to think the doctor was inappropriate?

(121 Posts)
forbiddenfruit85 Sun 25-Nov-12 15:41:46

Last Wednesday my DD (aged 13) had a dr appointment. She had to take her top off for the dr, and the dr said "you're a big girl aren't you?"

My DD is a size 10 so she's not overweight. She is also around 5ft 5, so hardly tall/big.

I can only really assume that she was referring to her chest. She is definitely bigger than most girls her age and it does make her self conscious. Surely that would be a rather inappropriate comment for a dr to make?

JesusInTheCabbageVan Sun 25-Nov-12 15:44:49

YANBU - but you haven't said how your DD took it. Was she offended?

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 15:45:55

it doesn't matter how dd took it...that was highly inappropriate

I'd complain, that's totally inappropriate!

TheMonster Sun 25-Nov-12 15:47:33

That could give her a complex. What a stupid thing for a doctor to say.

hiddenhome Sun 25-Nov-12 15:47:39

shock you should complain about that.

Inappropriate and worth having a word with the practice manager IMO.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Sun 25-Nov-12 15:52:19

Sorry - bit of a hasty post. What I meant is - yes it was inappropriate, but I think I'd be taking the DD's reaction into account in deciding how to handle it. If she was just a bit hmm then maybe raise it verbally, but if it really bothered her then I don't think it would be unreasonable to raise it formally.

FeatherFingers Sun 25-Nov-12 15:52:37

By asking the question you have already shown your doubt to the comment.

You should have a word

Even if the DD wasn't too bothered, I'd raise it formally for the sake of other patients

hiddenhome Sun 25-Nov-12 15:55:21

It doesn't matter whether or not she was bothered, the doctor was inappropriate and shouldn't be saying things like that to anybody sad

What if it was a boy and the doctor mentioned that he had a big willy and the boy was chuffed about it, still inappropriate regardless of how the recipient felt hmm

I was seriously sexually assaulted by a paediatrician when I was about same age. Some doctors are perverts. The doctor needs to be spoken to about that.

manicinsomniac Sun 25-Nov-12 15:55:29

Wow, extremely inappropriate!

ImperialBlether Sun 25-Nov-12 15:57:29

Please tell me your daughter had a chaperone in the room with her. Were you there?

hiddenhome Sun 25-Nov-12 15:57:40

I'm a nurse and there is no way I'd ever comment on anybody's bits and pieces or their size or anything like that. It's horrible. A patient is in a vulnerable position and should never be subjected to personal comments, esp. about their private areas.

forbiddenfruit85 Sun 25-Nov-12 15:59:53

The doctor was a woman, so I don't know if that makes a difference?

I think DD was quite upset by the comment, not to the point of crying but she will dwell on any comments made to her.

She thinks she might have been implying that she was fat. I've told her thats ridiculous and she has a lovely figure. But it almost feels like it doesn't matter what I say as the seed has already been planted.

loopylou6 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:00:09

That's really shocking

Teeb Sun 25-Nov-12 16:00:20

Very inappropriate of him.

loopylou6 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:00:43

Where you with her?

TwitchyTail Sun 25-Nov-12 16:00:56

Inappropriate, not to mention creepy and inexplicable. I'd probably make an appointment with the doctor again (just you and him/her) to discuss it in the first instance, and express your concerns.

TwitchyTail Sun 25-Nov-12 16:01:44

I see it's a her. No, that doesn't really make any difference - still inappropriate.

Teeb Sun 25-Nov-12 16:02:14

Sorry, just seen it's a female doctor, although still equally as inappropriate.

What the hell was she expecting a young teen girl to respond to that?

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 16:03:14

a female doctor ? Still inappropriate and should know better

hiddenhome Sun 25-Nov-12 16:04:17

Still inappropriate regardless of the sex of the doctor. She must be a right stupid cow to come out with something so personal about a young patient.

At best - stupid and thoughtless
At worst - weird and creepy

You still need to complain.

