To tell my friend she has a 'tache...

(74 Posts)
PrettyFlyForAWifi Mon 03-Dec-12 18:39:44

Ex colleague but good pal. Not many secrets between us. But noticed her incipient tache last week...what do I do? Assume she has it in hand and it was a minor grooming fail? Give her jolene as a hilarious Xmas gift? Ive no idea how to broach the subject - heeeeeeellllp!

TidyDancer Mon 03-Dec-12 18:40:35

Why do you think this is your business?

goralka Mon 03-Dec-12 18:40:47

maybe she likes it?

HappyJustToBe Mon 03-Dec-12 18:40:52

Leave her alone, I reckon.

SantyClaws Mon 03-Dec-12 18:41:30

was it for Movember?

fantashtic Mon 03-Dec-12 18:41:51

Leave her alone! She might know and not care, she might not know and not care, she might be mortified and saving for laser treatment - but why do you care and what difference will it make to you if you tell her,

Please don't make her feel uncomfortable for it for it either way.

EndoplasmicReticulum Mon 03-Dec-12 18:42:14

I assume she's noticed it - after all she looks at herself every day. Maybe she was just between-grooming.

Maybe she's doing Movember?

Either way, none of your business.

EndoplasmicReticulum Mon 03-Dec-12 18:43:06

I have one. I know, I don't need anyone pointing it out. Sometimes, when it gets particularly luxuriant, I wax it. If I can be bothered.

Of course she will know and will probably be really paranoid about it. Don't do anything.

Startail Mon 03-Dec-12 18:43:39

Not a word. We know, we just don't always have time to get out the lawn mower.

redexpat Mon 03-Dec-12 18:43:49

Leave it for the beautician. I almost died a bit when she asked if she should do mine, but she did it in the nicest possible way.

HildaOgden Mon 03-Dec-12 18:43:51

Just because you see something,doesn't mean you need to say something.

PrettyFlyForAWifi Mon 03-Dec-12 18:45:33

No, I know her well enough to know she would want to know, have spent many an idle office hour discussing such things. I just don't know how to broach it.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 03-Dec-12 18:47:23

Well, to completely buck the trend!! I'd want you to tell me - straight up would be fine smile I think it's easier to see a 'tach side on that it is facing the mirror. I suppose it depends on your relationship - but if you don't have many secrets, I can't see why it would be awful to mention it in a 'You might know and might not care, but I've only just noticed you have a bit of a 'tach coming on - did you know'? But my friends and I are close and would tell each other stuff like that.

scrivette Mon 03-Dec-12 18:48:17

Don't mention it, she probably hasn't had the time to deal with it and it will be gone in a few days.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 03-Dec-12 18:48:27


Stop yer faffing and just tell her.

If she has a mirror, she knows already.

TidyDancer Mon 03-Dec-12 18:51:18

Do not broach it. It is none of your business. It's like telling someone they need to lose weight. Do you not think they already know something like that?!

Virgil Mon 03-Dec-12 18:52:05

I would want to know and I have one myself. I bleach it regularly but sometimes don't notice when the shadow is coming back until I suddenly look into the mirror in a particular type of light and scare myself. Tell her.

Kalisi Mon 03-Dec-12 18:52:35

Neeeeewp! Not a good idea.

CuriosityCola Mon 03-Dec-12 18:54:27

Can you mention yours and see if this makes her consider that she has one. I can only see mine in a certain light. I only found out mine was bad when getting my eyebrows threaded. I nearly died of embarrassment when the lady loudly asked, 'top lip?' grin

ATouchOfStuffing Mon 03-Dec-12 18:55:44

FWIW a friend of mine had one and her beautician told her it can be a sign of fybriods (or cysts on ovaries), so if she gets heavy periods you may want to mention that - my friend did have it as it turns out and they put her on a different type of pill which has helped periods and they have shrunk smile

PrettyFlyForAWifi Mon 03-Dec-12 18:58:46

That's a good idea, curiosity, ta.

soverylucky Mon 03-Dec-12 19:01:15

Poor woman. Don't tell her. She probably knows. She either doesn't give a shite or was between grooming. Either way - it doesn't really matter.

soverylucky Mon 03-Dec-12 19:02:10

When I say Poor woman - I mean poor woman in the sense her friend thinks her having facial hair is a terrible thing!

