To give my DSILs a mouthful?

(111 Posts)
designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 15:52:34

My DSIL, her wife and their twin DDs (9months) have come to stay. They have been living in San Fran while my DSIL's wife (also SIL, obvs. but it gets confusing... will use DSILW for speed) has been studying and SIL has been on Mat leave.

SIL can't get a visa to work in the US so they are back, and staying with us until they decide what they're doing... It depends, apparently, on which job DSILW will get/take, one here or one in Europe.

It's only been 3 days but I've had it already...

I KNOW they have twins, but there are two of them as well, neither working at the moment, and my house looks like a bomb site.

They are still on West Coast Time, which means that they are bathing their twins at 1am, up most of the night and the squawking babies are keeping everyone up, including my DDs.They are making no effort to adjust their children's body clocks. We gently suggested that maybe, at 10pm last night they ought to consider waking their DDs from their 'nap' to try and ease them towards UK time. "We don;t believe in waking them when they're sleeping because they'll be really grumpy...". NOt half as f-ing grumpy as we will be if you keep us up all night again...

They are, having had twins the bloody EXPERTS in bloody EVERYTHING parenting related, and are constantly being disapproving of things in a rather snooty way "Well, WE don't think..." "When you have TWINS...." "WE don't believe in television, could we turn it off?" (Um, no, it's Saturday and my DDs are knackered because your DDs kept them up all night so they are being allowed to watch a film and eat sandwiches on the sofa.) "We believe in all eating TOGETHER at the table". Etc. They haven't done the 'terrible twos' yet, I wat to tell them to F-off and come back to me in five years. Every bloody sentence starts with "When you have twins...". They're still bloody babies, love. Not a different species. And having 2x 9 month olds doesn't give you a position from whch to advise me on raising my 5 year old and my 2.5 year old.

We were making creamy porridge for breakfast, and offered some to their DDs. They asked if it was made with cows milk. We said "naturally"... They looked like we were going to poison their DDs and said "We're not introducing cows milk until they are 12 months old. Can you make some with formula?". They are feeding them yoghurt and cheese. I suggested in that being the case that some cows milk in some porridge wouldn't kill them, and that, AFAIU, it's just that cows milk ought not to be given as a main drink before then. Cue much sighing and "We just don't think it's good for them." Twits.

They are CONSTANTLY scathing about the UK. The weather. The "lack of things to do with children". (We live in nappy valley. Seriously. They just haven't looked). The fact that you don't get monthly checkups with a paediatrician as standard. (Their kids are perfectly healthy, but they seem to like getting monthly bloods done for fun..). The fact it's SO HARD to drive anywhere, and, really how can we get anywhere WITH TWINS without a car? (Um, use your f-ing Bugaboo Donkey, perhaps?). I feel like telling them to f-off back to the US if it's so star spangled awesome.

They're going to my in-laws for Christmas, but will be back with us in Jan until they sort themselves out.

Gees. I'm going to combust.


catgirl1976geesealaying Sun 09-Dec-12 15:54:52

They do sounds really annoying

But they are right about the cows milk. It's not recommended before 12 months but other dairy eg yoghurt is fine

On everything else YANBU

onyx72 Sun 09-Dec-12 15:55:12



catgirl1976geesealaying Sun 09-Dec-12 15:56:14

Sorry - I mis-read

A bit of cows milk on some cereal would have been fine

FunnysFuckingFreezing Sun 09-Dec-12 15:56:28

and how much longer are they staying with you? Could you move to a Hotel? You have my every sympathy, they sound awful

squeakytoy Sun 09-Dec-12 15:56:31

It sounds like hell.. cant they go and rent a flat somewhere?

They do sound like stereo-typical californian health freaks (I have many friends who live in CA, and the majority of them are this neurotic and bonkers!).

Fakebook Sun 09-Dec-12 15:57:36

No, you can introduce cows milk in food from 6 months. My son has been having creamy porridge since 6 months made with cows milk. It's just having it as a replacement for formula or breast milk before 12 months.

Your sil's sound annoying. Yanbu.

SoldeInvierno Sun 09-Dec-12 16:00:46

they sound like very hard work. However, regarding milk, they are correct. Even in UK the recommendation is not to introduce cow's milk until much later than 9 months.

Can you set a date by which they need to have sorted themselves out or rent a place of their own? What does DH think?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Sun 09-Dec-12 16:01:12

DD has traveled trans-Atlantically (is that a word) a few times now. She is 2. She is a professional at it. She can be easily adjusted to the new time within a week at the most. Me, not so much.

I think the issue is their insistence that their way is best. By all means parent differently DSIL and DSILW but let your hosts live their way as well.

