Mumsnet Talk

this morning!
She was surrounded by children and didnt seem to care.
Im not sure if reporting it to the school would help as she was not standing on school grounds. (and she did look too scary to approach!)

People are allowed to smoke outside of school grounds so reporting it to the school will do bugger all.

Move yourself and your kids away from her.

If she was outside and not on school grounds I don't really see that you have any reason to complain to the school.

I wouldn't smoke outside a school and in front of children, but if someone else chose to I wouldn't think of saying anything to them. Not because I would be afraid, but because I would consider it none of my business.

which part of what she was doing was illegal?

What exactly is the problem here? was she smoking crack?

Maybe she was a staff member doing it off the site as she should...

Seriously though, what do you expect the school to do if it's not on their grounds?

nothing wrong or illegal about it so YABU (and I am a non smoker!)

Was she smoking a bong? Just wondering what the actual problem is.

My first

Oh gosh darling you really need to find a school with a better class of parent, next you'll be saying you spotted a tattoo or even gold hoop ear rings

In reality children walking past a smoker is not going to harm them, probably more at risk walking past a main road jammed with traffic, people over worry these days it wasnt so long ago children were around smoking constantly and survived

The problem was she was smoking near children. I thought that was obvious. I never said it was illegal did I?
I thought the school wouldnt be able to do anything, just wanted to see what everyones opinion was.

I am not a smoker. I don't think it's appropriate to smoke around children BUT unless she had them corralled into a corner puffing smoke all over them then YABU

Oh no, that is the worst thing I have ever heard!

err not.

the key word is: outside.

i don't much like smoking but I don't object to the poor sods having a puff outdoors.

Yes, go on, report her to school.

WHAT?

Nonchantly smoking on the pavement?

I really realyy think you need to speak to the HT about this, and come back and tell us the response.

I hate smoking but....

really? And quite what was it that she was doing wrong? People do still smoke you know

She was pregnant as well, suppose you dont find that a problem either then?

Get a grip OP.

Why do you think the HT would be at all interested? If she'd been in the park smoking near kids would you have thought to report to HT? FFs - get a life and leave others to live theirs

Oh now you are drip feeding OP.

It sounds a bit daft is my honest opinion, reminds me of the parent who came in to inform me the TA I'd allocated to her child's class that year was 'a bit rough', couldn't see go with the older children....

I presume the pavement if of a width that a child is very unlikely to be inhaling fumes, especially with the height difference.

The only time I'd agree it is out of order is when I see people in playgrounds or any tight space with children flowing around with a fag in their hand held low behind them whilst they talk which would be easy for a child to run into accidently or get caught by.

if she is pregnant it's still her own business

was she kicking a puppy at the same time?

you do realise the fumes from the cars on the roads is bad as well.
Do you stop your children walking down the street?

I asked what part was illegal because I can't imagine any other reason that this would be a problem. I assumed you though it must be illegal. Rather than a grown woman acting legally.

You sound properly judgemental.

Nobody starts smoking with the intention of becoming addicted, and it's none of your business.

It could have been one of those electronic ciggies with the fake smoke, or she might have just been fat.

Oh well in that case OP,as she was pregnant,you should have right tackled her and wrestled the fag out of her nicotine stained finger whilst berating her on how bad it is for the baby. <rolls eyes>

Bet she wasn't really pregnant. You're just saying it because people aren't agreeing with your op.

Even if she's pregnant it's not reportable or your business. It's her business and possibly her GP/ midwives/ partners also to discuss with her.

*rugby tackled.

no I wouldn't find it a problem - it's none of your business.

LOL, - is this a wind up thread?

She was pregnant?

Anything else?

Although there was a mum outside school the other day having a fag whilst her newborn slept in its babyBjorn carrier thing. Nice.

She was pregnant as well, suppose you dont find that a problem either then?

I am sure she was. Again, if she was its her own business. Do I agree with it? No I don't and gave up smoking when pg. But its not my decision to make.

I'm a non smoker, but seriously? If you report this woman to the school all you'll achieve is alerting the school to the fact that you are quite possibly a slightly bit loony.

Report her to SS, smoking whilst pregnant outside a school

Or you could possibly mind your own business.....

Pregnant, goodness, you should have smacked the common cow in the mouth.

