To think that just because I look a bit different doesn't mean

(194 Posts)
FrenchRuby Fri 23-Nov-12 23:37:37

That it's ok to lean out of your car and shout abuse at me? Or make rude comments.
I have blue hair and lots of tattoos and piercings. Now I do know that this is entirely my choice and I do expect odd looks, which to be honest I don't get now nearly as much as I used to but still the the odd double take or people saying they like my hair etc.
Yesterday I was walking my son to school and standing at the road waiting to cross and some guy leaned out of his van and shouted 'Urg what the fuck is that' at me.
It's not the first time people have been rude. A while ago I was sat on the bus with my dh and an old lady leaned over and said to us 'I feel so sorry for your little boy, he is going to be so ashamed of you when he is older'. And I once had a lady tell me that I'd never get a boyfriend with all that metal in my face. How do people think this is ok, just to comment on people's appearance like that? By all means think it, I don't care what people think, if I did I wouldn't look like I do.

It's rude and YANBU. However, I used to have pink hair and piercings and one of the reasons I did it WAS for attention, both positive and negative. Why have blue hair? Why spend the money on dye if you don't want people to react to you? Not being mean, a serious question.

BuddyTheChristmasElf Fri 23-Nov-12 23:40:12

those people would have shouted abuse at whoever was walking down the road at the time, they'd have found a reason (old, fat, skinny..)

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 23:40:38

It's very rude to comment negatively on someone's appearance unless they've specifically asked you for your opinion so YANBU.

BuddyTheChristmasElf Fri 23-Nov-12 23:41:19

"I don't care what people think, if I did I wouldn't look like I do."

but, if you genuinely didn't care one way or another how you are outwardly perceived, you wouldn't spend so much money altering the most visible parts of your body, you just wouldn't bother doing anything to your hair at all!

GhostShip Fri 23-Nov-12 23:41:22


I've had an old woman call me a nazi, I cant only think its because of my piercings and clothing.

Be who you are and be proud. Sometimes it's hard being different

tryingsoonflying Fri 23-Nov-12 23:41:27

Bless you, YANBU. I look really boring and conventional but what I have noticed is that (I grew up in 80s) the people who were punky, out there, outre in some way, tended to be the nicest and most clear headed because they had taken a step back from society and had the courage to be different. That's a great lesson for your ds to learn and he will be proud of you when he gets older.

GhostShip Fri 23-Nov-12 23:42:08

Buddy - it isn't about what others like, its about what you like.


I love to see people with brightly coloured hair, but even if people dislike it there's no need to be rude or nasty!

FrenchRuby Fri 23-Nov-12 23:42:47

Because I think my natural hair colour looks like mud haha! I'm a bright person in general and I get bored really easily smile I do know I'm likely to get attention, that's not the reason I dye my hair, it is nice when people say they like my hair though smile I just think it's rude to shout 'Urg what the fuck is that?' in someone's face! I couldn't (and wouldn't) go up to someone and shout that! I don't see why people feel they can just because I've bunged a bit of dye on my head haha.

Strawhatpirate Fri 23-Nov-12 23:43:31

They are horrible twat badgers YANBU flowers

threesocksmorgan Fri 23-Nov-12 23:43:49

ds used to get a lot of rude comments like "dirty goth"
tis shit

toomuch2young Fri 23-Nov-12 23:44:15

People are so judgemental. Its horrid. Live and let live is my motto.
I have Tourette syndrome and have insults and judgements almost every time I go out.
Sadly, a thick skin is needed. Move on from those idiots.

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 23:45:14

Bless you, YANBU. I look really boring and conventional but what I have noticed is that (I grew up in 80s) the people who were punky, out there, outre in some way, tended to be the nicest and most clear headed because they had taken a step back from society and had the courage to be different. That's a great lesson for your ds to learn and he will be proud of you when he gets older


I was a teenager in the 80's and I knew some right cunts who happened to be punks.

I also knew some right cunts who were 'conventional' looking, skin heads and hippies.

People are people and dying your hair, tattooing/piercing your body doesn't make a tad of difference when it comes to their personalities.

tryingsoonflying you are right. When I was a scary looking teenage, I was the one collecting for charity,working hard at school, helping in shelters and all that. The Young Conservative, straight laced looking ones were conspicuous by their absence.

FrenchRuby Fri 23-Nov-12 23:46:13

Buddy I care what I look like but I don't care if other people don't like it, I didn't do it for other people, I do it because I really love bright hair. I genuinely am not a showy off kind of person, I don't go out much, only to drop my ds off at school really and do shopping etc, so it's really for me, so when I look in the mirror I don't think 'urg what a boring face' haha!

Goths were always nice, Worra every one. grin

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 23:47:14

Some Goths depressed the fuck out of me MrsT grin

BuddyTheChristmasElf Fri 23-Nov-12 23:49:56

the small time drug dealers in DHs small home town were goths

doesn't mean goth = drug dealer
but goth doesn't = great person either
it means someone who dresses like a goth, some are dicks, some are nice, reverse steriotyping is a bit stupid

ClippedPhoenix Fri 23-Nov-12 23:50:31

People choose to look out of the norm because they like the attention etc. so you are bound to get comments good or bad, that's just the way it is.

SkipTheLightFanjango Fri 23-Nov-12 23:50:51

An ex-boss of mine kept nagging me about my piercing and his friend said it was a vile mutilation. It was a nose stud shockgrin

lisad123 Fri 23-Nov-12 23:53:58

There's a mum at my dd2 with bright pink hair, I love it and really want to ask how she gets it so bright, but don't want to sound rude.
Blue hair is brilliant, and I wish I could, but red is about as brave as I can be blush

FrenchRuby Fri 23-Nov-12 23:56:09

There's a mum at my dd2 with bright pink hair, I love it and really want to ask how she gets it so bright, but don't want to sound rude

With bleach and a semi pink hair I would imagine, That's how I do mine smile

FrenchRuby Fri 23-Nov-12 23:57:02

skipthelightfanjango My mum frequently tells me my piercings are disgusting haha!

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 23:57:19

There's a Mum like that at my DS's school too lisa

Her hair is exactly like Johnathon Ross' wife's hair Scraggly and over dyed

She gets it so bright by bleaching it totally blonde first and then applying the pink dye on top.

CleansLate Fri 23-Nov-12 23:59:52

I had blue hair when DS was starting nursery. One of the mums of a totally different child in a different year said "my DD likes your hair but I've told her it's ridiculous".

Thanks, random woman. I did dye my hair brown after that, ashamed to say, but I was only 22 and got enough judgey looks for being young (was often mistaken for the nanny/au pair), in an area where that wasn't the norm.

