to assume dp will have the (ahem) wet patch in the bed...?

(209 Posts)
lottie63 Wed 28-Nov-12 00:32:05

Just that really. He always expects ME to sleep in it. Sometimes I would just like him to say 'Don t worry. You have the dry half'..

AgnesBligg Wed 28-Nov-12 00:33:28


InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Wed 28-Nov-12 00:36:59

I'd happily lay in the wet patch

its been a while


There's no need for a wet patch with a conveniently placed old tshirt or towel and a bit of wiggling blush

Alternatively you could orchestrate the....erm...positioning so that it ends up on DP's side grin

Fakebook Wed 28-Nov-12 00:40:07

There's this cool new invention that stops this from occurring. They're called "tissues".

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 28-Nov-12 00:41:23

i would whip out a tape measure mid, erm, proceedings OP. grin

RyleDup Wed 28-Nov-12 00:42:23

Yes, its his responsibility to lie in the wet patch.

<bangs gavel>

Bit cruel to go measuring his manhood during the deed Vicar wink

fuzzpig Wed 28-Nov-12 00:44:57

The dry HALF?! Just how big is this wet patch?

I feel inadequate now grin

fuzzpig Wed 28-Nov-12 00:46:07

And is this hypothetical, or are we actually getting the debate in real time and your poor but satisfied DP is lying there impatiently while you go on MN...

frantic51 Wed 28-Nov-12 00:48:45

Agreed, Agnes. SP you must be a lot younger than me. grin I went right off sex when ex h had a vasectomy and came home proclaiming, "no more condoms"! Just another excuse for him to leave his mess in a place where I'd have to clean it up! angry

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Wed 28-Nov-12 00:50:24

I'm not particularly fussed about the wet patch. I'll just visit their house then leave after and sleep in my own dry, clean bed grin

MyCoilPicksUpGaydar Wed 28-Nov-12 00:53:29

There is always the option of, ahem swallowing it... problem solved... :D

do it on his side, or lay on a bath towel (folded in half just in case). simple! wink

monsterchild Wed 28-Nov-12 00:56:42

I just make sure I get myself to his side before he can get himself to my side. It becomes a bit of a competition, really. But a fun one!

Narked Wed 28-Nov-12 01:03:00

Condoms. Problem solved.

StuntGirl Wed 28-Nov-12 01:43:34

Am I terribly uncool if I admit I have no idea what you're all talking about?

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 28-Nov-12 01:50:25


I have discovered I am actually v flexible and avoid the "patch" at all costs. Even if those costs involve knees.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 28-Nov-12 01:51:46

stunt OP means cum,after sex etc. <helpful face>


Not solved. Ttc here! It's a messy business blush

ripsishere Wed 28-Nov-12 02:23:57

Inlovewith. When me and DH were TTC, we ended up seeing a doctor. One of the first things he asked us was if we were using contraception. We were a bit taken aback.
He went on to tell us about a couple he'd seen who were using condoms otherwise 'it's a bit messy'

Ripsishere funnily enough we've been asked that too... As there was a couple that said they were ttc but were still using condoms confused

I've also had hospital appointments for other stuff and when asked about contraception, we get the hmm look when we say none! Winds me up it does. I'm just waiting for the day someone gives me a lecture and I can act all smug grin

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Wed 28-Nov-12 04:36:58

TTC using condoms?? WTF? I always seem to end up on the soggy side, have tried multiple wiggling and conniving, DP has offered to sleep on my side, but I can't sleep on the wrong side of the bed, why the fuck am I up at 4.30 talking cum patches?

When we got our new bed, I abolished "sides" so that no matter where we shagged, it was always on "his" side. No wet patch since <smug>

StickEmUp Wed 28-Nov-12 07:37:37

This has always baffled me. After sex, cover your vag with your hand, get up, and let it leak into the loo.
Why let it leak? Honest question!

MrsWolowitz Wed 28-Nov-12 07:40:52

I either put a towel under my backside or quickly nip out for a wee to 'drain'.

I hate lying in the wet patch.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 28-Nov-12 07:43:49

I hope you have a mattress cover underneath your sheet. hmm

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 07:44:12

You should always empty your bladder after penetrative sex anyway....have a good mop-up while you're at it. Problem solved.