Kalisi Sun 25-Nov-12 16:04:44

Even if she was commenting on her size rather than her chest, it was still inappropriate. If the doctor seriously wanted to raise an issue about her weight " You're a big girl aren't you?" is not the way to broach the subject.

Tailtwister Sun 25-Nov-12 16:05:06

Completely inappropriate, female dr or not. I would certainly have a word with the practice manager. There's no way that she should have said that, especially to a teenage girl.

shrimponastick Sun 25-Nov-12 16:07:17

Inappropriate definitely.

Even if it was just thoughlessness, rather than pervy weird - that girl is at a really sensitive age. How dreadful.

In fact it is making me upset thinking about it. I used to be called abig girl, as I was tall - and I hated it.

No one has the right to make comments like that.

Hopeyou daughter isn't too bothered though.

LottieJenkins Sun 25-Nov-12 16:16:10

I would complain, i regret not complaining when a doctor told my son who is deaf and autistic to drop his trousers without any warning. Wilf told her no. She then went out to the support worker who was on the other side of the curtain and said "he has said no can you ask him??" hmm Luckily the support worker had heard the conversation and told the doctor to accept Wilfs decision. Interestingly that hospital was no 3 on the most complained about list which speaks volumes to me!!

JesusInTheCabbageVan Sun 25-Nov-12 16:19:47

Hiddenhome* not arguing about it being inappropriate! I said that from the start. All I meant was - I think the DD's reaction does have some bearing on how you bring the matter to the Dr's attention. I'm not saying drop it if she wasn't bothered. Moot point now anyway as the OP has clarified her DD was upset.

GrumpyCynicalBastard Sun 25-Nov-12 16:22:49

They allowed a 13 year old a consultation without a parent or chaperone? Really?

Remotecontrolduck Sun 25-Nov-12 16:37:48

Grumpy, why would they NOT see a 13 year old on their own? They do have a right to some privacy!

Completely inappropriate. Do NOT see that doctor again, and officially complain. Bloody weird

Maybe the GP meant "big girl" as in you're not a young child/you're a young adult???

forbiddenfruit85 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:44:10


I did consider this, however she said it when my DD removed her top. Obviously she was just in her bra and jeans. That is why I am more inclined to think she was referring to her chest.

And because her stomach was on show DD believes that the doctor was saying she was "fat".

I'd still assume it meant older, especially since your DD is size 10 & GP is female.
I think that at her age, needing a bra could taken be a sign of maturity by some people

However, if either you or DD thought it was inappropriate or were upset or offended by the comment, you should say something to the practice. Maybe there was no intent behind the remark, but at least the GP can learn not to repeat that sort of comment that's liable to cause upset. If she did mean your DD was fat or was passing remarks about her shape, then she needs to be pulled up on it.

RooneyMara Sun 25-Nov-12 16:53:20

I doubt it was meant to be insensitive or inappropriate, but still, it was. It's not the Dr's place to say something like this.

I think you should probably avoid seeing that Dr again but I don't know if I would bother complaining formally. Maybe have a word to Practice Manager and say that your daughter was upset by a personal comment and perhaps they could speak to the Dr concerned, and make sure it doesn't happen again.

RooneyMara Sun 25-Nov-12 16:53:45

x posts, sorry

NamingOfParts Sun 25-Nov-12 16:54:52

Totally inappropriate and thoughtless.

As a contrast my 12 year old had to have a breast exam for a lump. The doctor was totally appropriate and professional, allowed DD to take her top off in private, asked her if she wanted a nurse or me to be there (nice to offer DD the choice I thought). No comment about her stage of development except to the extent that it impacted the reason DD had gone to the doctor.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 25-Nov-12 16:55:20

Are you sure it's not been taken out of context? Eg maybe you daughter seemed uncomfortable taking her top off, so the doctor said your a big girl, meaning, that she is mature enough to go for doctors appointment on her own.? Misconstrued small talk?

