to have absolutely no idea what this man's problem is.

(116 Posts)
TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 09:19:37

I need the collective overactive imagination of Mumsnet to help me work this out!

DS1 goes to a pre-school attached to a school on a residential road. All the houses have large driveways so none of the residents park on the road. If there is an event on at the school or if you are trying to drop off around school drop-off time, you tend to have to park a long way away, but if you do an 8am drop-off and a 6pm pick-up like I do, there is no problem.

The driveways are all two large car lengths apart, so as long as everyone parks normally, you can fit several cars very close to the gate. You then have to walk through the school grounds so it doesn't make much difference whether you are the first car or the sixth car in line - it adds about 10 seconds onto a two or three minute walk.

There are some pre-school parents who always park right in the middle of the two spaces so that everyone else gets pushed further and further back down the road, but it still isn't a problem at that time of the morning. I am generally one of the first people there so I am usually the closest to the gate anyway.

Yesterday morning I dropped DS1 off and went back to the car. As I got in, a man pulled into the space behind me and sat there with the engine running. I didn't particularly register what he was doing as some of the older children for the breakfast club just get dropped at the gate so their parents don't get out of the car. I turned the engine on and then suddenly realised I had left my bag in the boot with my bottle of water, so I got out and walked round to the boot. The dad and the two children were still sitting in the car. At this point I did notice him as he was stopped so close to me that I couldn't actually get between him and my car and had to lean over to open the boot. He was staring at me and tapping his fingers on the wheel. I thought his kids might have been faffing around and he was in a hurry to get going. I got back in the car and pulled forward to turn round.

At this point he drove forwards about 4 feet so that he was half in my space and half in his and parked. I turned round and found I couldn't get past because he had opened his driver door fully and left it open - it is a narrow road. I waited, expecting him to close it, whereupon he looked at me, smirked and gave me a sort of "ha!" nod, and made no attempt to close the door. He eventually did close it and I drove off with him glaring and shaking his head at me.

I was bemused but put it down to him having a bad morning and focussing on some complete non-event - although I still couldn't work out why he was so desperate to park 4 feet further forward.

I passed him in the school grounds at pick up time and got another glare and a head-shake which was a bit bizarre, but no further parking shenanigans as he had managed to secure the front parking space this time.

Anyway, this morning I was again the first one there and when I came back to the car, the same man was already sitting in the space behind me, engine running, kids in the car. I did a bit of a double-take, because it looked suspiciously as though he was actually waiting for me to come back and move the car. Sure enough, I got in and drove out, at which point he once again moved forward so that he was right in the middle of the two spaces. And again, there was glaring and head-shaking as I drove back past him, although no silly buggers with the door.

I have wracked my brains about what the parking issue could be, that is so major that he has to actually wait for me to come out so that he can move into the space. The distance involved is so negligible that it can't possibly be a mobility issue - he and his children appear to have no difficulties in walking up to the pre-school, and even if there were issues in that respect, a distance of 4 feet is going to make no difference whatsoever. The only thing I can possibly think of is that he is precious about his car (a jag) and wants to park in the middle of the spaces so no-one can park too close and bump the car, but is too lazy to park in the next pair of spaces. Or has he always parked there before and now thinks of it as HIS space?

Am I uneasonable to continue to park in this space? And can anyone think of any explanation at all?! And why do I attract the driving/reversing/parking lunatics?

Explanation?

He is a twat.

kungfu that is bizarre. confused You know you will have to ask him don't you? Carry on parking there. Do you have to dash off when you get back in the car? Could it be 'get the newspaper out' time again? grin

He's a loon. Ignore him and carry on parking properly.

SugaricePlumFairy Thu 06-Dec-12 09:24:46

Keep parking there!,

Give him a cheery smile when you make eye contact but in your mind say 'yes you are a parking twat' then drive off still smiling at him! grin

KenLeeeeeee Thu 06-Dec-12 09:25:55

He sounds very odd indeed. The evil side of me would entertain the idea of 'accidentally' bumping his precious Jag... Probably wouldn't actually do it, but would enjoy thinking about it.

