Aibu to think men never truly Grow Up?!!!

(129 Posts)

Having a dh that must have what HE wants, when HE wants and if HE doesn't get it he stomps his feets & sulks for days!!!
HE has to have the latest game/console/chair etc, etc even before i have finished my christmas shopping and then today he's told me HE expects a £300 gaming chair if he gets a job!!-WTAF is wrong with his self entitled arse?
Apparently i have welshed on 'OUR' deal as i said he could have it 'ages' ago apparently-(not realising he meant a £300 one, i thought he meant a cheapo one)!
So he is basing his enthusiasium on maybe getting a job for a fucking gaming chair.
Aibu to think he should grow the fuck up?, especially as it will be a mw job and we won't be able to afford it?

peppercold Thu 15-Nov-12 21:40:57

yanbu!! tell him to use a normal chair!

FermezLaBouche Thu 15-Nov-12 21:42:46

Some men, like this one, never grow up. Or to put it more accurately are selfish knobs.

Many men are normal human beings who see their partners as equals and wouldn't fuck them off by acting so selfishly and petulantly .

All depends on what you are willing to put up with for the rest of your life.

What makes me laugh about this entire senario is that he already has a gaming chair, but according to him it isn't good enoughshock

littlewhitebag Thu 15-Nov-12 21:45:21

What in the world is a gaming chair?

Tactifer Thu 15-Nov-12 21:46:30

This doesn't sound like a proper man - has he no self-respect? This is a bigger problem you've got here than just a chair. Sorry.

FreudiansSlipper Thu 15-Nov-12 21:46:55

do all women nag?

not all men are selfish and immature

I cringe women talk about their partners like they are silly little boys and think do stfu

Well, your husband appears to be a self centred arse. But not all men are, so YABU.

OpheliaPayneAgain Thu 15-Nov-12 21:47:40

if he gets a job

And you are with him because?

picnicbasketcase Thu 15-Nov-12 21:47:48

'SOME' men, maybe. Not men in general though.

ivykaty44 Thu 15-Nov-12 21:48:14

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AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 21:49:00

Your husband sounds like a tool

Have a moan, and continue parenting your husband.

Until the day you get real and decide you have had enough of it. Mumsnet will be here for you then.

ihavenofuckingclue Thu 15-Nov-12 21:50:29

What the fuck?

I assume he hasn't got a job because he can't get one despite trying really hard, so why the fuck will one suddenly turn up because he wants a gaming chair.

If he hasn't got a job he should be doing everything he can to get one and help support his family. not to buy himself a pile of shit.

My dh is far from perfect, but really I can't believe there are some adults with this attitude.

Wonder how long it would take him to get a job if you agreed. If its really quickly (which I suspect he would) at least you know he is a cock lodger.

littlewhitebag Thu 15-Nov-12 21:50:50

So what is a gaming chair?????? I really need to know.

ihavenofuckingclue Thu 15-Nov-12 21:51:34

men never get past 12 years old, though they do wear long trousers

That attitude is as bad as the OPs dh.

DontmindifIdo Thu 15-Nov-12 21:51:56

Sorry, but a lot of men are grown ups, sensible people who support their families, not just take - DH has an expensive hobby (mountain biking) but, household costs come first.

To summerise, your DH doesn't work, he expects you to spent £300 on his hobby just before christmas as a "well done" for getting a job, not getting you a gift as a "thanks for holding the fort" with his first wage? Really? And he sulks and behaves like a child? What does he think your his mum who just buys him treats for being a good boy?

OpheliaPayneAgain Thu 15-Nov-12 21:53:27

Do either of you work?

LouisWalshsChristmasCloset Thu 15-Nov-12 21:53:46

From the title of your thread alone, YANBU

coribells Thu 15-Nov-12 21:58:46

Maybe he doesn't really expect a gaming chair , just wishes he could have one at some point. The same way I wish I could have an iPad for Christmas because I work hard and struggle. In reality it probably won't be this year, next year perhaps.

MORCAPS Thu 15-Nov-12 22:00:21

Don't assume that because your DH is an overgrown brat, all men are.

Mine isn't and my 8 year old behaves better than that.

I'm a sahm and he has been recently made redundant.
I'm the one who has trawled the net applying for hundreds off jobs and obtaining application forms for him and the thanks i get is this moronic behaviour.

