to ask what the worst present you ever had was

(416 Posts)

When I first started seeing my now DH, he asked what I wanted for my birthday. I answered "nothing" and I got it! I've also been given a size 10 bikini (when I was a size 16), by a Great Aunt and a hose reel by my MIL. What strange things have you been given?

Pagwatch Wed 21-Nov-12 16:47:10

Dh bought me a bike.
Ffs. I just looked at it thinking 'what the fuck am I supposed to say? Has he not met me?'

WhenShallWeThreeKingsMeetAgain Wed 21-Nov-12 16:47:39

The black silk pants and petticoat set I gave my sister 3 years before!

noisytoys Wed 21-Nov-12 16:48:46

All things ornamental. I hate clutter

Groovee Wed 21-Nov-12 16:48:48

A box set of vodka's when I am teatotal by dh's SIL who knew I was teatotal.

zukiecat Wed 21-Nov-12 16:51:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotActuallyAMum Wed 21-Nov-12 16:51:58

My ex bought me a day at one of those "Spa" places one Christmas. Yes I know lots of people would love it but honestly if you knew me...

It was quite funny to see the look on everyone's face when I told them what he'd got me. Every one of them had "OMG why has he got you that?" written all over it

Who was the MNer who's MIL bought her knicker elastic for Christmas?? That'll take some beating

fragola Wed 21-Nov-12 16:52:26

Hair removing cream from my brother!

Felicitywascold Wed 21-Nov-12 16:53:20

Broken Glass! Is the most memorable...

A size 18 top from my ExMIL. I wasn't near a size 18. Luckily I divorced her son so that stopped that.

5Foot5 Wed 21-Nov-12 16:54:19

When I was about 11 and a skinny little thing, barely a size 10, my aunt bought me the most horrible nightgown that was a size 20 and made out of some slippy blue nylon with black lace trimmings.

Oh and then there was the limited edition print of the Red Arrows taking off on a misty morning that we got for a wedding present.

MistressFord Wed 21-Nov-12 16:54:41

A hand towel and a flannel from my (very rich) SIL. I gave her Channel.

MistressFord Wed 21-Nov-12 16:54:41

A hand towel and a flannel from my (very rich) SIL. I gave her Channel.

middleagedspread Wed 21-Nov-12 16:55:27

A can opener & his firms (free) diary from DH. Utterly charmed.

Goandplay Wed 21-Nov-12 16:55:46

1 snake skin g string from MIL.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 21-Nov-12 16:56:26

As my therapist will tell you... way back in the seventies when 'Grease' was the film and every self-respecting kid wanted that album with Travolta on the cover... I was given for my birthday a rip-off album of 'Grease by other artists!!!' and I had to say thank you politely. Still painful.

pingu2209 Wed 21-Nov-12 16:56:35

My MIL got me a matching pair of plastic alsation dog ornaments to sit on our mantlepiece. She clearly hadn't looked at them properly as each dog was definately male as they had oversized comody penises that were sticking out of each one.

To be frank, even if there were no penises, it would have ranked as my worse present ever. Horrible things.

Funniest present ever was from my mad aunt who wrapped up a Christmas wrapping paper set. I don't know how I didn't wet myself laughing when I opened it. Who on earth wraps up wrapping paper as a present!?

redskyatnight Wed 21-Nov-12 16:56:46

Rose scented talcum powder. Bad enough in itself but I couldn't use it even if I wanted to as it would exacerbate my eczema (which as it was bought by my parents, you'd think they would know).

Also a top (also from my parents - they have form for dreadful presents). I didn't like it but that wasn't the awful bit. They'd bought it abroad so they weren't sure of the right size (at least this was their excuse) to buy, but it was so huge that it still swamped me even when 9 months pregnant!

freddiefrog Wed 21-Nov-12 16:56:58

A pair of roller blades from MiL - I still have no idea what possessed her

I also got a spa day from DH - nice for some people I know but I loathe massages and facials and stuff like that

scorchienne Wed 21-Nov-12 16:57:16

A drinking game (I was 7 months pregnant) and a white beret with fake pearls stitched on, a huge pair of pants (in both size and style) and one of those novelty metal bottle of wine holders in the shape of a butler, you know the ones that would slice your skin off if you brushed past it the wrong way. T

Dogsmom Wed 21-Nov-12 16:57:25

My fiance (now ex) bought me a magazine rack, not even a nice one, a self build, Argos flat pack wooden piece of crap.

I'm laughing at most of these, but sooo jealous of the SPA days! grin (I'm getting one this year!)

freddiefrog Wed 21-Nov-12 17:01:56

Oh, and this utterly hideous fertility symbol ornament thing from MiL as a wedding present. I tried to break it for years but it was indestructable, the thing survived DD1's toddler years, 3 house moves and me 'accidentally' knocking it over on a daily basis. I finally consigned it to the loft when we moved 200 miles away (which reminds me, I must hunt it out again, she's coming to visit soon)

zukiecat Wed 21-Nov-12 17:04:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NulliusInBlurba Wed 21-Nov-12 17:05:01

My now deceased MIL once got me a single pair of rather lacy white knickers. I found that rather inappropriate, TBH. I think she had years of built-up frustration at buying presents for her three sons and was desperate to be able to buy things for anyone female (at the time neither of DH's brothers had partners).

When I was a child the presents from my fundamentalist Christian aunt and uncle were ALWAYS related to Christianity, whether it was a book or a toy or whatever. Reading that awful drivel was most effective at ensuring I would become a passionate atheist for the rest of my life.

"he asked what I wanted for my birthday. I answered "nothing" and I got it!"
Afraid I did that once to DH as well. He kept on getting snarky when I asked him what birthday present he'd like and then just snapped 'I wish you'd forget the whole thing, I hate my birthday, growl growl'. So I did. He genuinely didn't believe it that I hadn't even got him a card. It worked though - now when I ask him what he wants he manages to think of something after about two months of deliberation.

ScrambledSmegs Wed 21-Nov-12 17:09:15

Now-DH (then boyfriend of a few years) bought me a silk designer dress yes, yes, ungrateful mare that I am.

However, it was a) completely the wrong size b) obviously the wrong shape for me anyway I have a huge bum and c) the pattern looked like Monet had gone colour-blind.

When he asked me if I liked it when I called to with him merry christmas, I just said that it was beautiful but it didn't fit, and admitted that it wasn't really the style I would wear. He then told me that he'd bought it because a sales assistant was wearing it in the shop, and he fancied her - so he thought he'd buy me the dress hoping I'd look a bit like her shock

Honestly, he's really lovely! Just had a moment of complete twattishness that he has never, ever repeated grin I returned the dress and bought a PC - yes, it really was that expensive...

freddiefrog Wed 21-Nov-12 17:09:38

Oh, and every year, MiL buys us a set of those solar powered garden lights (you know the ones that you dig into the front lawn) for Christmas. Every bloody year.

My family just does money/token gifty-wine-framed-photo type stuff, we've been trying for years to get MiL to just buy for the kids

DD1 once got a wok as she'd professed a fleeting interest in cooking

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 21-Nov-12 17:10:29

A sodding cupcake "set" for my kitchen. This consisted of; 3 cupcake teatowels, a cupcake pinny, a cupcake picture in a frame, a cupcake pot, a cupcake cookbook and a cupcake cooking timer.

This is because once, about 5 years earlier, I had baked some cupcakes for a party so the cupcake present buyer thought that I must really love cupcakes.

I do not really love cupcakes.

Jins Wed 21-Nov-12 17:16:08

From OH
Kitchen clock
Bathroom scales
Vouchers for local beauty salon that cost me £££ in a parking ticket (and I only used the waxing voucher as I didn't want my head massaged or my hands coated in wax)
Many other things that would seriously out me but were spectacularly awful

From MIL
Dolls head powder puff. First ever gift and something told me not to open it in front of her
Le Jardin and le jardin d'amour gift set for five fecking years (makes me wheeze)
Tablecloth in seventies beige flowers to go with my blue room
Teapot with cats on it (Don't drink tea. Don't like cutesy stuff)
Jug to match teapot the following year
Pate dish shaped like a duck
Glass model of a horse (I think it was a horse)
Set of hair products for brunettes (am blonde)

Should I go on? Do I win?

kiwigirl42 Wed 21-Nov-12 17:16:24

A key ring. From my mother. For my 40th birthday... was SO disappointed even though I know she is as tight as a hens arse usually.

NeedlesCuties Wed 21-Nov-12 17:17:22

A pasta cooker, which could be set to cook pasta for any time within a 12 hour period.

Wow.

I was a SAMH mum at the time, was in the house most of everyday and was aware that pasta only took mere moments to cook.

Not quite sure what my friends (childless and both workaholics) were thinking, but the sentiment was nice.

Gettheetoanunnery Wed 21-Nov-12 17:19:27

My grandma once got me a little book on prince William, some facial wipes and one of those horrible cheap hair bands with a fake bandana and curly hair attached.
Tbh it made my Christmas it was so funny!

zukiecat Wed 21-Nov-12 17:19:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frootloopz Wed 21-Nov-12 17:25:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EggNogRules Wed 21-Nov-12 17:27:08

Worst present was from my nan; feck all. I was gutted that my siblings had beautifully wrapped gifts. I wasn't bothered at all when they were revealed as sheepskin mittens.

Second worst was an iron from DH our first Christmas together (sent as a joke). He was away overnight and I was fuming until I went into the front room and he had bought and put up decorations, including a Christmas tree.

OhTheConfusion Wed 21-Nov-12 17:36:07

My PIL get me a bottle of rose wine every year for my birthday. Every year DH tells them I don't drink rose!

Then a size 20 short sleve 'maine' from Debenhams purple knitted funnle neck cardigan two years ago. They got DH a Ralph Lauren jumper.
I was a 14/16 and under 30!

Last year they got me a box set of vulgarly bright glittery eyeshadows. They got DH a bottle of chanel aftershave.

And they wonder how I can possibly think they don't like me hmm

Arseface Wed 21-Nov-12 17:36:14

My mother has always been awful at presents - pair of american tan pop socks, used - posted to me at boarding school for my 16th birthday so I had to open them in front of everyone.
Pack of tampons for my 10th?

Was confident I could trump anyone on this front until a friend told me her DH had once got her a loo brush for her birthday!

Nitpick Wed 21-Nov-12 17:43:18

hubby and I forgot it was our anniversary. We found out during a trip to IKEA at the check out when I suddenly blurted out, woops it's our anniversary. He handed me....wait for it.... the toilet brush we were buying and said happy anniversary. Sooooo romantic.

EggInABap Wed 21-Nov-12 17:47:34

When I was 14 I got a lime green velour tracksuit from my wicked stepmother. It was a size 6. I was a size 12. Still pisses me off to this day that she felt the need to be so nasty.

Shortbread. I was 37, not a bloody grandad! Given to me by people of my own age and I am a godfather to their daughter who spends quite a bit on her at Christmas AND her elder brother as well as their parents.

BonzoDooDah Wed 21-Nov-12 17:52:35

Was on a camping trip with EXP and his family. On one day out we passed some shitey stuffed toys - I commented how revolting they were and said in comic sarcastic voice "oh DO get me one of those for my birthday"
Cue 4 days later on my birthday I was given ... yup ... the shitey stuffed toy ... between all FOUR of them ... and fucking nothing else!!!!
THAT was my entire present for my birthday away for 3 weeks with them (Staying in a town, and in cars, so not like we had no room or chance to buy anything else or anything).

Aniseeda Wed 21-Nov-12 17:56:29

In-laws

Bedroom Doorbell

I am sure they bought it for DD and then found something else for her so stuck my name on this instead!

Katiekitty Wed 21-Nov-12 17:57:34

Christmas circa 2008

A present the fella I was seeing at the time insisted I open in front of all his family as it was "something special".

It was ever so slightly heavy, it was well wrapped.

It was three jars of chutney.

lilachair Wed 21-Nov-12 17:59:07

A tin of chilis because I 'like cooking' (was gutted, thought it was Gaultier sad

A crotchless body stocking when I was 4 mths pregnant. To make me feel sexy.

A full Anais Anais gift set. My mums perfume. Which I hate. And may have mentioned eleventy billion times occasionally.

He's an ExH now.

suzyrut Wed 21-Nov-12 17:59:21

Back when it was all the rage and post dc1 my (now unsurprisingly ex) husband bought me "Dr Atkins New Diet Revolution" for Christmas! And more bizarely as an apoloy gift for some truly hideous behaviour which I won't go into he bought me a cup that said "I love you more than chocolate"...he doesn't eat chocolate!

Fab41 Wed 21-Nov-12 17:59:50

MiL gave me a double egg cup one year
Mum gave me a set of vacuum storage bags last Christmas, and grandad gave my brother a charity shop tie with his initials in tippex....

My entire present "haul" last Christmas was a blusher from work (I don't wear make up), and a book called "can't be arsed" from DH. Nuff saidsad.

CailinDana Wed 21-Nov-12 18:19:39

A pair of "novelty" rubber gloves from MIL, covered in fur and fake jewels. She knows that I don't use rubber gloves as they irritate my hands, and she comments on this a lot. Not that I could use them anyway given the tat all over them.

blueraincoat Wed 21-Nov-12 18:21:41

A tin of kidney beans from my mother. I unwrapped them and she said oh that is where those went, took them off me and put them in the larder, I didn't even get to keep them!

Mominatrix Wed 21-Nov-12 18:23:43

A hairdryer with a different electricity plug and current from the country I live in - typical of my MIL.

BalloonSlayer Wed 21-Nov-12 18:24:49

My Mum bought me a size 10 pair of control pants just after I had had DS1 "to help you get a flatter stomach."

The thing was I had lost loads of weight from BF after having DS1, I ended up at 8st 2, and everyone remarked how thin I looked considering how I had just had a baby . . . I was perfectly happy with my postnatal body and didn't think I needed control pants. I did try them though and was sad that I couldn't get them higher than my knees!

bondigidum Wed 21-Nov-12 18:27:28

A radio pen... A foot spa, a nail dryer.. The pen takes the biscuit though.

