To think he should buy a new fucking engagement ring!?

(312 Posts)

I got a text from my ex fiance this morning saying:

"Hiya, this might sound a bit weird, but can I have the engagement ring back?? Think I may have found a new recipient!"

My face was like this shock.

I've not seen him for a while- since I picked the last of my stuff up- and have been distancing myself, but he didn't mention anything when I saw him. I asked him when we split if he wanted the ring back, and he said no.

Obviously I don't wear the ring, but it still means something. And what woman in their right mind would want a ring chosen by a man's ex and worn by her for nearly 3 years? I think that's pretty insulting for both of us. AIBU??

Not your problem. Wish him well, tell him to come and pick it up, it's his ring.

spottybotts Sat 17-Nov-12 23:50:48

You should have given him the ring back when you split. What woman in their right mind would want to keep something that reminded her of an ex? Imagine how your future husband would feel.

OpheliaPayneAgain Sat 17-Nov-12 23:51:22

Legally it's YOUR ring - you don;t have to return it.

squeakytoy Sat 17-Nov-12 23:52:21

Tell him you have already sold it..

SarkyWench Sat 17-Nov-12 23:52:25

Tell him you sold it.
Then sell it.

Minshu Sat 17-Nov-12 23:52:45

Apart from anything emotional, case law apparently dictates that an engagement ring is a gift and, as such, cannot be requested back at the end of a relationship (according to a magistrate when I had to take an ex to small claims court about a loan I'd given him before we split - he had wanted the cost of the engagement ring to be taken into account, even though he had lost his).

spottybotts Sat 17-Nov-12 23:53:06

Judge jury would say you have to return it!

spottybotts Sat 17-Nov-12 23:53:34

I meant Judge judy

Allalonenow Sat 17-Nov-12 23:54:34

An Engagement ring remains the property of the woman who received it, just like any other gift. Tell him to go to Beaverbrooks!

Tiredmumno1 Sat 17-Nov-12 23:54:46

I agree with squeaky and sarky

IneedAgoldenNickname Sat 17-Nov-12 23:55:17

I've still got my engagement ring from my ex, I plan to pawn it if I'm ever desperate. My Mum did just that with her engagement and wedding runs when her and Dad split, she couldn't afford Christmas otherwise.

How is it his ring anyway? Surely it's given as a gift?

Numberlock Sat 17-Nov-12 23:55:55

I wouldn't even acknowledge the text/request.

YANBU.

I think he does have the right to ask for it back as it was part of a contract (to marry) that was unfulfilled. Unless you got engaged at Christmas or on your birthday - in which case it's a gift. May well be wrong on that front though! (The birthday present was the reason my DBro ex gave him for keeping hers - and the contract thing was the reason she gave him for taking his back!!) It does sound rather like selfish bullshit to me though, but I think it proved the point that she wasn't the nicest of people to him so he was glad to leave it and run.

lovebunny Sat 17-Nov-12 23:56:46

Not your problem. Wish him well, tell him to come and pick it up, it's his ring.
no. sorry.
an engagement ring, once given, cannot be claimed back.

IneedAgoldenNickname Sat 17-Nov-12 23:57:17

Runs = rings

And cross posted damn phone being so slow tonight

TeaDr1nker Sat 17-Nov-12 23:57:46

It is yours, it was a gift. End of.

He could buy it off you of course...

dolallylass Sat 17-Nov-12 23:57:55

Tell him you sold it. Sell it. Spend the money. grin

OpheliaPayneAgain Sat 17-Nov-12 23:58:18

A gift is given. You don't haved to return it.

Judge Judy is American. They have bizarre laws from state to state.

Our law states:

he legal position for engagement rings at least is governed by section 3(2) of the Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970, which states:

The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

Although it seems unfair, this means that unless there was an agreement to return the engagement ring if the wedding is cancelled -- which a court could imply if the ring is a family heirloom -- a cheating fiancé/fiancée is under no obligation to return the ring.

I don't keep it for any kind of sentimental value- it's in a box in my wardrobe waiting to go on Ebay blush

To be clear, he INSISTED I take it, so I did and told him I was going to sell it. He said it was a gift and to do what I like with it.

As far as I know, legally it's mine as it was a gift, but it can be seen as part of a contract which has now ended.

It was just a bit random and out of the blue. I didn't think it was the done thing to recycle engagement rings. I wouldn't use it if I get engaged again!

HolyBrrrrrrBatman Sun 18-Nov-12 00:00:59

tell him you'll give him a good deal if he wants to buy it off you?

PiggeryJokery Sun 18-Nov-12 00:04:15

Tell him you're sorry you sold it, but you've looked on eBay and there's one just like it going for a decent price.

ll31 Sun 18-Nov-12 00:04:22

I'd tell him I threw it in river -and then sell it

WorraLiberty Sun 18-Nov-12 00:05:16

Tell him you sold it and spent the night in a lap dancing club surrounded by gorgeous men grin

WilsonFrickett Sun 18-Nov-12 00:05:48

Omg imagine wearing someone else's engagement ring?

Sell it.

Salmotrutta Sun 18-Nov-12 00:06:56

Oh - I once knew a guy who gave his fiancee The Family Heirloom Engagement Ring.
They then broke up and she was so enraged she destroyed it (I think she stamped on it or something - it was years ago) - he was then worried sick about telling his Mum sad and was asking us all what he should say/do sad.

I don't even know how it all turned out ...

stargirl1701 Sun 18-Nov-12 00:07:09

I believe that legally the ring constitutes a contract in law and if you don't get married then it belongs to the giver. It's only yours if you marry him. This is info from a TV show so could be bollocks.

MadameCreeper Sun 18-Nov-12 00:08:41

I'm with Numberlock, don't even acknowledge or respond to the text.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 18-Nov-12 00:09:30

You should have given it back when you split. It isn't really the done thing to keep an engagement ring if you don't actually get married.

You should give it back to him regardless of what he actually wants it for.

Salmotrutta Sun 18-Nov-12 00:11:02

Obviously a different scenario to you OP - but it was the mention of "heirlooms" that reminded me of that story.

OP - if I was you I'd sell it (if it isn't an heirloom) and tell him he is mad to give another girl the self-same ring.

Then watch the film The Family Stone.

stargirl arf @the TV show potential bollocks disclaimer

It isn't a family heirloom. We went to goldsmiths and chose it together he picked a minging one to begin with If it was I would have returned it without question as soon as we split up. I also would have given it back if he had wanted it at the time. I offered and he insisted I keep it. It seems he only wants it back to give to someone else. I find that odd!

foslady Sun 18-Nov-12 00:11:05

Or does he not really care about getting the ring back and he's just being a 'look at me I'm getting engaged again and you're not' type twat......

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 18-Nov-12 00:11:43

Oh just saw your post saying he told you to keep it!

In that case...tell him you've sold it. Ignoring him probably won't work because he'll just ask for it again.

JennyPiccolo Sun 18-Nov-12 00:12:35

Tell him to buy another fucking ring. Yanbu.

squeakytoy Sun 18-Nov-12 00:16:29

Who ended the relationship?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 18-Nov-12 00:17:18

Just tell him that you did as he suggested at the time and sold it - sorry.

Poor girl <his new (boak) 'recipient'. Shudder>.

YOU had a lucky escape!!

squeaky twas mutual but hard and very long and drawn out IYSWIM. Tis a long story and have had a few wine but I have posted about it before. I'll try to link if I can find them.

libbyssister Sun 18-Nov-12 00:20:10

Do you think that he really wants the ring back or is this his insensitive, roundabout way of telling you he's got engaged to someone else?

Don't respond and sell the ring.

squeakytoy Sun 18-Nov-12 00:20:45

Its ok, I was just thinking that perhaps if you had dumped him, then he may have had just a teeny bit of justification in asking for the ring back.. (although what sort of skinflint would want to give a new gf his ex's engagement ring baffles me.. )..

Backstory

Here you go smile

BillyBollyBandy Sun 18-Nov-12 00:22:22

Unless you are skint give it back and tell him what a "lucky lady" she is

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 18-Nov-12 00:23:03

You learn a new thing every day, I always thought it was a gift with a view to marriage so if you did actually marry it was yours but if you didn't you should give it back.

But I never worked out why anyone would want to give a different woman the ring if it was brought for someone else.

Send him back a haribo one

squeakytoy Sun 18-Nov-12 00:23:52

hmm... definitely sell it... he sounds horrible..

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 18-Nov-12 00:24:48

I have to go with Judge Judy, and I think the right thing to do on your part is give it back, even if you dont have to. Unfortunately.

On his part, the right thing to do would be BUY A NEW SODDING RING! Twat. I know of another man that has given his current partner a ring that was bought for his long term ex girlfriend. It's vey distasteful.

SirBoobAlot Sun 18-Nov-12 00:24:50

Don't even reply to him.

Then find him on facebook and message the new woman and warn her how cheap he is.

I don't want to sound bitchy, but I picked up the last of my stuff about a month ago and he was still single then. I'm not 100% sure that even a new ring would be well recieved!

VodIsGod Sun 18-Nov-12 00:29:36

I think he's just playing mind games with you. Ignore him.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 18-Nov-12 00:29:39

LOL! Well his "recipient" might be a very very scared lucky lady if he's proposing that quickly!

fromparistoberlin Sun 18-Nov-12 00:30:19

read backstory, you are well rid!!

ignore him. ebay !

aceupmysleeve Sun 18-Nov-12 00:30:47

Under insolvency law, what stargirl says is true. I have looked into this as I'm filing for bankruptcy, and don't want them to take my engagement ring! I was advised that an engagement ring constitutes a gift conditional on an event taking place (for example the marriage or civil partnership) and the ring does not pass as property to the recipient until the marriage has taken place (see the Technical Manual here). So I've had to wait to get married until I sort out my insolvency, otherwise it would be considered part of my assets!

