to be upset with Nursery for letting my 18 month old play out in this weather when she's been in hospital 3 times this year with pneumonia and breathing difficulties

(68 Posts)
designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:23:24

I just went to pick my daughter up, it's really windy, cold and starting to rain and she was playing outside as were all the other children her age. She has been in hospital 3 times this year with pneumonia and breathing difficulties, in February,July and September. I wouldn't let her play out in this weather at home and I was so upset with the staff that I shouted at them. I wrote in her book that she has a hat, mittens and scarf but she didn't have any of them on, and I saw her fall over. I think the wind blew her over but she might have just fallen over.Am I being unreasonable?
I know OFSTED require them to play outside and generally I don't mind her playing out. I just think it's a bit lacking in common sense to let her play out in this awful weather. The wind is so strong it's just blown an empty hanging basket all the way down our street.

WorraLiberty Thu 22-Nov-12 16:26:12

I think the fresh air will do her good won't it?

As long as she had her coat on and was supervised, I don't see a problem really.

If it was too windy for her I'm sure she'd complain/cry and they'd take her back in.

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:26:18

I am amazed they had any children playing out if the weather is like it is here TBH!

I dont think her having been ill has anything to do with it though. DS has severe asthma and has had pneumonia a lot but I don't expect nursery to treat him differently (beyond making sure he takes his inhalers outside when they go)

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:27:27

And why would you tell them she had hat mitterns and scarf if you expected her to be kept inside? Why would she need them inside?

JaquelineHyde Thu 22-Nov-12 16:27:36


If you didn't want her to play outside then you should have left strict instructions explaining the reasons for this.

They should have made sure all the children were wrapped up properly but that is it.

Going around shouting at people is just bloody pathetic.

JaquelineHyde Thu 22-Nov-12 16:29:54

I also suspect your dd would ahve been really, really upset having to watch all her friends run around outside whilst she was kept couped up inside.

BeerTricksPott3r Thu 22-Nov-12 16:30:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shouting at the Nursery staff that look after your dc?

That's nice. Very nice.

If you want her to remain inside due to illness then tell them in the morning. Calmly. Without shouting.

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:30:52

I don't mind her playing out normally, in normal weather, as I said in my post but it was ( and is) blowing a gale and starting to rain and cold and I saw her fall over. The weather seems a bit extreme to be letting small children play out

CMOTDibbler Thu 22-Nov-12 16:31:45

YABU - playing outside is good for children, and although its windy here, its nowhere near cold enough to need hat/scarf (surely unsafe for a playing toddler anyway)/and mittens.

YABVVVVVU to shout at the staff

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 22-Nov-12 16:32:09

A hat, mittens and scarf would have made no difference to a breathing condition.

I think yabu. Like you say, they are supposed to be able to go outside, and if your dd wanted to go out with other children, then you can't expect them to leave one member of staff inside for just one child, or expect them to tell her no.

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:32:13

So you think none of the children should have been outside playing (fair enough if your weather is like here) or you think your daughter should be treated differently? (very unreasonable)

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:33:42

Fair enough about the shouting but I did not expect them to be letting her play out in such weather. My husband dropped her off this morning and I did not know what the weather was going to be like.

LeeCoakley Thu 22-Nov-12 16:35:20

I thought it was only teachers who were expected to be mind-readers. I will include nursery staff from now on.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 22-Nov-12 16:35:43

If you want to be able to dictate whether your child goes outside or not, you need to hire a nanny instead of using a nursery.

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:36:10

well Sirzy that's what I'm wondering, is it fair enough for me not to want her to play out in such weather. Normally I don't mind her playing out even if it's a bit cold sometime.

BeerTricksPott3r Thu 22-Nov-12 16:36:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty Thu 22-Nov-12 16:36:23

How can a child actually move about properly enough to play if they're all bundled up with hats, scarves and mittens?

I would imagine she'd be very uncomfortable, restricted in her movement and probably far to warm after playing for a while.

I remember my Mum bundling me up in these things and the relief I felt when I ripped them off.

honeytea Thu 22-Nov-12 16:36:43

Cold weather doesn't make kids ill. Infact research shows kids are less I'll when they spend time outside, inside they are more likely to share germs.

Ywbu to shout at her carers, I bet they would prefer to have been sat inside themselves rather than out in the cold, they were doing it for the kids.

The law here in Sweden is that unless it is below -15 kids have to have at least 2 hours of outside time a day, maybe you should consider spending some money on a warm jacket.

