Are this bride and groom being unreasonable?

(172 Posts)
TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 13:56:11

Upcoming wedding, children are welcome. Quite large scale do.

One couple are being invited minus their DCs however, because they are very badly behaved. They have run amok at a wedding earlier in the year that the B&G of this wedding were present at. They have also done similar at other social gatherings.

The parents do not discipline their DCs. The mother refuses to because (and she does admit this) she is worried the DCs won't love her if she tells them off. The father is handsoff and defers to the mother on all childrearing issues. This has been the case since they were small children. One is now 10, the other 7.

The parents are angry the DCs have been excluded from this wedding and are thinking of confronting their friends. B&G did not want to have a childfree wedding, but they really do not want the drama and disturbance that accompanies this family with the undisciplined DCs. Other guests that have been present for the behaviour before have actively thanked the B&G for taking this step.

Who is unreasonable? The B&G for excluding the DCs, or the parents for kicking up a fuss about it?

YouReethra Sun 25-Nov-12 13:57:32

No they are NBU.

Good on them. Their wedding and all that.

CuriousMama Sun 25-Nov-12 13:58:47

No brainer really.

scarletforya Sun 25-Nov-12 13:58:50

Parents are unreasonable. They can't have it all ways. The Mother won'r
discipline because she is afraid the kids won't like her? Well, the result of that is nobody likes her kids. She'd better get used to it. You reap what you sow and all that.

Their wedding, their choice.

I don't blame them for doing it though I can't decide if they are being unreasonable. I do think well done though, why should they put up with other peoples children's bad behaviour at their special day?

Rosa Sun 25-Nov-12 13:59:17

B&G def not .. Maybe the parents will get a reality check about why they are being excluded and if I was the bride I would tell her so ... WOuld probably say get a grip as well to them.... ( FGS sake not telling them off incase they don't love her ....try saying that when they are 20 and seriously f***d up)

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 25-Nov-12 13:59:34

Not being unreasonable but they are asking for a lot of drama as they will have to explain to the couple why their children are not invited - in the long run it may help them to understand why their children need to be reined in, however because of the age they are its probably a bit late - they must be really bad to have made an impression at a wedding at the age they are at.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 25-Nov-12 13:59:36

The parents can be as upset as they like,it's up to the B&G who is invited. It's their wedding,they're not obliged to make other people happy. So they a nbu.

Parents might want to try actually disciplining their children in future. But really their only option is to either go and not take the children or don't go. I don't think the B&G would be that bothered either way really.

MammaTJ Sun 25-Nov-12 13:59:43

The parents are unreasonable. They are unreasonable for not parenting their children in the first place and they are unreasonable to kick up a fuss.

lubeybooby Sun 25-Nov-12 14:00:15

Nope NBU, why have anyone around that will spoil it for all.

derekthehamster Sun 25-Nov-12 14:00:18

What a tricky situation the B&G are in!! As long as the B&G are willing to explain why they have done this (and I assume they are, because they've made it very obvious) then I think the guests abu. I wonder if the friendship will survive though, and i wouldn't be surprised if they decline the invitation.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sun 25-Nov-12 14:01:08

Are you the mother or the bride?

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:02:25

This is what I think, so thank you!

The B&G are close friends of DP and I, the B is concerned she has made some massive social faux pas. I have told her, as a witness to the last wedding, that I fully support her choice and I know things will be smoother and happier without them there.

Someone else has told the mother of the DCs that this is why they have been left off the invitation, she whined that she was scared her DCs wouldn't love her if they had rules and were disciplined.

She just doesn't seem to get it.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:02:46

I'm neither, Saggy.

scaevola Sun 25-Nov-12 14:02:50

B&G are NBU to choose who they want at their wedding, and inability of a guest to behave seems a fair criterion tbh.

They are however BU in making their reasoning known. This will all end in tears. Stand well clear.

Marzipanface Sun 25-Nov-12 14:03:39

Their wedding and their choice. They need to be prepared to tell the parents why their kids are not invited though. Something along the lines of 'If your children attend then they cannot behave like they did at X's wedding. If they do, we will ask you as a whole family to leave our wedding'.

At this point I should imagine family would decline invite anyway!

mercibucket Sun 25-Nov-12 14:04:01

Brave decision. End of friendship I would think but maybe a wake-up call for the parents

mercibucket Sun 25-Nov-12 14:04:01

Brave decision. End of friendship I would think but maybe a wake-up call for the parents

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:04:15

Tidy, you're not the Bruce, are you? smile

B&G have the right to invite whomever they want.
Parents are being ridiculous. And not doing their children any flavours.

Just wondering: what would B&G do if the parents show up with children in tow regardless of the invitation? They sound like nutters, they just might shock.

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:04:50

The Bruce?

The BRIDE, obvs blush.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:05:06

The B&G would've told the parents themselves, someone else just assumed this was the reason as their children were invited and got there first, which I don't think helped.

I will face this problem myself when DP and I get married, as this couple will be on our guest list too.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 25-Nov-12 14:06:08

Do the parents know why the children have not been invited?

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:06:57

Ooh, I'd like to be The Bruce, sounds like The Hulk or something! grin

I'm very definitely not the bride though, although as above it could be me who is facing this issue next with my wedding. I will not be having a childfree wedding either.

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:07:23

Oh FFS, FAVOURS, not flavours.

Autocorrect fail day.

Sounds like a much needed wake-up call for the parents!

I invited a close friend but not her boyfriend to my wedding because I knew he would drink too much, take drugs, and generally cause problems. She begged and begged me to let him come, promised that he'd be on his best behaviour, and I relented. And guess what? He drank too much, got stoned, upset several guests with his conversation, and ruined the meal. It was only a lunch for 45 people so we couldn't even hide him in a corner somewhere. The bride and groom should stick to their guns.

CookingFunt Sun 25-Nov-12 14:09:49

I don't blame the bride and groom for not wanting badly behaved children at the wedding. Maybe it will jolt the parents into action,they sound flaky.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:10:34

Sock, the parents have been told by someone else that this is the reason. B&G haven't been able to speak to them personally yet. Not sure how they were planning to phrase it, I'm not certain there is a good way of doing it tbh.

Ridiculously, the parents seem to realise their DCs are a tad out of control, they do not spout the 'my kid is a free spirit' shit, but they seem to expect people to make allowances for that and sympathise. I'm sure people do sympathise with them to a degree, but this is a problem entirely of their own making.

