ThatBastardSanta's Friday evening rant™

(211 Posts)

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladymariner Fri 16-Nov-12 18:59:46

Would it add to your rage if I told you that's just made me laugh out loud, the bit about helpfully giving you your dd too? sorry......grin

Here, have some tell you what, I'll join you, I did 3 hours in year 3 today, christ knows I need it!!!!!!!

EchoBitch Fri 16-Nov-12 19:01:02

I'm having a good day and DP will be bringing my wine very soon.grin

EchoBitch Fri 16-Nov-12 19:02:53

Are we on the piss tonight then <<just for a change>>

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Was going to join you with the ranting but DH has just walked into the room with his coat on with the intention of going to the shop for wine.



Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheerMum Fri 16-Nov-12 19:07:35

Right, first of all, unless they are completely minging, go and retrieve your fave pj's. text Dh and ask him to get some fags on his way home (worth a try).
Bollocks to slow cooked pork, nothing wrong with plain old pork for lunch.

I feel your pain, both dd (11) and I have spent the entire week in bed with a really nasty cold and I've had to sit through FUCKING HOURS of nickelodeon shite.

I bought a shitload of individually wrapped alcohol truffles from work for Christmas dinner favours (poncetastic me? Noooo) and have now found out my eldest sister and her family are joining us so I'm going with the "well since I'm having to buy extra what's the harm of eating one or two" frame of mind.

Mono1 Fri 16-Nov-12 19:08:43

I'm in. Would explain my reasons (do I need any) but have EXTREMELY grumpy DC2 attached at the hip so can't type. cannae get them to bed fast enough tonight so I can open the wine.

IvorHughJanusAndABulgingSack Fri 16-Nov-12 19:10:22

Today was my last day with my little spoony faced wonder of loveliness before I go back to work like a proper grown up again next Monday sad Today he ha said 'deep dark wood' and worn a pair of trousers on his head in order to hoover the front room with a coat hanger. He is wonderful and does new things all the time and from now on I will miss them because he will do them when I'm not there sad

I am weepy and irrational. I want this job, very much, and we need the money. But I feel like shit.

And I have no wine angry

I feel your pain.

Though, I've got to admit I too smiled at your OP.

To join in: the bastard bastard squirrels are digging up all my bulbs. I keep charging out onto the balcony with a glass of water to chuck over the cheeky little sods (all you see is a fluffy grey tail twitching while the rest of it is engrossed in digging). Today I slipped on a slug and fell on my arse, which is blooming into a lovely sore spot, and my jeans are covered in earth.

The squirrels are laughing. I swear to you.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Not really a rant, I have now had a virus for 4 weeks 5 days not sure if it is the same one or several different ones that overlapped, my dd4 and ds1 also are sick and I have hardly slept all week. DS has been miserable most of the week and will hardly eat and wakes frequently.

My dh is in New York he has been away since last Sunday and will not be back until Monday as he decided to spend the weekend end there when he made his travel plans months ago. I have no problem with that I went away for the night 5 weeks ago and came home ill. Just terrible timing that he is way right now. Hopefully he brings back something nice.

So fed up with being ill, can't wait for the next three weeks to be over so I can go to Australia, bloody better be not be ill then.

Oh yes wine delivery is a very good idea. I remember getting 4 bottles free for something to do with DH work and completely forgot about it, until months later I opened the big bench thing we have in our porch and found that they'd been left hidden in there by the delivery bloke. Felt like christmas.

CheerMum Fri 16-Nov-12 19:13:50

Hooray for finding fags!

Enjoy wine

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You're easily pleased, ABF! grin

BeerTricksPott3r Fri 16-Nov-12 19:14:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bastard (I can call you bastard, can't I?) - oh, I wish I could kill the squirrels. I suspect they'd be tasty marinated in wine and spices. I'm just not quick enough.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 19:16:12


grin LRD It was a very happy suprise.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IvorHughJanusAndABulgingSack Fri 16-Nov-12 19:17:35

Made me teary too! I am having actual tears all over your lovely thread. I hope it's true. I'm glad you found your secret fag stash. I too have one of these. DH is a very boring reformed smoker who is also on a diet so I keep them in the bread bin grin

freddiefrog Fri 16-Nov-12 19:17:48

I had a pretty good day, until I got to the local chip shop and they were bloody shut. How very dare they? I had to go all the way into town

Can we send chocolate through the printer? Now that I would like.

