AIBU to breastfeed my toddler in public?

(368 Posts)
RainbowsFriend Mon 03-Dec-12 21:10:14

My 18 month DD still breastfeeds a lot. Day and night, if I'm around and not at work.

I don't have a problem with this, (although I would like more sleep! grin) but it's increasingly becoming awkward when out and about, as toddlers don't cuddle in nicely but squirm and pop on and off a lot.

Today we were in a garden centre cafe, and having polished off most of her lunch, half of my sandwiches AND most of a flapjack, DD wanted mummy milk.
So I obliged. As discreetly as possible with one top up/ on top down, DD tucked in under my jumper and facing a wall.

Then all I can hear is the group of mums on the table behind me saying "it shouldn;t be allowed when they're that age - they should be down to morning and evening feeds MAXIMUM - in fact they should be on formula/cows milk by 6 months/a year" etc. There were about 5 mums all loudly discussing it....

I think my daughter should be allowed mummy milk for as long as she wants it personally. She's not still going to be feeding aged 8 - and she's only 18 months now! I am getting VERY fed up with stares when this happens and really don't want to be confined to the house. I could ask her to wait, but she doesn't really understand that yet - and just asks louder and louder grin

So WIBU to feed her in public?

squeakytoy Mon 03-Dec-12 21:11:35

Cant you express some and take it out with you?

And the expression "mummy milk" is a bit icky...

HairyGrotter Mon 03-Dec-12 21:11:51

No, do what suits you and DD, sod everyone else.

I never had these comments, pains me that I didn't cause I'm all about 'WTF did you just say'. Shame really

Sirzy Mon 03-Dec-12 21:12:21

Ignore them. As long as you are happy and more importantly your daughter is happy sod everyone else.

You made the effort to be discrete and nobody was forcing them to look.

mrskeithrichards Mon 03-Dec-12 21:12:47

I'm pretty sure no one said anything.

LivvyPsMum Mon 03-Dec-12 21:12:50

I love to see babies breastfeeding, but tbh I hate to see older babies/toddlers doing it. Sorry. I think it just looks wrong. You weren't being unreasonable though. That is just my opinion and obviously the opinion of the women discussing it, but in reality its no one else's business.

Iggly Mon 03-Dec-12 21:13:10

Why is mummy milk icky?

That's what it is hmm

Why should she express? When toddler has a perfectly good method for getting it out.

YANBU OP

Wisteria36 Mon 03-Dec-12 21:13:39

No, if more of us did perhaps people wouldn't make these comments. It's none of their business and 18 months is not even very old imo!

dwagdays Mon 03-Dec-12 21:13:48

Not at all unreasonable.
Nothing to do with anyone else.

Coconutty Mon 03-Dec-12 21:14:47

Nah, not for me. Mummy milk has put me right off.

If someone was talking about me and I could hear them, I wouldn't be able to say nothing either.

BertieBotts Mon 03-Dec-12 21:15:23

Not at all - I did up until DS was at the age where he only wanted it at home which was somewhere between 18 months and 2, and after then on the very rare occasion he really wanted it and nothing else would do. Mostly nobody even noticed TBH. It's not like you need to stand up and announce "BTW I'm going to feed my two year old now with my boobs, I hope none of you are offended!"

18 months is barely a toddler confused My friend used to feed her 18 month old all the time and nobody batted an eyelid.

yousankmybattleship Mon 03-Dec-12 21:15:39

Yes YABU. Totally inappropriate. As you said, your child was not hungry. It is not like feeding a baby who needs it.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells Mon 03-Dec-12 21:15:49

YABU to use the expression Mummymilk.
What's wrong with breastmilk?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 03-Dec-12 21:16:34

YANBU to bf her in public.

YABU if you expect everyone else to think it's great.

It's entirely up to you what you do about that though.

RainbowsFriend Mon 03-Dec-12 21:17:23

DD can't say breastmilk, and it's what she says when she doesn't want cows milk, but my milk so...

... I think it's better than what some of her little friends do - which is shout "boobies!" grin

skislope Mon 03-Dec-12 21:17:26

I still feed my 18 month DD myself and she also has cow's milk. Wouldn't occur to me to express, that was enough of a hassle when she was exclusively fed!! :-S Honestly I don't think it's a big deal to see an 18 month old being breastfeed, am surprised people commented? Weirdos!

BertieBotts Mon 03-Dec-12 21:17:50

Because it's not about food at that age, battleship. Denying it is like denying a cuddle to a child who isn't breastfed - they do need it. The fact you can wean them off that need is beside the point, OP has chosen not to and that is a valid choice.

(I'm going to be here all night now aren't I? grin)

3monkeys3 Mon 03-Dec-12 21:18:56

YANBU at all. I can't believe the attitudes of some people. 18 months is still a baby.

FredKiller Mon 03-Dec-12 21:19:00

I feed my 18mo out and about when he asks (which isn't that often now tbh). I neither notice nor give a toss what anyone else says or thinks. I certainly couldn't be arsed to express and carry milk around with me.

BertieBotts Mon 03-Dec-12 21:19:26

"Mummy milk" is twee but so are lots of toddler sayings. I found "milk" was sufficient but "mummy milk" was a useful clarifier.

squeakytoy Mon 03-Dec-12 21:19:45

I will always be of the view that if they are old enough to ask for it, they are too old to be doing it.

So shoot me.

Coconutty Mon 03-Dec-12 21:19:54

I heard one little girl, aged about 3, point to her mums breast and shout Titty once. Mum flopped it out. That was a treat for us all.

Tailtwister Mon 03-Dec-12 21:21:05

Yanbu. If people don't like it that's their problem. Seriously, why should you give a shit what some random people think? You are doing what you think best for your child. They should butt out and concentrate on theirs. I would have turned around and called them on it. I do wonder about the skewed attitudes some people have about breastfeeding. Very ignorant and misinformed.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells Mon 03-Dec-12 21:21:26

Yea, but you're not 18 months old op, and you're on an adult forum.
The expression mummymilk just irks.
Apart from that do what you like, and ignore though I'm always surprised the number of people out there who make loud judgements about perfect strangers.

iwillsleepagainsomeday Mon 03-Dec-12 21:22:11

just ignore.
can't see why it's more logical to feed a human child cows milk rather than human milk. But hey that's me.

In any case, even if people do not like seeing someone bf a toddler (A couple of years ago I would have thought the same simply because I was ignorant and not used to it) they should not be so rude as to point their opinion out so in your face.

I don't think YABU to feed in public - I'm feeding my nearly 1yo and still feed in public - though I know he tends to be a pain with the popping off and messing, so actually I'm more likely to feed him in the car for the benefit of us both.

I think feeding an older baby is still quite rare, unfortunately, and people DO comment and hoick their judgeypants.

I do think "mummy milk" is cringe-worthy though.

coconutty that made me snort!

OP YANBU at all, it's a personal choice and you were discreet about it, if that had been me I would have turned around and looked them in the eye whilst doing it, she's 18months for christs sakes not starting school.

And what she calls it is up to you personally...at least it's not bitttttyyyy grin

aufaniae Mon 03-Dec-12 21:26:22

YANBU at all.

What narrow-minded, judgemental, ignorant people sad

Why it's more socially acceptable for babies to drink milk from a cow, than milk designed by millions of years of evolution to suit them is beyond me!

However our society is just plain weird about BF.

I used to feel uncomfortable BFing in public. I remember seeing someone feeding a 2yo, and it made me feel a lot better about it. If I felt bad about it public, I told myself that there might be someone around who felt as I used to, and seeing me and DS BF might help them gain confidence. Thinking this helped to make me braver about it!

However I still feed DS every so often (he's nearly 4). We're coming to the end of BFing, he only asks for it every few days now. We haven't fed in public for a very long time, so I bowed to the pressure at some point, can't remember exactly when now!

RainbowsFriend Mon 03-Dec-12 21:26:52

Fine, so IABU to use my toddler's phrase - fair enough grin

Also, expressing wouldn't work for a number of reasons - when she wants a breastfeed it is not totally about the milk - its about the cuddle. She is not a cuddly baby but still needs cuddles, and this is the way she gets them. Also, my milk starts to smell a but soapy very quickly after being expressed, even if frozen/fridged immediately, and DD won't drink it then. Also I find it very difficult to express much.
Finally, CBA to faffing with bottles and suchlike. DD is even starting to refuse sippy cups - will only drink from an open glass currently.

SantaWearsGreen Mon 03-Dec-12 21:27:11

Nothing wrong with mummy milk.

Yanbu at all. 18 mo is nothing. My 18 mo is still tiny to me. My almost 3 yo is a bit of a monster, I think i'd find it a bit odd to still be feeding him on my lap (he does have the odd bit of expressed in a cup still but mostly just has alpro). 18 mo is still a baby imo, its hardly like a 10 year old! I can imagine that would get looks, but not an 18 mo.

None of their business anyway. They should be pretty ashamed at their own ignorance.

mollycuddles Mon 03-Dec-12 21:27:22

Yabu to come here and ask as it starts another bloody breastfeeding discussion

Yanbu to feed your toddler whatever way you and they want

Nobody else's business in rl or on mn

cashmere Mon 03-Dec-12 21:27:54

YANBU and call it what you like. I called it 'milk' as it was DS's standard milk. It also meant that as he got older it wasn't clear what he was asking for and I didnt have to worry about what others thought if he started shouting for milk. I called other milk 'cow milk' to differentiate.

They sound like bullies- it's a really mean thing to do.

I don't like dummies but would never start sounding off in earshot of someone- it's just unnecessary.

aufaniae Mon 03-Dec-12 21:28:42

Why on earth is "mummy milk" getting such bad comments?

It is mummy milk!

(Our word was "Mama", which DS made up - it was his first word. Couldn't care less if it's twee, he was a baby when he invented the word and it worked for us!).

Oldladypillow Mon 03-Dec-12 21:29:03

Nothing wrong with extended bf.
only twee expressions. Could be worse - could be 'boo boo'. Vom

safflower Mon 03-Dec-12 21:29:29

yanbu on breastfeeding but yabvvvvvvvvu to talk to other adults about mummy milk.

OovoofWelcome Mon 03-Dec-12 21:31:45

YANBU.

And 'mummy milk' is a perfectly reasonable way to describe it to your still very little DC.

Do what you feel is right; it was very rude and self-important of those women to loudly criticise you.

Posterofapombear Mon 03-Dec-12 21:32:08

YANBU they can all fuck right off. You are right to feed your baby if she wants.

It's a sad world when an 18 month old is too old for boob hmm

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Mon 03-Dec-12 21:32:27

YANBU to do what you want with your own body and your own child, but you know that you are doing something that is considered controversial, so if you are going to choose to feed a toddler in public in the middle of the day, then YABU to expect that it won't be noticed.

MsMoastyToasty Mon 03-Dec-12 21:33:54

It's absolutely fine to feed your child is public and 18 months is still really little. It's your call (and your child's, obviously!).

(It's a bit silly to say if they can ask for it, they're too old to be doing it. When do you decide when the cut-off point is? When they say "mmmmm"? When they say "milk"? When they say "milk please"? Or when they say, "Mother, kindly unhook your bra as I wish to feed now"?)

FeijoaVodkaAndCheezels Mon 03-Dec-12 21:34:16

I bf my 17 month old DD in public and frankly if a group of mums sat there commenting like that I would damned well turn around and tell them to shut up. It is perfectly natural, beats having a crying toddler (because most likely she'd fall asleep mid feed) and even WHO recommend bfing til they are 2. I don't sit there commenting on toddlers having a bottle when they should be using a cup etc etc and people should not comment on my (or your) choice to bf.

Rant over. In conclusion, YWNBU but those stupid women definitely were.

SirBoobAlot Mon 03-Dec-12 21:34:17

Of course you are not being unreasonable - feed wherever and whenever.

Don't let the bastards get you down. You're doing a brilliant thing. And the more people that do it, the more normal it will become, so really you're helping future mums as well smile

RainbowsFriend Mon 03-Dec-12 21:35:02

I actually thought it was becoming more accepted and that I wouldn't get stared like this.

I spent many years abroad in another culture where breastfeeding to natural weaning age is normal and expected so it's been a bit of a shock actually.

lovebunny Mon 03-Dec-12 21:37:46

no. feed your toddler wherever you like. i'm behind you. fed mine till she was four.

cashmere Mon 03-Dec-12 21:37:54

Actually up to 2 yrs (when I stopped feeding) DS called it 'milk'. At some point over the last 8 months he had started to refer to breastfeeding as 'mummy milk' himself. I think it's just his way of making sense of the world. He has a baby doll with a bottle but also sees breastfeeding. He knows where cow's milk comes from (obsession with farming) but also comments on baby animals having their 'mummy milk'.

It isn't actually that twee but factually correct!
Could call it breast milk I guess but would cow's milk then be 'udder milk'?!

TheElfOnThePanopticon Mon 03-Dec-12 21:38:07

YANBU and 18 months is teeny and not controversial at all.

BertieBotts Mon 03-Dec-12 21:38:52

It must be a bit of a shock to move from somewhere like that to here! While things are getting better sometimes it feels like we're in the stone ages with attitudes to breastfeeding.

Oh wait, that doesn't work at all as a metaphor, does it? grin

coldcupoftea Mon 03-Dec-12 21:39:59

YANBU at all, and I can't believe some of the attitudes on here! My 2.5 yo also calls it 'mummy milk' , after all to her that's what it is.

I don't tend to feed in public anymore umless I really have to, eg if she has fallen and hurt herself she will ask for it, and tbh the sight of me giving her what looks like a cuddle is a lot more discreet than a toddler screaming 'I WANT MUMMY MILK!!!!'

SirBoobAlot Mon 03-Dec-12 21:40:57

Oh, and DS called it mummy milk too. Quite logical really - when we went to the shop, we got fridge milk, and when he wanted milk, he had mummy milk.

I think things like "bot bot" and "doggie" are much worse things to hear coming out of a mothers childs mouth.

God threads like this are so depressing.

The amount of people that think it's wrong to be feeding a human baby/child human breastmilk when you could be giving them milk from a completely different species or something artificially manufactured is just so sad. It's perfectly normal to breastfeed children in other societies.