This isn't just about the gaming chair really, it does go deeper.
His selfishness is starting to completely take over everything, and at the moment i'm at a loss of what to dosad

He seems to think because im a sahm he deserves this chair as he is the one going to the interview even though i'm the one that applied for it as he couldn't be botheredsad

I'm also scared about being sanctioned our jsa because i have a feeling he will now flunk it, if he flunks it we don't get our jsa and our bills won't get paidsad

On top of all this the 6th anniversary of my 16yo brothers death is close and i'm feeling very sad about the impending date so i could do with his support right now rather than thissad

ihavenofuckingclue Thu 15-Nov-12 22:02:42

coribells so do you strop because you won't get one?

You stomp you feet and sulk for days? Really?

Gaming chairs Who knew?

YABU. You married an idiot. Doesn't mean they are all like that. My DH manages to like gaming, not have a gaming chair, not be a childish idiot, work and not treat Christmas like a selfish-fest. Not all men are twunts.

ihavenofuckingclue Thu 15-Nov-12 22:05:11

OP he is a twunt of the highest order.

I x-posted pumkkinsweetie. Sorry for your loss.

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 22:06:01

I am very sorry about your brother sad

DontmindifIdo Thu 15-Nov-12 22:07:11

Pumpkinsweetie - you sound like you've had enough, he doesn't support you emotionally or financially, you do it all - even finding a job for him. He doesn't see you as his partner, but his mum.

do you love him?

FreudiansSlipper Thu 15-Nov-12 22:08:28

is he always selfish

Has his redundancy had an impact on his behaviour

Jinsei Thu 15-Nov-12 22:09:50

YANBU to think that your DH needs to grow up. He sounds like an arse.

YABU to think that all men are like this. They're not.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Thu 15-Nov-12 22:10:58

Why not do a little research into what would happen if you threw him out? Information is power: if you know what benefits you might get etc and whose name the house is in and all the rest of it, then you can decide on a plan.
Because it sounds like you would be a lot better off without a man like this: not another adult to help you and make your life better, but another dependent to pick up after.

Jinsei Thu 15-Nov-12 22:11:11

I'm sorry about your brother too. Have you got anyone else around in RL who can give you the support that you need?

MORCAPS Thu 15-Nov-12 22:12:06

What is he for?

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:13:29

Totally agree with SGB

You would be so much better off emotionally and financially without this leech.

Presumably, if he had a job then he wouldnt have time to use his gaming chair (I wont go into how I feel about grown men "needing" gaming time.......).

I wouldnt be worrying about his chairs, gaming or otherwise, I would be worrying about the arse that is sitting on them and how to get it out of my life.

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:13:46

grin Mor good Q!

thebody Thu 15-Nov-12 22:14:17

My dh is a grown up and so are my sons in their 20s. They would think a gaming chair of £300 was only fit for a complete wanker.

Please get advice in kicking this idiot out.

I do love him, this behaviour comes in bouts.
For months he'll be attentive, helpful and then i have months of selfishness.
Believe me i'm at the end of my tether.

I didn't really mean to say ALL men are like this, just having a rant and wondering whether there are more like him?
And do these sorts ever grow up?

All i want is my brother back and my dc to have a wonderful christmas, i'm not interested in a man toy i cannot afford.
I wish he felt like that instead of always thinking of himselfsad

thebody Thu 15-Nov-12 22:15:10

Mor, good one.

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:16:25

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I do wonder myself mor

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:17:13

I should add that the ones that have grown up dont ever behave in such a way that would have you asking the question.

I suggest you lose the manchild and find yourself a grown up.

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 22:18:25

The only men that are like him are atrociously selfish arseholes

if you had your time again...would you pick a man-child like this ?

No ?

Then it's not too late to put that right

thebody Thu 15-Nov-12 22:19:36

So sorry about your brother. Very hard for you and yours.

Your dh should be helpful and loving all the time as I expect you are.

That's the relationship deal, ok we all have off days but months of sulks, that's not on..

Wish it was that easy, at the moment i'm seriously considering cutting my losses.
I'm seeing how the interview goes/doesn't go & the outcome, whether a new job inspires him-If not we have come to the end of the linesad

I have to atleast try to make it work, as we have been together 8yr and have 4dc but he has to work with me-if not, then thats itsad

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:24:00

ANd what if the new job doesnt inspire him? Or if it does but then after 6 months, he gets the sulks again?

