To think that my reprobate cousin shouldn't be having a baby?

(319 Posts)

My cousin (I don't have a lot to do with her tbh because she --is a chav--does my head in) has just announced on Facebook that she and her "hubz" (boyfriend) are having a baby. She is not even 8 weeks pregnant hmm

My reasons for this are:

1. A few weeks ago she was doing FB statuses berating "the hubz" for hitting on other gyals <oh God> and doing those wanky "Y wud u go lukin 4 burggers when u got stake at home???" statuses. She is a child in a childish relationship.

2. About an hour after announcing her news on FB she updated her status saying "2 all de haterz out dere imma gonna be a GOOD MOM stop PMing me ur hate not intrested BYE"

3. Neither of them work.

4. She is immature. For example, at a relative's funeral a few weeks back, she sat texting through the whole thing. It was painful to watch.

5. Apparently, according to her Vicki Pollard mates who've been writing business all over her FB wall, my cousin has being trying to conceive for TWO YEARS! WTAF?! Why would you be trying THAT hard to conceive when you live in a flat, neither of you have a job and your boyfriend sounds like a penis? Why?

6. Her twin sister announced the pregnancy on HER FB before her sister had even done it. My head is spinning with confusion. I wonder how I share genes with these people.

<zips up flameproof suit>

I am sure her and hubz will be on JK in a years time!!

Nope she shouldn't be having a baby but she can't send it back.

Another poor little sod to be brought into the example of why this country has gone to shit!

Any room in that suit?

What's living in a flat got to do with trying to conceive? Should only people who live in houses have kids? hmm

ICBINEG Thu 06-Dec-12 10:36:38

YANBU people should have to pass the theory as well as the practical before becoming parents....

SORRY half of my text seems to have evaporated from the flat sentence. "A flat you don't pay for" blush

My eyes... they bleed... ""Y wud u go lukin 4 burggers when u got stake at home???" " Takes the biscuit for awful txtspk though!

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 10:40:54

Her Facebook statuses are not really an inclination on how good a mother she will be.

You never know she might surprise you wink

Plus what can you do? Nothing. Exactly.

How old is she?

PurpleRayne Thu 06-Dec-12 10:42:10

None of your business.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 10:42:22

Number 2 is funny though.

She is 20 but I think she is more like a 15 year old, honestly.

orangepudding Thu 06-Dec-12 10:43:58

Hopefully she will mature and be a great mum....

Anniegetyourgun Thu 06-Dec-12 10:44:30

Maybe becoming a parent will make her grow up? <hopeful>

ChestnutsRoastingonaWitchesTit Thu 06-Dec-12 10:44:40

She sounds like a horror but there's been many a silly mare whose been turned into a really good adult by motherhood.

Give her a chance.

x2boys Thu 06-Dec-12 10:45:10

actually do agree with you does nt sound like an ideal situation but going to run away now as its all going to end in a benefits slanging match!

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 10:45:35

Does she have a good support network? A good role model?

Maybe you can help her? wink

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 10:47:31

what's really good about this is that your opinion doesn't have any bearing on whether anyone has children or not.

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 06-Dec-12 10:48:54

this could go one of two ways...........

Y iz u been a hater cuz? I fort we woz close Bt obvs not.

Me, hubz n da bubz r guna be well init. Sik of all da haterz! Inabit cuz, c ya at bubz christnin, brin ya own alk doe. Guna get steamin mate

She doesn't have a good role model, Everlong. She is following in the footsteps of her mum and elder sister who both had children young to wanker men. sad

BabylonElf Thu 06-Dec-12 10:50:38

YABU a little bit.

It's none of your business whether she has a baby or not, but the nice thing to do would be to be a good role model for her and support her where possible.

Ok, not a great start for a baby, but it could be so much worse.

Have a heart, help her out, guide her, and if it annoys you that much, unsubscribe from her inane Facebook updates. You can't stop her typing it, but you don't have to read it.

Merry Christmas.

cinnamonnut Thu 06-Dec-12 10:53:33

YANBU but you will be told that YABU

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 10:53:57

Not good OP. And it will carry on with her dc and so on.

Can you not take her under your wing?

I know it's difficult though. My ds's girlfriend who had his baby sounds a bit like her the reason why I defriended her on fb thinks she know everything, can't say anything. So I keep it zipped.

It will be how it will be I suppose.

hermioneweasley Thu 06-Dec-12 10:54:18


And doesn't the fact that she decided to announce her pregnancy at seven weeks indicate how clueless she is about this? I think she's overtaken by the feeling of having cute bubbah and congratz hun than the actual 18+ years of motherhood that she has coming to her...

That poor babby. sad

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 10:56:03

btw do you know what reprobate means?

I'm not remotely close enough to her to offer to be a support, tbh, both geographically and emotionally.

Of course I know what reprobate means. hmm

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 10:57:45

doesn't seem so.

TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat Thu 06-Dec-12 10:57:52

Are we related OP? My step sister is just like this. I haven't seen her for ages but I know everything about her pregnancy.

Even the shooting pains in her foo!

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 10:58:33

i'd say she's glad not to have your 'support' tbh.

And I'm glad to not have to give it to her.

redexpat Thu 06-Dec-12 11:01:27

You know you can hide people from your facebook homepage? Then you wouldnt have to look at all this.

WilsonFrickett Thu 06-Dec-12 11:03:20

Jeez, just defriend her. You don't like her, you don't like her updates, you don't like her mum or sisters or boyfriends, you're not going to like her baby. The only thing you like about her is feeling morally superior to her. Nice.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 11:04:17

Tbh I don't believe anyone would see a status like this and feel warm with pride.

Hide or defriend her OP and then you don't ave to see the daily drama that I'm sure will ensue

Nah, I like her hair. She's got nice hair.


EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Thu 06-Dec-12 11:05:57

I agree that, from your account of things, she doesn't sound like she's perhaps thought this through, but the intensity of your judgemental ire, culminating in the use of 'reprobate' (strong and highly unpleasant, not to mention rather, shall we say, outdated language), makes me wonder what buttons of yours this is pushing.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 11:06:17

Not ideal..but she is one of millions

marriedinwhite Thu 06-Dec-12 11:07:24

I would just remove myself from the situation.

Don't think you should criticise the early announcement though. Are you saying a rather high profile couple shouldn't have announced theirs this week either?

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 11:08:24

I can totally understand your concern. You are being honest in a humorous way and have real concerns.

Unfortunately PO faced types will not see past the humour and queue uo to flame you..again!

It's pushing my "WTF?" buttons.

I'd say that it is differnt being forced into announcing your pregnancy early (apparently K&W were reluctant to do so) than announcing early because you're excited?

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 06-Dec-12 11:09:17

about 60/40 at the mo Baubles. But I fear a swing is afoot

MincePiesAddict Thu 06-Dec-12 11:09:37

Well, it's probably not the wisest choice she's ever made.

Are you saying you think she should terminate the pregnancy?

We may share the same family

Cousins FB status I dont care if u hate but my bubba will be dressed designer from day 1

she is 9 weeks pregnant
\nd 17
and unemployed
and so is her boyfriend
so quite where the designer clothes are coming from is anyones guess

Ah they can flame me. I'm in the mood.

I just think that if you're adult enough to have a sprog, you're adult enough to deal with the stuff that surrounds it i.e not announcing until after scans/having some money to support baby etc etc.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 11:10:43

I announced at 6 weeks. I was 33 blush

No I don't think that she should terminate it. I don't think she should have got preggerz in the first place.

She has done fuck all with her life. Is this her aspiration? Last year she was on about going to college to do beauty. She hasn't done it. Why not? sad She's got pregnant and is shacked up with a deadbeat instead. Why are some girls just desperate to grow up before they've grown up?

