to not "do" thank you notes

(58 Posts)

We have never got into writing thank you notes/ letters. We always thank people for gifts in person (if they are actually there at the time) or on the phone. Is that really so bad?

Euphemia Thu 06-Dec-12 16:57:45

No - if you thank them in person that's enough.

I used to do thank-you notes for everything, then I realised no other fecker ever did, so I stopped.

FredFredGeorge Thu 06-Dec-12 16:58:01

Nope, it's fine. I'd go so far as to say normal.

I don't get my judgy pants on if I don't get a thank you note, but it is so nice when I do get one (and I think even more so for people such as older friends/relatives buying for dc's) so I always try to do them.

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 06-Dec-12 17:01:57

No, that sounds fine. You're thanking people, that's the main thing. If you didn't bother at all, then I'd be a bit hmm

I either thank when gift is given in person, call or send a little card.

It does niggle a bit when I've sent something by post and it isn't acknowledged at all, I don't even know if it's arrived.

catgirl1976geesealaying Thu 06-Dec-12 17:02:32


<hoicks judgey pants>

Sirzy Thu 06-Dec-12 17:03:04

As long as you say thank you it doesn't matter if its by text, call, card or message in a bottle!

Yama Thu 06-Dec-12 17:04:32


Mu1berries Thu 06-Dec-12 17:04:47

I do them for my parents' generation. To my own generation I should say or text my thanks.

hf128219 Thu 06-Dec-12 17:05:22

I always send a thank you note, or sometimes a text. I think its good manners!

I just get the impression on here sometimes that it isn't enough to say "Thank You". Glad it isn't just me then

Tallgiraffe Thu 06-Dec-12 17:06:57

As long as you thank people somehow then it's ok. I personally do send them, and find it annoying if I don't hear anything after sending a present but am totally happy with a text / call.

helpyourself Thu 06-Dec-12 17:06:57

I feel really bad when new mums post me letters, and so please don't write, I'll see the photos on fb.
However the oldies get really aerated about this, so assume your name's mud around a certain generation hmm

bowerbird Thu 06-Dec-12 17:10:01

Sleep has it bang on. Ok, it's not absolutely necessary and I'm not hoicking pants judgy or otherwise. But it is SO lovely to receive a thank you note. These days life is a little harsh, so anytime you can spread love and cheer, I say do it.

gail734 Thu 06-Dec-12 17:10:08

In the five months since DD was born, I have written 60 thank you cards for new baby/christening gifts. I cannot go through it again at Christmas. My house is so full of baby tat, I'm starting to resent the gift-givers. One woman, a friend of MIL, has now sent three or four separate gifts. I think she likes getting the thank you cards. Every time I write one, I get another little present.

MaxPepsi Thu 06-Dec-12 17:10:09

depends on who you are thanking and what you are thanking for me.

I'd love to get a "thank You" message in a bottle, though grin

Corygal Thu 06-Dec-12 17:12:14

As long as you do make the effort to thank in person/within a week, the medium doesn't matter. But waiting until you see someone eg 3 months later I wouldn't go for, not least because it doesn't give a wildly grateful impression for their time, cash and effort.

If you've had to be chased by the giver, that's a real cringer (who hasn't at least once tho'). IME not worth the shame and it is pretty universally seen as rude ie expect cheaper/no present next time.

bowerbird Thu 06-Dec-12 17:12:49

the oldies get really aerated about this

WTF? Ageist much?

laptopdancer Thu 06-Dec-12 17:12:57


I HATE getting thank you notes. I'd rather give and forget.

wineoclocktimeyet Thu 06-Dec-12 17:13:37

I think if someone has gone to the trouble to chose, buy, wrap and give a gift then its just good manners to write a short note (even 1 line will do)to say thank you.
Although judging by the number of people that dont, I think I am in the minority!
I'm mid-30's so dont think that makes me the older generation!

Corygal Thu 06-Dec-12 17:14:04

Gail - don't keep banging them out, you must be knackered.

Paste adorable pic of DC onto back of postcard, write 10 words, post. 3 or 4 letters is more than the soul can bear - and everyone loves a babe shot.

comfyclothes Thu 06-Dec-12 17:16:00

I never do thank you notes. I do always make sure I say thank you etc when I am given the presents. I then might send a text later just to say thanks again for the gif

CharlotteWasBoth Thu 06-Dec-12 17:16:05

Any medium will do so YANBU. But there are a couple of children I give presents to (by post) who very rarely acknowledge them at all. Not even a text.