Do ya wanna borrow me Da's pellet gun LRD? wink He once managed to shoot 6 rats with it or 1 rat 6 times

ivor - hey, chin up, love. I'm sure it will work out.

Oh, tempting! But I hate to tell you, I quite enjoy chucking water on them and dashing outside to yell 'RRAAAH!'. And if I had the pellet gun I might hit the cat, who presents an united front with me in the hunting.

iklboo Fri 16-Nov-12 19:20:32

I have a bad bad. Put small hot water bottle on back at work. Hot water bottle leaked a bit. Scalded back. Got blister. Blister stuck to tights. Blister ripped off when I went to the loo. Tights stuck to weeping blister hole. Owwwwwwwwww!!!

I have wine. I have spreadable Brie for later. I will survive.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 19:22:52

I wish. I text some friends, inviting them round, as a cover for them bringing me wine or watching the childebeest while I went hunting for wine, but no reply. I'm going to text my neighbours and ask if they'll sit in my house later while the childebeest sleep, so wine can be acquired.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTwankey Fri 16-Nov-12 19:25:56

I'm not having a good day either. No money - work for a small firm and I've not been paid last two weeks as we're having a major cash flow problem. I'm overdrawn at the bank and been scrimping and saving last few weeks.
Came home from work, traffic was murder was dying for the loo DD wanted a lift to work as soon as I walked through the door. Struggled through all the traffic again.
I've had an awful week at work and now it's Friday night and I would like to put my PJs on, have a glass of wine and snuggle up watching TV, but I can't. Got to pick her up at 8:30 and then she wants a lift to the cinema.
DH has gone to the pub - god knows where the money came from.
Feeling really frustrated.
But that's today - tomorrow's another day smile

SoggyMoggy Fri 16-Nov-12 19:27:08

I got my dad a Supersoaker to use on the squirrels. My mother has yet to forgive me, as apparently Dad really enjoys zapping the furry little bastards.

Mmm, wine. That's a thought.

hotmama Fri 16-Nov-12 19:27:14

DP is getting pizza's in for us to watch Children in Need with dd2 and ds1. Yay - we know how to live!

Am going to need wine tonight as dd1 (8) is having her first ever sleep over at a school friends house. I'm a bit of a wreck and feel like it is a scene out of the VW advert when the baby grows up and goes off to university! sad

Is it wine o'clock yet? smile

Aah, am picturing the lo hoovering with a coathanger with trousers on his head - aren't dc worth it .....sometimes! grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Fri 16-Nov-12 19:31:27

I have 'loadsa wine' cos my first virgin order (£40 off) arrived yesterday and ASDA has a very tasty prosecco on offer for £5 so got 6 this week too, hmm .....
what to open? first

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatBastard, I got diamonds for my birthday as apparently only diamonds will do for his wife, nearly always get jewellery when he travels except now we live in the Netherlands he drives a lot or gets the train so isn't stuck in the airport looking in shops.

Now have a screaming baby who hates having his nappy changed and is very tired but doesn't want to go to sleep. Muriel's wedding is on the tv so am looking forward to watching one of my favorite Australian movies but will probably fall asleep on the couch.

Think I may have a Sheridans.

MrsTwankey Fri 16-Nov-12 19:35:09

Made me smile - wish I could. DD works in town at a store and yes she's quite capable of catching the bus but I don't want her hanging round the bus station when it's late and dark. She was attacked a couple of years ago and although I don't wrap her up in cotton wool I look out for her.
DH and boss can f*ck off the way I'm feeling! grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Fri 16-Nov-12 19:38:49

I've just had my coil taken out today <lowers the tone>
It hurt like a barstard.
Does that count as a Friday evening rant?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Portofino Fri 16-Nov-12 19:46:51

Ooh glad you found a hidden stash of fags, Bastard! I should skip the Xmas choc and send Marlboro Lights parcels....<<gets drummed off MN>>

MrsTwankey Fri 16-Nov-12 19:48:34

TBS Thank you. Life's a bit of a drudge at the moment and that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all week.
Have wine yourself. Got a couple of ciggies wish I could share one with you.

EasilyBored Fri 16-Nov-12 19:49:00

My house is also a shit hole (my kitchen in particular is utterly minging), they babyhas strewn toys and clothes everywhere and both of us have a foul cough. Husband is away with work and thus not here to make me tea and listen to me complain.

And to top it all off, I got a call from MIL earlier wailing that they won't see DS until after Christmas (not our fault, they're busy) so SUPRISE! We're coming to visit on Monday. So now I really have to clean, as she thinks I negligent enough as it is.