HairyGrotter Sun 09-Dec-12 16:02:14

Oh God, sounds awful sad

YANBU here's a glass wine

Chottie Sun 09-Dec-12 16:03:03

Firstly, you are a very kind person to take the four of them into your home. It's a lot of people. shock Before they come back, can you have a discussion about how long they will be staying with you? It sounds a bit open ended at present and that is not fair on all of you.

If they want special stuff for their children, I would suggest they get it themselves (to ensure it's the right stuff wink) Don't they realise they they are guests in someone else's home?!?!?

SamSmalaidh Sun 09-Dec-12 16:05:30

Solde, you can introduce cow's milk from 6 months. What do you think formula, cheese and yoghurt is made of anyway?

ChunkyPickle Sun 09-Dec-12 16:06:02

Do you have enough space that they could have a kind of private sitting room? When DP, I and DS were living with MIL and FIL we had 2 rooms, one which we all shared as a bedroom, and one which we used as a sitting room where we could retreat and watch our own TV/eat dinner on our own etc. Because even though M/FIL were super nice, and really easy to live with, sometimes you need your own space.

Not even trying to switch their times over is crazy - like Mrs Terry, DS, DP and I adjust within a couple of days when we moved 8 hours time difference. We generally find it easier to make the adjustment quickly rather than drag it out!

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 16:07:13

Cows milk IN FOOD people. Just in food...

I know this a common misconception, I don't blame them for it.

I do get pee'd off with them for the 'shock and horror' face at the suggestion while they sit and feed their DDs cheese strings...

I understand that it can take a few days to get synched time-wise. But you can try to help them along a bit... By maybe cutting short their 9pm nap (i.e. not allow them to sleep for 3-4 hours, then be up and squawking from 1am - 3am...


ChunkyPickle Sun 09-Dec-12 16:12:07

Ugh Cheese Strings - DS wanted to try some the other day so I got a pack, he took one bite and handed them back, so I gave them a taste, and they tasted of absolutely nothing... May as well just have fun ripping them to pieces and then put them straight in the bin for all the flavour they have.

(mind you, I have a strange boy who would eat picked beetroot by the bucketload given half a chance, so perhaps we just don't have tastebuds for subtle food)

Feel for you!!

PrincessScrumpy Sun 09-Dec-12 16:14:16

I would write a list of house rules for everyone and make it clear that any criticism of your parenting is most unwelcome.

I have 15mo twins and a 4yo, and dh works long hours - my house is tidy-ish (not like it was pre kids in fairness) and I'm no expert on anything... amazingly my 3 dc seem happy so I'd like to take some credit but every child is so different. Sounds like they've read some books, just take a deep breath and smile smugly that they clearly have no idea what is coming! smile

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 16:15:36

Sadly, although we have a big enough house it's kind of open plan, so not really anywhere to get away from each other. Certainly not enough space for a separate living room!

I'm sure they won't stay that long in January. After all, I clearly am hell bent on poisoning their DDs with cows milk and polluting their delicate minds with Winnie The Pooh films. It's a hazardous environment for Californian kids, right enough. Best get them out of it double quick.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall at Christmas when 'D'FIL attempts to sneak biltong to them when mummies aren't looking...


designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 16:18:29

wine wine wine
thank you...

StuntGirl Sun 09-Dec-12 16:18:42

They are rude and inconsiderate. You need to spell out some ground rules, and definitely a date by which they'll be leaving. You are asking for trouble otherwise!

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Sun 09-Dec-12 16:31:01

ChunkyPickle I had the same from DD with cheese strings. I was very smug proud. I have a child who will eat handfuls of broccoli so similar to yours.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Sun 09-Dec-12 16:32:34

However, regarding milk, they are correct. Even in UK the recommendation is not to introduce cow's milk until much later than 9 months.

no they are not, and no it is not.

They sound a pita and I would be speaking to them. What has your dh said?

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 16:40:48

Dh? Lots of eye rolling.

He's being very patient. Especially for him...

I think we're both biting our tongues until they leave, and maybe will lay down the law more in Jan if/when they return...

I'm almost hoping they don't settle near us now, tbh.


thebody Sun 09-Dec-12 16:42:01

Lol re cows milk.. Mine had it at 3 months and shock horror are now strapping healthy lads of 23 and 21.. I kind of just ignored 'fashionable' dietary advice from so calked professionals for younger 2 as its all just crap really..

You need to tell them to leave and book into a hotel as you obviously cannot offer them or their children a safe environment!!

nannyl Sun 09-Dec-12 16:47:02

formula IS cow milk (at least most of the brands are)

have you pointed that out to them..... that their babies ARE drinking cow milk

and you are correct cow milk is fine in cooking from 6m, and babies who are mostly BF can also safely drink whole cows milk occasionaly from 6m too


VintageNancy Sun 09-Dec-12 16:50:53

We live in California and I too got told the milk thing but that yoghurt is fine. I follow UK weaning advice though ;).

