(76 Posts)
123canyoucopyme Wed 05-Dec-12 21:42:02

I'm finding work really hard at the moment. I'm not meeting my targets and I'm feeling the pressure. Really feel like quitting but I think being a sahm would be really hard, plus DD loves her childminder.

Am going to Doctors tomorrow, do you think I should o off sick?


Adversecalendar Wed 05-Dec-12 21:45:39

Have you spoken to your line manager about your work issues?
I recently endured meeting a deadline and didn't sleep much at all in the three days running up to it. I met it but still feel knackered and it was two weeks ago.

I only have awful deadlines about four times a year but is yours constant?

123canyoucopyme Wed 05-Dec-12 21:46:14

Constant, a meeting once a week sad

squeakytoy Wed 05-Dec-12 21:47:27

Yes, I do think you should be signed off.

Ask yourself if you would want your child to be taught by you?

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you have been asking this question now for months, and it is clear that you are very unhappy in your job. You really do need to go to your GP and talk honestly with them.

GhostShip Wed 05-Dec-12 21:47:38

Is there anyone you could talk to at work about this, a supervisor perhaps? Maybe speak about having a bit of your workload taken away, just to help you get back on track?

Going off on the sick is for when you're ill - as the name suggests. So unless there's something underlying you're not telling us, I say no to sick. IMO

Inclusionist Wed 05-Dec-12 21:48:12

What do you do and how unreachable are your targets? Could they be broken down to be manageable?

Is there a little voice inside you telling you to stay at home or are you just wanting out of work (in which case another job might be the answer)?

Inclusionist Wed 05-Dec-12 21:49:56

Ah- I take it you are a teacher?

ilovesooty Wed 05-Dec-12 21:54:42

I agree with squeakytoy

Obviously your GP is the expert in deciding whether you're unfit for work, but as a former teacher I can't honestly see, given your posts, how your being in school benefits you, the pupils, your colleagues or the school as a whole.

Jinsei Wed 05-Dec-12 21:58:00

Going off sick is not going to help you meet your targets, and it won't resolve the problem. You need to identify what is going wrong and then talk to your manager about how to rectify it.

gordyslovesheep Wed 05-Dec-12 22:00:51

I has been said on every thread you start:



GhostShip Wed 05-Dec-12 22:02:54

I've not seen her other threads but I've not as of yet seen her type anything that suggests she needs to go on sick
Not being able to do the job doesn't automatically mean go on sick.

It could be a sign of something underlying but I'm not going to assume yet.

squeakytoy Wed 05-Dec-12 22:04:37

Ghost, the OP is very well known by most in her other names and posts the same threads almost weekly. And gets the same answers weekly too. sad

TeaDr1nker Wed 05-Dec-12 22:04:47

Only going of what you have written is there any way you can discuss this with your line manager? Could you reduce your hours, you don't say if you are PT or FT.

Sirzy Wed 05-Dec-12 22:06:20

Ghost, the OP has name changed but has a history of posting similar threads but never taking the advice given.

Actually just the title of this thread was enough for me to be able to guess who it would be.

OP you really need to seek help and support and do what is right for you, your family and the children you teach.

GhostShip Wed 05-Dec-12 22:13:27

Ah right, may need to seek 'proper' help then...

Inclusionist Wed 05-Dec-12 22:15:24

I've caught up with the namechange now.

OP, you do need help. You need to arrange to see a counsellor. TBH being a bog standard, part time primary school teacher needn't be that stressful (unless you are in a hell of a school). Neither should being a SAHM fill you with such dread. You are not coping.

See someone.

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 07:57:50

I'm a part time primary school teacher. Head has said she may have to put me on capability measures. I forgot to do two of my targets, I don't think it's that bigger deal.

Groovee Thu 06-Dec-12 07:59:23

I think you need to go to the GP and get this sorted instead of Namechanging and posting the same threads over and over. You said it yourself... Does your daughter deserve a mother who won't help herself?

squeakytoy Thu 06-Dec-12 07:59:36

Why dont you think it is that big a deal?? confused

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 08:02:21

Because its only 2 small targets, I just forgot to do them.

1. Get my plans checked with another teacher
2. Add 'keywords' to my planning

I could do these things easily I just forgot to do them.

If I go to doctors they'll just shove me on some medication which will undoubtedly have side effects.

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 08:02:58

Perhaps I can help myself by just keeping going at work

whois Thu 06-Dec-12 08:06:22

Hi Cheakypickle. New name same copy and paste job on your post.

Not sure what you are hoping to gain by asking the same bloody question over and over again. Nothing is going to change. The same people are going to reply.

go and see your GP ffs

StillSquiffy Thu 06-Dec-12 08:10:08

You really think the side effects will be worse than the depression? Of course they won't be. You need medication.