Why did we become skewed in our way of thinking in this country? The world average age for a child to stop breastfeeding is 4. This is NORMAL!

Op I hope these ignorant women haven't put you off giving your dd what she needs.

Disclaimer. I really hope to have stopped feeding my own dd before she is 4. <sore boobs emoticon>

RainbowsFriend Mon 03-Dec-12 21:42:01

Bertie grin

She started with the mummy milk after she started at the childminder who gave her cows milk - I think she got confused at first but then it became milk= cows milk, mummy milk = breastfeed.

RainbowsFriend Mon 03-Dec-12 21:44:33

I'm not goo at confrontation, and actually this episode and the response of other posters on here has really made me think that I will probably just try to feed her at homw from now on.

Even the childminder doesn't like me feeding her in her house on pick up anymore - have to go and sit in the car sad

RubyrooUK Mon 03-Dec-12 21:44:51

YANBU.

I don't think breastfeeding a toddler is controversial. I don't think bottle feeding one is controversial either.

When you are a parent, everything you do is up for discussion by strangers. People will make comments about how small children get fed/behave/speak/cry....it always happens.

A man on the train the other day started talking loudly about how spoilt modern children are when I gave my two year old my phone to play with. We had a seven hour journey and he was being so good but was very tired so I was trying to stop him getting bored and miserable. So people think it's fine to say anything when you are out with a small child. Just let it wash over you as you and your DD are perfectly happy.

Personally I always think it's really lovely when I see a toddler feeding in public as I am a big fan of extended breastfeeding. I wouldn't comment though as I think that is rude.

FredKiller Mon 03-Dec-12 21:45:32

Well DS calls it 'beddy' as it's what he always has at bedtime. But it sounds unfortunately like he is saying 'bitty' to the shocked delight of all the judgmental folk within earshot. Again, I couldn't care less what they think. smile

byhec Mon 03-Dec-12 21:46:58

YANBU. Some of the comments on this thread just show how attitudes towards breastfeeding need to change in this country :-(

Pourquoimoi Mon 03-Dec-12 21:48:58

YANBU at all.

Although I wonder if the childminder just wants you to leave when you pick up dd. I would think it's about timing not bfing.

Whatever you like, however ds3 is nearly 20 months and still has a bottle of milk at night or when he goes for a nap. I'm sure if I have him a bottle in a cafe that would probably get some people commenting too.

gimmecakeandcandy Mon 03-Dec-12 21:49:43

Oh hear we go with the posters who have a big massive breast milk chip - yes people like you squeakytoy - why is mummy milk a weird phrase? Really? Milk designed perfectly for a baby/growing toddler - far far superior than any formula you could ever give to a baby but you find the words icky... Oh the irony in your way of thinking. How weird of YOU to find mummy milk icky and how very sad.

Op - the women who commented and said babies should be on formula from six months are clearly stupid idiots who have no idea - or don't want to have an idea - of how perfect breast milk is for a growing toddler. The fact they think a baby should go to formula at a certain age just shows their staggering stupidity and ignorance. Now there is nothing wrong with that if you choose to (Although I personally favour breast milk for babies at six months) but for them to say a baby should... Idiots.

SirBoobAlot Mon 03-Dec-12 21:49:46

Rainbow, please don't feel like that. You are doing a wonderful think. Ignore the idiots, in public and on here.

nannyl Mon 03-Dec-12 21:50:24

YANBU

breastmilk is advised as the main milk drink until at least 2 years

it amazes me that people are ignorant enough to think that human infants should be fed cow milk

I was devestated when DD self weaned at 13m... i hope number 2 feeds until at least 2 or 3 or 4 etc! (as id hoped DD1 would!)

EasilyBored Mon 03-Dec-12 21:50:32

Tell them to piss off. 18 months is still a baby to me Some 18 month olds aren't even walking.

If he's still coming round for a feed when he's at uni, then you might have a problem.

And thats's from someone who gave up BFing at less than 3 months.

gimmecakeandcandy Mon 03-Dec-12 21:52:12

Op please don't let some of the chip on shoulder/pathetic and ignorant responses make you change how and when you feed your baby. You should be so so proud you have breastfed your Growing child and that they still want to feed. Your mummy milk is still giving your child so many benefits!

Skiffen Mon 03-Dec-12 21:52:43

Poor you, what a horrible experience, I hope you're not too shaken.

I have a 16 month old DD and she stills bfs a lot. I am trying to night wean due to exhaustion, but have no wish to deny her comfort and important antibodies/immunological protection (wish she sorely needs due to long term health problems). However, I find it quite upsetting that I am straying inadvertantly into such controversial territory. I am fortunate enough to have never been the victim of prejudice (knowingly) and find it quite hard now that many people have a strident (negative) opinion on what I do with my body and child. It's quite odd to be asked why I am still feeding, be told it's time I stopped and viewed by so many as a freak. I feel sad that I will soon have to deny that I still feed my baby, or lie by omission ie only feed her out of sight.

It's such a strange situation - there are threads after threads from agonised mothers of nb babies, who feel subject to immense pressure to bf, and then unsupported/terrible guilt if they can't/don't want to/mix feed etc etc. On the other hand, there are threads like these, where perfectly ordinary women and children, doing something perfectly ordinary and everyday (to them) come under unpleasnat pressure to stop. Sad, contradictory and confusing all round sad.

maddening Mon 03-Dec-12 21:53:12

I bf my 22mth old in public but have never experienced any negative comments or not noticed at least - ignore them smile

BumbleBee2011 Mon 03-Dec-12 21:53:21

Another YANBU

I don't tend to feed 17mo DD in public anymore (she's a morning/night BFer), but the other day I did for the first time in ages in front of my MIL, I think she found it surprising at first but then sat with us and was smiling at how sweet we looked.

It's not for others to judge, but if they're going to be negative about it they should really keep their opinion to themselves. Isn't that just common decency and good manners?

we3kingsoforientRaahh Mon 03-Dec-12 21:53:25

As an aside, because it makes me laugh, dh works for Wiseman dairies. When dd1 see's a carton of Wiseman milk, she calls it 'daddy milk' grin Now that is wrong....

OP, yanbu. 18 months is still a baby.

Cabrinha Mon 03-Dec-12 21:54:05

YANBU.
Rude bitches can fuck right off.
As for "if they're old enough to ask, they're too old to breastfeed" what ridiculous ignorant sloganising.
My daughter is 4 next month.
She has a nasty cough which as I lie next to her is waking her every 10mins or so in tears. Last waking, she cried and whispered "mummy, please can I have some mimi?" (twee, but she's 3.11, she can be as twee as she likes)
You know what? I am so glad she can just ASK for the comfort she needs.
Well done you, OP, for meeting your daughter's needs.

HumphreyCobbler Mon 03-Dec-12 21:55:30

I would have told them to fuck off angry

How very rude.

Haberdashery Mon 03-Dec-12 21:55:38

YANBU, 18 months old is a BABY.

RainbowsFriend Mon 03-Dec-12 21:55:50

Pourquoimoi yes it's possible she just wants me to leave, but DD really doesn't take long, and I want a quick chat anyway about how she's been - doesn't take longer than that.

SirBoobAlot I understand what you're saying, but I really don't like being stared at and it is now happening LOTS. I could sort of ignore it as random nutters, but when lots on here are saying the same thing, and saying they feel the samr, that maybe I'll just have to start teaching DD to wait for home.

Llareggub Mon 03-Dec-12 21:56:11

My DS2 is 3.5 and is breastfed. He only asks for it at home or in the homes of people he knows well. I think he is very aware that most children his age don't do it. I think he stopped asking in public when he was around 2 and I was happy to oblige. I work full time so it is great way for us to reconnect at the end of the day and we'll keep going for as long as he asks for it. I made the decision some time ago to stop offering, and probably would have stopped offering in public when he was around 18 months or so. Not because I am ashamed, but it did become bit of a logistical nightmare.

aprilrain Mon 03-Dec-12 21:56:14

Squeakytoy always appears on these threads to state her bigoted opinion that babies over 6 months should not be breast fed. Unfortunately I have never seen her give even one good reason for her viewpoint. She tells us that babies who are old enough to ask for breastmilk shouldn't have it. Well I'm old enough to ask for a cup of tea - so therefore I shouldn't be allowed one confused.

OP yanbu. Feed her wherever you like. The more people that do, the more acceptable it will be.

Idocrazythings Mon 03-Dec-12 21:56:49

I'll put my hand up- still feeding my 2 1/2 year old. Never thought I'd be "one of "those" women" but here we are, time flies and before you know it they are still feeding, and not wanting to stop. I'm happy to keep going through winter then we'll try to give up "boo boo". I think a lot more women breast feed toddlers than people would realise.

gimmecakeandcandy Mon 03-Dec-12 21:58:54

If you want your dd to wait until she is home then do so because you want to not because of fucking ignorant arseholes :-)

Ignore the twats! YOU are giving your child so much benefit with bf x

Startail Mon 03-Dec-12 21:59:17

YANBU
although I found DD2 got very difficult to feed in public around that age as we started needing two chairs.As for still feeding at 8 DD would't let me comment.

RainbowsFriend Mon 03-Dec-12 22:00:55

Anyway - she was "asking" by saying "mmm" from 7 months!

She talks very well, and is quite tall, so I wonder if they thought she was older than she is...

MummytoKatie Mon 03-Dec-12 22:01:50

My dd called it "milk from mummy" which seemed pretty sensible to me. Generally I'd call it breastfeeding when with adults but occassionally I forgot. Oh well.

If she wants to feed in public then I think that is fine. I stopped feeding dd in public at about 15 months as by that point she only fed first thing and last thing so we'd always be cuddled up in bed then. but that was logistics rather than because I felt it was wrong. She didn't walk until 18 months and in my view was still only really a baby until then as a toddler toddles!

Except for one time when someone dropped a cup and it smashed and slashed dd's ear. To be honest if someone had commented then I'd have pointed out that if they had a way of stopping a toddler crying, comforting them and keeping them completely still whilst dh washed the blood off and examined the cut then to go right ahead!

Cabrinha Mon 03-Dec-12 22:01:56

Rainbow, your childminder might just want shot of her client at that point, and want to get on with her evening!
By 18m, my daughter was old enough that I could say no, not til we get home - and distraction with a biscuit or a toy. There's nothing wrong with feeding her at pick up, but don't be afraid of saying no! I wasn't fierce about it - distraction first, and then in a joking voice I'd giggle and say "no - you have to wait!".
Check out the kellymom site on nursing manners. Wriggler are a pain! There's just so much going on that they want to see it all!
You're doing a great job still feeding - be proud of yourself, and what you're doing for your baby.

gimmecakeandcandy Mon 03-Dec-12 22:01:57

Aprilrain - I 'like' your post and agree with your squeakytoy comments - we all can clearly see though that she a HUGE complex about bf and her idiotic posts show that.

denise77 Mon 03-Dec-12 22:02:41

Go for it! Breastfed both my DDs til they were 20 months when they want it they want it good on you

maddening Mon 03-Dec-12 22:02:46

Moomins - but no-one would look twice if that milk was in a feeder cup - it's just the vessel that's the problem.

TheSecondComing Mon 03-Dec-12 22:03:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muddledmamma Mon 03-Dec-12 22:06:28

YANBU

My little guy called it mummy milk too. I had no idea he was being so controversial - I thought he was being spot on ;)

And I totally would have said something to people as rude as that but amazingly, I never had a single comment in 3 yrs. Maybe I look scary.

catkind Mon 03-Dec-12 22:06:52

Aw, how lovely of you to be feeding your little one after her lunch. Please don't be put off by a bunch of idiots. And it's mummy milk in this house too, nowt wrong with that.
I'd like to think I'd have marched over and pointed out a) that they were being rude and I could hear them, and b) the WHO guidelines. In reality, probably i'd just have kept eating my lunch and fuming silently like you.

dementedma Mon 03-Dec-12 22:07:27

Wouldn't feel comfortable bfing a 4 year old as some posters do, but guess each to her own.in a world of supposed free speech I suppose anyone is free to bf as long as they
like and equally people are free to disapprove if they so wish.

Maddening same thing really, noone would look twice if the bm was in a feeder cup.

However like the op says it's also about comfort too. Ds loves his bottle at night, which is why I haven't taken it away yet. Both mine and the ops toddlers are capable of drinking from a cup. Doesn't mean they should have to.

People should just mind their own business.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw Mon 03-Dec-12 22:12:51

*I will always be of the view that if they are old enough to ask for it, they are too old to be doing it.

So shoot me.*

Oh good my 18month old can only say mum so i guess i'm ok to still feed him then?
Oh mind you he's being crying when hungry since he was a newborn, maybe i should have put my foot down right there since technically he was asking for it.
Gosh it's so complicated, be a dear and remind me of the rules again?

iwillsleepagainsomeday Mon 03-Dec-12 22:13:07

rainbow, so you just bent to these mums? why? You are reinforcing them this way.

changeforthebetterforObama Mon 03-Dec-12 22:13:17

Of course there is nothing wrong with.feeding a 18 m old. I wimped out of public feeds about that age. I just wasn't up to fending off the comments. I went on to feed her till past 4 (very much her request - nothing to do with wanting to keep her as a baby). Anyhoo she's a bright, sparky little schoolgirl , loads of confidence but not arrogant.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells Mon 03-Dec-12 22:14:13

Well I've got a sore tum tum tonight so off to sleepy byes.
Nighty night wink

Dominodonkey Mon 03-Dec-12 22:17:31

YANBU to feel a little upset, you weren't doing anything wrong. However others are NBU to feel it is a little strange as in Western Society breast feeding is generally seen as something for babies which an 18 month old is not (especially if she looks older as you suggest) It is just rude and unnecessary to make blatant comments though.

Those who relentlessly quote WHO guidelines and things like the average age for weaning is four seem to be unable to comprehend that for most of these mothers it is a choice between breast milk, nothing or sewage filled water. It's hardly the same as in the OP's case where the child has eaten enough food for a large adult and now wants a drink from mum on top.

