to think my sister is a liar and I should call her out on it?

(97 Posts)
starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:06:35

I bought my sister for her birthday a groupon family portrait to be done (she's a new mum so thought it would be nice to have professional photos done etc).

I recently asked her if she'd ever had the photographs done, she replied that when I'd given her the groupon gift the date had already expired but she didn't want to say.

I felt quite upset with myself that I'd given her such a useless present. Reading a recent thread on here reminded me so I decided to look back at my groupon orders, and her birthday is right at the end of March and the expiration date on the groupon was the end of April.

I feel sad that she felt the need to lie to me, but in turn she also made me feel bad for giving her present that was useless when in fact it wasn't.

Should I say something?

yellowsubmarine53 Thu 22-Nov-12 16:08:52

If she's new mum, she probably didn't get round to looking at it properly or reading the small print until it had expired, possibly?

It's a shame that she didn't manage to make the most of your thoughtful gift, but it doesn't sound like she's lying.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Thu 22-Nov-12 16:09:29

Probably by the time she looked at it, it had expired and she felt bad and didn't want to tell you.

Maybe it's just me but DD is 3 weeks old and I'm really not up for arranging photoshoots. If it had been me I would have thought, "Ooo, photos, lovely, will sort that out later..."

So leave it.

WilsonFrickett Thu 22-Nov-12 16:11:25

She's a new mum. Organising a photoshoot would have been the last thing on her mind. She didn't even lie, she just said it had expired - which it had, by the time she looked at the voucher^

Leave it.

missymoomoomee Thu 22-Nov-12 16:12:34

What do you hope the outcome will be if you confront her about it?

If you can't think of a reason other than to let her know that you know then I would be inclined to leave it I think. I don't think its worth the upset.

shockers Thu 22-Nov-12 16:12:42

Might she have looked at the date it was purchased?

for gifits like that i think a reallyh long expiry date is the way to go.

Hassled Thu 22-Nov-12 16:17:47

Don't call her on it - she'd just had a baby, she was probably tired and hormonal and frazzled - sorting out a photo session was maybe just too much for her to deal with.

whatacolddaytoday Thu 22-Nov-12 16:18:04

Let it go.

I personally dislike anyone nagging/guilt tripping me into oh you MUST do such and such. Even if it's something that sounds "nice"?

I was chums with someone when I was younger where even "fun stuff" where she was being "generous" (as in, she'd have a spare ticket for a play or offer to treat me to lunch or something) was met with an ominous, judgemental, tone if it didn't go according to plan or I didn't fancy it, and it stopped being "fun stuff" - I just ended up resenting the hassle (and her)! I got the vibe that for her being "generous" was expected to be repaid with "yes Miss I'll do it all, you philanthropist you", which wasn't how I wanted to roll!

Must admit I probably did drop a few lies to get out of things, too, and although I felt guilty at the time I don't regret it now grin

whatacolddaytoday Thu 22-Nov-12 16:22:22

I think maybe you need to examine why you're so upset over the whole situation, as well? So you've got her something she hasn't used, that's probably 90% of the presents given in this country (just look at the WORST GIFTS thread grin)?

Just getting the vibe that there's some underlying resentment that it might help to acknowledge, or you have a rigid idea of how she/other people should behave or what your sibling relationship "should" look like?

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:24:00

Sorry she's not a new new mum, her daughter was 1 at the time. But he is her first.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:26:04

I personally dislike anyone nagging/guilt tripping me into oh you MUST do such and such.

I don't particularly care about the fact that she didn't use it. Its more the lying thats hurt me, especially because it makes me look bad giving her an out of date gift when in fact it wasn't.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 22-Nov-12 16:27:02

I think she made an excuse because by the time she got round to using it, it had expired.

I actually think it's quite thoughtless of you to have given that sort of a gift with only a month to arrange. Those kind of 'experience' gifts usually give you a year at least to use them within, with good reason.

Dillydollydaydream Thu 22-Nov-12 16:29:42

We got given a venture photoshoot as a Christmas present but we never booked the session in the end. Me and dh both hate having our photos taken so would've been our idea of hell, plus after researching venture a bit more we found out we'd need to sell our kidneys to be able to afford any of the photos anyway!

whatsforyou Thu 22-Nov-12 16:30:11

Maybe she thought a family portrait was a bit eww and thought rather than tell you she really didn't want one it would hurt your feelings less than telling you you picked a really tacky present she didn't like.
Some people love professional portraits, I can't think of anything worse. Each to their own smile

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:31:21

Sorry I should have added - only the date had to be booked by the end of April.

