to hate my birthday

(56 Posts)
McChristmasPants2012 Sat 24-Nov-12 01:40:46

I am trying to do something for my birthday after many years of bitter disappointed.

My birthday is 11 days before christmas, it always have been lol, I understand that people are short of cash with christmas but I want one year to be a bit special.

I am just getting a bit sick of the only excuss that christmas is so close.

CarrotCruncher Sat 24-Nov-12 01:46:11

I hope you don't mind but i thought i would give you one present to cover both confused

My poor relative has a birthday on boxing day (it was awful for her)

Dryjuice25 Sat 24-Nov-12 01:46:15

is it a significant birthday? YANBU. Why not have a party if you can afford to, just for a change?

McChristmasPants2012 Sat 24-Nov-12 01:49:38

not a significant birthday, and trying to book any whaere for a party is a nightmare as every where is booked for christmas parties.

CarrotCruncher Sat 24-Nov-12 01:49:50

Go on a 2 week bender(drinking session) like that you can get both celebrations in at one time confused grin

In fact my relative used to have another birthday for the celebration later on in the year so you could do that and celebrate your birthday later/earlier in the year (spoil yourself and have a couple in the on coming year .

CarrotCruncher Sat 24-Nov-12 01:51:13

Pants i doubt all the places are booked i expect there is some cruddy pub somewhere thats not busy (only joking btw) grin

McChristmasPants2012 Sat 24-Nov-12 01:52:56

sounds like a plan smile I guess i am just venting.

My Uncle's birthday is Christmas Eve - he hates it.

My Gran used to do him a half birthday party in June when he was a kid - that way he didn't get the "one present for both" and didn't have to wait a whole year to get that one present.

Happy Birthday for 11 days thanks (I'd work the date out but I'm up because I've had a prowler and I'm a bit fraught).

NoSoggyBottoms Sat 24-Nov-12 02:27:32

I understand your annoyance and frustration....totally accepted in my book!

My B'day is on New Years Day. People are too hungover or skint to celebrate it. At best, I had a belated birthday "do"....but then it never felt like my birthday as it wasn't. I get joint presents, but my biggest annoyance is to get a birthday present wrapped in Christmas paper ("sorry, forgot to get some paper" is the usual excuse). In years past, a lot of places were closed on 1st Jan, so being a teenager was a nightmare (cinema closed, restaurants closed, etc). Just "bleugh".

Can't remember the last time I celebrated it. Oh, and DP never remembers to get me a cake, so been without a cake for last 10 years or so.

Don't get me wrong, cake and presents aren't important to me...but when I think of my b'day, its everything added together which makes me sad.

Selfish. I know.

I always feel sorry for people who have a birthday somewhere between a week or so either side of Christmas. Nephews is late Dec, FIL is just before Christmas.

Sorry for my little rant...think this hit a nerve!


I totally sympathise pants as my birthday is on the 29th. I used to get Christmas cards with "p.s. happy birthday" written on the bottom (grrr). To be honest it has never felt special as people are worn out by Christmas, and yes skint too! It doesn't matter as much now I'm an old hag but it used to really bother me years ago.
I have toyed with the idea of having a half-birthday celebration in June but have never actually done it!

ChocolateBubbleBarsmakemefat Sat 24-Nov-12 08:09:29

Totally understand, mine is 15 days before Christmas, the amount of years I got a joint present pissed me off.

With regards to going out etc, my birthday hasn't changed date in the past 30 odd nearly 40 years <sob> therefore no excuse not to budget for a night out. Poor excuse in my book.

Pascha Sat 24-Nov-12 08:14:56

DC2 is due on 30th December hmm it really wasnt planned that way and I feel terribly guilty already for all the crap birthdays to come. I was really hoping for it to arrive on about 15th/16th dec but now I'm wondering if mid January might be a better wish.

I'm christmas eve. It's never bothered me though, my mum was v strict with anyone who suggested one present, and I tended to have my parties in early January (my middle sisters birthday is early Jan so we'd have joint parties).

Noone has ever used the excuse that christmas is too close for me. I think your friends and family need a kick up the bum! angry

GrendelsMum Sat 24-Nov-12 10:30:59

TBH, you're an adult and people are unlikely to make a great deal of your birthday whatever time of year it is. There are people posting threads like this all year round.

I don't mean to say that it isn't always lovely to have a party and to enjoy being with your friends, but that you shouldn't think that you're particularly hard done by. In my experience, the people whose birthday's are made a fuss of are usually the people who organise a big do for themselves every year - people come to expect it and to look forward to it. So start holding a Christmas-free party every year, and it will become a tradition!

dawntigga Sat 24-Nov-12 14:34:41

YANBU I hate my birthday so much it colours Xmas itself, for freaking years the wastes of skin that were my parents wrapped my birthday presents in Xmas paper.