Seems that you spend your life waiting for the good times so you can get through the bad times. You can give a whole life over to that.

Do you want to?

Tactifer Thu 15-Nov-12 22:27:49

Have you asked him about this behaviour? When you say his behaviour comes in bouts, does he feel remorse for being such an a*se when the better times come? I'm wondering if he could he be suffering from some undiagnosed emotional/psychological problem that makes him behave like this (I'm not an expert BTW) But, unfortunately, some men are just a*ses. Whatever, I hope you can find enough joy to have a good Christmas.

OTTMummA Thu 15-Nov-12 22:30:24

Really? After 8yrs and 4dc you think ONE interview and job will change him?

Sorry to say, but he will never change, i would bet my home on it, people like this never do.

Not only is he disrespectful and selfish which inconviences you, but you are allowing your children to think his behaviour is acceptable, so your sons will think it is ok to treat their partners like this, and your daughters will settle for a manchild as a husband,,, that is really depressing.

I don't say LTB, but if he can't support you around a difficult time and help you grieve for your brother and instead goes around badgering you for a £300 chair then is there any point to him?

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 22:30:48

I diagnose "fuckmyfamilyoverforagamingchairitis"

a terrible affliction and an awful cross to bear for him

that'll excuse explain it

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Thu 15-Nov-12 22:33:32

Many many men admit this but the shock horror brigade on here will tell you that you have a bad one etc etc <yawns>

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Thu 15-Nov-12 22:35:21

Oh and how great and fabulous and respectful their partners are and blah blah <switches off>

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 22:37:41

I presume you have a fuckwit for a partner too ?

poor you

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Thu 15-Nov-12 22:40:35

Well don't make assumptions then Fucker as I am single.

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Thu 15-Nov-12 22:41:30

Sorry AnyFucker ;)

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 22:43:13

Oh, you are looking for a fuckwit partner then ?

You seem keen on defending them.

Fairenuff Thu 15-Nov-12 22:43:45

If you treat him like a child, he can continue to behave that way.

But not all men are like that. Lots of women are not attracted to sulking, or selfish, entitled, childish behaviour. It's a bit of a turn off.

Most women prefer a mature man who is ready for an adult relationship.

And some women like to complain about their partners but carry on enabling their behaviour.

Each to their own, I suppose.

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:44:10

But Kelly just because alot of men admit to it, doesnt make it right does it?

If I admitted to smacking you in the tits when you got on my nerves, would that make it right?

The fact that there are a lot of men out there that are like this is just fucking depressing, doesnt make it OK.

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:45:26

Oh, and the fact that there are a lot of women out there enabling and defending this behaviour is even more depressing because it means that the rot will be passed on to the next generation sad

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 22:45:47

kelly, I am hoping you have recently dumped a fuckwit like this

that's the best explanation for your contribution I can see smile

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Thu 15-Nov-12 22:45:57

Assumptions again? No I'm not looking for a partner, very happily single. And interested to know exactly HOW I defended immature men? Just simply pointing out that OP is right. Many many men are immature. Are you spoiling for a fight dear?

OTTMummA Thu 15-Nov-12 22:46:10

My step dad once bought a play station instead of the washing machine we needed as ours had broken,,, he did many other astonishingly selfish things over the years.

He is a Twat, and i knew that at 8yrs old, took my mum a few more years more 14 until he left her in the shit for another woman.



Fairenuff Thu 15-Nov-12 22:48:07

Many many men admit this

Admit what? confused

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Thu 15-Nov-12 22:48:13

Of course it isn't right bogey it is just how many men are. I didn't create them nor am I defending them.

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 22:48:37

kelly ? me looking for a fight ?

nah, not me

simply pointing out sexism when I see it

He's now came downstairs to ask me whats wrong? Wtafconfused
Told him whats wrong and i just get a tirade of abuse, "bollocks", "don't fucking care" etc!

Why am i putting up with this manchild?

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:53:08

Kelly I think you need to clarify your point for me!

Yes, there are alot of men out there and yes, it is wrong.

How is saying that the OP has one of these "bad ones etc" a problem? I really am missing your point!