At the school the DCs go to now there's a mum in her mid 30s with green hair (sort of forest green), and no judgey looks.

tryingsoonflying Fri 23-Nov-12 23:59:55

I think people stepping outside of boundaries are often interesting by definition. Certainly when it was the trend to be punky and/or gothy (I grew up in central London when weird was normal) then you get the "me toos" who use a trend to hang their complexes on, sometimes not nice ones, but these days, when spray tan and plastic perfection is more normal, actually I think people who dare to be different are more interesting.

I've got turquoise hair right now, luckily no abuse as yet.

It is never acceptable to yell abuse at someone due to how they look, even if they have chosen it. Unfortunately I've met a fair few people who cannot see the difference between them being allowed an opinion and being allowed to be nasty.

I don't give a damn if people don't like my hair, I didn't do it for them!

As for goths being nice/nasty. You'll always get nasty fuckers, in every area of life. However I think on the whole the alternative scene is nicer. I know that the alt pubs/clubs I went to rarely had fights, whereas a lot of the "normal" pubs clubs in the same towns needed a police presence at kicking out time.

tryingsoonflying Sat 24-Nov-12 00:02:17

and sorry weird was not meant in a judgmental way blush, more explaining the norm when I was young (eons ago sadly!)

"that's just the way it is"

Might be the way it is, doesn't make it right.

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:02:37

I agree with Clipped that people who dress in an unusual way, are usually doing it to stand out from the crowd. If you choose to do that then you are risking attention that's unwanted at times...not that this is the right thing to do...people should not be so rude an negative to know that your mode of dress is attracting why keep on with it?

Once you have a family, you need to minimize the negative attention. Short of smacking the next cheeky sod who is rude about you....I can only suggest that you tone it down.

"Once you have a family, you need to minimize the negative attention."

Why once you have a family?

Also why give up something you like and which harms no one just because some random pillock stranger doesn't like it??

MurderOfGoths is nice on here and we all know that data is the plural of anecdote. I was nice too when I was a Goth. That's two data points. It's true that we didn't have the Police outside our dive either. This was Croydon though so the 'normals' were a bit scarier than the average.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:07:58

I don't do it for any sort of attention, I hardly ever go out, I'm quite boring really. I just like having bright hair, my kids like it too smile Actually I take it back, I do like the reaction from my dd and ds when I've done my hair a different colour because it's hilarious, my dd (18 months) looks a bit confused then laughs a lot and my ds (5) just says 'Wow!! Mummy you've got (whatever colour I've done it) hair!!' :D

CleansLate Sat 24-Nov-12 00:08:02

Well I think it's really rude to comment on someone's appearance in a negative way, especially when they are with their kids. My DS loved my blue hair, he thought I was a mermaid and he still remembers it. I would only comment on someone's piercings/tattoos/hair to compliment them.

Even if you're thinking 'wow that's not a good look', why say it.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:09:21

As for goths being nice/nasty. You'll always get nasty fuckers, in every area of life. However I think on the whole the alternative scene is nicer. I know that the alt pubs/clubs I went to rarely had fights, whereas a lot of the "normal" pubs clubs in the same towns needed a police presence at kicking out time.

Which alternative scene though?

I've seen it kick off in nightclubs and I've seen it kick off in the mosh pit at 'alternative' venues.

A twat is a twat is a twat.

No amount of hair dying/alternative clothing or natural looks changes that.

In other words you can't judge a book by its cover.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 00:12:18

That random stranger doesn't have to like it though.

If you don't conform to normality then you take the knocks with a pinch of salt, if you don't conform and not expect the knocks then there's something wrong with you.

I want to ride down the street on a horse with no clothes on and long hair like lady Gadiver (not sure of the spelling on that). Now, if i did, id expect comments, so really you need to suck it up or conform.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:12:23

Worral is right, I know some goths who are right knobs. But the alternative scene here is much more friendly than the more clubby places in town.

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:13:33

murder for what it's worth, my hair was once pink and I lived a very alternative lifestyle.

It's not about me rebelling anymore though is it? Life I mean. It's about being happy, keeping my family safe and healthy and going against the grain doesn't seem important....not in a physical way anyway. I'd rather challenge the system in a less obvious way..

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 00:14:20

If that's the case then feel secure in your choice, don't bang on that people don't accept you.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:14:57

Yeah I understand that people might not like my style, as I said I'm not bothered if people like it but I think it is out of order shouting at someone in the street and swearing, especially in front of that person's child)

tetleymel Sat 24-Nov-12 00:15:22

I had extremely bad acne on my face a few years ago. One woman nudged another on the bus and said "Look at the state of that" and they both talked about me so that I could easily hear. Another complete stranger (helpfully, in her mind) told me to change my washing powder, in case I was suffering an allergic reaction. Another man said my face looked like the filling of a pastie. This sort of thing happened a few times. I would wait until I was alone and cry my eyes out.

I didn't choose to look like that. You are, but I still think YANBU.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:15:38

Clipped whilst I can see what you're saying I disagree.

I disagree because in the OP's case, it wasn't a negative comment on her appearance (which unsolicited would have been rude enough)

But it was an insult shouted from a car window.

Why should she have to take that kind of abuse or conform?

It's the same as when vulgar idiots shout insults at fat people from car windows.

Should they lose weight (ie conform) or just expect the abuse hurled at them by strangers?

"Which alternative scene though?"

Sluff, Reading and Maidenhead's alternative pubs/clubs were always peaceful when I was there. Can't remember any fights from back then.

I agree with you about hair dye etc not stopping people being twats, it's just that in my experience there's a lower percentage of twats in the alt scene.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:16:21

It's not about me feeling unaccepted, not bothered at all about that, I just think it is not on to shout abuse at someone in the street.

BuddyTheChristmasElf Sat 24-Nov-12 00:16:46

"But the alternative scene here is much more friendly than the more clubby places in town"

yeah! but are the alternative places on the main clubby street in the centre of town? usually not, and I think you'll find that the conservative/non alternative & generally a bit smaller and more independant out of town venues are also much less likely to have trouble than the centre of town ones

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:17:38

Am I the only one giggling at the irony of MurderOfGoths name on this thread or is it the wine? blush wine

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:00

Worral that also happened to me last year, some guy shouted 'Go on a fucking diet' out his window at me while I was waiting for a bus. I cried on the bus sad

lisad123 Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:10

No one should have to conform because of fear of upsetting others!! Terrible message to send to anyone, but especially young children.
If you don't look like everyone else you can expect to be abused by strangers and others in the street, yeah that's what I want my kids to know hmm

That random stranger doesn't have to like it though."

No one said they did.

But everyone has the right to go about their life without abuse.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:24

Fair point Buddy

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:28

Of course it's unacceptable to shout abuse at someone in the street. It's terrible. But I will say again, that in choosing to look different you are somewhat inviting it....not that this should stop you...but you have to accept that the world has some knobheads in it and if you walk about looking different then they will see you as a victim and go for you.

