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To lick wine off my kitchen floor

(98 Posts)
InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 20:51:11

I have gone to the fridge to get my bottle of wine as I'm home alone and too poor to go out..

I then dropped the wine <sob> and it has smashed all over the floor <sobs harder>

AIBU to lick the wine up in between sobs?

lunchbox Sat 17-Nov-12 20:52:21

Not unreasonable at all. But mind your tongue on the broken glass

bedmonster Sat 17-Nov-12 20:52:27

NOOO!!! Don't do it!! Come to my house, DP has just returned from sainsburys with 3 bottles of wine, a bottle of prosecco and a bottle of vodka! Just knock!

boaty England Sat 17-Nov-12 20:53:21

Just be careful of the glass...could be difficult to explain in A & E! wink

Northernexile Sat 17-Nov-12 20:54:02

Use a straw, t'will be fine!

CaptainBarnaclesDaddyman Sat 17-Nov-12 20:55:00

Ffs woman! Don't let it get away!

honeytea Sat 17-Nov-12 20:55:47

YANBU, next time buy a box harder to spill and you get more wine

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 20:56:01

I <sob> just <sob> wanted <sob> a <sob> drink <sob>

I was going to drink it a couple of days ago but decided to save it til tonight.

oh definately! Just mind the glass! xxgrin

Themobstersknife Sat 17-Nov-12 20:57:36

You poor thing! Have you got anything lurking in the back of the cupboards that might help? I find rancid Baileys helps in an emergency!

BumpingFuglies Sat 17-Nov-12 21:00:01

YANBU. Soak it up with kitchen roll and squeeze into glass.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:02:22

I might have a half bottle of Sourz somewhere but not sure sitting doing shots alone is healthy grin

arghhhmiddleage Sat 17-Nov-12 21:03:23

I was going to suggest the kitchen roll and glass route too grin

BumpingFuglies Sat 17-Nov-12 21:03:33

SP you are not alone grin

<chucks kitchen roll>

VerySmallSqueak Sat 17-Nov-12 21:03:50

Your kitchen floor obviously isn't in the state mine is.....

<eyes up dog hairs,tea drips and general silt>

course it is, anyway you're not alone! grin

mrskeithrichards Sat 17-Nov-12 21:04:56

Is now a good time to admit I done 3 shots out of vodka last night out of an egg cup?

BumpingFuglies Sat 17-Nov-12 21:05:42

Obv you will pick out hairs, toenail clippings etc. grin

honeytea Sat 17-Nov-12 21:05:43

get the shots on the go! your not alone we are with you smile you need to have a shot for me as I'm pregnant.. ok?

BumpingFuglies Sat 17-Nov-12 21:06:19

MrsKeith - perfect timing!

YANBU.
It cannot be wasted.
Don't cut yourself though.

Themobstersknife Sat 17-Nov-12 21:07:12

Why not healthy?
Mrskeithrichards - brilliant!

FuckityDuck Sat 17-Nov-12 21:07:17

Shit do you have a straw, hope you have No animals. You need a Yellow sign saying wet floor so you can take a break sad

mrskeithrichards Sat 17-Nov-12 21:08:15

I had no wine and nothing to mix the dregs of a bottle of vodka with. Other than milk and it's been tried before. Not nice.

It was dh's suggestion. For some reason he prefers me tipsy.

FuckityDuck Sat 17-Nov-12 21:08:42

Is now a good time to admit I done 3 shots out of vodka last night out of an egg cup?

ha ha made me laugh that you go girl grin

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:08:55

I have no animals. It's just me home alone. I mopped the floor earlier.

Will stardrops floor cleaner change the taste of the wine? grin

VerySmallSqueak Sat 17-Nov-12 21:09:18

Perhaps you can run it through muslin?

mrskeith you are an inspiration!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:10:07

I should be out at the pub doing shots and making a fool of myself but my bank balance just laughed and said not tonight love!

FuckityDuck Sat 17-Nov-12 21:10:40

Oh now I feel extra sad for you. You mopped it up sad

Themobstersknife Sat 17-Nov-12 21:11:44

Stardrops will surely increase the potency, thereby negating the impact of any swallowed glass fragments.

KenLeeeeeee Sat 17-Nov-12 21:12:04

Depends... if it's naice wine, then YANBU.Just watch out for the bits of broken glass.

BarredfromhavingStella Sat 17-Nov-12 21:13:07

grin grin grin Get a straw.