CecilyP Sun 25-Nov-12 16:57:57

The most innocent explanation is that the doctor thought she was a big girl for 13. Average height for an adult woman but quite tall for a 13 year old. It still seems an odd thing to say to someone who has just taken her top off. And completely unecessary.

Viperidae Sun 25-Nov-12 17:10:03

Some healthcare professionals are intelligent people who come across as incredibly stupid! My DD has had issues around weight/self image/eating for years, is 170cm tall and a size 10 yet had a nurse make a weight comment at a "pill clinic". I do despair sometimes.

I would mention it to the practice manager but, honestly, I don't expect this sort of thing will ever improve. GPs are trained endlessly in communication skills and, if she hasn't got it right now she probably never will.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Sun 25-Nov-12 17:18:24

when I was about 18 I had to go for a medical as part of a job, I saw the doctor on my own and he commented that i was 'well covered' and told me to take my top off so he could do a breast exam, i was so naive I did even though it felt wrong. years later I now realise he was just a complete perv! make an appointment and have a chat with her about it.

socharlotte Sun 25-Nov-12 18:19:30

I think size 10 is quite big for a 13 yo actually

Remotecontrolduck Sun 25-Nov-12 18:23:01

socharlottle, it's slightly bigger than the average 13 year old (but by no means abnormally massive ffs), but even if she was 6ft and a size 16, it is NOT something a professional should be saying to someone who is likely to be sensitive about such things!!

Ginandtonicandamassageplease Sun 25-Nov-12 18:33:21

Err, socharlotte did you really just say that? And how is that helpful or relevant?

forbiddenfruit85 Sun 25-Nov-12 18:39:21

I'll tell her to go and starve herself then socharlotte. Because obviously I'd be much happier if she was a size 6, or even a size 4. I have my fingers crossed that she will develop anorexia or if I'm really lucky bulimia.

socharlotte Sun 25-Nov-12 18:42:15

an average 13 yo is size 6

socharlotte Sun 25-Nov-12 18:43:28

I think the doctor was referring to her general frame size and height rather than her boobs or fatness

Ginandtonicandamassageplease Sun 25-Nov-12 18:43:29

I feel like I want to apologise on socharlotte's be shelf to you OP. I'm so shocked and sorry that she said that. Don't take it to heart.

Ginandtonicandamassageplease Sun 25-Nov-12 18:43:45

I meant behalf!!

socharlotte Sun 25-Nov-12 18:44:05

which is what 'big' actually means

Ginandtonicandamassageplease Sun 25-Nov-12 18:46:02

Big has many connotations socharlotte. Don't try and backtrack now.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Sun 25-Nov-12 18:46:03

Socharlotte you are talking about averages, very unhelpful and irrelevant really.
I was 6 foot at aged 13, there is no way I was size 10.
I think you're shit stirring.

forbiddenfruit85 Sun 25-Nov-12 18:46:13

who's say size 6 is the normal size?

If you even bothered to google it you would see that it ranges from 6-12.

You are utterly vile.

cumfy Sun 25-Nov-12 18:48:28

I really think you should make an official complaint to the surgery about this.

If nothing else you will get to the bottom of whether the Dr was referring to DD's breasts or adipose tissue.
You will always be wondering otherwise.

McChristmasPants2012 Sun 25-Nov-12 18:50:08

what was the appoinment for.

socharlotte Sun 25-Nov-12 18:50:15

FFS If you refer to something,anything as 'big' then you mean compared to the average.
Size 10 is bigger than the average 13 year old. Not fatter but bigger and at 5' 5'' she is definitely way taller than average I would say

ImperialBlether Sun 25-Nov-12 18:50:36

Of course it's not, socharlotte! FFS she's about 5'5"!

"which is what 'big' actually means"

What big actually mean is that it is a descriptive word that can be applied to pretty much everything.

And you know what, even if the doctor was referring to the OP's DD's dress size rather than bust size it is still inappropriate! In fact, possibly more so, a doctor should definitely be aware of the huge percentage of teenagers affected by worry about their weight and the high incidence of eating disorders, depression and self harm in teenage girls.