BalthierBunansa Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:39


I doesn't matter how you decide to wear your hair or whatever, NO-ONE deserves rude comments like that. You should be able to express yourself how you like without having to worry about what other people think, but unfortunately so many people do think it their duty to make such unnecessary comments sad

BuddyTheChristmasElf Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:41

honestly though, nasty twats out to be nasty twats will be nasty twats to whoever they encounter that day. People don't really care about other people's hair colour that much, its just an easy excuse to be nasty to someone you were going to be nasty to anyway

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:50

You're right buddy, it's well out of the way of town which is probably why there isn't much trouble there.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:19:16

French what a twat sad

"It's not about me rebelling anymore though is it? Life I mean. It's about being happy, keeping my family safe and healthy and going against the grain doesn't seem important....not in a physical way anyway. I'd rather challenge the system in a less obvious way.."

If you did it to rebel then that makes sense. I do it because I like the colour.

worra I've been giggling at my own nickname on this thread grin

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:23:36

I have a mental image of Goths lurking but too nervous to post grin

CleansLate Sat 24-Nov-12 00:24:01

Mushroom saying she's inviting it is perilously close to saying women in short skirts who get drunk are somehow inviting being assaulted.

"that in choosing to look different you are somewhat inviting it"


I am in no way responsible for the actions of small minded twats.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 00:25:16

Unfortunately though that is the world we live in. I'm not saying it's right either Worra. I'm just saying that if you choose to be different then you take the knocks and brush them off, that's part of the deal.

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:26:02

Murder well that's fair did I when I dyed mine! But you are doing it because you want to be different too....I like purple but wont dye my hair that colour...because I don't want to be different anymore.

Wanting to stand out in a subversive way is rather immature's a sign of someone who has yet to accept themselves imo.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 00:28:11

Here we go, yes, women should be able to wear next to nothing on a night out but hey, human nature depicts that it's inviting attention of the bad kind, its a fact that we live with, there are squillions of twats around and always will be, therefore not inviting attention,whilst wrong is the sensible way to go.

"I'm just saying that if you choose to be different then you take the knocks and brush them off, that's part of the deal."

So when I had stones thrown at me for walking home one time it was just part of the deal was it? (FWIW I had normal coloured hair, no visible piercings, no makeup, my crime was wearing a leather trenchcoat while walking past a group of people who were wearing tracksuits)

And when I had a man and his friends corner me and attempt to rip out my lip piercing that was part of the deal too was it?

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:28:44

Clean don't be an utter twat and DO NOT DARE say that about me. I am a feminist and you don't even know me.

Murder you're not responsible for small minded twats. But if I walk around in a ballgown and a rabbit mask because I like them, well then I can't complain when people call me odd can I?

Of course I can't....anyone who dresses in a way which stands out from the crowd WILL attract attention. It's a can get all defensive....but it's human/animal nature.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:29:08

I'm not doing it because I want to be different, I'm doing it because I like having blue hair, it really is as simple as that, just like some people like to have blonde hair or brown hair or red hair, because they like the look of it.

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:29:37

Murder tbh it sounds like you live in a terrible place more than anything.

"Wanting to stand out in a subversive way is rather immature's a sign of someone who has yet to accept themselves imo"

That's one way of looking at it.

Some people might say that going against their own desires in order to fit in with their peer group is pretty immature behaviour.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 24-Nov-12 00:30:00

YANBU - people who feel the need to comment negatively on a random strangers appearance are pathetic beyond belief.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:30:29

In choosing an 'alternative/extreme' appearance you invite extra interest head turning - that sort of thing.

So if the OP was moaning about people doing a double take or looking at her with interest, she would be very very unreasonable.

If she was moaning that she'd asked someone if they liked the way she looks and they said, "No I can't stand it"...she would be very very unreasonable.

But she's not, she's angry that she was insulted by some knob head shouting from a car window and she has every right to be angry without being told to suck it up or conform.

"well then I can't complain when people call me odd can I?"

You could definitely complain if they were abusive to you.

We aren't talking about people remarking on people being a bit different, we are talking about people yelling abuse. Big difference.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:31:41

MrsMushroom, if you walked around in a ball gown and a rabbit mask, I wouldn't shout 'What the fuck is that' at you....

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:32:17

Murder's a fact that one grows and the desire to be different fades...other needs take the place of that. Nothing to do with "going against their own desires" more to do with growing as a person.

worra explained it perfectly.

CleansLate Sat 24-Nov-12 00:33:34

I'm not being a twat Mushroom, how is what you said any different? You think she's 'somehow inviting' negative commentary (not attention, commentary and abuse), and abuse because she chooses to look different. I didn't say you were saying that women who wear short skirts and get drunk were also 'somehow inviting' being assaulted, but surely you can see that both comments put the responsibility on the victim rather than the person who chooses to act in that way towards them?

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:33:36

Worra that's exactly what I mean.

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:34:09

I am saying it is wrong to shout abuse but that if you walk about in a way which calls attention...then toughen up, don't moan....find ways of dealing with it. Pointless to whine.

My hair isn't about a desire to be different, it's about liking the colour. Why does "growing as a person" involve looking like everyone else?

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:34:56

Cleans nope. Not biting. I won't get drawn into that convo as it has nothing to do with this one. No matter how hard you try to compare the two...

BuddyTheChristmasElf Sat 24-Nov-12 00:36:04

but if she did dye it brown, and take out the piercings, and the same twats drove past in the same mood they'd probably find something else nasty to shout.. cause she isn't the reason they are driving around doing it!

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:36:12

MrsMushroom 'toughen up and don't moan' about being abused from a random loud mouth out of a car window?


"I am saying it is wrong to shout abuse but that if you walk about in a way which calls attention...then toughen up, don't moan....find ways of dealing with it"

Fucking hell. Toughen up?

You know, when people are shouting abuse I will damn well "whine". Want to know why? Because if we sit quietly and don't say a word, then nothing will change. If we make a fuss and let people know that we are not responsible for the nasty actions of others then we stand a chance of changing things. We are "dealing with it". Our way of dealing with it is the most constructive way.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:38:20

Oh and can I just say I'm 43yrs old and when I was in Junior school every second dinner lady/OAP had a blue rinse grin

I don't remember ever witnessing any old ladies being abused for their hair colour by random loud mouths.

CleansLate Sat 24-Nov-12 00:38:35

Sure Mushroom and "they will see you as a victim and go for you" is totally not at all the sort of thing that people say to women who have been assaulted while drunk/in short skirts.

Whatever, but ffs don't be such a hypocrite as to call me a twat but insist that I am not allowed to respond to you because I don't know you, you don't know me either.

