To comment on amount of sweets another mum gave her dc?

(200 Posts)
Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:30:48

Ds goes to an after school activity and has made friends with
a little girl. I sit with her mum and we get on, have a chat etc. She also takes her younger dd who's 4 with her.

I bring a snack for ds as he's always hungry. Something like a flapjack, small bag of maltesers, single twix. I bring enough for his little friend and her sister.

So they had their snack and went off doing their thing. The mum gets a bag of freddo's out and her dd has two of them, she then gives her a bottle of coke that she sits slurping. Ok no big deal. She then gives her a big bag off fizzy cola bottles. The little girl is screaming and being loud, like she normally is.

So after ds and her dd finish she then gets out 3 mars bars and gives them out to her dd's and my ds.

I was shock and told ds to wait for after his dinner.

She let her dds have the mars bars.

I said that's a lot of sweets in one go. Not in a smugo way, sort of joking but meant it

Was I out of order confused

threesocksmorgan Fri 16-Nov-12 11:31:51

that is a lot of sweets but yabu for saying it.

Pontouf Fri 16-Nov-12 11:33:49

I think it's reasonable for you to stop your own child from having the sweets but it has absolutely nothing to do with you what another person feeds their own child. YABU.

Seems a terrible amount of sweets to let her have but yes, YABU.....none of your business really and maybe she was desperately trying to avoid tantrums whilst they were out.

ShatnersBassoon Fri 16-Nov-12 11:34:41

You were out of order. Her children, her choice.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:35:37

What even in a jokey manner?

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:38:24

Haha that little gem ' her children, her choice ' love it.

Funny I was discussing this with my friend last night, she said that maybe she didn't realise that that was a ridiculous amount of chocolate/sweets to give a child. Not sure I get that but I suppose some people aren't savvy. I don't know.

ShatnersBassoon Fri 16-Nov-12 11:39:19

Well, you were obviously being a bit judgy, and unless she's a complete idiot she would have known what you were doing.

Her kids being loaded up with sugar is no skin off your nose.

missymoomoomee Fri 16-Nov-12 11:40:38

YABU, she probably feels really judged by you now. Its probably not a reflection of what she eats in general anyway. In the hour i have to wait for my DD to come out of dancing I feed my 2 younger ones far more than they would eat if they were sitting at home.

Whats with the 'screaming and being loud like she normally is' comment if you weren't really being judgy and were only joking.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:42:03

Erm well as I sit with her for an hour and the younger dd is screaming in my ear it is skin of my nose.

Betty I think the screaming isn't due to tantrums more like a sugar overload. There's no tears, just sudden high pitch screaming and banging of things.

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 11:43:20

Do you not see how smug and judgemental you sound? "i suppose some people are not savvy"

Here have a biscuit don't have too many though!

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 11:44:13

or she could be bored sat there watching you making a face like a cats bum! I'd scream too

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 11:45:29

christ - everlong, im surprised at you - have another biscuit i actually wouldn't have made the above comments if i knew it were you, cos you are usually so nice!

It really is a ridiculous amount to give. I'd be shocked too but wouldn't say anything. I'm sure stuff that I do appears dubious at times but unless you live with us you wouldn't know the whys or wherefores surrounding any given situation. They could have been leftovers from a party, Halloween etc. I have to ration my kids sweets but they do recieve a fair amount from school, relations, as gifts etc. Two days after halloween I turned a blind eye while they hammered the rest of the Maoam's, Haribos etc. I wanted them gone, it was a rare treat and they obliged. Had that been your first experience of me you'd probably be hinting at dentists appointments grin

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:46:11

I just said ' blimey that's a lots of sweets ' and laughed. She sort of laughed.

There was no judginess or making anyone feel bad.

I just wondered if anyone would have said that.

Apparently not.

FrancesFarmer Fri 16-Nov-12 11:48:22

Unless I was actively trying to make the woman dislike me, I would say nothing.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:48:34

what have a biscuit yourself.

Ftr I didn't have a cats bums face. I was playing with the little girl and her dolls, actually.

MrsDeVere Fri 16-Nov-12 11:49:05

I had a friend years and years ago.
Her salad drawer in the fridge was FULL of chocolate bars.
Her kids were undernourished and chronically constipated.

I tdidnt comment because I thought 'not my business'

Turned out the poor women didnt have a clue! Her own mother had never
fed her, she had poor literacy skills and had no support network.

Once the HV had a talk to her she changed overnight. She borrowed loads of cook books off of me totally switched their eating habits.

So don't assume that everyone has had the same upbringing or has benefited from a decent education. They may have no clue at all about nutrition. Even with all the information available, it does pass some people by.

missymoomoomee Fri 16-Nov-12 11:49:26

That is judgy though confused

Imagine if someone said to you, 'blimey your child doesn't look warm enough' or 'goodness me your childs clothes need a good wash' and then laughed after it, you would probably feel bad and/or angry.

toddlerama Fri 16-Nov-12 11:50:14

I would have struggled not to say something too. I think you probably were unreasonable to comment, but hey, maybe I'm unreasonable! She's insane if she thinks that amount of crap wont affect behaviour/health/teeth/future attitudes to food. Sugar is addictive stuff. If it hadn't hit the market so long ago it would be controlled in the same way as tobacco. I know this isn't a popular view but most people can't ditch it, which shows how addictive it is. I'll get flamed for that but it's true. Pouring it into your children in a misplaced attempt to get them to be quiet is insanity.

" Everlong

I just said ' blimey that's a lots of sweets ' and laughed. She sort of laughed"

It is, by anyone's standards. I don't see why you shouldn't have said what you did.

PandaNot Fri 16-Nov-12 11:50:43

You were judging and I think that's ok. I believe we all do it and anyone who says they never judge another parent is fibbing to themselves. However it isn't ok to say it out loud. Some things are best kept in your head.

gnushoes Fri 16-Nov-12 11:51:01

It is a lot of sweets. Statement of fact.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 16-Nov-12 11:51:40


I would have tried to say something lightly / kindly too.

And then nothing any more.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:52:15

It was a lot of sweets though wasn't as if I was lying. Jeez.

Salamanger Fri 16-Nov-12 11:53:46

Yanbu, and really surprised at the responses so far.

Much better to say something and give her the chance to respond than to come away wondering whether you need to start distancing yourself to avoid repeating an awkward situation.

She may not have much idea of what's normal intake, she may have many ideas for non-sugar filled snacks. Her children may be out of the habit of amusing themselves by other means.

It's an observation - that's all. Yanbu.

You're a braver woman than I tho!

MrsCantSayAnything Fri 16-Nov-12 11:54:12

Don't sit with them if you don't like the way she parents. Nothing to do with you.