Ginandtonicandamassageplease Sun 25-Nov-12 18:55:06

I taught at a girls' school for years and the difference between heights and sizes of 13 year olds is enormous. Some were tiny and some were much taller than I am (coincidentally 5'5"). I would say that size 10 is precisely average.

Socharlotte, your comment was unkind and unhelpful. I expect you have only succeeded in upsetting the OP further and sidetracking the thread completely. I suggest you apologise and take your nastiness away.

Isn't 5'5 quite tall for a 13 year old?

forbiddenfruit85 Sun 25-Nov-12 19:02:58

Average height is around 5'3.

And she's not exactly 5'5, I said she's about around that. So 2inches max, isn't quite tall in my opinion.

Also she was sitting down when the comment was made so ..

Not in your opinion but perhaps the Dr thought she was tall for her age.
I dunno must be so difficult for GPs, yes eating disorders are on the rise but so is obesity.

While you might think it inappropriate timing the Dr sees so many bodies she probably didn't even think about it.

If you think the Dr made a mistake then have a word with the practice manager but without knowing what your daughter looks like or what the Dr was actually referring to it's difficult to make an accurate assessment of the Drs behaviour.

forbiddenfruit85 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:03:40

My DD was sat down when the comment was made. I don't think many people would make a comment on someones height whilst they were sat down?

DD took her top off, and then the comment was made.

Icelollycraving Sun 25-Nov-12 21:08:00

I think it's completely about her bust not tummy/height etc. I think a conversation with the practice manager may point out to the gp how sensitive teenagers are.

Tweasels Sun 25-Nov-12 21:13:30

It doesn't matter what she meant. She shouldn't have said it. Whether she meant height, chest, tummy, whatever. It's not appropriate.

squeakytoy Sun 25-Nov-12 21:27:16

Is this a doctor that has known her since she was a little girl?

has your daughter got a big bust? I was a 34dd at 13, and my family doctor was female.. if she had made that comment I would not have thought anything of it, as it was true..

forbiddenfruit85 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:36:45

No she is not her regular gp.

It doesn't matter if its true or not squeakytoy its inappropriate for a doctor to say that, especially to a young girl.

squeakytoy Sun 25-Nov-12 21:43:35

It depends on the context it was meant in. My opinion is that it doesnt sound particularly inappropriate.

Tweasels Sun 25-Nov-12 21:47:31

Ok squeakytoy, if your son had gone to the GP with an issue with his genitals at 13 and the GP had said "you're a big boy aren't you". And he did have a big penis, would that be ok?

GrumpyCynicalBastard Sun 25-Nov-12 21:47:54

No OP - it's not inappropriate at all. You are grossly overreacting and it's YOU making it all about the boobs, or the dress size or whatever - and YOU who'll be giving your DD body issue ideas by making such a monumental fuss about it all. To me it sounds rather as thought the Dr was making an observation - a general non-boob, non-dress size specific observation, the likes of which are made all day every day to children of all sizes.
squeaky is right as are all the others who are trying to downplay this to the non-issue it really is. I suggest you get over it - if your DD sees you making such a hooey about it she'll really get the wrong idea.

I am not sure it is inappropriate, we know neither the Dr nor the girl.
What I do know is:

"For the same period, around three in ten boys and girls (aged 2 to 15) were classed as either overweight or obese (31 per cent and 29 per cent respectively)."

If the GPs aren't allowed to point it out, and hopefully point the parents/children in the right direction for help then who is?

I am not saying this girl is overweight but it's not necessarily inappropriate for a GP to make a comment like this. Again we don't know the details.

Tweasels Sun 25-Nov-12 21:50:50

Grumpy, if FF's DD was 3 that would be reasonable but she's not, she's 13 and a teenager. I would have been horrified if someone said that to me at 13.