I was brought up to write thank you letters (or thank in person). I do struggle with not getting any acknowledgement at all.

bowerbird Thu 06-Dec-12 17:16:13

Gail you are heroic! But don't do it again at Christmas. A text, email or phone call acknowledgement is fine - and get your DP/DH/Mil to help.

comfyclothes Thu 06-Dec-12 17:16:15


Jins Thu 06-Dec-12 17:19:13

I prefer thanks in person or by phone. Personally I don't like thank you notes

Corygal Thu 06-Dec-12 17:20:54

For all you naysayers - POSTCARDS.

Jolly, cheap, you don't have to think of much to say, end Happy New Year, post.

We always see/phone all of our relatives on Christmas Day and make sure that they are all thanked then and there so I don't forget, I like to chat to everyone and say Happy Christmas to the very few of them who aren't here for dinner grin 17 of us this year!

Hulababy Thu 06-Dec-12 17:23:42

So long as people are thanked in some manner, then that is fine imo.

I do get DD to do thank you notes after receiving gifts, although I don't write them myself anymore - I thank in person. DD does all her own and likes to do so, and I think it is important to teacher her to give thanks for gifts in some manner.

MaxPepsi Thu 06-Dec-12 17:26:39

Any big events you need to do them for.........Vista Print - pre printed post cards.

Lovely printed message on one side, for whatever you are thanking them for, wedding, christenting, 40th birthday bash etc etc blank on the other. Few short lines, in an envelope, give out as you see people!

gail734 Thu 06-Dec-12 17:34:32

Thanks corygirl and bowerbird - it's just that I'm quite judgey myself if I send a present and don't get a thank you, so I didn't want to be a hypocrite! At Christmas I'm going to get a nice photo put on a postcard, and maybe even a generic "thank you for DD's present" message. Otherwise I'm in danger of actually neglecting the baby while sitting churning out thank you cards for baby presents!

One thing I don't mind is how long it takes someone to send a thank you. One friend sent a thank you for a new baby gift a year later. That was maybe taking it a bit far!

FredFredGeorge Thu 06-Dec-12 17:45:14

BTW I would be annoyed with a thank you note after a personal thanks - I see it as a waste, take the time and money you spend on all the notes and postage and do something more useful. (Write or call someone who you've not been in contact withs say)

Tailtwister Thu 06-Dec-12 17:47:12

YANBU. It's fine to thank someone in person or on the phone. I always write thank you cards for the children's birthday presents, as they are often from people I don't know that well (parents of children from nursery) and it's nice for them to know the child liked the present especially they weren't opened during the party. I get thank you cards from about 50% of people in the same circumstances. I don't judge, people can be short for time.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Thu 06-Dec-12 17:49:40

I always do thank you letters - it was ingrained into me from being about 8! I try to get mine to do this, - used to force them when they were young, but now leave it up to them. My relatives are miffed though if they don't get them.

fairylightsandtinsel Thu 06-Dec-12 17:51:27

I do do them but it can take a while (as in a couple of weeks) and MIL always asks me for them for her various friends and colleagues (many of whom I have never met) before I have had a chance. It does sound ungrateful I know, but I wish these people wouldn't buy for the DCs. They don't know them, never get them what they need, its just more "stuff" to pile into the car for the long journey home. I think thank-yous are nice and its not a huge deal to do them, but for some of my own long term freinds who I know would never send one, I often just email.

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems Thu 06-Dec-12 18:05:18

My grandma would insist that no thank you note/phone call meant you were an incredibly rude individual not worth any more of her time/effort - I'm not that extreme but I do consider it rude to not say thank you in some way, shape or form

ArkadyRose Thu 06-Dec-12 19:07:44

I've never written a thank-you note in my life; we just don't do them in my family. If you've received the gift in person then presumably you've said thank you in person at the time; where's the point in doing it twice with a separate note afterwards? On rare occasions I've been sent a gift via someone else or in the post, I'll send a quick email, but that's it.

If it's an unsolicited gift from someone I don't even know, I'm not inclined to respond because it seems a bit weird to send something to someone you don't even know.

Yama Thu 06-Dec-12 19:14:46

All this judging - it's just another stick to beat women with.

Why on earth are mil's asking their dil's to send thank you notes? Why don't they ask their sons?

