To tell DP that he gets a weekend lie in when he starts doing night time "duty" with DD

(61 Posts)
RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 08:45:15

... or when she starts letting me have at least 6 hours sleep in a row.

He says it's unfair as it's not his choice he doesn't deal with her wake ups but hers - she just screams if he goes to her at night despite being perfectly acceptable during the day.

So DD is 16 months and doesn't sleep. NEVER has. Used to be no more than 2 hours in a row, sometimes now I might get 3 or if I'm lucky 4. (Not interested in advice on controlled crying etc thanks as it just doesn't work on DD)

I cosleep and generally just shove a boob in and she goes back to sleep very very quickly - but I'm still tired and one weekend day I ask DP to get up with her when she wakes properly at 7.30 so I can have a lie in until about 8.30.... The other weekend day he tends to be up early for sailing.

He works full time but has practically zero commute, and I work 4 days a week, with a small commute - but only until 2.30 on 3 of the days.

RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 08:47:04

For completeness - he sleeps in the spare room as he gets too disturbed by her wakenings so gets a full nights sleep every night unless she's been particulary vocal...

(he gets very grumpy on little sleep, while I tend not to until I'm very very tired and haallucinating from lack of sleep)

BeauNeidel Sat 10-Nov-12 08:49:12

Rainbow - I could have written your post, except DH is not working right now and I am. Full time. And still getting up in the night with DS3, and, as it happens, doing everything else bar getting dinner ready for when I'm home from work hmm.

Getting a bit fucking pissed off if I'm honest. I don't want to dent his fragile ego (as someone at work suggested - he was made redundant) but I simply can't and won't do everything. Came downstairs this morning and noticed he'd left an opened letter and a KFC bag by the front door yesterday. He is also still in bed. I have to go to work soon.

YANBU. And why only till 8.30? I have a lie in till about 10 as I find it's enough to regenerate the batteries, DS doesn't need or want me in that time, and it's not late enough that it affects me going to sleep at bedtime.

I can see this generating a huge fight in my household though, so good luck with yours!

socharlotte Sat 10-Nov-12 08:55:18

How can he see to her in the night, when all she is waking up for is the comfort of the boob? That is the root of the problem.She is more than capable of sleeping through the night but has trained herself to wake up and cry for boob whenever she comes to the surface.You will be in the same situation in a year or 2 years if you don't break this unhealthy habit.
Also if you are lying right next to her she will find your nipple by herself at that age -no need for you to properly wake up.

woopdiedoo Sat 10-Nov-12 08:56:29

YANBU. I can fully sympathise as I'm in a somewhat similar position.

DD, nearly 2, is still co sleeping and feeds to sleep. She also wakes up several times in the night. As I'm a SAHM and DP works very long hours, he feels he is more deserving of a lie in. He often gets annoyed at me when I say I'm tired as he thinks I have brought it on myself by not sorting Dd's sleeping out and I often go to bed late to get tasks done that are impossible with DCs around during the day.

We have compromised by having one sleep in each per weekend although DP often works weekends. Could you and DP compromise by having one day each? That seems fair to me and will give you a chance to catchup on sleep. Tiredness is difficult for everyone!

ChaoticismyLife Sat 10-Nov-12 08:57:21

OP your DP has a choice...

He gets up in the night.
He gives up sailing temporarily, or at least say every other weekend.
He goes without a lie in.

Agree with Beau about lieing in longer than 8.30

Eggrules Sat 10-Nov-12 09:02:34

A lie in is 10:30am here. I am happy for DH to read or watch something, he doesn't have to be asleep.

I can't sleep in but love a cheeky restorative nap. Could your DH take your DD out for a few hours so you can rest properly?

PurplePidjin Sat 10-Nov-12 09:03:58

I suggest you invest in some heavy duty ear defenders and lock yourself in the spare room. Better yet, a nice b+b up the road.

He "can't" settle her? He needs to learn. Assuming he's an intelligent, able-bodied human being, he has no less aptitude for parenting than you - he just needs to practice, just like you have.