GrumpyCynicalBastard Sun 25-Nov-12 21:51:53

Probably so tweasels - probably so - but if I remember rightly anything that is said to one at 13 is a matter of huge cringeworthiness. Even if someone says you have nice hair! grin

NamingOfParts Sun 25-Nov-12 21:53:00

It is an inappropriate comment for a doctor to make.

Having had the opposite experience (I posted about it up thread) where the doctor acted in a totally appropriate and professional manner I know there is a difference.

Patients are vulnerable, especially when they are asked to undress. Young girls will be feeling extra vulnerable. A good doctor should know that and act accordingly.

squeakytoy Sun 25-Nov-12 21:53:29

Tweasels, my 13yo stepson would probably have walked out of that surgery with a huge grin on his face, as would most teenaged boys at being told they had a large penis...

If the 13yo in question here has a large bust, then a factual comment made by the doctor will be nothing compared to the comments made by her peers. As I said, my bust was very large, and the rest of me was tiny.. it wasnt exactly something I could hide (and still cant - so I make the most of them nowadays).

forbiddenfruit85 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:56:42

Actually Grumpy I did not mention it in front of DD, she came to me UPSET at the comment. She was the one who said the doctor was saying she is overweight AND I have said before that I tried to convince her that she is not overweight.
I have not mentioned it again to her. So how about gather the facts first because you start slagging off my skills as a

motherQueenOfAllBiscuitsandMuffins my DD is not overweight. Although you'll think I am just saying that because she is my daughter. She was weighed by a nurse at the start of the month and was told she is a good weight.

squeakytoy Sun 25-Nov-12 22:00:41

Are you up north by any chance OP?

A "good weight" could be meant as she is on the heavy side.

She does sound well built for a 13 year old, and I dont mean fat, I simply mean not skinny.

How much does she weigh?

manicinsomniac Sun 25-Nov-12 22:01:39

I don't think there's any such thing as an 'average' size for a 13 year old is there? Due to puberty the range is vast.

I teach tiny pre pubescent 13 year old girls who are probably wearing AGE 10 clothes and very developed, almost adult looking 13 year olds who are certainly much taller and heavier than me and could easily be a size 10 or 12 but certainly aren't FAT, just proportionate and post puberty.

I think the doctor was referring to your daughter's chest and it was horrible. Even more horrible because she should have realised that a 13 year old could easily interpret the comment as 'fat' and at such a vulnerable age that is appalling.

NamingOfParts Sun 25-Nov-12 22:02:52

Sorry squeakytoy but my 14 year old son would have been mortified - and there is the difference. You know your stepson, I know my son. The doctor would not know either of them from a hole in the floor.

Therefore the doctor should act appropriately for both - making personal comments which are irrelevant is inappropriate and quite frankly offensive.

forbiddenfruit85 Sun 25-Nov-12 22:04:41

No squeakytoy I am not up North.

I mean a good healthy weight. She has a normal BMI too.

And why do you want to know how much she weighs? So you can further make horrible digs and say 'well built' when actually you DO just mean overweight?

wonderingsoul Sun 25-Nov-12 22:07:24

i would go bat shit crazy--- once i had visulised mentally bitch slapping the cow i would then in realty complain to the head of surgery. maybe even pals? though im not sur ehow that all works?

im sure by your op.. she wasnt refering to her weight. but a teen ager will take that as being fat. and thats a very deadly thing to be heard, esp from a profesional in the health care. i would have another chat with your daughter. make her belive that the gp was comepletly wrong and out of order. and talk about eating disorder in a "easy " way. how much damage they cause.

BillyBollyBallum Sun 25-Nov-12 22:09:48

Bollocks I'm sorry. Any person who is sitting there semi clothed in an embarassing situation should not have comments made on their physicality unless it is medically necessary.

IF there was a need to comment on a CHILD's weight then that should have been done sensitively when she was covered up and comfortable again. Not when sat in a vulnerable position.