What would your way of dealing with it be?

tryingsoonflying Sat 24-Nov-12 00:38:50

Agreed that the world is what it is, but don't agree with sucking it up because of that. If we all conform to what's expected because of fear of twats then we'd all still be in ankle scraping skirts and stays. I'm not a brave person or a boundary pusher myself but I admire those who are and I do think we wouldn't be where we are as women without the boundary pushers over the last 100 years.

perplexedpirate Sat 24-Nov-12 00:40:54

I think 'suck it up or conform' might just be the most depressing sentence in the English language. sad

OP YANBU, these people are knobs, clearly.

lisad123 Sat 24-Nov-12 00:41:21

Mrsmushroom do you give this message to your children too?
Everyone has the right to dress how they like (unless its naked of course), and have whatever hair colour they like. It's a free world and one people should be able to wear clothes without risk or worry of abuse.

Quite trying

It wasn't all that long ago homosexuals were told that being open about their sexuality was "inviting" trouble, and that they should either hide it away or "deal with" the consequences. That was just the way of the world, no point whining huh?

Btw, before you point out that homosexuality isn't a choice like dying your hair is, I know. My point was about whether they should choose to be open about it.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 00:47:19

well don't suck it up then but dont expect cordiallity everywhere. If you stand out then you're open to it.

Just sayin like.

"well don't suck it up then but dont expect cordiallity everywhere."

Who cares about cordiality, I just want to be free to go about my life without abuse. Is that really too much to ask?

GothAnneGeddes Sat 24-Nov-12 00:50:22

Yy to the alternative scene being friendly. IME, Rock clubs and pubs were nicer, less arsey places. Also, somewhere where a woman could be on the larger side and still deemed attractive wink

I would love to have blue hair op! Definitely don't tone it down.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 24-Nov-12 00:53:06

This thread is depressing.


Mushroom, Cleans is right. You just blamed the victim for her abuse. Blue hair = abuse, short skirt=rape. It's exactly the same victim blaming crap. I don't need to know you to see that.

tryingsoonflying Sat 24-Nov-12 00:54:34

You're open to shit whatever you look like - speaking as a conventional, quiet looking person who has taken random shit from strangers for the most peculiar things, like having someone scream "you f***ing c***" repeatedly because I was driving a borrowed quite posh bmw (above my touch normally grin) - assumptions are made whatever you look like and trying to conform to avoid abuse is not the route. I'm mousy and conventional because that's how I feel comfortable but I'm not conventional in my thinking and I respect anyone's desire to look however they like.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 00:56:08

No murder it isnt of course but you do know that society isn't like that though and like i said you have to take the knocks if you want to be different, surely that's what it's all about?

Brushing it off and rising above it rather than crying i should be allowed to be different surely is the way to go?

"Brushing it off and rising above it rather than crying i should be allowed to be different surely is the way to go?"

I'd say challenging it is the way to go

soontobeburns Sat 24-Nov-12 00:57:25

YANBU I'm a youth worker and yes I'm only 23 but 95% of my youth worker peers have tattoos, piercings or died hair. Myself I have died hair (though brown) nose and tongue piercings and 3 tattoos.

Tbh it's the norm now to be 'different' andit ddoesn't mean you can be verbally assaulted for it.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 24-Nov-12 00:58:54

'you have to take the knocks if you want to be different'

Why? Why do you have to accept 'the knocks' aka being verbally abused in the street?

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 01:01:43

I'd say there are areas of society that it's the norm but if you were going for a job in the city then you aint got no hope so i suggest that you either conform or stop whining.

I'm different so everyone should accept me? ummm no.

Challenging it is good and that's why you dress the way you do, just don't expect an easy ride and don't get cross about it either.

tryingsoonflying Sat 24-Nov-12 01:02:09

Agreed Leeds - do we also have to take the knocks just because we're women, or just because we're a certain colour etc etc.... No. Verbal abuse is never acceptable and choosing how you want to look (or just being "different" to others' expectations) will never be a valid reason for abuse, and even if it does happen, we have to resist till it doesn't happen anymore.

Here's a question, at what point do you count someone as different enough to have invited abuse?

Say I had natural coloured hair, no makeup, and something simple like a t-shirt, jeans and trainers.

If I walk through an area where the majority of people are in traditional asian dress, would I have invited abuse for not also wearing asian dress?

If I walk through an area mostly full of people in office dress, would that be inviting abuse if I wasn't in a suit?

What about walking past people in sportswear?

People in twinsets and pearls?

In all of those situations I'd be standing out from the norm, should I expect abuse? Or should I carry a suitcase of clothes so I can always fit in with the majority no matter where I am?

tryingsoonflying Sat 24-Nov-12 01:04:22

Yeah, murder, I agree 100%.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 01:04:25

No-one has to accept being verbally abused in the street for any fucking reason.

I really can't believe anyone thinks they should 'take the knocks' like it's par for the course confused

So if you're...

Blue haired
Facially pierced
Wear garish clothes

Being randomly abused by passing strangers should be accepted because you're not will to 'do something' about your appearance to conform to the ideals of the random abusive wankers?

Oh I must wake my kids up and tell them this wonderful snippet of how to get by in life....

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 01:05:20

I'm not saying everyone shoul accept me, I'd just like to not have abuse shouted at me in the street.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 01:06:16


WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 01:10:21

I'm not saying everyone shoul accept me, I'd just like to not have abuse shouted at me in the street

YABU, you need to conform and be exactly the same as the majority of people around you grin

Depending on the area you live in that might involve wearing a tracksuit and baseball cap, a Burka, a business suit, a Sari or a complete designer outfit.

If you don't, you deserve the abuse shouted at you by independent thinking woman you! wink

brighthair Sat 24-Nov-12 01:10:24

Some of these posts are very close to home for me. So Sophie Lancaster brought it on herself did she by daring to look different?
What happened to if you can't say anything nice stfu?

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 01:10:27

If you read my earlier posts I have said that the abuse aspect was disgusting and no it should never happen. Unfortunately it does. It happens when you are very different to the norm. I for one would actually tone it down once i had kids, purely for their sake.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 24-Nov-12 01:11:32

clipped do you honestly go through life just accepting abuse and discrimination? It's not your fault, no matter how you're dressed, or what colour your hair is, or how fat you are or what colour your skin is. DO NOT accept it. DO get cross about. Please don't tell your children that they bring abuse on themselves by not fitting in with the majority.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 01:13:35

I would rather (and do) teach my kids that it's not ok to treat people like that, it's ok to look different and it's not ok to be rude.

brighthair Sat 24-Nov-12 01:16:28

I know. I'm different to the norm and I've had abuse shouted at me. But short of having a breast reduction and laser eye surgery and permanent hair colour there's not much I can do about it
I don't accept it, it's verbal abuse and there's a whole website about it (if I could remember what it was called...)

