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Or would be I BU to buy dd1 a kindle fire to ease my guilt?

(66 Posts)
D0oinMeCleanin Fri 23-Nov-12 10:06:37

I have to go away for her 9th birthday. It's non negotiable. I can't be there. I will be home the day after.

Her 'big' present was supposed to a weekend away. We are still doing that, it was the weekend after her birthday.

I've also arranged for her to have a tea party at her Grans on her birthday. She was not meant to have a party owing to the cost of the trip away being far more than we would ordinarily spend on her birthday present.

We have told her she can chose a small gift. She asked for a Kindle Fire hmm

She is getting a lot spent on her Christmas present too (A 3DS XL)

WIBU to buy the Kindle Fire anyway, even though she was not supposed to get a 'big' birthday present because I feel awful about leaving her. She is not expecting it, she knows she can't have one, so it would be a nice surprise for her on her birthday. She does love reading and has wanted a Kindle for years. Ever since they came out.

thegreylady Fri 23-Nov-12 10:07:55

Get it :-)

Mrsjay Fri 23-Nov-12 10:08:17

yes you would of course you would be dont give in but I have a feeling you will grin because of the guilt but it can't be helped, If you havn' t bought the DS i would get a kindle but not both

Jins Fri 23-Nov-12 10:08:35

Does she want it because it's a tablet or as a book reader?

I'd go for the standard kindle over the fire for reading every time

EasilyBored Fri 23-Nov-12 10:09:34

If she just wants it for reading, I would get her a normal old style kindle. The kindle fire is essentially a tablet, rather than an e reader.

I don't think I would get it now, but maybesave the idea for a surprise middle of the year present?

Well, don't get it because you feel guilty about going away, get it because you want her to have something lovely, that she really wants smile
They're on amazon now for £99 btw wink

CwtchesAndCuddles Fri 23-Nov-12 10:10:30

Don't buy it - you can't afford it. She is already getting lots for her birthday and at 9 is old enough to understand that you can't have everything.

A Kindle fire is NOT a small gift.

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 23-Nov-12 10:11:57

She wants it for Angry Birds, Love Film and reading. We bought the 3DS ages ago. We could send it back, but she wants that more than the Kindle. She wants them both hmm

BattlingFanjos Fri 23-Nov-12 10:15:54

If you want to get her it, can afford it and know she will appreciate it, do it!! Why the bloody hell not?! I would feel the same way if I missed DS' birthday and would probably do the same in your position!

I agree with the other posters about the old style kindle instead though, at 9 she might be a bit young for the fire but either way I don't think you're in the wrong for getting it!

BattlingFanjos Fri 23-Nov-12 10:18:00

X-post about the kindle.

Do it!! As long as you are a balanced parent, at 9 she will understand she is getting that bit more because you are missing her birthday and it's special circumstances. Don't miss anymore though, it'll cost you an arm and a leg!! Lol

Jins Fri 23-Nov-12 10:18:52

I think I need to know more about the weekend away smile

Is it something that you wouldn't do unless she wanted to go? Who is going?

FeckOffCup Fri 23-Nov-12 10:19:47

It does seem a lot for a 9 year old's birthday if she is getting a weekend away too, it's up to you at the end of the day but it isn't really a small gift so I think she is being a bit of a chancer asking for it. Do you have other DCs, did you spend an equivalent amount on their birthdays?

SoupDragon Fri 23-Nov-12 10:19:58

I wouldn't - you asked her to choose a small present, she chose an expensive one.

diddl Fri 23-Nov-12 10:21:23

Kindle fire=small gift hahahahahahahahahaha!

So you´re spending more that usual for her gift, plus a small party=enough already!

I wouldn´t even consider it.

Mrsjay Fri 23-Nov-12 10:22:28

you know you are allowing a 9 yr old hold you hostage over a weekend away a small gift is a book or a game or something out of claires a Kindle isnt a small present tell her a kindle isnt a small gift and leave it at that, It is ok for you to go away you can have her birthday before you go,

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 23-Nov-12 10:24:16

It's for the festival of angels at York (lots of ice sculptures and christmassy things)

We told her about it because it was originally planned for her actual birthday but they changed the date so we moved the date of the trip to match.