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:53:44

Only you know that Pumpkin

Why are you?

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Thu 15-Nov-12 22:53:59

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Fairenuff Thu 15-Nov-12 22:55:21

Kelly I think the point is that because OP is asking 'are all men like this' it gives the impression that she has not experienced a relationship with a normal, loving, respectful partner. If she believes that this is all she can expect, she is more likely to put up with it.

But if others can reassure her that there are plenty of kind, responsible, mature men in equal relationships with women, it might make her realise that she does not have to settle for being treated this badly.

So although it might be a bit of a 'yawn' to you but it might also be incredibly helpful to the OP.

OTTMummA Thu 15-Nov-12 22:56:24

I do not know,,, learned behaviour? Low self esteem? Lack of confidence?

Honestly you need to find out why you accept this kind of shit because you need to stop it, and teach your children not to end up in this exact same senario.

thebody Thu 15-Nov-12 22:56:45

My partner is great, fabulous and respectful though!

Then again I deserve it as I am good to him too.

That's the deal?

You only have to look on these forums... Yeah, because I'm going to write a post about how DH has spent the last three nights doing all the overnights with DD because I've got a cold and am not up for it. He also did all the housework, and the rubbish and is going out this evening to buy me presents for my 40th. Where would I post that? In Smug Married Bastards, possibly?

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Thu 15-Nov-12 22:59:45

Fairenough if there was a bit more reassuring going and and a little less putting down of OP because others DPs are perfect I would agree with you. This is how these threads always go.

Very true OTT i wouldn't want my children growing up with such selfishness instilled inside them.
Dhs family are rotten too, rotten & selfish to the core so much so i'm estranged from pil.
Once i thought dh was a good apple, now he is proving to be a bad applesad

FermezLaBouche Thu 15-Nov-12 23:01:06

Pumpkin - because you have been brainwashed into thinking that because you've snared a man you're in the accepted state adult women are meant to be in. ie the property of a MAN.

Can you not envisage telling him to fuck the fuck off? Of if not then dumping him and being single? Why would you put up with living with such a state?

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 23:02:09

When I was in a shit relationship, I needed examples of how things should be, because my reality and ability to judge healthy boundaries had been skewed

a "pat, pat, you poor thing" was a complete waste of time

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 23:02:23

WHo's putting down the OP?!

I need to hear examples of good men so that i can see how bad this situation truly is?
Unfortunetly i see his behaviour as 'normal' as it's so expected iyswim.

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 23:08:09

Just because you expect something, doesn't mean it is normal or good

A whipped dog expects to get whipped. It's not right though.

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 23:08:13

You dont need to defend yourself Pumpkin, you really dont.

It wasnt until I saw normal that I realised that my first marriage wasnt, no one should under estimate the power of the example.

OTTMummA Thu 15-Nov-12 23:16:35

OP, I have been with a right bunch of cunts losers, usually men i have an instant attraction to IYKWIM?
The last cunt one did a right number on me and my mental state and i ended up being single for a good while trying to just put myself back together and understand what I wanted for ME and MY life.

Then one evening a friend i was out with bumped into my now DH and introduced us, we became friends, no hint of attraction either side, he had a gf and i was happily single enjoying a good social life and meeting lots of interesting people.
A few years later i had a particularly nasty one night stand and the only person i wanted to speak to was dh, i wasn't close to him or even talked every week etc, but i just wanted him with me.
I phoned him at gone 2am, he came and stayed up with me all night, put me to bed, stayed on the sofa, cooked me breakfast and took the day off work to take me to the doctors and then stayed with me the rest of that day and night as well.
No one has ever looked after me or treated me with such kindness and respect, never.
I knew after that, i would marry him one day, and i still didn't have that lust, but i just knew.
3 months later we were expecting our son, got married and now have dd 4 months old, we had our 6yr anniversary this Autum.
He loves me with his whole soul, i never doubt this because he demonstrates his love with his actions and words.
He has his moments, we all do, but i can put my hand on my heart and say he would do anything for me, and i for him.
Thats how it should be, nothing less for sure.