Swiddle Wed 21-Nov-12 18:27:38

Debobblifier for bobbly cardigans. From dh. Romantic... stares dreamily out of window

TyrannosaurusBex Wed 21-Nov-12 18:29:45

A mouldy log mushroom-growing kit from DH. The year after that he gave me a tea towel, and after that an organic duvet the exact colour of dirt. At which point I threw a massive tantrum, and now I get nice presents which I pick myself

MissCellania Wed 21-Nov-12 18:31:23

HQ gave me a map to Chat one year. Would you like one?

cardamomginger Wed 21-Nov-12 18:32:00

DH and I were given herring for our wedding to be used at a party DH's parents were giving to celebrate our marriage.

We got married abroad, where most of DH's family lives. Friends clubbed together to buy a plane ticket for another friend who said she could not otherwise afford to attend. Lovely thought! Fantastic job everyone!! Except that said friend then used it as an opportunity to go on an extended holiday, staying in various hotels, booking internal flights and going on lots of excursions. For a variety of reasons, said freeloading friend is no longer my friend.

helpyourself Wed 21-Nov-12 18:34:47

Green tights from MIL. I had to open them in front of DH, dbil and dsil. What do you say?

EdgarAllanPond Wed 21-Nov-12 18:35:11

easy: aged 14, i had asked for jeans for xmas, but instead i got a pink velour jumpsuit - the kind an 80 year old would wear.

it had a massive heart on the top they thought i'd like.

they had at least kept the receipt, though were very huffy about it going back.

i was, apparently, impossible to please.

CalamityJones Wed 21-Nov-12 18:35:40

A porcelain clown figurine. I'm not scared of clowns but ugly ornaments put the fear of god into me. It was from my mum. All a bit puzzling.

helpyourself Wed 21-Nov-12 18:37:17

And then 2 years later, newly wed and pregnant, DH gave me a cheese grater for my birthday. Again I had to open in front of assorted friends.

SomethingProfound Wed 21-Nov-12 18:44:43

A unisex garage for Christmas when I was 3 three, by my "you will not conform to typical gender roles" mother. I wanted a Barbie dream house, I was not impressed.

moopoint Wed 21-Nov-12 18:47:19

I'm going to out myself here

iPod speaker

From Dp on my birthday, wrapped in a tesco bag. I already had an iPod station and I don't like angry birds.

Eliza22 Wed 21-Nov-12 18:53:33

A packet of three tea lights. From our best man a couple of years after the wedding. I had no idea what to say..... These 3 puny tea lights were wrapped really nicely too.

My son once got a tin of macaroons from his aunts (on ex husbands' side). They were dark chocolate in a little tin, with German writing on the side and a picture of an old house confused. He was 4 years old. Again, I was speechless.

TheCeejOfWinterfell Wed 21-Nov-12 18:54:36

When I was thirteen - a tan corduroy trouser suit.

I can still feel the strain in my face from faking the smile.

Eliza22 Wed 21-Nov-12 18:54:42

Should say, he is their only nephew. And last year, aged 11 he got a bookmark. Wrapped up. I KNOW it's the thought that counts but, FFS!

My sister got a dictionary from our uncle for her wedding (not that long ago, she had a smartphone and laptop with spellcheck...)

DublinMammy Wed 21-Nov-12 18:55:07

A charity goat. And I couldn't even curry it myself as, of course, someone else got it.... If you want to give to charity, give to charity, but don't call it my sodding Christmas present.....

Ohhelpohnoitsa Wed 21-Nov-12 19:06:32

a handbag - at my 5th birthday. my cousin got a pair of gloves with one finger cut off!

reasonstobecheerful Wed 21-Nov-12 19:07:22

A bashed up, dirty, crumpled, three years out of date sachet (yes just the sachet) of mulled wine mix from my former MIL. For Christmas.

LaundryFairy Wed 21-Nov-12 19:11:20

When I was heavily pregnant, I came down on Christmas morning to find great big, unexpected box under tree! Oh my excitement! What was it?....

A bloody fecking juicer!!!!!

I have never, ever, ever expressed an interest in owning a juicer!!

DH, on the other hand, thought that it was a lovely idea hmm.

Of course it sits in a cupboard covered in dust, and is now a by-word for unwanted presents chez LaundryFairy

BuddyTheChristmasElf Wed 21-Nov-12 19:12:57

a massive painting! not to my taste at all, really awkward thing to receive as it wasn't going up on my wall, so you can't not offend the giver. And also was just the canvas so would have cost ££ to get stretched back onto wood to hang hmm

and... bear with me on this one... wine! BUT BUT from someone who has known me for years and has never ever known me to drink a glass of the stuff, it's getting offensive at this point as they know I don't drink it! I say so at every opportunity now but still with the wrapped up bottles!

Jins Wed 21-Nov-12 19:16:19

YY to wine!

FIL every birthday and Christmas turns up with a poorly wrapped bottle and says "It is white you prefer isn't it?" and I say "Oh Thanks, I don't drink wine, don't like it at all, but DH will enjoy it" and he says "Oh sorry, I forgot"

It's a game we play

LisaMWill Wed 21-Nov-12 19:18:42

A pair of socks from my mil that had been split from a multi pack so she could give sil the other pair

Lookingforthebrightside Wed 21-Nov-12 19:20:29

My DH once gave me at Xmas:
a CD and a bottle of radox tastefully presented in a Morrisons bag!!!

I spent all of Xmas day thinking that at some point my he will bring out my real present. He didn't.

Amazingly we are still married!

zlist Wed 21-Nov-12 19:26:21

exDH bought me a book on cat behaviour (yes, I had a cat which I loved but I wasn't a 'cat' person)
DH bought me a cheap vinaigrette dispenser/oil drizzeler giftset thing from the card shop (I begged him to just stop buying me gifts after this one - it was the straw that broke the camel's back!)
exMIL - cat teatowels (the kind that don't really dry) and matching cat coaster set
MIL - picture in dark wood frame (doesn't match decor in our house at all) that we have been forced to hang ever since
SIL - top in a size 8 (her size) when I was a size 16

Dh once got a book on the toilets of Cornwall, from his dad. Ds3, aged 14, got a book on Cornish cheeses, and another one called The History of the Cornish Pasty for his birthday, again from dFIL.

Lavenderhoney Wed 21-Nov-12 19:30:35

Zukiecat, my dm gets me cleaning products! I asked if she thought I kept a dirty house and she said no, so I can spend the money I save on something nicesmile

An iron from ex bf. oh how I laughed.

2 pairs of black big pants ( for the weekend) and 5 pairs of white big pants ( for the week) from dm

orangeandpumpkinlooking Wed 21-Nov-12 19:30:42

Wine. From several people who know me well enough to know I don't drink much, and never wine.

Phoebe47 Wed 21-Nov-12 19:32:56

Packet of custard creams from M-in-L for my birthday! Well, her 5 year old grandson enjoyed them.

When we were little we always waited with anticipation the opening of our Christmas presents from 'grandma' (my mums wicked step mother!). It was one of our Christmas highlights each year to see who got the worst one.

The one that will forever stay with me is when my mum opened hers & inside were a pack of 'seconds' tights. One pair had 3 legs!!! My Dad literally cried laughing. It's one of my fondest memories grin and we got many jokes out of it for years.

Pochemuchka Wed 21-Nov-12 19:37:23

A potato bag.

Wtf is a potato bag? Well I didn't know until I got one for Christmas from my darling MIL.

It's a cloth bag to store potatoes in so they don't go off.
Aside from the fact that I hardly eat potatoes and don't do the cooking, it didn't even work!

A free Holland and Barretts magazine. With pictures cut out already.

Think Zukie definitely wins. I know I've always wanted loo roll for Christmas.

Also a cardigan with the bottom half cut off because "it's trendy, it's in all the shops at the moment". Not hemmed or anything. Just a pair of sleeves with hand back panel.

BuddyTheChristmasElf Wed 21-Nov-12 19:39:15

I love my potato bag, they really do work (unless DH puts them in the potato bag while still in the plastic packaging from the shop hmm)
but would NEVER give one as gift!

TeaTeaLotsOfTea Wed 21-Nov-12 19:40:32

3 blank cassette tapes from the in laws hmm

BeatTheClock Wed 21-Nov-12 19:41:41

A print of a painting (from my Antiques mad uncle) when I was about 9. It was the most depressing picture ever set in Victorian times of a shivering boy, based roughly around the titel 'And What Shall Become of this Child?'. God it was awful. Maybe it was worth a fortune but not to a 9 yr old.

Then one yr from mil I received a very large and imposing black hatconfused Sort of homburg in style. I looked like something C1920'S Chicago in it. I mean how to you choose a hat for someone? And I never wear hats.

Oh god and enormous kind of bright purple faux-velvet pyjamas.

Which my mum insisted were outdoorwear. Like a three sizes too big tracksuit to go running in. I'd just joined a running club out of school. She tutted and sighed when I refused to wear them for anything else but bed, "you're just too self conscious, I see everyone else wearing this kind of thing". Yes mum, okay.

All flooding back now....

Pochemuchka Wed 21-Nov-12 19:44:49

grin @ buddy's DH putting potatoes in the bag while still in the plastic

healstorturepeople Wed 21-Nov-12 19:44:51

I had one Christmas where it felt like no-one knew me. I got tons of smellies which I hate, I am not a smellies person. I got a radio when I never ever listen to the radio. I got clothes which were no where near my size and I got a gravy boat (not quite so bad but a little random!)

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 21-Nov-12 19:44:59

This will out me but for my 21st my then bf gave me a jack and a wheel wrench for my unreliable Mini. It is a bit of a legend amongst our friends now. Good job he also gave me 21 red roses.

He's my dh now. I don't learn. Mind you he did, pretty quickly. grin

TeaTeaLotsOfTea Wed 21-Nov-12 19:49:34

Oh and for my 19th birthday a clock shaped like a crown from my mother. thats it. It probably cost £4.99 or something like that

squoosh Wed 21-Nov-12 19:50:47

A friend of mine was given a grave plot for Christmas one year by her Uncle! Now that's forward planning. grin

notwoo Wed 21-Nov-12 20:03:25

I got curling tongs from my mum and dad when I was 17. Would have been great if they hadn't also given me some the year before!

Not sure what happened there as they're usually pretty thoughtful with presents.

We did have one relative who was renowned for dodgy presents-one year we got advent calendars (on Christmas day) and another we got toddler sized slippers when we were about 10 and 7!

docket Wed 21-Nov-12 20:18:45

A toilet brush from my FIL!

Mandy21 Wed 21-Nov-12 20:22:23

My all time Christmas low, in my life-forming teenage years, was excitedly opening a big squishy parcel from my Mum to discover it was a bottle of Clearasil and a bumper bag of cotton wool balls.

Last year's present from my H will also be hard to beat - for months he'd been saying how good his present was, how I'd be thilled, how he knew it was something I'd love - it was a (single) electric blanket.

Virgil Wed 21-Nov-12 20:26:07

When we had DS1 DHs best friend bought the baby a packet of chocolate muffins and a bag of tangerines confused

Jayfer Wed 21-Nov-12 20:29:28

My Nan was always great at 'interesting' presents. The ones I remember most are the neon green lipstick which would apparently turn pink when applied (never got to try it out as my mum confiscated it), the large orange teddy shaped candle which was chipped and battered and the best (but thankfully not for me) was a lady shaver which had already been used!!
My american aunt has produced some shockers but the best recent one was for my DH. She bought him a balaclava with eye holes and a mouth hole. It doesn't sound bad but he works on a military base and if he were to turn up at the gates with that on he would be shot!!

Everlong Wed 21-Nov-12 20:30:07

Brown size 14 legging/jodhpur things ( I'm a size 10 ) that had been opened.
Yellow, blue and orange quilt cover ( bedroom was all white and pastely )
A pair of size 7 wellies ( I'm a 5 )

All from my darling sister smile

All went straight to charity.

I think squoosh's burial plot wins.

I once got a pair of knitting needles and the yarn to knit my dad a scarf, in my stocking. When I told mum I didnt think it was a present to get something to make for someone else, she basically guilt tripped me into keeping it - "But you like knitting, and your dad would love to have a scarf you have made him - he will be disappointed".

apostropheuse Wed 21-Nov-12 20:43:52

I was given a hideous white kind of alabaster clock. It had a round brass effect face with flowers on it. It was embraced lovingly by a pair of carved pigeons - one on either side. They gently caressed the clock face with their outspread fecking wings. This piece of art was about ten inches tall. Tackiness personified. It currently lives hidden at the back of a cupboard in my bedroom.

The thing is, my only son bought it for me when he was about fourteen. His three sisters were hysterical with suppressed laughter and they wouldn't drop their gaze as I opened it up and dutifully ooohd and ahhhd over it. He was convinced I loved it of course.

grin

Primafacie Wed 21-Nov-12 20:58:04

I think the tinned beans poster wins!

I once received nothing (from ex) because he "didn't have time to shop". He had been unemployed for six months and did precisely fuck all, all day, everyday. We had a joint account too, so he had access to funds. He became ex that year.

DH had one box of tissues all wrapped up at our wedding. Turns out it was a mistake by MIL, she had intended to use them but was too busy yakking through the whole bloody thing.

We also got a dead bird 3D painting thing as a wedding present - just think of Phoebe's "art" in Friends, but with a bird sticking out of the frame instead of a mannequin. We left it in India for ILs to bin grin

DH had a nose hair trimmer as a wedding present.

A friend of mine got a burka (sp.?) from a male friend. She's not Muslim/Afghan.

Pingu video. When I was in my 20s. From then kind-of boyfriend. "Because you love Pingu!". I do not, and have never, loved Pingu confused

My dad and his brother, as small boys, once received a duck egg (each!) from an elderly aunt.

FobblyWoof Wed 21-Nov-12 21:19:06

When I saw the thread title I thought, "hurrah, I have a really good one." reading the other posts makes mine positively normal.

I'll set the scene; DP and I had been together for just over a year. It was our second christmas together but we'd only been seeing each other a few weeks at that point. So essentially it was our first proper Christmas as a couple. And as we were young, 17 and 18, it was our first Christmas with any bf/gf.

DP really, really wanted a video phone (twas just after they'd come out) and I knew his parents weren't getting him one, so I clubbed together with my parents and spent way more than intended but I was just looking forward to seeing him open it. I wasn't disappointed, he was thrilled.

