 11-Dec-12 21:42:23

REally? 'women should wear dresses'? Are you in the 1950s? I rarely wear a dress to any occasion and don;t see why I should!

SledYuleCated Tue 11-Dec-12 21:42:49

Oh heaven forbid a woman should wear what she's comfortable with lest she look silly hmm

What fucking age are we living in?! Seriously, I cannot believe there are people on this thread saying women should wear dresses whether they want to or not. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

magicpainting Tue 11-Dec-12 21:44:13

I wore my black work trousers and a smart top to my brother's wedding. I don't think it's childish - I have never worn a dress or skirt in my life and I'm not going to start for a wedding! You're all mad. Well, those suggesting there's something wrong with trousers are.

cardibach Tue 11-Dec-12 21:49:17

Moet really\? ONly kids can wear trousers, a grown woman who chooses to is 'childish'? I thought these sort of stupid (I use the word advisedly) attitudes had disappeared around about 1969. Any other reactionary and sexist attitudes you want to admit to?

hugoagogo Tue 11-Dec-12 21:51:00

I wore trousers for my own wedding. grin

How ridiculous.

NamingOfParts Tue 11-Dec-12 21:55:28

Good grief, I'm glad I dont get invited to weddings (we are at the inbetween stage) as I dont own any dresses or skirts.

I am always amazed when people trot out Style & Beauty tips from the 1950s as being the right thing for a wedding.

SledYuleCated Tue 11-Dec-12 22:01:22

Tell you what, find me a man, Ill invite you all to the wedding and insist that its trousers only.

UterusUterusGhaLaLaLaLaLi Tue 11-Dec-12 22:02:53

Terra grin

My immediate family got into jeans at my wedding the second the speeches were made.

I'm sure your dd will look lovely.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 11-Dec-12 22:15:14

Do heterosexual brides wear trousers?! (sorry!! Just curiou! grin)

11 year old in trousers= not a problem, and surely no one should care or judge anyway?

freddiefrog Tue 11-Dec-12 22:15:39


These friends are mostly parent-y type friends, and their eldest children are all the same age as my youngest so they're all still of an age where mum's opinion still counts for something, and that's that young girls should wear pretty party frocks

DD1 at 11 is by far the eldest and has very strong opinions on what she wears and as long as its appropriate, I'm happy to respect them

I just do not agree that she should wear something she dislikes and makes her feel uncomfortable, when there's a perfectly appropriate alternative

LRDtheFeministDude Tue 11-Dec-12 22:16:47

black - yes.

hugoagogo Tue 11-Dec-12 22:18:46

Do heterosexual brides wear trousers?! hmm

Hobbitation Tue 11-Dec-12 22:27:45

To weddings I have worn stuff like a cream trouser suit, a black sleeveless blouse and a black trilby hat, a sleeveless satin silver grey embroidered top and matching 3/4 length trousers. And that was ten years ago.

Hobbitation Tue 11-Dec-12 22:29:29

Lesbian brides sometimes wear dresses.

DewDr0p Tue 11-Dec-12 22:30:45

Wow. I've worn trousers to weddings loads of times. What a social pariah I must be. shock

Your dd's outfit sounds lovely btw.

squeakytoy Tue 11-Dec-12 22:33:31

Party frocks are lovely on girls upto the age of about 8 or 9.. no self respecting 11 year old would be seen dead in one..

nothing wrong with smart trousers and a nice top..

I dont often wear dresses and have worn trousers and tops to the last few weddings and social occasions I have been to..

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 11-Dec-12 22:36:51

Oh lighten up Hugo. I was genuinely curious, as I know lesbian brides wear dresses but have never ever seen or heard of a bride wearing trousers when marrying a man.

EasilyBored Tue 11-Dec-12 22:42:12

Smart wedding clothes are smart wedding clothes - dress, skirt, trousers, whatever. Can't believe this is even up for discussion confused

SledYuleCated Tue 11-Dec-12 22:44:49

Blackholes It was a bit of a dim question. Have you seriously never conceived of a bride wearing trousers to marry a man?? shock

MoetEtPantsOn Wed 12-Dec-12 06:54:26

cardi sorry I meant that I found her attitude to be childish rather than her clothing. Dress codes at weddings can be annoying, but if it's black tie then a tshirt and trousers doesn't look right. Anyway not very relevant to the OP's dilemma so will butt out.

FivesGoldNorks Wed 12-Dec-12 07:13:38

My dd is 3 and refuses to wear dresses. She has a craggy pair of "party shorts" (hand me down from big brother) that she gets out for special occasions

EdithWeston Wed 12-Dec-12 07:15:44

My DM wore trousers to my traditional white wedding.

I really don't see the problem with anyone wearing trousers, as long as you look as if you have made the effort to dress up for the Occasion. (And I'm someone who thinks both black and white are major faux pas among guests, so not exactly an 'anything goes' type).

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