to think the new ASDA advert is the biggest pile of sexist crap in a long time

(1000 Posts)
MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 11:52:15

to think its trying to APPEAL to women? dur!

HecatePhosphorus Mon 05-Nov-12 11:58:29

Not seen it. Do you have a link?

BegoniaBampot Mon 05-Nov-12 11:58:41

Was thinking of starting a thread as well. Just saw it - it's bloody awful for lots of different reasons.

beachyhead Mon 05-Nov-12 11:59:41

Crap version of the John Lewis one, done for about a tenth of the price...

WorraLiberty Mon 05-Nov-12 11:59:50

I thought the about insulting to men!

What was it? Something like "Behind every great Christmas is a great Mum"?

Some sort of claptrap like that

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 12:00:04

quick look on youtube

cant see it

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 12:01:27

Mums are busy aren't they - I think they should demand more sponsorship money from P&G.

PinkPepper Mon 05-Nov-12 12:02:14

It's stupid. I like the watching all the prep that goes into it. But no reason why the 'mum' has to do it

But I mainly hate it because I lost my mum v recently and the wording is just crappy for that.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 12:02:44

read this
they have a rolling mumdex

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 12:04:25

it insults everyone who isnt a stereotypical family and ONCE AGAIN presents the classic nurturing mum at home is a good mum crap.

Dads dont feature because remember they " find it too hard" * rolls eyes*

its just like an advert from the 1950s

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 12:04:38

lol at busy mums cliche klaxon

fluffyraggies Mon 05-Nov-12 12:06:37

That link ... WTF? It looks like the klu klux klan stood behind them confused

Dahlen Mon 05-Nov-12 12:10:09

grin at fluffyraggies

Ha fluffyragged - it IS the klan sending a subliminal message - 'woman, pull your finger out your arse or we will set you on fire.'

This link should work:

YANBU, it's a pile of rubbish. Why is everything left up to the mum? they are all a lazy bunch of useless articles in that house.

And, is it really acceptable now to suggest that men are so useless they can do almost nothing?

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 12:17:40

and behing mum there should be a bloody divorce lawyer

GreyGardens Mon 05-Nov-12 12:17:52

God that is just vile! Martyrish nonsense and doesn't resemble anything about my life.
Bad enough she's hoovering with the baby and wrapping the presents in shit paper, but then the pathetic excuse for a husband asks 'what's for tea love?'. Nauseating. Should end with a 'leave the bastard' voice-over smile.

Caerlaverock Mon 05-Nov-12 12:18:20

Load of shite but I am not the demographic as the thought of buying a turkey from asda makes me dry retch

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 12:18:25

and tbh even she is a bit crap

why cant she wrap a present?

Caerlaverock Mon 05-Nov-12 12:19:45

Maureen she might have wrapping isshoos, you are so insensitive

TheVermiciousKnid Mon 05-Nov-12 12:20:48

Simply awful. A big pile of misogynistic shite.

HoolioHallio Mon 05-Nov-12 12:22:06

YANBU. Another reason not to go to Asda.

HollyGoHeavily Mon 05-Nov-12 12:22:15

Appalling, misogynistic shite - I don't know who should be more offended me or my DP....

Goofus Mon 05-Nov-12 12:22:47

I saw that earlier. I actually quite liked it blush

runs and never shows face on MN again

I don't know, I found it quite humorous and I suppose it reminded me of everything I end up doing at Christmas (except the dinner which DH does).

I get the sexist point people are making but I like the advert.

Caerlaverock Mon 05-Nov-12 12:23:51

I thought it was the LAW that a member of loose women had to feature in all asda and Iceland adverts? [runs off to phone ofcom]

HeadlessForHalloween Mon 05-Nov-12 12:25:27

If my husband had been that fucking useless in the run up to Christmas, and then come out with the line "What's for tea love"? just as I'd sat down, I'd punch him. Then divorce him. Then maybe punch him a bit more.

What a pile of sexist shite.

WorraLiberty Mon 05-Nov-12 12:25:44

It's insulting to both sexes in equal measures I think.

It makes him look like an utter lazy arse who has been so 'Mothered' by his wife that he's not even allowed to choose a Christmas tree and is quite willing to sit around while she runs herself ragged.

And it makes her look like an idiot martyr crossed with a control freak.

Oh and then there's the lazy PILs sat on their arses on the couch!

GreyGardens Mon 05-Nov-12 12:27:16

And the equally useless kids.
I can't get beyond the appalling wrapping to be honest. I don't suppose I am their target demographic though [snob emoticon]

TheVermiciousKnid Mon 05-Nov-12 12:27:31

You're quite right, Worra. It's misandrist as well as misogynist shite. A big pile of double shite.

I rarely shop at ASDA anyway. I'll make sure I won't shop there at all.

Narked Mon 05-Nov-12 12:28:49

I don't know who should be more offended me or my DP

^ This

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 12:33:55

AIBU to leave my husband? He has spent all of Christmas sitting around on his arse watching TV whilst I peeled all the veg and potatoes. I asked him to buy a tree but he said he didn't know what I liked so could I go with him. Same for the wrapping. He says he's useless so that left me to do ithat as well.

The kid's nativity - couldn't even make it. Some office party. He's really a complete slob - I even have to write and post all the cards to his family as well.

I've just sat down. They're all sat on their arses watching TV including PIL. And now he's just asked me what's for tea, love sad

Still, at least I've given everyone a great Christmas.


MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 12:35:57



KenLeeeeeee Mon 05-Nov-12 12:37:04

Thank fook I'm not alone in raging about it.

WorraLiberty Mon 05-Nov-12 12:40:38

Yes but the thing about this stupid woman is that she's obviously quite happy with the bastard.

That makes it worse for me because it totally normalises that sort of behaviour.

OptimisticPessimist Mon 05-Nov-12 12:41:28

So glad it's not just me. I had RAGE when I saw it last night.

Bogeyface Mon 05-Nov-12 12:42:49

I was ok with it, as thats pretty much what happens in our house, because I am the control freaks control freak when it comes to Christmas.

But "Whats for tea, love?" makes me want to kill that prick RIGHT NOW!

Xmas at home, New Year in Strangeways if I that happened here!

MrsDeVere Mon 05-Nov-12 12:43:02

I can't wait to see it! I want to watch with all the dcs (and preferably their friends) gathered around.
Then I can go off on an educational if albeit embarrassing (for the dcs) rant about sexism and misogyny in advertising.

I love doing that.

Looking around at their bewildered little faces <happy sigh>

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 12:44:25

My husband was in a rage over this ad last night. It was shitola. I don't think I'm asda's idea of a mum tbh.

HeadlessForHalloween Mon 05-Nov-12 12:44:45

I was laughing at this thread title before I saw the ad. I thought that surely it couldn't be that bad, and someone was having an overreaction. Then I saw it, it's truly awful.

EscapeInTheCity Mon 05-Nov-12 12:45:13

I have to say, I could see the reason behind the ad. After all that's the reality for a lot, if not most, women

... that is until the guy then says 'what's for tea love?' when his dw has very clearly been running around everyone (incl all the grand parents) and hadn't stopped one second etc... and you can't see him helping at all

Then it made me want to strangle him

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 12:45:23

Even my kids shouted out SEXIST

WorraLiberty Mon 05-Nov-12 12:46:41

It makes me want to strangle both of them!

I've got 3 boys and they were all outraged in equal measures grin

HeadlessForHalloween Mon 05-Nov-12 12:47:56

DH will be indignant when he sees it. I do most of the preparation for Christmas, but that's because I'm at home, the kids are at school and DH works away all week. But he wouldn't bloody sit there doing nothing Christmas day, he always helps with wrapping, he's the one that decorates the tree with the dc (I get the rage watching small children put decs and lights on unevenly grin), and he always emails ideas for presents, picks stuff up etc.

HeadlessForHalloween Mon 05-Nov-12 12:49:43

MrsDeVere grin

Goofus Mon 05-Nov-12 12:50:02

Ah, now being pretty much the only person on this thread to like the advert, I had another watch. I didn't realise he said ''what's for tea, love?'' at the end.

That part does make me slightly stabby, I must admit. angry But the advert in general does reflect my family set up.

pudding25 Mon 05-Nov-12 12:51:32

It is so awful. It is like something from the 1950's.

WorraLiberty Mon 05-Nov-12 12:53:51

Then again if his wife's that much of a martyr, he's probably not allowed to make his own tea...

Aspiemum2 Mon 05-Nov-12 12:55:52

I saw the ad this morning and my first thought was "that's a thread waiting to happen"!!
Dh cooks Christmas dinner in our house, I'm too busy taking toys out of cardboard boxes and inserting 200,000 batteries into the assorted toys which I then test to ensure they work wink

Poor dh, all the work and none of the credit!

I do buy the presents but I get most of them online as its cheaper and easier, I never get stressed at Christmas - asda mums are doing it wrong!!

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 12:56:07

I bet she's used Fairy Liquid to wash up as well.

Is the grandma on the sofa at the end of the ad reading 50 Shades of Grey? Next to a baby?!?

<phones SS>

FrighteningPuffin Mon 05-Nov-12 12:56:12

It is fucking awful.

I did actual rage at the tv after it, dh was like hmm

JugglingWithPossibilities Mon 05-Nov-12 12:56:14

Bad judgement ending on "What's for tea, love ?" I thought.

Definitely a step too far there for me ... how about ending with a kid playing happily with a new toy and saying "Thanks Mum" smile - the sort of thing that makes Christmas worth the effort ....

Maybe cheesy, but much truer I reckon in the 21st century ... or I hope so anyway !

Mostly we care more about our DC's happiness than our DH's these days I think you'll find ... and if we cooked lunch it's their turn to do tea ... though mine actually does a mean Christmas dinner with a bit of team-work all round.

FrighteningPuffin Mon 05-Nov-12 12:58:17

Rage was equal between cunty husband and martyr of the year wife.


HeadlessForHalloween Mon 05-Nov-12 13:00:53

Haha! I didn't see the 50 shades book! I actually like that bit, maybe I should get it for mil for Christmas !

SirSugar Mon 05-Nov-12 13:01:42

I got mighty peed off when she sat down on the lowly poof at the lunch table

HeadlessForHalloween Mon 05-Nov-12 13:01:51

That sounds like a freaky superhero pair, "Cunty Husband and Martyr Wife!".

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 13:02:18

I saw this as yesterday and my flabber was gasted! What a load of sexist drivel.

'What's for tea?'

A kick up the jacksie you lazy, gluttonous shite.

justmatureenough2bdad Mon 05-Nov-12 13:03:25

i heard a radio advert for halfords the other day that was narrated by a woman and ran along the lines of...
"what to do when headlight bulb goes; don't touch it because of my nails, tell husband who will break somethingn else trying to change bulb; take it to halfords where they will do it for you...."

DW and I just stared at each other in slack-jawed amazement! we were both offended!

Irrelevant, I know, but how does her hair look so fucking bouncy at the end? She got up early, made a huge dinner bla bla bla - my hair never looks like that, even when I've just been to the hairdressers.

Anyway, that 'What's for tea love' at the end finished me off I'm afraid. An utter load of tripe.

Tressy Mon 05-Nov-12 13:07:10

I quite liked it the first time I saw it, as I thought it was trying to show how preparations can be manic and it was an antidoce to all the perfect christmas ads. But watched it properly and thought the message was just wrong!

My christmases were similar when I had little ones as I didn't have anyone to help out.

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 13:08:37

I've just re-watched and it's worse than I first thought. How patronising is that husband's look when she plonks her Martyred Mum Bum on that pouffe.

They're going for the 'cosy, busy, heartwarming, family Christmas' vibe.


GoldenPeppermintCreams Mon 05-Nov-12 13:09:42

I like the idea of THE manic Christmas preparations, but the whole mum think is too much.

CaseyShraeger Mon 05-Nov-12 13:09:58

But it's all OK, don't you see, because although she's spent weeks running herself ragged, they drink a toast to her during Christmas dinner. That always resolves any issues of gender politics...

GreyGardens Mon 05-Nov-12 13:12:50

I can't believe she donned a Cath Kidston-esque apron to load the dishwasher after lunch. Still smiling. I would be necking a bottle of champers, never mind that feeble glass of red.

GoldenPeppermintCreams Mon 05-Nov-12 13:13:25

Don't know why I had a random capital word, and think=thing. <gets her coat>

Aboutlastnight Mon 05-Nov-12 13:14:18


My DP cooks for us, he gets the kids up in the morning when I have been working late shift. He looks after them when I am on nightshift, he cares fur them when I work at the weekend. He feeds them, he plays with them, he mops up poo, wee and tears.

He is more than capable of doing what I do...and more. We are a partnership, many, many families work this way.

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 13:14:40

Even in the kitchen it's Martyr Mum and Female Relative doing the washing up!

I'd rather spend Christmas with the grumpy farmer Dad from the Hovis Ads.

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 13:14:45

And who actually prepares for Christmas like that? Its like chrustmas from 1970s - no internet, no shops open after 5.30, no sunday trading.

Surely asda should be showcasing how easy it can all be, she should be sat watching the X factor drinking a nice glass of cheap asda plonk while ordering all the kids toys from the asda website. Then lovely asda delivery man brings food shop.


GreenShadow Mon 05-Nov-12 13:16:08

But surely the whole point about the 'What's for tea' is to highlight what everyone has been saying upthread.

MonthlyFullMoon Mon 05-Nov-12 13:18:19

Erm, I thought it was humerous and was more how I felt in December than all calm and lovely.


MonthlyFullMoon Mon 05-Nov-12 13:19:33

Surely the point of advertising is to get you to remember it, either good or bad. like bloody go compare

Whitamakafullo Mon 05-Nov-12 13:21:16

I knew there would be a thread about this advert grin

DH would have to remove the turkey from his arse if we were the couple in the advert.

Thank god we are not!

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 13:23:37

See I thought the point of advertising was to make you buy the product.

Silly me.

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 13:23:44

MonthlyFullMoon The point of advertising is to get you to buy the product not for you just to remember it.

Advertising history is littered with memorable advertisements that got it so very, very wrong.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 13:25:13

Yeah its shit, but TBH its reality for many!

When I lived with the EX, I wasn't downtrodden, but I totally owned the christmas prep, utter control freak about it I suppose, but I enjoyed doing it. It had to be done in a particular way and no one else but me could do it.

I think lots of people adopt a similar approach. <surely its not just me?>

Im much more relaxed about it all these days, I just open a bottle at 10am 12pm and get on with it.

randomness Mon 05-Nov-12 13:25:38

It's pretty accurate in some ways. Depressingly.

In our house, dh does quite a bit, but the shopping, most of the cooking, the present buying, the organising and the actual body of the work, is down to me.
I am that martyred mum Asda is advertising to shock

Shame I stopped shopping in Asda because they're not as bloody cheap as they try to make you think and Sainsbos is far more pleasant. Hah.

They should do a dad's version at least, the one where as soon as the kids go back to school in September, I mum comes up with a list of DIY for poor martyred dad to do in time for Christmas in penance for being a lazy waster the rest of the year.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 13:25:52

mind you ASDA is a bit C1 C2 isnt it?


ScarahScreams Mon 05-Nov-12 13:25:52

Agreement ! The only shot of the man is when he's in bloody bed. I was shouting at the TV last night it's fucking awful.
The drudgery of being a Mum. Haven't we moved on from that shit now ?

thestringcheesemassacre Mon 05-Nov-12 13:26:00

Pile of wank.

When she comes out of the kitchen at the end and is all smiles as she sees all the LAZYARSE family watching tv. I would be raging at that point.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 13:26:15

you lot who see yourself in that woman - arent you ashamed? You are a DRUDGE

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 13:26:15

12pm on christmas day, not every day!

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 13:30:04

I see this ad was dreamt up by Saatchi and Saatchi therefore it's fair to say it cost Asda ££££££. After it's weekend launch I'm sure they are scouring twitter etc, for feedback on this costly exercise.


The overriding reeaction on the internet seems to be 'WTF!'.

shriekingnora Mon 05-Nov-12 13:30:23

I think they should do a realistic version. Complete with bickering about who has to go and get the tree/presents/food, drunken shouting and laughing at the telly, hysterical kids crying in the corner 'cause they've broken their new stuff already, people eating quality street by the kilo and looking a bit green, parents unable to drink so much as a sip of champagne without getting tipsy as they've had two hours sleep and then a couple trying to fit all the recycling in the bin. As a closing shot I would suggest the camera pans to a pile of Christmas cards on top of the fridge that both person thought the other was posting.

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 13:30:51

Drudgery is so aspirational for Christmas 2012, doncha know!

