To think it's a bit odd that colleague isn't buying his DD Christmas presents?

(159 Posts)
PurpleTinsel Tue 11-Dec-12 11:58:31

I have a colleague who's first baby (a DD) was born about 6 months ago.

This will be her first Christmas. We were talking about Christmas yesterday, and colleague said that he and his DP are not buying their DD any Christmas presents at all because she's too young to appreciate Christmas.

I can understand not making a big deal about Christmas for a baby - but the idea that they're buying no Christmas presents for her at all, not even one small inexpensive present, surprised me.

Colleague is well paid and his family celebrate Christmas.

AIBU to think that this is odd behaviour?

WinklyVersusTheZombies Tue 11-Dec-12 12:00:52

I don't see the point in the parents buying for a tiny baby. People who buy baby gifts are really buying for the parents IMO

YABU she is 6 months old she won't know any different.

SavoyCabbage Tue 11-Dec-12 12:01:13

No not really. I got my dd one book for her first Christmas but she didn't open it or anything. I don't think we bothered at all for dd2 but I can't remember!

FunnysFuckingFreezing Tue 11-Dec-12 12:01:16

YANBU. DS1 was born 3 weeks before Christmas and he got some gifts. I know they don't need them but it seems mean spirited not to but something

laptopdancer Tue 11-Dec-12 12:01:34

No, she is only 6 months old! Seems normal to me confused

We didn't buy anything for our baby's first Christmas either. We knew relatives would give her stuff, and she already had plenty of toys, clothes etc.

They sound sensible to me. Far better uses for their money.

Nixea Tue 11-Dec-12 12:02:17

Another who can't see the point for such a small baby. I didn't bother as we didn't have much spare money at the time and as she wouldn't have remember a thing anyway. YABU

redskyatnight Tue 11-Dec-12 12:03:53

Flip it round to say "why would you buy a present for a baby that doesn't know it's Christmas, won't understand what the present is, and won't remember it?"
Presumably your colleague buys the baby clothes/toys/other essentials when she needs them? Baby will treat them in the same way as a Christmas present.

Caitycat Tue 11-Dec-12 12:03:53

We have bought our daughter ( 4 months)a very small present but I really don't think it would matter if we hadn't. We love her to bits and will always make an effort for her but this Christmas she will know nothing about and probably be inundated with presents from everyone she has ever encountered. Time enough from next year on to start getting into the commercial side of Christmas!

StellaNova Tue 11-Dec-12 12:04:08

DS1 was two months old for his first Christmas. Didn't get him anything as far as I can remember. He got plenty from others. It's fine to buy babies presents if you want to, but it is for you, not them, really.

YABU.

StripyMagicDragon Tue 11-Dec-12 12:04:12

YABU, my dd was born eleven days before xmas and we got her nothing. I thought the pram, clothes and everything else was enough money and I preferred to wait till she understood more. babies don't care as long as they are fed and warm, at that age the decorations are probably good enough to have a look at :-)

mamij Tue 11-Dec-12 12:04:31

We didn't buy anything for either DDs (both born about two months before Christmas) first Christmas either. They got loads of toys when they were born and we didn't see the point of getting another for the sake of it.

samandi Tue 11-Dec-12 12:05:17

I can see his point. Babies don't know whether it's Christmas or not. Presumably she'll get lots of things from family members anyway, and presumably the parents buy her stuff at other times.

YABU seems smart to me.
We did buy dd a few bits and bobs to try and unwrap not that she was very successful..

LoopsInHoops Tue 11-Dec-12 12:05:56

I think it's fine. I've bought presents for quite a lot of babies this year, but things they will keep and know they have had since their first xmas.

MissCellania Tue 11-Dec-12 12:06:14

YABU, don't be so judgey. It's just throwing money around.

LtXmasEve Tue 11-Dec-12 12:08:11

We didn't buy anything for DD either, nor on her 1st birthday - she had more than enough from friends and family.

<<nasty evil mum emoticon>> grin

merlottits Tue 11-Dec-12 12:09:13

YABU I find it weird that a person WOULD buy their 6 month old Christmas presents.

The child is none the wiser so it would only be for their benefit anyway.

Sensible behaviour.

SamSmalaidh Tue 11-Dec-12 12:10:02

YABU!

I don't think we bought DS anything for his first Christmas, he was 4 months. Lots of family bought him toys and clothes. He neither needed anything from us or cared.

I think the only reason to buy a baby Christmas presents is to reassure older siblings that Father Christmas hasn't forgotten!

OlivetheotherReindeer Tue 11-Dec-12 12:11:18

YANBU, our DS is nearly 6 months. I've gone nuts for his 1st Xmas. Yes, it's not really or him but for me, however, unless money was incredibly tight I can't understand not buying a gift. I've still got the teddy that came for my irst Xmas.

specialsubject Tue 11-Dec-12 12:13:21

good on them for not wasting money on a life-form that cares only about food, warmth and love. And will probably get an avalanche of tat presents from everyone else anyway.

Ephiny Tue 11-Dec-12 12:15:08

YABU. Personally I think it's odd when people do buy presents for little babies (and really really odd when they send them cards!), though it's harmless enough either way and none of my business.

lynniep Tue 11-Dec-12 12:16:02

YABU. Its not odd in the slightest. It makes perfect sense especially if you're the type of person who doesnt understand/appreciate gift buying (like my DH) We never bought DS2 anything for his first christmas. Other people did which was lovely but he didnt need anything.

squoosh Tue 11-Dec-12 12:19:02

YANBU

I think it's odd that they wouldn't even buy a small token to mark the child's first Christmas.

harrietlichman Tue 11-Dec-12 12:19:17

YABU, totally normal. My ds was born in December and he didn't get anything for his first Christmas and baby essentials for his second, the following year. I think this something parents do for themselves, same as those who take tiny babies to 'see' Father Christmas!

