To inform the baggy combat wearing, makeup free and greasy ponytail club

(187 Posts)
LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 17:20:49

. . .who seem to think they are superior parents because of these attributions that they are in no way any better at parenting then i am with my make up on curled hair, slightly too tight jeans and a smile.

And announce that they probably do spend more time thinking about the way they look then putting ''that energy into playing with my children'' than they seem to think.

This is not a thread moaning about the people who dare to wear comfortable clothes and leave the house (i do too occasionally), or who are confident enough to go out without make up on because it matters not too them, but instead about those who declare it is ''because they are to busy to care and would rather play with the kids'' Passive aggressively or maybe those who roll there eyes and nudge there partner in there ribs with gusto if they see someone with a child in tow who fancied wearing high heels to Nandos.

anyone know what this is about?, doesn't the whole ''i'm so relaxed that i don't need to care what people think of me'' end up lost in the convincing everyone that they are doing there kids a favour by not wearing perfume and makeup.

Or is DS going to grow up sideways because of me for spending an extra ten minutes in the bedroom before DP goes to work? grin

nkf Sat 17-Nov-12 17:21:57

I don't know what you are talking about but it was an interesting thread title. E

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 17:23:47

grin thank you, i rather like it

specialsubject Sat 17-Nov-12 17:23:58

the 'lady' does protest too much...

I don't wear makeup. If you want to, go ahead. I don't see what difference it makes to parenting, although I hope people don't bring up kids to think that it is a crime or lazy to go out without makeup.

I do, however, know the difference between 'there' and 'their'

Sparklingbrook Sat 17-Nov-12 17:25:31

Can you put it in a nutshell for me? I am a bit confused. grin

SomersetONeil Sat 17-Nov-12 17:26:30

<meh> I'm of the make-an-effort brigade - I can't say I've ever encountered, or even noticed, the type of person you're referring to.

RevoltingPeasant Sat 17-Nov-12 17:26:34

Erm, maybe they just don't care about they way they look....? confused

Today I went swimming and have spent the day by myself in the office, getting on with stuff. I am wearing 5yo trainers, jeans where the flies don't button up properly, and a tshirt I have owned since I was about 22.

Some days I wear Lancome and spend 25 minutes blow-drying my hair.

Wtf cares?

ChippyMinton Sat 17-Nov-12 17:27:15

What are you on about?

Have you been judged?

BloominMarvellous Sat 17-Nov-12 17:27:52

Did you mean to insult people don't curl their hair or wear make up on a daily basis? You sound just a judgy about people who don't wear makeup and perfume.

Are you referring to somebody actually saying something to you?

ChaoticismyLife Sat 17-Nov-12 17:29:16

I think you worry way too much about what othe

lifeintheolddogyet Sat 17-Nov-12 17:29:20

I've never met someone like that either. Why dwell on it if you have?

germyrabbit Sat 17-Nov-12 17:30:36

do you mingle with new age traveller parents?

OhPantsAllTheGoodNicksAreInUse Sat 17-Nov-12 17:30:50

Is combats, greasy hair tied back and make-up okay? See I have to do this to walk my dog, I could wear no make-up but I wouldn't like to scare everyone.

I also know the difference between their and there but get mixed up with now, know, diary, dairy and brain and brian. confused

ChaoticismyLife Sat 17-Nov-12 17:31:47

Fuck posted too soon blush sorry on tablet

other people may be thinking

SomersetONeil Sat 17-Nov-12 17:32:14

I'm sure there are some people out there who are a bit holier-than-thou, but what does it matter to you, really?

Anyone who indulges in competitive parenting is a twat, regardless of the greasiness of their hair.

thebody Sat 17-Nov-12 17:34:07

If makeup didn't exist I wouldn't go out to be honest.

The one and only time I couldn't be arsed was after a weekend camping.

God it was awful, I lost the will to apply mascara. Seriously it was fucking awful.

However I don't care a crap if someone else doesn't bother.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 17-Nov-12 17:34:13

Sometimes you cant win..
Depends when and which day you see me as to how I look ...Weekends I dont tend to do lots, and like to layyyze in my pjs so look an absolute mess.

Days when I go out I do put eyeshadow liner and mascara on - they make me feel better about myself and make my eyes still visible behind my glasses. However if I've been too tired or during periods of down feeling I've not bothered. My hair depends which day it is... It generally looks better on days I've washed it as it curls attractively by itself. Very rarely do I bother to straighten it as standing knackers me atm (heavily pg)

On occassions where I've put full slap on and straightened my hair ive had it said that I look like snow white both as a positive and negative!

Clothes wise, I try to look presentable but comfort trumps that, you wouldnt catch me in tight anything, id rather buy a larger size n be comfy!

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 17:34:40

good on you special , truly i am happy for you. If you like you can follow me on all threads i post and correct my grammar, until you feel better about yourself.

I am sorry for the ramble that was a very disjointed post wasn't it? smile

basically, I tend to encounter sometimes on here and sometimes in real life the type of person who seems eager to say just how pathetic they find it that women spend so much time on their appearance and should spend that time instead on their children, and how they would rather play with their children or read to them than do that silly stuff.

Inferring that you can't do both therefore they are better.

It is not the actual wearing of the clothes of either type just the connection between that and parenting.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 17-Nov-12 17:36:25

Although all of that ramble said no one has ever related my looks to my parenting

Unacceptable Sat 17-Nov-12 17:38:06

OP I've heard some parents bad mouthing a mum at our school who is always immaculately turned out. She's often last in the gates and there are comments about kids having to suffer for her vanity hmm and they themselves would rather get DC to school on time than worry abut how they look. I think that's a bit mean and have made moves towards her (smiles, morning greeting, compliments on shoes/hair etc)

I'm guessing you've overheard some mean comments like these or worse had this PA crap spouted at you?

Each to their own. I'm not a make up fan usually and never do anything other than shove hair into a pony but your style or my lack of it can't really have much bearing on our parenting skills can it!

I dont wear makeup because I dont see why I should hide my real face - I never have, my mother didnt and I hope my daughters will see why I dont. Not sure how I fit in your rant!

seeker Sat 17-Nov-12 17:38:28

Another one of those threads which convince me that I live in another universe. And use q different mumsnet- I have nevr ever seen anyone posting anything like the sentiments you express.

