to be concerned over DS' dads partner ? - Witchcraft

(105 Posts)
Katie08 Wed 05-Dec-12 16:01:46

H and I divorced 5 years ago, amicable split and he had our DS 50:50 split with me.

He works full time and his mum will collect DS on a Monday from school however he has now informed me that his new gf will be collecting DS. He has met her online and she's been staying with them for about 2 week now but has pretty much moved in full time. My DS has come back twice this week now saying "He'll cast a spell on people he doesn't like" hmm

I thought nothing more off it until he asked me this afternoon for a set of robes. I asked a few more questions about why he wants this and was told XW has said I need some if I am join in with her ceremonies.

I'm a active member of the Methodist church and DS is christened, we attend each week. H used to attend but his faith is his business.

I've spoken to him this afternoon to find out what's been going on, he's told me his New gf is a witch, is an active member and he's interested in it a bit now as well. When I asked what DS has been involved in he said he thinks his gf ha probably done a few ceremonies and spells with him and what's the harm ?

Am I being unreasonable to ask that DS is NOT to be involved in this ? It makes me really uncomfortable. DS is 8 and very impressionable.

silvercup Wed 05-Dec-12 16:07:12

I see no harm, but then I'm not religious and do find paganism and wiccanism interesting, I read tarot cards etc. It's nothing to do with devil worship or anything like that - it's more to do with respecting nature, the elements etc.

If she belonged to a different religion, lets say she was a practising Hindu or Buddhist, and was involving your DS, would you feel the same?

MaxPepsi Wed 05-Dec-12 16:10:29


Nothing to do with her being a witch.

Everything to do with the fact she's known your son for all of 2 minutes.

WelshMaenad Wed 05-Dec-12 16:12:11

My ex and his family are Wiccan. As a religion, it's far less harmful than any strain of Christianity. YABU. Feel free to educate yourself before being judgemental.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Wed 05-Dec-12 16:12:21

don't get him robes and say no, you don't want him involved.

Ask more about this. Is it wicca? What exactly do they mean by 'witch'

If it's some sort of paganism - that predates christianity and all the major christian festivals were put over pagan festivals - yule became christmas, spring solstice became easter (eostre), etc and many of the things that are done have their roots in paganism. logs. eggs. feasting. mistletoe ... the christmas tree!!!

And let's be honest. worship nature and goddesses v worship god.

tom-ay-to tomato.

so don't start panicking. Find out more information.

InNeedOfBrandyButter Wed 05-Dec-12 16:15:19

YABU why don't you educate yourself on witchcraft and wicca before coming across all holy. The main bits of chritianity are based on pagan ways anyway. In fact if you celebrate christmas and easter your celebrating pagan festivals.

HisstletoeAndWhine Wed 05-Dec-12 16:16:40

Absolutely agree with MaxPepsi, who on earth entrusts their son to some women they've met online after 2 weeks.

Insist on your MIL caring for him until he can collect DS after work, or a proper ofsted registered Childminder like the rest of us do.

HairyGrotter Wed 05-Dec-12 16:16:42

I'd be more concerned about my child being introduced to a new partner so soon, if I'm honest.

I'd be hmm about the witch stuff mainly because I'm not a big fan of religion, whatever form it is.

TheLightPassenger Wed 05-Dec-12 16:18:37

doesn't sound like the gf is a very responsible witch/wiccan if she's involved an 8 year old in spells though, I'ld be concerned.

Fairylea Wed 05-Dec-12 16:20:38

Firstly (from the little i do know) the main Wiccan creed is do no harm to others. Spells are mostly for healing etc. So if he is coming back going on about her putting spells on people they don't like then she either hasn't got a clue or isn't proper Wiccan or pagan.... hmmm.

Nothing more valuable to add really but thought that was worth a mention.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Wed 05-Dec-12 16:24:55

the Wiccan stuff (would be surprised if she called it witchcraft) would not bother me. Their rituals are more like prayers with props to centre themselves. My mil is a 'witch'. Shockingly she is lovely.

However wiccans nor most witches do not put spells on 'people'. Its against their beliefs mainly. Especially negative ones.

I am concerned that you ex doesn't know her and she could be in the small minority of cuckoos.