We flew back to the UK recently and after 2 days we were all on the right time zone. Coming back to the US was a different story though!

Your SILs sound like a nightmare.

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight Sun 09-Dec-12 16:53:34

Have you tried the head tilt look of concern masking annoyance, along with "Is that what they tell you over there?" or, cheery laugh, "Oh bless. I don't know I got on without all that carry on".

They'll be packing their bags and fleeing within 72 hours.

Is this just pfb craziness or do you normally get on all right?

I was wondering what bradyismyfavouritewiseman just asked, what's your DH's take on this? I hope he's helping clear the mess!

CarlingBlackMabel Sun 09-Dec-12 16:55:26

OMG, they are insufferable!

Can your DH have a word with his sister? (I assume that is the SIL connection?)

Don't give them a mouthful, find a way to stand your ground in a firm but reasonable way.

Requests to turn off the TV? "Ah, well it's part of our children's life occasionally and i'm fine with that so I'll let them finish watching this film". Staying up all night? "I know it's hard and it must be extra hard with twins, but as my children need their rest can we keep the noise down in the night, please?"

Ignore health pfb lunacy, we've all done it over something, just let them make their own porrige etc. Ignore, ignore, ignore, while smiling inwardly to yourself.

One of the things I like, in general, about Americans is that they speak directly and can be spoken to directly without people taking the hump as they might here, so be calm and direct over yor own needs.

But rarely was a wine more deserved.

ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay Sun 09-Dec-12 17:03:00

I'm in nappy valley as well and have a 6 month old. If they can't find anything to do they are seriously lacking imagination!

Anything I can do to help persuade them France would be a wonderful place to settle, let me know.

Hope venting on here helps. RL wine is also a good idea....

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 17:04:22

Um, I get on ok with DSIL generally. DSILW is a bit trickier. Generally a bit opinionated and superior, (and a bit of a sh*t shirrer to boot).

So, half and half. I think they have PFB lunacy x2 for twins and x2 again for doing birth and the first 9 months in California.

Not Americans... DSIL is from South Africa (as per DH). DSILW is German... Not that I'm stereotyping. Much...

I am going to try and be a bit more assertive, and try and find a way to respond to the patronising/disapproving stuff, I think.

I'm usually quite passive agressive by temperament, but I need to not let them be how they have been, IYSWIM.


ChristmasTreegles Sun 09-Dec-12 17:04:35

I would say that it might be easier for them to stay in a hotel or B&B rather than struggling to adjust to living in your house. Suggest it. grin Offer to allow them to use your internet to find something quickly.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 09-Dec-12 17:07:43

They sound annoying. When are they leaving? I think you need to set an end date v soon and bite your tongue except about the evening napping (which is beyond unreasonable and directly affects your family).

ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay Sun 09-Dec-12 17:08:16

Clearly what you need to do is offer to take dtwins to baby rhyme time and leave them with your overtired 2.5 year old!

Of course then they will just talk amongst themselves about how badly brought up DD is. But they'll only be smug for about another 18 months.....

SeasonallySnowyPeasant Sun 09-Dec-12 17:11:04

YANBU. Can you get them deported? I'm sure someone on MN has good contacts at the Home Office...

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 17:17:09

Overtired DD2 and the DSILs would be an interesting one. grin

But, if I'm honest, the twins are super high-maintenance. One refuses to be put down, ever. they both whinge CONSTANTLY. And they seem to be having milk feeds every five minutes... Bottles EVERYWHERE all over the house.

(TBH DD2 probably drank just as much, but because it was BF I barely noticed. As it is, bottle making seems to be an endless task...)

No, um, no thanks!

Can't get them deported. Despite their obvious disdain for the UK DSIL has a citizenship and DSILW is obs. EU.

Good thought though and v. tempting...

What will be fun will be to hear reports of their three weeks with my 'deeply intolerant of mess and disruption' inlaws.



Tell them you've bought a lovely lunch for the twins - a lovely greggs sausage roll, some pom bears and a fruit shoot, with a big bag of haribo for pudding grin

Seriously though, YANBU, especially about the sleep thing. I would not accept being woken in the middle of the night by anyone but DD who is in her own time zone apparently.

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Sun 09-Dec-12 17:18:31

They asked you to turn off your television in your house while your children were watching a film?


Who the fuck do they think they are?

I think that was the point at which in needed pointing out to them that you are doing them a massive favour and that they are free to fuck off if your generosity doesn't meet their approval.

SeasonallySnowyPeasant Sun 09-Dec-12 17:21:39

If deportation isn't on the cards then what Sleighbells said.

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 17:26:13

Can citizenship be revoked?

Presumably I'd only have to get one of them deported and the other would follow?