And fwiw your dd sounds perfect OP.

squeakytoy Sun 25-Nov-12 22:10:27

You sound rather defensive to be honest. I havent made any horrible digs at all. Show me where I have please?

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 25-Nov-12 22:15:07

Definitely an inappropriate comment, definitely complain. I had bulimia for years and, while the causes of these things are complex, it's comments like the one the gp made that always stuck in my mind for years. I was also incredibly sensitive about bust size and always wished they were smaller/would stop growing etc. Not every girl/woman wants big boobs!

blisterpack Sun 25-Nov-12 22:25:08

What was the examination for forbidden? Just wondering really, don't answer if you don't want to.

And yes I don't think it was the best thing to say. My children are a bit younger so we always get this ("My, you're a big girl!") as they're changing so much so quickly, but I'd feel a bit hmm if someone did it as a direct response to seeing their unclothed body.

"I am not saying this girl is overweight but it's not necessarily inappropriate for a GP to make a comment like this."

Even if she was overweight, "you are a big girl" is not an appropriate way to bring up a concern about weight! Neither is it professional!

As for the Dr seeing so many bodies that they might not have thought about it, as part of their job they are likely to be dealing with vulnerable people, they bloody well should think about it.

"If the 13yo in question here has a large bust, then a factual comment made by the doctor will be nothing compared to the comments made by her peers."

Why does the doctor need to comment on anyone's bust size?? And comparing it to what peers say? You almost make it sound like they should be grateful it isn't as bad as the stuff peers say, is that what you meant?

McChristmasPants2012 Sun 25-Nov-12 22:35:59

OP can you please tell me what the appoinment was for.

I couldn't imagine my DD going to a GP with a heath problem which needed her to take her top off without being there.

NamingOfParts Sun 25-Nov-12 22:43:14

McChristmasPants2012 - my DD had a breast exam because of a lump. I was there at DD's choice. When they hit the teenage years their rights start supercede yours. If DD had not wanted me to be there then I wouldnt have been.

I am very surprised (and just a little bit disappointed) at the posters who have thought that the doctor's comments were appropriate.

McChristmasPants2012 Sun 25-Nov-12 22:49:30

i agree the doctor should of worded it better.

blisterpack Sun 25-Nov-12 22:52:33

? Is NamingOfParts the OP then?

NamingOfParts Sun 25-Nov-12 22:57:37

No, I am not OP, why?

I happen to have had a similarly aged DD need a doctor's exam. DD's experience was very appropriate and professional. OP's experience appears to have been the opposite.

What I have tried to convey is that a doctor can conduct an intimate exam with a pubescent girl and for it to be conducted well.

Flojo1979 Sun 25-Nov-12 23:00:50

The GP clearly made a bad judgement call there. Was probably try to ve friendly/jokey to OP rather than address DD and got it way off the mark.
But I think a formal complaint is a bit OTT.
I'd spend the time trying to desensitise DD if things like that upset her.

cumfy Sun 25-Nov-12 23:17:39

This is clearly distressing for you.

Make an appointment with the GP and sort it out face-to-face.
You're just going round in circles otherwise.

blisterpack Sun 25-Nov-12 23:23:12

Sorry Naming it sounded like you were the OP because of the question above your post.

NamingOfParts Sun 25-Nov-12 23:36:23

No worries blisterpack. It was just coincidental that my DD had had an intimate exam which had been done so well when the OP's DD's experience had been so poor.

I do actually think it is worth making a formal complaint to the surgery because if this is this a doctor who speaks without thinking then in a GPs practice this can do a lot of harm.

socharlotte Mon 26-Nov-12 00:05:06

According to WHO growth charts the 50th centile for a 13 yo is 155 cm or 5 ft 1 inch .The Ops DD is 4 inches taller than this!!

manicinsomniac Mon 26-Nov-12 00:09:32

That can't possibly be the UK average though is it? It's the world average surely.