TheQueenOfSparta Mon 03-Dec-12 19:05:00

None of your business.

It depends how close you are.

I would want my closest friend to tell me and likewise, I would tell her.
If it was a colleague, then I wouldn't.

I'd try to mention it in a lighthearted way though.

ShatnersBassoon Mon 03-Dec-12 19:08:27

If you don't think she already knows, you'd be better off suggesting an eye test before waxing.

diddl Mon 03-Dec-12 19:13:17

Why do you think she doesn´t know?

I noticed mine about a week ago.

CBA to do anything about it.

Cortana Mon 03-Dec-12 19:19:07

Meh, there are two types of women in my social circle. Women who wax, and women who have a tache. We're all dark haired hirsute women.

I reckon she knows. I wouldn't mention it unless it's been brought up. If she's comfortable talking about it she probably would have made a joke. That's how my friends and I dealt with it. Running jokes include: NEVER look at the strip after you wax, only then will you realise you looked like Burt. And the bad times we've been in a fix and had to use a razor.

End of the day, even if she doesn't know, does it matter? Loads of women have facial hair. It's no big deal, why make an issue of something that is normal for many women.

HairyGrotter Mon 03-Dec-12 19:23:26

Maybe it means very little to her therefore doesn't do anything about it...her life, her choice etc.

None of your business

Vagndidit Mon 03-Dec-12 19:40:33

Trust me, she knows.

And unlike most people in today's society, she might not give a rat's about being completely hairless. Honestly, what the hell is the obsession with ridding ourselves of every last hair follicle???

I say "Good on her!"

zlist Mon 03-Dec-12 19:41:50

Definitely don't say anything.
I've had the odd grooming fail and then when I have fully realised the extent of it hoped no one realised!
I was out with MIL (very obvious thick tache - I know that DH has been itching to say something to her for years) and several other family members a while back when one of the grandchildren (not one of ours!) asked her why she had one. All adult pretending not to hear but slience followed as we desperately waited to hear the reply. Her reply made it obvious that she knew full well about it but had decided that it was a keeper at her age. Her decision! I find it quite a strange one as otherwise she takes great pride in her appearance but it is hers to makes all the same.

Opinion on this thread certainly sways AGAINST you mentioning it but one other option, if you're still hell-bent on getting involved, is to discuss beauty salons. Ask her if she ever goes, can she recommend you a good one, what treatments she's had/would like to have. Maybe even go together. (Assuming you see each other outside of work). I think it's dangerous ground whatever you say; you could offend her and there's no easy way to back out of that one. Is it worth risking your friendship over a bit of hair?!

FrillyMilly Mon 03-Dec-12 19:53:35

I have one and would be a bit embarrassed if someone mentioned it. I bleach it when I can be arsed, sometimes consider waxing (I wonder if I could do that at home?) but mostly I just live with it.

Doinmummy Mon 03-Dec-12 20:26:21

I didn't know I the beginnings of a Rachel til I bought a 10x magnifying mirror. I wondered who'd put a tarantula on my top lip!

Doinmummy Mon 03-Dec-12 20:27:07

Rachel???? Tache! Bloody phone

HassledHasASledge Mon 03-Dec-12 20:30:13

If a friend told me I had a tache or bad breath or long and visible nasal hairs or obvious bogeys I would love them even more - just tell her. She'll be grateful.