<off to Greggs grin>

OscarPistoriusBitontheside Sun 09-Dec-12 17:27:36

So you have 2 Saffers and a German, 2 of them via the land of fruit and nuts and with with PFB x 2 going on? not wildly stereotyping at all

Jesus wept OP I salute you! wink

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 17:35:45

Oscar, well, yes...

And don't forget my two DDs who are half Saffer each (and therefore amount to a whole extra Saffer between them), plus their two are half Saffer, half German and 100% Californian.

Stuff the wine, I'm hitting the gin.

I'm a minority in my own home. <Weeps>

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 17:38:10

I'm also going to bug their luggage, so as to hear the moment (about a week from now) when MIL goes into a indignant rant about them "Making extra work for the maids!"


designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 17:45:52

Actually, I forgot for a minute that their two aren't actually half German, since DSILW is a woman and therefore unable to provide the required DNA. blush

I have no idea what nationality their other half is... blush

I did remark how much like DSILW one of them looked (she does!) and they were a bit hmm. Perhaps they thought I was taking the piss. I wasn't. I just genuinely forgot they weren't biologically related...

blush blush

Maybe they think I'm an utter cow?!

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Sun 09-Dec-12 17:56:07


My (internationally adopted) cousin looks just like his sister, who is of different genetic parentage and a different ethnicity.

It happens.

designerbaby Sun 09-Dec-12 17:58:05


They're super sensitive though...

NeedlesCuties Sun 09-Dec-12 18:06:02

OP, you earned your wine when you said they're up at 1am bathing their girls!

You are more forgiving and patient than I would be...

Sometimes I actually am thankful for having a small house! grin

WayneDeer Sun 09-Dec-12 18:09:40

Break out the pickled eggs, it's time for the guests to move on

Willdoitinaminute Sun 09-Dec-12 18:17:48

Tell them there's an outbreak of norovirus at your dd school. You won't see them for dust since D &V in twins is exponentially worse.

Sokmonsta Sun 09-Dec-12 18:23:46

Bucketfuls of gin for you x

Have they contacted the local hv about the twins? Might be someone who can indirectly support you/advise them on all things uk baby (and steers the flack away from you).

Also, could you invest in something like this huge piece of furniture to divide a room? You might be able to get even a second hand one cheaply as a temporary measure if they're sticking around for a while. It's not ideal but might give you somewhere to hide.

lashingsofbingeinghere Sun 09-Dec-12 18:45:03

I would tactfully suggest they look for a short let flat where they will be so much more comfortable.

SeasonallySnowyPeasant Sun 09-Dec-12 18:47:53

Babies pick up their facial expressions by copying their carers so it makes sense that you would spot similarities between your DN and SILW. DS has my twinkly-eyed mischief grin grin

goralka Sun 09-Dec-12 18:51:44

tell them that lots of people have twins and its not that different from having two close in age, and plenty of people in your area manage perfectly well without a car.
They sound unbearable, especially moaning about the UK, if it is so terrible offer them a taxi ride to the airport.

LemonBreeland Sun 09-Dec-12 18:57:56

They sound awful. I think your dh needs to sit them down re: the mess and the time zone issues. They are not respecting the needs of your family at all.

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Sun 09-Dec-12 19:30:41

I agree with Lemon - a bit of direct talking is called for. Tell them they need to keep their stuff reasonably tidy, and pick up after themselves, and they especially need to sort out the twins' sleep routine, because it is utterly unreasonable and selfish for them to disturb 4 other people's sleep.

And when they criticise your parenting, say "we clearly have different parenting styles. I am being polite and not criticising yours, please have the good manners not to criticise mine. After all, you have NO idea about the issues involved in parenting a toddler and a 5-year-old".

acceptableinthe80s Sun 09-Dec-12 19:30:47

Switch your hot water off at 8pm

I realy feel for you and your family.
I would definately be having words to them about keeping you up at night. Fair enough babies wake in the night but the fact they are not even trying to adjust the babies to uk time zone is just stupid...... as for bathing them at 1am, that is beyond crazyshock
I would bring up the fact that as you have a 5yr old DD who has school she realy needs her sleep to be able to function properly. I assume that as it is almost the end of term like at my dcs school there will be lots of fun things going on at your dds school( Nativity, Carol servce, christmas party/disco) and it wold be a shame for your DD to not enjoy these because she is tired and grumpy.

As for their ''When you have twins'' attitude..... tell them to get over themselves and stop being so bloody stupid. My youngest 3 are 2.8 and 1.6yr old TWINS so only 14mth between DS3 and DTs. We have survived treating them and bringing them up the same way we have our other DC.

We have also traveld to NZ to visit my family when they were 7mths and we started to make the switch over to NZ times from day 1. It took about 3 days for them to switch completely over but then there was an 11 hr time difference. We just used their normal uk routine but on NZ timings, yes they were grumpy for those 3 days but then once adjusted were their normal happy smiley selves. We certanly didnt pussy foot around and act like complete dicks about it!
I imagine part of the reason your DSIL/DSILW babies are being clingy and grumpy is because they dont know what the bloody hell is going on and their confused. The sooner the poor little mites are switched onto uk times the happier they (and everyone else) will be.