LadyClariceCannockMonty Tue 11-Dec-12 12:21:39

YABU. Waste of time really, unless you buy or do something to mark their first Christmas that they'll appreciate later, like start a savings account or something.

LoonyRationalist Tue 11-Dec-12 12:22:22

YABU, your colleague sounds very sensible.

Dogsmom Tue 11-Dec-12 12:23:53

My dd is due in March so will be 9 months next christmas and I wouldn't dream of not buying her a present.

Having said that I won't go mad but want to get her something nice that she can keep for life knowing that it was her first present.

I've got a silver bangle that was my first christmas present.

If the baby is 6 months old, they will have just spent a fortune buying everything she needs, so what's left to buy? Yet another toy or baby grow? I think they are being sensible, and OP has been dragged into the over consumption thing that xmas has unfortunately been turned into.

prettybird Tue 11-Dec-12 12:27:57

YABU. Don't think we got ds anything for his first Christmas - he'd have been 3.5 months old.

Relatives (like my parents, dh's parents and our siblings) may have got him something - but that was more for us than for him. My parents got him a Tripp Trap chair which was useful and is still being used 12 years later smile

DeckTheHallsWithBartimaeus Tue 11-Dec-12 12:28:14

YANBU

I wanted to mark the first Christmas (DS was 3 months) so we bought a small cuddly toy dog (which is now a must-have for bedtime).

Yes he didn't need it right then, but I remember when I was a child I loved being told that this toy was from so-and-so for my first Christmas/birthday etc.

We could have waited a few months for when he started to be interested in toys but I'm glad we didn't.

PurpleTinsel Tue 11-Dec-12 12:28:34

Okay then, looks like I'm in the minority here!

I shall remind myself that colleague is being very sensible if I start thinking about this again.

And of course it's none of my business whether they buy their DD presents or not.

ProcessYellowC Tue 11-Dec-12 12:28:40

YABU - she won't care!

trueblood1fan Tue 11-Dec-12 12:34:01

yabvu - whats it gotta do with you anyway?!

FredFredGeorge Tue 11-Dec-12 12:35:18

YABU we bought nothing for DD at 6 months, and will probably get almost nothing for DD at 18months...

She gets things when she needs them, or when they're good for her to play with etc. She doesn't understand Christmas (although sort of understands that she only gets the advent calendar once a day it seems.)

my DD was almost 1 at her first christmas (born exactly 2 weeks later 11 days overduehmm) and we got her a couple of token gifts but if she had been younger then i dont think i would have bothered with much to be honest...she just ripped the wrapping paper to pieces and played with the boxes...

IMO little babies need nowt but love, warmth, milk and sleep...a plastic toy is just surplus to requirementssmile

i wouldnt say YABU or not though as it is personal opinion and i have bought DHs cousins baby a prezzie and he is 5 monthsgrin

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Tue 11-Dec-12 12:45:50

I think that's strange but I'm really into Xmas so was really excited for DD's first one smile

2 weeks after christmas that should sayblush

squoosh Tue 11-Dec-12 12:47:59

trueblood1fan She didn't say it had anything to do with her. She was merely asking if other people found it odd.

SundaysGirl Tue 11-Dec-12 12:48:03

YABU. I reckon a small box and some wrapping paper would be entertaining enough for a 6 month old.

With our first (and our second for his first Christmas this year) we bought stuff that we would have bought anyway that they needed and wrapped it up. Mainly to show our parents that we had gotten them something (PIL are a bit funny about Christmas)

snowtunesgirl Tue 11-Dec-12 12:49:11

We didn't get DD anything for her first Christmas as she was a month old and frankly I was too busy with her to even think about Christmas shopping. OP, do you genuinely think that a baby would notice?

Floggingmolly Tue 11-Dec-12 12:49:26

Not strange at all.

Rachel130690 Tue 11-Dec-12 12:53:07

We decided to buy our 3 month old a small gift for Christmas. I was going to wrap it up. But when we got it we thought it was a bit stupid so just opened it and he loves it. It's a door bouncy thing. He's dead cute in it. We won't be getting him anything else but he has a load of gifts under the tree already.

prettybird Tue 11-Dec-12 12:54:11

Having said that, a work colleague of dh's gave him a freebie Christmas soft toy: a duck with "Merry Christmas" on the red beak (basically just a tube of white furry material with a red felt beak and eyes at one end and red flippers at the other).

Guess which toy ds attached to?! grin

Duckie still has prime place in his "gang" of soft toys 12 years later! smile

ZZZenAgain Tue 11-Dec-12 12:54:23

don't find it at all odd really. Don't see the point in buying Christmas presents for a 6 month old baby.

Pipsytwos Tue 11-Dec-12 12:57:54

I have a 3 month old and I've got her toys, books and clothes. She'd have got them anyway because she needs them but I've really enjoyed wrapping them and writing 'from Mummy and Daddy' (my first Christmas being a Mum) Obviously she wont care on the day but she'll enjoy her toys and books at some point or another. Each to their own I guess. It wont affect their child, as long as their child has everything she needs.

GreenPetals Tue 11-Dec-12 12:58:08

Well actually OP I think you are right.
But for another reason.
We have photos of each of the dcs first Christmas and even though they have no memory of it, they do love looking back at the these pictures and see that, even as a baby, they were receiving presents (and were part of the family as of course everyone else was receiving presents too).