She said she wanted to go and we made it clear it was instead of a present and party, not as well as a present and party. She insisted she wanted to go.

Myself, Dh and Dd2 are going with her. My sister and her children are coming up for the day, but won't be staying overnight. We are there for two nights and three days. She's also going to the Yorvic Center because she's wanted to go there since learning about Vikings at school last year.

Mrsjay Fri 23-Nov-12 10:26:51

.... and now wants a kindle fire nah she has loads imo

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 23-Nov-12 10:29:37

We have dd2, she got a bike for her birthday this year and is getting a laptop (an older ex display model) for Christmas this year, so is getting the same as dd1 spent on her although her birthday gift was not as expensive, she is also benefiting from the trip to York.

Just to rub salt into dd1's wounds I am taking both of her dogs with me when I go away and I am going to train Meerkats, her favorite animal. She had originally asked to go and feed the meerkats at a local wildlife place for her birthday instead of York but you have to be 10.

I told her about the meerkats before I found out it was going to be over her birthday.

Whatdoiknowanyway Fri 23-Nov-12 10:30:26

Far too much. Lots of children have parents who travel, it's normal. She's already getting plenty.

Jins Fri 23-Nov-12 10:31:48

I'm not sure. The weekend away seems like it's using her birthday for a family treat. At 9 I'd have wanted something for myself grin

Mrsjay Fri 23-Nov-12 10:32:44

you are going to train meerkats to do what grin

sorry got a bit distracted then you know you are going to buy the kindle as you keep explaining why she wants the Kindle ,

ShellyBoobs Fri 23-Nov-12 10:34:35

Don't buy it - you can't afford it.

confused

I just think it's a bit of a no-brainer......she's getting something lovely already. Can't you buy her a pile of books she really wants- that would be a smallish present (although a small present would be just one book). You have no reason to be guilty. Plus getting her a Kindle would ease your guilt, it's nothing to do with her really- I mean this in the nicest possible way, it would be for you really.

You're just postponing her birthday. Everyone has to do things they might not like on birthdays- put up with parents working, my dad made me go to church even though I didn't like it, my mum made me dress up in outfits I hated, you have to honour committments you didn't realise took place on that day......not everything has to be perfect all the time. What she's getting is pretty near to perfect.

York is gorgeous (my home town!), enjoy it. If you really feel bad (and you have no reason to), treat her to something extra in York- let her pick out something in Shared Earth, or go to the American diner opposite the Petersgate Oxfam Books, go to Oxfam and the Fudge Kitchen for dessert....have a picnic she puts together outside the beautiful Holy Trinity Church.....etc.

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 23-Nov-12 10:37:19

Whatever I want to train them to do, MrsJay. I just have to pick something to train to prove I can train an animal other than a dog, to pass that module.

I wonder if you could train a meerkat to talk or say "simples" grin

Yes I really want to buy her it because I feel awful about leaving her, but she is very spoilt and has loads.

I'm not sure. The weekend away seems like it's using her birthday for a family treat. At 9 I'd have wanted something for myself

Well, a party is for loads of other people than yourself too.....plus, she wants to go to York. What fun is it to go round places like that by yourself when you're 9 (unless you're a very introverted and dreamy 9 year old!).

Bluebell99 Fri 23-Nov-12 10:39:13

The outing sounds like a family outing for all of you rather than a treat for her, so I would get her the kindle fire for her birthday. I am also intrigued about the training of meerkats. How did you get involved in that? Also ifs she likes meerkats, Longleat has an enclosure wher you can walk through the enclosure wher the meerkats are free range !

Jins Fri 23-Nov-12 10:39:38

I'd buy it Dooin and here's how I'd justify it to myself

The York trip becomes a family pre-christmas treat and educational trip (Jorvik, Castle etc)

No party

Kindle as present [Grin]

ShellyBoobs Fri 23-Nov-12 10:40:22

I agree with you on that, Whatdoiknowanyway.

My OH and I both travel a lot with work and out of our DD's last 5 birthdays I've been abroad for 3 of them.

IFartInYourGeneralDirection Fri 23-Nov-12 10:40:56

Millions of parents have to work on their kids birthday, its really not a big deal unless you make it one- thats life.