StinkyWicket Sun 09-Dec-12 19:57:23

They sound utterly fucking annoying and I'm agog you haven't murdered one or both of them yet.

I like SDTG's recommendation. They are taking the piss and being really rude.

FTR, I had twins - but that didn't mean when I saw my mum or friends who didn't have twins (or kids at all!) that I was scathing about they did things!

Chandon Sun 09-Dec-12 20:07:25

I stayed at my mums with two jet lagged babies (7 hrs time difference) and it was horrible, we were up at all hours, and it took about 5 or 6 days to get back on UK time.

I always tried not to wake anyone when my two merrily started squeaking at 1 am, but it is HARD!

However, their attitude sucks and they sound like they should be in a sitcom!

People who are judgy about tV are bores. Maybe take them all to McD, offer the babes a milkshake, smoke a cigarette and offer your 5 year old one too. And they might just pack up and leave (evil grin)...

Arithmeticulous Sun 09-Dec-12 20:16:35

Put on a full face of make up. Back comb your hair. Go to bed. Wake up at 1am, stagger to where ever in your house they are waking you up from. With your lipstick streaked face, dripping mascara and scary hair. Hold a clock in your right hand. Point at it with your left hand. Hiss one o`clock in the fucking morning and leave.

Deny all knowledge in the morning grin

LondonNinja Sun 09-Dec-12 20:22:27

YANBU. Urgh, people like this should not impose themselves on others.

Agree with the suggestions they fuck off move elsewhere so they can have total control their tedious and sanctimonious rules.

Don't let them bully you in your own home. Seriously.

Whate SDTG said - "And when they criticise your parenting, say "we clearly have different parenting styles. I am being polite and not criticising yours, please have the good manners not to criticise mine. After all, you have NO idea about the issues involved in parenting a toddler and a 5-year-old"."

And of course that useful stand-by, "Did you mean to sound so rude?"

I'd have murdered at least one of them by now.

dinkystinky Sun 09-Dec-12 20:27:06

OP - I would be having a serious conversation about DH as to whether or not I'd be willing to let them back in the house in January! They seem to be taking the piss big time...

StoneRose83 Sun 09-Dec-12 20:28:17

Sounds awful.....

You do have my sympathy. I hate it when other people think they're the oracle of parenting just because they have older/more children than you do.

I learnt quite quickly that other people don't like it when you tell them what you think all the time in regards to their child. Also there's nothing wrong with telly and having cows milk on cereal.

Hope you get some peace soon!x

OTheHugeInDavidsManatee Sun 09-Dec-12 20:38:50

Respond to their ridiculous PFB demands with a head tilt and 'Really? [pause] Well, you are very new to this parenting business.' Followed by a warm, patronising smile like this: smile

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Sun 09-Dec-12 22:04:24

I like that, OTH - subtle but barbed!

longjane Sun 09-Dec-12 22:16:16

what about breaking the boiler (take fuse out of plug) no hot water and no heating

blackeyedsusan Sun 09-Dec-12 22:18:31

oh dear, they sound terrible. you need to let your daughter make a noise when she gets up for school... start to adjust the babies routing yourself wink

if they complain, tell them that she is grumpy and tired from being woken up by them in the night. if they do not want grumpy family in the morning they have to be quiet and get their children to adjust.

Rudolphstolemycarrots Sun 09-Dec-12 23:22:04

I think you have earned you place in heaven!

Rudolphstolemycarrots Sun 09-Dec-12 23:22:38

can you be really noisy when they sleep during the day?

Bitofaquandary Sun 09-Dec-12 23:33:05

Oh my god - pleas tell them to F off or I will have to do it for you! What a bloody cheek!

KeatsiePie Mon 10-Dec-12 01:10:15

HO-TEL. Seriously, they are being so rude I kind of can't believe they don't know it.

Can your husband do a big pick-up of the house, dump it all in their room, and say "Here sis, I know you were planning to clean up. No need to thank me. Should be easy for you to keep things contained now"?

Also second the suggestion of disrupting those long naps. And I like OTheHuge's idea of prefacing your every response with "I know you are very new to parenting."

KeatsiePie Mon 10-Dec-12 01:12:17

Except the way I phrased it sounds too nice. Use the original barbed phrasing!

ChristmasSpiritEndorphins Mon 10-Dec-12 01:18:48

What I want to know is, when they announced their tv disapproval, did you turn of the tv?
I lived with a tv disproving couple, after 1 week I moved my tv into my bedroom.
I went away for Christmas and guess who was in my room watching tv while I was gone?
I moved out beginning of March.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 01:24:40

I would suggest killing them both that they find a short term let for January or you will end up falling out with them permanently & that might be a shame, though I'm not too sure?!