Chandon Sat 17-Nov-12 17:39:08

I have heard about this n MN but never encountered it in real life.

Maybe this exists just in anxious peep's imagination?

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 17:39:27

I am mixing my words oh dear, I mean basically what you have all said.

Including that i care too much what people thinking.

It bothers me in the sense that you could moan about it if it was the other way around though, ''Should io be judged for not washing my hair and wearing combats?'' should get a no and so should ''should i be judged for wearing makeup and curly hair''

I didn't mean to insult.

3b1g Sat 17-Nov-12 17:39:31

My hair is clean. I don't wear make-up because I don't like the way it feels. I wear comfortable clothes because my comfort is more important to me than the way I look. I'm sure I save several minutes a day by not putting on make-up or straightening my hair, but I can assure you that I spend those extra minutes in bed or on MN, not doing worthy activities with my children. I don't make assumptions about the well-groomed, so don't presume that you know everything about me just because I look different to you.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 17:42:50

3b1g that is why i said This is not a thread moaning about the people who dare to wear comfortable clothes and leave the house (i do too occasionally), or who are confident enough to go out without make up on because it matters not too them

3b1g Sat 17-Nov-12 17:42:52

Sorry OP, cross-posted, I didn't mean to sound so harsh. It's just that your original post seemed to lump me in together with some people who have judged you, which I'm not in the habit of doing.

3b1g Sat 17-Nov-12 17:44:23

I would hold your head up high and ignore the judgy brigade. You know you are a good parent, so it doesn't matter what they think. All they are going on is random assumptions.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 17:46:01

I have a fair few times heard the putting ''that energy into playing with my children on mumsnet and the rest certainly happens in real life.

I think i am a bad thread maker and should quit blush

But i am certainly not making this up, promise.

thebody Sat 17-Nov-12 17:49:08

I can honestly say that in my 19 years as a school gate mom I have never heard any comments like this.

I would assume if did that the critical one was jealous.

I think it's probably generational, my gran, mom and me always wear slap and my dds have always been interested in appearance from an early age.

So what!!

LadyFlumpalot Sat 17-Nov-12 17:49:19

I have seen the following on Facebook, I think this is what you mean?

"I have swapped highlights for a pony tail, high heels for comfy shoes, trips to the spa for trips to play group, nights out for nights in and soaps for CBeebies blah blah blah"

That might not be entirely verbatim.

HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 17:49:57

I am perfectly capable of ignoring both my appearance and my children. I pity the management skills of people who can't do both. I really do sad

Mrsjay Sat 17-Nov-12 17:50:48

why do you even care what other people think why are you even worrying yourself about it, keep living your life how you want serioulsy nobody really and truly gives a shiny shit who wears what and if they do they are vain and shallow

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 17:52:38

yes lady that sort of thing, i haven't seen that sort of post myself (yet), but it is that way of thinking i guess.

I just can't stand the thought that i am being judged on my parenting by my appearance because i wouldn't do it back the two aren't linked for me.

I know every poster will say just forget about it it's pointless thinking about it, but it does bother me and for that i guess my insecurity shows.

OhPantsAllTheGoodNicksAreInUse Sat 17-Nov-12 17:53:06

Don't worry Lola I do this often. I just don't start threads anymore grin

FWIW Today I made an effort, I washed my hair, blow dried it, put on my skinnies and boots, looked outside and thought 'yeah okay, I'm so not going out today@ I am currently sporting a leopard print onsie 3 pairs of slipper socks, full face of make up (tinted moisturiser/mascara/pinkish cheeks), hair done nice and going nowhere. grin

3b1g Sat 17-Nov-12 17:53:15

grin at Honeydragon. I have never put much effort into my appearance beyond making sure I look clean and presentable enough not to scare people. It's certainly not any kind of sacrifice I'm making in order to spend more time with my children. I haven't met anyone who claims this, but what are they expecting? House points?

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 17:54:21

I am also aware that i will probably be told i am judging them on how they look because of my thread title, but it was just a description and so i can't possibly be held guilty grin

CarpeThingy Sat 17-Nov-12 17:54:33

Generally speaking, I get irritated by anyone who makes a value judgement out of their own personal preferences/circumstances - whether it's to do with appearance, food, work or anything else.

NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 17:55:06

Two threads like this spring to mind.

One where a posters dd had just started school and she moaned about most of the parents. One left their child in the care of another mum so she could go to work, one swore and one was done up to the nines and was late everyday. except it transpired she wasn't late but just was't there for the door opening. The OP thought she spent too much time on her appearance and clearly didn't care about getting her child to school. There were other examples of women not caring about their kids at the school gates. I think it ended up being deleted.

Another was a poster who said that women who preened themselves were stupid and only took women seriously who didn't dye their hair.
here it is

bigbadbarry Sat 17-Nov-12 17:55:11

I cba to wear makeup unless I am going somewhere special. I spend the extra 20 minutes a day on here or on facebook.

OhPantsAllTheGoodNicksAreInUse Sat 17-Nov-12 17:55:19

So in one sentence what I am saying forget what other people say/think. Life is too short, I couldn't give a toss what people think..... smile

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 17:57:01

honeydragon i salute you, positive role model if ever there was one grin

petrified of writing their incase i am disciplined again

Trills Sat 17-Nov-12 17:57:37

You are being unreasonable, mostly because I think that you are wholly imagining that anyone is judging you for wearing makeup.

lovelyladuree Sat 17-Nov-12 17:58:04

I get up at 6am to blow dry my hair, apply makeup and put on a dress and clippycloppy shoes. I run my business from home and I feel that I have to feel like I am going to work in order to get anything done. So, if that looks like I have made too much effort to do the school run, the so be it. My kids don't want to play at 6am however much I prod them.

NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 17:58:09

Sorry posted too soon.

My point is there are many people as the OP describes. Those that choose not to wear make up, but look down on others. I know some in RL. They are quite funny to listen to though.

On the other hand there are plenty of women who do judge other women for not wearing makeup and doing their hair etc.

I am not sure why anyone cares what others look like. And why some women feel they have the right to tell other women how to look.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 17:59:20

I thnk i have managed to convey what i meant a bit better now, along with the help from most of you writing my thread for me but yes nora those are true to my experience, knew i was not completely paranoid.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:00:45

Nope not imagining it trills , possibly overthinking but it is not imagined read noras post.

Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 18:03:08

I do make hmm faces at the mums who pitch up to the school in full make-up and heels, not that we have many at our school, looking ready for a night on the tiles. I am one of the scruffy sort you describe, but its nothing to do with motherhood ive alway been a bit ofa scruff. I just think its more stylish to dress appropriately to the situation..smart casual for the school run i think. Full slap for a night on the town. Thats just me, the mums who dress up for the school run look great, this is good too.

Tee2072 Sat 17-Nov-12 18:03:16

Honey and I are the same.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:05:15

So whatnow we must all dress smart/casual for the school run?, what if our definition differs, i might find my perspex platforms very casual.

Floggingmolly Sat 17-Nov-12 18:06:39

If people constantly nudge each other and whisper behind their hands as you walk past hmm, it's unlikely they're thinking you don't spend enough time with your children.
Is your makeup clown like? Is your skirt in your knickers? Most people are too busy with their own lives to actually notice or care what complete strangers are doing.

Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 18:07:10

Then do please continue to wear them. Im just jealous cos i have fat calves.

Pagwatch Sat 17-Nov-12 18:08:19

I have read the 'people who get dressed up each day are self obsessed and I would rather spend my time concentrating on the children' thing on here.
Same as the 'I am a sahm because I don't wnt to miss a moment with my child' thing..

Only on here though. In real life people don't care.
I have had a slightly snarky 'oh, are you going somewhere?'. I usually reply 'I am always going somewhere'

BOFingSanta Sat 17-Nov-12 18:08:51

You wear stripper shoes on the school run? I think that's why you're getting the funny looks, love. I doubt it's the curly hair.

noddyholder Sat 17-Nov-12 18:08:54

grin

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:10:54

No flogging it tends to be much more passive aggressive than that, And no my makeup is not terribly clown like fingers crossed but it is a matter of fact that it does happen, this type of judging does.

Sparklingbrook Sat 17-Nov-12 18:11:33

I do the school run in that I drop DS1 at the school bus stop. What should I be wearing? I don't get out of the car.

Tee2072 Sat 17-Nov-12 18:12:40

I think I love my school gate. The parents barely talk.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:13:19

yes BOF , along with my leather skirt and blue eyeshadow, maybe this thread is a huge red herring.

I am doubting myself now, i thought everyone would get it.
grin

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:15:07

Forgot to mention DS is 23 months so no school gate yet, this is mainly a playgroup thing.

I am not even the type of person who thinks playgroups are bitchy this is the only thing i tend to notice.

Waspie Sat 17-Nov-12 18:17:42

Everyone is judged by their appearance to a certain extent in any situation aren't they? If I wore a cocktail dress and a pair of Jimmy Choos to pick up my son from school I'd get some looks in the same way that I would if I wore jeans, converse and a "I've got great tits" t-shirt* to the office.

* I do NOT own this t-shirt!

BOFingSanta Sat 17-Nov-12 18:18:04
NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 18:19:52

I bet you do though waspie. I think it would be appropriate for casual fridays. grin

BOFingSanta Sat 17-Nov-12 18:20:04
freddiefrog Sat 17-Nov-12 18:20:09

I've had a few of these comments irl

I'm no supermodel but I like clothes and fashion and make up. I enjoy messin around with outfits and hair, etc

I've had 'I'd rather spend more time with my children' 'every spare penny I have goes on my children, not pretty clothes for myself' 'you have too much time on your hands' and many variations.

I don't give a shiny shite what other people wear, I usually don't take a whole lot of notice.

I wear what I like and ignore the stupid comments, I don't need to justify my clothing choices or how I spend my time and money to anyone, as they don't need to justify their choices to me

Nancy66 Sat 17-Nov-12 18:20:24

Those are Courtney Stodden's feet aren't they? I'm a bit obsessed with her.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:20:49

I am a classy lady BOF but those feet are not ,mine i am 30 shades lighter and sport corned beef legs on a good day.

NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 18:22:38

WTF nancy you recognize someones feet?

Does she know she has a stalker? grin

Slightly impressed by your powers of recognition.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:23:15

Love that you could recognize someone by their feet nancy , that's talent there.

BOFingSanta Sat 17-Nov-12 18:27:38

Yes, that's impressive grin

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:29:58

in my head nancy is now ''the one who knows feet''

Lavenderhoney Sat 17-Nov-12 18:29:58

my first thought was that sounds like me at drop offsmile

I scrub up later for pick up though.

Tbh, I have seen mums at soft play with heels and short minis who won't interact and play with their dc. And I do think a different wardrobe choice would have been more suitable, but maybe they came from work..

pointythings Sat 17-Nov-12 18:30:49

I am too lazy to put on make-up and bother with my hair, which is short and grey, but clean. I am also too lazy to judge people though, so that evens it out...

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:31:26

If it is affecting how they can play then the connection between the two is there, it is the connecting of two no reason that bothers me.

Waspie Sat 17-Nov-12 18:34:47

NoraGainesborough grin - actually someone did wear a slogan t-shirt far worse on dress down Friday's a few years back. The result was an amendment to the "appropriate office attire" commandment. Oh, and the wearer got transferred to the Sydney office (lucky git!)

Lola, wear what you feel comfortable in - you're being the best parent you can be and if people don't like what you wear to do that in then that's their problem, not yours.

HullyEastergully Sat 17-Nov-12 18:36:54

oh who cares

NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 18:37:33

waspie I remember them amending our office 'attire rules' after similar.

Getting transferred to Sydney is a great punishment.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:38:39

I believe that would be me, and a couple of others on this thread who related hully

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:40:42

though i think it would be safe too assume that you don't grin

thebody Sat 17-Nov-12 18:49:31

Hully, agree who cares... I do dress up, some of my mates don't and some do... Who cares..

MoreBeta Sat 17-Nov-12 18:52:58

" baggy combat wearing, makeup free and greasy ponytail..."

They'll never get themselves a husband going out looking like that. shock

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 18:54:17

Nothing to do with my post More

I'd like to know who cares too. Seriously. Who give a shiny shite? I don't believe I have ever or would ever judge anyone's parenting on their make up. Don't believe I know anyone that would either. I think you're making this up OP - quite why is anyone's guess but it just sounds like so much shizz to me!

