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To not go out and rescue dp at 5am as that is what we have breakdown cover for?!

(40 Posts)
MummysHappyPills Wed 21-Nov-12 05:48:19

Got woken up at 5am by a call on the house phone (which scared the crap out of me as O thought someone had died!). It was dp - he has a job where he starts very early that is in the middle of nowhere, and on the way he drove through a big puddle too fast and conked the car out.

He was asking me if I could come out and take him the rest of the way to work. I ask him why not call the breakdown service that we pay good money for and never use? His response is that they would take ages to get there and he needs to get to work ASAP to set up and let everyone in (he has a supervisory role and is a key holder).

Bearing in mind it is dark and pissing it down outside, and I have a 22 mo dd in bed fast asleep next to me as she has had an unsettled night due to a cold and molars cutting through who I would have to drag up too. And he is about half an hours drive away, his work is even further, and unusually I get up not long after 6 to get ready for work myself, so chances are this would all make me late for my job too!

I reluctantly agreed at first, but a few minutes later it occured to me that perhaps one of these other people that would also be on their way to work with him could maybe leave 10 minutes earlier, take a detour and go and get him, so I called him back. He said he had got the car started now anyway sonot to worry.

But was ibu for being reluctant? I feels bit guilty now! But my reasoning is we pay for breakdown cover for a reason, and if he was late for work just once that would have to just deal with it?! It takes me back to the time dp said he was reluctant to ask for time off for my elcs because it was a busy time at work! I told him in no uncertain terms it wasn't a question of asking, he was to TELL them he was having the day off for the birth of his daughter!

I feel a bit guilty now and can't get back to sleep (thanks dp!). If I was broken down I have to admit I would quite like to be rescued, but I am pretty sure I wouldn't expect someone to drag a sleeping baby out of bed. It was just late enough as well that I reckon if I had woken dd up she wouldn't have gone back to sleep in the car and would have been tired and cranky for the childminder all day...

CountingSparrows Wed 21-Nov-12 05:50:43

Yanbu at all.

MummysHappyPills Wed 21-Nov-12 05:57:32

Ta! grin Maybe be guilt will be appeased enough for me to get back to sleep (for 15 measly minutes!)...

cupcake78 Wed 21-Nov-12 06:02:26

Yanbu

OHforDUCKScake Wed 21-Nov-12 06:42:53

YANBU Id have said "You flooded the engine, give it 20 minutes and it'll start again you twonk, Im going back to sleep."

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Wed 21-Nov-12 06:43:50

YANBU. I have had to used breakdown service before and have found that they do not take THAT long.

ChasedByBees Wed 21-Nov-12 06:54:13

He was reluctant to ask for time off for the birth of his child?! shock

ChasedByBees Wed 21-Nov-12 06:54:35

And YANBU

Dead69Girl Wed 21-Nov-12 07:14:18

Yanbu

grobagsforever Wed 21-Nov-12 07:19:29

This is the tip of the iceburg isn't it OP? I can feel it in my waters. Did he take his two weeks paternity leave? Does he frequently over prioritise work? YANBU.

musicalendorphins Wed 21-Nov-12 07:34:06

Yanbu.

GhostShip Wed 21-Nov-12 08:11:28

YABU

diddl Wed 21-Nov-12 08:14:57

Since you have cover, I´m surprised he even called you tbh.

What with it being 5am & you having a toddler to consider also.

VolumeOfACone Wed 21-Nov-12 08:17:35

YANBU.

LessMissAbs Wed 21-Nov-12 08:18:44

YANBU since you have to get to your own work. Different if you didn't work perhaps. DH has tried this with me, when he lost his car keys and expected me to do a 300 mile round trip to replace them when I was working. His mother had to do it instead because I refused, and the pair of them still harp on about it.

mrskeithrichards Wed 21-Nov-12 08:20:13

Oh I don't know we kind of do stuff like this for each other when we can.

BIWI Wed 21-Nov-12 08:22:50

If he is a keyholder, then presumably his work relies on him to get there on time?

In which case, I can understand why he rang you.

I think if I were him though, I would have run the breakdown people first and found out how long they would be. If they would have been too long, and I would have been late for work, then I would look for an alternative - and calling my partner would probably have been my next step.

But, to be honest, I do think YABU for not considering getting up to help him.

Gruffy Wed 21-Nov-12 08:23:21

YANBU! I could understand if he was ringing you as he had no other options, but to expect you to drag a sleeping baby out of bed at stupid o'clock when he could have quite easily phoned the brake down service or a colleague.. Well I would have had a few choice words for him at that time in the morning!

CuthbertDibble Wed 21-Nov-12 08:23:54

If the same thing had happened to you would you have called him or the breakdown people?

If it was me, I'd have probably called DH first, so maybe YAB a little bit U.

MummysHappyPills Wed 21-Nov-12 08:52:11

Well sort of glad to hear I am not being TOTALLY unreasonable at least!

Thanks for your concern grobags, but there is nothing too bad going on. DP is a gentle soul and has a very good work ethic which I admire, but he is not compleltey obsessed with his job! I think it is more a case of not enjoying stressful/complicated/confrontational situations so when a situation like my CS or this crops up his first thoughts are "crap, we are really busy at work/I'm going to be late, work will be pissed off" etc. I think it doesn't help that one of the bosses there is a bit of an intolerant arse, which is ironic seeing as it's meant to be quite an ethical "right on" company.

He did take his full paternity leave and an extra 2 weeks holiday which they were absolutely fine about, I think it was more a case that dp was just scared to ask/broach the subject as it was a super busy time.

