to let my five year old still sleep in my bed, or are the 'eyebrow raisers' BU?

(214 Posts)

There are just the two of us in our house, my daughter is five and loves sleeping in my bed.

She went through a stage where she went to sleep in my bed and stayed there all night. I've managed to get her to go to sleep in her bed, but by about 1am she's sneaked into my bed. Sometimes I notice, sometimes I just wake in the morning and she's there!

To be honest, I quite like it, were very close and rarely spend time away from each other apart from work and school. I have a king size bed so no space issues and she doesn't wriggle and sleeps all night.

BUT people who find this out raise their eyebrows and say its not normal?

My mum is very vocal about it, thinks it wrong, she'll get used to it, she's not a baby blah blah blah. I'm single, no boyfriends so that's not a problem, so who is being unreasonable, me, her or the 'eyebrow raisers'.

And if I need to get her out of the habit, how on earth do I do it. Its just easy to let her get in when its 1am, cold and I'm cosy and warm! wink

My 4.10yo sleeps in with me and has never spent a night in her own bed. So now DH sleeps in her bed and I share with DD1 and 10 month old DD2. Super kingsize bed so no space issues in theory. She has absolutely no intention of moving. I've given up thinking about it.

GiraffesRUs Thu 22-Nov-12 21:21:56

My 5 year old climbs in bed in the early hours every night which we've got used to. She won't be doing it forever so enjoy the cuddles while you can.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug Thu 22-Nov-12 21:23:51

I quite often wake up to find DS5 (he's 5 too) snuggled up in bed with me and DH. It doesn't bother me, though he kicks DH sometimes.

I find the best thing is to not ever discuss sleeping arrangements with anyone.

And as for getting her out of the habit, well, none of my others get in with us, so they do stop one day.

plantsitter Thu 22-Nov-12 21:24:12

DD is nearly 4 and often gets in our bed in the night. Sometimes if she hasn't got in she tells me that she came into our room but we weren't in bed yet!

It is much easier to let her come in. And it is lovely and cuddly and warm. If you put her back she will generally stay in her own bed but I can seldom be arsed. I wouldn't worry until you get a new boyfriend.

devonsmummy Thu 22-Nov-12 21:24:27

My DS (6yrs) & dd (3yrs) have bunkbeds
& I have the pull out one underneath.

In fact DS sleeps on my pullout bed & dd & I squeeze in the bottom bunk.
I used to get in the top bunk but would be woken 3-4 times a night by one or the other calling for me.
Rather than struggle out of the top bunk in pitch black , I gave up & let them sleep how they do best!

Haberdashery Thu 22-Nov-12 21:25:27

My SIX year old still gets in with us in the night. It's a big bed, she lies neatly in the middle and doesn't wriggle or wake us up too early and, you know what, I don't care! Quite honestly, anything that means I get to sleep the whole night through is just fine by me.

A five year old isn't a baby, true. But a five year old is still very little. I don't see, if it's not bothering you, what's wrong with it. And DD and me are very close, too. I like rolling over in the night and finding a little warm cuddly person next to me. And when we wake up in the morning, the first thing she says is 'I love you, mummy' which is, quite frankly, a lovely thing to wake up to. Also, in a few years, she won't want to get in with me, I expect. I am enjoying the cuddles while they are still on offer!

I cosleep with DS1 who is 6 in a couple of weeks. 3 year old DS2 is in a travel cot next to my bed. DD (10) is in her own bed.

CremeEggThief Thu 22-Nov-12 21:26:01

My 10 year old DS spends the occasional night in with me!


FrillyMilly Thu 22-Nov-12 21:26:27

I do have a DH and I co sleep with 10 months old DS and 4 year old Dd. DH has been relegated to spare room. It all started when co sleeping with DS who is a terrible sleeper. She got wise and joined in. I'm sure it will end one day but for now I enjoy it. Although two little people do take up a lot of room!

Haberdashery Thu 22-Nov-12 21:26:44

>> I find the best thing is to not ever discuss sleeping arrangements with anyone.

Hear hear!

YANBU - it's one of the loveliest parts of being a parent I reckon smile

catsanddogs Thu 22-Nov-12 21:27:20

I agree, it's best not to discuss your sleeping arrangements with anyone. DD1 slept in our bed until she was 9, and dd2 is now in with us, she is 3. It's lovely for everyone involved!

ISeeThreadPeople Thu 22-Nov-12 21:27:21

DD sleeps in with me when DH is away on a course which is about every 3 months or so. She is also 5. She sometimes comes through and asks to get in with us when we're all there too (14mo is still cosleeping). She is happy to go back to her own bed if you suggest you need the space. Won't last forever. Can't see the problem tbh.

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 22-Nov-12 21:27:28

My 5yr old ds sneaks into bed most nights. Both my 5yr old and my almost 7 yr old get in every morning. LP here to.

eatssleepsfeeds Thu 22-Nov-12 21:28:10

Enjoy the cuddles. No reason to even think twice. The little love won't be there forever. X

timeforachangebaby Thu 22-Nov-12 21:28:59

I cant see a problem

AThingInYourLife Thu 22-Nov-12 21:29:59

"she'll get used to it"

Presumably she is used to it at 5 years of age.

And how lovely for her.

I really can't see why anyone would care other than for a wistful "awww".

Viviennemary Thu 22-Nov-12 21:31:06

Well if you don't mind and she feels secure then fine. I totally do not sleep a wink with a child tossing and turning all night long in bed. I had a foot in my ear once.

CMOTDibbler Thu 22-Nov-12 21:31:27

Ds is 6, and fairly often joins us in our bed. Neither dh or I mind, and tbh rather like sharing the bed with him if the other adult is away as he's so snuggly and cuddly

marriedinwhite Thu 22-Nov-12 21:32:09

We used to wake up and find one or both of ours in the middle some mornings and be oblivious as to how they got there - probably stopped when DS was about 6(ish).

DH is away now for nearly a week on business. DD will be cuddling up and snuggling down with me until he comes home. I sleep much better with another lump in the bed and we will giggle and snort a bit and watch a bit of rubbish telly. >>whispers<< DD's 14 and a half grin and it's a treat for both of us.

bedmonster Thu 22-Nov-12 21:32:17

I still get into my Mums bed if I pop round on a Sunday morning and she's still in bed, her DH brings us up a drink and we watch a bit of telly - i'm 28!! grin

PoppadomPreach Thu 22-Nov-12 21:32:30

I'm a little bit envious! We don't co sleep, but on the odd occasion I have to go through to our dc room and snuggle in with one of them to soothe them, I love it!

ToffeeCaramel Thu 22-Nov-12 21:33:14

YANBU absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing. Most of the world has done it throughout history. I'd probably not tell people so they can't be judgy. I think it's always best that they do have their own bed that they could sleep in if they wanted to so that they can show pals their bedroom when they invite people back.

Littlegreenbear Thu 22-Nov-12 21:33:29

my dd always ends up in our bed...she's only 16 months but i have alot of people says its a bad habit to get into..blaa blaa....

well i love it and so does dh. nothing wrong with it at all and anything for a good nights sleep. before we know it thet'll grow out of it so we enjoy the cuddles while we can.

i wouldn't worry about it and to me its so normal for a child to want to be close to mummy

lightrain Thu 22-Nov-12 21:33:32

All of you saying its lovely must have huge beds. If my DS is in with me and DH none of us get any sleep for kicking, tossing and turning, etc.!

Nivet Thu 22-Nov-12 21:34:10

I still regularly slept in my Mum's bed until I was about thirteen. She was an amazing Mum and we were very close.

Sod the eyebrow raisers, do what works for you.

pinkyp Thu 22-Nov-12 21:34:47

Yanbu... Before I had kids I would of thought no way. Now I don't see anything wrong with it.

sleeplessinderbyshire Thu 22-Nov-12 21:35:23

she'll grow out of it soon enough. Really if you are not bothered by it just stop discussing sleep with anyone outside your household. I am driven mad by my DD1 who wakes and wants to come in woth us but insists I go and get her and bring her in and won't just come in qquietly and go back to sleep. DH is away tonight and I really won't mind if she snuggles in with me (she tends to wriggle and kick DH if he's here too but we do have a superkingsized bed so I can manage me, DH, DD1 and still ahve space to sidelie to feed DD2 in the night.The only downside to cosleeping is if they wet your bed rather than theirs grin

akaemmafrost Thu 22-Nov-12 21:36:15

Ds is 9 and quite often comes and gets into bed with me.