MonthlyFullMoon Mon 05-Nov-12 13:34:03

My dh is not fussed on Christmas and would be happy with no decorations etc. But I love it so am happy to do it all because I am a control perfectionist freak

CointreauVersial Mon 05-Nov-12 13:34:51

Oh dear. It made me smile, I'm afraid. There were certainly a couple of scenes that struck me as all-too-familiar - sitting on random seats at the dining table, sweating in a wooly scarf at the shops, trying to get the christmas lights to reach the socket.... I just took it at face value: a gently humorous view of all the mad preparation that goes into Christmas.

Sexist though, undoubtedly. But it's an advert for a supermarket, not a political manifesto, and I can't get myself worked up about it.

Mintyy Mon 05-Nov-12 13:36:35

It is a hateful advertisement. I actually feel quite upset by it.

GreyGardens Mon 05-Nov-12 13:37:02

But MonthlyFullMoon, presumably he likes to eat the food, so he could cook lunch/wash up?
I happily decorate the tree and write the cards because I am more artistic than dp and have nicer handwriting, but he's a bloody good cook so will do that. We would both get the house ready and tidy up. It's such an outmoded stereotype.

IsabelleRinging Mon 05-Nov-12 13:37:19

Actually, Christmas is exactly like that for me, (and probably loads of other families), so it probably will appeal a big part of the population.

Won't persuede me to shop at Asda though.

IsabelleRinging Mon 05-Nov-12 13:37:50

DH does help with the dishes though!

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 13:41:24

If the run up to Christmas and the day itself is actually like that for you I think you need to be having a serious look at your family dynamics.

MonthlyFullMoon Mon 05-Nov-12 13:41:55

God grey, i didn't say my dh didn't not wash up! We make Christmas dinner togethrr, he does all the washing up as he does every day of the year (I do clothes, he does dishes)
I just enjoy the whole decorating/shopping/cards/presents/wrapping too much so its all my domain. Sorry I don't want to leave the bastard

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 13:42:56

Ugh, I feel sorry for anyone who sees that ad as a reflection of their own family set-up.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 13:44:22

WOMEN! dont send cards!

I stopped in er.. 1998 and have never bothered since. Loons still send them to us though to try and break me

JugglingWithPossibilities Mon 05-Nov-12 13:46:23

I guess most of us can relate to some small parts of it though - in terms of Christmas preparation - you know wrapping presents, preparing veg ... it's all pretty familiar. The family dynamics though are not ones I aspire to ! And that's them on a good day !

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 13:46:45

Ugh, I feel sorry for anyone who gets so worked up about an advert for a shop that they don't even shop in!

So worked up that they are calling women who enjoy christmas prep drudges.

<hands round grips>

rainonmyparade Mon 05-Nov-12 13:47:01

I really liked the advert. I do get the point that some might be offended but it kinda summed up my whole Christmas, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It made me smile at the end.

IsabelleRinging Mon 05-Nov-12 13:47:03

DH is working from early in the morning to around 6pm every day, and some days away from home, usually until the lunchtime of Christmas eve. I work in a school part time and will finish a few days before so someone has to get ready for Christmas and seeing as I have more time why shouldn't it be me?
I think most of you missed the pint of the advert, which is showing what Christmas is actually like, in lots of homes, not what it should be like.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 13:47:59

its showing a woman conforming to every single stereotype that exists and that a lto of women would like to make ancient history.

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 13:49:00

I think most of you missed the pint of the advert, which is showing what Christmas is actually like, in lots of homes, not what it should be like.

You think? None of my female friends martyr themselves to the degree shown in that ad. To me that ad is quite foreign.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 13:49:24

The women on here who see it as their family need to take a long look at themselves realise that when the shit hits the fan and you cant do it ( for whatever reason) you'll have some emasculated wimp at home unable to cook as " the wife wouldn't let me" and your children will STILL see it as a womans job to be primary carer.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 13:49:46

maybe its the asda shoppers who aspire to be drudges squoosh

JugglingWithPossibilities Mon 05-Nov-12 13:50:48

I think Christmas is actually way worse than that in many homes sad

Especially ones where the DH is such a lazy arse - And the family dynamics are so crap.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 13:51:30

Isabelle - an advert that endorses sexist attitudes shouldn't be allowed even if "life is like that" for some.

you wouldn't allow lazy racial steroptypes ( ie black men are good dancers) as some of them might do a snazzy Cha cha cha

shriekingnora Mon 05-Nov-12 13:52:34

This has just happened to a friend of mine - went in to hospital for an op, her Dh is completely unable to cook or organise the kids and she ended up having friends take food round every day while she recovered.

cerealqueen Mon 05-Nov-12 13:54:44

I don't want to be that person and even worse, don't want DP and the Dc thinking it will all be down to me and that I'm not up to scratch unless I do all that.
Thing is, I can see that it will be down to me, or things just don't happen.

Crock of shite, whatever way you look at it.

cerealqueen Mon 05-Nov-12 13:55:04

I don't want to be that person and even worse, don't want DP and the Dc thinking it will all be down to me and that I'm not up to scratch unless I do all that.
Thing is, I can see that it will be down to me, or things just don't happen.

Crock of shite, whatever way you look at it.

cerealqueen Mon 05-Nov-12 13:55:35

I don't want to be that person and even worse, don't want DP and the Dc thinking it will all be down to me and that I'm not up to scratch unless I do all that.
Thing is, I can see that it will be down to me, or things just don't happen. sad.

Crock of shite, whatever way you look at it.

cerealqueen Mon 05-Nov-12 13:56:31

oops, kept getting gobbledygook when tried to post! Oh well, so good I said it thrice!

ForFoxsGlacierMints Mon 05-Nov-12 13:56:46

Ha! I liked the advert and am also a drudge!

Turns out I LOVE being a drudge, who knew?!

Thing is I'm happy as are my family so it works for us.

Big Fail on the part of ASDA to come up with such unmitigated shite.

However, this is not the only crap ad out there. Have any of you yet seen the Tescos ad featuring the woman in one of their stores and the Furby which is singing along to Hello by Lionel Ritchie?.

bigkidsdidit Mon 05-Nov-12 13:59:32

It gave me RAGE

People saying 'thats what life is like' should a) take a look at themselves and their family and b) realise that adverts are meant to be aspirational, not depressing

Procrastinating Mon 05-Nov-12 13:59:45

God that woman's life is awful.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 14:00:41

the women who love it are martyrs.
they will be on here in a few years time when their kids are teenagers moaning about being everyones slave

KenLeeeeeee Mon 05-Nov-12 14:02:16

Now hang on, the singing Furby is a genius piece of marketing.

rainonmyparade Mon 05-Nov-12 14:02:58

My DH doesn't have a lazy bone in his body. I love preparing for Christmas. It's my favourite time of the year actually. Yes, it's really busy, but I love it.

We have clearly defined roles in our family unit. It works really well for us. Everybody's happy.

Please don't feel angry on my behalf.

kerala Mon 05-Nov-12 14:03:05

Agree so much sexist shit on TV. Was channel flicking last night and happened upon Mock the Week had never seen it before. Basically it seemed to be 6 men making grim misogynistic jokes - I felt really uncomfortable witnessing it in my own sitting room - if I had been sitting in a pub next to such people I would have moved. One guy (deeply unattractive) did a bit about how men didnt fancy strong women only fancying those who were messed up by their fathers as they were "dirtier in bed". Then went on to say how he felt watching the womens 100 metres "do her, never, maybe from behind". Bloody awful and it was only about 9pm. No wonder teenage girls struggle if this vileness is promoted as the norm sad. Couldnt help but think if such "jokes" were made about people of a particular colour or race it wouldnt (rightly) be allowed on TV but women are fair game. Sorry rant over!

TheOriginalSteamingNit Mon 05-Nov-12 14:03:29

Jesus christ, and she doesn't even have a proper chair at lunch time!

That advert is abominable.

amy175 Mon 05-Nov-12 14:04:03

thats tesco!

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 14:04:16

theres a difference between loving it and being someones drudge

Talking of crap ads, how about this one by Tescos:-

You will be seeing more of it no doubt in the run up to the Festive Season.

ForFoxsGlacierMints Mon 05-Nov-12 14:04:51

How are you being a martyr to do stuff you enjoy?! Without any "oh woe is me.."

You can still do Christmas and run a house without being a slave. I don't think thats what the advert shows, it's only showing it from the mum's perspective - the DC's/DH may have been busy with other stuff.

Is it not depressing to overthink everything?

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 14:05:50

i odnt mind the furby one but i would SO SO LOVE someone to change it to a big pink dildo

ForFoxsGlacierMints Mon 05-Nov-12 14:06:11

Sorry - x-posted!

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 14:06:25

It's hardly overthinking if it's already been thought out by Saatchi and Saatchi and the Asda Executives on our behalfs confused

Mintyy Mon 05-Nov-12 14:06:30

She is standing up dishing vegetables onto his plate FFS! How could they come up with such shite?

lovelyladuree Mon 05-Nov-12 14:07:30

I like it. Almost makes me want to shop there luckily we live about 50 miles from one.

GreyGardens Mon 05-Nov-12 14:07:34

The ad is even more depressing on second viewing.
I just don't get all these posters saying 'it's my life' and 'I love doing Christmas'... well I love Christmas too but don't think the point of it is to be a total doormat. The woman in the ad does everything from setting the table to washing up, it's hideous. Am truly glad it's bears no resemblance to my life.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 14:07:57

she doesnt even get a frigging chair

martyr tastic

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 14:08:06

I think it's depressing not to think at all.

That woman isn't enjoying herself.

Cortana Mon 05-Nov-12 14:08:26

That's terrible shriekingnora, I mean it's lovely that the friends rallied round to help, but very sad that a grown man was unable to look after himself and his children.

I watched the advert twice, it's awful IMHO. I mean why not wash up together? Give the person who cooked the meal the top seat (man or woman)? Christmas is about family and friends, where were hers? She only got to sit down an enjoy it at the end of the day and that bawbag asks "What's for tea love?".

DontmindifIdo Mon 05-Nov-12 14:08:47

hmm, I recognise myself when they are buying a christmas tree as a couple and he wants to just buy the first one they see and she's insisting on getting a different one, then not being able to get it in the car...

We're hosting Christmas this year, I've taken this advert as a causionary tale and booked a Waitrose delivery. A Waitrose Christmas must be nicer...

TheOriginalSteamingNit Mon 05-Nov-12 14:10:05

Asda have never exactly been at the forefront of liberated attitudes, have they? All those women gleefully patting their trim little bottoms when they got 20p change back at the till....

You could show 'what Christmas is like for thousands of families' without even losing the schmaltz, and still not have this grinning idiot joyfully loading dishwashers whilst husband sits back and relaxes. This is what Saatchi and Saatchi are telling our girls is the normal and right way to be....

Goofus Mon 05-Nov-12 14:11:31

The part where he asks what's for tea and her getting the shit chair- I get that part is rather angry

But people making comments like they feel sorry for anyone who views their family set up like that, drudges, need to take a look at their lives etc...
Well, that's just rude.

shriekingnora Mon 05-Nov-12 14:11:49

She asked me once if Dh helped in the morning and was really surprised when I said yes. She then said 'Oh, I'm really traditional' followed by an embarrassed giggle. It then turned out her Dh lies in bed until 8.30 while she does EVERYTHING. And then he gets up when they leave for school. And she minds, but doesn't feel like she should.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 14:12:01

its true though. You share stuff. Not she does 90% and he takes the bins out.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 14:12:13

OR WORSE - she gives him jobs to do

GockandJuice Mon 05-Nov-12 14:13:08

If that was me after doing all that I'd sneak in with a massive klaxon horn and scare the living shit out the lazy bastards! Dumb advert!

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 14:15:52

Very much so Goofus!

I don't even view my family set up like that, im a single parent for one, I love christmas, the food, buying gifts etc.

Is it drudgery if the man does it too? or is that ok?

I don't even shop in Asda! never have!

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 05-Nov-12 14:16:42

Oh dear. Asda obviously think "People are gonna LOVE this! They'll think 'Asda really understand what christmas is like for us families'"

Except for families without mothers, you insensitive shits. Or families with mums that have disabilities that prevent them from doing all of the shit that martyr-mum in the advert does. Or families that have a mum that might be working on christmas day. Gah.

And my husband would NEVER let me sit on a frigging pouffe after I'd been slaving at dinner. angry

blueskycp Mon 05-Nov-12 14:19:08

It made me laugh and cringe at the same time as I do think unfortunately, it's like that for lots of women at Christmas. I do the lion's share in our household but I certainly wouldn't stand for lazy sods sitting around and not helping out.

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 05-Nov-12 14:21:37

OMG just watched it for a second time and noticed the "what's for tea, love" bit at the end.

<stab stab stab>

Hateful, hateful bastard thing.

JugglingWithPossibilities Mon 05-Nov-12 14:25:55

That last line is a bit of an add on voice-over though I noticed (and quieter than the rest of it)

Perhaps it was an after-thought - and one they'll be taking out after reading this thread ?!

TheOriginalSteamingNit Mon 05-Nov-12 14:27:50

@Amber - Is it drudgery if the man does it too? or is that ok?

Well, you show me the advert where the man is doing that, and I will happily deconstruct it and decide whether I think it's 'ok'. You might be a little while, though....

'Mum's a genius'; 'You must be Hank Marvin'; 'This is really good, love!' (yummi Maggi plastic bag cookery, wtf?)..... the men aren't doing it.

Women on the other hand loiter by the fridge to feed their hungry teenagers fridge meat in bags; they do get to do 'experiments' and be 'geniuses' - but within the confines of the kitchen; they are liberated from the hot stove with Maggi's bags to put chicken in, and PHEW Dad likes it, the kids like it, everyone's happy.... well thank the Lord for that!

Men carry heavy shopping and eat Yorkies. Obviously.

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 14:28:03

If that advert is an accurate depiction of Christmas in your house then you are a drudge.

GreenShadow Mon 05-Nov-12 14:28:33

What's wrong with division of labour?

DH does just as much as me both inside and outside the home, but Christmas does fall almost entirely in my court.

Sexist? Yes, possibly, but I'd rather cook turkey in the warm than chop logs outside. Someone has to do it, so why not me. Everyone else helps with clearing/washing up afterwards though, so in this house, it would be good old mum sitting with her feet up in front of the fire while the rest wash up!

Cortana Mon 05-Nov-12 14:32:08

This sums up a lot of advertising for me.

Mrsjay Mon 05-Nov-12 14:33:00

you will get busy mums doing busy christmassy things thoughwink

you read thread upon thread on here about how she likes to do it right and nobody else can organise like they can with baking and shopping and wrapping and decorating the house
christmas tree for kiddies in their playroom so as not to spoil busy christmas mums theme, Asda is just buying into all that nonsense , however YANBU it is a pile of poop id bin it will martyr Boots mummies with the cold

TheOriginalSteamingNit Mon 05-Nov-12 14:33:04

Nobody is saying it is sexist to cook turkey. That would be a bit reductive, and the advert is not about cooking turkey whilst the other member of a couple is outside chopping wood!

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 14:34:54

Sadly accurate.

GreenShadow Mon 05-Nov-12 14:35:22

OK, fair enough Nit. But the pre-Christmas shopping etc/sorting/organising tends to mainly fall on me as DH works long hours and I only do 12 hours a week. I can get to town to buy stocking fillers. He can't.

Mintyy Mon 05-Nov-12 14:41:10

Greenshadow, the way you organise yourselves at Christmas is irrelevant and obviously you are going to do more than your dh if you work 12 hours and he works full time.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Mon 05-Nov-12 14:41:30

Same for me, Greenshadow! However, for ASDA a S&S to present this as an especially heartwarming aspect of Christmas, of which your partner asking 'what's for tea', being given silver service at lunchtime whilst you only get a pouffe to sit on, smirking at your lazy bastard family whilst enjoying the glow of smugness which only domestic drudgery can give are all part and parcel..... well that's a bit awful, IMO.

RubyGates Mon 05-Nov-12 14:43:05

YABU, there is another ad on now for one of the "Find A Job" websites that apparently only finds stereotypical jobs for males. I can't remember who it's for but I'm really surprised that there hasn't been a thread about it yet. That's certainly a bigger pile of sexist crap.

cumfy Mon 05-Nov-12 14:44:44

Could someone please do a link ?
youtube is full of outtakes rather than the actual ad.

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 14:46:37
StuntGirl Mon 05-Nov-12 14:49:42

Haven't seen this before as we don't have a tv. Absolutely raging! What the fuck?! I thought those flash ones were fucking terrible showing women cleaning through the sodding ages, but at least that one had the excuse of being of a different time.

Worse thing is there's an element of truth to it, and that's even more sad and depressing sad

economistextra Mon 05-Nov-12 14:50:35

It is awful. Let's all boycott Asda. I'm going to use sainsbury instead.

Hexenbiest Mon 05-Nov-12 14:50:44

Actually I could easily have ended up with that Christmas if I'd given into demands that we have extended family Christmas.

