To be saddened by teenagers of today

(344 Posts)
dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 16:09:25

Ive just been having a conversation with my niece. Apparently its the norm nowadays to "get with" (kiss)as many boys as possible at teenage parties. Parents even supply alcohol to 14/15 year olds.
Girls like this were called awful names if they behaved in such a way when I was at school, whats changed to make it acceptable?

I'm 30 and this was certainly happening when I was a teenager.

and why would you want to return to a time when girls were called awful names for exploring their sexuality?

OP are you 80+?

If not, you just mixed in the wrong circles.

nocake Sun 18-Nov-12 16:11:46

Please don't kid yourself that teenagers are any different now to when you were a kid. You might not have been in the groups that were snogging at parties but it was happening.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:12:03

I'm 29 and the same thing happened when I was a teenager.

Personally I prefer not being called a slag because I had sex.

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 16:12:49

14 year olds kissing 15 different boys in one night is okay, since when? Its awful

missymoomoomee Sun 18-Nov-12 16:12:58

I'm 32 and this was happening when I was that age too.

whatatwat Sun 18-Nov-12 16:13:01

why do you feel saddened by the teens when its the parents buying the booze?

HappyMummyOfOne Sun 18-Nov-12 16:13:14

There will have always been girls like this but societies values have changed and so young girls see it as the norm. We no longer seem to encourage marriage, children outside strong long term relationships are seen as the norm, swapping
Artners frequently and poor parenting/instilling morals into children seems to have sadly passed many by.

coppertop Sun 18-Nov-12 16:14:13

Well presumably the boys were doing the kissing too. Shouldn't they be called awful names too then?

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 16:15:39

What!

I'm 45 and was doing that aged 14/15.

Didn't everyone grin

OpheliaPayneAgain Sun 18-Nov-12 16:16:51

If the object is to kiss as many of the opposite sex, regardless of whether you have an attraction to them, as some form of point scoring and popularity system - then it cheapens both sexes.

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 18-Nov-12 16:17:21

So it's not ok in your mind that girls kiss boys but it's ok for the boys to kiss the girls? And you don't see anything wrong in that?

BoakFace Sun 18-Nov-12 16:17:29

I'm 18 and I never did that smile

You get the odd one but it's not everyone, and that happened in the old days too

Have you been living underground for the last century? The only thing different about now and then is that our parents didn't buy old alcohol - but things were different then and buying an industrial shitload of Woodpecker cider and 20 No6 presented no challenge to a 15 year old!

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:18:40

I do find it a bit off for parents to buy kids booze. Loads of parents bought us alcohol as teenagers - some of them got us properly pissed on vodka and stuff and they definitely never checked with my parents, because my mum would have done a cats bum mouth and never let me out again.

When I think some of the states I used to get in at that age, I find it a bit worrying.

GhostShip Sun 18-Nov-12 16:20:15

We all did it. They were called 'meeting competitions' blush

HecatePropylaea Sun 18-Nov-12 16:20:33

What about the boys? I notice you are focusing on the girls kissing so many boys and how terrible that is.

They're not doing it by themselves. The boys are right there with their lips too. What awful names did they get called in your day?

And yes, teens have always done this sort of thing at parties. There was/is even a game - spin the bottle. That's fairly kissy grin

If you want to be saddened by anyone - be saddened by the parents. Children don't raise themselves. So if you feel this behaviour is unacceptable - blame the parents grin

<ups the bunfight ante> wink

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 16:21:01

I just feel very sad for the boys and girls that are disrespecting themselves in this way. My DD is stunning, she had her first kiss when she was 19 AFTER she found someone she REALLY liked.

I wouldn't be saddened on behalf of my teen thanks. He's been brought up to know that a bit of kissing doesn't do much harm but other things need to be thought through.

Both boys and girls have the responsibility to decide if they want to kids loads or no one. It's up to them to say yay or nay.

Yokel Sun 18-Nov-12 16:21:39

47, so I am so far the oldest person on this thread who spent their early teenage years getting pissed out of my head and shagging snogging random boys.

But I'm sure there'll be older women along soon....

MrsDeVere Sun 18-Nov-12 16:22:58

I went to the same parties as Everlong

How do you know that your DD didnt kiss someone till she was 19 and what have her looks got to do with it?

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 16:23:17

Of course she did OP

Of course she did smile

UnderwaterBasketWeaving Sun 18-Nov-12 16:23:36

YABU to be "saddened by teenagers of today".

This is the normal teenage version of kiss chase. And although I'm not all that enamoured with teenagers drinking (even the 18 year olds! --I'm a hypocrite--) this does seem to be standard.

However, remember these same teenagers are wonderful vibrant enthusiastic people. I see around 150 teenagers a week, and they're all, without exception, surprising, aspirational, lovely people. (Give or take the odd "Kevin" moment and bad decision).

It's the grown-ups you've got to worry about...

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 16:23:45

Theonewiththehair, One thing leads to another unfortunately, its probably why the UK has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in the world.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:23:59

dinkybinky - how is it disrespecting yourself to kiss someone/lots of someones? Can you actually explain it, because I don't understand it.

My gran (would be in her 80s by now) said she did loads of snogging. "You lot didn't invent it you know," she told me once.

BinksToEnlightenment Sun 18-Nov-12 16:24:11

I would still like to kiss fifteen boys in one night, but alas those days are gone!

gingergran Sun 18-Nov-12 16:24:15

I'm older and it all sounds horribly familiar!!! Not that I would admit to such behaviour...

OpheliaPayneAgain Sun 18-Nov-12 16:24:32

47, so I am so far the oldest person on this thread who spent their early teenage years getting pissed out of my head and shagging snogging random boys.

I'm 47 and I didn't spend my teenage years shagging around or getting pissed.

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 16:24:54

mmmmmmmmmmmm 15 boys

I wouldn't have the energy now sad

BegoniaBampot Sun 18-Nov-12 16:25:39

we were doing this when I as 10yrs old in the 70's. Was quite innocent and we were all well brought up kids. was definitely happening in the teens.

I get so sick of the teen bashing actually. They are not all going to be raving nymphomaniacs, drunks and thugs because they do a bit of snogging. angry

Spin the bottle anyone? And I was 12 when I first played that at a party.

exexpat Sun 18-Nov-12 16:27:24

Gosh, do they wait as late as 15 these days? I was 12

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:27:24

dinkybinky so more British teenagers get pregnant because they do more snogging than other countries?

I think you'll find that's bollocks. The countries with the lowest teen pregnancies tend to be those with a lassez faire attitude towards sex and an excellent sex education system. The US, who are even more hung up on the morality of sex than we are, have a really bad record for this.

You might be interested to know that teen pregnancy is actually at its lowest since 1969. BBC So you can unclench your bum cheeks for a couple of minutes and rest assured that there are some teenagers out there who aren't knocking back Strongbow and playing hide the salami.

greeneyed Sun 18-Nov-12 16:28:02

Dinkybinky I'm sorry but you have certainly led a sheltered life as has your DD another one at 38 who did this at 14 me and my best friend had a snogging competition at party, I snogged 17 boys! We were nice girls from nice respectable families smile I actually think this is just a game and pretty harmless - more worrying are the quite ones who slope off with just one boy and then get pregnant!

I was a teen in the 80's (ie a long time ago grin) and I did lots of snogging when I was 14/15. More worryingly, probably, I had a 'steady' boyfriend at that age, as did lots of my friends, and it went a bit further than snogging quite often blush - usually fueled by too much woodpecker cider at parties...

Actually I feel sorry for my DC of that age, and his friends, sometimes. All the parents I know (including me) are much more strict on their teens than parents were when I was a teen - if my son or his peers were out Saturday nights at parties; no adults in the house, alcohol flowing & plenty of snogging and more going on, we would collectively die of shock, I think.

dinkybinky one thing does not always lead to another. Kids are pretty savvy these days you know.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:29:07

I didn't do any shagging til I was 17, I was a voracious reader of teenage magazines and I knew to wait til I was with someone I loved. He turned out to be a controlling bastard, actually, so maybe I'd have been better not bothering.

simplesusan Sun 18-Nov-12 16:30:07

My mum bought me alcohol to take to parties at 14/15. If she hadn't then I would have drank anything available rather than had a controlled, sensible attitude to a totally legal drug.
When my dd1 (15.5) asks me to buy her drink for a party I do,thus trying to instil in her the sensible attitude to drink.

HecatePropylaea Sun 18-Nov-12 16:30:38

Yes, I had a wonderful moment with my 86 year old great aunt who was telling me over tea and biscuits about all her boyfriends and the great fun she used to have at the weekly dances. grin

I am laughing at 'my daughter is stunning', as if she were to be ugly, that would be different.

Nothing like a mother's rose tinted glasses anyway.

wigglybeezer Sun 18-Nov-12 16:30:50

Well my 14 year old has been to a fair few teenage parties and I don't think much snogging goes on yet. At the last one ( which he said was brilliant) they has lots of soft drinks, food and played with a giant net of balloons. He came home with a piece of cake wrapped in a napkin the only difference between when he was 4 and now was the late hour and the fact he cared what he looked like!

fergoose Sun 18-Nov-12 16:31:10

I was a teen in the 1980s and we did this - we weren't all having sex with these boys. Seems a bit harsh to judge all teenagers in this way don't you think. I also have a teenage daughter and she isn't a badly behaved teen at all - far from it.

missymoomoomee Sun 18-Nov-12 16:33:21

Haha my mother thought I was a virgin until I was 18 (And I was also stunning if that matters) I think your dd may have told you a few porkie pies there.