When you've caught up on the sleep he's getting, he can claim a lie in (which, btw, should give you a clear 5-6 hours once he's taken over, not a measly one!)

Proudnscary Sat 10-Nov-12 09:05:01

I totally agree with socharlotte. How on earth can he get a look in if she's just wanting the boob? Is it your choice the sleeping arrangements and feeding? Does he agree with it, does he have any say in this?

And re 'controlled crying doesn't work on dd'. Controlled crying works with all children if you stick at it! It doesn't kill them. It just means a few heart wrenching nights. Your daughter is 16 months old, not six months. I am fairly relaxed re co sleeping etc - my dd still comes in to my bed sometimes and she's 8! So I'm not a tyrant about this. But honestly how much longer can you do this for?

Re everything else YANBU ie he needs to do his share and give you sleep/lie ins one way or another. It is unfair for him not to see how knackered you are and pull his finger out more.

fallingsun Sat 10-Nov-12 09:08:53

I have similar dd to you - co sleeping, bf. But at the weekend both days when ds wakes at 6ish dp takes over and I spend a couple of hours sleeping in the spare room. He sleeps the night in the spare room so isn't tired. He works full time, long hours, long commute.

Yanbu, your dh should give you a lie in both days of the weekend!

schobe Sat 10-Nov-12 09:15:23

I'm probably going to get flamed here, but can't he just have one lie-in every couple of weeks or so?

Ok you get woken every 3 to 4 hours but you say yourself she goes back to sleep very very quickly. Some people sleep worse than that without a baby just because they're not great sleepers themselves. Can he at least go back to bed for an hour once you're up at 8:30 on your lie-in day?

Some people cope better on less sleep and some people don't. They can't help it!

FantasticMax Sat 10-Nov-12 09:15:53

I agree with ProudnScary. I know you're not interested in CC but can I ask you to expand on why you think it doesn't work for your DD?

I sympathise though, 16 months of broken sleep must be torture and I definitely think your DH should let you catch up on some sleep when he's at home.

alcazar Sat 10-Nov-12 09:16:33

erm he does get a lie, he just chooses to go sailing instead! Is he really expecting you to get up both weekend days and do all the night wakings and work 4 days per week? So that he can have a full nights sleep ebery night and have a lie in and a nice morning doing a child free activity! Although I know how hard it is if a baby just wants the boob but HE will have to put the effort in to change this. My dh really struggled to settle our bf dd, but after persevering for several weeks, she would settle for him.

whois Sat 10-Nov-12 09:55:49

Is he happy about the co sleeping and separate room thing? Maybe after 16 months he is feeling a bit rejected and resentful and thinking you have kind of brought this on yourself.

I think one lie in each at the weekend would be fair.

But you need to talk to each other about the sleeping arrangements. Not good for intimacy (I mean more being relaxed and close to each other than sex) if you never share each others bed.

AlienRefluxovermypoppy Sat 10-Nov-12 10:16:56

Why can't you get up on the day he doesn't go sailing??!! Don't understand why you lay in one day, and he goes sailing the next so doesn't get a lay in, surely it's just switching days?

He does deserve a lay in too. You need to deal with your baby's sleep issues.

Some children just don't sleep well FFS, just like some adults don't sleep well. CC does not work for all children. I know of several failures.

OP YANBU, if it helps DD was the same until she was night weaned at 18 months. She sleeps a little better now but still does not need a huge amount of sleep. My DNeice was the same (non bf'd, refused milk from 9 months at night), DSis did CC for 3 weeks before she finally gave up.

We have had some sucess with No Cry Sleep Solution, might be worth a read. DD gone from waking every 1 - 1.5 hours to sleeping for up to 6 at a time (sometimes even in her own bed!!)

Your DH needs to step up, if he won't do a night shift (DH was the same until I decamped to my friends house for the night) then you need a lie in.