There were a few Sunday Lunches after long weekend visits that were like that - only time DH would ask what's for tea like that with an air that its all on me is when his parents are round - no idea why - and a few time MIL/DH gave me the too small chair and few times before dishwasher I was left with young DC and plates piled high.

After getting resentful I refused to cook Sunday dinner - DH started doing it - and sat on the sofa if the chair was to small.

That advert doesn’t inspire me to rush out and spend money and time on my family and get on with Christmas shopping – makes me feel scrooge like as I remember past resentments and where I’ve felt unappreciated. We do shop there - well not online anymore as they screwed up the months delivery repeatedly so not good advertising really.

vjg13 Mon 05-Nov-12 15:02:11

It gave me good opportunity to explain the term misogynistic rubbish to my nine year old as we saw it yesterday!

Not keen on the messages of the advert and all that, but fuck me, there are some real snobby arse attitudes towards Asda on here. It's only a supermarket! Where people go to buy wine food.
It's a bit like being back at school "errrr you shop at Asda, how plebby".

I am a supermarket floozie, I get bored easily so take my pick on a week to week basis.

CheerMum Mon 05-Nov-12 15:12:45

just seen the ad, and hated the pouffe seat and "what's for tea" bits. ffs. mind you, don't asda also do a schoolwear advert that starts off with "mums don't know what a school uniform goes through". every time i see that i scream at the tv "of course she fucking does!"
big fat fail asda.

mind you, i'm a tesco gal

Wowserz129 Mon 05-Nov-12 15:19:43

At first I thought it was quite funny because my partner is like the grinch grin so very true for my house!


The what's for tea comment is just annoying!! Makes it sound like all women are the typical housewife the husband is a lazy arsehole who doesn't help at all.

Not very Christmas spirited, given its family time!

Would have been funnier if both parents were running around!

cumfy Mon 05-Nov-12 15:23:31

Thanks for the link squoosh.

Cliche ridden twaddle no doubt.
As is most advertising.
But, would it have been any better received with the roles exactly reversed ?

usualsuspect3 Mon 05-Nov-12 15:35:45


The snotty comments about people who shop at Asda on here are just as bad as the advert.

wasabipeanut Mon 05-Nov-12 15:41:39

If my DH treated me like that at Xmas I'd be consulting a very good lawyer in the New Year. I shop, he wraps. I cook but then do very little for the rest of the day.

The advert is shocking. Clever S & S though, we're all talking about it. I predict a Wright Stuff phone in before the end of the week.

Well that advert represents how my house was when ex was living with me. He couldn't present shop ( too hard), he couldn't wrap ( too hard), he couldn't cook ( got confused), couldn't play with the kids on Xmas day( cause he didn't know how too (that one was true actually, very damaged as a kid, long story another time)

By god he was useless. Everything was left for me too do, he couldn't even cope putting the Christmas tree up and threw it across the room one year because the kids were making too much noise.

However although the Asda advert stereotype rings true for me I can understand why it upsets people particularly if you are a single dad or you have just lost your mum or something.

Meh. Asda are crap anyway. I worked for them smile

thebody Mon 05-Nov-12 15:49:17

Well I shop at asda as its cheap and good quality.

But I actually spilled my ( cheap Asda) wine last night as saw advert for the first time. Dh was in stitches as he does all the Christmas cooking.

Very old fashioned and insulting.

However also dislike the boots winter advert where the mothers are in dressing gowns administering anti cold crap while husbands are leaving for work and kids to school. Very 1950s.

However loved the boots one last year with the 2 women with heavy colds. That was funny.

The sad thing is this advert will have been researched to death. Every frame will have been analysed in the light of the reaction from an audience of the consumer target - c2de mums.

This means that even the "what's for tea love?' sign off was overwhelmingly positively received.

Horrible thought but beyond mumsnet loving this advert was the first reaction for most.

Maybe more fuss needs to be made to get more people to view things more critically and question how appropriate this sort of thing is.

Though to be honest i think i'll stick to the anti page 3 campaign as that seems far more overtly worse. If less incidious.

butterfingerz Mon 05-Nov-12 17:48:29

It's obviously because women spend more money, so fair enough on the marketing front, job done.

But I hate it and my shadow will not darken asdas doorstep in the near future. The poor mum sitting on a footstool at the dining table... Aaargh, awful awful awful.

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 18:16:29

"Ooh those pesky men" is the response they expected.

CarpeThingy Mon 05-Nov-12 18:28:05


The thing is, that even within their 1950s style setup, it's still sexist. You can see that if you reverse the genders but keep the outdated assumptions (Mum runs the home, Dad works).

<tinkly music> Behind Every Great Christmas There's A Dad!

Dad rushes off to work. On the Tube would be good as you can have a comedy armpit moment with the strap-hangers.
Cut to Mum sorting decorations - "Yuck! I'm bored with this colour. Let's just go to ASDA and buy a new set of everything!"
Dad is now halfway up a ladder with a hod full of bricks.
Mum wafts around ASDA picking the perfect Christmas outfit for everyone.
Cut to home - "Could you just bring in a bit of money, darling?"
"Oh, but I'd be rubbish at that. I wouldn't know where to start!"
Dad gets his overalls on and starts shovelling shit in a farmyard.
Mum pushes loaded trolley round ASDA. Closeup of cash being handed over.
Dad slumps grey-faced on the sofa, surrounded by ringing phones, beeping laptops and paperwork.
Mum raises a Christmas cocktail.
"You know, I think I fancy Italy this summer!"

It's the perennial advertising "humour" of playing one sex off against the other.

TheOldestCat Mon 05-Nov-12 18:39:55

What a load of patronising wank.

Advertisers have such low expectations of their clients' punters.

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 18:46:59

Taken from Marketing Weekly

"The Saatchi & Saatchi created campaign - its biggest ever in terms of the number of channels used, the retailer says - launches this weekend (4 October) during the X-Factor with a TV advert depicting the challenges mums experience organising Christmas day for the family. Watch it below.

It features scenes based on what Asda says is “real insight from real families”, from struggling to get the tree into the car to debating the best toys for the kids. The ad uses real colleagues and the leading lady is an Asda shopper

"The company says the approach was taken to stand out from “the perfect, idealistic and unattainable Christmas” often portrayed over the festive season.

Stephen Smith, chief marketing officer at Asda, adds: “Nothing made it into the ad, unless it was real insight from real experiences. We have spoken to thousands of Asda mums about what Christmas means to them. They told us that Christmas doesn’t just happen by magic. A lot rests on their shoulders; with people to feed, gifts to buy, and families to keep happy, it can be a very busy time but the experiences they have along the way are priceless. Despite the pressure, their big reward is looking back at the end of Christmas day, at a happy and smiling family, and thinking “I did that.”.

I reckon they heard some stories and put them all together.

RuleBritannia Mon 05-Nov-12 18:48:48

What gets me is that advertisers think that mothers over 40 don't exist! Women who have had children are always mothers.

germyrabbit Mon 05-Nov-12 18:50:01

it's just another christmas ad, they're all pretty annoying (even john lewis ones)

MrsBovary Mon 05-Nov-12 18:50:22

It's old fashioned and awful.

I've never made Christmas dinner yet, dh does it as he is the better cook.

Mintyy Mon 05-Nov-12 18:52:06

I shop at Sainsburys, Lidl, Waitrose, Asda and Ocado but will be boycotting Asda now because of this pile of shite.

fuzzpig Mon 05-Nov-12 18:52:49


CaseyShraeger Mon 05-Nov-12 18:54:10

You see, I don't think my "reward" would be massively diminished by thinking "I did that. Except the washing up; DH did that bit..."

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 18:54:14


Well, you show me the advert where the man is doing that, and I will happily deconstruct it and decide whether I think it's 'ok'. You might be a little while, though

But I wasn't talking about in advertising, I was talking about in real life in response to the 'drudge' insults at any poster who said they enjoy christmas prep/cooking.

Do you know what pisses me off more than sexism? so called feminists who insult other womens choices.

CaseyShraeger Mon 05-Nov-12 18:56:28

(FWIW, some Christmases DH cooks and some Christmases I do. I think I'm on point this Christmas but ought to check)

ethelb Mon 05-Nov-12 18:57:25

Oh dear. I was awaiting a load of bilge before watching the ad.

But I really like it.

But I have a martyr of a mother and it makes me laugh and think of her blush

nokidshere Mon 05-Nov-12 19:00:53

thank goodness for sky+ - I never watch ads lol

Within minutes of shouting at the TV with disgust about this ad, I came onto to MN to find a thread about how it had made someone feel fuzzy inside! hmm

susiedaisy Mon 05-Nov-12 19:04:41

The first Monday in January is called 'divorce day' I think that says it all really!!!

I'm not making it up, see.

MrsWombworries Mon 05-Nov-12 19:15:40

T'is a pile of shite.
Very lazy work.
No brains engaged in the making of that ad.

OnwardBound Mon 05-Nov-12 19:26:57

This ad has made me feel quite furious.

It is not so much Martyr Mum working herself up into a lather getting everyone done for Christmas.

But the total lack of respect and thoughtfulness from the other family members [namely useless Dad]. WTF - she has done all the peeling and boiling and decorating and table setting and gravy making... and the ignorant feckers don't even have a proper chair for her to sit on? And Useless Dad is sitting like Lord Muck at the head of the table congratulating himself on his good fortune of having such a fragrant and useful sort of wife.

AND THEN she is loading the blasted dishwasher... AND THEN finally emerges from the kitchen to see all the lazy bastards on their fat arses watching tv and her cretin of a husband has the nerve the ask her what's for tea????!!!

I don't care if this sounds insulting to Asda shoppers but if this pile of steaming crap has been sanctioned in any way by an Asda focus group [or whatever the marketing term is] I find myself feeling desperately sorry for the poor downtrodden women who shop there and who must believe they are living a 1950s dream.

And those posters who feel this is a normal family Christmas... really??? You would seriously do all that preparation and then joyously get stuck into the dishwashing and clear up as well while the rest of your family left you to it?

I am amazed that in this day and age there are women who still put up with this sort of bullshit.

Big fail Asda. I for one won't be shopping there for Christmas.

usualsuspect3 Mon 05-Nov-12 19:29:50

I shop at Asda , so shoot me.

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 20:12:02

their big reward is looking back at the end of Christmas day, at a happy and smiling family, and thinking “I did that.”

How very fucking depressing.

Cortana Mon 05-Nov-12 20:26:40

"But I wasn't talking about in advertising, I was talking about in real life in response to the 'drudge' insults at any poster who said they enjoy christmas prep/cooking.

Do you know what pisses me off more than sexism? so called feminists who insult other womens choices."

I enjoy making dinner for my family, I enjoy it more when DP is not working and he does it with me. There's nothing wrong with enjoying it, but there's a sad sight where a Mother barely sees Christmas instead spending it alone in the kitchen on a day meant for family, as portrayed in the advert.

My DP works, I'm just about to go back to work after being a SAHM. I've loved making cakes, having tea on the table for everyone coming home, I even doll myself up a bit before everyone comes in. DP and I will make Christmas dinner together, wash up together, DS will be making trifle and drying the dishes.

This isn't about the choice of being in the kitchen or not. It's about women being expected to do every little thing and men being portrayed as lazy and useless. Both offensive, not just to women.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 20:29:07

Seriously? I think many of you are reading far too much into it.

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 20:31:27

Reading too much into it/over thinking it

Really piss me off as stock in trade phrases go.

The personal is the political. This kind of shit tells us a lot about how some people view the world. It matters.

Whst acpile of shite hmm.

Seriously. Cliché upon cliché upon cliché.

The worst is when everyone is sitting at the table, tge head of the household hmm at the top and she, after serving everyone, kneels down and looks up happily at him.

usualsuspect3 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:38:13

Oh well we can all just look forward to the schmaltzy John Lewis ad now,and shed a tear.

Cortana Mon 05-Nov-12 20:41:47

Was the John Lewis add the one with the wee boy who was excited to give a present rather than to receive? If so I loved that one, felt so appropriate "better to give etc..".

usualsuspect3 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:42:35

The John Lewis Ad always makes me want to throw up.

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:44:45

It's not that hard. Just show an advert which is not full of sexist cliches. Both partners sharing the work, no whinging, no criticising each other and everyone enjoying Christmas. And no one being made to look like a fool or a martyr.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 20:45:48

Im not even talking about the advert, im talking about the view that a woman who cooks christmas dinner is a drudge.

I won't start on the outright snobbery towards Asda shoppers and the mention of the NRS social grade.

Cortana Mon 05-Nov-12 20:46:14

What?! The unselfish boy who thought of others at the time of the year so many children are me me me?!

It brought back the time I saved up and gave my Dad a watch. I was only 9, but it was the first time I had bought him something all by myself. It was probably a piece of tat to be honest, given the pocket money budget. But I was so excited for him to see it.

I bought him a better one for his first Father's Day as a Grandad. But when he died we found he'd kept the old one too.

usualsuspect3 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:46:35

And yes the Asda advert is stupid, but I'm not going to boycott Asda over it.

Cortana Mon 05-Nov-12 20:47:58

I know Amber, but a real life not in an advert woman who cooks Christmas dinner all alone with no help from her family, isolated from the fun? If that's what the Asda focus group turned up I think the January divorce statistics speak for themselves.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 20:48:19

Yeah that lovely john lewis one, with Mum dishing up dinner in the background and dad sitting on his arse reading a paper, but its ok its john lewis and it features and is aimed at As and Bs so is all ok.

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:48:32

amberleaf No one is saying she's a drudge. It's more the fact she's doing everything whilst the DH sits on his arse doing nothing.

I really hope there are not families where the wife does everything for Christmas whilst the DH does fuck all. Maybe there are sad

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 20:48:45

No one said cooking Christmas dinner made you a drudge. I cook Christmas dinner every year. I love doing it. But if your Christmas looks like that advert then yes, you are a drudge.

usualsuspect3 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:49:39

I'm sure everyone on here lives in John Lewis land.

Me, I live in Asda land.

Oh and have you ever read the Christmas threads on MN, 100s of posts from women saying they have bought the presents,wrapped them, planned the menu etc
So MN is not so different is it?

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:49:47

The actress is a "real Asda shopper" . Wonder what she thought. Would any man really say "What's for tea, love?" after all that?

Cortana Mon 05-Nov-12 20:50:52

I have no idea what As and Bs are Amber, sorry. If it's a store ranking thing I can say I've never shopped in John Lewis or Asda. Tesco Value and Lidl Christmas in this house. grin

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:50:54

"Oh and have you ever read the Christmas threads on MN, 100s of posts from women saying they have bought the presents,wrapped them, planned the menu etc "

And then have they gone on to make all the dinner and done the washing up, whilst DH sits on his arse?

OnwardBound Mon 05-Nov-12 20:50:55

Amberleaf but she didn't just cook Christmas dinner did she.

She did all the prep, the cooking and the cleaning up as well.


kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:51:56

I bet she made the tea later as well.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 20:52:03

Kim and Chubb

People did say that makes you a drudge.

I cook Christmas dinner every year. I love doing it

That makes you a drudge too then Chubb! I dont think so, but according to some on this thread it does.

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 20:54:02

I don't think anyone said that. They said doing every single bloody thing associated with Christmas while your husband sits on his arse makes you a drudge. Which it does.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 20:54:03


As and Bs someone else mentioned it, its not something I would ever bring into a discussion!

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:54:38

"Im not even talking about the advert, im talking about the view that a woman who cooks christmas dinner is a drudge."

You found 1 person - hardly conclusive

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 20:55:40

Id love to get a truely honest answer as to who buys [goes out and gets] and wraps all the gifts at christmas time among the MN members.

Cortana Mon 05-Nov-12 20:55:46

I never called anyone a drudge. I just think it's sad that some women might miss out on so much by taking it all on their shoulders. Even if you're in charge of the kitchen and orchestrating it all, a hand with the washing up or the peeling is to be expected from those enjoying the meal too, no?

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 20:56:29 person? what you mean the OP of the thread?!

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 20:57:43

Cooking Christmas dinner does not make you a drudge. Organising the entire Christmas single handedly does make you a drudge.

I rarely get wound up by ads, but the idea that Asda think that in 2012 anyone would aspire to be this woman blows my fucking mind.

GreyGardens Mon 05-Nov-12 20:57:49

Amberleaf you have spectacularly missed the point.

I also wonder what was for 'tea' later. Vol au vents probably.

I hate Asda because it is full of shit food, not because it's cheap btw. Lidl is cheap and I'm a big fan. It's just the one time I went to Asda I could on;ly see one aisle of fresh food, the rest was processed crap, cakes and sweets.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 20:59:13

As I said upthread, im no longer with my EX, but when I was and I was doing the christmas dinner, he was entertaining 3 small children, while I was cooking, drinking and chatting on the phone to my long distance family.

I loved doing it, I am a great cook and get real pleasure out of it.