RandallPinkFloyd Sat 17-Nov-12 18:56:21

I know exactly what you mean Lola. You're not imagining it at all.

I get it too.

Not about my clothes (I'm the woman that style forgot) but about my house.

"Gosh, you're always so tidy, you must spend all day doing house work."
"Oh, my house is always strewn with toys"
"I'd rather play than clean any day"

WTF does how how tidy your house is have to do with what kind of parent you are confused

I spend way more time om MN than I do on housework!

BeauNeidel Sat 17-Nov-12 18:57:02

I get what you mean Lola.

Everyone I work with seems to be in complete awe that I can have 3 children under 4, work full time and still have the time to look nice. Well, yes - I like to look nice, I don't do anything else for myself so I don't think spending half an hour daily getting my hair and make up just so, or doing my nails is too strange. I like doing my make up!

foslady Sat 17-Nov-12 18:57:55

Unless it's lippy of kohl I generally don't apply make up purely because I'm so crap at it and seen so many women who aren't that great at it either.......My clothes and hair are clean and paid for, so why judge me? I don't judge you.....personally I don't care what people look like on the outside, I'm more bothered about how friendly you are.....hmm

HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 19:01:16

Beta. Do you exfoliate, shave and don shirt and tie for EVERY school run? shock You really are a keeper. grin

Hully. I care. I care for all the hapless souls, who worry these things matter. Sometimes I cry at night. sad Imagine the torture they go through when they beseech make up for the noble pursuit of child rearing. And I lament for those that try to soilder on with lipstick and bronzer. Why, oh why do they fight amongst themselves? Why?

Please. Won't someone think of the Mummies? sad

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 19:04:27

i don't care. wear make up, dont wear make up, have curly hair, have greasy hair, use 'there' when you mean 'their', have a greasy curly haired 'there'/'their' combat party if you like. just dont assume anybody but you cares. people really have more to concern themselves with than what's on your face or in your hair. and even if they do care, why do you care that they care? it's so boring.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Sat 17-Nov-12 19:07:54

I suppose some of the women in the no-make-up/comfy clothes group are a bit snippy about 'groomed' women because they themselves have had years of unwanted comments and advice about their own appearance. If a woman who doesn't have the 'excuse' of small children prefers togo without makeup and dress in tracksuit and trainers or whatever, then she can get picked on quite a lot.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 19:10:22

People do care quite frankly, the arseholey patronizing posters who see it fit to decide what i can and can't care on are being pathetic, i am not a mummie either but this does happen, and those of you who are saying it does not haven't encountered it but that doesn't make it untrue, what a load of shit that just because it's not something you care about i can't either.

Don't care don't take your time to read and then inform me just how much you don't care, Just you know..... Don't care.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 19:12:22

My problem is that parenting and looks are connected nothing else, if i said i was the combat wearing, makeup free pony tail club member would i be allowed to care ?

HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 19:13:27

Lola. Tbh the issue isn't grooming. It's play groups. I swear they are a breeding ground for loud judgy women and sm surprised you know whether they wear make up or not, as in my experience their heads are always wedged firmly up their arses.

BOFingSanta Sat 17-Nov-12 19:16:20

Back in the days when I did the school run, I never felt judged for my appearance. But that's possibly because I distracted them with a prodigious drinking habit and shagging unsuitable men.

EdgarAllanPond Sat 17-Nov-12 19:22:28

you drank and shagged unsuitable men on the school run BOF?

i feel oddly deprived

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 19:24:21

but why do you care OP? really? are you so insecure that other people's personal opinion (which you say is really just PA bitchiness anyway rather than opinion) of your appearance causes such an intereference in your brain?

some people bitch, so? let them. it reflects on them not you. if you are happy with how you look why give a shit if you get 100 snidey looks and nudges when you walk in somewhere. they're the ones with the issue if they really think make up is a deciding factor on how good a parent you are.

really, it isn't doing you any good to care what they think. it's probably draining you tbh.

Waspie Sat 17-Nov-12 19:26:12

BOF -grin

Lola if these women judge you because you wear make up and style your hair then they're muppets. You really don't have to give a flying one about them or their stupid comments.

BOFingSanta Sat 17-Nov-12 19:28:17

What can I say? I live on the edge, me.

NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 19:30:33

bof my school run is so much less inviting now. None of that goes off.

I hate when the 'who cares' posters wade in. if you don't don't read or comment. Not everyone cares about everything that is posted in AIBU. IMO there is some right old tripe in here. but I just either don't click it (if its obvious from the title) or don't comment and ignore it.

The OP obviously cares (even though i don't think its stops her from sleeping) so leave it there.

Oh and lay off the grammar. It only makes YOU look petty.

LurcioLovesFrankie Sat 17-Nov-12 19:31:29

When encountering judgy people (whether you feel they're judging your makeup or your lack thereof), best to adopt Skipper's (Penguins of Madagascar) advice: "smile and wave boys, smile and wave".

BOF - I want a school run like yours.

Hassled Sat 17-Nov-12 19:31:45

I'm secretly quite jealous of the women who, despite the fact they would probably look a lot better for a bit of slap, still have the confidence to go out without it. It's a "I don't give a flying fuck" attitude that I'm a bit in awe of. I can't leave the house without mascara as a bare minimum.

VerySmallSqueak Sat 17-Nov-12 19:43:08

I don't spend the time that I don't spend on my appearance playing with the kids.
I spend it on MN.

I fear I am the worst sort of Mother.I look like shit and ignore my kids.

blush

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 19:45:29

yep thats me too verysmallsqueak

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 19:45:57

Sorry all, this is not the be all and end all of my life it is just a mild irritant.

But i do care and the ''but whys!!!!'' are just stupid.

Although some of you are right in that it is because i am insecure, i am, i really struggle with my appearance so i do the makeup and the hair and it works, it really does i start to feel some confidence and i feel good about the way i look so it is rather annoying when i feel pulled up and made to feel as if it is doing my son a disservice when really it's not is it?.

I spend my spare ten minutes doing my face, some people spend there's reading a magazine, some spend it eating a bar of galaxy.

HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 19:46:01

My school playground is like Bofs. Discussions tend to be more about hangovers and unsuitable shags that SATs and fundraising.

NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 19:50:09

Lurcio excellent game plan.

I am the mother that literally gets my dd to tuck and roll as I slow the car down (but not completely stop) outside the school, just as the bell rings. And I don't have make up on and my hair scraped back. And I don't play with the kids on a morning. I am shit.

I look far better on an afternoon, still do my best to avoid eye contact though. Usually get my phone out and MN. smile

oohlaalaa Sat 17-Nov-12 19:50:41

OP - I think you are over thinking this. I only wear make up for nights out, but I don't judge someone for wearing make-up and high heels on a daily baisis. In fact, I'm always impressed that they've made an effort. I'm too lazy to bother.

maddening Sat 17-Nov-12 19:51:45

Is it a feeling you get or have people actually said this to you?

If it's a feeling could it be that some cases are possibly you being self conscious?

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sat 17-Nov-12 19:53:08

There's no way I'm leaving the house without a bit of make up. I'm so insecure and self conscious, I'd feel naked naked and that everyone was staring. Of course I know differently, but I'd still think it.

I neglect my kids in lots of other ways though. Tbh they get on my bloody nerves so much sometimes that I'm happy if they bugger off to the playroom and put a film on and leave me alone for a while.

[bad parent]

giveitago Sat 17-Nov-12 19:53:55

Bloody hell OP - where you do live - the last time I wore baggy combats was just over 5 years ago returning to work after having ds. I was pretty much laughed out of the place for them and that over 5 years ago. I've never seen them since.

Myself - I wear no makeup and haven't for about 20 years - just live in stuff that's comfortable for me (but not baggy combats obviously)!

Can't say I've ever felt better for being thinner (I've put on about a stone) or with makeup or good hair. Doesn't do it for me. But if it does it for you than do it.

echt Sat 17-Nov-12 19:54:36

Just what I was thinking, maddening, has someone actually said anything to the OP?

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 19:56:24

"made to feel as if it is doing my son a disservice when really it's not is it?"

in the nicest possible way, you dont need us to tell you that it's not. you know it's not. YOU know. and that's the only person that needs to know. if 3 or 4 people here replied saying "yes i think you should spend those 10 minutes with your son instead" what would you say? you would defend yourself and what you do because YOU know that you aren't damaging your child in anyway. it is ridiculous that other people have you questioning your parenting like this. you dont have to justify your behaviour to anyone. you aren't harming anyone. stop giving yourself a hard time. stop letting other people's stupid issues about themselves take up space in your head. really. let it all go over your head. it's doing you no good being in there.

Whodyanickabollockoff Sat 17-Nov-12 19:59:01

I'm not really into dreadlocks tbh or pertula oil either

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 20:01:43

It has been said, but in a passive aggressive way.

So at a playgroup all with children of similar ages and it's ''you look nice Lola'' ''well i'd rather play with DD then spend time doing make up''

It leaves you feeling embarrassed and also slightly pathetic, the one time i said something back it was ''it is possible to do both'' and then the person changes from PA to smiley, i can hardly start an argument.

I am not imagining it, though possibly overthinking it.

I can still care though, it is allowed.

I am also not the only one who has said it happens but those who are saying i am making it up are conveniently ignoring that hmm

LadyBeagle Sat 17-Nov-12 20:05:10

I kind of get where you'e coming from OP.
I don't feel right unless I've had a shower and washed my hair, that's just me though.
But we're all different, and putting a bit of make up on or not isn't anything about being a mum.
But I've also seen some new age hippies trying to make the impression that their parenthood is best.
As an old hippy, I've given my ds my values, right or wrong, and so far he's the same as me.
If he becomes a Tory (unlikely in Scotland),
<sigh>
It'll be his choice though.

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 20:10:09

you dont have to put yourself in these people's way though OP avoid them. if they are being PA, call them on it "oh my goodness, you sounded so bitchy just then. did you mean to?" or ask them to repeat what they said, pretend you didn't hear it first time. they'll be aware that all the attention is on them and mightn't be so confident with their digs.

Waspie Sat 17-Nov-12 20:12:26

Lola you can always fall back on the MN staple of "did you mean to be so rude?". Although I think your rejoinder was perfect and you should stick with it.

People who bitch like this aren't worth your time.

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 20:14:50

or just completely ignore their comments "you look nice lola" "thanks" and then straight away you turn away or engage with someone else, not giving them an audience for their comments.

if a comment catches you by surprise you could always just be straight with them and say "i get a feeling you dont like me very much. why is that?" and wait for them to reply.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 20:15:08

your right booyhoo , I should.

I think though that i should still be able to moan about it being a bit shit without half the ''yeah but why do you care, no one cares'' bullshit though.

Nobody cares about half of the shit people moan about on here, they tend to just ignore it though.

Strange folk to not care so much they just had to let everyone know.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 20:16:27

That wasn't directed at you booy thank you for your advise without being rude

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 20:18:40

people can 'not care' what other people think of the way they look but still care when other people are caring. if that makes sense.

when i said i dont care. i mean i dont care what people think/say about how i look. i wasn't saying i dont care that you are upset by it.

MainlyMaynie Sat 17-Nov-12 20:18:53

Maybe they would rather play with their children than apply make up? Is that a problem?

forehead Sat 17-Nov-12 20:22:01

I wear makeup daily. I have kids and i am a bloody fantastic mother.
I also hold down a demanding job.
BTW, OP, i agree with you. Those makeup free martyrs really annoy me.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 20:24:13

No mainly it is quite obviously ok and not a problem.

Thing is as i said most people have their ten minutes and just spend it differently, i don't banish him to the front room for hours on end while i apply layers of purple lipstick.

RandallPinkFloyd Sat 17-Nov-12 20:27:15

IME Lola people who make wanky judgements like this do it for one of two reasons.

Either they are insecure and putting you down makes them feel better about themselves.

or

They have their heads wedged firmly up their arses and think their way if by far superior to everyone else's way.

