To want my MIL to take this photo off her Facebook?

(114 Posts)
DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 21:27:10

Sorry,a joint FB/MIL whinge coming up!

I just logged on to FB to find my MIL has uploaded a photo of DS in the bath on her profile, and has made it her profile pic. He's lying on his front covered in bubbles & you can quite clearly see his bum. Aibu to not be happy about the photo being public? I'm not one of these people who thinks there are peadophiles lurking everywhere, and I don't mind her putting up photos of him normally (as long he's wearing clothes!) but I have no idea who she's friends with on FB & want her to delete it!

catgirl1976 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:29:02

YANBU

I read somewhere that if people see babies bottoms in thier natural state, the very fabric of space time rends itself asunder.

I think you should run around your living room in a blind panic and the call the police.

OpheliaPayneAgain Fri 23-Nov-12 21:29:03

What will her friends to with a photograph?

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 21:29:39

If you're ok with photos of your child being splashed across the world wide web, what's the problem with this one just because his bum's in it?

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 21:30:15

catgirl grin

catgirl1976 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:30:39

*then

bradywasmyfavouriteking Fri 23-Nov-12 21:30:49

I would ask her to remove it, if you are uncomfortable.

I know I had to literally spell everything out for my mum on FB. She had photos of my kids and a open profile. I had to do all her security etc. She just didn't think. She didn't even realise everyone could see her photos unless she had certain security.

Perhaps MIL just hasn't thought.

shesariver Fri 23-Nov-12 21:30:53

OMG!!!!!!! Your poor poor DS, people know what a bum looks like!!!!!!!!!!

Pagwatch Fri 23-Nov-12 21:31:08

It wouldn't bother me at all. Assuming he isn't 16

DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 21:32:45

He's not a baby, he's 5. I didn't say her FB friends would do anything with the photo, I just don't understand why she's put it up & used it as her profile pic!

shesariver Fri 23-Nov-12 21:32:47

Yeh there is that pagwatch - although I dread to think what half naked pics of my 19 year old DS there is on FB--

Portofino Fri 23-Nov-12 21:32:54

What do you think is going to happen? Aside from her granny friends "liking" and saying how cute he is?

Sunflowergirl2011 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:34:15

YABU. sorry, I just don't get this. As Ophelia says, what would her friends do with a photo?

catgirl1976 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:34:49

Oh - a 5 year olds bottom

Run around the living room twice then call the police

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 21:36:24

To be honest her friends are probably cringing, feeling like they're having a wall conversation with a five year old's arse grin

SamSmalaidh Fri 23-Nov-12 21:36:38

Actually I agree - it is a bit disrespectful to the child to put naked photos of him online presumably without his consent.

catgirl1976 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:37:03

If she drew eyes on it Worra it would be easier for everyone grin

TeacupTempest Fri 23-Nov-12 21:37:38

You don't understand why she put it up? Presumably she just thought it was cute.

picnicbasketcase Fri 23-Nov-12 21:37:56

Tbh, I feel very uncomfortable if anyone puts pictures of my DC on FB without my consent so I agree with you. Nothing to do with hysteria re paedophiles lurking around every corner, I just don't think it's anyone else's right to do it. I would just say, I don't want that picture on Facebook, please take it down.

psychomum5 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:38:31

rather than get all uppity, go round and explain about security.

that way only her friends can see the cute and gorgeous squidgy bum of her grandson, that she loves and adores and thinks the world of, and there is no need for you to panic.

lets be honest, if she is like my MIL, she will have about 5 friends, who just miss those days of squidgy bums in the bath, and they will all go <awwww>

MidniteScribbler Fri 23-Nov-12 21:38:52

Photoshop a fig leaf over it. Problem solved.

Firawla Fri 23-Nov-12 21:40:19

OP I dont know why everyone is taking the p, i think yanbu and I would have been so angry if it was my dc, its not acceptable at all to put a naked pic of someone elses child on your fb, who on earth would find that okay??!?! I dont get why people do it with pics of their own kids either but someone elses and without permission, is 2 steps further. I would report it to fb actually, they will take it off. and also have a firm word with her not to do it again.
normal pics fine, but not pics in the bath, of a 5 yr old!!!!!!

psychomum5 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:40:49

If he was older, and it was a mooning pic, then I would be all hmm.

small children in the bath = heart melt

once you are past that age, you see it for what it is....innocent fun to be celebrated.