He slept with every night till he was 6 and then with gentle encouragement started sleeping in his own bed.

Nothing at all wrong with it.

JugglingWithPossibilities Thu 22-Nov-12 21:36:19

I was still breast-feeding DS till his sixth birthday, DD tlll 4.6 yrs. Lots of lovely co-sleeping with them both too.

Sometimes I encountered some eye-brow raising too, but generally people didn't know particularly - why would they ?

DS (11) still brilliant at hugs and couldn't be doing better at school, socially, by any measure you care to use.

DD (13) completely ab fab too smile

Both the best of friends with each other too

Enjoy ! Take no notice !
You're doing now't wrong smile

maxybrown Thu 22-Nov-12 21:36:32

Funny, if we all lived in a cave no one would think anything of it - the "pack" would sleep together.

We have one DS, (age 5) he still sleeps with us - but got fed up of being squashed in the bed so he has his mattress on the floor next to ours - I don't give 2 hoots what anyone thinks, it means we all sleep, hoorah. Am wondering if my friend will see this now and it will out me grin but she also has sleep issues in her house and doesn't care either!

Jaffacakeeater Thu 22-Nov-12 21:38:32

I am quite envious too. Your arrangement sounds perfect. I get the impression you have a wonderful relationship and are both happy. I would gladly swap DH as a sleeping mate and have my gorgeous DCs instead.

EggNogRules Thu 22-Nov-12 21:38:36

I agree with Poppadom, I'm quite envy with envy.

My DS has never liked getting into bed with us. We are too hot (sniff).

In a blue moon on holidays, we do have a wee nap together ( he kicks the shoite out of me). I love it.

Every family should do what gets it the most sleep.

StaceeJaxx Thu 22-Nov-12 21:38:50

Aw, bless. I miss sleeping with my 2 now they're 9 and 6. DD1 co-slept on and off until she was almost 7, don't worry about what other people say enjoy it while it lasts.

marriedinwhite Thu 22-Nov-12 21:39:53

Juggling I shall think of you as "Jugs" forever more now grin

HappyAsASandboy Thu 22-Nov-12 21:40:05

I love cosleeping smile We have a kingsized bed with a single pushed up alongside so that me, DH and our two year old twins can all fit in without too much squashing smile

Agree with others - either don't discuss sleeping habits or stop caring what others think of what happens in your bed wink

Floggingmolly Thu 22-Nov-12 21:41:01

My kids are 11, 8 and 5. I've had at least one of them in the bed for the last 11 years, and I doubt it'll stop anytime soon.

Fishandjam Thu 22-Nov-12 21:41:04

Sounds fine to me. (I slept in my mum's bed for many months after my dad died - I was 10. Not the same situation as you I guess, but it was a comfort to both of us.)

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 22-Nov-12 21:41:26

Bah silly people, nothing wrong with it at all providing they are provided with there own sleep areas and are choosing not to use them.

Ime they tend to stop it themselves at about 8/9 ish

It would be an issue if she was not your child or

You had a adult person in your bed who was not the other parent or

She had nowhere else to sleep

Or she didnt want to.

Start worrying when you find your 19 yo fast a kip in your bathtub complete with duvet and pillows and she actually lives in her own house but no booze is involved. Now that's really weird

hellymelly Thu 22-Nov-12 21:42:04

My dd who is also 5 sleeps next to me. So does her sister who is 7. Poor DH would like to be snuggled next to me too but instead he is invariably shunted onto the single bed added onto the side to make room for all of us. It is the same height so essentially makes a huge bed, which looks ugly in the bedroom but is comfortable for all of us to fit on. I think DD1 may start sleeping in her own bed in the next year or two, mainly because her friends do, but it will feel sad, her all alone and the three others snug together. Perhaps they will both move out together. I'm leaving it up to them. I miss the peace of just lying next to my DH, but I also love the intimacy of my children safe and sound next to me.Certainly they won't be there as teenagers. I think its natural for you and your dd to want to sleep together. Where is the sense in you all alone in your kingsize and her in another room in a little bed? Much nicer to be warm and asleep together, and lovely memories for her when she grows up.

Wallison Thu 22-Nov-12 21:43:06

Gosh I am pleased/relieved to see so many parents on here whose children share their bed. Maybe there are actually loads of us and we're just not talking about it?!

QuanticoVirginia Thu 22-Nov-12 21:43:57

My 8 year old does this. It's quite sweet and I don't mind when it's just me and him but I over heat and become very crushed when there's the three of us.

In that case I usually have to get out of my bed and go into his.

Glittertwins Thu 22-Nov-12 21:44:54

Our two like sleeping with me when DH is away. Their favourite trick is to have our tv on whilst in our bed and they generally fall asleep within 20 mins.
The problem is that DS hurls himself around the bed in his sleep whereas DD and I barely move and we tend to get walloped. I usually carry him back down to their room and dump him up into his bunk bed which is entertaining as he's in the top bunk. Add two cats to the mix as well and it can get crowded when DH is away!

EnjoyResponsibly Thu 22-Nov-12 21:45:33

I don't care what people think.

If we all get a good nights sleep and a small child cuddle thrown in who the hell cares.

Kalisi Thu 22-Nov-12 21:45:42

My DS is only 16 months but he still wakes in the night to be brought in with us. We are trying to gently get him out the habit as the kid's a little radiator but I'm not worried about the 'bad habits' bullshit.
I crept in with my parents every so often right up to about 13. In fact I vividly remember when our family dog was put down and I went in for my last ever cuddle totally distraught aged 17. I have such a wonderful relationship with my parents still.

TrinityRhino Thu 22-Nov-12 21:46:11

Ignore your mum and any eyebrow raisers.

No longer discuss it

And enjoy smile

I co slept with all of mine
It's lovely

Gecko the longest but that's cause she is the least wriggly grin

MysteriousNameChange Thu 22-Nov-12 21:49:39

I love it. smile My 2 year old is lovely and snuggly and only sticks a foot in my ear on occasion.

Notcontent Thu 22-Nov-12 21:50:44

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it if everyone is happy and getting a good night's sleep.
In the past, it used to be quite normal for families to share a bed.

HSMM Thu 22-Nov-12 21:50:58

13 yr old DD comes in with me if DH is away.

Make the most of it and ignore everyone else.

gingerchick Thu 22-Nov-12 21:51:13

I'm a single mum and both my 3 and 6 year olds sleep with me, they love to be close to me and I love it too. They won't be little for ever and although I have had a lot of negative comments about it but it is our decision, if you're happy about it and you clearly are then just ignore them, I'm a great believer in doing whatever you need to do to get you through

LtEveDallas Thu 22-Nov-12 21:53:28

My 7 year old is currently asleep in my bed. At about 1030 I'll join her and DH will toddle off to the spare room.

DH snores - if we sleep together neither of us gets any rest.

DD wants to be with me, I like it and so does DH.

If it ain't broke...

Coralanne Thu 22-Nov-12 21:53:34

I recently had DD and family staying for the wekend. I have a huge house with only me in it and have lots of spare rooms and beds.

I have a queen size bed and had to vacate it half way through the night because 4 of the 5 DGCs were in it with me.

They all wanted to sleep with Grandma. When this happens we tell a continuous story. One person starts a story and everyone else has to add their own piece to it.

The end of the story rarely resembles the beginning. DGS (7) particularly likes this game.

Then we sing songs as they one by one go to sleep.

That's usually when I sneak into another bed.

I wouldn 't have it any other way.

JugglingWithPossibilities Thu 22-Nov-12 21:54:52

MarriedInWhite - Jugs is cool smile

TheCountessOlenska Thu 22-Nov-12 21:55:37

I love this thread! DD has just changed from crying for me to come into her bed to getting up and coming into mine - I much prefer it this way as I don't have to move! She is only 2 but judging by this thread she won't be giving it up any time soon . . .