I would concentrate on that rather than the religion.

InNeedOfBrandyButter Wed 05-Dec-12 16:26:00

Does your ex know her and been with her for a while and she's just been staying for 2 weeks or has it just been the last 2 weeks he's known her.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Wed 05-Dec-12 16:26:20

Is it possible that he's completely misunderstood? Maybe she was trying to explain it to him? Oh yes, we wear robes, we do x, y, z

But then, what's this about 'probably done a few...' where was he at the time if it's 'probably'? done with him or explained to him? shown him in a run through way rather than performed - iyswim.

and did the man or the child request robes? If the child, could that have come from her simply describing what's worn?

If someone is taking a child they barely know and saying you need robes and let's perform these ceremonies... they are seriously weird.

Just try to get as much info from the adults as you possibly can. rule out that your 8 year old is getting things wrong.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Wed 05-Dec-12 16:28:29

Yes, fairy. the wiccan rede.

Cozy9 Wed 05-Dec-12 16:28:32

Duck her on a stool into the river, if she lives, she must be a witch, if she dies, she wasn't a witch.

I can't see the difference between believing in witches and believing in god tbh. It's just another set of beliefs, and as long as it's something positive and for good then I can't see the problem.

Dead69Girl Wed 05-Dec-12 16:28:47

im a Witch and my dc do small little rituals with me, nothing more, when they are older they can if they wish do more,

please dont jump to conculsions, get your facts before you wade in

and not all Witchs are wiccan, (im not wiccan)

HisstletoeAndWhine Wed 05-Dec-12 16:29:49

Witchcraft/Wicca/pagan/whatever = totally bloody irrelevant.

Total stranger = entirely bloody relevant.

Let's not get the cart before the horse here.

DingDongKethryverilyonHigh Wed 05-Dec-12 16:32:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoingItOntheRoofTopWithSanta Wed 05-Dec-12 16:34:55

Wouldn't be happy with a stranger moving in to my kid's life after about two seconds, and wouldn't be happy with any religious indoctrination either.

12ylnon Wed 05-Dec-12 16:39:56

I think it sounds an awful lot like he's misunderstood, perhaps he heard the word 'witch' and interpreted it as someone who casts bad spells on people they don't like.
Although i'm not a follower myself paganism/wicca etc is an absolutely lovely belief system, all about the changing seasons and being respectful to nature/ people. IMO, it's not really that much different to Christianity.
I would be concerned about the fact the your exH hasn't known the woman for very long, but i would leave this woman's religion out of it, each to their own and all that.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Wed 05-Dec-12 16:50:14

agree with others. it's no different than you worshipping your god. she believes in this you believe in whatever you beleive in. as long as it isn't harmful then what's the problem? you cant control your child's beliefs forever.

12ylnon Wed 05-Dec-12 16:50:44

Prob didn't explain myself very well about Christianity being similar, but i meant what dingdong said, about prayers and christian ceremonies being exactly the same as 'spells' and rituals.

The "witch" thing is a red herring.

2 weeks? Picking him up from school? Living there? Too fast. Especially for your son.

Katie08 Wed 05-Dec-12 16:53:07

The pagan/witchcraft/wicca/whatever I suppose I am being quick to judge on. I'll be more open minded.

ex H has confirmed to me that his gf did indeed wear robes and actually wants them all to attend a ceremony for shortest day.

It is also about the fact she's been around fecking 5 mins, they talked online for months apparently and she's come to stay. She's stayed 2 weeks and now is apparently staying. His relationship is his business, I'm just not comfortable with all the sudden hands on with religion/collection from school and already asking our DS to call her "Mama" I was very angry at that. He has a mum - ME.

Narked Wed 05-Dec-12 16:53:45

Wicca, not an issue

Random women he met online, moved in and now has picking up your DS from school, big issue.


NeedlesCuties Wed 05-Dec-12 16:55:07

Can you ring and speak to the woman directly??

The thing that made me confused was when the OP's son said that his dad: "He'll cast a spell on people he doesn't like" Wiccan, pagan, Hindu, Christian etc is irrespective. But saying the above to an 8 year old is not on.

OP, if I were you I'd go round to speak to your ex or his girlfriend in person.