Well, I told my closest relatives at 6 weeks (mum, dad, MIL) because I was spewing up like a badman and they had guessed...

ah well, my cousin was bored apparently which is why they decided to have a baby, as there are no jobs apparently.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 11:13:34

what has announcing your pregnancy when you choose got to do with maturity? confused

i think you're just looking for more reasons to dislike her than you already have. why does she take up this much space in your head?

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 06-Dec-12 11:13:57

OMG you are related to Wills and Kate. I know she's a bit rough, but chavvy is pushing it a bit

bellarose2011 Thu 06-Dec-12 11:15:17

a freind of mines daughter had a baby at 16 to a 16 boy who was a total tosser, i was worried for her and how she would cope.
i didn't see her for about 6 months, when i did her baby was about 6 weeks old.
the girl who i knew was gone. she had matured, in a matter of months, by about 10 yrs!! and she's a great mum although she has had problems with babies dad and it might not be an ideal setting to bring up a child in. a mothers love goes a long way.
you could have a mum who has a stable marriage, great career, amazing house but is not a good mum. there life may look perfect from the outside but the children could be unhappy.
you can't judge from what you read on her FB, although it doesn't sound like an ideal situation to bring a baby into.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 11:15:19

she's 20, hardly past the point of being able to do something with her life.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 11:16:44

so it's only ok to announce it early if it's you?

LtXmasEve Thu 06-Dec-12 11:19:48

as it is, as it will always be.....gotta love the PO

I caused OUTRAGE in my family when I defriended my cousin's (cock of a) husband. Had people not even ON facebook (like my mother) telling me off.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 06-Dec-12 11:20:16

YANBU, but I'm not sure why you are focussing on the fact that she announced her pregnancy before the magical 12 weeks. That's the least of this baby's problems.

More of a problem is the fact that neither she or her boyfriend can afford to have a child. That's why it's OPs business and that's why it's everyone else's business, we are having to pay for these scroungers to do whatever they want whenever they want.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 11:20:53

The announcing it early wouldn't bother me at all.

That's the last thing I'd be bothered about.

tantrums sorry but had to smile at your post although I know it's not funny. How can they write this stuff?

honeytea Thu 06-Dec-12 11:21:10

It doesn't sound like the sort of situation I would want to be pregnant/have a baby in but I don't think we should judge other people's parenting ability before they have even given birth.

A few things though, what does it matter if she told everyone she was pregnant before the magic 12 weeks, that doesn't make you a bad parent, I have a lovely friend in her 30s who posted a pic of her pee stick at 4/5 weeks pregnant recently, her DC1 dies from cot death earlier in the year and I think her opinion is that is something awful does happen it doesn't need to be a secret, there is nothing to be ashamed of. If you don't like her just hide her updates,easilly done.

Are you perfect? Do you think anyone has ever thought oh I don't think baubles should be having a baby she does XYZ.

VinegarTits Thu 06-Dec-12 11:21:23

god she sounds awful <squeezes into the flame proof suit>

what do her parents think? if my child turned out like her i would beat some sense have a stern talk with her

Telling three close relatives v telling hundreds of people on FB = bit of a difference.

honeytea Thu 06-Dec-12 11:23:18

Just think the new baby might share a birthday with the next king or queen! I bet that is reason to be in the local paper at least.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 11:24:53

you told people you thought should know about your pregnancy.

she told people she thought should know about her pregnancy.

sounds pretty similar to me.

"Are you perfect? Do you think anyone has ever thought oh I don't think baubles should be having a baby she does XYZ."

Yes I am wonderful and of course no-one ever said that about me.

Her mum is proud, VinegarTits. hmm

If you say so, Santa.

Mosman Thu 06-Dec-12 11:26:20

My brothers girlfriend is having number 2 in may just 15 months apart between the two. This will be bro's 4th child. He's 26. Had convictions for belting the first babamumma.
I've concluded these people will be just fine, they don't stress about houses, childcare, education, they accept what they are given and as long as they can have the odd Burberry bib they are happy. Dads usually home to help out too, honestly I do some times wonder who the mug is.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 11:27:57

are you one of those people who thinks that your way of doing things is the only way things should be done? that's quite small minded.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 11:29:01

FFS she is obviously sad as her cousin is throwing away her life, not suggesting some sort of eugenics to wipe out chaviness

Yes I am.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 11:30:08

may be throwing away her life, that is, of course

Oh everlong I have to laugh at it all as well.

her FB statuses are truly amazing.

She doesnt need parenting classes either coz itz all istinct innit

and she is also going to be preggers and peng

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 11:30:52

Are you the chuffing cousin Santa hmm

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 11:30:56

you are sad, or you are suggesting some sort of eugenics? If so, my bad wink

whois Thu 06-Dec-12 11:31:22


People like her bringing kids into the world are why things are going to shit.

Not in work, little education, shit relationship, yeah, great life chances the baby will have.

Whocansay Thu 06-Dec-12 11:31:52

She's got a shock coming to her when she realises a baby isn't a toy.

And if the 'hubz' isn't committed to her (and if he's been eating 'burggers' eyes are bleeding, I imagine he's not), she won't see him for dust once the child arrives.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 11:32:10

Blimey tantrums thank god for the hide option eh grin

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 11:33:12

nope i'm happy to say i am not related to OP.

ErikNorseman Thu 06-Dec-12 11:33:17

Some immature silly teenagers who have babies mature overnight to become good parents. Most don't. If you are a selfish, silly person with no sense of responsibility then having a baby won't change your fundamental personality. Time and life experiences might, but it's not fair for a child to be the thing that teaches those lessons. While the parent is growing up the child is missing out.
YANBU at all.

What is preggers and peng please?

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 11:36:45

I'm confused.

Santa so you are saying that this young girl is ok? Her situation is ok? Her attitude is ok? Or not.

ErikNorseman Thu 06-Dec-12 11:38:44

It means she will continue to be sexy although she is impregnated. Nice.

LOL oh my christ. Sometimes I am glad I am not a youngster of today.

MrsGeologist Thu 06-Dec-12 11:41:14

Those saying that she might mature could be right, but it is not the babies responsibility to force the mother to behave like an adult.

TuftyFinch Thu 06-Dec-12 11:41:20


SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 11:41:45

her situation is her situation. it doesn't make her a bad parent when the time comes. there are many different types of people all over the country raising children and doing a great job at it despite what people who only pick the bad points of their fb wall think they know about them. i say let her have the child and raise it before you start judging whether she's any good at it. judging on something like announcing the pregnancy before you think she should is just a bit, well i dont know what it is, desperate for something to judge about maybe?

TuftyFinch Thu 06-Dec-12 11:41:48

Goodness gracious.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 11:43:50

But it wasn't just about announcing her pregnancy early.

There were quite a few other valid reasons why the OP was a bit dismayed if you read the first post again.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 06-Dec-12 11:43:59

Of course her situation makes her a bad parent! hmm

Not being able to provide for the child you have just conceived doesn't exactly say good parent, does it?

I hope she will grow up and be a great mum and prove me wrong. Honestly, I do.

DH's nephew and his girlfriend had a baby (he was 19 and she was 18) ayear and a half ago. It has not ended well. Don't want to say too much but he i now a single dad to their DD and she has fucked off and left him with the baby, because "she wasn't ready to give up her life" Fucking cow. Guess what. She is now shacked up with someone else and PREGNANT AGAIN! Whhhhhhyyyyy? You can get free jonnies, girls and boys.


I got the flaming of my life on here for expressing similar sentiments about DP's 16 yr old half sister being pregnant a few years ago.

I was wrong. She's now 18.

