to not invite MIL to Christmas because of her dog?

(73 Posts)
Theicingontop Thu 29-Nov-12 09:29:31

She has nobody to look after her as she's moved to a new area in London, all her friends (possible dogsitters) live too far away for it to be convenient, apparently. I feel I'm being unreasonable but I don't really know what else to do.

When we lived at our old house she'd come to stay for a few months because she was homeless, and brought her dog with her. We didn't think it would be a problem, even though we had a tiny house and no garden confused, regardless we had no choice because, well, she was homeless. Anyway the whole time she was with us the dog peed all over our house, on our son's baby toys, on all of our rugs... And our cat ran away, and never returned (I think he found a new family, because I saw him a few months later looking rather fat and happy sad). Pretty disastrous.

YANBU, your house, your choice of guests

twofingerstoGideon Thu 29-Nov-12 09:33:24

YANBU. She can put the dog in kennels. I love dogs, but not if they piss all over the house.

YANBU but maybe invite her but say the dog is not allowed then if she wants to come she can sort something out herself.

PickledInAPearTree Thu 29-Nov-12 09:34:31

Can't she use a kennels?

If you ask her but not the dog the ball is in her court, it should be your problem what happens to him.

ShhBoom Thu 29-Nov-12 09:34:45

YANBU, if she wants to come she can find alternative care for her dog.

PickledInAPearTree Thu 29-Nov-12 09:34:46

Shouldn't I mean.

NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems Thu 29-Nov-12 09:35:32

Can the dog not go into kennels? I wouldn't want an unhouse trained dog staying over, though failing that could the dog be crated over night and let out every hour or two during the day to reduce the risk of pee? sad

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 29-Nov-12 09:37:38

Yes say kennel.

My nan has a dog and is coming over boxing day, her friend is going to walk it around lunchtime and she'll go home fairly early about 6 so ok not great on the dog but for one day it'll be fine. She didn't even expect to bring her dog she already knew I don't like dogs and I especially don't like dogs in my house.

WinterWinds Thu 29-Nov-12 09:49:44

How long would she be coming for?

If its just the day then no need to bring the dog (i Know of people that wont leave thiers even for a few hours!)

If its going to be longer then tell her she is most welcome but you cannot accomadate the dog. She could use a petsitter or book the dog into the kennels.

I wouldn't want a pissy dog in my house either and i'd be even more annoyed if i'd previously lost my cat due to said dog!!!!

tiggytape Thu 29-Nov-12 09:52:16

YANBU - it is one thing when she was homeless and had literally nowhere to go. But she cannot expect you to tolerate an incontinent dog all day at Christmas with children on the floor, new toys getting ruined and a million other jobs to do without washing rugs.

Can she not come part of the day and leave it at home?

Shellywelly1973 Thu 29-Nov-12 09:52:21

YANBU!!! Boak!!

sixlostmonkeys Thu 29-Nov-12 09:59:29

If it's just for the day then invite her but tell her to leave the dog at home (the dog will be fine)
If it's it's for longer then discuss the use of kennels or a crate.

I really do think it will be best to sort something out that would mean she isn't on her own at xmas. Last year a friend of mine had a neighbour for xmas because the neighbour's own family wouldn't have her because of the dog. It made me think.

CrazyCatLady13 Thu 29-Nov-12 10:03:58

I was in a similar situation up until recently (the dog passed away). My parent's dog was nasty, and actually killed one of my pets. After that I said my parents were welcome any time, but that they couldn't bring the dog.

This meant that they didn't visit me for a year, but after that first year of just me visiting them, they then started finding a dog sitter (seriously!) rather than leaving the dog alone for a couple of hours. My parents wouldn't even leave the dog for 10 minutes to go to the shop!

My sympathies go with you, but personally I don't regret saying that the dog wasn't welcome. After a while my parents understood and we found a way around it.

I'd say to her that she's welcome, but that you can't handle the dog (because of the reasons you gave in your post).


firefliesinjune Thu 29-Nov-12 10:07:15

My Mum had to move in with me last year as she couldnt afford to live alone. She bought her dog who pooed and weed all over downstairs (not allowed upstairs) it took 9 months for it to be trained otherwise. I have 2 DC under 4. It was a lot of hard work.

My Mum had got the dog because she was lonely, and though it was a right pain I did not want to separate them.

Could your MILs dog be let out a lot whilst she stays? Could it sleep in a crate at night to avoid accidents?

My Mums dog now sleeps in the kitchen where we have a stone floor - accidents dont matter so much now as they are easily cleaned.