No way does that make me a drudge, im far too lazy to be a drudge anyway!

usualsuspect3 Mon 05-Nov-12 20:59:28

Theres more fresh food in Asda, then there will ever be in Lidl.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 21:00:11

Greygardens, no I havent at all.

Mintyy Mon 05-Nov-12 21:00:18

AmberLeaf - I don't believe your posts are for real. Are you being deliberately obtuse?

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 21:00:56

What happened with all the washing up?
Did you do all that as well?

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 21:01:07

Organising the entire Christmas single handedly does make you a drudge

Well that is definitely what I do now because I am a single parent.

Im still not a drudge.

Cortana Mon 05-Nov-12 21:01:46


In our house it's as follows.

All Christmas presents for DS have been chosen as a couple. This is a luxury we have due to me not working and being free when my partner is. When I go back to work it will be done online mostly, by both of us as we share finances. We don't spend from the joint account unless we've both agreed or it's a huge emergency.

Wrapping is a joint panic as we're both shit at it. We'll end up doing in on Christmas eve, tipsy and scoffing tangerines.

DP offered to do the whole dinner this year as we may be having more than us three for the first time and I panicked. (I have trouble telling time so have a tendency to burn things) We agreed he would orchestrate and I would be the dogsbody (think peeling and boiling rather than roasting).

I chose the decorations as it's fun and DP cares not for tinsel and the like, but as I have fallen off two ladders in the last 8 months DP will be hanging the decorations up.

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 21:02:24

That's different. Doing it all because there's no one else is completely different to doing it all while some fat fuck sits and watches you. You are being obtuse

AllDirections Mon 05-Nov-12 21:02:31

That's what my Christmas used to be like with a lazy bastard my DH
..... and then I got divorced

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 21:02:42

FFS - if you are a single parent, then making your own dinner does not make you a drudge.

If you do everything including the washing up whilst your DH sits on his arse, then I think the balance in the family is wrong.

MadameCreeper Mon 05-Nov-12 21:04:19

She had he evening off for tea, she went to Iceland.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 21:04:34

Kim re washing up; no I didnt wash up as I hate doing it, either my EX did it by hand, or at some point we had a dishwasher, but no I wasnt involved in the clearing up afterwards.

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 21:04:38

Obviously you're not a drudge if you're a single parent, I'm talking about people who enable their partner to sit on their bum and be waited on.

ashesgirl Mon 05-Nov-12 21:05:58

Amber, if a partner helps and does some of the jobs, then yes, you're not a drudge.

If you do EVERY single thing and and he does fuck all, then yes, you're a drudge.

And clearly you were not a drudge because your partner was helping with other stuff.

People are mocking the ad because the woman is in charge of every single thing.

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 21:06:03

So you didn't so the washing up.

And that's kind of the point - in this advert, she's doing everything. Not because she is a busy single parent but because her family have a sense of entitlement.

Cortana Mon 05-Nov-12 21:07:21

The children in the add looked old enough to help too.

Does anyone gives their children jobs on Christmas Day?

happybubblebrain Mon 05-Nov-12 21:08:22

I hate that advert but unfortunately it's typical of many households.
I'm thinking of boycotting Asda and Christmas because of it - not really, I love Christmas and Asda has really good offers.

I'm a single mum and I have to do everything as there's no-one else to do it, but at least I'm not tripping over a lazy slob of a husband whilst I whizz around and I get the best seat when we sit down for Christmas dinner. And, I get really great presents, bought by me.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 21:08:32

chubb no I am not being obtuse.

I have had more christmases as an adult in a couple than as a single person. Only difference now is I have to organise the dishes myself.

I still enjoy spending hours in the kitchen, same as when I wasnt single.

Thanks for answering cortana!

christmas eve wrapping, yes same here always!

thebody Mon 05-Nov-12 21:09:21

The asda by us is lovely. Food isn't 'shit' or I wouldn't buy it. Or to he correct dh wouldn't. He is the type of bloke that does spread sheets on different supermarkets, price, produce, value for money etc.

He does all the shopping and cooking and is fantastic on Christmas Day. I clean and drink ( not always in that order)

Asda advert is crap but sorry its still a great value for money shop..

ashesgirl Mon 05-Nov-12 21:13:05

Amber, I love cooking too. There's nothing I like more than shutting myself off and making stuff.

DH likes it too. We argue sometimes about who gets to cook.

None of this makes either of us a lowly, put-upon person.

The problem with the ad is that it's a lazy stereotype of a woman doing ALL the domestic work and practically wiping her husband's arse.

What message does that send to anyone?

It is insulting to both genders.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 21:13:26

Just watched the ad again.

watch when mum brings in the turkey...where is dad? hes in the kitchen too so she wasnt doing it all.

Theres more but carry on being outraged.

Mintyy Mon 05-Nov-12 21:13:50

My husband works 60/70 hours a week and I work 12/15.

We decide on what we are getting for the dc together and either go out Christmas shopping together on a weekday in December or order online - either of us will do that.

He organises, buys and wraps all the presents for his side of the family and delivers them to them.

I do likewise for mine.

We share writing the Christmas cards 50/50.

We go out and buy the Christmas tree together as a family and usually the dc and I will decorate it.

I usually think about any other decorations we might put up - buy a wreath, display the cards etc.

I do most of the food shopping online but he, me or both of us will go out and do the last minute shop at Sainsburys on the 23rd or Christmas Eve.

We wrap the dc presents together between us.

On Christmas day I usually cook dinner but the prep of veg is a joint effort and my mum joins in with that. He pours drinks and tidies up unwrapping mess, lays table with the dc, organises breakfast and gets the dc washed and dressed.

I suppose someone somewhere thinks he deserves a medal for all that.

kim147 Mon 05-Nov-12 21:14:41

Probably getting more beer to drink smile

One aisle of fresh produce and the rest is junk food. Really?..

The blatant bollocks and snobbery on this thread leaves a really bad taste. "Oh I can't say I go to Asda, people might think I'm poor".

As I said before, it's somewhere to buy food, to judge a person for where they buy food is so schoolgirlish.
To make assumptions on what sort of person somebody is depending on where they buy food... Jesus wept, some people on here are crackers.

usualsuspect3 Mon 05-Nov-12 21:18:06

What she said ^

Chubfuddler Mon 05-Nov-12 21:22:40

I would say the same about this ad regardless of which supermarket it was for. The waitrose ad is particularly annoying this year, I can't stand Deliah or Heston.

AllDirections Mon 05-Nov-12 21:25:45

I'm a single mum and I have to do everything as there's no-one else to do it, but at least I'm not tripping over a lazy slob of a husband whilst I whizz around and I get the best seat when we sit down for Christmas dinner. And, I get really great presents, bought by me.


squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 21:27:11

I have nothing against Asda usually I just don't have one near me. I love Morrisons so it's not as if I only accept groceries from Fortnum & Mason.

It really is just this ad.

Mintyy Mon 05-Nov-12 21:28:11

95% of the disgust on this thread is NOT about Asda as a shop! Its about the message in their advertising.

ashesgirl Mon 05-Nov-12 21:28:50

Exactly. There's nothing wrong with shopping at Asda.

It is, however, a terrible advert.

ashesgirl Mon 05-Nov-12 21:31:39

I think we should tweet them about what some 'real' mums here on this thread feel about their christmas message.

HeadlessForHalloween Mon 05-Nov-12 21:32:07

"Id love to get a truely honest answer as to who buys [goes out and gets] and wraps all the gifts at christmas time among the MN members. "

DH and I decide together what the dcs and other family etc are having for xmas, plan the budget together, I buy probably 2/3 of it, online or in town, dh picks up bits too, other stuff we pick up together. As I said upthread, this is because dh works away all week.

Wrapping- I do small bits in the day while the kids are at school, but the rest we wrap together over a couple of evenings and dh secretes it all away in the garage/shed/kitchen loft in bin bags. I cook christmas dinner, I enjoy it, but I've never washed a single plate or glass on the day, dh does it all. He also helps with the serving, setting the table etc. We are equally busy on the day, I prefer cooking with a few glasses of wine than sorting out the batteries/assembling a zillion toys.

Most importantly he respects me, as I do him. He would never let me sit on a shitty pouffe after slogging away in the kitchen, and he would never say "what's for tea love" the second I sat down.

It's not about who does what, it's about respect for one another and not being an entitled fat twat sitting like a dependant child while wifey serves you dinner.

The ad could have been salvaged by scenes of the husband helping with serving/dishes/attending to the guests.

FreudiansSlipper Mon 05-Nov-12 21:41:59

another message as loud and clear though not in the least bit amusing as Mr Chumley Warner's Women Know Your Place

FromEsme Mon 05-Nov-12 21:49:30


It has given me the rage.

Not least because my own mother organises EVERYTHING, no-one else in my family really cares and she then gets all maudlin because no-one cares that she sent cards to all our second cousins and made her own christmas crackers.

I have told her time and time again that she doesn't need to bother, but she insists.

Pixel Mon 05-Nov-12 21:50:43

I agree with all this, believe me, especially the pouffe bit and the fact that not one of her ungrateful family even bothers to look up when she slinks exhausted into the room after doing the washing up.
However, since she has had to organise absolutely everything I think she should have thought about rustling up another chair. Just sayin' grin.

Btw, I watched the ad on the link further down, did anyone else read the comments below? This one made me laugh So the man is basically so emasculated he can't even choose a tree? Why not hang his balls on it for decoration

Ah but there is a fair bit of it upthread, all this C1 and C2 stuff, and negative comments about the Asda demographic. It's ironic that a thread about sexism is tainted with classism. (I'm not certain that is even a word but what the hell).

I don't know why I keep coming back to this, but hate the 'Chavsda' attitude that prevails on MN. It's just not nice, and I'm no queen of the fluffy bunnies by any stretch.

ConsiderCasey Mon 05-Nov-12 21:51:48

I know who I'd rather be - the lazy arsed dad.

I may not have an ad banging on about how wonderful I am and I may be too stupid to choose a Xmas tree, but at least I get to sit on my arse and enjoy Xmas whilst my wife runs about like a headless chicken. grin

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 21:52:55

ol oh come on - it aint harrods is it?

still no excuse for shoddy verts

foslady Mon 05-Nov-12 22:13:55

So come on Saatchi & Saatchi, what was the name of the person who pitched this.....and who signed this off at Asda.........???

goldface Mon 05-Nov-12 22:15:42

I just watched it while running at the gym and nearly tripped over my chin. Hideous bollocksy sexist nonsense. But I did think, like Pixel, if you are going to martyr yourself to an unnecessary singlehanded festive operation at the very fecking least find another chair so you don't have to plop onto that ridiculous pouffe.

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 22:20:59

I have just seen a hideous Littlewoods ad where clever girlfriend looks after Christmas shopping for silly, inept boyfriend.

We have whooshed back in time and no one told me.

Darkesteyes Mon 05-Nov-12 22:21:19

Alex Reids. i agree. Thats why my problem with Asda is not only this advert but also the fact that they use workfare.

AmberLeaf Mon 05-Nov-12 22:22:27

Was dad too stupid to choose a christmas tree? or did he choose one, but his controlling wife undermined him and chose another, which incidently turned out to be too big for their car.

I think shes a controlling narc and he should LTB wink

MrsWombworries Mon 05-Nov-12 22:32:57

Sent alink to this thread to Asda earlier today.

Hope I didn't break any rules.

ethelb Mon 05-Nov-12 22:34:11

@amber I think she's a martyr/control freak

KRITIQ Mon 05-Nov-12 22:54:23

Reason 247 I'm glad I don't have a tv but omfg, it's ghastly isn't it?

Yes, it's the 21st century animated, British version of a Normal Rockwell painting where perfect mother tends to every need of her family perfectly, with boundless energy and poise to achieve yes, a perfect Christmas. Yes, the message is "woman, this is your duty, do it or you are a failure."

But, this will be just the sort of advert that the men's rights fellas will hold up as an example of how society "duz notz valuz menz," because nasty feminists have taken over the place and fathers are obsolete, yada yada yada.

Get beaten with a stick twice on this one. Big FAIL Asda alongside refusing to speak to the No More Page Three campaign about their advertising in the Sun when at least Tesco and Morrisons are at least willing to discuss a possible change in their advertising policy . . .

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 23:11:03

Good point about her martyr mum routine failing with regard to chair requirements.

The New Year ad will show her weeping and rocking in a corner whipping herself with birch twigs for neglecting her chair duties so heinously.

KRITIQ Mon 05-Nov-12 23:13:19

BTW, anyone got an email contact for Asda to complain - perhaps say you won't be shopping there and why? I've had a quick scan of the thread but haven't seen any.

UltraBOF Mon 05-Nov-12 23:39:41

I hope she can at least get him to dig a nice big hole for himself under the patio, because that's where he'll be come New Year.

squoosh Mon 05-Nov-12 23:42:46

The Easter ad will see her mumbling something about creased doilies whilst being led away by mental health professionals.

I saw it yesterday and it didnt occur to me to be upset by it tbh. Its not a great ad but i think it depends on who you ask if it true to life or not. I know amongst friends and people at the school etc this woud probably be pretty true to life for people i know (apart from dh who gets the tree and helps with cooking although i actyally admit now i do probably 90% of christmas stuff).
Once again i have failed in my mumsnet "being offended"test grin

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 07:35:56

Helps ? With the cooking. Why is it his role to help ?

Because i do most of the cooking normally therefore he helps me just as when work is busy i "help" him in the evenings even though its technically my responsibilty anyway as its half my company.

rogersmellyonthetelly Tue 06-Nov-12 08:16:52

Present buying - we agree who is getting what together. He does his side and I do mine. Kids we both do toys r us run, I generally get the stocking fillers as I'm out and about more. He wraps anything square or rectangular, I wrap odd shapes as I'm better at it.
We both cook Christmas dinner.
If he came in to find me busy and asked what is for tea, he would be asked to go and ask the fairy in charge as I have no idea. But then he isn't stupid, useless or sexist as the advert suggests, so he wouldn't ask anyway.

ashesgirl Tue 06-Nov-12 09:58:33

Seen quite a few women on Twitter saying they love the advert and it is totally them.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Tue 06-Nov-12 10:22:37

I am actually really shock that people think its normal and unremarkable and funny that the person who cooks Christmas dinner does all the clearing up afterwards. I mean, WTF?!? I know some seriously sexist dinosaurs and even they manage to get up off their arses and load the dishwasher after having Xmas dinner cooked for them.

Seriously anyone who thinks its normal to cook AND clean up Xmas dinner is a control freak martyr. I know someone's going to come along and be all "Oh I like the dishwasher loaded just so and I wouldn't trust anyone else with the good china" but if that's so you are a CONTROL FREAK MARTYR <bangs gavel>.

Fancydrawers Tue 06-Nov-12 10:24:06

I think it's sweet. Luckily my husband isn't a lazy bastard, but I quite like the advert and let's be honest, for most of us it's true

AuntieStella Tue 06-Nov-12 10:31:20

I saw this ad last night, and thought the 'family life' it portrayed was so grotesque that it must be leading up to a really good punchline. Then it didn't.

Well, I saw it and immediately thought it won't go down well with some on MN grin

I love Christmas - I adore the run-up to it. I love baking Christmas biscuits, getting new decorations for the tree, choosing and making presents, playing carols, I start looking forward to getting the tree from September November, love decorating it, love planning what we're going to eat (with family input of course), and I actually love cooking it too.

My dh, on the other hand, is completely not bothered about Christmas. He doesn't get excited about it, he never had a tree (when he lived on his own), he wouldn't bother with presents, he'd probably order pizza for dinner etc etc

I've read so many threads on here every year which basically say the same thing, I don't think we are all that unusual.

I wasn't offended, or outraged, or insensed by the ad. It made me smile.

It's like that Boots advert from the last winder. <eye roll>
Poor diddums has a cough and she is clearly very ill but is still doing everything for everyone. Ghastly.

joanbyers Tue 06-Nov-12 10:47:28

Everyone here shops in Waitrose anyway.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 10:49:20

I think it's fair enough if some people aren't bothered about Christmas. I completely understand. However, once you have kids, unless you're happy for them to go without a Christmas, I'm afraid whether you're bothered about Christmas or not it irrelevant. As a parent you have a duty to shoulder some of the boring Christmas chores.

ashesgirl Tue 06-Nov-12 10:55:59

It's great if you personally love Christmas and you enjoy doing everything and don't mind running round after everyone.

But not all women feel that way and are left with the burden of doing most of it because it's expected of women.

Didn't you see, it actually said 'Behind every great christmas, there's a mum'. And not only that, but doing everything is meant to give you a warm glow.

Really annoys me that my daughter sees this crap and absorbs that message.

No, we share different stuff with the kids, so eg DH does the sport-related stuff which I absolutely loathe etc
If neither of us was bothered about Christmas, it would be bare minimum done, which I'm sure ds would still enjoy. I go slightly overboard because I (like many women (read the Christmas threads)) enjoy it.