I'm afraid I'm having a bit of a snigger at your 19 year old's virgin lips. And you really really believe that do you? grin

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 18-Nov-12 16:34:37

I was a teen in the 80s and we all did this as well.

LucieMay Sun 18-Nov-12 16:34:43

I'm 32 and that sounds very familiar.

I bet that we are all stunning on this thread- I know I am.

dexter73 Sun 18-Nov-12 16:36:48

My mum still thinks dh is the only man I have ever slept with! Bit different to her as she had a baby when she was 16! (and that was 1954!!).

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 16:37:23

I guess I was brought up to have respect for myself. I can see how the children think its okay to kiss so many on one night judging by the comments.

The girls and boys are doing more than kissing but not the whole thing IYSWIM. They're 14/15. My niece was shocked at seeing people get it on in full view of everyone, hence her telling me.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:37:25

Not only am I stunning, but I am also a virgin.

OpheliaPayneAgain Sun 18-Nov-12 16:37:27

Sometimes I feel I must have missed out on a great chunk of youth grin

But my parents were much older, I was a late baby - therefore their morals were set in the 1920's by their ownVvictorian parents. Hence I have a strong moral code and self respect.

cory Sun 18-Nov-12 16:37:29

"its probably why the UK has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in the world."

You are under the impression that Scandinavian teenagers don't snog? <loud raucous laugh>

WandaDoff Sun 18-Nov-12 16:38:10

We did this when I was a teen in the 90's.

Oh & aye right to your daughter having her 1st kiss at 19. Think she may be pulling your leg there.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:38:10

dinkybinky tell me exactly how you have more respect for yourself than I do.

What does kissing have to do with self-respect?

Please explain.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:39:23

Or Ophelia, you could explain too.

Oh wouldn't the world be so great if we all had Victorian morals? Men allowed to do what they liked, women cast out of society if they so much as showed an ankle, children shoved up chimneys, the disabled shunned.

Sounds fucking fabulous.

Oh. Heavy petting dinky?

I bet my ds wouldn't even know what that means and I do believe it applied to teens from the 70s onwards. It's not a new thing.

loopylou6 Sun 18-Nov-12 16:42:49

Bahahahaha, your dd waited till she was 19 for her first kiss? Of course she did. hahahahaha

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 16:42:56

So all of you would be okay seeing your child kiss several different people on one night?

missymoomoomee Sun 18-Nov-12 16:44:12

I can see why your dd chose not to tell you she kissed someone until she was 19. She probably felt that you are so judgemental she had to lie about it.

ScatterChasse Sun 18-Nov-12 16:44:34

I was older than 19 when I first kissed somebody, so it does happen sometimes... I was horrifically shy around boys (well men by the time I started!) though.

My friends used to do this and I always felt a bit sorry for whoever wasn't 'instigating' it...you see someone you've snogged snogging somebody else five minutes later.

I remember us all being obsessed with fingering! Does any grown woman ever ask a man to finger her? I wonder if today's teens still use that term.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 16:44:50

I've just washed school blazer. It felt heavy. In there was a bottle of aftershave and a tube of toothpaste.

I said ' oh ds what are they doing in there? ' he replied ' you know mother when you might need them ' shock

He's 13 fgs.

takes after me grin

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 16:44:53

Bahahahaha, your dd waited till she was 19 for her first kiss? Of course she did. hahahahaha

She did. Its clear that we all have different standards. I am happy with mine and I am more than happy with my DDs.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:45:03

dinkybinky PUHLEASE explain to me why it is "respecting" yourself to not have physical contact with another person. I just don't get it.

HecatePropylaea Sun 18-Nov-12 16:45:06

so now it's not just kissing. Now, after telling us it's kissing it's now 'more than kissing'.

Wasn't 'more than kissing' in your op, was it?

"Apparently its the norm nowadays to "get with" (*kiss*)as many boys as possible at teenage parties"

Or in the next post
"14 year olds kissing 15 different boys in one night is okay, since when?"

Now it's more than kissing. It's copping a feel

If it was that, why did you say kissing in your OP?

That sort of thing makes people think that someone is changing the story in the face of YABUs and makes it hard for people to accept that it's true.

MadamFolly Sun 18-Nov-12 16:45:54

People have always done this and always will, the less permissive we are as a society the more potential for heartbreak and suffering.

and as for the first kiss thing, I had a friend at school who was advised by her mother to preserve her virginity by only doing bum sex. So she lost her bum virginity long before she had vaginal sex. People don't always do things in order.

OpheliaPayneAgain Sun 18-Nov-12 16:46:46

Or Ophelia, you could explain too.

I don't think my boys would behave like that - they are quite open about everything but quite 'straight laced' - mainly because I bang on about STDs etc I think I've half frightened them to death about females grin

In seriousness - I think (cant be sure) that I have put young men with moral values into the world - I don't think (can't be sure) any of them would have casual sex.

Oh wouldn't the world be so great if we all had Victorian morals? Men allowed to do what they liked, women cast out of society if they so much as showed an ankle, children shoved up chimneys, the disabled shunned.

A little bit hysterical, much?

Self respect goes a long way. We are all the products of our up bringing - mine included valuing myself, I hope I've passed those on.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:47:15

REALLY MadamFolly ? I'd say growing up 100 years ago when DV was fine and a woman couldn't divorce her husband so just put up with it, having to marry someone of your parents' choosing (still goes on today) and having to pretend you're all moralistic when you're actually going at it with someone behind your husband's back every night probably caused more suffering.

In all honesty dinkybinky it wouldn't bother me. If he's in a situation where he can possibly kiss several people in one night then there is nothing intimate or personal about it and it doesn't mean anything. They would presumably be so many other people there that there would be no opportunity to take it much further anyway. There wouldn't be time as much as anything else. grin

Tee2072 Sun 18-Nov-12 16:48:27

Did you never play spin the bottle or 2 minutes in heaven?

I'm 43. I did all that 14/15.

Didn't drink though as I was in the US and we just didn't. For no reason, just didn't.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:48:31

Ophelia you're not explaining. You're just repeating buzz words like self respect, value and morals.

I could say "I respect myself and my sexual needs by going out and shagging 20 men a week" but you'd just scoff at that. It makes as much sense though, because everything you're saying is just surface level.

Selfdoubt Sun 18-Nov-12 16:48:42

Tbh, I feel more saddened about the fact that parents are buying alcohol for these parties. Kissing doesn't do any harm, now if you said shagging as many as they could then I would see your point.

Alcohol causes more damage to a 14/15 year old than kissing does. It was sadly the same when I was that age.

One or two drinks, with family under supervision is one thing. Providing booze for a teenage party is another. And that saddens me.

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 16:49:54

Because my niece is with me and just elaborated on her story, obviously she was embarrassed to tell me what else they were doing. Anyway its quite apparent that I'm an old fuddyduddy.

Witchety Sun 18-Nov-12 16:49:55

Why are you having a go at us dinkybinky when it's your own family behaving this way?!?!!

claraschu Sun 18-Nov-12 16:50:14

It just seems so unromantic.
Do you think people used to be have more fun with the suspense and gentle flirtation, or is that just in the movies and novels?

MadamFolly Sun 18-Nov-12 16:50:51

What I mean Esme, is that the less accepting we are of sexuality the more teen pregnancies and destitute women we will see.

I think you thought I was saying the opposite of what I meant.

nearlymerrychristmasbutnotyet Sun 18-Nov-12 16:50:57

That sort of thing has been going on for years us oldies just tend to forget how shocking things used to be.

Dinky no, it wouldn't really bother me.

And I too don't understand what having respect for yourself has to do with snogging, or not.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:52:48

No dinkybinky what's obvious is that you have never questioned the notion of sex and morality. You've just heard, probably time and time again, that there is something wrong with kissing, having sex and experimenting. But you've never once questioned why any of those things are wrong. Because if you had, you'd unclench for a second.

What IS wrong is anyone feeling any pressure to do something they're not into or making someone else do something they're not into. As far as sex is concerned, that's pretty much it for me moralistically.

Or actually, TBH it would bother me a bit, but it would be so hypocritical of me to judge that I would really try to get over it.

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 16:53:40

Would you go out to a club/bar and kiss 20 random men and feel good about yourself the next day?

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 16:55:11

Yes dinkybinky I would do that if I wanted to and I found the men attractive.

AND I go to sex clubs and yes, I feel good about myself the next day.

Try not to weep into your scented hanky for me, I'm fine.

No I wouldn't because I'm happily married but if I was single I can't see how it wouldn't be ok as long as it was my choice.

Spin the bottle when I was young er

Terribly old fashioned now. I bet there's an app for it...

cory Sun 18-Nov-12 16:57:04

I thought Victorian morals was the kind of thing the Earl of Grantham was on about in the last Downton Abbey episode: "if I'd screamed every time someone tried to kiss me at Eton I'd have gone hoarse in a month").