I understand its a right pain but recently I feel time spent together is precious. Make it happen.

I would invite her but insist that the dog is not welcome and suggest it goes into kennels.

Incidentally, what action did she take when her dog was peeing all over your house? Did she clean it up? Try to train it? Or leave it all to you?

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 29-Nov-12 10:43:30

I don't know whether this is cruel or not but it's not summer.

Could the dog stay in her car, then she can go and walk it for a hour here and a hour there. A dog walk would be a lovely reason to have a walk on christmas day and she wouldn't feel that it's so abandoned all by itself.

DewDr0p Thu 29-Nov-12 10:46:10

Could you find a kennels local to you?

It really doesn't sound at all practical to have the dog in your house.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 29-Nov-12 10:53:15

Do you know how the dog behaves at other people's houses? Does he always wee in strangers houses, or could it just be that he was marking your old house because of the smell of the cat?

I don't think I could leave someone at home alone away from their children and grandchildren on Christmas Day for the sake of having to clear up a bit of dog wee.

It would only be for one or two days this time, not months. If your MiL is willing to make the dog stay outside for some of the time and will keep good control of it then I think it would be mean, and very unchristmassy to not let them come.

GreatUncleEddie Thu 29-Nov-12 10:55:43

Can you restrict the dog to one room or area with a hard floor?

PimpMyHippo Thu 29-Nov-12 10:56:26

Definitely kennels - if my elderly rescue dog can survive in boarding kennels, any dog can! They have heating and provide comfy beds and everything, it's not the canine concentration camp some people seem to think it is! Or if she's not convinced by that, there are pet-sitting arrangements where your dog stays with a host family in their own home - the one in my area is called Barking Mad, I'm not sure if it's a national thing or not.

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 29-Nov-12 11:00:06

I'd put up with it but then I am used to dogs urinating in my house and this house was decorated with that in mind (I used to have an epileptic terrier who would become disorientated for a few days after a seizure and would wee everywhere and now I foster dogs who have not always been in a home before and might need toilet training)

However YANBU if you can't cope with it. Some kennels will let you pop in and out through the day, so if you could find one close enough you still go on walks with the dog and then drop him back at the kennels.

Or (and this is what I would do) you could encourage MIL to toilet train the dog before and during her stay, but that would depend on whether the dog was actually having accidents or whether he was marking territory. If it was marking you could try a DAP collar, spray or plug in which would help the dog feel calmer in your house and should reduce the marking.

Like the above poster I would feel awful leaving a member of family home alone on Christmas for the sake of a bit of carpet cleaning, but it's your house, your rules.

Theicingontop Thu 29-Nov-12 11:56:10

Well OH is being much harsher than me about it, I'm rather apologetic in general towards my MIL because she scares me a bit, she has a rather pushy personality sad

She's the sort to not leave the dog alone for a minute, she goes with her everywhere, on trains, buses, to the corner shop. We do have a garden now, but we also have a cat... Which I'm afraid will do the same thing as the other one. My son would be heartbroken.

I do feel very bad, because although she can be a rather unpleasant houseguest (think; drinking too much wine of an evening and being a cow, taking unannounced naps in the day and leaving her DD to her own devices) she's had a rough year, I don't want to be the reason she has a shit Christmas.

She's broke, doesn't have the cash for kennels.

Theicingontop Thu 29-Nov-12 11:58:22

She wants to come Christmas eve until boxing day.

flowery Thu 29-Nov-12 12:02:42

In these circumstances I would offer to pay for kennels.

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 29-Nov-12 12:08:58

You could offer to pay for kennels but it doesn't sound like she would be willing to leave the dog in kennels.

How was the dog with the cat? I know the cat ran away but did the dog do anything to cause this?

I don't let my cat out after any changes for around a fortnight depending on how well he takes to the change (change being a new foster dog, a house guest, lots of workmen in and out, Christmas etc.) and you can get Feliway collars that would help your cat accept change more. Not all cats are bothered by dogs or a change in their home environment.

How did the dog wee? Was he making big puddles every now and again or was he frequently making small puddles on things?

Is the dog crate trained? Would MIL crate train? How is MIL generally at training/controlling the dog?

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Thu 29-Nov-12 12:22:46

Are you able to pay for kennels?

There is no way I would have that dog in my house.

Pay for the kennelling. Call it her Christmas present! grin

But if she's an unpleasant house guest, you would not be "the reason she has a shit Christmas."

