Mumsnet Talk

Am at a wedding with dh family.

Dhs aunt came along and said - do you know aunt 'y' pointed out that all our children our with children from 'broken homes ' . I guess my dh and all his cousins happen to have hooked up with people whose parents are separated or divorced. And then the other aunt said 'well their with a good family that stick together now .''

Then Dhs mam said ' my friend thinks English people don't have as big weddings cos they think they're all going to do it again in a few years time.'

What the actual fuck.

Some people have traditional values. Was she wrong in her comment ? or did you just not like it?

You're posting on Mumsnet from a wedding?

My family isn't 'broken' tyvm
Let it slide off like water off a duck's back

But English people do have big weddings. They just don't feel the need to invite everyone they or their parents have ever met.

Really, there is no need for you to credit these comments with any intelligence. Just tune out next time you have to endure it.

Are they from a different culture may I ask?

I didnt like t for several reasons .

1. I don't think divorced parents is a 'broken home'

2. She implied that 'good ' families stick together

3. Mils comment - I have just married her son in a small wedding - does she think I intend to divorce him?

maybe they are attempting to piss you off as you are sat on your phone.

Are they Irish? My irish relatives think 'the english' divorce far to much.

It's the night before wedding

They're Irish, I'm English

We didn't have a big wedding because we don't have any friends.

I have only got only my phone as the inevitable singing began !

Is his family not English then?

I hate the word "broken families" and especially the way it is used in the media. Families can separate but the parents can still work together for the good of the children.

And there's plenty of families who do stay together who make their children's lives absolutely hell.

What is the definition of a broken home (what an old fashioned term) if not divorced parents, though?

outraged I know, I just couldn't believe the insensitivity of it. Plus the arrogance of we're Irish, we're good, we stick together.

Oh do fuck off

kim exactly my home was certainly not broken, even thought it didnt have a mum and dad in it

Oh sorry, missed that. My husband is Irish, I'm English. At least they're not pointing out walls and saying they were built because all English people are bastards and you made the Irish build them in the famine.

Or that English people wouldn't have been welcome in their village 20 years ago.

Or that you are alright for an English person.

Seriously though, I wouldn't change my Irish in laws for the world, I think there is a whole bit of 'getting used to' with the whole English Irish thing.

I used to be dreadfully politically correct when they were saying awful things about the English. Now I just call them thick drunk bog trotting paddy micks and tell them to fuck off. This works very nicely and we all get along.

Wasn't divorce illegal in Ireland until 1990-something? That might explain the lack of divorces...

I think David Cameron has his own meaning of "broken homes". People separate but the home continues and relationships between all involved can be really positive.

bridget oh there's a lot of your alright for an English person kind of thing. Ive kinda got used to that though. Especially since I can tell them their grandson is half English - of they like it or not

well i'm irish and i can tell you now i know quite a lot of families that bloody well should have gone their separate ways for all the heartache and drama they cause. but no it's more fun to despise your spouse in public and make a joke out of your marriage that is like a fucking jeremy kyle audition

i'm far happier having 'broken' my family for the sake of my sanity, and my dignity and to teach my children that you dont have to tolerate abuse just because you fell in love once as a teenager.

1996 i think.

Seriously though, give it back, if they can dish it out they can take it. Take the piss out of their fucked economy and their shit Eurovision entries.

Works a treat. Where are they from by the way. And how long have you been married? I took an awful lot of shit in the early years with my husband but have learnt to deal with it basically through the medium of taking the living piss.

I understand why you get annoyed OP. My inlaws are very Catholic and they make comments about the poor children from single mums and broken homes.

I always say: "What, like me? I seem to be doing ok."

Then they go, oh not like you. And then sometimes if I am feeling really troublesome, I say how my mum did a brilliant job and made me the brilliant mum I know they think I am for their beloved grandson. Cue much nodding.

They are generally lovely - just very religious and have set ideas. But actually they do say it a lot less around me now anyway. And they do treat me like part of their pretty nice family so I leave it as a slight annoyance, not a big deal.

bridget we've only been married a few weeks, but have a kid and are together a few years. I would normally give as good as I get but I just thought this was a bit mean, tbh

man the English don't divorce enough
wtf is a 'broken home'? maybe she should go on antiques roadshow

superb example of a near broken home craquelture in place, foxing to the near side, impasto glaze just beginning to show a bit of wear and tear
conservatory leaking, nada tryptchs or twigs n shit
Offers?

what is 'very' Catholic?
is it like very pregnant?

I have been with my husband for 13 years married for just over 10 and our first child is only 8 months. It does get easier. Are they from Cork? That's where mine are from. Yeah you do have to take a bit of shit but it gets better.

And do give it back, not in a shouty way but in a jokey way.

It worked for me. I used to take loads of rubbish about it.

Actually come to think of it some from his brothers was more than I could deflect even with jokey sarcasm. But they do get used to it - and get used to you, after a while. I think this is the same with any in-laws, not just the Irish. But the whole nationality thing with the Irish does add another dimension.

Was it your children from a previous relationship they said were from a broken home? it's not clear. If it was your children from a previous relationship maybe she was trying to make a poorly made compliment, saying that you were all a family now etc, etc.

Very Catholic is like really actually hating the gays and being totally against abortion when fairly Catholics can often reconcile not thinking those things with being Catholic.

bridget not cork, no.

I've been living in ireland well over ten years so am used to all the english jibes. I just thought this was particularly nasty and holier than thou and really got my goat .

Ninah...

I meant very Catholic as in they go to church every day, not just once a week. And they think that it is wrong to use birth control and you should stay married even if you are unhappy because that is what god wants.

I know other people who call themselves Catholic but don't feel the same way.

It's the same way I guess that I call myself a rubbish Jew because I grew up in that culture but love bacon sandwiches and didn't want to get DS circumcised. So I wouldn't say I'm very Jewish. But still a Jew because that is my cultural background.

Oh and sorry no, not my child from a broken relationship, but me since my folks are divorced

ok really confused now!
I work in a catholic school and to be honest Ive found people refreshingly unbiased
Does that mean they are 'quite catholic'?
or that they are lulling me into a sense of false security so they can tar and feather me for being a friend to many Dorothys and an unwed mother?
When did Joseph marry Mary, incidentally/. do we know?

and I am not catholic but take the blessing every fortnight
does that make me 'a litte bit apostate?'

Ninah, being Irish catholic is different to being catholic, IMO. An extra dose of hypocrisy

No idea what it makes your colleagues on the "Catholic scale" that I seem to have started, Ninah, apart from good workmates!

Racist bitch!

Oh well at least you have your goat

Make sure none of them get it

Floggingmolly In answer to your question, there are plenty, plenty 'broken homes' where the parents are married. Conflict, sadness, secrets & lies, coldness, fear, unhappiness, fighting - those are some of the things that make a home broken. In many cases, divorce mends a child's broken home.