I am finding it strange too tbh. For me, whether the child will remember or not isn't the reason why you do that sort of things. Otherwise, you wouldn't do the child first (and second and third) birthday either 'as they won't remember about it'.

Awww I think it's nice to have a little something to mark babies first christmas. DD1 was 9 months at her first one and had a special teddy bear and a rocking horse.

DD3 is going to be 4 months old this Christmas and she has much more including a stocking but this is mainly to stop a barrage of questions from DD1 who is now nearly 6.

honeytea Tue 11-Dec-12 13:00:56

YABU

Our baby is due any day now last bloody saturday we have wrapped up some 2nd size vests (that we had bought any way) and some teddies that we have been given to put in a stocking for the baby but only because my little sister will be staying with us and she is still a "believer" so father christmas needs to bring something for the baby.

the only other gift we have bought for the baby is a fill in baby book but we would have bought him one anyway we only wrapped it up so there were more pretty pressies under the tree :9

GreenPetals Tue 11-Dec-12 13:03:43

Also the reason why I did christmas for my dcs is because I wanted them to be part of that celebration, regardless of whether they 'realized' what was going on or not.
dc1 was 3 months on his first christmas and had nice time playing with all the wrapping papers. The grand parents were delighted to see him 'play' with toys they had chosen for him.
dc2 was 7 months and apart from the fact there was no way he would not have had presents (because his db wouldn't have understood), he is still playing with some softs he got on that day. And again he got to be really part of chritmas.
Not a second class member of the family who doesn't need to get anything. Does anyone really 'needs' what they get for christmas anyway?

YoHoHoAndABottleOfSherry Tue 11-Dec-12 13:14:05

We didn't wrap anything up for DD1's first Christmas (she was 2 days old), but we had just bought her pram, carseat, cot, clothes etc etc etc, we just didn't wrap them up and then unwrap them again.

For DD2, who was 6 months at Christmas, we did buy several presents and gave her a stocking, for the benefit of her elder sister, who wouldn't have wanted her baby sister left out. DD2 was of course none the wiser, but I did enjoy choosing things for her nonetheless - she has so many hand-me-downs it is nice to have an excuse to get her something for herself.

SantaFi Tue 11-Dec-12 13:21:34

We didn't get anything for dd1 on her first Christmas (also 6 months old) she got presents from her grandparents, aunts, friends etc. For dd2 (8 weeks at Christmas) we wrapped up a book she got when she was born, only so dd1 wouldn't be arsey. Our dd3 (10 months last Christmas) only got 2 small things wrapped up. We only got her those so her two older sisters wouldn't get all hard done by on her behalf grin

Time enough to be tearing your hair out over Christmas presents when they can actually mark the Argos/Smyths book.

GreenPetals Tue 11-Dec-12 13:30:27

sadsad at some these posts.
I love choosing the right present for family/children, the one I know they will like.
Whether they are 2 months old or 90yo (with dementia) or anything in between, I do it to see the smile on their face.

Not because it's christmas, I have to or because they will remember about it.

JenaiMathis Tue 11-Dec-12 13:32:26

I have no idea if I bought ds a Christmas present or not tbh (it was 12 years ago).

I was a bit daft so it wouldn't surprise me if I did but I can't remember for love nor money what is was.

<ponders>

YES! I gave him a play mat that he never really bothered with.

<rests easy>

WhatsTheBuzz Tue 11-Dec-12 13:33:44

yabu dc3 due this week and won't be getting presents for christmas, unless you count vests and sleepsuits.

FunnysFuckingFreezing Tue 11-Dec-12 15:42:24

Christmas is no time to be sensible people. That's the point, you act frivolously because you have the excuse to. How boring to be sensible all the time. Incidentally DS1 still has his 2005 'babies first Christmas' teddy. He still loves it but would have had it if I had been sensible!

LtXmasEve Tue 11-Dec-12 15:45:36

People who are feeling all sad for the poor deprived babies should note that almost everyone who didn't bother has said that other people did buy presents for the children.

DD has no memory at all of her 1st or 2nd birthday or 1st Xmas, but loves the photo we have of her sat on her cousins motorbike at Xmas, and the photo of her scoffing (head first) birthday cake on her 1st birthday.

She knows exactly what she got after that though (materialistic!)

AmberSocks Tue 11-Dec-12 15:48:41

i have an 8 week old and i have bought him lots,but most of it is useful stuff he will use in a few months like funky sippy cups and bowls,cutlery,bibs etc.I have bought him lots of clothes and the only toy things ive bought him are a lamaze rattle and one of those black and white cloth book things.I wouldnt think someone unreasonable for not buying anything tbh,i just like buying stuff and we can afford it so its not something i think about too much!

Pandemoniaa Tue 11-Dec-12 15:51:44

ds2 was born 10 days before Christmas. We only bought him a token present for ds1 to give him. If he had been ds1 (iykwim) we wouldn't have bought him anything. As it was, he did very well from gps despite the fact he hadn't the faintest idea it was Christmas and slept or fed his way through it.

MrsHoarder Tue 11-Dec-12 15:51:59

Ds is7 months and is getting some cheap bath toys (to throw at Daddy), a story book, a blanky teddy and a walker truck full of blocks. Oh, and I've made him a stocking.

That feels right, nothing extravagant, a couple of things we would have got him anyway and a couple of things that will grow with him.

missoldPPIlongstocking Tue 11-Dec-12 15:56:59

YABU I didn't bother last year (3 months) and tbh I'm barely bothering this year!