Themobstersknife Sat 17-Nov-12 21:13:27

If she had mopped it up, she should suck the mop. Simples.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:13:46

I havent mopped it. I'm looking at it with misty eyes grin I mopped before the dropping.

BarredfromhavingStella Sat 17-Nov-12 21:14:47

I am also a little disappointed that you do not have a back-up bottle......shock

Softlysoftly Sat 17-Nov-12 21:15:25

Lick wine.

Hideously cut tongue on broken glass.

Call ambulance ((bonus gas and air here))

Have them stop at the offy on the way past.

Problem solved, and they won't mind they will but the wine will assuage guilt

Nagoo Sat 17-Nov-12 21:15:27

yy I'd soak it up and wring it out.

Less chance of laceration.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 17-Nov-12 21:15:45

tbh if its anything like the last bottle of wine I had,the Stardrops will probably improve it.

Oh feel your pain.

I'd challenge that other thread about a rubbish takeaway being the ultimate disappointment if I were you.

You've trumped
(the thread, that is - not as in you've let one go.)

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:17:03

very grin

I have alcohol hand sanitizer. I may have to eat it grin

Themobstersknife Sat 17-Nov-12 21:17:07

Softly I like your style!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:17:36

three I commented but my wine ordeal went unrecognised

Themobstersknife Sat 17-Nov-12 21:18:31

Where do you live? I am stockpiled as DH in bad books and trying to get a shag back in the good books!

mrskeithrichards Sat 17-Nov-12 21:18:50

I think running it through a muslin is the best idea yet!

grin softly

lovin your work there.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:21:00

I'm in Leeds.

Why do bad things happen to good people!

Im going to sell a kidney then go on my night out grin

VerySmallSqueak Sat 17-Nov-12 21:21:25

And most of us have muslin squares - having been advised to get them as an 'baby essential' its finally become clear what for. shock

HazeltheMcWitch Sat 17-Nov-12 21:21:37

Put a pop sock over a straw and drink it though that.
<practical>

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Sat 17-Nov-12 21:22:36

You need some sort of sucky up device with a filter on the end.

Do you have straws?
An elastic band?
Some thin muslin type material?

<over thinking thread>

Just dying for a glass of wine and none here, i would have cried if i was you!!

HazeltheMcWitch Sat 17-Nov-12 21:23:21

pop socks/tights are the filter!

PickledFanjoCat Sat 17-Nov-12 21:23:48

Fanj! That's awful. sad

Drink all the sourz then come up with a plan!

VerySmallSqueak Sat 17-Nov-12 21:25:04

Pop socks shock

Can you still get them in American tan ?

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Sat 17-Nov-12 21:25:07

Hazel is a genius!

<grabs Hazel's head in both hands and plants a smacker on her forehead>

Yes tights, tights are what you need!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:25:22

<whispers> what's a pop sock?

Themobstersknife Sat 17-Nov-12 21:25:55

Have you got a bagless? Hoover up and sieve. Maybes empty the hoover first...

PickledFanjoCat Sat 17-Nov-12 21:26:13

It's a half tight half sock travesty fanj.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Sat 17-Nov-12 21:26:43

Those tights to your knee things.

Yamyoid Sat 17-Nov-12 21:29:00

Just want to delurk to send my condolences. That is a bad thing.

FuckityDuck Sat 17-Nov-12 21:31:06

Do you have a torch if so, get down point it to look for them nasty bits of glass, and lick.

But also as said before, maybe cute paramedic. Saturday night A&E with all the pissheads. hmm

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:31:34

Ah I know what they are now. I don't own any.

Yamyoid Sat 17-Nov-12 21:31:41

I mean bad thing that the bottle smashed. I'd go for the straw and pop sock idea. I know some one that smashed a 20 year old bottle of champagne when opening it at a wedding. It had been saved for a special occasion.

Yamyoid Sat 17-Nov-12 21:32:17

Use tights instead.

honeytea Sat 17-Nov-12 21:32:34

Some of the pissheads in A+E might have some spare wine going!

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Sat 17-Nov-12 21:32:36

You must have tights, do you have a dd, does she have tights?!!

Myliferocks Sat 17-Nov-12 21:34:53

And this is exactly why I buy wine in boxes!
I have discovered that 1 box of wine holds 9 ( yes 9! ) large glasses of wine for £5.29!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:35:38

Ode To Wine

You were the light at the end of the tunnel
You were the the only thing I needed
I thought you were there for me but no
The floor needed you a lot more
Now I stand here looking at your remains
All I want is to scoop you up in my cupped hands
But I'm afraid your glass outsides will cut me
Farewell wine.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 17-Nov-12 21:36:53

Has anyone got their bottles out ready for recycling on Monday?