Those commenting on the OPs use of 'mummy milk' - yes it's twee but perfectly logical to use it as a term with her child, however here the OP is posting to other adults.

squeakytoy Mon 03-Dec-12 22:20:41

The thread is in AIBU, not the breastfeeding section. I am as entitled to anyone else to have an opinion on it..

BertieBotts Mon 03-Dec-12 22:21:54

OP do you have a La Leche League group near you? Definitely helps you feel more "normal" for breastfeeding past 6/12 months. I don't think I'd have had the confidence to feed in public if it wasn't for this wonderful group of people. And, as an aside, when the group was first set up my DS was 16 months old. He was the oldest child at the group other than the age 3+ children who didn't tend to ask for milk any more, and the other mums who later became my friends told me when their children got to 2 or so and they were still feeding, that it surprised them to see me feeding him still at 16 months and that he was the oldest child they'd ever seen fed, but they hid their surprise out of politeness, and after a few weeks, it was just normal - and they ended up continuing until far after that 16 month point.

It is surprising to see something you are not used to. Before I had children I used to think feeding a child over a year was strange, wasn't keen on seeing it in pictures, etc. Last year I saw that Time magazine cover (Mother breastfeeding her 4 year old as he stood on a step stool) which sparked controversy and outrage and even "extended" feeders of maybe two year olds said they found it uncomfortable to see. I looked at the picture and was totally bemused as to how anyone could have found anything wrong with it. To me it looked like a totally normal picture.

It's funny how your attitude can change. I don't live in a hippy dippy town of long term breastfeeders, I happen to know a few people who have let their children self wean, but they're not the only mothers I come into contact with. I now have quite a bad habit of assuming any child under about 2.5 is probably still breastfed and I have to remind myself that they're probably not! I would (and did) think nothing of feeding my child if and when he needed it, wherever we were pretty much, if he asked. Which he doesn't, any more, because he's 4.2 and is coming to the very end now. I have fed him in public possibly 4 times in the last two years? I have had ONE person do a double take, and even they were polite enough to keep on walking and pretend they hadn't noticed anything. I breastfed in front of friends my age (early 20s) with no children and they have been perfectly fine about it, either supportive or mildly curious.

pigletmania Mon 03-Dec-12 22:22:42

Don't mind tbh, over 2 would be a bit hmm

Idocrazythings Mon 03-Dec-12 22:27:35

domino it's not just a drink though, it has antibodies, long chain fatty acids, vitamins and then some. and it has the same amount it did when a baby was under 12 months but in a more concentrated form as they don't drink the same volume.
I think if it could be marketed purely by its contents and not that it's breast milk I think it would fly off shelves.

MikeOxard Mon 03-Dec-12 22:27:57

Yanbu. Those people were just being rude knobs. I think the more bfing in public the better, as people need to get used to it and realise (if they don't already) that it is normal. So, if you think about it that way, you were doing a good thing for society as well as for your baby, well done! grin

larks35 Mon 03-Dec-12 22:30:04

YANBU to breast-feed your child in public. I'm [shocked] that other mothers felt it was okay to talk about you so loudly. I think I would have said something tbh. I chose not to continue bf once I returned to work due to needing DP to take over some night feeds and hating the expessing, but there is a part of me that regrets this decision. DD is now 8 months and after a week of being snot-free now has her 4th cold since September (when I stopped bf). Good on you for keeping going with it, my only comment would be to ensure you give yourself a break when you can. My sis extended bf with her youngest until her constant fatigue led to her falling downstairs and breaking an ankle.

porridgewithalmondmilk Mon 03-Dec-12 22:30:44

I don't have any children but I can't for the life of me understand why people have a problem with breastfeeding. If you don't feel comfortable breastfeeding an 18 month old then don't do it - no one is forcing anybody! - but how unfair to be rude about someone else.

I'm sure they wouldn't have liked it if you'd said rude things about formula (not that you would or that that would be any more acceptable.)

As far as I can see, breastmilk does a child no harm and plenty of good so what the big deal is I don't know. It must just be that it comes from boobs - wonder if people would be so horrified if it came from elbows or something!?

OxfordBags Mon 03-Dec-12 22:32:03

People who think it's weird/wrong/whatever are missing 3 vital points:

1) A BABY of that age SHOULD be being breastfed. Our first teeth are called Milk Teeth because we are genetically designed to Bf until we get our adult teeth in: aged 5-7!

2) Breastmilk is the healthiest and most nutritious form of a food a child, especially at that age, can consume. BM changes and adapts as the child grows and as BFing continues, it tailors itself ever more finely to the child.

3) Saying a baby of that age doesn't need to BF as they have eaten is wholly missing the point; Bfing is (or should be) a lovely, gentle, bonding time of comfort and connection. To deny the customary BF would be like denying the child cuddles, kisses or eye contact.

I still Bf my 20 month old, and he nurses a hell of a lot. Strangely, he's never really wanted to BF much in public since he was about 9 months old, although he has done at times. When a child is sad, hurt, ill or unable to sleep, it is wonderful to have such an easy and loving solution to soothe and help them. Breastfeeding allows you to take breaks from everything else that's going on and just have concentrated, relaxing mother-child moments and it's lovely.

I also love that my son can ask for BM now. Now my BM isn't the sole source of nutrition keeping him alive and his need isn't so intense, it's an even more enjoyable experience. My son kisses my breasts, offers them drinks and snacks, brings them toys to BF and it's adorable. And anyone who has BFed a toddler will know how hilarious it can be when they do all sorts contortions and daft positions when nursing!

OP, just ignore those women. Apart from the fact that they are medically wrong, the very fact that they would treat another person like how they did you means that their opinions are worthless. You go on Bfing your DD as long as you both like. Oh, and WTF about the childminder?! That's disgraceful.

I'm shocked. Not at you OP; what you're doing is normal and recommended, but I'm seriously shocked that so many people on here disagree with it and that the women you encountered were so rude.

DS is 16mo and still BFs several times a day. TBH, I don't feed him in public often any more, but I would be really cross if someone suggested to me that I shouldn't do so. In fact, he was upset and whining in a cafe yesterday so I gave him some 'mummy milk' (twee yes, but distinguishes it from the formula/cows milk he has from his dad or at nursery) and heard "Thank god for that" from the table next to me grin

cbeebiesatemybrain Mon 03-Dec-12 22:35:38

Yanbu at all and I'm really shocked by some of the views expressed here. I bf on demand until my ds was 22 months (when he self weaned) and never had a single comment or stare. He wasn't the oldest child I've seen breastfeeding either. I live in a very hippy place so that probably makes a big difference but its really sad that you were made to feel uncomfortable for attending to your child's needs.

gimmecakeandcandy Mon 03-Dec-12 22:36:49

Yes squeakytoy and we are entitled to point out your opinion has no real basis at all, many of your comments are baffling, invalid and just strange - you seem to have a real chip on your shoulder about bf and your desparate need to come on these threads to share your dislike of bf says a lot about you and not in a good way but hey ho, whatever.

SirBoobAlot Mon 03-Dec-12 22:37:39

I got to the point where I snapped "If you don't like it, don't look". I had some negative comments, but strangely all when DS was small - though I was a young mum, so think it was down to that.

DS self weaned a few months ago, just before he turned three. He was mainly down to one feed, first thing in the morning, but sometimes when overtired / poorly he would ask for it.

Thing is, people always find something to comment on when you're parenting. I was horrendously upset by the comments I received, but then I also had some lovely people who beamed at me and told me I was doing a brilliant thing for DS. Just as now some people will smile and say what a lovely little boy he is, and some misery will purse their lips or glare because he might be asking a lot of questions / making some mess / whatever.

Don't let anyone put you off what can only be a good thing for both you and your child. x

larks35 Mon 03-Dec-12 22:37:58

porridge - if it came from elbows, then elbows would be the object of many men's desire. Women would have elbow enhancements. We'd have to wear elbow coverings. Boobs wouldn't interest anyone. Can you imagine it? grin

gimmecakeandcandy Mon 03-Dec-12 22:38:30

Why is over 2 a bit hmmm pigletmania?! What is so wrong with a child wanting breast milk?!

My son kisses my breasts, offers them drinks and snacks, brings them toys to BF and it's adorable. grin Your DS sounds lovely SirBoobALot

ChestyNutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire Mon 03-Dec-12 22:44:11

rainbow continue to feed your child where you like and ignore the ignorant comments in real life and on here.

It's milk and it comes from mummy, mummy milk, no? hmm

Angelico Mon 03-Dec-12 22:46:23

Of course YANBU. Tell them the WHO advice as quoted by a poster above. And if they can't understand that tell them they are twats.

plim Mon 03-Dec-12 22:47:21

Yanbu, how bloody ridiculous that any woman should feel under pressure to not feed her baby wherever the hell she likes and as often as she / baby likes. And quite frankly I don't see why you should give two hoots about what you call it either. It's natural, oh but not as natural as taking a nipple lookalike teat with another's mammals milk in a plastic bottle and giving that to your baby? I am not anti formula, I know it has it's place in certain circumstances, but when mums are made to feel guilty to feed their babies in the way nature intended because other people get offended (embarrassed) it's infuriating. I think it's because there is a confusion in society between boobs for sex and boobs for feeding baby, people get embarrassed and the more women who get their boobs / mummies milk / bitty or whatever they want to call them out to feed their babies / toddlers etc out then perhaps the more it will become socially acceptable.

Don't change op! ;)

FreckledLeopard Mon 03-Dec-12 22:54:06

Well done for feeding out and about as your baby gets older. I used to feed DD in public from time to time until she was over two - no-one ever batted an eyelid so I could never use my pre-arranged rant educational speech. Ignore the ignorant, rude twats and carry on doing what you're doing

carovioletfizz Mon 03-Dec-12 22:55:32

Poor you, OP - what awful ignorant women. You're doing a great job - don't let this put you off BFing in public. You are doing NOTHING wrong.x

SomersetONeil Mon 03-Dec-12 22:56:14

squeakytoy - how do you reconcile your 'opinion' with WHO guidelines, which state children should be breastfed until 2?

I expect you will trot out some nonsense about said guidelines relating only to developing countries (as if having clean running water means another species' milk is suddenly better and more appropriate for humans grin) - but even then, presumably children in developing countries are able to 'ask for it' just as much as Western children...?

dementedma Mon 03-Dec-12 22:56:17

The thank god for that comment was probably relief at an end to the whining, not praise of your bfing. You would have got the same response if you had shoved a bar of chocolate in his gob.

whois Mon 03-Dec-12 23:00:00

I want to be all like "oh yeah, totally awesome to feed your toddler" and actually I think 18 months is more baby than proper toddler. But actually I think it's kind of icky when they are walking talking. And 'mummy milk' is a horrendous expression. Strange as I'm not normally one for thinking natural body stuff is disgusting. Guess that will be the social conditioning at play.

I realise that demented, but a bar of chocolate wouldn't have had the same result. I think that's the point that several of us have tried to make. BFing toddlers isn't just for nutrition. I don't see why that is a bad thing.

Icky? But your body is designed to do it. How can that be icky?

squeakytoy Mon 03-Dec-12 23:03:26

None of the mothers who I know (which is quite a lot) have bf over 6 months. To me it is just not something I have ever known people to do. Their children do not appear to be missing out on any of their developmental stages.

choceyes Mon 03-Dec-12 23:03:56

I still feed my 2.3yr old dd in public and I haven't had any negative reactions at all......yet!

Yanbu op. What vile ignorant women. Also stunned by some of the attitudes on here. 18 months is still very small.

I personally love that I can reassure soothe and comfort dd in such an easy way. I couldn't bf dc1, so I can really compare the experiences and say that bf is a very useful parenting tool when you have a toddler!

pippinsmum Mon 03-Dec-12 23:04:22

Well op I love the term mummys milk and really can't understand why people dislike it.
People say cows milk because it comes from a cow so why not say mummys milk when it comes from mum.

I stopped feeding at 12 months. But don't think there is anything wrong with feeding later if mum and baby are happy. Ignore the silly women they sound like a bunch of bitchy school girls.

knackeredmother Mon 03-Dec-12 23:06:47

Y.A.N.B.U
Attitudes to extended breastfeeding in this country are shocking. Good for you and well done OP.

Pandemoniaa Mon 03-Dec-12 23:08:24

I can't imagine why anyone would be horrified at an 18 month old baby being bf. I was, it has to be said, slightly surprised at the woman who, on a freezing cold night at an outdoor event, fed her 4 year old in a particularly exposed manner. But my surprise was not a question of disapproval, more of astonishment that she hadn't frozen half to death doing it in the way she was.

SomersetONeil Mon 03-Dec-12 23:14:41

But so what, squeaky? Why should you make others feel bad for their perfectly legitimate choices?

I fed mine for 'only' 13 and 16 months respectively and if I'm entirely honest, I think BFing beyond 2 years maybe does make me a teeny bit uncomfortable, but that's clearly down to social conditioning and my own feelings on the matter. Which should impact on others not a jot.

To pronounce to others that they shouldn't do it because of my feelings, wouldn't really make me anything other than a bit of a twat, would it?

pigletmania Mon 03-Dec-12 23:19:37

Well not everyone will agree with feeding an older baby/toddler in public, they have a right to their opinions. Thing is you go head and do it, dont mind anybody else. I would never dream of passing comment, starring its rude, I just keep my opinions private

pigletmania Mon 03-Dec-12 23:21:08

Pandemoniaa now tts going too far

Obstreperous Mon 03-Dec-12 23:23:16

YANBU. I must admit that I'm too embarrassed to feed my 2.1yo in public any more, or even mention it at all, for fear of being judged. Kind of feel I'm letting the side down.

choceyes Mon 03-Dec-12 23:23:31

My dd calls it mama milk. She refers to cows milk as "milk in a cup" grin

Sometimes I've felt uncomfortable feeding her in public, and I've tried to distract her. I then give in because she doesn't understand my discomfort and she is asking so innocently and I feel so bad denying her for the reason that I thought people who I don't even care about might disapprove. I feel like I am denying her love if I refuse and our relationship is so much more important than some strangers unjustified disapproval.