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:36:48

I think you need to decide how differently you expect nursery to teach her. With winter coming up chances are they will be out playing in cold snowy weather. Do you want her to be kept back from her friends?

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Thu 22-Nov-12 16:37:13

YABU for shouting at the staff, you don't know it was the wind that blew her over either, which seems to be one of your main problems, I'm sure if it was so strong children were getting blown away they would have taken them in. Not trying to be snarky OP but you didn't tell them she couldn't go out, that was their call then, you wouldn't have let her at home, but hey she's not at home is she?

threepiecesuite Thu 22-Nov-12 16:37:18

It's blowing a gale here too but very mild. My DD is 2 and just getting over her third cold since Sept. I'd much prefer she had half an hour's running around in the garden time than them all coughing and spluttering over each other in the book corner.

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:37:29

I have put in her book often that she has been in hospital and why. I don't expect them to be mind readers, just to have some common sense.

WorraLiberty Thu 22-Nov-12 16:38:30

Normally I don't mind her playing out even if it's a bit cold sometime

That's very good of you grin

Seriously, you seem to be bubble wrapping a bit here.

Playing outside on a windy day will not cause your child to develop a lung infection.

gymboywalton Thu 22-Nov-12 16:38:38

you know that pneumonia is caused by a virus or a bacteria, not by wet weather?

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:39:11

I think you need to trust the nursery to make a judgement on when the weather is ok to take children outside.

Our nursey have an undercover outdoor area that is used no matter what the weather, when it's really windy or wet they don't let them out to the playground or sensory area as they are more exposed.

Virus' cause illnesses not wind and rain.
<runs away>

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Thu 22-Nov-12 16:39:34

I would apologise tomorrow morning for shouting if I were you. Not a nice way to treat people who have had your daughter all morning and best to restore good communications with them.

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:40:26

I didn't mean to shout and I don't normally. I just felt so worried I lost it blush

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:40:33

Why do you need to put it in her book often? Surely when they have been told they don't need reminding?

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:41:02

Yes I was planning to, Giraffe

RobinSparkles Thu 22-Nov-12 16:41:58

Pneumonia isn't caused by being outside though. It's caused by viruses and bacteria, as you probably know.

She's probably better off outside than inside in close proximity to other snotty children, in a stuffy central heated room where germs breed!

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:42:08

Each time she has been in hospital I have written it in her book.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 22-Nov-12 16:42:34

that's what I'm wondering, is it fair enough for me not to want her to play out in such weather.

Yes, it is fair enough for you to not want her to play out in this weather. Personally, I would disagree with you (based on the weather in the SE today) but your child, you get to choose.

Except when you aren't the one looking after her. While its ok for you to not want her outside, its not fair enough for you to think that nursery should know that, and then do what you want. What if all the other parents want their children outside? What if there's really no good reason for her not to be outside? You cannot leave your child in nursery care and them dictate their day to them.

If you want that level of choice about what your child does each day, the only thing you can do is hire a nanny. Even a childminder will probably have other children to consider, so all you can do is look after your child yourself, or get a nanny.

It is better for her to be outdoors in the fresh air than indoors with central heating brewing all those bugs...

WorraLiberty Thu 22-Nov-12 16:44:50

I think you'd got through 18 string's of pearls OP if you saw my DS's School's Nursery.

They have sledges in the garden for the kids to play on when it snows.

WorraLiberty Thu 22-Nov-12 16:45:06


Dinosaurhunter Thu 22-Nov-12 16:45:50

Yanbu - I see why yih were upset op of course you don't want your child to be ill again but unfortuntly at a nursery it boils down to ratios and I expect there would not be enough staff for a 1-1 ratio inside .
Letting go is hard but as your child is at nursery I'm afraid you have to accept certain elements that are out of your control .

Yabu she is not going to get pneumonia from playing out in the cold

Bert2e Thu 22-Nov-12 16:46:42

I'm afraid you're being totally precious!

thebody Thu 22-Nov-12 16:47:00

Outdoors always great, when I was a cm we went out every single day in all weathers.. Trust me the grown ups arnt having the best time but the children absolutely love it.

Who can beat jumping in puddles?

Op don't make your dd stand out and don't make her precious.

