AIBU to not actually have a problem with this?

(59 Posts)
PurplePidjin Sat 17-Nov-12 17:08:29

DP just got a text inviting him out for a curry for a mate's birthday. Mate has been through a rough time lately, the meal is fairly local to us and is a week night. DP is an occasional, sensible drinker.

However, if PidjChick hasn't already made an appearance i will be 41+4. If he has, chances are we'll have a very tiny newborn.

I said to tentatively accept - unless I'm actually in labour or full-on sobbing with hormones, i think he should go and have fun for a couple of hours. This is our first, and i have family and friends nearby.

AIB either U or completely naive?

picnicbasketcase Sat 17-Nov-12 17:09:09

Nope, sounds fair enough.

MrsWolowitz Sat 17-Nov-12 17:11:08

If you've had the baby then he should stay home.

If you've not had the baby then he should go out but not get drunk in case he needs to drive to the hospital.

Congratulations btw

milkysmum Sat 17-Nov-12 17:12:02

I think this would be fine- baby won't suddenly fall out- he would have plenty of time to get back if you went into labour! If baby is here and tiny then you make the decision at that time but I imagine you would still be fine with him going out for a few hours?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sat 17-Nov-12 17:12:36

Nope, I'd be happy for him to go unless I was actively in labour on the night.

Princessishavingababyboo Sat 17-Nov-12 17:14:15

He you have not had the baby I would say he should go, not drink and have his phone fully charged. If you have had the little one, see how you and he feels, he might not want to go out.

Good luck with the baby.

PurplePidjin Sat 17-Nov-12 17:17:23

He'll be no more than 30 minutes drive away. If PidjChick shows up on time, dp may well be back at work by then anyway (not been there long enough for paid paternity so been saving up AL) and I'll have to have learned to cope.

Tbh, he gets stressed if he doesn't go out running (1-1.5 hours, same week night) so i would encourage him to do that anyway.

Just wondering how many people would find it odd/hard/not trust their OH etc smile

TheDetective Sat 17-Nov-12 17:39:23

I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I'm 42 weeks today, and my DP went to watch Twilight last night don't ask with my full encouragement!

If he has to leave mid meal - he has to leave. Even if you have a tiny baby, a couple of hours away wouldn't worry me either. In fact, I'd enjoy a bit of peace alone with the baby wink.

But everyone is different, and it is up to you if you are comfortable with it or not!

MyDaydream Sat 17-Nov-12 17:42:36

No problems letting my DP go out for a curry as long as I wasn't in labour, he's sensible and dependable which is why I'm having a baby with him. I'd probably invite someone over for a takeaway to keep me company or enjoy the peace and quiet, have a bath and watch something crap on TV!

MikeLitoris Sat 17-Nov-12 17:43:53

I actively encouraged dp to go out even when i was way past my edd. I couldnt think of anything worse than having him cluck over me all the time.

I also suggested it would be a good jdea for him to pop to the pub for a few when she was a few days old.

Dd and i had some much needed cwtchy time. We went up to bed and watched a film.

I miss those days <sigh>

TheDetective Sat 17-Nov-12 17:44:24

In fact, I just remembered, I was having pains 1:5 when I packed him off to the cinema last night! But then I've had 7 false starts now, so I was hoping sods law and all that... haha!

NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 17:47:05

Personally i would let him go unless I was in labour.

I don't get the 'don't let him go out if you have a newborn'. I would love to know why not?

Dh wasn't there every night when I had mine. Mainly because if work but sometimes for fun. But I know dh would have gone on a lads night out if the baby was particularity bad that evening (both mine had colic).

Its about been considerate of eachother. I could have gone out if i wanted. and tbh I quite liked having the evening to myself.

DH is at work now til 1am. Can't wait to get kiddies to bed. smile

Indith Sat 17-Nov-12 17:50:12

I'd be fine with it so long as he had his phone on and didn't drink.

Ragwort Sat 17-Nov-12 17:54:11

No problem at all (unless you were actually about to give birth grin) but I am not the best person to answer as I positively love time alone and my DH and I have always spent lots of time apart, we both have lots of interests and activities that we do outside the home and we agree who will be looking after our DS - have done this ever since he was born smile.

I would have given anything to get DP out if my hair for a few hours when DD was newborn so I could have her all to myself grin

I'm of the "unless you're in labour..." Brigade! I would ask him not to have any alcohol though just in case you do go into labour and need him to drive you.

PurplePidjin Sat 17-Nov-12 18:04:07

This thread is restoring my faith in half the population! I thought i was going to get a stream of tales of "Oh no, i couldn't let my p/h out of my sight in case he got slammered and rolled in at 3am"

I've been reading too much in Relationships, clearly!

MyLastDuchess Sat 17-Nov-12 18:08:19

Sounds fine to me (my EDD with DC2 is today).