Never a wet patch if you just go to the loo immediately afterwards. Stops you getting cystitis too.

unexpectediteminbaggingarea Wed 28-Nov-12 07:51:46

when we weren't using condoms it was straight to the toilet afterwards. the whole business is disgusting.

honeytea Wed 28-Nov-12 07:56:15

I think going to the loo after is a good solution. When TTC you should try and keep it in though, so I used DP's pillow under my bum (poor man.)

Shodan Wed 28-Nov-12 07:56:57

YY. Dash for the loo.

DH has always done this and I must admit I found it a bit peculiar at first. Now I'm just grateful.

poorbuthappy Wed 28-Nov-12 07:58:08

Sex towel.

(now that takes me back grin)

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 28-Nov-12 07:59:40

Two boxes of tissues, one each side of the bed. Shuffle and grab if you've ended up in the middle.

Bertrude Wed 28-Nov-12 08:16:20

I thought everyone just had a box of sex tissues near the bed to shove up there (well, not up but you know what I mean) afterwards?

And I didn't know about the weeing to prevent cystitis afterwards - I just do to get rid of the tissues and because I need a wee.

Woah - way to kill a mood...
'put hand over vag and run for the loo' grin

Sometimes a little wet patch happens. Tis life. No big deal but You should try and get him to finish on his side of the bed and no problem.

FlamingoBingo Wed 28-Nov-12 08:40:34

Sex towels (old terry nappies), the clearly famous shuffle-and-grab technique, and then off to the loo for drainage...of course!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Wed 28-Nov-12 08:42:20

Doesn't the wet patch happen when you lie there in post coital bliss, cuddling and snuggling.

RatherBeOnThePiste Wed 28-Nov-12 08:46:50

Finish on his side wine
Otherwise shuffle to the edge of the bed, hanging on, pop to the loo

fluffyraggies Wed 28-Nov-12 08:52:05

I don't get the wet patch till much much later in the night confused <wonders if i have particularly good suction up there grin >

By then i'm way too sleepy to do much about it.

I have a clean up in the morning. The sheets get changed twice a week. Now i think about it I dont mind the wet patch actually. Why am i thinking about this at 10 to 9 on a Wednesday? grin

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 28-Nov-12 09:12:50

Could change the sheet?

Is that too boring blush

purplecrayon Wed 28-Nov-12 09:16:00


Get a big bed and fuck in the middle.


But the wet patch follows me

You can complete in his side. Shuffle into your own. 10 minutes later it's you who has created the wet patch

Can't you just make sure you do the business on his side of the bed?

HecatePropylaea Wed 28-Nov-12 09:21:25

stick a towel down and do it on that.

But yes. I have always wondered why so many men expect that.

Yes, my woman, I have just rocked your world. Now. Lay thee down in the product of my manly loins to honour me for I bring forth much seed and the patch is wide, a testament to my virility. I will rest and presently shall go out and hunt buffalo.

Toilet paper anyone?

My DH always goes off to get me some loo roll, it's like a ritual.

These bloody films where they have been at it for ages and them go to sleep all spooned up and never see them in a frantic rush for the loo roll or them trying to avoid the wet patch. Wonder what their secret is hmm

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 28-Nov-12 09:24:01

Um why are you all always on the bottom for it to fall out? I love a good ride cow girl style.

Because it doesn't come out straight away does it? It trickles, slowly over the next bloody day hour

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 28-Nov-12 09:29:19

No you get off and go for a wee straight away so no trickling out, and I have a fanjo that sucks water up in the bath and whoohes out after.

frantic51 Wed 28-Nov-12 09:31:04

Hecate grin

Surely paper only works for the end result? What about during?

I'm always in the wet patch, doesn't really bother me.

Lol at a towel!

'Dear can you stop moving please we are heading towards the edge of the towel!'


HecatePropylaea Wed 28-Nov-12 09:37:29

Well, yes. If it was a hand towel. you need a HUGE one!

no pun intended.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 28-Nov-12 09:41:46

So what happened at the end Op? Who was the lucky one?

KenLeeeeeee Wed 28-Nov-12 09:42:14

This is another reason pelvic floor exercises are crucial. Post-coital clench to hold the mess in, then run to the bathroom. Ne'er a wet patch in sight. <helpful> if your fanjo leaks it out over the next day does this means pelvic muscles are a little weak?
What about if bath water gets sucked up?

I am asking because a friend sometimes has this...ahem.

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 28-Nov-12 10:07:40

I can suck bath water up, but I don't get spunk trickling out all over the next day.