Either way, it's their issue not yours smile

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 20:27:16

thats a great way to describe them forehead , they can't just not wear makeup they have to make a point out of not wearing makeup.

dottt Sat 17-Nov-12 20:29:34

I was low maintenance pre dcs same post them. I've worried (unnecessarily) that ill deprive dd from being high maintenance but thankfully grungie mummy has had zero influence. She's a high maintenance gel - we celebrate that cos we love her whatever/whoever she is. Take a 'chill pill' but sympathies the 'mummy road 'is 'compare and contrast ' - well it was for me at times. It helped me to have friends with no dcs or dcs much older/younger. X. BE YOU

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Sat 17-Nov-12 20:31:25

Feck you all, I turn up at school with my fleece jammies and fuzzy slippers, with my hair not brushed and a blanket to keep me warm, with a daughter over my knee and my hazard lights flashing on my scooter because people seem to ignore me otherwise, and I dumped them in the office and let them send them to the appropriate classes.

Do I get a trophy? No? Bugger. Never mind, I am a shite mum and I just don't get enough time in the day to judge anyone at all. Except those bastards who jump in front of me when I am going at 4mph!

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Sat 17-Nov-12 20:32:18

And the judgement is swift and painful!

RandallPinkFloyd Sat 17-Nov-12 20:37:07

Oh, and as for posting on a thread just to say you don't care.

Seriously, why?

I don't give a crap about light switches. Have I gone on to the thread about light switches specifically to tell the OP that I don't give a crap about light switches?

No

That would be twatty.

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 20:48:57

this thread was specifically about other people caring what others look like so i think it's ok to post and let Op know that not everyone does despite what she may be thinking.

haven't a clue what the lightswitch thread is about so cant comment.

bedmonster Sat 17-Nov-12 20:49:50

This is not a thread moaning about the people who dare to wear comfortable clothes and leave the house (i do too occasionally)

This right here. It baffles me that people wouldn't wear something out of the house that they wouldn't feel comfortable in. Why would you choose to go out feeling UNcomfortable? confused

I'm not a makeup girl. I own a mascara that I won in a competition about 10 years ago (which I should probably throw out) and a tub of vaseline to make my lips feel soft and smooth. A makeup counter lady jumped out at me in debenhams once, (she obviously saw a very plain faced looking trout grin) and plastered my face in foundation and concealer and blusher and god knows whatever else. I looked like a clown and felt horrible as it's not comfortable FOR ME.

I got some wiped and scrubbed it straight off grin and felt so much cleaner! Some of my best friends are makeup queens, and they look so fab all made up, but it's not everyones cup of tea.

Each to their own, but for me it's not because I spend extra time playing with my kids but I just genuinely don't care and feel confident in my own skin. And as long as you do too, why get worked up about it?

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 20:53:49

They weren't saying they don't care what people look like though booy they were saying they don't care what i am talking about, and sounding a bunch of twats.

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 20:59:33

ah ok. i only read the first few post on pg 1 so didn't see any of that. my 'i dont care' post was saying i dont care what people look like or what they think i look like. i wasn't saying i dont care if you do care.

RandallPinkFloyd Sat 17-Nov-12 21:06:29

Don't let people upset you Lola.

IvanaNap Sat 17-Nov-12 21:06:58

Honest to goodness this thread reminded me I needed to add micro oven chips on my grocery shop. Knew there was something I'd left off but couldn't for the life of me remember until I was contemplating the opening few posts. Thanks OP thanks

AmberSocks Sat 17-Nov-12 21:12:54

I kind of know what the op means,i am assuming she has heard someone say something about her.

I have quite a handful with my 4 and there has been times where i really havnt had time to put make up on and striaghten my hair,or put any thought into what im wearing and i have used the "i have would rather spend time witht he kids2 excuse to myself,but really an extra ten minutes in the morning really makes a difference.

That said,some people really dont give a shit and good on them i say!

MoreBeta Sat 17-Nov-12 21:13:01

Is it not possible to look basically tidy and interact with your children then?

<grasps wildly about still trying figure out what this thread is about> grin

HoneyDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 21:16:23

Pssssst

Beta, when you find out let me know

I think on balance the op is nbu, but needs to find different people to hang out with.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:18:11

This is what i am learning morebeta i can either not do face/hair/clothes and have happy clever children or do combats/noface/pony and have children who are feral because of lack of interaction because i am too busy adding mascara at regular intervals.

notmyproblem Sat 17-Nov-12 21:23:10

Threads like this always show the insecurity of the OP. OP, you post as if you're still trying to convince yourself that your own behaviour is ok. Like someone has planted that tiny seed of doubt and now you are desperate to justify yourself. And since you are lacking in self-confidence to build yourself up and shrug off criticism, the only way you can do that is to put other people down.

YABU. And grow up. And stop caring about what other people think, or about what you think they think. Because really... nobody cares. If YOU think YOU are spending too much time in front of the mirror to your kids' detriment then either make peace with yourself about it, or change it. Don't try to make other people feel bad to cover your own insecurity.

RandallPinkFloyd Sat 17-Nov-12 21:27:18

I don't think it's about whether the OP is BU or not tbh, I just think she's had a really hard time that's all.

It seems to be one of those threads that randomly turns a bit nasty for no apparent reason.

All she's basically said is that she feels people judge her. How many thousands of threads on here are about judging or being judged? MN would implode without them!

I never understand it when seemingly innocuous threads get snippy replies, I always feel like I've missed something.

notmyproblem Sat 17-Nov-12 21:29:31

Actually, apologies OP my post sounded harsher than intended. Sorry about that.

But really... stop caring what others think and especially those you don't even like!

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:30:15

notmyproblem
you need to read the thread or not post on it.

I'm ok with being told AIBU, but your off the mark i didn't put people down.

I gave a description i didn't make a judgement.

These are people that wear combats, and no make up and also have a greasy ponytail, i didn't judge them for any of those things but for the superiority complex they seem to get with them.

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 21:32:54

i think we should ban the word 'judge' from MN.

<tumbleweed>

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:35:11

Its ok randall i got why a while back, its because i said i am the other type on mumsnet you have to say how clever you are that you don't care about your house being clean, the way that you look, the way that you parent so everyone thinks your oh so cool.

if i was posting about being judged because i didn't do what i do the replies would have been more sympathetic.

MoreBeta Sat 17-Nov-12 21:35:24

Lola - really I dont think people have time to judge other peoples clothes/hair at school drop off. You look fine and no one cares anyway.