Oh, and no matter how pushy you is DO NOT allow her to bring the dog with her! Your home, your carpets, your cat, your rules!

(And did she clean up after her dog before, OP?)

helenlynn Thu 29-Nov-12 12:39:17

There is absolutely no way I would allow this dog in my house. Apart from the weeing-everywhere problem, which is more than enough reason on its own not to have the dog to stay, if you suspect that having it would mean losing your own cat I think it's really not on to risk that upset for your son (not to mention the poor cat!).

In the circumstances I'd fork out for kennels or a petsitter if I could afford it. When we last paid for a petsitter, a few months ago, she cost £8 per day for one visit a day (outside London though); an extra daily visit would have been cheaper than the first visit. Offering to do this would be more than accommodating enough of your MiL.

5madthings Thu 29-Nov-12 12:46:36

No way would the dog be welcome in my house!

I had this issue with relatives who kept bringing their dog despite the fact that i am allergic to dogs!!

They now put it in kennels but it was a long battle that i still have to enforce.

Tbh even if i wasnt allergic i wouldnt have a dog that pissed everywhere in my house! A well trained dog that didnt jump onto furniture, beds etc fine and it could come in but stay downstairs in dini.g rm, conservatory and garden.but not upstairs or on sofa.

Oh and i wouldnt have it sat under the table begging for food when we were eating either.

If yout mil cant afford to pay for kemnwls then maybe offer to help with that cost, tho it is not your responsibility imo.

Offer to go halfs on kennelling fees. It could be a kennel near your house so she could walk the dog if she chose to.

We have a dog and cat-ridden home. But I find other people's dogs hard work especially if they pee inside!

Theicingontop Thu 29-Nov-12 12:52:30

The dog's a bitch so I don't think it was a marking issue, more that MIL didn't take her for enough walks/she was nervous to be in an unfamiliar setting. There were always big puddles sad

OH doesn't like the dog, mainly because she's overweight and sweats, so pongs a bit, so he wouldn't allow her on the sofa or the guest bed MIL and his little sister were using, so that may also have added stress to the dog.

She did clean up when the dog was really obvious about it WhereYouLeftIt, but I was the one who usually found the mess and dealt with it. I caught her cleaning up a runny poo off my stairs at 6 in the morning once... Ugh.

I don't think she's crate trained, she barely enjoys being put on a lead. I really don't think she'll agree to me paying for kennels either. She's the type of person to turn up with the dog no matter what we say anyway... Maybe she'll have to live in the shed for three days.

girlywhirly Thu 29-Nov-12 12:53:21

Is MIL within a short driving distance, because in your position I would insist the dog stayed at home, drive to fetch her on Christmas day, and forgo any alcohol until I'd driven her home. You'd have a reason for her only staying for part of Christmas day because of the dog, she wouldn't get too drunk and obnoxious in the time she was with you, and she would not have to spend Christmas day on her own. Or pay for taxi's for her.

If she does want to use a kennels, she needs to get her finger out and book one as soon as poss, Christmas is a busy time and they get full very quickly.

Ephiny Thu 29-Nov-12 13:02:39

Just say the dog is not invited, and leave it up to her. But be prepared for her not to come.

My elderly dog had issues with continence and there's no way I would have expected anyone to accommodate him in their house. Sadly we lost him earlier this month, however if he'd made it to Christmas I would have stayed at home with him sooner than leave him behind to visit relatives. There is no way I would have considered kennels for him.

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 29-Nov-12 13:10:56

Well if she turns up anyway you can either kick her out or deal with the dog more effectively.

DAP would help ease the nerves. A collar would probably work best in this instance, they can be pricey so shop around. Petmeds is my go to website for most things, followed by Amazon.

For toileting treat the dog like you would a puppy. Take it into the garden the second it wakes from a nap, praise like mad and give a treat when it performs - MIL can start this now at home - use low fat treats (diced chicken or turkey maybe), also take it out half an hour after eating and straight after her 'mad half hour' if she still has one and routinely throughout the day - when I was retraining my older puppy I went out every 90 minutes to two hours depending on how much he had been eating/drinking. Take her out if you catch her circling or sniffing a lot.

A routine would also help - get MIL to start feeding and walking at the same time of day every day (twice a day would be best). That way the dog will know when a toilet break is due and MIL should be able to figure out the dogs toileting habits.

A high quality food will help with the amount of mess (and the runny poo) and also the weight issue. If MIL can afford it Nature Diet trays are good, if not Skinners Field and Trial is cheap enough or Wainwrights from Pets at Home - ask MIL to put the dog on this food now.

