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Me or DH (about sex TMI sorry)

(69 Posts)
BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 20:05:52

Have name changed for obvious reasons (I think so anyway). Really need to know who is BU?. DH has one of those male sex toys which occasionally we use. (On him only) I have no problem with it and will happily climb on top, but I draw the line at me putting it in him,- he can do that I think (once its in it stays there). He thinks I should be open minded enough to put it in, I think he should be grateful I have no problem with him using it. So am I a prude??

neighbourhoodwitch Wed 14-Nov-12 20:08:35

Not at all prudish, should just be fine for him to put it in if you are not comfortable to do so.

TellyRotsYourBrain Wed 14-Nov-12 20:09:31

I believe bums are for poo only. But i don't begrudge anyone else! So id do what you personally feel comfortable with.
Wold you REALLY want you to do something in the bedroom you weren't comfortable with?

BonkeyMollocks Wed 14-Nov-12 20:09:59

Not prudish - each to their own he should respect that you don't want to do it, but have reached the compromise that you don't mind if he does!

BooyhooRemembering Wed 14-Nov-12 20:10:32

hmm, well IMO if he wants to use a sex toy on himself then he has no right to expect that you will be happy to asist him in using it if you dont want to. similarly, you wouldn't expect him to use a toy on you that he had no interest in using.

winnybella Wed 14-Nov-12 20:12:04

Hmm. I would say a bit prudish, tbh, and it would kill the mood for me if the situation was reversed and my DP refused to do something like that for me.

OTOH you should not do anything you're not comfortable with, of course, but why aren't you ok with doing it, if you don't mind?

thebody Wed 14-Nov-12 20:12:21

I couldn't do this and would think it odd that a straight man wanted me too but that's totally my opinion/hang up.

BertieBotts Wed 14-Nov-12 20:13:51

He is being unreasonable.

Prude is a horrible word - so what if you don't feel comfortable doing something? That's your right as a person, nobody should make you feel bad about that!

BonkeyMollocks Wed 14-Nov-12 20:13:55

I do agree you need to decide on this before the moment, it would be a killer to have this convo right in the middle!

AlienRefluxovermypoppy Wed 14-Nov-12 20:14:12

Just tell him you're not into it, end of.


winnybella Wed 14-Nov-12 20:15:40

thebody-anal stimulation has nothing to do with being/not being gay, fgs. It's very pleasurable so why should straight men be made to feel weird for wanting to enhance their sex life? confused

BooyhooRemembering Wed 14-Nov-12 20:16:35

thebody sexuality has nothing to do with enjoying a physical sensation.

BooyhooRemembering Wed 14-Nov-12 20:17:18

xpost with winny

thebody Wed 14-Nov-12 20:17:33

Winny, yes I am sure you are right and as I said each to their own but for me it would be a complete turn off.

We are all different.

BonkeyMollocks Wed 14-Nov-12 20:17:58

I couldn't do this and would think it odd that a straight man wanted me too but that's totally my opinion/hang up


T'is apparently a very pleasurable thing for a man. Are they not entitled to explore their bodies?

thebody Wed 14-Nov-12 20:18:51

To add not criticising ops dh for doing this.

BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 20:26:14

Thanks for that! I really have no problem with him using it, I just don't want to be that involved in the process. I like that he likes it, but that's about it for me (and I wouldn't get him reciprocating on me either…)

IfNotNowThenWhen Wed 14-Nov-12 20:29:05

Um. Are we tallking strap-on here? And does he want you do do it every time you are in bed, or just sometimes?
If it's every time, then it could be that this particular fetish is somewhat taking over your sex life. That would be a problem for me, I think.

FeckOffWithYourXmasBollocks Wed 14-Nov-12 20:31:11

I see my arse as a kind of one way valve.....

mrsspankythechristmaspoo Wed 14-Nov-12 20:34:04

Agree with thebody I couldn't think of anything more off putting than a man wanting me to penetrate him.
Sorry but I see it as a 'gay' thing, which I know is completely socially conditioned but I wouldn't be able to shake that feeling.

I don't see why you should have to do something esp sexually that you don't want.

ImperialBlether Wed 14-Nov-12 20:36:28

Push it in and go and have a nice cup of tea.

BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 20:38:17

Took too long to type the last post so lots of x-posts. Yes he's definitely straight and it very good for a male- massively good!
He is fully aware of my feeling on putting it in so its not really a mood killer (well I didn't think so- maybe it is for him??), I don't just refuse on the spot, it's an understanding I am not comfortable putting it in. I was there when he bought it, discuss it openly with him and have no problem him using it. (It's more a special occasion sort of toy not an all the time sort of thing)

MammaTJ Wed 14-Nov-12 20:39:11

Sex or elements of sex have to be something both people agree on or it doesn't happen.

BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 20:41:34

Ifnotnow No it's not a strap on, it's a bit like a curvy dildo that goes in and stays in. It also has a vibrate button I do press the button for him no wonder I have name changed. Imagine talking about this at the school gate

It's not a strap on, think the clue is in the ops name.....

I can understand why you wouldn't be comfortable, just reiterate that you are happy for him to do it, and you enjoy seeing the pleasure he gets.

What is freaking you exactly? Are you afraid of hurting him?

Whatnowffs Wed 14-Nov-12 20:49:59

ooh, where can i get me one of these?

WaitingForMe Wed 14-Nov-12 20:53:51

It'd be nice (for him) if you were open to the idea but he's wrong in saying you "should" be open to it just because it's what he wants.

BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 20:56:36

binful I think it's because I'm a nurse it just feels "clinical" and it doesn't seem like something you should do to a person for pleasure, even though he is my partner. (Have I worded that ok?)

BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 20:59:10

whatnow any sex shop- look up rude boy wink

BonkeyMollocks Wed 14-Nov-12 21:01:37

This ?

I actually have one similar to this....Not a bum one though! grin

bedmonster Wed 14-Nov-12 21:07:45

OP, how long has he had it for, and did he have it before he became your DP?
Or did he buy it when you were together? And do you use any toys yourself, either with/without your DP?

BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 21:08:19

Yes bonkey that sort of thing blush

BonkeyMollocks Wed 14-Nov-12 21:09:37

Don't be blush , I can think of a hell of alot worse! grin

FrameyMcFrame Wed 14-Nov-12 21:12:32

Yuck sorry bur it would be a NO from me

RavenVonChaos Wed 14-Nov-12 21:15:15

guess what - lots of gay men don't like things shoved up their arses! being gay is not all about bum sex.

TerracottaPie Wed 14-Nov-12 21:15:50

I can very much see how the being a nurse would make it feel too clinical. Now that you've said that I'm imagining how I'd feel about doing it.

There'd possibly be too much of a 'On your left side please' thought process and checking whether it was lubed up well. Oh and wondering if I'd get a fart in the face on doing it grin

<reminds self to stop bending down so low when doing rectal exams>

BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 21:16:40

bed we bought it together about three years ago, we have been together 14. We have a "bag of tricks" I suppose, with a rabbit and a wi vibe, he fancied trying something more male focused which is why we gave it a go. We do use them together, more than his one, but not all the time. I have been known in the past to use them by my self, but really not since having the DC- too exhausted!

BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 21:20:44

That's it exactly terracotta and it just feels wrong to not consider gloves either which then turn off my "sexy thoughts". He thinks I just think too much about everything…

bedmonster Wed 14-Nov-12 21:22:12

Then I don't think YABU. You sound pretty open-minded regarding sex tbh, and accepting of what he likes, and I think he should accept your opinions too. After all, it's not like you're asking him not to use it.

nurseneedshelp Wed 14-Nov-12 21:35:36

I think you have to completely trust one another and feel comfortable with toys!

Each to their own I suppose, I blindfolded my DP earlier in week and used a but plug for the first time, he's deffo not gay either, built like a proverbial shit house and covered in tattoos. He loved it and it was a massive turn on for me.

I'm a nurse and it deffo did not feel like a PR exam that I do daily!
I don't associate anything we do in the bedroom with work!

valiumredhead Wed 14-Nov-12 21:38:35

If you don't want to do it then just tell him.

Fakebook Wed 14-Nov-12 21:39:11 don't want to butt fuck your husband. Yanbu.

valiumredhead Wed 14-Nov-12 21:40:33

Does he use a rabbit on you OP?

ErikNorseman Wed 14-Nov-12 21:46:49

YAnbu! (Other people's) Anuses are not erotic to me in the least. I like bumsex and for some reason lots of men seem to find anuses sexy and that's fine. But if I was asked to put anything in my partner's bum I'd just feel gross and creeped out. Yuk.

