to leave my baby for 2 nights?

(64 Posts)
lilypaige Sat 01-Dec-12 02:49:12

Hi all
I have a 7 month old dd who is my world. Ive been asked on a hen weekend which would mean leaving my dd from friday teatime until sunday morning, with my mum who dd is very close to. What do people think about this? Part of me is really wanting to go as im a single mum, im with my daughter 24/7 so would be nice to have a break. The other part of me is thinking iv never been away from daughter that long and how would I cope?! Thanks for any replies x

mummysbigsmiles Sat 01-Dec-12 02:59:51

My daughter is 10 weeks old and two weeks ago i left her with my sister to have a girly night in, i felt terrible, i spoke about her the whole night, i phoned my sister every half an hour and even asked for pictures of her while she was there. I have now come to accept that i am a single parent & I am only human, i do need a break once in a while to have a bit of me time, it most certainly doesn't make us bad parents. I know exactly how you feel but us single mums deserve a break once in a while, even for some adult conversation! Go and enjoy yourself & I'm sure your little one will be well looked after. wink

Try it and see. I was a mess when DH took DD away for a family visit for three nights. Couldn't sleep. But I did get some me time.

MarjorieAntrobus Sat 01-Dec-12 03:11:34

Oh do go!
Your DD will be well looked after.
You will come back refreshed.
Go, try not to think about her too much, and enjoy yourself!

lilypaige Sat 01-Dec-12 03:13:31

Thanks for replies. Most ive ever left my dd for is a couple of hours while I go shopping. Think it might do us both good, I can have some quality time with old friends, and dd can have some 1-1 time with grandma.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Sat 01-Dec-12 03:15:15

It might not be best for your peace of mind, but it will be very good for her.
Make sure you do outings like this as frequently as your mum will have her.
It will benefit everyone, especially your daughter.

McChristmasPants2012 Sat 01-Dec-12 03:19:04

OP, if you was in hospital would you feel the same?

imo i think you should go, as a single mum I can imagine how hard it is to parent alone, you deserve to have some fun.

your DC will be with a loving nanny who will tend to her just like you, go and enjoy yourself

McChristmasPants2012 Sat 01-Dec-12 03:19:48

as * i am not*

Spermysextowel Sat 01-Dec-12 04:23:08

I couldn't do it. I had to go to hospital 6 weeks after DS1 was born. Maintaining BF was difficult. I didn't feel the need for me time until DS2 was about 5

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Sat 01-Dec-12 04:37:56

Go!! She's 7 months old, not 7 weeks. She quite possibly won't even notice you've gone. I don't think they have a great sense of the passing of time at that age- a bit like cats grin. Plus she's with your mum, which will be lovely for them.

BookieMonster Sat 01-Dec-12 04:48:30

Go and have a lovely time. Your DD will be in safe hands.

Fairylea Sat 01-Dec-12 05:03:24

Go and enjoy yourself.

I don't have anyone to have ds for me now as my mum is now old and frail but with dd (big age gap) I left her with my mum when she was six weeks to go to a wedding for one night. She was absolutely fine. I had a sleep! It was lovely.

At 7 months and knowing your mum so well she will be fine.

imaginethat Sat 01-Dec-12 05:03:54

Never left my first child in her early years but left my second for 8nights at 7 months and all FINE.

BigWhoop Sat 01-Dec-12 05:15:10

I've never left my 17 month old overnight so I can't give any help on how it would be.... BUT, your circumstances are very different to mine - I think single Mums are bloody amazing, and yes you need the break. You should definitely go.
I have a friend who gave up bfeeding at 6 weeks purely so she could go on a hen do weekend when the baby was 8 weeks old... now that I was a bit ! about, but each to their own, that particular Mum seems to need a night out and a release more often than most... I think it keeps her sane!

Go + enjoy the sleep! In some ways easier now than later + if grandma can cope then take full advantage you desrve it!

Mrsrobertduvallsaysboo Sat 01-Dec-12 06:51:46

I had to leave dd for 2 nights when she was 6 weeks old...dh coped and so did I.
Go and have fun.

Fakebook Sat 01-Dec-12 07:17:41

Do it! You're very lucky!

2beornot Sat 01-Dec-12 07:30:40

Definitely go and try to enjoy yourself. You honestly don't know how easy or hard that will be until you get there.

I would also say that if you find you're not thinking about your dd then don't feel guilty. When I first left dd I thought I must be the worst mum in the world because I could switch off, knowing I'd left her in good hands. Now she's nearly two I realise that's a good thing!!!

I did exactly the same thing when DD was 8mo, except she was with DH. I missed her a lot but had a lovely time and to be honest, I don't think she noticed. Go!