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:11:00

Well, I hope you're buying this B&G a massive present because if they really do stick to this, they'll have done you a massive favour. They'll have prepared the way for you to do the same.

Oh, and that was 15 years ago and I'm still pissed off......

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:12:17

Just channel The Bruce if your resolve weakens grin

Catsmamma Sun 25-Nov-12 14:12:52

I neeeeeeeeeeeed more details...who are these atrocious parents with their spirited badly behaved children to the Happy Couple?

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:13:02

Baroness, I would be, too. WTF is it with that kind of behaviour.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:13:06

Absolutely Jack, they certainly have done us a favour!

Impressed that the Bride & Groom felt able to do this.

The mother needs to think long and hard about her parenting methods.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:14:54

They are close friends. DP and I are close friends of the bride who have become close with them as a couple. The parents are in a similar position, but with the groom, IYGWIM.

We all socialise as a group on occasion, the DCs go to the same school as my DS so I do see quite a lot of the parents.

CookingFunt Sun 25-Nov-12 14:15:59

Does the mother of badly behaved children have a name beginning with H?

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:18:11

Cooking, one of the DCs does, but not the mother.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 25-Nov-12 14:19:03

Someone is being unreasonable and it isnt the couple getting married!

I can see why it's a bitter pill for these parents to swallow (no one wants to be faced with the fact that their DC have not been invited to something like this due to their shitty behaviour!) however the bride, groom and their families have no doubt put a lot of time, effort, thought and shit loads of money into this special day. why should they have it ruined by 2 kids and their parents who all behave badly?

The B&G will have to be prepared for a fall out from this but I'd say it was worth it tbh. I wouldnt want to be friends with the selfish couple.

Can I ask, what did these kids do at the other wedding???

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 25-Nov-12 14:20:56

Why is only the mother getting a hard time btw?! The father sounds equally bad!

pinkyredrose Sun 25-Nov-12 14:21:20

The Bride and Groom are so NBU !!! The children sound like little horrors and their parents sound like total idiots.

Maybe it'll give them a wake up call.

CaroleService Sun 25-Nov-12 14:21:30

Exit - so does the father

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:22:38

Ran the length of the reception room screaming constantly.
Took food off other people's plates.
Smashed glasses deliberately.
Riled up other children.
The younger one went missing at one point (found outside by the lake shock - posh venue).

It went on and on from that.

The mother attempted a weak 'don't do that' a couple of times, but no discipline and no punishment.

Mrsjay Sun 25-Nov-12 14:23:14

maybe if the parents actually disciplined their children then they would get invited places good on the B n G for standing up to them letting children run around because she is too weak and feeble to stop them is terrible parenting Im sorry but it just is, and it will end up biting her in the arse and this is the start of it,

Yes, you are right.

Those poor children, growing up with no discipline, and no invitations

CookingFunt Sun 25-Nov-12 14:23:49

Ok,we wont be at the same wedding then grin
I was hoping Hs kids weren't invited.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:24:12

Oh yes, the father is equally responsible. I believe he has tried on occasion to do something about the lack of punishments that follow the bad behaviour, but the mother has stopped him. He is very under the thumb.

I bet they used their flippers to gouge chunks out the wedding cake and eat it, smoothing the icing back to cover the holes!
<has been watching too much Pingu> grin

LIZS Sun 25-Nov-12 14:24:23

B and G have clearly decided to put the friendship on the line for this and by sounds of it justifiably. If parents object they don't have to attend but perhaps it could be sweetened to them that they might feel able to enjoy themselves more without the children. Presumably the couple enjoy the adults' company more than the children's or they would be friends at all.

I dunno if they've done you a favour really. Because I reckon by the time your wedding comes around, if this Bride has stuck to her guns and your's is next, the parents will be dying for a chance to let the kids 'prove themselves' wrt behaviour, and might see your wedding as the ideal opportunity to do it so you'd really have to stick to your guns about the issue if you chose not to invite them!

ivykaty44 Sun 25-Nov-12 14:27:04

it will not be a wake up call for the parents of the dc that don't behave.

But at least the dc will not be there to ruin the day.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 25-Nov-12 14:27:05

See that's all stuff that could have been easily prevented/immediately stopped if BOTH parents stepped up to the plate. Not just mum. She sounds pathetic due to her reasons for not dealing with their bad behaviour, but as she gets no back up from their dad she's got an uphill struggle anyway.

Sometimes you have to wonder why certain people bother to have kids at all hmm

Mrsjay Sun 25-Nov-12 14:27:16

these kids are 10 and 7 so not little and they still don't know how to behave oh Id just sit back and watch those teen years slap them about the face .

Mrsjay Sun 25-Nov-12 14:28:22

I have a family member like these parents infact she left her husband because of him trying to discipline her children and now they are out of control but at last they like her eh hmm

marriedinwhite Sun 25-Nov-12 14:28:47

Actually I think it is unreasonable to invite everyone else's children and not theirs. I wouldn't have invited the couple or their children - the couple are responsible for the children's behaviour ultimately. And I would not have provided an explanation to anyone.

ChaoticismyLife Sun 25-Nov-12 14:29:23

Team bride and groom here smile

The parents need to start disciplining their children and fast before it's too late, if it isn't already.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Sun 25-Nov-12 14:30:28

Kudos to the B and G!

Salmotrutta Sun 25-Nov-12 14:30:56

B&G deffo NBU!

Mind you - even if the parents want to come on their own it doesn't sound like there would be a stampede of people willing to babysit the little horrors children shock

pinkyredrose Sun 25-Nov-12 14:31:19

I actually feel quite sorry for the children. Growing up without boundaries, guidance, discipline and an understanding of respect is a terrible start in life.

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:31:50

Please read the thread! It's not that the mum gets no back-up from the dad. Apparently he is completely under her thumb and when he tries to discipline, she won't let him.

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:32:22

ComfusedPixie, oh dear - that is unfortunately a very good point!

pinkyredrose Sun 25-Nov-12 14:33:04

I read the thread.

pinkyredrose Sun 25-Nov-12 14:33:45

Oh was that aimed at me jacks?!

LemonBreeland Sun 25-Nov-12 14:36:15

Wow that is not just a bit naughty, that is completely out of control.