But, in this case, if he told you to keep it once the engagement was off, the condition no longer applies. Although you probably have no evidence that he said that, but I doubt it'll come to a legal dispute if you just refuse to hand it back.

TheNameisNOTZiggy Sun 18-Nov-12 00:32:04

The ring is yours to keep. It was a gift. You offered to return it but he refused. Unfortunately he missed the boat!
So now Just tell him you sold it. Then sell it.

BOFingSanta Sun 18-Nov-12 00:38:14

My God, what a wanker he sounds! The ring is yours to dispose of as you see fit. I'd only say differently if it were a family ring, but as it isn't, tell him to get bent.

oldraver Sun 18-Nov-12 01:35:32

I reckon he's winding you up.

Sell the thing and have night out/holiday or send it back and tell him to use it as a cock ring

ZacharyQuack Sun 18-Nov-12 02:10:01

If you do decide to give it back, get your name engraved inside it first.

Bogeyface Sun 18-Nov-12 02:27:19

Oh Zachary that is inspired!

The question of her wearing a ring that you wore is a bit off centre as I think we can safely assume that the "recipient" wont know as he wont tell her!

I agree that ignoring him is probably the best option but I would be sorely tempted to reply with...

"Second hand Fiancé, second hand ring, how romantic!"

Nandocushion Sun 18-Nov-12 02:30:38

He should certainly buy a new fiancée a new ring, but that's nothing to do with you. Send it back to him and wish him your best. It's pretty low to do otherwise.

confuddledDOTcom Sun 18-Nov-12 02:31:11

ace, that doesn't fit with this though:

section 3(2) of the Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970, which states:

The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

confuddledDOTcom Sun 18-Nov-12 02:32:20

Oh and what's with British people educating themselves on British law by watching Judge Judy???

Nandocushion Sun 18-Nov-12 02:32:24

Bogeyface, why would you insult his new fiancée? What has she got to do with it?

Bogeyface Sun 18-Nov-12 02:43:38

I wasnt insulting her, I was insulting him! Admittedly it could be seen that I was insulting her but thats not what I meant.

Mousefunk Sun 18-Nov-12 07:55:21

He's trying to make you jealous.

Unless the engagement ring was a family heirloom, it's yours. If he bought it new, its yours. If it came from his great grandma, you have to return it.

RedHelenB Sun 18-Nov-12 08:32:13

If you don't wear it give it him back - what's the problem?

FredFredGeorge Sun 18-Nov-12 08:37:39

He doesn't really want the ring back, he's just trying to annoy/make you jealous you for whatever reason (probably 'cos he's a git).

lightrain Sun 18-Nov-12 08:41:17

Just read back story. Text him back, tell him sorry but you have sold the ring after he insisted you kept it. Wish him good luck with everything. Do not respond to any further messages.

I think he is trying to make you feel guilty but you don't need to waste all that energy on feeling guilty/ hurt/ whatever on him. Its been a while since you split and he insisted you kept the ring. So keep it and put it on eBay today.

gettingeasier Sun 18-Nov-12 08:42:43

God if you were engaged for 3 years it would have a definite "vintage" look to it !

YANBU what a cheapskate

meditrina Sun 18-Nov-12 08:45:30

I do like the idea of having your name/s engraved in it (or at least telling him it has, and asking if he's sure that'll go down well).

Unless very valuable and in need of the cash, I think I'd give it back at this point. It's an anecdote that reinforces lucky escape.

Euphemia Sun 18-Nov-12 08:45:58

If you tell him you sold it he'll just harangue you for the money you got for it. Give him the ring back, wish him every happiness with a shit-eating grin on your face, and cut what is hopefully the last of your ties to this git.

Startail Sun 18-Nov-12 08:47:20

DH and I choose my engagement ring together.

We were students, broke and had only known each other a few weeks,

He insisted on paying for my ring (I'd have happily gone halves).

So we agreed, if we split, I'd pay half and keep it (as it would look daft on his hairy fingers).

24 years on I would keep to that deal, although two DCs later I can't get it on.

I wouldn't sell it, it's not valuable and it would go to whichever DD liked it and my eternity ring (which is just a pretty dress ring, to the other).

Startail Sun 18-Nov-12 08:52:21

As for the OPs cheapskate X just tell him you've lost it or thrown it down a drain.
You don't ask for gifts back.

I said I'd pay for 1/2 of mine, because I never saw it as a gift from DH to me, but as a symbol that we were serious, to the rest of the world.

Its of no use to you really except as a bit of cash. Unless its worth thousands, it won't fetch much (I sold mine) so I would be tempted to give it back.

BalloonSlayer Sun 18-Nov-12 08:54:44

Blimey I'd let him have it back and be grin constantly about what the new GF would say to him if she found out.

I had a boyfriend years ago who went on holiday and brought me back a little charm thing to hang on a necklace (no necklace). I broke off with him not long after, and presently he sought me out and asked for it back as he had met someone new and wanted to give it to her. I wasn't upset but rather highly amused at what her reaction would have been - he was extremely tactless (one of the reasons I'd dumped him) and I could imagine the conversation.

Him: I've got this charm for you. I bought it for Balloonslayer when I was on holiday but she chucked me so now I want you to have it.

Her: Thanks it's lovely. Just as well she chucked you before you gave it to her, eh? Hahahaha

Him: Oh I'd already given it to her. But I went and asked for it back when I met you.

Her: hmm confused

[one week lateurrrrr...]

Him: Please could I have the charm back, I have met someone I would like to give it to, as you have broken up with me.

Her: There you go mate.

wannaBe Sun 18-Nov-12 08:55:06

and this is IMO why the woman should always be present at the choosing of the ring.

and what's all this "it's pretty low not to give it back" crap - she was given it as a gift. she asked the ex if he wanted it back and he said no. not "no not until I find someone else for it." grin

If it means nothing then I would sell it.

musicalendorphins Sun 18-Nov-12 08:58:37

First, take it in and have your initials and his engraved inside with some hearts and will always love you stuff.
Then give it back.
grin

VerySmallSqueak Sun 18-Nov-12 09:02:55

Give him a ring from a cracker,tell him to Fuck off, sell the real ring and spend the proceeds on the best bottle of Champagne money can buy.
Move on from this low life and don't ever have any more contact.

sudaname Sun 18-Nov-12 09:04:43

My DH has just said after l read OP out that what you should do is pawn it, get the money, then tell him where it is so he can buy it back if he wants it.

mental note, l'll have to watch him ! confused

Icelollycraving Sun 18-Nov-12 09:05:32

I think it is a way of trying to make you jealous. Text back & say he'd told you to do what you wanted with it so you did,you've sold it. Add by the way,congratulations! Really pleased you've moved on & are happy,that's great.
Makes it clear you are not jealous,unhappy etc.

expatinscotland Sun 18-Nov-12 09:07:10

Don't reply. Block him. Why is he still in contact, anyhow?

Take the ring to a pawn shop and buy yourself a chippy with the procedes.

Badgersnatch Sun 18-Nov-12 09:09:40

Go to Elizabeth Duke and buy one that looks just like it for thirty quid and give that to him. Flog the old one and buy something nice.

Slainte Sun 18-Nov-12 09:15:49

Do what musicalendorphins suggested grin

marriedinwhite Sun 18-Nov-12 09:17:24

When I broke an engagement I gave the ring back actually I threw it on the bed just before I walked out.

If I had kept it and spent the money on something else I would always feel that something overshadowed the rest of my life so I'm glad I gave it back.

In your situation although your ex sounds a complete arse it would give me most satisfaction to say "yes of course, I hope your new fiancee likes it" and then relish the thought that one day she'll find out what he had done.

How much is it worth by the way. Is it worth sweating over?

MardyBra Sun 18-Nov-12 09:17:54

Are you sure he's got a new fiancé. Maybe he wants to sell it himself. (Roughly he much isn't worth? )

MissMogwi Sun 18-Nov-12 09:25:22

He's only text you to let you know he's with someone new, to try and make you jealous. What an arse.

Don't answer him, flog the ring and buy something frivolous with the money.

TwitchyTail Sun 18-Nov-12 09:25:55

He sounds like a catch hmm Lucky new fiancee! Sounds like you are well rid.

But I do think rings should be returned (unless they are family heirlooms of the bride's side). Personally I'd have posted it through his letterbox at the time of the split if he refused to accept it in person. I'd do the same now and be done with it. Why stoop to his level and give him an excuse to engage with you further?

VolumeOfACone Sun 18-Nov-12 09:26:14

I'd sell it and give him half the money.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Sun 18-Nov-12 09:43:22

Having read your previous thread, I think this is all just another ploy to try to suck you back in, and I wholeheartedly concur with the other posters who have suggested not replying at all.

AViewfromtheFridge Sun 18-Nov-12 09:44:27

I agree with icelolly. There is no fiancee, he's trying to make you jealous. However, as you still have the ring, it is a (semi) legitimate reason for him to contact you.

Give it back, wish him well, and hopefully you'll never hear from him again!

StuntGirl Sun 18-Nov-12 09:50:18

Tell him you're sorry you sold it, but you've looked on eBay and there's one just like it going for a decent price.

Piggery grin

Engagement rings are gifts. He can ask for it back I suppose, but you don't have to give it. Tell him to sod off!

BalloonSlayer Sun 18-Nov-12 09:52:25

Actually I think I might text him with.

"You remember I chose that ring? You want ME to have chosen your new fiancee's engagement ring? Seriously? That's the funniest thing I ever heard. Lucky girl. Will put ring in post."