I would have to know though because of the glaring and head shaking. Intimidating. sad

SuffolkNWhat Thu 06-Dec-12 09:27:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Or a very long phone call?

YoucanringmySleighBells Thu 06-Dec-12 09:28:04

Oh bloody hell what a knob!! He sounds like an absolute pig. I would have to ask what his problem was - it would kill me not knowing...

Please ask him what his problem is - in a nice manner - don't want you starting a scene. This is bugging me let alone you!
Here thanks

I'd get in first with the tutting and head shaking. Roll your eyes too. Better still, smile, wave and wish him a merry 'Good morning'.

fatcuntroller Thu 06-Dec-12 09:32:09

Absolutely keep parking there. And arrange for a friend to phone you for a nice long chat once you're back at your car.

ImperialSantaKnickers Thu 06-Dec-12 09:33:48

I've been known to decide to check my emails on my phone when someone was trying to intimidate me into moving.

EleanorGiftbasket Thu 06-Dec-12 09:35:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FolkElf Thu 06-Dec-12 09:35:32

He is Man.

He is not letting Woman get the better of him, or control him, or dictate to him.

He will be in charge even if all that means is he will attempt to intimidate you in order to park 4feet further forwards and then unnecessarily inconvenience you.

FolkElf Thu 06-Dec-12 09:36:36

He was either having a shit morning and taking it out on you, or exerting his perceived authority over you.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Thu 06-Dec-12 09:37:40

I'd give it 'MORNING' super cheerily, every single day!!! Maybe even a 'we are lucky that if your the first or last person here we all get to park close unlike other schools'

You could have a very urgent need to rearrange the seats in your car (if your car has that function) or root around aimlessly in the back seat for ages while he taps his bloody fingers.

Hes a self important twat OP. But if it was me I would take pleasure in winding him up!

Take your time getting into your car, read a paper. Make a phone call, tidy the inside of your car.

Don't let the bugger intimidate you, wish him a good day

grin

Sokmonsta Thu 06-Dec-12 09:39:27

Park there and then go back with a friend for coffee.

WankbadgersBauble Thu 06-Dec-12 09:40:20

Get back to your car, recline the seat, put your feet on the steering wheel and pull out a good book. Angle the rear-view mirror to have a good giggle from time to time.

Gawd, what a douchecanoe.

TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 09:41:41

I feared as much! I was hoping that someone would come up with a brilliant and obvious explanation, but it would appear that he is just a twat.

He isn't at all intimidating - he just looks like a slightly smug tit with the smirking and head shaking.

Unfortunately checking emails or making phone calls is a non-starter because this particular road is a phone signal blackspot of doom.

I think it might be a good idea if I established what the family's name is I case I inadvertently accept an invitation to play, or to a party, and find myself offending his parking sensibilities outside his own house!

3b1g Thu 06-Dec-12 09:41:58

Parking really does bring out the worst in people. I think that for some people it's a territorial issue. I have also come across one or two men that are really sensitive to the idea of a woman taking 'their' parking space or commenting on where they should park.

threesocksfullofchocs Thu 06-Dec-12 09:42:11

I would so be sitting texting just to annoy him

TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 09:42:54

Douchecanoe. grin

TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 09:46:17

I may need to take a morning off in order to have time to try one of these suggestions.....

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 09:47:06

next time you see him, wind the window down/get close enough if walking, make sure he hears you and say "you're a very strange man" and drive off laughing. make sure he sees you laughing. or in fact you could just laugh everytime you see him without actually saying anything. he's a dick. laugh at him to make sure he feels like one.

stifnstav Thu 06-Dec-12 09:48:15

<writes down douchecanoe>

Write "Douchecanoe" on a big piece of paper and put it in your back window so he sees it when he pulls up behind you, then walk back pointing at the sign and then at him, mouthing "yeah, you, you douchecanoe!"

BirdyTweetTweet Thu 06-Dec-12 09:48:47

Are you the same poster that had an epic post about a stand-off involving reversing on a country road?