Ragwort Fri 23-Nov-12 21:40:59

I think if you feel the need for a FB account then you have to accept that people will put pictures on it, how did she get the picture, did you send it to her in the first place, or did she just take it?

I really know nothing about FB, don't use it, don't want to use it but it seems that you can't 'pick and choose' what it's used for.

DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 21:42:00

As far as I know there aren't loads of photos of DS plastered over the World Wide Web... I have a few in an album that is restricted to family/close friends. I have no idea if her profile is private or not (I'd suspect not as she's not that Internet savvy) and I know with recent changes I can see photos my friends comment on without knowing the person who posted them. As I have said,I don't think her online friends are going to do anything with the photo - I'd just rather it wasn't on there. In the first place!

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 21:42:53

Actually I agree - it is a bit disrespectful to the child to put naked photos of him online presumably without his consent.

Is it not also 'disrespectful' to put photos up of him with his bum covered?

When I was a kid and my Aunt and Uncles would come and visit, my Mum would get the photo album out and I would absolutely cringe.

I hated them looking at photos of me and Cooing and Ahhing...it was just embarrassing.

If my Mum had put those photos in our front window, sent them to the local newspaper and the TV station....I think I would have died.

Yet that's the 1970's equivalent of what people do every day now on social media.

If you're ok with making these decisions for your children, I don't see how having their naked bum in the photo makes any difference.

Icelollycraving Fri 23-Nov-12 21:43:10

I think you are getting an unnessarily hard time. Yanbu.

GrumpyCynicalBastard Fri 23-Nov-12 21:43:55

Sometimes one despairs for humanity. This is one such time.

DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 21:45:33

I should add, I haven't phoned her up & screamed at her or anything (came on here instead to vent grin ) I showed DH & suggested he ask her to take it down & put up a more suitable one.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Fri 23-Nov-12 21:45:43

YADNBU
Think your mil is very naive - would ask her to remove it.

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 21:46:15

As far as I know there aren't loads of photos of DS plastered over the World Wide Web... I have a few in an album that is restricted to family/close friends

You know how it works though yes?

Once you put your kid's photo online, they're open for your family and friends to right click and save.

Therefore they are in the public domain.

GreenyEyes Fri 23-Nov-12 21:46:16

You know what, I'm going to say YANBU.

Purely because I think a 5yo does have a right to privacy.

I wish my 5yo valued his privacy. I think all of his schoolmates and most of the teaching staff have seen his tallywhacker mow, and he only started in September <sigh>

GreenyEyes Fri 23-Nov-12 21:47:15

His tallywhacker now I meant. He doesn't mow with it.

DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 21:47:30

Midnite - I like the fig leaf idea!

psychomum5 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:49:20

do YOU have an FB account?

if you do, and have pics of your DS, and put them on your wall, then she too is allowed to. He is still her grandson. He is the baby of HER baby. She is proud of him, and wants to show him off. She see's small children in the bath as innocent, which, 99% of us all do.

The hysteria of paedos stalking FB and of naked children never being seen in case we encourage paedos is all just that, hysteria.

I get entirely that you don;t like it. I am not for one minute ridiculing you for your dislike. What I am trying to say is that, for your MIL, she is still of the generation who celebrates innocence and truly thinks that FB is seen just by whom she adds onto her friend list. And they would probably be the ones she shows anyway when they come over for coffee and cake.

if you hate it, then explain. but don;t go in ranting and raving and making out that it is something terrible and dreadful cos, ya know, someone unknown might be stalking.

the stalking ones will go for a pic regardless......it can be even be fully clothed <gasp>

lovelyladuree Fri 23-Nov-12 21:49:31

There is plenty of material available online for paedophiles, I understand, without them hunting for naked bums on FB.

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 21:50:39

Exactly lovely, I just googled 'baby's bum' and there are millions of images.

DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 21:51:08

Well yes Worra, I suppose that's true but I don't put up lots of photos, it's more the odd day out/birthday/Xmas pic (and none with his bum out!)