The actually photography session doesn't expire until December.

Kalisi Thu 22-Nov-12 16:31:40

You gave her a voucher with 4 weeks expiry!?
I would definately put this one down to poor judgement on your part I'm afraid. I'm sure you had the best intentions but as others have mentioned, especially for a new Mum it is not a good idea to give her a gift that involved any planning especially on such a short time limit.I wouldn't even consider her to be lying tbh, one month remaining may as well be out of date!

Get her some bubble bath and a takeaway next time smile

Lulumama Thu 22-Nov-12 16:31:59

quite harsh words, you want to call her on being a liar? sounds like you have a bit of history with her, if it was my sister, i'd just let it go and presume I'd goofed on buying a gift she didn't want, or couldn't get round to using etc...

if you are going to say sometihng, don't call her a liar, just ask her nicely

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:36:34

Fine its tacky, I don't care.

She didn't have to use it if she didn't want to, if it had expired by the time she remembered then shame these things happen.

The only part I have a problem is that she's lied and said it had already expired when I gave it to her, thus making me feeling awful for giving a gift she had no chance of using.

AnyFucker Thu 22-Nov-12 16:39:18

I would leave it, sms I don't usually shy away from speaking my mind

Tbh,, I wouldn't have been keen on that gift. Anything that required effort on my part is not really an unconditional gift, IMO

WilsonFrickett Thu 22-Nov-12 16:40:25

Was it one of those ones where the 'session' is a Groupon bargain but then you have to pay £huge to get a print?

Or maybe she just didn't fancy getting a portrait done. It would be my idea of cheesy hell to be honest.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:42:31

Ok. People are not reading what I'm putting. Her child was a year old at the time she got the gift, not just a couple of weeks old.

She only had to book the date she wanted within a month. The photography session did not have to done within a month. It expires in December 2012. So could have been done anywhere between those 9 months.

Imagine if for example you had bought your friend a voucher to have a beauty treatment done. You ask her later on how the treatment was and she replies that she never had it done because the voucher you gave her was out of date. Surely you'd feel bad?

Then you find out that it actually was within date when you gave it to your friend. Surely you'd feel slightly pissed off? Not because she didn't use it but because the lie makes you look and feel bad.

missymoomoomee Thu 22-Nov-12 16:45:40

She didn't say anything until you asked though, so she obviously hasn't said anything about it to anyone else either. Who is she making you look bad to? Now you know the truth you don't have any reason to feel bad. Would an arguement and making your sister feel bad make you feel better?

Brycie Thu 22-Nov-12 16:45:59

I think those things work out quite expensively if because you still have to buy the photos they take. Sorry. I wouldn't use one for that reason. Unless prints were included.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:46:17

I DON'T CARE THAT SHE DIDN'T USE THE GIFT

Sorry but some of you are not realising what I'm saying. She could have used it or put it in the bin for all I care. Its her gift to do with what she wants.

I'm just hurt by her lie that she said when I gave it to her on her birthday it had already expired. Surely that would make you feel bad for having given the gift?

But it hadn't expired when I gave it to her because I just checked.

If it had expired before she realised I wouldn't have minded at all. Or if she didn't want to use it.

IT WAS THE LIE THAT I HAVE FOUND HURTFUL

StrawWars Thu 22-Nov-12 16:46:22

If it bothers you that she thinks you've given her a duff voucher, just say - "I'm sorry you didn't get to use the voucher. I went and double-checked, and it definitely didn't expire until the end of April, you must have misunderstood the small print. Never mind, eh, they should make these things clearer..."

It's not a big deal, I don't think she's lying so much as confused.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 16:47:32

I think those things work out quite expensively if because you still have to buy the photos they take. Sorry. I wouldn't use one for that reason. Unless prints were included.

REALLY? BECAUSE I HAVE REPEATEDLY SAID I DON'T MIND THAT SHE DIDN'T USE THE GIFT.

THAT IS NOT THE ISSUE HERE.