Pictureperfect Mon 03-Dec-12 20:33:18

I think a friend does the easy thing and a good friend sometimes does a difficult thing for their friend. How bad is it and why do you want to tell her? If she didn't seem aware of it and people were talking or laughing behind her back then I would say to bring it up in the nicest possible way, if she probably knows and it's not causing any problem then don't say anything

Pictureperfect Mon 03-Dec-12 20:34:15

Frilly, I got cheap wax strips (facial ones) online and they work just as good as having it waxed by someone (I've got pcos)

blanksquit Mon 03-Dec-12 20:38:54

I don't see how it's your business. It's criticising someone's appearance. If you can see it, she can see it. She may not want to deal with it at the moment - that's for her to decide.

Fakebook Mon 03-Dec-12 20:39:53

If you're really really close, like sisters then I'd tell her. My sister will always tell me if there's something weird on my face and it doesn't offend or embarrass me. If there is a chance she Will get offended then don't say anything.

HassledHasASledge Mon 03-Dec-12 20:40:56

I've actually got DD to promise to maintain my 'tache maintenance if I'm ever in a coma.

CleansLate Mon 03-Dec-12 20:44:41

I was blissfully unaware of my 'tache til DS3 said "why is Daddy's mustache all spikey and yours isn't?"

I said "I don't have a mustache!"

and all three DCs chorused "yes you do!"

I tend to get my lip done when I get my brows done but have been lax with both and I just can't see the lip hairs to tweeze them. They tend to only show up when I've put a full face of makeup on [sigh]

FrillyMilly Mon 03-Dec-12 20:47:35

Thank you pictureperfect I shall have a look.

apostropheuse Mon 03-Dec-12 20:51:15

You don't say anything because it's none of your business. She presumably sees her face in the mirror every morning so, unless she has problems with her vision, she knows already.

It may well be that she doesn't really care.

PartridgeInASpicyPearTree Mon 03-Dec-12 20:53:17

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene Jolee-e-eene.

On CD for Christmas and see if she gets the hint.

Fakebook Mon 03-Dec-12 20:57:06

grin Hassled I just laughed so loudly at your comment that I nearly woke up my baby. That's hilarious because my sister and me have made the same pact, except ours goes into death too.

valiumredhead Mon 03-Dec-12 21:00:04

Say nothing as it os NOTHING to do with you, why on earth do you think it is your business to say anything to her?

giveitago Mon 03-Dec-12 21:04:23

"I would want to know and I have one myself. I bleach it regularly but sometimes don't notice when the shadow is coming back until I suddenly look into the mirror in a particular type of light and scare myself. Tell her. "

Really? I have one. I know and I deal with it if I can be bothered. My friends know not to tell me. Why would they? It doesn't spoil their life.

Virgil Mon 03-Dec-12 21:22:33

Yes really. If they are close friends surely it is doing the friend a favour pointing it out. Life is busy, sometimes we think we can get away with it for a few more days. I'd rather know if I'd made that judgment call and I was wrong.

If its not a close friend then no but if its a best friend then tell her.

giveitago Mon 03-Dec-12 21:25:47

Yup - if she's a close friend of yours she might be happy to know.

I have one. It doesn't bother me that much. Doesn't bother my friends. I sometimes do something about it but it's not on my high priority of things to do somehting about.

If it's about you and your friend who are very worried about it then tell her.

GhostShip Mon 03-Dec-12 21:44:43

I'd tell her, because I'd want to be told.

whois Mon 03-Dec-12 23:02:32

Unless you're both 14 and she's not aware of waxing etc then say nothing! A grown woman will be well aware.

Illgetmycoat Mon 03-Dec-12 23:05:37

I always think that you should tell a friend if they have food on their face or toilet paper on their heel and I'd hope they would tell me.

However, commenting on facial hair is tipping over into pretty personal territory in line with "Your legs are hairy" and "Your arse looks huge in that dress".

I would be careful...

Why would she give a shit? It's a bit of hair on her face. Does she not have a mirror? Are you doing without your mind today?
Personally whenever I see a woman with hair on her upper lip I think it looks great. I'm not trying to be original or feministy to show people up. I'm being sincere, hirsute ladies, you look fab! grin

Corygal Mon 03-Dec-12 23:13:38

How is going to tell her something she already knows going to make her feel any better?