<lights a fag with shaking hands>

I don't agree with smoking while pregnant, but then I don't agree with abortion either. The prevailing opinion on MN seems to be that a woman has the right to control her own body, and if that means smoking in pregnancy, then so be it.

Yabu because it is your job to keep our children away from other people who are doing things that you don't want them to be exposed to. It is not the responsibility of everyone else in the world to stop doing normal, legal things just because someone else doesn't like it.

I expect she was also handing out fruit shoots and greggs sausage rolls.

Shall I continue?

AND she was buying the cigs with her benefits.....

Oh, you're quite new here, aren't you?

Welcome to MN, there's some, ahem, sturdy posting on here.

You would lokk si much more lovelier with a Capitalised username though and lose the extraordinary 2, please.

Won't somebody please think of the children!

RyleDup

I have just spat my coffee all over my screen.

....spitting at pensioners too from what I hear

Haha is this a wind up? If not, so what, not illegal. Report it to the school if you want somebody else to laugh at you too

Erm riiiight.
What do i think of what exactly ??
Smoking....outside .....in the street ???? And ??
Smoking when pregnant....not my business. I wouldn't but there we go.

Are you being unreasonable ? No. Your being ridiculous !!!

Did she have her goat with her?

<whistles innocently>

she wasn't pregnant at all was she, you are making it up

On a slightly related note, back in the day when we called it predictive text, my now dh text me to say he wanted to kick my puppy which I thought was a bit mean.

I like the way the OP decided to add in that the smoker was pregnant after everyone disagreed with her

MrsKeithRichards

OP i think you should report it to the school. send them an email and copy in all the other parents as well and make sure they all know it's from you. go on, do it. i dare ya.

WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN??

<clutches pearls>

<faints>

Totally agree funnys. OP added the pregnany bit to try and sway favour as this wasn't going her way.

She'll tell us she was kicking a puppy in the face at the same next.

mrskeithrichards having received a similar text once myself...I think I know what your DH meant <blushes>

Was she wearing a giant flat screen telly on her head?

Did she have a bottle of White Lightning in her pocket?

I bet her poor kids have to go without so she can buy fags from their child benefit

Sorry if you think this is a wind up, it truely was not.
I honestly thought people might have an issue with it like I did.
I value your opinions but there was no need to be mean.
This was my first ever post on here, Ive been having a really tough time at the moment and thought I'd try something different and maybe get to know some 'people' on here as a few friends come on.
I really never thought a forum could reduce me to tears..Thanks everyone, you must feel so proud to make another human being cry.
I wont be back.

She's within her rights to smoke on a public street if she wants to.

Smoking while pregnant is obviously not ideal, but not really any of your business, and I have no idea what you expect the school to do about it .

I could be worse OP. She could be smoking and drinking coaca-cola!!!! I haven't read the whole thread but I see she is pregnant, I'm expecting she had tatoos, she was wearing pyjamas wth Ugg boots, she was fat, on benefits and worse of all she has a big flat screen TV too. I will come back later to check it all.

for goodness sake

She had her telly stuffed up her jumper to make her look preggers

so your way of getting to know people on a forum was this?

Slagging off another parent for what?

what if she is having a hard ting which is why she hasn't quit smoking. And parents like you are hooking their busom at her.

Don't be soft.

Honestly, there's no need to cry about such trivial stuff.

Have a nice cup of tae and jump back in somewhere other than AIBU.

OP - assuming you come back...AIBU is home to seriously robust opinions. Sorry you have been upset. I helpfully and sincerely suggest that you check out the Chat section,it sounds as though it may be more your thing?

Also...smoking when pregnant is vile but is really only her business,nothing anyone can do about it.

I'm crying now too

Ooh, I went all scottishmummy then.

Tea.

But how was this getting to know people ?
I'm fairly new too but Im not going to start a thread inviting people to slag off some some randon woman !!

Really

If this has made you cry op them MN is not the place for you.

I hate smoking and people smoke outside my dd school gates, i don't like it but it's none of my bloody business.

I smoked 20 a day until i found out i was pregnant, i don't understand why some people continue to smoke whilst pregnant but again none of my business.

No need to get upset OP, you've asked for people's opinions and you've got the, They're just different to yours.

I wouldn't give up on MN, just avoid AIBU for a while

some some randon !! WTF !!

pfft no wonder I lurk ! I can't bloody talk properly !