OTTMummA Thu 15-Nov-12 23:18:38

Sorry for the epic post blush

Fairenuff Thu 15-Nov-12 23:24:44

Fairenough if there was a bit more reassuring going and and a little less putting down of OP because others DPs are perfect I would agree with you. This is how these threads always go

Unfortunately Kelly we cannot change other people. We can only decide what we are prepared to put up with. In situations like this that usually means that the overwhelming advice is to put up or ship out, because those are the only choices we really have.

I don't think anyone is saying their partner is perfect just that it's not unreasonable to expect equality. Whether you will get it is up to you but everyone should be encouraged to expect it.

Interesting that a lot of the posters on here (*AF, Bogeyface, OTT, me*) who are saying that men are not all wankers are women who have married or had lots of relationships with wankers. I married a wanker first time. Thanks to him I knew when I remarried what I wouldn't put up with.

DH is not perfect, far from it but his faults match up with my tolerances. I feel feel anxious or sad or resentful or angry I was so angry during my first marriage.

Bold fail!

WrathdePan Thu 15-Nov-12 23:36:53

There does seem a fair few posts on here that are 'reportable' and I have done, Bogey and ivy - as HQ indicate posters should do.

fwiw OP - your OH is a bit of a kid and the more you put up with it the more your large child gets away with stuff. He isn't going to stop himself, is he?

Morloth Thu 15-Nov-12 23:42:49

(I am MORCAPS btw, I stuffed up my login on the phone and can't be arsed to fix it).

DH is a gamer. He enjoys an afternoon in front of the xbox if it comes up.

It is a hobby, as he is a grown up he doesn't waste money on it that we can't afford and he doesn't do it if there is something more important he should be doing.

He isn't perfect, neither am I - but my life is much much better with him in it then it would be without him.

That is all you need to weigh up - is your life better with him or without him pumpkin?

BibiBlocksberg Thu 15-Nov-12 23:44:49

OP - I was living with an utter entitled manchild when I found MN. A £300 gaming chair sounds like the sort of thing mine would have quite happily whined and manipulated for while contributing bugger all to the relationship.

It takes time from the lightbulb moment of 'OMG, he really is a twat' to really knowing it and being able to take steps to get out from under this sort of set up.

Listen to the lovely and wise ladies (especially AF who kicked my arse into touch more than once when I was busy making excuses for the poor poor ickle diddums in my life) keep reading and letting it all come together into a crystal clear realisation and escape plan.

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 23:45:47

I had one relationship with a wanker.

He was an uber-wanker though. Thank fuck I didn't marry him. And thank fuck he displayed just about every wanker behaviour known to humankind which now helps me to spot it a mile off. Almost like a cut-price wanker, he was...certainly very good value-for-money.

Fairenuff Thu 15-Nov-12 23:46:02

I can't see anything reportable on this thread Wrath, could you be more specific please?

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 23:47:17

Aww, hello, Bibi. How very nice to see you smile

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 23:48:41

Pan, wotcha on about ?

MakeItALarge Thu 15-Nov-12 23:49:19

What kind of examples do you want?

A few months ago I was whinging I was tired and stressed, dh booked me flights to go see a friend for two nights while he looked after 3dc. Couldnt really afford it so he worked overtime so he could also give me money to buy myself nice clothes and have fun while I was away.

He said he had a lovely time with dc!

BibiBlocksberg Thu 15-Nov-12 23:49:44

Likewise dear AF, previous butt kickings still resulting in happy singledom with two cats here, hope you're well too!

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 23:53:52

I am very well thanks, Bibi. Happy Singledom has to be loads better than miserable faux-coupledom.

Tactifer Thu 15-Nov-12 23:54:34

These wankers come from somewhere! OP said that his family are also of the same ilk. I'd be seriously worried about passing their/his habits onto your DC if you put up with it too much. Sooner or later, something has to change.

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 23:56:57

Interested to know what I have been reported for! I assume it was the "punch in the tits" comment, and if it was I would like to clarify that it was an example not a threat.

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 23:59:10

Oh yeah, a tit of a poster once reported me for a jokey comment about "knee capping"

I wasn't deleted IIRC, since it wasn't directed at anyone in particular and was quite clearly not seriously about removing the patellae of an unfortunate

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 16-Nov-12 00:04:32

Some people are just cunts some are not.