I also feel sorry for the kids as it does them no favours. I know a parent like this. Her ds is 9, and my ds used to go to school with him. In the 7 years I've known this woman amd her child she has never told him off properly. She split up with his Dad a couple of years ago and last year he went to live with his Dad as she couldn't cope with him. All her own making. On top of that the child is disliked by everyone, he constantly lies, and is bullying, he seems to lack confidence as he just doesn't have boundaries.

Welovecouscous Sun 25-Nov-12 14:37:40

Me too pinky

thenightsky Sun 25-Nov-12 14:38:38

At 10 and 7 that is shocking behaviour shock

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 25-Nov-12 14:39:47

I read it too hmm way I see it dad has free will. He is perfectly capable of of thinking for himself and sorting out his DCs bad behaviour and chooses not to put up a fight and let mum do it her way.

So therefore they are both to blame. imo. Not hard to figure out really is it?

CaptainKirksNipples Sun 25-Nov-12 14:40:08

This is totally reasonable. I get pissed of because my verry cute and perfect well behaved dc's KEEP getting invited to weddings, the whole shebang when I want to have a child free night away :-) they even ate a Parma ham and rocket starter ffs! At 5 and 7 they can stay up quite late too...

hackmum Sun 25-Nov-12 14:42:14

I'm with the bride and groom on this.

Obviously I would be mortified if I was the mum concerned, and I was going to put in a word of sympathy for her, but then I read the ages of the children and was shocked! Running up and down, smashing glasses, stealing people's food, and all once you're well past toddlerhood? There's something very wrong there.

Mrsjay Sun 25-Nov-12 14:42:35

I actually feel quite sorry for the children. Growing up without boundaries, guidance, discipline and an understanding of respect is a terrible start in lif

yes it is I agree with you children do look for some boundaries and guidance to make them feel safe imo

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:43:09

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:24:12
Oh yes, the father is equally responsible. I believe he has tried on occasion to do something about the lack of punishments that follow the bad behaviour, but the mother has stopped him. He is very under the thumb.

^so it's clearly not that the mother isn't getting back-up from the father. She is but she's stopping him.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 25-Nov-12 14:49:09

Meh. He's still as bad as the mother though isnt he?

So does it really bloody matter? hmm Such nit picking!

Janeatthebarre Sun 25-Nov-12 14:59:28

The B&G are NBU. Maybe if more of us behaved like this instead of gritting our teeth and smiling insincerely when other people's children behave like annyoing little brats and are let away with murder, more of these idiotic parents would start putting manners on their children and realise that 'no, they are not cute little things that everyone loves unconditionally - they are rude, obnoxious and growing up to be totally dislikeable people through no fault of their own.
Does it occur to this mother who is so desperate for her children to love her that she is actually turning them into people that no one else will love? Selfish behaviour, really

JustFabulous Sun 25-Nov-12 15:03:30

I would say I understand the mother's reasoning behind her not disciplining her children but I would get a major kicking, I know it.

FirmlyInTheClosetAsImAMonster Sun 25-Nov-12 15:04:31

Obviously the bride and groom are being unreasonable for deliberately excluding young children. They're behaving like children themselves, it's like we're all back in school and they're picking teams and deliberatly leave a kid out. Ridiculous. And to let everyone know that these children have been excluded is also horrific and just plain mean. Why is it any of your business the way those parents choose to parent their kids?!?! angry

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 25-Nov-12 15:06:42

Because they behave atrociously and are a liability to have at an event like a wedding?

Mrsjay Sun 25-Nov-12 15:08:39

these children are unruly and dangerous throwing glasses around picking up other peoples food and you think this is ok for a 10 yr old and a 7 yr old to behave ? firmly are these your children .

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 15:10:22

I can't understand the parent's motivation for doing all this really either. If I'm being generous, I would say it's with good intentions, just extremely misguided. They are not lazy people, they just seem to think (or at least thought) this was the right thing to do. And obviously it was always going to backfire spectacularly. The only thing I don't get with them is why they are so perplexed that other people won't tolerate it. As I said up thread, they seem to realise their DCs are out of control, but their annoyance at this invitation seems to show just how much they feel other people should accept it and make allowances for it.

The father is just as bad, I suspect there would be fireworks if he spoke up now, but tbh I don't see what else they can do. A reaction from the father might be just what the DCs need. My only hope is that their rejection from the wedding is enough to make the parents realise just how unacceptable their parenting is.

I feel sorry for the DCs too, very much so.

BegoniaBampot Sun 25-Nov-12 15:10:31

firmly - are you the childrens's mother?

HecatePropylaea Sun 25-Nov-12 15:11:56

Maybe it's time people were honest with her.

See. We're not there to be our children's friends. That's not our role. Our job is to raise them to be good, nice, independent (as far as possible, depends on circs) people who will go into the world and lead a productive life, and who will be decent to those around them and not be selfish shits.

We simply cannot do that if we are trying to avoid doing anything that has the short term effect of pissing them off grin. We have a duty to look at the long term. And yes, that means that there will be times when they hate us. There will be times when they storm out of the room and give us the finger behind the closed door (and we yell STOP DOING THAT and they wonder how the hell we knew and it's because we did the exact same thing to our parents... grin )

When you make being their friend your priority - you let them down. you can be there for them, a good support, have fun, laugh together and love each other - but at the end of the day you have to look at the person you're raising and do what is required.

And that means accepting that they won't always like you. And being ok with that.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 15:12:22

Firmly, the children have not been told they are excluded, and the B&G have not publicised why they have not invited them. People have drawn their own (correct) conclusions as to why based on their prior behaviour.

Bride has confided in me because she was afraid she was in the wrong. I have told her she is not.

NapaCab Sun 25-Nov-12 15:12:48

I don't think it's fair to exclude the children and make an example of them. Why invite the parents at all when it's their behaviour that's at fault, not the children? Children will only behave as well as they're taught to so if their parents don't discipline then, how are they supposed to know any better?

It's mean to exclude the children and focus on them as though they're the villains here when really they're just doing what their parents allow them to do. The bride and groom should just have not invited the parents and said that it was because of their children's behaviour at the previous wedding and then the message would still get across to the parens without singling out their children above anyone else's.

