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To think I can't do this today...

(66 Posts)

Barely had any sleep last night as both sons kept waking up. DS1 is 2.9, DS2 is 7 weeks. DS1 was supposed to go to nursery today but has been so unsettled I think is best keep him home. My mum has been over since DS2's birth but went home yesterday so am missing the support.

So AIBU to want to beg my husband to stay home today & help out as I really feel like I can't do it myself?

minibmw2010 Fri 09-Nov-12 07:45:54

Take DS1 to Nursery, he'll enjoy and have fun, then nap while the baby sleeps.

scootle Fri 09-Nov-12 07:46:58

Just ask dh to get your ds ready for nursery. If hecan drop him off, great but if not all you have to do is take him. And get dh to make you some sandwiches for lunch. You'll be fine.

44SoStartingOver Fri 09-Nov-12 07:47:15

I think you need to get on with it.

No further background? No injuries, health conditions, recent trauma etc?

I'm so tired though I don't feel I'd be safe to drive this morning sad
I'm not trying to put obstacles in my own path, just too tired to think.

Bubblenut Fri 09-Nov-12 07:47:31

You need to do it.

Chances are older ds will be shattered after nursery so you can nap while he's there and when he gets home!!

ScarahScreams Fri 09-Nov-12 07:49:21

Definately take him to nursery, you need that time even if for 3 hours.

Well yes there is another thread on here about that. On Wednesday night I tripped getting DS1 out of the car & he split his forehead open. We went to A&E & he was glued together but had split the skin down to the bone. I kept him off nursery yesterday & he seemed fine but hasn't been happy all night.

44SoStartingOver Fri 09-Nov-12 07:51:46

Is it walk able?

Have tea/coffee and get on with it. Are you really so unsafe ?

Sounds like a fairly regular event for many families. I think you have delayed crunch time by having your mum around for so long. Hopefully younare now over delivery ( most people are getting back into the swing after a couple of weeks I think).

Time to woman up!

44SoStartingOver Fri 09-Nov-12 07:52:41

Ah cross post.

Sounds like ds will benefit from some fun at nursery, then will sleep better tonight.

Tuttutitlookslikerain Fri 09-Nov-12 07:53:48

Keep him home on account of his injury and have a DVD/sofa day.

Sorry, but I think you need to do this. My DH is Forces, he went away for 3 weeks when DS2 was 16 days old andDS1 was 2.1. I was knackered. I had no help. I just had to get in with it like most people!

maddening Fri 09-Nov-12 07:54:06

I know how you feel - ds has not sttn in 21mths and recently had 3 days of waking every 40 mins as he was poorly. Last night I was exhausted but had trouble dropping off till 1am and ds has been restless and bf since 3.30am so we are no going swimming today as it is either 40 mins drive on slow roads or 25mins on a motorway - can't face either. Plus ds is sill poorly so best to stay home.

But if I could drop ds off for the morning I would do - it's hard keeping a toddler entertained when you're knackered.

Thank you 44, I need a kick up the backside. No it's not walkable (near my work 14 miles away).

Yes, having my mum around for so long has made me more dependent than I ought to be. In a way I'm glad she's gone but am scared of coping on my own.

DigestivesWithCheese Fri 09-Nov-12 07:56:18

Send DS to nursery. He will be more settled if you keep him in his routine. Then you can go straight back to bed with the baby. I hope you feel better after some sleep.

Chandon Fri 09-Nov-12 07:56:33

it is tough!

I remember sitting on the floor and sobbing and not knowing how I would make it through the day....at 9 in the morning!

Be kind to yourself, and do what suits you best. Don't panic about sleep loss, don't keep count of the hours you sleep that only leads to panic.

Humans were designed to be able to cope with sleeploss at times.

just do what suits you and take one hour at the time!

marriedinwhite Fri 09-Nov-12 08:00:19

You need to get on with it and establish a routine. If you don't do it today it will be harder on Monday. You have had a huge amount of help if your mum has been with you for 7 weeks.

Your DH has to go to work; you have to grit your teeth and deal with it. Ultimately it's all about organisation rather procrastination.

bbface Fri 09-Nov-12 08:00:19

Agree with everyone else. It is tough, but motherhood often is. Good luck, but you really need to do this yourself.

Violet77 Fri 09-Nov-12 08:00:33

You will be fine. Just deal with your day. It's good your mum has gone now you need to find a groove.

I'd say keep him home, have an easy day. Break it down into periods of time, it will be more managable. When i had two similar age to yours i would go for a long walk after lunch. ( wipe an hour out) its good for your health to get out for a walk you will feel much better. Then come home play for a hour then go to the park, then home for dinner.