Welovecouscous Mon 03-Dec-12 23:25:02

YANBU

Belmo Mon 03-Dec-12 23:25:37

Oh I really hope YANBU! My dd is 15 months and still feeds a lot, she has a lot of allergies and doesn't eat much but makes up for it with milk. I feed her in public all the time, and she's huge, off the top of the charts, so I'm sure people think she's at least 2 and are judging away merrily.

pigletmania Mon 03-Dec-12 23:27:02

Choccy People will pass judgement or have opinions on anything, I suppose it's the confidence to say stuff you I am doing it despite what you think

ChocolateCoins Mon 03-Dec-12 23:27:12

I am really shocked at some of the responses on this thread, it makes me so angry. 18 month is still a baby! Wish I had the guts to post what I'm really thinking but my post would probably get deleted wink

YANBU to feed your toddler in public. Those women are ignorant and naive for saying what they did. Good for you for still breastfeeding and doing the best for your child op.

CocktailQueen Mon 03-Dec-12 23:29:54

YANBU! 18 months is not old. Are you sure the mums were talking about you?? if do, they were being VU and should be ashamed. And it IS mummy milk, I don't know why some posters are being all hmm about it...

Yanbu. But yesterday I commented on a 4 yr old sucking a dummy on his way to school- people comment and (unreasonably) make judgements on things that don't fit in with the perceived 'norm'.

BegoniaBampot Mon 03-Dec-12 23:31:16

trying to remember up to what age I Bf in public as I fed my child to just over 2yrs old. He was definitely running about though, remember my friends cousins who were visiting raising their eyebrows when I fed him at the park. Did try and do it very discretely though.

OxfordBags Mon 03-Dec-12 23:31:20

Well, if a few women you knew only Bfed for 6 months, Squeaky, then obviously it logically follows that the rest of womankind in the past, present and future are freaks for doing anything different hmm

Are you actually saying that all your vitriol on so many threads about Bfing is purely because you don't know of anyone who BFed (or admits to doing so) over 6 months?! Seriously? Your incredibly narrow - and clearly unrepresentative experience makes you think that you know best? WOW.

Bfing is an extra form of love, comfort and connection you can give to and share with, a child; why would - or, more importantly, SHOULD - a mother have to give that up at some arbitrarily appointed point in time? So what if some children you know haven't been damaged developmentally by Bfing being stopped at 6 months? Does that make stopping that early right? You make it sound like parenting choices should be based on getting away with paying lip service to certain things or getting away with the bare minimum. How cold and sad.

OxfordBags Mon 03-Dec-12 23:32:24

PS, it's actually MY son who does that stuff, ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged smile

jellybeans Mon 03-Dec-12 23:33:56

YANBU. I fed till 11 months, would have gone on as long as needed but DS self weaned. I have friends who fed till 3 and 4 publically-not a problem. If people don't like it, chances are it is because the breasts are sexualised to them and they are ignorant and brainwashed by modern (and quite bizarre) norms. It's perfectly natural to feed a toddler the milk designed for it! That is why we have breasts after al!

BegoniaBampot Mon 03-Dec-12 23:43:35

and can't believe people can be so rude to discuss it like that in your hearing - where do these folk come from!

snowtunesgirl Mon 03-Dec-12 23:54:25

I am just gently creeping into this territory as DD turned one the other week. And frankly, I couldn't give a flying one as to what people think and neither should you OP. <links arms>

I fed my 14mo dd in an M&S cafe today. I am very discreet. Cba with a nursing cover but there's defo no boob on display when I feed. Despite this, the women at the tables on either side of me were visibly squirming. One of them put her hand up to sort of shield her eyes. I found their reactions so hilariously ridiculous that I now feel much better about NIP and will happily continue for as long as dd needs.

A friend of mine has a stock phrase for these situations: "could I please have your phone number? That way, I'll be able to ask your advice on my next parenting problem. I assume that day or night will be fine?"

Dd calls it "nur". I call it "human milk".

blackeyedsusan Tue 04-Dec-12 00:41:30

18months is still so wee. the last time I fed ds in public he was 2.5 months.

WHO recommends 2 years so anyone who thinks different is a bit ignorant imo.

what is really worrying is that he could still remember feeding a year after he stopped at 2.6m

Ah, well then he sounds adorable Oxford

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Tue 04-Dec-12 07:28:06

Why is it worrying that your child remembered bf, blackeyedsusan?

I bf my two to 4.5 and 3 respectively, and was definitely still feeding them in public at 18 months. IMO people make comments out of a combination of their own discomfort about bf in public due to what breasts stand for in their mind and vague fears ultimately about the power of mothers, and a belief that mothers with small children are fair game (bitter experience on this second one).

Bf won't be 'normalised' if people don't do it in public. YANBU.

What ridiculous hysteria over the term "mummy milk". It's logical and straight forward. I use this term with my toddler (who I stopped bf at 14 months), to explain what I'm giving dd2. This is partly to impress upon her that she can't have anything else at the moment (she's only 4 months).

YANBU, i fed DD until she was almost 2 in public, then she chose to drop the feeds to morning and night. Now at 2.6 we are down to bedtime only and I feel incredibly sad that DD doesn't want it much anymore.

I got comments too, one charming lady told me I was a child abuser and might as well pimp out my daughter. She was told (not exactly politely) where to go, with directions!

Unfortunately we are too interested in how other people care for their children. Quite frankly as long as the child is happy, healthy and being cared for people should keep their opinions to themselves yes mother that includes you, and no not giving DD sweets and cake 3 times a day is not child abuse!

I think YANBU op. What business is it of anyone else if you choose to do this? What I find odd is that if you bf a tiny baby in public, people look as if it's so cute, then at some point this switches to the reaction of the op. I must say I'm surprised at some of the comments on here, I thought mn would largely approve!

Alligatorpie Tue 04-Dec-12 08:09:01

You have to do what you feel comfortable with. I bf dd1 until she was 2 and a half, but I stopped when out in public at about age 2. I never had any comments, but I just felt they were going to start coming soon. TBH she was mostly nursing morning and night by then, so she didn't really notice.

Startail Tue 04-Dec-12 08:23:55

Squeaky I can think of three other mums who BF their DCs to somewhere between 3 and 5 and one who is feeding her 14 month old at the moment.

When I last spoke to her she was very glad he was still BFing as he's had a horrible bug and isn't eating.

I should add that only one of these people is a lentil weaving vegetarian hippy and she's a doctor.

I will go now, as I also always appear, on these threads.

TwinklingWonderland Tue 04-Dec-12 08:25:39

The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for two years (and exclusively for the first six months). The other mothers were very rude and ignorant, ignore them.

YANBU and well done for doing what works for you and dd.

TwinklingWonderland Tue 04-Dec-12 08:35:22

Squeekytoy you have some bizarre logic, just because your friends didn't bf past six months its strange? And if they're old enough to ask for it they're too old? Still, you know better than the World Health organization....

Perhaps your friends were too afraid of your comments and opinions to admit they were bfing longer [grins]

EauRouge Tue 04-Dec-12 08:54:12

Actually I am pleasantly surprised by this thread, the vast majority of posts are supportive.

OP, YANBU. Fuck those other women. I still BF my 21 mo DD2 and my 4yo DD1 in public if she asks (which is usually only if she's scared or hurt) and I couldn't give a shiny shite what other people think. Their problem, not mine. I'm not waving my norks in their faces and you can't see anything.

Things are changing for the better but sadly in this country you still need a pretty thick skin sometimes if you are BF a toddler.

saccrofolium Tue 04-Dec-12 09:05:44

I'm all for extended BF, but will admit to raising an eyebrow at a cold in prep/kindergarten uniform complete with hat, being BF standing next to her mum in my local Starbucks.

aufaniae Tue 04-Dec-12 09:19:11

RainbowsFriend many mothers in the UK do feed their DCs to 2, 3, 4 years old, but mostly in private, to avoid run ins with the kind of people you met IME. People assume that people have stopped BFing, when quite often those DCs are simply fed at home..

Our culture is very anti-extended BFing, sadly. Even the HV tried to discourage me from feeding DS to sleep when he was about 18mo.

I bowed to pressure eventually, and stopped feeding DS in public a good while back. However am currently pregnant with DC2, and feel a lot more confident about it this time round.

People rarely see 18mos fed in public. It's only us mums who can make the difference, feeding in public despite comments, so it becomes more normal, and other mums who see us will feel it's OK to do so smile

I know how unpleasant it is to get comments. But I'm going to be much more up for challenging them this time round, bring it on! grin

pigletmania Tue 04-Dec-12 10:02:46

Saccrofilium shock

SantaisBarredfromhavingStella Tue 04-Dec-12 10:14:39

YANBU though I would have said something to them to prevent them from doing it again to some other poor mum.

It is each mothers individual choice how she feeds her child & no-one has the right to make comment on it be it breast, formula or cows milk-it is not a competition, please don't try to make it one.

IsItMeOr Tue 04-Dec-12 10:34:55

Rainbowsfriend YANBU, and I'm shocked that people would talk about you like that. DS has literally apparently just self-weaned, all of a sudden, this week at 3.9yo. I honestly can't remember the last time he fed in public - probably not as old as 18mo tbh, as I was self-conscious and I suspect he picked up on that and never really asked.

The only thing I wondered was if these mums had younger children and hadn't actually noticed what you were doing at all? I've previously been startled at how much of this kind of thing newish mums talk to each other, loudly, in public places. Each to their own, I guess, but it makes me realise how much kinder it is to be non-judgemental in our publicly-located conversations!

Keep up the good work smile.

aufaniae Tue 04-Dec-12 10:58:09

I reckon we need to come up with a leaflet "Breastfeeding myths" or something, with a quick list of facts on why it's normal and beneficial to BF children till 2 and beyond, and also stuff in support of feeding on demand / in public.

And then politely hand them to anyone who stares / makes comments.

DD's due in April, might make some for then!

MothershipG Tue 04-Dec-12 11:02:12

Rainbow I'm sorry you had such a negative experience, hopefully if won't happen again and I just wanted to add my support to say well done, just ignore the idiots, grow a thick skin and keep up the good work! smile

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere Tue 04-Dec-12 11:21:08

YANBU Op, would mothers at the other table expect your DD to have only 1 or 2 meals a day? I think not! I would not BF myself, but I support those who wish to, wholeheartedly! I am not a fan of 'mummymilk', as it would make me feel like a cow/ livestock rather than a woman/ mum, but that's up to you and anything is better than 'bitty/booby' [shudder] IMHO. You had paid to use the cafe by buying food and it doesn't sound as though you were occupying the table when you had finished and others were waiting wink

Badvocsanta Tue 04-Dec-12 11:24:49

Yanbu about feeding your dd.
But calling it mummy milk is twee and horrid.
Don't do it.
The other women were rude and judgmental.
Ignore.

Lottapianos Tue 04-Dec-12 11:41:52

shock at how rude other people are - I can't believe that anyone would be so rude as to comment out loud about what you are doing! It's a sad state of affairs that mothers are judged for feeding their babies in public. And these comments about 'pimping your daughter out' and 'leading men on' (on another thread) - downright disturbing if you ask me!

'But calling it mummy milk is twee and horrid.
Don't do it'

So it makes your teeth itch? Big deal. She can call it what she likes hmm

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 04-Dec-12 11:51:24

Yanbu nothing wrong with bf a child of that age if both mother and child are happy with it

They are obviously very rude and ignorant people but try and remember that they obviously don't know any better and don't take it to heart.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 04-Dec-12 11:54:39

I don't think you were doing anything wrong OP. Those women were horribly rude!

I don't think I would personally breast feed for more than 6 months. Hypothetical of course,haven't actually had a baby yet. But if you want to then...fine. It's not weird or wrong. Your baby is still only 18 months after all!

Also...don't get the big deal about using the phrase mummy milk. Of course it's a bit twee...it's what OP's baby calls it. Babies have something of a monopoly on being allowed to be "twee" I find.

Idocrazythings Tue 04-Dec-12 11:59:13

I now consider myself educated and know what the word "twee" means! even if I did have to google it- thanks urban dictionary

I really don't think OP is calling it that out in the community, it's just a word she uses with her DD and the way she wrote her post. I must really need help we call it booboo! Or sometimes it is a funny panting sound with a knowing look- by DS (not me of course).

AlphaBeta82 Tue 04-Dec-12 11:59:22

Well done you for getting this far with breastfeeding. Unfortunately we have a culture which encourages women to put babies/ toddlers on to formula and cows milk early. what better source of milk is there than one produced by the childs own mother? I only managed 6 months ebf but would have gone on a lot longer if my son wasn't tongue tied.
Unfortunately by feeding a toddler in public you are in a minority but a minority I certainly plan to join in the forthcoming months after DC2 is born!
Ignore them and continue feeding your child as you like.
and call it what the hell you like, your child, your body - I always called it mummy milk and will continue to do so esp when explaining breastfeeding to DS1 when DC2 is here!

DuelingFanjo Tue 04-Dec-12 12:03:34

every day I am amazed by how openly rude people can be!

I was car-less for about 2 weeks recently and had to take DS to nursery and back on the bus. It really opened my eyes to how difficult it is to breastfeed discreetly on public transport. Basically it's impossible with a 23 month old who can ask for food.

No one said a word to me but I did get some looks. It's hard when they get older and more vocal.

JacqueslePeacock Tue 04-Dec-12 12:20:33

OP YANBU YANBU YANBU. But you WOULD BU if you were to give up breastfeeding in public just because of these ignorant women.

For the person who said Guess that will be the social conditioning at play - at least you recognise that's what it is! And the more people like the OP (and I, although my baby is only 14 mo) breastfeed in public, the less that social conditioning should become.

starship37 Tue 04-Dec-12 12:34:11

YANBU. You're doing a wonderful thing Rainbow

I am equally appalled and saddened by some of the attitudes towards BFing on this thread.

sad

EauRouge Tue 04-Dec-12 12:37:43

I'm appalled by the woman mentioned BF her pre-schooler in Starbucks. She should have gone somewhere more appropriate, like Costa or another coffee shop that pays a fair amount of tax.

saccrofolium Tue 04-Dec-12 12:39:59

EauRouge, so true! grin

nellyjelly Tue 04-Dec-12 12:47:30

Good for you OP. Ignore the-ignorant people on here and out and about. You are doing the best for your child and call it what you want too! Icky???? FFS some people need to get over themselves.