Spin the bottle when I was young er

Terribly old fashioned now. I bet there's an app for it...

grin <goes to check app store>

Witchety Sun 18-Nov-12 16:58:44

Sex clubs esme ? what are these?

ClippedPhoenix Sun 18-Nov-12 16:58:45

Blimey, what on earth is your problem. My DS is 15 and he doesn't go to kissing parties, maybe kissing goes, so what? Kissing is lovely. I've never seen one derogatory sentence about a member of the opposite sex either on his facebook nor has he ever said anything whilst at home with his mates.

And do you know why? Because I, as a parent have taught him to respect others no matter what gender.

complexnumber Sun 18-Nov-12 16:59:24

Bloke perspective:
At 15/16/17 (i.e. late 70's in London) I was drinking in pubs, staying out all night (M&D sometimes knew where I was when I rang them) smoking anything, dropping pills and generally having fun.

But very few snogs, I went to an all boys school. Female company was gold dust. I was in complete awe of girls and would have done anything they asked.

Why didn't they realise!

If I were single and I had fancied snogging each of those 20 men then yes I would feel fantastic about myself the next day - why ever wouldn't you after a good night out? grin

Just wondering what your 'cut off' point is OP for having morals or not - is kissing three men ok? Or seven? Is it 20 that makes you a slapper? If so just call me Julie Andrews smile

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 17:00:26

Im glad you asked that Witchety

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:01:00

Witchety clubs where people go to disrespect themselves and have sex.

Witchety: is the name not self explanatory?

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 17:03:03

You mean brothels ?

greeneyed Sun 18-Nov-12 17:03:08

No I wouldn't want to watch my DS kissing several people at a party it woulds be gringeworthy - but it is all quite normal for teenage development, it would be sadder for me to watch my DS in the kitchen, not part of the action and feeling he was missing out! We are all sexual creatures and teenagers experiment - actually in this party enviroment whrere there friends are close by it is probably safer than being alone with a boy. My 80 year old grandma was knocked up at 16, she's reading 50 Shades at the moment, not sure much has changed.

Witchety Sun 18-Nov-12 17:03:56

No akiss it could be anything sex related!

I know about dangers clubs, wondered how the 2 differed?

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:04:08

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

x 1000000000

Brothels!

Witchety Sun 18-Nov-12 17:04:26

Dangers?? Meant swingers !!

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:05:52

Swingers clubs I'd say are more about people going specifically to partner swap and have sex.

The places I go to are more about having a laugh and dancing but sex goes on as well.

I think you're being deliberately obtuse now dinky.

Narked Sun 18-Nov-12 17:06:07

I hate to break it to you OP, but kissing is nice. So is groping. And it's still nice if you don't know the person's favourite colour.

What exactly do you think is wrong with girls kissing several boys???

SchrodingersSexKitten Sun 18-Nov-12 17:06:10

I am in my forties and never kissed random boys when I was a teenager.

I didn't want to and the opportunity never presented itself.

At 16, I started going out with a boy, after a few dates we snogged, then after a few months we had sex.

I thought that was normal?

NamingOfParts Sun 18-Nov-12 17:07:00

Some do, some dont. Their bodies, their choices.

I find the OP's handwringing generalisations about teenagers more than a little patronising and offensive.

Tee2072 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:07:21

There is an app for that!!!!

Oh FFS witchety, do you really think women only want casual sex if they are being paid for it?

Esme, you are fast becoming my new favourite poster smile

I am more and more convinced today that we have been invaded.

Tee2072 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:11:08

Actually...there are several apps for that!

And Apps for Truth or Dare!

Tee2072 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:12:01

You've never heard of sex clubs? Where did you grow up? Narnia?

Witchety Sun 18-Nov-12 17:12:33

akiss what ate you on about?? Where did I mention being paid?

Tee2072 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:12:36

HA!

There really are apps for everything!

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 18-Nov-12 17:12:56

There is some right random shit on here this weekend.

Narked Sun 18-Nov-12 17:13:27

Everyone does things their own way Schrodingers. I didn't have sex at 16 but fake IDed my way into clubs every weekend at that age and spent glorious hours locking faces with random strangers. Attractive random strangers. I didn't want a boyfriend.

Witchety Sun 18-Nov-12 17:13:50

Thanks for explaining the difference between a swingers club and a sex club esme !

Narked Sun 18-Nov-12 17:14:38

Narnia was fairly misogynistic.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:15:17

Tis just my definition, Witchety . I'm sure for some there's no difference. But swingers clubs have never interested me at all.

Witchety: you mentioned brothels. I know you're terribly naive but surely even you know that women get paid in brothels?

lovebunny Sun 18-Nov-12 17:15:27

meningitis. how do you spell it? don't know but one way you can put yourself at risk is by random and multiple snogging.

kissing people isn't the end of the world (unless you die from it, obv). kissing a few boys/girls/both at a party should be ok for people of fifteen. long, sleazy, gropey hours in corners - no.

alcohol at fifteen, at home? in a party supervised by adults? well, if drinking alcohol is part of your culture, you have to learn how to do it. i'd provide low-alcohol drinks and make them all lock their coats and bags in one room so that they couldn't get to the half-bottles of vodka they brought with them. providing bottles of spirits for an underage,unsupervised group in a hall is probably illegal, and if not, it should be.

morality today, standards, setting a good example? yes, there are issues.

saw a young teenage girl on the bus yesterday - skin tight pale pink trousers put everything on show - not safe. but she was with her mum - who was bleached blonde with a lycra mini skirt and leather jacket. might have been a prostitute, might have just thought that was a fun way to dress. no way to tell without knowing them. that's what the daughter has as a role model for style - but they were out together, they might be 100% respectable and caring, just dress in a way that i wouldn't want for me or a child of mine.

i didn't do the partying thing either as a teenager or as a young adult. i got married, divorced and still didn't.
my daughter didn't do the partying thing - she got married - they're still together. i like our way but apparently, it wouldn't suit everyone.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:15:40

That was the OP, not Witchety , Akiss

LaCiccolina Sun 18-Nov-12 17:16:04

Personally I'm not half as saddened by the teenagers as I often am about the 25-45 group....

And I'm in that!

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 17:16:46

The places I go to are more about having a laugh and dancing but sex goes on as well.

I've never heard of those types of clubs. Honestly I'm interested to hear more. Are you talking about lap dancing clubs?

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:16:50

Er, why is a young girl not safe wearing trousers?

For fucks sake.

Witchety Sun 18-Nov-12 17:16:57

akiss ahem.... Please show me where I mentioned brothels??

And you know how I'm naive?? Please tell me how you know this then?

VictorAndBarry Sun 18-Nov-12 17:17:01

I am 45, I was never invited to that kind of party. Neither has DD, aged 15.

By the way I love today's teenagers, a normal healthy mix, some of them kissing boys at parties, nowt wrong with that, and some not.

KenLeeeeeee Sun 18-Nov-12 17:17:08

When I was 15, it was certainly the norm to go to clubs (with fake IDs) and snog as many boys as we could. Going a whole night without at least a few slobbery snogs was just unthinkable.

Looking back it makes me feel a bit ill, but at the time it was just what we did. No different to teenagers today!

flow4 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:17:45

As a 47 yo woman who didn't ever kiss 15 boys in one night, and who now hasn't snogged anyone for about three years, I'm just feeling a bit envy grin...

Life is passing me by... What a waste.

Anyone fancy a snog?! wink

Narked Sun 18-Nov-12 17:17:51

'skin tight pale pink trousers put everything on show - not safe

Were you worried they'd cut off her circulation?

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:18:37

dinkybinky for someone so disgusted by all matters concerning group/random shagging, you sure seem to be interested.

It's called a sex club. If someone said "I go to a sailing club" would you ask them "oh what do you do there? Is it the same as a karate club?" What do you think goes on there?

MoomieAndFreddie Sun 18-Nov-12 17:19:07

god threads like this make me dread when my dcs are teens

as they make me remember what i used to be like at 15 blush

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:19:25

Narked I'd be more worried that she'd be arrested by the fashion police, they sound grim and a nightmare to get clean.

Narked Sun 18-Nov-12 17:20:19

grin

Witchety Sun 18-Nov-12 17:20:34

I'm still laughing at akiss calling me naive!!!

I'm a lone parent with a sex life!! I also have 3 teenagers...

Sorry witchety, I mixed you up with dinky. I see now that you were the one who asked what a sex club was and she was the one who assumed it was a brothel, and is now thinking it's a lap dancing club. I stand by my comment that you are naive, dinky is naive and offensive.

MrsDeVere Sun 18-Nov-12 17:22:30

hmm
just generally
hmm

Witchety Sun 18-Nov-12 17:23:11

Why am I naive? Cos I asked a question?

FairiesWearPoppies Sun 18-Nov-12 17:24:11

Op I think your dd was lying when she said she waited till 19 for her first kiss.

However if it is true maybe she is not as "stunning" as you think...... jus mho is all......

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 17:24:13

It's called a sex club. If someone said "I go to a sailing club" would you ask them "oh what do you do there? Is it the same as a karate club?" What do you think goes on there?

But WHY would you want to do that with people you don't know? Sorry to judge but its so alien to me I cant understand why one nice guy wouldnt be enough.