The most amazing person I every met was a man

Bogeyface Fri 16-Nov-12 00:05:16

Pity really AF would have been quite apt if you had by the sound of it grin

OTTMummA Fri 16-Nov-12 00:11:23

I am on ML and money is a bit tight at the moment.
DH got a bike of free cycle and fixed it up and cycles to work instead of paying £14 for a weekly bus ticket so i can use it for coffee with friends or whatever else i want to spend it on.

He gets up at 5am, unloads the washing from the night before and hangs it out, then makes DS packed lunch and irons for 10-15 mins from the ironing pile, gets out mine and DS breakfast bowls and spoons and puts another load of washing in the machine ready to be put on.
Then he wakes me up for a shower and relaxes for 20 mins while i get ready, we have a hug, kiss etc and then he goes to work.
He gets home 5.30pm has a quick shower then we eat dinner, after dinner he washes up and puts the bin out and then we alternate between who gives baths and who does homework etc.
Then he gives DD her last bottle of the day whilst i shower and he puts her to bed.
He then 9/10 times rubs my feet whilst we have a cuppa tea smile
He also encourages me to go out at the weekend and or takes both children out so i can rest.

MORCAPS Fri 16-Nov-12 00:34:04

DH does all night wakings with DS2 because I am a grump.

He also brings me a cup of tea in bed on the days I don't need to get up and he does (I do the same for him).

We are kind to each other.

........well he has woke up after not bothering to come to bed hugged me, then contiued to go on about how i 'promised' to buy it!sad

Cba with this crap anymore, told him to go to bed whilst i get dc ready for school as don't need his childishness at this point in time.

I have to face facts that he will never change, the universe will always relove around himsad
I just hope he turns up to the jobcentre today or our bills won't be paid, lets hope he is atleast grown up enough to not stoop so low.

ThePerfectFather Fri 16-Nov-12 08:54:18

Can I roll my eyes at the blatant sexism in this thread or would that be considered childish?

AnyFucker Fri 16-Nov-12 09:14:16

Go right ahead, TPF, I agree with you,

Noren Fri 16-Nov-12 09:15:24

Think you're picking the wrong men.

ihavenofuckingclue Fri 16-Nov-12 09:19:44

OP your dh is a spolit selfish twat. Not all dhs are like that.

doesn't mean all men are.
TPF please di. Would love someone to join me.

MoreBeta Fri 16-Nov-12 09:22:46

Its true. Some men never grow up. They are very annoying to be around - even to other men.

Having a tantrum and a sulk over a gaming chair!!!? hmm

diddl Fri 16-Nov-12 09:32:18

TPF-that´s fine. Just don´t stamp your feetwink

Narked Fri 16-Nov-12 09:39:26

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this at such an awful time for you.

It's not men generally though, as I think you know. It's him.

I said upthread that i realise not all men are like this, just having a hard time and needed a rant.
I'm sorry if the thread title upset anyone.

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 09:44:09

YABU to think "men never truly grow up" unless you agree that the same is true of women.

Why not post in Relationships for advice, rather than making sweeping generalisations about half of the human race?

Does it make you feel better to think that all men are like this, because then your relationship is normal? Well sorry, they aren't, and it isn't. But this is actually GOOD NEWS because you don't have to put up with this shit if you don't want to.

niceguy2 Fri 16-Nov-12 09:44:10

Genuine question here. But what is his relationship like with his parents? Did they completely fail to teach him the concept of personal responsibility?

Men like this piss me off no end. He needs to fucking grow a set of balls and MAN THE FUCK UP.

£300 on a gaming chair!?!?! Seriously!?! I used to be a serious gamer and never once felt the need to spend that much on a chair.....a computer maybe....not a damn chair!

He sounds like a goddamn toddler. Personally i'd sit him on the naughty step.

I don't think my 11yr old DS would behave like that. Come to think of it, don't think my 5yr would either if I told him we couldn't afford it.

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 09:45:27

He is an adult.

No matter how rubbish his parents were or how much he was indulged he should be able to realise that the universe does not revolve around him.

niceguy2 Fri 16-Nov-12 09:50:33

I'm not seeking to excuse his behaviour. Just wondered how he's picked up such a spoilt attitude that's all. We are all to a certain extent the product of our upbringing. If he's been treated like a teenager all his life then you can't be surprised when he acts like one.

He's still responsible for his own appalling behaviour though.