Oh oh oh, and it looks like DS has got conjunctivitis again, so tomorrow will be sent at the walk in clinic.

And we only have non alcoholic beer in the fridge and no tonic for the fucking gin.

Portofino Fri 16-Nov-12 19:49:24

I left my PFB in a little house in the deep dark woods tonight and now I have wine. Very Hansel and Gretl.

She has 29 Brownies for company....<<breaks out Ministry of Sound and Tequila>>

MsElleTow Fri 16-Nov-12 19:49:54

I went out to buy Christmas wrapping paper, with DH. I chose some really nice brown paper with stags on, looks quite posh -and certainly doesn't look like it is from Wilko's-- but DH said it was boring so I bought some red shite as well. I spent 3.5 hours and 6 rolls of paper this afternoon, wrapping. My back has gone from being on the floor, and DH piped up he doesn't like the red shite now and we should've stuck with the brown! He actually suggested I unwrapped the lot and re wrapped it! I might have swore a lot little in response!

I've come to bed with half a selection box and my heat pad!

NinthWave Fri 16-Nov-12 19:51:07

I'm currently in the process of Supernannying my 2yo into going to sleep by himself in his own bed. I have had ENOUGH of being kicked/bitten/headbutted /trumped on all night.

It's not going well...

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 19:52:24

DH has taken over the TV and is watching bloody F1 bolleux.

freddiefrog Fri 16-Nov-12 19:53:46

Aargh, all this talk of cigarettes has reminded me of the half a packet of Marlboro Lights that are in the kitchen drawer and I've had just enough wine to fancy one.

They're years old though, probably blow my head off

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ifancyashandy Fri 16-Nov-12 19:57:12

easilybored. Gin and beer come from same maize barley stuff. Ergo, non alcho beer and gin must go together. Sorted, no?

How you like THEM apples?

HattieJaques81 Fri 16-Nov-12 19:57:16

I too am out of fags and therefore more grumpy than I should be (epic fail at both supermarket AND petrol station) Wine is not the same without a quick trip outside every once in a while!!

The 2 DS's are hell bent on me losing what little sanity remains after DH's mid-life crisis style affair with the bitch troll, and I have a dissertation to start that I have no ideas for. How the FUCK am I going to find 10,000 words about nothing. Just keep taking the sleeping tablets......

"she has 29 brownies for company"

Well at least she wont go hungry eh Porto wink

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

All this talk of cigarettes is making me want one when the last time I had one I was standing outside a hotel in Manchester surrounded by rather crazy women in their Pj's taking in the wonderful post soviet like scenery of a half demolished block of flats.

bigkidsdidit Fri 16-Nov-12 20:00:17

I am FED UP of feeling sick and exhausted and I'm only 10 weeks pg <wails> I'd forgotten it was like this

My mum arrives in half an hour for the weekend and I'm on here rather than mopping the floor or making dinner or something useful

I have no junk food in sad

Oh scrap that I actually remember stealing one off my Dad on bonfire night...

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

It was severely lacking, it needed graffiti imo

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Diamonds don't help, look good on my finger though. DS has gone to sleep, who knows for how long.

St Nicholas (Sinterklaas) arrives on a steam boat tomorrow where we live and I have to take the dc to see him down to our canal to see him arrive (have already promised) and travel through town on his horse(from Turkey via Spain so the story goes) with his little l called Zwarte Piet. I am hoping my neighbour might be taking her dd but I have a feeling I will have to go and face the crowds. Really thought it strange the first time I saw these people with blacked out skin very un PC. Most children don't get Christmas presents they get presents on St nicks birthday 5th December.

bigkidsdidit Fri 16-Nov-12 20:04:09

I am going to tell my mum tonight though so that's nice smile

Last time I had a fag was in Berlin when I left DS and went for a week log piss up conference in September. Got slaughtered every night and smoked packets and packets. It was glorious.

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 20:07:20

Congratulations bigkids!

I have reclaimed the TV and opened the box of super chocolate-y M&S biscuits I had bought intending to take them to SILs on boxing day. I have plenty of time to buy more.

This excuse might extend to the Advocaat soon too

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigkidsdidit Fri 16-Nov-12 20:08:23


Thanks blathers

Advocaat! Blimey. Didn't know they still made that. I used to sneak that from the drinks cabinet as a nipper

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I need a french stick with chilli flakes, blasamic and oil in my life.