Tee2072 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:24:58

I am stunned by the number of you who have never had sex with a one night stand.

Did the sexual revolution pass you by?

I'm 51, and when we were 14/15 we used to compete to see who could snog the most lads at parties. Naice Grammar school girls we were too! grin

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:25:29

dinkybinky It's because I have absolutely no self respect, obviously.

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 17:26:46

Op I think your dd was lying when she said she waited till 19 for her first kiss.

However if it is true maybe she is not as "stunning" as you think...... jus mho is all......

She works at Hollister whilst at Uni they've asked her to be in there next AD campaign so she cant be that bad.

This thread is a pile of bollocks. Its either designed to be wank fodder for a hairy handed one or its shit stirring at its worst.

TheReturnOfBridezilla Sun 18-Nov-12 17:27:46

I didn't kiss many boys as a teenager. Had lots of friends and went to lots of parties but was always scared of the boys. sad

Did make up for it in my twenties though before marriage spoiled all my fun. grin

I hope my sons kiss away with abandon and enjoy their teenage years rather than suffering from shyness and a lack of confidence as I did.

Personally I find hollister and its marketing techniques far more abhorrent than teens kissing.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:28:45

Do you know something dinky ? I would actually find it really awful to work in Hollister. I find the idea that someone would employ me on my looks alone to try to sell shit overpriced clothes to be totally disrespectful.

I find them and Abercrombie only employing young, attractive people to be really skeezy.

Lapsed - same here. And things got even worse when I went to a fee paying all girls school - not that I last long there but it was a real eye opener!

Narked Sun 18-Nov-12 17:29:15

'I cant understand why one nice guy wouldnt be enough'

It's sex. Do you need to know that your partner would help an old lady across the road before you can reach climax?

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:29:38

I cant understand why one nice guy wouldnt be enough.

Ahhh OP, you have clearly never experienced the joy of two nice men at once

Then you'd understand grin

Tee2072 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:29:42

And I'm not sure why they do it, Esme, since the stores are so dark you need a torch anyway!

FairiesWearPoppies Sun 18-Nov-12 17:30:09

She works for holliester and you believe that? I bet she spreads easier than butter

Tee2072 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:30:12

My god I spent most of my university days shagging and drinking.

I thought everyone did!

FutTheShuckUp Sun 18-Nov-12 17:30:14

Sigh- this thread brings back whistful memories of being in a nightclub when the Irish rugby team were in town smile
Oh man I may have been called a name or branded cheap!!! Oh sorry I appear to have no fucks to give!!!

Narked Sun 18-Nov-12 17:30:43

YY to Hollister being seriously creepy.

exoticfruits Sun 18-Nov-12 17:32:07

I don't think that it is any different. It also depends on the teenager- they don't all. I was much too shy.

Selfdoubt Sun 18-Nov-12 17:32:17

DPs mum still thought he was a virgin, until we announced I was pregnant. God knows why, seeming how we had been living together for 4 months, and been sharing a bed for even longer at each others home prior to living together.

Some mothers really do wear rose tinted glasses.

AllYoursBabooshka Sun 18-Nov-12 17:32:23

Jesus Narked that made me roar. grin

This thread is hilarious!

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:32:29

Fairies that's a really obnoxious thing to say.

exoticfruits Sun 18-Nov-12 17:34:13

The sexual revolution obviously passed me by- I have never had a one night stand- or wanted to.

AllYoursBabooshka Sun 18-Nov-12 17:34:38

Ok x post, not so funny now.

Fairies that was grim.

merlottits Sun 18-Nov-12 17:36:18

I miss snogging so much!

I'm 40 and when I was 15 if I snogged less than 10 boys on a night out it was a big fail smile I was a local legend <<saddo>>

It was nothing to do with sex - I never lost my virginity until I was 19.

So much fun. I wish I was a teenager <<wistful>>

Think you overstepped the line there Fairies...

merlottits Sun 18-Nov-12 17:38:05

I remember fondly being 22 and being in a nightclub with the England rugby team...so many lips...so little time <<sigh>>

FutTheShuckUp Sun 18-Nov-12 17:38:05

Thing is if I were your child I wouldn't admit to kissing anyone before 19 and would be too scared to admit to a sex life due to being judged. It doesn't make for a happy mother daughter relationship, this I know

FairiesWearPoppies Sun 18-Nov-12 17:39:11

Didn't say there was anything wrong with it just don't get the op's naiveity

missymoomoomee Sun 18-Nov-12 17:39:38

Fairies sad that was too much.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 17:39:46

Still a grim thing to say, Fairies .

MrsDeVere Sun 18-Nov-12 17:40:29

Jesus this is the biggest baddest stealth boast thread I have ever seen on MN.
Its basically the OP telling us she has a virgin daughter who is ever-so pretty.

Couldn't you have just put that on your FB status? Surely it doesn't warrant a whole thread.

merlottits Sun 18-Nov-12 17:40:57

tee I probably had enough one night stands for the rest of the group don't worry grin

FairiesWearPoppies Sun 18-Nov-12 17:41:14

Apologies then

flow4 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:41:24

No-one then?

Oh well... Plus ça change...

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:42:52

This thread is making me want to snog loads of hot, young men <rubs thighs in Vic Reeves manner>

DH will have to do though smile

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 17:43:13

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

SchrodingersSexKitten Sun 18-Nov-12 17:44:23

I have never had a ONS and never wanted one.

Dawndonna Sun 18-Nov-12 17:44:24

ffs. I'm 54 and did this at 15/16. Do try harder.

kingbeat23 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:44:52

What a sad thread! People judging each other so highly they're coughing thier knickers out thier mouths.

If people judge each other on thier sexual appetites and clothes and seem to make an assumption on thier moral code, then the fight for womenkind is far from won...but we already knew that didn't we?!

I'm not convinced she isn't lieing to you about being 19, or maybe she was very shy

FairiesWearPoppies Sun 18-Nov-12 17:45:16

Tata

FutTheShuckUp Sun 18-Nov-12 17:45:21

Hahahaha!
3/10grin

Catsnotrats Sun 18-Nov-12 17:45:45

I loved a lot bit of random snogging in my youth, 15 in one evening was my record (my mate snogged a football team's worth so I had to go for a rugby team). Bloody loved it, and the brilliant conversations it led to with my friends, including the illicit use of French vocab books to make lists of who had snogged who.

However I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21, and that was to DP who am I still with 8 years later. I did this because it was felt right for me, not because I have some superior moral code.

It really is different strokes for different folks.

flow4 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:46:04

OoooOOOoooooooOOOOooooo! grin

AllYoursBabooshka Sun 18-Nov-12 17:47:44

Goodnight dinky.

Us dregs will be staying up to disrespect ourselves.

<snogs everyone>

flow4 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:48:51

Awww, thanks AllYours! You're the only offer I've had in almost three years! grin

missymoomoomee Sun 18-Nov-12 17:50:17

Yay I'm in the dregs of society because I snogged a few hundred boys as a teen.

Looks like my kids are all going to turn out shit like me then. I wonder if dinky is available for parenting lessons, what with bringing up the dream child and all.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 18-Nov-12 17:50:23

I'm getting an image of a curtain twitching Hyacinth Bouquet type clutching her pearls while her oh so respectful good as gold Sheridan is at some fetish club in a gimp suit being spanked by several burly types

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:50:27

Dregs

Marvellous

grin

So if you don't wait until your 19 for your first snog then you don't respect yourself? Why is that the magic age

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:52:49

It must also be some you really like Moomins.

Otherwise - dregs

grin

And you have to be vair vair beautiful.....

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:54:06

If you are fugly is it ok to snog earlier?

Fugly people are the scum of the earth so can do wtf they want or something according to the wholesome OP hairy handed shit stirrer

My domestic science teacher told me I'd end up in the dregs of society - ok, it's taken me 37 years but look! Here I am. The old baggage was right!

gordyslovesheep Sun 18-Nov-12 17:56:36

Your morals aren't necessarily mine - doesn't make either of us wrong

My first snog was at 15 with a French exchange student who tried to 'take it further' ...I resisted - obviously French teen have no morals either

Blimey I didn't do that and am the grand age of 38. Girls snogged a boy but most certainly not more than 1 each evening!

Imagine the germs, the heroes virus. Makes me sick just thinking about it!

AllYoursBabooshka Sun 18-Nov-12 17:57:59

Ahh Madame...

The germs were the best bit. smile

missymoomoomee Sun 18-Nov-12 17:58:17

But if you are fugly and someone has beer goggles on and thinks you are gorgeous does that mean its ok to kiss them or not <confused>

On another thread the OP refers to some girls as "trashy".

dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 18:02:27

Viruses That Can Be Transmitted by Kissing
Colds: many viruses cause the common cold. It can spread by direct contact with the virus, from airborne droplets, or from
direct contact with secretions from the infected person’s nose and
throat.
Infectious Mononucleosis: also known as kissing disease is caused by Epstein Barr virus. The virus is spread through saliva and infection occurs through contact.
Herpes Infection: includes varicella zoster (causes chicken pox) and herpes simplex (cold sores in mouth). Herpes is easily spread to others when others when cold sore blisters are forming or have erupted. The virus is shed to others from the site of blisters even when they have healed. So, can you get herpes from kissing: yes.
Hepatitis-B: kissing may also transmit this virus even though it may be contained in higher levels in blood. Infection can
occur when infected blood and saliva come into direct contact with
someone else’s bloodstream or mucous membrane. A person may be easily
infected if they have sores in and around the mouth.
Warts: these can spread through kissing especially if in case of recent trauma.
Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease: this is caused by Coxsackie virus and is spread through open sores in the mouth. This
infection is common in kids especially those in day care. It is spread
via the fecal oral route (maybe while changing diapers)
Bacteria That Can Be Transmitted by Kissing
Meningococcal Disease: this is a life threatening condition which includes meningitis, (inflammation of the membranes that
surround the brain and spinal cord) and septicemia. Studies show that
deep kissing seems to be one of the risk factors.