PoppyWearer Sat 01-Dec-12 07:40:56

I went away when DC2 was 8mo for two nights. I missed him like crazy but the time away was much-needed too. Go!

lovebunny Sat 01-Dec-12 07:48:07

stay at home with your baby. is your social life really more important?

Tiredtrout Sat 01-Dec-12 07:54:34

Go and have a break, enjoy being you for a couple of days with your friends. Your dd will be spoilt by her nan and you will come back all refreshed

splashymcsplash Sat 01-Dec-12 08:51:11

Personally I wouldn't (and I know how hard being a single mum is).

Could you go for part of the weekend?

Are you breastfeeding?

wonderingsoul Sat 01-Dec-12 08:56:19

I didn't feel the need for me time until DS2 was about 5

good for you!

i say do it. she will have a great time. and so will you! i bet you come back buzzing and ready to take on the world again.

if it would put your mind at rest it may be worth asking your mum to have lo over night before you go. just to see how ayou and lo get on. it'd put your mind at rest knwoing this isnt her first time x

wonderingsoul Sat 01-Dec-12 08:58:15

stay at home with your baby. is your social life really more important?

REALLY? if this was every week.. then maybe you'd have a point. every one deserves some fun and time out.

Djembe Sat 01-Dec-12 09:01:11

shock at lovebunny ! I can't believe anyone would think this is an unreasonable thing to do?! She's a mother, not a nun!

Fwiw I'm married and have been out numerous times without DS. If I was in your position I would go, as long as you feel ok about it. Please don't worry what other people think - if your mum's happy to have the baby, there is no issue - good for all involved!

PrincessOfChina Sat 01-Dec-12 09:01:12

I do this regularly - DD is 21 months now but first stayed home with Daddy for the weekend at 12 weeks ish when I went on a hen do.

Since then I've travelled for work, been on several more hen do's and DP and I try to go out every month or so too so she stays with GP's then.

SirBoobAlot Sat 01-Dec-12 09:02:33

I don't know if I could do that. I'd certainly go for one night, but don't think I'd manage two.

Are you breastfeeding?

maddening Sat 01-Dec-12 09:03:16

Go for it! Have a fab time. Can you stay at your mum's with dd on the Thursday night so she's all settled when you go? Then when you get back go out for Sunday lunch with your mum and dd? It'll be a lovely weekend for all of you.

mosschops30 Sat 01-Dec-12 09:04:44

Very sad about some replies on here (lovebunny I am looking at you)

IMHO it's very important to have some adult time for yourself, plus it gives your children a great sense of independence too, especially when they are with other adults who care about them too.

Me and Dh have had a weeks holiday alone for the last two years and its been amazing. I've also been away for work twice in the last 2 months, I'm not sure they even notice I'm gonegrin.

Go and enjoy it smile

maddening Sat 01-Dec-12 09:04:51

Oh and do ignore lovebunny who is bu

I wouldn't (I am a single parent to three and my youngest is 17 months) the older boys I wouldn't think twice about leaving for a weekend - infact they are on a cub camp at the moment but I couldn't leave my baby blush

I don't think it would be wrong if you did though, and I think you should. The fact that I can't says more about me and my insecurities than anything else.

He will have to stay away over night soon as I will be in hospital having ds4, I am dreading it.

LaQueen Sat 01-Dec-12 09:13:26

"stay at home with your baby. is your social life really more important?"

WTAF hmm

Being a rabid Martyr Mum doesn't make you a better Mum...funnily enough.

OP you go and have some relaxtion, and then return to your DD feeling refreshed and energised...and be an even better Mum than you are already - because you will be a more rounded, more fulfilled, more buoyant Mummy smile

Trust me - it's actually perfectly possible to remain you and spend time with friends, and retain a portion of Me Time and still be a Good Mum...millions of Mums manage it every day.

Some. Don't.

LaQueen Sat 01-Dec-12 09:18:47

Further to add...I'm very cynical about Mums who protest they couldn't possibly bear to ever leave their child with a loving relative, and certainly don't ever feel the need for any Me Time... hmm

I have my suspicions that some of these Mums probably didn't have much of a social life/many friends before their baby was born, anyway. And so they make a smug sounding virtue 'Oh, I am just so bonded with my baby, I couldn't possibly leave them, I'm such an Earth Mother...' out of was is actually a rather sad necessity 'Actually, I'm rarely invited anywhere or asked to do anything, and I don't really have anyone in my life other than my baby.'

Yanbu. At all. Go, have a great time, and plan in a couple of days of bonding time when you get back.

I left dd for the weekend when she was 9mo to go for a weekend away in London and while I missed her, I also had a great time.

I have three hen weekends booked in next year and while I know I will miss her, I also am.looking forward to no worrying about bottles of dinners or get woken at 5am.