I am a smoker but I know where you are coming from. I am conscious of other people around me when I smoke and will stand away from people and I would try not to smoke around children. Not everyone has the same standards as me though

move over to chat

Start a thread like what was the first record you bought/first crush has been done hundreds of times but never fails to get lots of replies

Most like being nostalgic on here

tissue?

<hokes in bag>

haven't got one. sorry.

<cries>

<weeps>

<wails>

<hoiks bosom>

<lights fag>

<cries some more>

Well if all it takes to "reduce you to tears" dear is people have a different opinion to your own your screwed in life!

Is this a reverse AIBU by any chance. Since op is 'mumtothreesons' but the thread is about smoking outside her two sons school.

Blimey, there is something in the air at the moment, everyone is so harsh! I know it's AIBU, but really??!

I did have words with someone who was smoking next to me and ds when we were waiting for the dds, normally i would have just moved, but the ash fell off his fag into ds's pushchair, which I thought was a bit much!

I bet she woz on the rob. I bet that big fat pregnant tummy was just stuffed wiv stolen socks she'd pinched from marks and spencers. The thieving caaaaw.

Welcome to AIBU op

ladykatherine she probably has 2 at school and 1 baby. Simple non ??

Nah,she probably had 3 kids by 3 different fathers in her big fat pregnant belly.
When her kids are born she'll probably put coke in their bottles and feed them by remote control.

Wow, feed them by remote control? Now thats a fabulous concept if I ever did hear one. I need something like that in my life. Then I could just lie in bed all the time.

That'll learn you op. When I was new on here I posted in here and got a right old flaming. But I nc dusted myself off and started again. Have you heard of nethuns perchance?

When I used to smoke I smoked everywhere it was legal, that included in the school grounds, then outside. I also used to smoke in the house when my kids were young before all this hoooha came out.

Alcohol is more dangerous than smoking, smoking does not cause violence. Get a grip and remember that smokers subsidise the national health.

<<big sighhhhh>>

Alcohol is more dangerous than smoking, smoking does not cause violence. Get a grip and remember that smokers subsidise the national health.

Utter nonsense.

But, from the rest of your post, it doesn't surprise me.

and goes outside shop for a fag when knowing full well it's kick out time for the school down the road and there will be lots of children walking past.

crikeybill, that is possible. It is also possible that she has two sons and is pregnant with the third. Doesn't matter in any event but it still smacks of being a reverse AIBU to me.

oh dear

OP: AIBU?
MN hive mind: YEP
OP: drivels on a bit, adds embellishment, AIBU now?
MN hive mind: errr, YEP
OP: ferrrr-lounce

you joking I can never tell I will take it as you are not as far as I know it is still legal to smoke outside and you are being a bit of a twat people smoke she wasn't on school grounds she was doing nothing wrong, smoking is disgusting apart from that you have feck all to complain about

I bet smoking preggers lady eats greggs sausage rolls and puts dairylea lunchables in her children's lunchboxes too.

This thread is ironic no?

OP - go to chat and look at topics relevant to your life. AIBU is a very brave move for a newbie. But don't get upset, hide the topic, forget all about it ( only a few keep s/sheets on who said that when, the rest of us forget) and continue.

Honestly there's a stack of help and hand holding in other areas of the site.

I am sooooooooooooo old that when I had dd1 there was actually a smoking room in the maternity department

So sorry you were upset by the posts above OP, like most forums this one has it's fair share of dicks and haters and they do tend to converge on AIBU. A lot of the posts did seen a little tongue in cheek though (haven't read them all).

There is usually a little crowd of smokers outside the school gates at our local primary school, it is vile having to walk through the toxic cloud that they emit just to get through the gates. They do get asked to move by the head, and will stand further up the street for a few days then gradually get nearer and nearer day by day (cue Jaws music!) till they are back at the gates again. I'm not sure why they can't wait a few minutes until they are home or just generally away from me the school

Flame away ladies <bad pun emoticon>

Fly over I must be old too I remember going for an appointment with the consultant and he was smoking a cigar.

Nuckin

I am even older.
I worked for a consultant who smoked a pipe at work.

I remember my dad being in hospital when I was little. All propped up in bed with his best stripy pajamas on, smoking a fag...like you do..

i remember teachers smoking in the class room - would have been mid 70s

Me too.
And people smoking on tv. Not just in dramas but on chat shows and serious discussion programmes.

