To think people are just plain INSANIO about Christmas?

(306 Posts)
HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 17:23:36

In many different ways.

So much upset and pain and worry and strategising.

It's not good.

SantasStrapOn Wed 14-Nov-12 17:25:37

This year it is just me and the DDs. We are going to the XPILs, XH will be there. The DDs will be surrounded by the good part of their family, and we are going to have a wonderful, relaxing Christmas.

We're having Chindian at home. No mess, no cooking, no fuss. grin

Molepomandmistletoe Wed 14-Nov-12 17:25:41

YABU to use that word reminds me of that muppet Peter Andre.

However, I can see what you mean about the stress og it, some people can make it out to be more than what it is.

IvorHughJanusAndABulgingSack Wed 14-Nov-12 17:26:05

YABU for having 'inasanio' in your thread title.

I am not insanio insane over Christmas. I am going to my mum's. I hosted it once and made lasagne cos I couldn't be fucked to do a roast.

OldMumsy Wed 14-Nov-12 17:27:08

Hully, yes, after all it's supposed to be fun!

Molepomandmistletoe Wed 14-Nov-12 17:27:45

og? OG? OG?!


Pascha Wed 14-Nov-12 17:30:01

I'm staying at home and having a baby instead. We are having steak and chips for christmas dinner and everyone's getting vouchers instead of presents. I might put a wreath on the door.

PortBlacksantaClaus Wed 14-Nov-12 17:32:33

For once we're not going anywhere smile ...we have declared an open house.
Downside - We are hosting 20 people and 8 dogs over 10 days on and off..
Upside - No driving = Gin

PortBlacksantaClaus Wed 14-Nov-12 17:33:11


Cortana Wed 14-Nov-12 17:34:22


This year for us will involve just us three, in our PJ's all day, scoffing aldi easy roast stuffed turkey and pies and playing board games. After lunch I plan to have some wine and an amazing nap on the couch with DP and DS.

DS's main present this year is a PC we got from freecycle for his school work and my Mum is playing for his hobbies for the year.

This is the first year we have lived apart from our families. I have never looked forward to Christmas so much. We have never spent or stressed so little.


Bubblemoon Wed 14-Nov-12 17:36:01

YANBU Christmas is the most utter utter shite.

RedGreenRouge Wed 14-Nov-12 17:36:55

YABU. Some people enjoy a big stressful fun Christmas.

I am determined not to have an Insanio Christmas.

I have said before that at forty something I have had enough of Christmas. It's like going to the same place on holiday every bloody year. Some people like doing that (DF and DM) but I don't. I am bored of Christmas.

You wouldn't know it though <actress emoticon>

bigkidsdidit Wed 14-Nov-12 17:42:25

It's mad. Get together with family, have a normal roast, all get pissed and watch a film. One nice present each and a stocking for under 10s. Any more than that is baffling. Why the stress confused

fatsatsuma Wed 14-Nov-12 17:49:06

I'm sure I will get flamed for this but here goes: grin

I can't STAND all the Christmas Eve hampers delivered by elves stuff. Or this new Dec 1st parcel-of-Christmas-tat business. Or Christmas duvets confused

We do advent calendars, stockings, presents etc etc - but there seems to be a trend to find excuses to buy more and more junk in the name of Christmas...

<awaits hounding off MM>

Christmas duvets? Bonkers.

I like Christmas; I like thinking of nice presents but I bloody hate buying them because I can never find exactly what's in my head; I like Christmas Eve and carol singing etc. But we made a rule years ago that we stay at home on Christmas Day and see nobody - best thing we ever did! We eat a nice dinner (but because it's only for 4 it's no more stressful than a normal roast) and spend time together as a family - and that's what it should be.

No debt; no upset - and no bleedin' Christmas duvets.

PortBlacksantaClaus Wed 14-Nov-12 17:56:07

Erm ... what exactly is a "Christmas duvet"??

I have never heard of a Christmas Duvet I think I am glad I don't know what that's all about TBH. Nor the Christmas Eve malarkey.

Not sending cards for the first time this year.

Pascha I did the staying at home and having a baby thing 4 yrs ago, it was one of my happiest Christmasses <soppy>

Narked Wed 14-Nov-12 17:58:50

Some people are as mad as a box of frogs crackers.

KenLeeeeeee Wed 14-Nov-12 17:59:48

Christmas duvets? Never heard that one, but I like it! I am guilty of the Christmas Eve hamper and generally loving all the bonkers stressing about.

YANBU to think it's insane I refuse to say Insanio but YABU to think this is a bad thing for everyone.

shrimponastick Wed 14-Nov-12 18:02:31

Also paring things back this year. Only kids getting giftS. Everyone else is getting a Xmas dinner courtesy of me.

Much more relaxed now I have told all family what is happening grin

Might sack off card sending too..

I am trying to eliminate the tiresome voucher swapping that goes on now th DC are a bit older.

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 18:04:18

Really, hully.
There is just no excuse for that <stern look>
I fully intend to get some Michael buble xmas tunes on the stereo on dec 1st, all gifts are bought and wrapped and Xmas eve grocery del slot booked.
I intend to spend Xmas day in my pjs, eating, drinking and watching trashy tv.
As the baby Jesus intended we should.

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Wed 14-Nov-12 18:04:43

Ha. I see your insanio Christmas and I raise you a wedding, a birthday, an anniversary, two majorly important deadlines AND THEN Christmas.

PortBlacksantaClaus Wed 14-Nov-12 18:05:29

sparklingbrook - i have a theory that the euro will collapse and the £ will suffer and eventually we will all just be trading Amazon Vouchers....

TheArmadillo Wed 14-Nov-12 18:05:38

I've got christmas just about right now after 30 years of practice I think.

People I like (PILs and dh's granma) come to lunch which I go all out for but I do love cooking. SIL & her dh (who I also like) will come round in the afternoon. And everyone will be nice and happy and having fun (which is why I like them). PIL will bring plenty of booze. I have got my big lunch planned, decided on final recipes bar one thing I have to try out. Tea will be just pudding as we can never fit it in at lunch time as we eat to much of the main and no one will be hungry for much more.

Lunch will be turkey roast dinner, but a bit more effort than usual - fancy sides essentially.

I have whittled my present list down to 8 families and one individual and they are all getting homemade gifts whether they like them or not . I have already made 5 xmas cakes in a jar and bought the non-perishable ingrediants and wrapping for the rest.

Then just dh & kids to buy for. And I've still got to get the kids advent calendars.

Have work do which I will enjoy. And we've promised to try to organise a meal out with our friends before xmas.

I don't do decorations beyond tree, don't give out christmas cards, don't give everyone and his mother presents. I spread out the work (and dh does his share), and if it gets too much and I can't be bothered then I don't do it. I don't see the point in getting stressed out over something that is supposed to be fun.

I don't get the martyrdom, overstressed vibe that people seem to love so at christmas hmm If you hate it you're doing it wrong.

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Wed 14-Nov-12 18:08:13

I was all agog there Armadillo waiting to hear whether you did a specially horrible evening meal for people you didn't like.

Lizzylou Wed 14-Nov-12 18:08:15

Just drink throughout December, will numb it all.

And totally agree with fatsatsuma

amothersplaceisinthewrong Wed 14-Nov-12 18:08:22

I have just done half my Xmas shopping and wrapped the presents and written my cards. This is the first time ever I have been so organised! Xmas dinner is just a roast for a few more people which DH and I cook together. Kids do the table and trimming, my Mum and sister do the washing up. And we avoid Aldi, Morrisons and Asda like the plague!

I think you may be right Port. grin

RudolphUcker Wed 14-Nov-12 18:10:23

Oh no no no, I love it. Insanio and all.

Well I have bought most of my gifts already, but my excuse is that I have invited both lots of family to a get-together at the end of November where there will be an exchange of bags of presents (but no unwrapping!).

This means that we can then spend the actual Christmas holidays loafing about eating chocolate with the DC.

fatsatsuma Wed 14-Nov-12 18:14:12

Lizzylou grin

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 18:14:42

Insanio is a great word. I love it.

I am having 21 for Christmas dins. Do you hear me moaning and fussing? No. Alcohol and games and dh can do the dinner

Molepomandmistletoe Wed 14-Nov-12 18:17:02


Hully! Please! Grub, surely? or a troughing sesh, chow down, etc etc ..there's loads..just not DINS.