MsElleTow Fri 16-Nov-12 20:10:22

I might have said "Fuck that" Santa, as well as Fuck off, piss off and get fucked!blush

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 20:11:05

Can I just butt in to ask if drinking wine on antibiotics is okay? Only DH is being such a cock this week and I need a drink to stop me being rude to him and a fag if I can be arsed and if my poor tonsils will let me .

Am listening to kitchen noises while bfing DD and am damn sure he isn't washing up but is just putting things into soak so it looks like he did something. Grr.

Santa it looks like your evening is getting better. Hoorah for fags.
I am failing trying to give up. I have patches and an e-cig but I want to hunt around the house for the packet of fags I told DH to hide from me <weak>

Perhaps I need to stick the patches on my eyes so I can't find them.

Hattie just find a thread in classics and cut and paste into your dissertation. 10,000 words - easy peasy grin

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Fri 16-Nov-12 20:12:50

Opener, I remember your live birth thread. Beautiful
What antibiotics are you on?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 20:14:13

The Advocaat is intended for Snowballs on actual Christmas. It is calling to me though. I blame both SILs who introduced me to the bloody drink in the first place.

I have time to buy more

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Fri 16-Nov-12 20:14:58

Agreed it's only metronidazole, otherwise you'll be grand

Message withdrawn at poster's request.


How can you drink avocaat?! It's revolting eggy-slime.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 20:17:03

Not when mixed with lemonade and a dash of Lime LRD. Then it becomes like an alcoholic fizzy milkshake

When I want raw eggy slime, it's not advocaat I go for.


And ewww to mixed with lemonade and lime. Does that not do that 90s Baileys-and-lime thing of turning to concrete in your stomach?

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Fri 16-Nov-12 20:19:24

Advocat is alcohol for people that don't really drink! No whisky in the house?

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 20:19:56

Aww, bless you remembering that. grin. I had the best troll as well. I enjoyed that thread but got told off by the MW for too much MN, not enough contracting. Oops.

I am on erythromycin and all of google says " probably best not" but I am soooooo grumpy & DH and his stupid Movember tache (yeah, it's for a good cause but it looks grim) are irritating me. Unless he is washing up.

HattieJaques81 Fri 16-Nov-12 20:20:03

I'm still waiting for my DAMNED LENTILS TO COOK!!!! I fear the wine may have taken full effect by the time it's done and it's only soup as it is!!

All my cigarettes are illicit as if DH found out he might try and cut my money (dick head)

Haha BigKids - ThatBastard and I used to do that at her folks too (re the Advocaat)

Oooh, this ranting is quite theraputic!!

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 20:21:04

There's JD but no coke. No wine either sad

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 20:21:35

Oh nd the silly fucker doesn't want a dishwasher. Because he already has one!


He is totally washing up, though. grin

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 20:22:12

Hattie, did you put salt in with yr lentils?

HattieJaques81 Fri 16-Nov-12 20:22:56

Opener, the antibiotics will take a day or so longer to work and you'll get pissed a bit quicker but other than that on most of them you're good to go I think xx

HattieJaques81 Fri 16-Nov-12 20:23:39

Opener - No, was I supposed to?

freddiefrog Fri 16-Nov-12 20:25:16

I used to love Advocaat, until I rolled up late to a New Years Eve party so was very behind on the alcohol front and everyone had already moved on to the rank made-up cocktail stage. Drank copious amounts of Snowballs very quickly in an effort to catch up, followed by over enthusiastic dancing. It looked much the same on the way back out as it did on the way in.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 20:27:25

I'm running 10k for Movember on Sunday. I'm booked in to TGI's for Fajitas and Lynchburg Lemonades afterwards* grin

* not immediately afterwards, I will go home and shower first

SoftKittyWarmKitty Fri 16-Nov-12 20:27:46

OT but what did you press to put that little TM in the title?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 20:28:47

I HAVE WINE! My neighbour is a legend. Have just put DS1 to bed. I need to tidy before I get too relaxed.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I used to be a hardcore raver quaver I also know my drugs...

<stares into eyes>

Trust me.


Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 20:30:44

I once won an inflatable football pitch and a years supply of pizza on MN.

The fecking thing was so big, it wouldn't fit in my garden!

Oh I think my third wine has kicked in tbh

Sinterklaas arriving is quite fun,there is normally entertainment, then a parade and all the Zwarte Piets give out pepernoten (spiced small biscuits) and sweets to all the children. My dd does not know that I have bought her a Zwarte Piet costume to wear tomorrow, most of the children get dressed up. Hope I get some sleep tonight and we allwake up feeling better.