My SIL has just yesterday had a baby, in a town about 2 hours from here. I won't be going to visit before I have my baby, but I've encouraged DP to go if he wants to. He will go by train, but if he needs to get back in a hurry my FIL will drive him so I don't see the drama. Otherwise it could be ages before we get to go, our baby might not be here for a few weeks yet!

People tend to be pretty flexible when it comes to pregnancy so I'm sure if your DP does have to cancel the dinner at the last moment as you're in labour, his friend won't mind at all. Likewise if you are at home and don't feel like you want to be left alone with the new baby for whatever reason.

ErikNorseman Sat 17-Nov-12 18:09:27

As long as he understands that he can't get actual drunk, and he must be prepared to abandon meal and run home if you are having a newborn meltdown, then even if the baby is here it will be fine.

pictish Sat 17-Nov-12 18:11:24

Sounds sensible to me!

I kwym though. Those I-am-pregnant-so-that-makes-me-the-boss-of-the-world posts really get on my tits.

PurplePidjin Sat 17-Nov-12 18:16:38

Ha, we're off to the in laws tomorrow 2 hours away - if it weren't for my insomnia/tiredness we'd have gone overnight (38+2)! Mind you, the hospital is 40 minutes in that direction so we're not that far away.

I'm currently 34 weeks pg, DP has a boys night out planned for when I am 37 weeks, and we also have what would normally be a very boozy meal the same week. I have told him he is very welcome to go, but I would be happier if he didn't drink and drove himself to the boys night out, so that if I need him he can get back fairly quickly.
The meal we are going to together, I will drive, so DP can have a couple of drinks and enjoy the wine, but he is going to remain on two-three drinks so if I go into labour, although we'll have to get a taxi, he will still be able to support me. He is happy with these arrangements, especially as he is going for a final blowout with the rugby boys next weekend and is staying in a hotel so he can come in as pissed as he likes and snore all night without bothering me grin

yani Sat 17-Nov-12 18:28:59

Hi Pidj grin
Is the meal for just the two of them?
Does the friend know dp may have to cancel at last minute?
Chances are you'll be snuggling up to babypidj, and will either be glad for a few hours alone with a newborn....... Or a little hormonal maybe, possibly!
Great that dp considered you & great that his friend thinks so highly of him.
smile

DontmindifIdo Sat 17-Nov-12 18:32:10

Well, as long as your DH is the sort to say "no, I'm not drinking" and not be easily led, then I see no problem with it, I'd have no problem with DH going out if I was due but not have the baby. That said, once the baby had arrived, I was a hormonal, sleep deprived reck, and he was also struggling with lack of sleep, so the idea of a night out probably would'nt have appealled...

Clarella Sat 17-Nov-12 18:32:59

I think totally fine - if baby making appearance right then, then obviously friend will be fine with that. Also if your dp is anything like mine he'll be getting anxious himself by then and not being a huge drinker id trust him. If baby has arrived see how things are and as you say, family nearby to visit that eve if nec.

PurplePidjin Sat 17-Nov-12 18:36:01

Most I've ever seen him drink is a g+t then glass or two of wine with dinner. He might have had a 3rd pint once when we were in the pub watching a band and I was bolloxed I packed him off to a car show a month or so back so he could have One Last Fling, he stuck to tea and hot chocolate! (camping in October brrrrr)

Meal is a group effort, and mate knows I'm pg - he's a dad himself, going through a messy divorce, so needs a bit of support iyswim. If necessary I'll get him to drop me at my parents' on his way out smile

freddiefrog Sat 17-Nov-12 18:37:59

We had similar when I had my eldest DD

DH was best man at his best friend's wedding, stag do was when I would have been 5 days overdue, I agreed depending on labour/birth situation and not drinking himself into oblivion

As it was, DD arrived on her due date so he went with my blessing. We were fine on our own for a few hours

diddl Sat 17-Nov-12 18:40:01

Well he´s only going to be half an hour away-I think that´s pretty key, isn´t it?

My husband worked an hour away-couldn´t ask him not to go to work!

If you´ve had the baby you might feel differently & want company if you´ve been on your own all day.

Or not!!

Hope all goes well.

noblegiraffe Sat 17-Nov-12 18:43:49

I'm going to buck the trend and say no, but only because I'm having a c--section and also have a 3 year old who would need putting to bed.

Reserve the right to say no at the last minute though, just in case!

PurplePidjin Sat 17-Nov-12 18:51:58

This is pfb, so just the one to concentrate on. No CS planned, but obviously me being flattened by an EMCS would be a deciding factor.

He cycles to work, so fingers crossed i go into labour evening/night/weekend!

noblegiraffe Sat 17-Nov-12 19:04:49

I was in hospital for a week post CS with my first. They send your partner home at 8pm every evening and you just had to get on with it!