Molepomandmistletoe Wed 14-Nov-12 18:17:33

It sounds great though, can I come?

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 18:18:02

I like dins

and insanio

so there

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 18:18:56

Hully, are you drunk?
If so, fine, if not....(shakes head)

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 18:19:38

We are going to have a big Cooks Clash. There are four people who fancy themselves as Chefs Excellent, all big big people with big big egos...we are going to have a chef's table so they can all kill each other while the rest of us get on with it. Better than the telly.

Molepomandmistletoe Wed 14-Nov-12 18:20:18

Holly must be drunk. PLEASE tell me you are drunk? Please?

Molepomandmistletoe Wed 14-Nov-12 18:20:57

Seriously though, that sounds like fun. Hope you enjoy it.

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 18:21:14

Stone cold

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:21:54

I absolutely love, worship and adore Christmas.

It is just really nice to have all that time off work, spending it with dd, generally holed up in the house eating.

All that cheese.

A TREE in the sitting room.

I don't get fretty. I used to. But fuck it.

Plus I can have the annual laugh at all those people who put 2 x 6 pints of milk in their trolleys with a frantic look on their faces on Christmas Eve. Why do they need all that milk? Are they having milkshake for dinner?

I LOATHE New Years Eve though. What a load of old bollocks, and Jools Holland.

Molepomandmistletoe Wed 14-Nov-12 18:22:01

<passes wine >

PortBlacksantaClaus Wed 14-Nov-12 18:22:39

And dogs ... don't forget the dogs ... between us my family have at least <counts fingers> 8 and i am also "fostering" dogs for a few old couples on my road when they have other places to be....

Anyone got any random spare dogs over Christmas - throw them my way....

PortBlacksantaClaus Wed 14-Nov-12 18:23:27

Mmmmm Cheese....

RudolphUcker Wed 14-Nov-12 18:23:54

God, me too. Fecking Amateur Drinkers night and forced jollity. Yeuch.
And crapness. Nobody knows Auld Lang Syne, but everyone tries to sing it. That makes me stabby, the crapness.

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 18:23:55

Not CHEESE <runs screaming>

Lizzylou Wed 14-Nov-12 18:26:09

Oh yes, cheese, we already have a list going.

Bloody hate New Years Eve too. SIL is thrilled as they get PILs free babysitting every year as me and DH just stay in, get a bit drunk, do the annual deed and are asleep by 10.30pm.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:27:44

Come round mine hully.

I will give you a nice oozy gorgonzola.

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 18:29:02

Cheese? Cheese?.....
That's what you enjoy about Xmas?
Your dreams are very small, aren't they?
French toast made with pannetone for breakfast.
Full Xmas dinner
Then bed.
Or more booze
But not cheese (shudder)

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:29:50

There is a French chap who comes here every year with cheese. I buy loads of it and then just munch like an overgrown mouse for a week.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Wed 14-Nov-12 18:30:36

You're right. Which is why I am making the most of being at home this christmas. Just the 4 of us (me, DP and the DCs). Couldn't be happier. No visitors until at least 27th December it seems grin

In previous years when we still lived down south near all my family and DP's family were also around at christmas we had to divide ourselves so many different ways and dealing with huffy relatives who didnt get their "fair share" of time with the DCs hmm

Sod 'em. I love them all but I am getting my nice stress free christmas this year at least and I'm gonna enjoy it!

DisappointedHorse Wed 14-Nov-12 18:30:38

I love Christmas but it's all on my terms so nothing not to love!

I do not visit anyone and no-one comes to us except SDD which is the only way I'm having it. I start drinking at Breakfast (cava) and carry on all day, a top tip for making Christmas stress free by my dearly departed MIL.

I wear new stuff and feel glam, eat stuff I deny myself all year and get presents. It's fun.

New Years Eve, I agree. It's cold, it's expensive, you can't get a taxi or a babysitter and it's a massive anti climax. I love Jools though. In fact, I nearly left DH last year when we didn't get to see the countdown because he was watching some shite documentary on Benny Hill or something equally absorbing.

PortBlacksantaClaus Wed 14-Nov-12 18:31:12

A proper Melton Stilton is what you need ... blow your socks off...

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:31:15

You strange cheesists.

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Wed 14-Nov-12 18:31:30

Awww, cheese. Now you're talking. Last year at my parents there was this Yarg that was practically joining in the carols. And I do love a simple brie/blue mash-up on a cracker with chutney. Total heaven.

Lizzylou Wed 14-Nov-12 18:31:42

You diss cheese (oh dear, I said diss) and then you pick satsumas and nuts as highlights????

I spend most my life limiting my cheese intake to stay at this level of fatness. During the festive season I tend to splurge on anything cheesy.

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 18:32:24

yy New Year's a pox.

I think it's because no one will commit themselves, everyone thinks there'll be a big glam thing somewhere and then there isn't.

What is that about?

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:32:47

I got a flat tyre last year. Spent the midnight bells on NYE driving it at 0.3 miles an hour down the road because I didn't have a jack (can't change a tyre anyway, who am I kidding).

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 18:33:31

Now Look Here.

It goes:

All a bit of a blur but with some pudding

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 18:33:58

NYE is the pits I agree.
I am allergic to cheese so that does colour my view somewhat smile
But it's still weird to look forward to cheese quite so much.
It just is.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:34:07

lol at satsumas and nuts.
You turn your nose up at cheese and then offer me FRUIT and bastard things which break your teeth. grin

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:34:29


RudolphUcker Wed 14-Nov-12 18:35:27

No, silly.

Cava as 'Bucks Fizz' at 6am
wine with lunch
wine for the film
champagne for Her Mag
pass out 40 winks
pre dinner drinks

death bed.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:35:49

It's the only time of year when someone says, on an hourly basis, 'OOOH who feels a bit peckish?' and then a veritable feast of ham, leftover turkey, pickles, cheese, breads, pate and crackers is unleashed.

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 18:35:55

Ah, you see hully if you do it right it's:
Buck's Fizz
Laughing at whatever awful gift dh has found me this year
Big dinner
More laughing
Alcohol to soften pain of said injuries

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 18:36:53

You haven't got games and injuries in your list Rudolf. Sall wrong.

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 18:36:57

It's the only time of year I eat satsuma.
I love them!
They are scrummy.
And if I didn't eat them I would have scurvy by 12th night smile

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 18:37:37

Sherry first thing otherwise you miss out on the motiveless weeping so essential to Christmas morning.

Have we remembered the gritty horrible figs, Eat Me dates, and nuts to crack? all essential and untouched.

RudolphUcker Wed 14-Nov-12 18:38:53

I don't do games or injuries, s'why.
I do church <pi> and the Queen. And a film.

I like a satsuma, so long as it's not flabby.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:38:54

Oh I can't be doing with satsumas. All that pith. You may as well have a grand marnier and a vitamin C pill and be done with it.

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Wed 14-Nov-12 18:39:20

Does anybody else play The Very Nasty Horse-Racing Game? sad

RudolphUcker Wed 14-Nov-12 18:39:53

Good point well made.
You could dip a chocolate orange segment into your Cointreau, and that's two of your five a day right there.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:40:31

You may as well.

And have a snowball for the calcium.

Just do as I do.

Wrap a bit of tinsel around your vodka bottle and hey presto! Merry fucking Christmas.


And maybe throw a bit of cheese for good measure of course...

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 18:41:15

"Motiveless weeping"
I don't mind pith tbh but I cannot tolerate the unspeakable jelly that surrounds pork in pork pies.
<goes and lies down just from thinking about it>

QuickLookBusy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:42:20

I'm still getting over the Xmas when DH thought it was a good idea for us to have a couple of Black Russians with breakfast. What a chump, it really is best to stick to Bucks Fizz.

I love Christmas, haven't yet started shopping but have written a list, so that's a start.

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 18:42:29

Do they still sell babycham?
I thought that was the height of Xmas sophistication in my youth (yes I am that old)

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:42:30

That's nothing.

My gran's idea of Christmas luxury was Ye Old Oak ham from a tin. You should see the jelly on that.

RudolphUcker Wed 14-Nov-12 18:42:55

Eurgh, the jelly. Does it not make you feel like you're eating cat food?
Better off with cheese.