Has 2 babies by 2 different boys. One is in jail, the other is a drug dealer who owns a dangerous dog that is allowed around the children unsupervised.

She has no job. She will hand the children over to any vague acquaintance who offers to babysit so that she can go out on the piss. Even overnight.

MIL did every night feed because she was too lazy to get up with her own baby.

She doesn't play with them, parks them in front of the telly, strapped into their buggies.

2.5 year old can't speak properly as she gets a dummy shoved in her mouth 24/7.

Yeah, I was so wrong hmm

Those poor babies, Bunny sad

preggers and peng- pregnant but still sexy


Cant believe I just typed that

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 11:47:57

Oh is that you bups wink

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 11:48:50

How does peng mean sexy? confused

I dont know

Peng, butters, skeen, brap, I dont know what they mean, I am too old

I have to get ds1 to translate

It is me Bups, yes. grin

I LOVE preggers and peng. I wanna be preggers now so I can write that on my FB.

Cortana Thu 06-Dec-12 11:52:27

In your cousins defense:

I knew a girl at school. 4 children with different fathers, in quick succession. Some of the fathers are in prison now. She was very young when she had her first. She writes like your cousin (haterz n da lyk), she has never worked a day in her life, and used to spend her time drinking, fighting and taking drugs, on paper she looked like a useless waste of space.

She has raised 4 wonderful children, they are well mannered and well dressed (clean and tidy rather than designer). They all do well at school, the Mother may not be able to do basic maths but she goes to every parents evening and makes sure all homework is done on time. The wall of her living room is covered in pictures of her children, and their merit and attendance certificates. The children eat a good diet and she goes to a lot of effort to cook wholesome healthy meals on the small budget that the benefits give.

YANBU to be sad at the idea she may not cope well. But YABU not to give her a chance.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 11:52:55

"I hope she will grow up and be a great mum and prove me wrong. Honestly, I do."

but then what will you bitch about on MN?

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 11:53:53

People who just want an argument and don't get what she is saying maybe? wink

Your face.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 11:54:48

Oh there's loads more to bitch about.
Loads. wink

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 11:55:11

and you say your cousin is immature?


FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 11:55:59

You're so immature Bupps <South Park voice>


Cortana Thu 06-Dec-12 11:57:33

Arf @ "your face".

gail734 Thu 06-Dec-12 11:57:48

flameproof pyjamas warming on the radiator. I secretly judge anyone who announces a pregnancy before 12 weeks. I did not tell my HUSBAND (he can't keep a secret). Getting so excited that you can't keep your mouth shut smacks of intense immaturity to me. If I were the OP, I would just defriend the cousin.

Don't be immature, Cortana. <sternface>

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 11:58:41

I am now LOLing at my own South Park voice saying "you're so immature" THAT is the pinnacle of immaturity

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 11:59:28

"If I were the OP, I would just defriend the cousin"

or she could support her a bit and try to give her the benefit of her maturity (although i forgot she is "so immature)

I defriended her before and she added me again and I felt too guilty to hit decline blush

Pack it in now, Fanjo. You're so immature and CHILDISH. Grow up.

icclebabyjesusheave Thu 06-Dec-12 12:01:16

Ignr haterz Bups.

She sounds a delight. Also sounds like a very immature cousin of mine who got pg and changed her name on FB for a good 8 months to NameLuvzherbubzName. The bubz she luvz is now with foster parents as her crack dealing Hubz is in prison and she was incapable of not going out on the piss or putting her Bubz's needs first.

There are some brilliant young parents out there who are excellent mums and dads. Sadly there are also some complete fuckwitzzz who shouldn't be allowed to have children.

SeasonallySnowyPeasant Thu 06-Dec-12 12:01:41

You should stay in her good book OP, she could be queen mother some day wink

Oh and YANBU but it's a bit late now. Send them a really nice congratulations card and the Rough Guide to Babies.

TheCortanaThatStoleChristmas Thu 06-Dec-12 12:02:27

<picks nose and flicks bogey at Buppy>

Ner ner ner ner ner.

EasilyBored Thu 06-Dec-12 12:03:57

Sounds like my husband's cousin, who writes on FB just like that. Except in a Scottish accent. It makes my eyes hurt.

I'm sure there is a chance she will turn into a wonderful, loving, involved, stable mother. It does happen, of course. But I wouldn't bet my house on it.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 12:04:35


NirvanaSmellsLikeTeenMother Thu 06-Dec-12 12:04:50

Not read the whole thread, will do soon!

Just wanted to share my opinion.
Its people lime this that really loss me off because they are the ones who give young mothers like me a bad name, they fit perfectly into the Vicky pollard stereotype and that's why so many people tar us all with the same brush.
I agree that she shouldn't be having a baby in these circumstances and shouldn't have actively been trying to get pregnant since the age of 18 (sweet Jesus!)
Im 18 and got pregnant due to my contraception failing and hate it when people judge me as being a Vicky pollard mother, I am not a chav nor do i sit on my arse all day expecting the state to fund my children. Admittedly at the moment, i do rely on benifits for me and my daughter to live but i study four days a week and am looking for a part,-time job. This is not a permanent soloution for me, but so many people think it is!

I get judged because of people like tour cousin and its bloody annoying!

NirvanaSmellsLikeTeenMother Thu 06-Dec-12 12:06:08

Ffs bloody phone! LIKE THIS and PISS ME OFF

Frontpaw Thu 06-Dec-12 12:07:12

Is this a joke thread? Just so I know before I add my tuppencde worth.

I don't understand textspeak. I only speak English. Can someone please transate for me?

Nirvana, age isn't really the issue. I know 30 year olds that act like 12 year olds and 18 year olds that are wiser than I will probably ever be. I'dbe saying this if she was 30. She really isn't equipped to have a baby, emotionally or financially.

TheCortanaThatStoleChristmas Thu 06-Dec-12 12:09:45

thanks Nirvana. Been there. It's hard at times with the judgy-pants making assumptions. Good luck with your studies and your job hunting. There are positives in the future though, DS is up to my shoulder now and it's hilarious when people find out I'm his Mother, they assume I look good for my age rather than being a teen-parent. Someone thought I was his big sister the other day <preens>

I get that with dd stealth boast

ooh are you sisters??

I love it

HoHoHokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Thu 06-Dec-12 12:17:17

Op are we related?!

I have several cousins like this who i try my best to avoid at all costs i see very rarely.

They all had children when they were teenagers. None of them work, none of their partners work, the ones that have them, they survive on benefits in council flats and live on the same estate.

I cannot decipher what they say on FB as they can't spell as they never really went to school.

Some of them are good mums but some are awful whose daughters will grow up to repeat the cycle.

It makes me unbelievably judgey and glad i don't live near them.

SeasonallySnowyPeasant Thu 06-Dec-12 12:17:36

Nirvana I was 22 when DS was born. I wanted to walk around with a big sign on my back letting everyone know that I was on maternity leave from a good job, have a mortgage and yes I know who 'da baby daddy' is because I'm married to him grin

LOL at "da babby daddy"

If you don't know who da babby daddy is, someone is on hand to help

BikeRunSki Thu 06-Dec-12 12:22:19

Her life, her baby, her Facebook account.

Nothing actually to do with you. As you said, you have little to do with her.

someone once stopped me in the middle of M&S and asked me if my children had the same father.

Fucks knows why they felt compelled to ask?

Frontpaw Thu 06-Dec-12 12:26:43

What did you say? I would be so tempted to say 'you know, I have no idea. Never really thought about it...'. Mum used to get odd looks because our brother looks very different from the rest of us (all red haired girls and he is blond).

I said sorry ive got no idea who their fathers are, I just figured having 2 mixed race babies would get me a council house quicker.