And you need to stop changing your name.

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 08:11:59

I'm not depressed, I'm anxious. Feel like I'm constantly being watched at work

StillSquiffy Thu 06-Dec-12 08:12:57

Perhaps I can help myself by just keeping going at work

If you don't change what is currently happening you will be fired for capability. Have a read of the thread I posted about all of this a couple of weeks back. It is panning out exactly as I said it would. You need to change something. And the thing you change is yourself. Starting with a trip to GP.

StillSquiffy Thu 06-Dec-12 08:14:22

You are constantly being watched because you are not performing and the ofsted inspector picked up on it, and they have to fix it. And the reason you are not performing is because you are not coping at the moment. Thats why you need to see the GP.

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 08:14:41

I can't give up my job though. DD thrives at the childminders.

blondietinsellyminx Thu 06-Dec-12 08:15:33

123 you could just keep going... But if you do what you always do, you'll get what you've always got! And you don't sound happy with the way things are.

Make a GP appointment - get some help.

StillSquiffy Thu 06-Dec-12 08:16:06

You have a choice of 3 as far as work goes.

1) Give up work
2) get fired
3) Fix it (starting with GP)

That's it. Which one are you going to pick?

deXavia Thu 06-Dec-12 08:19:47

Actually if you keep forgetting your targets then the decision may well be taken for you..

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 08:19:59

Just now book a phone appointment with My GP.

Now for a lovely day of going to the library with DD and a mumsnet meet up this afternoon with the mumsnet horrible lot ;)

MammaTJ Thu 06-Dec-12 08:21:09

You NEED to be constantly watched at work if you are forgetting to do simple things.

Go to the doctor, get proper help!! Though if you treat that anything like you do the advice you constantly ask for on here, you will flush any tablets down the toilet and ignore a counsellor.

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 08:25:45


123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 08:27:38

I was pretty ill. This time last year I was on a physchiatric ward. Managed to get back to work. Guess this is another thing to get through.

MammaTJ Thu 06-Dec-12 08:34:13

I have told you before about a friend of mine who has the same illness. She has had her bad times, but properly medicated, she copes with a very responsible job and life in general. She finds she doesn't 'feel' as much now she is taking her meds, but makes the choice to stay on them rather than being unstable.

squeakytoy Thu 06-Dec-12 08:35:00

You are going to be constantly watched if you are failing to do your job properly.

Get yourself signed off, get yourself better, and sort your life out. You are not well, if you were you would not post these threads every week.

If strangers on a chatboard can clearly see this, then it must be very apparent in your real life too.

SolomanDaisy Thu 06-Dec-12 08:36:30

You need the medication, whatever the side effects. You are clearly unwell, thinking in a loop and not performing at work. Get signed off, get better, then make decisions.

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 09:08:32

I think I should be a sahm

squeakytoy Thu 06-Dec-12 09:14:19

'bangs head on wall'

Do it then. What is stopping you?

You have got plenty of options yet you dont take on board anything that anyone ever suggests, and never really answer the questions that people ask.

Why do you keep doing this?

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 09:18:26

I'm going to speak to GP as suggested

I've rang union as suggested

I will take any mess doctor recommends

I have spoke to my support team

Spoken to my mum and husband

I think I should be a sahm. Big decision giving up a career though, suppose it'll just be a career break

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 09:18:45

Any meds

squeakytoy Thu 06-Dec-12 09:23:56

I dont think you should make any firm decisions yet until you have got your mental health sorted out. Then you will be able to think more clearly and do what you know is the right thing. At the moment you seem to be floating around without having a clue what you want at all.

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 09:25:49

I hate my job and I'm doing a bad job. The head even asked me if I wanted to be at work!

featherbag Thu 06-Dec-12 09:27:59

I think you need to get another job. I wouldn't want you teaching my child. You know you are not performing at the expected level, yet you are almost flippant about it - "I could do it properly, I just forgot." You're not ill, therefore no, you do not need to be signed off sick. You need to decide if this is the right career for you, then either find a different career or pull your finger out and get up to the required standard before you're fired.

I don't mean to be harsh, I speak as someone who had a similar decision to make. I was in a job that I was awful at, and the fact that I was so awful at it had an effect on a lot of other people. Eventually I accepted that this was never going to be the job for me and went and got a call centre job while I researched my options. I decided on a totally different career to what I was doing, retrained, and I am now very happy in a fulfilling career that I'm very good at (don't mean to brag, but I'm very proud of being so good at something!).

PragmaticWench Thu 06-Dec-12 09:32:09

It sounds as though the head has a point, you don't even know if you want to be there so it may well be apparent to other staff.