BerthaTheBogBurglar Sat 10-Nov-12 10:31:50

Lol at "its not his choice" that dd screams at him - its not your choice either, is it? Although actually I think you both need to work at getting dd and dh more used to each other. So she screams. Doesn't mean he shouldn't do it.

When I do nights, I get all the lie-ins. Till about 9 because it is just too hard to keep the older children quiet longer than that. If dh wants a lie-in, he does the night before. We have a child with SN so we're still operating that system, 5 years on ...

Do you get a weekend morning/afternoon completely to yourself, to go off and do a hobby (my chosen hobby would be to sit in a coffee shop with a book grin)? If not, why not? And you're owed 16 months of being the only one to have a weekend morning off ...

Does dh agree with having dd in bed and feeding on demand? Is that the problem - that he thinks she shouldn't be? If he thinks the solution is to put her in her own bed and not feed her at night, he'd need to take over nights completely until that is sorted. But perhaps he is resentful, thinks its your fault (not necessarily thinking that rationally, of course) etc. Has he tried any sort of sleep training with her, and realised for himself that it doesn't work, or is that your conclusion? I'm not saying you're wrong that it doesn't work - I had 2 children who didn't learn to sleep till between their 2nd and 3rd birthdays and one who slept beautifully so I do understand that. But maybe your dh doesn't?

lola88 Sat 10-Nov-12 10:41:50

YANBU DP and i have a night each on baby duty at the weekend and a lie in each the other day unless someones lost a limb neither of us gets up before 10am an extra hour one day a week is utter bollocks he should have her til at least lunch time even if your awake you should stay in bed with a book and if he CHOOSES to go sailing instead of getting a lie in thats up to him and he should like it or lump it.

DS isn't keen on DP getting up with him in the night but i just ignore them and let them get on with it cruel mother

I don't want to give you advice as i know how annoying fucking infuriating it can be so i'll just say good luck

pictish Sat 10-Nov-12 10:48:50

Oh ugh.

Now - he will have to learn to settle her. That's a given.

He takes himself off to the spare room so he is not disturbed does he? That's caring and involved of him isn't it? Nothing like looking out for number one. hmm

And he gets grumpy on very little sleep but you don't. No mate - he feels no worse than you, but doesn't see the need to modify his behaviour like you do. He feels entitled to indulge and express it, to the point where you give in to him just to keep the peace. Quite dreadful.

It's time for the new way. Ring the changes.

BeauNeidel Sat 10-Nov-12 10:53:32

Sorry, but CC doesn't work on all children. My child (DS3 - my twins were a dream compared to him!) just cries until he is sick. I can't cope with that. Yes, I guess I could do it over and over again over a few nights but he is only one, he will grow out of it, and for now it's more doable than cleaning up sick all the time.

I think a proper lie in on an alternating basis is fair. But NOT till 8.30 - till 10 at least!

And good idea about trying to get baby off the boob - think I will start DH on 'baby settling' duty from tonight.

RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 13:09:20

Thanks for all the replies.

To respond to a few things:

I haven't "trained" her to just wake for the boob - she just hasn't grown out of it yet - as I said her sleep used to be a lot lot worse and if boob gets her back to sleep quickly then that's good for everyone. She seems incapable of finding the nipple herself though hmm - just wakes up properly if I don't drag her over... and waking up properly means awake for 3 hours shock

DP is happy with the cosleeping thing - in fact he sleeps badly when in bed with anyone else, even me, so he prefers it. We still have cuddles though! DD settles for the first 2 hours in her cosleeper cot fine, and we cuddle until DP wants to actually go to sleep when he goes back to his own bed. He has restless leg thingy as well so separate beds actually work quite well for all of us. smile

CC does not work for her and I have no intention to leave her to cry until she throws up again. She can cry for 7 hours straight without sleeping, and resettling just makes her worse. Not doing it. You CANNOT persuade me that they get no harm from it - she was practically traumatised and very subdued for over a week from one night.