I've never had a bloody proper birthday cake either.


sad <wants to send tigga a cake>

At least I was never in school (and rarely even work!) on my birthday smile

Empross76 Sat 24-Nov-12 18:03:32

If my maths is right, I think we share the same birthday!!! Nobody really bothers with December birthdays, in my experience. Everyone is too busy. Since I've had kids, I'm too busy to bother with my own birthday! Luckily, my husband's birthday is five days after mine so we usually just go out and have a nice meal to celebrate. Can't rely on anyone else to do anything! Maybe set a date for Feb night out with your friends to celebrate belatedly? Be long enough after Xmas for everyone to be able to afford it?

LadyKatherine Sat 24-Nov-12 18:07:59

I never understand this, yes your birthday is close to christmas but it's not as if its a surprise ffs. It's on the same date every year. Surely people can put money aside for your present/card/cake/whatever earlier in the year. In the case of non perishables, they could even buy said gift earlier in the year.

LadyKatherine Sat 24-Nov-12 18:08:38

Sorry lots of years in that rant. grin

dawntigga Sat 24-Nov-12 18:24:48

everyone who gives me '1 big present' gets 1 present at Xmas with the same line - fuck em.


GrendelsMum Sat 24-Nov-12 18:42:08

We often do give each other 'one big present' in my family, whether or not the person has a birthday particularly close to Christmas. I've always thought of it as being a way to give someone something nice - but then we also tend not to spend a great deal on presents for Christmas or birthdays, so this probably makes more sense.

MushroomSoup Sat 24-Nov-12 20:59:59

I have a Christmas Day daughter who is now in her teens. We - and both our lovely families - have always done separate bday and Xmas presents. We have birthday presents with bday paper and cards and bday balloons over breakfast (the dining room is all bannered out for a bday!) then the rest of the family, including 2 more DCs, begin Christmas in the lounge, which is decorated for Christmas. Christmas dinner and birthday cake.
DD absolutely loves her birthday. Double the fun.

Groovee Sat 24-Nov-12 21:39:07

YANBU, dh is the 11th and I am the 17th. Christmas gets used as an excuse every year. One year people gave me a joint present. On their next birthday's I told them I was making their presents joint with Christmas. They never did that again. Now only the important people get an invite.

mumwithovertime Sat 24-Nov-12 23:31:21

My 3rd daughter was born on Christmas eve and it was lovely as she was born at home ( intentionally ) so was a special pressie for that year.she will be 14 this year and everyone buys separate pressies and cards, also she never has to go to school on her birthday

Fakebook Sun 25-Nov-12 00:20:33

Dawntigga, why do you do that? On every post on every thread you have that hash tag nonsense. This isn't twitter. Nothing is being trended when you do it.

Fakebook Sun 25-Nov-12 00:23:52

Sorry not hash tag, but a long sentence followed by your name and two x's.


heyannie Sun 25-Nov-12 01:10:56

OP I feel you sad My birthday is 19th Dec, no one can ever be bothered to do anything that close. I'm not fussed about presents, but I always turn up to people's birthday celebrations throughout the year, I must have been to at least a dozen in 2012, but a grand total of two people are reciprocating by coming out to my quiet and cheap drinks night, even though I tried to be flexible with the date to accommodate them sad I've all but given up trying to organise anything now. I always take my birthday off work, put a fancy frock on, bake myself a cake and occasionally open a bottle of cava grin who needs friends.

KellyMarieTunstall Sun 25-Nov-12 01:23:26

In my close family I have 3 birthdays within the Xmas period. 2 within 10 days before and 1 in 'Twixmas ' ( dont you just love that word hmm)

There has never been a missed birthday or combined present situation with any of them . They are all well over 21 so have had lots of opportunity for disappointment if it existed.Its a simple budgeting arrangement and proper friends and family should act accordingly.

YANBU. My birthday is 9 days after Christmas, so by the time they've celebrated Christmas and New Year, they are all partied and and skint and don't want to do anything. My mum put on a party for my 18th, only a handful of people turned up. I get birthday presents bought in the sale- nothing wrong with that, but they could at least remove the sale price sticker first!

DD1 has her birthday 11 days before Christmas. She'll be 11 this year. We always try to make it special for her.

Sokmonsta Sun 25-Nov-12 05:38:53

I really don't get the whole 'joint' present, unless its something big and expensive. Even with a march birthday myself, if I wanted something particularly expensive, it meant I got a much small present at Xmas.

But YANBU. I have a cousin whose birthday is the 23rd and two friends (different social circles) who are on the 27th. I've always done separate cards, presents (in the appropriate wrap) and made sure I've enough money for the night out. My biggest problem has been when both people want to celebrate on their actual day.

