To give up uni......

(38 Posts)
Lostgirl27 Fri 23-Nov-12 12:28:40

First time posting on AIBU but I need some tough love!

Back story is I'm separated with a 7 year old DS. After working in legal office industry for 7 years I decided on a career change. Spent 2 years laying the ground work for this and got myself into uni. (this alone I am amazed at!)

Anyway, half way through first year at uni I took some time out to get over a bereavement, I am now due back and the thought is making me ill. I just don't want to work in this industry anymore. The hours are completely inappropriate for a single parent, clearly I never thought it through properly in the first instance.

Am I crazy for throwing this away?? People keep telling me it'll be worth it in the end ect but my heart just isn't in it anymore.

The only thing keeping me there just now is the fact I don't have an alternative. (and the bursary is excellent)

Help, help, help!! I want to run away from this, which is my answer to everything but it doesn't work sad

littlewhitebag Fri 23-Nov-12 12:30:36

What is it you are studying? What hours are inappropriate: the uni ones or the ones when you eventually qualify?

SDeuchars Fri 23-Nov-12 12:31:11

What are you studying?

Can you talk to someone in student support and ask them if you can change to a different course (perhaps after you finish your first year)?

littlewhitebag Fri 23-Nov-12 12:32:45

I only ask cos i spent a good number of years at uni when my kids were very young and my DH worked away from home so was not around to help. There was a lot of midnight essay writing and revision went on! In fact my eldest said it was weird when i had finished all my studies as she had come to rely on the sound of me tapping on the computer keyboard to get to sleep!

Pilgit Fri 23-Nov-12 12:34:07

Could you change course? most unis will let you to a certain extent. If it is the legal field you're talking about it there are lots of options that don't include the stupid hours - if you enjoy the work. if that is the only reason then i would say stick with it and keep your options open - you have worked so hard to get where you are right now. Even if you don't then pursue that career having a degree will give you many opportunities. the legal profession isn't your only option after a law degree - you could go into teaching, any graduate training programme.

all that said, you have to do what you think is right for you and your family - just make sure you#ve thought through all your options and opportunities first. good luck!

Lostgirl27 Fri 23-Nov-12 12:35:11

It's adult nursing I'm doing. Hours at uni are fine as I'm hardly ever there it's the placement hours that are bad. 12 and a half hour shifts and the hospital is 45 mins drive away. Or you can do 5 shorter shifts. Either way I need to leave around 6:30 in the morn which means my mum has to have my DS over night and take him to school (she also works full time) then child minder will have to collect him from school. I just feel like he's being passed from pillar to post and it's not even for something that I can say I love doing.

Sorry should have out that in my op.

littlewhitebag Fri 23-Nov-12 12:39:09

Will you have different placements over the time you are doing your course, with different hours etc. Once you have qualified you will be able to go for jobs that have hours to suit.

What is it about the course you are not liking?

I am sure your DS will be absolutely fine so don't worry to much about him.

Lostgirl27 Fri 23-Nov-12 12:48:34

Yes the placement locations will vary but hours will generally be the same with the exception of my community placement.

DS is very clingy with me, his dad isn't really that interested and he knows that which is why I think he's so clingy. Every time we are apart he will tell me how much he missed me and I just hate the thought of him feeling like I am not there for him.

I've tried to explain that even though he won't see me as much, it's to give us both a better life but I think he's to young to really get tha.

YDdraigGoch Fri 23-Nov-12 12:49:53

I'd recomment you keep it up. Its for such a short period - and once you've got your degree you can be far more flexible with your working hours.
And if you decide you don't want to go into nursing, there are so many other options once you have the degree. ANY degree is worth having, no matter what line of work you eventually decide to go in for.

Can you call in favours from friends? Offer to have their kids at weekends occasionally, if they'll have your DS overnight. Though if your mum is fine with the arrangement, I also wouldn't worry to much about DS - children are incredibly flexible.

How much room do you have at home? Have you thought about employing an aupair for a while? If you had a spare bedroom I bet this would help you out enormously.

mirry2 Fri 23-Nov-12 12:53:25

Why don't you just promise yourself to stick it out for this first year and complete the frst year assessments. then if you still want to give up at least you will have a year under your belt if you ever want to go back or change courses. It also looks better on your CV

drcrab Fri 23-Nov-12 12:54:13

I'm sorry you feel this way but I would suggest you focus on the big picture and long term gains. You can break down your course into manageable chunks (eg every 4 weeks) and try and inject highlights into your week with your child.

If your mother is willing to help out and if you have a reliable child minder then I think you need to have the confidence to continue in your studies with the knowledge that your child will be fine.