DingDongKethryverilyonHigh Wed 05-Dec-12 16:55:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Wed 05-Dec-12 16:55:50

that's not acceptable.


She needs to be put firmly in her place.

NeedlesCuties Wed 05-Dec-12 16:57:01

Just noticed OP about the "mama" thing.

I'd go round raging if I were you. Not good!

Narked Wed 05-Dec-12 16:57:05

Really? A woman he's known for less than two weeks is asking your 8 year old child to call him 'Mama' and you didn't think that was worth putting in the OP?


designergirl Wed 05-Dec-12 16:57:33

I personally wouldn't want my child joining in with something like that and you also say you feel uncomfortable with it. I think you should trust your instincts. He's your son and you must say if you don't want him to be involved. It seems strange to me that he's only just met her and she's forcing something like that on him. Your ex partner and her ought to be asking your permission and making sure you're okay with anything like that before any mention is made to your impressionable ds. I would not allow this, because of my own religious beliefs. But how I choose to" indoctrinate" my own children is copletely my wn business, I don't go round telling other people' children to join in and they need robes. What if her beliefs involve child sacrifice? Sorry - had to put that out there!

DingDongKethryverilyonHigh Wed 05-Dec-12 16:57:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BOFingSanta Wed 05-Dec-12 17:00:27

Mama? Nice bit of drip feeding there grin

maddening Wed 05-Dec-12 17:02:12

But dingdong - as someone who is very accepting of Wicca and paganism and have joined in some pagan festivals - I suppose that if the gf was Jewish as one of your examples it would be fine until she started doing Jewish prayers with an 8 year old who she had met 2 weeks ago knowing that the child's mother was a practising Christian.

If it was the dc father then that would be different if he had explored and decided to follow that faith - in this case however the father has not yet adopted the pagan faith but is just interested so it seems strange that he is letting his gf of 2 weeks do ceremonies with the dc when he is not around (as he thinks she did ceremonies but is not sure).

designergirl Wed 05-Dec-12 17:03:12

I may get a bit of stick about the child sacrifice thing but you don't know anything about her and it seems a bit much as well for your son to call her "Mama".

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Wed 05-Dec-12 17:04:05

" But how I choose to" indoctrinate" my own children is copletely my wn business,"

are you forgetting that the child doesn't just have 1 parent? he has two and if it is ok for one to indoctirnate him (your word) then it's ok for the other to indoctrinate him in something different.

and child sacrifice? hmm

MissCellania Wed 05-Dec-12 17:04:11

I think the wiccans/pagans on this thread are letting their defensiveness get in the way of any common sense with their knee jerk yabus.

Of course yanbu! Your child is coming home asking for robes and talking about spells to join in with unknown rituals and who knows what, with someone you don't know and who appeared 5 minutes ago. It makes no difference at all what type of ritual it is, it would be equally as bad if it was a kippah he wanted and reciting the torah, or a cassock and surplice and talking about psalms.

It's just not on, for so many different reasons.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Wed 05-Dec-12 17:04:42

Gotta to laugh.

She has known your do 2 weeks and wants your son to call her mama and the paganism is what's bothering you?

The shortest day ceremony wouldn't bother me.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells Wed 05-Dec-12 17:04:53


GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 05-Dec-12 17:05:07

There are better responses than I can give about, about witchcraft etc. The fact that she's a witch, or however she chooses to be called (sorry, I am not up on the terminology) would not bother me in the slightest.

I would, however, want to know what it is my son would be up to. And I would be more than a bit hmm that she's been there two weeks and already including him in her religious services to the point where he needs to purchase accoutrements. I'd say the same if she were another religion.

12ylnon Wed 05-Dec-12 17:05:17

designegirl well child sacrifice is illegal, so obviously that would be wrong. I personally think that the practice of circumcision of Jewish baby boys is abhorrent and whilst clearly it's not the same as child sacrifice, i think it's a good reminder that people do do odd and unfavorable things in the name of religion.

maddening Wed 05-Dec-12 17:05:20

Ps op I think you need a meeting with ex and poss another meeting with ex and gf.

designergirl Wed 05-Dec-12 17:05:45

If I were you I think I'd try and make other arrangements for your ds to be picked up until you know this woman better and trust her, especially as you feel uncomfortable. And if I didn't want him joining in with ceremonies and learnig spells I would say to ex partner you don't want him to join in at the moment.