Then came my presents. He presented me with rather shoddily wrapped little pile but my hopes were still high to what was inside. First, I opened a free view box, which, to be fair, I did want. Promising start, I thought. The next was a frigging booster aerial as I would need it for the free view box, a multi plug extender, just incase I needed some and some Winnie the Pooh stickers with my name on them. Not even the shortened version of my name that I use all the bloody time.

And I opened these with my family watching

Suffice to say, I have never, ever let him live it down

gordyslovesheep Wed 21-Nov-12 21:20:45

a Faux leather Gillet with added bright orange and purple faux fur of my (now ex) MIL - she hated me - 10 years with her son and she never called my by my name first, always said his ex's name 'by mistake'

FobblyWoof Wed 21-Nov-12 21:22:16

Also, and if my previous post didn't out me this one will.

One year my sister got me a happy ears eeyore because I like eeyore. I was 19. Same year my mum got me a dancing rapping frog thing because I had grinned at it in the shop. I repeat, I was nineteen.

peacefuleasyfeeling Wed 21-Nov-12 21:24:04

Not quite a present, but almost. DD was a few months old, I was on my knees knackered and felt desperately in need of some tlc. DP had promised to bring me home a treat when he came home later that night. I was in the bath when he smooched in and presented me with a DIY mince pie kit from the Co-op, "It'll be really fun, you're so creative!" At 10pm. I nearly drowned with disappointment.

amillionyears Wed 21-Nov-12 21:32:06

An awful nightdress from my mother. But by the looks of things on here, I got off lightly.

dreamingofsun Wed 21-Nov-12 21:36:50

ash tray (I'm very anti-smoking); second hand toiletry bag, complete with second hand toothbrush, and size 10 nickers (I'm a 14) - all from MIL/FIL over different christmas's.

EverybodysSnowyEyed Wed 21-Nov-12 21:37:38

a fancypants printer/scanner/photocopier

so DH could spend more time working from home instead of the office

er, great

Doinmummy Wed 21-Nov-12 21:43:30

A roll of muslin , washing up cloth stuff from my mum.

fuzzpig Wed 21-Nov-12 21:50:39

When I was 15 I had been self harming a lot. In Boots I saw some scar-healing plaster things. Mum said if I wanted them they would have to be my birthday present.

So for my 16th birthday I got some plasters.

fuzzpig Wed 21-Nov-12 21:51:01

(And yes they were my only present)

horrorcomic Wed 21-Nov-12 21:52:12

I have told this story before. When I got my first "proper" job my then boyfriend (Now DH), made a big deal about how he had got me a present and he would post it too me. I waited weeks for it, and he built it up all that time. When it arrived it was a spade, wrapped so you could see exactly what it was. With a message written on it in sliver pen. It was a joke attached to the name of the company I was working for. I was a little disappointed.

He also later asked if I would rather have a bureau than an engagement ring. I put him right on that one!

moonblushtomato Wed 21-Nov-12 21:53:08

Worst present ever has to be a pair of oven gloves from DH (now EX DH) angry

Arthurfowlersallotment Wed 21-Nov-12 21:59:06

A pair of bunny slippers. One size 8 and the other size 3. I'm a size five.

A gold ankle chain from Elizabeth Duke.

A gold plated watch with a black face also from Elizabeth Duke.

A trio of marmalades.

According to DH, one of his friends once bought his twin aunts a pair of gloves each. Shortly before they unwrapped them, he remembered that one of them has six fingers on each hand, the other only four.

SmellsLikeTeenStrop Wed 21-Nov-12 22:05:02

lavender scented drawer liners

enormous pearl clip on earrings that were the free gift in an avon catalogue when you'd spent a certain amount

The worst I've seen wasn't given to me but somebody on DHs family and the giver was MIL. It was a bottle of mouth wash.

For their anniversary, My dad got my mum (over several years):
An industrial sized toilet roll
A tin of dark purple paint
Fish, blood and bone meal
A chair from a skip

They are still together.

grin my god!
"an industrial sized toilet roll"????
I mean, what?

though I would like a tin of dark purple paint perso.

Arthur.....well, 8-3=5......

Changebagsandgladrags Wed 21-Nov-12 22:23:08

My first boyfriend bought me a pencil sharpener for my birthday (not a novelty one, just a normal blue one). For Christmas he got me an open bottle of cheap whisky saying that he needed a drink on the way...nice.

He was a little shocked when we broke up, thought we would get married.

ConsiderCasey Wed 21-Nov-12 22:23:09

When I was a teen my auntie used to buy me a pair of thongs every year. I didn't like to tell her, I think she thought they were normal knickers. grin

Eliza22 Wed 21-Nov-12 22:23:46

Arthur, your trio of marmalades grin. Class!

1944girl Wed 21-Nov-12 22:25:24

My now departed MIL once gave me an opened packet of soap, she had already removed one tablet for her own use.
The following year, when I was pregnant with DS2 she gave me a nylon nightie( it was Xmas 1971) it was from a jumble sale and was ripped down one side-so I could look nice in the hospital.
She was great at gifts, especially for me.

bluejeans Wed 21-Nov-12 22:27:14

I also got a drinking game when pregnant but the one that springs to mind was a potato cookery book from a friend. It was well meant but I felt like my life was over!

GinandChocolate Wed 21-Nov-12 22:41:41

A carrier bag saver thing made of fabric with a pig pattern from my now ex MIL.

She was filming everyone opening their Christmas presents (no DC in the family at this point) so it wasn't as though there was anything that warranted recording. Apparently I didn't show enough excitement when I opened said carrier bag saver (probably because I was trying to work out WTF it was) so she re-wrapped it and made me open it with more enthusiasm. I mean how enthusiastic can you pretend to be about a carrier bag saver?

didireallysaythat Wed 21-Nov-12 22:50:16

2.5 metres of turf for my birthday from DH

JammieMummy Wed 21-Nov-12 22:52:08

My MIL one year bought me a cheap (59p we think) turkey baster for Xmas...I don't eat (and therefore we don't have) turkey at all!! And she knows this yet continues to cook turkey on the rare occasions we visit so i have to sit there with just veg on my plate Only to be followed the following year by one of those cheap plastic fake gold necklaces that you give to children, in a see through plastic bag!

My DH still insists that she likes me and really can't see where I would get the impression I am not the DIL she hoped for! hmm

NoisyDay Wed 21-Nov-12 22:53:35

I thought my worst presents were an umbrella and a toothbrush I got when I was a child, until last year when someone gave me a gift of de-icer. If was warm last Christmas ffs. This gift giver and I had fallen out and we all reckoned he thought he could melt my cold heart with it!

abbathehorse Wed 21-Nov-12 22:55:11

Two washbags from a charity shop from MIL. Same Christmas. I don't mind the charity shop part so much, but the fact that there were two of them seemed a bit thoughtless.

didireallysaythat Wed 21-Nov-12 22:58:44

Oh, and I got a foot pump from my parents for my 18th as my car got flats frequently. I know, useful present, I should be grateful. But that, along with a giant tube of smarties my younger brother got me (all the pocket money he had at the time!), was all I got.

I don't want to think about my 21st...

Fakebook Wed 21-Nov-12 23:02:35

A dictionary. A bloody dictionary.

vamosbebe Wed 21-Nov-12 23:03:58

A tin of black shoe polish from my dad. I was 13.

Have received kilos and kilos of fucking candles and bloodybuggery smellies over the years, does anyone know me?! They get chucked out or regifted.

I did have to wait 8 months for my birthday present from bf which came just before Christmas: a haircut. Reader, I married him.

PurpleGentian Wed 21-Nov-12 23:07:35

DH got me a foot pump, a hazard warning triangle, a winter car kit (de-icer and scraper), and a small first aid kit for Christmas one year.

Apparently he had been racking his brain to think of something I would really, really, like and just happened to spot these thrilling items in Halfords.

On the bright side, he learnt from his mistake, and hasn't gone Christmas shopping in Halfords again grin

DewDr0p Wed 21-Nov-12 23:18:10

Mine was from MIL: an electric tin opener. I was 23.

amazingmumof6 Wed 21-Nov-12 23:19:53

first ever present from DH was a purple wool top with short sleeves and turtle neck.

just awful. I hated purple, I hate wool. and either turtle neck with long sleeves or short sleeves with a v-cut.

I tried it on then burst into tears as it was the wrong size also!

he gave me the receipt and I bought a pair of black pull-up boots which I wore till they fell apart.

I must add that he also gave me the best present as well! it was for my birthday just 5 weeks after we had DS1. I was hoping for a sewing machine, but he bought a red Rover with the round bottom (Rover 25 I think), which I did not expect!

I loved that car soooo much, it was just perfect... also it was a proof that DH can do some things right!! smile

HoobleDooble Wed 21-Nov-12 23:20:06

My exDP's mother bought me a food processor, which is exactly what I'd said I wanted ... Well, when I say "bought", I mean "obviously dug out from her garage full of shopaholism-related shite", as it had a distinctly 80s style box, had been opened, and didn't have any of the blades required for it to be of any use whatsoever!

whatacolddaytoday Wed 21-Nov-12 23:21:27

Crying with laughter at this thread! grin

I think after years of general "tat" (I DON'T LIKE TAT) I'm very much like Gareth in the Office - "cash or vouchers or nothing" I mean, so someone gets pleasure out of providing me with a bizarre object that is neither beautiful, useful, or wanted? Then I need to keep it/gush over it. What's that all about? confused

This should go in Classics. It's too good to be lost.

There was a similarly good one last year......we've all forgotten it ten months on!

BonzoDooDah Wed 21-Nov-12 23:37:15

Oh dear InMySpareTime and fuzzpig how sad sad

amazingmumof6 Wed 21-Nov-12 23:37:47

not the worst, but rather silly

MIL gave me a diet book last year for my birthday.
it would have been fine, but she'd asked me if I would like it as she knew I was doing weight watchers. I politely declined.
she gave it to me anyway, which was weird! I mean why ask?

never mind, had another baby in April, so no dieting for me just yet...but my birthday came and MIL gave me a second copy of the same bloody diet book!

she's lovely and burst into laughter when I thanked her and inquired if I should expect further copies annually! smile

whatacolddaytoday Wed 21-Nov-12 23:43:56

Hmmm just been contemplating my own present sins sad

One year I was living in London and hung out with quite a few cool international traveller types. The significance being they had to live out of suitcases and moved regularly so had to have a minimum amount of "stuff".

One year, I went down to Hamleys and got them all a large, expensive, stuffed toy. None of them had ever expressed any interest in stuffed toys, and all were women in their early thirties - with the cash I could have got them something a LOT more useful.

confused

amazingmumof6 Wed 21-Nov-12 23:47:09

squoosh a grave plot! a fucking grave plot! I can't stop laughing! grin grin

thequietone Wed 21-Nov-12 23:49:23

A Slendertone ab trainer from DH.

I hadn't asked for one...

Sold it on EBay for a fortune in the post-Christmas panic last year.

He also bought me a Powerball (wtaf)? I was rendered speechless that Christmas Day...

Startail Wed 21-Nov-12 23:59:03

A remote control from DH.
he was the one who got annoyed at the original one vanishing.

It came in a necklace shaped box, i really thought, just for once I'd get a nice surprise.

HeftyHeifer Thu 22-Nov-12 00:01:19

An atlas. From my husband. Now ex.

PimpMyHippo Thu 22-Nov-12 00:21:07

This thread is divided into those who really know what it's like to know a Bad Gifter, and those who are blissfully unaware. grin Cupcake kitchen sets, smellies etc = somewhat misguided. A packet of tissues and a coathanger = truly awful.

My grandma is a wonderful Bad Gifter - last year she gave my parents (her oldest son and his wife) a book about gardening as a joint present. Neither of them enjoys gardening at all, but it would still be in the realm of well-meaning error if it weren't for the plastic cover and date stamps which gave away its past as an unreturned library book. The year before that she gave my mum a partially-used notebook with some of the pages already torn out.

KittyBump Thu 22-Nov-12 00:22:05

A secondhand pocket diary for my birthday (which is in May) it had been used up until May and had birthdays in throughout the year and, from the same person for another birthday, a personalised bowl with a clown on a trapeze holding a banner saying 'Linda' - which is not my name.

amazingmumof6 Thu 22-Nov-12 00:35:42

as a joke last Christmas our sons thought it would be funny to give Daddy some silly presents, each wrapped separately for maximum entertainment.
In front of his parents and our giggling children staring at him he opened the following :

pack of tissues, my knickers and bra (wtf?) , a penny,empty beer can, his own wallet, his own belt, a teaspoon, one of his shoes, empty chocolate wrappers, his own mobile phone and a clean nappy with fake poo in it grin

Last year. An ironing board from DH.

He is still alive... but it was a close thing...grin

What's more he actually asked if I would like a new hoover this year!!!!! Yes we need a new hoover. But he'd better bloody not!!

(He is however a truly lovely man.. just not good at shopping!!)

uggmum Thu 22-Nov-12 00:56:28

For my birthday my Mum bought me some lawn edging scissors as, apparently, my lawn edges were scruffy!

I cried.

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 22-Nov-12 01:03:06

A necklace from Tiffany's the Christmas after I left my ExH. I accepted it with good grace from DS on Christmas morning and called ExH to say I couldn't accept it and he could give it to his DD or return it for credit and get me a keyring.

FuriousRox Thu 22-Nov-12 01:36:08

Dunno about worst present but FIL gave DD a bday card yesterday that says (approx) "if you're feeling happy, grumpy or sleepy the other dwarves will be jealous."

DD is two years old.

I once got a potato peeler from DH - could have stabbed him with it.
An elderly Aunt of DH's gave me a flan dish which still had flan in it.
MIL gave me a pair of clip on earrings that fell off when I put them on. When I asked for the receipt as I needed to unfortunately return them I was told "you can't they are an old pair of mine dear".

For my 40th I asked DH only for the gift of time. I told him that I wanted all the photos on the computer put into albums so that I could look at them. I was so excited on the day to be receiving all these wonderful albums but as we were in Devon on holiday at the time I was a little confused that there was no 'extra' bag in the car. On the morning of my birthday he opened the laptop to show me a website where he had put the photos!!!! I cried and cried but to this day have NEVER received the effing albums. Nor have I looked at the website.

The winners have to be the tin of bins that then got retracted, the tights with 3 legs and the wrapped up wrapping paper.