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Tue 11-Dec-12 16:07:10

My DC2 will be 4 days old on christmas day, we have done him a stocking of small presents consisting of clothes for christmas day and boxing day, Teddy from his big brother (sentimental item as same range as DS's special bear), First christmas Bauble and photo album plus a Music toy, musical tambourine and musical Keys. This is because we wanted to and can afford to. If others cant afford to or dont want to that their business, we haven't spent much and the toys will not be used until later in the year, but it didnt feel right to exclude Dc2 from christmas day.

We have no expectations of family to buy him anything though, and the same goes for new baby gifts as we know most peoples finances are stretched at this time of year. My only hope is that people still buy a card as these are a nice keepsake for baby.

I don't have a problem with anyone buying or not buying for their very young DCs. I did buy for my oldest because it was just me and him and I couldn't bear the thought of not celebrating Christmas with someone, but it was a "selfish" reason and he didn't really get anything out of it. After that we had to buy for teh younger children, more for my oldest than for them. I know people who haven't bought preents for their children for the first few years as the children get enough from other people. Each to their own.

pictish Tue 11-Dec-12 16:18:39

My friend isn't buying anything for her 8 month old baby dd. Same reasons. Can't say I disagree with her.

They probably will buy her something to open, but she'll be far more excited about the wrapping paper.

SweetMingePie Tue 11-Dec-12 16:24:09

YABU, perfectly acceptable. Ds3 was 4 weeks old for his first Christmas and got nothing as he didn't need anything. Other people bought him gifts, fair enough.

Individual choice, does not make him a bad parent.

zlist Tue 11-Dec-12 18:00:47

YABU
We didn't buy DS (5mo at the time) a present for his 1st Christmas either. He had plenty from other people and predictably was more interested in the wrapping paper anyway.

Hulababy Tue 11-Dec-12 18:03:50

I would find it unusual as everyone I know has bought gifts for babies. I certainly did - DD liked the wrapping paper best probably! It wouldn't have felt right for me not to buy her a gift for her first Christmas. Heck, I was loving the chance to do so if I am honest.

But each to their own.

LaCiccolina Tue 11-Dec-12 18:05:30

Weird!!!! Defo NBU!

Yes I'm sure they buy stuff on an average weekend for the baby when necessary, so why wouldn't u buy it something (even necessary items like vests?!) on a special day like Xmas? All u gotta do is wrap the darn stuff up? Hardly hard is it and ur missing out on lovely photos....

Dunno I could view them the same again. Just odd isn't it?!?

BinksToEnlightenment Tue 11-Dec-12 18:09:53

I think YANBU.

I wouldn't necessarily buy a present they'd appreciate, but surely a six month old would need something they could wrap up for her?

A new outfit? A bowl and spoon? A pack of nappies? Anything?? Wrap any-fucking-thing up so you aren't Scrooge Mum.

It's their FIRST Christmas!!!

Dear me.

StuntGirl Tue 11-Dec-12 18:12:16

Completely off topic but I love that honeytea's militant vegetarian/animal rights activist sister also still believes in Father Christmas. So grown up yet so innocent! grin

Karoleann Tue 11-Dec-12 18:19:00

YABU
We didn't buy anything for DC3 at christmas or for her first birthday and asked family not to buy anything either. We were living in a smaller house than we are now, we had hundreds of toys from her elder brothers and no room to store anything else.
We did have the issue of older brothers saying why didn't father chistmas get baby XXX anything.
She's not getting that much this year either, and I've asked my family to get her one big thing between them.

MrsDeVere Tue 11-Dec-12 18:21:57

I always do. It would seem odd for me not to.
But I understand perfectly why other people don't.

Its not an issue really is it? Do it, don't do it. Whatevs.

The weird thing is the sad faces for poor deprived babies and the 'how ridiculous to buy a baby a present' type reactions.

VikingLady Tue 11-Dec-12 18:23:09

We get very excited as a wider family about Christmas, and plan to make it as magical for DD as possible - when she knows what is going on. She is 9m, and we are not buying her any presents either. I buy her toys as and when I see them and she gets them straight away. Should I save them up and let her be bored and frustrated throughout November and December then over-stimulated and frustrated on Christmas Day?

Family will still buy her presents and I am fine with that. Christmas is when we catch up with family who we don't see that often.

In fact I gave DD a new chew toy yesterday.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 11-Dec-12 18:27:10

Yabu.

It's ok to do it even if I personally think its a bit weird. It's also ok not to.

SoldeInvierno Tue 11-Dec-12 18:28:22

DS was 6 months for his first Christmas and I didn't get him anything. I know some people found it strange, but what difference would it have made to him. He had everything he needed.

StinkyWicket Tue 11-Dec-12 18:31:38

We've not got our one year old anything, and we didn't get our twins a present for their first birthday <mean>

They have all been spoiled rotten by friends and family. Had none of the family been buying for them then we would have got them a couple of bits.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 11-Dec-12 18:35:05

Are 3 month olds supposed to go in door bouncer thingies?

JenaiMathis Tue 11-Dec-12 18:42:20

Once they can support their heads is fine iirc. It's good for vestibular development apparently.

mrsEbruce Tue 11-Dec-12 18:55:54

What a mean thing to do its christmas who cares if they appreciate it or remember it thats so miserable all to save money there 1st birthday and christmas is a BIG deal and should be treated as such!! IMO

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 11-Dec-12 19:02:08

Thats good to know. I have one that I was going to give to a friend but couldn't remember how old the baby had to be. I can now give it knowing I'm not being premature

prettybird Tue 11-Dec-12 19:03:00

We still did plenty to celebrate ds' first Christmas even if we personally didn't get him a present: he wore a lovely wee Christmas outfit and we've got lots of lovely photos. One especially precious one is of him with his grandmother, who died prematurely earlier this year.