What size were these mars bars hmm?

missymoomoomee Fri 16-Nov-12 11:55:36

So if the mother had a massive spot on her face, or was having a shit hair day would you also have pointed that out to her and laughed too?

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 11:55:50

You do know you probaby shouldnt have said anything though and to be fair, i would have been inwardly composing my "AIBU to think this is too many sweets" thread as i sat there.

Do you genuinely think that she might be one of these parents that struggles because you are right, the screaming (i don't know how scary you are in real life soit still might have been you wink) probably is directly proportional to the sweet consumtion. If so maybe take her under your wing a bit? Talk to her about healthy meals, but don't be too surprised if she doesn't thank you for this.

I remember being very insulted when i went to homestart playgroup and every time they would provide "healthy" snacks for the kiddies i do KNOW about five a day ya knows, but i got over it pretty quick because they made us cups of coffee and toast and generally looked after us too, i loved it smile How kind - its one of those things you never really forget it is, those silly little things that even though no-one knew i was struggling terribly with PND (it was just a general playgroup not a homestart support group) and it made so much difference to my week. Anyway, total digression and nothing to do with thread - as you were.

Have another biscuit everlong and have a brew to go with it smile

Floggingmolly Fri 16-Nov-12 11:56:28

She probably feels really judged now. And? She has been judged, with good reason. Op just commented on it, she didn't threaten to call social services.
I'd have remarked in it too. I wonder if the sweets are the reason the dd was "screaming and being loud"?

willyoulistentome Fri 16-Nov-12 11:57:27

I nearly posted on somethng similar a while back, but decided I would be told yes I was BU. I was horrified by the amount of chocolate a woman I have often seen in the corner shop near DCs school. Her kids are massively obese and she is pretty big too. One of those HUGE Galaxy bars and a 2L bottle of coke for one child and an emourmous family-bumber-buy-for-the-whole-neighbourhood-at-Halloween type bag of haribo and huge coke for the other. I even overheard her say " remember you've still got half of one of those left at home" to the little boy with the galaxy. I supposed I was going to be told I was being judgey and maybe they were stocking up on Christmas stuff, but I was pretty sure they were just going to eat it on the way home.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:57:50

I've got to know her over a period of time. I'm not sure why she gives them the amount of sweets and chocolate she does. She's a caring/ loving mum, I like her but I'm surprised she does this.

I felt for ds last night as well whilst they were opening their mars bars because of course he would want his too but I felt I had to stick to my guns, he'd already a snack beforehand.

I would say it if it was a really good friend of mine...well, you know who you can say that sort of stuff to dont you.

However, I wouldnt say it to another mum that I don't really know. I don't buy your friends comment that the mum may not have known it was a lot of sweets...unless she is a total moron she knew!

mummmsy Fri 16-Nov-12 11:59:39

remember thumper's line in bambi? if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

you didn't have to say anything, you could have just said nothing, so, yabu

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:00:01

flogging I'm positive the screaming is because of all the sugar/sweets. Sort of hyper.

They were full size mars bars.

I binge eat and yet to me that would be a lot. I'm not saying I wouldn't eat it, but I'd be fully aware. I have no willpower. Don't understand how you can do that to your children and have them growing up thinking its normal.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 16-Nov-12 12:01:47

Mrscantsay - when is it acceptable to say anything? Provided it is said nicely and with the interest of the child in mind?

We all have different views in certain aspects of parenting but the don't engage approach can be detrimental I think.

I have rotten adult teeth because noone told my mum about keeping count of my milk teeth.

She genuinely did not now at the time.

I sincerely wish someone had, and so does she actually.

Asinine Fri 16-Nov-12 12:02:07

It's no joke,really. Too much sugar is a major trigger of diabetes, seen increasingly in children. I think a little well meant nudge from everlong might have made her feel crap for a bit, but she'd feel even worse if her dd developed diabetes.

I wonder what you'll both bring for snacks next week?

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 16-Nov-12 12:02:59


ToffeeCaramel Fri 16-Nov-12 12:03:27

It is a lot. I have a friend who gives her children constant sweets and crisps up until meal times and then can't understand why they won't eat their meal. I wouldn't mind but she offers them to my children too and then I have to say "Not before dinner" and look like the spoilsport.

cloudpuff Fri 16-Nov-12 12:03:54

My best friend greets her child out of school with sweets everyday, he then gets more when he gets home whilst waiting for his tea, then a desert and more sweets to follow if he has eaten all that, and then quite often some more for supper. By sweets I mean chocolate buscuits, cola bottle etc.

She is my best friend and she knows that I think its a lot as she she once asked why i thought her ds was overweight and why his teeth are rotting. She honestly could not see what could be causing it. I don't think I'd be brave enough to comment to someone I didnt know well though.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:05:20

missy no a spot or bad hair day has no effect on her children does it?
Unlike the copious amount of sugar wink

I felt for ds last night as well whilst they were opening their mars bars because of course he would want his too but I felt I had to stick to my guns, he'd already a snack beforehand. This I agree with. Apart from the very odd occasion I don't want my kids to overindulge either. Its greedy and wasteful.

PoppyWearer Fri 16-Nov-12 12:05:28

Ok, I now feel less bad about my 4yo DD and her occasional treat-sized pack of chocolate buttons!

But here's the thing. My DD has the odd bit of chocolate, nutella on toast at weekends, and only ever drinks water or milk. She never eats Haribo or other sweets. We brush and floss her teeth and take her for regular dental check-ups. Ok, she has, unfortunately, inherited my weak nails and teeth, but...the dentist has nonetheless found some "areas of concern" in her teeth. The odd bit of fruit and chocolate has done damage.

Imagine the poor girl in the OP's post.

I don't necessarily agree with pointing it out to her though. Sometimes we all have an off-day and sometimes all the kids will eat is junk.

PickledFanjoCat Fri 16-Nov-12 12:05:58

Me and my friend take the piss out of each other a bit about food. She is beyond anal and I'm normal I think. Her ds begs me for quavers like a puppy. grin

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:08:19

poppy it's like this every week. No kidding.

PickledFanjoCat Fri 16-Nov-12 12:09:15

I would like meeting her though. I can't get enough fun sized mars bars. grin

SamSmalaidh Fri 16-Nov-12 12:09:16

It is a lot of sweets.


You also give your child crap snacks so you're not in much of a position to judge!

Frontpaw Fri 16-Nov-12 12:09:34

Thats a lot of sugar! I know we ate loads when we were little but childhood diabetes is on the increase - and what must their teeth be like? They must be bouncing off the walls!

WorraLiberty Fri 16-Nov-12 12:10:16

Am I the only parent in the wold who finds that a sugar rush never impacts on my 3 kid's behaviour?