SuffolkNWhat Thu 06-Dec-12 09:48:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LtXmasEve Thu 06-Dec-12 09:50:45

Pretend to take a photo of him? Or to be getting a phone call "Yes! He's here again...No, No, he is ......oh God this is soooooo funny, you've really got to come and see him Roger....No really, I'm not lying.....Yes, there really is a man that waits so he can move his car 4 feet....Oh I know, I know.....Barabara WAS telling the truth after all.....To think we were all laughing at her in the pub that night when she described him....."

grin

Naysa Thu 06-Dec-12 09:51:27

Take a morning off work,if possible. Maybe drop the kids off and give yourself a nice mani-pedi in the car, maybe catch up on that book you've been dying to read? A face mask? An in car spa?

And of course get a bumper sticker that says "If you're close enough to read this, you're a massive twat".

TeentheBean Thu 06-Dec-12 09:57:03

Well, he is only a man, so that explains a lot. Perhaps he thinks that people might need to come out of their drive and hit his precious car, so he thinks by parking in the middle he will be 'safe'. Or maybe he just has big car syndrome, big car, little ............ and is a total wanker show-off.

StanleyLambchop Thu 06-Dec-12 09:57:11

The only thing I can possibly think of is that he is precious about his car (a jag)

That, and the douchecanoe thing!!

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Thu 06-Dec-12 09:58:28

yes! park in the middle to start with.

TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 09:59:19

Yes. I am non reversing woman. I am starting to think I am unreasonable for even attempting to drive or park in my local area. Clearly I am inconveniencing someone every time I leave my house!

The lanes have once again been re-taken by the commuters. I have pretty much given up on trying to enforce a fair distribution of reversing. Fortunately I am usually going with the flow of traffic now so there aren't quite so many blood pressure raising stand-offs.

Although I did have a run-in with someone who genuinely appeared to thinking was wrong to even be in the lanes at all. I was almost at the end of a narrow stretch when he came belting up the hill in the opposite direction and overshot the passing place so I had to stop. He pulled back into the passing space and I went past, at which point he started tooting his horn at me. Clearly I should have known he was coming and made no attempt to leave my house until he had passed by.

I need to win the lottery so I can be picked up by helicopter every morning.....

TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 10:01:08

I'm not sure I can bring myself to park like a twat. What if other people see me and think I can't park?!

youparklikeacunt.com/ was made for this fella.

sue52 Thu 06-Dec-12 10:04:57

Could he be related to the country lane non reversin woman? Maybe they are genetically inclined to be knobs.

blackeyedsusan Thu 06-Dec-12 10:05:07

oo kungfu... time to get the mn picnicers out again!

TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 10:11:23

Nobody get too excited about this. I probably won't see him tomorrow. It is always really quiet on a Friday - I assume a lot of people have Fridays off - I only ever see the same two parents at Friday drop-off and neither of them is him.

Although he might turn up just to guard his parking space.

ParsingFancy Thu 06-Dec-12 10:16:48

Ooh ooh ooh, 'tis a kungfupannda car wars thread! grin

<makes tea and toast and settles in comfortably to read from start>

hattifattner Thu 06-Dec-12 10:21:42

im all for a quick squiz of the newspaper for 5 mins of so when you get back to your car. But make sure you have switched on your ignition, so he is hopeful you are about to leave. Then apply your make up in the rear view mirror (if he is still there) so you can see his red face and drumming fingers. Keep this up for at least 20 mins.

PessaryPam Thu 06-Dec-12 10:25:19

I would maybe report your concerns about him to the police if it happens again.

TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 10:42:02

I think the police might be a bit of an overreaction!

If he starts waving an axe around and screaming 'get out of my space, bitch!' I will obviously reconsider.....

Are there any Christmas Fayres or Nativity Plays coming up? You don't want to be given evils throughout the performance. sad

ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas Thu 06-Dec-12 11:19:33

kungfu you really do attract them don't you? grin

It's just a pity you don't know any of the residents. If you did you could go and have a cup of tea with them and wave and smile to him as you pass on your way there grin

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Thu 06-Dec-12 11:23:26

"Unfortunately checking emails or making phone calls is a non-starter because this particular road is a phone signal blackspot of doom."

All the more reason grin

ohfunnyface Thu 06-Dec-12 11:31:51

Just ask him- say: do you have a problem with the way I drop off my children? Would you mind telling me as I don't appreciate the looks.