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Tue 04-Dec-12 12:50:08

I'm rather hmm at the dislike of the term 'mummy milk', esp used by and to a child. Small children tend to call their mothers mummy. Some have milk from their mummy. Mummy milk. I'd have found it rather odd to have talked about 'breastmilk' with my child, for all I'm very much in favour of using correct anatomical terms with children.

saccrofolium Tue 04-Dec-12 12:58:27

I thought the received wisdom around extended breastfeeding was that you should have some sort of private word for it that you make up yourself.

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Tue 04-Dec-12 12:59:39

why on earth should I use secret code words for feeding my child, as if it were something illicit? What next, bf masks? hmm

saccrofolium Tue 04-Dec-12 13:01:19

Oh FFS it's not a secret code word, just a private word so that if you want to be discreet you can. Jeez.angry

Exactly Poppy, I don't particularly want my toddler talking about my 'breasts', especially as they'll talk to all & sundry about things you'd rather they didn't!

If they're old enough to ask, they're too old IMO. I would be repulsed to see this, but that's just me and I bf my DD as long as I could with the issues we had. I just think it's unnecessary at that age if she's had plenty to eat and drink.

saccrofolium Tue 04-Dec-12 13:04:47

And seeing as there are so many who are repulsed by long term bf, perhaps encouraging your child to call it something else, projects them from idiots telling them how wrong it is.

saccrofolium Tue 04-Dec-12 13:09:20

Evenifiseeyouapoppy you post was very defensive. It's not about breastfeeding masks, it's about finding ways to bf in peace. You divvy.

Llareggub Tue 04-Dec-12 13:10:10

I am absolutely shuddering with laughter that someone would be repulsed at the sight of my 3.5 year old breastfeeding. He asks for boob. He calls them his, and happily tells me that one tastes of apple juice and the other like warm, sweet milk. He says it's nicer than cow milk, which he also drinks. My breast milk sustained him through norovirus, through chicken pox, and all matter of upset. He fed through injections, through the scary times when his father was drunk and abusive. Would that still repulse you?

I think it is the most natural thing in the world. My sons, who tandem fed for a while, are the most secure and well-adjusted boys I know. The eldest used to stroke his baby brother's head as they both fed together, and he used to sweetly talk about teaching him how to feed. I guess that would repulse you too.

LittleDonkeyPloddingOnward Tue 04-Dec-12 13:10:45

YABU. At that age, they should be getting the nutrients they need from the food they eat.
As some people on this thread have pointed out, even the ones for it, it's primarily a source of comfort and they 'don't want' to stop as it's creating a bond with their baby.
So, more a case of what the mother wants then, in my opinion.

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Tue 04-Dec-12 13:11:12

Nice to debate on such a high level of politeness and sophistication, saccro. smile

Llareggub Tue 04-Dec-12 13:11:36

You are very aptly named, Donkey.

saccrofolium Tue 04-Dec-12 13:12:17

You're welcome.

Belmo Tue 04-Dec-12 13:13:51

Thing is blondiedollface, my Dd's been able to ask for milk since she was 10 months old. She is 15 months now, my friend's dd is 18 months and can only say 'quack' - is it alright for one and not the other??

LittleDonkeyPloddingOnward Tue 04-Dec-12 13:14:46

{grin]at *LIareggub. Love this site. Can't be arsed with debate or want to see another person's point of view apart from your own? Yay, let's just throw insults instead! {grin]

LittleDonkeyPloddingOnward Tue 04-Dec-12 13:15:07

Oh crap. Emoticon fail grin

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Tue 04-Dec-12 13:15:52

YANBU, of course you're not.

Now, off to read OP and thread.

LittleDonkeyPloddingOnward Tue 04-Dec-12 13:17:09

Anyway, was just pointing out what others even FOR b/f have said. It's a comfort, and they (the mum) doesn't want to stop. So for them, then!
Out of their mouths themselves.

Belmo - I'm sure most children can communicate and ask for it without using words. It's a personal thing and what works for some doesn't for others I just find it very uncomfortable seeing this happen but would never discuss it verbally and would have to look away as it makes me too uncomfortable.

Totally agree with what Donkey said - my Aunt always said she would stop when her son could ask - when her son was 14mo she spoke to myself and my mother and said he didn't 'need' it as much as 'want' it any more and most of the reson she was doing it was for the continued bond. That's fab for her, but I still find it awkward to see older babies and children breastfeeding. Those of us who didn't continue for longer still have an amazing bond with our children - you don't lose out on the cuddles and the closeness just because you stop! Your child will always want and need comfort from mummy...

nellyjelly Tue 04-Dec-12 13:22:27

Repulsed? Oh for godsake.

Btw I still see 18 month olds using bottles. Is that any different?

Molehillmountain Tue 04-Dec-12 13:23:49

Not at all unreasonable, op. I've fed all three of mine to that age. But it would be (and this is not the point of your op, I know) to expect people to wholeheartedly support what you're doing given that it's not a societal norm. I do still feed my dd2 in public at 17 months. It's my right to do it, but it's also other people's right to think what they think. Shame they were rude enough to express it loudly enough for you to hear. Fwiw, I would have and have felt the same as them, I've had a shift of opinion and I could still be right or wrong. Seems to be okay for now.

givemeaclue Tue 04-Dec-12 13:25:50

Yabu. Let your child grow up

To clarify my earlier post, I call it "human milk" or "nursing" when talking to other adults and "nursies" when speaking to my daughter.

This is because I see breastfeeding a child as being about more than milk. It's the comfort and reassurance, as well as the immune benefits and the nutrition. Nursing is a better description imo.

And yes, my daughter is a toddler and therefore runs around shouting. I'd rather she didn't hurtle towards me in a crowded area shouting "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS" as that would draw more attention to my nursing than I require. It's a perfectly normal part of caring for my child, not performance art.

AlphaBeta82 Tue 04-Dec-12 13:27:17

Oh for goodness sake givemeaclue the child is 18mths old!!! It has the rest of it's life to 'grow up'!
I am shocked by some of the comments n here the WHO clearly advocates feeding until 2 years - why does everyone have such a problem with mothers who wish to follow that advice!

FrothyOM Tue 04-Dec-12 13:28:45

The world health organisation advises breastfeeding until two years for the full health benefits. Mine could ask for a breastfeed by one, so the belief that you must stop when a child is old enough to ask is not backed up by any scientific evidence.

OP YANBU

EauRouge Tue 04-Dec-12 13:30:04

Ooh, just managed to tick a few things off my bingo card. Keep them coming!grin

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Tue 04-Dec-12 13:32:04

"If they're old enough to ask, they're too old IMO."

They can always ask.

A minutes old baby can clearly express their need to be at the breast.

I had DD3 5 months ago, and by third time around I could read the feeding cues so clearly it was as if she was slapping me in the breast and saying "excuse me mater, could you make your nipple available for me this instant?"

grin

I'm still giggling at Llaregub having a breast that serves apple juice grin

SugarplumMary Tue 04-Dec-12 13:32:41

YANBU.

I had these kind of experinces from about 6 months onwards - so I was just feeding at home around 12 month or just before.

The exception were when they were very distressed and bf was a way of calming them down - but that was rare usually a cuddle was enough.

It would have been nice not to have to 'hide' and not avoid talking about it to avoid dealing with judgement and grief from other but I didn't want to deal with others judgements. People assumed I'd stoped.

Would also been nice not to have to deal with nursury staff disapporval of DD1 then DS bf their toys.

They also still refer to it as mummy milk - youngest long since weaned but bf crops up every so often in their conversations.

It would be nice to change people - but IME older DC gets more and more people feel need to comment and judge so it won't get any better any time soon.

Molehillmountain Tue 04-Dec-12 13:34:22

My friends laugh because, whilst dd2 only really says "mi" when asking for milk, and doesn't put her hand down my top or anything, to those in the know there is a very purposeful lean back onto my lap wink

givemeaclue Tue 04-Dec-12 13:40:02

Yes, in developing countries the who advice applies. I didn't realise op was in a developing country.

What makes you think that the advice only applies to developing countries?

PoppyAmex Tue 04-Dec-12 13:45:59

mrskeithrichards said: I'm pretty sure no one said anything.

I agree with you.

I breastfed and couldn't care less how other people choose to feed their children, but I find it interesting that I only hear about these extremely rude (and detailed) strangers on Mumsnet and never on RL.

Anyway, you know you're not being unreasonable and I would hope you wouldn't stop breastfeeding your child because of anonymous comments online, so I don't understand your post. Unless you need some validation, in which case, well done for lactating - go you! grin

EauRouge Tue 04-Dec-12 13:47:28

No, the WHO advice is global.

"As a global public health recommendation, infants should be exclusively breastfed1 for the first six months of life to achieve optimal growth, development and health2. Thereafter, to meet their evolving nutritional requirements, infants should receive nutritionally adequate and safe complementary foods while breastfeeding continues for up to two years of age or beyond."

5madthings Tue 04-Dec-12 13:55:05

Op of course ywnbu! The other oarents were rude!

An 18mth old bfeeding is normal, its the biological norm and its good for her and for you!

If this had happened to me i would have had to say somethinh to them"

catkind Tue 04-Dec-12 14:01:25

Love a good bf dingdong.

Noooo it's not for me. I'd be happy to stop bf-ing my 3.5 yr old tomorrow. He would be devastated. So we continue. If it really bothered me we would stop, both parties need to be happy or it doesn't work.

We did stop for a few months when I was pg. It didn't lessen our bond or anything. But I do think it is a recharging, touching base kind of bonding thing for him. We just did that in different ways when he wasn't bf-ing.

I guess I see it the same way as his drinking cows' milk. Which he also does. It's good for him, it's a healthy part of his diet and he likes it. If he didn't want it any more it would be fine and he'd eat more of something else to make up.

I'm afraid I can't be bothered with the whole code word thing. Kids end up calling things what they call them. Mummy milk is what it is. I think it came to be called that instead of just "milk" when the default milk started to be cows milk. He doesn't want milk from any old breast, he wants it from his mummy. I wasn't planning to bf to this age, if I wanted to train him to use a code word I'd have had to start using it before he learned to talk. At which point I had no idea he'd want to bf so long, so why would I? Anyway the code words I've heard people using generally seem far more twee than a simple mummy milk.

He won't have to deal with the idiots anyway, he wouldn't ask for mummy milk (sic) when I wasn't there, so I'd always be there to deal with idiots if required. We've not met any idiots yet. Or if we did they were polite idiots and didn't pass comment grin

"So, more a case of what the mother wants then, in my opinion"

yeah, right. lolz.

<also grabs bingo card>

SirBoobAlot Tue 04-Dec-12 14:03:44

Oh yes its totally about the mother.

Have you ever battled with a toddler to do something they don't want to do?

Now, imagine trying to persuade them to breastfeed if they didn't want to.

What bollocks.

EauRouge Tue 04-Dec-12 14:06:10

<hovers over bingo card>

Has anyone compared BF to urinating yet? That's the only one I'm missing.

givemeaclue Tue 04-Dec-12 14:08:49

Attention seeking behaviour....from the parent

SugarplumMary Tue 04-Dec-12 14:09:58

mrskeithrichards said: I'm pretty sure no one said anything.
Many friend in RL complain of peoples nasty comments when their toddlers tantrum in public. I've never experienced that - people either supportive or give us wide birth. I clearly have a fuck of I'm dealing with it aura then.

Even though I knew bf was right for me and my DC having so many disapproving voices, family friends HCP did affect me and my confidence to continue.

If I could have just bf without noticing or having to deal with other people’s issues and ignorance I’d have bf in public longer and possibly overall longer – who knows.

Op if they had much younger babies – it might be a case of not considering the 18 month still a baby till they reach that point.

EauRouge Tue 04-Dec-12 14:11:45

Attention-seeking behaviour from the parent!! <ticks bingo card> This is comedy gold. grin

givemeaclue Tue 04-Dec-12 14:13:31

Link arms lactivists...

zookeeper Tue 04-Dec-12 14:14:01

I hope you can carry on feeding in public and don't be put off.

But " mummymilk" does sound horribly precious .

EauRouge Tue 04-Dec-12 14:18:18

Lactivists! <dies> Now call us the breastapo grin

catkind Tue 04-Dec-12 14:21:57

givemeaclue, are those the things on your bingo card or your opinions? wink

SirBoobAlot Tue 04-Dec-12 14:22:10

Oh oh oh have we been called nipple nazis yet?

EauRouge Tue 04-Dec-12 14:23:16

I like being called 'militant' because then I imagine myself to be a bit like a lactating Rambo.

SirBoobAlot Tue 04-Dec-12 14:26:59

<snort> at lactating Rambo. Now there is an image.

FrothyOM Tue 04-Dec-12 14:28:30

My son self-weaned 2.5. It wasn't about my needs at all, all freedom of choice on his behalf. People who criticise mothers for breastfeeding a toddler are as bad as the 'breastfeeding nazis'. Why not accept people make different parenting choices and leave it at that?

Lesbeadiva Tue 04-Dec-12 14:29:07

Whichever way you look at it everyone has opinions on something. However these women were point blank rude to shout it loudly enough for the OP to hear.

Op YANBU and keep it up. Breaking the stigma of it will help.

Llareggub Tue 04-Dec-12 14:29:27

I once squirted my ex in the eye for being critical of breastfeeding. I may have done it by accident or on purpose, he'll never be sure.

LittleDonkeyPloddingOnward Tue 04-Dec-12 14:31:59

"So, more a case of what the mother wants then, in my opinion"

Err, yes actually. It's actually been SAID by some on this thread that it makes them feel more bonded to baby and so don't want to stop.
So, yes, out of the mum's mouths themselves - it's more for what the mum needs, than the baby needs!
Funny how some shove their fingers in their ears to the things that are in black and white on the board, and hear what they want to hear.
So you can put your imaginary bingo cards away, I haven't said anything that hasn't already been said by some of the b/f mums already.