Mrsjay Sun 25-Nov-12 15:13:00

you are right Tidy the mother seems to think people should accept these childrens behaviour nobody has too she can parent how she likes but this is the result people will only take so much of it,

piprabbit Sun 25-Nov-12 15:13:41

The saddest thing is that the children may still not grow up loving their mother. They will resent the lack of boundaries and probably grow up feeling that she didn't care enough about them to parent them properly.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 25-Nov-12 15:13:44

Hecate, have I ever mentioned that I am deeply in love with you?

Mrsjay Sun 25-Nov-12 15:14:51

Everything hectate said except my children mutter to themselves , you are not your kids mate imo

HecatePropylaea Sun 25-Nov-12 15:15:30

If you fail to raise your children well - to the point where people dislike their behaviour enough to not want to be around them - you have utterly failed as a parent. Utterly.

I agree with napa actually. I would have not invited the lot of them and been honest with the parents why.

HecatePropylaea Sun 25-Nov-12 15:17:04

grin annie. does your love involve sending me chocolate...

JustFabulous Sun 25-Nov-12 15:17:24

thanks to Hecate for posting the long post as I helps me.

Mrsjay Sun 25-Nov-12 15:17:53

If you fail to raise your children well - to the point where people dislike their behaviour enough to not want to be around them - you have utterly failed as a parent. Utterly

<basking in the Hetate wisdom>

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 15:20:31

Exactly Hecate.

The parents are nice people despite the children's behaviour. It would be quite a surprise for any of you to meet them and then see how the DCs are.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 25-Nov-12 15:21:29

Now when my DB got married, rather a long time ago now, he had a child-free wedding except for mine, because he said he knew my boys knew how to behave smile They did not let us down.

It's so sad for the children. They go to school with yours, children talk. They will know that they weren't invited and all the other children were. They're 10 and 7, they may understand they were not wanted. Bloody parents. angry

Anniegetyourgun Sun 25-Nov-12 15:22:15

Sorry, Hecate, I ate the chocolate sad

Look on the bright side, it means I get fatter and you don't.

FirmlyInTheClosetAsImAMonster Sun 25-Nov-12 15:25:26

I still think it is disgraceful.

ProphetOfDoom Sun 25-Nov-12 15:26:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 15:27:44

MrsTerry, that's another aspect of it. The whole thing is a bit of a sorry mess.

B&G didn't want to not invite good friends, but similarly did not want a repeat of the last wedding. Had they been able to speak with the couple before someone else jumped in there, they would've given an explanation of some kind. They will still do this, but obviously by then resentment may well have built up.

My DS is the only one of the group's DCs that go to school with the badly behaved DCs. He's not in the same class as either. There is of course a chance that other DCs at the wedding that I don't know will also be going to the wedding, but I'm not sure.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 15:28:34

Firmly, could you explain why? Would you want your wedding ruined?

Panzee Sun 25-Nov-12 15:31:34

Oh my, the bride and groom are my heroes! I utterly admire the stance they've taken. I'm not sure I would have been so brave myself, but in this situation I would totally want to be. smile

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 15:32:10

Firmly - "Why is it any of your business the way those parents choose to parent their kids?!?!"

This is what I object to most in your comments. When children's bad behaviour and the parent's lack of discipline inpact upon others, it becomes everyone's business who is affected by it. And a B&G having their wedding ruined by two children? Of course it's their business! It's more than a bit ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

TheMonster Sun 25-Nov-12 15:33:11

They are not being unreasonable at all.

At my wedding, one child ended up in the fountain and there was almost a punch up with another two. The punch up was initiated by some Dfriends' children who are brought up differently to ours, shall we say. At our wedding it didn't matter, the children outnumbered us and we don't care. If I wanted a formal wedding, naice and all that, I would have been livid.

People's parenting does impact on others.

AmIthatScary Sun 25-Nov-12 15:42:56

God, how can anyone seriously think that B & G are unreasonable. It's their wedding, why on earth should they let other parents' lack of parenting ruin their day.

Mean hmm. Hardly

DontmindifIdo Sun 25-Nov-12 15:45:37

Firmly - the problem is the children aren't little, they are 7 and 10, they are well past the 'oh, you expect noise from a toddler' stage, they are definately old enough to behave properly, the B&G's problem is they don't. So they have a choice, invite them knowing they will behave badly or not invite them. If htey go for not inviting them, do they exclude all children to avoid looking like they are 'picking' on them, or do they invite the other children they are happy to have there?

Quite frankly, the parents shouldn't expect other people to have their events ruined because of the parental choices they've made. If you've taken the decision raise your DCs in a way that they don't know how to behave, and won't teach them, then this is to be expected. And this is just the start - as they get older, if they've not been taught how to behave, they will start being excluded by their contempories from parties etc because people don't like people who behave like arses (see above with the woman who's friend's boyfriend got drunk and rude), normal people hate adults like this, they need to be taught to be well behaved as children. It's going to be a sharp learning curve when they grow up, can you imagine what they are going to be like in the work place...

If you invite a baby, you have to expect it's going to cry at all the wrong moments.
If you invite a toddler, you have to expect a scuffle as it makes a break for the wonderful marauding-length of aisle. and is hastily hauled out of the way as the bride comes down
If you invite a three year old, they will probably make an odd comment, and find the only muddy puddle.
If you invite a 10 and a 7 year old, you do not and should not expect behavior more suited to a barn full of hooligans.

The Bride and Groom are wonderfully reasonable. They have standards- these children, the poor things, have been shortchanged by their parents, which although not their fault doesn't mean that the Bride and Groom should have to put up with their atrocious behavior. The teen years will hurt for them.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 25-Nov-12 15:54:17

B&G are NBU at all. Its their wedding - they have a right to enjoy it. If the parents of the badly behaved children dont like it then they need to do something about their children - its no one elses problem and nor should it be made so.

they sound pathetic, if they dont want to discipline their kids then they will have to get used to the consequences.

i wonder how they will cope when they are teens and acting like spoilt brats?
the parents are idiots. i wouldnt have much time for them either but certainly wouldnt tolerate their unruly children at my wedding.

they need to step up or get used to this reaction. Good on the B&G i say for taking a stand.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 15:59:12

Wankbadger has it perfectly.

The children have been tolerated in the past, when they were tots. They are not that now.