Lulumama Thu 22-Nov-12 16:48:24

ah right, all the same you are being quite harsh

maybe she thought the lie was a white lie, rather than one designed to hurt

sounds like you are really wanting to have this out with her anyway

Catsdontcare Thu 22-Nov-12 16:52:35

I think people are missing your point OP. it's fine that she didn't want to use the gift but I think it was unfair of her to tell the op that she had given her an out of date gift. I can see why you feel it makes you look bad. But at least you found out from this thread that you are indeed an evil gift giver just not for the reason you thought!

Pootles2010 Thu 22-Nov-12 16:55:29

Agree with lulu, sounds like a white lie. She didn't fancy using the gift for whatever reason, and just wanted to explain why. She obviously couldn't tell you she didn't want it, could she? Just leave it.

When did you buy the Groupon? Because they don't normally have such short expiry dates.

Kalisi Thu 22-Nov-12 17:02:13

Op I can't speak for everyone else but there were a couple of important pieces of info that you failed to make clear in your original post. Therefore by the time responses have been written details have changed so yabu to become so frustrated with everyone!
Anyway, now all the facts are clear I still feel your sister inbu. It sounds like a mistake rather than a lie and as I said before, a month in the future may as well be out of date. Move on it's not a big deal. Really.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 17:03:58

Haha exactly Catsdontcare. But I am actually an evil tacky gift giver.

- I'd also like to point out that this wasn't the only gift I got her, I get an email from groupon everyday and saw it so I thought it would be nice and I'd give her the chance to use it if she wanted a professional photo of her and her family. It did include one free photo and some put on a CD.

I just wish she felt she could have told me the truth, that whilst it was a nice gesture it wasn't really her thing. Or she could have said sorry by the time I came to book it the date had already expired.

Not gone and said I'd given her a gift that was already expired so she couldn't use it but just didn't want to say anything to me.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 17:07:10

As I said before, a month in the future may as well be out of date.

Really, you would need more than a month to just purely decide on a date? She had nine month to have the photography session done if she had wanted to get it done.

But again NOT THE ISSUE.

If I hadn't used a gift for what ever reason I would NEVER lie and make the person who had given me the gift feel bad.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 17:07:37

If I hadn't used a gift for what ever reason I would NEVER lie and make the person who had given me the gift feel bad - (By making out it was their fault)

diddlediddledumpling Thu 22-Nov-12 17:12:38

Goodness, you're getting really worked up. Maybe you shouldn't ask if you're being unreasonable if you're going to get do angry when people say, yes, you are.

I agree with others, I think your sister is mixed up/disorganised, rather than lying. And she hasn't made you look bad.

Kalisi Thu 22-Nov-12 17:15:26

>Sigh< Ok, your DS is being a complete bitch and clearly did it on purpose to be cruel and sadistic. I suggest you kick off big time and cease all further contact with her immediately hmm

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 17:16:21

Erm .. I'm getting annoyed because people aren't seeing what I'm saying. They would rather slag off the gift I bought, call me tacky and thoughtless etc.

When in fact the gift is not the issue.

If it was me and I hadn't used it or by the time I came to use it, it was too late. I would not lie and say it had already expired when I was given it.

yellowsubmarine53 Thu 22-Nov-12 17:16:25

It sounds like you think she deliberately lied to make you feel bad. I would be upset about this.

However, from the information that you've given, it sounded like she lied to save upsetting you.

I appreciate that you're hurt and upset about this, but it honestly doesn't sound like something that your sister 'did' to you.

Pootles2010 Thu 22-Nov-12 17:17:13

Maybe she knows what you're like and didn't want you to get all shouty, as you are doing on here?

diddlediddledumpling Thu 22-Nov-12 17:20:35

Some people are slagging off the gift, but others aren't and have understood exactly what you're saying. You don't like their opinions either.
i would not have lied and said it had already expired
I don't think she lied. At least not on purpose.

But it does sound like you have issues with her, this really wouldn't be a big deal between me and my sister.

mynewpassion Thu 22-Nov-12 17:21:28

YABU because you are worked up over nothing.

diddlediddledumpling Thu 22-Nov-12 17:21:51

Sorry, yellowsubmarine put it much more reasonably.

mynewpassion Thu 22-Nov-12 17:22:30

Are you this sensitive over everything?

Hemlet Thu 22-Nov-12 17:22:57

Op you're getting awfully wound up over this, are you like this in RL too? If so that may be why she didn't want to say anything to you before, or told the white lie because she was afraid of your reaction if she told you she wasn't going to use it.