The maternity ward where I had DD1 had a smoking room - and I'm not THAT old!! Was 9 years ago. Best fag I've ever had was the one I had after I'd had her...

They had a smoking room on the maternity ward when my Mum had me.

worked for a consultant who smoked a pipe at work.

I can remember going to the sick kids in Edinburgh for appointments in the 70s and my mum smoked in the waiting room while the consultant puffed away on his pipe in the consulting room he had it in a huge ashtray, we used to get patient transport because we lived miles away the ambulance driver let the parents smoke in the ambulance he would always stop for a chippy on the way home too

Not just in dramas but on chat shows and serious discussion programmes.

I watched old Parkinsons on BBC 4 ( i think ) with the likes Of David Niven and Richard Burton smoking fags and drinking whiskey

there's a scene in Mad Men where Peggy is at the gynaecologist. She's got her legs in stirrups and he's examining her close up....with a fag in his mouth.

There was a smoking room in the maternity hospital when I had my first DD.

I remember the hideous days commuting into London when the only carriage I could get into was the smoking one.

<boak>

Given up as I'm pregnant, but this thread is making me want a fag! A nosy neighbour near the school I worked in 10 years ago once reported me and a few other teachers for daring to nip out at lunchtime for a fag in the carpark, we were sat in a car where absolutely none of the kids could see us.

Me too otter. Shall we meet for a sneaky outside the closest primary?

Ah those were the days. I gave up smoking because it was too hard finding somewhere to do it.

Ooh yes pickled! A mini smoky bump wielding flashmob

At the local school the staff smoke on the pavement, but the kids just smoke in the playground

Call. the. police.

Come back OP. You only need some misplaced apostrophes you can collect the full house.

Anyone surprised by smoking rooms in hospitals should come and have a look at Japan. Two years ago I went for a medical check up and was amazed to find that the hospital was one of many owned by Japan Tobacco, with smoking rooms and cigarette vending machines. Many doctors here smoke, and famously one prominent doctor recently urged people to smoke more, so as not to be such a drain on the health system by living so long! He was roundly criticised for it, admittedly.

Some real vipers on this thread...

I am so old they used to hand out woodbines to the newborns....

Back to you op...
At the school my ds at there are quite a few parents that smoke outside the school gate [and big dogs too!]. Occasionally they are also pregnant and smoking.
However, if your child goes to the school make the effort to smile and say hello. People are people and smoking or owning a dog and being outside the school gates is not so terrible in the general scheme of things.
I do feel mildly irritated by this attitude as I know people who avoid my ds school because the parents 'are not their type' and thus the children won't be either. There is a 'pass the smelling salts' attitude.
Try get over your shock op- it is not so big a deal.

I totally agree with the OP. we have to walk past a group of mums everyday who stand outside the school gates, literally right in front of them so it makes it difficult to get through. I detest smoking with a passion and I feel really sorry for their dc who have to stand there and breathe it. Why not smoke at home or on the way to school instead of waiting till they get to the gates?

snowwhite but do you clutch your pearls over car exhaust fumes? thought not

The only viper on this thread is the OP.

Almost every other person has told her not to be so judgemental.

What a cheek - lets slag off a mum at school, no one agrees - you're all bitches and bullies for not agreeing with me.

This thread shows what's GOOD about MN.

I just put children's health before smokers that's all. Why should we have to breathe it in every time we go to school? We don't have a choice but parents can choose where they smoke.

what about car fumes?

I can't even be arsed doing a big reply.

If this is real yabu.

I'm sorry Grim I thought this thread was about smoking. I can't comment on fumes because there isn't a car parked right outside the school gate.

grim, car fumes are foul, and yes are detrimental to health, but are a bit more unavoidable than smoking.

Get a life. And schlock horror she didn't have a silver cross pram? Terrible mother.

There are always cars parked right outside my son's school gate. And people smoking.

Shall I freak out totally now?

That's nothing OP. Most of the local schools here seem to be on main roads. I mean who drives a car with all those fumes near children?

I know Sashh. Its disgusting. I think people should be banned from driving near schools. apart from me that is

When I was a smoker (three weeks given up), I always used to wait until I was safely away from the school before lighting up, purely cause I didn't want other parents judging me as a bad mother! Ha!