HoneyDragon Thu 22-Nov-12 21:55:54

I find people stop commenting on dd sleeping in my bed (nearly 3) or Ds occassionally sneaking in (9) when they discover dh and I have separate bedrooms grin

Kalisi Thu 22-Nov-12 21:56:18

coralanne That's beautiful! Makes me feel all fuzzy grin

Pancakeflipper Thu 22-Nov-12 21:56:23

My DS1 is 7 and often sneaks in our bed when DP works away. As does his younger brother.

Last week DP came home a little tipsy and in bed did his loud snoring so I hopped off to DS1's bed to top and tail with him.

I never went near my parents bed and they rarely hugged us. My kids love hugs.

JugglingWithPossibilities Thu 22-Nov-12 21:58:43

Coralanne - that sounds great ! I wonder if I'll be lucky enough to have 5 DGC's one day ? smile - 2 DC's ATM

Wallison Thu 22-Nov-12 22:00:18

One of the few people I've told (outside of family, who think I'm a bit odd but then they think I'm a bit odd anyway) is an older and childless old male friend of mine who got quite misty-eyed and said how lovely to think of a child who wants his mummy getting to have his mummy, and how he always thinks it's said when he hears about sleep-training regimes etc.

Anyway, you are definitely not BU. Isn't this how most people, in most parts of the world, for most of the time that humanity has been around have done things? I love waking up and seeing my son's little cute tousled head next to me, and it's lovely having cuddles with him. I know the cuddles will stop soon enough, so I'm making the most of him still wanting them.

Haberdashery Thu 22-Nov-12 22:00:38

>> Every family should do what gets it the most sleep.

This should be standard new parent advice. It really is the only thing that matters when you have small children!

Morloth Thu 22-Nov-12 22:01:46

I don't really understand the western obsession with people (especially children) sleeping alone.

It is nice to snuggle up with someone you love to sleep, it feels safer and is very reassuring (for me to, I love it when we all sleep near each other).

My boys have their own room and their own beds, but we purposely bought a monster mega king bed so there would be room for everyone and they often come into ours in the night.

tanfastic Thu 22-Nov-12 22:01:53

Yep, another one here with a four year old who sneaks in our bed during the night. Occasionally dh will sleep in the spare room which has a double bed in it so I don't have my sleep interrupted by putting ds back in his own bed. One thing we can't do is all three sleep in the same bed, there's just not enough room.

Sometimes if he wanders into our room I'll get in the spare bed with him. It's like musical beds in our house grin

tanfastic Thu 22-Nov-12 22:03:07

I agree. Anything which means you all get a good night's kip has got to be a good thing.

FreudiansSlipper Thu 22-Nov-12 22:06:23

ds (5) is in my bed tonight. slept in my bed from 6 weeks went in his own bed easily at 31/2 now sometimes wants to sleep in my bed

i have even been told this is becauae i am single and need company hmm if i was with his dad or a partner lived with us i would still allow him in bed with me why not

he still often sleeps in his dads bed too

saadia Thu 22-Nov-12 22:06:31

OP you are definitely NBU and actually I am glad to see that so many people co-sleep. My 9yr old ds often sleeps with me even though he has his own room and ds2 often sleeps with dh. We both agree that we will miss this stage when they get older.

fuzzpig Thu 22-Nov-12 22:06:56

It would bug me if it was every night TBH, I do like my space (I do like sleeping with DH, but I also relish having a double bed to myself!)

But I love it when DCs come and snuggle in with us/me. My 3yo is, unlike his big sister, an excellent sleeper (coslept for much of his first 18 months or so though), but every now and again he just wanders into our room in the small hours - no idea why, he is speech delayed so he can't articulate if he's had a bad dream or something, but he just snuggles in, and gives us sleepy kisses. It is magic. Really magic. <melts>

fuzzpig Thu 22-Nov-12 22:08:01

(I meant it would bug me if it was every night with my DCs BTW, I don't really give a monkeys what anyone else does! grin)

FabulousFreaks Thu 22-Nov-12 22:08:36

I think you should tell other people to mind their own business, its really so rude and arrogant to assume they know best. If it works for you then it is right, end of.

ISeeThreadPeople Thu 22-Nov-12 22:08:53

5yo dd sleeps over at my parents' house during the holidays. Just for a night but I know for a fact that she convinces them to let her in their bed. My Mum goes and gets into the spare bed (she doesn't sleep well with small children in the bed, never has) but dd has told me all about the stories Grandad tells her in the middle of the night. They are EXACTLY the same stories he told to me, in exactly the same room. And I felt so loved and safe and comforted. I think it's really special that dd gets to feel the same way. Bed sharing with a child is lovely.

Coralanne Thu 22-Nov-12 22:09:36

Thanks Kalisi and Juggling.

They are all staying for 4 days at Christmas and I'm so looking forward to Christmas Eve.

When they are at home most of them end up in their parents bed. Then their dad usually ends up in one of their beds or on the lounge.

My DS slept in my bed until he was about 7 and DD slept with my mum (who was living with us at the time).

They both had their own beautiful bedrooms. The upside was that I usually didn't have to make their beds in the morning.

stitch Thu 22-Nov-12 22:09:47

11 year old bil slept with his mom for a long time after his father died.

11 year old ds slept in my double bed with me when he came to visit. Seems a bit senseless making him sleep on the sofa in a sleeping bag when there is an entire side of the bed completely empty.

DumSpiroSpero Thu 22-Nov-12 22:09:54

My DD is 8 and came in with us at some point most nights until we moved her into the big room and bought her a 4ft bed back in July.

We don't have so many visits now, but it didn't bother me anyway tbh.

If it works for you and your DD don't worry about what others think.

TooMuchRain Thu 22-Nov-12 22:11:34

Reading this thread I am surprised how many people prefer sleeping with their DC to their DP - I don't care what other people do, but I would hate not to sleep close to mine.

Anyway, OP, I was thinking that maybe your mum is just worried about the future and what will happen if/when you meet someone?

purplecrayon Thu 22-Nov-12 22:13:20

We had 2 large beds pushed up together and my kids slept in it with us until the eldest was 6 and the youngest 4. They loved it. When my eldest was about 6.4 we put them both into their own small beds but those small beds are still in our room because they want them in there. They each have a bed in their own room as well and they are free to sleep where they choose, however they always choose to come in with us. OP, it's best not to discuss with people. I only have one friend who also has her kids in with her and everyone else thinks we are weirdos. I don't think it really makes too much difference whether you are a LP or not, both me and my friend are married and have the kids in with us. My 4 x LP friends don't have their kids in with them.

CelineMcBean Thu 22-Nov-12 22:14:11

I don't ask about other people's nocturnal activities and I certainly don't expect them to pass comment on them. This is what I tell people who have an unhealthy interest about what co-sleeping may or may not be happening inky bed.

My mother in particular is very fond of making comments about "damaging your and MrMcB's relationship". Relationship is always uttered in hushed tones. I should have told her there's nothing wrong with our relationship as evidenced by dc2! Incidentally dh took the day off work to conceive that baby!

FreudiansSlipper Thu 22-Nov-12 22:14:21

ds also used to fall asleep in my arms on the sofa until about a year ago then i would put him in bed, apparently that was wrong too what is so wrong about wanting to be cuddled when falling asleep

Gingerbreadlatte Thu 22-Nov-12 22:14:22

I've no issue with the idea of it at all and know its lovely, won't last forever etc

Am curious how you can sustain a relationship if you always have children in bed?? I know you can have sex elsewhere but it must create some separation for partners.

E.g when not on mat leave I work a lot so the only time Dh and I get together to talk etc is in bed. It wouldn't work for anyone if our 3 Yo was there. If she needs us one of us gets in her bed with her.

Am curious not critical smile

JugglingWithPossibilities Thu 22-Nov-12 22:14:58

My DS is 11 now and still comes in to see us both in the morning for a hug and cuddle more often than not - result ! ( meaning Win-Win all round smile )

CelineMcBean Thu 22-Nov-12 22:15:14

and I don't expect them to ask about mine that should say

aufaniae Thu 22-Nov-12 22:15:26

YANBU! DS comes in with us every morning - sometime between 5 and 7 and goes back to sleep for a bit.