Could you do a 'neighbourhood tour' drinking the dregs out?

<desperate times,desperate measures>

FuckityDuck Sat 17-Nov-12 21:37:26

Yuck you would get the pissheads spit back vomit

Dishcloth that would do do you have one of them, linen, hanky friggin we are all freaks lmao grin

Myliferocks Sat 17-Nov-12 21:38:21

A sponge might work.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 17-Nov-12 21:38:33

<dries eyes>

That was beautiful Fanjo.

Truly beautiful.

FuckityDuck Sat 17-Nov-12 21:38:34

And where the hell is a box of wine for £5.29 omg. I want a shop like that grin

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:39:03

I'm sat thinking what I always do in these bad times.

What would OliviaMNHQ do

grin

Themobstersknife Sat 17-Nov-12 21:39:17

Silently sobbing and nodding at ode to wine...

Themobstersknife Sat 17-Nov-12 21:40:00

Yes we need Olivia. She will know.

FuckityDuck Sat 17-Nov-12 21:41:41

I still say straw, you cant suck glass though a straw would be banging on neighbours doors now, with an obscure story as to why I wanted a straw

ohhhh school project smile

AudrinaAdare Sat 17-Nov-12 21:42:52

"Has anyone got their bottles out ready for recycling on Monday?Could you do a 'neighbourhood tour' drinking the dregs out?"

grin

Ours is on a Tuesday.

<Marks calendar>

Myliferocks Sat 17-Nov-12 21:43:18

FuckityDuck

( whispers quietly )

A Tescos in Somerset!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:43:25

I think I may have a have straws! The toddler has cups with straws in. I shall find one.

I'm thinking of publishing Ode To Wine for those who have experienced this traumatic occurrence

FuckityDuck Sat 17-Nov-12 21:45:04

myliferocks tooo bloody far!!

£16 squid i payed for a box in blummin Tesco's today shock

SantasComingFace Sat 17-Nov-12 21:45:25

SP I'm nearby but drunk too much to
Come bring wine. Any local takeaways deliver booze? sad

Myliferocks Sat 17-Nov-12 21:46:40

FuckityDuck it's drinkable as well!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:46:49

face I'm stupidly poor sad I'd be out tonight if I wasn't. I can't buy another bottle. Not tonight anyway.

I might go on X Factor next year and use this tale as my sob story. Finals here I come!

SantasComingFace Sat 17-Nov-12 21:47:52

Drink the sours.

Tis the only way

Myliferocks Sat 17-Nov-12 21:48:07

Santa tat's a good idea for a new business. Takeaway booze. grin

Myliferocks Sat 17-Nov-12 21:48:24

Or even that's a good idea.

PickledFanjoCat Sat 17-Nov-12 21:56:16

sp your breaking my heart.

If it wasn't a 6 hour drive I'd deliver you some.

There was a young girl called SP
Who opened the fridge door with glee
For the wine it did beckon
But our girl didn't reckon
On that wine spilling out, breakin' free

And so now she hasn't got any.

Soz, needs some work
<ashamed>

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 21:59:02

three grin my own limerick! Shame its about this tragic event though

PickledFanjoCat Sat 17-Nov-12 21:59:54

Life us cruel as ironically I have a bottle I can't drink. If only you lived nearer!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 22:00:32

pickled can you send it by pigeon?

PickledFanjoCat Sat 17-Nov-12 22:01:28

grin we need owls!

WorraLiberty England Sat 17-Nov-12 22:04:51

I've just seen a pissed mouse stagger out from under the fridge shock

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 22:05:52

That cheeky fucker! Thanks for spotting that worra grin

You're welcome SP

Just hope it goes some way to ease your pain at this difficult time.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sat 17-Nov-12 22:37:16

Drinking the Sourz. I mopped up the wine while chanting the Ode grin

I have no idea how long I have had it this bottle of Sourz for but tastes quite nice and is easing the pain. The bottle is pretty

honeytea Sun 18-Nov-12 08:51:43

Glad your wine trauma had a happy ending (next time don't forget to buy a box!) smile

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Sun 18-Nov-12 14:41:53

I will be getting a box this week. I have learnt a valuable lesson!

My mum used to buy the boxes. It was a yellow box but can't remember the name.

I will also have back up bottles

BeatTheClock Sun 18-Nov-12 14:45:05

<wrings hands and moans at wasted wine>

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