Scheherezade Sun 18-Nov-12 09:59:20

People who are saying its his ring/should be returned should maybe look into the history of engagement rings and why they exist at all.

Historically, they were given to provide financial compensation if a nan left a woman, and so destroyed her honour/chances of finding another suitor. It was supposed to be like a massive promise- because the man wouldn't want to lose out. Therefore expecting the ring back goes against the very reason engagement rings exist. This is why engagement rings are flashy with diamonds and precious stones, whilst wedding rings are plain bands.

Sallyingforth Sun 18-Nov-12 10:01:57

If I needed the money I would sell it.
Otherwise I would get my name discreetly engraved inside the ring, and hope that he didn't spot it before he gave it to her. smile

WhenShallWeThreeKingsMeetAgain Sun 18-Nov-12 10:29:49

An engagement is given as a sign of a Contract of Marriage. If the marriage does not go ahead, the contract is broken, and the ring is returned to the giver.

This is fact. This is the law.

Tell him to bugger off. It's yours, he gave it to you as a gift.

I do like the 'buy an Elizabeth Duke replica' idea though! grin

Scheherezade Sun 18-Nov-12 10:38:17

From wiki:

Legal ownership

Tradition generally holds that if the betrothal fails because the man himself breaks off the engagement, the woman is not obliged to return the ring. This reflects the ring's role as a form of compensation for the woman's damaged reputation Brinig, Margaret F. (Spring 1990) "Rings and Promises". Journal of Law, Economics, and Organization. Vol. 6, No. 1, pp. 203—215

picnicbasketcase Sun 18-Nov-12 10:39:43

It's not the law according to the links given above. I would sell it and keep the money or offer to sell it back to him.

MardyBra Sun 18-Nov-12 10:39:49

But we're in the 21st century now Scheherazade. Feminism has happened. I think the OP's prospects and honour are ok.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 18-Nov-12 10:40:36

Don't reply to the text. Your ex, for example, is a knob!

If you don't wear it as it is you could always take it to a jewellers and have it made into something you would wear. Upon divorce my mum took her round diamond set in yellow gold and had the stone set into a white gold band with a setting that made the stone look square.

MardyBra Sun 18-Nov-12 10:44:13

There are two issues here:

Legally. It seems that the op is legally entitled to keep the ring according to most sources.

Morally. This is a much greyer area. Personally I wouldn't have kept it in the first place. However the OP's ex doesn't sound like he deserves it back. This is why I asked the approx value.

HecatePropylaea Sun 18-Nov-12 10:46:31

Under UK law, you do not have to return it

here

" section 3(2) of the Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970, which states:

The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason."

So no, you don't have to return it.

Tell him you had it melted down and made into this so that you would always be reminded of him.

LOVING balloonslayer's text grin

I too think there is no new fiancee and he's trying to make you jealous. Given your circumstances he has no right to expect the ring back so what I'd do would depend on whether you can afford to give it back.

If it won't affect you too much financially I'd go with balloonslayer's text and send it back, not least because then all ties are severed and he has no excuse to keep contacting you. If you could use the money I'd tell him that given that he said you should do what you wished with it it has been sold, then sell it.

Then don't contact with him anymore and if he keeps texting you block him.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 18-Nov-12 11:54:56

People get very weird about jewellery don't they,

An ex had a small box full of earrings necklaces and things mostly silver and none of them expensive ( I don't even mean subjective expensive I doubt anything was more than about 9.99 from Argos ) in the bottom of an old gym bag. It was stuff he had given as gifts then reclaimed on break up.

It's very very strange.

MardyBra Sun 18-Nov-12 11:59:16

I can see why he is an ex tbh Sock. (did you hand back any Elizabeth Duke gold sovereign items when you split up?)

melika Sun 18-Nov-12 12:03:27

It was a gift, how low is he, to ask for it back?

whois Sun 18-Nov-12 12:06:06

Well, I can kind of see where he is coming from asking for it back.

But then it was a gift and you are perfectly entitled to keep it sell it whatever.

I'd probably give it back if I didn't need the cash as then it's a clen break and no ties remaining.

tisnottheseasonyet Sun 18-Nov-12 12:30:18

He should buy a new ring for her, yes.

He should also get the one he gave you back to do as he wishes with.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 18-Nov-12 12:42:12

The only items he gave me were a earring necklace set made from a metal of god knows what description and a green stone. They remained in the box unworn I'm pretty sure the box disappeared with him but I could never be bothered to check.

MardyArsedMidlander Sun 18-Nov-12 12:49:27

I sold my engagement ring and bought myself some damn nice moisturising cream. Which I needed after the stress of being engaged to that utter shit.

Corygal Sun 18-Nov-12 13:02:21

Ignore text, sell it. Enjoy the cash. For the sake of Fiancee 2 as well as you.

Afternoon

I had the ring valued and it's worth somewhere between £300-£500. I always planned to see it when I needed the money and it really is getting towards that time. To be fair, I spent £200 on a service for his car and bought 2 new tyres a few months before we split up. He never paid his half.

I quite like the idea of getting it engraved with my name before giving it back. And I LOVE Balloon's text. I text him last night saying "Well, I offered the ring back to you and you said it was mine and to keep it. Not to keep it till you find someone else. And do you really want your new fiance to wear a ring that I chose and wore for 3 years!?"

He replied saying that he thought the law stated that the ring was his as the giver (bearing in mind we split 18months ago), and that it doesn't matter because apparently the lady in question is with someone.

So, he's not even seeing her and is planning a proposal!?

Words fail.

RedHelenB Sun 18-Nov-12 13:08:46

Don't get why you want to keep it though? Like I say, give it him back & delete his number.

squoosh Sun 18-Nov-12 13:08:52

Tell him you've already sold it and then sell it.

No way should you hand it back!!!!!

Helen, I was planning to sell it. It's pure laziness that I haven't yet. I think it's the principle that's bothering me- the fact that he didn't want it back until he met someone else. And having been through a crappy relationship with him that totally destroyed my self esteem, I feel for her too. How insulting to be presented with a second hand ring that was actually chosen and worn by the man's previous fiancee. It just doesn't sit well.

difficultpickle Sun 18-Nov-12 13:14:54

I doubt there is a new recipient that is female. More likely he has found somewhere to sell it.

Corygal Sun 18-Nov-12 13:18:31

Given he either wants the ring to make money or to dump it on another poor woman, I'd say that was confirmation for you not to hand it over.

McChristmasPants2012 Sun 18-Nov-12 13:20:05

I wouldn't give my ring back now. I have had it for 6 years ( married just over 18 months) but if we split up it would go to our daughter

Wheresmypopcorn Sun 18-Nov-12 13:20:49

I think he's just using it as an excuse to tell you there's finally someone else in his life.

mumof4sons Sun 18-Nov-12 13:21:49

From the etiquette books:

If a bride-to-be breaks the engagement, she should return the ring to her finacee. If a groom-to-be calls off the engagement, he should allow his fiancee to retain the ring.

squoosh Sun 18-Nov-12 13:23:07

I think Kim Kardashian had a similar argument with that guy she married, except the ring was worth $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.

Well, according to the latest texts, he's kind of admired her from afar within a group of friends, decided he wants to not just date, but marry her, but forgot to check if she was single.

I'm not sure what to make of that really. Other then thanking my lucky stars I'm away from that!

squoosh Sun 18-Nov-12 13:26:06

Eeek, that sounds creepy as hell.

confuddledDOTcom Sun 18-Nov-12 13:27:06

WhenShallWeThreeKingsMeetAgain - do you want to quote a law that states the ring is the contract and should be handed back? And was this law written since 1970?

BlueSuedeStiletto - he's trying to wind you up. Ignore him and sell it, it is legally yours to keep, you are under no obligation to return it and you wouldn't give him a donation of £500, would you?

confuddledDOTcom Sun 18-Nov-12 13:28:24

mumof4sons - ah well, etiquette trumps law, right?

Catsmamma Sun 18-Nov-12 13:29:43

this makes me so mad!

unless the ring is a family heirloom and is given with that specific proviso, then the law is it belongs to the woman

<gavel>

DontmindifIdo Sun 18-Nov-12 13:34:09

Text back "legally, it belongs to me, check 1970 Marriage act." then refuse all other contact.

although if you are still in contact with any joint friends, I'd let them know about this. We'd have great fun winding up a friend who trying to pull a stunt like this...

MardyBra Sun 18-Nov-12 13:58:56

Say you'll give it back if he coughs up for the car bills you subbed him.

CruCru Sun 18-Nov-12 14:06:36

I'm just being nosy - what's it like?

I am now being subjected to a text rant about how I fucked him up by leaving and am responsible for his depression. sad

Cru tis this one, But I'm sure mine was about £780

In that case everyone who said he was just using this as an excuse to contact you was right.

DontmindifIdo Sun 18-Nov-12 14:17:30

Delete all texts and don't engage with him (no pun intended)

Sounds like he doesn't want the ring back, sounds like he wanted an excuse to contact you and tell you how he's found someone else he loves soooo much more in a hope it'd make you jealous and hurt, then he'd come and collect it from you all triumphant, getting to see you all curious about his new love and regretting letting him go. He's now pissed off that's not what happened.

BOFingSanta Sun 18-Nov-12 14:17:32

Just ignore his texts and stop interacting with him.

Nancy66 Sun 18-Nov-12 14:18:41

He sound unhinged.

You need to cease all contact.