Your having a wobble that's all :-)

mutny Fri 09-Nov-12 08:02:23

Yanbu to went dh to stay home. But yabu if you ask him to or expect it.
hr can't not work everytime they have had a bad night. Its shit.

OTTMummA Fri 09-Nov-12 08:03:17

You need to do it, once it is done you will realise it isn't that bad at all. DD is 3 months now and DS started school when she was 8 weeks old, I had a section and 4 transfusions, was knackered beyond belief and DH only had 3 weeks off. I was petrified tbh, but the night before DH went back I got everything ready do all I had to do was get showered, dressed and feed and clothe the children and leave. If you can't walk then keep the car cool, fresh breeze will keep you alert, stop doubting yourself. You can and will do it smile

Violet77 Fri 09-Nov-12 08:04:24

Also batch cook, casseroles and easy dinners you can pop in the oven at lunch will make the difficult afternoons less stressful.

Good luck.

Sirzy Fri 09-Nov-12 08:05:54

Get DS to nursery, if you don't feel you can drive walk or get a taxi (if no lift is available)

Then come home and when the baby naps you nap.

Grumpla Fri 09-Nov-12 08:06:41

You CAN do it.

You need to lower your standards. Right down.

When I was having no sleep after the arrival of DS2 my target for the day was "everyone is fed, nobody is dead". That's the kind of target you can achieve.

If that means the TV on all day for longer than you normally would, so be it. If it means you just put coats over their PJs to get to shops, so be it. If it means one or both children has to be strapped into a pram crying for half an hour so you can do what has to be done, so be it. If it means toast for three two meals a day, so be it.

You do not have to be a brilliant, engaged, stimulating wonderful mother for every day of your children's lives. A few crappy months weeks after a new baby arrives and everyone is knackered is NORMAL and not going to do any lasting harm.

Make sure YOU eat, go to the loo, drink plenty of water etc as well as sorting them out. Make sure your partner knows how important it is for you to know when they will be getting home and that you NEED them to be on time.

This is the toughest stage and it does not last forever, I promise. Don't beat yourself up too much. In a few short months the baby you can't put down and the toddler you can't unpeel from your leg will be crawling after each other round the living room pretending to be lions and you will suddenly think "Aha! THAT'S why I had another one!" and it will all be okay smile

crunchernumber Fri 09-Nov-12 08:06:46

I remember that feeling. I remember opening my eyes in the morning and feeling I was never going to make it.

Coffee
Shower
Take DS1 to nursery
Come home, more tea
back to bed with baby.

You will do it - not long til bedtime wink

addictedisback Fri 09-Nov-12 08:07:58

I'm also going to be a tough voice and say you have to cope on your own at some point.
Yes its scary and yes its hard, but you need to do it. Take ds to nursery, that will make things a whole lot easier then you can sleep when the baby does.
I have a 15 month age gap between my dc so I know how hard it can be, but you need to get back to normality soon otherwise it will just get more and more scary and it will be a huge deal.

addictedisback Fri 09-Nov-12 08:09:42

grumpla I love that post, its so true especially about the toast for three meals a day blush

Violet77 Fri 09-Nov-12 08:09:59

Grumpla, its a good post! I look at photos of my second child and wonder why he's always grubby.....that's why :-)

OTTMummA Fri 09-Nov-12 08:11:31

Yes, organisation is key! At the weekend I cut veggies up, peppers, cucumber, carrots and keep them in a box so if DD is having a bad day and I can't put her down got long I can snack on those with dome hummus/salsa. Also, if you can I would cook 2-3 meals at the weekend, or double up a recipe like spaghetti Bol, cottage pie, casserole, stew etc and freeze so on at least 2-3 days in the week you don't have to cook a whole meal from scratch

LittleBearPad Fri 09-Nov-12 08:11:36

You can do it. You may be just as tired on Monday morning (sorry) so achieving today will make you feel you can do it on Monday and then Tuesday etc. Good luck

crunchernumber Fri 09-Nov-12 08:16:13

Oh and tell DH he is in charge of dinner.

Be it cooking, ready meal or takeaway.

Tuttutitlookslikerain Fri 09-Nov-12 08:16:21

Grumpla is so right!

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Fri 09-Nov-12 08:20:15

You will be able to manage today, and you will feel much better for doing so.

Anyway, it's Friday, so your dh will be around tomorrow and Sunday.

I used to think a good day when they were little was a day in which the kids and I were fed, and there was no more washing at the end of the day than there was at the beginning.

Just mark time, survive, and it will get better soon.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Fri 09-Nov-12 08:21:50

HelsBels - How long are you having off on maternity leave? If it's a year, why not see if there's a local nursery that can take DS? It's a bit of a grind having to take him 14 miles isn't it?