Just a thought....

StrawWars Thu 22-Nov-12 17:23:39

"I'm getting annoyed because people aren't seeing what I'm saying. They would rather slag off the gift I bought, call me tacky and thoughtless etc."

Not everyone is. Several posters have said your sister is probably confused rather than "lying". But you don't seem to be considering that as a possibility?

katiecubs Thu 22-Nov-12 17:24:55

Um it's a small white lie, I don't understand why you are so upset about it?! She probably thought it was better to say that than say she didn't like it/want to use it. She may even have tried to use it and been told it had expired without realising when the actual use by date actually was.

The fact you are getting so angry about such a small issue suggests you have issues with your sister that you may want to address.

MrsCampbellBlack Thu 22-Nov-12 17:25:31

Perhaps she was worried about the hard sell those type of companies do and therefore didn't want to have the photo done and rather than say that just used the expiry date as an excuse?

Journey Thu 22-Nov-12 17:27:16

I agree with you op. The lie was nasty. I'd be hurt by it.

I'd probably tell her that the groupon hadn't expired when you gave her the gift. After all by not saying anything she's indirectly implied your present was useless when in fact you had put thought into it.

shouldbeironing Thu 22-Nov-12 17:28:41

Well I would let it go. Either she lied (maybe thinking it was a white lie) which is a possibility and which I agree isnt very nice - even if she didnt like the gift, by saying to the OP that she had given her an out of date voucher she was adding insult to injury.
But the more likely alternative is that the sister genuinely did think it was out of date - she may have misread it or she was thinking back and just recalled a problem with dates - so she wasnt lying about it just was confused. So unless OP wants to cause further upset about this voucher, it is probably best to just let it go.
For what its worth, DH was given a photography voucher years ago and we did appreciate and use it so we dont all hate them!

Journey Thu 22-Nov-12 17:30:31

I agree with you op. The lie was nasty. I'd be hurt by it.

I'd probably tell her that the groupon hadn't expired when you gave her the gift. After all by not saying anything she's indirectly implied your present was useless when in fact you had put thought into it.

autumnlights12 Thu 22-Nov-12 17:30:54

Groupon is a pain. I've been given a couple of these vouchers. After a bad experience first time around and hearing several dodgy accounts of other bad experiences, didn't use the other voucher at all. Maybe your sister has the same attitude to groupon and didn't want to waste time with an offer which requires you to spend money to make it worthwhile.

PackItInNow Thu 22-Nov-12 17:31:03

OK, she got the voucher, her birthday was in March, the expiry date for the booking was end of April.

Did she tell you before the expiry date of after it?

PackItInNow Thu 22-Nov-12 17:31:48

Or did she forget to book before the booking expiry date?

CaseyShraeger Thu 22-Nov-12 17:32:00

It's months later - she probably just remembers looking at it after her birthday and thinking "oh, it's out of date".

ArkadyRose Thu 22-Nov-12 17:33:33

Sounds to me like you have some big issue with her and this issue over the voucher is ust your excuse to feel butthurt about it and rant. Sorry, but you're coming across as completely unreasonable. I actually feel sorry for your sister if she has to deal with this kind of palaver around you.

Jenny70 Thu 22-Nov-12 17:36:02

YABU
So the reply you got from your sister was not true, and why that is could be many reasons:
1) she made a mistake, thought she needed to do the session within 4w period (and yes, not out of date when given but perhaps making a dig that it was useless with short notice - even though it wasn't)
2) she thought this lie was better than saying she didn't want it
3) she lied to hurt your feelings

You are choosing last scenario, which is unreasonable - it may have been a mistake or a poor white lie when put on the spot.

weeblueberry Thu 22-Nov-12 17:37:49

You know your sister best. And because of this you know better whether she's the sort to lie to spare your feelings, or to lie specifically in order to make you feel bad. Is the the latter sort of person? Does she lie often about small insignificant things?

If so then yes I can see why you're upset. But if this is very out of character for her, please just give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she lied to protect your feelings rather than to hurt them.

whatsforyou Thu 22-Nov-12 18:00:11

Not intending to slag off the gift at all but I would not appreciate it and would not use it and was just trying to point out that what one person considers a thoughtful gift, another thinks of as tat smile
If the person who gave it to me asked I would prob make up a quick what I would judge as white lie on the spot to try to spare their feelings. Why is it so hard for you to think this is what your sister has done, even if it didn't work out that way.
Why is it easier for you to believe that she thought up a lie to make you feel bad on purpose? There must be previous here as I don't get on that well with my sister but that would never even occur to me!