It is hard if she's been I'll but logically it wasn't playing outside that caused this, much more likely picked up a bug at an indoor play centre.

sarahtigh Thu 22-Nov-12 16:48:00

I think YABU it is not that cold in scotland 7C outside which is fine for playing out, I think children should get to play out even if snowy, though obviously in appropriate clothing

children who spend more time out of doors get ill less often, running outside will not make your DD any more likely to get pneumonia etc, in fact it makes it less likely, today was wet in lots of places so waterproofs necessary at DD's nursery that have oilskin type over trousers and jackets so can play in mud etc, she has separate wellies she keeps at nursery, they do not go out if wind above 40mph, hail stones or a blizzard or the sort of heavy rain that stings your face, but snow drizzle breezes is no reason to keep inside

unless children just standing outside they would not need scarves, hat mittens just good padded jacket/coat unless around freezing or close to factoring in wind chill factor

you do need to apologise for shouting not good even if you were being reasonable

Bugs are caused by... bugs not cold. One of the reasons I chose DD's pre-school is because they are very keen on outdoors play and in all weathers. She is an active child and would be hitting other children climbing the walls without regular fresh air and exercise. Talk to your GP about what is going to help her. Hopefully s/he will tell you what we all are.

BeerTricksPott3r Thu 22-Nov-12 16:48:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 22-Nov-12 16:49:24

It's HELL windy here, I felt 'blown about' and trust me, I am solid enough not to feel it normally grin The two kids I took to the park this afternoon are 18 months and 4 years. The wind whipped around, the leaves were swirling - we all had a fab time. 3 sets of very rosy cheeks! They had warm coats and hats on - no gloves because I think it's too dangerous at the park (slippery for climbing etc). The eldest has been in hospital 4 times this year with various breathing problems. He is much more likely to get another dose of pheumonia etc from a child in his class than he is being out in the fresh air. The youngest spent half his time there falling over, rolling around in the leaves and generally getting muddy. Nothing a change of clothes when we got back didn't fix.

Make sure she has a toasty warm coat and a hat and she will be just fine!

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:50:24

I haven't been so precious with her 3 older sisters but I just don't want her to go back to hospital again.

Princessishavingababyboo Thu 22-Nov-12 16:51:26

Yabvu, you have acknowledged that you shouldn't have shouted at the staff, fair enough, but to expect dd so stay in when the others are out, are you going to explain to an upset child she cannot play with her friends, or are you going to pay for the extra staff to supervise your child while the others are outside? And what about free flow time when children actually let to choose what they want to do? Are you going to tell your dd that even just because all the others get to choose to go outside that is not happening for her. She may get poorly again, she may not, but while she is well, let her be like all of her friends, happy and care free!

Wearsuncream Thu 22-Nov-12 16:51:50

I would be irked about this too op.

3b1g Thu 22-Nov-12 16:54:08

If she has asthma that is exacerbated by the cold air, then I think you should have written a letter to school to explain and provide a plan eg inhaler/spacer close at hand when she's out in the cold.
Otherwise, I agree with previous comments that she's better off outdoors than cooped up inside in a centrally heated room sharing everyone's germs.

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:55:00

I agree with Beer simply writing "she has been In hopsital etc" doesn't really tell them much.

As I mentioned earlier DS has asthma, he is just turned 3 and has had around 20 hopsital admissions so it is very much an ongoing problem.

The nursery know about his problems, how to treat him and when to encourage him (and a group of his friends normally) to sit down with a story.

They also ensure that he isn't deemed any different from his peers. If they play out he plays out.

Why would a parent want to make their child seem different and miss out when they don't need to?

BeerTricksPott3r Thu 22-Nov-12 16:55:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scholes34 Thu 22-Nov-12 16:55:28

The nursery my children went to was child led. Whatever the weather, if a child wanted to play outside, they were allowed to, and a member of staff obviously had to be with them. I think the staff feel the cold more than the children. YABU in your attitude.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 22-Nov-12 16:56:28

I haven't been so precious with her 3 older sisters

In the nicest possible way, maybe it's time to realise that although she will always be 'your baby' she isn't 'a' baby. Perhaphs have a look at how she is treat at home too - they 'baby' of the family needs to be allowed to grow up to and not forever be mollycoddled or favoured.

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:56:58

Keeping her inside won't keep her out of hospital. Fresh air is vital, and does them good. Actually at the local hospital here they have an outdoor play area and encourage children to go and get fresh air

RobinSparkles Thu 22-Nov-12 16:57:25

I'm sure others would be similar in your position, OP. It must have been awful to see her so poorly sad

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:58:30

Well that is what I'm not sure about, is it better for her to play out or be inside. My priority at the moment is keeping her out of hospital, she missed out on everything when she was in hospital for a week and struggling to breathe in February and in September also.