I have read the no cry sleep solution and again it didn't work - tried it for 3 months straight. I truly believe that DD is just slow to get mature sleep patterns. Some babies are slow to walk, some to talk, some to sleep. She walked early, is talking in sentences early, but sleep is her compromised.

Swapping days to have a lie in doesn't work as if I had a lie in on the sailing weekend day DD would be unsupervised for an hour until I get up! (He leaves early)

I can't sleep through her feeding. Just can't.

If DP tries to settle her at night she wakes up properly and screams - cue us pacing the floors for 3 hours and mucks everything up for days. He has her on his own for one afternoon a week, and does his fair share the rest of the time - and she accepts him just fine then. Just not at night or when ill - only mummy will do.

I might got for a 10.30 lie in next time though! grin

clam Sat 10-Nov-12 13:46:41

So he's taking your lie-in on a Sunday by going sailing, leaving you caring for the children all day, presumably? I would have the Saturday morning lie-in if I were you, and leave him the choice of what to do on Sunday - have his lie-in or choose to use it going sailing.

ChunkyPickle Sat 10-Nov-12 14:01:41

He's going sailing rather than having a lie-in.

Let me say my experience - mine also couldn't sleep through without feeding, and we co-slept - at 16 months he was having about a midnight, and about a 4am feed (plus falling asleep, waking, and naptime feeds - and a lot of solid foods - I don't know how he fitted it all in).

At about 18months he decided that for most of the night he didn't like being stuck in the bed with us though, so he started in a little nest by the bed, then we bought a toddler bed which we butted right up next to us. He'd spend the first part of the night in his bed (he came to be with us at about 10ish), then join us from about 4am.

A couple of months after that, he dropped the midnight feed, then at about 2 he just dropped the 4am feed (unless miffed, or has a cold). Now at 2 and a few months we've moved his bed into another room, and he spends most of the night there, then wanders into us at about 4 or 5 (again, unless miffed or sick). On the days when he's skipped his nap he'll go to bed at 7 or 8, on days when he has napped he goes to bed at 9 or 10. We do have to settle him to sleep, but he will let DP do that now (at 16 months, DP would only have got him to sleep after a lot of crying, once he was truely exhausted - he really, really wanted the sleep)

In summary (given this was an essay) if you can hold on, I bet she'll be sleeping through by/soon after 2. You should split the lie-ins at the weekend, and DP I'm afraid is spending his by getting up and going sailing. It's all very well saying to nap when the baby does, but there's something so much more restful about sleeping until you naturally wake up rather than when you are woken up.

socharlotte Sat 10-Nov-12 14:53:46

'In summary (given this was an essay) if you can hold on, I bet she'll be sleeping through by/soon after 2.'
.. why because your child did, they will all be the same?

I haven't "trained" her to just wake for the boob
No-she's trained herself to do it, because you reward her for it! If everytime I woke momentarily in the night somebody popped a slice of Terry's chocolate orange in my mouth, I'm pretty sure I would continue to do it

'CC does not work for her and I have no intention to leave her to cry until she throws up again. She can cry for 7 hours straight without sleeping, and resettling just makes her worse. Not doing it. You CANNOT persuade me that they get no harm from it - she was practically traumatised and very subdued for over a week from one night.

..of course it doesn't work if you only try it for one night!!

redskyatnight Sat 10-Nov-12 14:57:24

If DD wants boob in the night, of course she is going to scream if DH goes to her - he doesn't have what she wants.

If you want DH to see to her in the night then you need to agree to stop co-sleeping and that he will settle her in the night until she is night weaned. (which might mean well mean she screams at first, you have to work through it)

80sMum Sat 10-Nov-12 15:21:39

I agree with those that are trying to explain that your DD is conditioned to expect a bf every time she wakes in the night. I made the same mistake with my DS, who didn't sleep through a night till 36 months, and was determined not to repeat it with DD.
I realised that I had been reinforcing DS's waking by responding instantly with milk. I did whatever got him (and me) back to sleep the quickest - but it was the wrong thing to do as it just prolonged the unwanted behaviour.