I'm 5ft 1 and by the summer term of last year (when most of our Y8s had turned 13) there were 3 girls out of 24ish who were smaller than me (and one of those was still 12)

Lesbanian Mon 26-Nov-12 00:12:17

I would be fuming and certainly make a complaint, teens are self concious enough without a thoughtless doctor making comment. It does not matter if she is a little taller than average or a bigger size than average (not that she is by the sound of it) it still should not have been said.

Even if a patient is so overweight there health is being affected there are ways of discussing it and that isn't it.

nooka Mon 26-Nov-12 00:27:21

5'5" for a 13 year old seems pretty average to me. My dd is 12 and 5'8", although she is tall it is commented on all the time, but generally only when people first meet her or when they find out she is younger than they expect. It woudl seem a pretty strange thing to comment on half way through an appointment.

From the context I think the OP is right and the comment was on her dd's breasts, and I agree it was inappropriate. I think it is worth raising it with the practice.

differentnameforthis Mon 26-Nov-12 06:30:43

Squeaky, why does the dr even NEED to make an observation as to the size of her bust, even if it was a factual statement? Seriously, if my male or female dr said that to me, I would be thinking "wtf". It doesn't actually matter if the op's daughter is, in fact "big", what matters is, is that it shouldn't even be a talking point. Unless she was there for breast reduction.

OpheliaPayneAgain Mon 26-Nov-12 06:48:06

Fair enough she isn't talking about weight - otherwise she would have delivered a lecture on healthy eating and handed over a diet sheet.

Sorry but I am with Squeaky - I think it maybe a bit inapperopriate but you are blowing it right out of proportion.

I would also feel a prat when I went in all guns blazing and the doctor explained what it was she said and is more than likely that your daughter was nervous and misheard or got the wrong end of the stick.

Sometimes the whole ' we are all different and at different points in your life people will think you are bigger than you should be, smaller than you should be, in their opinion nice/not nice, pretty/not pretty etc, but we all have differing opinions and you shouldn't make then the be all and end all of how you feel about yourself' conversarion comes in handy and does more for our kids than going in to anialate anyone who dares say anything that may have beeen offended by.

And coming from someone who had an eating disorder, it would take a little more than this and be better for you to work on her self conficdence than try and sheild her from stuff.

MyBaby1day Mon 26-Nov-12 07:02:51

VERY inappropiate, I would have been even more mad if it had been a male Doctor but still it's wrong and thank God it didn't give your Daughter a complex.

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 26-Nov-12 07:04:17

'That can't possibly be the UK average though is it? It's the world average surely.

I'm 5ft 1 and by the summer term of last year (when most of our Y8s had turned 13) there were 3 girls out of 24ish who were smaller than me (and one of those was still 12)'

Exactly. By the end of Y6, there are usually several girls taller than me. smile

socharlotte, 5' 5" size 10 and with a developed, not fat body is perfectly average round here. Must be all the good food, clean living and healthy exercise.

Flojo1979 Mon 26-Nov-12 08:18:36

Was the GP short? Maybe she only said it at examination time because its the first time GP got out of her chair and stood next to her, maybe GP was shorter than DD and knowing her age from records, said it. She might have used the word 'big' if GP has younger DC, my DC are younger and in this house we generally so bigger/smaller as DC don't have much concept of taller/shorter.
Might all just be a big misunderstanding, and if DD came home and said that, I'd assume it was and move on.
Formal complaints seem totally OTT.

hackmum Mon 26-Nov-12 08:55:14

Obviously the GP was talking about her bust size - "big girl" is the rather unpleasant, knowing "nudge, nudge, wink, wink" euphemism people use when talking about a well-developed teenager. I can't believe people are seriously suggesting the GP was referring to the girl's height or weight.