Anxiety and forgetfulness are common symptoms of depression and/or other mental health issues. Being indecisive can also be a symptom.

It really does sound as though you need to ask for help and support at work, from your family and from your GP. People would rather be asked for help than feel that they have no choice but to force you to accept it.

PragmaticWench Thu 06-Dec-12 09:34:29

I don't mean that in a nasty way, I've been where you are and do understand. It wasn't until I started to get better that I realised how much my former colleagues had wanted to help me.

tunise Thu 06-Dec-12 09:44:03

I think squeakytoy is spot on, personally to me, you sound unwell, just from the things you say on here. Before you make any decisions you need to be balanced and able to be rational, you need to get better to be able to decide if it's the illness causing the problems at work or if it's because your in the wrong job for you. It doesn't have to be a straight choice between teachers Vs SAHM, you could get another job, retrain etc. Please take some of the very good advice you've had.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 06-Dec-12 09:47:46

I don't think you need to go off sick, but I do think you need to get a different job where you don't have the opportunity to mess up a year of a child's education.

Do we think you need to be off sick??

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!!!!!!!

Like I said yesterday on another different but same post, you need to go off sick and get yourself sorted out.

You wont't be giving up your career.....teachers are always needed but I imagine it is a very stressful job so you need to be well in yourself to cope. Which the moment you are not.

Cheeky Pickle - are you EVER going to listen and take any advice??

SuffolkNWhat Thu 06-Dec-12 09:54:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whois Thu 06-Dec-12 10:01:56

Ok that's cool. So we defo won't see a post in 2 weeks asking the same q then...?

But is this fair on DD? I mean, she loves the childminders... </mean>

mummytime Thu 06-Dec-12 10:03:42

There are other careers you could have as a qualified teacher that might suit you far more.

So take the sick leave, take the medicine and think about what you really want to do.

Maybe some tutoring, maybe with HE kids? (Might fund just enough for DD still to go to Child minder a bit). There are various clubs you could do: I know Science and Art ones locally, there is always Music if that is your thing. Or supply (could be far more managable).
Or I also know people who have done educational sales or similar.
Or maybe work for a museum or art gallery?

whois Thu 06-Dec-12 10:32:05

Or maybe work for a museum or art gallery?

No chance. Those jobs are like gold dust and are got by volunteering for years and having a masters (at least!) in fine art or whatever.

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 12:51:59

Doctor has signed me off sick for 2 weeks. How long can they keep signing you off sick for?

WilsonFrickett Thu 06-Dec-12 13:29:58

Don't you break up for Christmas on the 20th?
So you now have a month off.
Make some decisions.

CinnabarRed Thu 06-Dec-12 13:39:19

I have every sympathy for anyone struggling with either a wrong career choice or mental health issues. But, OP, that last post sounded really grabby. Did you mean it that way? Because Wilson is right - it's more than high time you start to make some decisions.

Inclusionist Thu 06-Dec-12 15:51:26

Are you going to keep your DD home with you while you are signed off?

Didn't this all start months ago with you asking whether it would be unreasonable to leave your DD in her care setting for the whole of the summer holidays because you didn't think you could take looking after her for 7 weeks?

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 16:18:15

I think I will have her with me when I'm off sick, then I can see if I can manage. I hate being so weak

Sirzy Thu 06-Dec-12 16:20:55

Can you take it day by day in that sense? Or send her in for half days at first and then see how you get on?

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 16:22:38

We think if I look after her full time we could afford for her to go to the childminders 2 afternoons a week. Then when she's at childminders I can go look after my father in law who has dementia

KinkyDoritoWithJingleBellsOn Thu 06-Dec-12 16:32:20

You will be on full pay whilst signed off, so continue to leave DD with childminder so she is still in her routine until you make a concrete decision.

Do not make a concrete decision until you have started taking meds.

Take meds for 4-6 weeks to help you to settle down.

Try and rest. Do not start filling your time with caring responsibilities - you aren't well and you need some care.

Keep getting signed off until you feel more settled. There is nothing stopping you deciding you still want out a month or two down the line, but at least give yourself some time to heal before you make a life changing decision. When the cloud lifts, you might really regret it.

Good luck. smile

manicinsomniac Thu 06-Dec-12 16:33:29

I think it depends on what kind of school you work at - if, like mine, it's one where the other teachers cover your lessons in their non contacts rather than call in a supply teacher then please don't go off sick in the last 2 weeks of term, it's so stressful and annoying for everyone else around you who is already stressed and anxious at this time. I've lost count of the number of non contacts I've lost this week to do other people's work and, sometimes, it's almost enoug to push you (general you) over the edge.