Not sure about avocaat, never had it but the Sheridans was nice. Have fun telling your mum Bigkids, have you tried tonic water,it helped with my morning sickness.

Thatbastard you sound like a lovely childminder, really care for the children you look after, pity they are not all like you.

Oh, that is so cool™ grin

HattieJaques81 Fri 16-Nov-12 20:31:24


Note I said MOST antibiotics, not all. If in doubt google it ;) If in doubt skip either the wine OR the abx xxx

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Fri 16-Nov-12 20:32:36

opener - the trolls messages got deleted before I got a chance to see them but I saw how delighted you were.
Re erythromycin if you feel fine now you will probably be OK with a glass o wine. If you feel a bit queasy already don't risk it.

Finished my third glass, thinking of moving on to something more serious

An inflatable football pitch, sounds like fun. I think I must go to bed ( can't keep my eyes open)now look forward to reading more tomorrow.

Night night enjoy your wine, avocaat or whatever you are drinking.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 20:34:51

I've never had sheridans. I feel like I'm missing out on something

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 20:39:23

No idea. It was a Chicago Town comp and the prize was vouchers for 12 pizzas and an inflatable football pitch.

It probably would have been fun had we ever been able to get the buggering thing out sad

On the plus side, I have found Triple Sec so have left the Advocaat alone and am having a Lynchburg Lemonade instead

NinthWave Fri 16-Nov-12 20:44:11

The 2yo is ASLEEP! <does victory lap> No booze here, boo.

My 'D'H forgot my can of lemonade from the chip shop. It is all I have wanted all day and he fucking forgot. I asked for two goddamn items and he forgot.

I realise in the grand scheme of things this is a pretty minor issue but I am subconsciously fucked off about the fact I had a MC last week, I have lost shitloads of blood and feel rough and DH is fucking off to Singapore for 6 days in a week's time and really don't have the energy to do it all on my own. Oh and DD is 16mo and has still never woken less than twice in the night, and I do all the nightwakings.

And DH forgot my lemonade. The prick.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 20:49:08

How are the lentils? No salt is right: lentils with salt in will never ever cook (bitter experience).

Have had fag (ouch, tonsils still sore then, foolish idea) and am trialling wine experimentally. So far it is fine and delicious and bloody well deserved after doing the fucking dishes after all .

I need better drinks: am very jealous of all this prosecco etc.

ThatBastardSanta I need a childminder, want my DC in Jan? They are no trouble, honest.

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 20:49:31

Oh amber sad

Yay NW! Fingers crossed he stays that way.

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 20:49:54

Xpost due to slow typing, sorry Amber. sad

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 20:53:12

Sheffield <crosses fingers>

I don't know what's annoying me more, the fact he forgot, or the fact he then said he would go the shop to get me some while putting on his pyjamas. Really meant that, didn't ya DH?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HattieJaques81 Fri 16-Nov-12 20:55:44

Finally supping on some delightful Tomato Lentil and Bacon soup (+ the third glass of my fruity Italian).

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 20:56:03

Oh hot piss.

This means I have to go back to looking on the fucking council website.


wine wine

And now DH is giving me the silent treatment.


SoftKittyWarmKitty Fri 16-Nov-12 20:56:12

Thanks Bastard (love that grin). However I can't do it as I'm on my iPhone angry.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WheatenFarlo Fri 16-Nov-12 21:01:32

Well, I have a cold and my chest itches on the inside, DH is just recovering from surgery to patch up the problems from the previous surgery, and DD made me cry by getting a certificate for writing about "the best day of my life". She had picked Christmas day three years ago when Santa came to visit her in her room. Now, bear in mind that that Christmas day she was in hospital, with a fever of 41 degrees spiking every four hours, too ill to open half her presents and on chemotherapy for leukaemia and so only got out of hospital long to eat dinner and straight back in again. I bloody hope that wasn't the best day of her life or I feel like a total failure.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Fri 16-Nov-12 21:04:37

get thee to ASDA for the Canti £5 prosecco openerofjars

mum11970 Fri 16-Nov-12 21:04:55

Can I join, no wine but I'm happy with my lagers. Nothing to really complain about tonight unless dh forgets to bring me some fags back, but one of my dogs has terrible wind. Dd at aunties, ds1 (15) hibernating in bedroom with Xbox and ds2 gone with dh to pick up dss from work so all things tickets boo for a change.