Shenanagins Sun 18-Nov-12 14:18:45

My ex asked for mine back during our divorce. checked with my lawyer and under Scots law as it was a gift prior to marriage it was legally mine. Any jewelry given during the marriage would have been joint matrimonial assets so would have had to be shared equally.

i promptly hid said ring with a family member before getting my will sorted so he would have no claim on it if i died before our divorce was finalised.

tight bastard probably wanted to give it to his ow! strangely my oh has no problem with me still having it.

LaCiccolina Sun 18-Nov-12 15:02:26

If stone was nice, melt it and reset it. Only sell if need to.

Either way he can't ask for it back, tough titties!

simplesusan Sun 18-Nov-12 16:10:53

How bizzare.
I can see why he is your EX.
btw did you go with him when he bought the ring? Or did he just present it to you?.......Just a thought.

CremeEggThief Sun 18-Nov-12 16:18:32

God, he sounds unhinged!

Sell it. Quick.

complexnumber Sun 18-Nov-12 16:37:24

I understand everyone who tells you to sell it, and there is no proper reason why you should give it back.

But there is something that tells me that you should return it just to close that door. He may not deserve it, I just think you might feel more content knowing there was nothing that linked you together, not even his perceived view of she has/he has issues.

I suppose I am saying do not give him any chance of even thinking he has any moral high ground.

HecatePropylaea Sun 18-Nov-12 18:22:13

I think you have to decide what you want more - the few quid from selling the ring - or him to have no reason to contact you about it!

I'd not keep it if it meant I was likely to have to deal with hassle from him.

It's just not worth it for the sake of a bit of cash.

squoosh Sun 18-Nov-12 18:34:29

Despite my previous comments I'd advise you to give up the ring if it means you get to cease all contact with this man.

I think I agree with posters telling me to send it back. I really don't want any reason for him to contact me again.

The conversation I had with him today was just plain weird- he doesn't even seem to know this woman very well, and he kept jumping around, beinf nasty then saying something nice and not really following the conversation at all. It was all a bit disturbing and I think I need to be well away from it!

I'll pop it in the post. Any ideas what to write in the accompanying card?

Bogeyface Sun 18-Nov-12 18:39:01

I prefer the idea of finding a cheap similar ring, would he really know that he had the right one back?

HecatePropylaea Sun 18-Nov-12 18:40:27

I wouldn't bother sending one.

squoosh Sun 18-Nov-12 18:40:31

'Here's the ring as requested. Wishing you all the best for the future.'

Done.

HecatePropylaea Sun 18-Nov-12 18:40:38

card, that is.

tinkertitonk Sun 18-Nov-12 18:40:53

The classy thing to do is to give it back.

You know that.

PurpleRayne Sun 18-Nov-12 18:41:03

Don't write anything if you decide to return it. Send it registered. Just so he can't deny receipt.

Bogeyface Sun 18-Nov-12 18:42:28

Bogey that is a tempting idea. I think I like the 3rd one best though. Or, more to the point, I like the £16.99 price tag! grin

MadameCreeper Sun 18-Nov-12 18:49:14

Ok I'm going to change my mind as he sounds a bit unhinged. Post it back by special delivery for insurance purposes and he can't try to engage you in further conversation by it "getting lost". If you must put a note in make it short with no emotion, here is the ring as requested.

DontmindifIdo Sun 18-Nov-12 18:51:26

Hmm, I wouldn't return it, but then that's me. grabby cow that I am

I also would just refuse to have any contact with him in the future.

blanksquit Sun 18-Nov-12 18:51:26

I'd write nothing with it. I think he's hard up and needs the money from selling it. i.e. no other woman.

Personally I think it belongs to you and you should sell it. He lacks class asking for it.

Bogeyface Sun 18-Nov-12 19:06:54

Yes, I thought you might like that one grin

The thing is, would he really know it was the one you bought 3 years ago? I bet he has a vague idea of how it looks, and as long as it looks similar.....wink

Bogeyface Sun 18-Nov-12 19:08:18

or rather that is wasnt the one you bought!

CremeEggThief Sun 18-Nov-12 19:32:55

Not that you owe him or her anything, but if you don't return it, I reckon you will do him a favour, by saving him from the total embarrassment of approaching a comparative stranger with an engagement ring, and her a bigger one, by being put in that position, and I imagine, being rather freaked out by it!

Badgersnatch Sun 18-Nov-12 19:52:50

Bogey you are good <preens self at being right that you could get a replica for fuck all in Lizzy Dukes>

I really am starting to warm to the replica ring idea. grin

Banders are you really sure that an impressive knowledge of LizD jewellery is something to be proud of?

Bogeyface Sun 18-Nov-12 20:22:22

Badger you were the inspiration, I just took it one step further!

Lets face it Blue anything that is in the posh shops at megabucks, you can get in LizzieD's for peanuts, thats where I got my favourite dress ring from! I bought it when I was engaged and my diamond fell out. It felt weird not wearing it while it ws being fixed so I bought a cheap replacement from there. It had a much much larger "Diamond" wink for about a fraction of the cost of the real one! If I am going somewhere posh I put the cheap one on so people think I am rich grin

McChristmasPants2012 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:28:23

I would keep the ring and text back that you owe me the money from the car repairs and you will only get the ring back once it's been paid in full.

Badgersnatch Sun 18-Nov-12 20:29:42

Bogey, you did the research though while I just talked grin

LadyHarrietdeSpook Sun 18-Nov-12 20:31:07

Something similar happened to a friend of mine - guy actually broke off the engagement and asked her for the ring back several months later! Not to GIVE TO SOMEONE (although he was a 'charmer' too, in his own special way) but because he needed the cash. She sold it and they split the proceeds.

In principle I agree with ignoring the text but in reality I think I'd do what my friend did. She could have kept it but would have felt the situation somehow 'hanging over her' in some way.

Morally there's nothing here that you could do that's strictly speaking 'wrong' though - giving it back may be the lowest maintenance option but I agree it's a gift and if you wanted to stand your ground on that (and can bear his insane texts), go for it.

"I think I agree with posters telling me to send it back. I really don't want any reason for him to contact me again."
He will find another reason. sad

apostropheuse Sun 18-Nov-12 21:15:00

My ex husband asked me for my engagement and wedding ring back. Stupidly enough I gave it to him. I think I was so shocked that he asked that I gave it without thinking.

We had been together for nineteen years, married for seventeen years and had four children together.

You should keep it, it's yours.

squoosh Sun 18-Nov-12 21:23:05

shock

It's one thing a fiancee asking for the ring back but a husband?? You owned that ring for 17 years!!!!!!!!! Tight arsed fuck.

No offense intended.

apostropheuse Sun 18-Nov-12 21:26:04

No offence taken Squoosh. Once I had time to think about it I called him much worse, I can assure you!

commanderprimate Sun 18-Nov-12 21:58:45

I don't think you should return the ring because if you do you're giving in to his unreasonable, and pretty unhingned, demands, and also showing him that he can change his mind as many times as he likes (he INSISTED you keep the ring after all).

Be a bit unreasonable back. Sell it and tell him you don't care if that pisses him off, and that legally he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

At the moment the process of winding you up is emotionally rewarding for him. Make it unrewarding.

CarefullyAirbrushedPotato Sun 18-Nov-12 22:30:37

cor, what a cheek! I agree with others who suggest to tell him that you've sold it. Apart from anything else, if you were to return it what other gifts will he now be trying to reclaim??
(I had mine dismantled and incorporated into a very nice wedding ring which we otherwise wouldn't have been able to afford)

AdriftAndOutOfStardust Sun 18-Nov-12 22:37:06

It's definitly yours - don't even think of giving it back. Keep it or sell it but if he wants to get engaged again he can buy a new ring.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 18-Nov-12 23:25:36

He will just find another excuse to contact you

OP, I really believe that if you give it back, he will find some other unreasonable reason to contact you. Sell the ring and tell him to fuck off. At least that way you will have the satisfaction of having refused to play his game, as well as the money. Who knows, it might even give him the hint that he has no place in your life now.

confuddledDOTcom Mon 19-Nov-12 01:10:15

I agree with WhereYouLeftIt, you'd be giving him ground, he wouldn't leave you alone because he'd know he can gain ground from you.

I like badger's idea grin

Bogeyface Mon 19-Nov-12 01:11:44

Hmm....that's true actually, he would find another excuse because he knows that he can get to you.

Scratch the Argos ring idea and tell him to get bent.

He's used the ring as a convenient excuse to get back in contact with you. He's invented this woman (because you've got no way of knowing if she's actually real) to make you jealous, and sincerely hopes that he can fuck with your head some more because he misses being able to do so.

If you send the ring back, he will be getting what he craves - attention from you, and will ramp up his behaviour to continue getting this attention.

He wants to get his hooks back into you. Don't let him!

Forgot to add that I'd recommend changing your mobile number. He knows how to push your buttons, so lessen any and every opportunity for him to do so.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Mon 19-Nov-12 01:39:38

Tell him there is a lovely kissing diamonds one on Ebay at the moment!

Bogeyface Mon 19-Nov-12 01:40:27

He's invented this woman

I am not sure about that Tapir. If he had then I am certain that she would have been young, single and hot for him. Not someone he has barely spoken to and forgotten to ask if she had a BF grin If he is going for jealousy then it was an epic fail, as I laughed my head off at that bit and I bet the OP did too!

Hmm good point Bogey, but then some men are quite shite at making stuff up! <like my dh is>

HecatePropylaea Mon 19-Nov-12 06:13:02

I wouldn't bet on him having invented her either.

My husband went to get 'my' engagement ring back off his ex!

I didn't know this for years!

He saw it as his ring, that he gave to 'his' wink woman. He had the sense to not bloody tell me that though!

So it may well be true.

I later sold the ring and told him I'd lost it. blush

PanickingIdiot Mon 19-Nov-12 09:15:45

Sending the ring back won't guarantee that you never hear from him again.