I do get a warm glow when I've done something lovely for my family, which in this specific case means organising Christmas. I am weird like that hmm

Spagbolisbetter Tue 06-Nov-12 11:14:12

I am like her at Christmas, just much fatter sad.

ashesgirl Tue 06-Nov-12 11:16:35

Of course, people get a warm glow from doing lovely things for their family.

But when one person is expected to do all the lovely things by dint of being female, somthing is amiss.

AnnieMated Tue 06-Nov-12 11:20:17

Sums up perfectly life in my house at Christmas - and I wouldn't have it any other way.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 11:22:35

They should switch the music in the ad to 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen'. Would be more apt.

ashesgirl Tue 06-Nov-12 11:25:25

As I said before, to all those who love doing everything at Christmas, that's great, it really is.

But can just for a minute put yourself in the shoes of a woman who doesn't want to be lumbered with all that?

IvanaDvinkYourBlad Tue 06-Nov-12 11:26:19

What a bag of shite. Sexist shite.

However, the main purpose is the commercialisation of festive events - i.e. they are sending the message that You Are Not A Mother if you don't spend a fortune (at ASDA, presumably) on food, decorations, clothes, cards, gift wrap, bedding, gifts etc etc. (And a sponge to wash the shit of peoples shoes too, seeing as to how you are a second class citizen hmm )

All advertising is trying to get you to buy stuff otherwise you are obviously only part human and your existence futile.

I only watch cbeebies these days anyway, so won't be getting the rage anytime soon from this. grin

lubeybooby Tue 06-Nov-12 11:29:32

Those who love doing it all at christmas wouldn't you also love having a competent, helpful family who ran around after you while you lunched with friends/went down the pub/watched a film/had a nice peaceful bath?

Both me and my 16yo DD find the ad horribly sexist and we're quite angry about it, and feel awful for that poor martyr daft mug woman. We watched in disbelief as she did absolutely bloody everything. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Why should your partner and kids get to live like they are in a hotel with staff to cater for their every whim?

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Tue 06-Nov-12 11:34:49

That is my christmas, i do everything.

I don't mind that at all, it's my choice.

I don't mind the advert. I can see why it would make some people stabby though.

IvanaDvinkYourBlad Tue 06-Nov-12 11:40:47

ashesgirl yy to "Really annoys me that my daughter sees this crap and absorbs that message"

Imagine the advert with a slightly different slant - 'Behind Every Christmas. there's a Family" - showing the children making hand-print tree decorations for their parents, a little boy hiding a home-made card behind his back, a mum taking the children sledging, a big sister lifting a sibling up to put a star on a tree, a dad peeling a mountain of veg, a dog with antlers on (awwww) and a grandad reading a story to a little one, a grandma looking dotingly at nativity pictures... same rosy-glow but none of the pressurised and misogynistic slant. Whether it is 90% of mums who do the leg work at Christmas/New Year is a moot point, I think. There is possibly an underlying message in the advert that it is all at the cost of the mum's own sanity and self-worth (sitting on a foot stool) and the man's (pushed into background with tree choosing) - all subjective, of course.

ASDA are not only perpetuating the P&G 'sponser of mums' shite (they must have thought it was successful hmm ) but have missed the point - Christmas is about family - not making it all about the Buying of Stuff and for one person (mum OR dad) to shoulder the burden of making it perfect.

<steps of box>
<flicks Waybuloo on>

kerala Tue 06-Nov-12 11:47:14

Havent seen the advert but surely it is THE LAW that whoever cooks the meal does not wash it up? That was my understanding. When we host DH and I are a team, a well oiled machine, I cook, he clears up, lays table, gets people drinks, clears away etc etc.

BeatTheClock Tue 06-Nov-12 11:48:03

I recognise a lot of me in the advert. Doesn't mean it's funny thoughhmm

I loved the John Lewis advert last year with the little boy excited about giving his present. And because I liked the song on it.

GoldenGeek Tue 06-Nov-12 11:50:25

This ad makes my blood boil. I reckon I probably do a little more on the Christmas side of things but that's because in my family it has always been BIG and not so much in DH's. He is however, with every year, getting in to it more and more. Plus we both do present buying/food shops etc. He picks cards cause he gets lovely ones.

New flash ad is irritating too.

EauRouge Tue 06-Nov-12 11:53:26

If I see one more 'mums' advert I might actually go on a killing spree.

AnnieMated Tue 06-Nov-12 11:57:44

My husband loves Christmas, absolutely adores it, but because he works killer hours commuting up to a job in London every day and works right up 'til Christmas Eve and usually goes back the day after Boxing Day, there's not actually THAT much time for him to help much at all. Sure, he'll help get the tree and he'll pay for most of the food, presents etc (I work but don't earn nearly as much) so yes, why shouldn't he sit back and enjoy the precious couple of days that he has off to enjoy Christmas? I LIKE doing it, LIKE organising it all, LIKE the chaos and build-up, LIKE doing it my way and most of all, I LIKE making it a really special for him, me and our two young DS's.

Molepom Tue 06-Nov-12 11:58:37

You have to laugh at the "husband" waving a tea towel at the smoke alarm in the background as "the mother" comes in with a perfectly cooked turkey.

helpyourself Tue 06-Nov-12 12:00:14

It could have been a great advert- the hat on, off in the supermarket and the sitting on pouffe and puffing up the overnight bed- all really resonated with me.

I don't understand why they had to show the rest of the family being so useless, it didn't reinforce the message and is really annoying.

BeatTheClock Tue 06-Nov-12 12:00:17

Me too Eau can I join you? All that patronising Mum knows best/busy mums/mums are heroes shite. Too much expectation from ad-land to be the perfect mum all the timehmm

lollilou Tue 06-Nov-12 12:01:02

IvanaDvinkYourBlad your advert would make me smile and well up.
The Asda advert makes me want to shout at the tv.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 12:01:19

'Mums' are obviously the new 'cupcakes'.

forcedinsomnia Tue 06-Nov-12 12:02:31

I agree with goofus.....I actually quite like the advert although I see that people would be offended. But is it really that much of a big deal. Its meant to be fun isn't it? Not to be taken really seriously?

Now going to run away with goofus (in shame)!

BeatTheClock Tue 06-Nov-12 12:06:02

But I even hate those Boots ones Here Come the Girls. Ooh I'm all empowered cos I bought 3 for 2. Get me!

LaQueen Tue 06-Nov-12 12:06:23

Unmitigated shit.

To be honest, I don't think the majority of Mumsnet are Asda's target demographic hmm

A few years back, I went to a MN organised focus group for George at Asda - discussing their girls clothes lines. 14 MN-etters sitting round a table, selecting various glitzy-shit items and delcaring 'Well, this is especially vile and totally age-inappropriate...'

I don't Asda quite got the feedback they were hoping for grin

coorong Tue 06-Nov-12 12:09:18

sexist crap - but have you seen the Tesco ad - the one with the lionel ritchie song - the theme being that Christmas is about tracking down an elusive present 0 end oF1

Molepom Tue 06-Nov-12 12:09:34

"unmitigated shit"

No one could have described it any better.

NiniLegsInTheAir Tue 06-Nov-12 12:09:57

I love how 'the mum' is still perfectly groomed and manicured throughout the whole of xmas day though. Yeah right. hmm

LaQueen Tue 06-Nov-12 12:14:32

One of the best, recent Christmases, was when I ordered to majority of the DD's pressies off the Internet (they came gift wrapped).

We got (slightly) pissed at a friend's house Christmas Eve. Had a lazy (slightly hungover) Christmas morning at home...then joined some family for a lengthy slap-up Christmas Dinner at a local gastro-pub.

Came back here afterwards, for board games and some Christmas buffet grub, courtesy of Waitrose.

Minimum effort. Total relaxation and enjoyment.

Would like to meet the advertising exec who would try and call me a Bad Mum

[folds arms, glares...]

LaQueen Tue 06-Nov-12 12:18:07

"I love how 'the mum' is still perfectly groomed and manicured throughout the whole of xmas day though. Yeah right."

nini I agree. Funny how Asda try and promote themselves as being very budget, family friendly - and their Xmas advert especially aimed at Families who might not have much cash, but have lots of love and family fuzziness and true Chrismas spirit ...and yet The Mum clearly has had a professional blow-dry and highlights, and is sporting expensive gel nail overlays... hmm

JugglingWithPossibilities Tue 06-Nov-12 12:21:07

I guess too it is advertising - it's trying to pull on the heart & guilt strings of any gullible women out there who can be manipulated into spending money in order to buy some sort of Christmas happiness or harmony for their family. A family actively enjoying themselves or shock horror - actually helping out - would be too much to hope for. The best she can hope for is to see them all slumped around the telly at the end of the day not arguing hmm ( cynical raised eyebrow )

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 12:21:18

And the Granny is reading Fifty Shades. Trying to remember if my Granny ever read bondage erotica at Christmas time. grin

No no no I do NOT want to be having a bath or in the pub while my family does Christmas because I WANT TO DO CHRISTMAS.

If the ad is showing you and you do NOT want it to be like that - then you have a problem. Clearly.

However, there isn't anything in it that suggests the woman in the ad itself hates doing it, is there?

LaQueen Tue 06-Nov-12 12:29:13

juggling If you're not happy with your partner - then it doesn't matter how much money you throw at Christmas.

You can buy 3 dozen luxury crackers, and a half tonne weight of plastic-fantastic crap for the kids, and a fancy festive table cloth, and umpteen bottles of Christmas booze.

But you simply can't buy a happy, relaxed atmopshere. That isn't for sale.

[thinks of couple she met at weekend, 2 brand new fancy cars on drive, eating expensive dinner in expensive new kitchen...couple hissing at each other over table...marriage clearly on the rocks - shudders]

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 12:38:57

there isn't anything in it that suggests the woman in the ad itself hates doing it, is there?

Oh no, she looks absolutely joyous throughout!!!! hmm

Ponders Tue 06-Nov-12 12:42:47

I liked it




JugglingWithPossibilities Tue 06-Nov-12 12:48:28

Yeh, that was kind of my point LaQueen - sorry if I didn't make it clear !

I just think maybe the demographic the ad was aiming at may have low expectations of what constitutes a happy family life - judging by that final shot of them all sitting around watching the telly and the last line from the Father.

Didn't look like a bundle of fun to me smile

CreamolaFoamFan Tue 06-Nov-12 12:51:44

I'm glad someone started this thread. I saw it last night, and then spent five minutes swearing at the telly.

If I'd done EVERYTHING for Christmas while my useless fuck of a husband sat on his arse, the question 'What's for tea, love', or whatever he said would have been answered with 'A cockpunch and then a divorce.'

I love Christmas, and doing things for my family mostly does fill me with joy. But we are a family - we're all in it together. I just don't see why my entire festive season should involve non-stop stress and drudgery by dint of my owning a vagina.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 12:52:47

Twitter seems to be united in its disdain for the ad too.

<pats Twitter on the head>

No, not "joyous". But I've just watched it again for the nth time, and I don't see anything to suggest she hates it.

She clearly cares v. much about which tree to get (like me), and where it goes(like me), and I totally get the look on her face when she gets out the box of all seems ever so normal to me. There are of course bits that are frustrating (eg the tangled lights, not cut wrapping paper big enough etc), but nothing which makes me think "she'd rather be down the pub".

TheEnthusiasticTroll Tue 06-Nov-12 12:53:23

I quite liked it, excluding the feckless father and attractive others belonged into the background that is pretty much how Xmas feels to me as a single mother.

TheEnthusiasticTroll Tue 06-Nov-12 12:54:03

That should be feckless husband not father.

Ah but Creamola you see maybe it isn't "stress and drudgery" for some vagina-owning people.

Kendodd Tue 06-Nov-12 12:54:59

I liked it!

But then I'ma bit of a control freak so like to do everything at Christmas, if I do everything then I get it all just the way I want it.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 12:55:44

nothing which makes me think "she'd rather be down the pub".

She's probably never been in the pub, that's for the menfolk.

I think we all project our own feelings onto the ad - so if this is your idea of hell, then you assume it must be hers too and think it is an awful, sexist ad.

If you are the one who does all those things in your family, and you enjoy doing them, then you recognise yourself in the ad and like it.

Molepom Tue 06-Nov-12 12:59:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kendodd Tue 06-Nov-12 13:00:11

Should add, my DH would not have asked "what's for tea"

TheEnthusiasticTroll Tue 06-Nov-12 13:03:45

That's a very realistic Xmas for many families molepom. I think the add was attempting to show the quirky disfunctions of many families with the back drop of some comedy Brit flux like love actually or nativity. I don't they have failed I think people identify with many different things.

Xenia Tue 06-Nov-12 13:05:24

They make adverts which will work so presumably they think that this will.

If more mumsnetters would get out of kitchens and into board rooms this kind of ad would die a death. Make your new year resolution to earn 10x what your husband does. If I can any fool can.

I shall be spending Christmas day in a luxuty ski resort outside in I hope the sun all day skiing with my lovely children around me and someone else will be cooking. There will be no presents bought as we aren't into things and Christmas is not about consumerism and everyone will be happy. What makes people happy is being outside and exercising and eating unprocessed foods.

Most successful happy women don't tolerate even for a day sexism at home. It's the key differentiator between women who earn under £100k and those who earn over. See women who earn £1k a day thread.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 13:05:28

They will have failed though if most people think 'wtf' rather than 'awww'.

TheEnthusiasticTroll Tue 06-Nov-12 13:07:35

I'm not sure it's designed to make people go awwww though is it is designed for people to think. Right I best get to Asda for the Christmas shop.

rainonmyparade Tue 06-Nov-12 13:11:35

Hope I think you have just summed up this thread perfectly smile

I love it

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 13:12:11

They want you to go buy all your Xmas stuff at Asda but they also thought they were creating a John Lewis 'event' type ad. I'd be interested to find out what the actual feedback from this ad is although I'm not sure they make that kind of information public.

Matalan have a John Lewisy ad out too, it's obviously the thing to do this year, but I don't think it made me ragey. Will have to re-watch grin

The advert made me well up.

<checks Fertility Friend>

Ponders Tue 06-Nov-12 13:13:01

ads really don't work like that though, do they?

(not on me anyway - most of the time I don't remember who they're for even when I like them)

TheEnthusiasticTroll Tue 06-Nov-12 13:15:59

They don't work like for me either I must admit, I tend to go by what I want and where I like it from through experience of shopping, rather than adverts, but surely some people respond to them other wise why do they spend so much on them. There are very little lidle adverts but that is where I tend to buy the majority of my groceries.

Xenia Tue 06-Nov-12 13:21:04

Can we start a campaign to ensure people use the word "cry" rather than "well up"?.

Your Christmas present to Xenia - excise "well up" from your vocabulary. Replace with cry.

Cortana Tue 06-Nov-12 13:21:45

"If more mumsnetters would get out of kitchens" Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

I like being in the kitchen, I also like earning lots of money and having my DP in the kitchen with me. I don't earn over 100k yet but if/when I do I wont be paying someone to make my meals for me. We do it as a family.

It's your choice to pay someone to make your food, but telling women to get out of the kitchen is just as bad as telling them to get in. I am capable of being in a board room and in a kitchen. It's my choice. I'm no martyr either, DP and I split everything down the middle, both the work and the benefits.

"Make your new year resolution to earn 10x what your husband does" WTF. DP and I never discuss our earning like this, why would I be in competition with someone I love like this? He's not just a penis with a wage.

EauRouge Tue 06-Nov-12 13:29:44

Oh, here we go with the SAHM bashing again <hides thread>

LaQueen Tue 06-Nov-12 13:32:10

Adverts, by their very nature, are designed to promote an aspirational lifestyle.

I think it a damnable and sad state of affairs that Asda's execs assume their target demographic aspire to be the Mum who gets put-upon, is a complete drudge, with a feckless DH, and whose ultimate satisfaction is derived from seeing her family, sodden with cheap food, slumped infront of the TV on Christmas Day.

This is something that people actually aspire to FFS hmm

I was ok with the ad until the fuckwit husband asks what's for tea when she's just sat down. I think he'd have got a kick in the cock in a real scenario, Christmas spirit and all. Christmas is a busy time in the Chickens household, but as DH is not a thumbless ape or a man with a death wish, he can peel spuds and load the dishwasher as well as anyone. And we do all the shopping online.

TellMeLater Tue 06-Nov-12 13:35:46

Oh fuck - that woman is me - well at least that's how I feel. I fucking hate Christmas, dh works like a bastard so realistically I can't ask him to do more of the prep, he does get fully involved after 23rd and I don't make the dinner myself....but I just feel Christmas is one big long to do list....I avoided it before kids.....and I can't bloody wait till they are old enough to just drop all the crap...