You can buy pet wipes that might help with the smell and a bath before the dog arrives.

The weight should be dealt with, it can cause no end of problems for the dog in later life and will result in an early death. MIL really should see a vet for advise on this.

If she is kind of person I am thinking she is she will not be happy about your suggestions so dress it up as concern i.e "I've been speaking to some doggy people I know about your dog coming to stay and they were really worried about her. They think she might have been stressed and upset last time she came. I'd feel really bad if I thought she was upset at being in our house, so this is what they suggested would help <insert tips> also they're worried about you loosing her earlier because she is a bit larger, someone I know lost a dog through it being slightly overweight and they said it was awful and the dog suffered horribly etc etc"

That's what I would do, but ultimately it is your house and if you don't want the dog there you have every right to tell her that under no circumstances is the dog allowed to stay.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Thu 29-Nov-12 13:27:42

If she turns up with it anyway then your DH can drive them home. How rude can some people possibly be?!

I was utterly heartbroken when we lost our childhood cat. There is no way in the world I would risk inflicting that kind of pain on my child, let alone all the other issues.

rogersmellyonthetelly Thu 29-Nov-12 17:29:37

I have said no to MIls very elderly and incontinent dog at Christmas this year, last year she came, pissed and shat all over the house, my own dog pissd and shat all over in response. Old dog was very intolerant of our dog anywhere near her and spent the whole time snapping and snarling at our dog, and to top it off, old dog is almost blind and kept walking into things. I thought it was bloody cruel if I'm honest, she should have been at home where she felt safe and not stressed in a different house with a lunatic puppy!
Anyhow, nuff said, she isn't coming again!

" She's the type of person to turn up with the dog no matter what we say anyway..."
Why am I not surprised? smile

I'm with SlightlySuperiorPeasant on that one - if she turns up with it, drive them both home immediately. You WILL have made it absolutely clear to her in advance that the dog is not to come <peers meaningfully over glasses at OP> so if she does turn up with it being refused entry should not surprise her except it always does seem to surprise pushy types when someone refuses to be pushed. And above all - DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. I know you said ^"I don't want to be the reason she has a shit Christmas"^; but honestly, you won't be the reason, she will.

You know, the more I think about it, the more I think I'd just not invite her.

Maybe a breezy conversation along the lines of "What are you doing for Christmas, MIL? I know you won't want to be apart from <dog's name>; are you planning to invite any friends over?" That give you the chance, if she suggests coming to you, to be firm about the dog not being welcome. "Oh no, she'll pee all over the house AGAIN I just can't face all that, not again! And she ran our last cat off, I'm not taking the chance of that happening again, DS was devastated, I'm not putting him through all that again!" (Yes, lots of repetition of the word 'again', just to hammer it home that it really really didn't go well last time grin!)

ImperialStateKnickers Thu 29-Nov-12 18:40:47

As a petsitter I wouldn't want to take on a not-properly-housetrained adult dog. I've agreed to have a puppy for two days between Christmas and New Year so the owners can visit family hundreds of miles away, I've taken on board that this is a puppy and there may be accidents. An overweight, barely trained, dirty adult dog is a different kettle of fish.

Incidentally, I'm already fully booked for Christmas/New Year, so are all my dogwalkers who take petsitting jobs as well, and I know all three local kennels are also full... even the rubbish one that everyone avoids like the plague.

NARPS (The National Association of Registered Petsitters) does not permit members to accept work where a dog is left unattended overnight.

Theicingontop Thu 29-Nov-12 19:06:26

Ahh well my OH had a rather awkward conversation with her not half an hour ago (she'd originally called to ask him to google something for her hmm). Their relationship is very strained because he was raised by his grandmother, doesn't call her mum or anything, so he finds it quite easy to shut her down which results in me, most of the time, feeling sorry for her. Not this time angry

"Since the cat's not there anymore, what's the problem? You have a garden now so everything will be fine. I don't see why you're being so stubborn about it."


'Since the cat's not there anymore...' Yeah, because of her dog!

I'm afraid I'll turn this into a MIL rant...

fuzzpig Thu 29-Nov-12 19:10:36

No way would I allow it.

How much do kennels cost, could you afford to pay?

Inertia Thu 29-Nov-12 19:19:08


She can either come or not come, but the dog is not invited.

If she cannot be apart from the dog then the two of them can share a pissy shitty Christmas in their own house.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Thu 29-Nov-12 19:43:00

Well that's settled then. You are spared two nightmare guests.