I would draw the line at more than a weekend though - we have been invited to NZ over new year but I wont leave dd and taking a one year old on an eighteen hour journey scares the shit out of me. DH is going on his own, and we have some good stuff to do together scheduled for the time he is away.

LaQueen Sat 01-Dec-12 09:23:49

And...before I get off my Soap Box, and hit the shower...

Allowing your child to spend quality time with loving relatives, without you being around, is such a positive thing to do and I think shows what a loving, selfless parent you are.

Because it's wonderful for your child to grow up surrounded by loving family/friends and really develop strong bonds with them. Surely the more people there are to shower your child with love and support, the better?

Our DDs have grown up very close to both GMs, and very, very close to their Aunties and Uncles - and they have always spent time with them, when DH and I are elsewhere.

It's a Win/Win scenario smile

mosschops30 Sat 01-Dec-12 09:24:12

LaQueen is the voice of reason this morning grin
I agree with everything you said.

FWIW I can't imagine a life where I never spend time away from my children

TheReturnOfBridezilla Sat 01-Dec-12 09:28:24

Go! Enjoy yourself! I've never been away for mine for longer than a night but have a weekend-long hen party to go to next summer and can't wait! They are three and one and very hard work at the moment. My husband has had several week-long snowboarding holidays and boys' weekends away since they have been born and nobody judges him so I don't see why it shouldn't be the same for us!

LaQueen Sat 01-Dec-12 09:29:03

I just think it's just sensible, surely.

How ego-centric would I be, if I thought only I could provide love and support for my DDs hmm

I'll always be Mummy no one can replace me. But I think it's wonderful that our DDs (at 8 & 9) still snuggle up with their Aunty and Uncle for a cuddle - or that they shout with excitement when they hear they're going to stay with Grannie for the weekend smile

They're lovely little girls - it would be incredibly selfish of me to not share them with their family who also love them very much smile

I fucked off to Dubai for a few days when my dd was 8 months. Left her with grandparents.

I had a lovely tan, as I could lie by the pool as long as I liked!

Go.

Arthurfowlersallotment Sat 01-Dec-12 09:43:36

Go, and don't feel bad.
I have a 7mo DD so I understand you'll find it difficult.
Think of the rest you'll have.. And when you're back on Sunday you'll be so excited to see your DD.

I can't do any overnighters yet as mine is still bf and wakes at 4 for a feed, but I'm looking forward to the time when I can. Enjoy yourself.

Boringbitch Sat 01-Dec-12 09:56:47

Do it!
Your dd will be looked after and you can have a break and a weekend away.
Have a great time (if you go).

showmethetoys Sat 01-Dec-12 10:04:00

I think it was lovebunny who wasnt allowed the push her own grandchild around in it's pram, because her daughter doesn't want anyone to push it apart from herself. So I think major issues have been passed down in her family anyway.

Everything that laqueen said. Go. And enjoy it!

lola88 Sat 01-Dec-12 10:05:52

I would def go i'm sure your mum is more than capible to caring for your child or you wouldn't think about leaving her and you DD will love being spoiled rotten for the weekend.

toomanydaisies Sat 01-Dec-12 10:12:51

Try it for 1 night and see how you cope. If your dd has a strong bond with your Mum then she'll be ok for a short separation (1 or 2 nights). Have fun!

Pilgit Sat 01-Dec-12 10:13:24

I did this when DD was about 8-10 weeks old. It was FAB. Missed her like crazy but loved getting the full nights sleep and catching up with lots of girly mates. I was officially the boring mummy who wouldn't/couldn't stop talking about her but my friends all humoured me! I'm with LaQueen as well - enabling such lovely relationships with Grandparents from such a young age is only a positive thing for both the DC's and the DGPs! Go, have a great time and don't have any regrets about it.

Actually I feel that some form of me time and social interaction beyond your DC's is really important. I don't mean leaving them every night of the week or a fortnight's holiday away from them, just maybe half an hour now and again for a coffee on your own or an evening class once a week. TIme to recharge your batteries and interact with other adults makes you a better parent IMVHO.

bedmonster Sat 01-Dec-12 10:21:58

GO GO GO GO GO!!!!!!! If you trust your mum and think she will be able to cope, I say definitely!
But then I've always had a good social life before having my dc, and that hasn't stopped.
I left the 3 Dc earlier this Dp while I swanned around Rome with friends. Youngest dc was 7 months. Everyone had a lovely time, and I didn't miss baby ds half as much as people thought I would, only phoned once in 3 days!!
I think its important to still be a person in your own right, aswell as being mum.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sat 01-Dec-12 10:26:50

YANBU.