I can join in the rant. DH has gone on a 4 day stag-do / bender and has taken much alcohol with him. I have the children all weekend with no transport and bugger all dosh.

Mini Naan has just thrown up and is now asleep on a towel. Midi Naan is bouncing off the walls as I can't find his melatonin. Apparently I'm meant to be taking midi swimming tomorrow and I can't find his stuff.

And top it all off, I have to stay sober to look after the Naans and Henry The Pile has made a reappearance and is making himself felt as I sit here.

Honestly. I could kick a puppy right now.

WheatenFarlo Fri 16-Nov-12 21:07:18


T'is OK, DD is doing well now, and DH should be fine too, I can share!

<passes wine >

HattieJaques81 Fri 16-Nov-12 21:08:53

Aaaggghhhh!!! Ex-Boyf has just made THE most annoying grammatical error on FB. Taking every ounce of my being not to correct his 'your' to 'you're'!!

mummmsy Fri 16-Nov-12 21:09:37

I'm single, 27, with a 'live-out' boyfriend hmm, no friends (besties are travelling/migrated), I have a first class BA and PhD, retail, banking, admin and teaching experience and yet I'm totally unemployable and on the dole. I have a 7 year old who I want to be home for after school for homeworks, even though I'm shite at it but at the same time, I want and need a job to support myself and said child... it sucks!

Not all bad though, I have crisps, wine, chocolate and the soaps grin

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 21:09:51

Oh Wheaton, wine from me also.

She won't have thought for a minute how that would make you feel and she got to meet Santa.

DS would swap me for a bloody Octonaut, no questions asked and no returns, as long as Captain Barnacles or whoever never made him have a hair wash.

mummmsy Fri 16-Nov-12 21:11:50

oh * WheatenFarlo* my post looks so self-indulgent compared to that! what a wonderful memory for you dc to have! think of how great she must have felt when santa came in compared to how shit she was feeling physically, wow it must have made her little day smile

WheatenFarlo Fri 16-Nov-12 21:12:00

Keema, Farlodog stole a lovely pile of hot roast potatoes earlier and promptly threw them all up on the carpet. He's 7 and the size of a small pony, so not much of a puppy, but I'll volunteer him for a gentle kick in your time of need just this once if it'll make you feel better.

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 21:12:08

Asda, you say? Hmm. <strokes DH's scratchy chin>

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 21:13:12

DH is watching YouTube videos about bloody Lego.

There isn't enough wine in the shops for this.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WheatenFarlo Fri 16-Nov-12 21:15:56

Thank you, she just loved it, she really did, it just gave me a wobble is all, I was expecting the day we did Eurodisney or something!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 21:17:14

Right. I'm having another fag.

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 21:18:44

Bastard, at least it's your DS watching endless minecraft videos. It's DH here.

I do enjoy playing it as well though, but the videos ar a bit much.

I have my wine and am watching unsafe sex in the city. It's the place I found out I was Fo Sho pregnant with DS1.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mum11970 Fri 16-Nov-12 21:21:06

I see your minecraft and raise you ds2's skylander giant videos. I know each and every skylander by name these days.

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 21:21:43

DS is getting the Mine for Christmas. Is it good?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mum11970 Fri 16-Nov-12 21:23:21

I spent many an hour putting Lego ninjago together last Christmas for ds2 to demolish them in about 30 seconds.

mum11970 Fri 16-Nov-12 21:24:39

Did try to pass the buck to son in law but he'd reach the age of 30 without ever having built Lego and had no idea. Strange man!!!

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 21:25:44

I like Lego but this is my 35yo DH we're talking about here. Sob.

Ad now children in need is on and bloody Terry Wogan is on.

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 21:25:55

I cannot WAIT until DS1 is old enough for Lego. I love Lego. I got hog warts castle Lego for my 21st birthday <nerd>

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 21:26:01

DS adores Lego. We got annual passes for Legoland this year and went 5 times! On the last visit he got the little Mine vehicle set and was so excited when he saw an advert the day after because he'd already got it smile

I thought the Mine looked good. MIL has got it for him and for the first time ever, we're spending Christmas day at home this year so he'll get plenty of time to play with it too

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 21:27:08

My 35 year old DH is a lego fan too.

I don't mind it myself.

Which is lucky as my house is crammed with the stuff!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WheatenFarlo Fri 16-Nov-12 21:28:34

DD is starting to like lego, I'm hoping she'll get more into it as she grows older. I'll have to sit her down with more Starwars though I think as most of the lego friends is too twee.