He was still being EBF, so spent most of the time on my boob! grin

mummysmellsofsick Tue 11-Dec-12 19:03:56

Yabu I'm not buying my 1 year old anything. We have so much stuff already. He'll just be happy to see all his grandparents and aunties and uncles

carovioletfizz Tue 11-Dec-12 19:16:19

YANBU, our ds was born 3 weeks before xmas and we got him gifts....seems a little bit mean spirited not to.

legopiecemeetbarefeet Tue 11-Dec-12 19:19:34

but at 6 months they are just making the transition from laying around not doing much but growing, to becoming interested in moving and sitting and walking...

surely developmental toys are appropriate... even ones she will grow into?
Maybe not the whole santa kaboodle, but a present. definately

MamaBear17 Tue 11-Dec-12 19:23:11

My dd was 5 1/2 months at Christmas last year. People asked us what they could buy for her and I said that they did not have to get her anything but if they wanted to we would appreciate clothes. My MIL told me I was being unreasonable and should write a list of toys that people could choose from. I looked at toys for 0-1 and, to be honest, she had already got enough suitable toys for her age. I stuck to my guns. I bought her a Jumperoo but gave it to her at the beginning of December because she was ready for it. We wrapped up clothes and books. I'm really glad we didn't go crazy on gifts because, now that she is older, we are able to see her really enjoy new toys and presents. I couldn't have not bought her anything but I understand why people do not bother when babies are really little.

KelleStarOfWonder Tue 11-Dec-12 19:31:58

YABU my DD was a week old on her first christmas and both sets of GP's were horrified that we hadn't bought her anything... apart from all the baby stuff/clothes we bought in preparation, we were pretty sorted tbh. At that age they really won't get it and if family are buying small gifts, it's enough.

As we didn't find out the sex until she arrived and she was a delicate 5lb 13oz, even then people went out and bought really lovely girly stuff suitable for winter wear in 3-6 month for her to grow into, which is still in the attic as she never grew into the 3-6 month stuff until May smile

catgirl1976geesealaying Tue 11-Dec-12 19:34:06

I'm not buying my DS anything

It's his 2nd Christmas. He's 13 months old and he doesn't need anything.

willowstar Tue 11-Dec-12 19:38:02

We didn't buy ant
Ything for the first Xmas either. I am only buying something for my 10 month old baby this year because my 3 yr old would question it of I didn't.

DD's first birthday is 3 weeks after Christmas and we've only bought her a couple of token very small gifts. She will be more interested in the wrapping paper and wanted to make a fuss of DSS as his first Chrustmas as a big brother and one of the last where he still believes in FC!

willowstar Tue 11-Dec-12 19:39:46

But we don't do Christmas in a big way, no extended family around, very little spare cash etc...

Arisbottle Tue 11-Dec-12 19:43:14

I can't even remember if we bought our children presents as babies, probably not .

I am quite willing to accept that I have my priorities wrong as I buy a present for the dog every year but can't remember when I last bought something for DH.

MerylStrop Tue 11-Dec-12 19:54:08

She will neither know nor care

We didn't buy anything for DS1, he had loads from mad other people. DD and DS2 got old toys wrapped up and nappies/babygros purely to pander to their elder siblings sense of what was right and proper

mrsshackleton Fri 14-Dec-12 20:37:39

Your colleague sounds very sensible

peaceandlovebunny Fri 14-Dec-12 21:54:38

i think i spent about £20-£25 on daughter's first christmas. she was 6mo and it was 1982. she didn't get much at all. the year after, we went crazy and got her everything!

exoticfruits Fri 14-Dec-12 22:11:05

It sounds very sensible to me. She can see the lights, decorations etc, play with the paper and have everyone's time and attention- no doubt someone will give her a present but it won't mean anything. More sensible to put the money in a fund for her.

Dominodonkey Fri 14-Dec-12 22:29:39

YANBU. I think it's weird. Those you are saying they wouldn't/didn't buy anything, would you be ok if none of your family or friends bought them anything until they were 2 or 3 either (since they just need love etc)

exoticfruits Fri 14-Dec-12 22:57:32

It is completely up to the friends and family. Putting it into a fund would be more sensible - I would guess on hindsight they would much rather have a pot for university, buying a car etc than unnecessary toys when they were too young to understand.

blonderthanred Sat 15-Dec-12 11:50:00

It seems Lucy Mangan isn't getting hers anything either.

Rudolphstolemycarrots Sat 15-Dec-12 13:20:21

well the baby will probably be getting some gifts from other people. I think its nice to keep things low key while you can.

ImperialBlether Sat 15-Dec-12 13:28:15

Am I the only person to buy my children Christmas presents when I was pregnant, then?

And for those of you who wouldn't buy a baby a present on the basis that he/she wouldn't notice, wouldn't you buy anything for an elderly relative who was suffering from dementia?

prettybird Sat 15-Dec-12 13:47:34

For my own mother last year, I bought her something much smaller than I would normally have bought her, as she really didn't care (type of brain damage she had meant that she got no pleasure from anything). sad

(Got her a bear from the bear factory with ds saying "I love you Granny" and a Father Christmas outfit - she barely reacted - yet she used to love Christmas).