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 18:43:02


MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:43:07

What are black Russians again?

gordyslovesheep Wed 14-Nov-12 18:43:13

people go proper mental - it's madness

I do not do : Christmas PJ's, Reindeer Food, Christmas hampers etc etc

it goes:

Crib Service
FATHER CHRISTMAS (not Santa we aint 'mercan)
manic opening
Chicken dinner
Dr Who
Cheese (brie and stilton)

Taffeta Wed 14-Nov-12 18:43:52

I bloody love it, me.

Big Christmas party the weekend before NB never never after Christmas as people have eaten way too much so don't get proper shitfaced merry.

8 for lunch 25th, 9 for lunch 26th then a day off then travelling around taking advantage of other's hospitality.

I like cooking, I have no problem with corner cutting and I am normally a bit woozy by the time lunch is ready, usually 2 hours later than planned. Last year I went outside "for a bit of air as the oven has made me hot" to compose myself as I'd drunk waaay too much Prosecco whilst making the gravy

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 18:44:00

Rudolph...If it didn't make me all blue and blistery, yes smile

Lizzylou Wed 14-Nov-12 18:44:38

We only have sherry in if someone elderly is visiting.

My Mom comes here every year, so we do the morning her way.

Champagne and Pannetone for Breakfast, DH wants Bacon sarnies and builders tea.
Then champagne and wine throughout the day. Then some Port with the cheese

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:47:57

I really like doing the veg prep with DD on Christmas Eve, I know that sounds sad but we always have a lovely time doing it.

QuickLookBusy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:49:00

I don't know what's in a Black Russian Morrisman, but they tasted good and left me unable to help with Christmas Lunch.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:49:21

I don't think I have ever had a sherry in my life. And I have only had port in a cheeky vimto <déclassé>

RudolphUcker Wed 14-Nov-12 18:51:59

You can have Winter Pimms, I may try that.

Archers, that's another fruit. Or cherry brandy.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:52:47

Chambord. It's raspberry innit.

RudolphUcker Wed 14-Nov-12 18:55:15

That's more fruit than I manage in a week anyway.

Pmsl at Grand Marnier and a vitamin C pill. Bellinis count as one of your five a day surely, so five of them and I'm sorted, right?

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Wed 14-Nov-12 18:57:00

I love old lady drinks. Sherry, port, ginger wine... Ooh, WHISKY MACS! I had to tell a bartender how to make one last year.

I may go mad and get some of these in. grin

Lizzylou Wed 14-Nov-12 19:02:21

My late Grandmother's fave drink was Whisky Mac.

No more than 2 is advisable though (not nice to <ahem> bring up).

Rusty Nails and Advocaat are gorgeous (not together, imagine the curdling!).

lljkk Wed 14-Nov-12 19:09:38


HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 19:12:32

What's the nasty horse racing game?

We always have room for a new game round our gaff.

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Wed 14-Nov-12 19:17:58

It makes you hate each other. sad It looks like an innocent dice-throwing board game. But involves cheating, betting on and nobbling other people, and tantrums. None of which are thrown by me, obviously. <shakes head>

FawkesoidOrganisoid Wed 14-Nov-12 19:20:15

I love Christmas but I do not understand all the "is this enough?" or "I've bought ds1 a private jet but ds2 has only asked for a football, what else can I buy him so it's fair?" stuff. As long as everyone has a present they will enjoy who cares what it is or how much it cost?

I couldn't be bothered with stuff like elf on a shelf or advent activities.

We do do new pjs at Christmas, only really because dd once got given some at Christmas and by the next year she needed new ones anyway. It's the only time of year we get new ones though so isn't an extra as much as something that is needed ( and they are not Christmas themed). The dc feel like they are opening a present early and it also means none of us are in holey too small pjs for any early morning stocking opening photos grin

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 19:20:21



There would be bloodshed and A&E

Charades is bad enough.

bigkidsdidit Wed 14-Nov-12 19:20:42

The horse racing game! Christ that's brought back my yoof like a Madeleine

I can't enjoy Christmas this year as am pigging pg so no booze and no cheese <wails>

MamaBear17 Wed 14-Nov-12 19:20:59

I love Christmas. I never find it stressful, and with dd it is just even better. Mind you, I do not have to cook a roast dinner - we still go to my in laws in the morning and my parents in the afternoon so we are waited on hand and foot. I think, in a few years time when dd will want to stay at home, I may share the 'insanio' opinion!

FawkesoidOrganisoid Wed 14-Nov-12 19:23:21

Oh sorry. Thread has moved on blush

So yeah
Lunch and wine
More wine
More chocolate
Cheese and port
Baileys or amaretto

Bluestocking Wed 14-Nov-12 19:23:59

Oh no - just when I'd got my head round the creepy Elf-on-a-Shelf business, and the Christmas-Eve-Hamper-chock-full-o-crap, fatsatsuma mentions a fresh hell - the Dec-1st-parcel-of-Christmas-tat. What, pray, could this possibly contain? 25 pairs of knickers, each one emblazoned with "squeeeee! only (insert number here) more sleeps until Crimbletide!"

vamosbebe Wed 14-Nov-12 19:26:51

Black Russian: 3/4 oz coffee liquer + 1 1/2 oz vodka + ice in a glass. Scrummy.

We're doing our first Christmas alone this year with 1 yo DS, don't have any specific plans yet as he's only little, but in his future we'll be doing: advent calendar, little present on the end of his bed to open before he's allowed to wake us up (always worked with me and my sister, loved having something to play with before we were called downstairs), a big scrabble to open stockings in bed all together, then downstairs for the main shindig.

Not doing Elf on the Shelf (leaves me cold, I'm afraid) or special jimjams. Here in Catalunya DS will have a 'shitting log' at the GP's house.

My DM is making us a Knitivity, I'll have to ask her to make a special shitting man, too. Lots of shit goes on this time of the year grin

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 19:29:03

If they start that bloody daily 'squeee 13 sleeps' thread mullarkey this year I am going to sue mumsnet for the mental distress.

'Squeee' makes me want to hurt people.

OvO Wed 14-Nov-12 19:31:07

In 20 years some people's children will be posting on MN that their best memory of childhood Christmas's was the year Mother actually smiled on
Christmas Day. Though it might have been a sneer (as dear old mum was MNetting at the time and the words fucking Christmas duvets was heard) but they're choosing to think of it as a smile. <pokes tongue out>

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 19:32:41

I think a lot of the madness and stress is a bit self induced. Just get some aunt bessie's frozen roasts and be done with it <lights touchpaper>

Bluestocking Wed 14-Nov-12 19:35:37

Christmas fucking duvets? Well, stuff a clementine up my chuff and call me Heston Bummenthal, if that doesn't take the fucking cake.

Iit's just Sunday dinner with a cracker, and I hate Sunday dinners too.....

Lizzylou Wed 14-Nov-12 19:39:16

I have a friend who has been counting down since fucking SEPTEMBER!

We have one advent calendar (reusable velcro thing bought when DS1 was a baby), Mom brings Christmas PJs for the boys, saves me a job.

I don't even know what Elf on a shelf shite is.

I do do stockings and the boys get lovely presents. Not always what they want (but as they were going through the Firebox catalogue and asked for a beardwarmer and a huge inflatable air swimming Angry Bird for £50 that is no bad thing.

I just like the break from routine in all honesty.

Mintyy Wed 14-Nov-12 19:39:42


I do Christmas parties/drinks/end of term get togethers grin.

Advent calendars (although the gps buy them and send them).

Christmas cards (love em and am old fashioned like that).

Presents for close family.

Tree up and some extra fairy lights in the bay window around 15th December-ish.

Make mince pies with the dc on Christmas Eve.

Stockings for the dc.

Nice food and more drink than usual on Christmas day (so quite a lot then).

Get together with family on Boxing Day (it was my dad's birthday but he died in 2011 rip) - will prob remain a tradition for a few years even though ddad not there.

Tree down on 6th January.

I quite like Christmas. Don't like the relentless advertising, pressure to buy stuff, mad crowds in shops from November onwards, endless endless endless threads on Mumsnet about not wanting to go to the inlaws for Christmas, endless endless endless threads on Mumsnet on how much are you spending on your dc.

Imo Elf on the shelf, christmas eve hamper, christmas eve pyjamas, reindeer footprints in the snow etc are just preposterous and I would have happily remained oblivious were it not for this pesky site.