Oh just remembered when I was about 18 my Mum bought me bright blue cords from M and S size 8 extra long. I still remember asking her if she thought she was buying for Brooke Shields!

DaGruffalosBabyMomma Thu 22-Nov-12 06:11:53

I know of someone who was looking forward to receiving their christmas present as was told by the giver that they had been saving for most of the year. When the day came the present came and was in a massive christmas bag you know the extra big ones and it was taped across the top so you couldnt peek in it.
At present opening time you can imagine friends face when inside the bag was nearly a years worth of empty kitchen rolls and friend was told "because we know how much you like to recyle" I for obvious reasons found it hilarious but my friend was like"wtaf"!

Decemberinthesun Thu 22-Nov-12 06:18:01

I once got a waistcoat that was made out of string. Not even nice string, but kind of rough, raffia type string, with a fringe on the bottom. I did actually want to die as the bearer said, go on try it on.

Oh that is horrible! Evil!

Oh just remembered, when DS was 5 my brother bought him a book 'The SAS Survival Guide'.

therugratref Thu 22-Nov-12 06:57:06

Dad gave mum a tractor battery for Christmas one year. He even wrapped it up. She bought him a nighty for his next birthday

rockinhippy Thu 22-Nov-12 07:23:42

A keep fit for oldies book entitled Sexual Excersize for my 30th birthday - I thought it was meant to be a joke, until the soon to be ex went onto explain he thought it would be a good idea for me to start excersizing to stop everything going saggy - & he wondered why he was dumped

rockinhippy Thu 22-Nov-12 07:27:36

Oh, I've also had a blank firing gun from a boyfriend (pre amnesty) didn't see that one comingconfused & my DM once bought me a patchwork coney fur bomber jacket - apart from being hideous, I was a militant veggie/animal rights advocate at the timehmm

For DS's 5th birthday, one of his friends gave him a card which read:
On your birthday, you'll be like an egg...
If you're not getting laid you'll definitely be getting smashed!
I wasblush when I read it, I hope it was an innocent mistake...

Eliza22 Thu 22-Nov-12 08:24:32

Oh God, you've just reminded me (and I'm ashamed to say) that my son's 2nd birthday ended in a row, between me and (now EX) hubby. EX's dad (a misogenyst of the worst kind) sent his 2yr old grandson a card displaying an exhausted looking cartoon cat on the front. "Happy Birthday...." And then some euphemism alluding to "chasing pussy".

I was so disgusted I refused to put it on the mantelpiece and a row ensued as husband could NOT see the problem. We are now (happily) divorced and I am remarried to a grown up.

AnnaBegins Thu 22-Nov-12 09:07:45

My mother has form for presents that seem wonderful... until you take into account the context.

For example, a few years ago she got me an iPod. Great gift, you might think! But, she had also got me one the previous year confused When I asked for the receipt and explained that she'd bought me one last year, she went apeshit at me for being so ungrateful and told me how apparently I'd asked her specifically for one that year!

I slunk out and ebayed it grin

FantasticDay Thu 22-Nov-12 09:47:08

From one of my students when working in Japan - a pink, feminine, FACIAL HAIR SHAVER. The fact that it was in a gift set makes me think this is not an unusual present.

MrsTwankey Thu 22-Nov-12 10:06:26

One year my ds (who's not short of a bob or two) was selling Christmas decorations. I sold loads on her behalf and didn't expect or get any sort of payment for selling them.
Beginning of December my DH was made redundant and we were being very careful what we were spending and had a frugal Christmas. However, I still bought ds and her partner some lovely presents which we took up (she lives couple of hours drive away) between Christmas and New year.
Guess what she bought me for that Christmas? A diary (free promotional one) and a box of Christmas baubles to hang on the tree. I sat there dumbstruck thinking is this a joke and she's going to bring out my real present. She didn't.

earthpixie Thu 22-Nov-12 10:34:42

I got a clock from DH on my 30th. Tick tick tick...

Fakebook Thu 22-Nov-12 11:23:03

From one of my students when working in Japan - a pink, feminine, FACIAL HAIR SHAVER.

shock I'd be MORTIFIED if someone gave me that!

Dawndonna Thu 22-Nov-12 11:26:05

A terry chocolate orange. Hate the things and dh at the time knew it.

fluffygal Thu 22-Nov-12 11:27:00

My MIL and I had a massive argument the day before she went on holiday. She bought everyone a present and she got me- a pack of calming teas. I am still not talking to her!

A very sheer black night gown and matching G string, bustline trimmed in black fluffy feathers from MIL and FIL, opened in front of the entire family xmas day.

Pandemoniaa Thu 22-Nov-12 11:36:51

My mother who was usually noted for her good taste and well chosen presents sent me the most abominable crochet hat and scarf for my birthday once. That the hat was more suitable for a very elderly person (or a teapot) was bad enough but the scarf was miles too short and the whole horrid set came in a very nasty combination of lilac and burgundy acrylic wool. I rather suspect she had won it at a fete earlier in the year...

The worst Christmas present has to be the year ex-h (not then an ex!) handed me a plastic Tesco carrier bag. From which emerged, unwrapped, a metal tin opener (from the dog and still labelled with the price - 89p) a pair of baby pink ankle socks (wrong size) and a small wooden bowl marked "Reduced to clear £1.99". This collection of unwanted items had clearly been put together without thought or interest and all was made worse by the fact I had to open it on Christmas Day in front of his family who looked at me in an unhelpfully pitying manner.

picnicbasketcase Thu 22-Nov-12 11:41:43

DH bought me a really pretty underwear set one year. He managed to buy the right bra size but for some reason got size 20-22 knickers. I'm not skinny by any stretch of the imagination (actually a 14) but I was a bit hmm

justmatureenough2bdad Thu 22-Nov-12 11:44:59

an aunt of mine once gave me a packet of blu-tak for christmas. same christmas she gave my mum (her sister) a packet of 20 paper napkins....

BlueHat Thu 22-Nov-12 11:47:02

Lots that just made me hmm

As a child, I was given an audio book, that I had already read 'because I liked reading'.

A calligraphy set with bright green ink, as joint present between me and DH. Really odd, what we were going to do with it together?

Last couple of years, I've had dozens of crafty type kits - 'knit your own scarf', 'make a felt bookmark', etc. To me, these are what you might buy a nine year old girl. Not a 35 year old working mother, who has very little spare time and no desire to do anything crafty. I assume it's just because these kits are all over the shops and it's just easy to buy them?

The obligatory tart's underwear in the wrong size from first serious boyfriend.

'Joke' presents from DH (alongside the main one, I should add) that I really don't find funny or cute.

<ungrateful bitch>

bowerbird Thu 22-Nov-12 11:49:06

This post is hilarious. Thanks for the giggles.

As for me, the worst present ever was a grey cardigan.

I am aghast that PurpleGentian's dh thought that Halfords was ever going to be a good place to buy her christmas present. Dh has made some mistakes over the years, but even he has never been that misguided.

BlueHat Thu 22-Nov-12 11:56:09

Oh, I've remembered more!

A dictionary from my grandparents for my 18th sad

A vegetable steamer so 'you can eat more healthily' from someone who was morbidly obese. I am a size 8. Maybe she thought my size meant I must be into healthy eating. I'm not.

Goldfish in a bowl. I hate fish. Really, really hate them.

MariaMandarin Thu 22-Nov-12 11:59:44

I got a wtf one from in-laws last year. It was a narrow piece of silk about a foot long, hemmed all the way round, with a green and brown blobby pattern all over. Nobody could work out what it was meant to be.

Apparently it was an 'accessory' from a very trendy shop in New Zealand. It was not clear what you were supposed accessorise with it.

mrswee Thu 22-Nov-12 12:00:06

My work did a collection for me when DD was born.
They gave me a silver plated noahs ark money box which was pretty tastless in it'self but it also had my DD's name engraved on it spelt wrong!!! I mean it wasn't even her name, it was on letter misplaced but that meant it spelt the wrong name FFS! I didn't have the heart to tell them becuase it was a friend who'd had it done and she hadn't noticed!

I looked it up online and it cost £15 so it was obviously a cover up for the fact everyone had been stingy putting in to my collection so they didn't want to get me vouchers so i could see how much money there wasn't

DiamondDoris Thu 22-Nov-12 12:02:38

A penguin bar wrapped in toilet paper, yes really.

dawntigga Thu 22-Nov-12 12:02:38

settling in to read this over lunch

It'sARockAndRollLifeILeadTiggaxx

ShamyFarrahCooper Thu 22-Nov-12 12:03:09

DH & I were just talking about a gifts and I have no clue what to get him. He just said socks...I think I can play on this wink

Winners for me so far are the retrieved tin of beans, the grave plot and the recycling bag.

For my 18th, my Dad gave me an iron. I still lived at home, FFS.

Kendodd Thu 22-Nov-12 12:05:59

A sit up bar that you put under the door and get cracking on.

BlueHat Thu 22-Nov-12 12:07:31

The present memories are flooding back.

My nan (who was lovely) bought my sister and my three female cousins beautiful girly jewellery boxes for Christmas when we were teenagers. She bought me something else, I can't even remember what is was, because apparently I disliked 'pretty things'. I don't know where she got that idea from. I was very upset at the time.

hoodoo12345 Thu 22-Nov-12 12:19:29

A wicker basket filled with varnished dried fruit and plastic loaves of bread.
For Christmas, from my parents, when i was 22.
I felt at the time they must secretly hate mesmile

Mooycow Thu 22-Nov-12 12:25:59

I mentioned to my DH that i would like some sexy under wear, you know for our own personal time.
He told his mum and she also got me some godawful red lacy number WTF?

Mooycow Thu 22-Nov-12 12:28:58

just seen threads from mrswee that reminded me of the silver wedding certificate box with my name misspelt on the top from my mil and fil ?? we had been married for 5 years at this point together for 20 ????

vladthedisorganised Thu 22-Nov-12 12:34:56

Wiping away tears of helpless laughter at BeatTheClock's painting...

FellatioNelson Thu 22-Nov-12 12:39:33

A really, really ugly naff clock made of green glass. The worst thing was that it was fairly expensive and therefore my PILS and BIL and SIL had clubbed together to buy it for me and DH as a joint Christmas present. So we lost out on two potentially nice presents each to have one truly shite thing between us. confused

Queenmarigold Thu 22-Nov-12 12:43:02

A size 18 top from BHS. White with a sparkly sequin bit in the middle. Non maternity. My mother said that 'it would fit whilst I was prg'.

It didn't I am size 12-14 normally and size 18 clother didn't fit over the bump and were too big everywhere else. WTF??

libelulle Thu 22-Nov-12 12:43:15

My late aunt used to buy me a mug every year. When I was aged between about 7 and 15. Just what every child needs! Then in the years after that she switched to a small pack of chocolate biscuits to 'take to college' with me.

Queenmarigold Thu 22-Nov-12 12:51:16

A small pack of choc biscuits??
Wow. Generous. grin

Brasssection Thu 22-Nov-12 12:52:48

A will writing kit from DH.

PippinWoo Thu 22-Nov-12 12:53:31

My ExDH gave me a cheap robotic guinea pig apparently because the flat we rented didn't allow pets but he thought I should have a pet. It was terrible, I was 27 and it was probably the worst present I've ever had. I gave it to my friend's 10 year old DS who loved it.

My mum got a small bottle of anchovy essence for Christmas a few years ago from a random guy at her church who rather fancied her. Surprisingly he did not get very far with that!

Calabria Thu 22-Nov-12 12:55:11

A loo seat for my 50th birthday last year, from my husband. He also gave me two cars for the Scalextric (which I don't play), a book and a bottle of perfume. I wish he'd just stopped at the book and the perfume.

My first proper boyfriend when I was seventeen, gave me some revolting knickers (aptly described by BlueHat up thread as the obligatory tart's underwear in the wrong size) for Christmas. However he messed up at the gift exchange and ended up opening that parcel on the day, in front of his family. grin

mycarscallednev Thu 22-Nov-12 12:57:02

Tea Towels

For Christmas.

From my mother. [and nasty ones that leave fluff on the glasses]

Can't believe I said thank you, now I come to think of it......

The previous year she bought a duvet - for the bed in the spare room, where she stays, as the one on the bed wasn't warm enough - why didn't she just say so.............ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

notheroldie Thu 22-Nov-12 12:57:19

I had a blow up dog from a friend because she knew I hated dogs ???

Each year from about 5-10yrs old I got a boxed lace hanky ,( my sisters always got something far nicer), I just piled the boxes in a cupboard in my mums house (they're probably still there!)

A gift from my SIL a velvet jewellry box that my sister had given my niece for her birthday earlier in the year!
Another year from same SIL a tiny wooden crate filled with fake straw and 3 pink pigs in, they were either candles or soap or heaven forbid just ornaments. I never found out as they went straight into a charity bag.

When me and my sisters were 10,12 14 yrs a friend gave us all silky lace-edged 'teddies' (underwear things) she had girls the same age as us and it was like WTF?

ExMIL a butter curler. Other sils at the time all got things like melon-baller, etc 'useful' kitchen items that live in the back of drawers FOREVER.

hattifattner Thu 22-Nov-12 12:57:34

my PIL bought us a toilet brush holder. In the shape of an elephant.
Fortunately "the builders broke it" later that year.

My DH bought me slippers one year for my birthday. Only he didnt wrap them until the Sunday night, after a trip to the pub. SO I got a pair of slippers wrapped in the financial times, which was held together with garden wire. Because he couldnt find the selotape. I have never let him forget this. grin

Pandemoniaa Thu 22-Nov-12 12:58:24

My dcs always used to sigh inwardly when presented with yet another dictionary from my former ILs on Christmas Day. They suffered these (very politely) throughout their school days. When they left school, the presents were equally unimaginative, calculators being popular "because everyone needs one at work".

Idocrazythings Thu 22-Nov-12 13:16:26

Lavender scented body powder from MIL who proudly told me "it was lovely to put on under my boobs on a hot day" eughhh [vomit emoticon]

fosterdream Thu 22-Nov-12 13:18:32

My mil (no longer talk to it) knows I'm scared shitless of frogs bought me frog stuff like ornaments and pj's. I hate clocks that tick and she must have gone to the pound shop and bought some horrid ugly plastic mantelpiece clock. She then started buying her GD's (my DD's) frog stuff and my one year old a watch! She was ONE FFGS! Yet beloved SIL's kids got great pressies.

she also bought her new bf a brand new car one year (in his name) and got her GD a frog pillow £17,000 on bf of 5 months and £5 for GD?!