Changing your phone number will.

StuntGirl Mon 19-Nov-12 11:05:14

I agree that whether you send it back or not he will still find excuses to harrass contact you.

Change your number and have nothing more to do with him or his poison. You really will be all the better for it.

Hammy02 Mon 19-Nov-12 11:15:08

YABU. I thought an engagement ring was given on the understanding you would get married? I have given an engagement ring back to an ex. It wouldn't occur to me to have kept it.

confuddledDOTcom Mon 19-Nov-12 11:41:22

No Hammy, the law states that an engagement ring is a gift unless you make specific arrangements to give it back (for example a family heirloom). A few of us have linked to the marriage reform act 1970 above if you want to check.

OneMoreChap Mon 19-Nov-12 13:49:02

Unbelievable.

Him for saying that he wanted to give it to someone else.
OP for not returning it in the first place

Do you want your ring back?

Shouldn't have had to ask, FFS, she should have returned it immediately

BOFingSanta Mon 19-Nov-12 14:14:05

It was a gift. Obviously. As has been said as infinitum.

The money he fleeced her for car repairs wasn't.

confuddledDOTcom Mon 19-Nov-12 14:15:24

OneMoreChap - legally it's hers, why should she return it?

Frontpaw Mon 19-Nov-12 14:18:05

How romantic.
'Darling... Will you marry me? (Once I get the ring back from my ex - your fingers are about the same size)

OneMoreChap Mon 19-Nov-12 14:25:27

confuddledDOTcom

legally it's hers, why should she return it

Because legal and moral are two different things?

An engagement ring is surely given in anticipation of a marriage, and if it doesn't take place it should be returned...

unless you espouse the Zsa-Zsa Gabor style of "I never hated a man enough to give him back his diamonds".

If the twat owes her for car repairs there are ways and means.

Um, excuse me, but I think I have made it quite clear that it it wasn't "Do you want your ring back"- I left it on the side and he picked it up and gave it to me. I told him to keep it but he insisted that it was a gift and therefore mine. I'm not sure exactly what more you would expect me to do OneMoreChap, but at the time my whole life had fallen apart and I didn't really want to stand arguing about a ring. And my mind wasn't exactly on potential future implications! hmm

Also, this was getting on for 2 years ago now. My point was that firstly and engagement ring is a gift, and although it can be seen otherwise he could have taken it at the time with no resistance from me. It's odd that he is asking for it after all this time, and very wrong that he want's to give it to someone else.

Anyway, that aside, the situation is most odd. I'm sure this woman does exist but they're not together and I had lots of strange and abusive texts last night. No real conversation, all over the place and jumping from subject to subject- I suspect there was alcohol involved. It appears he is struggling to move on despite making to effort to address the issues at the time. Sigh. Not my problem though, I gave it my best and things are good for me at the moment. I have told him not to contact me again. I think the best course of action now it to sell it myself and possibly send him some money (although I'm not sure why I should given the car repairs!)

Hecete I can't believe your DH did that! What a weird way to look at it. He always sounds quite sensible when you talk about him! grin

OneMoreChap Thing is, I didn't end the relationship, he did, without ever talking it through with me or responding to any attempt I made to fix things. If I'd dumped him then morally I'd agree that returning it would be the done thing.

But it wasn't it was him that finished it in the end, although the feeling was mutual, and him that insisted I take it. How do you square that morally!?

OneMoreChap Mon 19-Nov-12 14:34:45

OP: I asked him when we split if he wanted the ring back, and he said no.

BlueSuedeStiletto Mon 19-Nov-12 14:27:01
Um, excuse me, but I think I have made it quite clear that it it wasn't "Do you want your ring back"- I left it on the side and he picked it up and gave it to me. I told him to keep it but he insisted that it was a gift and therefore mine.

1) No, read what you said originally, not that clear!
2) You still kept it

As I said, he's completely unreasonable in any case.

HecatePropylaea Mon 19-Nov-12 14:37:53

It was weird. very weird. I only found out because I happened to see a photo of her and thought hang on, that ring looks familiar hmm

Ever practical, I suppose grin

McKayz Mon 19-Nov-12 14:39:20

A wedding planning book I had covered this subject. I don't know if this is legally or just morally but from the links I guess it was morally.

But it said if the man ended the relationship the woman kept the ring and if the woman ended the relationship she had to return the ring.

I wasn't aware that you'd be needing the exact wording grin

I went to leave it because I assumed he would want it. When he told me to keep it I asked him if he wanted it.

Yes I still kept it. He told me to, so I did. I'm not sure why you think that is unreasonable- should I have assumed that he didn't really mean it!?

Hec Thank god it was after years of marriage that you found out! Bless him, maybe he bought it at 18 in preparation for the future! wink

OneMoreChap Mon 19-Nov-12 14:42:38

Nah, I think he's a twat.
I think your OP wasn't clear, which is why I boggled a bit.

Can't imagine why you'd want to keep a reminder of a twat like that, so bit puzzled why you did, but none of my beeswax. Had our situations been reversed, I'd have chucked it at him.

confuddledDOTcom Mon 19-Nov-12 14:47:34

Morally??? Morals are personal, just because that's your morals doesn't mean that it should be used to dictate everyone else's!

It still sounds like people are educating themselves on their own country by watching American TV...

Maybe it wasn't clear enough. Sorry 'bout that!

I kept it mainly because he insisted he wanted me to have it. I always intended to sell it- it's very expensive to end a relationship and have to move! I've just never quite got round to it. The jeweler who valued it said I'd get a better result on Ebay rather then pawning it and I've not quite figured out how Ebay works yet. (But I'm gonna have to soon as I've got loads of old toot stuff to sell!)

I don't keep it as a reminder of him or our relationship in any way!

stumpymosha Mon 19-Nov-12 15:10:23

No, you're not being unreasonable. The law states that when an engagement ring is given, that is exactly what happened, it was given to you by him so it's yours to keep. The only loophole would be if you agreed at the time he GAVE it to you that you would return it if you were to split, or if the ring happened to be a family heirloom, then he would still have a fight on his hands to get it back. If he tries to claim it was a family heirloom, you can prove him wrong because all gold jewellery is stamped with a symbol that represents the year it was made. I'm sure his new prospective wife would be devastated if she knew what he was planning to do. How dare he?
The ring's yours, don't let him have it, especially if he plans to pass it on to another woman. Keep it for her sake, unless you don't like her. If that's the case, take a picture of yourself wearing it, give it back and show her the picture when she gushing over it and showing all her friends the beautiful engagement ring her loving fiance picked out just for her.

OneMoreChap Mon 19-Nov-12 15:29:33

confuddledDOTcom Mon 19-Nov-12 14:47:34
Morally??? Morals are personal, just because that's your morals doesn't mean that it should be used to dictate everyone else's!

... but a post in AIBU suggests responses are required, and not necessarily by people who agree with you.

It still sounds like people are educating themselves on their own country by watching American TV...

<Whoosh!>
Sorry, that's gone completely over my head.
My education on my own country was largely in this country - although admittedly not entirely - and most of the American TV I watched was in the the USA.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 19-Nov-12 15:50:52

Going by his text rant and the way he thought this woman he knows 'from a group of friends' might want to marry him, he sounds like a weirdo. And I think you sound as though you still know way too much about his life considering you've been exes for nearly two years.

And the ring's yours. Sell it. Treat yourself to something. Delete his phone number and change yours.

Celestialcloud Mon 19-Nov-12 16:20:24

I agree that he's being unreasonable. Take the high ground, say I'm really really pleased that you've found someone special but I'm sorry I sold the ring like we agreed.
I really can't imagine his new fiancé being best pleased to know that it was a ring that you'd picked and worn for so long too.

Celestialcloud Mon 19-Nov-12 16:22:50

I seem to have missed about 8 pages of this thread - think I have missed something (a lot) please ignore that post, don't think it makes sense anymore ....

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 19-Nov-12 16:31:02

Do many people add on " but give me the ring back if we split up" to a proposal?

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Mon 19-Nov-12 16:34:23

Too many pages to read through fully but it sounds like it was an excuse to contact you, maybe to see if you still had the ring (youve obviously slept with it under your pillow every night sobbing at your loss if you have kept it *in his delusional mind!). Tell him if he really wants the ring he can buy it off you minus the 2 year secure storage costs.

Oh please please get it engraved and hand it back

blueemerald Mon 19-Nov-12 17:06:25

I totally agree with posters who are saying if you give it back now he will see this as you still dancing to his tune. I would have replied along the lines of "oh, that ring? I sold that months ago, why would I have kept it?"

Right, so I think the plan is now that I'm going to sell it as origianlly planned. I need the money now anyway.

I'll see if he contacts me again. If he does I'll tell that I've sold it and change my number.

All or at least 80% in agreement? grin

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Mon 19-Nov-12 17:28:36

Its really hard to sell jewellery on, I have a ring that was over £2k and I cant get £500 for it at the moment.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 19-Nov-12 17:37:52

That's odd izzy there are so many jewellery buying places about, have you tried any of the older traditional type jewellers near you?

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Mon 19-Nov-12 17:40:28

Ive been to a few jewellers, they are all offering scrap value! so circ £250-£300, I know the resale value is higher but no one on ebay is biting so they may be right.

Its a "branded" one so a lot of the value is in the name. The only one offering decent money is the original shop on a part ex basis, but I want some money not more jewellery.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 19-Nov-12 17:43:24

That makes sense now I know it's a brand one

CruCru Mon 19-Nov-12 17:50:30

The thing is, it isn't obvious that the ring would even suit this woman. It is a lovely ring but I would have struggled to be pleased if I was presented with it without being given a choice - I have short stocky hands and square stones really accentuate that. Also, as there are stones on the band it would be harder to make the ring larger.