I would love to be a fly on the wall at your MIL's [dgrin]

They are so rude. So rude and so inconsiderate not to mention fucking stupid

Monty27 Mon 10-Dec-12 01:28:05

Are the twins out of the bath yet?


Feel your pain.

Here's a google link to hotels........ (except I don't know where you are) grin

CaliforniaSucksSnowballs Mon 10-Dec-12 01:49:06

What disagreeable women they are.
I'm on the west coast I've traveled back and forth with mine as babies and toddlers, you put them back on schedule yourself and bathing them at 1am isn't helping them back on schedule. I always woke mine at normal morning time, and played bathed fed and kept them awake till normal nap time, then woke them again and kept them up again, within two days we were all back on UK time no problem.
They are being bloody minded and difficult, because they don't want to be there and wanted to stay in US by the sound of the moaning about all things UK. Tell them to change the schedule as your children are suffering and your kids are just as important as theirs. They need to find a short term let, or vacation let while they sort themselves out.
You are being way too nice to them.

NatashaBee Mon 10-Dec-12 01:52:46

It sounds awful for you. I moved to the US a couple of years ago so I can see that they would find it difficult with the healthcare system differences between the 2 countries - do they understand how the UK health system works? make them watch UK OBEM.

CaliforniaSucksSnowballs Mon 10-Dec-12 01:53:13

Oh also non of the paediatricians we used ever did monthly visits, only saw us when babies were ill or in need of vaccines and did check ups at the same time. Really they sound awful who would put their babies through blood draws unless they had serious illness.
When they go away for Christmas tell them t make other arrangements for January.

designerbaby Tue 11-Dec-12 18:22:38

24 hours to go until we get 3 weeks respite... Still feeling peeved but have held my tongue so far...

They have literally not lifted a finger. I have cooked and cleared up after them for four days now.

They have managed to get a bit more on schedule, meaning they are now bathing their children at around ten thirty... sad

However, having finally got the twins down last night, one woke up at around one thirty am screaming. Presumably so as not to wake the other one DSILW sat with her ON THE STAIRS while she screamed... Thereby disturbing the whole house...

FFS. angry

They leave tomorrow.

DH says he will lay down ground rules when they return for phase 2...

Let's hope it makes a difference. We want to help as they are skint and are family. But not under these circumstances...



LemonBreeland Tue 11-Dec-12 18:35:38

Your DH must make sure he speaks to them before they return. I can't believe they are not even tidying up or cooking etc.

goralka Tue 11-Dec-12 18:37:12

oh oh I thought of something - tell them about this great site for parenting tips!!

JassyRadlett Tue 11-Dec-12 18:44:14

You deserve a bloody medal.

Travelling with kids that age is actually easier than when older because they can happily conk out in the pushchair. Works especially well when taking them to one of the bazillion child-friendly places and activities on offer!

Honestly, my first trip to Australia (10 hrs difference) with DS when he has 6 months was fine. He was jetlagged, but we had him on local time within a few days. He woke in the middle of the night, we got him up and played for a bit then back into bed within an hour. Lots of sunshine during the day to reset body clock. Sorted.

I have a few friends with twins and honestly, I know they don't mean to sound dismissive of the parenting challenges/decisions of others with the 'oh, when you have twins...' stuff as I get that twins are an intense experience and so much parenting stuff focuses on parents of singletons. I usually relieve my feelings with a few petty rounds of 'well, when you have to drop off at nursery every morning / don't have a nanny / don't have grandparents nearby to babysit'.

I'd be so tempted to freak them out by dropping into conversation 'oh, you know, 9 months was just a lovely age, I thought it was just the easiest age of all, it all got tougher after that...'

designerbaby Tue 11-Dec-12 22:24:33

I think many of the problems would be sorted if they just got themselves and the children up at a normal time, instead of sleeping until gone lunchtime every day. They say its because they're 'tired' from being up half the night and don;t want the babies to be grumpy. WTF?

Well... we're tired too, because we're also up half the night. So are our children, because unfortunately for us we HAVE to get up at 6.30am to get to school and work. And I'm pretty f-ing grumpy right now...

I'd rather the babies were grumpy in the day, when I'm out of the house than 'grumpy' (and shrieking) at 3am, frankly.

Fume fume...

12 hours and counting...

The first thread I ever read on Mumsnet included the advice "That's what Travelodge's were invented for"

This is the first time I've felt the need to repeat it grin

Blu Tue 11-Dec-12 22:43:08


Actually, I am considering growing my hair long just so that I could take Arithmeticulus' advice with the backcombing and the lipstick and the hissing, should I ever need to. Which hopefully I would as it sounds so thrillingly cathartic.