Sallyingforth Wed 28-Nov-12 10:39:47

Interesting to see this topic come (ahem) up again as it was the subject of my first ever post on mn.
In our case dp is only half of the problem as I get very wet when I'm excited. Am I the only one to contribute to the wet patch?
Btw it's not pee.

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Wed 28-Nov-12 11:48:39

Never done the wet patch thing - hold it in, nip to the loo, squeeze out - he wipes cock with tissue = noone in the wet patch grin

Cherylkerl Wed 28-Nov-12 11:50:06

poorbuthappy I'm glad you mentioned that - thought I was imagining the crispy sex towel thread

Cherylkerl Wed 28-Nov-12 11:51:34

And you are all lying - you ALL hurry off to the loo siphon it out of the condom. Liz Jones said so.

Am I the only person who has a box of tissues next to the bed? Sod running off to the loo in the middle of the night confused

Lesbeadiva Wed 28-Nov-12 12:10:20

Jiz Lones

Cherylkerl Wed 28-Nov-12 12:13:40

grin Jiz Lones

Pascha Wed 28-Nov-12 12:14:50

I can honestly say I've never had a wet patch problem. Tissue and shuffle does me. Can't think of anything worse than lying there letting it all seep out making me sticky. Yuk.

WinklyVersusTheZombies Wed 28-Nov-12 12:16:48

Clench and hold it in, and go for a wee or invite cystitis. Practice your pelvic floor exercises. <smug never had a wet patch smiley>

BrianCoxIsEatingBrains Wed 28-Nov-12 12:20:23

Sallyingforth I'm glad you posted that before I did.

The male is not always at fault is all I'm saying and you can't 'hold it in' so to speak when it happens at crucial point of coitus channels Sheldon from Big Bang


BrianCoxIsEatingBrains Wed 28-Nov-12 12:21:01

aaand, erm, have never had any complaints - exact opposite in fact cos men are weird

honeytea Wed 28-Nov-12 12:21:45

I have the wet patch developing hours after sex has finished. We had sex to try and encourage our baby to come out (I'm 38+4) I woke up at 3AM and thought that my waters had broken but sadly not sad My midwife told me that mywaters will smell like sperm (random off topic) is this true?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Wed 28-Nov-12 12:22:14

But, how do you push it out/wipe bit all around. The viscosity of the substance means it comes out in its own time, unless you all douche?

imnotmymum Wed 28-Nov-12 12:23:09

Agreed grab some knickers on and go to loo

NaiceDude Wed 28-Nov-12 12:34:05

The viscosity of the substance means it comes out in its own time, unless you all douche?

I am snorting like a maniac at that sentence grin grin

Am I the only one who rolls carefully onto one side to sort of tip it in? I always try to scrape myself off to the loo after the snuggly bit though, otherwise you get a flood of it just when you're all warm and sleepy.

On an unrelated note, I hate that bit in Bridget Jones where she still has her bra on after she and Hugh GRant DTD. WHY?

BelaLugosisShed Wed 28-Nov-12 12:39:05

I make a bigger wet patch than DH wink careful use of tissues before de-coupling is my recommended method, followed by me flinging more tissues at DH ( he's always covered blush , if it's more than 6 mansize then it's been a good session grin .

Theala Wed 28-Nov-12 12:47:06

* When TTC you should try and keep it in though, *

Wait...what? I thought any little sperms that were going to get up that far, got sent up in the first whoosh, as it were?

imnotmymum Wed 28-Nov-12 12:47:44

Sometimes I still have all my underwear on !

I defiantly contribute to the wet patch Sally, not any any crucial moment but I do get very wet throughout.

MummyToBe2013 Wed 28-Nov-12 12:59:26

WTF why on earth do you have a wet patch? Have you not heard of toilet paper??

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Wed 28-Nov-12 13:07:55

Yes, mummy but we cuddle and kiss a bit after and it just sort of... well you know

honeytea Wed 28-Nov-12 13:12:48

Wait...what? I thought any little sperms that were going to get up that far, got sent up in the first whoosh, as it were? I think they do if you have no sperm issues, they climb up the mucus in your vagina. But if you have any sperm issues (and lots and lots of men do) they sometimes need a little time to get to the right place. This is what I was told when ttc I'm not so sure it's true as I finally (after nearly 2 years) got pregnant after drunken doggystyle sex with no pillow under my bum.

BrianCoxIsEatingBrains Wed 28-Nov-12 13:29:36

WTF why on earth do you have a wet patch? Have you not heard of toilet paper??

erm yes, but you know, different people erm...emit different quantities of fluid and (it would appear, from this thread) at different times during/afterwards.