I have 2 kids and they've been in nursery since they were 6 months old when I went back to work. They are well adjusted. There are no grandparents nearby so it's just us. You adjust to late nights, occasionally not seeing them (Wednesday I had a late work thing to attend and didn't see my kids since breakfast) but it has to be done and it will be done.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Fri 23-Nov-12 12:57:35

Can you change to a different course and keep your bursary?

MUST it be nursing if it is so inconvenient and you have no passion for it?

It seems you are just into your first year. If you have spent two years laying the groundwork, could you not go for a different career?

charlmarascoxo Fri 23-Nov-12 12:58:02

If your hearts on in it anymore then you probably won't achieve a very good grade by the end of it. I know when I did my A-Levels this was the case.

Are you still in your first year? I would talk with the people at the careers office at your uni and if theres a course you prefer I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to switch for September next year.

Lostgirl27 Fri 23-Nov-12 12:58:38

I'm actually considering moving into my mums spare bedroom (I need to move anyway) but it would mean DS and I sharing a bedroom which isn't ideal, but would be a bit easier.

I don't really have friends with children, I actually don't really have many friends to be honest. The only 2 is rely on are in different country's!

Au pair sounds quite expensive? I've never actually known anyone to have one.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Fri 23-Nov-12 13:01:54

Moving in with your mum while you study might make a lot of sense.

Lostgirl27 Fri 23-Nov-12 13:11:55

Thanks for all your replies, you've given different angles to look at. Sorry don't know how to get your user names in the post.

On the one hand, yeh I should look at the bigger picture and my DS will be fine I just need to detach a bit. He does have excellent grand parents on his dads side which I definitely don't utilise as much as I could.

I suppose I don't need to 'love' what I'm doing right??

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Fri 23-Nov-12 13:15:46

Loving what you are doing would help. You are going to spend the rest of your life doing it.

maybenow Fri 23-Nov-12 13:21:04

By the time you qualify your DS will be nearly at secondary school. If I were you i'd finish the qualification now anyway and then see what happens. You've still got at least two years to go studying haven't you? What would you do if you didn't go back?
I think you might just be having a wobble... (understandably)

Lostgirl27 Fri 23-Nov-12 13:48:37

Yes I still have 2 and a half years left to do, I think half of that is theory and other half placement.

I don't know what I'd do if I didn't go back. I keep thinking about going back to office work but there is no career or future prospects in it, I just feel very at home sitting at a desk with a computer for some reason?! But the career/prospects/money issue is why I left in the first place, need to be able to support DS.

Definitely having a wobble angry I don't like it!

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Fri 23-Nov-12 13:52:00

What do you not like? Nursing or the wobble?

The thing is, once you have qualified, you dont need to be "stuck" with it. You can go back for more qualifications and more specializations later. Like become a midwife, a health visitor, etc.

Air hostess! grin (If you are a sucker for never knowing where, and when you work, and how long your shifts will be!)

waitingimpatiently Fri 23-Nov-12 13:54:33

This is awkward seen as most people are saying to stick it out but if you generally hate it, leave! I hated my first year at uni, stuck it out, to then hate the second and third years and now im left with a no good degree in something I don't like and don't want to pursue.
You know what is right for yourself, but good luck whatever you decide to do.

Lostgirl27 Fri 23-Nov-12 14:02:04

Oh feck that's exactly what I'm worried about! Can I ask what your doing now? I don't want to waste the next few years sticking something out in the hope that it works out and then discover that it was a waste of time!

Sorry, I meant I don't like the wobble, it feels very in natural. Plus I can't help thinking that if I was about to start doing something I actually liked, the wobble wouldn't be as bad. More like a excited nervous wobble instead of a want to run away and drink lots if wine wobble (in Aa)

More confused than ever now sad

Svrider Fri 23-Nov-12 14:06:08

If your heart isn't in it don't go
Your children are only little once
My friend did her degree with 2 small boys
It was part time, so 4years if slog and no weekends
Her boys are now 21 and 23
She still regrets missing so much of their early years
<disclaimer> this is her experience
Other may vary!

Floralnomad Fri 23-Nov-12 14:15:22

If you're not enjoying the placements then obviously you need to reconsider your choices, but if its just the inconvenience factor I think you need to look a bit more long term . I'm a nurse , qualified in the dark ages, I fell into it and its definitely not a vocation , however I do enjoy the job and over the years it's been fantastic for fitting into my life. I work very part time but love the knowledge that should I need to become the main wage earner I could do so very easily and on my terms( through agency / bank shifts) .

waitingimpatiently Fri 23-Nov-12 14:18:59

I'm actually a SAHM at the moment as I have a two year old and a 3 week old (had both whilst studying, I graduate on Monday) but im looking to just go into admin or something (looking for job after Christmas) so I can do another course while working in something I want to do.
I look back now and wish I hadn't gone (especially today as I have just gotten my letter to tell me how and when im paying my loan back).