If DP's away, DS sleeps in with me.

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Thu 22-Nov-12 22:15:53

I love a little snuggle with the kiddos. But I have no relationship to worry about sustaining.

darksideofthemooncup Thu 22-Nov-12 22:16:21

My Dd is nearly 5 and up until she went to school was always in my bed. She still comes in occasionally but most nights she stays in her own room. I think it is down to personal choice, I knew she would make the transition in her own time, despite a LOT of criticism from various friends and family.
If it works for you both then it really is nobody else's business.

bedmonster Thu 22-Nov-12 22:16:50

I agree with you TooMuch TBH, sleeping with DC in the bed is not for me beyond about 6 months, but we have all always loved doing it until then. There just came a part for us when we decided we actually wanted to have eavh other to ourselves IYKWIM.

Dont care what other people do, really, I wouldn't judge people for liking it, but I love sleeping with my DP in the same bed, being able to roll over for a cuddle when I want one and then roll away again when I get too hot, or just want to stretch out a bit. Being able to talk late at night, have a bowl of ice cream in bed, watch tv etc, without fear of waking up DC.

OP, if it suits you, ignore others.

Haberdashery Thu 22-Nov-12 22:16:52

While I love my DH very much and obviously like being close to him, he is a louder (snoring, farting, grunting) and more annoying (kicking the covers off, rearranging pillows in the middle of the night, getting up for a wee every five minutes) bed partner than DD who sleeps neatly and quietly and warmly and doesn't get in my way.

As for having a partner in the future, I suppose the OP will cross that bridge when she comes to it. It may be that by then her child will have opted for her own bed anyway!

EnjoyResponsibly Thu 22-Nov-12 22:17:29

As well as being a source of comfort and contentment, the key has to be that sleep is essential.

As a young mum, my day relied on military planning to get us to a point where we could get out of the house to have a walk, go to groups or see friends family to socialise and have fun. Not possible if you're grumpy, disorientated with sleep deprivation and short fused when you finally get to your destination.

Now DS is older, if he sleeps well his day at school is happier. He is more able to concentrate, has enough energy to do after school activities etc.

All that, plus the smell of a sleeping small child. What's not to love?

Haberdashery Thu 22-Nov-12 22:18:54

Also, our relationship is fine. DD starts off the night in her own bed so we have enough adult time before she comes and gets in around midnight or a bit later.

FergusSingsTheBlues Thu 22-Nov-12 22:19:36

Those poor men getting relegated to the spare room! I could never turf mine out no matter how much i love my sons fat little paws. Are they happy with it? Just curious!

AnnoyedAtWork Thu 22-Nov-12 22:19:55

YANBU when I was a single parent my dd slept in bed with me every night pretty much till she was 6 and we moved in with DP

I still miss it!

I've always let my kids sleep with me if they want to. I want them to know that I'm there for a cuddle if they need one or have had a nightmare.

Every morning, they all come in for a snuggle - including the 18 year old when she's home. I can't see that changing as they get older (the younger ones are 11 and 13).


JugglingWithPossibilities Thu 22-Nov-12 22:23:14

What's so bad about a night of un-interrupted sleep in the spare room ?
I think if I was happy to parent my two DC's through the night every night he has nothing to moan about !

Wallison Thu 22-Nov-12 22:23:27

^the smell of a sleeping small child

I love this! I love the smell of his hair and my favourite bit, ever since he was a newborn, has always been the back of his neck.

I am a neck-sniffing co-sleeping weirdo! Christ, this was never how I envisaged myself being...

flow4 Thu 22-Nov-12 22:24:50

YADNBU. Just don't tell the eyebrow-raisers. Or your health visitor. grin

Haberdashery Thu 22-Nov-12 22:25:53

When DD was smaller and we had a smaller bed and she slept more, um, wildly, DH was delighted to decamp to the spare room when necessary. He was happy to get uninterrupted sleep. It was only a matter of a few months until DD got better at sleeping without punching people.

LtEveDallas Thu 22-Nov-12 22:27:52

Am curious how you can sustain a relationship if you always have children in bed?? I know you can have sex elsewhere but it must create some separation for partners

Friday afternoons or the spare bed blush

Those poor men getting relegated to the spare room! I could never turf mine out no matter how much i love my sons fat little paws. Are they happy with it? Just curious!

DH in the spare bed means I get more sleep, when I get more sleep I'm less grumpy with him - so yes, he's happy with it!

(We stayed at my sisters last weekend - me, DH and DD in the same room. By Sunday morning both DD and I were ready to kill DH. Even the dog stalked off and slept downstairs in disgust grin)

Morloth Thu 22-Nov-12 22:28:30

I sometimes sleep in the spare room if everyone is in our bed. Our spare bed is very nice and the spare room is very much 'my' room with my computer and filing and my bits in the wardrobe.

The boys both have king singles as well and they often snuggle up together in their room.

Musical beds here, who cares as long as everyone is safe and warm and loved does it actually matter who sleeps where.

JohnBender88 Thu 22-Nov-12 22:28:37

I don't see a problem with it. Whenever I had a nightmare I'd go in beside my mum, even when I was a teenager. I felt safe with her.

Yay! All positive stories and comments, so we shall continue our snuggles and being poked in the head at 6am 'are you awake mummy'! Hmm I am now! smile

comfyclothes Thu 22-Nov-12 22:29:47

My 5 year old ends up in with me most nights or I will go through and sleep with him in his room. I like the cuddles to be honest and I know that he will eventually grow out of it.

I remember going through a stage of sleeping in with my parents and I think I was older than 4/5 and it didn't do me any harm so yanbu

ZebraOwl Thu 22-Nov-12 22:31:43

As long as you're both comfy & sleep well I think it's lovely! Might be good to make sure she CAN sleep on her own okay so she'll feel confident about sleepovers etc, but you've plenty of time for that if she's only five! Fear you might also need to be prepared for her to get negative reactions from [some of] her peers if she tells them that she sleeps in with you (am thinking things like "that's babyish/weird") so you can discuss with her how it's not babyish/weird but just an example of how everybody's family does things differently.

FWIW I was still invading my parents' bed if I'd nightmares right up until Mummy died when I was ten & a half. I'd sometimes go & sleep in with Daddy after that, but as mostly the nightmares were about my mother's death the empty space where she should've been was not exactly all that comforting. My sister, who only really started having nightmares after Mummy died (funny that...) would climb into bed with me if she had a bad dream. Or if she was feeling sad or scared or sick. She'd also invade my bed on Saturday mornings - she kept the habit of waking at unholy o'clock on Saturdays until well into her teens & up until the advent of my niece anytime we were together overnight she'd make sure to be up early enough to come & snuggle up in bed with me.

She has her own space if she wants it & it's not causing either of you to have sleepFAIL so I think you should stick with it for as long as it feels Right for both of you. Having someone to cuddle with - especially as it's just the two of you - is a lovely thing. Not right for everyone, obviously, but as it is for you I think you should cherish it & ignore the snarky hoikers of judgey-pants&bosoms.

I must admit I delight in telling people we still co-sleep. Just as this thread demonstrates, many people then admit it doing it too and I'm confident enough in my own parenting choices to not care if people are critical (though no one ever has been to my face). Maybe if we all talked about it a bit more it would then appear more acceptable?

JugglingWithPossibilities Thu 22-Nov-12 22:39:38

I'm so sorry you lost your Mum when you were so young zebra sad
Am glad you and your sister were able to help one another x

oldnewmummy Thu 22-Nov-12 22:42:55

It's like we're a secret society. Our son, who's almost 6, still sleeps with us. My parents have a lot to say on the subject, but I ignore them. I'm happy with the arrangement, but I do worry about he fact that he hasn't got the confidence to sleep alone. Sleeping alone is a very Western idea.

HoneyDragon Thu 22-Nov-12 22:45:10

My poor dh hmm was turfed out before dc's.

I used to work nights/lates. He did early mornings. LOUD early mornings. Separate rooms are better than separate lives due to sleep depravation.

We like our own space. Its allowed.

goralka Thu 22-Nov-12 22:46:20

Mine used to go to sleep in their own beds and sneak over in the night, it was lovely.....i see from this thread that it is quite normal.