The B&G do recognise this is the fault of the parents and not the DCs, but that doesn't mean they need to accept the DCs behaviour.

OTheHugeManatee Sun 25-Nov-12 16:16:30

Firmly - "Why is it any of your business the way those parents choose to parent their kids?!?!"

If someone has paid £1 deposit per hired glass against breakages (that's what we had to pay at our wedding) and their friends' children have been parented in a way that leaves them thinking it's be a jolly good laugh to smash as many as they can get their mitts on then I'd say it absolutely is their business how the friends choose to parent their kids.

ravenAK Sun 25-Nov-12 16:19:52

Dh & I have a group of friends who regularly get together for house parties (kids in a heap of sleeping bags upstairs, adults in a heap of bottles downstairs).

One family are now not invited for very similar reasons.

There has been huffing.

Tough. We all tolerated their dc's behaviour until it reached the point where every party was impacted on by their dc being badly behaved & their complete failure to deal with it. It wasn't just the evening itself, it was the bitching behind this couple's back before & after, too. It was really poisoning a group friendship.

Eventually I someone took a stand & said 'You're welcome to come round but not to stay the night, because on several previous occasions your dc have ruined the sleepover for other children by their behaviour - you'll need to take them home at bedtime.'

There's still a fair bit of awkwardness & people feeling guilty about it, but better that than the endless 'oh strewth can't we just lock the little sods in the cellar' mutterings.

StewieGriffinsMom Sun 25-Nov-12 16:24:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannaBe Sun 25-Nov-12 16:39:34

tbh I would have been inclined not to invite any of them, although I don't blame the b&g for excluding just the children and not the whole family.

NamingOfParts Sun 25-Nov-12 16:40:44

The B&G are so NBU.

So many adult friendships are about shared values and experiences. It sounds to me like this is a friendship which has run its course. This is sad but I dont think that the B&G should have their wedding held to ransom by one family.

DH had a relative who parented largely without discipline. Sadly it caused many tensions to the point where GPs didnt want to spend time with them.

Now these children have grown into adults they are perfectly nice people but I think there have been some very hard lessons along the way.

Christelle2207 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:45:51

If it was my wedding there's no way I would let those children come. Mind you To keep the peace I'd probably make it a no children wedding or a"close family children only" wedding so as to avoid awkward conversations. If B&g are ok to have this awkward conversation with the parents then tanbu but I imagine it will cause problems.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sun 25-Nov-12 16:46:04

These parents should be ashamed of themselves. It is their responsibility to raise these children to know how to behave, and instill some discipline in them. 10 and 7 is not an acceptable age to be running around screaming and smashing things.
If my children behaved like that, I would be ashamed to take them out in public.
The B&G are not BU in any way to not have their special day spoiled by these awful sounding children. Their parents need to wake up and see the damage that they are doing to their children.

Christelle2207 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:46:27

No way I would invite them I mean, some kids I didn't invite to my wedding still turned up!!!!

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 16:49:13

On the issue of whether or not to leave the whole family out instead of just the DCs, I think the B&G were trying to make the best of a bad situation tbh. They really desperately wanted the parents there, and would definitely have told them the reason in a gentle way if possible. They will still speak with them I'm sure, just that the parents brought up the subject of why their DCs were not invited with someone else and they speculated that it was because the DCs are badly behaved.

B&G would not have let the parents show up thinking it was a childfree wedding.

B&G are definitely not being unreasonable.

A relative of DHs started a fight with another family member at a wedding prior to ours, and was very offensive to most of the family.

Needless to say he wasn't invited to ours.

mrskeithrichards Sun 25-Nov-12 17:37:26

My thinking is a bit all or nothing with these things (ie everyone's partners or none or all friends kids or none) but understand where this isn't possible.

This does sound a bit mean to me but if their behaviour really is that bad, well fair enough.

cory Sun 25-Nov-12 18:03:54

Firmly you can't have it both ways:

either the bride & groom have to invite these children to their wedding- and then it jolly well is their business how they behave, as it's their wedding that will be spoiled and it will be they who have to make up any damages to the owners of the venue/catering firm

or else they can decide not to have them there because they can't have an opinion about how they behave

I do think they've handled it badly though, by letting word get round first. I would either have spoken to the parents first and asked for guarantees that the children would be removed at the first sign of bad behaviour, or else have left the whole family out.

Cahooots Sun 25-Nov-12 18:08:09

My DSis's two DC are like this and they are similar ages. I love my nieces to bits. They are georgeous but they are naughty and very hyper. hmm They shriek and are constantly jiggling about, I feel exhausted after spending the day with them. I certainly would not want to have to invite them to a formal do. confused I know my DSis and my DBil are a bit crap at parenting but I believe they do their best and they are aware of their DD's behaviour. I feel sorry for them and don't judge them. I guess it would be different if they didn't care. I don't think these things are always totally the parents fault.

I feel everyone is being very harsh on the parents of the not invited DC's although I still think the B and G are being reasonable by not inviting the DC though.

lovebunny Sun 25-Nov-12 18:09:11

quite right not to invite badly behaved children.

Floggingmolly Sun 25-Nov-12 18:10:23

Of course they're not being unreasonable. Good on them for taking a pre emptive strike on their wedding being turned into a circus by undisciplined brats who have form for running amok at gatherings. Their mother mother actually refuses to discipline hem hmm.
I'd disinvite the lot of them if they continued to make an issue of it.

EasilyBored Sun 25-Nov-12 18:15:23

Well I think this is a very good learning point for the mother. There are consequences for your behaviour and all that. If you let your children be hideous in public, then they don't get invited.

Now all she needs to do is filter that lesson down.

B and G are very much NBU. Good on them for taking a stand.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 18:18:11

The B&G are nice people, honestly they were just trying to find a way to share their day with their friends. They would have spoken with the parents at the first opportunity, it's just that someone else saw them first. The subject was definitely raised by the parents, and the friend who had the conversation hadn't been told that the children's behaviour was at the root of their lack of invite, they just assumed based on history.

The parents are nice people really, just got some odd ideas about parenting I suppose. They are not intentionally lazy, the situation they are in and how the DCs behave is like a by-product of what I suppose are bad choices. I sympathise with them for the position they are in now, but it is the DCs who are suffering.