What's he like? Does he amuse himself around the house quite well, or would he be a demanding energetic whirl of toddler? That would determine whether I took him today or not grin But you can't ask DH to stay home, no, save that for when one of you is ill.

DigestivesWithCheese Fri 09-Nov-12 08:22:12

Grumpla - I love "Everyone is fed, nobody is dead" grin I am actually going to write that out in big letters and stick it up on the wall once my twins arrive. Then when DH gets home from work and I've had a difficult day, I can just point at it instead of explaining why the place is such a tip!

QuickLookBusy Fri 09-Nov-12 08:23:21

I think I will be a lone voice here, but I think telling someone who barely slept, to drive 14 miles with 2 small dc, is ridiculous.

Do have a shower and breakfast and see how you feel, but of you still feel absolutely rubbish, do not get in the car with your DC and drive 14 miles.

Have a quiet weekend, get as much rest as possible and get organised for Monday morning. You'll feel fully prepared and ready for it all then.

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Fri 09-Nov-12 08:24:29

Oh, I agree Quick.

I don't think you should drive either.

This is where tv/dvd's come into their own.

Grumpla Fri 09-Nov-12 08:24:44

Ha! If I had the time to cross-stitch I could do a nice line in inspiring samplers grin

QuickLookBusy Fri 09-Nov-12 08:34:42

I'm glad I'm not the only one Maryz.

Op you said DS isn't himself, after his trip to A and E. I bet he'd much rather be at home than at nursery. You're not staying home for you, you're doing it for your DSwink

Gentleness Fri 09-Nov-12 08:37:47

I often feel like a quiet day in will really help us all feel better. Then when the 3.1yo and 1.5yo start fighting over Lego and are too wound up to nap, I remember that it is much easier to get out for even just a bit and tire them out so I can have a proper rest in the afternoon. And it's too late by then and we all feel so much worse...

2monkeybums Fri 09-Nov-12 08:41:24

Do it today instead of worrying about it until Monday. You will feel very pleased with yourself and much more confident when its all over this evening.

DH has gone to work without me sobbing or begging him to stay which is a start. DS1 is very tired & grumpy & has a cold so we may stay home, not decided yet.

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Fri 09-Nov-12 08:46:47

Good for you.

Stay home, pretend it's snowing. I hope you have chocolate smile

And you can go for a walk after lunch, just to get out for an hour if you really need to.

Just try not to clock watch [voice of bitter experience]. Clocks go slower if you watch them too closely.

3littlefrogs Fri 09-Nov-12 08:49:42

Your ds has had a head injury and probably now has a headache. No wonder he is unsettled.

I would suggest a duvet day for everyone. Honestly - he can't tell you how he is feeling, but I remember having a bad fall and a split forehead when I was about 6, and feeling really ill and headachey for days afterwards. The fact that i remember it clearly, 50 years on, is significant I think.

I definitely wouldn't drive 14 miles with 2 small children after no sleep. Did anyone see that programme about unsafe drivers this week?

Grumpla Fri 09-Nov-12 08:54:40

Getting out for a walk is always a good plan but see it as a bonus rather than something you have to do! For the longer term, an all-in-one waterproof for the toddler makes trips to the garden / park much less stressful as can just put on over clothes and unpeel at front door and leave until DP comes home. Much less stressful than having to change completely / out of muddy clothes etc.

I assumed you had already ruled out the drive to nursery when I posted, definitely agree that if you are absolutely exhausted then 15 miles in a car with two children is NOT a terribly safe idea.

Do please remember to keep yourself fed & watered! It's sooo easy in those early weeks of juggling to suddenly get to absolute meltdown and realise you haven't eaten, drunk anything or weed for about six hours. NOT GOOD smile

Fakebook Fri 09-Nov-12 08:58:45

YABU. Chances are 2 year old will conk out when he gets tired during the day. Leave your pyjamas on and put them both in your bed and have a siesta. Or camp out on the sofa with a dvd and Chocolate biscuits. That's what I'd do.

addictedisback Fri 09-Nov-12 08:59:33

sorry missed the 15 mile drive, not such a good idea on no sleep.

But well done on letting dh leave the house with out begging him to stay!

now make the living room safe, close the door, put on a dvd and doze on the sofa with baby. Then think about going for a walk if every one is happy and awake (noting worse than taking grupmy toddler and grumpy baby on a walk with a grumpy mummy. it would be better all round to just put on another dvd!)