Honestly, if someone turned up in a spacesuit I'd barely notice.

Usually I am engulfed in a blizzard of sports kit, rucksacks and last minute requests for money and signatures on half remembered authorisation forms.

BOFingSanta Sat 17-Nov-12 21:35:36

I think notmyproblem meant it kindly, OP.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:35:55

I would be mute grin

differentnameforthis Sat 17-Nov-12 21:36:03

Actually I would rather read mumsnet in the morning than put make up on. Saying that, I'd rather do ANYTHING than put make up on, tbh. I guess I could be one of your "mums". I wear combats occasionally, sometimes my hair is a tad unkempt & I never wear make up (hate the stuff).

I don't think it makes me a better parent than anyone, just like I don't think that you are a better parent because you take longer to get yourself ready.

Parenting isn't about make up, what you wear etc, but about how you raise your kids. Now, if your 4yr goes out with a full face of make up everyday, I might think your lifestyle mattered. Other than that, I really don't give a shit!

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sat 17-Nov-12 21:36:13

You sound defensive.

RandallPinkFloyd Sat 17-Nov-12 21:36:18

Can you imagine! grin

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:40:20

Sorry but i am feeling more and more bothered by being told people don't actually do this i know it is well meaning but i have already said along with other posters that these are things that have been said, i didn't say i was thinking that someone else might have felt this way.

It does happen, thank you to all of those who have informed me that they don't but that doesn't mean no one else does.

grin

Tee2072 Sat 17-Nov-12 21:41:42

It's hard to take you seriously when you end every post with:

grin

Something to think about, perhaps?

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:42:32

ariel you sound surprised i have spent this entire thread saying that this is something that happened whilst people tell me im imagining it grin

RandallPinkFloyd Sat 17-Nov-12 21:42:39

My grin was to Booy btw, looks a bit oddly placed now!

I think you were right when you said a lot of these feelings stem from your insecurity Lola.

Work on your fuck-off face. It won't matter how much mascara you're wearing once you've got that one right!

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:43:18

i can grin if i like and that post was bullshit frankly.

CarefullyAirbrushedPotato Sat 17-Nov-12 21:44:23

you can rub whatever you like into your face OP, but it don't forget to hoik your (slightly too tight) judgey pants

Narked Sat 17-Nov-12 21:44:56

You feeling judged is not the same as you being judged. And as for equating not wearing make up with having greasy hair ... hmm

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:44:58

But now i am bound to be imagined to be grinning like a pageant show girl who looks like a serial killer aren't i ?

this thread has made me come across so unhinged haha

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 21:44:58

i think you need new friends wink

but honestly, no-one i know would say "i'd rather play with my dcs" after complimeting you on how you look. i dont doubt people do say things like this. there are arseholes everywhere, you just have to decide whether they deserve space in your head or in your life.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:46:42

Sorry this was us sat in a group booy one person said i look nice the other piped up sounding narky, it was rude there is no denying it.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sat 17-Nov-12 21:47:27

Sorry. I meant in your OP.

Oh well.

Narked Sat 17-Nov-12 21:48:48

Ah. It's people you know doing it, not strangers?

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:53:20

It was at a playgroup, but it is something i spoke about with my sister and she has experienced similar, then i was out for lunch and the woman at the table next to us watched a woman walk in dressed nicely wearing heels and said to her DP ''god some people are so pathetic it's only nandos and she's done up like that, poor kids''

They wear not poor kids they were happy ones.

Have also seen it written on here.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Sat 17-Nov-12 21:53:43

It's funny, isn't it; by the age of 16 maybe? possibly younger... girls have split into the ones who are going to wear make-up every day for the rest of their lives, and the ones who aren't. Wonder if anyone ever changes camps?

I'm a member of the greasy combat and baggy ponytail club myself, but I'd never be rude to you about it. Intimidated by your blatant togetherness maybe, and I guess for some people that might translate into rudeness.
Although I would add that my DM takes about an hour to do her hair and make-up, and it is fucking irritating if you're trying to go anywhere <grinds teeth>

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 21:54:13

oh it is rude. i agree with you. as others have said, get practising on either throwing it back at her/them or on completely ignoring. i think you'll feel better if you can get yourself to a place where you dont care. it is about self esteem and being secure enough in your own choices. it takes time and no-one is 100% confident all the time, but save your unsure moments for the ones that matter. anyone else's opinion of what you do with ten minutes in the morning REALLY doesn't matter. remember that lots of people dont voice opinions and you are trotting along in life without ever knowing what they think of you. and it doesn't matter does it? their opinions dont have an effect on the choices you make. the fact that someone has (in an underhand way) voiced their opinion shouldn't change that. it's just another opinion, but louder than others you dont hear. they are not important people in your life so dont give their opinions any thought at all.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:55:30

Than you boulevard i just really laughed at ''greasy combat and baggy ponytail club ''

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 21:58:28

thanks booy i have a long way to go until i am not insecure at all, a long way i always worry what people think of me, way too much.

but this was not about paranoia or my insecurity this was a real thing that someone saw fit to say out loud that is what pissed me off.

TiredBooyhoo Sat 17-Nov-12 21:58:40

i did boulevard!

from 14/15 i was into make-up, heels, straightened hair, manicured nails. this continued until about 4 years ago. i wouldn't have taken the post out of the letter box without make-up on and my hair straightened. when i got pregnant with ds2 and became depressed i just didn't have the energy or motivation. i was off work sick alot and didn't see the point in make-up if i wasn't going anywhere, and then it got worse. i'm at a point now where i prefer to wear make up if i'm going somewhere specific but for just day to day school run and quick nips into the shop i dont bother and i'm fine with that. people who know me know it doesn't change who i am whether i'm made up or not. and people who dont know me dont matter.

CockyPants Sat 17-Nov-12 22:02:09

Boring.
OP needs to get out more.

amarylisnightandday Sat 17-Nov-12 22:04:22

Op - I get you. I've had the comments. Not lately as I don't meet new mums that often now - I'm firmly in a quiche grinbut I remember them from a few baby groups in the past.
From what I can gather the make up thing either goes against the 'motherhood is total chaos and equally challenging for all women' or.........the make up is a sign or organisation skills of which the judgey types are envious of. Not to say that not wearing it makes you disorganised - far from it - just that maybe that's a reason for the butchy comments.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 22:06:48

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

lljkk Sat 17-Nov-12 22:15:17

Oooh.... fight, fight, fight.
That's seriously gonna get reported/deleted.