BlueberryHill Thu 06-Dec-12 11:33:12

Approach his car brandishing a piece of mistletoe, I'm sure he'll find somewhere else to park.

What is it with men (huge gnereralisation I know but its a 80/ 20 split on this one) and their head shaking, looking sorrowful as though you don't know what you are doing breaking some unwritten rule only twats know.

Plomino Thu 06-Dec-12 11:36:16

As long as you frown at your phone intently , he won't know you're playing Angry Birds , will he ? I'd have to shake my head at his car, whilst saying loudly to my children whilst walking past 'What a shame that man has to park his car in a space for two . It must be terrible to be so incompetent . '

FestiveWench Thu 06-Dec-12 11:37:15

start spreading rumours that he is stalking you...

whenever you turn around he seems to be there...

EarnestDullard Thu 06-Dec-12 11:39:43

Bizarre. From your description I really can't fathom what he thinks you're doing wrong. He's obviously enjoying being aggrieved over some imagined slight though, so you need to ask him what exactly has got his knickers in such a twist. Then you can knock him off his high horse and point out that he's being a twat.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Thu 06-Dec-12 11:45:19

He is either an entitled twat who is desperate for you to notice him, as he feels he has some sort of control over you with his behaviour. (I see nothing wrong in what you are doing. DONT give up your space, pretend not to notice him at all)

Or he is married to the silly bint on the long country lane.

They are OUT TO GET YOU! shock

penguinplease Thu 06-Dec-12 11:49:57

I haven't read all the replies but I hate shit like this. If he has a problem with you why doesn't he just tell you, what with all the look, finger tapping and game playing.

If I were you I would actually ask him what his problem is, mostly I find that people who are happy to treat you badly and insinuate you have done soemthing wrong are totally taken aback when you approach them about it.

Spineless fuck.

"I'm not sure I can bring myself to park like a twat."
You said the gaps could take two cars - you currently park in the front half of the first space, how about if you parked in the rear half instead? Definitely not parking like a twat, indeed being very considerate in allowing someone else to be a whole two metres closer to the school. Only a very selfish and entitled someone who wants the whole space to themselves would have a problem with that. Because he they would then either loiter in the second gap even more enraged, or have to put a bit of effort into reversing into the front half of their preferred gap. <whistles innocently>

Explanation - he is a twat. A gold-plated, Jag-driving twat.

Pixieonthemoor Thu 06-Dec-12 11:59:15

I was just about to write what Penguin has written. He is all brave when you are in your car with his stupid head shaking etc but I doubt he will be such A Big Man if you directly ask him if he would kindly explain just what (in his tiny-minded little opinion) you are doing wrong. Arsehole - bet he wouldn't do it to a man.

JuliaScurr Thu 06-Dec-12 11:59:57

grin @ folkelf He is man

HullyEastergully Thu 06-Dec-12 12:00:46

PLEASE ask him

lashingsofbingeinghere Thu 06-Dec-12 12:01:33

Is it time to buy/borrow a fold up bike which you can very visibly remove from your boot and pedal off into the distance, leaving twatman foaming at the exhaust?

MadBanners Thu 06-Dec-12 12:01:57

See, you have all the power in this situation! ALL THE POWER! For the good of mankind you need to use it responsibly by using it to annoy twats.

NoKnidForABed Thu 06-Dec-12 12:08:10

Maybe he is suffering from car dysmorphia: he thinks his car is longer than it actually is and therefore he needs two parking spaces. Maybe this also applies to parts of his body?

Or maybe he is just a twat.

Frontpaw Thu 06-Dec-12 12:12:01

You have to walk slowly back to the car... open the door...get into the driver seat and faff about for a while...then get out, lock the door and walk off in the opposite direction. He will probably spontaneously combust.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Thu 06-Dec-12 12:15:31

Maybe he can't reverse the jag?? grin

purplecrayon Thu 06-Dec-12 12:19:31

I'd report him to the school for:

a. Intimidating you
B. using his door deliberately to stop you moving away.

Make a note of his reg no anyway.