But I'm not sure that I would go as far as hosting your DSIL and DSILW in order to enjoy it.

Travelodge's? Travelodge's?

OMFG. What is that apostrophe doing there?

<Hangs head in shame>

What happens now? Do I need to leave? Will netmums have me?

Enfyshedd Wed 12-Dec-12 02:37:05

Even when DD (6mo) plays up and I end up on the sofa with her for the night (like tonight), I'll still be up between 7 & 8am to start DD's & my day. If she's had a particularly short night's sleep, I allow her slightly longer naps to catch up on her missed sleep and she's normally back on track by the late afternoon/early evening nap. No bloody excuse to stay in bed.

Kytti Wed 12-Dec-12 03:14:21

I have twins, they're 2. I've just moved halfway across the world. They were on local time within 3 days, and going to bed at the normal time of 7.00pm. I neither know nor car what the advice on milk is, they've been having it in food from 6m.

Twins are hard work, but I agree that there's two of them, so they shouldn't be that bad. Routine is everything to a twin parent. Or.... it should be imo! :P

It's your house so it's your rules. They abide by what you want or they get the hell out! Ask them nicely if they can stay somewhere else? they clearly want to be elsewhere at Christmas!!!!

When they have their own place they can do what they like. Haven't they tried booking a holiday let or something for a couple of months?

I'd want to kill them. You have my deepest sympathy. Good luck!

Kytti Wed 12-Dec-12 03:18:49

and I was so incensed I realised I have committed the crime of bad grammar and lack of clarity. I 'don't CARE what the advice is', and naturally, I mean two parents, not two twins, although they come in twos as well.

Oh - I'm all confused again now.

HermioneHatesHoovering Wed 12-Dec-12 04:10:29

Make sure your husband lays down the ground rules BEFORE THEY LEAVE and then repeats them ad nauseum when they return!

Glittertwins Wed 12-Dec-12 06:23:40

I think you have lasted 3 days longer than I would have done. We have twins and our place never looked like a bomb site when they were only 9months and we worked so the parents should be tidying up. They barely move at 9 months so they are pretty easy.
I also agree with you on the "they are not a different species" comment but unfortunately their refrain is something that I have heard many parents of multiples use and it irritates the hell out of me.

Chottie Wed 12-Dec-12 06:52:47

I just love the way MN says it like it is grin

StuntGirl Wed 12-Dec-12 08:58:01

I still can't believe how bloody rude they're being. If my family put me and my newborn twins up while I emigrated to another country I'd be so bloomin' apprciative and I'd make sure they knew it!

Ground rules before they leave, and reiterated before their return! Cheeky cows.

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Wed 12-Dec-12 11:05:37

We need some sort of Hit Squad or Intervention Unit - to visit mumsnetters like the OP, and firmly explain to people like her visitors exactly how unreasonable and rude they are being. Sort of like supernanny for grownups.

Count me in!

Arithmeticulous Wed 12-Dec-12 11:16:34

Exactly, you need someone to bang on the door at 7am tomorrow, say RIGHT TODAY YOU ARE GOING TO SORT THIS OUT, get them all up, run them ragged (with appropriate nap times and food schedule), be on their backs all day (DID YOU MEAN TO LEAVE THAT MUG THERE? MUG ALERT MUG ALERT) then put them all to bed at 7pm. With a goodbye that says "when you come back, this is what it will be like, every day"

sue52 Wed 12-Dec-12 11:20:20

The PFBx2 I could take. House looking like a bomb site, just about. Keeping my DC up all night again just about. Criticising my parenting choices would have had them chucked out on the street. Talk about ungrateful.

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight Wed 12-Dec-12 11:29:55

Sorry you have had to put up with this rubbish behaviour, like someone said upthread you are a SAINT. I would put it to DH you have done your bit and for the love of God don't have them back.

bochead Wed 12-Dec-12 11:31:35

"Do you mean to be so rude" is too subtle a tool. You need a proper campaign of action to put these two ungrateful madams firmly in their place.

Dear, dear. It's time to be very sterotypically "English" with them & patronise the fook out of them.

Lots of "I know it's hard for you as first time parents".

When they come back make sure you make it clear you EXPECT them to take the twins to your local Mums and Babies groups/Children's centre/library ryhme time every morning for the sessions that start at 9 am Monday to Friday. You expect them to WALK to these local events. If you can pick the NCT or other organisations where there is bound to be at least one Hyacynth Bucket Type in residence.

The twins should be put down for a nice afternoon nap after lunch each day while they clean up their own mess.

Tell them that they obviously aren't coping too well with first time parenthood and that you consider that they need the support provided by these groups as a matter of urgency.