ChasedByBees Thu 29-Nov-12 19:59:08

Definitely back up your OH on this one, it sounds like they would potentially ruin your Christmas.

bochead Fri 30-Nov-12 00:19:36

She made a choice not to bathe her dog, not to give it toilet training, and not to keep it under reasonable control around the kids/your cat. There are always consequences to our choices.

Part of owning a dog involves training it. Once puppyhood is past you should be able to take it visiting without having to worry it'll pee all over your hosts house. If it's too old or ill then you stay home. Dog ownership comes with responsibilities.

(There's a period at the end of an old dog's life where you have to curtail overnight stays with relatives, treks over Ben Nevis etc in favour of letting your faithful friend enjoy it's last days in peace. My last dog lived till he was 18, so I get this part).

Your child's cat is frankly more important than her dog in this case. In taking on a new cat you have also taken on a duty of care to that animal.

How DARE she say "the cat's not there any more". That's not pushy, that's insanely self-entitled.

I adore my dog, but ownership is a serious responsibility. A well trained dog is a joy for most people, one like you describe is a revolting liability that'll ruin your Xmas.

Cleaning up dog pee & poop so that the smell doesn't linger takes AGES & is an unpleasant task. She's rude & obnoxious company, self-entitled, with no sense of personal responsibility - let her sort herself out this Xmas.

TeaDr1nker Fri 30-Nov-12 00:30:09

Your house, your rules.

My MIL doesn't like dogs so our dog stays in the car and I pop out on a regular basis, her house her rules.

If she won't pay kennels, could u afford to. Could the dog stay with a neighbour.

Do you have a garage, could u put a heater in there and put the dog in there, is that an option.

Or is there another family member who would have the dog?

I do not think YABU

HollaAtMeBaby Fri 30-Nov-12 03:18:01

Does your DH want her to come for Christmas at all, even without the dog? I wouldn't if I were him.

MmeLindor Fri 30-Nov-12 03:40:40

Tbh she sounds like she'd be a nightmare guest, and she'd leave your OH tense and unhappy over Xmas.

I'm not sure that you should be going out of your way to make her visit possible. You may feel sorry for her, but I feel more sorry for your OH.

Forget the dog for a moment. Think about how Xmas will be with and without her.

Coralanne Fri 30-Nov-12 03:48:23

Being that it is the season of goodwill, couldn't you stipulate that the dog stays outside at all times. There must be some kind of shelter that it can use, or perhaps buy the dog a kennel.

At the end of the day it is a dog, an animal, and provided that it gets some food and fresh water, it isn't going to suffer by being kept in the garden.

ENormaSnob Fri 30-Nov-12 04:05:46

It wouldn't be coming to my house at all.

FellatioNelson Fri 30-Nov-12 04:23:17

She 'leaves her DD to her own devices' while she has unannounced naps? confused How old is she, and the DD?

To be honest I don't see why you should invite her at all, dog or no dog. She doesn't seem terribly pleasant and your DH doesn't seem to care for her much anyway (understandably) then I see no obligation there. It's not as if she would be on her own if she didn't come.

fuzzpig Fri 30-Nov-12 08:45:20

My parents do similar WRT leaving the DCs to their own devices... Mum was looking after 3yo while I was visiting DH in hospital, got home and she had been in the same room as him and not thought to stop him drawing all over the wall. As if that day wasn't stressful enough FFS.

MummytoKatie Fri 30-Nov-12 11:23:08

Fuzzpig but I think this is her own child that she is not bothering to look after. Your parents are rubbish babysitters. This MIL expects the OP to be the babysitter.

Op - if she has a child then if you don't invite her she'll presumably be spending Xmas with her child and her beloved dog. Ie her family. She won't be alone? Sounds reasonable to me.

fuzzpig Fri 30-Nov-12 11:40:18

Oh I see I misread it, I thought the MIL left OP's DD, ie her granddaughter. <easily confused>

Rudolphstolemycarrots Fri 30-Nov-12 12:30:22

yep, say not to the dog and let her choose if she want sot put him in kennels or with friend and be with you.

Theicingontop Fri 30-Nov-12 14:57:35

She's 42, she had OH at 17, hence being raised by his nana. Her DD is 3 (half-sibling to my OH), though she'd just turned 2 when we had her to stay. It was difficult with my son being much younger.