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 05-Dec-12 17:06:38

and... "mama" shock Two weeks!

12ylnon Wed 05-Dec-12 17:10:08

misscellania i think you've hit the nail right on the head there. And that is exactly why it's wrong to indoctrinate children into any religion, wether its done by their parents or total strangers. Children are impressionable and they have their own opinions.
OP, i really think you should be changing the title of your post, it's unclear wether you want responses to do with religion or the fact that a woman your child's just met is wanting him to call her mama.

MadBusLady Wed 05-Dec-12 17:10:10

Oh dear, everybody's brain seems to have fallen out.

If it is the case that not all witches/wiccans/pagans/whatever are crazy bonkers evil people, then it must also be the case that not all of them are kindly benevolent wise people either. What if they are - gasp - a cross-section of people?

I would object to any religious indoctrination on any child of mine by someone I'd never met and didn't have a trust relationship with, no matter what form it took, and whether or not I had any evidence that the person was otherwise objectionable. Which it sounds like she is anyway.

Pandemoniaa Wed 05-Dec-12 17:10:23

None of this sounds right.

And I'm a pagan with many friends in The Craft.

However, I'd be less bothered about robes (you'd not ask a non-Wiccan/pagan to provide any such thing) and more that this woman seems to be a completely unknown quantity who nobody has had a chance to get to know better.

MadBusLady Wed 05-Dec-12 17:11:30

(Or just what MissCellania said.)

InNeedOfBrandyButter Wed 05-Dec-12 17:11:53

Nice drip feeding biscuit

designergirl Wed 05-Dec-12 17:12:31

Santa yes I know, I suppose I'm just lucky that my dh and I both believe the same thing and are living together, I can't imagine how difficult it could be if we believed different things and wanted to teach the same child about that.
I know child sacrifice is an extreme thing to say but is the op really sure about sm who has just appeared in her sons life, who is telling him he needs a robe and presenting herself as his mama. She sounds like a nutter!

Jingleflobba Wed 05-Dec-12 17:13:10

Child sacrifice.... Yawn.... Be more original please...
Look. Us Pagans don't generally believe in the devil so don't worry about it being anything like satan worship, it's considered bollocks on many levels.
You do not cast spells on people you don't like, thats bollocks too as the belief is that whatever you do t osomeone will come back round to you. Just bigger and nastier.
You don't need robes, or athames, or any type of 'stuff'. I don't use anything at all apart from incense but alot do.
Children can and do join in rituals if they are aware of what is actually going on. However your ex should have asked your permission imo, I asked DH if he minded me including the children when they asked about it. If he'd had said no I would have respected that.
So YABU for that lot but YANBU in the extreme about her wanting to be called Mama and picking him up from school. Can you get MIL onside?

BOFingSanta Wed 05-Dec-12 17:13:26

I find it hard to believe other people's superstitions. Hard to believe a lot of things, tbf. IYSWIM.

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey Wed 05-Dec-12 17:15:57

Oh dear, that all sounds very trying sad

Narked Wed 05-Dec-12 17:19:24

'I may get a bit of stick about the child sacrifice thing '

My new favourite quote from MN

Jingleflobba Wed 05-Dec-12 17:19:32

missCellania you're probably right about the defensiveness but Paganism /witchcraft does get the blame for an awful lot and we can get a little touchy about it... grin

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Wed 05-Dec-12 17:20:02

everybody's brain seems to have fallen out.

Everybody's? really?

YABU about the witchcraft... although she/they shouldnt be performing any rituals etc on or around your dc without your permission. witchcraft doesnt hurt anybody, however if you dont want your dc exposed to it then that us your choice and your xp needs to respect that. if she turns out to be a permanent fixture though and your dc will be around it, there are some very good books out there explaining whats what... or you could talk to her/them and they can answer any questions you have.

YANBU (although this doesnt seem to concern you at all hmm ) about the fact that your xp met her 2 weeks ago from chatting to her on the net. no gf/bf/partner or whatever should be introduced into a childs life so quickly confused

KenLeeeeeee Wed 05-Dec-12 17:24:35

The Wicca thing is a non-issue. Would you be concerned if it was a different, mainstream religion he was being exposed to?