In fact, not only do I not mind my birthday being xmas eve, as a child I always wanted to get married on the 26th so I'd have presents three days in a row grin
Somewhat coincidentally, I ended up having a shotgun wedding, however DS1 was conceived on boxing day! wink

(Both sets of grandparents also got married on boxing day same year too! so I'd also be carrying on a bit of a tradition)

dawntigga Sun 25-Nov-12 08:00:11

Fake I've always done it, it came as a reaction to something else.


dawntigga Sun 25-Nov-12 08:01:20

Oh and I pre-date the hashtag.


giraffesCantFlyLikeReindeer Sun 25-Nov-12 08:07:37

Dawn has done that for AGES. I would be quite sad if you stopped now!

JessieMcJessie Sun 25-Nov-12 08:12:16

I thought this was going to be about birthdays in general. Since I hit about 31 I have not really liked the idea of celebrating them at all, I am not remotely happy to be getting a year older. When I hit about 75 and am glad to have hung on another year I may start up again. Hitting 39 this year, with a Dboyfriend 5 years younger, was particularly cringey, next year will be unbearable.

I did wonder fake, but couldnt figure out how to ask without appearing rude wink


jan2013 Sun 25-Nov-12 08:28:47

mine is new years day so everywhere is closed for a start, everyone is hungover or in bed from the night before, and if you do try and go anywhere its all booked/double the price. people already have plans on that day too with family. dh never did anything for my bday anyway so this year im happy to have a quiet day with my family im past having a fuss made but i know how frustrating it can be!

streakybacon Sun 25-Nov-12 09:13:38

Another Boxing Day babe here.

My extensive 52 year research on the subject suggests that Christmas birthdays are more successful before the 25th than after, while people still have cash to spend and are still in the party spirit. Afterwards they tend to be skint or have had enough, and when I was growing up bank holidays were much more rigidly observed so just about everywhere was closed.

Like most of you, I also had my share of joint presents, if they came at all - my day usually got lost in the rush. Like it or not, most people are generally selfish and only remember their own needs at Christmas. I used to feel that at least I knew who my real friends were, even if there weren't many of them, because they'd always remember.

In adulthood it would piss me off when we'd go out drinking in larger groups, and someone would remember about 10.30pm that it was Streaky's birthday and scrape together a shitty card effort fashioned from beermats, and not quite grasp why I didn't appreciate it hmm. Over the years I just learned to accept that my birthday wasn't a big deal for anyone, not even family (my mum regularly forgot), so I didn't expect much from it myself.

But since I met dh he's always made an effort to make it special. He once hid white lilies in the coal house for two days because I had mentioned I'd never had flowers on my birthday smile. These days we have our own little party in the garden with the firepit blazing, non-Christmassy food and us all wrapped up in blankets. Dh decorates the garden with lights and lanterns and one of the shrubs gets baubles on it to become my Birthday Tree. To make it special for my birthday, the decorations get done on Boxing Day morning and are put away on the 27th - they are just for my day and definitely not part of Christmas. I love my birthday now and look forward to it more than Christmas Day grin.

OP, if you want your day to be special you'll probably have to make it that way yourself. People WILL forget because it's human nature, but I hope you have a lovely birthday whatever you do smile.

KitCat26 Sun 25-Nov-12 09:14:06

My mum and uncle's birthday is mid december, my friend's birthday is 24th and MIL is new years eave.

The only one who doesn't like her birthday is my mum, the other two always have a party to go to/everyone is in a celebratory mood. Mum is usually cooking for Christmas.

This year I am thinking of paying for a hotel in London for the night - as a joint present - possibly a bad idea given what you lot have said grin.

woahthere Sun 25-Nov-12 09:58:58

YANBU must be awful. I also hate my birthday, its just after Christmas. Nobody wants to go out as they are skint...or theyre on a detox....or a holiday. My Mum always goes away for the winter so shes never there. Its always just a really big let down. People say...'oh we'll celebrate properly later on' but they never do, its crap.

siblingrivalry Sun 25-Nov-12 10:12:24

<waves to Streaky>

My birthday is 2 weeks before Christmas and I hate it.
When I was a child, everyone was skint and either forgot or said they would 'treat me after Christmas' -which never happened. I always ended up feeling crap and responsible that other people had to find money for gifts etc (still do, actually).

Everyone is, naturally, caught up in Christmas preparations and I always wish the day would slip by unnoticed.
DH and my DDs always make it special and make a big fuss of me now, which is lovely, but my extended family often forget.

DD1 was born just after Christmas and we make a HUGE fuss of her -and woe betide and suggestions of 'joint gifts' from anyone else.
However, she often gets family cards days late and it infuriates me.