Roseformeplease Sun 18-Nov-12 18:03:12

I hate stereotyping with a passion. You are talking about your niece and her friends and views and do not speak for / about all teenager or all parents. Many may like a snog or two, some may experiment with alcohol or sex. Many do not. Perhaps your niece needs to be kept away from those kind of parents or those kinds of parties. Teenagers are not a species. And I hate teen bashing. Imagine if you were levelling your insults at women / blacks / gays / mothers. You would be absolutely crucified and rightly so. YABU as you don't know all teenagers and cannot speak for them all. And, how can you be looking back fondly to the days of double standards. Weird.

Oh OP i thought you'd left us dregs to drown in our own detritus how magananimous of you to return to try and save us from our own destruction in the pit of poor morals.

flow4 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:03:52

Other things that can be spread by kissing:

Love
Friendship
Laughter
Fun
Happiness

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:04:17

Thanks OP - that list was helpful

Which ones can you get from bumsex?

OH and I had a boyfriend from 18 onwards , snogged no one else and still caught glandular fever.

MrsDeVere Sun 18-Nov-12 18:05:23

Is this some sort of health education programme?
I am confused by your last post.
Should we not kiss our children?

Would someone just please think of the children?!!!!

Mrsjay Sun 18-Nov-12 18:05:34

ve just been having a conversation with my niece. Apparently its the norm nowadays to "get with" (kiss)as many boys as possible at teenage parties. Parents even supply alcohol to 14/15 year olds

just a 2 hour thread and soo many replies , YABU not all teens of today are snogging and getting pissed at parties My dd were not allowed to go to un supervised parties at 14 and they certainly didnt drink , my Teens are fab mostly 1 works goes to uni works some more and has a social life another who doesnt go around snogging every boy she sees and gets pissed at every opportunity .

grin @ catgirl.

<clutches pearls>

MrsDeVere Sun 18-Nov-12 18:06:31

If my DD was out there snogging 15 boys in one night I would be the happiest woman on earth.

Autumnmumm Sun 18-Nov-12 18:07:07

Oh fgs. Totally normal developmental behaviour to experiment when you become a teenager.

gordyslovesheep Sun 18-Nov-12 18:08:54

people where kissing IN CHURCH today - can you BELIEVE it - children where present as well !!!!!!

I'm 54 and we bought our own alcohol in my day. I looked the oldest at 15 when tarted up and so was delegated to go into the off license for cider to drink in the park.
My 16 year old son will need ID to buy alcohol even when he is 18. He has been to a few well supervised parties where he has taken one bottle of beer, purchased by me.
Which is better?

merlottits Sun 18-Nov-12 18:10:14

I have a post-grad diploma in infection prevention and I was a serial snogger.

I like to live life on the edge me.

Did anyone else have a kissing scoring system? I did. Me and my mates had terms for 'varieties' of kissing e.g. 'the washing machine' - too swirly 'the lizard' tongue in and out 'Gandhi's flipflop' - too dry...

My life now is so dull grin

pointythings Sun 18-Nov-12 18:12:12

When I was 14/15 this certainly went on - I was a late developer and very geeky and wasn't interested, but I wouldn't have dreamed of judging. I'm 44.

This was in Holland, btw, OP - a sexually permissive society, clearly full of dregs, with <cough> one of the lowest teenage pregnancy rates in the world.

I hate teenager slagging threads too. Most of the teenagers I've met in our town are lovely.

My goodness, I am 49 and this is exactly how we behaved at that age too! Spent plenty of time as a teenager getting very drunk/stoned and (a bit later than 14 or 15 I must admit) snogging all and sundry, dancing on tables on bars etc etc... I seem to have survived and managed to get my university education, did not get pregnant young, went on to have a pretty succesful life, etc.

I don't think this is new thing...in fact my teenage stepdaughters seem to me to be positively puritanical at times. One does not drink and they both seem to be virgins (as far as I know). If they had seen me at their age they would have been highly shocked.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 18-Nov-12 18:17:53

Hugs Mrs DV xxxxx

TiredBooyhoo Sun 18-Nov-12 18:22:22

grin @ OP saying she doesn't associates with the dregs of society IRL.

OP i dare you to ask your friends whether they kissed lots of people as teens or have ever had ONS. are you honestly saying you believe all your friends only kissed one person and saved it til their wedding day with the person they are still married to now?

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

I used to know people like the OP, idiots who truly believe that girls/women are the root of all evil, clutch their pearls whenever a female dares to do anything they don't approve of, and god forbid, even think for themselves.

However, I have just an inkling that the OP is just a hairy handed little trip-trapper dancing around under a bridge somewhere.

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 18-Nov-12 18:34:09

brew Mrs DV

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:34:59

thanks

Dawndonna Sun 18-Nov-12 18:47:05

thanks Mrs DV.

Dawndonna Sun 18-Nov-12 18:48:54

Dregs of society. Made me piss myself.
Sweetie there are more Phds on here than you've had snogs.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 18-Nov-12 18:56:11

FromEsme what's a sex club? <learning face>

I really don't think 14/15 years having a few Smirnoff ices (or whatever alcopop it is now) and kissing a few of the other boys/ girls in attendance is an indication that Britain is going the way of Sodom and Gomorrah. Nor do I think it's anything new.

There are bigger problems in the world.

littlewhitebag Sun 18-Nov-12 19:17:35

Oh my word. At 15 i did love to snog! And drink too. I am 50 now and sadly snogging is very limited but the wine still flows. My DD is almost 15 and i think she is weird as she has no interest in either boys or drinking. She just likes doing school work and playing hockey!

Op get a grip!
You didn't actually teach your dd to respect herself did you? You scared the shot out of her with lists of infectious diseases.

Shit-shot

FutTheShuckUp Sun 18-Nov-12 19:32:26

Anyone my age (32) used to drink martini Metz when out and about? It tasted like floor cleaner but was one of the early alcopops of its kind!!!

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:33:44

oooh with the Judderman adverts

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 19:34:14

Dregs of society! Ha!

I presume the OP goes to the "loo", uses "serviettes" and pisses herself in fear if someone in a tracksuit sits near her on the bus.

Not that she'd go on a bus. But if she did, she'd sit on a serviette.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 18-Nov-12 19:40:50

Yep!!! I think I've had my first judder! Haaaa!!

DumSpiroSpero Sun 18-Nov-12 19:41:18

YABU to assume all teenagers are the same.

There are thousands of them out there - many of whom are lovely, sensible, intelligent people who only snog half a dozen or so people a night

I drank MD 20/20. Does anyone remember that?

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 19:43:49

I would rather any child of mine (not that I have any) was going out snogging wildly than they ended up all repressed and judgy about sex.

Not too keen on teenagers drinking til they puke. Not keen on anyone doing that to be honest. Not that I haven't done it a million times myself, I just tend not to think it's a great idea.

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:45:34

I do AKiss

And Thunderbird

That's about the only thing that seems somehow to have changed esme - today it seems to be a goal to end up puking. Back in the day that was considered a heinous waste of good alcohol!

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:49:07

There have always been shit parents my exs mum used to offer me pot shocki was 16 when we started seeing each other
Parents who will lie about your childs wereabouts ect

Also girls who are loose will always be gossiped about my dad used to say it takes 5 minutes to get a rep and a life time to loose it there are women who i went to school with 10 years ago who people still call slags from then nothing has changed the names are just diffrent

It may seem boys dont pay any mind to tarty girls i have a son and i can tell you they do he can very easily tell you the names of the dirty girls as they are called

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 18-Nov-12 19:49:18

kiss I remember to! I'm sure it was blue...

marriedinwhite Sun 18-Nov-12 19:49:26

It went on when I was 15 but I wasn't involved [prim emoticon]. Had a nice boyfriend at 15 and we did things like holding hands, walking on the beach, Sunday evensong shock, the YCs and Young Farmers. It went on at College when I was 18 and I had a nice boyfriend then too. And when I came to London when I was 21 and I soon had a nice boyfriend. Never had a random snog or a one night stand.

DD is 14.5 and much too interested in school work and singing. DS is almost 18 and in the last few months has had a dreadful bout of tonsillitis and some very strange bruises on his neck from time to time. He is very clear that he wouldn't snog a girl under 17 and prefers the more mature ones of 18 grin. makes mental note to tell him to pick up some strepsils next time he goes to Boots

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 19:51:10

"girls who are loose" "tarty girls" "dirty girls" - fuck sake. I really hope when your son starts on that shit you give him a stern telling off. Does he tell you who the loose boys are as well, or is it only women who get that kind of shit off him?