BrianCoxIsEatingBrains Wed 28-Nov-12 13:31:19

Surely wet patches aren't that unusual, or is it just on this thread?


Am sure it is all part and parcel innit?

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 13:38:41

when desperate (after that 2am sleepy shag) you could insert a mini-tampon, and take it out in the morning

holds it all in and soaks it up nicely


Hippocrocopig Wed 28-Nov-12 13:45:12

Would using a tampon not increase your risk of toxic shock syndrome? Now that would be a passion killer!

My suggestion, mooncup, Bobs your uncle and Fannys your aunt (so to speak) grin

imnotmymum Wed 28-Nov-12 13:45:45

Any confused

BrianCoxIsEatingBrains Wed 28-Nov-12 13:57:44

or, just use a towel under your bum - so much easier than all this faffing around people!


Sidge Wed 28-Nov-12 13:59:14

I think it depends on your bloke as well.

Some seem to have more umm, volume than others.

And of course if you yourself get wetter than an otter's pocket that won't help...

NiniLegsInTheAir Wed 28-Nov-12 14:05:12

We always get a wet patch, but it's me that causes them as he wears condoms sad

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:09:49

what are you confused about, imnotmymum ? smile

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:10:43

the thing is if you use a sex towel under your arse, and fall asleep you are still sleeping in the wet patch

imnotmymum Wed 28-Nov-12 14:12:49

Just the mini tampon part.
1. Is it not easier to nip to loo
2. Is it unwise using tampons when not on period
3. Do you keep a stash under the bed
4. Is it not just .. well odd. Does anyone else do or heard of this ?

poshfrock Wed 28-Nov-12 14:14:47

But surely having to stop half way through to go and get a towel is a faff too ? Unless you keep one under the bed or something ? We only bother with a towel if we're either a) having sex in someone else's bed ( eg spare bed when staying with family) or b) I'm having my period, and to be honest not always then. The wet patch doesn't bother me or him and we tend to just fall asleep afterwards while spooning.

DeathMetalMum Wed 28-Nov-12 14:15:48

Yes but with a sex towel, when you wake up later due to being in the wet patch you can just whip it away.

DeathMetalMum Wed 28-Nov-12 14:17:45

We keep our towels in the drawers in our bed. For this reason alone

AmazingBouncingFerretDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:19:13

I'm chuckling at Mistletoe defiantly contributing to the wet patch. grin

leavesarefalling Wed 28-Nov-12 14:19:33

My DH sleeps in PJ bottoms, so I use them over the wet patch. If he's cold he can get a new pair out the drawer so NMP

I'm sure DH does manoeuvre over to my side though as we are usually there at the crucial moment. hmm

BTW, why don't bathrooms come with bidets in the UK? They were pretty much standard in my original country.

soontobeburns Wed 28-Nov-12 14:23:47

Most of the time the wet patch is my fault. Yey g-spot so I don't mind lying in it. AlsoRrunning to the loo or tissues don't work when you in the process lol
I use a towel only when it's that time of the month.

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:33:14

Whether it is your fluid or his fluid, it still goes cold, clammy and 'orrid under your bum grin

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:35:34

imnotmymum, it's just another suggestion, like all the others

I don't think a mini tampon inserted for 4 hours when the vagina is wet with seminal fluid (and I've had 4 pregnancies and shagging sessions that must run into the trillions...) is going to do me any harm at all grin

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:37:19

wet as in lubricated

you can run into problems when inserting tampons into a dry vagina (it can scratch the mucous membranes, introducing infection) and if you leave the same one in for too long

AllTheYoungDudes Wed 28-Nov-12 14:39:55

Oh dearie me.

I am definitely getting old.

villagegossip Wed 28-Nov-12 14:40:22

Doing it on a towel = passion killer unless on a period and then would rather avoid full sex anyway.

If you use tissues, surely you have to wipe your bum as well (if missionary) do you then put the manky tissues in a bin? Yuck! would rather limp off to the loo for a wee and have a good clean up with a wet wipe grin

Also, it doesn't all come out at once, if a morning shag, I find some trickles out whilst walking the dogs blush anyone else?

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Wed 28-Nov-12 14:42:10

Wish I was a squirter!! My friend is, she says her orgasms are better than mine, as I don't actually cum??!! anyone know if that's right? Honestly don't know about my G-spot blush is that really crap of me?!!

