to be royally fucked off with DP?

(60 Posts)

I bought him a very naice jumper last xmas. Was expensive (for me) and he loved it. A few months ago I noticed it had gone missing.

He swore blind it was at his Dad's and promised to get it next time he visited. He went and came back without it and was pissy with me when I brought it up hmm

So he just got back from latest visit and hey fucking presto it's not at his Dad's. His only defence was that he's not usually careless. He is. He left his new Kindle on the bus earlier this year hmm

His Dad bought him a new coat this weekend which I struggled to muster much enthusiasm over, given Jumpergate. When pushed my response was "My only thought is "Don't leave it on the train someday". Admittedly in a wholly rather sarcastic tone.

He bit my head off and is now huffing upstairs.

So which is it, Manchild or nagging fishwife? Your votes please.

joanbyers Sun 18-Nov-12 18:11:12

Some people have poor organisational skills. I think you need to live with it, rather than try and beat him up about it.

Pretty bitchy comment about the coat tbh.

MrsBW Sun 18-Nov-12 18:11:20

Did he apologise?

If he didn't and just stropped, YANBU

If he grovelled? Fishwife smile

mayorquimby Sun 18-Nov-12 18:15:18

Well done for starting an unecessary argument though

mayorquimby Sun 18-Nov-12 18:16:35


Yama Sun 18-Nov-12 18:18:00

I was so confused because I misread and thought you had bought yourself a jumper.

Em ... not sure. Being absent minded is one of his character flaws I guess. Annoying. You were mean though. So, kiss and make up.

5Foot5 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:20:01

YABU. Everyone can have these unfortunate mishaps. I have often felt exasperated at DH misplacing his wallet (though it has always turned up even the time he left it on a train and the time he left it in a phone box) but then I can't be too scathing because there have been a couple of occasions I have left my handbag somewhere and we have had to dash back for it.

He is not doing this just to spite you

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 18-Nov-12 18:20:16

I would have been cross too.

joanbyers Sun 18-Nov-12 18:22:21

As far as I can tell, yama, the OP lost the jumper months ago, confirmed that it was lost a month or so ago, and there isn't anything to kiss and make up about, the OP just randomly chose to bring it up because her DP's parents brought him a coat, and you know, coat/jumper, both clothing, let's rehash old fights.

ethelb Sun 18-Nov-12 18:22:43

Actually I understand. My mum was a bit like this. My Dad would take us out every Christmas to choose a piece of jewellery for her. We would go to all the big department stores on London. To find a piece that matched the piece we had got her last Christmas. Every. Year.
Pissed me off that she was so careless tbh. My dad put a lot of effort in and I would have been v upset to lose something that had been so carefully chosen myself.

No real apology.

I know it's trivial and I was mean but it just pisses me off that he lost something I spent time picking out for him. It's his birthday this week and to be honest I feel disinclined to buy him something really nice.

He's recently gone self-employed and is earning over twice what he used to. His laissez faire attitude is to just shrug it off and replace it without a thought.

I think it's a bloody waste of money no matter how much you earn.

joanbyers Sun 18-Nov-12 18:23:47

Stuff is stuff. It can be replaced.

Erm don't think you could actually be more wrong there joan hmm

Pinkforever Sun 18-Nov-12 18:24:03

You bought him a naice jumper-forgive me for being nosy but is your dp a lot older than you? I know your younge and pretty cos I had a nosey at your profile but really if someone gave me a jumper for xmas they would be lucky not to be strangled to death with it!

He probably tactfully "lost" it because it was minging but he didnt want to hurt your feelings...

TidyDancer Sun 18-Nov-12 18:25:41

Wow you were quite mean! Definitely fishwife of the two choices.

Sounds fun in your house!

Not a chance Pink.

He is rubbish at buying clothes and asks me to pick stuff out. We're not flash present types. Would both rather have practical stuff.

Also after 11 years I'm pretty sure of his tastes.