HoneyDragon Thu 22-Nov-12 22:48:31

I used to sleep in my Mums bed when I was 15/16. My Dad used to work abroad a lot and sometimes he'd fuck up the time difference and call my Mum at stupid o'clock. My Mum sleeps like the dead so I'd answer the bloody phone (in her room by her head!) and have a chat to Dad till she was properly awake and then stay in the nice warm bed rather than trek back down the drafty hall to the cold end of the house grin

redwallday Thu 22-Nov-12 22:52:08

Sounds lovely to me! Enjoy it while you can they aren't little forever! smile Tell the judgey pant brigade to mind their own bees wax!

Tillylils Thu 22-Nov-12 22:54:15

DD is 6, like u I'm single, and she has slept in with me since her dad left. It's a bit of comfort for both of us and I'll be sad when she no longer wants to.

pinkkoala Thu 22-Nov-12 22:54:23

My dd 7yrs sleeps in my kingsize bed with me, much to my mums annoyance she likes to tell me often that its not right etc but if dd is happy and feels safe and gets good night sleep then that is ok with me.
I dont live with my mum but she likes her opinion.

guccigirl666 Thu 22-Nov-12 22:57:11

I'm single and my ds (4) sleeps with me every night, I love it. I didn't plan on co-sleeping, every one advised against it in the beginning, but my instinct was it was right for us. I also get a lot of eyebrow raisers but you don't have to explain yourself to anyone, enjoy it!

Worley Thu 22-Nov-12 22:57:38

ds1 co slept with exdp and I for a long time.. we would wake up an he was there..he eventually decide he would stay in his bed all night and that was that..
ds2 sleeps with me. he did sleep by himself to start with but ended up into bed. but when exdp left he slept with me - working full time and having a two yet old who didn't sleep through was hell.) were all happy now.. I'm sure when he's ready he will do the same as ds1 and sleep back in his own bed (he is 6 now) his excuse for sleeping in my bed is that he warms it up for me smile
I only have one close friend who knows and thinks it weird. she never had any dc and until your in the situation I don't think people can pass comment. my dc and I are all very close.
I bf both of mine.. did other co sleepers bf? is that a link ?
my mum bf me and I used to co sleep. my brother was ff and he never co slept... just a thought

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Thu 22-Nov-12 23:03:03

Yep normal and lovely and possibly one of the "taboos" of parenting.

Musical beds here too sometimes.! Ds, 6, has a single bed in his room, but prefers the double bed in the spare room. So me or DH will cuddle in with him to read stories, chat and snuggle down. Which means that sometimes we will end up falling asleep with him, either till the early hours and then stagger through to our bed, or even until morning. So sometimes the other one not on child duty gets our big bed to themselves for a night (lovely too!) sometimes Ds will roam through to find the missing parent, or go to his own room as well. He knows he is loved and welcome and I too am a neck and top of head sniffer! It's so natural, and he is a confident, happy wee lad so I have no issues.

Ds used to always come in for a cuddle in the mornings too, but now the allure of tv in the mornings has overtaken this. Except Sundays when he will wake us up, not good on telly Ds?! hmm wink

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Thu 22-Nov-12 23:03:27

Not = nowt stupid ipad.

BrittaPerry Thu 22-Nov-12 23:06:26

My mum is fond of pointing out that me and my sisters are now 27, 25 and 19, and none of us sleep in her bed now (I just sleep in a bed full of my own children...)

EnjoyResponsibly Thu 22-Nov-12 23:40:59

Happiness is the smell of a sleeping DC smile

Fight that xx

StuntGirl Fri 23-Nov-12 00:03:07

Nope that would drive me mad! I never shared my parents bed as a child either.

wheresmespecs Fri 23-Nov-12 00:09:36

God, I love this thread. Toddler co-sleeping musical bed household here. We all (finally) get enough sleep, there's no tension or tantrums or effort around bedtime and sleeping - as someone else said, we are all warm and loved and safe - brilliant.

With all that, I'll still get some knobber frowning and asking me what I'm going to do to 'sort it out' - so I keep quiet about it. Very happy to have discovered a secret society of happy co-sleepers though.

sparkleshine Fri 23-Nov-12 00:10:54

My nearly 3 yr old always comes into my bed during the night, sometimes I hear him and sometimes I don't. I'm a single parent.

It's strange but at his dads he seems to stay and sleep all night in his own bed and jumps into their bed in the morning. Same with his grandparents

Don't know why it's just at mine that he wakes up and comes into bed.
I don't mind, I enjoy the cuddles and it won't last forever.

My DH loves being relegated to a single bed on his own. On the rare occasion that I threaten dd1 with her own room the panic on his face is a picture grin

We've never done sleeping together very well though tbh. We're both light sleepers and mostly get on each others tits at night.

Pandemoniaa Fri 23-Nov-12 00:13:22

I love it when I stay at ds2's house and am woken by 22 month old dgd saying "Yay! Nanny! Ov Yoo!" as she climbs into bed with me.

Makes me all nostalgic for the days when my own dcs did the same. They did, of course, take to their own beds exclusively when older but the cuddly bed-sharing years were lovely.

birthdaypanic Fri 23-Nov-12 00:13:43

When my dd was a baby ( now 30 ) she was a terrible sleeper we asked the GP and HV for advise who both said put her in our bed, it was the done thing then, when I went back to ask how to get her out of our bed they had no idea and actually admitted that. Eventually DD decided herself she was too old to sleep with us by then she was 6.

DC4 (5) gets in with me most nights. When dh works away I put him to bed in our bed, when he's here he goes in his own bed but creeps into ours in the early hours.

I love it. He is our youngest and won't be doing it much longer. He has autistic traits (like his brother with ASD) and is a handful most of the time, but snuggled up in bed together and he's angelic.

We only have a double bed too!

fran28 Fri 23-Nov-12 00:30:49

my 2 year old is in with me..its only her and i dont want to put her in to her own bed..when she wants to be in with me.she knows her own mind though..i think when she is ready she will go in to her bed..i have got a few people telling me how wrong i am..but..she is only small once and its not doing her any harm..and i love waking up to her so much...and she is not clingy for it..will go off with anyone she glad to hear its not just me though

HollaAtMeBaby Fri 23-Nov-12 00:35:54

YANBU - as you are single. But I feel sorry for the clearly not so D Hs who have been relegated from the marital bed in favour of their children...

AmberSocks Fri 23-Nov-12 00:39:15

Do what feels right for you,if you care what others think then dont tell them!

I have co slept with all of mine to some extent,ds1 and 2 just now and again,dd1 since the day she was born and the same with ds3 who are now 2 and a half and 6 weeks old.

Im happy with it,my dh sleeps in the spare room,he doesnt mind and as for the sex side of things,it makes no difference to us,we just do it somewhere the kids arent!Plus he snores!

SplendidTopHat Fri 23-Nov-12 00:50:23

I think its nice. Nothing wrong.

katykuns Fri 23-Nov-12 01:03:10

I can't really understand why anyone enjoys co-sleeping, and am incredibly glad that my eldest has always happily slept in her own bed, and that my youngest, if having a bad night, will only settle on DP grin

I get hot, their movement and noise keeps me awake, and they take up space. I like my space, and would quite happily evict my DP some nights ;)

Saying that, I wouldn't say anything if someone told me about their co-sleeping. I would just be happy for them, whilst being joyful that I don't have to smile

Toomanybabies Fri 23-Nov-12 01:13:16

There was a time when i thought having to share my bed with my dd was ok for a while then she was put back to bed. Now I have twin boys who are nearly 5 I really don't care if I'm a mummy sandwich, until they start fighting over me before I've woken up.
So my view is enjoy it while it lasts. I would love my big girl to stop for a minute some weekend mornings and give me a cuddle but she's too grown up for that now.