If you want to buy her the kindle buy her the kindle it doesn't need justifying.

I really want to go train meerkats now. Wonder what you could get them to do

Floggingmolly Fri 23-Nov-12 10:41:05

I would, but I'm a big softie.

Also I think a Kindle for a 9 year old is absolutely bonkers anyway, but am well aware that most on MN don't feel this way at all.....just another of my 2 cents smile

Mrsjay Fri 23-Nov-12 10:43:01

I wonder if you could train a meerkat to talk or say "simples"

that is amazing where are you going to train them train them to stand they do that anyway

Jins Fri 23-Nov-12 10:44:12

quirrel I know the party is for other people too but the birthday child normally gets a present as well as a party. This is no party and family weekend trip instead of a present.

Fairenuff Fri 23-Nov-12 10:44:26

She said she wanted to go and we made it clear it was instead of a present and party, not as well as a present and party

But now she is having a party as well, and you also want to buy her a gift?

That's a confusing message to give your child. Do you usually mean what you say or do you often change your mind like this.

I think the best gift you could give her would be some security. She needs to know that she can rely on you, that you mean what you say, so I think you should stick to the original plan.

Is there any other relative that could buy her the kindle (or vouchers/money towards it) for Christmas. Does she do any jobs for pocket money that she could save up? They may be cheaper after Christmas and she could get one then, or she could wait a couple of months until she has the money.

It's not good for children to give them what they want, when they want it. It doesn't teach them patience and perseverance. That's why so many adults get into credit card debt buying things that they want rather than need.

Buying it to ease your guilt would not be the right choice for what's actually best for your child.

Mrsjay Fri 23-Nov-12 10:45:59

Is there any other relative that could buy her the kindle (or vouchers/money towards it) for Christmas

I think this is a better idea could she get amazon vouchers or money to buy the kindle , and yes I do agree children need to know you mean what you say or they get confused and keep pushing boundries

diddl Fri 23-Nov-12 10:46:49

I can´t believe how many are justifying it by-"the outing isn´t just for her"

Well no-BUT IT IS WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO.

Unless you all only take the bday child on the outing that they want to do?

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 23-Nov-12 10:51:37

The meerkats is for college. I'm doing a foundation degree in canine training but we have to prove we can train other animals because it shows we are able to problem solves which will help in the future if we are ever asked to train where the dog or owner has additional needs and traditional methods might not be possible.

It's the residential part of the course and if I don't go I can't pass that module which will make it very difficult to pass the course.

I might encourage her to sell her DS Lite and then buy her an amazon voucher for her present and she can get the kindle herself, but then they might not be £99 anymore and she might not be able to afford it.

DumSpiroSpero Fri 23-Nov-12 10:54:24

You say she is very spoilt, but does she behave spoilt? That would probably be the clincher for me.

DD is 'privileged' and my lovely, fellow only-child teacher used to describe it (I was on only too!). She doesn't really want for anything and doesn't have to share our time and attention, but she also doesn't behave like a spoiled brat and does hear the word 'no' often enough to keep her on the straight and narrow.

Does the KF have a video camera? You could get someone to film you training the meerkats on it before you give it to her grin!

diddl Fri 23-Nov-12 10:55:36

Well there´s always next year...

Mrsjay Fri 23-Nov-12 10:55:38

she can get the kindle herself, but then they might not be £99 anymore and she might not be able to afford it.

thats ok though she can wait and save stop getting into a tizz about it I know you were really debating whether to do your course I read a thread but it is alright for you to go away and not feel guilty, will her grandparents contribute to her amazon vouchers, if you want to buy her it but you don't have to stuff and things don't make children truly happy ime, good luck I bet you will have the meerkat dancing by the end of your training , dont teach them to creep into peoples rooms at night that is just creepy ( i hate that adert)

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 23-Nov-12 11:01:25

She behaves spoilt sometimes like most children but not always. she does get told no, but not often enough I suppose.

Jins Fri 23-Nov-12 11:06:40

Well dd2 is getting a bike and a laptop and a share of the trip to York. Did she have a party?

dd1 is getting a £DS XL, tea party, no birthday present and a share of the trip to York even though it's her birthday present

I think I'd be giving dd1 something to open on the day myself. Whether it's a kindle fire or not is really up to you

Itsaboatjack Fri 23-Nov-12 11:06:54

I would also consider the trip as a family thing.