I bought DS the big Lego dinosaur thing today.

That'll be fun.


mum11970 Fri 16-Nov-12 21:30:13

I'm a secret Lego fan too and had my own house building set with all the roof tiles until one of the kids got in to it and lost bits [sobs].

mum11970 Fri 16-Nov-12 21:31:32

Quite like a bit of meccano too.

here is my whinge (too lethargic to rant). Really anaemic at moment, so legs aching and breathless and tired and irritable. Got up late, family assembly went on for over 1 hour and included models AND a bassoon. So no coffee until half 10. Out into garden like cinders to sweep up approx 1,000,000 leaves, tread in fox crap on step. Then forest school this afternoon, i was on mud hedgehog detail. Children cried in the fog and there were no wet wipes. And i have no tonic. All i have is an old gift bottle of Malibu. <vicious gurn>

Wheaten - thank you.

Bastard Santa - thats a whole page of kick there.

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 21:35:21

Mud hedgehog?

Drink the Malibu.

mummmsy Fri 16-Nov-12 21:37:31

get the malibu into ye!

what do you mix it with?! I have milk squash lemonade orange juice... Its grim smelling like coconut shampoo, not sure i can neck it neat :-(

mum11970 Fri 16-Nov-12 21:42:21

Having to sit in passenger seat of car at the top of the drive just for a fag because it's bloody raining again. Defo need a fag shelter in the back garden.

FTRsMammy Fri 16-Nov-12 21:42:56

Hi is it too late to rant?

My D?S has been a git all week culminating in an epic tantrum at bedtime tonight, which was at 7.15pm by the way and he's still hollering down the stairs at me and to top it off my emergency peanut butter Kitkat chunky is MISSING from the cupboard which means my bastard husband has eaten it. angry

I have no alcohol in my house, not even cider vinegar! sad

Ode to Lego

Fucking Lego
Fucking Lego
In my foot
Bastard toy.


I like a peanut kitkat chunky, but a also vair parital to the white chocolate variety as well.

NinthWave Fri 16-Nov-12 21:46:33

MrsG you need to get round to my house and play Lego with my 5yo! He will love you forever.

Keema I'm on my own avec kids all weekend too, DH doing bastard overtime. Plan for tomorrow = dump pile of duvets and pillows in middle of floor, build Cushion Igloo, hide in it to eat lunch, watch cBeebies.

NinthWave Fri 16-Nov-12 21:46:55


HattieJaques81 Fri 16-Nov-12 21:47:16

Naan, you have captured my feelings on lego precisely with your ode

FTRsMammy Fri 16-Nov-12 21:47:27

keema I can't really get away with a white chocolate one but I am a bit partial to the orange one

WheatenFarlo Fri 16-Nov-12 21:48:06

It's drinkable in coffee, Flasheart, I wouldn't try any of the others, you could do lemonade but it would be very sweet.

Oh, I do like the peanut kitkats. They are the best.

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 21:49:07

I just found a red Bounty! grin

I feel there's nothing else to say about lego. It lurks on the carpet with malicious intent.

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 21:51:37

Love your poems Naan.

NW, I'm there! I'll bring all my Lego too, it'll be a Lego Adventure! <childish>

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 21:52:05

DD is still on Duplo which is at least a bit easier to spot. DS is 'encouraged' to keep his teeny stuff in his room smile

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 21:52:38

Malibu isn't too bad in lemonade

NinthWave Fri 16-Nov-12 21:54:09

DS1 has asked for the Playmobil Pirate Ship for Christmas. HOW THE FUCK am I going to keep Lego/Duplo/Playmobil separate and tidy?? <twitches>

FTRsMammy Fri 16-Nov-12 21:54:35

Exactly wheaton so you can understand my distress that my last one was not where I'd hidden left it!

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 21:56:13

Was talking to another Mum in the playground this morning. Her DS and mine have been plotting an after school 'playdate' at mine because DS let slip that he has the Police Station and other child is desperate to come round and see.

So cute

NinthWave Fri 16-Nov-12 21:56:30

Keema I'm evil, I just kick any lurking Lego under the sofa where it gathers dust until the twice-yearly Sofa Shift And Hoover. It's like Christmas all over again when all the long-lost Ninjago/Star Wars/random camper van pieces are retrieved.