Christmas, Easter, Birthdays - whenever they have an overload of sweet stuff it just doesn't seem to make any difference.

I'm not saying they don't act like little gits at times - just that sugar has nothing to do with it for them grin

But am I the only one?

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:10:23

And tbf poppy I wouldn't worry about nutella on toast or whatever. I think chocolate is a good thing. I don't deprive my dc's anything. They just don't have enormous amounts of it all in one go.

SoupDragon Fri 16-Nov-12 12:11:58

What even in a jokey manner?

But it wasn't because you actually meant it in a judgey way.

Difficult scenario TBH. You're right, that is far too many sweets, but you have to be really really good friends to be able to say anything and not come across as being critical.

butterfingerz Fri 16-Nov-12 12:13:18

That is alot of sugar in one go... and I am fairly relaxed about treats. I don't know if I'd be brave enough to say something though.

I think its best to lead by example rather than make comments (or jokey remarks) which may inflict hurt/offense. Bring fruit or savoury snacks for your kids and enough for hers to share, water or diluted squash. Like you say, encourage your kids to save any big bars of chocolate she gives to them until after dinner.

SoupDragon Fri 16-Nov-12 12:13:27

no, Worra, you aren't alone. I often joke that DS2 is "allergic" to breathing smile I once had to apologise to his teacher in the morning because he was bouncing off the walls. After 2 slices of wholemeal toast and butter.

FeuDeRussie Fri 16-Nov-12 12:14:00

OP if she's your friend, or if you genuinely like her, then I would say something about it to her, assuming it wasn't just a one off and she gives them huge amounts of sweets all the time. I know what you meant by some people aren't that savvy - some people have no interest in food and nutrition (which is fair enough) and don't necessarily know the effects of blood sugar spikes and crashes caused by vast amounts of sweets. So I would say 'look, feel free to tell me to piss off, but I think you give them a few too many sweets and I think it could be affecting their behaviour'. And explain why, if she seems open to listening. But I'd be prepared for her to not like me after that!

YWBU to make the comment the way you did, it was judgey and snarky rather than helpful.

cornycatona Fri 16-Nov-12 12:14:35

it is a lot of sweets
saying 'that's a lot of sweets' is just an observation

I think you started this thread to indulge your judginess though

the girl was 'slurping' her coke and screaming in your ear?
would she have sipped water then?

cheekydevil Fri 16-Nov-12 12:15:04

Its more likely to be the caffeine in the chocolate than the sugar (saw experiment done on Supernanny type prog).
And I think YANBU. It takes a village to raise a child blah, blah, blah. Perhaps she will think about it a little more next time she is giving them loads of crap. Think I would have made a lighthearted comment also along the lines of "god if I gave DD that lot she would drive me bananas or hurl everywhere" type of thing.

cheeseandpineapple Fri 16-Nov-12 12:17:41

That's a fuck load of sugar in one sitting, for an adult let alone kids. I've just had 4 Jaffa cakes and I feel sick...

I'd have asked her if her kids are completely feral and mental when she gets home because mine would be. No judgment, genuine curiosity. I have to heavily monitor ds' sugar intake particularly if he's not been doing any sport/exercise as he can be manic with too much sugar and no outlet for it.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:18:34

She was slurping. What is wrong with saying that?

Cahoots Fri 16-Nov-12 12:19:16

I think saying that it was a lot of sweets was perfectly OK. I would have been a bit confused shock as well. It would not have been ok if you had gone on about it though. I think the other posters saying that you were 'judgey' are being rather judgey themselves!
I would reiterate to your DD that it is not goods have too many sweets but that not all Mums think the same and that she should decline sweets if she has already had her quota for the day.

WorraLiberty Fri 16-Nov-12 12:19:42

It does take a village to raise a child but how does this child's sugar intake impact upon the village?

It doesn't, it's a personal thing and probably one that's best left uncommented upon.

Now if the child in question was the OP's family, perhaps a gentle word in the Mum's shell like might be in order...but that's not the case here.

Asinine Fri 16-Nov-12 12:20:05

If the only issue was a dubious link between sugar and behaviour, then I'd say mind your own business. The diabetes risk is the deal breaker for me.

Iceaddict Fri 16-Nov-12 12:22:26

I think it's ok because your DC was involved. If not then you can't say anything. Even though you'd be right

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:22:39

It's funny that cahoots because on the way home ds asked why he couldn't have his chocolate like the girls. I just said that he'd already had a snack and he could leave it in the car for after school today. He liked that idea.

He's not deprived of chocolate but I want him to know he can't just keep eating junk till it sones out of ears.

What is wrong with that?

cornycatona Fri 16-Nov-12 12:23:17

people often say that children are 'slurping' sugary drinks when they want to be judgy
bit like other phrases used e.g stuffing sweets/crisps etc into their mouths or gorging on chocolate

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Fri 16-Nov-12 12:23:38

I'm really laid back about sweets and stuff but in that situation I probably would have been thinking it so would, knowing me, say it outloud too! not in a judgey way, just in a omg way. her DC must bounce off the walls 24/7

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:24:46

I think my ' blimey that's a lot ' was the fact she brought out the mars bars after just witnessing the little girl stuffing sweets for the past hour.

I was like WTAF.

SoupDragon Fri 16-Nov-12 12:25:38

saying 'that's a lot of sweets' is just an observation

So is saying "You're really fat" but you wouldn't do it.

cheekydevil Fri 16-Nov-12 12:26:01

I made errors when I didn't know any better (not obvious ones like feeding crap though) and would have appreciated a little hint now and again. Not full on, just gentle hints.

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 12:26:37

You shoudl have said "no wonder she is a screaming banshee, here have one of my fruitshoots and lets see if we can really hype her up"

ToffeeCaramel Fri 16-Nov-12 12:26:37

WorraLiberty I don't notice a sugar rush difference in my children's behaviour either. I vaguely remember some study they did where they got people to observe their children at an outdoor party and they told some parents that their children had been given loads of sweets beforehand and some that they hadn't. The ones who had been incorrectly told that their child had eaten lots of sweets reported much worse behaviour when asked to comment on their child's behaviour. Does anyone else remember reading about that?

Cortana Fri 16-Nov-12 12:26:42

I think YANBU.

My DS is a big eater. (We go through about 20 yogurts a week, 2 big bags of banana's, two bags of apples and 8 cereal bars as snacks. Not to mention the buttered toast he buys at playtime from tuck shop. These are just his snacks!) He eats adult sized meals at age 8. Thin as a whippet but never sits still.

Sometimes people comment on his appetite, I agree with them, I just say nicely that I'm aware he eats a lot, he does lots of exercise and is in fine form with no health problems. It's not them being rude, they just have concerns. I answer their concerns. All good.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:26:52

Never in my history of being here ( a long time ) have I ever seen the word slurping meant in a derogatory manner.