MrsMymble Tue 06-Nov-12 13:35:52

Terrible. Although it does remind me of my mum - she is the household martyr and my Dad does nothing at Christmas. Like many of their generation in fact. The women who roll their eyes and tut 'typical man' but infantilise all men and are such control freaks they won't allow their husbands to do anything 'domestic'. I'm sick of seeing this shite in ad after ad - martyr busy working mum looking after everyone except herself; hapless, lazy dad who can't do anything. Insulting to both men and women and to be honest I wouldn't want my three sons to see this and think it an accurate representation of family life. It certainly doesn't represent ours. Thank goodness for Sky+ grin

CreamolaFoamFan Tue 06-Nov-12 13:36:33

Hope - I suppose could have put that better - what I meant was that if the work is shared, then everyone shares the relaxing as well, instead of one person martyring herself on the altar of family. I really do love all the Christmas prep, even the drudgey stressy bits, but it's more of a group effort chez Creamola. If ad woman likes doing absolutely everything, that's fine, but it wouldn't have hurt for them to show someone even just offering help, but then it wouldn't have fitted with the message I read in it, that a successful Christmas must involve the woman putting herself last and lowest.

amy175 Tue 06-Nov-12 13:37:09

Xenia, I'm speechless at that post. Doesn't often happen.
Don't even know where to start!
I think that may get the award for the most annoying post ever

Cortana Tue 06-Nov-12 13:37:47

Agreed Chickens, nothing wrong with being a SAHM Eau, if you don't cook and clean you had better be ready to pay someone who will. It's a job in itself.

Unfortunately ASDA seems to think it should be a thankless task with no support from family which we should be happy to do.

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 06-Nov-12 13:39:09

Xenia, you are my hero.

amy175 Tue 06-Nov-12 13:39:17

i think you see in the ad what you want to.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Tue 06-Nov-12 13:42:34

Xenia really?!

If more mumsnetters would get out of kitchens and into board rooms this kind of ad would die a death. Make your new year resolution to earn 10x what your husband does. If I can any fool can

Why, because it's not your choice it shouldn't be anyone else's?

NewRowSees Tue 06-Nov-12 13:42:38

Just saw the ad, and it made me angry! That's definitely not how it works in my house, and if it did I wouldn't put up with it for long! But I've never been to or seen an ASDA, so I don't think I'm in their target audience.

amy175 Tue 06-Nov-12 13:45:22

xenia i would love to just get into the board room but two SN kids means i dont

PeshwariNaan Tue 06-Nov-12 13:46:22

I agree strongly with the OP. I haven't been so depressed by an ad in a long time. I'm pregnant with DC1 and my future looks bleak.

I think the ad is a realistic for the majority of Asda customers.

Chandon Tue 06-Nov-12 13:54:45

Haha at the poster who says she shall be spending christmas at a " luxury ski resort" and then claims to not be materialistic.

I don't mind the Asda add, the dad seems a nice guy so I am sure he does the washing up, bathes the kids etc.

Even with two adults Christmas can be bl&&dy hard work.

But that is, why I will be on my BF yaught this year, sipping champagne with my lovely kids , all naked, as we are not into designer clothes and materialistc stuff, you see...

Cortana Tue 06-Nov-12 13:56:53

Chandon, darn you. I just snorted lemonade out of my nose. CLOUDY lemonade! grin

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Tue 06-Nov-12 13:59:31

grin Chandon

suburbandream Tue 06-Nov-12 14:06:26

Dreadful, just awful. Bring back the oxo family

Can you imagine the dads version of this ad?

CaseyShraeger Tue 06-Nov-12 14:11:47

Hmm. If every woman can earn ten times what her husband does, then every man can earn ten times what his wife does. And then she can earn ten times that, and he can earn ten times that, and soon we'll all be earning infinite amounts of money. Inflation might be a bit of a bugger, though.

ScatterChasse Tue 06-Nov-12 14:14:03

I don't like it much (and if she's been doing that for years I can't believe the hash she's making of the present wrapping).

grin at Granny reading Fifty Shades of Grey at the end though.

peppersaunt Tue 06-Nov-12 14:19:48

Just saw advert. Made me throw up a bit in my mouth!

gallifrey Tue 06-Nov-12 14:23:56

what sort of a fecking useless husband has she got! Mine does loads of things including putting the decorations up and shopping and cooking the christmas dinner!

fuzzpig Tue 06-Nov-12 14:25:13

I told DH about the advert and the controversy, and he said it is nothing like our Xmas but that loads of people will relate to it.

I frequently get amazed gasps and jealous harrumphs of "my DH never does that" when other people find out just how involved DH is in family life, housework etc. So sadly I don't think the scenario in the advert can really be that inaccurate.

MarathonMama Tue 06-Nov-12 14:30:10

Surely they've done it deliberately so that we have this debate and they have the publicity???

<shrugs> that's pretty much what Christmas is like in my house. Except way messier, with bickering children and a harassed wonky tree usually.

FlipFlippingFlippers Tue 06-Nov-12 14:33:49

Me and DH saw ad earlier. Not sure who was more offended really. Awful.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Tue 06-Nov-12 14:34:49

Just seen the advert. Sums us (as in MY household! not mums as a whole!) up pretty much to a T. Honestly I don't know what the fuss is about. hmm

Doesn't mean my other half does fuck all though. He works hard outside the home and as a sahm mum I work hard in the home. All the christmas stuff gets left to me and I enjoy dealing with it all. I didn't realise I wasn't meant to confused

TessOfTheBurbervilles Tue 06-Nov-12 14:39:39

I think it's a terrible advert.

Christmas would be a disaster in our house if it wasn't for my DH, I'm certainly not the one holding it all together!

Chandon Tue 06-Nov-12 14:41:43

Peppersaint, the throwing up a bit in your mouth comment is sooo 2011!

drizzlecake Tue 06-Nov-12 14:46:20

True life, true life. They've really summed it up.

No one gets cross, no one gets pissed, kids don't squabble, food perfectly cooked - just like our house hmm

fuzzpig Tue 06-Nov-12 14:46:46

Maybe they've done it so that mums get a nice warm smuggy glow from the knowledge that they aren't nearly so put upon as the advert mum? After all that's why I sometimes watch Wife Swap

Balderdashandpiffle Tue 06-Nov-12 14:46:55

The Dad could be doing lots of stuff it just isn't shown.

He could have been working all over Christmas helping the poor and needy, his wife could have said as you're a Sahd and do that amazing charity work, and I'm a high-flying lawyer, I'll take two weeks off and look after the children and do Christmas for the first time.

You've all just put your interpretation on the advert.

I personally think Christmas would be better if men organised it.
Christmas card sales would plummet for a start.

kim147 Tue 06-Nov-12 14:50:03

"The Dad could be doing lots of stuff it just isn't shown."

Which is kind of the whole point - he then has the temerity to ask what's for tea.

The aim is to give "mum" the satisfaction that "she did that" - just like the B&Q adverts when they both sit back and say "We did that".

What is the advert trying to say?

PosieParker Tue 06-Nov-12 14:51:40

May be sexist but probably fits with Asda's customer base.

Cortana Tue 06-Nov-12 14:52:22

But then why not show it Balderdash? I could assume he's a superhero rescuing kittens from the Taliban based on your logic. The interpretation of the advert was that the woman did everything and the husband did nothing is held by some because that is all the advert showed.

She was shown (off the top of my head):
Being capable of picking the right tree
Taking kids to nativity
Sitting on a crappy footstool to eat the dinner she'd made
Among a pile of Christmas cards
And being asked what's for tea the second her arse hit the chair.

9 things. Would it have killed them to show the guy doing 4/5 of them? They paid the bloody actor and barely used him.

kim147 Tue 06-Nov-12 14:53:03

But it's just another advert in the great scheme of adverts showing women doing all the stuff for the family.

Mitchell and Webb got it right about women and the advertising industry.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 14:54:23

You've all just put your interpretation on the advert.

But it's not an interpretation, it's what's on the screen. She is doing everything.

kim147 Tue 06-Nov-12 14:54:38

She even pumped up the airbed as well.

kim147 Tue 06-Nov-12 14:55:21

To be fair, the man sat at the head of the table and raised a toast to her.

LemonWHOOSH Tue 06-Nov-12 14:55:25

I saw it and I thought 'Yep - that's exactly how Christmas is in my house'. Me organising all the presents, cards, food, cooking etc.

And then I laughed to myself and thought 'Bet there'll be a thread on MN about it'.

I like organising Christmas and, apart from handing over the money to supplement it, I would prefer DH kept well out of it!

So the advert doesn't offend me, it doesn't make me feel hard done by, it doesn't make my feminist side seethe with rage - it's just another advert grin

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 14:55:38

But it's not all bad. . . . . . . . .she's allowed to have a biscuit!

fuzzpig Tue 06-Nov-12 14:56:45

Like that recent Philadelphia one - where (IIRC - only saw it once) shock horror the dad has to do dinner and oh so amazingly manages something that the kids like. Because shoving some Philly on chicken is so simple even silly old daddy can do it hmm

mrskeithrichards Tue 06-Nov-12 14:56:47

But balder, in a 30 second advert they should convey that, dad helping with the wrapping, or even doing the dishes.

Not lying on his arse demanding dinner.

Cortana Tue 06-Nov-12 14:56:56

I would allow ASDA to have a biscuit in response to that ad.

kim147 Tue 06-Nov-12 15:00:31

And people wonder why husbands don't do anything in the house with all these control freaky , must do it my way, I know best no one else can possibly do it as well as me attitudes some people have confused

AmberLeaf Tue 06-Nov-12 15:02:23

She was shown (off the top of my head
Being capable of picking the right tree

She fucked up there though didnt she? the tree was too big for the car!

kim147 Tue 06-Nov-12 15:02:30

Wonder what would have happened if the OH had said - actually I like that tree.

And then said - actually I think it looks better there in the corner?

She should have LTB for trying to express his opinion.

HandbagCrab Tue 06-Nov-12 15:04:17

It's bollocks. Why should mum run herself into the ground to give everyone else a 'perfect' christmas?

I usually do loads and last year did the bare minimum. And no one noticed.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 15:05:24

I bet this Christmas across the land there'll be a chorus of 'If you think you're going to be like that lazy, greedy fecker in that ad you've another think coming!'

Dildobaggins Tue 06-Nov-12 15:07:00

It's an advert FFS! If it gets you so angry, it's time to reassess what's important in life, switch off the TV, and read a book.

kim147 Tue 06-Nov-12 15:08:01

Maybe it's a subtle reverse AIBU kind of advert to promote debate and to encourage women to speak up and say you'd better not act like that.

EIizaDay Tue 06-Nov-12 15:13:10

I haven't read all this thread so may be someone else has said this already; I think some people on here just want to find something to be offended by; I really do.

If this had been an ad showing a man doing everything you lot would have been saying 'oooo it's the women who do that, blah, blah, blah"

It's real life, for lots of people. Man goes out hunting and gathering and woman does all the other shit. Lots of us like it like that.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 15:14:28

Dildobaggins I happen to think sexism is an important issue. So sorry to have upset you.

I hate this 'if it bothers you, don't look' attitude.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 15:16:00

It's real life, for lots of people. Man goes out hunting and gathering and woman does all the other shit. Lots of us like it like that.

And lots really don't like it like that, hence the thread.

FlipFlippingFlippers Tue 06-Nov-12 15:19:03

fuzzpig don't get me started on that Philly ad!

LaQueen Tue 06-Nov-12 15:20:14

"May be sexist but probably fits with Asda's customer base."

Agree with PP. Sad, but true.

Saatchi & Saatchi will have thoroughly researched Asda's customer demographic, and this family will be a close assimilation of a typical Asda family. They have probably even given the Mum and Dad in the ad, pseudo names/jobs,hobbies etc.

In much the same way that Johnny Boden revealed that the parents in the Boden ads are both doctors, and holiday regularly in Cornwall, etc.

LemonWHOOSH Tue 06-Nov-12 15:21:54

But DH would make such an arse of it and find out how much I really spend

No I'll just stick to being 'The Mum' - thank you.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Tue 06-Nov-12 15:24:29

But is it not true?

What the actual fuck do men do at Christmas, aside from spending 2 seconds holding the Christmas tree?

EIizaDay Tue 06-Nov-12 15:24:36

So are you angry women saying that you would have accepted the ad to be showing a man doing all the things that have upset you in the ad?

Come on...I can just hear you now.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 15:26:39

So are you angry women saying that you would have accepted the ad to be showing a man doing all the things that have upset you in the ad?

No I'd have preferred if it was closer to the reality that I know and shown a division of labour.

MrsBucketxx Tue 06-Nov-12 15:26:57

i think it is pretty true in most families, it doesnt offend me in the slightest.

MrsBucketxx Tue 06-Nov-12 15:28:02

squoosh thats not true in many families. yours might be but most arent.

morethanpotatoprints Tue 06-Nov-12 15:29:54

Its pretty typical of all the families I know including working and none working mums.
I don't know any men who shop or plan or do much towards xmas.
Dh will "help" if I ask and sometimes offer if he has the time. He would never think of things himself though.
So the ad is typical imo

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 15:30:50

I find it hard to believe that most families are the same as the family in that ad.

I can believe the shopping and the cooking but every single other thing down to cleaning up after the meal? Even my grandparents were more liberated than that, and they were pretty old school.

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 15:36:50

you all know rather shit men then.
I find a lazy man so unattractive

Chandon Tue 06-Nov-12 15:37:04

Love the mtchell and webb clip!!! So true

HAHA fluffyraggies

Think Asda can go and sit in the corner with Iceland.

MrsBucketxx Tue 06-Nov-12 15:40:08

my dh isnt even at home in the week to organise anything anyway saying he is lazy is a sweeping statement isnt it maureen

plus i like things done my way the tree to look a certain way etc.

Oh my god! the bit where she sits down on the pouffe and is lower than everyone else even the kids, and has to be propped up by Asda! christ on a bike, that's bad.

still giggling a bit too much at intervals at fluffyraggies's comment

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 15:41:06

control freakery

kim147 Tue 06-Nov-12 15:41:57

Lots of control freakery going on.

My house, my Christmas, my rules confused

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 15:43:10

i cant see how the man raised a toast
shes virtually on the floor!

he raised a toast to say ( in his head) " yes i have conned her again that she likes to do things her way - RE SULT"

drizzlecake Tue 06-Nov-12 15:58:52


You are being manipulated.

The corporate nobheads sat round a table saying what will get us alot of attention from the women who do all the shopping this festive season.

EEerrrrr, well maybe an article about a woman in Asda saying her life is hard as she is sooooo good-looking that men fall over themselves and give her free bottles of champers as she is so delightfully fresh and attractive, Naaaaahhhhh its been done before.

AAah Well, let's show a super mum type doing everything for Xmas with family members sitting around on their arses and the husband being a complete sexist areshole, that should get some response!

YEEEEEAAH - high fives.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 16:00:41

Talking is one thing, but does it get non Asda shoppers racing to do their shopping in Asda?

usualsuspect3 Tue 06-Nov-12 16:02:51

Fuck off with your 'MN is not the Asda demographic' snotty shite.

Jeez this website is so up itself sometimes.

Arthurfowlersallotment Tue 06-Nov-12 16:05:44

If that beardy lard bucket was my DP I'd kick his arse up and down the street and tell him to make his own cunting dinner.

Have not had time to read entire thread but I must point out that this ad is nothing in annoying terms compared to HERE COME THE FUCKING GIRLS.

Xenia Tue 06-Nov-12 16:06:17

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

captainmummy Tue 06-Nov-12 16:06:33

I also hate the 'solid oak furniture' ad - the one where it'snot fair on your pore awd mum to let the old girl eat a turkey dinner (in black and white) on her lap. Oh no! Got to go to Oak Furniture Land and buy a lovely new, solid oak table (in colour!) so that you can all laugh your faces off having fun!

Not sexist but definitely something Ist!

fuzzpig Tue 06-Nov-12 16:08:15

<joins usual on the Asda shoppers bench>

Blipbipbeep Tue 06-Nov-12 16:09:29

I'm not sure that it is actually that sexist. I think that the mum in this ad has control isshoos - she is clearly not interested in her husbands opinion right from the start. I suspect that he is the downtrodden member of that relationship.

kim147 Tue 06-Nov-12 16:09:56

I go to Asda and Morrisons.

But pissed off at this advert. It could have been so much better but it's just another one of those "mums" adverts.

I agree that it must resonate with an awful lot of families, otherwise the ad agency (Saatchi & Saatchi is it?) wouldn't have done it like this.

If you don't want to be like that - you don't have to be. Nobody is actually forcing you to do everything (or indeed anything) at all for Christmas.
Quite clearly, though, this is what it is like for a lot of women and - this is the hard bit - they actually choose to do it.

usualsuspect3 Tue 06-Nov-12 16:22:08

It's a crap advert, but theres no need for the 'well thats what women who shop at Asda are like' posts.