You may be doing the prospective fiancée a favour by not returning it.

izzy Yeah that's what the Jeweller I spoke to said- Jewellers only really sell new jewellery or antiques, not second hand new jewellery IYSWIM, so I'd only really get money for the gold. The stones are small and not worth much on their own. She told me to have it cleaned and polished and stick it on Ebay. I'm likely to get a sale there cos although it was around £800 new, the resale value is around £300 so it'd be a bit of a bargain for someone looking for a stylish ring on a budget. She also wrote me a professional sounding description, so that should help.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Mon 19-Nov-12 18:28:12

I have mine on a 30 day fixed price listing - hopefully someone will be desperate for Christmas

Bogeyface Mon 19-Nov-12 19:11:45

Blue when you list it, add a link to the page on Goldsmiths so people can see what a bargain they are getting.

Bogeyface Mon 19-Nov-12 19:12:48

AND DONT SEND HIM ANY MONEY!

It still dances to his tune, and if he asks you can say that you have kept his "half" of the money in lieu of him paying you back for the car repairs.

confuddledDOTcom Mon 19-Nov-12 19:58:53

OneMoreChap - you've obviously not read the thread if you don't know why there are comments on American TV (then again you would have known the law if you had because it's been quoted about 5 times already) and know it's not aimed at you, amazingly in 216 posts.

This might be AIBU but it's not "Are My Morals As Good As Yours?"

Sockreturningpixie -if it's a family heirloom then it may be discussed or it could be argued that it is reasonable to expect that it would be wanted back.

OneMoreChap Mon 19-Nov-12 20:06:08

confuddledDOTcom the throwaway comment of Judge Judy?
You've parlayed that into people educating themselves on British Law?

Astonishing.

Oh and to highlight this is AIBU not "Am I legally right in..." Pshaaw!

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 19-Nov-12 21:09:27

confuddled. Hush up. Here I was sat here merrily thinking about loads of really elaborate proposals totally ruined by money grabbing proposers saying but give me back my Elizabeth duke ring if we break up.

And you go and ruin it by being sensible grin

confuddledDOTcom Mon 19-Nov-12 22:39:03

Um... no, not "the" comment on Judge Judy. Several people have used it as evidence, several people have said it's the law (which it is not in the UK and from what I can tell hasn't been as before the 1970 Marriage Reform the ring was to compensate the woman if the engagement ended, which is why it is traditionally a significant amount and far more elaborate than a wedding ring).

Yes, this is AIBU, but to tell someone that it's morally wrong to follow the law is different to saying YABU to follow the law. Unreasonableness is an opinion. Morals are personal and vary between each person, so whilst you may think someone is unreasonable to go against YOUR morals, it's not morally wrong.

I've never said this thread is asking if the law is right or wrong, I commented on you using your morals to judge hers.

Sorry Sockreturningpixie blush maybe you should try giving socks instead of rings?

OneMoreChap Mon 19-Nov-12 22:43:30

Several people have used it as evidence,

really?

Point to them, and where they said it was evidence rather than bollocks?

Oh, and FFS more than one person said she should have sent it back.
So my morals are less than yours - no, different perhaps. SO, IMO yes, going by the OP she was BU.

Moosylorris Mon 19-Nov-12 22:46:15

I would suggest he go and fuck himself wink

Bogeyface Mon 19-Nov-12 22:55:03

Onemore She assumed he would want it back, she offered it, he pressed it onto her insisting she keep it.

2 years later, when she has planned to sell it and he owes her money he never repaid, he asks for it back to propose to a woman he doesnt actually know and she says "touch tits matey, you said i could keep it".

I dont see the moral dilemma here!

Bogeyface Mon 19-Nov-12 22:55:46

Tough tits, not touch tits grin

he thought the law stated that the ring was his as the giver

grin grin grin

Bogeyface Mon 19-Nov-12 22:59:47

grin just dribbled hot choc down my front!

MinnieBar Mon 19-Nov-12 23:15:08

Noooooo don't give him any money!

My dad was engaged to someone else when he met my mum, he dumped the fiancée and wanted to give my mum the same ring.

My mum asked how much was in his bank account and bought herself a new one for that amount, less £1 (which was what, about a tenner at most in those days??).

It still wasn't good enough so after they'd been married a few years she upgraded to a huge fuck-off rock and gave me the original. It's nice, although I never wear it…

confuddledDOTcom Mon 19-Nov-12 23:56:55

Again, I've never said people can't have an opinion, I've only spoken about morals. No one else has said it's morally wrong. I've also never said I have a problem with one person's morals being different to another's or that one person's morals are right and another's wrong. Your morals might dictate that you would give it back to him, that's great if you find yourself in that situation, give them back. Blue's (and many others on here) morals dictate that the law is right, she doesn't have to give it back. Neither is wrong, we all live by our own moral standard.

The only thing I have ever said is wrong is to say your morals are better than someone else's - which is what you did, not me.

What Bogey said grin

Right. I have read and taken on board all comments. This is actually my first serious AIBU, so I want to get it right! grin

To summarise my feelings, the law says the ring is mine. Now I can see how this is a grey area morally. But morals differ from person to person and are fully subject to personal opinion, and personally after the way he treated me at the end of our relationship and the nasty texts he sent me over the weekend I don't feel remotely guilty about keeping it.

I think each situation is different and personal to the people involved. In my case, if he had accepted it back at the time I would have given it up without question. But he didn't, he insisted I keep it. So tough. It is not my problem he has changed his mind.

I'm keeping it and will be selling it. I understand the advice to send it to him, but the truth is I feel that both legally and otherwise it IS mine do do with as I please. plus it's down to sheer laziness that it hasn't been sold already! Decision made! Thanks all thanks

frantic51 Tue 20-Nov-12 01:33:40

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been said. Generally accepted practice is that if the groom to be calls the engagement off, the bride to be keeps the ring, if the bride to be calls the engagement off she should give, or at least offer, the ring back. hth

tescocarrierbagexplosion Tue 20-Nov-12 02:08:39

Make sure you enjoy yourself with the money!!

Morloth Tue 20-Nov-12 02:33:39

Is the ring the only thing left between you?

Give him back the ring and tell him to never ever contact you again, you don't want to know him.

Just wash your hands of him.

MinnieBar Tue 20-Nov-12 07:10:59

I've changed my mind.

Go on a loooong trip with some friends and then throw it in Mount Doom. Job done.

Valdeeves Tue 20-Nov-12 07:13:36

Don't give it back. What a dick to send that text! Poor next girl in line,

confuddledDOTcom Tue 20-Nov-12 09:44:18

frantic51 - the law doesn't agree. It specifically says that an engagement ring is a gift belonging to the woman unless preagreed that it should go back to the man afterwards (for example with a family heirloom).

Morloth - if she gives the ring back he'll come back for more later. Considering there is no new woman, just someone he has his eye on who's already in a relationship, this is just an attempt to get into her head.

frantic51 Tue 20-Nov-12 10:33:41

Confuddled I didn't say it was the law, I said it was generally accepted practise in polite society. I have one old college, "friend" who got engaged five times, broke it off and kept the ring each time! shock She was considered a gold digging grasper and lost a lot of friends! grin

Cozy9 Tue 20-Nov-12 10:35:16

Give it him back. He paid for it.

McKayz Tue 20-Nov-12 10:37:00

Cozy, it was a gift. I paid for my XH's christmas presents while we were together, doesn't mean I can ask for them back 2 years after we split up.

confuddledDOTcom Tue 20-Nov-12 10:45:24

It's custom in other countries, in the UK the law/ custom before the marriage reform act was that the ring was to compensate the woman if they should split up - hence the ring being more expensive and elaborate than a wedding ring and usually containing jewels.

Cozy, do you demand all your gifts back when you fall out with people?

frantic51 Tue 20-Nov-12 11:12:28

Yes, it should compensate the woman if the man breaks off the engagement. It shouldn't, however, leave the door open for women to exploit men as my ex "friend" did by deliberately accepting marriage proposals, knowing that she had every intention of breaking it off once she'd got her hands on an expensive ring!! shock

In this instance though I think it is unclear who exactly called it off? Seems like it was more of a mutual agreement and OP did offer the ring back at the time and was told to keep it. So, in this instance, I'd say, "keep it". smile

confuddledDOTcom Tue 20-Nov-12 11:15:23

It wasn't the law that it was only if the man broke it off though, it's always belonged to the woman in the UK. In other countries (America and Australia too I believe) it does depend on who broke it off.

frantic51 Tue 20-Nov-12 11:19:07

I've already said that I wasn't talking about the law! Just accepted practise in the kind of society I've always moved in! grin Which is why said, "friend" was dropped from our circle. The law isn't always morally correct, you know! wink

confuddledDOTcom Tue 20-Nov-12 11:33:42

Says who? Morals are personal, there's no right and wrong in morals. Personally my morals say that you don't demand a gift back, so I think that the law on engagement rings has always been right.

If your friend was getting engaged just for the ring then giving them the flick once she had it, then that's wrong. If she had a bad taste in men and intended to marry them, then that's different. The only place I can see "morals" coming into it.

the ring is yours. you should do whatever you want with it.

i think it was a pretence for him to contact you. it's not about the ring.

block his number if you can.

frantic51 Tue 20-Nov-12 11:58:58

Confuddled I really don't want an argument and I don't think that we are actually that far apart in our thinking. Of course no gentleman should demand his ring back, but it shouldn't come to that as no decent lady wouldn't offer it back if she had broken off the engagement for no apparent reason other than a change of heart! OP did offer the ring back and was told she should keep it so it's a bit rich of him to demand it back now. I simply meant the law allows for people such as my ex "friend" to behave as she did and, imo, it shouldn't. Hope that makes my point clear? smile

confuddledDOTcom Tue 20-Nov-12 17:31:21

I'm not arguing, I just don't agree with the idea that morals are a standard thing and we all live by the same ones.