5Foot5 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:27:18

Erm don't think you could actually be more wrong there joan

I agree with Joan and I don't get your response to her at all.Of course stuff is just stuff. It is never as important as people and relationships

I love getting jumpers pink, and there's nothing in the OP that makes it sound minging.
I'd be pretty pissed off too BOO, but I'd probably not make a massive deal about it, the damage has already been done.
Just don't buy him anything lose-able this year. I hear goats make fabulous presents <wanders off whistling nonchalantly>

clam Sun 18-Nov-12 18:29:32

Could it be that he just didn't like the jumper?

<<runs away>>

ForkInTheForeheid Sun 18-Nov-12 18:30:17

YAB a bit U. I suspect he may have dragged out the admission that it was lost as he thought your reaction was likely to be particularly unfavourable. It was daft to lose it but ultimately an accident and I think you maybe need to let go a tad.

akaemmafrost Sun 18-Nov-12 18:30:50

I would have said similar and agree with all you've said.

Sigh. Maybe try reading her first post 5foot?

And Tidy, yes of course this one vignette gives you an all-encompassing insight into our relationship and home life hmm

Ok. Looks like IABU. Off to flagellate myself accordingly.

marriedinwhite Sun 18-Nov-12 18:36:40

It's a jumper. A Jumper. May be he didn't tell you sooner because he knew how you would react.

Have you got children or teenagers OP?

So far this term dd has lost one jumper, one sweatshirt and one school blouse.

DS in a short space of time has been known to lose: phone, trainers, 3 oyster cards in quick succession, £10 note, rugby shirt, rugby socks, cricket helmet, cricket gloves (someone else's), cricket spikes, etc., etc., proably in about a 12 month period. Oh yes, and about 8 school books which we got a bill for for more than £100.

DH has lost: his glasses and his car keys this weekend. Found the car keys.

Come swap OP.

Bloody ell! No ta married smile

TidyDancer Sun 18-Nov-12 18:39:45

I didn't say it did give me that insight. I just said it sounds fun. You can take it to that level if that's what you see....

Seriously though, bringing up something that happened a while ago is not great is it?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 18-Nov-12 18:40:00

It would annoy me immensely if DH lost something expensive that I chose for him, but your DH must be a bit bothered by the fact he lost it himself, otherwise he wouldn't have got defensive the first time he got back from his dads. But it's done, you need to let it go. It's not something that's worth bad feeling over if he didn't do it on purpose.

QueenieLovesEels Sun 18-Nov-12 18:41:00

On the plus side you probably married a creative sort......

tinierclanger Sun 18-Nov-12 18:45:01

I can see why you were pissed off about the jumper but honestly it's a really bad habit to bring up stuff from the past to argue about. Accept the loss of the jumper, and if losing stuff really bothers you, only buy him presents he can't lose.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 18-Nov-12 18:46:09

married that is ridiculous. Me and my brothers never lost that much stuff, because it wouldn't be replaced.

I think it is rude to be careless with things which someone has bought for you, no matter what they are.
DH has managed to lose one of a lovely pair of engraved collar-bones that I gave him for his birthday. I was upset, he was mortified. If he took a <shrug> attitude to it then that would upset me even more and I would most definitely have ranted!

Spero Sun 18-Nov-12 18:47:28

Sorry, I agree with TidyDancer.

'Royally Fucked off' because he lost a jumper? It doesn't sound fun round yours.

It's not something that happened in the past.

Till 2 hours ago I was under the impression the jumper was en route back here.

It may have been lost months ago but I only found this out tonight which is why I was miffed.

The lashing out at me every time I mentioned it (nicely) has got to me too. He has form for going on the attack when he knows he's done something wrong.

Spero Sun 18-Nov-12 18:50:19

He lashed out 'every time' you mention it?