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:51:16

FromEsme peronally i wouldnt my nephew (20) knows one girl who has sex with 8 boys already with in the sixth form and there was a nasty thing of her bits going round monile phones

greeneyed Sun 18-Nov-12 19:51:54

Yeah Thunderbirds, Martini, Taboo and Mirage - Yuk! Oh I fair puked my stomach lining up after same 17 boy snog party at age 14 - dry martini, still cannot stand the smell, that was nearly 25 years ago! there was one room with about 20 people snogging in it - hilarious and yes we used to grade them all smile

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 19:54:17

Fishwife personally you wouldn't what?

A nasty thing of her bits going round mobile phones? I suppose you mean a "photo" of her "vulva". Well, yeah, no-one wants that, do they? But it's not her who's at fault here, it's the skanks that think it's funny to pass that on.

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:54:28

FromEsme i am afarid haveing sex with boys has a effect on GIRLS its sad but true more often a boy can shake a rep off and move on as a women or a girl if you shag about you are likey to attract more people who just want sex or who tart you like shit

Sad but true it should work both ways but is dose not

greeneyed Sun 18-Nov-12 19:55:10

Yes and I'd say the drinking was far more dangerous than the snogging

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 19:55:34

Fishwife yeah and people like you only perpetuate that stereotype. Frankly, I couldn't give a fuck if I have a reputation. If someone believes any of that shit, I wouldn't want to be with them anyway.

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:56:54

FromEsme i am afarid i lay the balme with BOTH also the parents whom should have had that conversation

You should not be sending boys (espically ones who are not your bf) pictures of your lady bits

And the person who got sent the pictures should not be posting them on

I would not evean send my oh pictures like that

It does if you shag men who aren't total bell ends. If the men in question didn't go round bragging about their conquests then no one would know how many men the girl had slept with.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 19:58:13

"lady bits" For God's sake, grow up.

So the 8 boys are fine but the girl is a slag.
Right.
I give up today, the twatwankers really have invaded

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:59:43

FromEsme yes your a adult but i have no doubut that a 14/15 year old girl carers gratley if boys are only paying here attention because they heard she is easy

Makes no bones to adults when you can just move on but when your that age and stuck in school ,collage or uni it matter a lot and many on here will not want there daughter to be the one all the boys have had it off with

I wouldnt want my son yo be that boy but like i said it effects girls more sad but true

greeneyed Sun 18-Nov-12 20:00:05

Oh Fishwife the poor girl - it is the people passing it on and gossiping about her who are at fault and I would most definitely tell my son this, not collude about what a slag she was. This kind of behaviour from teenagers is far more saddening than doing lots of snogging, it is bullying and causes real hurt.

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 20:02:19

Then you need to tell your nephew and son not to be part of this, rather than use words like "dirty" and "tarty". If men are brought up to respect women, this shit won't happen any more.

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:02:28

AKissIsNotAContract and sadly some boys are like that

You can all fool yourselfs as much as you like but anyone on here who has a son will know that haveing multiple partners or being a bit loose in that way will have far less of an impact on there rep than if you had a girl

I not saying its right just living in the real worl

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 20:04:07

Ugh, yes, FishWife I think we all KNOW that girls get a reputation. We are saying that that SHOULD NOT HAPPEN.

It infuriates me more than almost anything else in the world.

Especially when the parents of sons do nothing to try to change it.

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:07:59

FromEsme its not about being part of not part there are just some young people boys and girls who are engaged in this bahviour

If girls respected themselves this wouldnt happen equally

Mrsjay Sun 18-Nov-12 20:08:00

I meant to add I was snogging boys at 15 snogging isn't a bad thing

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:08:56

FromEsme why dont the girls mothers do somthing eg telling ther girls not to send pictures of there bits for a start

Stangirl Sun 18-Nov-12 20:12:41

I think my school must have been quite liberated/enlightened. I am 43 and was a teenager in the 80s and went to an all girls school. We definitely had snogging competitions at parties to see how many boys we could snog. In particular NYE was a goldmine and I think the record was 83 NYE snogs. We were running round the centre of Bristol shouting out our numbers at one another. Verr classy. It was nothing to do with "disrespecting" ourselves and everything to do with having fun.

I can't remember any girl at our school being classed a "slag" or gaining a "reputation". In fact I remember when the first few girls starting losing their virginity - at around 14 - we all used to sit around in awe listening to their tales at lunchtime. It just seemed soo exciting. I myself didn't have sex until 17 - at which point I just asked a male friend to shag me as I was dying of curiosity. If anything the girls who slept around a bit (in all honesty it was probably only about 3 blokes a year) were seen as very cool. I think it was a very healthy attitude to female sexuality.

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:13:05

Sorry but evan on facebook you should see some of the sexually expict messages some girls are sending to boys from his uni some of the pictures they have on there pages it makes me cringe

Its not just the boys the girls parents have to man up to

lljkk Sun 18-Nov-12 20:14:11

Mono we called it, back in the 1970s. And "The Kissing Disease".

I remember feeling mortified, like I would die with embarrassment, because I was 13 & certain I wouldn't lose my virginity until at least 16. I could not think of anything more shameful. I was actually 19 when I lost it, and it only happened because I asked a friend to do the favour, reckoned that might be my only chance, sob.

Did anyone actually LOL at thread title (like me)?
Sorry OP, I am horrible <<Slaps self>>
The Youf of Today are not like when I was a Young'Un.

Coz my Lot were FAR WORSE. grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:16:15

Some of the stories i have heard Shock me to be honest more in the style of hordie shore tupe exploits which i dont think are healthy female exploits

Getting drunk sleeping with two or three men in one night ect

SirBoobAlot Sun 18-Nov-12 20:19:22

Certainly not just the "teenagers of today".

fergoose Sun 18-Nov-12 20:23:09

I don't think teenagers now are any better or worse than we were at that age - I really don't.

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:24:30

I like to tell my son when hes older that if he shags about it will effect his rep but i would be lying because most likey it wont were as if i had a daughter it is a likey to effect how her male peers view her

Not good but true

Whatever we think on here my nephew and his mates and most young guys are never gonna view a girl who gets drunk and sleeps with two or three guys on the same night as a nice girl sad but true and a girl who gets a rep for doing this is usually only going to get aprroched buy guys for this reason is a loop

Mrsjay Sun 18-Nov-12 20:26:23

I dont think so either I was drinking cider down the park although back then parents didn't buy it but i do think these parents are the minority though .

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:26:48

I have a son myslef not that old to be getting into this nephew is however any one who has a teenage daughter 15/16/17 i would be intested to know what you have told you duaghter about this type of thing

Eg lots of partners
Sending nude pictures
General sexual behaviour
That they will or wont be judge diffrent to boys

greeneyed Sun 18-Nov-12 20:29:28

FFS Fishwife - you are not getting the point here at all - Yes sadly it is the way it is - girls gets the rep but people like you are perpetuating that - sounds like you sit around with your son looking at his laptop slagging off the loose girls. A friend of mine's daughter went through this at 13 - pic sent via mobile all around the school - it was awful - her boyfriend asked her to send it then shared it with the world.

Tressy Sun 18-Nov-12 20:29:36

We snogged a fair few boys at disco's in the 70's. I know a couple of 18 year old's who are waiting to meet someone special. Nothing has changed much really.

fergoose Sun 18-Nov-12 20:30:51

I have told my 15 year old daughter not to send nude pictures of herself as I know they will be round the school in a flash and others could make her life hell if she does that, but I think the same would apply to a boy who sent nude pics. One girl she knows did that and had to move school as others made it impossible for her to stay at the school. I hope I have taught her self respect, how to value herself and how to have fun in a safe way.

I also know my daughter will prob make mistakes, bad judgements etc - we are after all human aren't we and when I think back to my behaviour at that age I do cringe, but that doesn't make me a bad person. All part of growing up isn't it.

If my teenage son was telling me storys about what the girls he knew were getting up to and telling me he could name the dirty girls I'd be having words with him about showing some respect.

I'd also be a bit ashamed of my self for bringing him up to think it was ok to talk about girls like that, regardless of how many people they had slept with!

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:33:03

Greeneye

MY SON HAS NOT GOT A LAP TOP I understand you disagree with what i am saying but please dont start making stuff up

Its just my view its as if i dont say it it wont be true but it is girls ate judged much more harshly

I feel very sorry for your mates little girls but the exact reason my son dosent have a internet or photo abled phone

Actually a couple of years ago there was a video of a girl going around Facebook that someone had posted on all the kids fb wall, he reported it to fb.

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:34:55

fergoose i think thats very sad indeed i just dont think they really understand and think it will eaither make a boy like them when in reailty the boy usually just thinks there a bit easy

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:37:31

fergoose i think you have dont a good think with your girl just tutting and saying well boys should have some respect its not a resolution really its more in my view giving girls selfasteam were they dont feel they need to do things like this

MrsGhastlyCrumb Sun 18-Nov-12 20:42:17

I dunno. Best to avoid generalising, really- although I do think they are dealing with an oversexualised media these days, much more so than we did.