Bluegrass Wed 14-Nov-12 21:48:18

I bet if he were being all squeamish about using a vibrator on you people would be saying he wasn't a real man and was obviously feeling threatened!

BooyhooRemembering Wed 14-Nov-12 21:59:06

how much do you bet?

<could do with a few quid>

worklifedifficult Wed 14-Nov-12 22:06:02

1. its not prudish, 2 He should consider himself lucky that your not having an issue with it 3 he should respect the way you want to participate. 4 now how do I get buy-in with DW to have a try.... hmmm!!!! could be fun we'll have to see

BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 22:08:56

bluegrass that is so true- double standards. Shouldn't be but it is.

IfNotNowThenWhen Wed 14-Nov-12 22:13:16

Ah, right. Butt plug. Gottit.
Well, if it feels too clinical, and it's only now and again, I say-buy him a strap-on, flip him over, and ride him like the bitch he is.
Wear a cowgirl hat while you're doing it. Nothing clinical about that! grin

BonkeyMollocks Wed 14-Nov-12 22:15:42

grin IfNot


IfNotNowThenWhen Wed 14-Nov-12 22:18:12

I may have had a glass or two of wine...grin

BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 22:26:39

work grin

BlugPutt Wed 14-Nov-12 22:31:22

ifnot maybe I might get the hat and some tassels…

IfNotNowThenWhen Wed 14-Nov-12 22:42:08

That's the spirit!

worklifedifficult Wed 14-Nov-12 23:01:58

is this a reverse aibu by any chance...

I once suggested to the DW that I get a feeldoe so that I could DP with my DP(DW) <in poor taste I know>, but she said she's seen the state of the toilet after I've been in there and there's no way on this green earth she going anywhere near my arsehole.

worklifedifficult Thu 15-Nov-12 00:41:36

yikes... sorry everyone looks like I killed a thread smile

ErikNorseman Thu 15-Nov-12 06:53:06

It isn't fucking double standards to compare it to a man not wanting to use a vibe on a woman. It's perfectly natural and normative for straight men to enjoy putting things in vaginas during sex. It is very unusual for women to enjoy putting things up bums. Ergo a straight man who is squeamish about vaginas has some ishoos, but a woman who is repulsed not interested in bum insertion does not, and it's entirely a matter of taste and tolerance.

valiumredhead Thu 15-Nov-12 07:34:57

It really isn't that unusual - but completely up to the individual as to wether they feel comfortable.

Eliza22 Thu 15-Nov-12 08:54:35

No no no!! If you're not happy with this, he has to tend his own needs IMO.

Bloody cheek!

ErikNorseman Thu 15-Nov-12 09:08:44

It's not unusual for women to participate in bum action on their male partners, but it is unusual for women to find bumholes erotic. It's just not a normative element of female sexual desire.

I don't think it's about being prudish or whether something is a sex organ or not. Some people do it, some don't. The op doesn't, she has valid reasons, and her dh should respect her wishes, and realise that he is already lucky to have an open minded DW.

Actually I don't think it is that unusual for couples to include the bum sexually. Mutual consensual rimming and fingering is more common than you'd think.

<<pushes breakfast plate away>>

ThereISaidIt Thu 15-Nov-12 21:18:18

A man's G spot is up there.....seriously girls.....any sexually liberated man can enjoy this hugely. Lean into it and enjoy ;-)

worklifedifficult Thu 15-Nov-12 22:37:44

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

picnicbasketcase Thu 15-Nov-12 22:41:42



AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 22:41:52


bedmonster Thu 15-Nov-12 22:45:30

worklife SERIOUSLY??? <faints>

worklifedifficult Thu 15-Nov-12 22:52:16

yeh but you see we were babysitting for an Austrian couple and we found one of their dodgy German hardcore mags under their bed... it had loads of pics of girls having household objects put in their bits... so we had a try and then she suggested doing the same to me... all fair in love and shagging... not something I've ever wanted to do again

worklifedifficult Thu 15-Nov-12 22:54:12

But we had just recently lost our cherries to each other and were a little on the naive (stupid) side

bedmonster Thu 15-Nov-12 23:10:19

Er, okaaaaay <disowns all austrian friends>

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