FannyBazaar Fri 23-Nov-12 21:53:37

YANBU her profile picture should be a picture of her and not anyone else. Isn't that actually in the facebook rules?

catgirl1976 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:54:14

No.

DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 21:54:52

Yes Psychomum I have a FB account,but as I said earlier in the thread the few photos I've uploaded go into a restricted album,not publicly on my wall so they aren't seen by everyone.

It's not paedo-hysteria, I'm just not happy with the idea of my sons bum being on her profile (no matter how cute it is!)

GrumpyCynicalBastard Fri 23-Nov-12 21:55:48

Exactly lovely, I just googled 'baby's bum' and there are millions of images

Awkward. What are you going to tell the rozzers when they come worra? grin

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 21:56:02

But you do put up some photos without your child's permission as he's to young to give it.

You put them out there for people to copy if they see fit and do what they wish with.

If you're happy with that (and you obviously are) then I don't see what the problem is with his bum showing.

What do you think people are going to do with this photo that they couldn't do with the millions of images on Google?

Or is his bum made of chocolate that poops £20 notes?

TysonsMummy Fri 23-Nov-12 21:56:28

bums are not rude ! there are nappy adverts its not a bad thing !

catgirl1976 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:56:56

BTW - under FBs terms, your MIL owns that image of your DCs bottom.

DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 21:57:32

Oh,and I'm not sure about her generation (shes in her early 50s) seeing all he innocence,she's always banging on about dodgy looking men & paedos - sadly she's a daily fail reader. That's why I was a bit surprised that shed put it up too!

WorraLiberty Fri 23-Nov-12 21:57:34

Grumpy, we'll sit here saying 'Oohh and Aww' no doubt....they were all very cute and mostly Hallmark card images grin

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Fri 23-Nov-12 21:58:06

Catgirl1976, if you want to give a sarky comment at least spell "their" correctly. And of course, "rend" should be "renders" but you no doubt know that because you are WELL clever!

BookFairy Fri 23-Nov-12 21:58:21

Any photo uploaded onto facebook automatically appears on an external website owned by fb (an IT genius friend showed me). Privacy settings don't mean anything when it comes to it! YANBU to be unhappy that a photo of your child has been uploaded without your permission. Your MIL probably uploaded it thinking "aww how sweet". If you ask her calmly I'm sure she'll oblige smile

mum2threesons Fri 23-Nov-12 22:00:30

YANBU. Ask her to take it off. I would not be happy if it was my child.
Have a chat with her about it.

DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 22:01:06

Tysonsmummy - I didn't say bums were rude, and yes they feature in nappy adverts... I'm assuming with the permission of the parents/guardians. I don't mind MIL having photos of DS in the bath,she can keep them in an album to embarrass him with when he's a teenager,but I'd rather they not be online.

GrumpyCynicalBastard Fri 23-Nov-12 22:01:10

Rend is a verb and was used correctly.

Thier is clearly a typo.

Fail. And fail.

Is that really the best you can do in the face of a witty and well observed comment?

catgirl1976 Fri 23-Nov-12 22:01:10

for you Alliwant

Renders means something else altogether as you can see

Dictionary for you for Christmas from me.......

catgirl1976 Fri 23-Nov-12 22:02:18

I have lopped off my middle finger due to the typo though......

psychomum5 Fri 23-Nov-12 22:02:33

If you don;t like it, tell her. Nicely. She is your MIL tho, and mother of your DS dad. By that very fact she is allowed to use pics in any way she pleases.

I have five children. I give pics to my in laws. they can use them as they see fit. I have to trust them. Being family it would cause issues otherwise.

You are mum, you can SAY you don;t like it. But equally, by being grandma, she can ignore you.

sadly, such is the way of life.

especially life with the access to the world that we all now have.

juedanlil Fri 23-Nov-12 22:02:34

I would just click report and Facebook will ask her to remove it x

shesariver Fri 23-Nov-12 22:03:05

YANBU her profile picture should be a picture of her and not anyone else. Isn't that actually in the facebook rules?

No, otherwise I would be mistaken for a snowman.

RSVPentathlon Fri 23-Nov-12 22:03:22

I don't think YABU.
I would not like it either and would ask politely for it to be removed.