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 01:17:22

I would rather (and do) teach my kids that it's not ok to treat people like that, it's ok to look different and it's not ok to be rude.

Absolutely agree

I teach my kids just that. I also teach them that it's ok to have personal opinions and preferences but that it's not OK to voice them unsolicited and definitely not OK to shout them out of car windows.

Well OK I haven't mentioned car windows but you know what I mean grin

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 01:17:46

Oh for god sake stop getting out of your prams about this.

How many times do I have to repeat myself here.

I don't see "fitting in" and conforming as a problem like some.

I don't scream and write banners and take to the street.

It's called moderation, it's called toning down a bit, it's called blending in.

If you make "statements" then expect the expected.

I try not to say this (what with all me mutations & all).


What Worra said.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 24-Nov-12 01:20:11

'How many times do I have to repeat myself here.'

The more times you repeat the same nonsense, the more concerned I become about your mental state.

'It's called moderation, it's called toning down a bit, it's called blending in.

If you make "statements" then expect the expected'

This is completely nuts.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 01:20:17

Brighthair what happened to Sophie Lancaster was so awful sad

lisad123 Sat 24-Nov-12 01:21:12

Well clearly clipped you need to work harder at fitting in as your not doing a good job of it on this thread grin I think you might have to conform to the ways the rest of us are thinking. You know because what most believe must be true and right, therefore I conclude you are wrong wink

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 01:22:15

It's called being "fluid"

No one has to scream about stuff, we just have to have the courage of our convictions then people accept.

I wasn't banging on about the abuse side of things that most of you are, I actually thought for a minute that it could be set aside.

brighthair Sat 24-Nov-12 01:22:30

I don't make a statement. I have red hair <shrug> and that's natural rather than dyed. I've spent my life wanting to blend in only to realise its people who want me to blend in that have the issues
Anyone should have the right to walk on the street without having abuse shouted at them regardless of what they look like.
So basically everyone should dress modestly, have natural coloured hair and makeup, be of average height and no disabilities. Then they would blend in?

aufaniae Sat 24-Nov-12 01:26:12

"ClippedPhoenix" people need to get out of their prams about this. Social attitudes change over time, but not by magic!

It shouldn't be unacceptable to shout abuse at someone because they look a bit different. We've come on in leaps and bounds wrt to open racial and gender abuse in the streets - what was acceptable has changed enormously in living memory. I refuse to just roll over and give up and let the arseholes win!

Your argument is illogical anyway. If everyone "toned it down" then there would still be a edge of what's "normal", it would just be more conservative than before. (It might be you even!) The only way you can not have an edge to society's norms is if we all become identikit copies of each other! Someone is bound to be on the edge, no matter how conservative people try to be. So what do we do? Become carbon copies of each other, or challenge the arseholes? Hmmm, let me see ...

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 01:35:35

Yes we all become one and blend in then there would be no arguements at all everyone would be the same grin

ravenAK Sat 24-Nov-12 02:00:59

Sophie Lancaster

Happy birthday for Monday, Sophie.

I'm very proud of my personal & professional involvement in the charity set up in your name.

I'm ashamed that it's still OK for someone to say ' if you walk about in a way which calls attention...then toughen up, don't moan....find ways of dealing with it. Pointless to whine. ' or 'i suggest that you either conform or stop whining.

We have a bloody long way to go, obviously...

GothAnneGeddes Sat 24-Nov-12 02:49:09

Victim blaming attitudes, rather then protecting people from abuse, create a climate where abuse is more likely to happen. if you really think that shouting abuse at a stranger is acceptable, what other forms of abuse will follow.

So we do have to challenge it, in order to change things for the better.

Upthread, I mentioned about wanting blue hair, but most people don't see my hair, because I wear hijab and sadly, I've had verbal abuse about that too. It's the same sort of mentality.

Raven - that's such a heartbreaking film. I'm glad to hear the Sophie Lancaster Foundation are still going. They are very much needed.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 02:51:45

here we go about victims again, change the sodding record.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 02:56:22

the way i see it is some twat said something far more out of order than the norm. Yes hes a massive bigot. I have a problem with people that choose to do the non conformist thing and wonder why they sort of court that thing. Be strong and proud if you choose to dress differently. Strength is not in shouting about it, strength is quietly getting in there and changing stuff so no one feels un-nerved, it's not about making bold statements.

GothAnneGeddes Sat 24-Nov-12 02:57:40

Clipped - someone mentions the murder of Sophie Lancaster, which is extremely relevant to the o.p, and that's all you can say?

Did you mean to sound quite so heartless?

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 03:01:35

I don't read newspapers and i don't watch the news so I don't know about that poor unfortunate person

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 03:03:38

Did you mean to be quite so assuming goth?

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 24-Nov-12 03:06:53

'I don't read newspapers and i don't watch the news'

Maybe you should start? Perhaps you'd stop spouting such rubbish.

foxy6 Sat 24-Nov-12 03:07:44

i never realise about Sophie so sad.sad
No one should be abused just because of how they look. if people say its ok to abuse someone for their choice of hair colour or tattoos that make them stand out, then they should also say its ok to abuse someone for their fake boobs and fake tan, that makes them stand out and its not. personally i would love to have bright pink hair a girl in work does and it look great, but I'm not brave enough. i don't like to stand out, but i consider myself far from normal. who wants to be normal that's just boring and I'm proud when my kids say they are not normal. it means they will be brave enough to do their thing and not follow the crowd being normal.
be proud of yourself op. your hair colour, tattoos and piercing make you unique and not a sheep, that's something to be proud off.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 03:19:15

Well outragedfromleeds Id rather not if it makes me so shouty grin Maybe you should stop reading them then you wouldnt be so outraged.

Pierings and others do make you unique, I dont have a problem with any of it, it you want to walk down the middle of the road naked, i will go hey how unique but i know round the corner is a bastard that will kick your head in. Is it worth it? subtle change is far more damage limited, it may take longer but fatalities are going to be less.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 03:19:39

Piercings of course

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 24-Nov-12 03:24:39

Tattoos and piercings do not make you unique, loads and loads of people have them.

You can post the same thing over and over clippped, but it's still going to be wrong. Telling people to conform/change/fit in or they'll get their head kicked in is wrong. You need to tell the bastards to stop kicking people's heads in. The problem lies with the abuser, not the victim ALWAYS. It is the abuser that needs to change not the victim ALWAYS. It's a shockingly simple concept.

IceNoSlice Sat 24-Nov-12 03:38:44

I've always wanted blue hair. I wish I'd done it at uni. Now I work in corporate suit-wearing land it is off the cards for me - for now!

OP, what utter bastards for shouting abuse. Just think how empty their lives must be to have to resort to that kind of thing for fun. Keep your head high and live as you want to m'dear.