FergusSingsTheBlues Fri 23-Nov-12 06:51:12

But what do y'all do about intimacy? There was a time when i was early pregnancy and exhausted and went into the spare room, great sleep but couldnt help feeling kicked to the currrrrb, girlfriends

Snog Fri 23-Nov-12 06:56:21

Ignore your mum

flow4 Fri 23-Nov-12 07:46:53

My boys (12) and (17) have just been in for a morning cuddle. smile They both stay ON the duvet rather than under it these days, except DS2 will sometimes still come under if he's poorly. He'll also sometimes watch a film with me in bed in the evening - known in our family as 'a snuggle and a movie' - and would happily stay all night if I didn't turf him out!

diddl Fri 23-Nov-12 07:54:18

Do whatever works for you I say.

We have a Kingsize & one or both of the kids used to get in.

If it disturbed one of us-we´d go to their bed.

When husband was away they would often both sleep with me.

They have a double each & there was a time when we both were sleeping in their beds with them!

They are teens now so stay in their own beds.

It´s just the cat now...

MammaTJ Fri 23-Nov-12 07:57:07

My 6 year old DS sneaks in to my bed at some point between me going to bed and my DP attempting to. Then DP takes one look an goes to sleep on sofa.

I am hoping this won't still be happening when he is 13 and am prepared to just let it take its course.

MildredIsMyAlterEgo Fri 23-Nov-12 08:17:14

Wallison fellow neck sniffer here grin

MrsReiver Fri 23-Nov-12 09:10:05

"I am a neck-sniffing co-sleeping weirdo! Christ, this was never how I envisaged myself being..."

Me too!! My DS is 8 and still gets into my bed on Friday nights when DH does night shift. We have this quite ridiculous pretence, at 9pm DH leaves the house, about 5 seconds later DS sneaks out of his room which is at the opposite end of the hall from the livingroom. He creeps down the hall to my bedroom and hops in my bed and I have to pretend I don't notice. If I acknowledge him he gets quite cross with me :D

I love it because it means the bed is nice and toasty when I get in, and yes, I LOVE snuggling up to him and nuzzling the soft downy hair at the back of his neck.

PlantsDieArid Fri 23-Nov-12 09:33:03

Enjoy every wriggly snuggly moment of it! Won't last forever and it's absolutely nobody's business but your own.

Fakebook Fri 23-Nov-12 09:49:14

Our 5 year old gets into our bed almost every night too. I hear a little groan from my DH when she creeps in and jabs her legs into his stomach and have a little giggle to myself because she only stays on his side as we have DS in with us on my side.

MummyPig24 Fri 23-Nov-12 09:59:24

If everyone is happy I don't see the problem. Dp doesn't like co sleeping but I don't mind. Ds (5) slept with me when dp was away at the weekend because he had a nosebleed. I went and slept with dd (2) the other night because she kept crying and it made life easier for everyone.

ISeeThreadPeople Fri 23-Nov-12 13:32:50

Fergus, I'm going to blow your mind here. You can have sex in places that aren't your bed. God won't smite you. Amazing innit?

I would like to know how to stop an 18 month old from jumping all over me at 6am though. From memory the cure is another year of growing up!

FergusSingsTheBlues Fri 23-Nov-12 14:19:15

Dear thread, Dont make such presumptions about the way i conduct my love life please. I am talking, above all, about the ability to lie in bed having a cuddle with my husband. I dont actually think its healthier to put affectionate times with your kids above same with your partner. I'd never relegate him to a spare bedrom and im quite amazed that so many people do. Times with him are just as important with my son.

SaidFlorence Fri 23-Nov-12 14:23:28

Don't worry about the eyebrow raisers. My 11 yo DD sleeps with me every night. She has her own double bed which lies empty.
I'm making the most of cuddles from her, as no doubt in 2 or 3 years time, I'll be lucky to get a grunt from her.

TunaPastaBake Fri 23-Nov-12 14:40:01

When my DH is away my DSs aged 10 and 12 fight negotiate who will sleep with me in my bed .

YANBU, co-sleeping is lovely. Don't worry what anyone else thinks. Do what works for you and your family.

I currently co-sleep with DS2 (5 months) on a big mattress and DS1 (4)sleeps next to us on a smaller mattress. He wriggles a lot and grinds his teeth (I hate this) but I love waking up to them smiling at me. smile

Asamumnonsense Fri 23-Nov-12 14:54:51

My 5 years old DD does exactly the same thing. She falls asleep in her bed but around 1am she comes into my bed. Sometimes I notice, sometimes I don't but I am wandering if this is healthy. I do like waking up and having her smiling next to me.

jen127 Fri 23-Nov-12 15:09:14

What a breath of fresh air this thread is !
My DS( 10) still climbs in to our bed every night around 3/4am. And he also climbs in beside me when his dad is on nights.
My thoughts are this is not forever and I will miss it when it stops!
( I am also a secret neck sniffer)

NicknameTaken Fri 23-Nov-12 15:17:30

Another LP who co-sleeps with DD(5) and loves it. I love the cuddles, and it's a good chance for her to talk about any worries she has. Although I enjoy the nights she's at her father's and I have more space in the bed!

When we stay at my parents' house, DD wakes up early and we go down together to squash into their bed too! Only a short while because it's pretty crowded in there, but I feel like I've re-discovered a whole new level of closeness with my parents as a result.

Quenelle Fri 23-Nov-12 15:20:04

My 3.5 yo DS ends up in with us most nights. If he's restless DH or I will go and get in his bed.

I don't always like it but I know when it stops I will miss it. Like this week when DS stayed in his own bed for two nights running.

Whenever DH is away I like having DS in with me.

TakingBackMonday Fri 23-Nov-12 15:26:26

oh dear god i want a baby

MissWooWoo Fri 23-Nov-12 15:29:38

My dd (5.5) goes to sleep in my bed and stays there all night. I like it, she likes it - do whatever suits you!

OneMoreChap Fri 23-Nov-12 15:30:30

Nothing wrong with kids sleeping in your bed.

Kids used to always come in Sunday mornings and would sneak in if they woke. However, my bed is my bed... And unless I have a sparrow's start/ a cold so I snore badly/ have had too much beer I stay there. As does DW unless her foot hurts, I breathe too loud.

Yes. I know you can have sex in other places. It's still nice snuggling with DW in our own bed.

MissWooWoo Fri 23-Nov-12 15:33:35

oh and fergus my husband snores like a fucking drain and I am a very very light sleeper. without my sleep I am like death warmed up, believe me he gets more action sleeping out of the marital bed than he ever got when he slept in it. we cuddle up on the sofa too!

so there wink

stillsmarting Fri 23-Nov-12 15:50:22

DD did a course at an Italian University. When one of the students said he slept in his mother's bed none of the others even raised an eyebrow.
As long as everyone gets enough sleep it's your choice.

whois Fri 23-Nov-12 18:19:34

As long as those involved ate happy I don't see the issue. I think it's nice for parents to have a bond like that with the DCs.

Apparently I used to go into my parents bed every night until I was about 5, I stopped about the same time they upgraded to a king size bed!

FergusSingsTheBlues Fri 23-Nov-12 18:19:42

We did cosleep for about six months and yes, whoever was in the spare room had great sleep, and it is lovely. But ultimately, we are are apart all day and kids generally rule the roost, we just didnt want to cede our bed as well. We dont always want to be in mum n dad mode. Your bed is the only bit of peace once you have kids and we have our own relationship to maintain.

FrillyMilly Fri 23-Nov-12 18:38:05

fergus my DS is a terrible sleeper and the only way for us to all get some sleep is for him to be in with me and DH in spare room. Yes it would be lovely to have sleepy cuddles with my husband but trying to function on less than 5 hours of broken sleep was not good for our relationship.

MissWooWoo Fri 23-Nov-12 18:55:24

peace? clearly you've never shared a bed with my husband grin Fergus

FergusSingsTheBlues Fri 23-Nov-12 19:47:57

Frilly, that is why we co slept husband was the lighter sleeper so generally ended up being punted into spare room. Our son is 2 and a half and we are overjoyed that he has slept through six nights out of the last seven. We had resorted to bribery, had no idea if it would did. We got desperate cos im six months pg and working ft but in the end a peppa pig sweetie every morning hed been good, and a little matchbox car every three nights seems to have done the trick so far.

DowntonTrout Fri 23-Nov-12 20:06:03

DD 10 still sometimes sneaks into bed with us in the middle of the night.

And she sleeps with me when DH is away. Every time!