My dh feels no guilt for never sending a thank you note. His Mum once bought a couple of thank you cards and asked him to write in them to her friends after dc2's birth. She wouldn't dream of asking me as she's not sexist.

Bullets Thu 06-Dec-12 20:08:04

Thank you cards get right on my tits! What am I supposed to go with them??? Any we get go straight in the recycling, what a waste!

My SIL is a right one for making her own and writing long, pointless messages because it's 'what you should do', makes me want to scream "how about you actually spend some time with your poor daughter, who has absolutely no self esteem because you basically ignore her, you complete weirdo with fucked up priorities"??!!

Sorry, long day!

Bullets Thu 06-Dec-12 20:08:56

And thank you OP for posting this, now I know how many other people feel the same way, I am NEVER doing thank you cards!!!

ThunderInMyHeart Thu 06-Dec-12 20:11:39

For me, it depends. If they are of a certain generation then, yes, I will handwrite them a note on some poncey paper.

MrsApplepants Thu 06-Dec-12 20:28:38

I always send thank you notes, I think it's a nice tradition and good manners. If someone has spent time choosing a present for me, cooked me a meal or done me some other kind of favour, I like to thank them nicely. I don't expect to receive thank you cards myself but most of our friends and family also send them (and not just to me!) I'm not old either, 33.

I also love writing letters!

zukiecat Thu 06-Dec-12 20:36:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gingerodgers Thu 06-Dec-12 20:39:24

I think that to get a note for a baby gift etc, when you know the sender has just banged them out is meaningless, I'd rather just have group FBI thank you! However, if I have had guests, or a party, and people write to thank me , and I know that they aren't banging out 50 or so letters that sound the same, it is really nice.

I have one friend who ALWAYS does them.

I prefer to thank in person and save the burden on the planet of all that paper, bleach, dye, rubbish etc

I do often send a thank you text, email or FB message though.

musicmadness Thu 06-Dec-12 21:11:21

I think it probably depends how you were brought up - my family doesn't do thank you cards and we never have. I'll say thank you next time I see the person (If it will be in the next few days) or will ring/text someone but I've never seen the point in sending a card. As long as you thank someone in some way I don't think it matters how.

NannyEggn0gg Thu 06-Dec-12 21:16:45

Ahem. Older generation here!

If I give a gift directly, verbal thanks are fine. A phone call for a delivered one would also be fine, but I do like to receive a written thank you. That does not mean a text. If you can text you can ring or write a note.

What I do hate are written thank yous which are clearly not written by the child when the child is quite capable of writing Thank You and their name. Or even worse, when they are at secondary school!

Stangirl Thu 06-Dec-12 21:48:21

I have never written thank you notes (I'm 43). I only came across the concept when I was at University and still think it's bonkers. I sometimes write texts to people to thank them and always thank people face to face or over the phone when I have received a present recently.

lovebunny Thu 06-Dec-12 21:51:14

hmm. thank you notes for presents, no. don't want them, don't send them. thank you notes or cards for work or kindnesses, yes, i like those.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie Thu 06-Dec-12 21:59:23

I don't want a thank you note. I prefer a phone call or just someone to say thank you.

Thank you notes, no matter how nice the sentiment behind them always seem a bit forced to me. Plus I never have any idea what to do with them.

YANBU. I don't send them. I'm not Hyacinth Bouquet!

AlexanderS Thu 06-Dec-12 22:02:46

All that is required to be socially acceptable is a thank you of any sort BUT I do think a written note is best as it involves some thought/effort.

mamasmissionimpossible Thu 06-Dec-12 22:37:47

I spent years writing thank you notes to all and sundry, due to my mother forcing insisting.

I have horrible memories of trying to think up something to say, even though I was seeing the person the next day or had met up recently.

I think a verbal/text/phone call 'thank you' is enough

SantaWearsGreen Thu 06-Dec-12 22:39:57

I've never sent one confused

SetPhasersTaeMalkie Thu 06-Dec-12 22:42:08

My exMIL and exSIL were punctilious about sending thank you notes. In person they were two of the rudest people I've ever met. grin

YABU. Takes very little effort.

helpyourself Thu 06-Dec-12 22:49:03


helpyourself Thu 06-Dec-12 22:55:02

I thought better of posting, but my finger slipped- I was highlighting setphasers post. That is so true about rude people obsessing about thank you letters. It's PA.

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