JugglingWithPossibilities Fri 09-Nov-12 09:03:52

Well done on being brave and waving off DH for your first day with two on your own (for a few hours anyway)

Now time for a decision about DS1 and Nursery. What will be easier for you and make a better day for all three of you ? I don't think 14 miles is a really long drive so unless you feel completely wrecked it could be worth the initial effort of bundling everyone in the car to have a day just with DS2 ?
Or duvet, sofa, and DVD day sounds good - with chocolate !
I think regarding DS1's bump he's had a good 24 hours plus at home and been reasonably OK so Nursery should be able to look after him fine if that's what you go for.
HTH
Have a good day - We all remember it well and will be thinking of you.
Keep us posted - We'll be here for some company brew

I'm not going to do the drive, it's 14 miles each way & I'm just shattered. I have thought about finding a nursery closer to home but he's really happy & settled where he is & I don't want to totally throw his routine when a new baby had arrived.

The in laws are just up the road & DH is going to see if they can help out today, but part of me is determined to be stubborn & do it myself. I never doubted I could do it on my own really, I just didn't want to!

Think Monsters Inc will be on repeat play today!

JugglingWithPossibilities Fri 09-Nov-12 09:32:59

Enjoy your little monsters MrsHels smile
- And I always found CeeBeebies was great and a life saver too
- nice to feel you have some company sometimes without having to leave the house smile
Hope you have a good day. If the in-laws are just up the road maybe MIL could pop round for a chat or you could walk up to theirs. Anything really to break up the day and they might like to feel needed now your Mum has gone home ? wink

Well we've been to the park. Had only been there 5 minutes when DS1 announced we had to go home hmm despite nagging to go!

MIL was apparently going to call this morning to offer help but I've not heard anything. We have a bit of an awkward relationship so I don't really want to call her.

Is it wine o' clock yet?

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Fri 09-Nov-12 13:08:02

Well done, you have got to the afternoon, so you are halfway there.

And you have been out of the house, a major achievement.

dvd's, chocolate, naps for everyone, and your dh to cook dinner. And the day will be over.

It will get easier.

WileyRoadRunner Fri 09-Nov-12 13:11:13

You can do this.

It is scary going from one to two.

Soon you will adapt to the tiredness and be able to function without opening your eyes!

There is nothing wrong with a day in front of the TV. Especially as your eldest has got his head glued together!

Heard from MIL & DS1 is going to them for a bit this afternoon so I might be able to grab some sleep after all.
Part of me feels a bit of a failure for calling in help though blush

QuickLookBusy Fri 09-Nov-12 14:17:21

Oh please don feel a failure Mrs

These first few weeks/months are the hardest with two dc. It takes a while to get used to having two Dc and to get over the birth! It's really not easy.
Your trip to A and E must have been scary too, I expect all sorts was running through your head about poor DS, you and him need time too get over that.

I expect MIL will love having your Ds for a few hours. Most Grannies do.

Have a sleep and promise not to be too hard on yourself.smile

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Fri 09-Nov-12 14:20:30

Nope, you didn't know you were going to get help. And you know you would have managed if you had to. Which will make it much easier next time.

ds1 will get love and sympathy for his bang from the grandparents, you will get a break, your dh got to work. And (to add to the wonderful day), everyone is fed, no-one is dead.

It sounds like a success to me smile

katiecubs Fri 09-Nov-12 14:25:56

Grumpla did you make that up?! LOVE it.

JugglingWithPossibilities Fri 09-Nov-12 14:34:20

Never be afraid to delegate ! It's a great art grin
Have a cuppa with DS2 whilst DS1 at Grannies brew

NameGotLostInCyberspace Fri 09-Nov-12 14:39:14

Grumpla, your 1st post brought a tear to my eye. (soppy cow)! I have two and know how hard it is. Now they are 5 and 2 and you are absolutely right! smile

That's a huge difference from having someone living with you, to have a couple of hours help in the afternoon. Lucky you having parents there to help; I'm grateful for that too! Sounds like you are doing a great job!

KenLeeeeeee Fri 09-Nov-12 16:41:52

YANBU to be scared about managing by yourself, and you are not a failure for asking for help. Going from 1 to 2 kids was very scary at first, but you will find it easier bit by bit. Promise.

Journey Fri 09-Nov-12 18:48:04

I think you need to start managing on your own. You've relied too heavily on your mum. Once you've done it a few times on your own you'll get in the swing of things, rather than running to the phone for help.

Well DH is home, the boys are going to bed so I made it! Couldn't have done it without you lovely nest of vipers grin

Grumpla Fri 09-Nov-12 21:16:54

Congratulations Helsbels you did it!!!

Is everybody fed? YES!
Is nobody dead? YES!

YOU WIN!!!!!

Grumpla Fri 09-Nov-12 21:17:53

And thee is no shame in accepting help when you need it, by the way smile

addictedisback Fri 09-Nov-12 21:26:27

Congratulations! Well done, enjoy the weekend with dh and Monday will be easier, after all you've already done it once grin

Journey how old are your children? Do you have more than one? Do you remember what the early days were like? have my first biscuit

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