If you could get a supply teacher in however, and you genuinely feel ill, then yes, I don't see why you shouldn't. If you have a mental illness then medication might fix the problems entirely. I have a mild form of bipolar and anorexia and nobody's ever complained about my teaching. Drugs aren't a sign of weakness. In fact they can stop you being weak by keeping you at work, doing your job.

KinkyDoritoWithJingleBellsOn Thu 06-Dec-12 16:46:22

manic if that is how your school is covering, then they are being unfair. School have insurance to put cover into place. It would be reasonable to use colleagues to cover for the first couple of days of absence but not for a longer period. Plus, under work to rule and rarely cover, you shouldn't be expected to do it and you can say no. Making it seem like the op's responsibility - when she is obviously ill - is unfair. It is your school who decides to manage absence poorly, it is not the fault of the person who has had to go off. You are also U for assuming that people with mental health issues have a choice about whether to carry on.

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 16:46:47

Headteacher sent me home and asked me to see GP so not my fault that I've been signed off sick

Sirzy Thu 06-Dec-12 16:52:43

123 DONT let anyone make you feel guilty for being off sick. You are ill, nobody would expect someone with the flu to carry on so as not to let anyone done and in the same way neither should you.

You need to focus on what is best for your recovery now. You have took a good step forward by seeking help and getting yourself out a situation which was doing nobody any good.

Hopefully in a couple of months you will be thinking clearly enough to make a decision about what is best in the long term

Sirzy Thu 06-Dec-12 17:01:08

Also post in mental health, there are people there who will be able to give you cyber help and support who can relate much better to what your going through than most people on AIBU

gordyslovesheep Thu 06-Dec-12 17:04:59

Sirzy while I understand the Mental Health forum would be useful I think you are being rather unfair on the peeps here - who have offered support and advice to the OP time and time and time again ...

also you have no idea what are own experiences are so it's hard to judge if we 'relate' or not

I don't think you needed chastise people

Sirzy Thu 06-Dec-12 17:07:16

I wasn't saying it in a nasty way against people here. I just think that for specific advice relating to her health she may find people over there who can give her extra support she needs.

Posting threads on AIBU is always going to risk mixed posts which isn't always helpful. Posting on MH is likely to be much 'gentler' at times when that is what the OP needs.

123canyoucopyme Thu 06-Dec-12 22:30:09

I have decided to take a break from teaching. I need to be confident with my DD and should spend time with her before she starts school. I know it will be difficult but work is extremely stressful

I have suggested to you before about taking a career break. Teachers here (Scotland) can apply for up to 2 years off for a career break. Why not think about doing something like that, spending the time to get well, and really think about whether you want to leave once you're well, and able to make decisions from a stronger place.

MammaTJ Thu 06-Dec-12 22:54:54

I am frustrated and cross that you post the same thing time and time again BUT, the last thing you need to be doing right now is looking after your FIL with dementia!!

Look after yourself, look after your DC, look after your DH. You cannot take on someone with dementia, it would not be fair on you or him!!!

ilovesooty Fri 07-Dec-12 00:00:13

If your HT has talked about capability, you are not meeting targets and he sent you home the situation is serious. The new capability procedures brought in this year mean that the process of removing underperforming staff has been speeded up and capability procedures can continue while the teacher is absent through illness.

I would strongly suggest that you ensure the union gets to grips with your situation, and that you take their advice as you might not have much opportunity to resume your career if you are dismissed. As to the poster who said "teachers are always needed", I'm afraid that there are far more teachers out there than jobs, and the situation job wise in primary is very bleak in much the country. The same applies to supply. Any idea of a teacher shortage is, in most areas, a myth.

Pandemoniaa Fri 07-Dec-12 00:07:42

I think you are very wise to take a break from teaching. To be brutally honest, I would not want my children taught by you in your current frame of mind and state of health.

But you've got to start making decisions yourself and not posting innumerable, identical threads on here asking the same questions again and again yet never actually taking any of the advice offered.

Pandemoniaa Fri 07-Dec-12 00:09:52

PS. Can I just second the warning about taking capability proceedings very seriously indeed. If your HT has sent you home it is not a good sign. If you are dismissed from teaching it'll mean a well nigh permanent career break.

ilovesooty Fri 07-Dec-12 00:15:53

Are the union getting back to you? You need support at regional level: not the school rep. As the procedures can now be completed in 4-10 weeks you really need to access help immediately. Pandemoniaa is right. If you're not proactive you might well find any decisions are not yours to control.

123canyoucopyme Sat 08-Dec-12 17:40:18

Have emailed the union rep who is now taking it further by talking to national rep.

I really hope it will get resolved.

I'm beginning to enjoy the thought of not being at work. Of course staying at home will be hard too x

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