We got dd1 a kindle fire for her 8th birthday. The ds hasn't had a look in since, but then it's not 3D one. I would suggest either the kindle fire on its own or a kindle reader and the DS. Getting the fire just for angry birds seems a bit ott.

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 23-Nov-12 11:09:28

Dd2 went to build a bear for her birthday - dd1 also went, as dd2's special guest (we told her she could choose two people to take, she chose dd1 and her cousin)

Jins Fri 23-Nov-12 11:12:00

I think you need a spreadsheet!

Startail Fri 23-Nov-12 11:19:39

Honestly I wouldn't, you have 9-12 to find nice Xmas and birthday presents for.
Don't use all the good ideas up at once.

12+ DDs wear adult clothes, shoes and want to take their friends to the cinema or to see Shakespeare. ( OK I have a slightly bonkers DD and it is her set book)

DumSpiroSpero Fri 23-Nov-12 11:20:29

I can see where jack is coming from.

We added to DD's birthday money last year and finally gave in to months of nagging for a DSi.

The PIL's are getting her a reconditioned iPad2 for Christmas and I can help feeling a bit disgruntled that she'll probably never touch the bloody DS again!

DumSpiroSpero Fri 23-Nov-12 11:20:44

can't help feeling

AlfalfaMum Fri 23-Nov-12 11:23:08

No.
The clincher for me would be that you said she could choose a small present, and she asked for a bloody Kindle Fire confused
I think I'd want to reign in her expectations a bit.
If she really wants a Kindle, you could give her some money towards it, and get her to save up the rest?
Or, ask if she wants one instead of the 3DS for Christmas wink

Startail Fri 23-Nov-12 11:25:01

Sorry meant to add.
Therefore, older DDs are easier to get things for.

They also understand how much pizza and play tickets cost and know they are equivalent to a big party.

If you buy them an iPhone (not a chance) they can calculate 35x24 and understand it's no small no.

A kindle fire is no cheap toy, it's quite an art to use to it's full potential.

I believe it's also heavy compared to a ordinary kindle.

MainlyMaynie Fri 23-Nov-12 11:25:28

Depends if you can afford it. At nine, I think it's a bit unfair to have a family weekend away as your birthday present if the family can afford weekends away normally. Does she have any present to open from you? I'd definitely get her something, even if it is something small.

Fairenuff Fri 23-Nov-12 11:33:14

she can get the kindle herself, but then they might not be £99 anymore and she might not be able to afford it

I would buy it now whilst it's a good price but not tell her. Put it away until she has saved up for it. Then 'order' it for her and, two days later, hey presto, it's arrived in the post!

She will be just as thrilled to get it then and it will also help her self esteem to know that she saved up for it herself.

But not if you would be tempted to just give it to her.

When my dh got his first job my MIL made him pay towards his keep. She secretly put all the money he gave her in a savings account and gave it back to him when he left home. She didn't need the money but wanted to instill good values in him and he's turned out lovely smile

Startail Fri 23-Nov-12 11:35:58

Also I've looked into kindles for my two and lots of the books 9-15y read are far cheaper as paper multipacks from the book people or on Smiths and Waterstones BOGOF and 342 offers.

We used to iBook hardbacks we real couldn't wait for, but bloody JW and horrible hunger games are all cheaper on paper.

Because I've been given a kindle fire, DDs can now run the kindle ap on their IPods and share.

DumSpiroSpero Fri 23-Nov-12 11:39:25

I would buy it now whilst it's a good price but not tell her. Put it away until she has saved up for it. Then 'order' it for her and, two days later, hey presto, it's arrived in the post!

Actually that was what we did with the DSi as we saw an offer just after her birthday but she had to save some pocket money as well!

diddl Fri 23-Nov-12 12:37:34

I can´t help thinking no wonder people are so entitled when I read stuff like this.

A weekend away with the family isn´t a real present-even if it´s where she wants to go & she should get a present to open as well??!!

Perhaps she have vpochers, perhaps a relative can get it?

She´s 9 & it´s a 100GBP bit of kit that she do without for the moment!