RubberNeckerNicker Wed 28-Nov-12 14:42:11

You lot are minging with your sticky wet patches and all. Your mattresses must be stained to buggery - do you replace them every week year?

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Wed 28-Nov-12 14:45:00

We have a mattress protector that I wash with my sheets every
fortnight day.
What's up rubbernecker your sheets been dry for a while??!

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:46:56

Alien...your friend is seriously competitive about her orgasms ?

Tell her to shut up

AmberLeaf Wed 28-Nov-12 14:47:52

Mattress protector all the way!

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:48:34

Alien, there is a school of thought that "squirters" are actually just having a pee

Tell your friend to stop pissing herself and practice her pelvic floor exs, that should shut her up wink

AmazingBouncingFerretDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:48:38

Competitive orgasming. I've heard it all now. Alien in the nicest possible way, your friend is an idiot.

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:48:59

< awaits avalanche of offended squirters >

AmazingBouncingFerretDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:49:53

AF there are sooo many things wrong with that. grin

AmberLeaf Wed 28-Nov-12 14:50:10

That's long since disproved AF.

I can't imagine any genuine squirter being offended by that.

AllTheYoungDudes Wed 28-Nov-12 14:50:15


Ewww,will you all stop it now or Santa won't cum come to you.

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Wed 28-Nov-12 14:50:17

Awww cheers guys! Was getting bit of orgasm envy for a minute there!!

Tell your friend to stop pissing herself and practice her pelvic floor exs, that should shut her up grin would love to see her face if I said that!

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:54:12

amber I am actually being tongue-in-cheek here...this is a light hearted thread grin

I have no idea if squirting is pissing or not pissing. I am not aware of women possessing a prostate gland, but I believe there is some evidence of a similar structure somewhere in my hidden treasure garden

not that I have researched it much, oh no

frantic51 Wed 28-Nov-12 14:54:47

Me too, not falling for that, "Squirter" myth. <puts kettle on, sits down next to AFD> (What's with all the "dudes" suddenly appearing BTW?)

AllTheYoungDudes Wed 28-Nov-12 14:55:30

Tongue in which cheek though AFD?

AmazingBouncingFerretDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:56:29


AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:56:30

Let's not go there, youngdudes < adjusts pearls >

AmazingBouncingFerretDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:57:17

frantic all the dudes are in honour of the return of TheSecondComing. smile

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 14:58:03

frantic, come and have a looky here

can confirm squirting is not pissing, it doesn't smell of wee!

frantic51 Wed 28-Nov-12 15:51:36

Can't believe I missed all that! <feels left out>

franticdude Wed 28-Nov-12 15:54:16

<decides to join in anyway-twirls> grin

QueenofDreams Wed 28-Nov-12 15:59:08

I am definitely a contributor to the wet patch. The better the session the bigger and wetter the patch. It always seems to be on my side of the bed, though at least DP gets me a towel to sleep on!

It's definitely not wee as diet says, it doesn't smell of pee

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 28-Nov-12 16:06:20

Iv'e never squirted sad but grin at my excellent pelvic floor muscles, the clenches do pay off!

AmberLeaf Wed 28-Nov-12 16:10:30

AF, yes reading back, my post did look a bit stern! it wasn't meant to be, I knew you were joshing.

<must remember to put grin grin >

Sallyingforth Wed 28-Nov-12 16:25:05

I know it's not pee in my case. It's starts to trickle as soon as I'm aroused and we both know where it's erm coming from.

snowtunesgirl Wed 28-Nov-12 16:28:00

There doesn't have to be wet patch! Just grab the tissues and do the post-coital: March of the Penguins shuffle to the bathroom!

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Wed 28-Nov-12 16:37:10

Yeah, but that means getting up immediately doesn't it?

snowtunesgirl Wed 28-Nov-12 16:49:23

Yes, but the pay off is DRY cuddles!

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 28-Nov-12 16:56:31

The pay off is dry cuddles and not inviting Cystitis.

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 28-Nov-12 16:59:27

I'd feel mean making him sleep in the wet patch. Although if I did I think he'd swap places with the cat anyway.