SirBoobAlot Tue 04-Dec-12 14:33:13
5madthings Tue 04-Dec-12 14:37:51

The mum may want to do.it but you cant MAKE a baby or toddler feed, so obviously the baby wants it as well, so no its not just about the mother!

Llareggub Tue 04-Dec-12 14:39:06

My DS never wants to stop, Donkey. He told me last night, as he had hiss evening feed. I imagine I'll carry on until he changes his mind.

pombal Tue 04-Dec-12 14:39:37

My 2.5 year old has a special song and a little dance he does when he wants BM.
'mummy milk' sounds like the very definition of discretion by comparisongrin

I'm amazed how het up people get about this subject. My philosophy is unless you see a mother put a cigarette in their child's mouth and light it, mind your own business.

snowtunesgirl Tue 04-Dec-12 14:42:54

Oh such jolly japes! grin

givemeaclue Tue 04-Dec-12 14:48:54

House!

What have I won?

Nipple warmers?

OxfordBags Tue 04-Dec-12 14:48:56

I like to think of myself like this, only with a better haircut. That's not my Pinterest, BTW.

Some of the ignorance on this thread is hilarious. Saying 'let your child grow up' about an 18 month old is comedy gold. Reminds me of the time a HV told me I was infantilising my son for still Bfing him when he was 14 months. Yes, I said, that would be terrible, what with him being an infant and all... hmm Also liked the idea that one poster upthread suggested that if it's only for bonding then it was unnecessary. God, imagine doing something to deepen the bond with your own child, that is truly appalling.

The idea that it's mothers forcing their toddlers to Bf for their own weird needs is also bizarre. How on earth do you actually force someone to suck, presuming anyne could even get a toddler latched on against their will?!

The crap about saying they don't need to Bf once they're on solids and that the WHO guidelines don't apply to non-developing countries makes me sad, though. It feels like such a cold, perfunctory attitude towards babies and toddlers, like Bfing is just some boring, unemotional form of nutrition delivery that you get out of the way as early as possible. Just feels like the emotional needs of tots are being seen as unimportant or inconvenient. Bfing IS also about helping them feel loved and secure. I can't get my head around any train of thought that sees an expression of love or comfort for a child as negative in any way. Baffling.

givemeaclue Tue 04-Dec-12 14:49:19

House!

What have I won?

Nipple warmers?

OxfordBags Tue 04-Dec-12 14:51:12

PS Llareggub, your comment about your apple juice tits brought tears to my eyes, was so lovely grin

gimmecakeandcandy Tue 04-Dec-12 14:51:56

Donkey - why do you have such a huge chip about bf? And you are obviously very ignorant about extended bf so plod on and keep being the donkey ass you so obviously are.

EauRouge Tue 04-Dec-12 14:53:47

<Applauds givemeaclue> Deservedly won, I hope your nipple warmers keep you toasty.

Is there a second prize? Can we keep playing? We've had "it's all about the mother" twice now, can someone please do the BF/urination comparison.

gimmecakeandcandy Tue 04-Dec-12 14:54:12

Oxfordbags - it is sad isn't it that people trot out such crap but they obviously do it to ms,e themselves feel better - after all, if they don't do it they probably don't want to face the facts of how much extra goodness and nutrients a toddler is gaining from bf

gimmecakeandcandy Tue 04-Dec-12 14:55:44

EauRouge - I have a bf bingo mug! <preens proudly>.

bigbuttons Tue 04-Dec-12 14:56:10

My last (of 6 dc's) self weaned aged 4. I Bf in public. You carry on .

bigbuttons Tue 04-Dec-12 14:57:40

BTW he hates cow's milk. He doesn't drink any milk atall, even has dry breakfast cereal!

SirBoobAlot Tue 04-Dec-12 14:58:15

It might be natural and everything, but you wouldn't take a piss in public, would you?

<happy now, EauRouge wink>

EauRouge Tue 04-Dec-12 15:02:59

Yeeessss!! HOUSE!! Thank you SirBoobAlot! grin

gimmecake- ooh, I might get one of those.

givemeaclue Tue 04-Dec-12 15:03:07

Or have sex in public (...or would you...?)

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Tue 04-Dec-12 15:03:29

YANBU. Your toddler is small and no one else should comment on what you feed him.

5madthings Tue 04-Dec-12 15:03:41

Has anybody told the op she should have gone and fed in the toilet yet?!

Likened it to having a shit or even sex?!

Have we got a full house yet?! grin

SirBoobAlot Tue 04-Dec-12 15:06:42

Oh I would have sex in public, because I breastfeed in public, so am obviously an exhibitionist.

OxfordBags Tue 04-Dec-12 15:08:03

Don't forget - if you're Bfing a son, then you get "You'll turn him gay". Because everyone knows how much gay men loves women's breasts (before we even go into how scientifically ridiculous that is).

EauRouge Tue 04-Dec-12 15:09:28

I would do both at the same time, whilst dancing on a table and singing a song because it's all about meeeee. I crave the attention.

snowtunesgirl Tue 04-Dec-12 15:15:50

Can I throw in: BM is just as bad as giving a baby coke once they have teeth?

A Clare Byam-Cook special.

<runs away as it explodes> grin

choceyes Tue 04-Dec-12 15:17:44

like Bfing is just some boring, unemotional form of nutrition delivery that you get out of the way as early as possible.

All my NCT friends were like this. They couldn't wait for the magical 6 months, so that they didn't have to BF anymore. They were dropping breastfeeds in favour of bottle feeds in military precision, so that by 6 months exactly their babies were fully on formula. I was bemused by this at the time, the apparent ease in with BFing could be reduced like this. And I wasn't even BFing my baby (latch issues, ended up expressing for 10 months ironically). And now I'm still Bfing DD at 2.3yrs, it seems utterly bewildering the lengths to which they must have gone to get it over and done by 6 months. It's as if they hated every minute of BFing. Maybe they did, and I am just lucky that I don't hate it...at all.

aufaniae Tue 04-Dec-12 15:19:00

givemeaclue the WHO guidelines apply to everyone.

The evidence is that the best thing to do for your baby is to feed them till 2yo if possible.

Of course there are many reasons people can't, but by far and away the biggest reason people in this country don't IMO is social pressure, and societal norms.

I'm curious, now you know the WHO guidelines are feeding till 2 for everyone, will you change your opinion and support it?

festivelyfocussed Tue 04-Dec-12 15:20:30

OP you ANBU.
It's perfectly reasonable for an 18 month old to still have mummy milk. In fact, the WHO receommends that children should receive mother's milk for at least 2 years.
If ppl find it distasteful that's their problem really isn't it. I find many things that other ppl do are not to my taste but that's life isn't it. Good for you for still feeding your child in the optimal way.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 04-Dec-12 15:24:10

I love joining in really late into a thread.

and for once, I have read the entire thing.

so, for my part in the game:

The WHO recommends 2 years and beyond. Fully stop. That's a global recommendation to all women everywhere.

A human child who is old enough to ask is not too old for it. That's a pathetic thing to say. A person who can verbally state what they want is not too old for having the thing, they are just able to ask for it in a verbal manner
Otherwise, why the bloody hell did we evolve spoken communication?

There is nothing wrong with BFing any child (no matter how old) in public. Same as there is nothing wrong with me drinking a cup of tea in public or eating a scone in public. If you have problems with any person eating in public, then fine, but if it is reserved to BFing children only, then that is wrong.

DD has just broken a bowl of mine by throwing it onto the floor. She can't do that with my boobs.

DD has recently started to stick her hands down my top when she wants BFing. I don't know why, because I've always lifted my top to feed her!

Belmo Tue 04-Dec-12 15:55:09

"They don't need it"
My dd is allergic to dairy and soya. I do try to stuff green veg into her but she's not a fan and I worry about her getting enough calcium. I really feel like she does need it, unless anybody has some amazing idea I've not thought of.

LittleDonkeyPloddingOnward Tue 04-Dec-12 15:56:44

Donkey - why do you have such a huge chip about bf? And you are obviously very ignorant about extended bf so plod on and keep being the donkey ass you so obviously are.

Charming. hmm Sign of nothing better to say and a lost debate when you have to resort to pathetic name-calling.
The forum is called 'am I being unseasonable.' People ARE allowed to have differing opinions to you, however much you may think your way is always right.

Llareggub Tue 04-Dec-12 16:05:34

Your opinion is entirely irrational though.

I really am right though.

Pumpkinlatte Tue 04-Dec-12 16:08:00

OP - YANBU at all, but you are being unreasonable to want everyone else be happy for you. Do what you want to do, it's none of anyone else's business. If those other women want to passively aggressively criticise you, let them. They are entitled to do whatever they want, just as much as you are. They owe you nothing, you owe them nothing.

Separately (and it is a separate point), what ALWAYS gets to me about these threads is how BF women feel like they're doing something so completely, utterly wonderful, even the best thing they possibly could for a child of whatever age they're talking about, by BFing for as long as they do. As they themselves, say, it's just natural.

This uniform, mass hysteria about BFing is ridiculous. Nutrition is but one aspect of child rearing, significant only up to the point of not letting your child be malnourished, or being adequately nourished. I can't help but wonder whether these very same women are as evangelical about the other food they feed their children, or about behavioural or educational development, about teaching their children to be nice people etc. Which just makes me wonder how much of this really is about the child's nutrition, and how much of it is about vaunting the BFing woman's efforts...

nellyjelly Tue 04-Dec-12 16:16:19

I see no evangelical women or even mass hysteria. Just women stating their reasonable motivations for BFing.

BertieBotts Tue 04-Dec-12 16:20:41

Pumpkin I have honestly never met anyone who feels like that about breastfeeding, and I have friends who are bordering on evangelical about breastfeeding!

Perhaps it comes across in such a way because people are always having to defend themselves against ignorant loons who say it makes a child dependent or it's full of sugar or it turns to water after x amount of months or whatever.

I don't breastfeed my 4.2 year old because I think it will make him a superhero. I just don't see the point of weaning when he will stop by himself at some point.

Llareggub Tue 04-Dec-12 16:24:17

Actually, one of the reasons why I breastfed in the first place because I could no be faffed with bottle washing and sterilising. Far easier to sit on a sofa and whip out a tit. It also irritated the hell out of my MIL. So yes, it is all about the wonderful effors I have made. hmm

One of the great things about bfing is that once you get the hang of it, there is practically no effort involved, particularly if yo co-sleep too.

AlphaBeta82 Tue 04-Dec-12 16:24:58

I also have to say I don't even see 18months as 'extended breastfeeding', which seems to be what a lot of this thread debates - what is the definition of 'extended breastfeeding'?

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 04-Dec-12 16:28:05

i class extended as beyond 2 years, but most people class it as beyond 6 months.

snowtunesgirl Tue 04-Dec-12 16:29:21

I don't think there is a definition. As shown here, some people think that anything over 6 months is "extended".

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 04-Dec-12 16:31:48

llegrub - exactly (apart from MIL thing - it weirds out my mum, though, so grin)

DD would have been really upset this week without BF.
she's been poorly and we've been poorly, hardly eating ourselves, so it made a lot of sense still to be BFing when we can all lie in bed and give DD nutritionally complete food with no effort at all.

stormforce10 Tue 04-Dec-12 16:34:28

I do not have time to read 11 pages but YANBU. Did you know the World Health Organisation recommend that infants continue to receive breast milk up to the age of 2? here are their recommendations on weaning

I fed DD untl she was 23 months but only found out about the above a year or so later. I intend to continue feeding DS (4 months now)until the same age and if people don't like it they can look in another direction. I'm concerned about my children not their sensibilities

mumnosbest Tue 04-Dec-12 16:36:45

I've read most of the thread but very quickly so sorry if I missed anything.
I feel like i've just slipped into an alternate reality. 18 months is now extended bf? really? hmm Op should be able to bf where and when she likes. if the other mums didn't like it then they should keep their opinions to themselves. OP shouldn't expect everyone to feel as she does but should be free to follow her beliefs without criticism. A vegetarian would be slated for openly criticising a meat eater in public even though it might repulse them. OP was only doing something natural that others have chosen not to do sad

stormforce10 Tue 04-Dec-12 16:37:08

Oh and like some of you the prospect of mixing formula and washing bottles is more than enough incentive to BF (don't think my MIL minds though!)

mumnosbest Tue 04-Dec-12 16:37:30

OP you are definately not BU.

wheredoistartmrs Tue 04-Dec-12 16:37:55

yes

FutureNannyOgg Tue 04-Dec-12 16:44:18

stormforce, the recommendation is "2 years and beyond", the reason they say 2 is simply because there is not much research with bf children past the age of 2, we know it is beneficial up to 2, and we can extrapolate that it past that, but there would have to be more proof before they said "up to 3/4/whatever".

OP, I got bored after 3 pages, but YANBU, I fed DS1 wherever he asked until his feeds cut back to the point that he wasn't asking for it when we were out (usually because he was too busy). I think commenting on it is rude, they can have an opinion, but to talk about someone else (let alone make derogatory comments) in earshot is just bloody rude.

regarding mummymilk, my DS called it milk, and cows milk was "cow juice", because anything in a beaker was juice to him grin

Lia87 Tue 04-Dec-12 16:49:19

Your not being at all unreasonable, well done for keeping breastfeeding up so long!
WHO recommendations is to breast feed until 2 anyway, and even past then whats it got to do with them. Its good for her, its not like your giving her chocolate or anything unhealthy, yet i doubt they'd comment on that.

I've never heard a reason against breastfeeding past 1 other than an unexplained 'its wrong'. Judgements like that show a lack of understanding and poor reasoning in my opinion.

PoppyAmex Tue 04-Dec-12 16:50:13

PumpkinLatte I totally agree with you (and I speak as a breastfeeder).

Charleymouse Tue 04-Dec-12 17:57:40

YANBU

Still feeding dd2 who was 3 last week and who also calls it "Mummy's" milk to differentiate it from "cows" milk.

They were rude! i have not used it yet but i love the line "did you mean to be so rude?"

RainbowsFriend Tue 04-Dec-12 18:08:57

Oh my goodness this really ran! (sorry)

OK so I have agreed that IWBU to call it "mummy milk" in my thread - I suppose I could have put the phrase in speech marks as I meant that that is what she had asked for - her specific phrase. I don't use the phrase normally unless in conversation with my daughter. However....