BionicEmu Sun 25-Nov-12 10:54:56

My birthday is 15th December & DH's is 14th December. It's never really bothered me, but then I've never been one for parties anyway! As a kid I used to have a birthday party & always got separate gifts.

It's a bit crap as an adult now, but only because DH's birthday is the day before. We generally go out on the night of the 14th, so it crosses both birthdays. Sounds great, but in practice it means we usually spend my birthday with a cracking hangover.

Before DC's it was pretty cool as we used to try to go away for our birthdays, and most places are lovely & Christmassy at that time.

My family is all crammed into the end of the year though - mum is end of Nov, DS was due end of Nov but came mid-Oct. Am now pregnant with DC2 who is due end of Jan, but if he comes early like DC1, that puts him right in the birthday/Christmas period.

whois Sun 25-Nov-12 13:22:53

YANBU to be annoyed that people don't make the effort for your birthday.

YABU to complain things are all booked up. It's not a surprise, you could have organised something AGES ago and got your friends to commit and booked somewhere nice.

streakybacon Sun 25-Nov-12 13:46:33

Just thought of something else.

Birthday cards (when they come) arrive in the post with Christmas cards and you often can't tell from the outside which is which. It means you end up opening your birthday cards early and it's harder to save them for the day so you can make it special. That can be a real pain when you only get half a dozen or so because it minimises it.

Reading that back, it sounds so self-obsessed and trivial but it's not really. Everyone has birthdays and it feels unfair when other people have a special day and we Christmas types get forgotten about. I know it had a huge impact on my self-esteem growing up, because it's like being told you're not as important as everyone else.

My birthday is tomorrow smile I quite enjoy it, people are starting to feel a bit Christmassy and there are lovely gift sets in the shops etc... My SIL is NY day and everyone is so over partying and gifts by then. I feel sorry for her sad

diddl Sun 25-Nov-12 13:55:58

Well it seems to me that a lot of you just have shit family/friends.

I´m closer to Christmas (but still before) that OP & I love, love, love it!

Are you an only one, OP?

I have a sibling who has a Summer bday.

No joint presents there-so obviously none allowed for me either!

GrendelsMum Sun 25-Nov-12 16:36:35

I think the thing is that once you reach a certain age (about 22 or so?) most birthdays are pretty much non-events. So after that age, everyone's having pretty dull, non eventful birthdays, whether they're at Christmas time or not. Maybe Christmas birthdays seem duller in comparison to the Christmas parties that are going on?

I mean, I'll come straight out - my last birthday (and I was 35, so that's a pretty round number) we didn't do anything in the way of a party or even a special meal, because we had building works going on. I think I got presents from my DH, DM, DB, DSis and my DMiL. That's it. My friends didn't fall over themselves to wish me happy birthday, and I didn't really expect them to.

mrsnec Sun 25-Nov-12 17:37:17

Mine is the 20th of Dec. Used to hate it but it's easier to deal with as I get older. Was due on boxing day and that would have been worse! When I was a kid I'd often get small presents on my brother's birthday in July so I didn't feel left out! I used to get joint pressies and sometimes still do but I don't mind that. Also growing up my DM didn't let us put the tree up until after my birthday so I tend to put ours up really early now! As the others have said my problem is I hardly ever get to celebrate with my friends. Same issues as above. They often suggest doing things at other times of the year when it's convenient to them and they'll buy me a drink and then declare it my birthday treat! I have one friend who constantly bangs on about her birthday celebrations to the point that I got a bit fed up with it and told her I didn't want to hear about it! Those who make little effort for me get the same in return and its saved me a fortune!

ContinentalKat Sun 25-Nov-12 17:56:19

I feel your pain! As a child it was sort of ok (except for the joint presents), as everybody would turn up for my party. Mostly because parents relished a few child- free hours before Christmas. Nowadays my birthday is the day that everybody travels home. Great.

Dcs birthdays are very carefully planned summer birthdays!

McChristmasPants2012 Sun 25-Nov-12 17:57:55

thanks for all the replys.

sorted out my birthday, i am going to have a night in with a bottle of wine and some naiche snacks.

streakybacon Sun 25-Nov-12 19:34:29

Hope you have a lovely time, McChristmas grin.

Glitterspy Sun 25-Nov-12 20:06:56

I just had my birthday dinner last night (the actual day is in the week) and with a bit of forward planning/booking, it all works out gear most years. I get that if it was nearer to Xmas/NYE that's hard though. So Pascha don't worry about your due date, your child will have a magical birthday, this time of year is just before the madness begins!

dawntigga Sun 25-Nov-12 21:27:33

McChristmasPants2012 good for you, we shall be eating naice food I haven't had to cook v much and watching The Polar Express in our new pj's whilst eating birthday cake - if anyone buys me one, it's been 43 years I'm pretty sure another one will slip by without a cake - or similar goody.


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