Pandemoniaa Wed 14-Nov-12 19:40:42

Right from the outset, DP and I decided that Christmas would be absolutely stress free. Other people could go insanio if they wished but we'd cook an excellent (very late) lunch, invest in lots of good drink and tell everyone they were welcome at any point in the day. With 5 dcs between us and an ex husband and wife (now remarried) we were not going to get into emotional competitions. It has worked well.

Better still, now that everyone is grown-up and ds2 and ddil have a dd of their own, they now host a big, cheery family gathering on Christmas Day afternoon. On Boxing Day we have open house and it's always easy and convivial. If it were otherwise I'd avoid Christmas altogether.

We don't make too many precise plans either. Just get on with it.

Pandemoniaa Wed 14-Nov-12 19:43:13

PS. We are ridiculously traditional though. Decorations up on Christmas Eve at ours and down on Twelfth Night at ours. Decorations are not designed to bring down the National Grid either. ds2 and ddil put theirs up a little earlier because dd loves 'em and that's good enough reason for me. None of us do Christmas pyjamas, Santa Sodding Sacks or reindeer footprints in the drizzle snow either.

As long as my tree is straight - I don't care whether everything else goes pear shaped.

My day goes:

Cup of coffee & paracetamol (Xmas eve hangover)
DC open pressies
Cup of tea
Cup of tea
get dressed
visit PILs
open more pressies
drink baileys
drink wine
cook dinner
drink wine
eat dinner
drink wine
eat chocolates
drink baileys
watch some t.v.

Did I miss anything out?

Lizzylou Wed 14-Nov-12 19:49:55

Christmas fucking duvets? Well, stuff a clementine up my chuff and call me Heston Bummenthal, if that doesn't take the fucking cake.

Bluestocking gets quote of the festive season!

Sparkling, I have had a big MN argument for suggesting the very same thing! But it is, isn't it?

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 19:52:23

what are elf shelves?

and xmas duvets?

MummyPig24 Wed 14-Nov-12 19:53:30

No way am I going "insanio". Going to the gps. Our lovely family all together. The greatest gift of all this year is my father being sober and enjoying xmas with his grandchildren.

freddiefrog Wed 14-Nov-12 19:54:59

I'm fussy about my Christmas tree, but generally laid back about the day itself.

Christmas shopping - online (good old Amazon)
Food shop - Sainsbury's delivers Christmas eve. If I can't get a slot DH or I go out about 1am and get it all done in as short a time as possible and buy everything ready made if possible (pigs in blankets, mince pies, Christmas cake, etc) - if they don't have it or we've forgotten it, it's tough
Christmas tree goes up as late as I can get away with and comes down as soon as I can sneak it out the house

Christmas Eve
Kids bath while the elves deliver new PJs
Do the whole sherry/mince pie/carrot for Santa thing
Throw reindeer landing dust (glitter) in the front garden
Kids to bed
DH & I peel all the veg on Christmas Eve with a bottle of Baileys while we're waiting for the kids to STFU and go to sleep
Drunkenly tiptoe around delivering stockings

Christmas Day
I get up about 7, take paracetamol, put turkey in oven
Bugger off back to bed
Lazy arse kids get up about 9
Carnage hits!
Eat around 3ish
Kids play with new stuff, go out on their new bikes, etc
Consume alcohol, eat industrial quantities of Quality Street, watch crap TV, play board games

The end

EchoBitch Wed 14-Nov-12 19:56:26

Oh god,Totopoloy.
I hated having to play it as a kid,it had a bit called burst a blood vessel. [vomit]
Made me ill.

GreenyEyes Wed 14-Nov-12 19:57:09


<bites knuckles>

And I've already started 'picking up my cheese'. That's right, when I'm shopping, I'm 'picking up' blocks of cheese, for the Xmas day cheeseboard.

I also 'pick up a few Xmas bits', why only today I 'picked up' some liquorice allsorts and a box of biscuits.

MissMogwi Wed 14-Nov-12 20:00:34

I love the telly, slobbing out and food part of Christmas. Last year we had a lie in every day of the holidays, it was brilliant. We are going to my parents this year, so I just bring some food and sit on my arse. Good times.

I hate the mad rush around the supermarket, the shops are only shut for two days max, get a grip on your heads people!

And I'd never heard of elf on the shelf before either, sounds bobbins to me. <Scrooge>

Greeny - picking up my cheese sounds like a christmas board game right there grin

I cannot have liquorice allsorts in the house.

They call to me.

They have to be bought at the very last minute.

perplexedpirate Wed 14-Nov-12 20:13:40

I used to love Christmas. I'd be so excited I'd be shitting tinsel throughout December and beyond.
Then I got married and acquired some in-laws and now I absolutely hate it.
Thanks for that MIL. angrysad

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 14-Nov-12 20:14:12

I get christmas presents on christmas eve. Now dd is older there is not the frantic effort to get a tellytubby or whatever, and the shops are quiet. I don't post anything as I give presents for people far away when I see them before or after the day.

Christmas dinner is a piece of piss to cook, just takes prep.

Thankfully I don't have any tossers for dinner, I remember a dark day crying in the kitchen when I was 24 or somewthing and xmil slagged off my pasrnips.

Overreactionoftheweek Wed 14-Nov-12 20:16:29

Haven't read the whole thread - Ivor's comment about serving LASAGNE for Christmas dinner just completely blew my mind. I almost hyperventilated at the thought of turning up somewhere and getting lasagne instead of a delicious roast dinner.

Ivor, you are INSANIO

And yes, if you hadn't already guessed I am one of those people who goes nuts over Christmas - bloody love it!

cheekydevil Wed 14-Nov-12 20:26:02

What it elf on the shelf and hampers nonsense?
<worried I am depriving dd of tradition>

Mintyy Wed 14-Nov-12 20:29:07

I do so love your new name Getorf.

My dear aged mother lives next door to a rl Morris Man (the Hampshire chapter). He does bit and bobs of diy for her for which she is grateful but buried not too far beneath the surface is a certain scathing for the fact that he is a Morris Man.

Pandemoniaa Wed 14-Nov-12 20:39:21

says nothing as comes from Maurice Dancing household

Haha, this thread makes me grin
We're having a baby this year. So we are going to put up our own christmas tree, go to my parents for the morning, IL's for lunch, then I'm going to come home and get roaring drunk because I missed out on my 21st birthday this year!! And I'm not doing sod all else grin

Pascha Wed 14-Nov-12 21:25:52

You utter boozing bastards! S'not fair!

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 21:28:00

How do you get reindeer footprints in the snow?
Do they sell amputated reindeer legs that you make hoof print with now?
<wouldn't bloody surprise me>

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 21:29:20

I like veg prep too smile
Dancing around the kitchen to Xmas tunes and peeling carrots.

Pigs trotters might do it Bad. grin

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 21:31:38

Hmmm....yes. Or goat?

yes, but not sure you can get goat's trotters at the butchers. grin

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 21:36:56

So not just hopping into a field and dismembering one then?
I suppose that wouldn't really be in the spirit of Xmas would it?
"And lo it came it be that the mad bint jumped over the hedge and hacked at the goats hind leg with her best carving knife. The Shepard was verily pissed off"

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 21:37:25 goats have sheperds?
Is it just sheep?
Sheep have hooves!
Don't they?

SoleSource Wed 14-Nov-12 21:38:19

Yanbu forusing the lovely word insanio

Oh no, not at all, anyhowsies

I might buy a tree this year

WTAF is a Christmas duvet?

Is it rude?

No sheep don't have hooves do they Bad? I have never heard of a sheep's hoof. Is it like a camel toe?

Bluestocking Wed 14-Nov-12 21:40:27

You can get various goaty bits in Brixton market. I can just see some prosecco-ed up yummy mummy staggering around in the garden trying to make dear little Santa's reindeer hoofprints with a gory dismembered goaty leg.

I assume a Christmas duvet looks like this vile example Sole. confused

apostropheuse Wed 14-Nov-12 21:43:23

I absolutely adore Christmas. It's bloody wonderful.

I even love the tacky decorations. I love Christmas socks, Christmas pyjamas, Christmas duvet covers (for the children - although I'm so tempted to buy myself one this year to be Granny Christmas!), Mince pies, Christmas cake, turkey with all the trimmings, the traditional trifle, Advent calendars.