We've decided to go to her for New Years and have decided against having her for Christmas, she's very put out by this, and has told us we've pretty much ensured they have a terrible Christmas because she'd assumed she'd be coming here as discussed previously this year, (only she seems to have forgotten the part where we said 'as long as you can find someone to take the dog') and she hasn't prepared for anything, and hasn't got enough money to have her own Christmas.

OH couldn't give a flying shit, he's had enough. I feel really bad but there were to be no compromises with her. He'd accepted her coming for Christmas, even though he thinks her DD is foulmouthed and spoiled.

What a humbug.

fallingsun Fri 30-Nov-12 15:04:09've been more than hospitable in the past and you've paid dearly for it. She's had ample opportunity to find someone to look after the dog OR housetrain it. Why does she think you want a leaky dog in your house?!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 30-Nov-12 15:11:33

She doesn't sound nice and she doesn't sound like she takes proper care of her dog sad

I actually don't think I'd want her there whether the dog was with her or not.

waltermittymistletoe Fri 30-Nov-12 15:12:18

I don't think you should feel guilty for something you have no real control over.

This is your OH's gig. He's made a decision he seems to be happy with so leave him to it and enjoy your poop-free Christmas! grin

fuzzpig Fri 30-Nov-12 16:15:41

I don't blame your OH for having had enough, TBH. And I agree in the event of difficult relationship with a parent, it should be the 'child' who makes the decision, not the spouse of the child IYSWIM. I see why you want to be nice about it though, you are very charitable.

Such a shame your OH doesn't get a nicer relationship with his little sister though sad

Theicingontop Fri 30-Nov-12 16:25:42

The humbug wasn't aimed at him btw, just the whole situation is a bit humbug. Was quite looking forward to DS having someone to open presents with sad

Kalisi Fri 30-Nov-12 16:27:03

Wohoo grin Sounds like you'll have a good Christmas afterall! Don't give it another thought.

waltermittymistletoe Fri 30-Nov-12 16:33:15

He does! His mum and dad. He doesn't need anyone else. smile

DontmindifIdo Fri 30-Nov-12 16:44:25

Your DS will have a great time without a stinky dog weeing all over his toys and it being the christmas your second cat was driven away.

Your MIL has options, she's decided her dog is more important than her DS. Don't worry about something that crap a parent not being part of your DS's life, can you imagine when he's an adult you'd put a pet above him and your grandchild? No? then why would you think this is someone you have to worry about?

5Foot5 Fri 30-Nov-12 16:51:42

even though he thinks her DD is foulmouthed and spoiled

At 3!!??? Golly

Theicingontop Fri 30-Nov-12 17:13:54

She's nearly four 5foot5, but I see what you mean. It's not her fault at all, she's not used to being disciplined, and is very forward for her age. She's just acting the way she's been allowed/taught to.

Blu Fri 30-Nov-12 17:21:12

In truth I think your baby will enjoy opening presents more with you, with no risingh 4 year old wanting to grab everything.

People need to be aware that just because they have a dog they love does not mean they have a right to expect everyone else to just absorb a dog into their home for several days. It isn't as if this is an elderly woman living alone who has the dog as her companion and can't be separated. She has chosen to have a dog, and a smelly incontinent dog at that, she has to take responsibility. No way would I have the dog in the house.

I think you have had a lucky escape.

IsItMeOr Fri 30-Nov-12 17:22:08

Wow - just catching up and sounds like a good result. DS is almost 4 and foulmouthed is certainly not normal for him or his peer group!

IsItMeOr Fri 30-Nov-12 17:23:18

Oh, unless you count the odd one calling people "Mr Poo-poo head" which they then all pick up and giggle endlessly (=nursery+older siblings effect?) blush

degutastic Fri 30-Nov-12 17:41:11

Well, wrt your initial question yanbu. I'm a dog person, I have one, I like them, but I wouldn't tolerate an untrained animal in my house. I don't understand people who won't leave their animals (short term) or consider other options for longer visits. My dog does not monopolise my life wink however hard he tries

But it sounds like you've come to a satisfactory resolution. They sound a nightmare!

Loving the St Andrew's Day smilies btw!

I am so glad she is not coming to you for Christmas! Now you'll have a chance for a nice, fun time.

Don't you dare feel guilty for not playing host to a scary, pushy, unpleasant drunk with a foul-mouthed three year old and a smelly incontinent dog in tow; whose only claim on you is that she gave birth to your OH (but didn't actually parent him). No matter how hard a year she has had (indeed, no matter how hard a life she has had), she is not your responsibility. It is her choice to make herself unwelcome.

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