You sure you've not just made that up wink

cornycatona Fri 16-Nov-12 12:27:21


Worra, me too. Sometimes they're hyper, sometimes not. It never seems to relate to sweet intake. Or maybe I'm just not very observant.

"I have rotten adult teeth because noone told my mum about keeping count of my milk teeth."

err what? Please tell me more. Why does counting them make a difference? I have no idea how many teeth my DCs have but am assuming it's the normal number. When they fall out I assume I'll know but won't be keeping a tally. Please explain!

WileyRoadRunner Fri 16-Nov-12 12:29:28

Oh Everlong!

Great thread grin

<whispers YANBU whilst cracking open my yard of Jaffa cakes box mmmm >

cheekydevil Fri 16-Nov-12 12:29:35

That is the one I am referring to caramel ^

bigkidsdidit Fri 16-Nov-12 12:29:40

No worra, you're right, the 'sugar rush' is a myth.

it is an awful lot of sweets and I would have said something (gently) too.

Soup Dragon, one is fairly instantly redeemable, the other isn't. hey aren't comparable. "Your skirt is tucked in your knickers" is also an observation, butI'd be happy if someone told me that. "You're really ugly" would offend grin

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:33:01

I've been eating a family pack of mintrels whilst on this thread shock

I have done an aerobics and bodytone class this morning though wink

cheeseandpineapple Fri 16-Nov-12 12:35:10

Promised myself I wouldn't have any more but Wiley, your post has tipped me over the edge and I've just scoffed two more Jaffys...

GoldenGreen Fri 16-Nov-12 12:35:42

The sugar rush thing does seem to be a myth but the risks of tooth decay and long term risks of diabetes I would think are quite real - maybe she really isn't aware?

Honestly? I wouldn't have said anything but I would take healthier snacks next time, like bananas, satsumas, breadsticks. Maybe to demonstrate that children do genuinely like those things, too, and it doesn't have to be chocolate all the time.

SoupDragon Fri 16-Nov-12 12:36:03

Of course they are comparable - both are observations.

My point was that some things that are "just observations" you simply don't say. "Your skirt is tucked into your knickers" is not just an observation, it is helpful.

Ans if you'd be offended should someone observe "You're really fat? perhaps you should take heed of the observation "That's a lot of sweets" wink grin

<<hides empty Frazzles bags>>

Cahoots Fri 16-Nov-12 12:37:28

I have always let my DCs have a treat a day. I love sweet things myself and they all seem to be the same. Now that they are older teens they still continue with the 'one treat a day' rule. It is good to make them responsible for making their own desicions about things like this as young as possible.

Freddos, coke, a mars bar plus other sweets is a MASSIVE amount of sweets for anyone let alone a little child.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:38:37

Yes next week I'll take a huge bag of apples.

But tbh I've taken healthyish stuff in sometimes and it doesn't make a jot.

Not sure I get your post - I agree. I have recently lost a lot of weight, and one of the things that sticks in my mind was one of DH's friends turning up when we were eating and saying "bloody hell that's a big plate of pasta". Just helped me to realise that actually what I thought was normal wasn't in fact.

cheekydevil Fri 16-Nov-12 12:40:11

Well said cahoots

cheekydevil Fri 16-Nov-12 12:40:59

My point exactly shriiieeek

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:46:04

Ok my comment aside surely it's a worry for those children if they grow up eating that amount of junk.

Or do people just not care if it doesn't effect them?

Is the right thing to sit back and say nothing even if you might offend someone?

Mintberry Fri 16-Nov-12 12:47:49

I get where people are coming from with the "her kids, her choice", but to play devils advocate here, it wasn't as if to say "you're far too liberal/strict in the way you raise your kids, you should be more like me" or "you've dressed your child in a particularly odd way, today", OP was concerned that the woman was negatively impacting on her daughter's health and behaviour.
Many people are so opinionated about those who smoke around their young kids, surely judging someone for overfeeding them with crap is the same principal?

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:48:31

That last sentence didn't make sense.

Should you say nothing even if you knows it's harming a child. Because you might be scared or you cba?

mamij Fri 16-Nov-12 12:49:52

It is a lot of sweets. But I think j read correctly when you said you gave your DS flapjacks, malteasers and twix (none of which are really low in sugar!). A little bit of pot calling kettle...?

DontHaveAtv Fri 16-Nov-12 12:51:23

It is a lot of sweets, but I wouldn't have said anything. Or if I did I would just tell her in a less jokey way if you are concerned.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:54:02

I disagree mam the activity is fir an hour and is full on they need a bit of sugar before they start and don't forget this is straight after a full day at school.

Nothing like eating freddo's, fizzy cola sweets, mars bars and drinking coke. Is it?

messtins Fri 16-Nov-12 12:54:31

I'd take fruit or a healthy snack for the three of them and decide what your rules are for your DS accepting any offered unhealthy snacks from them - for example he can have one biscuit or whatever then has to say no thankyou. It's not your business what she feeds her DDs but if you are setting a good example then she may take the hint.
Did she ask you before offering him chocolate? It would certainly be expected amongst my friends that you ask the parent before offering the child any snacks.

Snazzyfeelingfestive Fri 16-Nov-12 12:56:10

I don't have the 'you must never judge' mentality, but it is usually the case that comments about this stuff have to be carefully done to avoid just looking like a know-it-all. I personally don't mind looking like a know-it all grin but people tend not to listen to you if that's how you come across. If you can relate it to you and at least imply that you can empathise, it can help - so 'I had to stop giving X loads of chocolate because I found he just got really wired afterwards and screamed all afternoon - do you ever get that with Y?'

Snazzyfeelingfestive Fri 16-Nov-12 12:57:07

And, I don't understand why you would give under 5s Coke. I will happily sit in judgement all day on this. It's just a bad idea. Plenty of alternatives.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:58:05

No she didn't ask if it was ok. That's when the ' blimey that's a lot ' came out!

Couldn't believe my eyes.

SoleSource Fri 16-Nov-12 12:58:22

My DS eats lots and lots of cjocolates per day. Lots of veg, fruit, protien and carbs, calcium. Lots of milk and water. He burns energy constantly as he is always moving, never sits still. The GP suggested I give him very high calorie as he is very slim.

Yanbu for denying your child sweets.

Yabu for judging others. It isn't very open minded.

lljkk Fri 16-Nov-12 13:00:06


Can't believe you asked AIBU over such a throw-away remark. Especially when the recipient herself laughed & didn't take offence. it was a statement of the obvious.

I would have felt shock and probably have said the same sort of thing, too.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 13:00:17

I agree snazzy re the coke.