It's soooooooo blooming good! Every last bit of it.

However, I hate hogmonay as much as I love Christmas. It's a piece of nonsense.

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 21:43:38

I don't know sparkling.
You see, this is the sort of stuff, at 40 years old, I feel I ought to just know, you know?
Off to google sheeps feet.
Bluestocking...what a lovely alternative John Lewis ad that would be! smile

nokidshere Wed 14-Nov-12 21:44:12

We always have a stress free christmas grin

Tree and decs put up around 2nd week in Dec by my own children and the mindees - I don't rearrange anything, just leave whatever they have done (has been a touch hit and miss lol)

Then we start on christmas eve with a trip out somewhere, come home and have chocolate and alcohol, boys in bed (new pj's of course) then pressie wrapping.

Christmas day we get up, open stockings, mooch about for a bit, eat croissants and drink champagne, grandma comes in to open pressies, drink more tea/coffee, eat more chocolate, open more pressies. Play with stuff, watch tv. Mid afternoon/early evening we eat whatever - usually cold meats and salad with new potaotes and more chocolate (oldest son has pizza smile) then we slob some more.

We don't invite anyone in (except grandma who stays for an hour or two then goes home), we dont go out (unless we have a new outdoor toy), we dont get dressed (unless we are going out), we dont cook (unless you count the pizza lol), then we have showers and go back to bed. Lovely!

We have done this ever since we had the children. Its the one day each year that we are all at home together with nothing to do and we love it. When the boys were small we did all the reindeer footprints, santas magic key, mince pies and stuff for FC. We always had a "party tea" of the childrens choice and then we had a romatic dinner for two when they were in bed. Now they are teens they are up later and we might play a game or two.

Christmas is what you want it to be.

YY to the goat leg JL advert. The goat could be reunited with it's legs at the end awwwww.

apostropheuse Wed 14-Nov-12 21:46:41

Ooops apologies to fellow-Scots.

that should be hogmanay

Since I hate it anyway it doesn't matter really! grin

Hassled Wed 14-Nov-12 21:47:22

I'm all braced for the Great Christmas Cooking Battle with DB. He goes for quantity, I go for quality. It's not his kitchen; it's my kitchen.

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 21:47:23

I might suggest it to them for next year sparkling.
Have googled sheeps feet...they are actually cloven hooves, like deer.
And then after you have butchered its leg you could hack their antlers off and put tinsel and pretty lights on them!!

ledkr Wed 14-Nov-12 21:50:56

I'm so happy about this thread cos I nearly started one the same but thought I'd be slaughtered. I heard someone banging on about hr Xmas table ffs it's one bloody meal and did you know that people actually discuss purchase and wear Xmas pjs.
I am soooo tired of it that thus year it will last precisely 2 days Xmas day at ours quick trip to pil for Boxing Day then finished. Back to bloody work and normality. No ten day old turkey for me I say

cheekydevil Wed 14-Nov-12 21:53:15

Errr, maybe a potato print reindeer foot rather than rampaging around the countryside cutting off random animals legs?

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 21:54:51

Well, yes.
I suppose you could
<laments lack of imagination>

Badvocsanta Wed 14-Nov-12 21:55:16

I do quite a good line in rampaging smile

Beaverfeaver Wed 14-Nov-12 21:57:13

I'm looking forward to it.

Start the day by going to parents where all my siblings and their husbands and children will be.
Will be greeted with champagne and presents and full on festive music throughout the house.
Will then be going on a festive winter walk with all the family and dogs.
Come back and eat and drink lots.
Feel sleepy and then retire to my house where there will be just relaxing to be done.

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 22:08:14

Is the main difference between the Christmas Frolickers/Fretters down to the sheer amount of alcohol...?

MorrisZapp Wed 14-Nov-12 22:13:16

Christmas used to look like this:


Then my twenties ended. Like a door slamming shut.

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 22:14:45

You shagged in your twenties?

Show off

OtterPandemonium Wed 14-Nov-12 22:18:02

I think that if I'd joined MN in October or November, there is no way I would have stuck around.

Every year with the Christmas Eve hamper. If my DCs need new pyjamas, they get them for Christmas, not as some sort of a warm-up for the main event.

AudrinaAdare Wed 14-Nov-12 22:27:59

Nothing wrong with a tastefully festive Christmas duvet

gail734 Wed 14-Nov-12 22:35:55

Can't believe that not one person has mentioned the QUEEN! Did nobody else's parents make them watch the Queen at 3pm on Christmas Day?

aquavit Wed 14-Nov-12 22:38:58

Am impressed by the amount of Christmas Day drinking. I always manage to get too sloshed on Christmas Eve (despite every year vowing not to) to drink in earnest on the 25th until at least 3pm

This year have realised that visiting 'rents will be far more relaxing than airily inviting everyone to ours and finding self catering for 12 plus dogs and infants

Horsemad Wed 14-Nov-12 22:42:02

So, when do put your decorations/tree up? Every year we have the same flippin' argument - DH & kids want the tree up from 1 Dec, I would prefer Xmas Eve. We usually compromise & put the blasted thing up when kids break up grin

I love Christmas but hate all the hoohar that goes with it on mn all the competitive over/under spending, Christmas hampers, Christmas duvets, bloody playmobil and lego advent calendars and now I hear of December 1st presents. I suppose next year it'll be Boxing Day presents or why not dec 27th presents?!

GreenyEyes Wed 14-Nov-12 22:45:29

Hmm I must think on and 'pick up' some booze...

Decs go up in the first weekend in Dec round our gaff

apostropheuse Wed 14-Nov-12 23:15:00

No, we were never forced to watch the Queen! If truth be told in my home there was a mad dash towards the TV if she accidentally appeared on our screen.

We don't "do" monarchy.

Mousefunk Wed 14-Nov-12 23:42:00

Insanio? well thats a first by me.. Don't really wish to hear that one again, its as bad as my dad with 'coolio'. grin

I LOVE Christmas. Mainly because I had kak Christmases as a kid and always wanted ones like the films so I always strive for traditional perfection for my own kids grin As OTT as I probably do go, I refuse to buy 'Christmas duvets' or 'Christmas pjs'.. mainly because they can only be used for one frigging month and then will go away for 11.. Its stupid. I am guilty of eots though, and Christmas Eve (non-Christmas) pjs in a little hamper wink

sashh Thu 15-Nov-12 02:19:38

I shall be ignoring it. There will be no presents to open, no need to get drunk unless I want to. There will be no family arguments, no falling out and no hangover.

I was so pleased last year to find a kebab shop that was both open and delivered.

Around the 27th/28th I will buy some nice food that has now been reduced.

Tee2072 Thu 15-Nov-12 06:18:41

Says the woman already wearing her Easter frock...


HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 08:39:14

Easter frock is cos I am ahead of the curve and was annoying MaryZ

Our tree goes up whenever there is a spare weekend. This year we are away 20-22 Dec before the dinner for 21 and 7 people staying at our house (shows off uber relaxedness) so prob weekend before that. We get it from a place that has reindeer, how cool is that?

ledkr Thu 15-Nov-12 09:00:18

Hilly would those events you mention be festive ones?

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 09:02:03

wot events?

ledkr Thu 15-Nov-12 09:02:32

My best Xmas was the year my ex buggered off and I took kids abroad and we just ignored it. Ds was as fed up as me and dd was a baby. We ate chips on a sunny beach whilst listening to Jon legend haha

ledkr Thu 15-Nov-12 09:02:58

The ones that stop you putting up your tree

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 09:06:56

oh i see. some festive, some normal old life stuff.

SoleSource Thu 15-Nov-12 10:50:19

Jingle bells Mumsnet smells

Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 10:55:11

Jingle Bells, Mumsnet Smells,
Chaos made a quiz.
Trolls that poo and catching spew
put MN in a tizz.

goats legs in the snow...

Oh sad It took me so long to think of a next sentence someone very cleverly managed a verse!

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 15-Nov-12 11:00:36
Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:00:51

Mickey, we can use your one to start a new verse...go on, you know you want to.

Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:01:31

grin Maryz

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 15-Nov-12 11:02:12

I have 14 people for Christmas dinner this year.

I shall go shopping the week before. I'm sure the shops won't run out of brussel sprouts though I'd be delighted if they did or wine.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:07:40

All of our four Large Chefs Excellent have very firm and different ideas on Roast Potatoes.