Remotecontrolduck Sun 25-Nov-12 18:29:06

I think the Bride and Groom are being totally reasonable

The parents of these two little horrors need a wake up call. If they're a liabilty, they should be excluded and the parents informed why

I seriously cannot stand behaviour like this. It impacts on everyone so it's not a case of 'other people can parent how they want'. Well, they can. Just not at someone else's wedding.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 25-Nov-12 18:35:01

Its a shame that schools are not alowed to do this for trips.

GreenEggsAndNichts Sun 25-Nov-12 18:44:51

B&G are definitely NBU.

This is the sort of situation that leads some people to just exclude all children from their wedding. They don't want to deal with an uncomfortable situation with one or two families with ill-behaved children, so they put in a blanket ban. I think this is a far better solution.

Especially since the children are old enough to have been taught better by now.

44SoStartingOver Sun 25-Nov-12 18:58:02

I just know that if I were a friend of the bride and groom, my children would choose this particular wedding to behave appallingly.

I would be publicly shamed forever. Even when they normally behave beautifully.

But my kids like to make sure they choose exactly the right moment to kick off.

But I don't see the b&g are being u.

I think the b&g are BU by not inviting the children, but inviting the adults. The children were not born like that (and no one is mentioning SEN) their parents have allowed the behaviour to develop. Yes it's the children who are being singled out as unwelcome.

And yes I do know parents who refuse to discipline their children ( because they feel it limits their DCs creativity to be told 'no') but I don't blame the children for the fact that their behaviour is appalling. Actually I feel sorry for them because no one wants to play with them.

So, I understand why the b&g did it, but I think it's pretty unkind. They should have not invited the whole family, and been honest about their reasons.

QuanticoVirginia Sun 25-Nov-12 19:36:31

Its a shame that schools are not allowed to do this for trips

They certainly ban badly behaved children from trips at my sons' school. One boy behaved badly on atrip putting himself and others in danger and he wasn't allowed on any others for the rest of the year and then was 'on probation' for trips the following year.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 25-Nov-12 19:46:24

good to know that some schools do it smile

"(and no one is mentioning SEN)"

Its more disgusting that some people would excuse bad behaviour by invoking SEN.

Sokmonsta Sun 25-Nov-12 19:48:04

I have 2 child free weddings next year. One I know for sure my children are not invited but at least one other couple will have their dc there. I'm not bothered as it'll be a rare and appreciated occasion for dh and I. The other couple'd dc is godson to the bride so of course they have a closer relationship. Plus I've got 4 kids who'd need catering for. Tis a no brainer.

The second wedding involves travel and two overnight stays. It's a smaller, second wedding for both parties. There may well be other children there. Again, b&g choice. I'm not offended. Dh is best man (again) for his best mate. He's godfather to one of our 4 but actually, it would be a pita having our children there and would impact on the occasion greatly.

I'm sure the b&g will tactfully explain why they don't want that couples children there. But others who say anything are just stirring, getting their own feelings across and trying to blame it on someone else so they can be all sympathetic. They are the ones being truly U and should butt out.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 19:52:10

They will be honest about their feelings, this is not a secret to the parents that other people think their DCs are badly behaved, as I said up thread, they know this and they are not trying to sugar coat it. The B&G just didn't want to exclude their friends and this was the only way they could have them there. They were not willing to have the children do what they did at a prior wedding. I don't blame them at all.

It's really not unkind, and hopefully it will be the turning point in getting the parents to do something about the behaviour.

There are no SNs.

JustFabulous Sun 25-Nov-12 20:09:32

"It's a shame that schools are not alowed to do this for trips."

BoneyBackJefferson - I thought you meant school trips to weddings blushgrin.

McChristmasPants2012 Sun 25-Nov-12 20:15:07

It's a shame your friends had to make this decsion, but i can understand the reason behind it.

Adversecamber Sun 25-Nov-12 20:15:44

I say hurrah to the bride and groom , they are nbu at all.

ajandjjmum Sun 25-Nov-12 20:27:20

It could be the wake up call both the parents and their children need.

You behave badly, you get excluded from nice things.

Rudolphstolemycarrots Sun 25-Nov-12 20:54:25

At 7 and 10 their behavior should be impeccable on formal social occasions. Even my 4 year old and toddler can mange that!

I think the children do need to know they have been excluded from the event for previous bad behaviour. I think a little honestly would really help them and their parents in the long run. It takes a whole community to raise a child they say.

If really bad behaviour were to happen at school, there would be serious repercussions.

Why would a couple spend thousands on a wedding only for some horrors to turn thier special day into a nightmare.

ilikemysleep Sun 25-Nov-12 20:54:35

I think B and G were in an awkward position and I think they have made a decision which may ensure their day goes well, but will probably destroy their friendship.

No-one has mentioned SEN as you say, and apparently in this case there are none. However, if there were SENs would that change things? My eldest is 11 and autistic. He probably would be okay but a crowd stresses him and he could meltdown if additional things went wrong - for example, if someone knocked over his drink. This would involve extremely loud screeching and crying and would certainly draw attention. Obviously I would take my ds away from the situation asap (he cannot be touched when in meltdown). I hate to think that any of my friends would want to not invite me or my son to their wedding, but the fact is, he could 'behave badly'. Those of you saying b and g are not unreasonable, would it be unreasonable not to invite my ds, who may also 'behave badly' because if his sen? Genuinely curious.

Boneybackjefferson, I am terribly sorry that you consider it disgusting that I explain (not excuse) my son's behaviour by invoking his sen. The fact that his sen is the cause of that behaviour, I assume, doesn't matter to perfect parents such as yourself.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 25-Nov-12 21:05:21

You are not invoking SEN, your DS has a need.
My disgust is with people who excuse bad behaviour by saying its caused by SEN, not with children who have SEN.

In my experience SEN children try their hardest to behave which can cause them even more stress.

DeWe Sun 25-Nov-12 21:17:54

I think it sounds sensible.

If you have one set of children running around, other, better behaved children will be much more likely to join them. Firstly if there's others running around the parents may assume it's fine, secondly it is much harder to keep your child sitting nicely if others are running around.

If I was at a wedding and 2 dc of those ages were running round I might well end up sitting in the car with ds (age 5) to stop him joining. If there weren't children running around, I wouldn't have to do more than tell him that he wasn't allowed to run round.

