to not be able to get used to DSs name?

(62 Posts)
pageturner1 Sun 09-Dec-12 22:31:16

DS is four months old and I still cannot get used to calling him his name and flinch when I hear others say it. We gave him my favourite name ever but there is something about it that doesn't feel like his name - if that makes sense. I can't work out why this is.

Has anyone else felt like this? If so, how long did it take for you to get used to your DCs name? Is there anyone who is still not comfortable with it? I'm wondering if I'll always feel like this.

Musomathsci Sun 09-Dec-12 22:34:03

How odd! Is it a name that you can shorten? Would that feel any more comfortable?

It's not too late to add another name to his birth certificate (I think) if you are really too uncomfortable to live with it. I'm sure it's possible to change the name in the first few months.

RobinsBaubleSparkles Sun 09-Dec-12 22:35:51

Yeah, I think it's normal. You will get used to it! grin

I felt odd for a while with both my DDs after they were born. DD2 is known mostly by the shortening of her name and, even now at 22 months, it still feels odd if I hear someone call her the long version!

louisianablue2000 Sun 09-Dec-12 22:39:04

You won't always feel like this, it will just become his name when you get out of the post-birth hormonal mess. DD1 and DS got my favourite girl and boy names ever. I have had doubts about both names. On the other hand DD2 didn't get her name until the day after she was born, I've never had any doubt about it despite it being the name most people here find challenging. The difference was DD2's birth and first few months were as good as you could hope so I was in a lovely happy bubble.

Jojobells1986 Sun 09-Dec-12 22:39:57

I'm not wildly keen about my DS's name. He's an individual & therefore it doesn't seem right that he doesn't have a completely unique name. It's ridiculous but I just couldn't find a name that was just 'him'. DH had to choose the name! I've mostly gotten over it now that he's nearly 14 months but I still have moments where it sounds odd! hmm

threesocksfullofchocs Sun 09-Dec-12 22:40:43

I took a while to get used to dd's name, no idea why(well I do but not the thread for that) but I got over it.

TooImmatureMincePies Sun 09-Dec-12 22:42:00

I still feel surprised when people refer to DD (9 months) by her name. I always call her Bean or Monkey. blush I do love the name, though.

duke Sun 09-Dec-12 22:46:34

I couldn't call my ds1 by his name as it seemed too old and was a bit unusual so I called him 'baby' for 6 months and used a shortening of his name, then I met a baby with the shortened version of his name as their full name and thought no your not going to be called that so called him his old sounding name from that day on. He's 8 now and it really suits him.

hiviolet Sun 09-Dec-12 22:50:29

I do think it's normal. For me it felt like my daughter was too little to have a "proper" name, so I would use pet names for her instead. I definitely felt strange calling her by her name. Things changed as she got bigger and gained a personality grin

steppemum Sun 09-Dec-12 22:51:42

I do think that certain names are right for certain children. I chose names for all of mine, but it wasn't until I met them that I really knew if that name was right for them. My mum named me and then chnage dit 48 hours later having decided it just wasn't me.
My favourite girl's name just wasn't right for dd1, and we called her something else which suits her. We used my favourite name for dd2 and it suits her.
So yes, I do think that even if it is a favourite name, it might not 'fit' your dc.

But I am not sure what you can do now. Can you use a middle name as his everyday name? Or add a name? Or use a short version of it?

In the end I think you would get used to it, but better decide now rather than later.

Princesspond Sun 09-Dec-12 22:57:41

Just for your info, I think you are allowed to change their name before they are one relatively easily.

pageturner1 Sun 09-Dec-12 22:59:07

Thanks for replying. Steppemum, DS does have a middle name but I'm not really a fan of using middle names day to day as always think it could be confusing - having to explain that his name is x but is known as y. Its possible to change a babys birth certificate up to 12 months but I didnt really want to do this -am just hoping to get used to his name.

Softlysoftly Sun 09-Dec-12 23:04:03

Names imbue personalities, especially if you have had it in your head before baby even arrived.

Unfortunately newborns don't really have the big personalities to match, they are insular and unconnected but for feeding and pooing so I think they don't live up to a name.

Both my girls have long names they will grow into as adults and shortened/nicknames that they grew into about 6 months.

DD2 is 7 months and has only just taken ownership of her name as her mega personality stamps itself all over it grin

So don't fret it just call your DS monkeychops, or chipmunk or stinkybum until he makes his name his own usually when you begin yelling "Englebert put the squirrel DOWN!"