Discussions have begun with Varieties Thereof and The Parboiling.

ho ho ho

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:08:12

They would have A FIT if they saw how I described them..made meself laugh now.

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 15-Nov-12 11:10:15

Goose fat.

That's the secret.

The only thing I buy early acksherly, as M&S sell out early and goose fat is the cheat's secret to roast spuds. Apart from Aunt Bessie of course.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:10:41

I go christmas shopping at about 1 o clock in the morning usually when the shops are quiet. In and out in 20 minutes.

Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:12:33

I second Goose Fat.

I also use a little semolina, garlic salt and black pepper, lightly coat the spuds in that for extra crispyness.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:13:28

I'm staying well out of it.

My role is drinking fizzy and being entertaining.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:13:54

What is this elf on a shelf gubbins?

Thank christ for teenage children.

I did just laugh at the 'debenhams disaster' thread in active convos. Bless the OP she sounds really annoyed but the disaster relates to crumpled advent calendars so is rather mild in scope.

Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:14:57

Ah, but Hully...Cooking and drinking at the same time is VERY dangerous entertaining for those watching you

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:17:34

I have just looked up elf on a shelf.


Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:18:37

Do you do the Christmas eve hamper though Mother? (I love your username by the way)

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 15-Nov-12 11:21:08

Why would you do a hamper on Christmas Eve?

Surely that's the time to get the kids off to bed early so that you can drink wrap presents? You don't want to start dishing out interesting presents [baffled]

Pagwatch Thu 15-Nov-12 11:25:22

The Christmas pyjamas, Christmas duvet and whatever else shite is being touted as a 'tradition' makes me unreasonably angry.
As do the 'how much are you spending on each child' threads.

It seems to be, now doubt accidentally, as if huge swathe of people are producing even more pressure on other parents. When things are tight you can easily fixate upon all the ways in which your child is missing out compared to other children . Being on here must produce ever increasingly levels amongst some who would easily believe that every other hold is getting a christmas duvet and new pyjamas and a Santa toothbrush and Rudolph toilet paper.

Seriously. Give this 'let's make a lovely special moment out of buying more stuff a rest.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:25:53

What's the christmas eve hamper all about?

Is it a box with some new pyjamas and phenergan so they go to sleep

I like this name as well, I think I may keep it (just waiitng fro the email from MNHQ saying that they have had complaints and can I change it)

Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:26:45

It's nothing big, just a dvd, pj's, popcorn, hot choco....oh forget it.

OK, I do it because I like it and want Christmas to last an extra day. Yes, I am a big kid when it comes to Christmas and it's just an extension of the routine I had as a child.

cheekydevil Thu 15-Nov-12 11:27:15

Think this Elf and hamper business is American so I am not going to feel guilty for ignoring them.
I am loving the idea of semolina on the roasties but trying to get the idea of school semonila out of my mind as in sloppy lumpy goo with roasties in it.
Aldi sell goose fat.
I like a sprinkling of salad herbs on mine.
Has anyone mentioned eggnog yet?

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:28:06

I agree pag.

I don't mind rampant consumerism at the best of times, but a special hamper with a duvet in is madness. I know traditions change all the time but it is just extra cost cost cost for nothing. And if you are on a limited budget how bloody galling that you feel compelled to spend even more to maintain that your child has a 'magical' christmas.

And that elf. I would have to hang him from a door jamb by the 4th December.

Pascha Thu 15-Nov-12 11:28:48

My mum used to wrap our presents after midnight mass and then ask us to be very careful not to tear the paper next morning so she could reuse it for granny and the uncles.

I seem to remember the extent to which spechul stuff was done on christmas eve was that the Rola Cola bottle was allowed to be open and we could have a Quality Street each.

Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:28:53

I've never had egg nog but I do have a recipie I'm going to try on sunday soon.

As far as I can make out it's just thin custard.

Pagwatch Thu 15-Nov-12 11:29:44

My Christmas

Christmas eve - force DH to take DD to work.
Wrap some presents.
Watch 'it's a wonderful life'
Drink snowballs

Christmas day

Presents from father Christmas
Smoked salmon bagels
More champagne
Have a long bath while DH makes lunch
Eat lunch
Wine and wine and wine
More presents
Games, a snooze and a dog walk
More champagne
More presents
Turkey sandwich

Boxing day
Panto - hooray
Cold meats and picky food all day.
Lots of wine

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:29:46

I've never heard of christmas hampers and stuff, but i htink it's fine if you want to do it. I think everything's fine if it doesn't make you all moany and stressed WHEN IT'S YOUR OWN CHOICE TO DO IT OR NOT.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:30:11

sorry mole - I don't mean to be rude and slag off your traditions. blush

It is a nice thing to extend christmas - I personally love Christmas eve as well, and always watch Muppers Christmas Carol with dd whislt wrapping presents.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:31:10

Don't you have a weep Pag? There's no little weep on your list.

And go and sign up for the meet you slacker.

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 15-Nov-12 11:31:14

I don't do wrapping paper any more.

I use the zillions of paper bags we get stuff in now (no more plastic bags in Ireland). Cut open, turned inside out, and with last year's christmas cards cut up to make labels.

Much better.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:31:35

Actually I think that what I will be doing this christmas is taking dd on a driving lesson.

Fucking hell.

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 15-Nov-12 11:32:29

You don't want to do that shock. The roads will be full of drunks and Grannies. You will have a mahoosive row.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:32:58

When I was a kid and lived with my gran I used to have to wrap my own presents. On christmas eve, and then on christmas day unwrap them and go into fake gestures of gratitude over the multipack constance carrol roller lip glosses. grin

She hated wrapping presents.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:33:49

I hate wrapping stuff. Hate it. Me and dh split the wrapping. His is all lovely and anal and mine is great spodgy lumpy packaging with hateful sellotape clumps.

Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:33:49

No offence taken.

I can see why it would get on most people's nerves. Up until couple of years back I HATED chirstmas with a passion. Now things have changed for us at home, I've found it a lot more enjoyable and bringing back all the small daft things and odds and sods my parents did for my brother and I as children.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:33:59

I know.

Slade on the radio and me shouting 'find the BITING POINT, THE BITING POINT' and dd 'STOPTELLINGMEWHATTODO' grin

Pagwatch Thu 15-Nov-12 11:35:10

I'm not slagging off people's traditions.
If its whatyou do, what you have always done then fab.

But there is an increasing 'let's make traditions' thing.

My traditions - the things that give me the warm and fuzzier about my christmas - are nothing to do with money.

Dad always peeking in the room and pretending Santa hadn't been. Dh does that now grin
The satsuma in the stocking.
Having the job of making the brandy butter.
The competition to see who could manage a turkey sandwich the soonest after lunch.
Monopoly wars

All that stuff just naturally grew.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:35:39

I know what you mean Mole, years of shit christmases here and now I AM IN CHARGE AND MY GOD WE ARE GOING TO ENJOY IT

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:35:49

I usually wrap all the presents accompanied by some mulled wine and amaretto chasers. So the first few look all neat, and then after more drinks get lumpy, til the end when the 'fuck this' mood kicks in and I generally just roll up the gift in 3 feet of gift wrap and wind the sellotape around randomly.

last year I wasn't drinking so all my presents were boringly neat.

AudrinaAdare Thu 15-Nov-12 11:35:59

<adds Phenergan to Christmas Eve hamper>

Pagwatch Thu 15-Nov-12 11:37:04


Yy . My mum does that. I lost it last Christmas when I bought her a coat and she asked me to wrap it so she could fign surprise.
Every year she has chosen every present she gets and pretends to be surprised about all of them.

Batty grin

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:37:58

I had unhappy christmases as a kid as well, so make up for it now.

I agree the traditions we have just grew out of habit. Like the same old shite christmas decorations out every year (I bought them when I was 16, so the few baubles that are left are very tacky and shite, but I couldn't get rid of them).

OtterPandemonium Thu 15-Nov-12 11:38:11

We always throw a party on Christmas Eve for my family. That way I get to keep the day itself all about ME. And the DCs, a bit.

