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Xmas dilemma ....would it be rude?help

(47 Posts)

Ok MN I'm feeling strong, but do need honest advice.....yes or no will do as I know you're all busy.

Every other Christmas my parents pay for my whole family to stay in a self catering place so we can all be together as we live far away from each other. It's great...we all love it. They book it 2yrs in advance.
This year the booking is from 22-27 dec. my kids break up 21st. My DH and DS have been offered some big deal footie tickets for Sat 22 which would mean going 23rd which would suit me in a way as it would be a bit tight getting everything ready (food etc) on Sat, but I could do it. My DH has to work 24. If we were paying for ourselves (and we offer every year) and we hadn't known about the date so far in advance I wouldn't worry.

Would it be rude to say we're coming a day late?

Hit me with it....smile

MissLToeishavingsantasbabyboo Sat 08-Dec-12 16:18:05

No, not rude at all, just tell them!

twinklesparkles Sat 08-Dec-12 16:18:44

Better to be a day late than not go at all smile

Talk to your family, am sure they'll understand

Not rude in the slightest.

Monty27 Sat 08-Dec-12 16:19:55

I would say not at all.

Don't understand the bit about dh working 24. On the 24th? When is he going to be able to get there?

Merrycuckingfistmas Sat 08-Dec-12 16:19:58

I don't think your being rude, if you explain to your parents why you will be a day late I'm sure they would understand maybe you could offer to pay them what it would be for the night your not there iyswim.

grovel Sat 08-Dec-12 16:21:04

Most males prefer football to family. Your parents will understand.

CarlingBlackMabel Sat 08-Dec-12 16:22:20

No, it's fine.

Use the extra time to pack and be ready to set of early on the 23rd.

SantaFrontPaws Sat 08-Dec-12 16:28:00

No but please be honest. Porkies always get found out!

No, I don't think it would be rude.

I suppose how they take the news depends on your parents. On the one hand they may be peeved to have paid for a nights accommodation that you now don't need or they may reasonably see that your DS is getting older and he will have other commitments sometimes that won't always fall in with normal plans.

I think your DH is great to agree to spend every Christmas with your family btw! Don't you ever hanker after doing your own thing?

catgirl1976geesealaying Sat 08-Dec-12 17:41:29

No. Not at all - perfectly fine

Schmoozer Sat 08-Dec-12 17:43:09

I agree, u should go day late

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sat 08-Dec-12 17:44:52

YANBU. I agree with PP saying that you should tell the truth!

TheSecondComing Sat 08-Dec-12 17:49:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluelightsAndSirens Sat 08-Dec-12 17:51:30

Just speak to them, explain the dilemma and see how they feel about it.

LRDtheFeministDude Sat 08-Dec-12 18:04:42

My parents would go through the roof and think you were being really rude. I would a bit, to be honest. Who'll pay for the booking if you cancel?

I do think staying for that long a period is probably pretty hard work and I don't think it'd have been rude at all to say that - it's just once they've made the booking and it's such a short time away, it seems a bit off.

If it's self catering, will they not already have put in food orders and reckoned on you coming?

deleted203 Sat 08-Dec-12 18:07:59

I don't think it's rude at all. I would simply tell them that you are really looking forward to coming but will be arriving a day late as you already have plans for the 22nd. Explain that DH has to work on 24 and will therefore be joining the rest of you on Christmas Eve after he's finished work. Can't see what the problem would be. Have a lovely time!

Rudolphstolemycarrots Sat 08-Dec-12 18:42:01

it would be a problem for my parents and thy are lovely.

Greythorne Sat 08-Dec-12 18:46:28

LRD
She's not cancelling, just rocking up a day later than planned.

HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss Sat 08-Dec-12 18:50:48

I don't think it would be nice to go late. You've already made the plans so shouldn't change them.

PerryCombover Sat 08-Dec-12 18:51:21

To be honest. I would think it rude.
It's once every two years and you know the dates.
It's obviously v important to your parents that you are together as a family.
If you don't value the time spent together as much as they do or would rather spend less time as a group you have had two years to break it to them.
Curtailing two weeks before the event is a pretty poor show and I think they will be upset.

The football tickets are only an offer..so a little spur of the moment, neither longed for nor life changing.
Watch the football on the television

LRDtheFeministDude Sat 08-Dec-12 18:51:46

Is she not coming later than that? I thought she was saying her DH is working the 24th so they won't be there until that evening/Christmas day. If my family had paid for me to stay somewhere for a week, turning up for the last three days would come across a bit off, I think.

If she just means coming on the 23rd maybe that isn't so bad, but I know my parents would still find it really rude.

I'm not sure they should, but I know they would.

HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss Sat 08-Dec-12 18:53:04

If you lived closer I could understand it more, but you all live apart and it's only for 6 days.

BodyOfEeyore Sat 08-Dec-12 18:53:17

Not rude. I don't see a problem.

AcidTurkishBath Sat 08-Dec-12 18:55:03

If your DH is working on the 24th, then surely staying at home for an extra day gives you more time with him at Christmas. That most definitely is not unreasonable. One day won't make a difference.