Even so, growing up in the 80s- we got up to all sorts.

The other day, I was struggling down some steps with my toddler in her buggy, and there were two hoodied-up teens lounging on a bench on the street below. One of them leapt up like he'd been stung and rushed up to help me. I was so chuffed, i thought to myself 'I must trot this out next time I encounter someone decrying the yoof of today'.

And now I have. smile

fergoose Sun 18-Nov-12 20:42:52

fishwife - I don't understand what you mean? I'm not tutting at anybody?

fergoose Sun 18-Nov-12 20:44:26

But I do hope I give my child self esteem, and if a girl is taking pics of herself and passing them around, I would feel sad - but I certainly wouldn't judge or think badly of her for doing it.

greeneyed Sun 18-Nov-12 20:46:09

okay just hypothosising about how you were viewing these sexually explicit messages being sent between uni mates - assuming someone is showing you - unless you are logged into his account? You are not wrong fishwife despite some progress girls are still judged in this way and boys not, however why not challenge it with your son? I know I will with mine. God I'd be livid if he came home talking about dirty girls etc.

My point exactly green

Mrsjay Sun 18-Nov-12 20:50:38

I was so chuffed, i thought to myself 'I must trot this out next time I encounter someone decrying the yoof of today'.

I love these stories and the yoof of today are not so bad and tbh I bet in 1980 odd somebody would have been saying the youth of today about me and my friends,

I once encountered some 'hoodies' hanging about the shop at night I said excuse me 1 said in his breaking voice , sorry mrs and another opened the shop door for me smile

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:51:43

greeneyed i am privy to my nephews facebook page he is 20 and i am shocked not just by the boys but also how forward the girls are to and seemily its ot just poor girls being take advatage of some of these girls are nosting about all sort inviting people to 3 some and other things i havent heard of and just worry that

While these girls feel equal the havent relaised in this area they are not equal and whay they see girl power sexual liberation ect a bout of 20 see a bit of a slapper how ever that leaves a nasty taste in any of our mouth and it effcts the way that young girl is viewd

catgirl1976 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:54:42

<draws detailed directions to the point on a napkin for Fishwife>

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:55:48

My son son is not that old and was talking about my nephew mainly

Green i have to say i wouldnt want my son talking about women like this i personally wouldnt*want my daughter sleeping with a guy whom she dosent know down the back of a all while drunk peers look on take pictures and share via media

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:56:31

catgirl1976 sorry i am not sure what that means?

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:58:45

This is not about boys parents its about all parents of teens and young adults letting them know that with media shaing ect a drunken fumble between two and quikley make you the talk of the town which you cant take back and sadly it will always be the girl who comes of worse

greeneyed Sun 18-Nov-12 21:03:29

Catgirl took me a minute

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 21:07:51

I going to bow out not being rude to anyone but getting it myself because i dont agree with posters very sad not looking for a fight

Seems just want nodding and agreement

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 21:21:38

Nothing to do with wanting nodding and agreement. Everyone is arguing their side. Like in a normal discussion.

I just think it's a bit rich to say that girls get the worst of it (which no-one is saying isn't true) and then using words like "dirty" and "tarty".

If you think the shit that girls get for their sexual escapades isn't fair, then don't perpetuate it.

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 18-Nov-12 21:43:10

evening all

pointythings Sun 18-Nov-12 21:44:32

Also, fishwife your use of the word 'forward' applied to girls speaks volumes about your attitude to sexual morality. You really think that because boys don't suffer the consequences of sexual experimentation that is OK and you need do nothing to challenge that when talking to young men. And that makes you part of the problem.

I would never refer to a girl as tarty. Or a boy either, come to that.

pointythings Sun 18-Nov-12 21:45:32

Oooh, Olivia - are you supplying the iced buns? smile.

Seriously - you are probably needed here.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 21:47:14

Huh.

What happened. It was all jovial when I was on this thread.

greeneyed Sun 18-Nov-12 21:53:40

I said FFS and someone drew a napkin, not much to see here really. Sorry for interrupting your evening Olivia

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 18-Nov-12 21:58:00

Fishwife when I was 20 I was forever going out to themed nights out at university. I,in your eyes,definitely looked like "a right slapper". I had a great time.

Live a little,you might even have fun.

TiredBooyhoo Sun 18-Nov-12 22:02:09

fishwife who is telling these boys that a girl who takes pictures of her vulva is a slapper? where are these boys getting this message from? because all you can tell from a girl who took a picture of her vulva is that...she is a girl who took a picture of her vulva. you cannot assume anything else about her. you cant assume why she did it or who it was intended for or how it got passed to other people.

if someone told me there was a girl in their school who took a picture of her vulva i would say "and?" because it doesn't prove anything about that girl or give any sort of reputation. it is the people who give her the reputation not her.

I don't think I've seen the word vulva used so many times in one post!

Yes try teaching the teenagers in your family to have more respect for girls/women and things might be different fish

TiredBooyhoo Sun 18-Nov-12 22:25:40

sorry moomin. i was trying to emphasise the fact of what it actually is to fishwife as opposed to her idea of it as ladybits or whatever else she calls it.

flow4 Sun 18-Nov-12 22:34:38

I've just asked my 17yo DS about all this. He says girls are judged and boys are not. He says it's not fair, but that's how it is. He says he wishes it wasn't so.

He says he thinks that maybe it's because "Boys will do it with anyone but they usually can't get anyone to do it with them. But most girls could get any boy they wanted, so can afford to be more picky, so if they're not, people (other girls and boys) think they don't have much self respect confused.

( Note: that doesn't of course mean any of that is true; it's just a teenage boy's perception - which I thought was interesting and relevant here smile )

I asked him what his own experience of all this was, he told me "I'm not really comfortable discussing it with my mother, sorry"! grin

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 23:05:48

Your son sounds nice flow4

If only all teenage boys were that sensible. Maybe they all are when talking with their mothers.

It starts early, this thinking of women as dirty. The year 3s I teach already do. They look in their Spiderman comic at the "dirty" pictures of women. The men and women characters are all in skintight costumes - obviously, since they're superheroes. But it's only the women who are deemed "dirty" to look at.

It makes me want to cry.

I think your sons right flow I've had similar conversations with ds1 17.

I do think it's important that teenagers are aware that some girls and boys may suffer from low self esteem and that may sometimes be what motivates them to have sex. I've spoken to ds1 about this, and while I've tried to put across the message that it's better to be in a relationship with someone I'm not nieve enough to think he will always stick to that! Also that he should always be clear of his intentions so noone gets hurt, I had a few friends at school who thought if they slept with a boy he'd like them as much as they liked him.

Also in my younger days i had boys, and men too tell me some right crap thinking it might make me want to sleep with them hmm

sashh Mon 19-Nov-12 00:05:41

If the object is to kiss as many of the opposite sex, regardless of whether you have an attraction to them, as some form of point scoring and popularity system - then it cheapens both sexes.

So you have never worked in a hospital and played the uniform game then. OK, NP.

OP it's not just teenagers.

I've worked in a hospital but never played the uniform game. What is it? Do you try to kiss as many different uniforms as possible?

lljkk Mon 19-Nov-12 08:19:05

This thread made me stop & think about my own rampant drug use at age 12-13, and my mother's wild youth (1950s, think Grease and ^American Graffiti^). Acts of naughtiness my dad's teenage mum got up to (1940-41). Oh, and Aunt, who was considered wildest of the lot (she's now 90). For instance. Age 12-14 Aunt and some friends were plied with drink by an adult man who subsequently got up to some kind of sexual impropiety with at least one of them. The man was prosecuted for his actions. It was all shushed up who the other girls were, and I only know something happened because of IRATE letter my grandfather (old-fashioned preacher) wrote to my grandmother (she saved all his letters). Grandfather blamed Grandma for being away visiting relatives, THIS WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU WERE HERE, he thoughtfully informed her.

That was in 1935.

flow4 Mon 19-Nov-12 08:54:13

Parents have always worried, and probably always will.

When I was 16, and had my first boyfriend, and several male friends who were just friends, my mother wrote me a letter telling me that "people still judge a girl by her reputation" and she was worried for mine. That was about 1980.

I suspect that parents still worry, but are less likely to express it now.

FromEsme I think my son probably is reasonably nice, where girls are concerned. He and his peers aged 16-17 suffer from from the fact that many (most?) of the girls their age are going out with older boys/men, or want to be. And younger girls are 'off limits' because they are under age, and the boys are considered 'pervs' if they go near them. Hardly any of the 16-17yo boys I know have girlfriends, and yet they are buzzing with hormones. His only sexual encounters have been casual, because (his words) "That's all he can get", which I do think is a little bit sad.

wistfully remembering my own tenage years, worrying about my own teenagers. I do think that as a whole teenagers are pretty much what they were when I was younger but I must admit I was a bit shock when I heard about a recent sleepover party where 25 13/14 year old boys "passed round" 3 13/ 14 yo girls all night. I might be naive, but I would not have been happy if that had been my 13 yo daughter.

Witchety Tue 20-Nov-12 14:30:31

What's the uniform game sash?

I'm being naive again aren't I ?