I don't particularly tell anyone but I'm really glad so many on here think its ok. It is a lovely, lovely thing.

starmaker7 Fri 23-Nov-12 20:37:26

my dp is house sitting for his mum so I was looking forward to having the bed to myself , the dc's had other ideas though .Its not too bad with one or two but when the 3rd joined us I got out and got in their double bed!!

ukatlast Fri 23-Nov-12 21:23:04

Not a problem especially if she is starting off in her own bed and sneaking in. Both mine did this - but not every night the older they got. I can assure you they won't still be doing it past the age of 8 whatever you do, so don't worry. Max 3 years to go - enjoy it while you can.

As my OH was also there we got a 6 ft bed and on some nights we would wake up to find 2 kids in with us lol.

Spookey80 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:28:20

I think this sounds lovely but just out of interest those of you who have a OH, how do you ever have sex?
Just being nosey really!

HairyGrotter Fri 23-Nov-12 21:29:15

I co-sleep with DD and she's 4. She has been in my bed since birth, has spent some nights in her own bed at her insistence but its her own choice either way. My mum was a bit funny about it at first but now, when she has her overnight at hers, my DD co-sleeps with her!

Enjoy the cuddles, sod everyone else.

DumSpiroSpero Fri 23-Nov-12 21:33:03

Put my DD to bed about an hour ago. DH has his mates round and will be up late playing cards.

She's asked me to wake her up when I go to bed so she can shuffle in with me and is hoping he'll leave her there and kip in her bed! grin

I don't raise my eyebrow at my mum letting my youngest brother (age 7!) sleep in her bed.

I wouldn't do it/put up with it myself.

Overthehillmum Fri 23-Nov-12 21:49:40

My son still came through to my bed in the middle of the night at about 8 years old!, he is 21 now and a big strapping lad, who would probably die if i reminded him of it, but annoying as it was sometimes at the time its nice to look back and think how much he needed me then, now i'm just relieved if he checks into the house at least once during the weekend to say hi....i wish i had appreciated how quickly they grow up instead of listening to my mum telling me that he should be in his room all night.

spottyblanket Fri 23-Nov-12 23:11:03

Im in the secret society too!

Dds 7 & 8 co-sleep all night every night with me and we all absolutely love it. Falling to sleep with my children in my arms is possibly the best feeling i could ever have.

I hereby nominate my sister as society president for still co-sleeping with her dd who is the grand age of 17.

BellaTalbert Sat 24-Nov-12 00:01:49

My DD 10 ends up in my bed practically every night, as I am typing this she no doubt has got in my bed. The only thing I dislike about it is when she hogs the bloody duvet! Enjoy xx

flow4 Sat 24-Nov-12 09:33:09

I love it too, and have only stopped co-sleeping with DS2 because he's 12, and it feels like we should break the habit. Co-sleeping with a child of the opposite sex is fine, but co-sleeping with a teen of the opposite sex feels inappropriate sad

OpheliaPayneAgain Sat 24-Nov-12 09:38:11

Did anyone see early morning telly on Thursday? A primary school on the coast has had to inroduce sleep lessons for parents - children are affected by lack of sleep - one of the biggest causes is sleeping in the parental bed.

At 5, a child should be reasonably self sufficient to sleep alone.

Well our son sleeps like a log in our bed! How can they generalise? I also wonder where they got their facts from.

"I think this sounds lovely but just out of interest those of you who have a OH, how do you ever have sex?
Just being nosey really!"

Sex doesn't have to be in bed!

DowntonTrout Sat 24-Nov-12 10:11:56

DD also sleeps better in my bed. She is more disturbed in her own bed.

She has bad dreams sometimes and also sleepwalks, but never when in bed with me/us. Maybe it's psychological for her.

I'm not going to make it into a problem when there isn't one. I know the time when snuggling up with mummy will come to an end. Until then we just enjoy it.

AmberSocks Sat 24-Nov-12 11:35:22

Spookey-we have co slept solidly for the last 3 years,and on and off for 2 years before that.

We still have sex a lot,just not in bed anymore really.Its more fun i think!

stillsmarting Sat 24-Nov-12 11:55:37

Ophelia I saw that. They were also big on early bedtimes, but if you put your DCs to bed at 7 and they wake at 5 you haven't really gained a lot have you?

flow4 Sat 24-Nov-12 12:07:16

'Sleep lessons for parents' ?!! hmm shock grin

AmberSocks Sat 24-Nov-12 12:15:12

my kids go to bed when they are tired,since they started school and nursery thats been anytime between 6 and 9 o clock,depending on what theyve been doing.ive never liked the idea of bedtimes,im not always tired at the same time every night so why would they be.

stillsmarting Sat 24-Nov-12 12:22:04

flow4 hey had a lot of children who were tired at school so they decided the parents needed a sleep expert to help them out. Someone is making money (why is there no cynical face?)

pingu2209 Sat 24-Nov-12 12:39:33

The whole bed sharing issue is nobody's business but your own. There is no right or wrong on this issue. She won't be in your bed when she is 15 - it is just a few years.

At least you have got her to start the night off in her own bed and that is quite a big step if she is used to sleeping with you. Well done on that.

If you had a partner and he didn't like it then you would need to come to an arrangement between yourselves. It may be a problem if you start a relationship but until then, if you enjoy it too, why worry?

FrothyOM Sat 24-Nov-12 12:42:25

There's nothing wrong with it at all.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sat 24-Nov-12 13:56:03

It's not a problem as long as you and your DD are happy. Sod what other people think.

I had to stop DS (17month old) habit as he would kick and wriggle loads and try to turf his daddy out the bed. One of them had to go shame DP couldn't just take the hint and bugger off to the sofa as DS is so lovely and cuddly so DS was back in his cot not to long ago. In all fairness, the bed is mine and DPs and he deserves some decent shut eye of a night which he wasn't getting with our little boy between us.

As a side note, DP's aunt was still finding her DS was getting into bed next to her in the night up until 2 years ago and the boy is now 16! shock I'm not judging but I do find that weird. And would still find it weird if it was a DD btw

AmberSocks Sat 24-Nov-12 14:41:41

in japan they bedshare until they go to university,traditionally.

flow4 Sat 24-Nov-12 18:30:44

stillsmarting, it's a shame they didn't bring in a sleep expert to suggest schools should start later! At least the teens!

Petershadow Sat 24-Nov-12 18:46:46

takingbackmonday. Hugs. X

It is the best thing ever.
DS's new bed is coming this week, he's going to leave me... Wail...

Would much rather sleep with him than dh!

FellatioNelson Sat 24-Nov-12 18:56:51

My son regularly came into our bed until he was 10. It didn't bother us, except that we were worried he'd never stop. Now he's 13 and we have to beg him to get in. grin

He refuses. sad

Littlebluetoo Sat 24-Nov-12 19:09:36

My 11 yo DD still sleeps in my bed every night! Im single and she has her own room but we just like to be together. My mother is horrified so we dont admit to it any more. I know one day she wont want to be there but until then we are happy. It also means only one set of bedding to wash which has to be a bonus!

My 9 DD still co-sleeps with me but I am a LP, tho with a partner who is very understanding resigned to not being able to sleep over . She has slept with me ever since her dad left when she was 18months old and my lovely dad (who I miss every single day) stayed with me for a week as I was so distraught.

When I couldn't sleep because I was so upset, he told me to climb into bed with her and hold her little chubby hand and things wouldn't seem soooo bad. He was right - I love hearing her gently snore, kissing her ears and neck + she is so cute asleep (unlike when she is awake!grin)

I blame it all on her grandad, it was his idea!! grin

flow4 Sat 24-Nov-12 19:24:49

I love this thread! smile

So much love and happiness... smile

How could anyone other than some miserable twisted killjoy ever think that co-sleeping with your child could be 'wrong'?!

Thanks for the amazing replies, she's all tucked up in my bed now and were going to carry on just hope she's not still doing it when she's 15!

So relieved to see older children on this thread, my sn ten year old goes through phases and is in every night at the moment.

I don't mind because I am a LP and she is toasty warm.