I actually still don't agree with you. My morals are that no one should ever demand a gift back (unless it was a "if you don't use that any more, would you mind..." type thing as we've had with things Mum has bought us for our babies) and my moral code would not oblige me to return any gift when asked for it back. Whether that included a Christmas present or an engagement ring.

Certainly the one I wear at the moment I'd tell him to do one if he asked for it back!

frantic51 Tue 20-Nov-12 18:03:27

OK, fair enough! smile I guess we are disagreeing then! grin I consider that an engagement ring is a much bigger investment than any, "ordinary" present and if a woman chooses to call an engagement off without any good reason, ie fiance has knocked her about or been playing around with other women or she finds he's lied about something important or whatever, then she's being pretty grasping to hang on to it tbh hmm

Not that I want to get involved in bickering when the decision has been made, but frantic if you read my back story I didn't randomly call off the engagement and there certainly were good reasons. I don't think keeping the ring is grasping- it was a gift. I bought him plenty of expensive gifts when we were together. I'm not expecting his XBox back to give to a future partner! grin

gail734 Tue 20-Nov-12 19:42:55

I had an ex who dumped ME and then used to occasionally call or text. It was messing with my ability to move on from being dumped (not getting over HIM. He was a knob, I was humiliated to be the dumpee) so I asked him to please stop contacting me. There was amazement in his voice when he asked "Is that really what you want?" It was quite empowering. I think that OP's ex is just using this as a creepy way to suggest that he's moved on, although he almost certainly hasn't.
Giving him the ring back would at least remove any excuse he has to contact you. If the loss of the £200 or whatever irks you, sell it and block his number.

catwomanlikesmeatballs Tue 20-Nov-12 21:59:31

Wow. You had a lucky escape. Pity his new 'recipient'shock

confuddledDOTcom Wed 21-Nov-12 00:03:50

Yup, I've never had a gift back after a relationship ended and I've spent more on some presents than my ring.

Here's one, do you think I should give my ring back if we split up considering I paid for it and the wedding whilst he kept taking from the fund and left me in debt?

ThePathanKhansWitch Wed 21-Nov-12 00:15:54

Get the xbox back.

Euphemia Wed 21-Nov-12 06:56:34

My ex-PILs gave ex-DH and I the deposit on our flat; at first it was a loan, but then on our wedding day they told us to consider it a gift.

When the marriage broke down and we had to sell the flat, ex-PILs demanded the money back. I consulted a solicitor and he said that as I had nothing in writing to say it was a gift, they were perfectly entitled to do so.

Ex-PILs were loaded and certainly didn't need the money. I walked away with a broken heart and nothing to show for four years of paying half a mortgage.

Some people are just cunts.

frantic51 Wed 21-Nov-12 07:52:50

Ok, ok! Two of you seem to think that I'm having a personal go at you, and really I'm not!

Blue Suede, I have already said that I think in your case, considering it was a more or less mutual decision, and that you did offer him the ring back at the time, that you should hang onto it if you that's what you want to do. He was given the opportunity to have it back and he declined. I see no reason why he should be given a second chance.

Confuddled, I have no personal axe to grind and if you paid for your ring and the wedding and he constantly took from the wedding fund and left you in debt, then of course you should keep it! That would most definitely come under the, "good reason for breaking it off" I mentioned.

I am talking generally inasmuch as, if the groom to be bought the ring, as is tradition, and spent a good month's worth or more of his annual salary on it, and the bride to be breaks the engagement for no other reason than she's, "gone off him/the idea of marriage", then she should, morally, I think, offer him the ring back.

As the law stands it is far more difficult for a man to get the ring back in the latter case than it would be for the woman to hang on to it if the law was changed. Possession is, after all, nine tenths of the law anyway and he would have to resort to a court case to get it back which would be costly and, in cases like Confuddled's, very difficult to win. As things are, a woman can walk off with a very expensive item that the man has invested a great deal of money in and he can't even fight legally to get it back and that, imo, is not right.

I hope my position is now clearer? smile

confuddledDOTcom Wed 21-Nov-12 09:34:06

I don't think you're having a personal go. I was agreeing with BlueSuedeStiletto when she said that some gifts are that expensive. I've never thought your position was unclear from the first post, I have only ever objected to one person's morality being applied to another person.

But it's not a British tradition, British tradition and law has always been that the woman keeps the ring. It's an American tradition that's so much on our TV people don't know the difference. Like runny eggs and "I do"! Our culture goes back far enough that the woman would not have been able to (or struggled to) get another potential husband if an engagement broke off, compared to America being a much younger country where it didn't matter so much.

Maybe I'm mad but we've not split up! Actually, I think I need to keep him on at least until I have paid off the loan lol as it's not likely to get paid off otherwise. My ex certainly had more out of me than the cost of the ring, if it hadn't been for my mum having the foresight to keep a set of my clothes at her house (I stayed over on her birthday and she told me to put my clothes in the wash and never returned them) I'd have been left in the clothes I stood up in and nothing else to my name. He'd have definitely been sent back where he came from if he'd tried to ask for my ring!

oohlaalaa Wed 21-Nov-12 09:35:58

Cheeky, but you need to give it him back.

confuddledDOTcom Wed 21-Nov-12 10:09:44

Why does she need to?

ethelb Wed 21-Nov-12 10:12:15

legally its OPs. I don't know why people are debating this.

Plus does the ex fiance need the ring or is he being an arse?

frantic51 Wed 21-Nov-12 10:33:32

My point is that, as the law stands, one person's morality is forced upon other people, not just applied to them. The law, as it stands, allows what amounts to theft if a girl wants do as my ex "friend" did by deliberately setting her cap at young men rather wealthier than herself, inveigling an expensive ring out of them and then, having, "gone through the motions" of excited bride to be for a couple of months, unceremoniously dumping them and, having sold the ring setting off after an even wealthier quarry and then repeating the process! shock Her victims don't even have recourse to the law to begin fighting for their property back should they so wish!

As to common or accepted practise, I remember my much older sister breaking off her first engagement when she came to the realisation that her intended was such a, "mummy's boy" that, as a MIL, she would, in all probability, become a thorn in her side for life. grin On reflection, she realised that she didn't love him enough to put up with his mother and had better call the whole thing off. My mother told her in no uncertain terms that she must give back the ring as he had done nothing himself to warrant her change of heart, that if he was a, "mummy's boy" he had certainly been thus since before the engagement and it was her mistake to accept his proposal and not his to make it. This was in the early 70's (1972 I think but I was very young at the time) and I don't think she could have been in any way influenced by American TV as there was very little of it about at the time. We only had three channels; BBC 1 and 2 and ITV! grin

confuddledDOTcom Wed 21-Nov-12 11:19:05

Your friend was a gold digger, not really applicable here!

It might be what happened to your sister in the 70s, but it still doesn't mean that it's what was custom/ tradition here.

frantic51 Wed 21-Nov-12 11:54:35

I wasn't talking about OP with reference to the gold digger, just saying why I think the law is morally wrong. Addressing your point that one person's morality shouldn't be applied to another by attempting to point out that the law , as it stands allows for one person's morality to be forced upon another and not a very good morality by all accounts. I think even you accept that she was a, "gold digger" and the law, as it stands, allows her to get away scot free with what amounts to theft but you would still defend that law as being a good one? Or have I got hold of the wrong end of the stick on that one?

The reference to my sister's case in the 70s was simply in response to your assertion that returning the ring is a custom gleaned from American TV programmes, nothing more, nothing less.

ethelb Wed 21-Nov-12 12:23:35

by the way if he had married her he woudl have a right to half the value of the ring potentially, but he didn't so he doesn't.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 21-Nov-12 13:18:46

Frantic51.

You appear to be forgetting that if you give a person a gift then it ceases to belong to you and as such a person keeping that gift, does not amount to theft.

Frantic surely what your friend is doing is no different from say, dating a richer man, getting lots of expensive presents - car, jewellery etc, then dumping him. Do you think that should be against the law?

Plomino Wed 21-Nov-12 15:09:37

Frantic .

It doesn't amount to theft .

'A person is guilty of theft if they dishonestly appropriate property belonging to another , with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it '

Section1 theft Act 1968 .

If all the above points aren't proved , then there is NO theft. So , OP didn't appropriate anything. He gave it to her . It wasn't dishonest , because she accepted it in the spirit it was GIVEN in , at the time . And it could also be argued that it was no longer his property.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Wed 21-Nov-12 16:25:41

Your ex friend was a bit of a shit gold digger, frantic.

I mean if the men were so wealthy and she wanted nice stuff, surely the best thing to do would be marry them? Heck even divorcing them in a few years would be better.

Considering the months (usually years) of effort it would have taken her to get each proposal, I don't really think the payback could have been worth it, even for a seriously bling ring.

It doesn't seem a very smart business model, is what I'm getting at.

Certainly nobody is going to be encouraged to go into the fake-fiancé line of work purely because they get to keep the ring.

frantic51 Wed 21-Nov-12 23:29:04

Aaargh! For the very last time. I am NOT equating anything that OP has done with the EXAMPLE I am bringing up in regard to my ex "friend" In the latter case I do think that it is tantamount to theft because she dishonestly appropriated the gift of a valuable engagement ring, knowing at the time that she had no intention of marrying the guy. Therefore she had the intention of permanently depriving him of a substantial amount of cash.