NinthWave Fri 16-Nov-12 21:57:33

Awwww Blathers, my DS1 has a Batman Joker's Fun House that his friend LOVES. He comes to our house and sits there playing with it while DS1 fannies about in the other room blush

WheatenFarlo Fri 16-Nov-12 21:59:16

Alas, Ninth you may resign yourself to a life of miniaturised plastic anarchy forever more.

I certainly can, FTR. Someone will have to be punished for that crime.

Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 22:00:21

It's so sweet.

Give 'em 5 more years and they'll be coming round to play on each others video games (or whatever the equivalent is by then) but for now all you need to be the envy of your friends is a huge Lego set smile

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 22:00:27

It's too late now but if you have one of these hanging around the house you don't need to get up at 6am - just stick in before you go to bed.

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 22:00:35

Isn't the playmobil pirate ship meant to be HUGE?

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 22:01:53

Ninth I have a 4yo and a soon to be crawling 5mo who puts bloody everything in her mouth so I am also considering how the fuck I am going to keep DS's Lego and Playmobil out of DD's ravening maw.

So far I have come up with gaffer tape, Velcro, ikea storage (boring) and oh, I dunno, magnets or something?

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 22:01:57

Ds1 told me his friend was coming over on Saturday to drink milk. Rock and roll.

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 22:03:09

Can you keep all the stuff in the pirate ship? <hopeful>

NinthWave Fri 16-Nov-12 22:03:13

Think so MrsG. MIL's bought it for him, she's rather fond of the 'toys that take up at least three quarters of your available floorspace' presents...she's got DS2 a Little Tikes train track/road thing that is also massive.

She's the best MIL ever though so I don't mind grin

NinthWave Fri 16-Nov-12 22:05:08

Opener I used to make DS1 play with his Lego at the table when DS2 was small (he's 2 now and pretty reliable at not eating it). We store it in a big plastic tub with a lid, and any sets/homemade masterpieces are kept on a shelf in their room until he wants to play with them/break them up again.

sunnybobs Fri 16-Nov-12 22:05:55

Can I rant even though its no doubt far too late smile I started day with hacking poorly toddler who has not slept for days & 5 1/2 month old baby who has not properly slept ever! Then was doing physio with my poorly Labrador with both toddler & baby & I slipped over in dog shit - vile. (Not my dogs either I hasten to add!) then toddler spent day weeping clinging to leg & sobbing in tantrummey heaps, baby equally hungry then AT end of day I brought everyone home & slipped in dog shit left outside my front gate by lazy git who clearly doesn't care so spent evening dettoling, bleaching home etc! Then DH took wind out of my angry sails by running me bubble bath & pouring me wine but taking away my ranting potential smile now I'm just enjoying wine on sofa with lovely lab & baby screaming, toddler vomiting & I've got to go do it all again! Arghhh - silent screaming! Thanks for the rant space though!

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 22:06:55

Did you get the email fro Naked Wines as well?

I would have 12 nice NZ sauvignon, but I've already drunk one.

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 22:12:40

Right, shelves <scribbles>

Sunnybobs that is far too much poo & sick for one day. YANBU to rant.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 22:14:56

Have you all seen the kittens?

They are asleep right now but you can go back in time to see them doing stuff

MrsGeologist Fri 16-Nov-12 22:16:15


Blatherskite Fri 16-Nov-12 22:16:53

Well, I've finished my Lynchburg Lemonade - I should really use the spirit measure because it was a little on the strong side and it's quite an alcoholic cocktail in the first place - and am going to stagger off to bed. Family visiting on Sunday so I have tomorrow to clean the house!

Night all

sunnybobs Fri 16-Nov-12 22:17:09

Thank you opener smile I agree - far too much poo! I feel I am mired in the stuff! And just had to interrupt my Greys Anatomy/Haribo/wine time to deal with all the sobbing babes again! I do loves them but really tonight I needs a night off the vomit circuit

WheatenFarlo Fri 16-Nov-12 22:18:20

Oh, DD is going to love seeing those tomorrow Trills!

openerofjars Fri 16-Nov-12 22:21:31

Well, I have to go and eat Haribo in bed under the covers so DD doesn't hear the rustling and I also have a chance to read my book and not watch crap old telly on Dave. Night all!

FTRsMammy Fri 16-Nov-12 22:42:58

Even my ire about the Kitkat can't sustain me, off to bed. Night all

ColdHandLou Fri 16-Nov-12 22:47:26

Night night opener!

<thinks it may be too late too post about achy back and horrible week at work>

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now