That is all.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 03:40:06

I never said it was right outraged, I just added my view of another subtle lasting way round it.

foxy6 Sat 24-Nov-12 03:41:30

sorry if unique was the wrong wording, but they don't make you a sheep following the crowd and copying them to fit in and people with tattoos, piercings and bright hair are not as wide spread as those without and no 2 people will have exactly the same making them unique, unlike those (unfortunately ds3 being one) that have the same haircut as a friend and buys the same clothes to make sure they fit in.

and I agree outraged that telling someone they have to fit in of suffer the consequences is wrong we should be teaching everyone tolerance of people no matter what they look like and show none for those that think it acceptable to abuse someone for the way the look.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 03:44:33

Right ok then I sort of feel that you are liars where conformity is concerned, do any of you buy something that your children want because all the others have it? Can you honestly answer no?

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 03:47:07

If you say yes then you are surely hypocrites?

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 24-Nov-12 03:48:23

Clipped that is nothing to do with it!

Would I buy my child something if they wanted it because everyone else had it? Yes, probably.

If my child was being called names or being beaten up because they didn't want it even though everyone else had it i.e. they weren't conforming, would I tell them they should 'suck it up', 'conform or take the knocks'? No, of course not!

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 24-Nov-12 03:49:02

'If you say yes then you are surely hypocrites? '

I don't think you understand the conversation tbh!

FellatioNelson Sat 24-Nov-12 03:49:56

WEll it's NU of you to feel upset when people make rude or offensive comments but to be quite honest if you 'fill your face with metal' then you can hardly expect people not to stare. they will always stare, and quite possibly be fascinated and revolted by it, in equal measure. If you can't deal with that then perhaps you should take them out.

FellatioNelson Sat 24-Nov-12 03:50:29

(the facial piercing I mean) Bit late to do much about excessive tattoos though.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 03:53:59


CleansLate Sat 24-Nov-12 03:55:30

WTAF are you blithering on about.

I don't think anyone said that non-conformity was morally superior to conformity (whatever conformity means but ISTR you think it's about not looking 'different' when you have kids or something). Nobody's said that someone with blue hair or piercings is better than someone with their natural hair colour and no piercings.

And what the everloving god that has to do with buying your DCs Buzz lightyear I do not know.

But most people HAVE said that having blue hair, piercings, choosing to look 'different' (as the OP put it), don't deserve to be abused by members of the public. That nobody, however their appearance differs from whatever 'normal' is, deserves that.

I think you are maybe thinking that how other people choose to colour their hair reflects some sort of philosophy whereby anything 'normal' or usual is bad? Hence the buying something for the DCs comment? And if someone chooses to 'stand out' they aren't allowed to participate in anything mainstream?!

or not. Honestly I have no idea and I'm tired of trying to work it out.

foxy6 Sat 24-Nov-12 03:56:18

yes i have brought things for my kids because they wanted what there friends had, with ds3 being he worst culprit for this, having gone to have a haircut today the same as his friend and telling me specifically what clothes he wants because another friend has them. but that doesn't make me hypercritical it makes me a caring mother not everyone is brave enough to stand out from the crowd and im not going to make him miserable by forcing him to he has enough problems as it is. personally i never buy anything just because its what everyone has. i buy things because i like them.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 03:57:40

I started talking a load of shite from 10 O'clock and it's now 4 lol

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 04:00:53

You sound like a lovely mum foxy.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 04:10:42

What that person did OP was above and beyond. It was abuse. Of course it was, unfortunately you are more of a target for arseholes than someone that doesnt dress/look like you. It will be the case a thousand years from now because that is human nature whether people choose to believe that or not. what I tried to say in my direct and maybe clumsy way was you are going to have to take the knocks more than me because of this. You have a choice and if you choose to be different then you will get more attention from wankers.

foxy6 Sat 24-Nov-12 04:13:26

thanks grin.
i think that's kind of the point is that it shouldn't matter what you look like everyone deserves to be treated the same and should be happy to express themselves whether it is wanting to have the same as everyone else like ds3 or being different. i have 5 kids and they are all different and all i want for them is to be happy to express themselves without having be be worried about being abused because of the way the look whether it my "mosha" ds1 or "chavy" ds2 & ds3 or my "girly" dd or my ben10 loving ds4. they should all be happy to wear what makes them comfortable not what society dictates they wear or risk a bashing.

if that makes sense it is early and i have been up for 21hrs confused

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 08:02:08

WEll it's NU of you to feel upset when people make rude or offensive comments but to be quite honest if you 'fill your face with metal' then you can hardly expect people not to stare. they will always stare, and quite possibly be fascinated and revolted by it, in equal measure. If you can't deal with that then perhaps you should take them out

I said in my original post that I'm used to people looking or staring and yes I get the odd dirty l

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 08:05:51

Accidentally pressed post

Odd dirty look, but I very much like my hair and piercings and I don't see why I should be ok with people shouting at me in the street because of them. I won't take them out because they are me, I've had them since I was 15. But I shouldn't have to take them out, people should not think
It's ok to tell at someone because they have different tastes to them. I don't shout at people who wear ugg boots or onsies (actually saw a guy wearing a onsie in town the other day?!), I think they look weird but I would shout abuse at them.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 08:06:25

*yell at

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 08:07:12

*wouldn't shout at them, it's too early.

EmmaBemma Sat 24-Nov-12 08:17:27

Funny, I was recently thinking of dying my hair electric blue and the only reason I didn't - literally the only reason - was that I would stand out so much. I just wanted to have blue hair because I love blue hair, and for it to be no big thing! But (especially where I live) unfortunately it would be the sort of thing people feel they have to comment on, and I'd get lots of stares and double-takes, and the thought of all that made me feel so exhausted that I never bothered in the end.

FivesAndNorks Sat 24-Nov-12 08:19:34

No people should not "conform", that allows the bullies, bigots and BNP to believe they have a point. What a stupid thing to suggest.
ClippedPhoenix, if a child of yours was being bullied because they looked slightly different, would you tell them they needed to conform?

Know how you feel. I had bright pink hair (with tattoos and peircings) for years when I was younger. I was got shouted "UGH look at that lesbian!!".

I no longer have pink hair, but still have the tats and piercings.

Punkatheart Sat 24-Nov-12 08:53:55

I was a punk when younger and it attracted all sorts of abuse and sexual comments from men. But I liked bondage trousers etc - just not the threatening and abusive language.

I love all these colours. Life is partly about fun and expression. Enjoy!

maddening Sat 24-Nov-12 09:02:08

Yanbu at all - these people are twats and sadly would do the same for someone who was overweight, disabled etc they are bullies - it shows they are scared of your individuality and differences and that you aren't too scared to be yourself.