InExitCelsisDeo Sun 09-Dec-12 23:06:06

So what is it that you don't like? It was the name you chose, but it doesn't suit him?

steppemum Sun 09-Dec-12 23:08:08

softly, you have reminded me that I actually called ds 'little bunny' for months, until I realised maybe it would stick and he would be stuck with this baby nickname! Didn't use his real name for ages. It is really fab on him now aged 10

cece Sun 09-Dec-12 23:10:55

I must admit I didn't really like the names I chose for my DC after I had given it to them. Especially DD I felt exactly as you say you do. She is 11 now and it is her name and it suits her but it took me a while to get used to it.

DS1 and 2 were the same but now their names are perfect for them.

pageturner1 Sun 09-Dec-12 23:12:26

InExit, I still like the name but it doesn't feel like DSs name. I don't know if it suits him or not as I'm not sure if any person actually 'suits' a name - a name just becomes theirs - if you see what I mean!

InExitCelsisDeo Sun 09-Dec-12 23:13:55

I know what you mean. But if it doesn't sit right with you, is there another name that does?

buzzbuzzbuzzingBee Sun 09-Dec-12 23:33:21

That happened to me with DD1 and DS1's names. It took about a year for DD1's name to suit her- even then it was a shortened version, and until about 8mnths for DS1. If it feels more comfortable, call him honeybun/honeybunny, little monkey, beansprout, pooeybum, whatever (they've all been baby nicknames for my DCs at some point blush), because babies are perfect for ridiculous, adorable nicknames because they can't get annoyed or embarrassed about them.

TheHoneyDragonsDrunkInTheIvy Sun 09-Dec-12 23:40:13

It is weird naming a little being that still feels very much part of you. It will be fine, baby's aren't one for good manners and don't need to be formally addressed smile

Viviennemary Sun 09-Dec-12 23:46:57

I think it does sound a bit strange this little being has a name in the first few weeks. If you really feel it isn't him think about changing it. If you have another name you'd like.

AcidTurkishBath Sun 09-Dec-12 23:57:23

I felt really odd calling ds by his name. He's 5 now and I've slipped into using his middle name. I actually like his middle name a lot less but it suits him more. He knows to reply to both names and I usually introduce him as his first name. It's really only for school and to friends that we point out he uses his middle name. It isn't a hassle so don't rule it out as an option.

MammaTJ Mon 10-Dec-12 00:04:13

My DS is 6. I like his first name but his middle name seems wrong. He seems to like it though.

GrimAndHumourlessAndEven Mon 10-Dec-12 00:04:32

I called DS1 The Baby for many months; I struggled with bonding as it was a traumatic delivery and he was in scbu for a while and didn't feel mine iyswim.

This passed by his first birthday

zipzap Mon 10-Dec-12 00:16:13

It took us until the day before the limit was up to choose ds2's name - we'd got the registrar's appointment booked for that day and so had to have something! He was known by a nickname that ds1 (then 2.5) had chosen when he was still a bump - and named after ds1's favourite nursery rhyme rather than an actual person per se so not really a name that you could carry through into real life (think 'Twinkle Twinkle' except it was a different rhyme).

I was happy with the name we chose for him in the end - and it does suit him. However the name I would have liked him to have dh vetoed because it is ancient egyptian and he just thought it was wrong. I've always liked it and thought it would have been a bit different, plus it could have had lots of different nicknames from it, from interesting to some that could also have come from a normal top100 type name if he wanted to play down his interesting name in years to come.

When it came to second names - having taken so long with the first, there wasn't that much time for the second. I still have no idea how we ended up with Edward as a second name when:
1) we didn't want to use names of friends or family and it is the name of a good friend
2) It's fairly close to dh's name and nicknames are often interchangeable between the two
3) It's an ok name I suppose but it hasn't ever shown up on either my list or dh's lists of names for ds1 or ds2 and isn't one that I could imagine myself choosing.

I still to this day wonder what the hell happened. And it still feels wrong as a name for ds2 (now4).

I burst into tears in the registrar's office - I couldn't believe we were using it and it just seemed wrong - the registrar bless her left us alone to have another conversation while she went and did the next people after us as they were already there, then came back to us. partly because we couldn't get another appointment before the deadline date and partly because by that time dh wanted edward as the second name we ended up with it hmm.

