To think me posting a pic of myself and boyfriend on Facebook is not wrong?

(78 Posts)
InterstateSally Sun 25-Nov-12 11:23:36

Been together just under 6 months. He's worried sick about upsetting his kids (been divorced 2 years and his kids are 15 and 17 btw) and doesn't want me posting anything on Facebook about 'us' for that reason - yet he reckons he's told them about me!!??

Ages ago he said "you can put stuff on facebook, just don't tag me in it"

I have a lovely pic of us both together in a nightclub, a professional one. WIBU to upload it as my profile pic??

kinkyfuckery Sun 25-Nov-12 11:24:58

Why would it be unreasonable? He's said he's okay about you posting things, just don't tag him.

I'd be concerned about the whys though!

Novia Sun 25-Nov-12 11:26:02

So long as you don't tag him in it, what difference would it make to him? Presumably his kids aren't your FB friends so wouldn't see it til he linked to your profile?

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 25-Nov-12 11:26:17

Make your profile private as well, so only your friends can see it.

frootshoots Sun 25-Nov-12 11:26:31

Hmm, worried about the 'kids' eh? That ol' chestnut!

LineRunner Sun 25-Nov-12 11:28:08

I guess he doesn't want his family to see you two together. 'Worried sick' is quite a strong reaction tbh. Do you have any idea why?

valiumredhead Sun 25-Nov-12 11:28:56

Well, it could be that old chestnut or it could be exactly what he said, you've not been together even 6 months and he probably doesn't want his kids to find out via FB. Sounds responsible to me unless he's given you other reasons to worry.

Why would you want to make such a public announcement of being with him if he wants to keep you secret? I had this with an ex - he threw a big wobbly about a pic of us together on FB, turns out he was cheating on me and didn't want the OW to see it.

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 25-Nov-12 11:29:47

Teenagers can be unreasonable without cause when dealing with a parent's relationships. he might just be avoiding a fight with them. Or you could still be a big secret to everyone in his personal life.

scuzy Sun 25-Nov-12 11:31:48

when you say professional did you hire someone to take pics of you in a nightclub? confused

InterstateSally Sun 25-Nov-12 11:31:48

But he reckons he told them about me months ago and they were fine about it!

InterstateSally Sun 25-Nov-12 11:32:26

Scuzy no it was the nightclubs own photographer that goes around taking pics of couples/groups.

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 25-Nov-12 11:32:31

Any proof he's done that?

InterstateSally Sun 25-Nov-12 11:32:57


corlan Sun 25-Nov-12 11:34:13

Have you met any of his friends or family?

If he's still keeping you a secret after 6 months, you need to stop and take a look at that big red flag waving in front of you (sorry).

frootshoots Sun 25-Nov-12 11:35:56

I'd bet my left tit that his family know nothing of you. And half of my right tit that he's not divorced.

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 25-Nov-12 11:35:59

Or accept it as a fun relationship with no deeper expectations.

onetiredmummy Sun 25-Nov-12 11:36:42

If you don't tag him its fine. If he wants he can pretend you are a friend or someone he met that night confused

No he hasn't told his kids. He's lying to you.

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 25-Nov-12 11:36:59

How much do you know about him, outside of your relationship?

InterstateSally Sun 25-Nov-12 11:38:23

I know Corlan, I just wanted confirmation really that I'm not being a bunny boiler.

I knew it was unnatural to still not have met anyone after 6 months yet when I say this to him he acts like I'm "rushing things".

This upcoming holiday - I can't post anything on Facebook about it (or any pics when we return) as he doesn't want his kids to know about it. I said "well, surely they'll find out eventually?" (I'm meaning when I eventually meet them) and he said "err not necessarily" - so is he not intending to let me meet them at all???

onetiredmummy Sun 25-Nov-12 11:40:29

My instinct is that he's not divorced/does not intend to get divorced.

Do you only see him at certain times that cannot be rearranged? Have you been to his house?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 25-Nov-12 11:40:44

Why do you want to be in a relationship with this bloke? He has his own children and is still acting like a 14 year old with spots.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 25-Nov-12 11:42:30

It is not 'his kids' he's worrying about.

How often do you seem him? How often do you stay over at each others?

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 25-Nov-12 11:45:41

'I said "well, surely they'll find out eventually?" (I'm meaning when I eventually meet them) and he said "err not necessarily" - so is he not intending to let me meet them at all???'

It sounds like a short-term relationship.

mamababa Sun 25-Nov-12 11:46:26

Haven't you started another thread saying you think you want to split up? Why do you want to post a photo of you if you think he's dull and it's over? confused

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 25-Nov-12 11:46:31

Are you going to any Christmas dos with his workmates?

ItsALongWayToPickAWilly Sun 25-Nov-12 11:46:51

I wouldn't say it was unnatural to have not met any of his family after 6 months. I don't think I introduced DP until nearly a year in, I'm quite a private person though.