But I really don't think it is the same thing. It's up to individuals to give because they want to. And if their child wants for nothing and is not even going to be aware that they did or didn't get them a present, it's totally reasonable for them not to get presents for their baby if they don't feel the need to. By the same token, if it's going to give the parents pleasure to say "that's what we got for dc's 1st Christmas" - then that's OK too.

TreadOnTheCracks Sat 15-Dec-12 13:50:07

D's was due before Christmas , came slightly after and had loads of presents and a stocking!

ImperialBlether Sat 15-Dec-12 13:56:41

It's so much fun buying little things for a new baby, too. Why deny yourself this fun if you can afford it?

scrivette Sat 15-Dec-12 14:05:33

It's my 18 month olds second Christmas and I am only wrapping up a new toothbrush and a satsuma for his stocking. They are his favourite things and he will get lots from others and is too young to know or care!

SantaWearsGreen Sat 15-Dec-12 14:07:02

Yanbu

At least buy a first Christmas bear so the baby gets SOMETHING. Sure they don't understand, they don't understand until they are 3/4 so should you not buy for them until then? Same for birthdays? Bah humbug! They should at least get something to remember their first Christmas by...

I didn't get ours much for their first Christmases (Dc1 was 9 months, Dc2 6 months and dc3 is 4 months) but I got them a first Christmas bear, few books and a couple of toys which they all still have and love! Not like we just went mad and all the stuff didn't go to use.. I can't imagine just buying nothing, it feels odd.

DD was 9 months on her first Christmas and I went mad, looking back there was no need what so ever, she doesn't remember, she did not know any different, she did not know it was Christmas.

In most cases baby will get presents from Grandparents or other relatives so YABU.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Sat 15-Dec-12 14:15:54

makes sense to me.

DD is only 1 year and we have bought her the christmas eve pyjamas and that's it.

She has got a couple of presents from the real santa (aka MN Secret Santa), and lots of presents from relatives.
she won't know who bought what, so it really doesn't matter.

as long as we thank everyone for the presents, then it's all good.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Sat 15-Dec-12 14:17:26

oh, yeah, she was 13 days old last christmas and we didn't buy anything at all for her.

we only just managed to sort out our own stockings!
and she'd just had sooooo many presents for being born...

HollaAtMeSanta Sat 15-Dec-12 14:36:17

YABU and precious! Babies don't know the difference. Save the money to spend on them later on, when they'll appreciate it. Your colleague is sensible.

Skiffen Sat 15-Dec-12 14:50:48

Yabu, even now dds are 3 and 1 I buy them very little for christmas or birthdays. In fact dd1 got nothing material for her birthday as we paid for a party instead. I do buy a dated personalised tree decorarion for them each year though.

I personally think there are decades of them wanting things, christmas lists and serious financial outlay - it is sensible to wait until they are more aware of things.

prettybird Sat 15-Dec-12 14:51:08

FWIW - I don;t'think we got anything for ds' first birthday either grin

I did however bake us him a cake and there is a lovely photo of him and me blowing out the candle with a nice glass of bubbly in the foreground

Certainly don't consider ds to be deprived!

fuckwittery Sat 15-Dec-12 15:14:34

I don't recall buying anything for DD's first birthday (8 months)
life is not just about presents for babies who don't have a clue. Can't you find more important things to judge people for? if someone criticised me for not buying my oblivious baby a present I would think they were a sanctimonious cow. Are you somehow implying that they are not that bothered about their baby? You know, some people are not that bothered about this whole present giving ritual thing.
You know, I didn't get my eldest a birthday present until she was three either (didn't happen to need anything on her birthday).

mummytokdj Sat 15-Dec-12 15:33:32

IMO birthday/christmas presents for any aged arent ment to be "needed" things, there things that a parent should be buying if there needed at the time, christmas and birthdays presents are about getting what you want and spoilt rotten!!

Childhoods such a short time they should treasure there christmas memories

prettybird Sat 15-Dec-12 15:40:26

What memories, age 4 months? confused

mummytokdj Sat 15-Dec-12 15:47:18

In pictures surely all parent like myself take picutres of dc sitting with there pile of presents. Could imagine not buying my 3 dc nothing for a birthday or christmas even though they may not need.

Imo its a wee shame a child if any age not getting toys at this time of year

BackforGood Sat 15-Dec-12 15:48:53

Agree with so many - your colleague sounds the sensible one. Our first dc was 6 months at Christmas, and inundated with more than he could possibly need from Grandparents etc. Our money was better put on one side for the years ahead.

exoticfruits Sat 15-Dec-12 17:39:03

I can't imagine the older DC looking back and saying 'where were my presents' -if they do you could just lie-they won't know!!!
If it ever came up-which I can't for the life of me think why it would-you just tell them that there was no point and the money is in their account. (they will most likely be pleased to have sensible parents and a nest egg)

mummytokdj Sat 15-Dec-12 17:51:57

Id say different read so many posts on here from those who had christmas with no presents as children and none of them were happy.

And a nest egg is great but i would do both imo no presents is just so sad, our youngest is 10 months needed nothing and yet has a massive pile from us not to mention family and she gets so excited looking at them

exoticfruits Sat 15-Dec-12 17:56:00

Good grief-it is a small baby!! They are not going to be complaining that their life was blighted by not getting a Christmas present from parents! Of course you are not happy if you know that you have no presents. All mine loved Christmas as babies, but the empty wrapping paper was the most fun.

exoticfruits Sat 15-Dec-12 17:56:39

They were also incapable of opening the presents anyway!