No hysteria just a preference.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Fri 23-Nov-12 22:05:16

grin after too much wine, I had wondered if I should google my attitude before disclosing it! SORRY!! wine hic...

2rebecca Fri 23-Nov-12 22:06:32

I think you should always ask a parent's permission before putting pictures of a child on facebook or the internet.
I wouldn't put photos of my nephews up without my brother's consent and now my kids are teenagers they get to veto what I put up.
I would politely ask her to take it down and explain the internet is very different to just showing a photo to a few friends.
I'd only report it if she refused. I would expect any of my relatives to be very apologetic at upsetting me but some of you have strange entitled relatives.

catgirl1976 Fri 23-Nov-12 22:07:55

Ahh I'm sorry too......I'm not trying to be a twunt to the OP. This thread just comes up a lot and I despair at the way the world is going on this sort of thing.

A peachy baby / child bottom is a lovely thing. It's sad that people feel too afraid or whatever to celebrate it, that's all

psychomum5 Fri 23-Nov-12 22:07:56

don;t click report for heavens sake.

that is how all pics of breast feeding got banned. By people being offended by a NATURAL THING.

bums are natural, and pretty damn cute when showed off by small scrumptious kids.

altho I may well be offended by a hairy and spotty bum <boak>

SamSmalaidh Fri 23-Nov-12 22:08:38

There is a difference between naked photos and clothed photos - I would put a clothed photo of a friend or relative on fb without their permission, but I wouldn't put a photo of them sunbathing topless. Why shouldn't children get the same consideration?

DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 22:11:07

I'm not going to report her to FB, DH has left her a message asking her to change it & I'm sure she will.

CheshireDing Fri 23-Nov-12 22:14:19

YANBU.

I have put the odd pic of a friends child on fb but they were fully clothed and Mum had already put pictures of her children on fb (otherwise I definitely wouldn't have put them on).

I think she has probably done it in all innocence but I know if my MIL or Mum did it DH would ask for it to be taken done as well as me. I think it's unnecessary for naked childrens pictures to be on fb but then I don't get why people put bf pictures on fb either, or put a comment in their status saying something like "on the 3rd breast feed of the night".

Somethings needs to stay private.

CheshireDing Fri 23-Nov-12 22:14:38

taken * down *

DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 22:15:33

I do think baby/children's bums are lovely too, and not offensive in the slightest. However, as I've made the choice not to show my DS's bum online I'd hope that other family members would respect that too

You can change the privacy settings so that only friends can see your profile picture.

I don't necessarily like loads of photos/ details about my life going on Facebook and have locked the account so people can't tag me. There is of course an argument of why I bother with the darn thing (currently we are abroad and it seems to be the only way 95% of our family contact us- another issue).

I wouldn't report it as there is no harm meant in it (referring to 2rebecca's comment) but while I'd want it off FB if I thought it would cause upset I'd forget it as I'm sure she'll change it soon enough.

However I wouldn't think you were unreasonable to ask for her to change it.

Sorry, loads of messages got added as I took ages writing my comment. Hope it all works out peacefully.

Facebook needs a whole book on modern day manners in my opinion.

AreAllMenTheSame2 Sat 24-Nov-12 00:39:57

Yanbu. If your unhappy about a picture put on the internet of YOUR Childs bottom then you have every right to be!!! He is YOUR child. I would just speak to mil about it and if you get on she will most likely take it down smile

Totally disagree with physcomum "mother of your DS dad. By that very fact she is allowed to use pics in any way she pleases." No No No and erm No!!! Just because she's related to the father of the baby it doesn't allow her to do anything!!!!

if you do, and have pics of your DS, and put them on your wall, then she too is allowed to. He is still her grandson. He is the baby of HER baby

She is not allowed to do anything without mothers consent. Just because she is a grandma doesn't give her an automatic right to the baby or his pictures!

I will probably get flamed for saying that but i stand by what i say. I do not think just because your a granny grandad auntie uncle whatever your "allowed" to put pictures online ECT. But tht might just be me.

