Mumsnet Talk

This is my aunt. She is elderly, has macular degeneration, severe arthritis, walks very very slowly and can only walk very short distances. She likes to use the buggy as a kind of waking frame and is unsteady on her feet. I don,t like her taking the kids across the road without me because she is slow and unsteady and all it takes is one crazy motorcyclist out of nowhere. She is deely offended.

we need more info - are the children with her often, is she crossing the road to obtain something that you could supply for her?

No. She is with the children when she comes to visit. We cross the road for the bus stop.

umm accompany her then?

Why specifically a motorcyclist? Are they a major hazard round your parts, more so than car/van/lorry drivers?

Presumably she got to yours by crossing the road without getting hit by a manic on a motorcycle so she is capable?
You could go with her if your that worried?

I do go with her. That,s what she doesn,t like.

I am having a thicko moment here; you said you didn't like her taking your children across a busy road without you but this doesn't actually happen

Sorry, it,s late. I don,t thin she is safe to take the kids across the road unless i am next to them. Because she has trouble walking she leaves the house first with dd and i as them to wait at the kerb for me as i catch up behind.

A comma is not an apostrophe.

AIBU is not Pedants Corner - natch. Striking through it doesn't make it any less rude.

Glad to be of assistance!

Assistance?? Missed that.

Never mind, eh?

I am on my phone, in bed with sleepless dc2, doing my best. I have several postgrad degrees

YANBU at all. I wouldn't, especially if my kids were not road safety aware

Don't worry. Genuinely smart people and pedants are sets with very few common elements.

YANBU and she'll have to get over it.

Over the summer my, practically blind 94 year old, Granny took my small baby's pram and nearly walked them both into a pond. My Dad had to practically wrestle the handle from her hands.

Funny now. Scary (and funny) then.

Yanbu. I presume that your concern is that she's using the buggy as a walking frame and wouldn't be able to respond quickly enough if a maniac motorist was approaching. This would make me antsy too.
How does she get around the rest of the time?

let her be offended - ignore any protestations

just smile and nod if she gets annoyed, then repeat "I will be accompanying you all when we cross the road"

and never let her take them across on her own

Being responsible for your self is one thing but responsibility for 2 other chi,dren who might probably not have road safety is another. I would not risk it

Does she have a walking frame of her own? Does she like using the pushchair because it gives the same kind of support as a frame, but doesn't make her look 'old'?
Sorry, but no matter how lovely she may be, your children's safety should always take priority over any hurt feelings.
YANBU

Stella, apologies if you took offence, it was only a joke!

Seriously though, I can really relate to your dilemma. My mother always crossed the road with my two young DS without even looking!?!
I used to argue with her whenever we were out. She told me that when she was alone with the kids, she always looked. (!?!)
She also used to let them run ahead of her. My littles ones were 2 and 4, can you imagine the anger I felt when I first saw her doing that.

We were also crossing the road once to walk back to my car, but instead of crossing and then walking on the pavement to get to the car, she just walked along the road because it was quicker. I had such a go at her.

She was always so "offended" and "hurt" by my comments but I didn't give a shit about her feelings when my children's safety was severely at risk.

I don't let them out alone with her anymore and she still brings up the fact that I don't trust her with my kids when out on the street but I can live with that.

Don't worry about your aunt being offended. You know your kid's safety comes first.

you have no choice but to offend your aunt if she chooses to be offended by this.

your children are the most important part in this. I would mention how terrible she would feel if there were an accident. my elderly relatives have been through various stages of this but whilst they were making a point i think actually they were happier with the support

Thanks for the support. She is in denial about her level of disability eg. She takes really circuitous routes on public transport to avoid stations with steps but won;t admit why.
She could do with some kind of walker, but doesn,t want to look old. My buggy has a handle the right height and she fights me to push it when we are out which is fine.
But my concern is that given she can hardly walk, she jusr couldn,t throw herself, the buggy and the kids out the way if a maniac came out of nowhere.

YABU as a 'crazy motorcyclist' I take great offense at what you posted.

MoreStatisticallyLikelyToBeRunOverByACarTiggaxx

I originally mentioned motorcyclists becuase she has maculkar degeneration and i suspect poor vision and there more likely not to see a bike than a big colourful car. However, what i meant was any fast moving vehicle that does something unexpected

Oh dear...

Tigga, OP didn't generalise, she said "all it takes is ONE crazy motorcyclist" not "what if a motorbike came along? We all know they're all crazy motherf*ckers".
Oh, and before you start, I too had a motorbike before kids and yes, I was responsible like you, Tigga (although I can't deny that I am proper crazy!).

Stella It sounds like your aunt sounds like she is in denial, but I think it's more a case of your aunt trying to cling on to every last bit of independence she has got. Poor woman. It reminded me of my dad when he was ill. He clung on to every bit of independence he had until he physically couldn't walk anymore.
Everyone has their pride and this is her way of showing you that she is not unable to take responsibility. However, we are still talking about your children's safety so YANBU at all. Have you explained again that its not about her, it only takes one arsehole driver to cause damage.

Thanks. Worried that if i explain again eg. I do trust you, i just don,t trust the cars, it will sound patronising and if i spell it out, eg. Because you are too old and infirm to jump out the way, she will get really angry. The fact she actively wants and needs to push the pram to help her walk does not help.