The comment was clearly inappropriate and the sort of thing (I hope) that a male GP wouldn't dare to say these days. The only possible excuse is if she was making a friendly, jokey comment to put the OP's DD at ease, but I don't think it's reasonable for a medical person to comment on a person's body shape at all.

socharlotte Mon 26-Nov-12 10:05:54

'Obviously the GP was talking about her bust size '
what rubbish. I am always telling my DDs , they are 'big girls' now and I definitely don't mean 'booby'.When I am doing my coaching classes , I put the secondary aged kids in a group, which everyone (parents, coaches,kids)o refers to as the 'big girls' .Nobody has have complained or had a breakdown at this.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 26-Nov-12 10:35:11

I don't know what the GP was referring to. My guess would be that she was referring to general size.

Actually, the fact that we are having to guess what she meant (and some of the guesses aren't too flattering), means that it was a thoughtless throwaway comment. This isn't an 8 year old boy. It's a 13 year old girl

socharlotte - I think saying something to your own child is very different from a stranger in a position of authority, when the girl has her clothes off in a vulnerable position. Your use of the word "breakdown" to refer to perfectly normal adolescent sensitivity suggests maybe you need to put a bit more thought in

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 26-Nov-12 10:36:26


I think the GP was probably being friendly and jovial. But she should know that a 13 year old will not be likely to take it this way

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 26-Nov-12 10:38:28

"Any person who is sitting there semi clothed in an embarassing situation should not have comments made on their physicality unless it is medically necessary"

Totally agree

HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss Mon 26-Nov-12 10:53:51

Male or female, that is totally inappropriate and unnecessary. If anyone had said that to me at 13 I simply wouldn't have been able to let go of it.

MaryThornbar Mon 26-Nov-12 10:55:20

I think it's an inappropriate comment but I'm not sure it's worth complaining about. Also, if you weren't there to hear the context of the comment, or the actually wording, it may be that your daughter misconstrued what was said, or heard something different to what the doctor was saying.

Incidentally, I was 5'8" and size 10 when I was 13 - and I'm the same 23 years & 2 children later! Some girls just mature into women earlier than others.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Mon 26-Nov-12 10:55:38

Big girl could just mean brave for being sensible in what many girls her age would find an awkward situation. This is what the doctor will say she meant if you complain. I would leave it and reassure your daughter this is all she meant.

Mosman Mon 26-Nov-12 11:01:51

I certainly wouldn't be "leaving it" how very dare she make inappropriate comments to a young person like that. Some GP's have appalling people skills and need training, without people complaining this will not be highlighted.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Mon 26-Nov-12 11:09:31

OP's DD is likely to more upset if a big fuss is made. The expression big girl has several possible interpretations, some completely innocent. It's not worth the shot of complaining IMO.

Mosman Mon 26-Nov-12 11:58:55

And that is how these people get away with it.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Mon 26-Nov-12 12:30:48

Get away with what though? Making an innocent comment that has been misinterpreted? Making an off the cuff comment and kicking herself because it sounded unintentionally bad? Who's never thought 'oh dear that didn't come right'.

forbiddenfruit85 Mon 26-Nov-12 12:36:49

The dr lives close by to us, and she has a daughter either the same age or one year younger. My DD walks by her house everyday for school. Both our daughters went to the same brownies. So I'm sure the Dr knows who my DD is.

I was there when the comment was said! so to everyone saying my dd misunderstood you are wrong. Even if I hadn't been there I should just assume she was mistaken?? Why? Because she's just a child and therefore wrong?

The comment was made straight after dd removed her top and was sat down in jeans and her bra.

Mosman Mon 26-Nov-12 12:39:12

So what are you going to do about it ?

NamingOfParts Mon 26-Nov-12 13:16:37

I think it is worth bringing this up with the practice. Better that the Doctor is told that making unnecessary comments is inappropriate now when it was something relatively minor than waiting until the doctor manages to fit both her feet in her mouth and leaves someone far more vulnerable far more upset.

cumfy Mon 26-Nov-12 14:37:18

It has just occurred to me, and I'm probably wrong, but it wouldn't seem to be a massively inappropriate comment to make if the consultation was say about getting breathless/ chest pains running up stairs.

ie that the presenting complaint was directly related to the "you're a big girl" comment.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now