Tigresswoods Sat 15-Dec-12 17:57:44

All we got DS for his 1st Christmas was some nice books he could keep forever, we wrote a little message in the front to commemorate his 1st Christmas. I think they're quite sensible.

I didn't buy DS1 anything for his first Christmas, as I have a large doting family who I knew would buy too much.
I only bought DD something for hers as DS would have expected it.

yahnyinlondon Sat 15-Dec-12 18:50:32

My DD will be 5 months - I ended up using the poem off Mumsnet -- something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read. Have bought her loads. Two outfits, some sockons, a little miss book set, the Australian Womens Weekly birthday cake books, a highchair and spoons etc, about 5 or 6 inexpensive interactive type toys for 6 - 12 months.

To be fair, I would have bought those things anyway and I haven't bought a single toy for her as we were given a big bag of baby toys plus loads of soft toys for her birth. Our families are both in Australia and they will just give us money or maybe send something small so it will just be us.

prettybird Sat 15-Dec-12 18:56:55

I do have lovely pictures of ds' first Christmas - including a lovely one of him with my mum who died earlier this year. That's what's important, not the materialism.

exoticfruits Sat 15-Dec-12 19:14:35

Exactly, prettybird-stick with the important. By all means buy lots of presents if it makes you happy, but a much loved baby isn't going to care if you don't.

Impatientwino Sat 15-Dec-12 20:10:10

We are going to wean our DS shortly after Christmas and his Christmas 'presents' from us in his stocking are spoons, bowls, a sippy cup, weaning bibs, a plate and lots of small plastic freezer pots!

mummytokdj Sat 15-Dec-12 20:20:06

Because i buy presents my babies arent much loved eh i think not

god get of your high horse my dds feel very loved and get lots of pressies best of both worlds

the books to keep sound beautiful

i just dont agree with the no pressies thats a disgrace and most people i know would agree

NervousAt20 Sat 15-Dec-12 20:24:24

YANBU my DD will be just over 9w and we've got her a few presents.

prettybird Sat 15-Dec-12 21:10:03

No-one has said that if you buy presents for your baby, they are not loved.

What they have argued, is that those that choose not to buy presents, also love their babies. It's not the "buying presents" that proves it. hmm at all those that appear to imply that.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Sat 15-Dec-12 21:12:18

No, not necessary for a baby that young, they have no idea what is going on. Anyway, they get everything they need, whether you call it Christmas presents or A Purchase.

fuckwittery Sat 15-Dec-12 21:29:42

mummytodk you do realise don't you that children generally don't remember much that happened to them before age 3? no-one has suggested not giving a present to a child older than that, or a child who is old enough to anticipate and be excited about a present.
We are discussing not giving a child to a BABY who does not give a fuck about presents, and will not remember whether or not they got a present. Fine, if you want to give your baby presents, you enjoy it. Your baby will like your toys
You are fucking insane suggesting those of us who don't are a disgrace or somehow are going to scar our children for life (mentioning people who remember childhoods with no presents). FFS, when they are old enough to be excited about a present they'll get one. These babies with no presents do have other toys you know.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Sat 15-Dec-12 21:36:28

DS1 was 8 month old for his first Christmas, he had no presents to unwrap. My mum sent me money to buy a Stokke high chair for him for Christmas. Best present he could ever have. Mil sent us a mclaren stroller for Christmas, for him. Excellent. He got Christmas present on his second Christmas because he was excited and could unwrap presents. Ds2 was 6 months for his first Christmas, he got presents because by then ds1 was nearly 4 and HE would question his brother not getting presents.

But for a first born, a tiny baby does not need presents to unwrap.

fuckwittery Sat 15-Dec-12 21:42:18

Yes that's true, I gave my second presents as a baby as her elder sister would have questioned.
I'm possibly abusive because I am thinking this year of telling my two it's Christmas Day a day late, so my DH can be home and not at work. It will mean they don't actually open a single present on Christmas day.

mummytokdj Sat 15-Dec-12 21:49:58

Oh my fuckwittery i clearly said IMO, but as usual people nit pick and read what they want. I certainly have not lowered myself to name calling unlike yourself says alot about your mentality to be honest!!!

Do i agree with no presents.... Hell no bah humbug christmas is for presents IMO

LalyRawr Sat 15-Dec-12 22:04:29

Aww I didn't realise I was in the minority!

My OH is of the same opinion as most of you, that our nearly 10 month old has no clue about anything and its all pretty pointless.

...but I still bought her presents and wrapped them in 'Baby's first Christmas' wrapping paper! Though I do realise everything I have done ( Presents, stockings, letter from Santa) is more for my benefit then hers.

nonameslefttouse Sat 15-Dec-12 22:09:02

Our DD was only 4 months old on her first Christmas we did buy gifts for but mainly for DS benefit to shaw Father Christmas hadn't forgot her, come to think of it think she was still opening them in spring!

monsterchild Sat 15-Dec-12 22:14:41

YANBU to feel as you do, but you are BU to think it's some kind of lack of affection by the parents. His explaination is pretty reasonable, as is yours. You can agree to disagree, and I'm guessing both your kids and his will be ok.

fuckwittery Sun 16-Dec-12 20:54:43

Errr mummyto somespoiltbrats whoever you said this

i just dont agree with the no pressies thats a disgrace and most people i know would agree

So not just expressing your opinion are you? You seem to think you are speaking for the majority of public opinion.

and

Id say different read so many posts on here from those who had christmas with no presents as children and none of them were happy.

REALLY? an impressive survey you've carried out on childhood emotional abuse, with parents who don't give babies presents?

