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To expect DH not to work weekends? Really need perspectives please?

(143 Posts)
owlelf Sat 03-Nov-12 08:18:11

DH and u have been together 8 years. Two DC 5&6.

I am the main breadwinner. I have managed to work 4 days a week, one of which is at home. For me this works as I get to see DC and work as well. My job is difficult but it is something that keeps us going financially and for that I am very grateful.

DP is trying to make it in a particular job (I daren't be specific as I don't want any RL friends/ family to recognise me). Trying to make it involves a lot of practise. Around his practise he has always done some paid work in his field. This is minimum wage work. He was very lucky to get sponsorship 2 years ago, this meant he could practise full time giving him a much greater chance of success.

Unfortunately he hadn't had the success we hoped, so now needs to start supplementing things with paid work again.

He plans to take on 3 days of work so that he can continue to practise. This will probably bring in about 25% of our outgoings. The rest will be paid for by me (just).

I'm upset that one of the 3 days work will be a Saturday, until 7pm. This is his choice as it means his week days are free to practise and compete.

I should also say that I do most if the housework and childcare as he is out of the house more than me.

I am beginning to feel a bit resentful that I have to work so hard to keep us going financially. However, he was in this profession when we met and so I did sign up for this IYSWIM.

I wanted him to choose hours that meant we could spend some Saturdays together as a family. I'm furious that he's decided to work Saturdays.

I guess this feels like the straw that could break the camels back. I work hard, I support us all- an I unreasonable to expect my DH to show his gratitude for this by being around at weekends?

ghoulygumdrops Sat 03-Nov-12 08:26:30

I think YABU, sorry. Its only one weekend day, you will still have sundays, more than a lot of families have. I think what he has suggested actually sounds a sensible solution.

mutny Sat 03-Nov-12 08:27:13

Its a really difficult one, tbh. Especially since you always knew his pursuit of this was a long term plan.
while I don't believe we should give up on our dreams the minute we have children. I do believe he should thinking more about his family and the pressure you are feeling.
Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

mutny Sat 03-Nov-12 08:29:26

sorry should posted to soon, that it is completely normal to work st least one weekend day. At least you have a regular weekend day.

I am also a bit shock st your last paragraph.

redskyatnight Sat 03-Nov-12 08:30:21

This sounds ok actually - you still have one family day and he is around during the week to see the children after school - so reducing your childcare bill.

owlelf Sat 03-Nov-12 08:30:38

guouly thank you for your perspective. I have to admit I'm so cross right now that I can't quite see any way in which might be being unfair blush. If I am then it probably makes this whole situation easier- as then it's only me that needs to change.....

cupcake78 Sat 03-Nov-12 08:33:58

Yabu, working weekends is standard practice these days. He will still be home intime to see the children and you have to make the most of Sunday.

owlelf Sat 03-Nov-12 08:34:47

mutny, I have spoken to him. He was really angry, as he always is when we discuss money.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh. I guess I feel as though I have supported him in his dream for a very long time and I would like some support back.

I know working one, or two weekend days is completely normal. I just feel that under these circumstances it would be nice to spend it together.

ENormaSnob Sat 03-Nov-12 08:35:36

Are you both around Sundays?

If so, yabu.

Sorry but YABU. Lots of people work shifts and weekends and while it isn't ideal you do still have Sundays together. You seem to resent the fact that you gave the highest income? I've assets earn white lot more than Dp but I don't expect him to be grateful. We're a team and support eachothrr in any way we can

Fakebook Sat 03-Nov-12 08:36:25

My husband works 7 days a week. Your set up sounds like heaven.

Wonderifitsme Sat 03-Nov-12 08:36:57

Honestly, I think you are being a little u.
Given that your job is difficult, are you sure you're not taking out some of your tiredness and frustration on your DH?

Hs suggestion sounds sensible. But you'll have to make sure you don't end up really resenting Saturdays. Plan nice things to do etc.

Assets= always
white = quite

Bloody fat fingers and small phone

owlelf Sat 03-Nov-12 08:37:20

I know working weekends is standard practise. However in our situation DH is choosing to work on Saturdays so that he can spend most of the rest of the week chasing his dreams, while I work like fury to make ends meet.....

Maybe I need a long hard word with myself !!

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Sat 03-Nov-12 08:37:36

I think you are being a bit unreasonable...probably because you have a lot to juggle and tiredness / stress can mean that you don't look at things clearly. It's not as if you are coping on your own during the week. Working on a Saturday for him means a good clear stretch of time to earn money, you spend time with kids and no need to spend out on childcare.

mutny Sat 03-Nov-12 08:37:43

so is this about him not supporting you and the household finances or the weekend.
I get it if you are finding you job hard and bring the 'main earner' stressful.
But the more I think about it the more I think yabu. Because I don't get the 'circumstances' that mean being home both weekend days is a must.

gettingwiththeprogramme Sat 03-Nov-12 08:38:01

Could your dh work 3 week days and then, say, spend half of Saturday competing and practising? That might be a compromise, and mean you could have Sat afternoon together as well as Sunday?

JackThePumpkinKing Sat 03-Nov-12 08:38:29

It depends. Could he easily work during the week or is Saturday his preference?

The working weekends and not pulling his weight around the house are two separate issues though.

owlelf Sat 03-Nov-12 08:40:09

assets would you still be ok with the situation though if your DH decided to take on a PT job, and worked weekends so that he could follow a dream?

[i hope that doesn't sound aggressive or sarcastic, it is meant to be a genuine question].

ENormaSnob Sat 03-Nov-12 08:40:29

Are you resentful that you are the main financial provider whilst he chases pipe dreams?

Not judging at all, I would be massively resentful tbh.

atacareercrossroads Sat 03-Nov-12 08:41:56

Yabu, he's doing it so he can better himself. Imagine if it was you and he wanted to hold you back?

I understand though, family time is precious but its quality not quantity that matters

OpheliaPayneAgain Sat 03-Nov-12 08:42:05

Following the dream? prctice? Sounds like he wants to be a pro-golfer or somesuch. Is she likely to realistically make the grade?

mutny Sat 03-Nov-12 08:42:40

but you agreed to support him following this dream did you?

owlelf Sat 03-Nov-12 08:42:43

mutiny, I guess it is hard to seperate the two, it's about both. I don't mind doing thd house work and childcare. But I hoped that at least one upside if his choice of jobs was that we got time all together all weekend.

gettingwiththeprogramme Sat 03-Nov-12 08:44:31

Or, could he just do 2 days work in the week, and leave Saturday out? I know this means less money (obv!) but would give you more weekend time all four together.
(I know it's not unusual only to have one day all together at weekend - that's our position too! - but two would be lovely (I assume!)).

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