Lob something over it and go to sleep? Tissues will do. Or his favourite t-shirt grin

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 28-Nov-12 17:04:02

in completely unrelated news can someone just confirm that TSC is back? please?? dude ladies is dude lady back?

by what name please dudes? grin

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 17:20:16

She is back in her glorious old name, vic

StuntGirl Wed 28-Nov-12 17:28:46

I am actually a bit horrified at the thought of these wet patches haha. <Vows never to have sex without a condom>

DudeInaTutu Wed 28-Nov-12 17:30:13

yay!! <twirls rather belatedly> im always the last to know....!

whois Wed 28-Nov-12 17:43:26

I the the wet patch.

98% of the time I go to the toilette straight after. Instigated that years ago after cystitis.

For the 2% I can't be bothered I grab a towel and put it between my legs.

Much prefer to let it out in the loo tho.

BrianCoxIsEatingBrains Wed 28-Nov-12 18:22:56

there's nowt wrong with a bit o'squirting and it is definitely NOT pee.


and my orgasms are therefore far superior to all of you non uber lubricated plebs


BrianCoxIsEatingBrains Wed 28-Nov-12 18:23:59

why oh why did I not namechange for this thread?

In real life the world and his wife know my bloody username.

<waves at SIL who will no doubt share this nugget with my mother>

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 20:23:16

Imagine the conversation over the dinner table at your SIL's, Brian. grin

i have never had cystitis and for the last 3 1/3 years i have, 99% of the time, had to lay there for 20 mins after with a pillow under my bottom... which they say help things go up! i do go to the loo after that though to widdle and mop up.

we do have a "sex towel" which of course we keep separate and get before hand.

i mean really... there is no need for anyone to sleep in the wet patch confused

mignonette Wed 28-Nov-12 20:25:13

Why can't you just go to the loo and expel it all into it? Good pelvic floor exercise.

Babywipes come in handy too.....

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 28-Nov-12 20:34:14

A sex towel is grim.

My friend (yes really friend not me) had a sex sock she kept in her car for about a year, used frequently <boak> <boak>

lottie63 Wed 28-Nov-12 20:40:23

I ve just returned to this post. To update, it is mostly me who makes the wet patch... Well.. dp MAKES me make the wet patch... and it s DURING or part of foreplay so not something I can deal with by a cupped hand or tissues. We had a ' discussion'. Will see what happens next time.. grin

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 20:46:57

she kept a sex towel in a car ?

was she a Dogger ?

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 28-Nov-12 20:50:55

No I think that it was just her and the then bf's thing <boak>

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 28-Nov-12 20:51:17

and it was a sock, that was originally on her foot.

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 20:57:45

oh, a sock that makes allll the difference smile

franticdude Wed 28-Nov-12 21:28:51

grin @ sex sock being more acceptable in a car than a sex towel WTF???!!! confused

Cbh1978 Wed 28-Nov-12 21:32:03

Ah, the joys of lesbianism...

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 21:35:09

Do lesbians not squirt then ? wink

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 28-Nov-12 21:36:28

I am so glad someone else asked about the Dude thing.

<contemplates namechange to TheDoctrineOfSquirt>


InNeedOfBrandy Wed 28-Nov-12 21:37:00

towel, sock, something thats not throw away able = boak IMHO

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 28-Nov-12 21:45:50

Surely if you can wash it at 90, it's ok...?

Cbh1978 Wed 28-Nov-12 21:48:05

Lesbian squirting isn't as bad as man squirting IMO. But I may be a little biased...

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 21:49:52

Cbh, but Op has since admitted that the wet patch is mostly her body fluids grin

Cbh1978 Wed 28-Nov-12 22:06:58

Oh. Didn't see that. Erm, go with a towel over the patch me thinks. And make sure there is a decent mattress cover going on...

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 22:08:13

Some things are different, some things the same. Such is life. grin

Sallyingforth Wed 28-Nov-12 22:34:18

<tmi and boast warning>
I've been discussing this thread with DP. He says he's never known a woman get as wet as me. smile

CSIJanner Wed 28-Nov-12 22:52:23

Maybe TMI, but I tend to shuffle over to his side of the bed so by default of always choosing the side that DC's have less access to should they need us during the night, he gets the patch.

Simples! grin

lottie63 Wed 28-Nov-12 23:23:41

Lol Sallying.... That s exactly what dp says. Of course, it s their own back-handed compliment though...'hey girl, you clearly find me SO hot....'

AnyFuckingDude Wed 28-Nov-12 23:32:28

...or "my technique is good !" grin

whois Thu 29-Nov-12 00:33:11


A sex towel is grim*

Why? Towel taken out of the box under the bed. Used to mop up. Washed. Towel is used again and cycle repeated, or one of the other hand towels relegated to 'sex towel' status is used if the other one hasn't been washed yet.