He does sound as if he's hiding something though. I'd put it as my profile picture, see what his reaction is and decide what he's up to from there.

KenLeeeeeee Sun 25-Nov-12 11:48:10

I'd bet my left tit that his family know nothing of you. And half of my right tit that he's not divorced.


YANBU, he is very unreasonable. Like the others say, it sounds to me as though they don't know about you.

LineRunner Sun 25-Nov-12 11:52:45

I know we might seem a cynical bunch, OP, but it's sadly from experience of human nature.

You will kind of know deep down if your boyfriend's reactions are proportionate or not.

You've at least met his friends? That's a bit of a give-away.

InterstateSally Sun 25-Nov-12 11:52:57

No I'm not invited to any of his Christmas work do's although he tells me he'll be going on about 4 of them. No suggestions of me meeting his mum over Christmas (which considering he mentioned me meeting her months ago you would have thought Christmas would be the perfect opportunity).

AlphaBeta82 Sun 25-Nov-12 11:54:46

I had something very similar and turned out man was 'happily' married!

AlphaBeta82 Sun 25-Nov-12 11:54:49

I had something very similar and turned out man was 'happily' married!

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 25-Nov-12 11:54:58

Perhaps you are the OW, OP.

InterstateSally Sun 25-Nov-12 11:55:20

We see each other about 3/4 nights a week. He spends all of Saturday day time with me up until about 3pm when he goes to pick up his kids.

If I cancel and ask to arrange for another night, he'll do it.

He never seems to have any night that he isn't available apart from the nights he has his kids. I honestly don't think he'd have the time to see anyone else.

I just don't understand why he wants to keep me from everyone he knows. I've met some of his friends and he always introduces me without hesitation.

InterstateSally Sun 25-Nov-12 11:56:11

I've only met his friends by accident btw - bumping into them whilst out.

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Sun 25-Nov-12 11:56:27

Hmmmm, I'd be skeptical at this point, do you want to know the truth or are you happily ignorant? It would be killing me til I got to the bottom of it, I think he's lying to you FWIW

LineRunner Sun 25-Nov-12 11:57:11

Do you sleep over at each other's houses? (If you don't mind me asking.)

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Sun 25-Nov-12 11:57:12

But when you do, does he introduce you as his grilfriend/partner what ever?

kinkyfuckery Sun 25-Nov-12 11:57:53

Have you been to his house?

SundaeGirl Sun 25-Nov-12 11:59:01

He's seeing someone else. Or wants to be.

LineRunner Sun 25-Nov-12 11:59:17

<directs spotlight into OP's face>

InterstateSally Sun 25-Nov-12 12:03:02

He sleeps at my house (he's living with his mum at the moment, I know this to be true as I have been to his mum's house, just that she wasn't in at the time) and he does introduce me as his girlfriend.

AnnaFurLact1c Sun 25-Nov-12 12:03:10

why do you keep posting again and again and again?

wasting everyone's time with the same issue.

im confused. can you answer why you keep doing it?

AnnaFurLact1c Sun 25-Nov-12 12:04:05

people give you advice and then it goes quiet for a week and then you name change and ask the same thing. Or you ask why we think he is blowing hot and cold.

mrskeithrichards Sun 25-Nov-12 12:04:15

Does he wear kids pants?

TroublesomeEx Sun 25-Nov-12 12:05:55

1) He's not divorced.
2) He's not even unhappily married.
3) He hasn't told his kids about you.
4) He has no intention of telling his kids about you.
5) He's just having a 'bit of fun' whatever his situation, and doesn't see you in his life in any meaningful capacity.

Sorry, I just can't think of a positive slant to put on this. I can't imagine many men worry about what a 15 and 17 year old would think of a new girlfriend 2 years after a divorce.

mrskeithrichards Sun 25-Nov-12 12:06:26

So he takes you to his mums house but only when she's out? How old are you all?

TroublesomeEx Sun 25-Nov-12 12:07:42

oh x post.

Petershadow Sun 25-Nov-12 12:08:17

Oh fgs, some people aren't ready for family introductions at 6 months

I think some people need to be sure before intros are made
And some people can't be certain at 6 months

5 threads in 2 days about this man OP, just ditch him.

mrskeithrichards Sun 25-Nov-12 12:15:16

Really peter? I wouldn't waste half a year waiting for someone to indicate they felt strongly enough about me to want to show me off!

I was proud as punch to show my now dh off to my parents and friends. Why wouldn't you want to? Children are different I can understand reluctance there but friends and family? After 6 months? Nah.

Random fuck buddies I used to have on the other hand were introduced to no one other than a couple of mates who happened to bump into us.

crazyhatlady Sun 25-Nov-12 12:17:12

Haven't seen your other threads but there's nothing unnatural about protecting your kids by not introducing them to someone you've only being seeing a few months. 6 months is nothing. No way would I introduce a new partner into my sons life after only a few months. Maybe he just wants to be sure this relationship is going somewhere first. It is if course also possible he just sees this as a bit of fun.

whois Sun 25-Nov-12 12:17:28

I think you would be U to tag but not post.