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 18:02:38

She might have been confused, Idk?

I just think the gift is irrelevant? I don't mind people telling me that I am BU, but some peoples comments are just plain bitchy.

I don't see how the lie could have been to save my feelings? It just made me feel worse.

whatsforyou Thu 22-Nov-12 18:14:30

How would you have felt if she had said 'sorry I didn't use it because I don't like those kind of posed photos'
See I would think that would hurt your feelings more.
She probably didn't think you would go back and check. Either that or, as other posters have already said, she glanced at it and misread the expiry date. Unless your sister is usually a complete bitch then I just don't get why you are so sure she is deliberately trying to hurt you confused

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 18:16:19

Not intending to slag off the gift at all but I would not appreciate it.

Well yes you were intending to slag it off and you know you were so why pretend otherwise? You called it tacky, how is that not suppose to offend me?

And you wouldn't appreciate someone buying you a gift? What a lovely person you are.
No matter what the gift was or if I liked it or not is not the point. Its the fact that someone has taken the time to think about and actually bother to get you something.

You don't get on well with your sister? Shocking. I wonder why your sister doesn't get along well with a rude ungrateful cow? smile

agedknees Thu 22-Nov-12 18:17:12

But why try and make the giftgiver feel bad by saying the voucher was already out of date when it was given?

I don't understand why anyone would do this. If the sis could not be bothered to get the photos done, then she should have been honest.

Greensleeves Thu 22-Nov-12 18:20:43

Hating as I do to swim against the tide...

I can see why OP is upset. Being told that the voucher was out of date when it was given feels like being told "you flung me a worthless piece of crap for my birthday". Like being given a box of chocolates that have been half-eaten or a bottle of wine that is off!!

If someone told me I had given them an out-of-date voucher I would be horrified and embarrassed, and sad that I hadn't given them what I thought I had.

To then discover that the voucher wasn't out of date - I would be pissed off and feel that the recipient had insulted me.

All this other schenanigans about how long the expiry date was or whether you personally would relish this particular gift - irrelevant. Who gives a fuck whether you would like a portrait done? OP wasn't canvassing for opinions about the quality of the gift hmm

captainmummy Thu 22-Nov-12 18:25:35

I hate groupon too actually. I'm in contact with the OFT about an 'offer' that turned out to cost £50 more than if I'd booked it online myself. Oh, and to use an airline that doesn't fly from the designated airport, or to the designated destination airport. And to use a hotel which was 'unavailable' 5 months in advance, for 2 days at the end of february. At that point I smelt a rat.

Sorry to hijack...

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 18:28:12

agedknees and Greensleeves thanks for wording it better than I obviously did.

Because the gift itself is irrelevant, anyones opinion of the gift is irrelevant. Which is way I was getting so angry.

I was embarrassed when she told me I'd given her an out of date voucher and I felt bad about it. But to find out that it was just a lie well ...

Yes to everything Greensleeves said. Some of the comments directed towards the OP are plain nasty - one even about feeling sorry for her sister?! Okay... confused
OP don't call her out on it. Just be less generous. I received a similar gift that I couldn't use. (From my sister incidentally) I asked her if I could pass it on and she didn't mind. She'd rather someone use it than waste her money.

whatsforyou Thu 22-Nov-12 18:32:25

If anyone bought something like that for me then they would have put no thought into it as my family and friends buy gifts that they know I will like, not ones that they like.
I have never received a gift that I haven't appreciated as they have all been chosen with care and love! They don't think I'm an rude ungrateful cow!
I bought a friend a onesie last Christmas, she loves it and asked for another one this year, I hate the things! My sister even though we're not close bought me tickets for a show I love but she hates the theatre. Wouldn't it be a boring world if we were all the same grin
That wasn't even my point, what I couldn't understand is why you're so quick to think the worst of your sister? However you don't seem to want to answer that and have got a bit too tetchy for me so I'm off!