I've always been in circles of people who have coloured hair, dreads, tattoos etc but never had the confidence to do myself - so if I am looking at you I am usually wishing I'd look good dressed like that smile

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 24-Nov-12 09:07:46

I have never understood the lack of tolerance for difference when the individual is harming no one. What harm is the OP doing, Clipped Phoenix? Why should she have to toughen up for choosing her hair colour and her personal ornamentation?
What harm is she doing?
Apologies to those I've bored with this before, but my DS is an alternative personality and although he can now pass for normal, for years he couldn't. His way of dealing with abuse was to flatten the individual who was abusing him.
Regardless of age or gender.
Ok with you, Phoenix? Robust enough?

'but i know round the corner is a bastard that will kick your head in. Is it worth it? subtle change is far more damage limited, it may take longer but fatalities are going to be less.'

Nope, he effected change in his peers and the wider society very swiftly. I had to train him not to, because of the potential fatality issue.
Any bastard that tried to kick his head in was on a losing wicket there.
It's one of the reasons I adore living near Brighton, the tolerance and acceptance of individuals and their right to be so.

MardyArsedMidlander Sat 24-Nov-12 09:08:19

'You have a choice and if you choose to be different then you will get more attention from wankers. '

But then this level of intolerance spreads to people who don't have a 'choice'. So women or gays or black people or the disabled or ginger haired get yelled at and abused- because obviously there is only one way to be and one way to look and anything else means you are bringing it on yourself. Oh, and are immature.
What a fking depressing way to live sad

GhostShip Sat 24-Nov-12 10:09:57

So we should all conform to a 'norm' just so we don't get attention from wankers? Hows about we should be able to dress how we like without said wankers chipping in?

I agree with mardyarsed. It's depressing.

GhostShip Sat 24-Nov-12 10:12:39

Oh and I think the comment about getting your head kicked in was in really poor taste. Sophie Lancaster anyone? It's a fucking disgrace.

So glad that I can walk down the street with my head held high. It's a shame that I had to learn how to fight to defend myself from getting my 'head kicked in' just for being different.

freddiefrog Sat 24-Nov-12 10:29:24


I have bright pillarbox red hair. I also have lots of tattoos (but no peircings) and no one has ever said anything negative about either.

It's no one else's business and I'm not harming anyone

LessMissAbs Sat 24-Nov-12 10:30:44

YANBU so many people look awful, picking on someone with nice blue hair (and it is a nice colour) is ridiculous. My mother used to say retort with "Have you ever seen what you look like yourself? No? Well, look in a mirror then" which while resorting to their own low standards is mostly what this type of twat understands!

LessMissAbs Sat 24-Nov-12 10:32:27

Oh, and having read those silly comments that you should try and blend in to conform - I have long blonde hair which isn't exactly radical, and the amount of abuse I get for it is unbelievable.

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 24-Nov-12 10:36:32

There are a lot of styles I think are ridiculous: high heels, orange skin and big boob jobs, people wearing clothing way too small for them, those arse-baggy trousers, shell suits...I could go on for hours.
But I don't, because although I might think someone looks daft with 5" spikes, a miniskirt and no eyebrows on an orange face, that is their choice and does me no harm. So why would I say anything?

lljkk Sat 24-Nov-12 10:45:51

I'm as boring looking as they get and even * I * get the occasional bit of verbal abuse. YANBU.

5madthings Sat 24-Nov-12 10:55:54

yanbu at all op and some of the comments on here are depressing.

its abusive and it encourages an atmosphere/culture where bullying is ok, this idea that we should try to fit in and uf we dont its our own fault if we are pucked on because of it.

so when.the trend among children is some expensive brand of clothes and ine child doesnt have them and they are then picked on is that their own fault as well clipped?

or my ds3 who likes pink and purple and fairies, if he was picked on for that it would be his own fault vecause he should like football and ben ten etc?!!

victim blaming culture is rife and engrained it seems sad

So clipped if someone said they wore a certain item as their religion required it and were getting abuse for it, would you tell them to "toughen up" or conform?

Or if a natural red head said they were getting abuse for their hair colour, it's their choice not to dye their hair so they should "toughen up"?

What about someone who is overweight? Lose weight or "toughen up"?

Someone with extremely pale skin? Fake tan or "toughen up"?

Wears glasses? Change to contacts or "toughen up"?

Just because there are people who think they are entitled to yell abuse doesn't mean that the rest of us should do what they want. Being quiet and "taking the knocks" just allows them to carry on. Changing so as not to upset them makes them think they are right.

Saying "you've invited it" is victim blaming, whether you like it or not.

It is equivalent to saying that wearing a short skirt invites rape.

It is equivalent to saying being openly gay invites attacks.

It is equivalent to saying being black in a predominantly white area invites attack.

After all, all the above know that there are idiots who think they have the right to abuse those they see as different. Obviously the girl in the short skirt, the openly gay person, and the black person should all take responsibility for the abuse they get. They choose to put themselves in danger right?

roughtyping Sat 24-Nov-12 13:34:31

I hate the line 'You're doing it for attention' grr.

I had pink hair for a few years, my mum hated it. I'm naturally blonde and she would go on and on about how people pay so much money to have blonde hair, and there I was, ruining it. It drove me crazy - she just couldn't see that I WASN'T OTHER PEOPLE. I loved my pink hair - it was so bright and lovely. Lots of different shades. I dyed it because I liked the way it looked, not because I wanted people to stare at me.

YANBU, what absolute idiots for shouting at you.

Plomino Sat 24-Nov-12 14:00:31

Well done murderofgoths . You said exactly what I wanted to say .

I used to have deep deep purple hair . Down to my bum. Wore black (and purple!) Went to Goth clubs . And didn't feel the need to pass judgement on anyone else whilst I was doing it . Why should I be abused ?

How did looking different suddenly make it ok to be a target of abuse ? And at what point , is different , different? Should those who wish to be different all live together so as all to conform and not invite abuse ?Like in ghettos maybe ? And frankly Clippedphoenix , if you don't read the papers , or watch the news, then maybe you should .

jessiegeesusinamanger Sat 24-Nov-12 17:24:47

YANBU. I have no idea why people feel they can/should comment on the appearance of total strangers. It seems that some people are threatened by anything even very slightly different and their discomfort seems to compel them to express their opinion. It's hard if you are quite sensitive not to take it personally though.

I don't look/sound English and have had loads of mad comments by random strangers over the years. I've been told to go home/ go back to where I come from. It is v ignorant and infantile. Actually that insults infants because I've never had a mean comment from a child. If you like blue hair and piercings then be proud of your look and ignore the idiots who have an issue with it.

aufaniae Sat 24-Nov-12 17:35:47

Chipping do you wear trousers?

I imagine many thousands of women had to put up with open abuse from randoms for wearing trousers before it became acceptable.

Should they have conformed and stuck to skirts?