Bloody hell, what happens to the poor sod if he leaves toast crumbs? Its his jumper, he can do what he likes with it. You can't give gifts with strings attached. If the jumper is instead a symbol about how you fear he feels about you, then deal with that, don't keep harping on about a missing jumper.

tinierclanger Sun 18-Nov-12 18:53:09

Oh ok, sorry misread that bit. Well, it's annoying but not that big a deal. Neither of you are going to benefit by you continuing to be pissed off about it. Some people just aren't as good at looking after stuff. Don't buy him any more swanky jumpers.

Selim Sun 18-Nov-12 18:53:43

I lose stuff all the time. I lost my fave pair of jeans about a month ago and I have no idea how. If DH was sarcastic with me about it I would think he was a twat, and a mean twat to boot. He's the one who hasn't got a jumper anymore, not you.

bingodiva Sun 18-Nov-12 18:57:47

its a jumper, not really the end of the world is it. unfortunately these things happen - not worth getting worked up over as its obviously in his nature to loose bits and pieces. this time your a nagging fishwife smile

sarahseashell Sun 18-Nov-12 18:59:24

YABU and you're acting like his mum IMO not his gf. Drop the issue - he didn't lose it on purpose unless he didn't really like it

But it was a naice jumper wink

Genuine question: do you think carelessness/forgetfulness is an inherent character trait? One which can't be improved upon or trained out of someone?

I used to be hopeless at leaving my purse in daft places but it hasn't happened in years. Probably due to the OCD handbag checking everytime I go to leave somewhere!

HeathRobinson Sun 18-Nov-12 19:03:46

Hmm, odd that he thought 'he'd lost it at his dad's' and now his dad's bought him a coat.

Any chance they swapped? wink

Nope, I'd be pissed off too and I would expect him to replace it.

If someone was careless then I'd buy presents that could be used up - tickets for gigs, bottles of wine etc.

I hate losing stuff.

SissySparkles Sun 18-Nov-12 19:05:52

Nope I'm with you OP.

My DH is just the same, with additional clumsiness which means he loses things AND breaks them. Two years ago he got a new phone which he dropped on the pavement a week later and it cracked so badly he had to replace it.

Not even a month later he got an ipod for Christmas which suffered the same fate, although the damage wasn't as serious so he's still walking around with an ipod with a crack in the screen.

It IS infuriating. And he gets dead peevish when I ever-so-innocently mention it, which makes it doubly rage inducing.

I'm a bit surprised that so many people think it's ok - I would be pissed off too OP. If my DH (or DS come to that) was constantly losing things then lying about it, it would drive me nuts.

Jesus Sissy your post just reminded me.

On a pissed night out this week he dropped his fancy ass phone and smashed the screen (it still works though).

And is considering buying a totally new one rather than wait the possible 3 weeks for it to be fixed hmm

QueenieLovesEels Sun 18-Nov-12 19:12:57

Okay my son had an issue with losing stuff that I have,for the main part, trained him out of.

I did this by giving him a clothing allowance but anything he lost was deducted from this amount so a replacement could be bought.

Soon bucked his ideas up when I followed through with it the first time and over half his money went on getting school sports kit replacements....

Hasn't lost anything since. wink It has been over a year.

Can't see how this can help you mind.

Just buy him stuff that stays in the house in future.

RayofSun Sun 18-Nov-12 19:13:21

Sorry but I agree with op. my dh does this and it drives me nuts!

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 18-Nov-12 19:14:32

You were being a bit U in saying that about the coat. But it is exactly the kind of thing I find myself saying in similar situations. <shrugs> I guess not everyone can take "the moral high ground".

He is being U to be sulking in my opinion anyway. He did lose the jumper and is careless. There is no point in him being stroppy when you point out something that is accurate.

JustFabulous Sun 18-Nov-12 19:14:40

The fact that he doesn't seem to care he has lost an expensive jumper is what is wrong. If he was apologetic and sad that he had lost it then I wouldn't give him any grief.

marriedinwhite Sun 18-Nov-12 19:16:26

It is awful Alibaba and to be fair dd has hardly lost a thing in her 14 years. DS is another matter but even he is getting better at nearly 18.