My poor mother was mortified and actually went over to the woman in the queue to apologise for my rudeness!! and to explain that I was actually married, had a job and a house and dh was indeed the father of both.

KenAdams Thu 06-Dec-12 12:41:16

Why is everyone so fucking entitled these days? Yes, having a child that you can't afford to bring up is irresponsible. People that can't afford to bring up a child shouldn't have one. There are so many women who have to wait to have children because they can't afford to be off for maternity leave or nursery fees or whatever, yet others who haven't worked a day in their life can have them whenever they feel like (probably to mend a relationship that's breaking down). And before you all start staying "but what if someone's pregnant, loses their job and can't sell their unicorn" or whatever, you know what I mean, obviously the above doesn't apply in every situation.

Frontpaw Thu 06-Dec-12 12:50:29

Wahahaha! Mum used to say 'remember Fred the blond milkman?' to dad, who used to non knowingly.

NaiceDude Thu 06-Dec-12 12:59:29

I have a slightly Pollard cousin - I'd say about 65-70% match for the OP's. Not quite as bad, she has a big heart and has always had millions of animals which she took care of so is responsible. But 2 kids with her waster boyfriend and she isn't even 23. Both mistakes, apparently. As far as I can tell they're not together, but they've broken up so many times, I've lost track. The status updates do fascinate me - she once wrote something along the lines of "galz of <where they live> wach out for <BOYFRIEND'S NAME> he is a dick if he coms ner u tell him to fuk off he is a cheater and a lier and he steals". This is the father of her children!

I kind of feel sorry for the boyfriend actually: he doesn't have two brain cells to rub together, is an absolute charisma vacuum and has the mental age of a chimp foetus. He definitely didn't want to be a dad of two and has sort of been plunged into it.

They're coping though, as far as I can see. Or, she is.

Frontpaw Thu 06-Dec-12 13:03:07

'he doesn't have two brain cells to rub together, is an absolute charisma vacuum and has the mental age of a chimp foetus.'

I think we have a winner for Quote of the Week,

NaiceDude Thu 06-Dec-12 13:06:53

Frontpaw grin

Nancy66 Thu 06-Dec-12 13:08:58

'tis sad.

Be nice if there was a happy ending but reality is that he will piss off - probably before baby is born and she'll be raising the kid alone

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Thu 06-Dec-12 13:17:02

Surely PreggerzNPeng?

Your FACE. <sniggers>

Pinkforever Thu 06-Dec-12 13:24:19

I have loads of people like this in my family yet when I have posted on here about them being able to afford designer clothes,brand new cars,2 holidays a year etc-I have been called a liarhmm

All of my cousins had left school by 15/16. Only one of them has a job. The others have never worked,have at least 2 children and live the life of riley on benefits-they also post shit like this on fb all the time.

Tbf my youngest sister recently had a baby-she is 23 but more like an 18 year imo-and I cringe at some of the fb stuff she posted but she is coping really well as a mother and is going back to work next month so some times young parents can step up to the mark...

BOFingSanta Thu 06-Dec-12 13:26:10

Approximately 84% of people who have babies are only qualified to do so by virtue of having opposable thumbs. Once you accept this, it gets easier. Then you free yourself to start judging faces- much more fun.

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Thu 06-Dec-12 13:29:15

It's all FB's fault really. We were much happier before we knew what they were thinking.

YABU - anyone can have kids, no quals required. that is the way of the world.

YABU for having her as a 'friend' on FB when you don't even like her. Defriend or block her at once & focus on something more worthwhile. ( hide all the teens on FB (relatives) - their txt speak etc makes my eyes bleed!

TheReturnOfBridezilla Thu 06-Dec-12 13:30:06

My cousin is a bit chavvy, for want of a better word and ha two children by two different men by the age of 20. She is a fantastic mum, took to motherhood far easier than I did with my mortgage, job, husband etc. The eldest is now six and she has never left him overnight to go drinking or otherwise and has found a part time job in a care home. She has always put her children first and I hope your cousin will surprise you as she did me.

Ephiny Thu 06-Dec-12 13:31:02

YABU, because it's none of your business and it's not as though you can do anything about it.

(I agree it doesn't sound an ideal situation though)

"People that can't afford to bring up a child shouldn't have one."
This is like saying "eat up your dinner, there are people starving in Africa dontchaknow?

Absolutely bloody pointless.

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 06-Dec-12 13:43:35

well handled Bups This thread truly could have gone either way. It is now a 90/10 swing in your favour.

catgirl1976geesealaying Thu 06-Dec-12 13:47:47

I know some who took ecstasy at the after party of her "bubz" christening

"Bubz" was still in attendance

Perhaps she would make a nice new friend for your relation if the haterz to homiez ratio tips out of favour for her?

FrothyOM Thu 06-Dec-12 14:17:49

lol at preggerz and peng. If she farts as much as most pregnant women then she'll be preggerz n' pong.

Sallyingforth Thu 06-Dec-12 14:28:45

I won't comment on this particular case because it's all been said, but there is no doubt that many young girls have babies when they really aren't emotionally ready to do so, quite apart from the financial aspect.

showmethetoys Thu 06-Dec-12 14:33:04

Bupcakes YANBU (although if she has had no positive role models in her life as you say, then it would a lot harder for her to go down any other road I guess).

However, does anyone else think that if another, much lesser known, poster had posted this, they would have been flamed to fuck from page 1!

FeuDeSnowyRussie Thu 06-Dec-12 14:37:36

Does she really spell mum 'mom'?

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 14:40:04

Tbf showme I didn't know this was bups till I'd posted a lot so no my posts would have been the same to whoever.

lifeintheolddogyet Thu 06-Dec-12 14:40:05

I could have written your OP two years ago about my own cousin. But... she had the baby, got rid of the crappy 'hubz' and her rubbish mates, moved out of her old area and has just started back at work. Having DS has totally transformed her attitude to everything and she's become a great mum.

And FWIW she even sounded exactly like Pollard.

lifeintheolddogyet Thu 06-Dec-12 14:41:00

Sorry that should have read having her DS. Not mine. Obviously. blush

LoopsInHoops Thu 06-Dec-12 14:45:22

Why can't you tell your friends you are pregnant whenever and however you like? The 12 week 'rule' means bollocks all, you know that? You know babies die after that, don't you Buppers?

"I know some who took ecstasy at the after party of her "bubz" christening"

Oh my crapsy sad

Thanks Funny, for the running statistics on the swing of the thread grin

This is the second time in about two weeks that someone has something like "If it wasn't Bupcakes who posted that they would have got battered/this is the first time I have seen people not crawling up the arse of Bupcakes" WTF?! Posters disagree with me ALL the time. I don't post to have my grits kissed. I have had many spectacular flamings over the time I have been a MNer. I had a good one this time last year when I said that Kim Jong Il's funeral was funny. I've had loads. grin wine

I do know that, Loops. But it's a fact that the rate of miscarriage drops dramatically after 12 weeks.

Oh my God, this has actually made me remember another reason why you shouldn't tell early... the cousin's sister also got pregz a couple of years back (she had got one baby by her ex hubz, thjis one was by a new guy) She announced it to everyone early (can't remember how far gone she was) then I realised after about 5 months that nothing had been said about her expected baby (she lived 200 milesaway so I didn't see her often) then my stepmum said "Oh didn;t you know, she had a termination? hmm" What the fuck??!!! Why would you do that? Shows the level in immaturity/emotional incompetence of these girls IMO.

AnnaBegins Thu 06-Dec-12 14:50:59

Sounds like my little sister's mate, she announced her pregnancy at 4 weeks, had chosen godparents by 8 weeks, and had a baby shower at 10 weeks. With a gift list. Of designer stuff. She lives with her parents so hopefully they will help her with the shock of having a newborn.