One of my favourite things, either on Christmas Eve morning, or the day before, is going to the Butcher's to collect the metric tonne of meat. Since getting rid of the buggy, I now have to take the wheelbarrow to carry it all home, although the year before last I had to take the sled. gringringrin

Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:38:49

Nailed it in one Hully.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:39:21

meat on a sled...<boggles>

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:39:31

God yes it's mad isn't it. I used to have to pretend I hadn't know what she had bought me, when I had wrapped it up 9 hours before.

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 15-Nov-12 11:41:03

Yes, few of our traditions cost money.

Christmas tree goes up on the last Sunday before Christmas. Everyone shoves decorations wherever they like, none of this matchy-matchy colour-coordinated crap.

The kids' favourite present is still the stocking (or old rugby sock) with the mandarin orange in the toe, the tube of jelly tots and the toothbrush.

They still (even ds1) open their stockings together on our bed. Last year ds1 then went back to bed to sleep off the hangover.

Proper presents don't get opened until after breakfast.

AudrinaAdare Thu 15-Nov-12 11:43:20

Hateful sticky tape clumps with hairs on are a thing of the past in this house thanks to Lakeland. I can now get as scuttered as I want to on Christmas Eve.

OtterPandemonium Thu 15-Nov-12 11:44:51

Meat on a sled, indeed. I just totted it up in my head, and it is about 50lbs of meat. shock That does include a turkey for my DMum.

I reckon it's the cocktail sausages weighing me down, but what's a party without a sausage on a stick?

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:45:06

DD's birthday is 14th December, so I have normally had a strict line between birthday celebrations and when christmas starts, so usually the tree goes up the last weekend before Christmas, but in recent years dd wants the tree up for her birthday. Which means (with 4 cats) the poor sad tree is a ramshackle bald mess by Christmas day.

This year will be strange as we are flyging abroad for a week on the 14th so will have to get a tree very last minute. And how the fuck do you get a great big tree in a polo?

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:45:33

Stockings on our bed in the morning. Tick.

Presents AFTER LUNCH (about midnight) distributed by Father Christmas (whoever is sober enough to wear the outfit and fool the kids).

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:46:03

OO where you going Morris?

Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:47:56

What about getting it delivered Motherfuking?

I use this place

You can choose a delivery date to suit you.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:48:39

Egypt. Just me and dd. We are going snorkelling and then flying to Cairo for a few days. I can't WAIT.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:49:37

<writhes with jealousy>

Do wear large sacks from top to toe tho or you will be BESEIGED

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:50:21

Bloody hell I had no idea that you could order trees online and have them delivered. What a cracking idea - thank you/

cheekydevil Thu 15-Nov-12 11:50:38

Ooo, tree question. Which is the best, I like a smelly one (tree that is)

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 15-Nov-12 11:51:21

Balance it on the roof.

Get two children to stand on the back seats with their head and arms out the window holding it on.

Drive very slowly.

This was out childhood method. I suspect the police might take a dim view these days grin.

Egypt envy [sigh]

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:52:24

Yes, we are taking very sensible slacks and covering tops and aim to look like Carrie from Homeland <twat>. DD is very blonde and beautiful and bloody 17 so I will be holding her hand (can you imagine the howls of outrage).

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Thu 15-Nov-12 11:54:20

Snot a proper tree if you haven't chosen it by smell and ripped your hands up getting it home.

Also I suspect ordering online from a picture would totally sever my parents' already tenuous grip on the realities of ceiling height.

BegoniaBigtoes Thu 15-Nov-12 11:54:25

I have spent years carefully booting all my extended family out of my xmas so that I can enjoy it with my own DP and DC - sometimes a friend or two but no family stress and nonsense. It's great. It is so stupid the way people get in a total tizzy and have to drive hundreds of miles to and fro at the worst time of year on the roads, just because rellies expect them to. I can just about understand it if you want a big family christmas and enjoy it, but it's miserable that so many people do it under duress.

Present list is also minimal - our parents and (some of) our siblings, each other and the DC.

I love the food - the cheese, the chocolate, the sherry and ginger wine and the stollen. I also like the sparkliness, lights, xmas music and xmas markets but I do not like the forced socialising element.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:54:34

I have got that mental image of the tree tranposrtation in my head maryz - very funny. grin

Can you imagine attempting that now.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 11:55:08

Wear wedding rings and cover dd's head. Forget rights and wrongs, it will just save a lot of ag...

GreenyEyes Thu 15-Nov-12 11:55:18

I should get me some of those wrap fixer things.

What tends to happen now is that I basically cover the periphery of the room with little rectangles of Sellotape to assist with wrapping. And even if I've seemingly covered the entire periphery, I still only have enough to do two and half gifts, before I have to re-do the whole process.

I frequently find little bits of tape stuck to the underside of the coffee table, mantelpiece etc

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:55:56

Bloody hell wedding rings, I didn't think of that. Good idea. Thank you.

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 15-Nov-12 11:56:24

Oh, and surely if they deliver you get the bald one with the wonky top? I hate wonky-topped trees. It offends my control-freaky love of symmetry.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:56:51

I do that greeny! Spend ten minutes covering the sides of the coffee table, rocking chair, shelf with bits of sellotape and discover some remnants weeks later.

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Thu 15-Nov-12 11:57:55

<tone of surprise> "The tree's too big, Pam!"

Every bloody year. Maybe in their heads they live in a castle. Wish they'd invite us there in that case.

Molepomandmistletoe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:58:09

I wasn't sure about it at first but as I don't drive I was left with no other, getting a fake tree WASN'T an option and never will be.

The tree that I got from them was stunning. Better than ANY tree we ever had as a child. I hope they are as good this year.

GreenyEyes Thu 15-Nov-12 11:58:50

Yy sad little pieces of unloved and un-needed Sellotape sad

Pagwatch Thu 15-Nov-12 12:00:07

Very jealous Motherfucking.
Me and Hulls could come too. We could be like diversion devices. Or wiry bouncers.

TuftyFinch Thu 15-Nov-12 12:01:11

The Tufty family are having Christmas dinner in the camper van. Parked on the beach.

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Thu 15-Nov-12 12:01:20

I don't trust the sticky little bastards. Sometimes they all develop static and wrap themselves enthusiastically and permanently around all the furniture. Last year I got one of those special dispensers that lets you pull off the right amount each time and it's the only ridiculous first world product I've ever felt was truly worth it.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 12:02:49

Are you really tifty?

That will be lovely. One Christmas the hully family had Christmas in a giant Winnebago on the Florida Keys with a tree in a box we bought from Walmart and a great many Margaritas. Happy daze.

Pagwatch Thu 15-Nov-12 12:02:53

Dh goes out with DS2 each year to buy the tree.
I think they get involved in a sort of phallic posturing. Each year the tree gets bigger.

Pagwatch Thu 15-Nov-12 12:03:51

That sounds fab Tufty. <wistful>

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 12:04:30

I think we shouldgo to Egypt Paggy, they will need us.

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 15-Nov-12 12:05:31

I found a use for teenagers last year.

I made one of them cut bits of sellotape and hand them to me.

It was the only useful contribution any of them made to Christmas grin. Apart from tree-buying, which I have been banned from as apparently I am too particular take too much time.

TuftyFinch Thu 15-Nov-12 12:08:40

That sounds like a bloody great Christmas Hilly.
I havn't run my plan past Mr Tufty but ...

TuftyFinch Thu 15-Nov-12 12:10:53

I'll send you a postcard Pag, if you all get back from Egypt. DH has just come back from Cairo, the cars and the driving of them is no holds barred.

Pagwatch Thu 15-Nov-12 12:13:03

We should go. <nods>

Motherfuckings DD would love us to be there as we are very cool.

Absy Thu 15-Nov-12 12:15:42


poor sods who celebrate xmas



MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 12:18:04

lol at abs

DD would love two wiry bouncers. grin

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 12:23:05

TBF it would be one wiry bouncer (pag) and one stout one

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 12:23:39


MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 12:25:00


Come on pag. You know you want another hotel room where your can be intimately aquainted with the commuters on the 17.47 train to Southend.

And you abs. Pull your fingers out.

SoleSource Thu 15-Nov-12 12:25:44

We might put the electric fan heater on this year


Pagwatch Thu 15-Nov-12 12:25:51

You are not stout but I could still kick your arse in an arm wrestle [fact]

Motherfuckings DD won't trust us to protect them if we fight amongst ourselves.

I am enjoying using Motherfucking btw. It's like being mates with the cast of The Wire

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 12:29:33

It is isn't it. I feel all street wise and everything.