Fuck off dearest to post pictures on facebook of your children surrounded by tons of tat (hope you can afford it and it's not on credit)

MrsDeVere Sun 16-Dec-12 21:09:22

Ahem
I post photos on fb of my DCs surround buried in tons of tat.

I don't think 'non buying babies parents' are abusive though.

Each to their own.

Calling people disgraceful is just silly.

ceeveebee Sun 16-Dec-12 21:25:14

YABU

It's my twins 2nd Christmas - they're 13 mo - and we aren't getting them anything. They have everything they need already. And family will buy lots so really no need.

foreverondiet Sun 16-Dec-12 21:30:09

YABU baby is 6 months old and is not aware of Christmas or presents. I agree only reason to buy is so that older siblings see baby gets something.

fuckwittery Sun 16-Dec-12 21:50:35

sorry, I'm going to apologise for the facebook comment and the snide comment about whether presents were bought on credit. I am just FUMING at the disgrace comment / people with terrible childhoods hmm. emotionally abusive childhoods are a whole different kettle of fish from not buying a baby a present.

MrsDeVere Sun 16-Dec-12 21:55:02

No need to apologise on my behalf.
I was just sayin' s'all grin

You get a lot of nonsense thrown about on here about what is abusive. Now that is a disgrace.

halcyondays Sun 16-Dec-12 23:17:26

Yanbu, mine were 6/7 months when it was their first Xmas, so old enough to play with baby toys.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Mon 17-Dec-12 12:25:27

DD had her first birthday last week.
she had lots of presents, none of which she could work out how to open, but most of which were useful rather than fun!

and it occurs to me now that i didn't take a single photograph of her with her gifts.

prettybird Mon 17-Dec-12 16:15:59

Disgraceful. She'll be scarred for life! wink

weegiemum Mon 17-Dec-12 16:24:48

On my first Christmas, the only present I got was a cuddly panda which I still have. I was 42 yesterday, it came from my great gran and great great auntie. When I got it I was 9 days old!

I love the fact, even now, that I got that one present. I'm still very keen on pandas - for my birthday yesterday I went to Edinburgh Zoo to see the real live ones!

We got a few things for dd1 and ds on their first Christmas, they were almost 11 months. For dd2, nothing much. She was 5 weeks!!

showmethetoys Mon 17-Dec-12 16:31:02

I really dont get the whole buying your baby tons of presents either!

DS was 4 months last xmas and he got a jumperoo as did every other baby on the planet it seemed and this xmas we have also just got him one 'large' toy that I am hoping he will really like. He has already got loads of toys, plus the rest of our family are going to buy him stuff anyway. He is still to young to understand or give a shit, plus I know that I have got years ahead of him telling me exactly what he wants!

I really dont understand the people who not only buy their 6 month old a shitload of toys for christmas, but then do the boakworthy thing of posting a picture of all the toys all wrapped up on xmas eve, onto Facebook. Why would you do this?

usualsuspect3 Mon 17-Dec-12 16:33:37

I would always buy any babies in my family a present at christmas. It would seem odd to me not to.

Like I was leaving them out.

usualsuspect3 Mon 17-Dec-12 16:35:20

I like to see lovely christmas pictures on FB. But then I'm not an old misery.

showmethetoys Mon 17-Dec-12 16:40:38

I love to see xmas pictures too,but I like to see people actually spending time and having fun with each other. Why do I need to see darling little 7 month old Johnnie's christmas haul, who exactly is that sort of photo for?

fishybits Mon 17-Dec-12 16:46:04

DD will be 11 months at Christmas. The pile of presents for her from family is ridiculous. I've told people not to buy anything for her January birthday and we'll split the present pile in two. Her present from us is a stocking filled with shredded paper, loo roll and kitchen towel. The mess will be incredible and I can guarantee that our "present" will be the most fun for her.

So you can add DH and I to the list of disgraceful parents who clearly don't love their children.

OhSantaClaussOhOh Mon 17-Dec-12 16:48:55

I am shock by the several people who say 'Oh I am not buying anything for my 1yo because a lot of other people will do so anyway'.

And then people who then say 'Oh dc is just 1 yo and will not remember so it doesn't matter'

On that sort of line, why on earth would any grandparent or aunty/uncle by anything for the lo??....
And how these people would feel if said GP or PIL were NOT buying a present for the first christmas of their gc....

I agree with usualsuspect. I would always buy something for a lo in the family. So why would I not buy one for my own child confused

OhSantaClaussOhOh Mon 17-Dec-12 16:53:37

@ fishy Why does it have anything to do with not loving your child???
It might be that your present will be the one she will prefer on the day. It might be that the present she will prefer in the long run is one that another member of your family had chosen for her. Who knows??
I don't think anyone has said that their dcs would have no present at all (which would be very mean imo) and sin't your case.

Meggymoodle Mon 17-Dec-12 16:57:51

I think Christmas is totally over commercialized anyway; the idea of perpetuating that and buying for a small baby who has no idea what it's all about seems ludicrous. As someone else has said, it's generally for an older sibling that presents would be a good idea. DD was born 3 weeks before Christmas and didn't get anything for Christmas from anyone which seemed totally reasonable. I am still buying very little for our DC (3 and 2) as they get so much stuff and that is really not what Christmas is about anyway.

CheungFun Mon 17-Dec-12 17:39:15

I agree with the OP, to me it does seem a bit odd not to buy anything at all for a baby. DS was born on Xmas Eve, but we still bought him a few little toys as Christmas presents and DM bought him a lovely teddy bear.

I don't think there's any need to go mad and buying up Hamleys, but I'd definitely buy something.

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