CheungFun Tue 06-Nov-12 16:23:08

Just watched the advert on YouTube and although I agree it's sexist it did make me chuckle especially with the Mum hoovering whilst holding the baby on her hip! I think it's supposed to be something most mums can relate to and laugh, not to be taken too seriously.

In real life at work I think they'd like this advert as we'd all snigger at how we run around like headless chickens at Christmas and get stressed when we shouldn't and how useless men are (yes very sexist I know).

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 16:23:39

Well I'm a Morrison's gal and I think they are considered further down the pecking (scoffing?) order than Asda.

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 16:27:53

If your life is like that you are a walking doormat. NOT a caring mother. A caring mother worries about setting the example to her kids of being a woman with rights, feelings and being worthy of consideration.


JugglingWithPossibilities Tue 06-Nov-12 16:29:46

Pouffe Girl grin

WorkingMummyof1 Tue 06-Nov-12 16:32:44

CheungFun - agree - reminds me of me when we have any sort of event! have been heavily criticised for being an "oppressed woman" hmm but in some families if "you" (whether male or female) don't do most of it no one else will/can.

However to represent other families where maybe Dad does most of the work - they should do a part 2 of the advert to show a Dad doing everything.

Or even better one with everyone doing something - to inspire!

As most have said - ad was meant to be light hearted.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 16:34:43

I know the ad was meant to be lighthearted but watching it didn't make me feel lighthearted, it made me feel depressed.

And ads don't usually bother me, even the fat opera singer ads! smile

dizzyday07 Tue 06-Nov-12 16:35:21

Instead of just thinking of the ad as sexist - perhaps its meant to be a represenation (to a greater or lesser extent) of what happens in a large majority of households up and down the country. Some families will split the chores up, some will have the woman doing 100% of everything, with everybody else in between.

Unless you high flying 6 figure earning mums pay someone else to do the druggery for you - you'll still end up wrapping presents and writing cards just like the rest of us! If you are a single mum then you will most definately be the lady in the ad.

My DH puts up tacky outside lights and inside decorations (making our house look like Santa's grotto) and last year I said I wasn't dressing the tree (despite him saying I make it look better) and it was fine. He will cook the dinner - but that's because only he will be eating the meat. He will sign cards if I put them under his nose but I will address the envelopes so that the postman can read where they have to go. I hate physical shopping so I can spend time internet surfing to get the best bargains and have it all delivered to me!

And I don't like shopping at Asda

CheungFun Tue 06-Nov-12 16:36:24

WorkingMummyof1 - yes it's as if the person that does it all just has better eyesight and smell so gets to the jobs that need doing before the other person even realises! I like the idea of an advert with the dad looking stressed and running around like a maniac too!

AmberLeaf Tue 06-Nov-12 16:44:18

Yes the comments about the 'asda demographic' implying they are downtrodden, well bollocks to that, bollocks to MNers not being like that 'cos they all shop at waitrose.

Hop over to relationships purlease!

Downtrodden isnt determined by class or where you buy your weekly shop.

AmberLeaf Tue 06-Nov-12 16:46:57

I also think people will shop or not shop at Asda depending on what's nearest TBH.

Ive shopped at Waitrose, not because im MC, but because it was the only supermarket where I lived at the time, bar the tescos that was about 6 miles away.

If I lived near an Asda, id probably shop there in part [I like to shop around]

PosieParker Tue 06-Nov-12 16:47:54

I am middle class, many of my professional friends would probably fit into the Asda idea of who does what and in which house, tbh. It's no coincidence that Asda have designed an Ad aimed at women who do fucking everything. I don't like it, it's not representative of my life, but it is representative of many lives and particularly the Asda demographic.

It's a bit hand wringing to suggest it's snobby.

AmberLeaf Tue 06-Nov-12 16:50:13

Bollock to an 'asda demographic'

I dont fit the 'Waitrose demographic' not by a long shot, I shopped there because I just did

It is snobby.

PosieParker Tue 06-Nov-12 16:51:24

Hmmm Asda advertises cheap prices not quality...

Who the fuck do you think they want to appeal to?

And have you seen the amount of processed shite?

Jesus Christ.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 16:51:24

But different supermarkets obviously do target different demographics. That's just a fact whether it annoys you or not.

usualsuspect3 Tue 06-Nov-12 16:55:51

Oh ok then , I'm a downtrodden doormat because I shop in Asda.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 16:56:25

Ugh. Who has said that??

usualsuspect3 Tue 06-Nov-12 16:56:29

Oh fuck off, Asda sells the same amount of fresh stuff as sodding Waitrose.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 16:57:10

Why take criticism of a shop as criticism of a shopper?

usualsuspect3 Tue 06-Nov-12 16:57:54

Have you read PP posts?

PosieParker Tue 06-Nov-12 16:58:15

Yes, usual that's exactly what everyone is saying. hmm

And are you naive enough to think when the Ad guys sat in their meeting with their brief they didn't discuss the fact that Asda has a particular demographic?

PosieParker Tue 06-Nov-12 16:58:57

Have you read them usual? I mean read them not skimmed and get strangely offended by the truth?

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 16:59:15

Asda sells the same amount of fresh stuff as sodding Waitrose

But is their fresh stuff as cheap as Asda's? No, beacuse they are targeting a different demographic. Why does that offend you?

OP - many of us have posted on here to say we do Christmas because we like it. Are we all "walking dormats" because we don't do things the way you think we should?

BelieveInPink Tue 06-Nov-12 17:00:01

I expected to hate it after reading this thread. I didn't.

Yes, I agree it's sexist and the bloke should have been shown doing his bit, aside from helping her position the tree. But he was clearly joking when he said "what's for tea, love?". He wasn't asking that genuinely. From the looks on their faces the expected response would have been "fuck off". Also, her walking into the room looking at her family sitting round together (dad playing with children, not scratching his arse in front of the tv) gave her a warm feeling.

People are reading far too much into it.

usualsuspect3 Tue 06-Nov-12 17:00:03

Yes it is what some on here are saying.

PosieParker Tue 06-Nov-12 17:00:14

TBF Asda's fresh stuff is shite. My DH insists on shopping there as he thinks it's cheaper, I can't bring myself to even enter the place (I hate shopping and would always do mine online) but we never buy the fresh stuff.

PosieParker Tue 06-Nov-12 17:02:20

Surely you must concede that that Asda and Waitrose appeal to a different customer (or do Asda have an extortionate bake your own mince pie range at about £8 for six?)?

Just to repeat what I said earlier on this thread - I really do think you see what you want to see in the ad:

If this is your idea of hell, then you assume it must be hers too and think it is an awful, sexist ad

If you are the one who does all those things in your family, and you enjoy doing them, then you recognise yourself in the ad and like it.

I am not downtrodden, nor am I a doormat.

drizzlecake Tue 06-Nov-12 17:06:24

I hate supermarket shopping too as do many friends.

Maybe Asda could research mums' views on that little topic and adjust there store design etc so there is less aversion to going into the place in the first place.

IsabelleRinging Tue 06-Nov-12 17:08:14

If your life is nothing like the woman in the ads, then why are you getting so upset about it?

The advert isn't supposed to make you feel that the woman's life is how it SHOULD be, quite the opposite, it is aimed at women who's life is a little bit like this and the message is, "never mind, Asda will make it all a little bit easier by their wonderfully convenient and and marvelous store".

Lets face it, in many households things wouldn't be done if it was left to the men. Just because your DH is the sort that thinks for himself about making the family dinner every night, has bought and written all the family Christmas cards and has booked your dd a course of ballet lessons without you even thinking about it or mentioning it to him, doesn't mean all men are like that. Get real.

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 17:09:19

If my h didn't send his own Christmas cards, guess what? They wouldn't be done. He is an adult. Not another child.

Hence we just don't send any of the fuckers.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 17:09:51

I don't think the response to the ad has been as glowing as Asda or S&S would have hoped. I think less people see themselves in that ad than was expected. smile

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 17:10:38

And wrt extra curricular stuff. Yes. H does all sport. The emails , the availability , the kit, the lifts. Everything. even chatting to the mums
So if they left it to me it wouldn't happen.

squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 17:11:35

Just because your DH is the sort that thinks for himself about making the family dinner every night, has bought and written all the family Christmas cards and has booked your dd a course of ballet lessons without you even thinking about it or mentioning it to him, doesn't mean all men are like that. Get real.

Because doing everything is the alternative to doing nothing?

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 17:13:53

Doing everything in one area of family life "right ill do ballet" for eg is the best way. But Not either delineated on sexist stereotypes or doormat wife can't trust h to do it.

If he won't take part in family life what is he telling you ?

LordFocus Tue 06-Nov-12 17:19:12

That is me at Christmas, but I'm nowhere near as pretty or happy as she is. I agree it's sexist crap, but how do you get help from DH? All mine wants to do is escape to his work Christmas do. Had a right to do with him about him going to Amsterdam for a weekend beginning of Dec. He's only just come back from a weekend away on Halloween. He doesn't help at all and thinks it's easy. Where am I going wrong?

Timeforabiscuit Tue 06-Nov-12 17:19:36

Just watched with DH - and he is mightily offended, why couldn't the bloke take an equal share in the prep?

It could have got away with it if they had stuck to a "rewarding all your hard work this Christmas" instead of "mums do everything, aren't you marvellous!"

This ad is sexist

Balderdashandpiffle Tue 06-Nov-12 17:21:23

I've just watched it again.

He's playing with the children, and she's sitting down drink

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 17:22:11

I don't mind either of us going away. You just make site you have done all the crap you need to do first.

Balderdashandpiffle Tue 06-Nov-12 17:22:43

I've just watched it again.

He's playing with the children, and she's sitting down drinking wine.

And I reckon he's going to make the tea.

AmberLeaf Tue 06-Nov-12 17:25:29

Balderdash, people see what they want to see!

I agree with you.

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 17:26:31

I think he's going off to text his mistress. ;)

Timeforabiscuit Tue 06-Nov-12 17:30:08

mauren or he's doing the prep for the second family he's got on the go

PosieParker Tue 06-Nov-12 17:30:26

My DH is the son of a builder (and every stereotypical thing you can say about one is true in his case) I often joke with DH that he was born in the 70s raised in the 50s. His father is the sort of bloke who doesn't know where the hoover is, etc etc.

My DH interferes helps buy all of the presents, cooks all Christmas food, we both wrap, I build any gifts, he does the food shopping (probably in fucking Asda this year.....I would go to Waitrose myself) and I print our Christmas cards.

PeppermintLatte Tue 06-Nov-12 17:32:35

I love this advert, really makes me smile. Behind every great christmas we have, is me, i make all the effort/arrangements as DP doesn't want to and can't be bothered. Plus i'm a control freak blush He helps out of course, as i'm sure most men do, but usually the women do the most in terms of prep/planning etc... Don't they!?

Those that are offended by it hmm seriously? I'm sure it's meant quite tongue in cheek.


squoosh Tue 06-Nov-12 17:34:04
Overthehillmum Tue 06-Nov-12 17:35:12

I liked it, its exactly how my past christmas's have been, and this one was heading before i booked 2 weeks abroad for me and my husband in a sunny children (adults) groans were a joy to hear!! No sitting round the livingroom with parents, parens in law or extended family......evil cackle....

Pixel Tue 06-Nov-12 17:38:12

I shop all over the place and I'm sure many others do as there are supermarkets everywhere nowadays, we are spoilt for choice. I do the bulk of my shopping at Aldi then go to either the massive Tesco or massive Sainsbury which are equal distances from me to get cat food cos the cat is more fussy than the dcs. Go to Asda too but rarely and we have no Waitrose. I don't go to any of them because of the advertising.

Anyway, back to the ad, the husband has one redeeming feature as far as I'm concerned, he's playing some kind of board game with the kids at the end. I loathe board games so I'd much rather fill the dishwasher grin.

IsabelleRinging Tue 06-Nov-12 17:38:43

Be honest, whose DH has done any of these jobs without ANY input at all from you, and I mean ANY input, like you even saying or mentioning it

1. Paid dinner money
2. Organised ballet/dance/swimming/tennis etc lessons for dd/ds
3. Bought an outfit for child for a special occasion
4. Checked child's shoes to make sure they fit
5. Cleaned out a kitchen cupboard
6. Bought a birthday card for a school friends party
7. Arranged a sleepover for your dds birthday
8. Bought a lovely present for his Mother-in-law for Christmas
9. Sewn a button on your childs school cardigan
10. Baked fairy cakes for the school fayre
11. Got the Dc's to write thank you letters and addressed and posted them to realatives


My DH does a lot to help actually, and Christmas dinner is prepared between us, but the difference is he's not the one who thinks about it or mentally organises everything. I want my Christmas to be a certain way, and DH wouldn't bother with most of the stuff we do, so I do it myself or I ask him nicely to do it and he does.

Maureen, as you already said , your DH doesn't bother with Christmas cards so in your house they don't get sent. That would be the same for us, but I want and think we should send cards to the family, mine and his, so I organise them myself.

IfNotNowThenWhen Tue 06-Nov-12 17:39:29

Even in the 80's my step dad did Xmas. He got up at 6 am to get the turkey ready, and slaved in the kitchen all day. Kids did the tree. Mum drank sherry.
As it should be grin

PeppermintLatte Tue 06-Nov-12 17:43:29

How many kids does the mother have? Is it 2 older boys and a baby boy? Or is one of the older boys not hers? (I clearly need to get a life for even wondering this, but so do the people who have complained to the ASA)

Timeforabiscuit Tue 06-Nov-12 17:43:53

peppermint yes there are more offensive things - but it's normalising the myth that men can't peel sprouts or organise!!

I hated Christmas growing up DM piled such huge expectation upon herself to deliver a perfect day that more often than not she ended up a drunken sobbing mess by 3 o'clock.

IfNotNowThenWhen Tue 06-Nov-12 17:51:19

And I do shop at Asda. I am totally it's demographic e.g Northern and Poor.
So fuck off Asda-you have just alienated one of your customers!

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 17:52:56

isabelle - dont be PLEASED when your h does something like clean his own fucking house


MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 17:53:43

and bet your h is LAUGHING at you sending cards to his relatives!!


MrsBucketxx Tue 06-Nov-12 17:55:31

maureen i would hate to be your dh,

try asking not demanding, and you might have an easier life.

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 17:56:23

aw thats sweet!

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 17:57:02

i have sons who one day might marry your daughters. I dont want them to think that by virtue of a vagina your daughter is his drudge

MrsBucketxx Tue 06-Nov-12 17:57:31

being pro woman doesnt have to be anti man.

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 17:58:30

no but it would demand a modicum of respect

like pouffe girl hasnt

MrsBucketxx Tue 06-Nov-12 17:58:49

they wouldnt be, if they didnt want too that is, its about choice.

Mumsyblouse Tue 06-Nov-12 17:59:51

Isabelle, my husband wouldn't buy his MIL a present, neither do I buy mine one. We both buy presents for our respective families (I never buy for his, he never buys for mine) and so far, everyone has gone something most years!

MrsBucketxx Tue 06-Nov-12 18:00:48

i choose to be at home and to be a homemaker.

i enjoy looking after my dh and my children, does that make me a drudge?

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 18:02:30

of course being at home doesnt make you a drudge.
But when one event cannot be shared either because you are a control freak or you cant trust your H to have a brain, OR you think its womens work thats pathetic.

its HIS House HIS holiday HIS parents etc hIS meals too.

dont infantlise your men

BlablaSos Tue 06-Nov-12 18:03:23

Have you heard the Halfords one on the radio recently?

Mumsyblouse Tue 06-Nov-12 18:03:36

And, out of your examples, my husband has organized a birthday party without me even being in the country (!), bought trainers on his own initiative for September, organized the children to start ballet when they were toddlers didn't even ask me.

I don't agree that you have to do wife work and nothing can change if you don't want to. However, this does lead to ceding a lot of control, and this means your children have clothes you wouldn't have bought and do activities you are not that fussed about that. Many women prefer to organize Christmas so they can have it their own way. I don't, and don't have the time/inclination, I don't think I'm lucky, I think my husband is normal (and when we had Christmas in his home country, he organized the entire thing).

1. Paid dinner money
2. Organised ballet/dance/swimming/tennis etc lessons for dd/ds
3. Bought an outfit for child for a special occasion
4. Checked child's shoes to make sure they fit
5. Cleaned out a kitchen cupboard
6. Bought a birthday card for a school friends party
7. Arranged a sleepover for your dds birthday
8. Bought a lovely present for his Mother-in-law for Christmas
9. Sewn a button on your childs school cardigan
10. Baked fairy cakes for the school fayre
11. Got the Dc's to write thank you letters and addressed and posted them to realatives

My dad did 1-5, 8, 10 (well, made food for special occasions at school, not necessarily fairy cakes!), 11, organised and took part in my parties, polished my shoes and took care of things like bike helmets, went clothes shopping with me, helped me pick out presents for friends' birthdays.......he also has a full time job and would shudder if anyone called him effeminate or anything like that. It's a question of mindset ffs.