Perhaps I'm a sucker but I always say I'd rather they didn't lose stuff but ultimately the most important thing is that they keep safe themselves and to remember that if they do lose something the most important thing that will ever come home is them.

DH hardly loses anything - very very rarely and usually his glasses which is why he always has two pairs - except his spares at at work.

Unfortunately they have inherited it from me but once I turned about 35 I improved greatly.

QueenieLovesEels Sun 18-Nov-12 19:17:21

Is this the straw that broke the camel's back -as it were bunny ?

scarletforya Sun 18-Nov-12 19:18:35
ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 18-Nov-12 19:22:31

Bunny, I agree with you too. His attitude towards it is the worst part.

I don't get how adults manage to lose so much stuff - grow up, act responsibly, it's not that hard.

grin @ scarlet.

Queenie - it's just the bloody nonchalance with which he handles this stuff sad. All this money being wasted when we could really do with putting it away for a mortgage.

I'm not perfect and shouldn't have been so nasty but it's so bloody infuriating. Why can he not just take care of stuff??

He's 30 bloody years of age confused

NoraGainesborough Sun 18-Nov-12 19:28:55

I can understand you being miffed. But acted like a child and lost any 'high ground' or right to be outraged. But then snapping at people seems to be a trait. I agrees with Joan, at the end of the day it is just stuff. Be a bit miffed, but not outraged and nasty.
You are also very unreasonable for this comment One which can't be improved upon or trained out of someone
He is not a dog, ffs.

DumSpiroSpero Sun 18-Nov-12 19:37:21

I would be pissed off if I were you too, and probably make a similar comment, and DH would probably bite my head of and sulk too.

It is trivial in the grand scheme of things but still bloody annoying.

BobblyGussets Sun 18-Nov-12 19:39:00

I have no strong opinions either way OP. I am sure you knew you shouldna' made the comment about the coat. But then, you sound a bit like me; you like choosing just the right gift, putting thought and effort (your heart) into it to delight the recipient. It hurts when what you have "invested" (I am talking emotionally rather than financially) is basically trashed.

I am hoping this type of thing is not an inherent character trait because my 9 yo DS is like it and it is such a bore, having to remember for him and ask him three or four times, does he have everything......

I have enough to remember for myself and I am not the best organised person in the work, so I chase up DS1's forgetful mistakes with a very heavy heart. I would really resent it if an adult partner was like this and would probably step back a bit from compensating and trying to help him remember stuff.

mynewpassion Sun 18-Nov-12 19:40:26

It's only a jumper. Not the end of the world. Get a grip.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 19:41:36

I am quite a forgetful person. I try not to be, and I would apologise profusely if I lost something important or expensive.

But I don't think I'd take kindly to snide remarks.

But equally I wouldn't go and huff in a bedroom if a snide remark was made to me. I'd just go "ooooooooooh".

You're both being rather silly.

Nora I merely pointed out that Joan had the facts utterly wrong in her first post (i.e. not the "stuff is stuff" post) saying that I had lost the jumper.

It's kind of irritating when people wade in with their opinion when they haven't even bothered to read the thread properly.

MrsBW Sun 18-Nov-12 19:57:12

Agree with JustFabulous ... It's not the fact that he lost the jumper that would annoy me...that can happen to anyone.

It's the attitude that would have me raring... The only time I've lost something my DH bought me, I was utterly mortified.

ENormaSnob Sun 18-Nov-12 20:02:30


I would be pissed off too.

RawShark Sun 18-Nov-12 21:16:33

Do you think he is misdirecting his snappiness at you? My DH is a bugger for snapping at me when he feels bad/guilty about something. Taken years to get him to undetstand how unfair this is! I would have a cup of tea together and forget about it

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now