In the 20's women were arrested for wearing swimming costumes. They should have conformed or kept quiet obviously hmm Now that's the way to change attitudes, obviously

FivesAndNorks Sat 24-Nov-12 17:38:27

ChippingIn isn't on this thread

aufaniae Sat 24-Nov-12 17:42:24

Ha ha, oops! I meant clipped!

ChippingIn if you read this, I do apologise if it looked like I was aiming that at you, I have no idea what your views on conformity are!

specialsubject Sat 24-Nov-12 17:44:37

Doing something unusual with your appearance will attract attention. That means people are allowed to look, although I think staring at anyone is a bit rude.

abuse and insults, absolutely not. Being a little old lady is no excuse for comments like that! And clearly you did get a boyfriend :-)

This is a perfect case of the old 'if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing!' What is wrong with people?

scottishmummy Sat 24-Nov-12 17:46:00

it's extremely rude of people to make abusive comments and be obnoxious
however, you must know certain looks will provoke response,comment
equally looking like a towie girl would get comments too. if you're happy ignore folk

rhondajean Sat 24-Nov-12 17:48:28

French I bet you look amazing.

scottishmummy Sat 24-Nov-12 17:54:34

thank you for recalling Sophie Lancaster case, dreadfully sad
fwiw,my kids love the look of goths,piercings,colured hair.they stare appreciatively

superstarheartbreaker Sat 24-Nov-12 18:02:11

In my opinion once you have kids it is all the more reason to hang onto whatever your OWN identity is rather than conforming to a yummy mummy boden/Cath Kidston mess.

scottishmummy Sat 24-Nov-12 18:04:24

I wholeheartedly agree,find your own individual style,wear what suits you
and be aware you'll not please everyone

I had blue streaks in my hair when I was a teenager, and dyed it bright red for a number of years. I was always a bit different, sort of cross between a hippy and a metalhead in style. No way would I have toned it down to please some numpty who thought that they were the arbiter of normal.

I still dress a lot like that.

DD is developing her own style, very sharp tailoring, etc, which again for a child of her age (12) isn't really what some people consider normal. But I support her choice to dress as she likes (and she has style.) grin

some people just need to keep their opinions to themselves dont they!. If you want to have blue hair etc what business is it of theirs?

I have red hair and my 3 youngest children alo have red hair - I have had cars beep me when im walking with them to shout "witty" red hair comments. Have you ever had "do you have ginger pubes" shouted through a car window at you while walking with your children - I have and it makes me a tad angry.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 19:46:17

That's my point! Why do people think that that's an ok thing to do?!

The sad thing is that while we have judgemental people like ClippedPhoenix (and yes you are being judgemental), then we will still get people abused for any reason. It's just that hair colour, clothing, etc is a little more obvious, but nasty people will still find something to abuse people with.

It all boils down to the attitude of "you are different to me, so therefore there's something wrong with you" that so many narrow-minded people display.

We are all different; we should just accept that.

gimmecakeandcandy Sat 24-Nov-12 19:56:46

One of the things I hate most in this world is the fact that people ate so judged on what they wear, how they have their hair etc. Why? And why do people think that just because someone dyes their hair blue they ate doin it for attention? Erm, can't it just be for themselves? Some people have a really backward view of what people should/should not wear. I can't believe the rude comments the op has had from real life people! It's craZy!

Op you wear what you want and ignore the ignorant wankers in the street who say stupid, ignorant things.

BrittaPerry Sat 24-Nov-12 20:04:40

I have purple hair, and apparently I dress oddly. I have no idea in what way I dress oddly, most of my clothes are from normal shops and everything, and even when I wear a suit (when I had my natural hair) people still said I was a 'dirty mosher', so...shrug.

Anyhow. Yes, you do need to dress in a certain way to be a banker or whatever, but if you are just going about your daily life, you shoukd be able to wear what you like (except obscene t shirts etc, obv)

Most of the mums my age round here wear hair extensions, fake tan, heels and so on, and there is NO WAY I would insult them about it. No way.

I would find it difficult to believe that people would do such things, but unfortunatly I got it loads as a teenager, and what about poor Sophie Lancaster?

What do the haters wear, anyway?

NotMostPeople Sat 24-Nov-12 20:12:10

My dd gets a lot of stick at school for being a goth (a label she doesn't like, but to give you an idea). She is 13 is in uniform at school but sneaks a bit of black eyeliner on so not outrageously dressed but just this week one of her class mates felt the need to tell her that 'people like you make me sick'. This is from a girl who blindly follows the trend for Jack Wills, One Direction and spends her evenings pouting in an overt manner for Facebook photos - I know which one I'd rather have as a daughter.

Glittertwins Sat 24-Nov-12 20:15:53

I'd love to have blue hair all over. I used to have it black with violet and electric blue streaks a few years back and more recently bright pink underlayer. It took quite a bit of maintenance to keep the pink bright. I bet the insults came from larger than average, badly dressed people...(not that I am judging but this is where I got the insults from).

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus Sat 24-Nov-12 20:21:58

My hair is no longer bright as I want my own colour back but even though I have taken loads of piercings out, I still get this. sad

I have my cheeks pierced so there is no way I can hide them really and I am pretty much covered in tattoos, including my hands and chest and a half sleeve. I live in Glasgow, it's ned city here so I get abuse a lot. I wish people would just grow up and accept that others own lives are theirs to make their own choices about and that underneath it all, we are all the same.

Sophie Lancaster has already been mentioned, I was going to until I seen that she had been mentioned. I wear a Sophie band, I really believe that no one should have to suffer because of how they choose to dress or what they choose to do with their body.

AuntieMaggie Sat 24-Nov-12 20:27:46


I'd love to colour my hair a bright colour but being a natural blonde any colour fades in about 2 days.

I get unwanted attention about the size of my boobs no matter how conservatively I dress. Having recently lost weight they stick out more again and having some knobhead shout obscenities at me out of his shitty car when I was walkin home at 3pm in the afternoon made me feel shit about myself and want to put all the weight back on.

Nobody has the right to make anyone to feel that way because of how they look.

MmeGuillotine Sat 24-Nov-12 21:18:08

I am a goth and have had bright pink hair (but no tattoos and no piercings at all) for many years now and I don't think I've ever had any hassle about it. I get people coming up to me all the time to say how much they like it and I hear children at my DS's school occasionally asking their mothers about it but other than that, it's as if no one has noticed!

However, my natural hair colour is a rather vivid shade of red and I used to get abuse ALL THE TIME for that. I find it quite funny that no one bats so much as an eyelash at my pink hair but when I had my natural colour, I could barely set foot outside without some idiot shouting something or being asked impertinent questions about my genital region. ;)

I accept that choosing to look the way I do is inevitably going to attract attention but I feel really happy, strong and confident when I look this way - which is a big deal as I have Aspergers.

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