That said, educating children about religion can be delicate, especially if you're practicing members of a particular faith already. It is not the place of your exH's new gf to have your son actively involved in rituals that are entirely new to him.

The fact that this woman has known your exH for next to no time & is already been introduced to & allowed to care for your son is a problem. That she's asked him to call her "Mama" would have me spitting feathers & howling with rage.

flaggybannel Wed 05-Dec-12 17:27:59

'mama'......2 weeks? Oh dear. I think someone would have to hold me back

noblegiraffe Wed 05-Dec-12 17:29:05

Good grief. No, I would not be happy that my DS's dad met someone and all of two minutes later she was getting my child involved in her religious ceremonies. It wouldn't matter what the religion was, it's not her place.

If the dad then started getting involved in whatever religion it was and decided that he wanted his DS involved, then that would be slightly different, but I'd still want discussion and agreement about whatever was going to be involved instead of him just plowing ahead and signing my DS up to some unknown belief system.

she told him to call her mama????? angry

wrong wrong wrong! that needs sorting out straight away.

PurplePidjChickIsNotTheMessiah Wed 05-Dec-12 17:31:02

It doesn't matter what religion she follows, she needs to respect that your ds is being brought up in your religion. She wouldn't serve sausages to a Jewish child, or take a Hindu one to a church on Sunday, so why is she involving a Methodist child in Wiccan ceremonies?

Maybe it's about time you met this woman. I can't believe this hasn't already happened . I would want to meet anyone helping out with my child!!

Katie08 Wed 05-Dec-12 17:43:20

The mama thing is a non-issue for me to ask AIBU because that was dealt with when I spoke to Ex H. So I know I wasn't BU about that.

I've texted to ask to meet her, but have been told "Not yet maybe after Christmas".

I'm not happy with that.

rogersmellyonthetelly Wed 05-Dec-12 17:43:21

I would not be happy with my child taking part in any religious celebrations in my absence unless they were of the same religion as myself. Even then I would be wary. Wiccan/pagan/Muslim/sheikh/Hindu whatever, unless the celebration was being organised by someone I knew very well and trusted, or as part of religious education in a school environment. I would definately not be comfortable with my kids taking part in non specified spell casting by/with someone I hardly knew. With or without robes. Yes I'm a Christian, but I think anyone with common sense would think the same regardless of their religious beliefs.

You have every right to meet someone who's picking your DS up from school.

Your ex has known her in person less than a month and is entrusting her with the care of his child. Very irresponsible! angry

Would he be happy if this were a reverse situation? A man you had known less than a month picking his son up from school and asking him to call him dada??

Maybe after Christmas my arse!

Also - will MIL not miss picking her dgs up from school? When will he see her?

designergirl Wed 05-Dec-12 17:56:45

Then she can't pick up your son "Not yet but maybe after Christmas" I would say

cory Wed 05-Dec-12 18:04:14

do we know that it is wicca? otherwise the argument "he must have misunderstood about the spells because the wicca don't do that" doesn't really apply, does it? am I right in thinking there are other religions in this country (e.g. some African ones) where people do try to harm others by casting spells? do we know any details about the OPs ex's dp?

You have to meet her. Your ex must understand that.

If all else fails, go on Monday and wait at the school gates and collar her then.

catgirl1976geesealaying Wed 05-Dec-12 18:08:31

The wiccan stuff isn't relevant

The fact your exp is letting someone he has known to weeks pick your child up from school and be so involved in his life is

And the "Mama" thing shock angry

I'd be really concerned, but not over the wicca aspect

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Wed 05-Dec-12 18:10:50


The majority of witches/ wiccans/ wizards etc (i used to work with a wizard and my mil is a 'witch') feel it is bad karma (for want of a better word) to put a spell on anyone. Even good ones if you have not sough permission.

The chances that she is into Hoodoo and the like are slim.

However the argument would still be that the GF shouldn't be alone unsupervised with the OPs son when she has only, physically, met the OPs ex 2 weeks ago. He should be more sensible.

So really religion is still not issue. She could be a christian that believes in corporal punishment and it would be the same. this is why people should only let people they really know have their kids.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Wed 05-Dec-12 18:12:34

designergirl has it in one.