Thank you for all the support - as well as the people saying IWBU to feed her in public at this age I think there have been many more people in support.

However, just knowing that there are such people who really do think it is "ick" and disgusting, I think in future I wont be quite so free and easy to comply with her requests to breastfeed in public in the future. It really upsets me when I get the stares and loud comments, and I'm not brave enough to say something so that really is my only recourse.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one still bfeeding at this age though smile

RainbowsFriend Tue 04-Dec-12 18:13:00

By the way - I'm not bfeeding my child in public as a public show - vaunting how wonderful I am. I do it because it makes her happy, makes her feel secure, and when she's ill it nourishes her when she can't keep even water down.

And yes - the women were all mothers with very young babies - looked like an antenatal class meet up type thing.

Mylittlepuds Tue 04-Dec-12 18:15:31

YABU to call it mummy milk

RainbowsFriend Tue 04-Dec-12 18:16:41

Yes, I've already agreed that! (Twice)

SirBoobAlot Tue 04-Dec-12 18:57:44

All those saying not to call it mummy milk... What would you suggest that young children call it? Even my very vocal three year old wouldn't say "Mother dear, I would love some breast milk, if you please..." hmm

Rainbow, reread what you've just written about why you breastfeed. Don't let some ignorant arseholes put you off. There will always be someone judging you about something as a mother.

pigletmania Tue 04-Dec-12 19:04:34

It is mummy milk though, cows milk is cows milk milk from a human breast is called mummy milk. I would have loved to bf for a long time, bf did no wrk Wth ds and I expressed for 9 monts before supply drooped and I had to stop

RainbowsFriend Tue 04-Dec-12 19:05:24

smile Thanks SirBoobAlot thanks

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Tue 04-Dec-12 19:05:46

speak for yourself. Ours was called MAM in a very demanding and loud one year old voice.

RainbowsFriend Tue 04-Dec-12 19:10:37

Yes, I would much prefer my daughter said "mummy milk!" than "boobies!" or even "breastmilk!"

"mummy milk!" could be construed as "Mummy, - Milk!"
(ie doesn't specify to strangers that it's not cows milk or formula).

Anyway, it's the phrase she has come up with all on her own. Previously - it was just "milk" or before that "mmmi". It only became "mummy milk" when the childminder started giving her cows milk and called it "milk".

RainbowsFriend Tue 04-Dec-12 19:12:30

Loving that so many other children have also come up with the same phrase! grin

KissysUnderTheMisteltoe Tue 04-Dec-12 19:21:23

OP YANBU!

And what a lot of horrible people to criticise you for feeding your child in a completely natural way in public!!

Please don't be ashamed to feed your DD like this again, if people have a problem with it then that's their problem.

Sorry they upset you and that you've had some negative comments on here

gimmecakeandcandy Tue 04-Dec-12 19:36:26

Chill out donkey hit a nerve have I? I bet I have. I really couldn't care less about your extremely silly opinion - that is what it is - silly, idiotic and quite moronic.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 04-Dec-12 19:38:51

Would anybody like to come take a walk to visit some cows and upset them by saying that's cows milk dontca know. grin

gimmecakeandcandy Tue 04-Dec-12 19:38:58

Op - yaNOTbu to call it mummymilk - people who have a problem with that are being stupid.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 04-Dec-12 20:16:47

i think mummy milk is okay too.
mummy is wee but that's what you call yourself when you have babies.
mum milk would sound weird.

festivelyfocussed Tue 04-Dec-12 20:20:24

Good grief. Of course it's not unreasonable to call it mummy milk.
Ffs!

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 04-Dec-12 20:20:48

rainbow.

if they were a post natal group with their newborns then i think it's great that they saw you.
it will make them all go home with a new thought in their minds.
and who knows, one or two of them might now bf until 2 because they've seen ut can be done and it is perfectly normal.

midori1999 Tue 04-Dec-12 20:58:33

YWNBU, but surely you know that now?!

If people think it's 'icky' to BF a toddler, or want to voice ignorant opinions about it loudly in public, then let them. If you don't feel able to say anything if people are rude to you then just ignore them.

I BF my 18 month old in public fairly often, not usually that discreetly if I'm honest as I usually just pull my top up or down, whichever is easiest with what I'm wearing. Only last week I fed DD in her carrier while walking through a busy shopping centre. I have never noticed one look or had one comment, in fact, I'm fairly certain most people are too busy with their own lives to even notice what I'm doing. Then again, I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks, so maybe that's why I don't notice?

Walkingchloe Tue 04-Dec-12 21:28:11

Wow this has opened my eyes to future potential issues! I'm currently bf 4mo DS and thought MN would be the place to come for complete support in bf a child of any age to be honest!

I love bf and although my mil is horrified that I won't be switching to formula in 2 months time at the moment I feel like there is no chance of me stopping until DS is done with bf. I realise that might change in the future though! What really pisses me off about the whole thing is that I would never comment about someone bottle feeding a toddler in public so why should anyone comment about me bf?

And do WHO guidelines mean nothing to some people? Oh, hang on because we live in a developed country we should switch our kids to cows milk or formula because its available and we can afford it. But the babies of third world mums who struggle to even access clean water should keep receiving the immunological and bonding benefits of breast milk??!! Bonkers!

Babies of mums the world over should be able to have the benefits of bf for as long as mum and child want to carry on and anyone who can't cope with seeing glimpses of a naked breast in public being used to feed a child needs to get a life.

MrsMelons Tue 04-Dec-12 22:29:11

YANBU as it is completely up to you however I am not sure why an 18 month old would be having milk during the day still and would expect them to be having morning and night time milk only with food to fill them up during the day.

I do think it is lovely to breastfeed as long as you possibly can though, I would feel a bit uncomfortable feeding a child of that age in public but would have loved to still have been able to feed my DCs at home in particular before bed at that age. I would be concerned if they weren't sleeping at 18 months because they wanted feeding (sorry if I have misunderstood your OP if thats not what you meant).

midori1999 Tue 04-Dec-12 22:37:12

Mrsmelons, it is perfectly normal for a toddler of 18 months to still feed during the night. It's certainly not a cause for concern. hmm

MrsMelons Tue 04-Dec-12 22:47:23

midori sorry - I really didn't realise. I don't know anyone who's toddler feeds in the night, I assumed they eat enough during the day at that age. I can only go on my/my friends experiences.

Didn't mean to offend - I honestly thought it was odd!

RacHoHoHog Tue 04-Dec-12 22:53:35

Ywnbu

However my ds is only 3 months and I am already feeling like I will have to keep it a secret if we go past one

Dp was convinced that I wouldn't stick with it, then said he thought 6 months was long enough. Now be thinks we should start dropping feeds at 1 so I am winning him round.

Mylittlepuds Tue 04-Dec-12 23:12:23

But OP called it mummy milk. Her toddler calling it is obviously of no issue but using the phrase to other adults just sounds weird. There was no need to mention it.

Re bfing an 18 month old in public? It would certainly be a shocking image where I live and not the norm - but then again to see a woman BFing a baby where I live is a refreshing change.

I have a 19 month old and just cannot for the life of me imagine feeding him now - for no other reason other than it seems so long ago I can't even remember what it was like. I stopped when he was 10 months. Perhaps that's how these other women who saw you feel - they just can't get their heads around it. Nothing 'wrong' in it but I'd argue it's certainly not the norm. And when things aren't the norm you're going to get looks and comments - like if you were to wear your shirt back to front. It just goes against the grain and surely you're to expect it? I wouldn't be upset though - i'd be confident in my choice and think I was hopefully helping to change things in my own way.

LynetteScavo Tue 04-Dec-12 23:22:14

You know YANBU

You also know lots of people think you are, and others don't.

Job done.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Tue 04-Dec-12 23:28:14

Midori, I'd like to respectfully disagree - it's not necessary for any child to be fed anything in the middle of the night.

LynetteScavo Tue 04-Dec-12 23:56:25

Sometimes it is if you want to keep them quite and have a decent nights sleep.

<shrugs>

SomersetONeil Tue 04-Dec-12 23:57:52

"however I am not sure why an 18 month old would be having milk during the day still and would expect them to be having morning and night time milk only with food"

Surely 18MOs need to drink during the day...? confused And why not breastmilk, as anything else?

My 2 and 3 YOs drink cow's milk during the day. Is this weird, or something?

goralka Wed 05-Dec-12 00:05:17

it is up to you what you do, of course, but to be honest I don't think you should be surprised at negative comments if you do it in public. Perhaps just do it night?

5madthings Wed 05-Dec-12 00:10:47

it depends what you mean by necessary. from a nutritional pov most dont need milk in the night at 18mths. but its not only about nutrition, its comforting and soothing and as lynette said if it means they sleep, why not. two of mine still bfed in thd night at that age, they grew out of it when they were ready. its certainly not unusual.or something to be concerned about.

goralka why should she only do.it at night?! its fine for her dd to feed and the other parents were being bloody rude.

Do what you wish and I don't see why people are reacting to what you call it.

Also next time you go take a child of a bout 9/10 to ask for mummys milk. Their heads will explode grin

goralka Wed 05-Dec-12 00:46:32

5madthings it was just a suggestion to OP to avoid rude comments....

Petisa Wed 05-Dec-12 00:47:29

Dd2 is 27 months and I still feed her in public occasionally. I've never had any weird looks or angry comments, and quite frankly I couldn't give a feck what anyone else thinks. My dd1 was ff from one week old and dd2 is still bf - so what I say! I find people who go on about stopping by one or two years etc very weird. You go ahead OP.

5madthings Wed 05-Dec-12 00:51:09

but she shouldnt have to try and avoid rude comments. people shouldnt be so rude in the first place!

Petisa Wed 05-Dec-12 00:53:58

OP at least you don't have a four year old loudly explaining to everyone that her sister is drinking milk "FROM MUMMY'S NIPPLE"!

Totally my fault for teaching her the word. Thinking maybe twee is better tbh!

goralka Wed 05-Dec-12 00:56:31

well that is so true 5madthings people are just bloody rude when you have children as though you are public property or something....whatever you do/do not do!

YABU to take any comments to heart - I feed my 8 week old in public and overhear people discussing it, so yab a tad u to expect people not to remark on bf at a more unusual age imo. Just ignore it.

Cat98 Wed 05-Dec-12 07:54:32

Op- YANBU.

Donkey - I am intrigued. You say people are only picking and choosing what they respond to, yet you have not responded to one of the very valid points made to you and other judgy people.
The WHO recommend bfing until 2 yrs and beyond. As has been pointed out, this is a global recommendation. For all children. They recommend this because there is evidence that it is optimal for health and development. How do you equate that with your 'opinion'?

MrsMelons Wed 05-Dec-12 08:02:35

Of course toddlers need to drink but cow's milk or juice is quite sufficient to quench their thirst.

My friends DD drank a lot of milk during the day at that age and the HV told her she needed to stop as she wasn't actually eating enough proper food for her age and that she needed more nutrients by then than the milk provides.

As I said I would have love to still been able to feed them at that age still but my personal preference would have been at home, morning and night, so we could have quiet time together but thats just me - I cannot see the necessity in the middle of the day when you are out - BUT I actually wouldn't have a problem with someone else doing it and think people would be rude to comment in front of you whilst you are doing it!

5madthings Wed 05-Dec-12 08:44:24

why give a toddler cows milk to drink when they can have a drink if himan milk made uniquely for them and tailored for their needs? for example immune benefits etc.

and toddlers dont need juice particularly.

breast milk is the perfect drink and food for toddlers. i am sure the ops dd drinks other things as well. but she wanted a bfeed which is the biological norm.

festivelyfocussed Wed 05-Dec-12 08:44:38

Really there is far too much unsolicited opinion about how we feed our babies.
My husband was amazed and quite disapproving that mothers would feed their tiny babies with formula. Thankfully, although judgemental, he had the good manners not to voice his opinion in the hearing of anyone who was bottle feeding because that would have been rude and unneccessary.
FYI, It's not just babies / children that benenefit from so called "extended breastfeeding" For every year that a woman breastfeeds her breast cancer risk falls by a further 2%. Win - Win.
18 months is still very young for a toddler who wants to keep BFing.

hackmum Wed 05-Dec-12 08:52:57

YANBU. I haven't waded through all the comments but continuing to breastfeed to 18 months and beyond is perfectly normal, and WHO guidelines recommend up to the age of 2. (No doubt someone has already made this point.)

Ignore them. They are just silly, spiteful women.

SomersetONeil Wed 05-Dec-12 08:54:38

Well, there you go, MrsMelons - your pronoucements about appropriate beverages for day-time drinking are good for you and only you.

Might as well, as you suggest, let others get on with it the way they want to do it...

knackeredoutmum Wed 05-Dec-12 08:57:47

whyever should you express milk to feed your 18month old? What a pointless waste time that would be.

You are going to have to ignore interfering bags. It is none of their business, if you have the nerve then you could take them up on it and explain that health services recommend feeding up to 2 years

MrsMelons Wed 05-Dec-12 09:18:03

Somerset I cannot really make out your tone or what you are getting at TBH.

The whole point of the thread is to give opinions to the OP and I believe I have been clear that they are just my opinions and I have said all along I think the OP INBU.

Like another poster said about their DH I cannot understand why someone would not at least try to breastfeed their baby to begin with but I would not dream of making a comment to someone about it if they chose not to as that would not be good manners!

RainbowsFriend Wed 05-Dec-12 09:19:41

To respond to one post above actually I think juice for a toddler is completely unnecessary and harmful to teeth etc. She drinks either water or breastfeeds if I'm around - and water mostly if I'm not but as I said the childminder gives her cows milk which I'm not that bothered about, but consider it unnecessary.

Human milk is far superior to cows milk for humans. I'm sure cows milk is far superior to human milk for cows in turn, so why would I want to cut down on breastfeeds and give her cows milk instead from a nutritional viewpoint confused.

As for her bfeeding too much - well she eats plenty of solids, and has an extremely varied diet if I compare her to her formula fed friends - she eats what I eat except with a bit less chocolate and tea grin just she likes a cuddle/breastfeed as well!