They have it at Christmas and birthdays in this house not forgetting my secret stash for my Bacardi wink

SoleSource Fri 16-Nov-12 13:02:23

My DS has never had a fizzy drink. I know a thre year ild addicted to the stuff. I am very judgy about that.

Cahoots Fri 16-Nov-12 13:03:52

54g Mars   = 242kcal(9.4g fat)
Small Bottle of Coke  = 110kcal
Fizzy cola bottle sweets =  348kcal per 100g 
Freddos = 110kcal x 2 bars = 220kcal

That is 900 kcals not including the snacks the OP provided. shock

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 13:05:42


That's quite scary.

WorraLiberty Fri 16-Nov-12 13:07:52

Oh glad it's not just me then.

ToffeeCaramel love the irony in your name! grin I haven't read about that but it sounds interesting.

MarshaBrady Fri 16-Nov-12 13:11:44

Sounds like it just slipped out, due to surprise. At the sheer amount of sweets.

Not a big deal. She laughed, all ok.

theoriginalandbestrookie Fri 16-Nov-12 13:12:09

I actually think what you said was quite a good remark. It showed you were shocked without saying anything that I would judge to be offensive.

There may be odd situations where children need lots of calories i.e. Sole Sources DS but in this situation even if we leave the calorie aspect to one side the effect on the girls teeth is not good.

DS went to a dear friends house once for 1.5 hrs. In that time he managed to eat 2 freddos a fudge and 3 bags of crisps. Now I know that DS loves his junk food and would have asked for more and more, we are no angels ourselves and DS has a packet of crisps and/or a biscuit on a daily basis , but I wouldn't let a child eat that many empty calories in such a short time its just not needed. I didn't say antyhing though as what could I say without sounding rude?

It's very easy to lose track of what is a healthy diet for DCs and to give them what they want and I do feel this culture we have of never ever remarking on any aspect of another persons parenting is sometimes not helpful.

BrainSurgeon Fri 16-Nov-12 13:12:23

OP I have no idea if YABU or not, but I would have done exactly the same

AlienRefluxovermypoppy Fri 16-Nov-12 13:20:34

No YANBU, can't a friend say anything to another friend anymore? Sometimes, it's only when someone points it out you really think about it, OK so most of us know that's a lot of sweets, but you didn't have a go at her, you just made a Joke/comment. maybe she will think about it.

PropertyNightmare Fri 16-Nov-12 13:26:45

Yanbu to be shocked at the amount of sweets. Fairplay to your comment given that you have to go through it all again next week and presumably you want your ds to keep his teeth! Maybe the other mum will get the hint.

Spatsky Fri 16-Nov-12 13:26:53

If you we're so shocked, which you say you were, then it clearly isn't a regular thing so I wouldn't have said anything. I would venture that most of us have days when we give the children more than we would like of this kind of thing and you can't always judge from a snapshot.

If she always feeds her children like that then I am surprised that it would cause such shock.

PropertyNightmare Fri 16-Nov-12 13:28:37

Tbh, not only would I have said what you did but it wouldn't even have crossed my mind that I was possibly being unreasonable to make the comment.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 13:32:15

spatsky I was shocked at the mars bars and that's when I blurted out.

It is a usual occurrence for the little girl to eat sweets/chocolate/crisps whilst our dc do their activity.

Lottapianos Fri 16-Nov-12 13:33:08

'I just said ' blimey that's a lots of sweets ' and laughed. She sort of laughed.

There was no judginess or making anyone feel bad.

I just wondered if anyone would have said that'

I would have too, if I was feeling brave enough. YANBU in the slightest. That is a shocking amount of sweets shock I think you handled it really well by making a joke of it.

'Your child your choice' hmm - some people will apply that to just about any situation

bedmonster Fri 16-Nov-12 13:35:53

Yanbu, I would have done the same thing. In fact, I have said similar before . Didn't sound like she had a problem with it either. Don't worry about it.

naturalbaby Fri 16-Nov-12 13:37:58

She had 2 Freddos, a bottle of coke, a big bag of sweets and a Mars bar?
That is disgusting, and I would do a catsbum mouth with bells on. I don't understand how anyone can think that's an acceptable amount of crap to feed a child. A party/Halloween/Easter maybe...

I eat far too much sugar as it is and have enormous, expensive fillings to show for it.

JustFabulous Fri 16-Nov-12 13:38:42

You can be "caring and loving" and still decide to let your children have lots of sweet things.

You will know if what you said has had an impact when she turns up next week with a box of fruit or a carrier bag full of sweets.

LaCiccolina Fri 16-Nov-12 13:41:03

Why ask if u were bu if ur already convinced ur right? U seem to b mildly affronted by anything disagreeing but happy with anyone agreeing.

It's alot. But maybe she was giving them a treat and didn't want urs to feel left out. Maybe they hadn't any sweets the rest of the week? Lots of possibles available.

She knew u were judgy of her laugh or not. If she's let it slide perhaps she's the bigger of u both....? Who knows? Can b taken all ways.....

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 13:41:30

justfab I'm guessing she will rock up with sweets. She's very laid back and I don't think my comment hardly registered if I'm honest.

On the other hand I shall take a bag of raw chopped carrots wink

Spatsky Fri 16-Nov-12 13:42:45

Bedmonsternot sure I agree thAt it doesn't sound like she had a problem with it. "She sort of laughed" sounds like the type of laugh one might do when self conscious or embarrassed and not knowing how to respond. I have done a "sort of laugh" when I am thinking "you can fuck off" inside.

I wasn't there and don't know the lady however, so who knows.

I can't believe she didn't already know herself that it was loads of sweets though so just not sure what saying to her actually achieved.

naturalbaby Fri 16-Nov-12 13:43:21

Don't forget hummous for the carrots Everlong, and a drink of water!

Lac, do you really think that's appropriate for a treat? Or in one sitting, even if they hadn't had anything sweet for a year prior to that point?

JustFabulous Fri 16-Nov-12 13:46:30

I am about hmm about your comment about her seeming "loving and caring" yet she gives her kids crap.

Saying you are taking carrots wink makes you sound like you think you are better than her.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 13:49:46

It was a joke. That is why I did a wink

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 13:51:02

justfab I haven't said she isn't loving.

The opposite actually.

Lottapianos Fri 16-Nov-12 13:51:56

'Saying you are taking carrots makes you sound like you think you are better than her.'

Well in this example, EverLong's parenting is 'better' than her friend's parenting. 'Better' probably isn't a helpful word so lets say that Everlong is making a more reasonable choice for her child than her friend is for hers. Shovelling loads of sweets at kids is downright neglectful.