Must go through all the tat she bought the kids away.

So glad DH finally saw how toxic she was

notheroldie Thu 22-Nov-12 13:22:34

Just been given a set of talcs from my MIL. I have never used talc in my life but DH was sooo excited and is currently using up the Rose-scented one (bleugh). Must be a mummy-son thing

ICBINEG Thu 22-Nov-12 13:23:23

Make up. Nothing says "hey you look like shit" and "I am superficial" like a make up based present...

bowerbird Thu 22-Nov-12 13:29:07

Yes, ICB we know what you think of makeup from other threads. Surely there's something else to get upset about - this is a light-hearted thread.

bowerbird Thu 22-Nov-12 13:30:54

Noth I didn't know you could still buy talc. I thought it died a death like soap on a rope (which I remember I gave to my older brother one Christmas - oh the shame!).

It's dh's birthday in a couple of weeks, and a book-shaped parcel has just turned up from dFIL. Heaven only knows what he's bought this time!

Fenton Thu 22-Nov-12 13:33:49

My SiL gave me a palette of eyeshadows for my 40th.

I never wear eyeshadow.

She knows this.

notheroldie Thu 22-Nov-12 13:37:15

soap-on-a-rope!! thats a classic gift! my DS's would love it, anyone got some still hanging about from the '70's?

hattifattner Thu 22-Nov-12 13:40:32

you can get LOADS of soap on a rope on amazon. Gnomes and frogs and owls and all sorts

ramblingmum Thu 22-Nov-12 13:42:32

School Uniform. When I started at junior school, due to eczema and a Mum how wasn't a great believer is sticked school uniform, I wore soft collard shirts and no tie. I don't remember getting in to trouble but wanting to fit in asked for "proper uniform".It was still a disappointment to unwrap it on christmas morning.

Pandemoniaa Thu 22-Nov-12 13:44:43

Does anyone...correct that, has anyone...ever seriously wanted talc? Let alone found a use for it other than making a horribly powdery mess everywhere.

notheroldie Thu 22-Nov-12 13:49:13

I have bought my DH talc for christmas this year, because he raved about my present from MIL (and is using it all) and yes you can still buy it in Boots! Hes going to be sooo happy!! (I really don't know why I'm still married to the weirdo)

Poledra Thu 22-Nov-12 13:52:40

I got teatowels from my mum last Christmas. Fortunately, it was a joke - we'd been chatting on the phone and I'd said I needed to get some, so she'd put them in as an extra present smile

PeppermintPasty Thu 22-Nov-12 13:58:14

My mother gives the crappiest presents. For my birthday this year she excelled as usual and gave me a hideous metal clock in the shape of a cat which she raved about as being a one-off thank god there's only one of them

One Christmas she gave me one of those peg hanging things for socks and proudly told me it cost her a pound! Good work mother hmm

Brasssection Thu 22-Nov-12 13:59:51

I absolutely love talc. Can't do without it.

jen127 Thu 22-Nov-12 14:12:52

A chemical toilet for camping ! - I don't camp ! DH was delighted with his choice and thought that this would entice me to camp !
I looked inside for the real present there was none!

babybarrister Thu 22-Nov-12 14:16:41

A small statuette of a black slave carrying a basketblush closely followed by some vile ceramic tiny shoes grin

ThompsonTwins Thu 22-Nov-12 14:25:41

A crocheted loo roll cover with a poodle's head on the top. As per John Betjeman, it was a hideous thing so kindly meant.

dinkystinky Thu 22-Nov-12 14:31:49

Hmm, one year DH gave me some brussel sprouts. They were meant to be a clue to my real present (tickets on eurostar to Brussels) but the tag explaining that went walk about.

Though my worst presents are always courtesy of my mum. One christmas, when I was in my late 20s, she got me a winnie the pooh light up whizzing round thing from the Disney Store (I didnt have any kids at this point), followed up the following year by a terrifying fake bird that sang songs at you (I should point out I have a slight phobia of birds). Last xmas she gave me winnie the pooh red slippers and a pair of gold shiny pjs. I have no idea where she's got the idea I like winnie the pooh!

cyberfairy Thu 22-Nov-12 14:36:54

I got a book about a 15 year old girl who became a whore and a heroin addict before embracing God for my 15th birthday present from my aunt and uncle and their Christian bookshop.

Beksybob Thu 22-Nov-12 14:44:37

Sweaty, gone off cheese

MummyPig24 Thu 22-Nov-12 14:48:52

Medusa my dad has asked me to get him an ironing board this year!

My grandma is queen of weird gifts. She gave my dad a jar of pickled onions once.

TheSilverPussycat Thu 22-Nov-12 14:50:03

Long time ago, we were on Income Support and kids were little. DF came up, left our present with instructions to open it before Christmas. Twas a 3lb Christmas pudding shock worth £8, I know cos I tried to return it but couldn't. Kids didn't eat Christmas pud, we always had apple crumble, I was considering buying an 80 pud for me and DH.

No one wanted the blooming thing although I tried my hardest to give it away. The birds had it in the end.

Just one of many things that convinced me DF has Aspergers. One year when I was a child he gave DM a tyre guage...

MadameJosephine Thu 22-Nov-12 14:51:31

For our first Christmas as a couple DP got me.....absolutely nothing, not even a bloody card! I gritted my teeth and said nothing but got a bit tipsy on Boxing Day and gave him a piece of my mind, repeatedly and very loudly apparently (ok I wasn't tipsy I was pissed out of my head and he incurred my wrath). How we stayed a couple after that I'm not sure but the next Christmas I got Tiffany jewellery smile

Another dictionary here. From my parents. For my 16th birthday. To be fair, I still have and use it.

I also got a "Slap Chop" from DH one birthday as I'd seen it on TV in Canada and had joked I'd love one. So he got me one, as a joke, mind. My 'real' present was an emerald and diamond pendant, which would have been lovely were it not for the fact he'd got me the same one the previous year...

weegiemum Thu 22-Nov-12 14:52:01

Dh and I are Christians

His dad is an atheist (we think, by way of catholicidsm, bhuddism and hinduism)

He gave us a White plaster statue of Jesus blessing the little children as a wedding present.

It's in a box. We put it on the bookshelf if we know he's coming!

MarinaIvy Thu 22-Nov-12 14:53:00

A basket of bath stuff from ex MiL, eh, not bad, but it was one of the things I'd bought ages earlier and left in the loft when I'd moved out! And, no, it wasn't a dig - she just keeps a bag of wrapped/untagged things handy at Christmastime, in case of any unexpected guests - luck of the draw, really.

From GMiL (who's not poor) and Auntie-in-Law (really not poor) as a joint present for my DS's first birthday, a £10 mothercare gift card.

From my DP for my birthday, pewter salt&pepper shakers in the shape of beehives (his heraldic charge, not mine). He was even angrier than I was when I told him that the compulsive-shopper friend who talked him into the purchase had neglected to mention that she'd previously tried to get me to buy them for his birthday and I'd refused.

From an ex-lover (seriously not poor), a set of teapot-in-crochet-cosy and tea and chocolate. I very nearly sent it to his wife.

Are there annual awards for the best thread ever? This one gets my vote. Some of this is so funny you couldn't make it up.

Oh and I love talc! Currently using Johnson's baby talc but for Christmas (usually choose my own presents for the reasons listed above) I have given DH to wrap a talc with a big puffy applicator thingy - can't wait!

clairefromsteps Thu 22-Nov-12 14:56:50

So, so many....

About ten packs of thick navy tights from a great aunt when I was fifteen.

An unasked-for years gym membership by an ex-boyfriend, to which my response was 'Thanks, wanker.' Well, it was in my head.

Perfume that smells of old-lady talc.

Avon Skin So Soft body lotion, that I had a massive allergic reaction to (technically not the giver's fault, but it didn't stop me from cursing their name to hell for all eternity when I was running around trying to find antihisthamines on Boxing Day).

HairyGrotter Thu 22-Nov-12 15:07:31

This from my ex boyfriend last year...Gave it to my 4 year old DD to destroy

chocolatesolveseverything Thu 22-Nov-12 15:43:03

When I was 19 and in my first serious relationship, mum told me over the phone she'd bought me a negligee set. Just because I was sexually active now and it might turn the boyfriend on...

Saying thank you without bursting into horrified laughter was hard enough, but when I got home and saw it, it was HORRIBLE! Looked like it was designed for someone 30 years older than me - not sexy to my teenage eyes at all.

It ended up being left in the wardrobe in my old bedroom for a decade. Mum died some years ago and Dad came across it when clearing out. But because it's new and has tags on, he refuses to chuck it out. He keeps saying how one day I might want it. (DH's response to this is 'absolutely NO WAY!')

fuzzpig Thu 22-Nov-12 15:46:31

I think DSS' worst present would be last year, when age 19 he was given a Willy Grooming Kit. From his mother.

She gave his girlfriend a toy whip confused

vladthedisorganised Thu 22-Nov-12 15:51:41

An 'afternoon tea' hamper of homebaked scones, little sandwiches and a tiny pot of clotted cream, all presented in a wicker basket with fancy paper napkins.

A lovely idea, very unusual and most thoughtful, provided you're going to give this to the recipient on the day you make said sandwiches and scones.

Posting them hundreds of miles away three weeks before Christmas makes for a decidedly whiffy parcel under the tree.

DollyDaisy Thu 22-Nov-12 15:55:59

When I was about 8, my grandmother bought me 3 pairs of dark brown knickers for my birthday, to match my dark brown school uniform shock If that want bad enough it soon became obvious that they weren't knickers......they were Y-fronts

Not a birthday present, but my mum bought me something to wear on my wedding night blush.

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Thu 22-Nov-12 16:11:52

An A4 lined note pad.

gremlinmum Thu 22-Nov-12 16:11:53

My M.I.L once got me a pair of long black evening (synthetic) gloves and a bright red parasol for my birthday!!

cuillereasoupe Thu 22-Nov-12 16:11:57

Friend of mine got a "joke" blow-up zimmer frame from her brother for her 60th birthday. This did not go down well, especially as she is sole carer for their 90+ parents.

lostconfusedwhatnext Thu 22-Nov-12 16:22:04

My first boyfriend gave me a ceramic "ornament" of two birds kissing on a bench.

My second-to-last bf got out of bed at 3.45 on Christmas Eve and said he was going xmas shopping. There were no decent shops near the flat (only a stupid smelly over-priced card shop, and the newsagent) so I was a little puzzled when he shambled back into the house at 4.05. For Christmas I was given:

A tiny volume of banal feel-good aphorisms, illustrated with happy dolphins and the like
An unplayable "game" composed of little coloured foam balls and cones
Various other items I have now blocked out

Given that he managed to spend about £50 (and didn't work and was supported by me) in the smelly pointless card shop, I wished he had gone to the newsagent. I could have used some notebooks and sellotape. He could have thrown in a Dairy Milk, they never go amiss.

MarinaIvy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:22:22

Ooh, the hamper. Ooh! the y-fronts!

Man, JK Rowling should have read this thread before she tried to think up the Dursleys' presents for Harry Potter.

lostconfusedwhatnext Thu 22-Nov-12 16:27:02

SecondhandRose, I just had a massive Proustian rush to certain very 80s scents: I thought it was absolutely the height of sophistication to have a big box of talc and a huge fluffy puff and envelop myself and the bathroom in heavily scented white powder. Aaaaah... thinking of innocent times... then you could put your dressing gown and bedsocks on and go downstairs and watch Moonlighting, all warm and cosy from your bath, imagining that Cybill Shepard probably had the same talc...

TakingTheStairs Thu 22-Nov-12 16:28:55

Some one these presents are hilarious.. some I would imagine are quite hurtful to the recipient.

Thoughtful presents from my mother over the years include
Diet recipe books
Car breakdown kit & car hoover that you plug into the cigarette lighter (I think she did the Christmas shopping in Halfords that year)
Anti-celluite cream & skin bleaching cream to get rid of freckles (I have millions)

SingingSands Thu 22-Nov-12 16:31:34

On our first Christmas living together I was really looking forward to a special or romantic gift from my DP (now DH). I got a blue fleece confused.

MIL once got me some Clarins samples and an opened box of chocolates. I was really surprised that year and wondered if I'd offended her in some way!!

Heide Thu 22-Nov-12 16:35:17

A bottle of men's aftershave from dh. The following year, also from him, an equally feminine and romantic quarter bottle of whisky.

From MIL: above-the-knee-length beige knickers labelled on packaging as 'thermal pantelettes'.

Orkling Thu 22-Nov-12 16:36:14

I got a large tub of stretch mark cream from my younger sister after birth of DS...

Squitten Thu 22-Nov-12 16:36:50

My FIL chooses decidedly odd gifts. Last year I got a small tin of eastern European salmon roe. Year before an Elvis CD. Year before that a strange looking black and white film on DVD. None of these things was ever opened. Looking forward to this year's offering!

Orkling Thu 22-Nov-12 16:37:46

I remember being about 10 and getting a bra and knickers set from my uncle one family Christmas.... blush confused

MissMummy1 Thu 22-Nov-12 16:39:53

The first year I was seeing DH he bought me a tyre for my car. A single fecking tyre.... hmm

Valentine's this year I got an 'IOU a puppy' - we found out we were pregnant a few weeks later so puppy is now on hold!

Orkling Thu 22-Nov-12 16:40:32

I also remember when my eldest child was a baby and we were really struggling for money and DH bought me a bottle of Dom Perigon, for my birthday lovely but couldn't help thinking 'that's another £10' with every sip.

He also bought me and my mum some stockings one xmas.....

kirriemummy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:51:30

True fact- my gran (who I love) regularly gives me tinned salmon in my Christmas stock

thezoobmeister Thu 22-Nov-12 16:57:38

My aunt and uncle gave me a tube of Savlon once. Yep, a single gift wrapped tube. My bro got a bottle of mouthwash.