OP i would definatly speak to your mil if your uncomfortable about your sons bum being on the internet. Your child so your choice

StuntGirl Sat 24-Nov-12 01:00:27

I don't know, I'd really rather not see anybodies arse on FB hmm

seeker Sat 24-Nov-12 01:13:55

I appear to be hardwired to disagree with anything a person who says "your child your rules " or any version thereof says. How very strange!

nailak Sat 24-Nov-12 01:47:08

yanbu

if it was a baby it would be different, but i wouldnt want pics of my 5 year old naked on fb, she wouldn't want it either and would be extrememly distressed, although she likes normal pics,

not because she is ashamed of her body or anything like that, I mean she has no problems changing for pe etc (hows that going btw firawla), just because she thinks private parts are private, and I agree.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 02:02:44

I wouldn't be happy with that either but she's a grandparent so on mn that usually means she can do anything she wants no matter what and the parents cannot complain, special extra rights if said grandparent is a in law just on the off chance you may have one day prioritised your own parents, fuck it even if you didn't you might.

Yanbu

thecatsminion Sat 24-Nov-12 08:07:52

YANBU - I think he'll be awfully embarrassed about it when he grows up.

She presumably wouldn't put a photo of her own arse up on Facebook. At least, I hope not.

yellowsubmarine53 Sat 24-Nov-12 08:12:41

OP is being given a unnecessarily hard time here.

If you don't want photos of your children or particular photos of your children to be put on FB, then I don't see why this should be a problem to anyone else.

You sounds very reasonable to me OP, and it's good to hear that it sounds like MIL will be too.

mnistooaddictive Sat 24-Nov-12 08:15:36

Loads of people (including the mayor) have seen my dd2s bottom as she hates wearing clothes. The world is still turning.

Not going to have a go, but just curious OP, why is it so different because the photo is of his bum?

I'm pretty relaxed about this stuff and there is a photo of DS that shows his bottom on FB when he was about 6mo I think.

I did have a fleeting thought at the time though - these babies are growing up in a time when FB is huge. Assuming it doesn't become obsolete somehow, DS will one day have an FB account. Will we go back and tag him in all the photos we've added of him over the years, thus giving future friends the ability to see photos from the day he was born?

I know it'd be the same as getting the baby album out for girlfriends but it was a bit of a strange thought. I imagine it'll become commonplace by then?

FantasticMax Sat 24-Nov-12 09:11:45

I too think the OP is getting a hard time. I would be annoyed if my MIL did this - or anyone else for that matter - and I would ask them to take it down.

A friend of mine recently posted several photos of her DD potty training. You couldn't actually see any naked bits or anything, but I just felt it was an intrusion of the child's privacy and will be extremely embarrassing for her when she grows up - my friend has no privacy settings.

I think posting a picture of a 5 year old's bum in the bath without the parent's permission IS wrong. I certainly wouldn't have wanted naked bath pictures of me as a child on the Internet and I would extend the same courtesy to my DCs.

LtEveDallas Sat 24-Nov-12 09:29:14

I had someone 'defriend' me when I posted a naked bum picture of DD swimming naked in our pool. Apparently I had 'broken DDs trust' and 'put her in danger'

Ridiculous woman. She was no loss.

My xh's fiancée put up pics of my kids in the bath, she pretty quickly got a text via my XH telling them this is not appropriate and I want them removed. They were gone within the hour.

YANBU

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 09:38:47

A few weeks or so ago there was a thread about fb photos of a naked child swimming on holiday think child was about 10ish the op of that thread who had posted the photos got a mega telling off when she asked aibu because her ex had been angry about them.

GlitKnit Sat 24-Nov-12 09:39:29

facebook is just shit

at least put shitty facebook whinges in the topic so the rest of us dont have to endure them

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sat 24-Nov-12 09:43:06

YANBU. And I say that as a mother of a 5 year old girl who will happily have her picture taken but would be mortified if everyone saw her bum shock

Floggingmolly Sat 24-Nov-12 09:53:16

Well, I don't think YABU, nothing to do with your child's arse, but because I don't allow anyone to put my kids photos on Facebook.
I choose if and when anything relating to my kids is put on the Internet - some people find this extremely odd but I'm fine with that. My decision.

MikeOxard Sat 24-Nov-12 09:59:37

Even though catgirl's comments are fucking hilarious, yanbu to tell her you don't like it. There's probably enough arse on fb already.