SurreyMummy2 Fri 16-Nov-12 13:52:54

Judging from the reactions other people have got on other threads I would tread carefully or you'll be sworn at before you know and told not to "judge"!! This apparently means that you are not allowed to have an opinion about anyone else's actions, even if you are trying to use them as a gauge for your own decisions / opinions etc.
I think that sounds like loads of sweets and I would have found it really hard not to say anything too. It's especially difficult when it creates a problem for you and your children. I think that she probably would have been able to infer that you thought it was too many sweets as you didn't allow your child to have the same amount. Even if she was offended by your comment at least you might have made her think about what she's giving her children and the impact it might be having on their teeth and health. I guess it was maybe a risky but essentially well-intentioned comment which might help in the long run. Don't worry about!!

AmberSocks Fri 16-Nov-12 13:53:29

If you said it in a light hearted way i dont see a problem and she probably thought nothing of it.

My kids eat quite a lot of cakes and sweet things,not fizy drinks or actual sweets but things sometimes things like buttons or smarties or biscuits,and i take them cakes when i pick them p from school,along with fruit too,and thy usually have a pudding too!I dont do the whole treats/eat dinner before pudding thing so to them its just another type of food and they eat as much fruit and veg as they do other stuff.

FanjoForTheMammaries Fri 16-Nov-12 13:55:27

"Neglectful" ..


Lottapianos Fri 16-Nov-12 13:57:31

Ok then - grossly overindulgent!

MarshaBrady Fri 16-Nov-12 14:01:42

Sometimes people get into things without realising it's too much. And a bit of gentle surprise isn't the end of the world.

I'm sure I've had something where someone has been surprised (probably my parents), can't remember now. But made me think oh, perhaps.

And fewer sweets would be a good thing.

whois Fri 16-Nov-12 14:06:01

YANBU to have said something

I hate the "her kid her choice" bullshit. So it's cool of a parent doesn't believe in clean clothes, or does believe in slapping round the face for minor offences? Their choice...

SamSmalaidh Fri 16-Nov-12 14:14:17

I don't know, feeding a 4 year old 700-900 calories of sweets and chocolate on a regular basis is pretty neglectful of their health. Part of adequate parenting is providing adequate nutrition.

Worra - no you aren't the only one who finds sugar has no impact on behaviour and really, you shouldn't be the only one, as double blind studies have found it to be a myth. Sugar, by itself does not make children hyper. That isn't to say that sweets might not have an impact in other ways but it isn't the sugar that is doing it.

My children don't go hyper over sugar either. DS2 does occasionally do go hyper and though I haven't worked out precisely what it is that is doing it, it is probably additives - Smarties and smartie ice cream have been banned in this house for that reason! All other brands of chocolate are fine.

OP, if it really was said in a joking way, I wouldn't say you were out of order, particularly as your friend didn't get upset/annoyed by the comment. What you think in your head is irrelevant really. You can't help your opinions or judging - we all do it.

FWIW it sounds like a hell of a lot of sweets to me and that is saying something as I am quite relaxed about that sort of things. The amount of sweets the child had surely had to interfere with her eating a decent dinner with a better range of nutrients and for that reason alone YANBU because it isn't surprising you felt compelled to say something. I wouldn't start preaching though or trying to change the way your friend feeds her child though. That would be overstepping the mark.

AmberSocks Fri 16-Nov-12 14:19:46

if children are offered a variety of foods then they will eat what their body needs,unless they have been told that certain foods are bad or a special treat.

Spatsky Fri 16-Nov-12 14:21:57

On the sugar point, I have never observed any hyper effect from sugar or any particular foods in my children, it's too much tv and computer games in their case. They'd course are only a study of two...

AmberSocks Fri 16-Nov-12 14:26:00

Spatsky i think some kids are more sensitive than others.mine dont seem afected by any foods either but i have friends whose kids are on very strict diets because food affects their behaaviour so much.

Nah, you weren't out of order if you said it in a jokey manner.

perceptionreality Fri 16-Nov-12 14:32:08

YABU - it's none of your business. Whatever you think you should keep quiet. If someone said that to me I would make a mental note that they would never be a great friend tbh.

Eggrules Fri 16-Nov-12 14:41:16

I don't see anything wrong in saying "that's a lot of sweets in one go" to someone you know reasonably well. 1000 calorie snack before dinner is excessive. My DS (5), is very active and has a good appetite but would struggle to eat an entire mars bar.

Even if the class is very active, I don't think a full size mars, coke, bag of cola sweets, two freddos and a twiz bar is acceptable. Overindulgence is as bad as neglect.

Disclaimer; I don't like people giving my DS sweets. If I knew the parent well enough, I would suggest a snack rota (evil) <shrug>

RawShark Fri 16-Nov-12 14:50:30

YANBU. If someone said that to me I would make a mental note that they are quite clearly never going to be my yes-man probably have a point

naturalbaby Fri 16-Nov-12 18:15:49

if children are offered a variety of foods...they will choose to eat what their body needs - I totally agree with that principle, but a child's body does not need that quantity of over processed food, let alone that quantity of sugar. Something has gone wrong if a child is willingly eating all of that crap.

I can't believe anyone things that list of chocolate and sugar is an acceptable for an after school activity.
Although, from a dentist's point of view at least it was all consumed at once, better for the teeth!

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 18:20:52

natural it was the younger sister who ate it all whilst waiting for her sister to do the activity.

naturalbaby Fri 16-Nov-12 18:26:42

I know, that's even worse. Some replies sounded like they thought it was the child doing the activity eating all that food.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 18:29:19

Oh right sorry smile

Eggrules Fri 16-Nov-12 18:54:43

We had a child over for tea and the DC had pizza, veggie sticks, fruit with milk. I mentioned to the parent at pick up what they had and she said something along the lines of ' ok, just this once' (sort of joking --but meant it--) confused. Next time I said we are having x for dinner if x is ok with that.

I can't imagine what her face would have been like if I'd said he had a full size mars bar for a snack before dinner. I don't think that glut of sweets is a suitable snack after an hour on a treadmill.

Meh - I don't think what you said was so bad. I would have been surprised at all that rubbish and it sounds like you know her reasonably well.

MrsCantSayAnything Fri 16-Nov-12 19:00:53

Eggrules was the Mother overweight? I have only ever had that attitude from one parent and she was very overweight and had warned me her DD hardly ate....well the DD ate plenty and I told the Mother. I said "I gave the DDs a picnic type lunch...little ham and salad sandwiches, fruit, crisps and quiche" and she rolled her eyes and said "Oh yes...well she WOULD like that kind of food wouldn't she!"

Spatsky Fri 16-Nov-12 19:09:16

Egg rules, I wonder what she expected you to feed her child? That sounds like an utterly standard friend over for tea meal, although in our house they would get a cupcake or ice cram for dessert rather than fruit.. I would be blacklisted!!