Wasn't a joke apparently so guess they were worried about our personal hygiene ...!

libelulle Thu 22-Nov-12 17:14:01

kirrie, I remember tinned salmon was a great treat for my granny (born 1910) - expensive and something for a special occasion. So she probably means well!

mummyplonk Thu 22-Nov-12 17:14:05

"Thermal Pantelettes" grin

My friend once got a Water Butt, she did not hide her displeasure and made him pay in the January sales for that.

Hydrophilic Thu 22-Nov-12 17:34:53

When I was a slim teenager into rock music and all things grungy I was given a size 12-14 pair of pyjamas that had "LITTLE PRINCESS" written in rhinestones across the front.

Lavenderhoney Thu 22-Nov-12 17:41:52

Oh yes, I used to get the talc and soap combo sets from boots from aunts. I still don't know what to do with talc. No one knew, the pots would line up all dusty in the bathroom til dm threw them out.

I have also been given
- stripy salt and pepper set from a bf ( now dh) he loved them and was amazed I wasn't in raptures. He popped out boxing day and returned with a diamond bracketsmile I wasn't that upset, just bemused really about the pots.

- ex bf had been promising me a puppy for ages. He knew I had wanted a dog for years. Christmas mornng, In the kitchen there was a large cardboard box with a ribbon round it, and it was moving! I was thrilled, I mean estatic. I opened it and it was empty save for the string he had been pulling from the chair. He laughed all day. There was nothing else.

Mintberry Thu 22-Nov-12 18:08:20

When I was about 13 my Grandad got me a ornamental bull dog. I have no idea why, I didn't even like dogs that much at the time.

First Christmas with my OH I put tonnes of effort into getting him lots of presents he'd really like, he got me a load of sexy dress up outfits. wink That wasn't so bad though, I have a sense of humour about it.

Bumblebeesknees Thu 22-Nov-12 18:14:40

Lots of (deliberately) insulting rubbish from my (rich) ex-MIL, best one was probs an ancient, smelly bag with torn lining and still full of spilled face powder and tobacco. And a plastic salad-spinner that looked too poor quality to be sold in a pound shop. She had a re-gifting cupboard full of nice stuff she'd been given and didn't want (and a note of who'd given it so's she didn't give it back) but - for some reason! - none of the actual nice quality stuff ever came to me ... wink

dragonmummy Thu 22-Nov-12 18:20:13

My mum went to Canada and the USA on holiday. On her return she gave her only grandson, age 9, a set of three bic pens and the free crisps (squashed) she'd not eaten on the airplane as gifts. I was furious, but my sweet son was as politely and genuinely grateful as he would have been for a more thoughtful gift. I had the feeling she was trying to wind me up, she had that powerful glint in her eye.

Looby2k Thu 22-Nov-12 18:26:40

A former boyfriend brought me a pillow (still with primark price tags), a bolt lock and a smoke alarm one year. The next year he got me a fridge magnet which read ''you made me gay''.

hackmum Thu 22-Nov-12 18:30:45

A few years ago my MiL bought me a pair of pink crimplene trousers. They were the most hideous thing I'd ever seen. I took them back to M&S and it turned out they'd only cost £2.

almapudden Thu 22-Nov-12 18:39:45

For my 11th birthday my dad got me a book of poetry. It wasn't even good poetry sad

CloudBursting Thu 22-Nov-12 18:52:40

DH once bought me a wormery and 1kg of live composting worms. At no stage had I ever expressed an interest in a wormery.

Tigerbomb Thu 22-Nov-12 19:05:49

My DxH bigged up my soon to be birthday present for weeks. Kept telling me it was fantastic and how I was going to love it

Seeing as we rarely bought each other gifts as we were always skint, I couldn't wait.

The day duly arrived and he handed over the beautifully wrapped present and I eagerly tore into it.

It was a fucking head torch! Apparently it meant I could read in bed without disturbing anyone (i.e. him).

kellestar Thu 22-Nov-12 19:12:04

My dad bought me the biggest cookie jar he could find, it was ridiculously huge and shaped like a snail. You took it's hat off and had to snake your hand down it's neck to the biscuits inside, so you couldn't even see what you were getting. It was so tall it couldn't sit on our kitchen counter as it wouldn't fit under the wall units. Damn thing was also indestructible.

Got my own back the year after and bought him one of those giant teacups and saucers [was meant to be a planter for the garden]. My mum was not amused grin it was incredibly tacky and HUGE.

We've now descended into childishness with it now smile

My great aunt got me and itsy bitsy teeny weeny thong back bikini in a big size when I was about 8. My gran nearly spat her false teeth out with laughter, my face said it all. They have it on video and they love getting it out to show DH.

My MiL, very mild, polite and a bit prude-ish... bought me a copy of Caitlin Moran's How to be a Woman and she said it was brilliant, especially the first part. Well, that opened my eyes. I had to read some out to DH... he was most embarrassed that his mum had read this book. Thinking about getting her the 50 shades of grey smile

merlottits Thu 22-Nov-12 19:12:50

A wedge to go under a door. Wrapped up with a bow on it. From my mad aunt. Still have no idea why! Maybe I inadvertantly mentioned a door that kept slamming shut? smile

mummyplonk Thu 22-Nov-12 19:12:52

hahaha Tigerbomb, how useful when Mining too grin

Corriewatcher Thu 22-Nov-12 19:25:08

My mother-in-law bought me anti-wrinkle cream one year. She's also bought me body toning lotion too. No brand you've ever heard of - she buys everything off the shopping channels and only buys if it's on a big discount. Don't think she can like me very much!

MsSampson Thu 22-Nov-12 19:26:10

My main issue is that DP comes home from work and on a fairly frequent basis announces "I've got a present for you!" Most recently it turned out to be some sushi one of his colleagues hadn't finished at lunchtime. Unsanitary, and NOT a present! We have had many discussions on what a present is, and he still doesn't get it. However, it all made sense when I spent first christmas with his parents - his main present was a freebie rucksack his dad had picked up at an AGM.

LAlady Thu 22-Nov-12 19:27:52

A member of my family keeps giving me nail varnish. Nice gift but its always been used.

For a special birthday I received earrings. Except I haven't worn earrings (thanks to "cheap" earrings) when I was younger causing no end of problems as I'm older. A fact the bearer of the gift knew only too well.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Thu 22-Nov-12 19:33:08

As a child I once received half a pack of biscuits and a small ruler from my DGF and his hideous wife. My DSis received the same...

hopenglory Thu 22-Nov-12 19:34:56

MIL has perfected the art of buying me presents. One year a plastic clothes airer. Another year, perfume from Lidls

PieEyedAndLairy Thu 22-Nov-12 19:38:54

I always get something no longer of use to my SIL from her home while they get DH something lovely usually alcohol.

An Ikea kitchen storage bag
An empty round (toilet roll size hmm) box with a lid

Then last year she got DH an individual pint glass with a selection of fruit beers and for me...

A Bible reading angel statue and a felt, probably home made 'skirt' for a Christmas tree - well it's either that or a cape for me to wear confused

Especially good as they know that are atheists and we don't really 'do' Christmas in a big way.

ErrorError Thu 22-Nov-12 19:50:53

A good few years ago. Not me, my DSis...

Mum: What would you like for Christmas DD1?
DSis: Anything except Star Wars. I hate Star Wars.

Xmas day...

DSis: Return of the Jedi? But Mum I...
Mum [sees look on Sis's face]: I thought you said you liked Star Wars?

So not only did she get the re-mastered VIDEO of her most hated film, it was also the second of the trilogy, of which no member of the family had the other installments!

I got a jelly thong from a really close friend once. I wouldn't say it was the worst ever gift I've had, but certainly the most "What were they thinking!?" hmm

Aspirant76 Thu 22-Nov-12 19:51:55

I feel very fortunate after laughing at some of the horrors on here - but in previous years I've been gifted...

a kitchen clock decorated with seashells from MIL (which DH loved and insisted we display proudly for the entire following year)

a neon bum bag and matching fingerless gloves, thanks Aunty

a yellow, moon shaped tea-light oil burner with a creepy face from DH - nice.

Aspirant76 Thu 22-Nov-12 19:58:40

Oh Lavender, an empty box, how cruel. No wonder you binned him.

chinam Thu 22-Nov-12 20:02:25

Sunny, at least they hadn't split the ruler in half as wel grin

somanymiles Thu 22-Nov-12 20:10:48

A potato-peeler from (now) XH. His family loved "practical" presents.

Bettyintheburbs Thu 22-Nov-12 20:19:48

From my XH for my birthday: the sequel to the book he was reading. Nothing I would ever have chosen, it was some sort of book about working in the screen trade.

Tabbykat Thu 22-Nov-12 20:35:35

DH thoughtfully got me some stretchmark cream one Mother's Day - how kind!

DMum has apparently already give me my Xmas present for this year - clingfilm in a proper dispenser. Always moans at me that we have the cheap stuff she can't tear, and never have any kitchen roll. Gave me this last week then said it would do for me for Xmas as they are quite expensive!!

loobywench Thu 22-Nov-12 20:40:48

A bottle of wine and box of chocs for my birthday from DSis when I was suffering (badly!) from morning sickness!?

SecretCervix Thu 22-Nov-12 21:01:09

I got a joke present off DP's mom not long after we started going out, this will probably really out me if any of DP family are on here.

a lovely little gold gift box, I opened it, to find four dishwasher tablets nestled in shredded tissue paper.

It was a really nice box though DP got it off his head for laughing at me

I should add that I got other stuff too, non-joke pressies that were really nice can't quite remember what they are now it was at least 4 years ago

Camdenstyles Thu 22-Nov-12 21:08:52

Last Christmas, first one with my Mum and 4 months pregnant gave DH his carefully thought-out presents and card..... My Mum and I are sitting there waiting as he looks through presents, finally Mum says to him 'are you going to give Camden her present?'DH response 'I've been too busy to get her anything!'. Cue hormonal crying from me sad

Besides that a whip in a tin from a friend one Christmas where we were doing 'nice £20 secret Santa gifts.

Some of these have reminded me of more! My 90+ year old granny gave me a silk negligee that she reckoned she'd bought to liven up her love life but claimed not to have worn (and my grandpa has been dead 15+ years). Tragically it didn't fit me but DD now has it for playing dressing up.

Same granny (and grandpa) used to hoard stuff like mad, they'd keep it for years. She once gave me a massive slab of brazil nut toffee plus hammer for smashing it, but turned out that all the brazil nuts were mouldy and it was a year after its BB date.

Similar to Bluehat's experience, one Christmas when I was a youngish teen, same granny gave my three gorgeous, slim, popular, attractive-to-boys cousins some gorgeous pure silk lacy knickers. I got a comedy pair with Santas all over them <cries>

Same ex-bf who got me the Pingu video also got me a handbag with a picture on the side depicting an oil painting impression of James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Humphrey Bogart and Elvis Presley all playing pool confused

One year when we were children my dad got my brothers and I each a small set of stationery including scissors, roll of sellotape, etc, all in a different colour for easy identification, because he was so fed up of us nicking his grin

And not me but a friend once got, for a birthday from another friend, a small statuette of a drunk man twirling round a lamppost, constructed entirely out of nuts and bolts.

amazingmumof6 Thu 22-Nov-12 21:11:11

bath foam from everyone, every bloody time I had a baby!
( we have 6 kids)
thanks, great, just what I need! as if I was able to have a bath when I don't even have time to eat/pee/shower/sleep....

and bloody chocolates, I mean FFS, I've just given birth and have a wobbly tummy and 2-4st extra weight - must I be given chocolates, which of course I'll scoff down, sobbing and thinking I'll never ever get out of maternity clothes?

MrsTwinks Thu 22-Nov-12 21:13:43

I'll start by saying my mum is a total cow. When I was 13 all i got for christmas was a pack of pound shop tealights. Literally all I got. My cousin was living close by and came for christmas with her kids (who btw all got lovely gifts from the cow) and they got pressies for everyone and got me an oil burner. Mum obv. realised I couldnt not open something from her it would look odd, so wrapped up her tealights. Still with the 99p sticker angry

Mind you at least I got to keep those. The year before my "big" pressie was a hairdryer. Mum borrowed it at new years before she went out (oddly hers has broken back in november) and I never saw it again.

amazingmumof6 Thu 22-Nov-12 21:14:27

dita I'd love that handbag!

amazingmumof6 Thu 22-Nov-12 21:22:45

also my sisters's exbf asked my sister to drop her plans to meet him on her birthday.

she was so excited - what lovely treat is awaiting her? a nice meal? a surprise party? fab presents?
I kid you not he actually dumped her! On her birthday, a week before Christmas....

CrapBag Thu 22-Nov-12 21:36:11

Some wipes for my glasses with a glasses repair kit, last year from my nan. Yet another bloody notebook, from my nan. Every year I ask her to please please not get me another notebook. Every year she does because its nice to have things to open apparently.

My cousins almost got a fruit basket from her, I saved them from that by reminding her that 22 year old men don't really want fruit baskets.

DH got me a car window squeegy this year for my birthday as he drove my car and realised I didn't have one. Great. My friend said this topped her present of a toothbrush and pillow from her DH last year.

Bless my nan, she tries so hard but she really does get some not quite so good presents. I now make an amazon wishlist and email it to my grandad (and DH with instructions that they both have the same list and need to confer, yes for my birthday, they got me the same thing).

ErrorError Thu 22-Nov-12 21:44:23

One Christmas my ex-P got a second hand car dent remover from his grandad! The next year he got a broken chess set. The year after he got a packet of biscuits. Lovely old guy, a bit dotty though.

One year I was given half a big bar of Cadbury's milk chocolate. The giver had realised that she only had one bar left and snapped it in half to share between me and another person. But she'd gone to the trouble of wrapping them individually!

Once I was also given one of those microfibre head towels from the pound shop. A bit "Eh?" but turned out to be quite useful in the end.

When my Mum and Dad were 'courting', he gave her a large medallion with a stag on it...

hufflypuff Thu 22-Nov-12 21:49:15

A vegetarian cookery book from PIL who both happen to be veggie ... On opening it I was told "maybe next time we come round for dinner, you'll be able to think of something besides ratatouille to cook"!

ARP11 Thu 22-Nov-12 22:05:56

A potato recipe book from my mother in law. There were pictures of potatos, recipes with potatoes and pictures of those recipes. What can I say? In fact what did I say on opening it? Why thank you. It's just what I've always wanted.