I wouldn't. But I would wax lyrical about the joy of threading - I get my tach ripped once a month, with the eyebrows. I have converted several friends thru sheer enthusiasm about how much time it saves, not because I believed my friends were really David Bellamy, so joy all round.

independentfriend Mon 03-Dec-12 23:18:33

I have dark hair on my top lip. When I need/want to be conventionally female (professional job, meeting clients etc) I shave it. This nearly always leads to me getting a cold sore or two and to a weird horrible feeling from the stubble to the skin that's nothing like soft hair. The rest of the time I leave it as it is. I wouldn't take kindly to body policing of the sort you want to engage in. It's none of your business.

Mollydoggerson Mon 03-Dec-12 23:19:24

I have one and I know sometimes it is visible, if anyone felt the need to tell me about it I would think they were being an awkward knob.

Do you also feel the need to remind people with big ears/noses, that they have big ears/noses.

Please get over yourself.

Redbindy Mon 03-Dec-12 23:23:41

I hope that you are perfect in every way, else a slanging match could be in the air.

HardHittingLeafletCampaign Mon 03-Dec-12 23:32:06

Is she a good friend? Why are you friends with her? Is she a good person, friendly, good sense of humour? Is she kind?

Does facial hair detract from the above? Is it making her uncomfortable, or you?

Don't tell her. Stop noticing. Look in her eyes instead.

seasalt Mon 03-Dec-12 23:40:33

I wouldn't say anything.

PrettyFlyForAWifi Tue 04-Dec-12 15:13:15

Oh do calm down, I'm not the fricking body police, I just know that she'd prefer not to sport a moustache and wondered if anyone had any good ideas of how to broach the subject. I did say 'incipient', not 'full Burt Reynolds'! Doesn't make me uncomfortable in the slightest, what an odd question! I myself sport a fetching mole/hair combo which doesn't bother me at all - but I am not she, which was the reason I was asking how to broach it to someone who does care.

Anyway, I told her and she shrieked, ran to the mirror, and we had a laugh about it. So ummm there we are.

marchwillsoonbehere Tue 04-Dec-12 15:46:29

Well obviously you know your friend best WiFi but I am intrigued that you asked the question, got a fairly unanimous response and then did what you were always going to do anyway. And good on ya for that, but why ask???

Kalisi Tue 04-Dec-12 16:07:42

Have I got a Ronnie Ma?

My MIL has a beard. I suspect our relationship has remained cordial over the past 12 years because I have never mentioned it (although the Dolly Parton CD is a particularly genius idea that I am now toying with).

VikingLady Tue 04-Dec-12 16:28:57

I was in the position of your friend - I was saving up for electrolysis which doesn't work if you've waxed. I bleached it but you can't always see when it needs doing (depends on the light).

If you had told me I had a tache, I would have been deeply embarrassed and avoided you for some time. No-one is unaware of it!

CuriosityCola Tue 04-Dec-12 16:43:37

pretty well done for being honest. grin

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 04-Dec-12 18:17:00

I would want my friend to mention it if it were me. I would be mortified.

CocktailQueen Tue 04-Dec-12 20:05:17

I would want to know!!! But subtly.... perhaps just come straight out with it - 'oops, have just noticed ... you need to get the wax out soon.' - would she mind that??

MardyBra Tue 04-Dec-12 20:05:45

Oops. Are you my friend?

HardHittingLeafletCampaign Tue 04-Dec-12 20:47:37

Not sure I'm the one who needs to calm down grin. Who are the Fricking Body Police btw? If you can tell a friend they have an 'incipient' moustache you could probably say 'fucking' or is fricking the incipient stage of fucking?

Bet your friend is feeling fabulous today.

PrettyFlyForAWifi Tue 04-Dec-12 21:58:23

Someone mentioned body policing upthread. The fricking was all mine. I do like it as a word.

Glossynotflossy Wed 05-Dec-12 21:50:52

Say nothing.

I know someone who had a visible white line/patch where her tache, I assume, had been bleached.

I am sure she was aware of it too and I said nothing

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