BIWI Sat 24-Nov-12 10:09:41

I think a lot of you need to think about how you are going to feel/behave when you have grandchildren. If someone tried to tell you that you have no right to show off a picture of your own grandchild, how do you think you will feel?

If it's not about paedophiliac hysteria, then what is the issue? OP, you have these very pictures online yourself, so what is the difference between you and the grandmother of your child having them online?

And you are assuming that because your mother is in her 50s (God help her, she shouldn't be allowed on the internet on her own as she is so old hmm) that she hasn't got her FB page set up properly. Do you know that for sure?

I sometimes wonder how we older people manage.

NairyHipples Sat 24-Nov-12 10:11:17

FloggingMolly But how do you prevent anyone from putting photos of your kids on FB?

ByTheWay1 Sat 24-Nov-12 10:11:44

So it is wrong for men to oggle pictures of naked 5 year olds on the internet, but not wrong for OPs MIL to post naked pictures of a 5 year old hmm....

The child is naked..... ask MIL if you can change your profile pic to one her naked in the bath covered in bubbles except for HER bum - see how she would like it...

GreenBeer Sat 24-Nov-12 10:12:18

YANBU I would be pissed off and be asking MIL to take it down. We live in another country from both sides of our family so we send them pics by whatsapp so they can see DD and the SIL and MIL started posting these on FB so I asked DH to speak to them.

My family have never done this (as they know me well enough to know that if I wanted them on FB I would put them there myself!) but if they did, I would tell them to remove also. So its not a 'me v the in-laws' comment.

Blu Sat 24-Nov-12 10:13:20

YANBU
I hate this lack of respect for anyone's choice about what aspect of their private lives are made public to the big wide world. You don't have to be hysterical about paedos to just want to keep private family moments private family stuff. What are her settings like? Do people realise that if your DS is named / tagged then anyone for years to come who searches his name on Google will see that image on google images? NIce way to launch his first attempts to get a job.

Ask her reasonably and nicely (she almost certainly just didn't think, and was proud).

If that doesn't work put up a pic of her naked in the bath as your profile pic.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 10:14:43

glit

Did you not see Facebook in the thread title? You didn't have to click on it. It's clearly a aibu.

Woozley Sat 24-Nov-12 10:15:10

I would ask her to make it "friends only", remove it as a profile pic & if she doesn't know how to do that, just delete it.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 10:24:14

When I have grandchildren I would never post a photo of them naked online, and if I did and the parent asked me to remove it I would be suitably sorry for doing it.

If its ok to post naked pictures of 5 year olds is it also ok for 10 yo 15 or 20?

Would it be ok for my mum to put up a naked photo of me now? It would be a criminal offence if she did without consent

AThingInYourLife Sat 24-Nov-12 10:28:31

YANBU

I don't mind photos of my children being online, but I do think they are entitled not to have adults they don't know looking at pictures of their bare arses.

BIWI Sat 24-Nov-12 10:30:12

But it's not about a photo of the OP at that age is it? And it's about a photo that the OP already has online.

Hmm....I wouldn't be happy, but then my dm has about 30 thousand friends she doesn't know from Adam that just happen to play farmville or whatever the current fad is.

I would be a but upset that it is a profile pic though, because profile pics are googleable even once they have been removed.

Iheartpasties Sat 24-Nov-12 10:42:04

I would be silently fuming if my MIL did this, and you are of course doing the right thing (your dh asking nicely for it to be taken down), it's not liek you are banning your MIL from seeing your kids! Just asking nicely that she respects your wishes re: photos on FB. I find it wierd when I see my MIL wit pics of my child as her profile picture, my BIL does it too.

shesariver Sat 24-Nov-12 10:43:49

GlitKnit Guess you missed the word FACEBOOK in the title then? hmm People can post what they like here, no-one is forced to read or "endure" anything.

DancingLola Sat 24-Nov-12 10:45:23

Thought I'd pop back on quickly to update...

DH managed to speak to MIL this morning & she's now removed the photo. She said she didn't realise her profile was public, but had wondered how friends of her friends had manage to comment on the pic hmm Anyway, all sorted & no major grudges being held as far as I can tell!