I also wanted to add my surname in as a second middle name but dh refused because we hadn't done it for ds1 so he thought it would be unfair for ds2 to have it and not ds1, and also unfair if ds1 had to have his name changed when he was 3 and thus used to it. First time round, when naming ds1, there was a lot of other stuff going on, dh was very ill, I was pretty ill, so I was just glad that I'd managed to get to the registrar (then lived in a different place). So much going on that I didn't think about adding my name in, which would have been sensible as I haven't changed my name after getting married and it could be handy to have my name at least in the ds' names.

So no - yadnbu if you can't find yourself liking your ds's name. Do you find yourself calling him something else when you are thinking about him or talking to him when you are on your own, different from what you would call him when others are around? I used to find myself thinking of ds2 as the nickname of the name I would have liked him to have and it took a long time to train myself not to! And of course - post pg hormones throw into the mix don't help at all!

Good luck - hope it all settles down and feels ok soon, and that if it doesn't then you are able to find a solution that you are happy with...

I couldn't go into the registry office to register dd2. I was so disappointed that she wouldn't be called the name I loved that I knew I'd burst into tears when I was asked for the name.

Now I feel bad because I was there for the registration of dd1 but not her. And I've grown to accept the name I guess.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 00:42:14

Why don't you choose another name you like - one that you would consider changing it to and use that for a few days - see if you feel any differently. It might be the actual name that's causing you this problem, but it might just be using any name on such a scrap of a thing smile Most names see far far far too much for a tiny baby - even if it's only Ann or Ben!

DoingItOnTheRoofTopWithSanta Mon 10-Dec-12 01:05:21

you'll get used to it

SantaWearsGreen Mon 10-Dec-12 09:05:24

Yeah tis normal. I called mine 'baby' for the first month because I couldn't link that baby that was nameless inside me for so long with said name, was just too weird. DC3 has a long grown up name, we shorten it and she always goes by it. We feel really odd calling her the long name and when people do I do cringe a bit. Its more for her official name when she's older and gets a job above all. It just isn't babyish.

Shorten it, or lengthen it to (for example) Jacky because Jack can't be shortened but if you add a y on the end it feels more baby-like iyswim.

GlaikitFizzogTheChristmasElf Mon 10-Dec-12 09:18:18

I had a wobble with DSs name and found it really hard to call him but it around 3 months even though, like you, it's a name I love and we had decided on it long before he was born, but I really felt disconnected from it.

Now he is 19 months and his name suits him so so much, I actually feel a bit silly about my wobble.

I think how you are feeling is quite normal, probably something to do with hormones! They get blamed for everything else!

lola88 Mon 10-Dec-12 12:35:04

We picked DS's name when i was about 6months preg because it was the only name we both loved i hated DP's other names and he hated mine so when we spoke about the baby in private we called him his name, when he was born it felt funny to call him the name even though we had been calling him it for months. I used to txt DP saying 'he' has just been fed' 'he's' just done xyz it took me a few months to start getting used to it.

DP said he felt strange saying his name at work because it's quite an unusual name so called him 'the wee man' (we're from glasgow it's normal) for a good while.

KitCat26 Mon 10-Dec-12 12:47:08

Yes. DD1's name.

Her proper name is DH's favourite, her nickname is my favourite. She has always been known as her nickname but will answer to her official name if needs be. I still find it odd if I have to use her proper name like at the Drs and she is 3 now.

Jingleflobba Mon 10-Dec-12 13:03:15

I know you said you don't like using middle names for day to day but could I advise against doing it anyway?
DH is known by his middle name to family and friends. Always has been. On official stuff he is known by his 'real' first name. I can't tell you how much confusion this has caused! He's 40 now and still has to explain so many times about his name it gets tedious...
One day springs to mind actually, DD answered the phone and someone asks for Mr X Flobba. She (7yo) says "who?" Before I get to the phone and go through the usual thing of "yes, He lives here, just a moment" and then explain to DD that Daddy has 2 names he uses, some people call him X but we know him as Y.
And the conversation we had with the vicar about which name he wanted to use at our wedding had to be heard to be believed...

screamingeels Mon 10-Dec-12 13:15:39

I'm glad to hear I am not the only nutter that doesn't like the name they gave their DC. I still don't really like DD's and she's 5. All the reasons that we chose it still exist: its got loads of nicknames so she'll have some choice to mould it herself, it goes really well with DH's tricky surname (so tricky I never bothered changing mine) and I love what it means. But I just don't like it - I call her a nickname I invented, not any of the many official ones, or what DS has been calling her since he started to talk. I like DS's name though, although I expect its probably looked down on on here as its very common (popular rather than 'as muck') - oh and I hate my own I've never been able to relate it to me and I'd rather people didn't use it.