Meeting her after christmas is fine, thats when she can spend time with your son. You need to sort this out so it seems sensible to me.

ChestyNutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire Wed 05-Dec-12 19:06:31

The most worrying thing is the strangers involvement in your DS life.
She's been around 2 weeks and having sole charge of your DS hmm

Wants him to call her mama.......sounds like a raving nutter to me!

FrankincenseWippery Wed 05-Dec-12 19:34:23

You said you were atheist OP, when talking about bending the truth in your other? son's school application 4 months ago. That's a jolly quick move to become an active member of the Methodist church.

InNeedOfBrandyButter Wed 05-Dec-12 19:46:39

^^ have another biscuit OP

Pantofino Wed 05-Dec-12 20:28:42

i have an 8 yo. If someone had done a ceremony with her she would have been full of it - who did what, who said what. She would have been agog. No vague shit about buying robes. And no calling strange women mama either. 5/10.

icclebabyjesusheave Wed 05-Dec-12 20:32:08

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Hi Frank, hi Porto honey

I am thinking of getting my Gullible Hat out of the hall cupboard.


FrankincenseWippery Wed 05-Dec-12 21:07:16

Yes Hearts, I'd pop it on now. School hols coming up so there'll be plenty more!

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey Wed 05-Dec-12 21:10:28

Is like a Gandalf type hat Hearts?

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Wed 05-Dec-12 21:11:50

Best go get my hat out too!

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere Wed 05-Dec-12 21:13:17

Iam Christian as is OP Welshmeanad That is very offensive:

As a religion, it's far less harmful than any strain of Christianity. YABU. Feel free to educate yourself before being judgemental.

You are entiltled to your view but you need to explain why you think this, as OP has.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Wed 05-Dec-12 21:15:59

Iam Christian as is OP

Actually, turns out that the OP isn't

OliviaPeaceOnMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 05-Dec-12 21:23:00

Peace on Earth

Hi Olivia smile

lovebunny Wed 05-Dec-12 21:38:57

i do think this is potential harmful. put a stop to access visits other than supervised in your home. go to court if necessary. when he's an adult he can choose to take part in non-orthodox ceremonies if he wishes but right now you are responsible for him and a watch or love-feast should be the extent of his excitement in religious matters.

Pantofino Wed 05-Dec-12 21:52:47

Also op, you mention new GF then it is XW who is doing the ceremonies? As I said, I have an 8 yo - they are very switched on. I am surprised that yours did not ask any questions about it all. Mine never shuts up - what is a womb? what happens when you die? who discovered the great white shark? who is your favourite member of One Direction?

nipersvest Wed 05-Dec-12 21:54:57

i'm confused. in your op, it says you are a practicing methodist, but here you say you're an atheist?

QuacksForDoughnuts Wed 05-Dec-12 22:37:19

YWBU to worry purely about the gf's religion. But the difference between a pagan or wiccan who acts responsibly and sticks with the threefold rule and a woman who threatens to cast spells on her enemies in front of her boyfriend's child who she hardly knows could be the difference between you/any other average Christian and a member of Children of God or the Branch Davidians. Ok, I'm exaggerating a bit, but YANBU to object to the malicious casting of spells, let alone an adult introducing someone else's child to the concept. Are you sure, however, that he hasn't picked it up somewhere else? Does he read Harry Potter or the Worst Witch books?

interesting link you put there nipersvest grin

StuntGirl Thu 06-Dec-12 00:04:46

The religion aspect is completely irrelevant.

The interjecting herself in your son's life is wholly relevant.

Sort that bit out.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Thu 06-Dec-12 00:16:31

Anyone who starts introducing their own brand of superstition so evangelically into the life of an 8-year-old they barely know is a bit of a nutjob. But it fits in with someone who seems to be trying to introduce herself very forcibly into her partner's child's life - another nutjob indicator.

How reasonable is your child's father? Is he the sort who will allow anything from a woman he's shaghappy about, is he a superstitious dingbat who's likely to consider some dippy woo-peddler to be Really Special?