As long as you don't leave her on her own, obviously ;)

Cbh1978 Sat 01-Dec-12 10:29:55

Go. Left 11mth old for two nights as doing a Masters that requires weekend studies. He came with me on two weekends as I was breastfeeding but he chose to stop, which was handy in a way for that weekend!
He wasn't bothered I was gone and wasn't that fussed when I came back!
We often remark how amazing single mums are. Go!

I have a 7 month old and I would definitely do this!

I would also find it very difficult because I am always around him! Irrational guilt and all that... This just shows how important it is that you really should go.

It'll be great for everyone. If you're bf- ing there may be a few expressing issues - take a pump so you don't leak all over that gorgeous dress - but other than that GO!!!!

MakeItALarge Sat 01-Dec-12 10:48:06

I left ds for a weekend abroad when he was 7months, the guilt I felt getting on the plane was awful but I had an amazing time, and my ds had a lovely time with his dad and grandparents. I expressed while I was away and carried on bf when I got back with no problems

Youre a mum not a martyr, go and have fun!

LaQueen Sat 01-Dec-12 10:53:43

We've left the DDs overnight with GPs, from them being little babies and would have 3-4 weekends away a year.

Both GMs utterly doted on them and spoilt them rotten - their Auntie's and Uncles took them swimming, to the beach, to the zoo - one Aunty & Uncle had a full size drum kit and a puppy FGS (how could we compete with that)...the DDs used to be desperate to go and stay with them grin

When the DDs were 3 & 4, we left for 5 days to go to New York and stay with our best friends. We missed them, but had an amazing time - the DDs had an amazing time being waited on hand&foot by the GMs (in a totally devoted/indulgent way that Mummy and Daddy don't always).

When they were 5 & 6, we left them for a week to go to Cornwall with a group of friends. Again, the DDs had lots of fun trips with relatives, stayed up late and probably ate too much chocolate...so they had a great time too smile

Their family have so much love to give them too, and can provide them with different outlooks and experiences...it's always a Win/Win smile

lilypaige Sat 01-Dec-12 12:09:35

Thankyou all for the positive replies! Its the guilt thats stopping me but as many as you mentioned she will love being spoilt rotten by grandma! Im going to go and enjoy myself :-) dd will probably have a better time than me haha

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Sat 01-Dec-12 13:16:01

Good. Have a lovely time.

efffy Sat 01-Dec-12 13:43:42

Go and have a wonderful time.
I am just about to leave 5mo dd for a night. Don't feel any guilt whatsoever, she'll be with her doting gps. Go and enjoy. grin

MarjorieAntrobusSantabus Sat 01-Dec-12 15:46:43

Right, Lily, be objective about this. Efffy above has just said "don't feel any guilt whatsoever". She is right. Seriously do not feel guilty. Your DD will be in safe hands. You will have a break.

Go go go!!

BegoniaBampot Sat 01-Dec-12 16:03:20

I would have struggled as my first was crap through the night, very lively and still BF and I would have worried that overnights, especially 2 nights would have been too much for GP's to cope with. Depends if you think your mum an cope fine and maybe your baby is a settled sleeper.

littlewhitebag Sat 01-Dec-12 17:47:57

Oh my word - everyone needs a social life!! Getting a break will do you and your DD the world of good and she will have fun bonding with her grandmother. Go go go!

mummysbigsmiles Mon 03-Dec-12 12:58:54

It is good for her, it will end up when you really need her looked after she will be screaming because she isn't used to it.

AmberSocks Mon 03-Dec-12 13:02:17

as long as you know she will be looked after ok and wont miond being away from you that long then go,i dont think i would do a while weekend at that age but everyones different,do what you feel comfortable with.

Pandemoniaa Mon 03-Dec-12 14:15:00

Go - and have a lovely time! I'm sure you will miss her but also, it's really important to have some time to be yourself - nobody ever got a medal for Martyrdom In the Name of Motherhood - and it'll also be nice for your dm to have some time with her dgd. Win all round, I reckon!

mummysbigsmiles Sat 08-Dec-12 01:35:32

I think lovebunny's reply is wrong!! Its nit every bloody weekend and clearly no her social life isn't more important because if it was i doubt she would even be worrying about leaving her baby! Get a grip!

Pudgy2011 Sat 08-Dec-12 03:18:18

I live in the Caribbean and headed up to Miami for a 4 day weekend when DS was 5 months - left him with DH and they had a lovely time bonding.

The weekend was absolutely brilliant - I was still nursing so expressed when I needed to but being able to sleep, shop, party, dance on tables in clubs and generally have a ripper of a time was wonderful. Reminded me that I might be a mum, but I haven't lost my ability to have a good time and let my hair down.

Go, enjoy and feel better for the time you have for yourself. It's very much worth it!

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