SoupDragon Fri 23-Nov-12 13:55:33

You would have to buy the £109 version to avoid special offers/adverts being displayed.

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 23-Nov-12 14:31:03

Special offers? Do you mean like in app purchases? She plays apps on my phone that have those, she knows not to buy them. She's quite savvy. You can password any in-app buying. She has my password but knows not to buy anything without checking with me first.

The only thing she has ever asked for is a golden eagle on angry birds and a virtual puppy.

I'm going to order her one on the offer. Give her the £50 she was originally offered in cash and tell her she can sell her ds lite to make up the extra if she still wants the kindle. That way she's not actually getting more than she would have been getting anyway.

Whoever pointed out that she was taking the piss when she asked for the kindle as a small gift, she didn't know how much they were when she asked. She saw them advertised on the TV and then came to ask me how much they were. She knew she had a budget of £50, so left it there but has already wrote next year's birthday wish list and of course a kindle fire is top of the list. She hasn't decided what to get with the £50 yet.

Floralnomad Fri 23-Nov-12 14:37:20

Don't buy it because you feel guilty . Buy it because you can afford it and want to get her what she wants for her birthday. And to those posters who have said don't buy it because you asked her to pick a small present please remember she is only 8 and maybe to her that would be a small present . We don't know the OPs circumstances , my children would class it as a small present because a big present would be a computer or a car , everyone is different.

seeker Fri 23-Nov-12 14:45:31

Sorry- but I would say absolutely "no".

You agreed about the weekend, and said she could have a small present too. A 9 year old is quite aware of what a small present is, and a kindle fire is not a small present.

So no. Stick to the plans you made.

We don't know the OPs circumstances , my children would class it as a small present because a big present would be a computer or a car , everyone is different.

If it is a small present to her, would that situation really be ideal! I'd want all the more to downsize her expectations by not getting her one if that were the case.....

Mrsjay Fri 23-Nov-12 17:20:53

well if she doesnt realise a Kindle is a small present then maybe she is too young for 1 , I know you are just going to give her it anyway and of course it really is up to you , I just think you are trying to make up for something that you can't avoid what are you going to do when you are working I can imagine your hours of work will be antisocial as you need to fit round clients etc , I dont understand lets buy a kids something cos i feel guilty It really baffles me ,

D0oinMeCleanin Fri 23-Nov-12 17:27:20

She knows gadgets are expensive. She also knows that I am friends with the man in local second hand shop and can get her a DS Lite for less than £50. She did not know the Kindle Fire was very new. She thought she might be able to find one for £50. When she was told she couldn't she didn't push the matter, she just said she would get one next year.

I want to buy her one because she wants one and I want her to be happy, especially since I am leaving her on her birthday for the first time ever.

I've spoken to her about it and she is willing to sell her DS Lite and a few games to go towards the cost of one, so we will only be paying the original £50 she was offered. She is going to buy a few books with the birthday money she gets but has asked if I could loan her the amount and put the books on before I go away, so it is set up and ready to use when she gets it on her birthday.

rhondajean Fri 23-Nov-12 17:35:14

Just to reassure Thr poster up there who is worried the DS will never be played with when the iPad appears.

My 13 year old (iPad iPod touch and access to several laptops) has spent Thr last two days trying to find a DS charger and eventually borrowing one from her friend because her sister has lost hers and she wanted to play Pokemon.

The iPad is probably her favourite, but even with all kinds of technology the DS is an old and trustd favourite.

And dooin, the only things that matter here are - can you afford it? -do you want her to have it? And will she look after it? Not really our opinions.

Floralnomad Fri 23-Nov-12 17:36:38

quirrell why should she downsize her expectations , if you can afford it what's the problem . My children always have lots spent on them but they don't ask for stuff all the time and aren't at all entitled. If I didn't have the money to spend they would be just as happy with something cheaper . Infact this year we are really struggling with Christmas and my DD has got a book , a cd and 3 DVDs on her list and that's it.

VoterColonelSebastianDoyle Fri 23-Nov-12 17:38:32

If you can afford it buy it her grin you only live once!

Mrsjay Fri 23-Nov-12 17:49:59

Just what rhonda said we can all waffle on and give out opinions but it really is up to you smile

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