He sounds like an arrogant wierdo anyway.

cfc Thu 06-Dec-12 12:21:42

I have found in a kind of similar sitch in the past that a concerned look plastered on your face and a "are you ok?" usually puts them at odds with themselves. X

It's easier than asking "what's your FUCKING problem, you jagwanker?"...passive aggressive yes, but might work for you!

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Thu 06-Dec-12 13:21:01

PurpleCrayon - another thing you'd report to a school?! It's nothing to do with the school. Do you have a direct line to your kids school?

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Thu 06-Dec-12 13:22:37

Oh you have to ask. I'd need to know.
Also signs, yes.

<stupidly happy at another parking thread>

TheCortanaThatStoleChristmas Thu 06-Dec-12 13:33:03

<happy sigh>

I love a good parking thread.

<not helpful>

CelineMcBean Thu 06-Dec-12 13:37:19

He is obviously very small of cock.

I would give a cheery "Morning!" and wave every time you see him. That will piss him off more than anything else. Or get a "douchecanoe" bumper sticker

cfc Thu 06-Dec-12 14:34:53

Report him to the School? Report him to the Police?!!!!

[Hmm]

DingDongKethryverilyonHigh Thu 06-Dec-12 14:38:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialSantaKnickers Thu 06-Dec-12 14:40:36

I'm a bit thick me. What's all the 'douchecanoe' stuff?

cumfy Thu 06-Dec-12 14:45:31

How about turning round first and parking facing away from the school in the place he comes up behind you ?

That may confuse the fuck out of him!

WankbadgersBauble Thu 06-Dec-12 14:46:41

I'm even more convinced he's a douchecanoe, and more than a bit of a knobgoblin!
You could blow kisses! Obviously he's waiting for a sight of your wonderful self!

WankbadgersBauble Thu 06-Dec-12 14:51:43

Imperial
I used it further upthread...it's a wonderful word. Bit surprised more people hadn't heard it before!

Maybe it's an Aussie thing...

ImperialSantaKnickers Thu 06-Dec-12 14:53:46

Agree WankbadgersBauble, a splendid word, almost as magnificent as your nn grin - but what does it mean??? Is it very rude or can I use it in front of dds?

WankbadgersBauble Thu 06-Dec-12 14:57:18

Hmm. Well, down here we use "douche" or "douchebag" a lot, to describe thoughtless wankers, morons and other wastes of space. A douchecanoe is just a canoe-sized douchebag/thoughtless wanker.

So, y'know, you wouldn't use it in front on the minister, but nobody would give you judgy looks, either.

ImperialSantaKnickers Thu 06-Dec-12 15:04:46

Aha - I've heard 'douchebag' for a useless person before!

Will add it to my collection of things to mutter at other drivers when ferrying dds around - thanks very much wink

cumfy Thu 06-Dec-12 15:10:35

Sounds like Duel.

MaryThornbar Thu 06-Dec-12 15:46:26

It sounds as though he thinks his car is too big to park behind you without encroaching on the entrance to someone's driveway, and probably thought you took too long to pull away from your spot.

No excuse for general twattish behaviour though!!

TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 18:29:07

So many ideas, so little time in the mornings to implement them.

There were quite a few cars this evening - the traffic was bad so lots of people must have been running late.

Guess which car was parked on the zigzag lines outside the school, rather than all of 100 yards down the road?

I didn't see him though - I think he must have been in the other room when I came in. Or maybe he was in the office, asking them to have a word with the unreasonable cowbag who keeps parking in his space.

I have continued to give this some thought today, and the only thing I can come up with is that the space in question is actually outside his house, but that he loves his shiny car so much that he loads the kids in the car and drives round the block every morning just to enjoy the feel of cool leather seats on his pinstripe-clad bottom. So when he gets back, I am parked outside his house and he has to wait for me to move, otherwise his neighbours will come on MN and start a thread entitled "AIBU to think that twat-dad next door should park outside his own house?"

Urgh, just be grateful you aren't his wife. He sounds like a right tool.

hackmum Thu 06-Dec-12 18:35:33

Well, now you can get your revenge at any rate by reporting him to the school for parking on the zig-zag lines. Hopefully they will put his number plate in the school newsletter for maximum public humiliation.

TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 18:41:44

hackmum - unfortunately I can't. There are a few parents who consistently park on the lines (among other things) and the school is getting the right arse with the pre-school about it - the pre-school is privately run, although it has close associations with the school and provides its afterschool care etc.

The school keep threatening to lock the main gate so that the pre-school parents have to come in a side entrance which is bloody miles round with nowhere to park near it. If they do that I will have a complete nightmare doing pick-up as DS2 is at the nursery in the next road and I already cut it pretty fine - the extra ten minutes or so will make me permanently late.

So unfortunately, reporting twat-dad might well be a massive own goal!

kerala Thu 06-Dec-12 18:49:36

Shake your head back at him? HATE head shakers. I got beeped and humphed for stopping to allow a pedestrian to cross a zebra crossing. What did he want me to do mow him down confused confused

TeamBacon Thu 06-Dec-12 19:00:43

I think you should call him on it. Really quizzical expression, and a 'what is it that youre doing?' and stare at him looking confused.

Or just park your car, wait for him to start being a twat, and wander off.

Or take a picture of his number plate and grin at him.

AngelOne Thu 06-Dec-12 19:07:47

I would park in the middle of the parking space next time, so he can't wait in the space behind you.

And then give him the Vs if he shakes his head at you again.

MoreBeta Thu 06-Dec-12 19:10:03

I have no idea what is wrong with him.

You definitley need to ask him and report back here tomorrow.

Xales Thu 06-Dec-12 19:23:40

haha wewereherefirst that website is great.

It reminds me (I am not sure I should admit this)

I am a biker. Went to park one day and there was a car parked in the motorcycle bay.

So I parked my bike so that when it tipped on it's side stand the handle bars stopped about an inch from the driver door window. There was no way they would have got in there.

Thinking back it was a stupid thing to do as the drive could have just shoved my bike over. However it was very satisfying to go off and leave my bike there at the time grin

JamieandtheMagiTorch Thu 06-Dec-12 19:25:34

Maybe write "pillock" in cream on his windscreen?

< mixes up parking threads>

Poor you, you do seem to attract crazy drivers!

drjohnsonscat Thu 06-Dec-12 19:35:16

I get a lot of head shaking and headlight flashing when I stop to let pedestrians cross the road too. Typically from black cab drivers these days, gawd love em. Because really and truly only they know how to drive.

I think your guy might feature in this book: www.amazon.co.uk/Assholes-A-Theory-Aaron-James/dp/1857885937/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354822366&sr=8-1

It's actually mainly about why you shouldn't let them bother you - that's my main problem and I urgently need to read this book. I just can't bear the fact that there are such morons in the world and make it my mission to explain to them why their attitudes are antisocial and crass. Of course the various assholes I have come across lately all love this and thank me profusely for showing them how to be better citizens. hmm

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 06-Dec-12 19:42:51

Is the bit behind where you park a dropped curb?

Long shot I know seen as he's a zigzag parking wanker as well but thought I would ask.

I would be inclined to yell " what the actual fuck is your fucking problem fuck face parking wanker" and then when he left his door open I would drive into it.

But really I wouldn't I would just think about doing it.

KittyFane1 Thu 06-Dec-12 19:46:39

So many brilliant posts!
I like the cheery 'Hiya, lovely morning isn't it?' suggestion but I would not engage at all.
Look through him, get in car and write shopping list, text, faff about, paint nails. If he beeps his horn ignore and don't look. If he gets out of car and comes to window, wind it down and politely say 'Oh sorry, I'm not ready to go yet' and wind it up again.
It's time for passive aggression!! He's a twat.

TalkativeJim Thu 06-Dec-12 19:58:08

I would walk straight past my car next time, giving him a cheery wave, and go on an hour-long walk.

Or, go tap on the window and say to him, 'you know it's fine to stay where you are already parked. It's quite safe, there's a lot of space behind you. I know not everyone is great at parking, but there's no need to be so nervous.'