Helentad Thu 22-Nov-12 22:16:54

I was given a count by numbers as a main gift by an in named person. Not my husband but people I know are members of this sight. I was not amused as I was taught by my GodFather as a child how to water colour paint properly. They knew this

eragon Thu 22-Nov-12 22:40:56

christening pressents for my sons 8 and 6 nicely wrapped from loving aunt, a male action fiqure type doll, when legs flipped, one turned in to a vampire and one in to a devil.

all opened in front of the very christian elderly church ladies and my mils neighbours. cue actual GASPS of shock. one even said faintly, ' are they actual christening presents'?

btw we had all kids 'dipped' at once, very big do.
i must say I was a little surprised.

The kids didnt like them anyway. In the bin the next day.

And HERE lies the problem people. I have sat hysterically reading some of these out to DH and he has said things like "what's wrong with that?" "very useful" "handy". You see, they have no idea!

theressomethingaboutmarie Thu 22-Nov-12 23:15:09

SIL once gave us a framed picture of her for our joint Christmas gift (she's in her thirties, as are we).

MIL gave me a wooden horses head one year (that's qute the message) and a necklace with a pig on the next year...

TheSilverPussycat Thu 22-Nov-12 23:39:59

Must admit I would have liked the pigs in a crate, and the pig necklace.

Talc is supposed to soak up lingering moisture after you've dried yourself following a bath, good for feet and underarms - and, yes, for under boobs if they are like mine. HTH

Cailleach Thu 22-Nov-12 23:53:05

My gran is the very worst present giver in the entire history of present giving.

Here I present to you the evidence for the prosecution:

For my Mum (her daughter) - an electric, plug-in, two ring hob (explanation: "you can cook eggs on there, and such." My mother has a fully-fitted kitchen complete with double fan-assisted oven, five ring Bosch gas hob and a combination microwave oven, to boot.)

Also for my mum, a Teasmade. (See notes above.) Personally I thought they stopped making those in 1979, but no...

For me: tacky china plates with cats on them. Or sometimes, kittens. Every year. EVERY SINGLE YEAR FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS. (My cats eat their dinner off them, and if I run them through the dishwasher just a few more times the nauseatingly twee pictures on them will have faded entirely. The plates this is, not the cats.)

Also for me: a mans burgundy quilted dressing gown (smoker's style.) Quote "it's your colour love."

For my brother: a golf ball cleaner. My brother does not and has never played golf. He is 25 and very hip indeed, thank you.

For my dad, after he was diagnosed diabetic, which she had actually been told about, many many times: a huge hamper full of chocolates and toffees. (Kill or cure, maybe? Who knows...)

For my sister: an electric whisk. Opened by me on her behalf, as at the time my sister was living out of a camper van during a year travelling round New Zealand. When this was pointed out to Granny, she helpfully offered to post it to her via airmail.

For my sister: a potato sack. As in, one of these: www.betterware.co.uk/large-potato-storage-case.html. That was it. That was all she got from Granny that year. (It was nicely wrapped, mind.)

UrbanSpaceManBaby Fri 23-Nov-12 00:11:00

Occasionally for work I have to wear make-up, very natural, never for pleasure. After having DD1, a miscarrage, DD2, major self building house works, MIL gave me some open purple Elizabeth Arden mascara which she then promptly tried to return to the ebay seller.
The same year DH gave me a new porcelain toilet because evidently the old u bend could n't cope with my normal fibrous diet. There was nothing else that year sad. Once a fortnight during my sole 2 hour escape from child care I used to drive to a local layby and have a little cry.

I've also had to conjure up the correct face for MIL for 5 + 1 broken supermarket duck eggs.

SplendidTopHat Fri 23-Nov-12 00:12:25

Sorry to say so, but some people are a little bit ungrateful. I think we have a bit to much of a present giving culture. Maybe we need to just give to the kids and forget about the rest. Seems to breed ill feeling.

ErrorError Fri 23-Nov-12 00:17:38

The mother of an old boyfriend once got me a vanilla car air freshener, she was nice but I dislike the smell of vanilla and at the time I couldn't even drive!

A friend of mine was given a packet of Tena Lady pads on her 30th birthday!

My mum was given a really big hideous cat ornament by a family friend, it's stripy and shaped a bit like a rugby ball on its side, with a horrible squished face and evil eyes (black glass beads set into ceramic.) We use it when reversing into the driveway as a marker, so the parking sensor goes off before we hit the garden path!

AdoraJingleBells Fri 23-Nov-12 00:20:33

Still nylon floral knickers from Asda, from MIL.

BlueMonday17 Fri 23-Nov-12 00:21:26

When I was 14 one of my aunties bought me an eye-shadow compact (even though I didn't wear makeup, and still don't); the previous year she bought me a bottle a perfume AND A COLOURING BOOK!! Maybe she was hedging her bets as to how mature I was.

Had some cracking wedding presents. DH's parents bought us a coffee machine; I don't drink coffee. DH's great aunt bought us a gift set of 'on the occasion of your wedding' drinking glasses. When we opened up the box we found paper napkins inside, printed with the legend "Barry and Dawn Wedding Day 5 June 1985' (or some such). We are not Barry and Dawn, and got married in October 1998.

PignutSalamander Fri 23-Nov-12 00:35:05

Giving gifts to the people you love in the middle of winter when it's miserable and cold and rubbish outside is a lovely tradition. Saying that I don't beleive in giving people lots of random tat just so they'll have lots of presents to open, i prefer to give one lovely present i know will be appreciated (or failing inspiration money/ gift vouchers)

Some people find it difficult to spend their money on themselves and i take pleasure in noting what i have heard people say, oh I'd love a such and such but I just can't justify it.

Maybe I'm just defensive as it's my baby's first xmas

In terms of presents I will add;
nothing from my mums side of the family as they are all J witnesses
nothing from my dads side of the family as I've never met him
A book my dp wanted (last year whilst heavily pregnant)
two incredibly difficult jigsaw puzzles (to keep me occupied!) also from dp
Last year from my mum I got a subscription to new scientist (great i hear you say, but she never got round to actually ordering it.)

My friends (whose mum REALLY does the random tat thing) gave her a box of sanitary towels and a t-shirt that read "I may have lost my hair but I haven't lost my mojo" (she is fortunately not bald or this would not be as funny)

My dp who has a beard and has dome since time immemoriable got a shaving kit last year

This year people are threatening to buy my dd a sit and ride toy (we live in a tiny cramped house with barely enough room to scoot round the furniture)

AdoraJingleBells Fri 23-Nov-12 00:40:40

I've also had a pack of Constance Carol lipsticks and sparkly nail varnish and hair gel, I was 35 when that one was given. All from the same source. I never expect or solicit gifts, except from OH - who needs a little guidance to stop him wasting money.

amazingmum I'll see if I can dig it out (and swap it for your chocs wink)

ARP my DH would genuinely love a book of potato recipes, with pictures!

ripsishere Fri 23-Nov-12 01:29:31

DH got a set of overtaking mirrors from his parents.
He got me a pillow and a vase. Two separate xmas', I wasn't lucky enough to have them both at once.
DD got a peppa pig coloring thing from one SiL. She was 10 at the time.

ebwy Fri 23-Nov-12 02:47:23

I was a messed up teenager. I told my mother I'd that I was a self-harmer and was trying to stop cutting myself. A month later, for christmas I got a set of (poundland) craft knives to replace the ones I'd thrown out to remove temptation.

a few years later I got more poundland crap - plastic coasters when she knew I had no furniture to protect. (had an over-full bookcase, a sofa and a bed none of which needed coasters!). Not to sound ungrateful, but she bought my brother and his wife a leather chair that year! I knew I wasn't favourite LOL!

giraffesCantLightFireworks Fri 23-Nov-12 02:48:42

some hankies

MarjorieAntrobus Fri 23-Nov-12 03:01:22

MIL used to give me a box of After Eights each Christmas. Was the kind of thing I would give to school for the tombola, or to a babysitter along with the payment for the night's sitting.. As a Christmas present, I thought it was slightly worse than nothing, though never said so, obviously.

Some people are better at presents than others.

MarjorieAntrobus Fri 23-Nov-12 03:02:37

Giraffes, hankies used to be standard, though boring, presents in the 60s and 70s. Before tissues!

sashh Fri 23-Nov-12 05:03:15

A plastic CD storage case.

It was the mid 80s, my aunt had phoned my mum to say would I like it, my mum knowing I didn't have a CD player and knowing I wasn't going to get one in the near future said I would.

Then my mum told me what I was getting and to act pleased. I asked why she didn't say I didn't have a CD player and her answer was. 'your aunt might have been upset'.

For my birthday my expartner bought me a complete set of Beatrix Potter books, something I'd wanted since a child.

Very excitedly told my mum what he had got for me. We went out for a family meal a couple of days later and my mum presented me with a few Beatrix Potter books saying, 'I think this is something you'll really like.'

I never understand the 'I got you this because you don't have one'

Teaddy Bears - I was 30

A silver cross on a chain - I'm an atheist

Peanate Fri 23-Nov-12 05:38:41

DH's cousin gave us a selection of chocolate penises as a wedding gift. That was fun to open in front of granny...!

The best use for talc is to chuck it in your beach bag. Cover yourself with it if you are all sandy, and it comes right off.

GloriaSmud Fri 23-Nov-12 06:52:02

From my MIL, after giving everyone else in the family nice presents, a smelly, possibly used shower puff.
20 years in, she still hates me for marrying her Son and wants me to descend to her level and throw a tantrum, like she does when she doesn't like something. But I'll never give her the satisfaction so I thanked her for it. That wasn't the reaction she expected!

CurleysMum Fri 23-Nov-12 08:24:42

A set of what can only be described as butter knives by what was my best friend. I think the theory was you could use them for cheese, but they were too small. They went well on fleabay recently!
My best present was getting pregnant on my 40th with my DD grin

amazingmumof6 Fri 23-Nov-12 08:43:09

sashh 'I got you this because you don't have one' - I know, it puzzles me too!

and it's never a diamond necklace smile

TricksyLaBOOshh Fri 23-Nov-12 09:26:49

SIL bought me a bag of dried broad beans one year. I hate broad beans.

lostconfusedwhatnext Fri 23-Nov-12 09:29:04

I think this highlights generational differences - I think the relative cost of things used to be so much higher, pre poundland and Chinese mass production, and it was really quite acceptable once to give people basic useful things that would make their lives a little bit easier because they might not have been able to afford to replace their old worn version (dusters, etc)

My M out-of L got me a size 22 jumper when I was a 12, and I'm afraid I did take that as a dig because I am stocky even as a 12 and she is one of those people who is very judgey about weight and I think honestly saw me as rather fat. (I had worked hard to get to that 12 from a post-partum 18)

mumstonic Fri 23-Nov-12 09:34:07

Speaking of useful things, MIL gets DP windscreen wash and a large yellow sponge every year which always makes me giggle.

ChrissasMissis Fri 23-Nov-12 09:38:07

Oh Lord, this thread is desperate! I am reminded of the 18th birthday present my slightly odd aunt gave me. It came in a hug box and I was very excited. Turned out to be a suitcase. My aunt, slightly perplexed at my obvious confusion, leant forward and said: "It's so you can leave home, dear."

Jins Fri 23-Nov-12 09:57:57

I've found a picture very similar to the eighteenth birthday present DH got from his parents!!!!

Because every young man on the edge of adulthood needs something like this?!?

Mooycow Fri 23-Nov-12 10:00:37

Best year ever was when my mother stated she actually had no use for the digital photo frame we lovingly bought for her and was it ok to ebay it?
We were just sitting down to xmas dinner ?

Mikela Fri 23-Nov-12 10:05:33

A Slendertone exercise belt - I mean really!!

I think I'm very easy to buy for - I love reading and I love films. Basically anything from Waterstone's or HMV and I'll be happy but people always seem to think that books/DVDs are boring so look for something "different". I end up with a stream of tat that I really don't like very much with the odd rough diamond. I do try to be as grateful as possible because I know that people have thought about what to buy me and I do appreciate that.

The only time I think I've been really ungrateful for a present was when ILs came back from a holiday in Belgium and had bought Christmas presents then. DH got beautiful chocolates and beer. I got a tablecloth. Thankfully DH was quite unsubtle and said "don't worry, I'll share my chocolate with you".

DizzyLyn Fri 23-Nov-12 13:09:48

A book on trees wrapped along with two bricks so I would think I was getting a very expensive, heavy gift - never did read the book as I had finished studying zoology at University and moved on into the pharmaceutical industry!!

Dawndonna Fri 23-Nov-12 13:24:21

My delightful bitch of a mother used to buy me school uniform for birthdays and socks for Christmas.

elizaregina Fri 23-Nov-12 13:29:53

Dad once gave DM " aftershave" !!!!
Dad once got me M&s granny slippers BUT if that wasnt bad enough - they were both for the LEFT foot and DIFFERENT sizes!!!!

However worse present has got to me MIL's lancome gift pack ie, she kept the perfume and gave me the freebie she got!

IronyFreeAnnie Fri 23-Nov-12 13:49:18

Have posted this before, but it's a god one.

Ex BIL gave me got Christmas a few years ago a lovely, shiny, metal speculum!

I am still confused.

notts04 Fri 23-Nov-12 14:02:46

On the birth of our 2nd child mil brough me ferrero rocher. I hate them and I am sure she knows I hate nuts. They are dh's favourite.

IloveJudgeJudy Fri 23-Nov-12 14:02:52

See, Lurked, a tablecloth from Belgium I would like, especially if it were lace, as that's what Belgium (used to be) is famous for.

BIL bought poor SIL a dyson for her 30th. He was oddly proud of himself hmm

The tablecloth was lovely JudgeJudy and I like it for special occasions, I just am not a fan of "practical" presents - especially when one partner gets the fun present and the other partner gets the practical one.

Jins Fri 23-Nov-12 14:22:14

speculum wins.

No need for anyone else to post now

amazingmumof6 Fri 23-Nov-12 14:36:40

got tacky wedding present if form of pair of champagne glasses with the words "groom" & " bride" engraved on them. presented in a hideous box with ribbon covered in dust!!!

re-gifted them to BIL&fiancee as a joke present ahead of their wedding day - they love tacky stuff and actually drank from them at each toast!!!

my dad bought bought new tyres for his motorbike and gave them to his mother for her birthday....?????