BIWI - It was my MIL, not mother who put the photo up and I only mentioned her age in connection to psychomum5's comment about her generation. I don't consider early 50s to be old. Honestly, she's not internet savvy & she mainly uses FB to play games, so hasn't looked at the privacy settings. I don't have these photos online myself, as I said in an earlier post, I've got a few in a private album, but DS is fully clothed in them. This is a photo that she took & posted, not one of mine that she has shared/copied. When I'm a grandparent I hope that I'd follow the lead of my GC's parents as far as photos online go. I don't think my grandparents have any photos of me naked as a child, but I'm pretty sure my parents have a few in an album somewhere smile

Blu Sat 24-Nov-12 10:48:18

Glad it's resolved, OP.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 10:54:05

Where does it say the op has it online or in the public domain?

And why is it different because its not the op? It's the ops child the op has at minimum 50% of the legal responsabilities to protect her child from harm or distress.

I should declare the reason for my insistence about this, about a year ago it was bought to my attention that certain photos of me had been posted on line along with one photo of dc taken when he was about 7 or 8 and sleeping naked minus duvet ( a photo dc thought was funny and had no problem with it as long as it was private)

My ex ended up with additional convictions one relating to the child photo at his hearing the judge said it was a huge breach of trust that he should have known was unacceptable especially with regard to dc's photo that even with feeling the way he obviously did about me he was a trusted adult in my children's life and by breaching the trust of 1 of them had let them all down.

The cps then added another injunction against him ( already have a long term one to keep him away from me) to keep him compleatly away from my kids.

( the cps,police basicly everyone involved with anything to do with him have been amazing cant fault them at all)

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 10:56:36

Glad it's sorted op, and nicely without falling out.

Ilovecake1 Sat 24-Nov-12 10:57:01

Glad you got that sorted.....I would never allow a private photo of my children online for all to see!

NairyHipples Sat 24-Nov-12 11:27:40

Am confused at the comments "I don't allow photos of my children on the internet".

Eg - your child comes to my child's party. I (or another adult) takes photos and uploads onto FB. How would you know they were there? And if you did find them, how would you go about getting them removed?

Btw OP, you were NBU and I'm pleased it's been resolved smile

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 12:05:32

I expect you would ask them nicely to remove it

crunchernumber Sat 24-Nov-12 12:10:53

I always ask someone if they mind me putting pictures of their children on FB.

It's just manners.

I would ask her nicely to take it down. No need to get hysterical about paedos but it is a private photograph which you do not want published.

Completely reasonable.

CrazyChristmasLady Sat 24-Nov-12 12:15:53

YANBU.

I don't like people putting photos of my DC on facebook, I don't like them using them as their profile pictures either.

It doesn't matter what others say, YOU don't like it so get her to take it down.

CrazyChristmasLady Sat 24-Nov-12 12:17:10

Sorry, just seen that its been sorted. smile

cashmere Sat 24-Nov-12 12:26:03

I wouldn't be happy with this.
I put photos of my own DS on FB but I'm not always happy with the ones my Mum/MIL/other family members put up. MIL has a habit of taking photos with me in without mentioning she is doing it. She gets some incredibly unflattering ones this way and it upset me when DS was tiny and I often looked a mess anyway to log in and find awaful pics. My sis added a video of DS to her FB page and I did think she should have checked 1st too.
However, its not worth making a fuss generally as they are just to 'show their friends' and I know it's as they are proud

If they put a photo on of my child undressed I would expect them to check. I also think it's inappropriate to make it a profile pic. In this case I'd ask her to remove it.

pingu2209 Sat 24-Nov-12 12:34:22

YANBU

I have photos of my children on Facebook but I know plenty of people who are strongly against their children on Facebook at all - let alone in the buff.

I have been asked by family and friends to remove their childrens' photos and have done so without attitude. It is their children and their choice. In fact, I was quite embarrased that I had made such a mistake by adding someone else's child/ren without asking first.

Just ask her politely and don't be worried about asking. If she gets shirty then she has the problem, not you.

NairyHipples Sat 24-Nov-12 12:37:31

Neither would I add pix of other peoples children, my point is it's impossible to stop other people doing it unless you send your kids out in public with a bag over their heads

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 12:49:58

It's a valid point but most people who have photos are going to be friends or family it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask them to remove them or not put them up.

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