YANBU at all!!! Sorry, I know it's not illegal or anything but it's damn inconsiderate to the health of others and highly rude to be smoking where there are loads of people, especially children!! I would (and have in the past in similar situations) have asked her politely to not smoke so near a school and children. If she had been rude I would've said... "Look, if you want to poison your own children and doom them to a life of breathing problems that's your choice but don't subject other children to the fumes!"
How ANYONE can smoke around kids AT ALL (or smoke anyway) is totally beyond me anyway!!

In my case I am hyper sensitive to cigarette smoke and even a tiny bit affects my throat and dries it out making it hard for me to speak, or sometimes even breathe. I have nothing against smokers as people but IMHO it should be banned everywhere public and only allowed in people's houses.... I swear I've breathed in more smoke since the smoking ban as it was easy to avoid smokey buildings but not so easy to avoid smoky doorways!!

(btw, not judging her as a mum - sure she's fab.... I just font get how any parent can smoke knowing the risks to their kids ..... Cars are Unfortunatly more or less essential nowadays so those fumes are more unavoidable and cars have another practical use. The ONLY use for cigarettes is toxic fumes!! )

oh Tee are you OK?

<head tilt>

If this has "reduced you to tears" you sound a bit soft to me.

HA! Wasn't really a personal attack. Well, maybe. A bit. But not really.

Someone's quick on the delete trigger today!

I'm fine, Jardin. How are you?

::head tilt::

i'm fine. I assume you didn't say OP you sound like a fool and heres a convincing argument why?

tilt

No, I didn't. I won't say what I did say because I'll get deleted again.

What I should have said was, my SIL agrees with you. She's a bit of a twat.

OP may I suggest that MN isn't the place for you if you are quite so easily upset and suggest you try NetHuns or some similar crap.

Or maybe just steer clear of AIBU and making first posts not unlike those of a troll.

There was once a woman chewing gum INSIDE the school playground.

<faints at memory>

Actually chances are she will be dropping her cigarette on the ground after she has finished with it - that is littering which is illegal and you can report that to the school and your local council. Maybe say that you are worried about all the children she is around picking up the cigarette butt and hurting themselves? I remember my little cousin having her first puff on a cigarette when she was nine as she watched a friend's mum smoking and then picked up her still smoking butt off the pavement and took a puff - she coughed a lot of course. There is a reason why smoking has been banned in places like Central Park in New York and on the beach in California, they may be open air but people still don't want to be affected by the smoke, and the litter smoking causes. If you feel that strongly I would buy some 'why smoking is bad for pregnant women' leaflets and hand them to her next time you see her - although make sure she is pregnant and not just chubby!

I once saw a mother eat a peperami in full view of a school age child. I reported her to the police.

How is passing a smoker on your way into the school grounds any more damaging for your child than passing a smoker in any other road or public area? Or do you not take your children out in town at all?

Probably not the best first post op, however if she was pregnant and had four kids in a car with the windows up chuffing away, I think people may have been more supportive of it.

Surely the issue isn't the danger of the smoke, it's the modelling of smoking around primary school children.

I don't agree this is outrageous by the way, I'm just pointing out that the objections might be more than simply any perceived (incredibly negligable) risk from the smoke.

OP just think what kind of smoky conditions we were all faced with as children. Then compare.

This isn't going to harm your children and this is coming from a fairly militant anti-smoker.

I saw a very pregnant woman smoking outside the obs and gynae department at our local hospital (in a no smoking area) when I was in for some fertility treatment. Guess what: I couldn't do anything about that either.

I'm in the YABU camp. And I say that as a non-smoker. Is there a nicer way to say Get a grip?

mrskeithrichards your predictive text thing made me PMSL!

YABU to be so surprised as if it's the first time you've seen this happen, but YANBU to be bothered by smoking next to the school gates. It happens all the time at my DDs' school even though the school has put posters up asking parents to move away from where the kids are to light up. The school obviously can't enforce anything because it is off school grounds but they do ask parents to be more considerate just like they ask parents to switch off their engines when dropping off/picking up to save the fumes.

I was brought up in a family of smokers who smoked inside the house and had ashtrays EVERYWHERE. My husband smokes. I don't smoke and I don't have breathing problems. Or any other health problems that I know of. I may be poor and dumb but I maybe bloody lucky! At least up until now anyway..