DollySistersBrothersFatherXmas Mon 10-Dec-12 13:19:20

You say it's your favourite name. If this is the case you've probably had it in your head for a while along with a mental picture of what someone with that name looks like or what someone with that name behaves like. (For example I'm always surprised if I meet a Cathy who is brunette. In my head Cathys are blonde, Kathys are brunette iyswim?)

Could it be that now you've got this whole new person who doesn't fit your mental image, and much as you love the name you think it doesn't suit him?

The thing is he's now four months old and his personality is about to burst through. Before you know it he will define his name, it will be his appearance and his personality that will spring to mind when you hear his name.

If you love the name, stick with it. It's his. It's the first gift you gave him. And it's the one you've always loved.

DollySistersBrothersFatherXmas Mon 10-Dec-12 13:20:41

You say it's your favourite name. If this is the case you've probably had it in your head for a while along with a mental picture of what someone with that name looks like or what someone with that name behaves like. (For example I'm always surprised if I meet a Cathy who is brunette. In my head Cathys are blonde, Kathys are brunette iyswim?)

Could it be that now you've got this whole new person who doesn't fit your mental image, and much as you love the name you think it doesn't suit him?

The thing is he's now four months old and his personality is about to burst through. Before you know it he will define his name, it will be his appearance and his personality that will spring to mind when you hear his name.

If you love the name, stick with it. It's his. It's the first gift you gave him. And it's the one you've always loved.

DollySistersBrothersFatherXmas Mon 10-Dec-12 13:23:14

Bahh! Not sure how I did that confused

vitaminC Mon 10-Dec-12 13:24:41

I didn't get used to my middle DD's name until she started speaking and calling herself that name.

I always used a pet name for her, until one day she actually told me she didn't like it and would rather be called by her real name! So we started using her name and it started to fit her.

She's 10 and it really suits her now, but it certainly took a couple of years for her to grow into it smile

Theicingontop Mon 10-Dec-12 13:29:42

My son was 'little D' or 'baby' for the first few months. I forced myself to start using his name and it was so strange for a while. I actually love his name, I think it was just habit. You'll get used to it smile

My mum told me a few years ago she wished she'd called me Kate. (I'm 36)

I love the name, it feels much more right than my actual name, which I hate.

BigShinyBaubles Mon 10-Dec-12 13:41:29

You'll get used to it in time, do you use a nickname at all? I call mu youngest DS Titch most of the time.
My eldest DS is called Matthew..My favourite boys name ever. I never shorten but my DH calls him Matt or Maffew because he can't pronounce 'th''s driven me bonkers for the last 13 years!!

skatebauble Mon 10-Dec-12 13:43:09

If it helps, i didnt call my ds my favourite name and regret it. I also thought about a v unusual name which has a common nickname. I regret that too. Whenever i hear a child called my favourite name i feel a tiny bit sad i didnt call him it. I probably always will.
He has a name that was on the list for dc1. Im not sure i like his name now but he suits it and has grown into it. Probably when he was about 18 months.

skatebauble Mon 10-Dec-12 13:45:26

big you have just made me a tiny bit sad. grin

notcitrus Mon 10-Dec-12 13:46:14

Took me ages to get used to ds being called by his name - I think we spent most of the first year referring to him as That Baby, young feller-me-baby, munchkin, gillikin, samosa, etc.
It was only once he was at nursery around a year and other people used his name all the time and finally when he had toddler friends using it that I got properly used to it. We chose the name finally when I was about 8 months pregnant though I was furious after birth when MrNC started dithering about how maybe we should use the middle name instead (which we'd ruled out for embarrassing initials and being hard to say).

So I suspect your ds will grow into the name, given it's one you've always loved.

With dd we chose her name about 10 years before she was born and it seemed to fit immediately - though she's known as name-baby most of the time.

QuietNinjaChristmasSpecial Mon 10-Dec-12 13:53:12

After 9 months of calling ds baby it was very weird to start saying his name. Took a little while to get used to it and for a while he was known as baby ds name as baby kept slipping out. It's normal, you'll get used to it.

We call DD2 chicken. We started to make more of an effort to call her by her name when we pointed to her in the mirror, asked her who is it, and she said "Chicken".

OP you are completely normal.

That does sound strange. You can change it though up to a certain time on the birth cert if you don't like it that much.