GreyGardens Tue 06-Nov-12 18:12:10

It's not about choosing to be a housewife or not, it's about the fact that the Asda mum does every single thing in the ad and still gets the bloody pouffe and patronizing 'what's for tea' comment.

It is a depressing portrayal of a doormat.

And regarding Asda snobbery and their fresh produce, although I may have used a touch of hyperbole shock, all I can say is I was once unlucky enough to go to Old Kent Road Asda and believe me, it was not pretty. The food was poor quality and it seemed to be overwhelmingly made up of aisles of processed junk. And of course it promotes itself as being cheap, that is Asda's thing, isn't it?

* and btw I don't like the bit about shuddering, but I'm just saying, it's possibly to see these things as entirely "androgynous" if they have to be seen in terms of gender at all

Chubfuddler Tue 06-Nov-12 18:19:42

Except the sleepover, because the Dcs are too young, my husband has done all of those things, in fact he organised my mothers 60th birthday party and chose and shopped for her present because I was too busy. And he iced her birthday cake.

He always does the Dcs clothes and shoe shopping and does the food shopping every week, with them in toe so I can relax for an hour with a coffee and a magazine.

HeadlessForHalloween Tue 06-Nov-12 18:22:58

2, 5, 6, 9, 11. My dh has done all of those without prompting. Plus loads of other things you haven't even mentioned, like regularly doing a shop on the way home from work to stock up. (and yes, he manages to buy the things we need without me holding his poor wikkle handy)

I don't understand 8? confusedI don't buy my mil or fil presents, dh does and without being "told" (Ffs he's not a manchild) . They're his parents. My mum's not around, but I get my dad's presents.

I'm the stay at home parent, dh is more qualified than me and is by far the higher earner so it makes sense. So because I'm around at school times of course I'm the one that sorts out sleepovers/school fair shop bought cakes.

Just one more point, sending cards to DH's relatives? Hahahahaha!

HeadlessForHalloween Tue 06-Nov-12 18:25:09

Sorry, and 4 . He is the one that checks the dcs shoes and polishes them weekly. Without being "told".

The idea that a man is incapable of doing these thing without instruction from wifey has made me quite cross!

UptoapointLordCopper Tue 06-Nov-12 18:29:30

Have not seen the Asda ad but can imagine. The P&G "proud sponsor of mums" had me spitting blood. Heard the Halford's one. Only the presence of kids in the car prevented blasphemy. It is all very depressing. sad

IsabelleRinging Tue 06-Nov-12 18:31:35

How odd that when writing your Christmas cards you would send one to your brothers family but not your brother in laws family - don't you send cards from your family to other families?

HeadlessForHalloween Tue 06-Nov-12 18:32:38

This reminds me of when I was in hospital with dc1. I was in for 4 weeks before and 2 weeks after. DH was sick to the back teeth of the female neighbour (who at the time had a pathetic manchild for a husband) constantly coming around and "trying" to look after him. Especially as her "help" usually coincided with the little time he had between finishing work and visiting me, or after visiting when he wanted to rest.

He snapped in the end and told her to lay off and that he'd lived alone for bloody years before I moved in with him and that he did half of the cooking and cleaning anyway! She honestly thought he was living on dry crackers and cold beans, because, in her words, "thats' what my dh would do".

This sort of attitude doesn't need normalising by shit adverts.

HeadlessForHalloween Tue 06-Nov-12 18:36:11

My dh writes his families cards because they are primarily his family and it's more personal if they are from him.

Doing the Christmas cards is not meant to be a chore to tick off the list.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Tue 06-Nov-12 18:38:00

Why does poor Asda Mum have to sit on the poufee - dont' Asda at least sell garden chairs for a fiver......

My DH probably never did any of the things on the list because he was at work and I was fortunate enought to be able to chose not to. However he has always regarded the running of the house etc as equal to the work he did. He does all the cooking, but will be divorced if he ever buys anything for us to eat in Asda.

The advert is trying (and failing) to be John Lewis.

HeadlessForHalloween Tue 06-Nov-12 18:38:15

Put it this way, who would you rather have written your card from your sister's family. Your actual sister, or her husband?

amothersplaceisinthewrong Tue 06-Nov-12 18:41:03

Has no one spotted that Asda Mum is BOTTLE FEEDING.

IsabelleRinging Tue 06-Nov-12 18:45:52

I don't actually have a sister, but my brother's partner always writes the cards from the two of them, as they have been together a long time and he is part of the family it seems perfectly acceptable to me. DH writes cards to people he knows well and I don't, but surely aunties, uncles, brothers and sisters are part of your family too. FGS, my sister in law is dds auntie, it would seem ridiculous that I wouldn't send her a Christmas card from us but send one to my own brother.

HeadlessForHalloween Tue 06-Nov-12 18:59:21

Well my mil wouldn't be overjoyed at her Mum card being written by me, or the Nana card off her grandchildren being written by me either! Birthdays or Christmas.

I write my cards, dh writes his, the dc write theirs. It far more personal to do that, not ridiculous.

If dh didn't have any hands and I didn't write his cards, that would be ridiculous, But thankfully he does, and also, thankfully, he is a mature capable adult who is happy to write cards to his family himself.

Even without being told to shock

IsabelleRinging Tue 06-Nov-12 19:06:18

That's fine headless if your DH is the sort that wants to and will buy cards and send them himself, I didn't say that was wrong, it's very nice. But you are suggesting that because my DH doesn't really bother with them, then I should just send them to my own family (although i do consider Dhs family mine too), and I am stupid to send cards to his family too.
I don't write cards from dd, but i do write them from us as a family, eg. to Auntie Ethel lots of love from Isabelle, DH and dd. Most people do.

LucyGoose Tue 06-Nov-12 19:13:03

"What's for tea, love?" A kick in the nuts.

IfNotNowThenWhen Tue 06-Nov-12 19:20:21

Some men are functionally thoughtless and do nowt. I wouldn't marry one though.
I had a bf for a while who was a single dad, and he was fab in that way. He did all the stuff on that list and more, because he didn't have a wife doing it for him.
Don't enable men to act like children. Its like that 1950s idea that a woman is really in charge, since she has control if the house. Like fuck.

mrskeithrichards Tue 06-Nov-12 19:27:39

Have you seen the asda facebook page? Full of simpering huns declaring it's so like their house!

morethanpotatoprints Tue 06-Nov-12 19:29:15


Speak for yourself, I'm in charge of my home and what goes on grin.
My dh isn't the thoughtless type but doesn't see any point in all the planning for xmas. I do most of it because I'm at home, enjoy doing xmas and think I do it best. I do expect dh, older dcs, and youngest to all do their bit though. There is no big deal about who does what afaic, we just all muck in. Isn't that what families do?

kim147 Tue 06-Nov-12 19:53:09

" I do most of it because I'm at home, enjoy doing xmas and think I do it best."

I think I do it best - probably the main reason men don't do this stuff because control freaks have let men get away with the belief that whatever they do or think is wrong because their OH wants to be the one in charge.

TrickyWoo Tue 06-Nov-12 19:54:17

I think the what's for tea comment has been edited to cut away before we see her foot in his face. And therefore quite like it.

captainmummy Tue 06-Nov-12 20:02:36

Headless - when ds1 was small (about 2yo) I had a friend round for coffee, at about 6pm. Dh walked in,and I gave him ds1. who needed a nappy change (done that minute, before I get clawed to death). Friend, open-mouthed, said 'Is he really going to change ds?' Cos her husband 'would gag, litterally gag.'

Tough, i'd say, gag if you will, but get on with it. I worked all day (with the dc) and dh did too, so home-time chores were shared.

fuzzpig Tue 06-Nov-12 20:04:09

Reminds me of some male friends at college, who were talking about washing up (can't remember why) and I mentioned that my now-DH did it most of the time at home, they laughed scornfully and said he must be "whipped" (and then clarified the phrase, apparently the full version is "pussy-whipped" <boak>)

Have to say my opinion of them plummeted at that point hmm - turns out their views on washing up transferred to many other parts of life. Shame, they were nice guys in other ways.

I dare say if they saw a more balanced version of the ad, with the dad doing some of the tasks, they'd laugh at that too.

fuzzpig Tue 06-Nov-12 20:06:15

Similar happened when some new friends came to see our newborn - DH suddenly realised DS needed a change and got straight on with it. Friend turned to her DH and said "you SEE that Richard? He changes nappies!"

kerala Tue 06-Nov-12 20:08:12

I had a male housemate that wouldnt wash up - just put the dishes in the sink thereby blocking it the message being YOU wash it up. Sadly for him one of the other girls was a fiery redhead and put all his washing up in his bed. He sorted himself out then.

HeadlessForHalloween Tue 06-Nov-12 20:11:43

Haha! Same neighbour couldn't believe it when she discovered dh changed nappies too grin

Balderdashandpiffle Tue 06-Nov-12 20:25:19

I've just read that F4J are going to protest about this Ad.

F4J and MN united.

kim147 Tue 06-Nov-12 20:26:58

Wonder what Netmums thinks?

<Off to investigate>

UltraBOF Tue 06-Nov-12 20:28:29


I think I'll find something else to get annoyed about.

captainmummy Tue 06-Nov-12 20:31:12

Watch it Balderdash - I got deleted the other day for just mentioning F4J !

IfNotNowThenWhen Tue 06-Nov-12 20:37:19


You misunderstand. I am sure you are in charge of your house. But I want more out of life than just being in charge of a house.
Come to think of it I don't do most of the things on that list!
<checks pants for penis>

Xenia Tue 06-Nov-12 20:39:23

I hope f4J do protest about it. I am sick of women being cast as servants and men as earners. Even over 20 years ago when I had my first children many many of us avoided sexist marriages, both worked full time and both did as much as the other in the home.

Sadly I suspect if F4J (ie men) protest about it they are likely to be taken more seriously than feminists which is a pity but let us use F4J for our own ends as I am with their cause - want men to be forced to have chidlren 50% of teht ime after divorce whether they like it or not and do half their washing etc etc too.

I know I'm getting to this late, but I've just seen the ad and it pissed me off.

Running around like a blue arsed fly while everyone else sits on their backsides doesn't reflect my idea (or reality) of Christmas at all. Knobbers.

LIttleMcF Tue 06-Nov-12 20:42:54

I think three things about this...they THINK they're 'showing appreciation' for mums everywhere; second, that it's actually uninspired crap; and finally, that it is probably a fairly accurate prediction of how our Christmas will unfold. Except I didn't see Asda mum necking Kir Royales and swearing at the roast potatoes before slipping on a piece of smoked salmon which then impressively ends up in her hair.

ashesgirl Tue 06-Nov-12 20:47:09

Isabella, your list is precisely why I think we need to object to these kind of adverts! :-)

annalouise79 Tue 06-Nov-12 21:25:50

I'm so pleased other people are as hacked off about this hideous advert as I am. Sadly, it is just one of many sexist ads on at the minute (although it's certainly one of the worst).
The thing is, yes, it probably IS true that in a lot of cases, the Mum still does the majority of the prep work. However, there are plenty of families where the men do an equal share or even more. Sexism should have NO place in advertising. Could you imagine if they had the tagline 'Behind every good Christmas is a white person / gay person, etc? It's unthinkable. So why is sexism still acceptable?
It's a horrible ad - outdated, archaic and offensive

clam Tue 06-Nov-12 21:26:05

All that's missing is the bloke hinting at his chances of a Christmas shag later.

clam Tue 06-Nov-12 21:30:00

My grandmother used to relate how her father and brothers all did the washing up on Christmas Day - the only day of the year they did. Although none of them touched the saucepans.

clam Tue 06-Nov-12 22:00:30

OK, so it's an intensely irritating advert, based on what some pissed advertising execs loosely imagine is family life in Britain today.

But ffs, the "what's for tea, love?" remark was intended to be a joke.

mrskeithrichards Tue 06-Nov-12 22:03:34

Yeah but it's the kind of joke that would make me throw a carving knife at the twat that said it after I'd been stuck in the kitchen doing dishes.

dizzyday07 Tue 06-Nov-12 22:14:59

Maybe she made a quick exit to the kitchen so she didn't have to spend hours trying to untwirl the cable ties that hold kids toys into their excessive packaging, then have to find the tiny screwdriver that came in last year's Xmas cracker to open a compartment to try and fit the right sized batteries! grin

froggies Tue 06-Nov-12 22:28:30

Have just watched it for the second time. I have recently escaped from a 12 year relationship with a 1950's kind of guy. DS (16) is sat next to me, so I asked him what he thought of it.

He said 'I think it's kind of sexist. It's not always the mum who does all of the work, everyone should help'.

Considering the role model he has grow up with, I am so proud that he didn't just say 'yeah? What's wrong with it?'

shewhowines Tue 06-Nov-12 22:30:12

Dh and I laughed our head off watching this the other day. Quite a lot resonated with us especially buying the tree. Yes, some bits are crap but take it for what it is - an exaggerated tongue in cheek joke. Lighten up everyone.

Dahlen Tue 06-Nov-12 22:39:16

I haven't seen the ad, but I've heard the Halfords radio one, which makes my heart sink. But from what you've all said about this advert, who makes Christmas that hard? I'm a single parent and do it all myself, and it's not that bad. I do it all online and have it delivered and just cook a more elaborate version of a sunday roast. confused

MaureenLove Tue 06-Nov-12 22:39:16

No. I will always challenge discriminatory attitudes towards women. It's no joke.

... I'm confused. Christmas tv ads have ALWAYS been shitey, pander to outdated stereotypes and tap into totally unrealistic Platonic ideals of what Christmas 'ought' to be. And you're getting worked up about one single ad? confused They are all shite. John Lewis tries to make us cry by reminding us that Christmas is all about Family and multi-generational harmony and upper-middle class interior decor. M&S tries to titilate us with the obligatory lingerie slot mid-ad. Iceland tries to convince us that their cheapo prawn rings are actually edible. grin

They are ALL liars and ALL shitey. They ALL ought to induce rage. Christmas adverts depress me because they unfailingly get between me and what Christmas could be for me and my family. They set up unfair expectations and assume (correctly, sometimes) that we are all willing to spend way more than we can afford.

So within that context, I think this Asda offering is ... meh. 6/10. Nice try. grin

I thought it was reasonably funny tbh.

If you want to get worked up, can we start a thread about how invidious the new Lego 'Friends' range is, with their pink fecking boxes and their cupcake shops and beauty salons and puppy grooming parlours, ffs?

oh, it's been done already, you say?

bealos Tue 06-Nov-12 23:22:24

Surely "what's for tea, love?" is a bit of an advertising 'in joke' at the end?

Might have already covered this but can't be arsed don't have time to read through 22 pages of this thread.

I agree with the posters who say though - why not show how easy it is to order everything online? You don't need to navigate a shopping trolley in a crowded supermarket just before xmas with kids at your feet. No-one would be smiling at that.

Or maybe it's some sort of subversive ad for Prozac?

hiddenhome Tue 06-Nov-12 23:25:53

I am married to a 1950s guy and it's not funny. I absolutely hate ads like this (the Boots ones too) as they let men off the hook and allow them to believe it's okay to live like this. I'm always bloody scurrying round organising everything (all year round) and I hate it angry

dontcallmehon Tue 06-Nov-12 23:40:19

obviously I'm not a proper mum then, as I hate cooking and have never cooked Xmas dinner in my life.

IfNotNowThenWhen Tue 06-Nov-12 23:42:08

Me too Dahlen. I have no useless DH, and manage to organise Xmas with minimal work and fuss. It's not that complicated.

And YES it does fucking matter that advertisers STILL trot out this tired "wifey being oh so capable, hubby being a bit crap" trope.
It may well ring true for many households, but that doesn't make it an acceptable way for big supermarkets to market themselves.
Oh look! Xmas is really hard work for "mums". Aw, didn't she do well. She loves it really.
Advertisers generally reflect what is going on in very mainstream society. They are not innovators, but parasites, sucking out the relentless sexist crap we are forced to confront day to day and spitting it right back in our faces.
It's 2012 people. And I am not one of the "Mums". I am a working woman, who happens to also have a child. Christmas is just an enjoyable but rather tedious interruption in my working life. Put that in your pipe and smoke it Asda.

joanbyers Tue 06-Nov-12 23:49:14
HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Wed 07-Nov-12 00:09:16

Can everyone saying it's "true to life" just clarify one thing please?

Are you actually saying that on Christmas Day in your house, the person who did all the cooking (ie, you) is also the person who does all the washing up?


ConsiderCasey Wed 07-Nov-12 00:21:27

It does give me a nice warm Xmasy glow to think that mumsnet feminists and fathers 4 justice might unite over their hatred of this ad though. smile

squoosh Wed 07-Nov-12 00:23:01

I'm sure the Geneva Convention mentioned something about cookers of Christmas dinners being forbidden from doing the clearing up.