Anna, I am just waiting for the choosing of the Godparents (despite these two being the most Godless fucks I know) TBA on BookFace naturally. Bubbah Shower but all the stuff will be Primark surely? Their mates won't have the reddies for BabyBurberry.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 14:53:00

Yanbu. It all sounds most unsavoury. The poor baby will most likely end up like the parents and on the cycle goes for another generation.

LoopsInHoops Thu 06-Dec-12 14:54:37

I told people early because I was shit scared and expecting twins. Turns out one died anyway, at 32 weeks. Really glad people were with me on that journey and I'm fairly sure if it had happened before your magic 12 weeks I still would have needed their support.

To be honest, I think you're coming across as a bit of a bitch. I know you're not really, and the txtspk etc. is awful, but really, you need to let people run their lives their own way. We can't all be Bupcakes and Cunting. smile

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 14:54:39


That's a good way of putting it. I like that. <takes note>

showmethetoys Thu 06-Dec-12 14:55:32

Bupcakes that was you who posted about Kim Jong Il's funeral?! Surely not, that was a proper roasting!

LoopsInHoops Thu 06-Dec-12 14:55:34

property are you saying Bupcakes's grandparents were chavs?

QueenofNightmares Thu 06-Dec-12 14:56:42

Peng means brilliant/wonderful/good or at least it does here in Nottingham grin We speak our own language though to be fair.

As for your cousin well its shit but what can you do about it now? Time will prove what she chooses to make of herself and her new life.

I am so sorry for your loss Loops. thanks

That was me! (Kim Jong roasting) grin

"We can't all be Bupcakes and Cunting."

And that is why the world is such a bad place at the minute. sad

LoopsInHoops Thu 06-Dec-12 15:00:27

Nah, I didn't post it for sympathy. I posted because you need to see that other people make different decisions from you and that's OK.

But yes, the world would be much better of we were all more like you. grin

Nah she can't keep her trapola shut because she's "xcited" She said as much on FisogBook. I read it. She wants the attention and the "congratz hun"

I told my mum/MIL for similar reasons to you. Was feeling ill and having cramps/bleeding and wanted reassurance. I still wouldn't have done it to the world at large, on FB if I was doing it because I needed reassurance.

Mollydoggerson Thu 06-Dec-12 15:04:07

Don't judge just suppoort.

LoopsInHoops Thu 06-Dec-12 15:05:00

But so what if you didn't/wouldn't?

I'm just saying, I doubt she has done it for the reasons that you did.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 15:09:07

How the fuck would I know if Bups grandparents were chavs? Obviously you do get 'hereditary' chavs but you also get 'bad apple' chavs who spring up from an otherwise exemplary lineage.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 15:11:20

And Bups is not prone to text speak or Hunz so on balance it seems likely her cousin is a 'bad apple' chav......

Oh God, I'll get battered for this but here goes...

Cuzzi's mum (granny to be) is the youngest on my dad's side of siblings. My dad and his siblings are all fine/normal/whatever. GTB married a miscreant (drug dealer/petty thief/woman beater) so that's where it all went wrong for GTB. Sadly, she hasn't instilled any sense of aspiration/self-belief in her DC's so they are making the same mistakes as she did (choosing wrong types for DP's/getting preggo young with no solid foundations)

LOL at my grandparents being chavs grin My grandma was always sat in the bus stop with her pitbull on a chain/can of Frosty Jack, whilst my grandad did donuts in his souped-up Volvo on the Lidl carpark. grin

aquavit Thu 06-Dec-12 15:15:19

absolutely pmsl at preggers & peng, fuckwitzzz, and 'your face'

yanbu but <poface> it would be nice if it had a happy outcome like wot Cortana said. Mind you it looked that way for my (actually lovely) BiL and his much younger rather <ahem> chav differently cultured gf, but she has recently fucked off and reverted to type

FreckledLeopard Thu 06-Dec-12 15:18:14

Second cousin of mine (who I've never met) sounds similar. She lives in America, dropped out of high school, got pregnant by local gangster (photos of him posing, a la Eminem, all over facebook)...he then went to prison, she then wrote on her fb status about how she decided to get an abortion hmm. There's me thinking she could have signed up for Teen Mom instead.

Thing is, I had DD at 19 (unplanned). Went to university (with her in tow), got my degree, got my MSc, am now a lawyer. Realised when I got pregnant that DD came first and I didn't. Unfortunately, lots of people don't realise this....

HappyMummyOfOne Thu 06-Dec-12 15:35:45

YANBU, defriend her or hide her posts so you dont have to see them. Having a child within an unsuitable relationship and no money to support the lifestyle choice of a child is irresponsible not something that should be congratulated.

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 15:41:28


usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 15:50:38

This thread is bloody awful.


BeataNoxPotter Thu 06-Dec-12 16:04:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoopsInHoops Thu 06-Dec-12 16:05:31

"Having a child within an unsuitable relationship and no money to support the lifestyle choice of a child is irresponsible not something that should be congratulated."

Oh dear lord.

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:07:34

This thread is a gift to the Daily Mailers.

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Thu 06-Dec-12 16:08:31

Penge grin

Such a good word.

PrettyHairClips Thu 06-Dec-12 16:13:14

Has OP explained why she thinks people who live in flats shouldn't have children?

cat Thu 06-Dec-12 16:13:29

Kim Jong's funeral was fucking funny to be fair

LtXmasEve Thu 06-Dec-12 16:17:36


It was actually "Why would you be trying THAT hard to conceive when you live in a flat you don't pay for, neither of you have a job and your boyfriend sounds like a penis?"

Which is different.

Living somewhere you are likely to get evicted from is a pretty poor place to purposely conceive frankly.

It was hardly "people who live in flats should not have children" was it?

PrettyHairClips Thu 06-Dec-12 16:21:40

LtXmasEve that's not what she said. She said:

"Why would you be trying THAT hard to conceive when you live in a flat, neither of you have a job and your boyfriend sounds like a penis? Why?"

Each item on the list was separated with a comma.

So, what's so bad about living in a flat? Do stairs make someone a better parent?

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:21:47

Why are they likely to get evicted?

LtXmasEve Thu 06-Dec-12 16:24:01

See her next post PrettyHairClips:

SORRY half of my text seems to have evaporated from the flat sentence. "A flat you don't pay for"

She missed it off, and corrected herself minutes later.

She didn't say it was bad to live in a flat, just one you don't pay for - and if you don't pay for it, at some point you are going to lose it I reckon.

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Thu 06-Dec-12 16:24:16

She clarified the flat point two or three posts down, PrettyHair.

MustStopOutingSelf Thu 06-Dec-12 16:24:43

< off on a tangent >
personally I think it's a bit misogynistic to judge those who tell before the magic 12 weeks. Is it shameful to miscarry? Or the woman's fault? No? Then why should it be hidden. No one judges me for being open about my diabetes...

Or perhaps we shouldn't tell at any point? My Nephew died at 27 weeks, perhaps my DB and SIL shouldn't have said they were expecting. Perhaps we should all keep schtum until they're grown up...

The rest I agree with you grin

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:24:46

I think she meant it was paid for by HB.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 16:26:58

The flat part of it is NOT the reason Bups thinks the situation is far from ideal. Honestly talk about misquoting!

LtXmasEve Thu 06-Dec-12 16:28:34

That's not what I thought she meant usual, so I suppose we'd best wait for Bupcakes to confirm - I think Bups is many things, but I don't think a 'benefits basher' is one!