That's that then. Ebtertainment for the meet up sorted. Pag and hully arm wrestling.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 12:35:00

what do you do at xmas abs?

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 12:35:17

Don't go mad, sole.

PropositionJoe Thu 15-Nov-12 12:41:14

Morrisman - just don't do what another family did when we went to Luxor. They took their 17yo blonde DD to the Market and were surprised and horrified at the attention she got. I asked what she had worn - "oh, just normal stuff." "Normal stuff" turned out to be leggings and a fitted t shirt. Roughly the equivalent of going round Barnsley Market in a bikini grin

Intelligent family too, the mother was a GP iirc.

Absy Thu 15-Nov-12 12:41:35

<ignores Hully>

Last year we went to Tobago and spent the day driving up one coast (and accidentally to the other side of the coast. It took us ten minutes to get back - it's a small island) and visiting all the beaches, which were deserted, and went swimming and splashing about. In the evening we went to the local bar and hung out with the absolutely hammered locals and drank rum. This year, we'll be hanging with the in laws. nothing planned so far, but I doubt it will involve swimming in Caribbean seas sad. Probably trying to figure out how to get around with no public transport or watching bad movies. Year before, I went to Rome (DH was away with his family sleeping in tents in Morocco, but fancy tents), which was nice. I ate a lot of pasta.

<smugs all over fred>

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 12:44:39

no one likes you

you know that, don't you?

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 12:45:13

Anyway the point is WE LIKE CHRISTMAS on this fred, tis fun.

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Thu 15-Nov-12 12:47:26

Yes, we all like it.

In December, mind. So we can chat happily about it now, but we aren't going to get all angsty about not having bought (or wrapped ffs hmm) the presents yet or whether or not mil can be in the same room as some aged aunt.

Absy Thu 15-Nov-12 13:28:05

I'm everyone's favourite.

I was going to be all "but I can't be too smug about passover" but I can, as it's up to MIL and FIL for the time being to majorly clean their house, cook kosher le pesach food to last a week and host 4 meals for 40 people. Give me a couple of years though

Mum2Luke Thu 15-Nov-12 13:32:54

I love Christmas - to start 2 weeks before the event NOT in November, for goodness sake we have only just had Guy Fawkes and Halloween!!! I could not believe it when Manchester City centre Christmas lights switch on was last Friday biscuit.

I have started buying presents for the kids only this year, am fed up trying to think of what to buy for us adults, am just buying for Mum and stepdad, brother and Dad as adults as we have two adult 'kids' of 22 and 19 years and a 10 year old in our family and 2 boys of 11 and 9 on sister's side. I am on only one wage now so have to be very careful with how much I spend.

My daughter wants to cook Christmas dinner as she is training to be a chef at the Malmaison Hotel - am so proud of her, she wants to apply for Masterchef one day too when she has graduated from Commis Chef to Head Chef grin so thats dinner sorted. It will be just like the Asda advert in my house except it won't be me tearing around trying to do the same as that woman, it will be dh ha!

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 14:17:35

<removes everything from Abs' seder plate except bitter herbs>

RudolphUcker Thu 15-Nov-12 14:43:23


GreenyEyes - are you <showbizfingers> Greeny?

Tufty - did you get your campervan then? Or is this just supposing. And if you got it, when are we doing our trip to the coast to look soulful? <opens diary>

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 14:47:50

yy she got it.

We are all going ot the seaside with tea.

RudolphUcker Thu 15-Nov-12 14:50:03

And no fucker thought to come and get me?
<sadly packs away poncho and waterproof headsquare>

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 14:51:25

Of course we would have got you

we haven't gone yet

where are you?

Tee2072 Thu 15-Nov-12 15:17:26

Passover? Wasn't this thread about Christmas when last I checked? Shouldn't we be discussing Chanukkah if anything?

Absy Thu 15-Nov-12 15:21:23

Look at Hully's name. Let's blame Hully.

I LOVE derailing xmas threads me. Last year I managed to derail a xmas food thread into chat about gefilte fish. It's a talent.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 15:22:42


Tee2072 Thu 15-Nov-12 15:24:54

Ah, I see. Hully is Easter. I get it now!

That is a talent, BTW, Absy. Are you for or against? Personally, I am against.

JugglingWithPossibilities Thu 15-Nov-12 15:33:38

Thank goodness for a nice calm Christmas thread.

I liked what bigkids said on page 1 - basically have a nice meal and one special pressie each, plus a stocking for kids, and all watch a nice movie - or perhaps go for a walk or round to friends in afternoon.

The madness does make me feel a bit stressed especially when I'm a bit broke.

But I'm determined not to be - just to enjoy the pleasures of the season as with every other time of the year.

It's just a bit of bling and cosy comforts to keep out the cold after all !

RudolphUcker Thu 15-Nov-12 15:50:04

I am here, at the coast ALREADY. Looking soulful. In a transparent plastic poncho.

I admire derailing talent in all its forms.

Absy Thu 15-Nov-12 15:59:25

For. With chrayne and mayonnaise. droooooooooooool

<hopefully we're talking about the same thing>

Absy Thu 15-Nov-12 16:01:02

And, in my defense, I never get to have Holiday Discussion threads. This year for Rosh Hashona, I was too busy, at the in laws again, sat by the pool having cakes and coffee brought to me while reading books

<gets out world's smallest violin>

Tee2072 Thu 15-Nov-12 16:01:08

I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm talking about gefilte fish! grin

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 16:05:33

I remember that discussion about gefilte fish!

I love chrayne. I helped dd make some for school and looked like a murderer at the end of it, what with the hiorseradish eyes and beetroot hands.

HullyEastergully Thu 15-Nov-12 16:05:41

When's the bit when you go round graves weeping and begging forgiveness? You don't seem to do much of that, Missy.

Absy Thu 15-Nov-12 16:11:52

Yom Kippur.

Again, I was busy you know.

and what could I have possibly done to offend you Hully? I'm perfect. <swishes hair>

Absy Thu 15-Nov-12 16:27:53

I was talking about Dancing with Hully Tee

GreenyEyes Thu 15-Nov-12 16:27:55

<showbiz fingers>

RudolphUcker Thu 15-Nov-12 16:32:28

smile Good to know <updates spreadsheet>

Tee2072 Thu 15-Nov-12 16:55:05

"With chrayne and mayonnaise. droooooooooooool"

While dancing with Hully? shock

TuftyFinch Thu 15-Nov-12 17:04:51

Ralph of course I'll come get you. You'll have to sit in the back though because Hully's bagged shotgun.

Absy Thu 15-Nov-12 17:04:59

Yes, you cover her in the mixture while dancing around, and drooling.

C'est classe

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Thu 15-Nov-12 18:35:41

sellotape, oh yes I too used to stick bits on every available edge and curse when they curled up round the edge or I lost the end on the big roll. Then I found the little gadget that you wear on your wrist which gives a measured bit each time I hide it so that no one else can use it, its revolutionised wrapping five million presents for me. I remember when we were young parents and staying at our own home for the first time after years of travelling 'oop north' to see my folks, we has a romantic view of sitting under the tree drinking gin and wrapping pressies on xmas eve HA HA HA we eventually got to bed around 2 am and kids got us up at 5. easier now they are teens, all is done weeks in advance, xmas eve is still making mince pies with DS2 and choc dipped marshmallows. stockings are left outside bedroom doors on xmas eve but they still insist on coming into our bed on xmas morning 'has he beeeen?' to unwrap stockings. (16 and 20) brekky (croissants, smoked salmon and scrambled eggs) then main presents done as slowly as possible, white port and chill while admiring gifts, snowballs carols and veg prep, table setting, Gin and dinner prep for meal around 2 - 3, wine with dinner, telly after with more wine, pudding later and just general lack of rules all day. eat drink and be pissed merry

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Thu 15-Nov-12 18:37:45

oooh sorry thread moved on, I just got all carried away thinking about xmas day blush

LineRunner Thu 15-Nov-12 18:42:23

RudolphUcker needs a new pac-a-mac and rainmate for Christmas.

LineRunner Thu 15-Nov-12 18:43:13

Although I suspect indoors at StepAway's sounds pretty pissed up lovely.

MotherfuckingMorrisMan Thu 15-Nov-12 19:34:16

ecclescake that all sounds lovely.

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