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:59:21

Robin - I have been in that position and i still think the OP is over reacting

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 17:00:42

My daughter wasn't well enough to play outside at the hospital, she was attached to an iv for antibiotics and she nearly went into the HDU. They were struggling to keep her alive not enjoying outdoor play

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 17:02:06

My point was that even when children are ill fresh air is a good thing, of course it isn't always possible but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

MaryPoppinsBag Thu 22-Nov-12 17:03:19

It isn't even that cold where I am 12 degrees!

Kids love the wind. If i was child minding today I'd have taken them out with scarves a ribbons to watch them blow.

3b1g Thu 22-Nov-12 17:03:46

When is your next respiratory clinic appt? I would ask for their advice. If the doctor feels that cold air might make her breathing worse then ask for a letter for nursery. If your next appt isn't for ages then it would be reasonable to phone GP for advice.

Mumsyblouse Thu 22-Nov-12 17:05:28

I don't think you are reasonable to have to got cross with them, not least because you didn't explicitly tell them to keep her in if it was bad weather.

However, I don't think comparing other children's experiences really helps sometimes. My husband's country is very cold and snowy in the winter, and children do play outside, however, they would never ever go out without a waterproof coat/leggings/hat/gloves, all kitted out etc. Children there are bundled up like you wouldn't believe. Secondly, it's very sunny in winter, so children tend to go out in the day in the sunshine and play in the snow, but as soon as the sun goes in, or their mittens get wet or they get cold, they would come in again. So, they wouldn't go out in gale force weather, as it is today.

Finally, yes, a cold or pneumonia isn't caused (as in directly) by cold weather, but there is some research that shows that putting the body under stress (psychological or physical) makes people more vulnerable to infection. So, extremes of anything, whilst not wrapped up properly, having had three bouts of hospitalization doesn't sound that great to me.

But, clearly you shouldn't have shouted, that's your emotionality over your dd's illness coming out and you need to apologise tomorrow.

Jux Thu 22-Nov-12 17:17:33

What do the medical professionals say about her playing outside? At least ask your gp, before you make a decision.

Mumsyblouse Thu 22-Nov-12 17:18:07

The final difference between here and my husband's country is that they know how dangerous the proper cold is so they all heat their houses (or just the bit they live in) very high, it's always roasting, either with a real fire or triple glazing, so you get warm very quickly. I am always amazed how many people here boast how cold their houses is and how they hardly use heating, although in the UK this isn't likely to be fatal for healthy adults (it tends to be the elderly who are already ill or very immobile who needlessly die through the cold in this country).

Mumsyblouse Thu 22-Nov-12 17:19:26

I do agree to ask the GP or the respiratory nurse though, it may put your mind at rest, so she can play out with everyone else (unless the weather is extreme and I do agree today it was very windy for a child quite unsteady on their feet).

SunsetMojito Thu 22-Nov-12 17:31:35

I feel for you designergirl. I expect having seen your daughter so poorly in hospital three times has been utterly horrendous for you and her.

I am not surprised that you feel protective and want to do anything to avoid it happening to her again. I think its entirely understandable to feel and react the way you did.

I expect the shouting was an gut reaction. Most who have been in your shoes would do the same. Its nothing that a 'sorry for shouting' tomorrow won't fix. I expect they will forgive you and find it entirely understandable as something in the heat of the moment. Now you have the opportunity to chat through again what you would like her to do and not do.

I expect you know better than anyone that pneumonia is a bacterial/viral infection. I expect you also know better than anyone on her what is going to make your dd more prone to it.

I hope you and your dd are OK. I really don't think you deserve a flaming like this!!

hauntedhouse Thu 22-Nov-12 17:38:09

YANBU. I grew up on continent and used to play outside all day in minus 15, but if I so much as took my hat off for a second, I got a stern telling off from the nearest adult.

I'm all for playing in all weathers and I'm happiest when I pick my son from nursery all muddy and mucky, but hats and mittens are a must when it's so cold. Yes, viruses and bacteria cause diseases, but we're far more susceptible when we're cold.

I would apologize for overreacting but firmly ask that she's properly dressed when out.

WorraLiberty Thu 22-Nov-12 17:42:01

Sunset no-one has flamed the OP.

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