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 21:33:13

I think that's different iliketosleep, the overriding impression I get from my friends is that it's the parents inaction when their DCs misbehave that causes the resentment and therefore less good nature (if you will) in tolerating the DCs.

Wrt your DS, I don't want to patronise you or him and say that you would excuse any meltdown, but really that's what it comes down to. Any person, even a B or G, who would exclude a child with SEN on the basis of what might happen would not be someone I would want to associate with. I can't anticipate that a meltdown would ruin anything. With the DCs that are excluded from the wedding I am talking about, it is constant bad behaviour, maurauding about the place and the parents doing nothing about it. That is not what you are talking about.

I don't know if I'm explaining it properly really. I hope the intent is coming over.

EverybodysSnowyEyed Sun 25-Nov-12 21:42:01

the only thing I think the B&G have been unreasonable about is the way the parents were told. It sounds like they received the invite and B&G were going to call later to explain. They should have called before sending the invite.

I don't think they are unreasonable, I agree that it is surprising that the childrens parents seem to think the behaviour should just be accepted

EverybodysSnowyEyed Sun 25-Nov-12 21:45:39

iliketosleep - the difference is not between the children but between the parenting

i assume that if you took your ds to a wedding you would be trying to make the situation as stress free as possible. It sounds like the parents in the OP just stand back and watch.

ethelb Sun 25-Nov-12 22:05:09

Tbh I think that lots of child free weddings are made child free to avoid inviting THAT family. Good on the bride and groom for being honest.

quesadilla Sun 25-Nov-12 23:34:24

Don't blame B&G but by God it's going to cause an unholy row.

pigletmania Mon 26-Nov-12 00:00:50

The bride n groom are right, you don't discipline your kids you suffer the consequences. B&g should stick to their guns

Bogeyface Mon 26-Nov-12 00:25:50

I agree that with regard to SEN it isnt the child that is the issue but the parenting. My cousins son has severe SEN, he was invited to my wedding and I went out of my way to make sure that everything was as stress free for him (and his mum!) as possible. He did get very loud and shouty at one point, but that was fine, because it was a part of his issues.

At a friends wedding we went to was the child of a good friend of the groom who sounds very much like the children the OP was referring to. No discipline, no one stopped her yelling her head off during the speeches, walking up to people on other tables and taking their food (seriously!). But when my cousins son was being loud and shouty, no one minded because they knew it was a part of his issues. The little girl was a product of her lazy parents who decided that a wedding was a time for them to get pissed and everyone else to take care of their DD. I got quite pissed off, and when my DD (then aged 8 and younger than PITA child) said "you should sit down and behave properly" grin I got a mouthful off her mother for raising robots!

Good for the B&G.

Bogeyface Mon 26-Nov-12 00:30:44

Sorry, my first sentence got mixed up thanks to the ipad!

I meant that with regard to children behaving badly it isnt SEN that is the issue, but the parent.

MamyPoko Mon 26-Nov-12 09:32:20

I don't see how it's a wake up call for the parents, or how they are suffering the consequences for their parenting decisions, if they are welcome at the wedding (and, I think, at the OP's future wedding) without their children.

Bride and groom are within their rights to take a stand, but if the fault lies with the parents, isn't this a cop-out? Don't invite any of them.

bottleofbeer Mon 26-Nov-12 10:58:39

I know of someone with kids like this. I'm a pretty tolerant person of kids and their behaviour at times. I've got four of my own and there isn't a tantrum at the worst possible time or place I've not been the victim of grin.

But my word, these kids are something else. The little girl, ugh, there is something so obviously wired wrong that as horrible as it sounds, she makes me shudder. She's so conniving, manipulative and just generally horrible that I really don't want my own daughter anywhere near her.

The parents are sooooo self absorbed that YES to the point that if your children are that awful to be around you have totally failed. It's come up time and again within groups of friends who know them. You can see people feel awkward broaching the subject but at some point every single person who knows these kids have said something along the lines of "is it just me or is that child really difficult to be around?". It's never been about bitching, it's been about people tentatively putting wondering if it's odd to feel that way about a child and massive relief when they're told that no, it's not just them.

I had a child free wedding but even if I hadn't she wouldn't have got within a million miles of it. Sounds shocking doesn't it? but I just cannot articulate what it is about her. I find myself feeling genuinely concerned for the kids she comes across in her life and as she grows up.

OTheHugeManatee Mon 26-Nov-12 15:52:54

bottleofbeer Does she levitate near the ceiling? Projectile vomit whilst blaspheming, perhaps? Does her head rotate all the way round?

If so I can understand your concern grin

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Mon 26-Nov-12 16:03:04

I dont think they are being unreasonable at all, but my god theyve got some balls!!!

Floggingmolly Mon 26-Nov-12 16:19:04

Only equalled by the kid's parents, Cantbelieve. They stood by and watched their kids trash one wedding party already, remember.

Proudnscary Mon 26-Nov-12 16:27:23

They're not being unreasonable.

But I would never do this.

We have friends with awfully behaved kids (one in particular), we'd never exclude them - possibly lack of balls but overall I think I just couldn't hurt their feelings like that.

I don't mind a bit of chaos/drama/craziness/noise at weddings - even my own - so I can't see it bothering me unless they set fire to my dress or sat on the wedding cake or summat.

You say you support the bride's decision. Does that mean you will say that to the friend if she asks you or talks to you about this?

maisiejoe123 Mon 26-Nov-12 16:30:08

Many years ago a friend of mine only allowed children over the age of 12 to her wedding. There werent that many of her friends who had children this old but she thought making it a reasonable age would make it a more grown up wedding.

One of her friends turned up with a BF baby - said she couldnt possibly leave them at home. Planted herself in the front row (so the baby could see what was going on and had to be moved because that was where the direct relatives were sitting!) and then completely ruined the service by allowing the baby to cry, talked loudly to try and sooth it and generally make the vows and the serious service a complete right off....

I know BF babies are different but the bride was in tears so I think her friend was being incredibly selfish to behave like this and make it all about her.....

I know we will all say we wouldnt do that, sit at the back etc etc but there are more people out there like this than you think!

bubalou Mon 26-Nov-12 16:39:24

Their wedding their choice.

I had lots of family & friends with small children so I didn't want to exclude them from my wedding - 5 years ago now.