DontmindifIdo Sat 08-Dec-12 18:58:43

Not unreasonable to arrive on the Sunday rather than the Saturday when your DCs break up on the Friday. I'm sure your parents wouldn't mind.

Pandemoniaa Sat 08-Dec-12 19:24:47

I don't think it is rude. Schools break up very late this year and the extra day at home would be really useful. If you plan to go on the 23rd you will only miss one night anyway which is hardly throwing your parents' hospitality in their face, is it?

Pancakeflipper Sat 08-Dec-12 19:28:23

If its a cottage/house you are all staying in and there's other people not just your parents and your family - then I don't see an issue. I think I would be abit niggled if it was a hotel.

Gingerodgers Sat 08-Dec-12 20:34:40

My thoughts are that if all your siblings thought this was ok, some coming late, some leaving early, it could be the start of the end of this arrangement. The reality is, it may come to a natural end soon anyway whatwithdcs getting older and having other priorities. Think about how you would feel if you were the only family there for the entire time because your sibs and their families had other priorities. It def would put a dampener on what is a lovely thing for your parents to do. Depends on how well you all get on I suppose. Nice problem to have tho!

whois Sat 08-Dec-12 21:16:17

Nah just tell them. They'll be cool about it but defo don't lie or make up an excuse.

nannyof3 Sat 08-Dec-12 21:19:18

Football is only a game !!!

Christmas is a family thing that is not guaranteed !!

Thanks for all your comments.
Just to clarify.....the place is booked from 22-27th.we are planning to arrive a day late on the 23rd, but before lunch. My husband then will drive home in the evening so he can go to work on Christmas Eve and then back Christmas Eve evening.
Tbh I feels bit torn about it. Don't want to upset parents but don't want o upset DH and DS either.

WorraLorraTurkey Sat 08-Dec-12 23:30:25

Of course it isn't rude.

They've booked it two years in advance so they must know that during that time, life has a habit of changing.

I'm sure they'll understand.

Myliferocks Sat 08-Dec-12 23:31:59

Not rude at all but then I love football and also the thought of spending 5 days with family would fill me with dread.

CaHoHoHootz Sat 08-Dec-12 23:36:56

It is not rude, the DC's are breaking up unusually late this year.

If you think they might be upset can't you go straight after the football match? Presumably if you're planning to arrive before lunch on 23rd it's not so far away that leaving after the match wouldn't mean you'd arrive ridiculously late.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 00:07:10

I would go after the match myself - then you are only 'spoiling' a part of the day. Just explain that you need the time to pack and DS & DH have been invited to the match. My parents would be fine about it.

CarlingBlackMabel Sun 09-Dec-12 11:54:49

Booking the place 2 years in advance effectively commandeers your time, and with teens and a family that is unrealistic. I am really happy I come from a family where no-one would hit the roof or consider it rude to arrive after a 'big deal' event that they were passionate about, like footie.

Jinsei Sun 09-Dec-12 12:03:41

Wow, do people really think their parents would be upset about stuff like this? shock Mine would understand completely! You can't say two years in advance what may come up. Why deny the kids a great opportunity for the sake of one day?

My ILs would understand completely and would be all ready to be interested in gc's blow-by-blow account of the match when he arrived. (Situation would never arise with my parents!).

One of things that make family occasions like this relaxed is everybody making allowances for everyone else. I remember being really surprised when I first went away on hol with my ILs, and realised it was ok to ask for people to do things a bit differently to accomodate my needs/wishes. Nobody got cross, they were all pleased to be able to make me happy ...

Although I might get DS to phone Granny and say "I really want to do this, is it ok with you?". How old is he?

And obv if your parents get in a huff about, you'll know it was not ok and you need to bow out of the next time ...

Can you go down yourself on the original day, then your DH and DS go the next day after the football? I think it's a bit rude to change arrangements so close to the date, when you've known the dates two years in advance. I wouldn't do it. There will be other football matches.

agent I could do that....but seems a bit mad to take 2 cars when it's just one night. I told my mother and her re action was " ok but everyone else is arriving Sat" sad now feel crap.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 09-Dec-12 17:21:08

I don't think its a big deal, but equally I can see why your DM thinks otherwise.

If you were to come on the Sat then that shows willing. How far away is it if you were to take two cars ?

Theoriginal The cottages are 102 miles from where we live, just over 2hr drive I think.

dramaqueen Sun 09-Dec-12 18:13:38

Just go Saturday evening. That way you arrive on the Saturday but still get to do your stuff.

SuperChristmasScrimper Sun 09-Dec-12 20:02:43

I would take 2 cars and go earlier than DH. I know my parents would be annoyed at the waste of money so would make me feel bad. Plus they might well think twice about boking it for you again.

manicinsomniac Brazil Sun 09-Dec-12 20:23:21

I'd go after the match and arrive Saturday evening then your parents won't be upset and your husband can spend the night before having to drive back again for work - it sounds like quite a long drive for him to spend the afternoon and then go straight back.

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