I called my kids names from my dps family, but if I'm truly honest they weren't the names I'd always had in mind. They fit well though now!

Feminine Mon 10-Dec-12 17:14:19

I made a mistake with our second sons name.

Thought about changing it for ages. Its a lovely name, but its constantly spelt wrong (by others) and it only has 5 letters!

It can't be shortened either. As I'm typing, I realize that his name does suit him, but still I'm left wondering if I made a mistake?

YANBU smile I guess it happens.

Lastofthepodpeople Mon 10-Dec-12 19:04:31

YANBU. It took me a while to get used to DSs name. I've actually got into the habit now of calling him by the shortened version which I couldn't stand preDS but now is just his name. I think its fairly normal.

Scheherezade Mon 10-Dec-12 19:12:52

I called my DS 'baby' for the first 6 months!

I never call my dcs by their actual names anyway. Everyone calls dd, who is Chrissy after dps mum, Mini or Moomin, and ds, who is Edward after dp, Littlest, Brainiac, Eddie or Hedwig.

I wanted to call them Holly and Harry! wink

We called our son Ryan. It was comfortably normal but not over used... except that the months before he was born the footballer Ryan Giggs was very much in the news. Not being a football fan I had no idea and it was only after we'd registered the name that a midwife mentioned that he was the third Ryan born that day and the sixth that week. Every time we told anyone his name they said 'oh, after the footballer?'. I was really tempted to change his name and for months he was known as Baby, then gradually BabyRyan. By the time he went to school I'd got used to it and yup, there was one of the other Ryans in his class, sharing his birthday. grin

catgirl1976geesealaying Mon 10-Dec-12 20:36:48

DH wanted a certain name (Tristan) for DS

I really didn't like it but it meant a lot to him so I said ok (minutes after a forceps delivery in theatre, prepped for an EMCS) hmm

I have only just got used to it a year on grin

But I have got used to it........

catgirl1976geesealaying Mon 10-Dec-12 20:38:28

Oh........and we never call him Tristan

He is a multitude of nick names or T

Or his middle name

Boris blush

acceptableinthe80s Mon 10-Dec-12 20:55:25

I changed my mind when ds was 4 days old, just didn't suit him. I still find it weird calling by his name sometimes and often use affectionate terms instead.

PoppyPrincess Mon 10-Dec-12 23:54:36

YANBU I was the same with DS and my DD is now 3&1/2 months old and I still have moments when I think 'is that really her name?'
I think it can just take a while to get used to it, I think with most names you have an image of what ppl with that name look like so it can be strange getting used to it belonging to your baby.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE DD's name, we didn't know whether we were having a girl or a boy but the thought of me having a boy and not being able to use her name brought a tear to my eye...but it still feels strange calling her her name sometimes.
I used to feel the same when DS was a baby but now I don't even give it any thought.
You'll get used to it, just give it time x

VikingLady Tue 11-Dec-12 08:58:19

It still feels odd using DD's name, and she is 9m. She usually gets Stinkerbell, or Babba. Not quite sure how these became her usual names!

rubycon Tue 11-Dec-12 09:04:22

I was just listening to an item on names - I didn't know you could change it legally during the first year - not the surname, just the first name.

Psammead Tue 11-Dec-12 09:13:14

I call DD2 baby, and called Dd1 baby for ages, too. She's too little for an actual people name grin

salemsparklys Tue 11-Dec-12 11:17:39

I want to know all these names now lol

Tailtwister Tue 11-Dec-12 11:28:34

It took me ages to get used to DS1's name. It's DH's Grandfather's name and I was adamant I didn't want it initially (had a PITA neighbour once with the same name). Just after DS was born (literally minutes after!) they asked us if we had a name and DH asked me what he liked that particular name and I agreed to it (would have agreed to anything at that point!). After everyone had been told, there really wasn't anything I could do. Took me a while to get used to it, but after a while I did and now I quite like it!

LedaOfSparta Tue 11-Dec-12 11:54:05

My DD is 13 weeks old and we didn't name her for 24 hrs as we wanted to look properly at our shortlist. DH wouldn't even entertain my favourite ( Claudia) and it came down to 2 both of which I liked but 1 was more unusual than the other.

We went with the unusual one but I didn't realise it was so unheard of, everyone gets it wrong, everyone expects me to have some elaborate story for having chosen it and it's not their fault but it gets on my wick!

I love the name and hope she grows into it but can't help thinking I should have gone with something else off my list.

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