As for her feeding in the night, nutritionally no she does not need it and occasionally will have water if offered when she wakes during the night instead. However a bfeed gets her back to sleep MUCH MUCH quicker than a drink of water, and I like my sleep. She is in a cosleeper cot so it's easiest to bfeed her rather than rummage around for where her beaker has got to in the dark. I don't know about you, but I wake in the night for a drink several times, and always have done. Why shouldn't she? confused

I've explained about using the term "mummy milk" - I meant to put it in " " to signify that is what she had said, but didn't as I was probably multi-tasking as usual. I'm really surprised that this is what has a lot of people hung up on.

OK so IANBU to feed her in public, but should expect comments and stares as it is not usual. Certainly not round here anyway (even bfeeding a littley is unusual round here sad ) As I am not very brave this may mean that I resort to trying to offer water or food more insistently as a replacement when out and about instead.

babybarrister Wed 05-Dec-12 09:22:26

have a biscuit

RainbowsFriend Wed 05-Dec-12 09:26:51

Why? confused

MrsMelons Wed 05-Dec-12 09:27:17

My apologies for the juice comments, TBH my 2 generally had water or the baby juice that is ok from 4 months, it was more a figure of speech meaning just a drink.

Technically no one should need to wake for a drink in the night, it just means you are not hydrated enough from what you drink in the day. Of course we all do at times I am sure but that is the only reason you would need to drink in the night.

I am a bit jealous that you can still feed your DD as I could only do 9 weeks - lovely to still have those cuddles!

5madthings Wed 05-Dec-12 09:29:23

rainbow dont feel.you shouldnt bfeed in public sad you may get negative looks/comments but you are also letting people know its ok and sering yoi bfeed your toddlet may give another mum the confidence to do the same!

RainbowsFriend Wed 05-Dec-12 09:29:45

And I'm sorry, genuinely, that it makes you feel like that - but at least they had those 9 weeks. Was it lack of support?

No, comments and stares are very unusual. You were just unlucky.

SomersetONeil Wed 05-Dec-12 09:37:25

MrsM - it was just your comment about not being sure why an 18 month old would be having milk during the day still, and would expect them to be having morning and night time milk only, with food to fill them up during the day.

And then reiterating further by saying that you 'cannot see the necessity during the day when you are out'.

It just seem very proscriptive. There is probably, strictly, no necessity - beyond the OP preferring to give her DC breastmilk over cow's milk. Children need to drink during the day - why not drink their own species' milk?

You say you wouldn't have a problem with someone else doing it, but you bely that by saying 'you cannot see the necessity during the day' and 'cow's milk is quite sufficient to quench their thirst'. Those comments seem really quite judgemental, and designed to make others feel in the wrong, and I'm just challenging them a bit, is all...

SomersetONeil Wed 05-Dec-12 09:45:13

"Technically no one should need to wake for a drink in the night, it just means you are not hydrated enough from what you drink in the day. Of course we all do at times I am sure but that is the only reason you would need to drink in the night."

grin Actually, maybe it's just the way you word things. You write extremely, um, definitively.

The only reason somone might want a drink at night time is because they're not hydrated enough during the day...? grin You can speak for all humans? There might not be any other perfectly legitimate reasons at all?

MrsMelons Wed 05-Dec-12 09:48:39

Ok fair enough Somerset I didn't mean it to come across like that. I just meant it wouldn't be for me in that way but I wouldn't be behaving like those women did or have an issue with it. Everyone parents differently so its not right to say its the right or wrong way but everyone is entitled to have an opinion - thats all!

Rainbow thanks - no with DS1 it was medical reasons so just one of those things. With DS it was behavioural issues with DS1 who was 2 so it was more personal reasons that time.

greenbananas Wed 05-Dec-12 09:49:27

Of course YANBU. Slightly unreasonable to ask on mumsnet though, as it is bound to start an argument. I haven't got time to read the whole thread, and I suspect that some parts of it would annoy me anyway. No doubt somebody has already pointed that the WHO guidelines for all children worldwide are that they are breastfed until they are at least around 2 years old. It's not often done in the UK though.

If you are going to breastfeed an 18 month old toddler in public, you will have to develop a thick skin smile However, when more people feel comfortable breastfeeding their toddlers, this will help to normalise it, so that hopefully the next generation of western mums will feel more comfortable discreetly breastfeeding their toddlers in public.

There will always be some people who judge. I was judged for breastfeeding and now I am judged for feeding my child McDonalds chips and letting him go to preschool dressed as Batman.

Hope you haven't had too many judgy comments on this thread...

mumnosbest Wed 05-Dec-12 11:38:52

i think the issue here is about the other mums expressing their opinion aboout OPs parenting choices. They were plain rude and I hope it doesn't stop you bf in public. They're lucky it was you and not me as I would have said something.

We're all entitled to our opinions but not to voice them to complete strangers and so rudely.

SolomanDaisy Wed 05-Dec-12 11:59:10

Ignore the rude women, both the ones in the cafe and the ones on here. There are some bloody stupid suggestions here - express, give juice?! FFS. Just give your baby the healthy, natural breastfeed s/he wants. Have to admit I usually hide in the toilets with DS now, I can't be bothered with people judging. He looks a lot older than he is, so I assume people would judge.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Wed 05-Dec-12 12:23:03

MrsMelons
"My friends DD drank a lot of milk during the day at that age and the HV told her she needed to stop as she wasn't actually eating enough proper food for her age and that she needed more nutrients by then than the milk provides."

which is actually against WHO and NHS guidelines.
your friend's HV was wrong and unprofessional to give that "advice"

nickelbabylyinginamanger Wed 05-Dec-12 12:30:55

re: drinking in the night.
I drink my allotted drinks of 1-2 litres a day, and still have a glass beside my bed, which i have a couple or more sips of when i wake in the night.
always have.

catkind Wed 05-Dec-12 17:16:18

"the baby juice that is okay"?? No juice is okay from 4 months surely [hmmm] Sounds like a dodgy marketing thing to me, I'd be skeptical if I were you. A 4 month old should not be drinking anything except milk. Water at a pinch on a very hot day if ff. But maybe you don't have a littlie any more anyway.

MrsMelons Wed 05-Dec-12 17:52:22

nickel There is a lot of advice HV seem to give that go against other guidelines. Very difficult for first time mums with all the cinflicting advice. My friend was quite upset about the whoile thing as felt as if she'd been doing it all wrong when the HV said that.

Cat no mine are older now but FWIW they never had juice until they were over 12 months. The juice was available in the aisle with baby food but I can't remember the brand.

I think the advice available now is so much better but I am not sure all the HV are providing this information to new mums. In fact my SIL who has a 4 month old has never even been contacted by her HV!

Baby food and drinks are allowed to be advertised as suitable for 4+ months but the NHS recommendation is not to introduce foods and drinks other than milk until a baby is 6 months. So yes, just a dodgy marketing thing.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Wed 05-Dec-12 18:09:10

yes, there is MrsM- that's why I'm grateful for MN - the number of times I've had advice from here rather than ask the HV - they're either not up on their training or they're refusing to acknowledge that evidence is better than their random old wives' tales.

pigletmania Wed 05-Dec-12 18:43:37

I wake up for drinks at night, I have even been known to make mysel a cup of tea

Regardless of whether or not you need a drink when you wake up, it is normal to wake up every couple of hours. Adults can usually get back to sleep on their own but most babies need some help.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Wed 05-Dec-12 19:39:06

oh yes i definitely wake up a few times a night even without needing a drunk.

Not sure I've ever needed a drunk grin

nickelbabylyinginamanger Wed 05-Dec-12 20:14:56

shurrup I'm on my stupid phone. the "keys"are too close together. blush

nickelbabylyinginamanger Wed 05-Dec-12 20:15:51

teach me to mn when dd needs me... wink

MrsMelons Wed 05-Dec-12 20:33:17

I definitely wake up more when I am drunk grin

I do wake up every few hours though but not because I need a drink, I just go back to sleep (most of the time).

StillRockin Sat 16-Mar-13 10:01:04

I breastfed my son until he was 2. Hey the world average is 4.2 so some mums are going on even longer than that! If people dont like it they dont have to look!

jellybeans Sat 16-Mar-13 10:07:44

YANBU. I have friends that fed their 3 year olds out and about and I didn't bat an eyelid. It's normal and natural at that age and older. Let's face it the reason it is 'yucky' to some is because they are sucked in to the whole sexualisation of the breast. Read the Politics of Breastfeeding, it's an eye opener.

idshagphilspencer Sat 16-Mar-13 10:13:57

zombie thread

INeedThatForkOff Sat 16-Mar-13 10:15:05

Why bring up an old thread to say so, StillRockin? You could always have made your announcement in a new thread, over on ... oh I don't know, the feeding threads.

hmm

ebwy Sat 16-Mar-13 14:29:54

you aren't being at all unreasonable, OP, but you already know that.

My toddler still has a bottle sometimes and no-one comments - how is it any different?
Humans produce breast milk for up to 8 years for a reason!

(and if anyone thinks I'm one of those judgemental people , I couldn't bf my first for medical reasons, and my 2nd child refused the breast when he was nearly 3 months so now he's on formula )

ebwy Sat 16-Mar-13 14:30:54

oh... that'll teach me to read to the end... sorry, didn't spot that it's a zombie thread!

Whatalotofpiffle Sat 16-Mar-13 17:46:42

Sod everyone!! I am bf a 2.3 and she asks for mummy milk. Hate the bloody 'they should be on formula' Comments. All mums and babies are different, there is no 'should'

idshagphilspencer Sat 16-Mar-13 17:47:28

zombie thread

TranceDaemon Sat 16-Mar-13 19:07:56

I think the people who think feeding an 18 month old BABY in public is 'icky' shock are the same people who argue that there's nothing wrong with page 3...

Messed up world or what.

Dannilion Sat 16-Mar-13 19:22:26

Oh yay, this thread again...

wreckedone Sat 16-Mar-13 20:27:36

YWNBU. My nearly 22mo still nurses morning and evening and in between very rarely if he's hurt himself badly or is ill. I nursed him at playgroup yesterday as he'd been belted round the head with a wooden bus and had a fit as a consequence-got some very odd looks off other parents, but couldn't care less. We also call it Mummy Milk-milk from cows is Cow Milk, so milk from mummy is Mummy Milk....

raisah Sat 16-Mar-13 20:42:27

I do still feed my 2 yr ds out & about discreetly & no problems so far. I have tried weaning her off but because I work f/t its been hard. She sees it as a bonding time for us as we've been separated during the day. It makes her happy so Im happy to oblige.

Littlefish Sat 16-Mar-13 20:52:57

ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD

chubbychipmonk Sat 16-Mar-13 21:00:21

Ermm. . Not feeling breast feeding an 18 month old, kinda makes me squirm a bit & personally I wouldn't do it. . .

HOWEVER if I was in public & saw someone do it I wouldn't be so rude as to stare & then discuss it loudly so that the mother could hear me. That's just fucking ignorant. I'd have turned round & told them to mind their own bloody business unless they needed some extra milk for their tea!!

MrsMoosickle Sat 16-Mar-13 21:03:42

What's a Zombie Thread?

DrCoconut Sat 16-Mar-13 21:14:11

DS asks for booby now. He will be 2 in a few weeks time.

chubbychipmonk Sat 16-Mar-13 21:32:44

Ah, just realised its a zombie thread. Means its way old & been dealt with. Look at the date it was first posted.

Mother2many Mon 18-Mar-13 21:05:00

Don't let these people bother you...your child is what's important.

I also bf in public and I did up until my child was almost 4!!! My family gave me the biggest issues, but I could care less what other people think!

In fact if I were you, I would of turned around and let them have a good look! or I would of at least said something to them.

At your toddler's age, I was bf ALL THE time too!!

Proud of ya!

idshagphilspencer Mon 18-Mar-13 21:11:43

zombie thread

Tancub Mon 18-Mar-13 23:04:23

YANBU. Keep going for as long as you and your little one like. Nothing wrong with 'mummy milk' either in my view.

I sat and listened to my boss slag off mothers who bf their toddlers to colleagues. Even though it wasn't directed at me as I'm quite sure she didn't realise I was still feeding 20mo back then, it's not easy to ignore people when they voice their opinions so loudly about something so personal.

I also don't understand why some people think because a child can ask for it they shouldn't get it. Does this apply to other things, like a sleep, a drink, a cuddle?

msjones80 Tue 19-Mar-13 00:36:11

Of course you arent! You're doing something wonderful for your son and if the rest of the world has a problem with it, it's "their" problem.

Psst, a scarf helps wink

MyShoofly Tue 19-Mar-13 01:59:14

I didn't bf either of mine and I still think YANBU at all. I don't get the judgements many are making on here....toddlers are so young - why deny them this source of comfort and excellent nutrition if they want it and if mum wants to give it just because some people are wired about breasts?

those woman were rude to make loud unsolicited comments.

xMinerva Tue 19-Mar-13 06:50:09

I fed my ds2 in public whenever he wanted it & he fed until very recently. He's 2 1/2yrs old now.

It didn't occur to me not to feed him when he wanted. I never got anyone comment either.

People who think it's a bit "yuck" or "icky" or "sick" to see a human toddler being fed human milk in public are probably a bit "sick" themselves.

YANBU.

xMinerva Tue 19-Mar-13 06:51:08

Oh and my son used to ask for "boobie" in public.

Bet "mummy milk" sounds better now doesn't it. wink

xMinerva Tue 19-Mar-13 06:51:56

Oh and just realised it's a Zombie thread

Sorry blush

pigletmania Tue 19-Mar-13 07:35:16

Yanbu at all but mummy milk does sound a bit twee, I prefer breastmilk

HardWorkerNotAFool Tue 19-Mar-13 09:20:49

Who gives a crap about when the thread was first started? hmm Doesn't mean that it's no more relevant today.

"Zombie thread" or not, OP, YWNBU. I fed DS until he was 16 months old and he stopped of his own accord. I still miss breastfeeding him and would have happily continued for much longer. In fact, DS is now almost 4yo, and my breasts are STILL producing milk!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now