Yes. Stairs make people into much better parents. The more stairs you have in your house the better parent you are.
Parents are judged primarily on the amount of stairs they have, and then on whether the stairs are actually in their living room or if their is a seperate hallway for such stairs.


usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:31:45

If the cousin is not working, she will get HB.

So yes, I think theres a bit of benefit bashing going on here.

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:32:23

People in free flats should know their place.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 16:33:45

LaQueen was judged for having stairs in her kitchen.

VinegarTits Thu 06-Dec-12 16:35:34

i am often seen on benefits threads defending those claiming benefits from the benefit bashers

but this girl sounds like a fool, and its probably not her fault, due to lack of education because this government is not inerested in educating the lower classes and bad parenting because her own parents are probably not educated enough to want a better life for her, its a vicious circle and a bit sad really, if i were her mother i would want better for her, it wouldnt fill me full of pride knowing she was unemployed, living on benefits and expecting a child

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 06-Dec-12 16:37:16

LaQ was judged for having 2 flights of stairs in her kitchen. One on either side

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:38:05

I had a baby at 19 but I did have stairs.

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 06-Dec-12 16:38:39

I was going to say wait for Usual to see this thread earlier and now she has grin

To be fair, she could still be claiming HB whilst working.

I know that's irelevant but I thought I'd throw it out there that not all HB claimants are workshy scum.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Thu 06-Dec-12 16:40:13

YANBU at all. Chances are huge it will be a case of history repeating itself. Again.....

I had a baby at 19. No stairs. 1 bedroom flat on the first floor.
We got married when I was 3 months pregnant because the shock of it would have killed my gran.
Dd is 14 now, and a pretty good kid so the lack of stairs didn't effect her all that much.

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:41:03

Like a moth to a flame, Funnys [hgrin]

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:42:10

grin even.

TheDreadedFoosa Thu 06-Dec-12 16:45:36

You cannot judge a persons worth or character by whether they are on benefits or not.

I hate benefit-bashing, but in this instance the fact she is on benefits is just one element of the overall frustration.

I totally recognise this kind of person, they exist, they are wasters and i would feel exactly the same as OP.

NettoHoHoHoSuperstar Thu 06-Dec-12 16:46:38

I live in a flat and and have stairs. Get megrin

NettoHoHoHoSuperstar Thu 06-Dec-12 16:48:42

Oooh, ohh, and I also have two homes, neither paid for by me.

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:49:44

Froth froth froth.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 16:50:18

LaQueen was found to be wanting due to her stairs. Stairs are not always a desirable thing, it seems grin

It depends on the location of the stairs.

i have a seperate hallway. Therefore I am superior.

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:53:19

I was given a brand new council house when I was pregnant at 19.

Go me. grin

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:55:04

Mind you that was 30 odd years ago before that bastard Thatcher sold them all off.

GaryBuseysTeeth Thu 06-Dec-12 16:58:10


However you have to hope that da baybee will grow up & be better than the parents.
My mum is a proper entitled-never-worked-in-her-life but demands more goats type but only one of her 4 children is the same as her.

LucieMay Thu 06-Dec-12 16:59:29

I did my pregnancy test at work with my boss and colleague! The whole world knew pretty quickly! How soon you tell the world about your pregnancy is an indicator of precisely zilch! I also got pregnant to a deadbeat (was never with him though)... guess I should have my ovaries cut out.

I thought you might rock up eventually, usual wink

However, generally, I don't give a shit about people being on benefits. I really don't. My posting history on MN will back that up. This is about several factors making this a less than ideal situation to bring a bubbah into.

People think this is good? I must raise my DC's to lower their expectations in that case...

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 17:01:33


Aww don't hide, usual. I like you really grin

MrsDeVere Thu 06-Dec-12 17:04:26

I dunno.
I have about 1000 nieces and nephews. (no really, I almost do).
For some of them it certainly wouldn't be the best move to get pregnant or to make someone else pregnant.

But when they do my only comment is congratulations.

There is not much point in saying anything else. They are going to do whatever they are going to do.

When I got pg with DD I don't think one fucker said 'congratulations'. It really hurt. I was so happy. I was so excited and my baby was so wanted.

I am still with her dad over 20 years later and she was the best thing that ever happened to me. She was the most cherished child. She was astounding and wonderful and perfect.

But before she was born so many people thought she shouldn't have been conceived.

Isn't that sad?

Your rellie may surprise you Baubles. Lets hope so.

Why hasn't Hully been on this thread saying "You are usually a sensible poster but this thread is ill-judged"? sad sad sad

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Thu 06-Dec-12 17:07:25

She's busy being deleted on her own thread.

No one congratulated me either.

I was told I was stupid, I wouldn't get anywhere in live, even by one supremely helpful person that mixed race relationships never work and DH would have ran away by the time the baby was born.

But, people like my cousin, who honestly think their babies are designer accessories and gives them something to do because she is bored actually makes me want to scream.

Awwww Mrs DeVere sad That's heartbreaking. I'm sorry. thanks

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 17:11:24

I didn't think the OP's post or motivation was awful but it is bringing all the benefit bashing right wingers out of the woodwork for sure [headdesk]

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 17:12:33

But lots of decent types stay, usual grin

I like being called a Daily Mailer.

FWIW, being on benefits and having a baby isn't a problem if THAT is your only problem, IYSWIM? My mum and dad were in a cahhhhhncil flat (high rise too, so I win) when I got borned. But my dad was working, just in a poorly paid job so they got income support/benefits. Difference is though, they were in a stable relationship, my dad worked and I WAS AN ACCIDENT. You read that right folks. A fucking GOOD ACCIDENT though, huh?

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Thu 06-Dec-12 17:22:32

People are missing the point spectacularly that you KNOW your cousin and are judging her to be useless because of how she acts, not making a snap judgment about her being on benefits or whatever.

I think that's it, Fanj. It's easier for me to say why she isn't equipped for this because I know all of her other foilbles not listed here.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 17:23:59

It was the kind of accident that most can only dream of! grin

Oooh you cheeky mare! wink

I was at my mum and dad's wedding.


propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 17:27:25

Look at Chantelle and Alex. They had been together for a very short time when they decided to have a bubz. Poor old Chantelle did not even Know aalex long enough to realise he liked a bit of cross dressing hence it comi g as a horrible shock later. Even I knew that of Roxanne!! thanks to Closer

Chantelle should never have allowed Alex to impregnate her just because he has the IQ of a fucking plug. He is a rotter. Poor Dolly.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 17:29:23

Damn iPhone.

I bet cuzzii will be doing one of those FB statuses about 7 hours into being a mother saying "I'm not just a mom I am a cook, nurse, photographer, teacher yadda yadda yadda"

AllYoursJingleBellbooshka Thu 06-Dec-12 17:32:09

What is the opposite of "peng"?


propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 17:34:54

Yes. I feel very sorry for Dolly. Also Chantelle. I think Preston fucked her over and it has been a nightmare for her since.

NettoHoHoHoSuperstar Thu 06-Dec-12 17:36:20

Aww Buppers, I was just randomly joining in, the stairs talk made me laugh.
I don't think you are a Daily Mailer.
FWIW, I know plenty of your cuzzies, and I disapprove <hikes up judgey pants>

Opposite of peng?

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Thu 06-Dec-12 17:51:11

Hold up - Alex Reid - him of the lonely brain cell and the mug of roadkill cross dresses shock

PLease let that be true.

MerryKissMyArse Thu 06-Dec-12 17:56:54

YANBU. I hate people who say 'to all da haterz'

MerryKissMyArse Thu 06-Dec-12 17:57:54

IQ of a fucking plug. PMSL grin

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 18:03:55
propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 06-Dec-12 18:05:48

To be absolutely honest, I do quite like the turn if phrase 'haterz' blush

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 18:06:02

But mrsD I doubt you'd have been putting all that stuff on your fb status all them years ago ( if there had been such a thing obviously ) wink

Some young girls do make good mums. I suppose facebook is a place to stand and spout your stuff and it's not the real you but I think that for many of these girls it is the real them.