No, I don't think it is the same as a woman dating a rich man and accepting expensive gifts generally as, in that case, if the guy is fool enough to spend shed loads of money on gifts for a woman having no idea if she is going to stick around or not, it's his own lookout. Different to a guy saying, "Will you marry me, please? You will? Great! Here's a £10k ring for you!" hmm

Holdme not quite the terminology I would have used but, yes, a "shit gold digger" if you will. That's why I haven't seen her for about thirty years! smile

Update: The ring is gone, I put it on Ebay. The money is all going on bills. It feels like such a relief to get rid of it. I will also be changing my number. My sister is still friends with him on FB and she said he put some stuff up slagging me off. It kind of makes me feel for him as that is just so sad and childish.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice and opinions. Much appreciated! grin

Bogeyface Tue 27-Nov-12 20:56:26

Hope you got a good price, and good for you for taking back some control.

I got £400! That's way more then I expected tbh. But on the Goldsmiths website, they're selling it for more then he paid for it, so I guess the price of Gold had gone up. The buyer got a bargain and I actually quite like the idea if another woman wearing and enjoying it. It's a beautiful ring!

scarletforya Tue 27-Nov-12 21:30:52

Good work BSS.

I'm so glad you didn't send it back, he sounds so flaky that I bet he'd deny getting it anyway. I think he was just bugging you trying to make you jealous.

Don't read anything into what he said on those texts, they're just the rantings of a drunk idiot.

Definitely change your number and ask your sister to de-friend the a$$hole!

Allalonenow Tue 27-Nov-12 22:22:57

Well done BSS,
I'm so glad that you did not heed the advice to return the ring.
I see you are using the money to clear debts, that is sensible and forward looking, I hope it helps you as you move towards a new part of your life.
Best wishes and good luck.

hopespringy Tue 27-Nov-12 23:35:43

Can you post a link for Goldsmiths OP? I've got some rings to sell and I'm liking the sound of £400 per ring (when mine were approx £1K 25 years ago and jewellers offer me £300)

hopespringy Tue 27-Nov-12 23:37:01

sorry - glad you've got things sorted smile

Are you aware this thread is being discussed on the wright stuff tomorrow?

http://www.facebook.com/officialwrightstuff?ref=ts&fref=ts

shock

confuddledDOTcom Wed 28-Nov-12 01:01:16

Linkto the discussion

Matthew Wright, you low life!

confuddledDOTcom Wed 28-Nov-12 09:51:18

I refuse to watch TWS, please someone report back!

NO WAY!! I'm bloody famous! You may all queue for my autograph grin

<not watching that knobber though. Let me know what happens!>

Christ. I hope XP doesn't see that!!

AmberLeaf Wed 28-Nov-12 10:21:48

Matthew Wright is a tit for doing this.

OP I don't think that woman even exists, I think he said to see if he could draw you in/make you jealous, when you responded he acted like it was no big thing just in case he still had a chance with you IMO, he sounds creepy as hell!

Glad you sold it!

WorraLiberty Wed 28-Nov-12 11:07:00

Why is MW wrong for discussing this? confused

AmberLeaf Wed 28-Nov-12 11:09:44

Because if he bothered to read the thread and the background, he would see that the OPs EX is unhinged, directly linking his discussion to the OPs post is out of order and unsafe for her.

BumBiscuits Wed 28-Nov-12 11:12:38

I'm relatively new to all this.

I follow MW on Twitter and have noticed lately that a few of the thread topics come up on their show.

Lazy journalism?

WorraLiberty Wed 28-Nov-12 11:13:00

Oh purrlease!

If the OP felt it was unsafe for her, I'm quite sure she wouldn't have put the thread on a public internet forum that you don't even have to be a member of to read.

BumBiscuits Wed 28-Nov-12 11:13:40

BTW if anyone is selling old jewellery, I had a tip once that Hatton Garden Metals give the best prices. These people are who the trade use.

WorraLiberty Wed 28-Nov-12 11:15:23

Bum some people call it 'lazy' journalism and others call it research.

If you're choosing topics for discussion on a show, it makes perfect sense to turn to internet forums to see what sort of subjects people are interested in discussing.

I imagine tons of shows/journalists look on major websites...TWS is just honest about it.

AmberLeaf Wed 28-Nov-12 11:17:46

Worra there is a big difference between posting on Mumsnet and having it broadcast and attention drawn to it on a national TV show.

Would you agree to MW linking some of the sensitive threads on relationships or bereavment? This is a sensitive thread IMO.

MW is an arse.

BumBiscuits Wed 28-Nov-12 11:22:15

Jezza Kyle is a better class of arse than Matthew Wright!

WorraLiberty Wed 28-Nov-12 11:25:43

Leaving a thread like this openly on the internet for the world and his wife to view at their leisure, is going to get way more attention than five minutes on a chat show that's broadcast on channel 5 when most people are at work.

You can't compare a thread like this to bereavement.

The OP says in her first post that the ring 'means something' and in the second post 'it's in a box waiting to go on Ebay'.

If she felt 'unsafe' I'm quite sure she would have had it all deleted by now.

AmberLeaf Wed 28-Nov-12 11:37:29

I didn't compare this thread to bereavement at all!

I said would you agree with MW linking a thread from bereavement or relationships.

WorraLiberty Wed 28-Nov-12 12:23:23

By asking that question you are comparing it.

And my answer is, it would depend on the thread entirely.

And read the OP's post @ 10:07:28

Does that look as though she's scared to you?

confuddledDOTcom Wed 28-Nov-12 12:27:06

It's one thing looking for what topics are trending across a range of forums/ Facebook/ Twitter but actually discussing one person's problems is totally different! Added to that that MW is a misogynist and hates mothers, he's deliberately calling attention to MN to have a dig. You post here for the people who are posting here to discuss, not for that misogynistic twat to make fun of you.

So who watched?

AmberLeaf Wed 28-Nov-12 12:33:50

Read her comment at 10:08am.

confuddledDOTcom Wed 28-Nov-12 12:53:17

Yeah, sounds like she's just revelling in the glory, don't it? sad

WorraLiberty Wed 28-Nov-12 12:54:54

I read it Amber

I'm quite sure she hopes he doesn't see it because then he'll realise she's been over invested in his relationship with someone else, criticised him publicly and suddenly decided to sell the ring now purely because he wanted it back.

If I were her I would think 'Christ I hope XP doesn't see it!' too.

But nowhere...not on this thread or the one she linked to, has she even indicated that she might be 'unsafe' if he saw it.

AmberLeaf Wed 28-Nov-12 12:59:53

That's your take on her thread Worra.

I think it was a shitty thing to do [linking this thread to the wright stuffs fb page]

Hello! I'm back.

Blimey- NO confuddled, of course I'm not reveling in the glory, I was JOKING! A slot on MW is hardly glorious is it? I was being ironic if anything. I think he's a tit!

Amber, Worra is correct, if I was scared or worried I would have had the tread deleted. I'm not- although obviously I'd rather he didn't know I'd discussed it on here. What does concern me somewhat is that on here I am on hand to defend myself and my decisions. I doubt the MW read out any of my posts clarifying the situation!

WorraLiberty Wed 28-Nov-12 13:07:59

I think it just serves to remind us all to think before we put personal things in the public domain.

All I can see here is two people bickering over a diamond ring and the fact she's slated him here on MN and he's slated her back on Facebook.

The whole thing's terribly crass really - hence the interest from TWS.

But there you go...lesson learnt I expect.

WorraLiberty Wed 28-Nov-12 13:09:33

He seemed a little more bemused that you said you kept it because it means something to you but you couldn't wait to sell it, after he wanted it back grin

Oh and Worra, there was no real relationship with someone else, jut a woman he liked. And it actually was a coincidence that I sold the ring now- as I said upthread, I always intended to sell it (along with some other stuff I had knocking around) but couldn't quite figure out ebay. My friend offered to help me and we happened to both have an evening off this week. She picked the ring to sell first to demonstrate ebaying to me cos she said it'd be the easiest one to show me all the different points IYSWIM. Strange but true!

WorraLiberty Wed 28-Nov-12 13:14:35

Yes but his relationship/non relationship is his business.

You're right, it is a strange coincidence.

Oh well, let's just hope he doesn't spot this, the show or the FB page grin

Ha I suppose that does sound odd. I think I meant it means something in that it symbolized our relationship and that time in my life. And I personally wouldn't want an engagement ring that was once worn by my partners ex for that reason!

AmberLeaf Wed 28-Nov-12 13:19:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty Wed 28-Nov-12 13:24:36

Amber you might want to get your post deleted and then PM it to the OP?

I mean given that you've just pointed it out so to speak.

I've done it, thanks, forgot about that!

AmberLeaf Wed 28-Nov-12 13:31:06

I don't think Confuddled.com meant it like that OP.

I have reported my post.

That is the kind of thing I meant by unsafe.

katieks Wed 28-Nov-12 20:11:58

This has made interesting reading. My opinion: she should've given it back at the time of them breaking up. Even if he said keep it, I would've left it there way back when because somehow keeping hold of the engagement ring mentally to me means he's always got some kind of 'promise' with you, as that is what it represented.

TheReturnOfBridezilla Wed 28-Nov-12 20:19:34

Glad you've sorted it. And found fame in the process!

Fwiw I would be thrilled to receive someone's ex girlfriend's engagement ring. Erm, not!

confuddledDOTcom Wed 28-Nov-12 22:47:36

No, I didn't, I was backing up Amber.

katieks, do you give back all gifts when you split up? I wish my exes had! I've spent far more than any one of them and never got anything back. It was a gift, the law says it was a gift, he didn't want it so she sold it. End of.

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