StuntGirl Sat 10-Nov-12 15:33:13

How can he do night time duties when you're feeding her in the night?

That said you should both get a weekend morning for a lie in, if he chooses to go sailing on that day that's his issue. Life involves a few compromises when you have kids.

RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 15:37:43

But I don't have an issue with cosleeping and "boobing" her back to sleep - we all get the most sleep that way! I am prepared to wait until she grows out of it rather than traumatise her again, and potentially lose her trust in me long term this time.

My issue is that we as a couple have agreed this. He is sleeping fine, but is begrudging me my one lie-in a week. And only then until 8 or 9, no later! He is "using" his lie in by going sailing and disappearing until at least lunchtime. I certainly don't go off for a morning by myself- I am either working or looking after DD. He would take her if I asked her to, and does when I need an hour or so to myself to just veg - but I don't do this every week - I don't need to!

80sMum Sat 10-Nov-12 15:41:53

Sorry OP, I was deviating from your original question.
You are definitely not being unreasonable to expect your DH to take his fair share of getting up early on weekends.

forevergreek Sat 10-Nov-12 17:11:08

im afraid you cant have things both ways:

you either
a) carry on feeding to sleep, meaning dh cant settle her.. continue continue

b)stop feeding to sleep and take 50/50 of who settles her without boob, then you both get to sleep as will self settle so the argument lie in in gone

RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 17:13:04

I'm happy with (a) as long as I get a bit of a lie in once a week smile

It's DP - he wants us to alternate lie ins weekly when I think he is using his day to go sailing

maddening Sat 10-Nov-12 17:37:23

I am exactly like you! Ds is 21 mths and similar to your dd. We cosleep and he feeds to sleep.

Although boob is always involved sometimes he now goes to sleep with me just lying there after bf. He wakes at random times - sometimes a lot sometimes I get just a couple.

I am exhausted - Df knows this and would not dare take the lie in - nor would he compare his tiredness with mine.

I think you need a stern word and are nbu to take all the lie ins.

MistressIggi Sat 10-Nov-12 17:47:37

Although I bf ds1 till he was 2, from one year dh did night feeds, using a bottle (I had returned to work; he was at home). Worked fine for my baby - we weren't co-sleeping though. I would not/did not use cc.

MistressIggi Sat 10-Nov-12 17:48:58

Oh and your weekends should be: you do what you like till lunchtime Saturday, he does the same Sunday. Or he stops sailing.

maddening Sat 10-Nov-12 17:51:55

Ps I am thinking of trying the Dr jay Gordon method which is designed for cosleeping bf'ing babies.

Also we have moved the mattress on to his bedroom floor and are turning his cot to a bed to try and coax him in there smile I can also leave ds to sleep in the early evening and get to go downstairs Df till bedtime. Df snores too which is nice not to sleep with tbh smile

FadBook Sat 10-Nov-12 17:53:49

I love threads like this when the OP clearly states she doesn't want to do CC and she's still advised to do it hmm

YANBU. There are 2 days on a weekend, you should both have one morning each. He chooses to go sailing on his morning.

Other options are that he sends you back to bed in the afternoon of one of the days, so you can nab a few hours rest wink

(Separately rainbowsfriend (& others in a similar position) when you are ready to nightwean/or it doesn't happy naturally, we used this method: Dr Jay Gordon It is very co-sleeping/breastfeeding friendly and worked well for our family when the time was right. DD was exactly like yours OP but we did eventually reach an end point that what did work from 0-12 months, wasn't working anymore, and was affecting DP too much. I did do a diary thread under a different name at the time (PM me & i'll tell you more). DD will sleep through approx 2/7 nights and other nights it is much much better ie 5-6 hours, rather than the 90min-2 hours previously. it is opposite an alternative to CC).

SamSmalaidh Sat 10-Nov-12 18:01:15

At the weekends, you should get a morning each to do your own thing.