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 19:17:39

When ds 4 was at primary he used to have a (lovely) little boy home for tea quite often.

He would pipe up whilst playing with the toys ' you know I only eat organic chicken don't you ' erm yes of course I would reply confused

Eggrules Fri 16-Nov-12 19:33:57

Yes; to be fair I am losing weight at the moment. I ensure DS has a balanced diet. A bit of what you fancy is fine and there was a lot of fruit and veggies. I am happy to comply with dietery requirements and fussy eaters. She said her DS would eat anything, had no allergies, wasn't vegan/kosher etc. The food police act was a bit off. In that circumstance, if they don't like what is being served, its best that they don't allow their LO to come.

I have no idea why we didn't have our normal choice of dessert. wink She also mentioned that x never drinks water and pasta was only spaghetti and no other shape. Bit late with that info because he drank/ate whatever was put in front of him (without prompting).

Actually, I would be shocked if a friend gave my 5yo a full size mars bar as a snack.

Marzipanface Fri 16-Nov-12 19:53:59

I wouldn't have said anything for fear of embarrassing the other parent to be honest.

However, it IS an awful amount of sweets! My DD can scoff chocolate at the best of times. She is only nearly three but I would NEVER give her a whole Mars Bar. Two Freddos is a maximum during the day and she normally as something sweet like a fromage frais for pudding. I think that is plenty if not too much sugar for one day.

One of DS's friends goes to the shop every day after school and buys a large can of energy drink, whole packet of biscuits and Mars bar or similar. He's 9. I'm always shock at the fact he's got all this. Every day.

cheekybaubles Fri 16-Nov-12 20:12:41

Egg have you laid off the pinot grigio then? grin

drizzlecake Fri 16-Nov-12 20:15:28

Average 4 year old is say 42 inches high
Mars bar is 6 inches
That is a seventh.
I am 68 inches high, 68/7 is 9.7 inches, 25 cm.
So that woud be like me eating a 25 cm Mars Bar. I feel ill at the thought (let alone all the other stuff).

Eggrules Fri 16-Nov-12 21:04:30

Cheekybaubles - ANY white wine makes a suitable dessert, n'est–ce pas? Watered down well for small children obviously. wink

Rudolphstolemycarrots Fri 16-Nov-12 22:29:38

I think you made a good point in a light hearted way. You just made an honest observation.

The fact is that so much sugar in anyone's diet (never mind a small child) is going to play havoc with their blood sugar levels and eventually lead to major health problems (diabetes, obesity, tooth decay and lots of others). It's setting them up for future problems.

takataka Fri 16-Nov-12 23:14:22

I think the comment you made was come-on it was a lot of sugar

I sometimes let mine have too many sweets. If you commented on it, I would probably agree with you. I wouldn't feel offended that you had judged/commented

cheekybaubles Sat 17-Nov-12 10:16:56

egg you slimming down to watch the next series of rhony? (sick of watching repeats)

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 17-Nov-12 10:40:52

Childhood obesity and diabetes, with life long repercussions, is of concern to general society, though.

And if the OP was something like "AIBU to comment on the massive smack another mum gave her dc?" Or "AIBU to comment on the derogatory way that another mother always talks to her child?" I bet the responses here would be different. Though in essence the actions (not illegal, but generally regarded as not the best way to bring up your kids) are similar.

valiumredhead Sat 17-Nov-12 11:08:08

No, I wouldn't have said anything, I wouldn't dream of it even in a jokey manner.

Everlong Sat 17-Nov-12 11:16:47

That's what I don't understand families because to me it's sort of bordering on being neglectful if this were to carry on.

It can only be detrimental.

And if this were a good friend of mine that I loved and cared about I would be saying a lot more than I did.

Some of the posters on this thread have said that they had wished someone had something to them.

Bramblesinafield Sat 17-Nov-12 11:42:10

I'd be concerned that the little one was filling up on rubbish which would make her less hungry for the good stuff. Teeth too.

And yes, lifelong eating habits are established, leading to a risk of Type 2 diabetes in later life. As you know, Type one diabetes is an auto immune disease and not caused by diet.

Asinine Sat 17-Nov-12 12:01:00

Children are developing type two at young ages.

Bramblesinafield Sat 17-Nov-12 15:38:42

They are, asinine. The youngest at our clinic is thirteen, the rest have t1. Setting healthy eating habits and snacking habits is very important from the earliest age although the odd sweet or two is fine IMHO, particularly when children are burning up glucose playing.

I used to see a marked difference in behaviour in the children in the nursery where I taught once we had given them their morning break time food (breakfast, in reality). They came down off the ceiling then.

valiumredhead Sat 17-Nov-12 17:46:05

Even if it were a very close and good friend I wouldn't see it as my place to say anything - it's not my business to tell someone else how to bring up their kids.

SilveryMoon Sat 17-Nov-12 17:51:33

YWBVU in saying that to her in any way, jokey or not.
It is not your place at all.
If she asked for your thoughts, that's different.

Yeah, why say anything? Let the NHS sort her out in a couple of years when she's really sick.

BegoniaBampot Sat 17-Nov-12 20:28:52

i would judge this, would people really not raise an eyebrow at this? Whether I'd have said something might depend on my mood, i'd probably be a bit peeved at offering more crap to my child and me having to be strict mum and say no. i worry a fair bit about me kids eating more crap than they perhaps should. I know 7 yr old who is probably classed as obese. His mum openly admits she gives him Chocolate Bars for breakfast. Saying that mine usually have cereal, toast, bagels, croissants and pancakes (not all together of course) and I wonder if there is much nutritional difference. a snapshot doesn't always give the overall picture but i would still judge this amount of crap.

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 17-Nov-12 21:37:07

I would judge, judge, judge with my judge pants hoisted right up over my head at this. Whether I would say anything would depend - in the circumstances set out in the OP (where the mother is reasonably well known) I probably would.

Everlong Sat 17-Nov-12 23:18:00

That's up to you Valium

I love my friends and if I thought they were possibly/probably causing their child potential future health issues I would say something. Sitting back and saying nothing is hardly being a friend. Crazy to think that you can't talk to your friends about something as bad as this.

cumfy Sun 18-Nov-12 01:00:50


It's about the children.

Valdeeves Sun 18-Nov-12 01:15:19

Does she eat crap like this every week?

YANBU to think that's an awful lot of sweets in one go..sure. I would never let my dd have that many at chance. However, where someone else is concerned I would not have the audacity to say anything. Maybe it was a one-off treat for all you know..although even as a treat that amount at once is absurd!