LadyMargolotta Fri 23-Nov-12 14:22:49

Before you suffered the bereavement, how were you coping with the course and placements?

Do you feel you have had enough time off following the bereavement?

I don't think you should make any major decisions at the moment. Have you spoken to your course supervisor/tutor?

LadyMargolotta Fri 23-Nov-12 14:26:16

ALso, how many placements have you had so far? Is it just one or two? It's normal not to enjoy every ward you work on. There is a lot of variety in nursing jobs and it's quite possible that you will enjoy your next placement.

MammaTJ Fri 23-Nov-12 14:28:27

Moving in with your mum sounds like a plan!! There are so many different avenues of nursing, you just may not have 'met' the one for you.

I am just over half way through an access course, so very jealous of where you are now.

I do have years of hospital and care experience behind me, so am sure this is what I want to do (despite being scared of having ultimate responsibilty).

I am studying Adult Nursing, returning after maternity leave in sept. I have had to drop back 6 months. I have ds 6, dd 4, ds 6months.
It is the toughest thing I have ever done, I won't get a high mark for my degee as I just can't give the essays the time, but for me Nursing is the job I desperatly want to do. I love it, but it's the hardest job if you don't want to be there.
Don't go into nursing if it's not what you really want. The learning never stops even when you qualify. You have to think about being a mentor, you have to take on extra roles within the ward/unit you work in. You have to do updates continuously.
The NHS is going through some tough times, moral is low. You need to be able to say you want to be there for the patients no matter what, if you can't it's the wrong job for you.
Sorry that you are finding things tough, going back to a new cohort, new friends etc is hard.

guccigirl666 Fri 23-Nov-12 14:36:05

Is there an option to study part time?

Viviennemary Fri 23-Nov-12 14:41:55

If the thought of it is making you ill I think you should think of an alternative option. Could you change course. But on the other hand if you have 2 and a half years left and only half of that is placement it might be worth sticking it out if you do actually want to nurse and you will be able hopefully to get more flexible hours after you qualify. But if you have more or less decided nursing isn't for you then there really isn't any point in continuing.

OP, if it's the working hours (on placement and once qualified) that are the problem, but you still want to be in healthcare, have you considered maybe switching to occupational therapy or physiotherapy? They still work approximately office hours, although this is changing; but night work is pretty much always going to be just call-outs for physio respiratory patients.

Forgot to add, no bursary for these courses but your fees are paid.

plus3 Fri 23-Nov-12 14:46:33

Another nurse here saying if you don't love it, don't do it.

However, I find 12.5 hrs shifts are perfect - I work 2 days a week (over part time) & grandparents do the school run for me. In the school holidays - I only worked 5 days in 6 weeks with 3 days A/L.

My shift pattern is stopping me considering a community role because it seems so flexible.

How about nights - sleep whilst DS is at school...

But really, don't continue if you don't enjoy nursing. Patients and their families deserve someone who is happy to care for them, not someone who is going through the motions.

longjane Fri 23-Nov-12 16:37:08

You don't have to nurse once you have your degree
and It can give in to loads of other jobs

keep at it
it is a good degree to do as you said you get money to do .

keep going

LadyMargolotta Fri 23-Nov-12 16:50:24

Agree with longjane. Unless you can transfer to another course and keep the bursary, then stick with the nursing degree.

It looks a lot better on your CV to have completed a degree then to give it up (unless you have something really good to go to).

Speak to your course supervisors, maybe speak to your GP about anxiety and the bereavement you have suffered. See if it's possible to delay your next placement so that you have a chance to sort out child care and maybe move in with your mum temporarily.

Whatever you do, don't make any big decisions while you are feeling like this. Look into all options first.

TeaBrick Fri 23-Nov-12 20:28:20

I think nursing is one of those things that you really shouldn't be doing if you don't love it. Just to clarify, do you like nursing but not like doing a degree? If this is the case then you should stick it out.
I am also doing an adult nursing degree, and I love nursing, love working with people, find A&P really fascinating etc. I am also a single parent, and haven't started placement yet, but already feel like ds is being passed from pillar to post to a certain extent, but feel it will be worth it when I qualify.
If you actually don't like nursing itself, then I would say you should re-think things, and consider doing something else instead.

boomting Fri 23-Nov-12 21:18:22

Talk to your academic advisor (sometimes they're called personal tutors or similar).

They will be able to talk you through your options and help you think about careers that would use your nursing degree without the anti-social hours (dad's specialist oncology nurse, for instance, appears to only work Monday-Friday 9-5 and I don't think she does any hands-on clearing-up-poo type work either).

As you're still in your first year, the funding will still be there to switch to another degree (at the same uni or elsewhere) if that's something that might attract you. How about social work, for instance? Still some funny hours, but less so as far as I'm aware, and it's still a caring profession.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now