He would HATE that smile

JamieandtheMagiTorch Thu 06-Dec-12 19:59:38

Hahahahaha

I like that TalkativeJim

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrscrimbobash Thu 06-Dec-12 20:16:06

Shit on his windscreen.

Wait till the kids are out obviously.

PickledInAPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 20:20:03

Yes you have to be really happy and cheerful and give a smile perhaps say aha we meet again! Good morning! In the style of Alan partridge at him.

God knows what his problem is but it will wind him up so bad if your nice to him and there is nothing he can do.

SugarPasteSnowflake Thu 06-Dec-12 20:40:22

Mrscrimbo,that has made me laugh so loudly that I woke the dog up grin

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Thu 06-Dec-12 20:52:20

Walk up to your car all normal, then just as you get up close to him, stick your thumbs in your ears, waggle your fingers and screaaaaaaam, for about one second, then carry on as though nothing happened. If he challenges you, look confused and suggest he hallucinated it.

The problem is that he is teaching his children to behave like this. We can't have twatbadger children!

I would walk up to him in his car, knock on the window and ask, politely, what the fuck he's doing as he's being a douchecanoe.

Please let us know what he says!

TandB Thu 06-Dec-12 20:59:13

oh dear.

I'm being strangely drawn to both the shitting and screaming ideas.

I need help, don't I?

TweedSlacks Thu 06-Dec-12 20:59:49

Borrow Steal An A4 pad from work .
Have a one liner conversation Pre- written on several pieces of paper.
Drop DC then turn round and pull up next to him.
Reveal the ' Hello' piece of paper, he will automatically word 'hello' back.
Now , maybe 'How are you?'
Then ' Do you know what a DoucheCanoe is? '

Probably best to drive off at this point .

If you are likely to be invited to a little ones party at his this might not be the best course of action.

Just park opposite where he wants to park . This will leave him in a predicament . Park in his reserved space as per, and make the road really narrow , or park in a different space altogether.

He's just weird with a parking obsession

mrscrimbobash Thu 06-Dec-12 21:05:27

Oh I KNOW!

Shit AND Scream.

Then he will never EVER mess with you again.

RubberDuck Thu 06-Dec-12 21:17:24

You should just leave a little piece of paper under his windscreen wiper...

... with only one thing written on it...

... the URL to this thread.

BlueberryHill Thu 06-Dec-12 21:22:13

So many good ideas, try them one at a time and let us know how they go. But try Rubberducks last.

mrscrimbobash Thu 06-Dec-12 21:25:59

The reciprocal thread on 'MansNet' would be hilarious.

AIBU? This insane woman screamed at me whilst shitting on my car bonnet sketching a picture of what could only be a douche and a canoe.

CaptainVonTrapp Thu 06-Dec-12 22:15:32

Return to your car, start the engine.
Stop the engine.
Get something out of the boot.
estart the engine.
Stop it, walk back into school have an unnecessary chat with the teacher then return to the car.

Repeat until he cracks.

And he must have the URL to this thread left under his wiper.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 06-Dec-12 22:21:02

Perhaps he has a weird car fetish.

Freak him right out by parking an inch further back every day for a month then an inch forward every day

redbusandbigben Thu 06-Dec-12 22:39:32

Do you have a nice car?

I have a car that men seem to like. It's Japanese with a big engine and fairly newish.

I have had several reactions when I am driving it which I have never had when driving something smaller or older with a lesser engine.

So what sort of car do you have?

(in my experience this can create different reactions!)

helenlynn Fri 07-Dec-12 00:39:48

mrscrimbobash, my husband just had to peel himself away from his computer to find out why I was crying with laughter in front of mine. I don't think I managed a very good explanation.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Fri 07-Dec-12 10:29:55

Kungfupanda my son bought a very life like turd on the school fair. It freaks me out every time I come across it, I might happily try to lose it into an envelope and down your way.

You can then do this:

Deposit it on your bonnet prior to taking your dc to school. Pretend to see it as you come back to your car, walk over to twat-dad and accuse him of putting it there. grin

That will boggle his mind.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Fri 07-Dec-12 10:31:00

Then we will see a thread here:

"A woman accused my husband of taking a dump on the bonnet of her car, wwyd?"

Any news from today?

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