Saturday morning, you choose to sleep.

Sunday morning, he chooses to sail.

Whether or not the toddler sleeps through is irrelevant.

Animation Sat 10-Nov-12 18:02:28

Good job OP for insisting he does his bit and helps you to get as much sleep as he gets!

I think the issue here isn't particularly why baby wakes up but that dad does his fair share. There's no reason why a mum should get less sleep than the dad. It should be fair and equal.

Cluffyfunt Sat 10-Nov-12 18:06:01

He uses his morning off to go sailing -up to him

You want your morning off to catch up on much needed sleep -your choice (and a good one I think)

He is trying his luck to say that he gets 6 mornings off per month and you only get 2! shock shock shock

Cluffyfunt Sat 10-Nov-12 18:07:09

I'm feelin quite pissed off on your behalf op!

Your thread title is misleading. You aren't really proposing that he does any night duty.

That aside, if this is the sleep solution you've both arrived at, of course YANBU.

Dozer Sat 10-Nov-12 18:18:40

We had success with night weaning with dr jay gordon, I continued co-sleeping and bf in the day. It was painful, took 3 or 4 nights of solid crying, awful, but got her off the boob at night, and we comforted her etc.

Dozer Sat 10-Nov-12 18:22:44

Agree that DH shouldn't go sailing and expect a lie in in addition.

mummymeister Sat 10-Nov-12 18:27:49

Controlled crying does not work if you only try it for one night. it takes at least 7 - 10 days and it is horrid i agree but so is feeling exhausted all day and having a row with your partner who i suspect isnt quite as happy with the co-sleeping/go to your own room routine as you think he is. Controlled crying does work - you as the adult just have to decide that you want it to, stick with it (together,not on your own) and sort this out. what would happen if you got taken into hospital/had to go and care for a sick relative/had to go away suddenly on business. these are babies and it is about learned behaviours and rewards.

Tryharder Sat 10-Nov-12 18:31:16

This thread is about the OP's DH's refusal to pull his weight. Not whether or not the OP should do controlled crying or not.

I didn't do CC on any of my 3 and none of them were good sleepers really. I didn't have the bottle for CC and personally find it distressing. Not an option for everyone.

Agree, OP that you should get a decent lie in on Saturday. Are you going to bed early enough also?

TidyDancer Sat 10-Nov-12 18:38:40

I don't think this is a situation that will resolve itself until your DD's sleeping/comfort is different.

You deserve a lie in each at the weekend, just that it seems you disagree on what that entails (ie whether your DH's sailing compromises his lie in).

There's no wrong or right, just a difference of opinion.

And never had to do CC myself, but as I understand it, it takes several nights minimum to get it working. You are of course free to dismiss it if you wish, but it doesn't sound like you did it for more than one night anyway so possibly there is the issue.

Just can't see you finding a middle ground on this because it's not something that IMO has one of you spectacularly in the wrong over the other.

RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 18:54:02

I think I have made it clear that I am not prepared to put my DD through CC - she did not give up after a few hours like other I had heard, but SOLIDLY CRIED FOR & HOURS when we just decided it was morning and we all got up. It left her traumatised and really hesitant and subdued around us and is not an option.

But I have told DP that when she starts sleeping more, as I am sure she will do on her own accord OR she starts accepting him at night (we keep trying it) then I will let him have the lie in. I don't think I need as much sleep as him so am prepared to do that even if I am still doing the majority of wakenings...

I'll look into that Dr Jay Gordon suggestion - thank you smile

RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 18:54:14

"&" = 7

AThingInYourLife Sat 10-Nov-12 18:55:31

They can only have a lie in each at the weekend if he stops sailing.

At the moment there's only one lie in available because he absents himself on the other weekend morning.

He has a bit of a cheek demanding 3 out of every 4 weekend mornings be devoted to him.

Tell him you'll alternate lie ins when he alternates weekend mornings (until lunchtime) out of the house.

The co-sleeping thing is a red herring.