Though, to be fair, if it was him who had suddenly discovered a new superstition and was madly keen to inflict it on the child, the courts would probably regard it as permissible given that he's DS' father and therefore entitled to give him 'religious instruction' at least up to the point of harm.

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 00:24:15

YANBU your ex has barely known this woman 5 mins and she is picking your dd up from school, doing ceremonies, trying to get your ddto call her mummy. Sorry that would not be right with me and I would be livid at my Ex, fr allowing a stranger so close to my child

sashh Thu 06-Dec-12 05:37:15

What if her beliefs involve child sacrifice? Sorry - had to put that out there!

Like Abraham?

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 06:04:09

YABU WRT who your ex is seeing and what he exposes DS to (so long as it isn't considered abusive or illegal). You gave up control of those things when he became your ex. If you want to be able to meet people, have people to stay, allow others to collect DS from school and share things that are important to you then you have to allow his father to do the same.

YANBU to disapprove or refuse to enable it in any way such as buying robes. If they want him to have robes then they should buy them.

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 06:16:42

sorry, not sure if I was completely clear on what I meant.

Do you want to have to clear it with your ex if you decide that your best friend is going to collect DS from school? If DS makes a new friend and wants to go home for tea with him do you want to have to introduce his mum or dad to your ex before you are allowed to pick him up? Or if you are stuck at work and your friend offers to grab your son from school. Because that is what you are saying if you want veto power over ex's girlfriend picking him up.

Do you want to have to have ex's approval in order to take him to church? Do you want ex to have a say in when you decide to move in with a new partner. I mean seriously, not knee jerk, do you really want to let ex have veto over you moving in with someone and let him decide if he thinks it has been long enough?

I get that you are pissed and ex is acting like a lust-sick plonker and girlfriend seems to seriously have some issues about taking over, but legally don't expect something that you would not be ok with doing in reverse and frankly if I were divorced (no matter how amicably) I would not want my ex having a relevant opinion on such matters.

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 08:24:13

AndAbig wong! It is op concern that her child is being looked after by a stranger that her ex has inly known 5 mind at times, and that this stronger is encouraging her ds to call her mamma wft! It is concerning that a stranger is given by her ex such a big influence on her child and responsibility. Od course it's ops business, that's her chid too. What op sould justout up and shut uo then, as ex is looking after their child. What if te partner has abusive tenspdencies, should op just be quiet. Op has every right to be concerned that a stranger which her ex has known dp for incredibly short times is given a lot of responsibility for their child

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 09:46:59

Concerned yes, but you can't dictate how the other parent parents. Well you can try, but unless there is a good amount of goodwill between you and the other parent thinks you are being reasonable then the only thing that is likely to have the effect you want is take it to the courts and I doubt very much that the courts would do anything unless this women is a known and proven danger. A parent is allowed to make a judgement about who spends time with their child, a parent is allowed to expose their child to religious education (which this could be argued it is and no different in some ways to a sunday school teacher a child has met five times)

Yeah I would be quite mad, but honestly what is she going to do about it except make demands that the OP is not legally obliged to follow or shout a bunch.

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 10:24:33

I think that she can, this woman sounds quite dangerous, not te witchcraft but trying to influence a chid she bearly knows. Would be limiting contact then I this continues. Noway would I be happy with that, and allow a stranger who does not sound quite right to be so influential

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 10:36:01

How can you limit contact if the child is in dad's care during that time? They have a 50:50 split.

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 12:32:47

I certainly would find a way

EldritchCleavage Thu 06-Dec-12 13:47:42

That her religion is Wicca isn't the issue.

The fact that she has only been on the scene 30 seconds and is already trying to influence DS's beliefs (as well as, let's face it, in all probability engaging in a power struggle with his observant Christian mother), is the issue.

And telling an 8 year old you barely know to call you 'Mama' is bonkers and irresponsible.

Is there any prospect of meeting your ex, just the two of you, to ask him gently to put the brakes on what this woman is doing with your DS?

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Thu 06-Dec-12 20:17:25

Big Bird is right in that there is not much that can be done legally to put the brakes on this woman's behaviour unless there is evidence of it being harmful (eg, she wanted to extend her 'religious instruction' to the point of giving him drugs or something). That's why I asked, as well, whether the child's father is at all likely to listen to the OP's concerns.

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