I do feel a bit guilty for not rushing out so I totally get why some of you think iab a bit u. If it was me, I probably would call dp to moan about it, but I would wait for the AA, especially if dp was home with dd in bed. Though actually if I knew dp would be asleep I wouldn't even call to moan! DD also has a cold and teetch coming through so was up half the night and I thought it was really unfair to deprive her of even more sleep so that was a factor as well.

I appreciate his work relies him to get there on time, but surely they have to accept that sometimes shit happens? There are other keyholders that may not have been due in til later, but surely it would have made more sense to drag them out of bed than me? grin I know dp has had to go in on his day off to sort out emergencies before.

I just think on balance dp thought it was preferable to disturb mine and dd's sleep rather than be a bit late and face mild (unjustified - who doesn't have car trouble once in a blue moon?) disapproval at work - which irks me a little!!

diddl Wed 21-Nov-12 08:52:44

So you agreed, then changed your mind & phoned back?

By which time he had got the car started?

Wonder if he would have bothered to tell you??!!

MummysHappyPills Wed 21-Nov-12 09:00:13

Actually I remember this has sort of happened to me before. I had not long left my exp's house to drive home (long distance thing) and my battery died. I called AA and exp to moan - he said he would come out and try and jump start and give me some company, and I said not to be silly and that I would wait for the AA. They did actually end up taking ages so I nearly regretted it, but then when they arrived it turned out to be the alternator so exp jump starting it would have made no difference!

MummysHappyPills Wed 21-Nov-12 09:01:32

I literally called him a few seconds diddl so I expect he would have been just about to call me back! Although could have been disastrous if I'd have left to get him without my phone! grin

MummysHappyPills Wed 21-Nov-12 10:51:21

I am also thinking he maybe didn't want to call out AA as he felt silly for driving through puddle and causing it himself?

Anyway I haven't heard from him so assume he got there ok! grin

diddl Wed 21-Nov-12 11:23:46

Could be-but is there a back up plan for if he´s late-since he´s a keyholder?

Tell him to stick a can of WD40 in the car glove box. Next time he drives through a big puddle too fast, he can spray the electric points in the engine with WD40, which will blast out the water and he can get going again without the need for you or the AA. not that I did the same when U first passed my test and my dad had to drive out with some WD40 and spray it for me, oh no

MummysHappyPills Wed 21-Nov-12 17:50:50

Ok so he is really not happy with me. I am a bit pissed off actually. He has this whole kind of "I ask you to do one thing for me" attitude going on - forgetting all the other things I do for him on a daily basis.

I have got so much to do atm, and have had a really unproductive day today due to being tired, but of course I can't say anything about that as he's tired too you know...

Anyway better get back to cooking his majesty's dinner hope he chokes on it grin

MummysHappyPills Wed 21-Nov-12 17:53:38

Oh and this worst thing is he has bought himself some beers and not bought me any wine! I ALWAYS buy him beers too if I ever decide to buy myself a bottle of wine.

Should I leave the bastard? grin

StuntGirl Wed 21-Nov-12 18:03:34

Gawd he sounds like a grumpy inconsiderate sod! Fwiw I would not have gone and got him at 5am when other options were available, and I would not be happy about the sodding attitude tonight!

diddl Wed 21-Nov-12 18:05:45

Oh dear he´s sounding childish & mean now!

Would he have come out to you-bringing a toddler as well at 5am?

Come on Mr not very Happy-lighten up-no harm done!

Drive more carefully in future!

longjane Wed 21-Nov-12 18:12:07

drink his beers the then will remember the wine next time

MummysHappyPills Wed 21-Nov-12 18:14:37

I would long Jane but I don't really like beer!

And apparently he would have come out for me no questions asked, though tbf I don't think I would ever ask him to take dd out if bed like that, unless it was an actual life or death emergency.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Wed 21-Nov-12 20:16:27

Tell him to grow the fuck up and stop being so childish.

McChristmasPants2012 Wed 21-Nov-12 20:30:12

I wouldn't even think to call DH. I have Break down cover I would ring them.

MummysHappyPills Wed 21-Nov-12 20:38:14

That's my logic christmas pants, yes you have to wait for them and it is an inconvenience but that's life surely? I wonder if there is really any point in us having breakdown cover seeing as we never use it! grin

McChristmasPants2012 Wed 21-Nov-12 21:42:47

Mine is free smile

Iteotwawki Wed 21-Nov-12 22:18:02

I'd have called my husband (who has 2 kids plus a puppy to pile into the car) and he would have been there far faster than the AA. He wouldn't have hesitated but I can certainly see myself saying "I ask you to do one thing.." if he had done. And yes, he does a whole lot of other stuff for me too but I don't ask him to do that, it's his role in the family.

I think you were being unreasonable.

However him buying himself beer without wine for you is childish and silly and completely unnecessary. I'd have bought the wine and beer and been smug in my "you might not have done me this one small favour but I have bought your drink anyway". And yes, my husband adores me. Good job really smile

Heifer Wed 21-Nov-12 22:30:53

I thought yabu until I read the part about the beer v wine!

I love the fact that my DH would have done it for me, it makes him 1 of the good guys, and I in turn try to be nice in return..

BUT to not get you wine is just petty and not worthy of a YABU!

deste Thu 22-Nov-12 16:54:17

I would have done it for my DH, I think you need to ask yourself, would he have done it for you and if the answer is yes then that is your answer.

Whoknowswhocares Thu 22-Nov-12 17:23:18

So he is the ONLY person who can gain access to the building? sorry but that is quite clearly rubbish! what happens when he is ill and doesn't make it in? I suppose they all sit outside for the day in the car park do they?
He is just making an excuse for calling you because he couldn't be bothered to wait for the breakdown....and besides, why did he wait for you to call once he'd got the car started?

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