Woozley Tue 20-Nov-12 14:40:37

I'm more saddened by attitudes towards teenagers today, and negative coverage in the media. Most are fantastic, they get such a bad press. It was just the same 20 years ago though, I was reading stuff about teenagers thinking "I don't recognise any of this?!"

dinkybinky Tue 20-Nov-12 17:03:52

I have been asking friends about this, most friends I asked did not kiss as many boys as possible whilst at discos/parties, most thought it disgusting and said that the girls must have a bad name or be slaggy. So the conclusion was that classy girls dont act like slappers, whatever the age.

dinkybinky Tue 20-Nov-12 17:04:32

"Ducking for cover"

MardyArsedMidlander Tue 20-Nov-12 17:07:14

' So the conclusion was that classy girls dont act like slappers, whatever the age. '

Who are the girls kissing then? Each other? Or is it OK for the boys to kiss a 'slapper'?

Fuck sake

MardyArsedMidlander Tue 20-Nov-12 17:15:30

Actually, I'm glad I snogged a lot of boys in my teenage years- it was damn good fun at the time, I have some very amusing memories and I know what a good kiss is.

fergoose Tue 20-Nov-12 17:18:05

Mardy - I wish I had snogged a lot more smile

greeneyed Tue 20-Nov-12 17:26:00

I'd have been hard pushed to snog anymore if I tried! I couldn't have given a rats arse about being classy, I was having fun. Had a school reunion recently don't think anyone thought I was a slapper, though I couldn't give a flying fuck if they did - did feel a mad urge to go around the room snogging everyone though smile those were the days!

MardyArsedMidlander Tue 20-Nov-12 17:28:41

And if I ever had had a daughter, I would have warned her to steer well clear of nasty little misogynists who snog girls and then call them slappers angry

fergoose Tue 20-Nov-12 17:34:22

I hope my daughter has as much fun as we did at her age - and me and my friends never got called slappers

RichardSimmonsTankTop Tue 20-Nov-12 17:38:45

"slappers", "slaggy"

Am far more revolted by a grown woman calling young girls names like this than by a bunch of teenagers snogging each other. Grim.

dinkybinky Tue 20-Nov-12 17:43:10

me and my friends never got called slappers

To your face.

I remember a girl growing up who lived in the not so nice part of town all the boys called her the bike. I met someone from years ago yesterday and he asked me If I remembered the bike, so once you get a bad name it does stay with you whether you believe it or not.

FromEsme Tue 20-Nov-12 17:46:03

dinkybinky what you don't seem to grasp is that some of us couldn't care less if we have a "bad name". If someone is so immature and petty that they judge me by the number of people I've had sex with, great. I will know that they are not my type of person.

My partner certainly isn't bothered, and that's all that matters to me. And I would never be with someone who was bothered.

fergoose Tue 20-Nov-12 17:49:20

wow - dinkybinky - I guess you have issues. Snogging a few, several or lots of boys at a party doesn't make me or anyone else a slapper or a bike thanks. We were young, having fun, exploring, etc. Nobody got hurt. I hope my daughter and her mates can enjoy the same sort of fun which we did - looking back it was all quite innocent really. Uncomplicated and fun.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 20-Nov-12 17:52:54

So dinkybinky as well as utterly odd views on what teenage girls should and shouldn't be doing,you make fun of poor people too?

"A girl from the not so nice part of town".

charming

pointythings Tue 20-Nov-12 18:04:27

dinkybinky what you don't seem to want to understand is that the reputation problem is entirely in the minds of the people who are making the nasty comments about people's reputations. And this will never change until female sexuality is no longer thought of as something dirty. By holding the views you do, you, just like another poster above, are part of the problem. So you can either carry on judging and being a female misogynist, or you can change your attitudes, step away from your judgemental mindset and become a real woman.

catgirl1976 Tue 20-Nov-12 18:19:58

dinky - just so you know, using words like "slappers" to descrie other women marks you out as being very much the opposite of the "classy", which you seem to so badly aspire to be.

HTH

dinkybinky Tue 20-Nov-12 18:24:49

Catgirl, If you read my post properly, I said that my friends said girls like that were disgusting and must have a bad name or be slaggy

FromEsme Tue 20-Nov-12 18:26:56

Why are you posting what your friend thinks? If it's not also what you think you need to make that clear.

catgirl1976 Tue 20-Nov-12 18:27:41

Oh.

I thought you didn't mix with the "dregs of society".

It would rather appear that you do.

dinkybinky Tue 20-Nov-12 18:31:48

Fromesme, I do not think it’s appropriate for 14 year old boys or girls to be kissing (and more) up to 15 different boys/girls on one night.

FromEsme Tue 20-Nov-12 18:36:30

So you've said.

What's your point? That it is ok to then call girls who do that "slappers"?

missymoomoomee Tue 20-Nov-12 18:44:41

Its amazing how all of these people in your life have never kissed lots of boys in one night.

Do you maybe think you come over as very judgemental and people don't want to tell you the truth.

Leonas Tue 20-Nov-12 19:10:16

I am 30 and we did exactly the same at that age. My friends and I didn't have sex with the boys we kissed but there was a whole lot of snogging going on, mostly fuelled by Martini and cider!
I think girls are more likely to have sex at a younger age nowadays but the kissing loads of boys thing is definitely not new

greeneyed Tue 20-Nov-12 20:26:46

dinky really hmm "not so nice part of town" is that where all the dregs, slappers and bikes hang out - have you been resurrected from the 1950s? As I said before I think you've led a sheltered life.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 20-Nov-12 21:07:31

greeneyed it's funny that dinky should think the "not so good side of town" is where all the "^slappers^" live,because the fee paying schools where I live have a notorious reputation. But suppose all the dregs and poor slappers have led them astray.

Honestly binky,kissing,even sleeping around really isn't the biggest crime in the world.

And whilst you and your charming friend might still think of that woman as "the bike", I would imagine that the people she has in her life now don't. She's probably some bodies wife/parnter and mother by now.

greeneyed Tue 20-Nov-12 21:14:17

this thread is making me sad now - I miss snogging! Tell your niece to get in there and make the most of it smile

cory Tue 20-Nov-12 21:25:02

Fishwife1980 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:26:48

"any one who has a teenage daughter 15/16/17 i would be intested to know what you have told you duaghter about this type of thing"

This:

MardyArsedMidlander Tue 20-Nov-12 17:28:41

"And if I ever had had a daughter, I would have warned her to steer well clear of nasty little misogynists who snog girls and then call them slappers"

If dd ever shows signs of basing her self esteem on the opinions of nasty little misogynists like that, then I shall be sorry indeed.

As for ds, I feel confident that if he ever uses expressions like that, dd will kill him. So that's all taken care of.

fridgepants Tue 20-Nov-12 21:28:53

I would have been very happy to explore my sexuality as a teenager - sadly most of the boys I knew were either boring or arseholes so I spent my teen years wondering why I was weird for not fancying who my friends did.

I'm 30 and when I was 15 this happened, and my friend - from a church-going Catholic family - frequently went clubbing at the same age. She lost her virginity at 17 to the same partner she's still with after 13 years.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 20-Nov-12 21:30:27

Fridge - I never liked the same boys as my friends. I liked their older brothers instead grin

fridgepants Tue 20-Nov-12 21:34:36

Some of my friends are right old kinky slappers and they're yet to be slapped down with the plague for their sins. However, I've had herpes simplex since I was about six, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't snogging any boys then.

I keep telling DP that if he really loved me he'd let me give him a cold sore as a badge of commitment.

fridgepants Tue 20-Nov-12 21:38:49

"there are women who i went to school with 10 years ago who people still call slags from then"

Then they need to grow the fuck up and wash the sand out of their vaginas before they end up with knickers full of pearls.

I hated it as a teenager when people referred to 'male slags' or 'male sluts' as well. Because obviously it was so normal for men to like sex that if they did it to excess we needed to compare them with dirty hooers.

FromEsme Tue 20-Nov-12 21:48:47

You know, I really do not understand people who still care about what went on at school. I left my shithole of a home town 12 years ago and have been back about 3 times, so really, I don't even remember 99% of the people I went to school with.

The thought that some of them are still down in the pub moaning about what so and so did a decade ago seems so fucking odd to me. And sad. And pathetic.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 20-Nov-12 21:50:19

Fromesme I agree completely.

fridgepants Tue 20-Nov-12 22:04:15

I left mine so fast I left skidmarks. I wanted to get somewhere more interesting with more shops and boys and where my gay friends could snog somewhere other than pub toilets so they didn't get beaten up (one thing that's good about teens today: my nephew tells me there are out gay people at his/my old college now).

A few years ago (pre-Facebook) I found a Geocities website someone i went to school with had set up, which had an imaginary wrestling match between me and another unpopular person in the class on it. Yep, really, written by a grown man. At this point I hadn't seen nor spoken to this person for seven years. It made me sad. One of the reasons I stopped using Facebook is that it depressed me to see people cleaving to school/university societies a decade or more later. Keeping the friends is great - I do - but never moving on from it is not.

I can't fathom who would care less about who was or wasn't a 'slag' in 1996.

greeneyed Tue 20-Nov-12 22:13:04

Ha ha me too ran out of boys in my home town smile seriously I am back now 20 years later in the village I grew up in - I wonder if they are all wispering 'bike' when I go in the pub grin

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