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 09:55:34

Fair enough.

givemeaclue Fri 16-Nov-12 09:59:24

Some men don't grow up. My advice is, don't marry those ones. Marry the capable, caring unselfis ones who are great partners, dads and husbands. Why would you marry a child?

All the men I know are very much grown ups. Sounds like you picked a loser.

givemeaclue Fri 16-Nov-12 10:00:43

An unemployed gamer...what a catch

steppemum Fri 16-Nov-12 10:23:48

I am pretty annoyed by this thread title and the whole premises of this thread actually

I treat the men in my life as adults,and they treat me as an adult. This whole 'men never grow up' is like saying 'all women like cooking and cleaning'

I choose male and female friends based on their character not their gender.

OTOH I feel very sorry for you op with this man, he is obviously not taking his responsibilities seriously. Yes he can change if he wants to. He needs a wake up call
Show him this thread

Chandon Fri 16-Nov-12 10:28:56


Hate to tell you this but lots of men are NOT like this.

The problem is not with " men", the problem is this specific one man.

RubyGates Fri 16-Nov-12 10:51:09

Hang on, is this the same OH whose mummy didn't want to let him go, and who thought he you'd be better living with her?

Archetypal Mummy's Boy behaviour. I'd delover him back to his Mother, and tell her you only want him back when she's turned him into an adult.

MakeItALarge Fri 16-Nov-12 10:52:33

Op my dh and I both work, so no major money problems. If I spent £300 on him so close to xmas he would be pissed off Id spent money that could have been used for our dc to give them a lovely xmas day, not just presents but days out and treats.

I take it your oh is spending that much on each of your dc this xmas? Or does he put his own wants first?

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 16-Nov-12 12:24:53

Hi all,

We have no problem with folks venting but can we please ask folks to avoid OTT sweeping insulting generalisations about all men as group.

peace and love

AnyFucker Fri 16-Nov-12 12:37:05

Op, I hope you are ok
You are having a proper shitty time of it. Sounds like this man-child doesn't add much to your life.

Have you considered that your life would probably improve without this dead weight dragging you down?

givemeaclue Fri 16-Nov-12 12:42:01

It is the op who made the sweeping generalisations in her thread title

AnyFucker Fri 16-Nov-12 12:44:47

Give op a break now guys, eh?

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 13:08:47

It's not just the OP, plenty of people seem to have a very biased view of "men".

I agree with AnyFucker - what are you getting out of this relationship?

paulrn Fri 16-Nov-12 14:27:24

iWeb do grow up eventually, we'll mostly I have finally understood the difference between being childish and the occasional endearing childlike

DontmindifIdo Fri 16-Nov-12 15:01:35

Check out the financial situation if you throw him out. Then do it.

Thing is with these sweeping generalisations, is while the OP might agree that not all men are big children, a lot of woman think that a large enough percentage are so they have to put up with this sort of shit. OP, your DH is in the minority. You can execpt adult behaviour from an adult male as well as from an adult female. Do'nt bother with ones that need you to be the 'grown up'.

TiggyD Fri 16-Nov-12 16:41:43

Men are fandabbydozy!

Apart from some, such as the OPs. Get rid of him, or hope that a passing millionaire will suddenly need the services of a great video gamer and offer him loads of money for his gaming skills.

Fairenuff Fri 16-Nov-12 19:55:25

I think that's it really MORCAP. Kindness. Thoughtful actions. Showing that you actually want to be with each other through what you say and do. It becomes so ingrained in daily life that it's no effort at all really, just to do something nice for someone else.

I think it helps if you look at it this way. Are you only excusing his behaviour because he is male? If so, that is something that has been doctrined into you probably all your life. If a woman behaved like this to her husband would it seem worse, inexcusable?

Girls are often trained, by observing their parents relationship, to believe that men need 'mothering' by their wives. Boys are trained to think the same. I have a colleague who has been married for 25 years and her dh has never, ever cooked a single meal. If she is not around he eats out or gets takeaway.

This is acceptable to her. It would not be acceptable to me. I would resent doing all the cooking for the family every day, without any of them ever cooking for me. So it's up to each individual to decide what is acceptable to them and what isn't.

Hope you're ok and not too overwhelmed by all the responses. There is a lot of help and good advice here if you ask for it.

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