I don't see how that is grim?

You know, all that 'ickyness' is all over you and inside you. That is more grim than a towel!

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 29-Nov-12 00:51:34

I have never heard of a sex towel! So tempting to ask my rl friends if they use one now.

MamyPoko Thu 29-Nov-12 01:05:20

honeytea , no-one answered your question. Yes, in my experience, amniotic fluid totally smelled like semen. I'd forgotten until I read your post.

honeytea Thu 29-Nov-12 02:41:17

Thanks mamypoko smile I hope my waters don't go when I'm in town!

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 29-Nov-12 09:23:51

It is grim and lazy, it is not hard to get up and go to the bathroom.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 29-Nov-12 09:29:14

If sock, towel and other things not throwable are yuk, so what about the sheet? confused and mattress cover? You throw the bedding away each time you have sex brandy?

MegaClutterSlut Thu 29-Nov-12 09:31:22

It's me who makes the biggest wet patch in our bed blush

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 29-Nov-12 09:33:27

No I don't get wet patches because I hold it in and get up to go to the bathroom after instead of letting it trickle out. TMI but I'm usually on top or doggy during DTD to. To just lie there and wipe yourself with a sheet/towel/sock after is grim and lazy IMO.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 29-Nov-12 09:44:59

ok, fair enough.I trickle all day though hmm.

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Thu 29-Nov-12 09:53:50

ok, fair enough.I trickle all day though too much information for 9.53am, I'm eating breakfast grin

loopylou6 Thu 29-Nov-12 09:55:51

I've recently become a squirter grin

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 29-Nov-12 09:57:09

What even after a wee and a shower the next morning? I'd get a turkey baster and suck it back out blurgh wet knickers all the next day grin

Sallyingforth Thu 29-Nov-12 09:57:36

Lottie Yes I thought that as well - it's a just a boast. But I do get very wet, sometimes even thinking about dtd is enough to wet the knickers.
Seems that others who only have the man's juices to worry about have an easier time.
This really is tmi. sad

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 29-Nov-12 09:58:23

how did you squirt loopy? I remember seeing a program on it a few years back and the woman wanked and squirted in a cup, when they ran tests it was just wee.

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 29-Nov-12 09:59:13

I do get wet knickers before, but it doesn't make a patch on the bed. Well not for me to notice anyway.

DaveMccave Thu 29-Nov-12 10:01:27

Unless the sex was terrible, it's probably more your doing than his! I discovered this after there still being huge wet patches despite his contribution going elsewhere.

Either way, the patch is always in the middle here, and we reach for what we call the jizzy towel which we take turns on using and then lay over the offending wet patch.

mignonette Thu 29-Nov-12 13:10:37

I have lost my lunch....Not very sisterly I know smile

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Thu 29-Nov-12 13:17:48

loopylou how did you just start squirting?? I really want to know! and is it because your orgasms are better/stronger??
Come on, you've said this much grin

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 29-Nov-12 13:53:35

Yes come and spill the beans loopy grin

loopylou6 Thu 29-Nov-12 15:44:49

grin you nosey mares.

I dunno HOW exactly, but when I'm getting very excited, I get a really warm feeling down there, and it sort of feelings like im weeing, im not tho, coz I ALWAYS empty my bladder before sex.

It only happens if im really enjoying the shag, if it's a bit meh, then I don't get the squirtage.

It's deffo not wee.

Sallyingforth Thu 29-Nov-12 15:58:57

squirtage LOVE that word !!!

loopylou6 Thu 29-Nov-12 16:01:31


AnyFuckingDude Thu 29-Nov-12 16:14:40

Warm feeling?

That's wee grin

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 29-Nov-12 16:32:21

I think the warm feeling wee to grin

On another note does anyone else not have a wee before because it feels so much better with a full bladder?

loopylou6 Thu 29-Nov-12 16:50:02

It's not, grin it comes out the wrong hole for it to be wee

I always wee before because if I have a full bladder I find it difficult to finish, Altho the odd times I've not been, it does deffo feel more intense.

skiesmylimit Thu 29-Nov-12 17:00:53

What I do, is either use a condom, or I put tissue there just as he pulls out. Then stumble to the loo or use a shit load of tissue and sort it that way.