Sometimesiwonder Fri 23-Nov-12 14:41:34

Two tea towels and an oven glove when MIL came back off holiday. DH got some very nice sunglasses.

amazingmumof6 Fri 23-Nov-12 14:42:55

Jins no, grave plot from uncle as a Christmas present wins!!!!!!I can't get over it...

read "squoosh" on page 4 on this thread

trumpalot Fri 23-Nov-12 14:45:52

an out of date tin of biscuits. (out of date by 4 yrs!!)

Hopeagainsthope Fri 23-Nov-12 14:47:10

For my seventeenth birthday, my DM gave me a home made (badly) polycotton (vile) mutlicoloured duvet cover that she had (badly) made to measure for my grandmother's 3 ft bed but which my GM had returned as she didn't like it. Possibly my DM thought I hadn't known about it ?????? So it had loose threads, was a disgusting colour, didn't fit and was a return from my Grandmother!

More useful than a speculum, mind.

helpyourself Fri 23-Nov-12 15:04:57

My lovely uncle gave DB and SIL an enormous and expensively framed print related to DB's job as a wedding present.

Jins Fri 23-Nov-12 15:13:54

I get a lot of presents related to DH's job from various members of his family. It's a weird one. It feels as if the greatest achievement in my life was to marry him and bask in the glory of his achievements.

They can't even remember what I do which is a bit irritating

Beanbagz Fri 23-Nov-12 15:21:33

My DSis bought me a foot spa when i was in my mid 20s. It was immediately re-gifted to DH's grandma.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 23-Nov-12 15:26:21

A boyfriend went away on a trip once and brough me back a plastic pen with the name of the place on it grin

GingerPCatt Fri 23-Nov-12 16:31:28

Worst non-gift was for my birthday about 5 mo after DS was born. I had pnd and wasnt coping well. DH promised to take the day off so I could have a break but he just worked from home all day angry. In top of that whatever gift he had ordered never arrived. So I spent the day looking after DS with no presents. To be fair he did take me out for a nice dinner.
The worst gift was from my aunt who is a bit of a loon and prone to just wrapping some random crap from her house. When I was a teenager she gave me a necklace with a large wooden chicken on it. The chicken was about an inch thick and the size of my fist. I have no idea why she thought I might like it. I don't particularly like chickens or wooden 70's style jewelry. I wish I had kept it so I could show people how horrible it was.

waitingimpatiently Fri 23-Nov-12 17:18:07

How has no one made an 'isle of man' joke about the tights with three legs?!

My worst was some strange sexy toy things from a woman who used to sexually harass me at work...

And not really a gift but DHs crazy aunt puts things in cardboard boxes before she wraps things. Our newborn DS got a coat in a mince pie box and our DD a beautiful coat in a rice crispies box... Who does this?!

amazingmumof6 Fri 23-Nov-12 17:27:27

when my Mil was little every year she and her family would receive a Christmas card from some mean (rich!) uncle - it was a rectangle cut out from a cereal box with words written on the plain side. that's it.

BuntyPenfold Fri 23-Nov-12 17:29:33

Nothing. From (notD) H for Christmas.
And not even a quiet nothing, an announced-to-work-colleagues-at-Christmas-Eve-party nothing.

Ha ha. Not. Still cringe at the pitying looks.

steben Fri 23-Nov-12 18:04:06

My MIL one Christmas got me a pack of paper napkins - that is all. Her son in law got a expensive race experience day. We opened them in front of each other.

PurpleGentian Fri 23-Nov-12 19:07:01

The speculum comes a close second to the grrave plot!

IronyFreeAnnie - did your ex-BIL actually know what it was when he gave you the speculum???

PurpleGentian Fri 23-Nov-12 19:27:29

Just remembered another one. This was a new baby gift after DS was born.

A friend wasn't able to come see DS until a few weeks after he was born, but she rang up, and excitedly told me that she'd got DS lots of super brilliant wonderful presents, I'd really love them, etc. All super enthusiastic.

So, after all the build up from my friend, I wasn't sure what she'd got DS, but was expecting it to be something half decent. She then came round, and presented me with a bag of random crap from a car boot sale - including bobbly stained babygrows (both pink and blue), chewed board books that had been scribbled on by the previous owner, and a set of bottles and teats that had apparently only been used by one other baby. And she happily told me about what a bargain it had all been, and listed the prices she'd paid. Friend is very well off BTW, and has never before, or since, given us presents from a car boot sale.

I''ve always been happy for DS to get good quality second hand stuff - but this really wasn't good quality.

And I still wonder why she didn't just say "I've picked up some stuff for baby Purple from the car boot sale", instead of building it up as if it was going to be a good present confused hmm
I really don't think I'd have minded all that much if she'd been open about the car boot thing from the start.

It's a toss-up between two - both from my real father. The first was the year I was given a large cream bath towel. Might sound an okay present, except it was my only gift from my father for Christmas and I was about 10. Apparently my stepmother persuaded him it was what I really wanted :/

The second time we were on holiday for Christmas in the Algarve. I was staying in a room with my little brother, who was about 4. He went to put up his stocking, and asked where mine was. My step mother said I was too old for stockings (11), but he got sad so she gave me one too (she had it in the suitcase so must have anticipated this?) - next morning, 4am and he is excitedly unwrapping his stocking toys. About 4.30 he finishes and starts on mine. Even he was somewhat confused as to why Father Christmas had chosen to give me a)my toothbrush and toothpaste b) some sweets I had bought myself at the airport c) whatever else was in my bedside table. I wouldn't have been too upset about not getting a stocking, but to get all my own items was just offensive. Then, as he opened a huge pile of toys, I was handed one tiny package. A swarovski brooch of a panda (think WWF symbol). Fair enough, i liked pandas, bit weird to give an 11 year old, but fine. They told me repeatedly that they hadn't been able to carry all our gifts over on the holiday, so I would get all of mine back at home, they could only bring that one tiny item.

We got back - there were no other gifts for me. They lied just to keep my little brother quiet as he was sad I didn't have things to open.

This thread has outed my cousin! <waves at Jeyfer >

Mine was the used ladyshave from my nana. The previous year part of my present from the same nana was an empty selection box!

amazingmumof6 Fri 23-Nov-12 21:30:17

and not worst, but annoying
for my DS1 as a newborn we got a little hat from a lot of people. he had about 15-20 hats, but being born in the summer and quite a big lad only 2 fitted him in the winter - just what a waste of money!
he had no socks though....

funny twist is that we visited some friends that Christmas, their DS had a shelf full of booties, not a single hat.....

BrianButterfield Fri 23-Nov-12 21:38:30

My DB once bought me a huge dictionary - it wasn't a bad gift at all as I was doing an English degree at the time and have always liked reference books (saddo alert!) but how were we to know that very shortly afterwards, Google would take off, we'd all have home broadband and just google definitions instead of using boring old books...my lovely big dictionary is now only used for games of Scrabble. Once upon a time I would have used it lots and lots.

notheroldie Fri 23-Nov-12 21:40:49

flyingspaghetti, that story was so sad sad

boomting Fri 23-Nov-12 22:11:46

Mum did once get a tube of hair removal cream from dad though for xmas shock Apparently she had been complaining about unwanted hair, and 15 years+ down the line he still can't see why it was inappropriate. You will be unsurprised to learn that they are long since divorced.

I received a tin opener and a fish de-scaler last xmas though hmm

Notheroldie - as an adult I cannot fathom what went through their minds that Christmas. They could so easily have bought anything in the hotel shop to go in my stocking - oranges, chocolate, anything... it was open until well past my little brother's bedtime. Or they could have told me that the holiday was expensive and that was my real present - I could have accepted that too. It was the anticipation of real presents when we got home then the realisation it had been a lie that got to me. I hope I never let my kids down like that.

Having said that, some of these gifts are really sad because it was the same year after year. My Dad did get me my favourite presents ever too - rollerblades one year, a tape deck another. So it was only two years where Christmas was crap.

BrianButterfield Fri 23-Nov-12 23:32:21

Boomting, we once saw a man in the pub (no, I lie, it was a working man's club!) wrapping an electric tin opener at 5pm one Christmas Eve. Yes, he was wrapping it in the club. That's long been our idea of a joke present to each other!

amazingmumof6 Sat 24-Nov-12 00:23:20

flying your little brother is the sweetest though, he was sad coz you didn't get anything...

The answer ladies is buy your own presents. I do it every year. Yesterday I bought myself posh make up for Christmas, had it all deliciously wrapped with bows and gave it to DH to put under the tree for me. Got three gorgeous parcels to open.

Rhiana1979 Sat 24-Nov-12 22:24:14

A lace and silk sexy baby doll nightie and matching thong......

.......From my grandad.......

.......I was 3........

On my 30th birthday from my mom I got meat.... Yep meat. 2 fatty gristly horrible joints of beef and a few pork chops.

MrsAyrtonSenna Sat 24-Nov-12 22:41:32

A tap and a teapot! (Not on the same occasion) DH rang me at work, very excited because he had bought me 'something he knew I would love' kept dropping hints about it, but wouldnt tell me what it was, but one of the clues was that it was blue, something for everyday etc, etc. Girls at work and I spent ages guessing, thinking jewellery, handbag etc, etc. Everyone really excited next day to find out what suprise was........... it was the teapot!!! In fairness, it was a very nice teapot and blue is my favourite colour, but sad

The tap, similar scenario - got home to find he had bought me one of those multi-use type taps. One of the older ladies at work tried to console me by telling me I had married a 'practical' one, hers was useless when anything went wrong in the house and that I should try to think positive and be grateful because she had to either mend it herself or 'get a man in' to do it!

Binkybix Sun 25-Nov-12 17:17:40

My stepmother once gave me some cotton wool balls because she'd noticed that I'd taken a couple of hers (context she had got together with my dad and moved in pretty shortly after my mum had died. It was a pretty tense household). Snarky much?

BuntyPenfold Sun 25-Nov-12 17:20:19

sad Binkybix

izzybobsmum Sun 25-Nov-12 17:58:10

My ex-h once bought me a George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine for my birthday. I had been a vegetarian for about 10 years at that point. He said it was so I could cook meat for him in a healthier way. Just one of the many reasons he is my ex.......

MoanerLeesa Sun 25-Nov-12 18:03:20

Three months after my mum had given birth to my brother my gran (her MIL) bought her a size 20 dressing gown and a Legs, Bums and Tums aerobics video for Christmas. My mum must have been a size 12 at the time and I remember my gran telling her 'you're really struggling with that baby weight, aren't you?' as she handed over the presents.

TygerTyger Sun 25-Nov-12 18:13:35

An ex bf wrapped up his childhood teddy bear as a Christmas present. Just a bear, a pink bear, that his dad had won at a fair. I could go on here, but I will very much out myself. It's still at my parents somewhere. (Well, I couldn't throw it out or give it away - I suppose I should have given it back). It needed a wash as well. He became ex-bf within 6 mths.

thebitchdoctor Sun 25-Nov-12 18:31:03

My GMIL got my DH a rusty tin opener and a half empty packet of biscuits that had gone off a year previously.

For our DDs first Christmas she got her a massive ugly glass snow globe that played 'endless love'. It was addresses to 'Amy'. My daughter is not called Amy. GMIL is in full possession of her faculties bless her. I was so glad when the 'orrible thing smashed in the boot on the way home!

FawkesoidOrganisoid Sun 25-Nov-12 18:50:28

Last year my mum got me a dustpan for Christmas. The year before that it was a pair of books, one all about bicarb and one about vinegar. For my birthday (31st) I got an usborne maths book

dawntigga Sun 25-Nov-12 21:48:28

flyingspaghettimonster you officially have a worse father than me.

ThatIsNotAGoodThingTiggaxx

PS do you have any kind of relationship with him now?

Caitycat Mon 26-Nov-12 10:11:54

Gifts from MIL. "old lady" scented handcream and a leatherette jewellery holder, which smells a bit funny and has compartments that are too small to fit most things in. I have no problem with either of these, they were v well-intentioned and just not my cup of tea. I would have happily stuckl them in the back of a drawer if it weren't for dh constantly (3 years later!!!!) suggesting I put x or y my nice jewellery box and saying he thinks it's weird I have such a lovely box but keep necklaces in the boxes they came in.

DeckSwabber Tue 27-Nov-12 08:12:44

Last year I moved house and had a few hiccups with the expense of it all, so I asked my mum to help out with keeping my kids music lessons going, which she did, very generously.

On Christmas Day she told my kids (teens) that was their present (I wish she had told me that before so I could have warned them and got them ready to thank her - it was a bit awkward!), and that my present was the 'change' from the cheque she had given me to cover the lessons. There wasn't really any change.

She wasn't being mean in any way as the music lessons were expensive but I still felt a little hurt 'in the moment'.

Actually my worst present ever was my Uncle who bought me a pair of school socks for Christmas. He also gave my mother the picture (beautifully wrapped) that she had painted for him several years previously.

fuzzpig Tue 27-Nov-12 20:18:23

Some of these are so sad

I did have quite a few years of getting Nothing, and my mum would say "well I get you things throughout the year don't I" (um, no, not really)

Then came a phase of giving me a scarf with the stock phrase "if you don't like it, I'll keep it"

Last Xmas though she really outdid herself by bringing the contents of the lost property box where she worked. It was ok though, because she'd washed the bobbly scarf and the various pairs of gloves hmm There were two ELC figures I kept for DD, but binned the rest. I felt guilty for throwing the stuff out <sigh>

Thankfully she now just asks what we would like and gives us the money, but I'm still dreading her turning up with random crap, because it really puts a downer on the day (not actually the 25th thank goodness - we spend that on our own)

Don't think anything could beat my DH's though; on his 18th (long before we were together) his mother gave him a frying pan - the same brand she used to whack him with.

RuleBritannia Tue 27-Nov-12 20:49:57

fuzzpig I feel sorry for your DH on his 18th for being given the frying pan he was whacked with! My son was the same sort of teenager and I used a fish slice. When he turned round and laughed at me during the process it told me that it was the last time. Perhaps your DH's mother was telling your DH the same when she gave the frying pan to him.