COCKadoodledooo Sat 17-Nov-12 19:35:02

Dh was back at uni 200 miles away when ds2 was 5 days old, so I would have no problem with him being half an hour away for a few hours grin

If I hadn't birthed and it was close to/over d-day, then I'd insist on a pint tops and being contactable at all times, but I'd see no reason to not let him go. Or maybe I'd ask for an invite too, especially if I was overdue. And insist on driving home over some speed bumps!

PurplePidjin Sat 17-Nov-12 19:52:58

Noble, I'm booked in for a nice restful few days at the MLU post whatever-happens so ideally I'll still be there and he'll be hanging round aimlessly at home scrounging dinner off my mum up the road

I'll be 11 days over, and from the way I'm yawning by 7 most nights a meal out is the last thing I'd want! Could get him to bring me home a vindaloo though wink

PurplePidjin Sun 18-Nov-12 02:38:57

Ok, my waters went at 10pm so the whole thing is completely irrelevant grin

Bogeyface Sun 18-Nov-12 02:50:17

Oh wow! Remember, breathe through the pain or fuck that and get all the drugs and dont do what I did and bit his hand so hard you go through to the bone grin

Good luck! xx

PurplePidjin Sun 18-Nov-12 02:53:08

I'm home in bed plugged into the tens machine, dp's trying to get some kip but i think I'm too excited!

AmberLeaf Sun 18-Nov-12 03:12:28

Ooh that was an unexpected nice twist to the thread!

PurplePidjin Sun 18-Nov-12 03:21:06

Well, i figured it would be polite to update everyone! Clearly, the best way to kick off labour is to start an aibu about something first world that will be a huge drama if you go overdue wink

EugenesAxe Sun 18-Nov-12 04:04:43

I agree with MrsWolowitz, except I might say if you already have the baby, see how you'd feel on the day about letting him go in. Your DC might be a week old by then and you may be feeling like you could cope alone for a few hours.

He shouldn't fight you though, if you don't want him out.

EugenesAxe Sun 18-Nov-12 04:06:54

Why.... do I not read all the OP's posts? Best wishes! Thinking of you.

yahnyinlondon Sun 18-Nov-12 04:24:04

+1 for letting him go unless you are in labour, provided he doesn't drink too much. I gave birth earlier this year just after the Opening Ceremony finished (2am on Saturday) and let my DH go with a mate to the basketball on the Sunday evening (the ticket was mine originally). I had to beg him to go out but I managed fine and the break did him a world of good after a long, stressful labour. I should add I had my DM with me and that was a godsend, can you arrange someone else to be there when he is out?

yahnyinlondon Sun 18-Nov-12 04:35:29

Oh wow. Good luck OP!

Queenofsiburbia Sun 18-Nov-12 05:02:52

Good luck pidj
Thinking of you & sending lots of 'sneeze birth' vibes!

NoraGainesborough Sun 18-Nov-12 07:57:16

Good luck. Thinking of you.

MissVerinder Sun 18-Nov-12 08:11:40

Wow! Good luck x

SuffolkNWhat Sun 18-Nov-12 08:17:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Indith Sun 18-Nov-12 08:41:49

Argh! That's a cliffhanger to read over breakfast in the morning! Has MrPidj not been instructed to update then?

Hope all is well, enjoy that lovely baby smile

COCKadoodledooo Sun 18-Nov-12 09:08:47

Oh wow, good luck! Hope you're snuggled up with pfb very very soon x

diddl Sun 18-Nov-12 09:43:19

Oh how exciting-hope you´ve had your baby by now!

Clarella Sun 18-Nov-12 11:00:24

We're over on dec antenatal if you want to be nosey lurk grin

Enfyshedd Sun 18-Nov-12 11:07:20

Good luck Pidj & Mr Pidj! Happy, healthy & safe delivery vibes being sent your way smile

roundtable Sun 18-Nov-12 11:30:58

Good luck!

PurplePidjin Wed 21-Nov-12 02:44:13

8am Monday, Raphael Joseph 6lb 2oz

Well, that's one way to solve an AIBU I guess wink

PurplePidjin Wed 21-Nov-12 02:44:14

8am Monday, Raphael Joseph 6lb 2oz

Well, that's one way to solve an AIBU I guess wink

AmberLeaf Wed 21-Nov-12 02:47:58

Congratulations! flowers

trumpton Wed 21-Nov-12 02:53:50

flowers for you and your DH and Raphael . Congratulations .

MikeLitoris Wed 21-Nov-12 07:09:34

That is lovely pidj.

Well done.

moopoint Wed 21-Nov-12 07:40:43

Congratulations!!

diddl Wed 21-Nov-12 07:56:26

Congratulations!

Raphael-what a fantastic name.

Indith Wed 21-Nov-12 08:48:37

Congratulations smile

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