I just hate the fact that this is never reflected in movies..I mean of course we don't want details but they just lie there in post-coital bliss and fall to sleep. The guys never messa round trying to takes a used condom off and ask for a bin etc Women never have soggy knickers or dash to the toilet like a penguin as they afraid to part their legs.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 29-Nov-12 17:49:23

Ob yes, full bladder always turns me on. Physically, not the thought of it.

AmberSocks Thu 29-Nov-12 17:50:56

ive never understood this,its not that difficult to hold it in until you get to the toilet?or have MNetters all just got poor pelvic floor muscles?

BrianCoxIsAChristmasPud Thu 29-Nov-12 18:17:05

that's just it Amberleaf....some of us have no control over when/how much and to hold it in would be equivalent of stopping orgasm.

but maybe me and Loopy are one-offs (judging by the amount of 'specialist interweb sites' dedicated to our art, it would seem not though...) wink

KeatsiePie Thu 29-Nov-12 18:17:43

It is not wee. Promise.

If you grab a towel afterward and put it on the bed, then there is no wet spot. Inconvenience of sleeping on towel totally outweighed by lingering delight of towel-producing events.

KeatsiePie Thu 29-Nov-12 18:23:26

Uh, perhaps not towel-producing events. That would be convenient though.

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 29-Nov-12 18:23:51

thing is, even if your on a towel your still on a wet patch, just the towel not the sheet.

BrianCoxIsAChristmasPud Thu 29-Nov-12 18:25:50

but the towel can be whipped away when you go to the loo afterwards, leaving the sheet nice n dry.

Must be something to it, it is the method I have used for many a year although can't quite remember now as being pregnant and single doesn't do much for one's sex life grin

gymboywalton Thu 29-Nov-12 18:28:25

surely if you are doing right, then you should have a wet patch even if you ARE using condoms? blush

KeatsiePie Thu 29-Nov-12 18:30:25

Don't put the towel down till after, and fold it over before you put it down.

AnyFuckingDude Thu 29-Nov-12 18:51:50

loopy, I love that you have great orgasms grin

but "warm" does not adequately describe a G-spot, squirty one

and it's a fallacy to think that having a wee before sex completely empties your bladder, there is always some residual fluid in there

but yes, a full bladder is rather nice, because it exerts back pressure on the G-spot, so any extra stimualtion of it is very, very intense so I'm told

LordOfThe5Rings Thu 29-Nov-12 18:55:23

I think going to the loo after is a good solution. When TTC you should try and keep it in though, so I used DP's pillow under my bum (poor man.)

. Had me in hysterics, amongst many other posts on this post! Awww, I was crying, thank you guys. I need to grow up.

Most of it happens during the process of sex aka precum and vaginal lubrication. The stuff that comes out after sex I wouldn't rush straight to the toilet, normally a minute or two afterwards, as it's a big rude to just pull him out and bolt it. Normally we have a little hug and by then the patch is already prominent. Normally he sleeps in it though. He groans, but doesn't mind too much I don't think. smile It's half and half of the both of us. :D

no no NOOOOO You are all doing it wrong. What do you think socks are for - keeping your feet warm !!! <rolls eyes>

Whip his sock off and shove up, have a cuddle, run to loo. simple.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 29-Nov-12 19:15:08

Lambrini so your DP or DH has socks on when you have sec?! envy andconfused

I wouldn't like to any one else's sock up my foof, esp a male's one. hmm

AmberLeaf Thu 29-Nov-12 19:31:15


that's just it Amberleaf....some of us have no control over when/how much and to hold it in would be equivalent of stopping orgasm

Just wanted to point out that AmberSocks is not me!

BrianCoxIsAChristmasPud Thu 29-Nov-12 19:33:53

blush sorry, I really should pay attention <offers a nibble of my mince pie in remorse>

AmberLeaf Thu 29-Nov-12 19:38:45

Ooh my fav grin

What a thread though eh?!

there is no way i would ever put one of dh's socks (or anyone else's) down there. eww! im happy with my folded towel... which gets washed very regularly!

and quite frankly... if he wore socks in bed, or during any bedroom activities, he wouldnt be having sex in the first place. no offence intended to nightly sock wearers smile

AlfalfaMum Thu 29-Nov-12 20:20:49

Lambrini, are you not worried you'll get athlete's vagina?

YANBU op, the wet patch is at least 99% your partner's cum, so it's only fair he sleeps on it.

Oh how I do love condoms!

AmberSocks Thu 29-Nov-12 20:39:50

no i meant hold it the cum when youve finished til you get to the toilet,am i missing something?

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