There is no reason why shouldn't TELL them that bath time for the twins is 6pm after Xmas and that you expect babes so young to have be in their pjs in bed at 7pm. They can comfort them in their room if they wake up but nowhere else. If they refuse raise your eyebrows to your hairline and ask them if they have considered having the babies fostered so that they can be cared for competently? (Mega bitchy, but you are being asked to tolerate the intolerable in your own home and they have no qualms about insulting your parenting it seems!)

Lot's of tuts - and "we'll help you improve", "I'm sorry it's such a strain for you", shake your head, loud sighs and share meaningful glances with your hubby LOTS.

I don't normally advocate undermining 1st time parents confidence, but you cannot expect to dictate in someone else's home when the kids can or cannot watch the telly. Your eldest is just school age and when littlies start they get tired anyway, without being kept up half the night for no good reason. It's not fair, on your child and it's not fair on their babies either to refuse to attempt to help them adjust their body clocks by starting a UK time routine asap.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Wed 12-Dec-12 11:40:20

Not too many hours to go.

You haven't posted in quite a few hours... I really hope you aren't banged up in a cell somewhere grin There's every likelyhood I would have been!

Definitely convey the 'rules' to them ASAP - give them plenty of time to make other arrangements!! Mention things like cooking and cleaning rota's, food shopping rota, the time all of the children will be in bed by etc

They are royally taking the piss - time to put your foot down with a firm hand!

Blu Wed 12-Dec-12 11:46:11

STDG and Arithmeticulous - can I be in the hit squad please? please please ?

I haven't got long enough hair to back comb, but I could wear a good wig while it grows for the night shift, and on the day shift I would be ACE as the Over Keen Assistant, following around the Director Of Operations with a whistle and a stop watch and a clipboard, and I would nod smugly and say 'quite right' every time the DoO issued a command.

Blu Wed 12-Dec-12 11:46:49

Chipping - watch the 10 o clock news?

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Wed 12-Dec-12 11:58:39

All applicants for the hit squad gratefully received. There is so much Good we could do in the world. So many people who just need a good, firm telling-off, and some time in the naughty corner to think about their behaviour.

<< starts list >>

<< runs out of paper >>

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Wed 12-Dec-12 16:06:27

rota's Jesus christ on a bike. Who keeps putting these random fucking apostrophes in my posts???

Blu - think we might have to!!

SDTG - sign me up, I have an awesome pair of steel capped boots - perfect for the job!! sod the naughty corner

LadyMaryCrawley Wed 12-Dec-12 18:07:29

Bloody dairy-hating twin-having messy lazy non-GMT-adjusted unemployed breeding lesbians!

Just shoot them. I would.

The Daily Mail

(sorry - couldn't resist! grin

YANBU, you sound like a saint. Definitely lay the ground rules for next time though.

designerbaby Wed 12-Dec-12 18:53:27

I just got home with my children to an empty house... I am definitively NOT locked up, nor will I be featuring on tonight's news. Well, not unless DH is more than usually irritating when he gets home... hmm

And in half an hour, when mine are in bed, I won't have to deal with anyone else's kids...

And I'll be able to do some work without the rather distracting sound of shrieking babies...


They left plenty of mess though.


I have a large storage box, into which I will put it, and which I will dump in their room.

I have three and a half weeks...
And counting... sadangry


helpyourself Wed 12-Dec-12 18:58:28

So they're not under the patio? That, in this case, is an utter triumph!
Have a lovely evening.

Blu Wed 12-Dec-12 19:00:39

Enjoy yourself - and hope that 3.5 weeks at the ILs No Mess No Fuss Boot Camp will be effective!


StG - shall I put the ILs on the list to recruit to The Squad?

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Wed 12-Dec-12 19:12:32

Definitely, Blu!

Glittertwins Wed 12-Dec-12 20:13:23

Count me in!

designerbaby Wed 12-Dec-12 22:47:52

I would totally hire the hit squad.

Am rubbish at confrontations. The idea of hiring a bunch of rabid mumsnetters to do it for me is PERFECT. grin

Brand it and sell it forthwith. What the going rate for bullies for hire these days?Given the past week, I'd happily pay into triple figures for a day of blitzkrieg...

Put me on the waiting list for early January, would you?

The peace and quiet here is WONDERFUL.

One positive - totally cured me of any residual broodiness.

Nothing like 4 days (and nights) of other people's infants to put pay to any baby-nostalgia...


designerbaby Wed 12-Dec-12 22:52:44

LMC - you know what's weird? I thought they'd be better than a straight parents, by dint of having two mums, instead of one mum and one rather ineffectual dad. ('Ineffectual' appearing to be the norm for the dads in my circle of close friends.)

Before they descended I was feeling almost slightly resentful of NOT being a lesbian.

In fact, they're both rather ineffectual. And DSILW did practically nothing but play on the ipad.

Which was rather disappointing, all in all. And I guess means lesbianism isn't the solution to my domestic frustrations after all....

Hey ho. Back to the drawing board...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now