Sheila Thu 22-Nov-12 18:33:07

YANBU OP. totally understand why this is a big deal for you. Think you should talk to her about it and explain how you feel

Suzieismyname Thu 22-Nov-12 18:49:25

I have no experience of Groupon but perhaps your sister tried to use it in May or later and it came up with some kind of generic 'voucher has expired' message. I doubt it would have come up with a message that specifically said 'this voucher was purchased and given before its expiry date but you have tried to redeem it after its expiry date'!
Unless you specifically told her that she had to book by the end of April then YABU.
My DH has given me pamper/massage type presents and it's taken me months to get round to booking it. I'm quite disorganized, perhaps your sister is too.

paddyclamp Thu 22-Nov-12 18:51:00

YANBU OP.... Her sister is saying that she gave her an out of date voucher which is a lie. I don't see why she should just take it on the chin to be honest. It's like going round telling everyone that their sister bought them a jumper that had a hole in it isn't it?!

I wouldn't be impressed either

Kalisi Thu 22-Nov-12 19:01:29

Not really as her sister hasn't been "going around telling everyone" anything. hmm
Anyway, having read some of OP's previous posts, I believe I shall bail out too. Things can get very heated I imagine!

PuffPants Thu 22-Nov-12 19:09:39

Your sister was in the wrong. She lied and her lie made you look either cheap and/or disorganised. What other viewpoint is there?

The OP's choice of gift is not the issue. Neither is her sister's use of her time.

The issue is the fib. She could at least have said she'd lost it or something.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 19:11:08

Suzieismyname you and like so many others are missing the point!

She lied and said I gave her an out of date voucher when I hadn't.

The gift or whether she forgot to book it is irrelevant.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 19:13:22

Not really as her sister hasn't been "going around telling everyone" anything.

And you know that how?

She actually announced it in front of a couple of people when I asked her.

missymoomoomee Thu 22-Nov-12 19:17:36

Why on earth did you ask if YABU if you aren't willing to accept people telling you that you are confused

Now it seems you are drip feeding information and will do so until everyone agrees with you.

StickEmUp Thu 22-Nov-12 19:18:51

I hate to be late to this but you had a bit of a pop at me after i pointed out you'd posted a thread that had been done to death before. MN you will get people disagreeing with you and not thinking your way. Like me. Perhaps like your sister.
You really need to chill. And 'call out' is a phrase i use when trying to sound a bit 'ard.
Chill out and realise not everyone will have the same opinion.

As for your sister, maybe just leave it.
Have to never made a mistake and Been let off? Or do you need retribution for everything, and equally accept people telling you or wrong ( on the evidence you give, you might always be right )

Suzieismyname Thu 22-Nov-12 19:21:37

sorry, thought I was quite clear. Perhaps your sister didn't realise there was such a short timeframe in which to book. Perhaps she just saw a 'voucher has expired' message and was just relating that back to you.
Give her the benefit of the doubt, she your sister!

Tweasels Thu 22-Nov-12 19:23:29

Might she just have made a mistake? Misread the terms and thought it was out of date.

Might she not realise the lie was hurtful and was saying it to protect your feelings as she did not want to get family photo shot done and didn't want to offend you by saying she thinks they're tacky.

If she is normally nice and this is out of character then leave it, if she's normally a bastard then tell her so.

carovioletfizz Thu 22-Nov-12 19:23:37

YANBU. It was a lovely thought and it was unfair of your sister to imply the mistake lay with you - if she'd owned up to being too busy with new baby to use it, I'm sure you'd have understood. I think you're getting far too hard a time!

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Greensleeves Thu 22-Nov-12 19:24:30

StickEmUp bringing up disagreements on other thread = bad form.

OP has had a completely unwarranted roasting here. I blame the weather - the Reception children I taught today were away with the fairies as well

OP - get yourself over to the "rudest responses to presents" thread instead, you may get more satisfaction there!

Greensleeves Thu 22-Nov-12 19:26:18

lurkedtoolong - I disagree, you haven't lurked for nearly long enough hmm

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 19:26:34

StickEmUp I actually have no problem with people telling me I am BU. However people are saying I am being unreasonable for the wrong reason. Such as her not liking the gift. Which is missing the entire point.

I am asking if iabu for being hurt by her laying the blame on me.