Even if he has told his kids ts a real slap in the face to see a photo d dad with the new bit of skirt.

LineRunner Sun 25-Nov-12 12:25:21

Where did you meet him, OP?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 25-Nov-12 12:46:18

Why can't you just ask him if he minds?

If he says no, then accept it. It's up to him if he wants his picture posted on Facebook or not.

If he has asked you not to post anything about the two of you together, then respect his wishes. He is an adult with his own mind and it's not up to you to decide whether he is right or wrong. It's his choice.

AnyFucker Sun 25-Nov-12 12:49:12

you again ?

squeakytoy Sun 25-Nov-12 12:53:08

how many weeks has this been going on.. why not just tag the fucker and see what happens??

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 25-Nov-12 12:54:40

I'm with squeakytoy.

And with all the other PPs that say get shot of this twit.

onetiredmummy Sun 25-Nov-12 13:03:59

Leave something at his mum's house by accident then go & get it at an unexpected time, you will meet his mum & can find out if he's married.

Sorry to point out the bleeding obvious but its easy to leave a few clothes & toiletries plus an old music system & TV in your old room then claim to be living there.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 25-Nov-12 13:04:49


StewieGriffinsMom Sun 25-Nov-12 13:08:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bondigidum Sun 25-Nov-12 13:31:44

I think its perfectly plausible that he doesn't want his kids to know after less than 6 months. It doesn't matter how old they are, it still can be a very sensitive and raw situation. I actually think its very mature not to introduce your kids until at the very least a year. I know if DH and I ever split and met someone new we are in agreement we wouldn't introduce until at least a year.

Fyi I only first met my dads gf by accident because we bumped into one another when I was 16. He didn't tell me about her until I was 15? and he'd been with her for around 4 years by this point. He just wanted to keep our close relationship seperate to his private relationship.

Its also plausible he's really married. I'd do what person said and leave something at his mum's house and go back for it at a random time.

pinkyredrose Sun 25-Nov-12 13:37:34

OP you've started five threads about this guy since yesterday! Maybe he doesn't want you to meet his kids because you're too intense? Just a thought.

If it isn't working then get rid, jeez!

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 25-Nov-12 13:42:14

There are lots of people with lots of different reasons for not wanting thier face on facebook.


TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat Sun 25-Nov-12 13:44:22

OP did this the other day too, under a different name, 5 threads all about this same issue.

I suspect you are the 'blowing hot & cold' poster too.

Get a fucking grip.

My feeling is, he doesn't want you meeting his kids because he is sensing bunny boiler tendencies!

brdgrl Sun 25-Nov-12 13:49:41

He's perfectly reasonable to not want his photo posted on facebook.

However, you are focusing on the wrong thing. He doesn't want people to know about you. The photo is not the point.

oldraver Sun 25-Nov-12 16:38:19

Have you posted before lots of times about the same thing or am I thinking of someone else ?

usualsuspect3 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:42:38

Some people don't want their lives all over FB.

6 months is not a long term relationship really.

bradywasmyfavouriteking Sun 25-Nov-12 17:00:24

Oh my fucking god op.

This has been going on since you had been seeing him 12 weeks.

You are a girlfriend not a partner and he doesn't want to introduce you yet. Either accept or move on.

For the love of god why are you posting the same thing over and over. Why is fb so important.

Why don't you listen to any advice?

WakeyCakey Sun 25-Nov-12 18:29:49

Just get rid ffs! Getting a bit tired of your threads on here relationships and step-parenting!
I don't think he wants to be in a relationship with you, sorry

Floggingmolly Sun 25-Nov-12 18:35:49

Who does he introduce you to as his girlfriend; when you're not "necessarily ever" going to meet his children?

Catsmamma Sun 25-Nov-12 18:45:15

you are, to steal a phrase from Friends, his twinky in the city.

if you are looking for more you are going to be disappointed.

Maybe he feels like a silly old fool for posing, in a nightclub, for a professional photo, in his forties?

Is he Peter Stringfellow?

mrskeithrichards Sun 25-Nov-12 19:26:43

I take it the op has posted about this before then?

bradywasmyfavouriteking Sun 25-Nov-12 19:42:14

Only about 12 times in the last 3 monthsish.

That's what I have seen. Haven't seen any in step parenting and I am sure I haven't seen all the ones in here. although I am always on mn

Search the OP's name, she has posted 5 times this weekend under this name, and it seems likely that she has posted before under different names.

WakeyCakey Wed 28-Nov-12 21:07:24

Yea she has been in step parenting, can't remember what it was...something like how early on in your relationship did you meet dp's children?

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