Smug people are annoying, yanbu on that part.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 22:18:55

Never mind if it does that post was totally unnecessary, as was my own but some people really do post like arseholes.

pointythings Sat 17-Nov-12 22:23:14

I don't get the whole being smug because I'm not wearing make-up thing confused. I know the Mail thinks women who go out without make-up are either brave or stupid, but I don't buy into it. We're just people making choices, aren't we?

I think it's very hard not to get drawn into the whole competitive mum at the school gate thing. In the days when I dropped off DD1, I was the only mum there who worked full time, and only a very small handful of people wanted to know me. So I just talked to them and their DCs and didn't give it another thought. I think that takes a certain amount of thick skin though.

LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats Sat 17-Nov-12 22:28:13

i don't think it is the not wearing makeup that = smugness , it is the minority who think them not wearing make up is something worth being smug about, same as the women who wear a lot of make p and do there hair and are smug about it to those who don't, there is a whole ''i'm better than you '' thing going on, one way it is

''I'm better than you because i take pride in my appearance''
and the other. . .

''i'm better than you because i am so above makeup''

Neither of them are prevalent in everyday settings but they are there.

Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 22:32:25

I used to wear make up, loads of it (im an 80s child, what can i say!) but now i NEVER wear it. When i wore it, if i wasn't wearing any i felt i looked terrible, now i feel i look better without it. I stopped wearing it the day my DP told me i looked beautiful without it grin that was 20 years ago!

I wouldn't look down my nose at someone who was made up and well presented at the school run, i might be a bit hmm if she was dressed for a nightclub, but different strokes for different folks, i bet your DDs (if you have them) love their glam mummy.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sat 17-Nov-12 22:33:11

This entire thread is like a parallel universe!

Obviously saying that in a totally non smug way.

pointythings Sat 17-Nov-12 22:34:19

I think you're right, OP. And that mystifies me. We must live in a very shallow world when the issue of wearing make-up, or not, is used as a measure of worthiness. Honestly, don't we have anything better to think about? I'm thinking about Israel and Gaza at the moment, and the whole war paint/no war paint thing just pales into insignificance.

My appearance is not one of the things I take pride in, for the most part. Though I am fond of my lovely grey hair, I have had people ask me where I get my streaks done grin. I take pride in the quality of my work, the achievements of my DDs, my baking and jewellery making skills. Oh, and my ability to make cake disappear.

lljkk Sat 17-Nov-12 22:38:57

I am make-up free scruffy but find it hard to give a rats arse how other people dress.

Evangelical people wind me up something rotten.

But Smug people just usually make me laugh*. OP, just.. find a way to pity them if you must take notice at all.

(*Make note to self apply that principle to Smug MNers. But it's so much funner when you can easily nitpick about everything else you see & observe about them in person that isn't so perfect, don't get the rich imperfect details online.)

gail734 Sat 17-Nov-12 22:54:53

My DD (first baby) is 4 months old. I spend two precious minutes in the morning slapping on some makeup because a) it makes me feel better, and b) I think it creates an impression that I am "coping". (I'm not doing badly, but if I go out looking a mess I am a bit concerned that I'll be judged.) I wear very comfy clothes, but not pyjamas! If I see a mum with a pram who's really "done up", I'm in awe of her. I think, "Wow, when did you get time to do that?" If I see a mum who looks a bit of a state, I feel sympathetic. My hair used to be a surprisingly labour intensive, shiny bob. It's been in a spiky little pony since DD was born! I think it says a lot that I never look better than when I visit the health visitor's clinic to have DD weighed - I'm secretly convinced that if I turn up there without at least lipstick and mascara on, that she'll note it down in the red book! "Mum has lost all self esteem." I know this is mad!!

edwinbear Sat 17-Nov-12 23:24:33

I have only read the first page of the post. However, I feel I should add that on a Friday morning, when I take my kids swimming, I am a no make up wearing, frizzy haired, Sainsburys tracksuit wearing mum of two. From Mon-Thurs I am a six figure earning, Paul Smithed suited, and Louboutin heeled investment banker. Best not to judge on appearance huh.

DrCoconut Sun 18-Nov-12 08:20:06

I remember when DS2 was 2 days old and the midwife came to visit. She seemed genuinely surprised that I was dressed! It was 1pm. Before anyone gets any catwalk type images (I wish) it was just jogging bottoms and a t shirt, not high fashion. I have suffered depression and find that having a certain level of routine and getting up, washed, dressed, bit of makeup if going out etc keeps me out of that rut that it is all to easy to slip into. I'm not bothered if others do the same or not.

lovestodaydream Sun 18-Nov-12 10:03:26

Dear OP, I tried really hard for a while to look presentable on the nursery run (bit of tinted moisturiser, lip balm, hair brushed into a clip) and I genuinely thought I'd pulled it off, until one day DS1 pointed out LOUDLY at the school doors - right in front of head - that I was still wearing my slippers. I applaud anyone who can get a full face on 1st thing AND dress everyone properly!

Now I just concentrate on baby wiping my face and under my arms, hoovering up into my mouth any left over bits of toast and wearing my shoes :-))

I just don't know where time goes in the mornings - maybe it goes on stopping DS1 3yo from doing Spider-Man stunts onto DS2 5 weeks old?

One day I will wear my lovely make up again (and my skinny jeans) - I luffs it.

lovestodaydream Sun 18-Nov-12 10:05:20

And I empathise with Dr Coconut. I had this 1st time round, routine based little things make all the difference sometimes xx

StickEmUp Sun 18-Nov-12 10:22:57

I get what you mean. I have a friend who was always done up but not so much now she has a baby.
Te only reason i noticed was she goes on and on about not having enough time BUT seemingly wants a medal for having a baby and giving so much of herself up. I get the comments as well as i am childless about how good my life must be and how haaaard ot all is etc.
I practice the glassy eye response, i find it boring and i dont have a medal to give her.

HullyEastergully Sun 18-Nov-12 12:27:39

Lola - in essence: just do what you want and don't give a flying fuck what others think.

really.

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