We all have opinions of course, and most people would be like wtf at that many sweets, but at the same time it's not anyone elses business, well certainly not a one-off occasion anyway.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 08:48:17

valdeeves yes the younger girl will eat sweets and drink coke/fanta throughout the time we are waiting. Her mum has a little bag with them in. I think this week I was just shocked that she had eaten all that and then the mars bars.

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 18-Nov-12 09:55:39

I'm getting splinters in my arse reading this one tbh!

Of course it's a ridiculous amount of crap to feed anyone never mind a child but on the other hand the fact that she sort of laughed makes me think that she knew full well that you were being sarcastic rather than jokey.

She's obviously feeding the younger child in the hopes of keeping her occupied and giving her something to do whilst the older kids do their activity. If she really does scream and bash things then it must be stressful for the mother trying to keep her quiet.

Maybe she's just fallen in to the trap of feeding her to keep her distracted and the amounts have escalated over time without her really realising it iyswim.

On the other hand maybe she's just lazy and doesn't give a crap what the child eats as long as she shuts up. Without meeting her I don't know.

I would have been shocked definitely, and I would have been judging my little arse off, but would I have said anything? I honestly don't know.

I personally think a flap jack, malteaters and a twix is too much regardless of what the activity is, so seeing the rest would have me wearing my eyebrows as an alice band!

Refined sugar like that just isn't a good source of energy. I would keep one of those things and maybe just take a sandwich instead. A butty would be just as quick and easy to eat.

So in short, after all that waffle, I have nothing useful to add. I put myself firmly on the fence!

I do feel the need to add though that eating too much sugar does not cause type 2 diabetes in children. It can be caused by a generally high fat/sugar/calorie diet and obesity, but not just sugar.

A diet too high in sugar will cause health problems, no doubt about it, and it will certainly harm their dental development but it won't give you diabetes. Sorry, just a bugbear of mine. smile

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 10:04:08

I don't give a flapjack and a small bag of maltesers and a single twix all at once! It's either one of them. Jeez I'd be as indulgent as the mum if I had!

The mum isn't stressed or at the end of her tether, we chat throughout the time waiting, she's very easy going and unflappable. I don't know why she offers all this stuff, it's not the little girl was screaming for it, she wasn't, the mum would just go in the bag and offer her something.

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 18-Nov-12 10:12:11

Ok, it was just a thought.

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 18-Nov-12 10:16:51

It seems it's just become a habit then.

So maybe it was worth pissing her off this once as it may make her think about it.

Be honest though, this AIBU wasn't started to canvas opinion was it wink

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 10:19:19

I didn't piss her off.
Why do you think I started the thread? confused

cafebistro Sun 18-Nov-12 10:25:43

Yanbu and hopefully by mentioning it you have planted a seed of doubt in her head.
One of my best friends is a bit like this. Her dc eat an awful lot of rubbish and have a mouth full of fillings as a result. I secretly judge her a bit because it isn't what I'd feed my DC though they do have sweets just not constantly. I would never mention it to her though as I know she would be upset and she's a wonderful mother in so many other ways.

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 18-Nov-12 10:25:57

If she sort of laughed then I'm afraid you did probably piss her off a little bit. If not piss her off definitely made her feel uncomfortable. I'm not saying you were wrong to do that but she obviously did know you weren't just joking.

I think you started the thread for the same reason most of us start threads; because we want people to agree with us! grin

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 10:37:14

Hmm. I am sure as I can be that it didn't piss her off. She didn't look embarrassed or annoyed.

It was a statement. One that was correct. Whether I should have verbalised it I'm still not sure tbh even though many on this thread have said I was NBU. But it was something that just came out in a shocked sort of way. Not nasty or judgey.

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 18-Nov-12 10:46:00


many on this thread have said I was NBU.

Many have also said you were BU!

I'm only joking but let's face it, we all concentrate on the ones that agree with us and find fault with the ones that don't. That's all I was saying.

I honestly don't know if you should have said anything or not. If it makes her think then it's a shame she was upset but it was worth it. If it doesn't then clearly you didn't upset her anyway so no harm done.

Hmm, maybe I'm swaying towards YWNBU after all!

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 10:58:27


strumpetpumpkin Sun 18-Nov-12 11:29:09

i would have probably made a comment in a light hearted, non confrontational way, in an attempt to make her think, but without making it look too much like i was judging her, even if i secretly was.

BegoniaBampot Sun 18-Nov-12 15:49:45

lead by example, next time take fruit and veggie sticks. Might make her think.

MrsWhoGivesaShit Sun 18-Nov-12 18:08:11

mind your own business. can not stand people like you.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 18:10:41

Don't take after your name then? wink

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 18-Nov-12 18:26:53

Or maybe she is a Mrs Who gives a shit grin

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 18:30:54

Or maybe she's the mum who gives her kids loads of shit! grin shock

TeentheBean Sun 18-Nov-12 18:39:51

Urgh, your line 'sort of joking' made me cringe. The type of cringe I get when someone starts off a sentence saying 'I don't mean to be funny, but.....' and then promptly says summat that they know will wind you up.

Maybe you should latch on to one of the other mums and stop being judge-y.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 18:45:57

I'm bored now.

It just came out. It just came out because it was a shit load of sweets for anyone let alone a 4 year old. It wasn't said in a judgey or smug way. I laughed the mum gave a bit of a laugh.

I'm guessing all of you calling me judgey think it's ok to give that many sweets?

Won't someone think of the children.

MrsWhoGivesaShit Sun 18-Nov-12 20:43:58

no actually i dont have any children, and if/when i do they wont be stuffed full of sweets. But if a busy body like you dared to comment on how i bought up my children you would get told to get lost and keep your nose out.

Yeah, it doesn't take a village to raise a child just a large sweet shop will do.
Childhood diabetes and the obesity epidemic which is threatening to destroy the NHS is not your business.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 21:09:18

mrs if you had read the thread you would see I didn't comment on how to bring her children up.

I made a correct statement.

CrapBag Sun 18-Nov-12 21:51:35

I probably would have said the same.


MrsMelons Sun 18-Nov-12 22:24:21

I don't think I would have said anything but you weren't wrong - that is a lot of sweets - could it be a one off though - I mean they may not have sweets/chocolate any other time?!

I have been known to overload DS2 on chocolate to keep him quiet and occupied in particular situations although its not a weekly thing or anything and he eats really healthily the rest of the time. I wouldn't be offended if anyone commented in a jokey way as I am sensible enough to know it is a silly amount of chocolate!

BTW its ok to judge as everyone does it - just like the posters on here are judging you for saying something! Sometimes its just better to judge but not say anything.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood Sun 18-Nov-12 22:30:52

Phew so glad I read the thread before I posted !!!
I was about to post that YABU for giving your child flapjack, malteasers and a twix....
I think I am quite free with snacks for the kids but they don't have more than one treat a day.

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