I also 'snobby or not I don't give a shit' did not want crying all the way through the ceremony which I had seen at a few weddings. So me & DH paid for a 'creche' during the ceremony. The staff were all checked / nursery staff / qualified etc and they played games - had a soft play area set up - painted plates etc & did crafts.

It was great - yes it cost about £300 but in the grande scheme of things that we paid for was nothing. The ceremony went so smoothly & all the parent commented on how great it was.

I went to a close friends wedding 7 months later - they had decided not to book the creche - she had her sister in laws kid crying almost all the way through!!!! The mum didn't take the baby out until the organiser from the venue asked her to! Their video of the ceremony was ruined.

maisiejoe123 Mon 26-Nov-12 17:12:46

I have seen creches set up but its the tricky children who refuse to attend a creche and scream the place down who end up sitting in the front row of the ceremony causing havoc.

Why are people so selfish in letting their children cry during weddings and ruin it for the rest by doing nothing. For goodness sake sit at the back and take them out the minute they start. But they dont do they..... And dont get me started on the people who let their children wander up and down the aisle!

bubalou Mon 26-Nov-12 17:26:23

I know. We were very lucky - and organised. There was a separate marquee next to us where it was set up.

I did say on my invitations and was very good friends with or family to those with the children that I let them know their options clearly.

1, They let their hair down if they want & leave the kids with some1 else at home

2, They bring them & they go in the creche during the ceremony.

There was no third option.

We paid for a specialist, qualified creche all CRB checked etc with activities for all ages. I had a cousin who was a little shit and he was 6 at the time so I stated all children under 8 had to go in there.

I don't regret it - beautiful quiet ceremony was perfect.

maisiejoe123 Mon 26-Nov-12 17:36:47

Only had a small wedding myself and no children because litererally I had to keep guests to a bare minimum. However what would you do if a relative or friend's child refuses to go into the creche?

I suspect most parents would eventually agree the child could come into the wedding if they promised to behave.... and then of course they dont!

You wouldnt be there to sort it out and I expect any ushers would not feel comfortable grabbing a screaming child and insist they went into the creche!

I did attend a wedding where during the cermoney (which was particularly important to the B&G) no children were allowed into the chuch. They could come to the reception but not the church. They told all their guests that they would not be allowed in well in advance, took some flak from some guests who thought they were of course the exception but they were firm. Only a smallish wedding so I think its easier to control but its the 200+ guests that could prove a bit of a nightmare because there are always one or two!

TidyDancer Mon 26-Nov-12 17:42:24

Proud, yes I would back my friend up. The children's behaviour was so unbelievable the last time around that I'm surprised this has not come up in the interim.

Bride is speaking to parents tonight. Groom is working, or would be there too.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Mon 26-Nov-12 18:36:49

TANBU. Good for them.

Iactuallydothinkso Mon 26-Nov-12 19:52:19

I certainly echo the sentiment that the bride and groom have balls and tits of steel! Hurrah for them! It will probably be awkward for them though.

Had a similar situation for the last few years. Large group of friends, one family would not tell their kids off for anything, none of the rest of the kids liked their company, they were rude and obnoxious and had no manners at all and the parents condoned it. We just stopped having parties, nobody could face telling them, very opinionated parents too so we all just stopped having parties. Now we do it in secret! It's pathetic really but easier.

MrsMelons Mon 26-Nov-12 20:19:04

I think this thread has the most NBU I have ever seen (all bar one in 7 pages?).

I have no idea what I would do in this situation but quite possibly just invite the parents for the evening as IMO that bit is for the grown ups anyway so may have made it easier.

We had a child free wedding other than immediate family mainly for numbers as it would have double the guest list but also because I wanted people to enjoy the day without lots of kids running around.

My friends has DCs that have a tendancy to break things as well as any house rules and I tend to invite her to meet up with us at MacD's or a play area rather than at my house. I do have to exclude them if I have gatherings at home as it is way too stressful. If she asked I would have to tell her but so far she hasn't realised. All our friends do this with her and her DCs though.

Well done to the B&G for having the balls to do this although they should have spoken to them before sending the invites out.

Proudnscary Mon 26-Nov-12 21:40:07

Tidy - that's great because otherwise the bride could end up being demonised if friends aren't honest about why these kids aren't invited and make it clear that they agree with the decision.

bubalou Thu 29-Nov-12 07:53:08

Maisiejoe - I didn't have a problem with parents putting their children in the crèche as I spoke to them all in person when I gave out the invitations - or I called them when I sent it out.

They were all very reasonable & completely fine with it, no issues at all. I was quite clear that the options were to put them in the crèche or not bring them - more than fair I think. We paid for a crèche, paid for their meals & a children's entertainer in the evening. If they kicked up a fuss I would have no problem telling them to leave them at home - especially as almost all weddings I have been to in last 5 years have been child free.

Bogeyface Thu 29-Nov-12 11:15:39

Tidy how did the bride get on?

MissM Thu 29-Nov-12 12:40:20

When we got married my then two year-old niece screamed and rolled on the floor throughout our vows. My SIL and brother didn't take her out, and I have never quite forgiven them. We'd written our own vows and it was really important to me that everyone heard what we had to say, and most people didn't.

Your friends are brave, but completely in the right. If people's kids can't behave then the parents have to either take responsibility not to let their bad behaviour affect others, or take the consequences.

5Foot5 Thu 29-Nov-12 13:55:03

The parents are angry the DCs have been excluded from this wedding and are thinking of confronting their friends.

Bring it on! The B&G have done the right thing and if confronted should (calmly) tell the truth.

pinkyredrose Thu 29-Nov-12 21:10:11

MissM that's awful ! I would've been so upset!

MissM Thu 29-Nov-12 21:46:03

I was! I've tried and tried over the years to be chilled about it, but I can't quite manage it.

foslady Fri 30-Nov-12 00:11:31

I had an obnoxious child at my wedding - and I'd planned mine to be totally child friendly. Even though the marriage failed, I still feel a bit twitchy when I remember said child standing right next to us at the alter, stamping her feet and rattling a bag of quavers whilst parents just left her there (she wanted to be with her daddy, our best man.......hmm, especially when her parents got married I stayed in the lobby entertaining my child missing it all.......and don't even get me started on both their reception and mine.....angry

foslady Fri 30-Nov-12 00:12:00

Oops - forgot to add, totally with bride and groom......

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