Ds gf wrote some appalling statuses. Not dissimilar to bups DN. Honestly just low life, grotty, horrible stuff. Ranting and slagging people off. I hated seeing them so I took her off. She isn't the best mother in reality and I have to stand by and watch her bring up my GS because she will not listen to any advice. She knows best. But actually she know not a lot.


givemeaclue Thu 06-Dec-12 18:06:07


EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 18:06:56

I say haterz. Tongue in cheek mind.

MerryKissMyArse Thu 06-Dec-12 18:09:13

I think the issue you here is should you be bringing a child into the world when you clearly still think/behave like a petulant child yourself?

MrsDeVere Thu 06-Dec-12 18:34:52

I dont know evers I might of done.
I just thank the LORD that there was no FB around when I was a teenager <shudders>

I was 25 when I got pg with DD and in a long term relationship. People were still horrible though.

When I see people writing stuff like wot it says in the OP I do go a bit hmm
but what can you do?

There really isnt anything is there (apart from remove them which I think was a good move on your part).

If someone is close enough to really wind me up with their shinanigens I will block them. Otherwise I just sit back and have a little hmm

Thing is, this one is visibly and obviously a bit of a twonk. Loads of others do a good job of presenting vair naicely to the world but are in fact...megatwonks.

They can just spell better.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 19:04:41

I have no problem with young girls having a baby. None.
I've got a young friend who's 21. She is a cracking mother. Her little girl is a credit to her.

I don't care about spelling either wink

It's the bad ass attitude that's the problem. The taking, the constant hand out expectation, lots of things. Gah.

EmpressOfTheNorthPole Thu 06-Dec-12 19:45:32

Just wondering, especially in the light of the Tysonsmummy thread...

supposing Bups' cuzzie started feeling out of her depth, couldn't see her mum or sister being much use and asked MN for advice. How far do people think she'd get?

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 19:47:49

She wouldn't get past the first post without the piss being ripped out of her.

Shabbatastic Thu 06-Dec-12 19:53:05

<very appropriate name change>

15 years ago I was a heavily pregnant teenager. Thanks to XP's idiocy, and my lack of confidence (should have kicked the wanker to the curb) I was also on bail awaiting charges. My housing situation was insecure. I had a job when I fell pregnant, but my morning (noon and night) sickness cost me my job.

The people around me were very stressed by my announcement. Barely a congratulations came my way.

Now I have a wonderful teenager. Unlike me at his age, he has never smoked, been raucously drunk, tried drugs, had sex, had a social worker.
He is beautiful, articulate, and just so wonderfully good and lovely.

Sadly XP remains a shit bastard. He won't support DS in any way shape or form angry
Thankfully, I'm different. I have secure housing, a good job, I'm educated, and I would lay down and die for my boy. I back him all the way, he knows he is loved and supported.

Yes, it would have been better with a secure relationship, decent housing and a good job. Especially the relationship. But there was no way I could have gotten rid of him, I loved and needed him from the moment I knew he was there, and he absolutely makes the world a better place.

I'm glad the thread took a light hearted direction, but I thought us former reprobates who are now raising wonderful children deserve a mention wink

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 19:53:57

But do you really think bups' cuz would be arsed with a place like this?

When she has FB to go at? I can't personally.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 19:58:54

Not all young girls with a baby fail. With a good support network, good relationships with their family, an ability to listen to advice many make good mums. I've seen it first hand.

But many do fail their kids. Just as they have themselves been failed in many respects.

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 19:59:08

Lovely post Shabba.

Me and my Dp weren't exactly in the best position financially when I got pregnant at 19. in fact our relationship at that time was rocky to say the least.

But here we are 30 odd years and 3 children later still together. All my children have grown up without going off the rails and I'm proud off all of them.

usualsuspect3 Thu 06-Dec-12 20:00:08

of not bloody off, I can't spell though grin

AltinkumATEalltheTurkey Thu 06-Dec-12 20:01:47

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with living in a flat, and secondly its none of your business

Shabbatastic Thu 06-Dec-12 20:14:46

Thanks usual smile

Everlong I didn't have a good support network at all, my family was in an awful mess, and I have always been terrible at taking advice!

What I did have was a hunger to learn about my condition, and was completely driven by instinct. I sat for hours in the library reading up on pregnancy, fought long and hard against XP to make the right changes.
I let my instincts take over, and was an adoring and attentive mum. My DS was breastfed, he was never out of my sight. I just did what felt right and would not be swayed from following my instincts.

When I fell pregnant I couldn't cook, as I'd always worked in catering and had always been fed at work. I had a steep learning curve!

DS has always been clean, however due to his age this may no longer be the case wink He has always been well dressed, although I don't think he has ever worn anything designer! He has always had fitted shoes.

Ah I might go and horrify him with a hug grin

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 20:20:09

smile you sound a lovely mum shabba

"Firstly, there is nothing wrong with living in a flat"

Yes there is, where does one put one's trampoline?

Shabba, that's lovely to hear. I bet your DS loves you so very much. smile

Shabbatastic Thu 06-Dec-12 20:42:47

Thank you both thanks

However no matter what I do I'm embarrassing and harsh grin

And parents evening makes me feel very young!

PickledInAPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 21:07:42

I had a lovely flat and I used to bounce on the bed


PickledInAPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 21:08:45

Oh and a baby.

SuffolkNWhat Thu 06-Dec-12 21:59:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickledInAPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 22:10:14

grin My bub my rulez.

magimedi88 Thu 06-Dec-12 22:20:28

Baubles - and I have to say I've only read the first page & this last one - the immediate phrase that springs to my mind (and I am an agnostic) is:

"Judge not, lest ye be judged".

TheShriekingHarpy Thu 06-Dec-12 22:32:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheShriekingHarpy Thu 06-Dec-12 22:39:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SinisterBuggyMonth Thu 06-Dec-12 22:46:36

As much as thus thread is uplifting and hillarious, I still cant get out my head one of the older posts about her SILs DC's being strapped into their buggys parked infront of the tv with dummys in their mouths to stop them making any noise. those poor children, I hope someone helps them.

SarahStratton Thu 06-Dec-12 22:58:46

Buppers my lovely, you give good thread. grin

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Thu 06-Dec-12 23:02:06

Ah I'm glad you're back stratters it was disconcerting when you were a strap on wink

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 06-Dec-12 23:25:13

I'm still confuddled as to why she shouldn't tell people.

Brycie Thu 06-Dec-12 23:26:25

Of course she shouldn't be having a baby. She can't afford to look after it for a start.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Fri 07-Dec-12 07:40:21

Magimedi, the phrase that springs to mind when I read your post is

RTFT wink

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 07-Dec-12 08:30:50

I haven't even rtft, Baubles (well, only as far as the 'nice hair' bit, which made me chuckle), but am sure you have been flamed.

Of course YAtotallyU, but it's perfectly R to have a bit of a vent.

I'm just homing in on this: 'I wonder how I share genes with these people.' Yeah, I get this feeling too. Some of my extended family (there are bloody millions of them) are total nutters too.

Are you going to volunteer to be godmother?

HullyEastergully Fri 07-Dec-12 09:00:42

Oh Op, you are usually a sensible and nice poster that is a lie but this thread is ill-judged


Can't believe I missed this.

If if wasn't by you, dearest Bupsy-Mae, I'd think it disingenuous.