StickEmUp Thu 22-Nov-12 19:26:59

I think its very relevent if people seem disagreeable in general. But thanks for the internet lesson hmm

StickEmUp Thu 22-Nov-12 19:29:43

Yes but they are linking maybe she didn't like it with her telling a hite lie that it ran out of date.
Its a nice present i think, truly. Maybe she didn't and didn't have the heart to say.
Thats what people are saying.
I don't know what could be the cause of the lie.
If she is normally nice, and people let you off mistakes or lies, maybe just leave it.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 19:31:51

I'm not I can accept when I'm wrong.

However I will only accept it if it is to the issue I asked. Hence the title. It was never AIBU to expect my sister to like and use her gift? Rather it was to think my sister is a liar and should I call her out on it?

By people calling me tacky and thoughtless then yes that is going to annoy me. I thought hard about a gift and I thought she would like it. But AGAIN thats not the issue here.

Wheresmypopcorn Thu 22-Nov-12 19:35:58

Think it may be a case of "pick your battles". Is the argument worth it? I think in this case, no. Maybe she is mistaken because of acute lack of sleep. I can sympathize, I seriously did not know the day for about 4 months after my baby was born.

StickEmUp Thu 22-Nov-12 19:36:42

Okay cool. I get you.

So .... I see replies saying leave it. If you really want to confront her, do it. This post isnt now the law, its just peoples opinions.

If you REALLY Think she kight use it later, id be the kind of cheeky bugger who would ring up and ask if it can be extended smile.
Try that and if they will, tell her!

If not, also tell her, then you can ALSO say it didnt expire in total in April just that she had to make an appt to use it.

Then youll aee in her eyes .... What she thinks.

Tonytiger Thu 22-Nov-12 20:35:45

OP...... We all make mistakes. Your sister probably just told a silly little lie to get herself out of a tricky situation and although you feel she has made you stand in a bad light she was I suspect just feeling a bit rubbish because her sister had been kind enough to give her a gift and she has messed up!!!! Is she perhaps feeling a little in your shadow. ( for those who have posted mean comments , I was always taught to be gracious when someone has been kind enough to buy me a gift)
She is your sister ..... Love her , forgive her and really don't give it another thought.

maddening Thu 22-Nov-12 20:49:03

I think it sounds like crossed wires so would drop it if it were me.

From how you describe the conversation she could equally have meant that she forgot to book within the month and felt bad she had missed it - as much as your interpretation.

I would assume she forgot and leave it as that rather that causing bad feeling.

Fwiw I don't think it's a tacky gift - you get more for your money - there are some fab deals on those sites that make lovely gifts.

ICBINEG Thu 22-Nov-12 20:59:40

Wow. don't feel the need to read the OP's actual posts at all people...

Jeez.

I agree with the people that think your sister misunderstood or is confused rather than deliberately lying.

If you are upset about it and feel you want to challenge her then I would try something along the lines of: "I was so upset to think I had screwed up the voucher that I checked back. It actually expired at the end of April but I can totally see how you might not have had chance to book the photos by then. They should really make the use by dates more obvious - although the greedy bastards must certainly prefer to catch you out as it saves them money.

maddening Thu 22-Nov-12 22:02:18

Op - exactly what were your sister's words when you asked her?

Was it "you gave me an out of date voucher but I didn't want to say"

Or was it "when I went to book it it was out if date and I didn't want to say"

How did she phrase it as that is key really.

starlightlover Thu 22-Nov-12 22:34:07

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Kewcumber Thu 22-Nov-12 22:42:06

why do you keep adding passive aggressive smiley's when you're cross? confused

And why is your first assumption that she's lying, if my sister has said this to me I would have assumed she'd made a mistake (or that I had)?

ScarlettOoHara Thu 22-Nov-12 23:10:32

I completely understand what you are saying and agree with you. It would have made me feel awful. If your sister is anything like mine she's a nightmare to buy for. I once gave her some luxury sunspray (i found it worked really well and wanted her to try it) and she took one look at it and said, can you take it back I don't want it!!

katiecubs Fri 23-Nov-12 09:06:46

Why don't you respond to the genuine questions on the thread?

Not everyone is just slagging off the gift. People are saying it may have been a mistake on her part or that it was a white lie etc. You don't seem willing to consider these options.

You just want to believe it was some sort of viscious lie. If this is the case and you only want to think the worst of your sister then i still don't really understand why you are posting in AIBU?

Just carry on hating your sister and believing that everything she does and says is a personal attack.

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