DumSpiroSpero Sat 24-Nov-12 22:24:36

As a side note, DP's aunt was still finding her DS was getting into bed next to her in the night up until 2 years ago and the boy is now 16

Years ago, before I had my DD, my parents had friends whose son used to sleep with his mum at the age of about 11 (dad worked nights). I remember having a conversation with my mum about it and thinking it was very odd and a bit creepy tbh. Wouldn't bat an eyelid at it now I have my own child!

Dd slept with me last night and DH got her room. Unfortunately she has taken to sleeping halfway down the bed recently and I kept waking up freezing as she was taking the duvet with her.

Many a night I go to bed and 'find' my ds (10) asleep there. As he is an octopus as well as a furnace, it is not unusual for me to give up and go to his bed instead. But he seems to sleep a heck of a lot better in my bed (and yes, it doesn't matter if my bed is a single, double or a sheet on the floor, he prefers my bed to his own) so I figure what the heck.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sat 24-Nov-12 23:16:23

Mine are ds16 and dd13. Doesnt stop them sneaking into bed when DP is away. Its not BU. Theyre still my babies!

flow4 Sat 24-Nov-12 23:31:32

(Just an aside... Does anyone know... How does a thread become a 'classic'? Co-sleeping is so stigmatised, especially with older children, but this thread is FULL of lovely stories from scores and scores of parents who do it. smile It might provide real help and reassurance to many parents in future, so it seems to me worth keeping smile )

DowntonTrout Sun 25-Nov-12 10:13:50

Do you know, I wasted 5 years of my life having broken nights sleep. Trying to get my DCs to stay in their beds. I lost count of how many nights I laid on the floor in DDs room, holding her hand through the cot, exhausted, just praying for a few hours sleep.

There is such a stigma about getting children to stay in their beds and sleep through the night. I had 3 DCs and two of them were poor sleepers (1st was a doddle!) some nights it was like musical beds in our house, I never knew where I would wake up.

I wish I had known, and not felt such a failure, that all they wanted was to snuggle up with me. I could have saved us all so much stress and tiredness. Another night last night, where Dd came into our room, about 2 am and patted my face. I just sat up, let her climb in, and went back to sleep.

She is my last DC at home. I will let her as long as she wants to and I will treasure every minute of it.

JugglingWithPossibilities Sun 25-Nov-12 19:32:39

Good call flow 4 !

I don't really know the proper way to go about getting a thread in classics but if I've anything at all to say to MNHQ I tend to report my own post - they seem very forgiving if this is not the proper protocol and always get back to me.

Actually I think the proper way could be to start a thread in "site stuff" or write them an email ?

But my way seems handy and works well enough for me !!

And YY - so many lovely and reassuring stories on here for folks to read if they're getting any "eyebrow raisers" smile

skyebluesapphire Sun 25-Nov-12 19:43:05

When XH left at Easter DD was quite upset and slept with me for a while. Then she went back to her own bed, but ended up back in mine again for the past few months...

I have got her back in to her own bed, as I do think that she should sleep there and also I hope to meet somebody at some point and don't want to kick her out when a new man appears as I feel she would be hurt by that...

So now she goes to sleep in her own bed every evening, but sometimes does get up and get in with me in the early hours and its not a problem..

I just wanted to comfort my child the best I could after her "daddy" walked out on her.

flow4 Sun 25-Nov-12 19:48:26
marriedinwhite Sun 25-Nov-12 20:01:40

Funnily enough, when DH went away on Thursday, DD was a bit hmm about sleeping in the big bed now she's grown up and 14 and I felt a bit sad. The awful Noro virus kicked in on Friday at 5pm. She slunk in after 20 minutes in her bed and clung to me for most of the night, waking me at least every 30 minutes to say she wanted to die and asking for helpl. Last night she slept much better but still clung on a bit. Tonight she's going back to her bed.

DH has called and said he will sleep in the spare room until he's sure that all the germs are gone and I'm not infectious and about to go down with it shock.

lovebunny Sun 25-Nov-12 20:25:44

ignore anyone who says you shouldn't.
snuggle in with your daughter. these are the best years of your life.
my 'snuggled' daughter is now 30, living round the corner with her husband and baby. we are in daily contact and miss each other if we don't speak.
she reminded me the other day that we had 'sorted for Es and whiz' on her hifi as our alarm, so she must have been 12 or 13 and still snuggling. i love her. you love your daughter. snuggle and let the world think whatever it likes!

My ds (nearly 10) still comes into my bed sometimes. He got in last week to say good night and fell asleep smile

Camhs dissaproved though, and told ds that he wasn't allowed to sleep with me ever again hmm

I think that as a now and again thing, it's fine.

flow4 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:04:40

Hmmmm... hmm Wasn't 'allowed'? What happened to CAMHS' clearly stated commitment to being non-judgemental?!

Haberdashery Sun 25-Nov-12 21:25:45

Ah, so nice to hear tales of grown up children who are still close to their mothers. I hope so much that my DD and me will be as close. I'm not at all close to my mother who was difficult to deal with for a child so I really hope that things are different in my life (because sometimes I really miss having a proper mother).

discophile Sun 25-Nov-12 21:39:10

This is my favourite thread ever... Very reassuring to know it's not only me that is happy with, er, extended cosleeping. My son is nearly 9 and very often sneaks in to my bed in the middle of the night. It's lovely. Particularly in winter.

bluebump Sun 25-Nov-12 21:50:51

I co sleep with my 4 year old DS but its just the two of us these days. He has asked for a new bed with a den underneath so whether this is the start of the end of him being in my bed remains to be seen. I'll enjoy it while it lasts regardless of the negative comments I receive.

That's what I thought flow. I also raised an eyebrow when ds called me mummy at one session and it was quickly noted down.

EasilyBored Sun 25-Nov-12 22:46:16

I really want to like co-sleeping, and if DS wakes in the night and will not go back down, then I do take him to the spare room so I can trap him between me and the wall and he can't escape. But he just doesn't sleep well with others. I secretly hoping that once he gets a bit older, he will want to sleep with us sometimes.

BelleDameSousMistletoe Sun 25-Nov-12 22:50:17

5 year old DD currently slumped all over me in bed. As usual. I've stopped worrying about it!

gimmecakeandcandy Sun 25-Nov-12 23:16:21

It is heartening to read so many positive replies grin
My ds (4) gets into my bed and my dd (3) has a double bed which she has just moved to but she comes to get me to go to her bed! It's lovely and nowt wrong with it.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 25-Nov-12 23:24:46

My 8 yr old DS loves sleeping in our (well, my) bed and had done so for months until very recently. DH is stuck in the spare room because of his snoring. DS is back in his own bed again, but I have no qualms at all about his sleeping in my (er.. our) bed.

Dancergirl Sun 25-Nov-12 23:29:11

You're lucky! I wish my 5 year old came into my bed. Enjoy it while it lasts, she won't want to sleep there forever. You'll look back when she's a teenager and wondered what you worried about!

YouCanBe Mon 26-Nov-12 09:53:59

DD usually comes into our room between one and three and I either go sleep in her bed for a few hours with her then head back to my own bed, or she gets into our bed with DH and I go to sleep in her bed alone for the rest of the night.

I don't mind at all, DH and I have our time in bed together at the start of the night and/or in the mornings.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Mon 26-Nov-12 14:03:31

Posted a few pages back and am so glad to see that The Secret Society of Co-Sleepers is doing well!!

ophelia wonder where the sleep "counsellors" got their ideas from, certainly not 80% of the world where co sleeping is the norm, and def not from us on this thread. What a load of pants. I am certain that Ds and I both sleep better together, he feels safe and cosy and loved, and I don't have to do that one ear open all night mother thing, cos he's right there next to me.

I thnk it's part of a very westernised culture to force "independence" on children early, and part of the luxury of having bigger houses so kids have their own room, which on a global scale is pretty unusual really.

Anyway whenever Ds wants to cuddle up, he's welcome.

My 10 yo DS loves to come in bed with DH and me - he sleeps far better in bed with us and drops off a lot quicker.

I know loads of the raised eye brow gang but to be honest I am past caring. It works.....for us........

We all parent differently, there is no right or wrong. I cherish these times with my DS, and dont kid myself that when he is a teenager he will want to co-sleep and we wont want him to anyway.

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