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 07-Dec-12 09:01:45

What an excellent xpost.
(Have rtft now. The cockle-warming stories are making me go very ahhh.)

Hully, I am going to twat you one mate.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Fri 07-Dec-12 09:10:57

Well I should hope so too, princessF grin

RooneyMara Fri 07-Dec-12 09:13:28

Reading the OP only - I don't know.

But then I'm 39, single (wasn't, clearly, when I conceived) and don't use FB or talk in text language, and I think I shouldn't be having a baby.

It depends on more than her maturity. Which may well come with time.

HullyEastergully Fri 07-Dec-12 09:15:03

All these people saying "her bubz, her life" myob, that's fine if she is adult, sensible and capable of looking after it, but she clearly isn't.

Who will pick up les pieces?

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Fri 07-Dec-12 09:16:04

The taxpayer <froths>

"Who will pick up les pieces?"

Jeremy Kyle and Graham.

HullyEastergully Fri 07-Dec-12 09:19:05

Also (getting cross now), it's stupid to say "her bubz, her life, stay away." That sort of attitude leaves space for children to suffer, we are all responsibnle for the children of the world and each other.

It takes a village to raise a child, not some po faced mares walking away smug in their own virtue.

SantaFrontPaws Fri 07-Dec-12 09:26:14

I think people underestimate how hard being a mum is. And overestimate how much they are entitled to. Sadly when you are immature you won't be told! Life is so much easier - as you get older and have more life experience you are more synical and cautious.

Yes, Id love more kids - cant afford it! We get no benefits, pay tax, pay for every bleedin thing... But I certainly dont envy a teenage mum hoping for a council flat and benefits. Its her choice and we can only try to support families like this - its when they just can't cope that we have problems (neglect, abuse, even malnutrition).

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Fri 07-Dec-12 09:29:50

Arf at jezza and graham picking up the pieces.

socharlotte Fri 07-Dec-12 09:31:32

so your cousin and her partner have been trying for a baby for 2 years and when it finally happens all she is getting is hate and derision from her family and friends.Poor woman sad
Having a baby changes people, makes them ghrow up and develop responsibility.
she was texting at a funeral, but your comment 'it was painful to watch' means you were little better, sitting gawping at her!

Bloody hell, I find being a parent hard enough and we have money and a stable relationship. How much harder will it be for her with a wankaaaaaaah baby daddy and no moolah?

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 07-Dec-12 09:36:31

I think it's a bit of a myth that teenage mums get council flats. Maybe they did in days of yore, but I think these days they just get a b&b or summat.

('days of yore' seems to go nicely with 'reprobate', btw. Just proving that I have actually rtft and noticed that someone earlier asked Baubles if she knew what 'reprobate' meant)

Yes, she has been trying for a baby for two years despite having no money, no solid foundations, having lived no life.I think she needs taking by the shoulders and having some sense shook into her.

I don't need to sit gawping to know when something is happening. Are you familiar with peripheral vision?

Oh she is asking on FB how to get a council flat.

You're not going to get one, love. Just so you know.

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 09:44:01

EURGH at Jezza and Sinister Graham being the last chance saloon keepers.

Thank you for the Alex Reid link. I am still boggling.

I think that we all know too much about Alex Reid. He obviously thinks that we don't.

Idea for Alex Reid's next telly show: "Alex Reid and The Clap Clinic" Alex Reid and other never-weres visit a London STI clinic. Will Darren Day's gonorrhea test come back clear? Dean Gaffney has a nervous wait to find out if the chlamydia he contracted in his early '90s heyday has made a return. Narrated by Dane Bowers

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 07-Dec-12 09:57:44

To be fair, I have a cousin who got pregnant aged 18; the father was someone she'd known only for about 5 minutes (she met him while on holiday in his country). However, over 30 years later they are still together, parents of 4 and grandparents of 3; all of them have jobs (well, apart from the grandchildren of course). So I second those who say it can be done...

But not everyone's life pans out the same way, so I can see why you're concerned.

fence sitter extraordinaire

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Fri 07-Dec-12 09:59:41

I would watch.

I would watch and then watch again on ITV4+1

HullyEastergully Fri 07-Dec-12 10:04:20

When you are still a child, and starring in your own drama, and then you have a child, it doesn't tend to go well because you have the child as a reflection of yourself, whereas of course when one brings forth new life, one has to put its needs first.

When that sweet baby with its pink headband grows up a bit and becomes a person in its own right, it tends to go really really not well.

(Speaking as someone who worked with the debris)

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 10:04:51

Oooo, I'd watch that <lowbrow>

Part of a series: "Chantelle and the Big Shop at the Supermarket". Chantelle and other won't-go's do their weekly shop. Follow Jo Pasquale as he negotiates the aisles of Aldi. Some of the All Saints meet in Tesco Costa - but who will go for the pumpkin latte? Jedward take a wrong turn at Morrissons and are locked in the meat freezer - will they charm their way out? Narrated droned by Jane McDonald.

Be bloody marve, I'd watch that too.

I am taking bets on the name being either a terrible spelling of an actual name i.e Lillii Maiiee or a made-up name like Chazelle or Keefer.

LOL at Chantelle and the Big Shop. This needs to happen. <rings ITV>

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 10:18:35

I know a Bailee-Rae, which was a new one on me but is apparently quite popular now.

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 07-Dec-12 10:23:50

I have heard of Chantelle, Alex Reid and Darren Day (lucky me), but not of Dean Gaffney or Dane Bowers (is that still a 'lucky me'?) blush

<very old person emoticon>

Dean Gaffney was an Eastenders actor in the early 1990s and, inexplicably, got a lot of lurve from the ladies He was well-known on the womanising circuit.

Dane Bowers was in a shit band called Another Level, again early 1990s. Another unlikely Romeo At one point, he apparenyl had Jordan and Vicki Beckham scrapping over his chubby cock.


PrincessFiorimonde Fri 07-Dec-12 10:37:46

Thanks, Baubles. What delights they are. Another Level seem (seems?) inexplicably to have passed me by, though even I have watched Eastenders in the past, before I gave it up for being full of miserable people being miserable and shouting a lot at each other.

PS Hully you are being very sensible on this thread. I fear for the Church.

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 10:45:07

Dean Gaffney was memorably out-acted, out-smarted and out-attractived by Well'Ard the German Shepherd every week. Brought new lows to the Shag Marry or Die game as we all chose the dog.

LOL at Gaffers being outsexed by Well'Ard.

Boak at the thought of being sexualised by Gaffney. Good God. He is like the lovechild of a skull on a stick and a chronic acne outbreak.

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 11:54:51

Imagine him doing the sexing. Blee.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Fri 07-Dec-12 12:21:30

Bumped into the sex god Gaffney on the tube once, he was with that tit Ricky (don't know his real name) what a couple of knobs.

Oh God, she is on FB now moaning about her eviiiil mornin sikness.

I need to delete but can't do it. I am obviously one of those people that enjoys rubbernecking at car crashes sad

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Sat 08-Dec-12 11:15:25

Uh oh.

It will be a loooong pregnancy this one.

thecook Sat 08-Dec-12 11:41:13


I bet when the baby is born she inserts 'mummy loves (made-up name) into her FB name. Makes me want to puke when I see that.

I bet she updates her FB status whilst in labour.

My cousin is planning on doing that. Complete with pictures apparently.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Sat 08-Dec-12 13:36:42

Oh lord, very pleased my cousins live miles away.

1944girl Fri 21-Dec-12 19:37:17

I have a niece just like OPs cousin.I go onto FB to get a laugh about her daily doings.

orlakielylover Tue 22-Jan-13 00:39:47

where would one put one's trampoline?? <snorts loudly>

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