Right now you each get a weekend morning.

Why on earth does he think he deserves more free time than you?

MavisG Sat 10-Nov-12 19:11:11

Agree he's using his lie in to sail. His choice. She'll grow out of the bfing on her own, it'll reduce, eventually stop. You're not making a rod for your own back, you're meeting your child's needs, good for you.

RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 19:26:24

Thankyou MavisG smile

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Sat 10-Nov-12 19:39:49

Two weekend days. You each get one. You have Saturday morning, you choose to sleep. He has Sunday morning, he chooses to sail.

He has a blunt choice. Sleep or sail.

What HE chooses to do with his weekend morning should NOT impact on what YOU choose to do on YOUR weekend morning.

midseasonsale Sat 10-Nov-12 19:42:28

Thats rubbish socharlotte, I co-slept and always woke when B-Fing. My sleep was interrupted lots and could never be compared to quality lone sleeping.

I think you deserve all the lie ins at this stage. If he wants more sleep he needs to go to bed earlier.

Zimbah Sat 10-Nov-12 19:45:04

Your DH seems to think that his sailing morning is an essential, much like going to work, so shouldn't count as "his" time. Odd. At the moment you each have a weekend morning which seems totally reasonable, if he chooses to use his morning to sail then that's up to him but he can't then insist on having Saturday mornings too!

The night waking isn't particularly relevant, if you're both happy then it's not a problem is it. Even if all three of your slept for 11 hours straight each night it still wouldn't be fair for your DH to have two mornings to himself.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Sat 10-Nov-12 20:17:48

Agree with others that your DH is 'spending' his lie-in on sailing, his choice but he can't really then complain about it.

Just wanted to send some words of hope- DS was just like this for ever his first two years but is getting better; he has even slept through till 7am once or twice grinhmm

I've got the book 'no-cry sleep solution' which seems quite good (I'm never going to be doing controlled crying either) but DS started sleeping reasonably well on his own before I really put it into action. Might be worth a look though.

LadyWidmerpool Sat 10-Nov-12 20:36:39

I'm in a similar position except my husband looked after our baby all morning while I slept and was glad to do it. Tomorrow I will let him sleep in. It works very nicely and we both get one on one time with our girl. I don't think it's about the night waking, I think it's about each getting some time to yourself and if he gets time to do his activity you should get time to spend as you choose.

chirpchirp Sat 10-Nov-12 21:01:35

YANBU to want one lie in a week.

I get up on a Saturday with DS, DH gets up on a Sunday. Sometimes I'll use my free Sunday morning to have a lie in, sometimes I'll use it to get up and go out and take part in a hobby but ultimately it's free time to use as we see fit. I couldn't operate without it!

Rootatoot Sat 10-Nov-12 21:25:46

Yanbu op. Stick to your guns & wish i had the energy to do same. Iabu for reading threads like this as I think I'm hoping to find I'm not the only one but actually I just end up feeling like a mug.

Ds also 16 months. Also never slept ever. Has done 6 hour stretch once. I also bf & co sleep at some point in the night. Dh also sleeps on spare room. However, I don't get lie in..ever. dh thinks cos he works & I am currently sahm, he is entitled to lies in & naps & I'm not. ds wakes at 6 most days. Sometimes earlier.

Yes, push for longer lie in & don't give in. Don't be a mug like me just cos you're too tired to suffer a row!

Phrase it another way to him. Tell him you are quite happy to look after DD for half the weekend mornings, as long as he does the other half. Then ask him why he wants you to do 75% of the weekend mornings to his 25%?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 10-Nov-12 22:13:31

Agree with everyone else - we each get one morning, can use it resting, reading, exercising or whatever but he is being unfair trying to get leisure time and a lie-in!

RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 22:16:05

Rootatoot That's really unfair. Although when I was on maternity leave I sort of didn't feel "entitled" to insist on my lie ins as I could nap when she did - is that your problem?

TheSkiingGardener - Good idea! smile

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